Everyday Obstacles: Worry | Season 4, Ep. 5

Holly:
00:00
I'll be on track and be faithful to the declarations that I've set for myself.



Holly:
00:07
And then maybe I don't get the results that I want or my body feels off, and my response to that is, well, why do I need to be so intentional with myself then? Like I just wanna throw it all away.



Dane:
00:23
I'm just gonna. Call it or cut it short, cheating yourself on either side, just a little. They're all versions of the same thing. It's avoiding the exact clue that you're doing it right.



Holly:
00:35
I think we all are gonna have days that we just don't feel that great.



Holly:
00:38
And I feel like it's those days that I am working all the other days for I.



Dane:
00:47
And if you're trying to cut a corner or throw in the towel, you're not doing it right. But if you're feeling desperately uncomfortable and feel the, the temptation to quit



Dane:
00:57
that's the clue that you're doing it right, and that's the feeling you're looking for.



Holly:
01:01
Like, it's the day that I don't feel my a hundred percent best that I'm actually putting all the work in for. But also just that my baseline is overall healthier and my mental, emotional, physical health is overall better



Dane:
01:19
This is where Holly's point's really helpful looking back over your body of work. You know, you can bear it because you, you bore it before.



Holly:
01:27
I do give 110%. But I'm not, a hundred percent in control and I need to release a little bit of that feeling. Just recognize that God's sovereign and that we put the work in for a bigger picture.



Dane:
01:42
Go from like, I wanna check the box to like. I'm, no, I'm looking for the thing. That's the point. If I can get to the thing and stay there just a little longer than I can bear now I've made a deposit, this vote for who I want to be in the future and I, I find that incredibly difficult and incredibly compelling and more available than we think and that exercise is worth your time. As humans we prefer the path of least resistance. We crave convenience, the payoff without the price. But when our lives revolve around comfort, it doesn't deliver. Living in perpetual comfort leaves us weak and asleep. This podcast is an invitation to flip that script, to choose the unlikely path, to get the life you really want through voluntary discomfort.



Dane:
02:30
This is Strong & Awake. I'm Dane Sanders.



Dane:
02:35
Mitch, do you know the strengths finder thing?



Mitch:
02:37
I am familiar, yes.



Dane:
02:39
That, that Clifton Marcus Buckingham deal. Yep. I love it so much. 'cause it, it tells you that you can avoid your weakness and just focus on your strengths and skip all the. The hard bits, but



Mitch:
02:52
Yep. And, and weaponize it against other people.



Dane:
02:55
Oh, it's so powerful.



Dane:
02:56
Right? It's really convenient. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So away from our cynicism because actually I think there's a tremendous boldness, but when you, if for those of you who are unfamiliar listening, you take this assessment and. It tells you what they call talent, what your talent themes are, your top five talent themes.



Dane:
03:11
And I think there's like, I don't know, 39 or something other options available, but they, they actually only tell you your top five. 'cause what they wanna do is have you not see your bottom stuff. 'cause they, they dissuade you from trying to improve your bad things and instead want you to just focus on your, what you're naturally gifted at and accentuate those.



Dane:
03:32
So that's their philosophy and that's what you do. And it's pretty compelling, but. In it. I have my five talent themes and I want, I want to tell you about my first two talents, my number one and number two talents, what I'm the best at of all of the things I'm good at. These are the two things I'm the best at.



Dane:
03:51
Can I tell you? Yeah, drum roll please. Okay, so there's two of them. They both start with a, the first is I am what they call an activator and an achiever. So what that means practically is I love to get started and I love to be done, but the middle bit is just agony, just agony. And another way to put it in our world is it's uncomfortable.



Dane:
04:19
The middle is the most uncomfortable for me, and I want to spend today's conversation. Especially given Holly's input, I wanna spend our conversation talking about the middle bit in case hypothetically, anyone at home can relate to my dilemma. Can you relate?



Mitch:
04:40
Oh, absolutely. I, I have similar, similar strengths in the sense where I love to talk, talk about the thing.



Mitch:
04:47
I love to ideate about the thing, yet the actual execution, that's the, that's the suffering, that's the, that's the hard part. Mm-hmm. And, and I think a lot, you know, obviously we have kind of innate strengths and tendencies, but then we also have these kind of external voices and sources, especially kind of in today's day and age that are telling us, like I.



Mitch:
05:11
Now faster, five minute abs like better. And so I'm curious to hear like, what are these other kind of influences, like we've got the external and the internal that are influencing this kind of impatience in us. Hmm.



Dane:
05:29
You know, one of the, it it's helpful to look through the StrengthsFinder lens for me at least. 'cause I, I have to ask myself like, what is it about starting and being done? That I crave so much. Like why is it's like sugar? Like why do I want that? And I think there's something about novelty or new that I think humans broadly are drawn to.



Dane:
05:55
I mean, new is one of the most powerful marketing messages in the world, brand new. And yet me in particular, I think I am particularly drawn to new and. And there's a, there's a embedded resistance in that, but there's all, but the upside is like, it just, it's yummy. It's it's shiny. It's it's fresh.



