The Master Sergeant: A Lifetime of Annihilating Stereotypes

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Welcome to That AdSuff, where every story matters, every life has meaning, and every conversation brings us one step closer to understanding.
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Translating chaos into clarity, one moment, one story at a time.
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Welcome back to that ads up.
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I'm Christina Ritchie and today we have Annette.
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Annette is a 33-year army veteran, female veteran.
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She also has a master's degree.
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We're gonna talk about that.
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But before we get into all the good stuff about her serving and the things that she has done since then, I want to know something I have never asked you in the eight years that we have known each other.
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I actually have to say this too.
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She was my work wife.
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Okay.
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I am.
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Yes.
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Yes.
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We taught together at a private Christian school and we were co-teachers, and she was my work wife.
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I will say is my work wife.
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She will always be my work wife.
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It's the only person I've ever called that, given that title to.
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So very special, near and dear to my heart person.
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So Annette, which I'm not used to calling you.
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Stop.
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It's gonna be so Miss Bridges.
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Yes, Miss Bridges.
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Who was little Annette?
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Oh man, I was such a tomboy.
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I know that surprises you.
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It's shocking.
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I know.
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I grew up with two brothers, and I was the youngest.
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So I wanted to do everything they did.
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And my mom was determined to put me in pigtails, which those stayed.
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But I mean, I was I was a typical tomboy growing up.
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I climbed trees, I played with the boys, I played basketball, I ran around the neighborhood and just did all the things.
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Wow.
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I wore dresses twice a year because mom made me.
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But other than that, you just didn't want to.
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No.
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And what did your parents do?
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What was that?
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What was the home life like for you?
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My dad uh retired from the Air Force shortly after I was born.
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Okay.
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And then my mom was a homemaker until the early 70s when she decided that she wanted to go to school to be a cosmetologist.
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So my mom, who did not finish eighth grade, went to cosmetology school.
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She's my biggest idol.
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She went to cosmetology school, got all the chemistry, everything, and that's what she did.
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Oh my gosh, this so explains the hair.
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Yes.
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Oh, you doesn't do my hair though.
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No, I know, but you probably can't see it on the camera, guys.
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But I want to, I want to tell you like she's got little peekaboos, always gets them done, purple, blues, all the fun, like unicorn colors.
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As long as I've known her, she's had this in her hair.
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So not just like put a huge that makes so much sense to me now.
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Yes.
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Wow.
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So who were you closer to?
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Mom or dad or brothers?
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Um I was closer to my older brother.
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He was gay, but he was one of the best people I've ever known in my whole life.
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That explains even more now, now that you just said that to me.
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He was very protective of me.
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He was very loving.
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He loved my son.
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Loved my son.
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And he was just, I mean, I love all my family, but he was my favorite.
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He was your person.
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He was my person.
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And knowing what I know about you and how you are so big on making sure that everybody feels included and everybody feels loved.
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That he did that, yeah.
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Oh, absolutely.
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Well, he was terrified to come out.
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Yeah.
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I mean, this was the early 70s Vietnam era sort of thing.
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And then my dad treated him horribly.
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And I was always defensive of him, which put me at odds with my dad, who I love my dad, don't get me wrong.
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But I just was not about to let him abuse my brother.
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What kinds of things was he doing and saying to your brother?
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When my brother was small, my dad threatened to pull over to the side of the road and push him out of the car.
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He was why because he was because he wasn't his.
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What?
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My mom had been married before.
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So because oh my gosh, that adds another layer to that.
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So your two older brothers are half-brothers to your one full brother.
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Okay.
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And then my special brother was my half-brother.
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I found out later when I was a teenager, I had two more brothers than a sister, but that's that's a whole nother story.
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Oh, we'll so get into that.
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Fascinating.
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Okay, give me the lineup because now I'm confused.
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So mom and dad are married.
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You have two older brothers that you grew up with.
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Right.
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And then you, right?
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What are the ages of these brothers and which one was your bestie brother?
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My bestie brother was my brother Dan.
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He was the third child.
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And who were all of these extras from?
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My dad was married before.
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And you didn't know that?
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No.
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Oh.
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Well, his ex-wife hid them from him for years, so he couldn't find them.
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But he just decided not to tell you guys?
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Did his wife know?
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Did your mom know?
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Oh absolutely.
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Oh.
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Oh, absolutely.
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It just wasn't anything, you know, growing up, I'm eight years old.
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Hey, you have a two brothers and a sister, but I can't tell you anything about them.
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Sure.
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So it just never came up.
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So how old were you when you found that out?
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I was about 15, I think.
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Oh, so you're a teenager.
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Yes.
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What do you remember about finding out?
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I was like, well, at first I was like, oh come on, that's not funny.
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You know, you don't just throw that on a kid.
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But when I found out, I was like, wait a minute, I have a sister.
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Oh, yeah.
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And I love her.
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Yeah.
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She's wonderful, and we get together whenever we can.
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And but I was really close.
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Both of my older brothers were in the military.
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One was in the Marines, one was in the army.
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But I was closer to my brother that was in the Marines.
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Really?
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Yeah.
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I was I was dead set that you were gonna say army.
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Are we talking about the same brother?
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My brother Dan was in the Navy.
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Okay.
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For a while.
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God see so much military in your family.
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Oh yes.
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A way of life.
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My brother Michael was in the Marines.
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We did three tours in Vietnam.
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Wow.
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Yeah.
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But my brother Michael, and we we because we both deployed so much and went to so many different places.
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Like one year I was in Honduras the same time he was in Honduras, and I was on a peacekeeping mission, and he was doing the whole Sandinista and Contra shooting war thing, and we didn't know that we were both in the same country at the same time.
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Oh wow.
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Okay, so with all of these siblings, your mom was married before two.
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Yes.
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And that's where brother Dan comes from?
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Correct.
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But brother Dan wasn't the oldest out of y'all, or he was out of the three that in the household that you were raised.
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Out of the three in the household, he was the oldest.
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And it's like if you didn't know he was gay, you would never know he was gay.
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Sure.
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Because I mean, he wasn't feminine, he was he was just a regular guy.
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He was a good Christian.
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He would give you the shirt off his back.
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He helped so many people.
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And uh I can remember after my son was born, everybody thought that my brother Dan was my son's father because he was always around.
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And when my son was, I think about seven, my brother sat down with me and he was just distraught.
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And I was like, What's the matter?
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He goes, What's gonna happen when he finds out that I'm gay?
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I went, Oh Hun, he's always known.
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I said, He's always known you're gay, he doesn't care.
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Oh man.
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And I mean, he was carrying this burden that I didn't know he was carrying.
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And I was like, oh hun, he doesn't care.
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I raised him.
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Right, exactly.
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Wow.
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Wow.
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All right.
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Shut up.
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Episode over, guys.
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That already explains everything I can do here to find out.
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I'm like, holy crap.
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I am like, I've known you for eight years, didn't know any of that, but that all makes so much sense about you.
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The hair, the attitude, all of it.
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Yeah, really attitude.
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Okay.
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So strong military family.
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Were all your brothers in the service?
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No, my brother Rick did not join the military.
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He chose a different path, and that's fine.
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Okay, but the rest of them all did.
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Yeah, my sister did not, my brother did not.
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And it almost every branch.
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Yes.
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Well, my dad was Air Force.
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There you go.
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Yeah.
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And when I came home and told my dad that I joined the army, he said, Why didn't you join the Air Force?
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Because that was his alma mater or whatever.
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And I said, Well, I said in the army, they told me I could blow shit up.
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Yes! And I did.
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What was your job in the army?
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I had several jobs.
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When I first joined, if you ever watched MASH, you see them running up to the helicopter, and there's that poor chick carrying a clipboard.
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Yeah.
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I was that chick.
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I was patient administration.
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Oh wow.
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So that's what I did most of my career.
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But I also got an additional, it's called an MOS, additional MOS of communication.
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So when I would go to South America on missions, I would be their communication specialist.
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I worked with some guy named Blackjack.
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That was his codename.
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So I worked with him.
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Very all cool.
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And uh we were in the Amazon, and I would give daily reports from what we did every day.
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I would get daily reports from them, what was basically going on in the rest of the world, because we didn't have that much communication where we were.
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And because I liked my bosses, I got them the results of the boxing matches.
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So they were happy.
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How old were you when you decided you want to go to the military when you were a kid?
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I was 20.
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Oh, whoa, hold on.
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So you didn't go straight out of high school.
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You waited a little bit.
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No, I I screwed around after high school and was kind of just floating.
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And I knew that by 20, that things weren't really like progressing.
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You know, I had gotten a partial scholarship after school, but my dad said I didn't need to go to college because he didn't.
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I know.
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And I was like, okay, and I just really kind of floated around for a couple of years, had an apartment, dated, yada yada, yada.
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And then one okay, one night one of my girlfriends and I had a little too much tequila, and we thought it would be a great idea to join the army on the buddy system.
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No, you did not.
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Oh, yes, we did.
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And I was like, that's a great idea.
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Let's meet at the recruiter at nine o'clock in the morning.
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So she said, Yeah, I went to the recruiter.
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She never showed up.
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Oh no way.
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So I was going to leave, but then the recruiter saw me, and I was like, Well, he's already seen me.
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It can't hurt to go talk to him.
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And I told him if he could ship me out in three weeks, I would join.
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But if three weeks?
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But if it was any more than that, then I would change my mind.
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Because I was 20, it's what you did.
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And uh he got me out in two weeks.
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Fort Jackson, South Carolina.
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Oh my gosh.
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So you were a tomboy when you were younger, but like what what was your what was your personality and stuff like as like a teenager?
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My junior high years, I know you're never gonna believe this, but I was kind of withdrawn a little bit.
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I had a small group of friends, but I didn't like socialize with everybody.
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And then my freshman year in high school, I was watching everybody have all this fun.
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And I was not because I had limited myself so much with just a few people.
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And I was like, well, that's gotta change.
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So starting my sophomore year, I started hanging around with this group and then this group and this group, and I probably shouldn't hung out with that group, but I did.
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And uh so yeah, high school was, I mean, I passed, I didn't fail anything, but it was pretty much a social event for me.
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Now, why do you think that it changed so drastically?
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Why are you reserved and then all of a sudden you're outgoing?
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I didn't want to be left out.
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Everybody was having a good time.
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I wanted to have a good time, I wanted to be with people.
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Did you play any sports?
00:13:59.120 --> 00:14:00.799
I played volleyball my freshman year.
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I could still see you playing volleyball.
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But then I played, I was in auto mechanics my senior year.
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I was the first girl in Taipei High School to go to auto mechanics.
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What do you think that was about for you?
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It was about proving a point.
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It was absolutely about proving a point to myself, my parents.
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What did your my brother who said I couldn't do it?
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Ah, there was no which brother.
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Oh, my brother Rick.
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Okay.
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He was in auto mechanics for two years, and I wanted to join my junior year, but that was his senior year, and he was like, no, da da da, don't do it.
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I said, Okay, but I'm joining my senior year, and I did, and I stood, this was when you actually registered for class in person.
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So I went to um register, I was first person in line, like the first person in line, because I knew I was going to be up against a lot of chauvinism.
00:14:54.240 --> 00:15:01.039
And at first, the instructor told me to just get out of line and I couldn't do this.
00:15:01.120 --> 00:15:05.519
And and I said, There's nothing that says that I can't do this, and I'm not leaving.
00:15:05.679 --> 00:15:09.440
Yes, you're going to sign me up for a class, yes.
00:15:09.840 --> 00:15:12.720
And he, I said, I want the morning class.
00:15:12.799 --> 00:15:14.159
He goes, The morning class is full.
00:15:14.320 --> 00:15:17.919
I said, but there's nobody in the afternoon class, so you can just sign me up for that.
00:15:18.080 --> 00:15:20.240
Because and he goes, There's people in line behind you.
00:15:20.320 --> 00:15:21.519
I said, they can wait.
00:15:21.840 --> 00:15:25.679
Who did you learn to talk to adults like this from?
00:15:26.159 --> 00:15:27.039
Probably my dad.
00:15:27.360 --> 00:15:28.000
Really?
00:15:28.799 --> 00:15:31.360
I would have been just petrified.
00:15:32.799 --> 00:15:34.080
I was pissed.
00:15:34.320 --> 00:15:36.240
Because I'm like, no, I can do this.
00:15:36.559 --> 00:15:36.960
Wow.
00:15:37.120 --> 00:15:41.279
Okay, so here you are going into a predominantly male thing, right?
00:15:41.519 --> 00:15:42.559
That's right.
00:15:42.720 --> 00:15:45.600
And then you go into the army, which is predominantly a male.
00:15:46.399 --> 00:15:49.279
Tell me more things that you've done like that to prove a point.
00:15:53.200 --> 00:16:10.000
Well, those are my two biggest rebellions going into an well, I mean, staying in and achieving the rank of master sergeant in an all-male, mostly male-dominated, and then working at the medical command, which is to me almost the top of the puzzle palace.
00:16:10.639 --> 00:16:14.799
But um later in my career is where that came.
00:16:15.120 --> 00:16:19.279
And well, when I was deployed to the Middle East, I was in charge of my section.
00:16:19.440 --> 00:16:31.039
I was still patient administration, and I would find out things before my hospital commander would find them out because I knew people, because you have to know people.
00:16:31.440 --> 00:16:32.080
Right.
00:16:32.720 --> 00:16:39.120
And um we were putting together packets because what you did when patients come in.
00:16:39.360 --> 00:16:44.720
And the night before the ground war started, my commander came in and he says, What are you doing?
00:16:44.960 --> 00:16:47.279
I said, Well, we're preparing for the ground war.
00:16:47.519 --> 00:16:49.840
He goes, Well, nobody knows when that's gonna start.
00:16:50.080 --> 00:16:52.320
I looked at my trusty little army watch.
00:16:52.399 --> 00:16:55.120
I said, It's gonna start at 516 in the morning.
00:16:55.759 --> 00:16:56.960
He goes, You don't know that.
00:16:57.039 --> 00:16:57.840
I said, Yes, I do.
00:16:58.000 --> 00:16:58.960
He goes, How do you know that?
00:16:59.039 --> 00:17:01.840
I said, I'm an NCO, it's my job to know these things.
00:17:02.159 --> 00:17:03.919
He hated that answer.
00:17:04.480 --> 00:17:05.119
Wow.
00:17:05.359 --> 00:17:06.720
Because that was always my answer.
00:17:06.880 --> 00:17:08.079
Did you say Master Sergeant?
00:17:08.240 --> 00:17:08.559
Yes.
00:17:08.880 --> 00:17:11.039
I'm so glad I didn't know that when I met you.
00:17:12.559 --> 00:17:14.079
Such a scary title.
00:17:14.559 --> 00:17:15.519
That, there's that.
00:17:15.759 --> 00:17:25.839
There were many times when I was in the army, I had to explain to colonels not to confuse my rank with my position.
00:17:26.160 --> 00:17:27.359
What do you mean by that?
00:17:27.599 --> 00:17:33.119
I worked at the medical command, which is the highest in the medical field.
00:17:33.359 --> 00:17:37.359
Okay, G357 Plans and Operations Directorate.
00:17:37.599 --> 00:17:45.359
And I helped put together like FAST teams and hospital units for three different theaters of operation.
00:17:45.759 --> 00:17:55.279
And we also helped with backfills from hospitals in the United States and specific uh entities that we staff.
00:17:55.920 --> 00:18:01.279
And colonels would come to me and they would tell me what I was going to do.
00:18:02.799 --> 00:18:04.960
How did that work out for them?
00:18:05.680 --> 00:18:06.960
Not well for them.
00:18:08.960 --> 00:18:11.759
Because they were asking for things they weren't authorized.
00:18:12.079 --> 00:18:16.000
Now, if they were authorized and they truly needed it, I would break my back to get it for them.
00:18:16.319 --> 00:18:17.359
Because I get that.
00:18:17.759 --> 00:18:22.240
But I had a general uh colonel come up and tell me that he needed an aid.
00:18:23.200 --> 00:18:24.480
And I said, For what?
00:18:25.680 --> 00:18:28.000
He said, uh well, well, I just need one.
00:18:28.240 --> 00:18:30.720
I said, Well, you don't get one.
00:18:31.279 --> 00:18:32.559
It's not authorized.
00:18:33.200 --> 00:18:34.240
Who's your commander?
00:18:34.319 --> 00:18:36.079
And I gave him my colonel's name.
00:18:36.240 --> 00:18:38.000
I said, here's his phone number.
00:18:38.960 --> 00:18:44.400
And he hung up and I went to my colonel's office and I said, This is what he's asking for, yada yada, yada.
00:18:44.880 --> 00:18:48.160
And sure enough, his phone rang while I was in there, and I just kind of stood there.
00:18:48.319 --> 00:18:50.319
He picked it up, he goes, uh-huh, uh-huh.
00:18:50.640 --> 00:18:54.160
Well, what did Master Sergeant Bridges tell you?
00:18:54.480 --> 00:18:54.960
Uh-huh.
00:18:55.759 --> 00:19:01.680
Well, she's right, and you should probably be nicer to her if you want something.
00:19:02.240 --> 00:19:03.680
Well, he had your back.
00:19:04.079 --> 00:19:05.119
Oh, he always did.
00:19:05.279 --> 00:19:06.319
He always did.
00:19:06.720 --> 00:19:07.920
So yeah.
00:19:09.359 --> 00:19:14.559
One thing I have always admired about you is the fact that you're just not scared.
00:19:14.720 --> 00:19:15.920
Like you're just not.
00:19:16.160 --> 00:19:16.480
Yeah.
00:19:16.640 --> 00:19:17.920
Where does it come from?
00:19:18.240 --> 00:19:19.359
Oh man.
00:19:19.680 --> 00:19:22.640
Um I don't know.
00:19:22.880 --> 00:19:26.960
I just, well, I mean, when I joined the army, that that cured a lot of it.
00:19:27.359 --> 00:19:32.319
But even as a teenager, you're sitting here telling me that you're telling this teacher, like, you're gonna put me in that class, right?
00:19:32.400 --> 00:19:33.359
Like that took something like that.
00:19:33.440 --> 00:19:36.400
I think a lot of it, I think a lot of it was my dad.
00:19:36.720 --> 00:19:41.599
He was a very strong-willed person, a very strong-mannered person.
00:19:42.160 --> 00:19:44.400
And I'm a lot like him.
00:19:44.799 --> 00:19:45.119
Wow.
00:19:45.359 --> 00:19:50.960
And he always told me growing up, you know, because people get in fights at school.
00:19:51.119 --> 00:19:51.759
That's what happens.
00:19:51.920 --> 00:19:54.400
He goes, I don't ever want you to start a fight.
00:19:54.720 --> 00:19:55.279
Ever.
00:19:55.599 --> 00:19:59.119
I want you to walk away as much as you can walk away.
00:19:59.200 --> 00:20:02.960
But when you can't walk away, you better win that fight.
00:20:03.279 --> 00:20:05.119
And did you ever get into a fight in school?
00:20:05.279 --> 00:20:05.599
I did.
00:20:05.759 --> 00:20:06.640
And what happened?
00:20:06.799 --> 00:20:08.720
I sent her to the hospital.
00:20:09.759 --> 00:20:10.960
She pulled my hair.
00:20:11.119 --> 00:20:12.480
No, no, not the hair.
00:20:12.640 --> 00:20:14.319
She pulled my hair.
00:20:15.279 --> 00:20:17.279
Oh my gosh.
00:20:18.079 --> 00:20:20.000
My dad was gonna take me out to dinner.
00:20:20.160 --> 00:20:20.880
Oh, I'm sure.
00:20:21.039 --> 00:20:22.000
Oh, he was very proud.
00:20:22.240 --> 00:20:24.960
Dude, I had something like that with my son Austin.
00:20:25.200 --> 00:20:27.440
He was in middle school.
00:20:27.759 --> 00:20:30.160
And I don't like bullies.
00:20:30.319 --> 00:20:30.880
I just don't.
00:20:31.119 --> 00:20:31.920
I don't either.
00:20:32.000 --> 00:20:33.839
And I I know that you don't.
00:20:34.000 --> 00:20:34.960
I know this.
00:20:35.440 --> 00:20:40.079
My son was in middle school, and they had there's video footage of this, right?
00:20:40.160 --> 00:20:45.680
And he's like walking into the cafeteria and some kid behind him like grabs his backpack, pulls him back, and pushes him down.
00:20:45.920 --> 00:20:48.400
My son clocked him, right?
00:20:48.640 --> 00:20:49.839
Yeah, that's what I said.
00:20:50.000 --> 00:20:54.480
And the school calls me, and you know, they're like, hey, ma'am, so this is what happened.
00:20:55.680 --> 00:20:56.880
We're gonna have to suspend him.
00:20:56.960 --> 00:21:03.200
And I'm like, oh well, just so you know, when he gets home, I'm taking him out for ice cream.
00:21:03.920 --> 00:21:04.799
Oh yeah, absolutely.
00:21:05.119 --> 00:21:06.480
Like you can suspend him, cool.
00:21:06.559 --> 00:21:09.279
He can have three days of ice cream at home for my care.
00:21:09.519 --> 00:21:13.279
But like this kid shoved him to the ground.
00:21:13.440 --> 00:21:16.799
Like you're you want me to teach my son not to stick up for himself.
00:21:16.880 --> 00:21:19.039
I'm actually curious what your opinion is on stuff like that.
00:21:19.200 --> 00:21:20.160
What's your opinion on that?
00:21:20.319 --> 00:21:43.519
I think bullies are small-minded weak people who try to use their size and their buddies to prey on somebody who's probably nicer and sometimes weaker, yes, but somebody who doesn't push back.
00:21:44.319 --> 00:21:45.759
That's that's their prey.
00:21:46.400 --> 00:21:48.400
And I've got no tolerance for that.
00:21:48.640 --> 00:21:49.839
Were you ever bullied as a kid?
00:21:50.079 --> 00:21:50.480
Oh yes.
00:21:50.880 --> 00:21:51.359
For what?
00:21:52.000 --> 00:21:54.000
Um Okay.
00:21:55.440 --> 00:21:58.319
When I I forget about these things till you bring them up.
00:21:58.559 --> 00:21:59.680
So when I was in fourth grade.
00:22:01.440 --> 00:22:05.759
When I was in school, you had to wear dresses in elementary school.
00:22:05.920 --> 00:22:06.880
You had to.
00:22:07.359 --> 00:22:16.640
So I would wear shorts under my dresses because I would be on the monkey bars and doing things, and you don't want to because that would be bad.
00:22:16.799 --> 00:22:17.200
Yeah.
00:22:17.359 --> 00:22:19.039
And never loved that one though.
00:22:19.200 --> 00:22:20.079
No, never.
00:22:20.400 --> 00:22:30.799
And I would uh I was playing on the monkey bars, and these two boys came up and they lifted up my skirts.
00:22:33.039 --> 00:22:34.319
I beat them both up.
00:22:34.559 --> 00:22:35.440
Good for you.
00:22:35.839 --> 00:22:40.160
And to this day they remember that, which I think is hilarious.
00:22:40.640 --> 00:22:48.079
But when I was in high school, this girl that I got into a fight with, she had been a friend of mine in junior high, so I don't know what happened.
00:22:48.319 --> 00:22:52.240
But she would follow me around and she would poke and poke and poke.
00:22:52.480 --> 00:22:56.640
And I would just tell her, just stop, just just go away.
00:22:56.799 --> 00:22:59.200
I don't want anything to do with you.
00:22:59.519 --> 00:23:10.720
And then after seeing that I was not responding to her, other people thought that it was okay to push me around.
00:23:11.039 --> 00:23:15.039
And so finally I looked at this one girl who was the instigator of it all.
00:23:15.200 --> 00:23:17.519
And I finally stopped because I had had enough.
00:23:17.759 --> 00:23:19.359
This went on for a year.
00:23:19.680 --> 00:23:20.799
Just relentless.
00:23:20.960 --> 00:23:21.680
Yeah, yeah.
00:23:21.839 --> 00:23:27.920
And so I just looked at her and I said, Look, I said, I want you to stop because I don't want to hurt you.
00:23:29.119 --> 00:23:32.319
And she outweighed me by like 30 pounds, but that didn't seem to matter.
00:23:32.480 --> 00:23:34.960
I said, I don't want to hurt you, so stop.
00:23:35.680 --> 00:23:36.480
Please.
00:23:36.799 --> 00:23:37.440
And she didn't.
00:23:37.519 --> 00:23:40.480
And I was like, okay, meet me after school.
00:23:40.720 --> 00:23:42.079
So this was like planned.
00:23:43.039 --> 00:23:44.240
There was a date.
00:23:44.799 --> 00:23:46.079
Meet me after school.
00:23:46.319 --> 00:23:47.039
Meet me outside.
00:23:47.200 --> 00:23:47.839
Catch me outside.
00:23:48.079 --> 00:23:48.880
Have a dad.
00:23:50.400 --> 00:23:53.440
And uh, well, it was at lunch, that's when we did it.