Dane:
06:15
It's, it's full of hope. Right. And then the done part for me, I think, and partly how I'm wired, is it means especially if done means that I've, that I've won somehow, or I, I completed it to victory it feels like. It feels good. It feels like a, a, a rush, or maybe it's a dopamine hit or something. I'm not sure in the hormonal or chemical hits I'm getting in those moments, but it, the, the resolve, the completion it, it can feel, I, I like closure.



Dane:
06:46
I like kind of putting a, putting a, a period at the end of the sentence. And I think that there's something that's not very, I don't, I don't get any of those kind of hits of new and fresh or complete and resolved in the middle. The middle is, is, it's agonizing like this. So this morning I was doing a workout with my buddy Taylor Holiday and man of discomfort, number one.



Dane:
07:12
And we were in his, in his garage working out and we're doing hollow holds. And for those who are unfamiliar hollow holds is basically you put your body in the shape of a banana where the, the bottom of the arc is the kind of your smaller your back and you keep your legs straight. One way and your arms straight up the other way and you're just kind of in that hollow hold and we're just doing these little 45 second, hold it in one spot, 15 second rest, and so on.



Dane:
07:39
And all I wanted to do was look at the clock. The whole time. Why? Because I'm just so desperate to be done. And I, I will say I'm not desperate to get started in those moments 'cause they're, 'cause I know it's coming, but there, there is just this sense of like, fatigue and no upside and no, it's just, it's just, you're in it.



Dane:
08:03
And it, it, it's really uncomfortable. And, and I would, you know, not everything feels like a hollow hold in the middle of your exercise, but it's a great name for an exercise 'cause it's hollow. Literally there's nothing there to kind of grab onto. And you, you, you have one job. Hold on. Like, just live in the tension that you can bear as much as you can bear it.



Dane:
08:31
And I. I think that's, that's it kind of, it offers some explanatory power, like if indeed it feels hollow and if indeed your only job is to hold on and you don't get any of the upside, none of the perks, none of the, the sugary, shiny bits or even the, the done, I guess, complete I win or whatever I've even experienced.



Dane:
08:53
You know, some games I've been playing where I'm like, I'm getting beat up and the inevitable iss happening, I'm gonna lose at whatever game I'm playing. And I just want those to end too sometimes, as opposed to kind of sitting in the, the, the pushing back bit. So that, that's what comes to mind for me is I, it, it's, it's a little like wilderness, barren, hollow and if you don't have a lot to hold onto in those things, apart from the discomforting tension.



Dane:
09:22
I can see why it's so motivating for people to just wanna throw the towel.



Dane:
09:27
Yeah. Yeah. When we're in that messy middle, like the things that come to mind is like, what do we want? We want like relief or we want Yeah, like results immediately. Yeah. Because I think oftentimes, like some advice that I think is, is sound at times is like encouragement to have this perspective.



Dane:
09:47
Like when you're in those moments, think about. What you're doing for your future self or who you're becoming or you know, the, the gains that you'll get from from this. And I think that's. Again, it can be resourceful, but I think it's like an incomplete solution because



Mitch:
10:04
I think people sniff that out. They're like, ah, that doesn't work. You know? Well, because it, it's true. Like, I think it, it works great when you're listening, talking about it on a podcast.



Dane:
10:14
Mm-hmm. But all we need to do is get into a hollow hold and do the podcast at the same time, and talking about it will be utter. This is, this is what the podcast will sound like.



Mitch:
10:22
Yeah.



Dane:
10:26
Like, but it's probably more honest. Mm-hmm. 'Cause 'cause it's only in retrospect or looking into the future that talking about it is helpful. And we, why do we do this podcast? Well, we, we, we want to do that, we wanna do that very thing. But when you're in the thick of it, it just doesn't, it's not compelling.



Dane:
10:44
It doesn't, you don't, that's not gonna help in a sense.



Mitch:
10:48
Mm-hmm.



Dane:
10:48
There's something else that's required, some other kind of something. And that's what we wanna talk about today is what is that something? How do you access that? Something that is, that does sustain us, holds us in, creates resilience and grit has that sense of like it's not so much cognitive as it's embodied.



Dane:
11:11
And, and when we do the thing, when we lock into that thing, there's a, not, not immediately, but there is, there is a, a, I've experienced this where you're in the middle of it and you're like, this is good. And the goodness of it is that I'm feeling the, the exact discomfort that, like, that's the, the wiring is when I'm feeling that thing. I know I'm doing it right. I was at physical therapy yesterday for a, I got a back leg thing going on and I was given, given this little clamshell thing, exercise where you're like laying on your side and you put the little stretchy thing but around your knees and you're just trying to, with your knee knees going like this or I guess opening them up.



Dane:
11:56
Yeah. For our audio listeners That's right. Audio. Exactly. Not very helpful when I'm just struggling the way, the point is, I was doing, I was doing the, the. Exercise one way, and my physical therapist came up and was like why don't you do this? And gave like a little tweak, like, push your hips in a little bit, keep your ankles together, whatever.