00:23:53.680 --> 00:24:03.039
And uh, so I mean, it was first the you know, the the posturing, and then she pulled my hair, and I'm like, oh, we ain't having that.
00:24:03.200 --> 00:24:17.039
I could sit on my hair, it was gorgeous, it was brown, and and uh I just proceeded to vindicate myself.
00:24:17.359 --> 00:24:18.720
Was there a bunch of kids watching?
00:24:18.880 --> 00:24:19.680
Oh, of course there were.
00:24:19.839 --> 00:24:20.000
Yeah.
00:24:20.079 --> 00:24:21.440
It's high school, yeah.
00:24:21.680 --> 00:24:25.680
And she went to the emergency room because I mean I was raised with boys.
00:24:25.920 --> 00:24:26.160
Right.
00:24:26.319 --> 00:24:28.559
Did your dad also teach you how to fight or no?
00:24:28.880 --> 00:24:29.359
Kinda.
00:24:29.839 --> 00:24:30.559
Kinda he did.
00:24:30.799 --> 00:24:34.160
I mean, we'd wrestle around and stuff, but he didn't teach me formal moves.
00:24:34.319 --> 00:24:44.240
But when my my dad was home and he went to pick me up from school, so I'm sitting in the office and he walks in, and the principal's going, Oh, you know, she's been in a fight, yada yada yada.
00:24:44.319 --> 00:24:46.240
My dad looked at me, he goes, Did you win?
00:24:46.480 --> 00:24:47.200
I said, Yes.
00:24:47.359 --> 00:24:48.079
He went, Okay.
00:24:48.559 --> 00:24:50.240
And the principal didn't know what to say.
00:24:50.480 --> 00:24:50.720
Right.
00:24:50.799 --> 00:24:51.839
Like, what do you say to that?
00:24:52.000 --> 00:24:53.200
He asked me, Did you start it?
00:24:53.279 --> 00:24:54.319
And I said, No.
00:24:54.480 --> 00:24:55.759
He said, Did you win?
00:24:55.920 --> 00:24:57.039
And I said, Yes.
00:24:57.440 --> 00:24:58.480
Makes sense.
00:24:58.720 --> 00:24:59.119
Yeah.
00:24:59.279 --> 00:25:02.880
So now, what was your relationship like with your dad?
00:25:03.200 --> 00:25:05.279
We had a really good relationship.
00:25:05.440 --> 00:25:08.960
When I was a teenager, we were very, very much alike.
00:25:09.200 --> 00:25:11.119
So we butted heads.
00:25:11.440 --> 00:25:15.119
But for the most part, I was his baby girl, you know.
00:25:15.759 --> 00:25:16.240
Wow.
00:25:16.480 --> 00:25:19.359
And then your mom, you said that she she's your idol?
00:25:19.599 --> 00:25:20.000
Yes.
00:25:20.240 --> 00:25:21.519
Tell me about your mom.
00:25:21.839 --> 00:25:27.119
Uh, my mom is one of eight children, three remaining.
00:25:27.279 --> 00:25:29.279
Well, her and two more remaining.
00:25:29.440 --> 00:25:34.160
She had to quit school before eighth grade to help take care of her family.
00:25:34.480 --> 00:25:51.119
They were desperately poor in Georgia, and she went through so much as a poor, starving child, and then she married my dad and apparently immediately fell pregnant.
00:25:51.359 --> 00:25:54.160
So, oops, I guess that happens.
00:25:55.119 --> 00:26:11.279
And um sometimes when my dad would be a little too authoritative, she would kind of get in the middle of us, but she didn't work, she had no income except for one of my dad's, so she was kind of stuck.
00:26:11.519 --> 00:26:21.920
But then she she found her voice, and uh then she you know, she went and got her her uh cosmetology license, and I was like, okay.
00:26:22.720 --> 00:26:24.400
Did your parents stay together after that?
00:26:24.559 --> 00:26:28.240
Oh yeah, no, like they stayed together till my dad passed.
00:26:28.559 --> 00:26:29.200
Wow.
00:26:30.079 --> 00:26:33.359
But mom found her voice, and it wasn't always dad's word.
00:26:33.920 --> 00:26:37.119
After that, what what changed to make that happen?
00:26:37.200 --> 00:26:40.799
Because that was around the same time that the siblings came in.
00:26:40.960 --> 00:26:46.720
Yeah, I it's just kind of like a weird You can't think of any event that would have occurred in that time frame?
00:26:47.200 --> 00:26:47.440
No.
00:26:48.079 --> 00:26:51.039
Did it have maybe something to do with your brother?
00:26:51.599 --> 00:26:53.119
No, I don't think so.
00:26:53.359 --> 00:26:53.680
Okay.
00:26:53.920 --> 00:26:58.079
Because by that time he had left, he had joined the Navy and he had left when I was 15.
00:26:58.319 --> 00:26:59.599
Ooh, and that was your person.
00:26:59.680 --> 00:27:01.519
How did you take that?
00:27:03.599 --> 00:27:05.839
I knew why he left.
00:27:06.000 --> 00:27:08.160
So I mean I wasn't mad at him.
00:27:08.960 --> 00:27:11.839
Now, when you were younger, did he did he protect you?
00:27:12.079 --> 00:27:20.319
He was just always there, and he would do my hair, and you know, help me pick out clothes, and and he was just always there.
00:27:20.720 --> 00:27:24.720
Did you guys have lots of conversations and oh yeah, all the time.
00:27:25.039 --> 00:27:25.359
Really?
00:27:25.440 --> 00:27:27.200
And how far apart in age were you?
00:27:27.519 --> 00:27:28.240
Ten years.
00:27:28.480 --> 00:27:30.640
He was 10 years older than you.
00:27:31.119 --> 00:27:32.079
Oh wow.
00:27:32.319 --> 00:27:34.079
That's a totally different dynamic.
00:27:34.400 --> 00:27:38.640
Like he remembers you being born, and he's a teenager when you're just a little toddler.
00:27:38.799 --> 00:27:39.279
Right.
00:27:39.599 --> 00:27:43.359
I really want to understand what it was about him specifically.
00:27:43.599 --> 00:27:44.400
Why him?
00:27:44.559 --> 00:27:46.240
What did he do?
00:27:47.440 --> 00:27:51.200
He was just always there.
00:27:51.359 --> 00:27:54.880
I mean, I could count on him for anything if I needed anything.
00:27:55.039 --> 00:27:55.920
He was there.
00:27:56.240 --> 00:28:12.000
And even when I came back from being deployed to the Middle East when my son was seven years old, we um we were staying at mom's house for a little while because I was going through divorce.
00:28:12.319 --> 00:28:20.640
And on Christmas morning, he got up on the roof and pretended to be Sancho's reindeer.
00:28:21.680 --> 00:28:27.119
And my son woke up to that and he's like, Mommy, mommy, listen, it's the reindeer on the roof.
00:28:27.279 --> 00:28:29.599
And then he got down really quick and he ran in.
00:28:29.759 --> 00:28:30.799
He goes, Did you hear that?
00:28:30.880 --> 00:28:31.680
Did you hear that?
00:28:31.839 --> 00:28:33.119
Little things like that.
00:28:33.359 --> 00:28:33.680
Yeah.
00:28:33.839 --> 00:28:39.119
You know, he was just a good person, and you can tell.
00:28:39.599 --> 00:28:40.240
Yeah.
00:28:40.960 --> 00:28:43.920
So how old was he when he came out?
00:28:44.960 --> 00:28:52.880
He was in his early to mid-20s.
00:28:53.599 --> 00:28:55.440
And I'm guessing you already knew.
00:28:56.000 --> 00:28:56.640
Yeah, kinda.
00:28:56.880 --> 00:28:58.720
Oh, so he didn't come out until you first?
00:28:58.960 --> 00:28:59.279
No.
00:28:59.599 --> 00:29:04.880
He actually I didn't find out until I was in California.
00:29:05.680 --> 00:29:08.720
And my cousin said something about him being gay.
00:29:09.519 --> 00:29:10.799
That was your response to that.
00:29:10.960 --> 00:29:12.400
And I was like, what?
00:29:13.039 --> 00:29:14.640
And he was like, yeah, didn't you know?
00:29:14.799 --> 00:29:15.839
I said, no.
00:29:17.200 --> 00:29:20.640
And then he came down and I didn't care.
00:29:21.200 --> 00:29:22.480
Because he was still my brother.
00:29:22.640 --> 00:29:25.359
I mean, he didn't that didn't change who he was.
00:29:26.319 --> 00:29:29.920
Was your family really big on loyalty?
00:29:30.160 --> 00:29:31.279
Yeah, and no.
00:29:31.920 --> 00:29:38.079
I mean, it it wasn't, you know, my dad wasn't, well, you can't be loyal to him and be loyal to me.
00:29:38.960 --> 00:29:43.680
But he was just never really accepting of my brother.
00:29:43.920 --> 00:29:45.039
And my brother tried.
00:29:45.279 --> 00:29:46.480
What did that look like?
00:29:46.799 --> 00:29:56.319
It looked like my brother, like when he went to prom with a woman, and you know, he was trying so hard to be straight.
00:29:57.759 --> 00:30:05.839
And he had a prom date, and he was getting to want to take her, but he didn't have a car.
00:30:06.000 --> 00:30:09.039
And my dad refused to let him use the car to take her to prom.
00:30:09.680 --> 00:30:12.880
So one of our neighbors said, just come get my car, honey.
00:30:13.359 --> 00:30:21.279
You know, and he would like deny him things, which I never understood.
00:30:21.599 --> 00:30:25.119
And you're watching, I'm watching this happen, yeah, in real life.
00:30:25.279 --> 00:30:29.599
How do you think that impacted the way that you feel about bullying and inclusion now?
00:30:29.920 --> 00:30:35.839
It I think it made a a really lasting effect because I'm like, this is wrong.
00:30:36.000 --> 00:30:38.799
You you this this is your son.
00:30:39.039 --> 00:30:42.480
I mean, almost, you know, should be your child.
00:30:42.640 --> 00:30:43.599
And he raised him.
00:30:43.839 --> 00:30:44.079
Right.
00:30:44.240 --> 00:30:45.839
And and you're doing this.
00:30:46.079 --> 00:30:48.799
And I'm like, no, I know.
00:30:49.680 --> 00:30:50.319
You know.
00:30:51.359 --> 00:30:54.079
And you're young when you're watching this.
00:30:54.240 --> 00:30:54.480
Right.
00:30:54.640 --> 00:30:58.960
So this definitely made a huge imprint on who you grew up to be.
00:31:00.240 --> 00:31:01.599
And it's your person.
00:31:01.839 --> 00:31:09.039
Like if it was just like another one of your million brothers, you know, it's still present to be a thing, but this is like the one that saw you.
00:31:09.359 --> 00:31:09.599
Right.
00:31:09.839 --> 00:31:10.880
The one that would listen.
00:31:11.200 --> 00:31:18.720
And then what really broke me was I lived in Newport, Rhode Island for a while.
00:31:18.799 --> 00:31:21.519
And I moved back to Kerrville in 2015.
00:31:22.880 --> 00:31:26.799
In 2015, my brother was diagnosed with liver cancer.
00:31:28.319 --> 00:31:29.599
And he passed.
00:31:30.960 --> 00:31:35.200
But I moved back home to help because he was living with my mom.
00:31:35.440 --> 00:31:38.960
But he would take care of my mom, and I never had to worry about mom.
00:31:39.839 --> 00:31:46.799
And um yeah, he didn't even know he was sick.
00:31:47.680 --> 00:31:50.160
How long did you have after he got the diagnosis?
00:31:50.240 --> 00:31:54.960
I had him from May through October.
00:31:55.599 --> 00:31:57.680
Oh man, that was fast.
00:31:59.759 --> 00:32:01.200
He didn't know how sick he was.
00:32:01.279 --> 00:32:03.519
He did, it was stage four when they found it.
00:32:04.240 --> 00:32:07.279
And he had noticed that he was a little tired.
00:32:08.079 --> 00:32:12.079
So, but really no other symptoms.
00:32:13.039 --> 00:32:17.119
And they found it by accident on an X-ray when it went to the ER.
00:32:17.440 --> 00:32:19.680
It was an accident that they found it.
00:32:20.160 --> 00:32:21.200
Oh man.
00:32:23.440 --> 00:32:28.160
How was life after you know he went into the Navy, right?
00:32:28.319 --> 00:32:32.799
And so then you did you still have your other brother still in the house after he went to the Navy?
00:32:33.119 --> 00:32:35.920
So it was a two of you, and then eventually it was just you, right?
00:32:36.079 --> 00:32:37.920
Right for the last little bit of high school?
00:32:38.160 --> 00:32:40.480
And what were the dynamics like then?
00:32:40.880 --> 00:32:49.200
Um I honestly used to kid around and say that by the time my parents had me, they retired.
00:32:49.440 --> 00:32:49.920
Really?
00:32:50.160 --> 00:32:50.720
You know.
00:32:51.200 --> 00:32:55.599
You know, you can only have so many kids before you're like, eh, you know, she'll be aight.
00:32:56.559 --> 00:33:00.799
But um, I mean, I had a lot of freedom.
00:33:01.359 --> 00:33:03.359
And yeah, I did typical kid stuff.
00:33:03.440 --> 00:33:04.640
I used to sneak out of the house.
00:33:04.720 --> 00:33:06.319
I know what a big surprise.
00:33:06.640 --> 00:33:09.440
But, you know, I'd I'd sneak out of the house and go to the disco.
00:33:09.759 --> 00:33:10.640
Ooh, the disco.
00:33:11.119 --> 00:33:13.599
Disco, I know, way bet back in the day.
00:33:13.920 --> 00:33:25.759
And uh I mean, it was just see, Kerval back then, you could do almost anything and not have to worry about trouble from the law.
00:33:25.839 --> 00:33:35.519
I mean, we were we were rambunctious and and we got into mischief, but we were never malicious, and we never got into like bad trouble.
00:33:36.720 --> 00:33:50.960
And uh so you could pretty much go and do and not have to worry, and my parents didn't have to worry that I was gonna be kidnapped or drugged or anything like that.
00:33:51.359 --> 00:33:54.720
So it was it was pretty easy, it was a pretty light life.
00:33:55.279 --> 00:33:56.799
But I had no direction.
00:33:57.039 --> 00:33:58.400
Why do you think that was?
00:33:58.720 --> 00:34:03.519
Well, my I wanted to go to college, but my dad said that I didn't need to go to college.
00:34:03.759 --> 00:34:05.680
I'm surprised that you didn't just say, watch this.
00:34:05.759 --> 00:34:06.960
I mean, I know you did eventually.
00:34:07.279 --> 00:34:08.320
I did eventually.
00:34:08.559 --> 00:34:15.199
Well, because I it never at that point occurred to me that I could apply for grants and scholarships.
00:34:15.440 --> 00:34:19.280
My high school counselor was less than enthusiastic.
00:34:20.159 --> 00:34:22.559
So what did you want to go to college for back then?
00:34:22.800 --> 00:34:24.960
I was going to go to college for automechanics.
00:34:25.039 --> 00:34:26.639
I was going to become a mechanic.
00:34:26.960 --> 00:34:30.000
What was it about mechanics that interested you other than proving it?
00:34:30.960 --> 00:34:37.760
Things, fixing things, making things run that people said, oh, that'll never work, and making it work.
00:34:37.920 --> 00:34:42.320
And there's a little bit of a theme going on there.
00:34:42.559 --> 00:34:43.199
I know.
00:34:43.440 --> 00:34:45.039
I want to know where that started.
00:34:45.119 --> 00:34:46.719
I'm gonna dig until I find it too.
00:34:46.800 --> 00:34:49.280
Like, give me the excavators coming out, right?
00:34:49.679 --> 00:34:56.639
Like this whole they said I couldn't, so I did saying is very prominent.
00:34:56.800 --> 00:34:58.719
That is that is kind of my mantra.
00:34:58.880 --> 00:35:01.360
Would you dad say things like she's a girl, she can't do that?
00:35:01.519 --> 00:35:02.079
Oh, never.
00:35:02.320 --> 00:35:02.800
Really?
00:35:03.039 --> 00:35:03.280
Never.
00:35:03.519 --> 00:35:05.280
Did he say the opposite?
00:35:05.519 --> 00:35:09.599
Like, would would somebody make a comment about oh well she's a girl, she can't go climb the trees?
00:35:09.679 --> 00:35:10.079
Yes, she can.
00:35:10.239 --> 00:35:10.800
Yes, she can.
00:35:11.039 --> 00:35:11.599
He would say that.
00:35:11.760 --> 00:35:12.079
Yeah.
00:35:12.320 --> 00:35:13.679
He was like, Yes, she can.
00:35:13.840 --> 00:35:15.599
What what's stopping her?
00:35:16.079 --> 00:35:18.079
And then he would go, I can't stop her.
00:35:18.320 --> 00:35:20.639
So oh yeah, he knew very young, I'm sure.
00:35:20.719 --> 00:35:20.960
Oh, yeah.
00:35:21.119 --> 00:35:22.639
It's just who you were.
00:35:22.880 --> 00:35:31.840
I would say that that's like probably the most common theme about Annette Bridges.
00:35:32.000 --> 00:35:32.239
Yeah.
00:35:32.480 --> 00:35:33.599
Is that why can't you?
00:35:33.840 --> 00:35:39.519
I had a an ex-boyfriend who said that I couldn't, I wouldn't be able to do basic training because I was a girl.
00:35:39.679 --> 00:35:40.800
I wasn't strong enough.
00:35:40.960 --> 00:35:43.199
So I was like, oh, okay.
00:35:43.360 --> 00:35:45.840
He had gone to basic training the year before.
00:35:46.079 --> 00:35:50.719
So I not only went to basic training, all of my scores beat his.
00:35:50.960 --> 00:35:51.679
Of course they did.
00:35:51.840 --> 00:35:52.480
Of course they did.
00:35:52.719 --> 00:35:54.400
Underestimate me, that'll be fun.
00:35:54.559 --> 00:35:55.280
That'll be fun.
00:35:55.440 --> 00:35:59.280
What is it about people underestimating you that gets you so fired up?
00:36:00.880 --> 00:36:14.239
You know, I don't like when anybody is underestimated because there's always, always that person inside them that you either never want to see or you want to come out.
00:36:16.000 --> 00:36:21.840
Do you think that that's what happened with you when you went from being this shy little meeker kid?
00:36:22.079 --> 00:36:22.480
I think so.
00:36:22.639 --> 00:36:30.239
And in the army, it was always, you know, you're this rank, you're, you know, be happier at this rank.
00:36:30.400 --> 00:36:33.280
And I'm like, no, thank you.
00:36:33.519 --> 00:36:35.119
I want this rank.
00:36:35.760 --> 00:36:42.400
And then in my unit that I was in, I had gotten to the highest rank that I could.
00:36:42.480 --> 00:36:44.559
There was there was no place for me to go up.
00:36:44.880 --> 00:36:45.440
Shocker.
00:36:45.599 --> 00:36:46.239
Oh, I know.
00:36:46.880 --> 00:36:56.239
So I was like, okay, so I went, that's when I went transferred to the medical command and basically wrote my own ticket.
00:36:57.119 --> 00:36:57.920
Shocker again.
00:36:58.079 --> 00:36:58.400
I know.
00:36:58.480 --> 00:36:58.880
Who knows?
00:36:59.360 --> 00:37:01.119
Like, that doesn't surprise me one bit.
00:37:01.280 --> 00:37:03.440
Like, that's just how you operate.
00:37:03.679 --> 00:37:04.159
Right.
00:37:04.400 --> 00:37:05.440
Like, where's the ceiling?
00:37:07.280 --> 00:37:08.159
There is no ceiling.
00:37:08.320 --> 00:37:08.559
Right.
00:37:08.719 --> 00:37:10.239
There should be no ceiling.
00:37:10.719 --> 00:37:14.079
Tell me more about there shouldn't be a ceiling.
00:37:14.400 --> 00:37:16.159
What is it about limits in you?
00:37:16.239 --> 00:37:17.199
That's what I'm trying to dig.
00:37:17.679 --> 00:37:18.000
Limits.
00:37:18.239 --> 00:37:19.519
Don't don't put me in a box.
00:37:19.760 --> 00:37:22.400
Who gave you limits as a kid?
00:37:22.719 --> 00:37:25.440
Um, well, my parents did, school did.
00:37:25.519 --> 00:37:28.880
I mean, you had all the the specific limits of things you could do.
00:37:28.960 --> 00:37:37.039
And but I mean, when when I was a kid, when we would we had PE as children, I know, what a shocker.
00:37:37.599 --> 00:37:40.719
And the girls had to do exactly what the boys did.
00:37:40.880 --> 00:37:48.000
The girls didn't get the like lower graded, you know, if you climb up the rope, you only have to go halfway.
00:37:48.079 --> 00:37:49.679
No, we had to go all the way.
00:37:50.000 --> 00:37:56.800
So going through school, I never had the you can't do this because you're a girl.
00:37:56.960 --> 00:37:58.559
I had this, he did it.
00:37:58.719 --> 00:37:59.920
Why can't you do it?
00:38:00.159 --> 00:38:00.800
You know?
00:38:01.280 --> 00:38:04.239
And so that I think was a lot of it.
00:38:05.760 --> 00:38:08.480
Was nobody told me I couldn't.
00:38:08.880 --> 00:38:10.880
Well, and you had dad telling you you could.
00:38:11.039 --> 00:38:12.320
That was another part of it, right?
00:38:12.400 --> 00:38:14.400
Like dad was like, Yeah, why can't you?
00:38:14.559 --> 00:38:17.840
And my mom was like, you can do anything a man can do.
00:38:18.320 --> 00:38:21.920
See, uh that right there, I think became your mantra.
00:38:22.079 --> 00:38:22.400
Yeah.
00:38:22.559 --> 00:38:28.480
Because you grew up to be the woman that does all the things that the men can think that they can only do sometimes, and do it better.
00:38:28.639 --> 00:38:29.280
That's true.
00:38:29.519 --> 00:38:31.679
I mean, that's just what I've always seen you do.
00:38:31.920 --> 00:38:33.440
I've had to give it my best shot.
00:38:33.840 --> 00:38:36.719
And your best shot's always you don't ever half-ass anything.
00:38:36.880 --> 00:38:54.480
Well, when when I became an adult, like when I decided to go to college, as in my 40s, I decided to go to college, and I would not accept a B.
00:38:55.199 --> 00:38:58.079
I became OCD about my grades.
00:38:59.519 --> 00:39:07.519
And I graduated cum lauda with my bachelors and my associates at the same time.
00:39:08.639 --> 00:39:29.119
And I I wouldn't accept less because if I had slacking grades and I didn't do well, I couldn't tell my kids, because I had my son and then multiple other children who called me mom, I couldn't tell them to do well if I didn't lead by example.
00:39:30.639 --> 00:39:33.199
Yeah, I'd be a hypocrite, and like I just not gonna do that.
00:39:33.440 --> 00:39:41.760
Was your dad the type of dad that really did he have high expectations of you?
00:39:42.079 --> 00:39:42.400
No.
00:39:42.880 --> 00:39:43.519
Really?
00:39:44.159 --> 00:39:46.000
How about out of your brothers?
00:39:46.320 --> 00:39:48.400
Oh, always, but not out of you.
00:39:48.639 --> 00:39:49.039
Right.
00:39:49.360 --> 00:39:52.079
I was a girl, I was supposed to get married, have babies.
00:39:52.320 --> 00:39:53.280
Let's go there.
00:39:53.599 --> 00:39:54.639
Let's come on.
00:39:56.719 --> 00:39:57.760
I didn't want to.
00:39:58.719 --> 00:40:01.760
Well, that's I joined the army.
00:40:01.920 --> 00:40:02.960
But that's fascinating.
00:40:03.119 --> 00:40:10.000
Think about it, because here you are saying your dad was like, oh, you can do anything a boy can do, type of an attitude, just like your mom, right?
00:40:10.400 --> 00:40:12.320
But still had the stereotypes.
00:40:12.559 --> 00:40:13.920
Talk to me about those stereotypes.
00:40:14.000 --> 00:40:16.480
What did that sound like, look like in your house?
00:40:19.440 --> 00:40:25.519
I well, I wanted to, you know, do the girl things and go to prom.
00:40:26.239 --> 00:40:35.760
And I found out years later that my dad canceled my order for my prom dress and kept telling him that was lost, so I didn't go to prom.
00:40:36.400 --> 00:40:38.159
That's okay, I went to the drags.
00:40:39.519 --> 00:40:41.039
So I had more fun.
00:40:41.440 --> 00:40:44.800
But um why didn't he want you to go to prom?
00:40:45.599 --> 00:40:46.320
Boys?
00:40:46.719 --> 00:40:48.320
He was trying to keep you away from boys?
00:40:48.559 --> 00:40:49.519
I guess.
00:40:50.480 --> 00:40:51.519
It I don't know.
00:40:51.679 --> 00:40:59.440
But then when I joined the army, my dad was very proud of me for joining the army, so he was a bit of a conundrum, you know.
00:40:59.679 --> 00:41:05.679
So he, you know, felt this way about this, but then this way about this, and he was really happy and proud of me.
00:41:05.760 --> 00:41:09.599
Every time I gained rank in the army, he was just like so excited.
00:41:09.920 --> 00:41:17.199
And so on one hand, it was like get married and have babies, and on the other hand, it's like look what my baby did.
00:41:17.920 --> 00:41:18.800
Interesting.
00:41:19.039 --> 00:41:20.320
I mean, but you did both.
00:41:20.559 --> 00:41:21.679
I did, right?
00:41:22.079 --> 00:41:26.880
You did, and so you were already in the army when you had your son?
00:41:27.119 --> 00:41:27.519
Yes.
00:41:27.760 --> 00:41:30.000
How how old were you when you had him?
00:41:30.239 --> 00:41:31.920
I was 24 when he was born.
00:41:32.079 --> 00:41:34.800
So you'd already been in for four years by the time he was born.
00:41:35.039 --> 00:41:36.400
Talk to me about how that works.
00:41:36.480 --> 00:41:37.519
I'm always curious.
00:41:37.599 --> 00:41:40.159
Like, as a mom, you deployed, you left your kid.
00:41:40.239 --> 00:41:41.840
How well I kind of had to.
00:41:41.920 --> 00:41:42.079
Yes.
00:41:42.320 --> 00:41:44.960
Um I was in the reserves.
00:41:45.199 --> 00:41:48.960
So I only had to go like one week in a month and then two weeks during the year.
00:41:49.039 --> 00:41:53.119
It was great because and my husband would take care of our son while I was gone.
00:41:53.679 --> 00:41:54.880
So he was not military?
00:41:55.119 --> 00:41:55.360
No.
00:41:55.519 --> 00:42:01.039
Well, he had done he had done his tour in the Navy as a weatherman in Monterey.
00:42:01.360 --> 00:42:07.519
We had gotten divorced when I was called up for Desert Shield Desert Storm.
00:42:07.679 --> 00:42:08.800
How old was your son?
00:42:09.039 --> 00:42:09.679
Six.
00:42:10.000 --> 00:42:10.960
Oh man.
00:42:11.360 --> 00:42:13.920
How did it feel leaving your six-year-old to go?
00:42:14.159 --> 00:42:15.519
Oh, it was gut-wrenching.
00:42:15.599 --> 00:42:16.239
I hated it.
00:42:16.400 --> 00:42:18.960
I hated it more than anything in the world.
00:42:19.760 --> 00:42:41.360
And the things that kept me going were I would get up in the middle of the night in the Middle East and check out a deuce and a half truck and load up all my friends who wanted to go, and we would go across post because they had these great big tents that were nothing but phone banks.
00:42:41.760 --> 00:42:45.679
And I waited till the middle of the night because bombing would stop.
00:42:46.159 --> 00:42:49.760
And so I wouldn't have to, he wouldn't have to hear that.
00:42:50.639 --> 00:42:55.119
And I would call home and talk to him.
00:43:03.199 --> 00:43:07.360
And then you deployed again when how old was he the second time?
00:43:08.000 --> 00:43:09.760
Oh, he was older then.
00:43:09.920 --> 00:43:12.719
I mean, he was a teenager and he was living with my mom.
00:43:13.199 --> 00:43:16.079
Now, okay, so we have something in common.
00:43:17.039 --> 00:43:22.239
Uh we are uh we'll just say fluent in divorce.
00:43:22.480 --> 00:43:23.519
Yes, yes, we are.
00:43:23.760 --> 00:43:25.119
How many times have you been married?
00:43:25.840 --> 00:43:28.000
I don't choose to discuss that.
00:43:28.239 --> 00:43:31.280
Aren't you you mean me beat by one, right?
00:43:31.519 --> 00:43:32.480
I think so, yeah.
00:43:32.719 --> 00:43:33.360
Yeah, yeah.
00:43:33.519 --> 00:43:35.119
Yeah, I think I beat you by one.
00:43:35.599 --> 00:43:37.840
Wanna talk about why you think that is?
00:43:39.360 --> 00:43:42.320
I oh I know now.
00:43:42.480 --> 00:43:52.639
I mean, looking back, I would get with these people who were fascinating and energetic and broken.
00:43:53.840 --> 00:43:57.840
And I was sure that if I loved them enough, I could fix them.
00:43:58.719 --> 00:43:59.199
You can.
00:44:00.320 --> 00:44:01.920
You just can't.
00:44:02.559 --> 00:44:07.519
And I kept giving and giving, and they kept taking and taking.
00:44:07.920 --> 00:44:13.599
And then finally, I would just pull myself up by my ovaries and go, I've had enough.
00:44:14.400 --> 00:44:17.440
And when I've had enough, I never look back.
00:44:17.840 --> 00:44:20.960
How long did each one of your marriages last on average?
00:44:21.280 --> 00:44:25.920
Um four years, maybe.
00:44:26.559 --> 00:44:30.000
I mean, because it it didn't take them long to show their true selves.
00:44:30.400 --> 00:44:46.400
You know, they were great in the in the honeymoon, I love you phase, but then certain habits would start coming out and things they wouldn't change and isolationism and look drugs that I didn't know about.
00:44:46.639 --> 00:44:49.920
Did they have anything else in common that you noticed?
00:44:54.800 --> 00:44:58.880
No, because they were physically completely different from each other.
00:44:59.119 --> 00:45:00.960
But I'm just saying, like internally.
00:45:01.840 --> 00:45:03.840
Uh internally they were broken.
00:45:03.920 --> 00:45:05.119
They like how so?
00:45:05.280 --> 00:45:08.400
To get it, was there like there were common denominators in there with them?
00:45:08.639 --> 00:45:11.760
Uh narcissism was one.
00:45:12.239 --> 00:45:17.440
Um they wanted somebody to take care of them.
00:45:17.679 --> 00:45:23.360
Not necessarily a wife, but somebody to take care of them so they could go do what they wanted.
00:45:24.639 --> 00:45:30.159
And I'm not about that.
00:45:30.480 --> 00:45:34.239
Not about cheating and you know.
00:45:34.559 --> 00:45:36.880
How did you handle it when you got cheated on?
00:45:38.079 --> 00:45:44.719
Well, my last husband, when I found out he cheated, on a trip that I sent him on.
00:45:45.280 --> 00:45:45.840
Of course.
00:45:46.079 --> 00:45:46.800
Of course.
00:45:47.599 --> 00:45:50.800
Um I threw things at him.
00:45:50.880 --> 00:45:51.840
I was really mad.
00:45:52.480 --> 00:45:58.159
How many of the three three of them cheated on you?
00:45:58.400 --> 00:46:05.440
And I walked away from the last one, and I don't date anymore.
00:46:05.840 --> 00:46:06.880
How long ago was that?
00:46:07.119 --> 00:46:08.079
2014.
00:46:09.119 --> 00:46:12.480
Girl, you haven't dated in 12 years?
00:46:13.599 --> 00:46:15.519
I know for a minute you're interested in my grandpa.
00:46:15.599 --> 00:46:16.079
I'm just saying.
00:46:16.320 --> 00:46:18.000
I mean, he's awful cute.
00:46:18.639 --> 00:46:21.199
Not saying I'm not still interested in grandpa.
00:46:22.719 --> 00:46:23.360
Oh my god.
00:46:25.199 --> 00:46:33.519
But I mean, I have surrounded myself with people who matter and who matter to me and respect me.
00:46:34.639 --> 00:46:36.639
And are true friends.
00:46:36.880 --> 00:46:38.079
What's a true friend?
00:46:38.320 --> 00:46:46.400
It's someone has who has my back, who doesn't talk down to me, you know, respects my opinion.
00:46:46.639 --> 00:46:53.519
We can go do things, and there's just like an easy camaraderie, and you never have to watch yourself around them.
00:46:53.599 --> 00:46:55.599
You can be your authentic self.
00:46:56.000 --> 00:46:56.639
You know?
00:46:57.119 --> 00:47:00.480
And I have friends from my army days that I go on vacation with.
00:47:00.559 --> 00:47:02.719
I vacation with them literally every year.
00:47:02.880 --> 00:47:05.039
I'm always checking this year cruise countdowns.
00:47:05.679 --> 00:47:07.039
I'm always going on a cruise.
00:47:07.199 --> 00:47:08.559
I'm like, this girl lives on the boat.
00:47:08.719 --> 00:47:11.679
You think we're in the navy with as much as she's been on the boat.
00:47:12.079 --> 00:47:12.559
Too much water.
00:47:12.719 --> 00:47:13.119
Too much water.
00:47:13.440 --> 00:47:14.800
She's like, no, I like getting off.
00:47:14.960 --> 00:47:15.840
I like the land.
00:47:16.000 --> 00:47:16.800
I like the land.
00:47:16.960 --> 00:47:17.840
I like the beach.
00:47:18.079 --> 00:47:18.639
Do you really?
00:47:18.719 --> 00:47:19.360
Oh, I love the beach.
00:47:19.599 --> 00:47:20.159
Is that your favorite place?
00:47:20.800 --> 00:47:21.599
Oh, yeah.
00:47:22.000 --> 00:47:22.719
Belize.
00:47:22.960 --> 00:47:24.079
Oh, I love Belize.
00:47:24.320 --> 00:47:25.519
It's my favorite country.
00:47:25.760 --> 00:47:28.000
What about Belize is it that you like so much?
00:47:28.320 --> 00:47:32.639
It's just the culture is so laid back and it's so authentic.
00:47:33.440 --> 00:47:38.000
And when I go, I immerse myself in their culture.
00:47:38.239 --> 00:47:44.960
I feel like you've always been like you're really good at honoring cultures.
00:47:45.280 --> 00:47:45.920
Yes.
00:47:46.400 --> 00:47:51.280
And I think that kind of ties back to inclusion in your brother, right?
00:47:51.440 --> 00:47:51.599
Yes.
00:47:51.840 --> 00:47:53.039
And loving everybody.
00:47:53.920 --> 00:47:58.480
Honoring other cultures is important because it exists for a reason.
00:47:58.559 --> 00:48:00.719
And I'm a history nerd, you know that.
00:48:00.960 --> 00:48:11.280
And to be able to go into their history and dig into their history and find out the whys is incredible because you learn so much.
00:48:11.679 --> 00:48:14.880
When did you get so into history?
00:48:15.840 --> 00:48:20.400
Um, I got into geography, which is why I traveled.
00:48:20.639 --> 00:48:21.360
When was that?
00:48:21.599 --> 00:48:23.280
Uh my sophomore year in high school.
00:48:23.519 --> 00:48:25.039
What was it about geography that you liked?
00:48:25.360 --> 00:48:26.880
I had my teacher.
00:48:27.039 --> 00:48:31.360
She was a geography teacher and she was Austrian, I believe.
00:48:31.599 --> 00:48:40.079
And she came over, and then, like I did in my history classes, she would come in and she would start talking about this country and this country.
00:48:40.239 --> 00:48:43.519
And then she would say, What was the hook to me?
00:48:43.679 --> 00:48:49.519
Well, when I was there, which made it real and not just pages.
00:48:49.760 --> 00:48:53.599
And she would bring in things from her travels and show them to the class.
00:48:53.679 --> 00:48:55.840
And it was kind of like a show and tell.
00:48:55.920 --> 00:48:57.360
And I was like, okay.
00:48:57.840 --> 00:49:04.880
But I really got into history when I was getting my uh bachelor's degree.
00:49:05.360 --> 00:49:16.159
I had a professor who was just passionate about history, and he made it come alive, he made it main sense because history can be very dull.
00:49:17.199 --> 00:49:19.280
What did those two teachers have in common?
00:49:19.519 --> 00:49:30.400
Not only their love of history, their love of the culture of history, and what history should mean to you.
00:49:32.079 --> 00:49:34.480
Was your dad racist?
00:49:34.800 --> 00:49:35.440
Yes.
00:49:35.760 --> 00:49:37.360
He was very racist.
00:49:38.559 --> 00:49:45.679
Was and obviously there was some sexism going on too because you were supposed to be the wife and the mom and do the girl things.
00:49:45.840 --> 00:49:46.480
Right.
00:49:46.960 --> 00:49:50.960
I think it's so awesome that you were like, nope, nope.
00:49:52.000 --> 00:49:53.599
Nope, right out of that.
00:49:54.559 --> 00:50:16.880
Can you think of a moment or a time or anything back when you were super young and you just specifically remember being either like othered or not allowed to participate, pushed to the side, not allowed to do what everybody else was doing, maybe because you were too young or too little or too or a girl.
00:50:17.199 --> 00:50:19.360
They wouldn't let me join Boy Scouts.
00:50:22.559 --> 00:50:23.519
Keep going.
00:50:23.760 --> 00:50:27.039
Well, I mean, they wouldn't, because it was boys only, which made sense.
00:50:27.519 --> 00:50:28.480
How old were you at this point?
00:50:28.719 --> 00:50:30.400
Oh, I was six or seven.
00:50:30.480 --> 00:50:40.719
My brother was eight or nine, and I mean he went on to get his Eagle Scout, so I was always involved in it, but I just couldn't be in it.
00:50:40.880 --> 00:50:44.079
And I tried Girl Scouts for a year, and that was just really boring.
00:50:44.480 --> 00:50:48.239
And what do you remember about being told you couldn't do Boy Scouts?
00:50:48.639 --> 00:50:50.400
Well, my first question was why.
00:50:50.639 --> 00:50:51.039
Of course.
00:50:51.280 --> 00:50:52.239
I mean, yeah.
00:50:52.480 --> 00:50:56.320
But when they said that, well, it's boys only, I was like, well, okay.
00:50:56.480 --> 00:50:57.840
I mean, I get that.
00:50:59.280 --> 00:51:04.880
But I mean, we'd always go to the meetings because it was a family thing, and I'd have to go sit through all of that.
00:51:05.039 --> 00:51:09.199
I could probably do the, you know, all the merit badge things.
00:51:09.599 --> 00:51:15.679
But it was just, you know, that was the one thing I couldn't do.
00:51:15.840 --> 00:51:18.960
But I was okay with it because it was for boys, and I got that.
00:51:19.199 --> 00:51:25.039
Oh, and my brother played sports, played baseball, but they didn't have sports for girls back then.
00:51:25.679 --> 00:51:28.320
There was no softball, no soccer.
00:51:28.639 --> 00:51:31.840
So you're watching your brothers do all this cool shit and you're not allowed to do it because you're a girl.
00:51:32.000 --> 00:51:32.400
Right.
00:51:32.639 --> 00:51:38.159
Well, because but it wasn't because I was a girl, it was because there was no programs for girls.
00:51:38.400 --> 00:51:38.639
Right.
00:51:38.800 --> 00:51:43.119
Yeah, but that's still like as a little girl who's watching and wants to be included.
00:51:44.159 --> 00:51:52.960
I was very athletic and I would always, you know, when they'd go hit, you know, go practice and hit balls, I'd go hit with them and I'd play basketball.
00:51:53.119 --> 00:52:02.639
We had a basketball goal in our in our driveway, and you know, I was always doing that, but there wasn't there wasn't anything organized.
00:52:02.880 --> 00:52:04.400
I was kind of like Uncle Fred, right?
00:52:04.480 --> 00:52:09.360
Like Uncle Fred was a black boy, so they didn't have he wasn't allowed to play.
00:52:09.679 --> 00:52:14.639
I remember integration when integration happened in our school.
00:52:14.880 --> 00:52:17.280
And that had to be something for you.
00:52:17.599 --> 00:52:19.199
You know, it really wasn't.
00:52:19.360 --> 00:52:26.400
No, meaning like that, you're the perfect person to be there for something like that because you're the person that's like, come on, friends, let's go! And that was it.
00:52:26.639 --> 00:52:27.280
That was it.
00:52:27.519 --> 00:52:41.760
I mean, it was like one year we were this little all-white class, and the next year we had like eight or ten African-American students, and my attitude was cool, more people to play with, right?
00:52:41.920 --> 00:52:44.400
And and that's the way we went about it.
00:52:44.559 --> 00:52:48.719
And nobody, you know, nobody was like, oh, what are they doing here?
00:52:49.119 --> 00:52:52.880
You know, it was no us and them, it was just all of us together.
00:52:53.119 --> 00:52:55.360
Did you ever date any African-American boys?
00:52:55.599 --> 00:52:56.000
Yes.
00:52:56.239 --> 00:52:57.840
How did your dad handle that one?
00:52:58.079 --> 00:52:58.960
He didn't know.
00:52:59.199 --> 00:53:01.119
Oh, okay.
00:53:01.760 --> 00:53:02.400
All right.
00:53:04.000 --> 00:53:06.800
I have a great question for you of all people, I think.
00:53:06.960 --> 00:53:13.519
With all of your years in the military, I think people sometimes confuse protection and control.
00:53:14.000 --> 00:53:14.400
Yes.
00:53:14.639 --> 00:53:23.599
I would love to hear you explain what you think the difference is and where the line sometimes gets blurred between protection and control.
00:53:26.159 --> 00:53:31.440
I was very protective of my soldiers when I deployed.
00:53:32.239 --> 00:53:33.840
Very protective.
00:53:34.400 --> 00:53:49.519
Um, because our first sergeant was he wasn't bad, but he felt like he could just pull from my section for any, because we had to do duties because we were a hospital unit.
00:53:49.679 --> 00:53:53.760
So we had, you know, KP and guard duty and things like that.
00:53:54.159 --> 00:54:02.400
And he kept pulling my soldiers, and he would pull my young soldiers because they were young and they were hardy and da-da-da.
00:54:03.199 --> 00:54:08.000
And I'm like, nope, not gonna happen.
00:54:08.480 --> 00:54:13.119
And so he was trying to control the narrative.
00:54:13.920 --> 00:54:19.519
And one morning, one of my soldiers had just gotten off 24-hour guard duty.
00:54:19.599 --> 00:54:31.840
He was exhausted, and he came into our section and he to looked at me and he goes, Sergeant Bridges.
00:54:32.000 --> 00:54:33.199
I said, Yeah, I said, What's going on?
00:54:33.360 --> 00:54:36.000
I said, You should be racking right about now.
00:54:36.159 --> 00:54:38.320
He said, First sergeant put me on KP.
00:54:38.400 --> 00:54:39.840
I looked at him and went, What?
00:54:40.559 --> 00:54:42.559
He said, First sergeant, put me on KP.
00:54:42.880 --> 00:54:46.000
I said, because somebody else couldn't do it.
00:54:46.159 --> 00:54:49.599
And I went, you go rack up, I got this.
00:54:49.920 --> 00:54:54.159
And he looked at me, goes, okay, because he knew I did.
00:54:54.639 --> 00:54:58.559
So I made sure everybody was doing what they're supposed to be doing.
00:54:58.719 --> 00:55:07.360
And I made my way through camp and I went to his tent, and his little secretary person dude was sitting there, his clerk.
00:55:07.599 --> 00:55:08.719
And I said, ZN.
00:55:08.880 --> 00:55:21.760
He goes, yes, but he's I went and I walked by by him and I walked in and I looked at him, I said, You put my soldier on KP after he did 24 hours guard duty.
00:55:21.920 --> 00:55:23.360
He was like, Well, I didn't have a choice.
00:55:23.440 --> 00:55:24.719
I said, No, you do.
00:55:24.960 --> 00:55:27.760
I said, Let me tell you how it's going to go.
00:55:28.320 --> 00:55:31.599
I put him up, he's sleeping right now.
00:55:32.159 --> 00:55:36.480
If you move him, touch him, try to pull him out of his bunk.
00:55:36.719 --> 00:55:38.800
I said, You're not gonna like it.
00:55:39.039 --> 00:55:48.559
I said, I can go to the commander and explain how important my section is, and I will get us exempt from every duty.
00:55:48.800 --> 00:55:50.800
Question, you were sergeant at this point?
00:55:50.960 --> 00:55:51.119
Yes.
00:55:51.280 --> 00:55:52.960
So that's E what in the army?
00:55:53.119 --> 00:55:54.079
I was in E6.
00:55:54.400 --> 00:55:55.519
And what was this guy?
00:55:55.679 --> 00:55:56.559
He was in E8.
00:55:56.960 --> 00:55:58.639
See, this is what blows my mind.
00:55:58.719 --> 00:56:02.400
You just like oh, like you continue these are my people.
00:56:02.800 --> 00:56:05.840
Where does that protective mama bear energy come from?
00:56:06.000 --> 00:56:07.360
Is it because of the brother, maybe?
00:56:07.440 --> 00:56:10.800
Like, where's Probably Did you stand up for him like that?
00:56:11.039 --> 00:56:11.280
Yeah.
00:56:11.519 --> 00:56:14.239
I don't like, well, to me, that was bullying.
00:56:15.119 --> 00:56:23.760
And and I don't tolerate bullying, so I explained to him, I said, you will not overuse my soldiers.
00:56:24.079 --> 00:56:32.239
When you were young and you were watching your dad basically bully your brother, right?
00:56:33.679 --> 00:56:35.920
Did you say anything or did you feel like you couldn't say anything?
00:56:36.000 --> 00:56:36.559
Did you feel helpless?
00:56:36.800 --> 00:56:37.760
Well, I was too young.
00:56:37.840 --> 00:56:38.079
Yeah.
00:56:38.559 --> 00:56:40.960
You know, who would listen to an eight-year-old?
00:56:41.199 --> 00:56:41.440
Wow.
00:56:41.599 --> 00:56:46.239
What do you think you would have said in that time if you could have?
00:56:46.559 --> 00:56:48.639
Oh, I'd have told him to leave my brother alone.
00:56:48.719 --> 00:56:50.320
There's nothing wrong with him.
00:56:50.880 --> 00:56:54.079
That he's mean, he's bullying him.
00:56:54.639 --> 00:56:55.920
Why can't he love him?
00:56:56.159 --> 00:56:57.599
Well, what did he need to hear?
00:56:57.679 --> 00:56:58.480
Do you think?
00:57:00.639 --> 00:57:02.880
I would think that he is good enough.
00:57:03.360 --> 00:57:06.320
That the only person that can make you feel small is you.
00:57:07.519 --> 00:57:09.199
That those are only words.
00:57:09.519 --> 00:57:13.119
They're hurtful words, but those words will go away.
00:57:14.719 --> 00:57:16.320
And there are people who love you.
00:57:17.119 --> 00:57:19.679
More people who love you than this person.
00:57:21.119 --> 00:57:22.880
And people who will always stand by you.
00:57:23.679 --> 00:57:25.199
I think he would need to know that.
00:57:26.239 --> 00:57:27.679
I'm sure he felt all by himself.
00:57:28.079 --> 00:57:30.800
Because neither my brother and I were old enough to do anything.
00:57:31.760 --> 00:57:33.840
That'd be such a helpless feeling for you.
00:57:34.079 --> 00:57:34.719
Right.
00:57:36.239 --> 00:57:36.639
Right.
00:57:36.800 --> 00:57:40.000
I mean, like, you want to protect him.
00:57:40.159 --> 00:57:40.639
Yeah.
00:57:40.960 --> 00:57:42.320
And you're too little.
00:57:43.039 --> 00:57:50.480
I can see where that could have a potential trajectory of being the girl that nobody gets to deny.
00:57:50.639 --> 00:57:51.199
That's it.
00:57:51.360 --> 00:57:52.159
That's it.
00:57:53.760 --> 00:57:54.800
That's it.
00:57:56.000 --> 00:57:58.719
You have become undeniable.
00:57:59.039 --> 00:57:59.679
That's it.
00:57:59.840 --> 00:58:00.480
Yeah.
00:58:02.400 --> 00:58:04.960
I I don't like taking no for an answer.
00:58:05.199 --> 00:58:05.519
Right.
00:58:05.760 --> 00:58:06.960
If I can fix it.
00:58:07.440 --> 00:58:08.639
Undeniable.
00:58:08.880 --> 00:58:09.840
Oh, you think this?
00:58:10.000 --> 00:58:10.960
Watch me prove you wrong.
00:58:11.119 --> 00:58:12.400
Underestimate me what?
00:58:12.559 --> 00:58:13.039
Watch this.
00:58:13.599 --> 00:58:14.159
Hold my beer.
00:58:14.320 --> 00:58:14.559
Right.
00:58:14.719 --> 00:58:15.519
Hold my beer.
00:58:15.679 --> 00:58:18.079
Like, that's absolutely you.
00:58:18.639 --> 00:58:28.880
And honestly, since I've retired, I have, you know, dialed back on the a little bit, you know, hold my beer, watch this.
00:58:29.199 --> 00:58:35.840
But it's like, and because I'm an old broke soldier, there are some things I can't do.
00:58:36.000 --> 00:58:39.760
But there are some things I'm like, I can just still do that.
00:58:40.079 --> 00:58:41.519
I can still do that.
00:58:41.840 --> 00:58:49.199
Like when I was in Mexico and I jumped into a cenote that was like 30 feet down.
00:58:49.840 --> 00:58:51.760
Just because that surprised me.
00:58:52.079 --> 00:58:52.400
Yeah.
00:58:52.719 --> 00:58:53.760
Because I could.
00:58:54.320 --> 00:58:58.400
And I usually zip line in every country I go to because I can.
00:58:58.960 --> 00:59:00.639
And I don't like heights.
00:59:00.960 --> 00:59:02.880
Was your dad controlling?
00:59:04.800 --> 00:59:10.079
He wasn't really around along and you know, often enough to be controlling.
00:59:10.880 --> 00:59:12.320
He was gone a lot.
00:59:13.440 --> 00:59:15.599
Like I'm hearing like limits, right?
00:59:15.679 --> 00:59:19.519
And I'm like, where did the box start that she broke out of?
00:59:20.400 --> 00:59:21.360
Couldn't tell you.
00:59:22.000 --> 00:59:26.079
So if dad wasn't there a whole lot, so he was in the military and then he became a truck driver?
00:59:26.239 --> 00:59:26.639
Yes.
00:59:27.440 --> 00:59:29.679
Was he a truck driver all the way till he retired or what?
00:59:29.840 --> 00:59:30.239
Yes.
00:59:32.000 --> 00:59:33.360
Was mom controlling?
00:59:34.000 --> 00:59:34.320
No.
00:59:34.719 --> 00:59:36.000
She was just cool, whatever.
00:59:36.159 --> 00:59:36.880
She was protective.
00:59:37.679 --> 00:59:38.159
Protective.
00:59:38.239 --> 00:59:38.400
Yeah.
00:59:38.719 --> 00:59:39.440
Back to that.
00:59:40.159 --> 00:59:43.360
What's the difference between protection and control?
00:59:43.679 --> 00:59:52.400
When you control something, you try to form it into a box that you have the key for.
00:59:54.639 --> 00:59:59.519
And you control the narrative and you control how it goes and you control how it flows.
00:59:59.840 --> 01:00:04.079
And there is no allowance to get outside of that.
01:00:05.760 --> 01:00:09.280
And if you protect somebody, you're protecting them from harm.
01:00:09.760 --> 01:00:12.000
You're protecting them from danger.
01:00:12.800 --> 01:00:15.039
Sometimes you're protecting them from their own self.
01:00:16.239 --> 01:00:19.519
But you don't lock them in a box.
01:00:24.079 --> 01:00:27.360
How do you define the word respect?
01:00:27.599 --> 01:00:29.199
That's actually harder than you think.
01:00:29.760 --> 01:00:42.079
Um respect is when you are able to look someone in the eye and have a conversation as equals.
01:00:43.280 --> 01:00:50.159
Respect is when you value someone's opinion and they value yours.
01:00:50.559 --> 01:00:58.639
Respect is also if they have a difference of opinion, you can still have a conversation without having a fight.
01:00:59.199 --> 01:01:05.280
You can still respect their identity without trying to control their identity.
01:01:15.199 --> 01:01:17.280
Master Sergeant Bridges over there.
01:01:18.079 --> 01:01:22.480
Okay, but freedom is a big one for you.
01:01:22.719 --> 01:01:23.280
It is.
01:01:23.760 --> 01:01:26.320
And autonomy is a big one for you.
01:01:27.039 --> 01:01:29.840
Agency over self is a big one for you.
01:01:30.000 --> 01:01:33.039
Don't box me, don't label me, don't cage me in.
01:01:33.199 --> 01:01:37.760
And I'm gonna tell y'all from personal experience, you don't back her into a corner.
01:01:38.079 --> 01:01:40.880
Not figuratively, not physically.
01:01:41.360 --> 01:01:43.039
That's not something you do with her.
01:01:43.199 --> 01:01:44.719
No, that's all related, right?
01:01:44.880 --> 01:01:47.360
So it's like let me ask you.
01:01:48.079 --> 01:01:51.440
What do you sit up for this one?
01:01:52.960 --> 01:01:56.079
What's the worst way to die, in your opinion?
01:01:57.519 --> 01:01:59.039
The worst way to die?
01:01:59.760 --> 01:02:01.679
Oh, for me, it'd be drowning.
01:02:01.840 --> 01:02:02.159
I know.
01:02:02.320 --> 01:02:04.159
You know what's interesting about that?
01:02:06.000 --> 01:02:07.840
It's the suffocation, right?
01:02:08.079 --> 01:02:09.360
And it's you can't stand that.
01:02:09.519 --> 01:02:11.199
Right, because you also don't like being trapped.
01:02:11.360 --> 01:02:14.880
You don't feel like being, you know, backed into a corner.
01:02:15.039 --> 01:02:15.280
Right.
01:02:15.679 --> 01:02:16.880
It's it's all related.
01:02:17.199 --> 01:02:17.440
Oh, yeah.
01:02:17.599 --> 01:02:18.159
I'm the same way.
01:02:18.239 --> 01:02:19.599
That's why we get along so well.
01:02:19.840 --> 01:02:23.679
Because like we are like, you're over there and I'm right here, but we're still busties, you know.
01:02:23.760 --> 01:02:25.760
We can do our thing, but we can still love each other, right?
01:02:26.239 --> 01:02:26.800
Absolutely.
01:02:27.039 --> 01:02:32.400
And I can almost spot almost every time when I ask somebody, like, what's the worst way to die?
01:02:32.559 --> 01:02:36.239
I already know they're gonna say drowning because they all talk about freedom, right?
01:02:36.320 --> 01:02:44.719
They'll talk about autonomy and agency and not liking rules or not liking to be put into a box or not liking being labeled.
01:02:44.880 --> 01:02:48.480
You ask them what party they are in, they're like my own party, right?
01:02:48.639 --> 01:02:54.000
Like, or I'm independent or whatever, like they're not part of your group.
01:02:54.159 --> 01:02:56.239
Like that's just not it.
01:02:56.880 --> 01:03:04.960
But there's kind of like an interesting thing with you because you are extremely autonomous.
01:03:05.280 --> 01:03:07.920
You like giving choice and having choice, like very much.
01:03:08.320 --> 01:03:09.119
Oh, absolutely.
01:03:09.519 --> 01:03:15.039
But at the same time, you're so inclusive, right?
01:03:15.199 --> 01:03:28.960
Like you're the person that I can honestly say from personal experience and knowing you as long as I've known you, is like you go out of your way to make sure everybody feels like they are a part of the group.
01:03:29.039 --> 01:03:31.440
Yeah, like that's just absolutely who you are as a human.
01:03:31.760 --> 01:03:32.079
Absolutely.
01:03:32.239 --> 01:03:34.719
I've watched that, I've watched you demonstrate that for years.
01:03:34.880 --> 01:03:35.599
Oh, yeah, right.
01:03:36.320 --> 01:03:37.679
Even in class, yeah.
01:03:37.760 --> 01:03:38.880
Oh, I know, I know.
01:03:39.039 --> 01:03:44.719
So although I did want to, there were times I wanted to duct tape some of my kids to the wall.
01:03:45.840 --> 01:03:55.679
Babies, our babies, I know, and they're all big now and doing big kid stuff and having babies, get married and child.
01:03:55.920 --> 01:03:56.800
Who would have dude?
01:03:57.280 --> 01:03:57.760
Oh no.
01:03:58.159 --> 01:03:59.840
Tangent for a second.
01:04:00.159 --> 01:04:03.920
Okay, how hilarious is it?
01:04:05.199 --> 01:04:08.400
My daughter is marrying one of our former students.
01:04:08.800 --> 01:04:10.480
Is that not hilarious?
01:04:10.800 --> 01:04:13.599
Oh, but you can kind of see it in school for sure.
01:04:13.840 --> 01:04:15.920
Oh, yeah, they were like dusty and still.
01:04:16.400 --> 01:04:16.480
Right.
01:04:16.559 --> 01:04:18.079
And they picked at each other and stuff each other.
01:04:18.239 --> 01:04:18.559
Oh, yeah.
01:04:18.719 --> 01:04:20.559
And I made a comment way back then.
01:04:20.800 --> 01:04:21.840
You were standing right there.
01:04:22.000 --> 01:04:24.400
Yeah, you were standing right there, and I'm like, wouldn't it be funny?
01:04:24.480 --> 01:04:24.719
Yeah.
01:04:24.960 --> 01:04:26.639
And then there they are.
01:04:27.280 --> 01:04:28.400
Y'all owe me for that, by the way.
01:04:28.559 --> 01:04:29.679
Just saying, if you watch this.
01:04:29.760 --> 01:04:29.920
Yeah.
01:04:30.239 --> 01:04:33.199
Roman, we set you all up, just saying.
01:04:33.280 --> 01:04:33.760
We called it.
01:04:33.920 --> 01:04:34.320
Back in school.
01:04:34.400 --> 01:04:35.920
Yeah, we called it when you were in seventh grade.
01:04:36.079 --> 01:04:36.960
Okay, eighth grade.
01:04:37.039 --> 01:04:37.760
Yeah, eighth grade.
01:04:38.000 --> 01:04:43.679
It's so funny because it's like all my students were like, you were so hard on me, but you learned.
01:04:44.239 --> 01:04:46.159
Did you did you not like me?
01:04:46.320 --> 01:04:50.800
I said, no, I adored all of you, but I had to treat you all the same.
01:04:51.119 --> 01:04:53.840
Like I said, you're so big on that fairness.
01:04:54.000 --> 01:04:57.119
Like that's that's big for you.
01:04:57.440 --> 01:05:02.559
When it comes to like group stuff for you, when you go to a party, do you go to parties?
01:05:02.800 --> 01:05:03.280
Sometimes.
01:05:03.519 --> 01:05:03.840
Sometimes?
01:05:04.000 --> 01:05:07.280
If you do go to a party, who do you tend to hang out with?
01:05:07.440 --> 01:05:09.519
Like, what happens if you don't know anybody at the party?
01:05:09.599 --> 01:05:10.079
And what?
01:05:10.239 --> 01:05:11.119
Are you not going?
01:05:11.679 --> 01:05:16.639
I will kind of watch the crowd for a while.
01:05:17.679 --> 01:05:23.119
And then I will find a person, and I will go talk to that person.
01:05:23.199 --> 01:05:25.039
It's usually somebody that's not talking to anybody else.
01:05:25.199 --> 01:05:27.280
No, I knew it! That's what I was waiting for.
01:05:27.599 --> 01:05:28.719
That's what I was looking for.
01:05:28.880 --> 01:05:37.760
You just, oh yeah, you find the person that feels like they're not a part of it, and you go make that person feel wanted by someone.
01:05:38.400 --> 01:05:38.960
Absolutely.
01:05:39.519 --> 01:05:42.400
I was talking to, and I know this is gonna surprise you.
01:05:42.639 --> 01:05:44.320
I just totally surprised you.
01:05:44.480 --> 01:05:50.320
I was talking to a friend of mine who's actually a social worker, and we weren't talking on an official basis.
01:05:50.400 --> 01:05:51.440
We were drinking wine.
01:05:51.599 --> 01:05:52.800
I know that surprises you too.
01:05:53.039 --> 01:05:53.440
Shocker.
01:05:53.760 --> 01:05:54.639
I know, shocker.
01:05:55.039 --> 01:05:58.480
And we were talking about something, and she looked at me and she goes, You're a fixer.
01:05:58.880 --> 01:05:59.760
That's what you do.
01:06:00.960 --> 01:06:02.239
And I was like, no what?
01:06:03.199 --> 01:06:03.519
Okay.
01:06:05.039 --> 01:06:06.719
Because I do, I fix things.
01:06:07.039 --> 01:06:11.440
Is it about fixing for you, or is it about proving for you?
01:06:11.760 --> 01:06:13.280
It's about fixing for me.
01:06:13.519 --> 01:06:14.000
Why?
01:06:14.239 --> 01:06:15.440
Because it's giving.
01:06:15.599 --> 01:06:17.039
It's one of my love languages.
01:06:17.199 --> 01:06:20.559
Giving to others is like service to others.
01:06:20.719 --> 01:06:36.400
If I can help somebody and make their life easier, or if they're having a problem and I can find a way to fix it, or if they're looking for something in particular, like an item, and I can find it for them, then I'm happy.
01:06:49.039 --> 01:06:49.280
Right.
01:06:49.440 --> 01:06:57.119
And I think for me, a lot of it was like if I could just love them enough.
01:06:57.280 --> 01:06:57.599
Right.
01:06:57.760 --> 01:07:01.599
Or if I could just, you know, help them enough.
01:07:01.840 --> 01:07:05.760
And then they could like actually prove to everybody else that they weren't so bad.
01:07:06.000 --> 01:07:11.039
Or, you know, if lots of times that comes from like a bad relationship with their father or somebody, right?
01:07:11.119 --> 01:07:13.280
And then they're just like, oh, I can't do it.
01:07:14.079 --> 01:07:15.440
I'm a piece of shit, that kind of thing.
01:07:15.599 --> 01:07:16.639
And then you're like, no, you're not.
01:07:16.719 --> 01:07:18.320
And you're like in the background, yeah.
01:07:18.400 --> 01:07:19.360
I'm gonna be your cheerleader.
01:07:19.440 --> 01:07:19.519
Right.
01:07:19.599 --> 01:07:24.239
And you're like, I can help this person, and then they're gonna be great, and they're gonna show them.
01:07:24.480 --> 01:07:25.440
And then they don't.
01:07:25.599 --> 01:07:32.960
And then I think that so much of that for me was like the same thing that you do, which is I'm gonna show you, right?
01:07:33.039 --> 01:07:34.320
But you're you're doing it for them.
01:07:34.480 --> 01:07:36.400
You're like, I want you to feel that, right?
01:07:36.559 --> 01:07:39.519
Like, I want you to feel what it's like to prove that person wrong.
01:07:39.760 --> 01:07:46.800
But now, instead of me just like at one point, I was just like stretching myself thin.
01:07:46.880 --> 01:07:48.960
It was like everybody I needed to do, everybody.
01:07:49.119 --> 01:07:53.840
And then I realized that not everybody appreciated what I did.
01:07:55.039 --> 01:07:59.360
And most people expected me to do it.
01:07:59.440 --> 01:08:02.239
And I'm like, Can I take advantage of you?
01:08:02.400 --> 01:08:02.880
Yes.
01:08:03.199 --> 01:08:13.039
So I have dialed that back, and I have a small group of friends that I maintain, and I will do things for them if they want it.
01:08:13.199 --> 01:08:15.599
I won't, you know, go, oh, here, let me do that.
01:08:16.319 --> 01:08:22.399
And I have learned that some people are in your life for a reason.
01:08:22.720 --> 01:08:25.119
Some people are only in your life for a season.
01:08:25.279 --> 01:08:31.199
They come and go, and there's a reason that they're there, but there's also a reason that they leave.
01:08:31.359 --> 01:08:34.960
And then some people are in your life in your life for life.
01:08:35.520 --> 01:08:35.840
Yeah.
01:08:36.079 --> 01:08:39.359
So some people will simply come and go, and it's just the way it is.
01:08:39.680 --> 01:08:41.760
Some people I think are a lesson.
01:08:42.000 --> 01:08:42.479
Yes.
01:08:42.800 --> 01:08:43.680
Oh god, yes.
01:08:43.920 --> 01:08:46.560
Yeah, I can think of a few of those.
01:08:47.199 --> 01:08:50.720
What is one thing that makes you emotional?
01:08:53.279 --> 01:08:57.760
Your big, big, tough army soldier of 33 years.
01:08:57.920 --> 01:09:00.720
You've had to somewhat disassociate.
01:09:01.039 --> 01:09:01.840
Oh god, yeah.
01:09:01.920 --> 01:09:08.479
Like right now with my mom, she's 95, she's on hospice, and I'm processing through that.
01:09:08.880 --> 01:09:28.000
But also, like I did rescue for a long, long time, and you see this helpless little animal, and it's like people have been mean to them, and they've just been awful and cruel, and it just breaks my heart.
01:09:28.880 --> 01:09:34.880
I mean, it just I just can't, you know.
01:09:35.920 --> 01:09:40.399
Is there something about that animal that you feel like you identify with?
01:09:43.680 --> 01:09:51.920
With kind of, but you know, it's like they're like I would get groups of kittens.
01:09:52.000 --> 01:09:54.560
I did dogs for a while, but then I now I do cats.
01:09:54.880 --> 01:09:58.960
But they're like all by themselves.
01:09:59.119 --> 01:10:03.680
And if somebody didn't take care of them, they were going to die.
01:10:04.000 --> 01:10:13.439
And I would get kittens days old, you know, and it was always a struggle and they didn't always make it.
01:10:13.840 --> 01:10:28.000
There's a three-week point where they would just fail your to thrive, and you know, you just you just held them and gave them the best ending you could, but it hurts and it breaks my heart every time.
01:10:28.399 --> 01:10:43.840
Why do you think that is because it's a life, it's a life that could be living, and you know, to show so much promise in being vibrant and alive, and then the next week you just fade.
01:10:47.119 --> 01:10:55.840
What do you think is like the number one thing that people misunderstand when it comes to our military?
01:10:56.079 --> 01:11:18.399
People still think that not smart people join the military, that they're grunts for a better term, and they follow orders without questioning them, and it's not true.
01:11:18.720 --> 01:11:21.840
We don't follow unlawful orders.
01:11:22.000 --> 01:11:22.880
We don't.
01:11:33.439 --> 01:11:34.000
Wow.
01:11:34.800 --> 01:11:42.720
And he was a specialist because he didn't want to be an officer, but he was smarter than anybody in the in the building.
01:11:43.840 --> 01:11:56.239
And I went in when the stereotype was when women joined in, they were either gay or trying to get pregnant.
01:11:58.239 --> 01:11:59.840
Yeah, it was neither one of those.
01:12:00.479 --> 01:12:04.239
I learned a lot about confidence in the in the military.
01:12:04.319 --> 01:12:09.279
I wasn't really confident as a child, which sounds weird, but I wasn't.
01:12:09.680 --> 01:12:17.520
And I started, I don't know, I just I just wasn't anything I felt like I needed, if that makes any sense.
01:12:17.840 --> 01:12:23.359
But being in the military and public speaking was awful.
01:12:23.600 --> 01:12:25.520
I hated public speaking.
01:12:25.840 --> 01:12:32.880
And I of course, when you're in the military, when you get to a certain rank, you have to speak to groups.
01:12:33.439 --> 01:12:42.479
And I was very grateful that one of my college professors um did a public speaking class.
01:12:42.560 --> 01:12:58.079
It was one of my electives, and I learned so much from him, you know, and I got to where I could walk into a room and without saying anything, I could command the room because of the way he did it.
01:12:58.319 --> 01:13:14.720
And I would teach classes in the military, and I would find a way to keep my students engaged, and I would have, of course, we all have those ones that are, you know, playing on their flow phones and this, that, and the other.
01:13:14.800 --> 01:13:17.760
And at this time they were blackberries because it was hilarious.
01:13:17.920 --> 01:13:19.279
I hate those things.
01:13:19.520 --> 01:13:29.760
And uh I wouldn't let them get away with it because this was my time, and I was instructing them, and they were gonna leave, and they were not gonna get the material.
01:13:30.000 --> 01:13:38.479
So I'd catch them on their phones or their blackberries, and I would just stop and I would call them out by name and go, Do you need to go outside and take a call?
01:13:40.880 --> 01:13:44.239
Put it by okay, now back to class.
01:13:46.239 --> 01:13:50.479
Talk to me about little not confident Annette.
01:13:52.479 --> 01:13:54.319
You know, I had a happy childhood.
01:13:54.479 --> 01:13:58.560
I don't remember having a bad childhood.
01:13:58.640 --> 01:14:03.680
I just I was a kid, I grew up, I walked to school every day with my brother.
01:14:05.039 --> 01:14:15.439
When when we when we first moved here, my I was disruptive in class because I was having a good time or something.
01:14:15.600 --> 01:14:17.359
My teacher put me out in the hall.
01:14:18.640 --> 01:14:22.880
And then you stood in the hall and you waited for the teacher to come out.
01:14:23.039 --> 01:14:27.840
Well, the teacher didn't come, teacher didn't come, and I was bored, so I went home.
01:14:28.880 --> 01:14:32.079
Teacher came to find me later, could not find me.
01:14:32.239 --> 01:14:41.359
Oh no, freaked out, and I had already walked home by then because I don't know if she forgot about me, I don't know.
01:14:41.840 --> 01:14:43.520
Which could have been, you know.
01:14:43.840 --> 01:14:45.359
But how sad.
01:14:45.760 --> 01:14:46.880
I know, it was sad.
01:14:47.279 --> 01:14:49.600
And I walked home, my mom goes, What are you doing here?
01:14:49.680 --> 01:14:54.319
And I told her, I said, Well, she put me out in the hall and she never came to get me, so I came home.
01:14:54.640 --> 01:14:57.920
Teacher called, she was freaking out.
01:14:58.239 --> 01:14:59.520
We can't find a net.
01:15:00.079 --> 01:15:02.079
My mom's like, she's home.
01:15:02.319 --> 01:15:03.520
How old are you?
01:15:03.840 --> 01:15:04.479
Six.
01:15:04.880 --> 01:15:06.319
Oh my gosh.
01:15:08.800 --> 01:15:11.840
I can't believe your mom didn't rip her eyeballs out of her head.
01:15:12.000 --> 01:15:12.399
I know.
01:15:12.640 --> 01:15:20.000
Well, you know, and she's well, but see, at that time it was like, but um she's like, yeah, she's here.
01:15:20.399 --> 01:15:22.399
She said you forgot about her.
01:15:23.840 --> 01:15:24.880
She was like, um.
01:15:28.960 --> 01:15:32.720
Oh no, no, no, no, which is interesting.
01:15:36.000 --> 01:15:37.199
You were six?
01:15:37.359 --> 01:15:38.000
Yeah.
01:15:38.880 --> 01:15:41.199
Do you think she actually forgot about you?
01:15:41.760 --> 01:15:42.319
I don't know.
01:15:42.399 --> 01:15:44.159
I stood out there for a long time.
01:15:44.800 --> 01:15:46.720
What do you remember like thinking?
01:15:46.880 --> 01:15:48.720
What made you make the decision to walk home?
01:15:48.960 --> 01:15:49.760
I was bored.
01:15:49.920 --> 01:15:50.560
You're just bored.
01:15:50.800 --> 01:15:51.359
I was bored.
01:15:51.600 --> 01:15:52.960
You forgot about me, I'm leaving.
01:15:53.119 --> 01:15:53.520
Yeah.
01:15:53.760 --> 01:15:56.800
No, I didn't think about opening the door and going, hey.
01:15:57.840 --> 01:15:59.520
You were like, screw this, I'm out.
01:15:59.680 --> 01:16:01.039
Yeah, screw this, I'm going home.
01:16:01.199 --> 01:16:10.880
And then, but what's great about that is like you grew up to literally be this woman that I will go ahead and coin as undeniable, unforgettable.
01:16:11.039 --> 01:16:13.039
I don't think too many people meet you and forget about it.
01:16:13.680 --> 01:16:17.279
Like maybe they don't remember your name, but they're not forgetting you.
01:16:17.439 --> 01:16:18.560
That's not gonna happen.
01:16:18.720 --> 01:16:23.439
Like you're like you leave an impression everywhere you go.
01:16:23.840 --> 01:16:27.840
Um and it's almost like nobody's gonna forget me.
01:16:28.000 --> 01:16:29.279
That'll never happen again.
01:16:29.760 --> 01:16:30.399
Watch this.
01:16:30.479 --> 01:16:35.600
I'm sure that that little secretary guy in the tent, the clerk at the tent doesn't forget you.
01:16:35.760 --> 01:16:36.560
Yeah, I'm sure.
01:16:36.720 --> 01:16:38.640
I'm sure that the sergeant remembered me.
01:16:38.800 --> 01:16:39.680
Yeah, I'm sure.
01:16:39.840 --> 01:16:45.359
And you've kind of that's kind of who you became was this person that nobody's gonna forget you, but you know.
01:16:45.520 --> 01:16:48.319
Well, no, I wasn't gonna let anybody walk over me either.
01:16:48.560 --> 01:16:50.479
Well, thanks so much for hanging out with me today.
01:16:51.039 --> 01:16:51.760
It was so much fun.
01:16:51.840 --> 01:16:52.640
Way more fun than I thought.
01:16:52.800 --> 01:16:53.199
Oh, well good.
01:16:53.359 --> 01:16:54.000
I was a little scared.
01:16:54.159 --> 01:16:54.479
Well, good.
01:16:54.560 --> 01:16:56.079
I'm glad that it wasn't too bad.
01:16:56.239 --> 01:16:57.439
It wasn't too bad.
01:16:57.680 --> 01:16:59.439
Thank you guys so much for tuning in.
01:16:59.600 --> 01:17:01.359
We will see you guys next time.