Dane:
12:16
And it, it went from like, oh, this is hard to like, oh, this is unbearable.



Mitch:
12:20
Sounds like physical therapy.



Dane:
12:22
Yeah. And yeah. Right. You know this for your brother and



Mitch:
12:24
my dad. Yeah. Pt.



Dane:
12:26
Oh, your dad. Sorry. Native brother. And, and anyways, but, but that's exactly what I, why am I paying money to go to physical therapy to get through the thing without the benefit?



Dane:
12:37
Well, the benefit, the clue that I'm getting, the benefit is the pain. And, and to avoid it is just, it's acting, it's pretending you're getting physical therapy. Mm-hmm. And I don't wanna be a pretender. I've been a pretender in too many categories my whole life and. I know how that feels. It feels gross on the other side of it to posture as opposed to actually do the work.



Dane:
13:04
Yeah. And the other side of it is having done the work, talk about gratifying, like when you know you're the real deal, you don't need anybody to tell you. You can be ignored, you can be discounted. It does. But when you know that you did the thing, you're, you, you've, you, you've embraced the work. I don't know that there's that much more gratifying in the world.



Dane:
13:26
Mm-hmm. Yeah, because when you're, go ahead. Go ahead. No, I was gonna say there's only, there's only only one way to get it, and that's to actually. Get the pain. What were you gonna say? Yeah.



Mitch:
13:36
Well I was just saying like, there, there are so many scenarios I can think of where I find myself in that situation where like, I'm technically checking a box, but I know I'm not actually wholeheartedly doing this thing.



Mitch:
13:48
Mm-hmm. You know, you're, you've got time in your calendar to accomplish a certain task and you sit there. Piddling away doing that thing, but you know, at the end of it, it like actually wasn't accomplished. But you're hoping that having sat there or having like technically done the thing, like you get some kind of reward, but no, that's not the case.



Mitch:
14:08
People sign up for, you know, classes at the gym or whatever and do the same thing. They kind of phone it in and then they're wondering why the universe hasn't smiled on them because they technically attended that class, but they're not seeing any results. It's like. The same kind of a thing. So, so before we do get to some of these, like what we can do, like what it takes to like be the real deal, like what are some of those, those things that we often do, those kind of flawed, imperfect solutions. Yeah. Maybe imperfect is the wrong word, but that, that would, would actually serve as signals that we're trying to get out of the thing, or, or we're running in the wrong direction.



Dane:
14:52
Yeah. Yeah. It's funny, I, I think it's the right question. So the stuff that we've tried, right? So there's a sense, and that kind of goes in a couple directions.



Dane:
15:00
One direction is I am, I'm in the thing, I'm in that hollow hold moment, right? And I'm going to and I'm really uncomfortable, meaning I'm doing it right. And because it's uncomfortable, I tell myself I must be doing it wrong. And I'll just, I'll, I'll like switch up the angle or I'll, I'll, I'll I'll start. Giving myself accommodations or I'll I'll, I'll maybe look at my buddy next to me doing a thing and they seem to be doing it better than me.



Dane:
15:36
And I'll, I'll I'll start telling myself stories like, well, what's the point? Or, the two directions I wanna talk about is like, we can, we can talk ourselves toward doing the thing or we can talk ourselves away from doing the thing. But in the, in the toward the thing, it could be a, it could be a false sense of it.



Dane:
16:01
Like if I am in the middle of a discomforting exercise and. It's really uncomfortable, and I'm just looking for a distraction from the thing, whether it's like looking at the clock or I am comparing myself to others or whatever. Like, I'm not in the thing in that moment. Every time I'm, I'm just kind of aware of it.



Dane:
16:21
There's, I'm, I'm drifting I away from it or but I might be thinking, well, I'm still doing something. I'm just doing it in a way that is, is, subtly distracted myself. And the other option, the other direction is just to quit. It's just be like, what's the point? I'm out. Throw the towel and, and I think we as humans try versions of that to different extremes all the time.



Dane:
16:43
We, we, we have this feeling of, I'm going closer to the tension, but in truth, I am, I am complaining I'm negative. I'm telling myself a story of how hard it is as opposed to the more true thing is just go well, whether it's hard or easy. If I'm in it, it's uncomfortable and my whole job is to just be in it.



Dane:
17:07
So what would it look like for me to not try to adjust my metaphorical position, to not look at the clock, to actually get into the discomfort, to actually become friends with this? This is the Courtney de Walter kind of approach. Like get to know it. Remodel the pain cave. Do get closer to the discomfort is, is not, complaining about it. It's just, it's, it's, it's acknowledging what it is and being in it. And then the opposite is like cynically going, gosh, what's the point? That person's way better than me. I'm not, I'm not making any progress. This is so dumb. I'm just gonna. Call it in or, or cut it short, like you know, you're doing a holler hold for 45 seconds and you, you press start and then you get into the hold and then you're anticipating the end and you end before it's complete.



Dane:
17:58
And cheating yourself on either side, just a little. They're all versions of the same thing. It's avoiding, it's, it's avoiding the exact clue that you're doing it right and. When you find that you're doing it right and it is very uncomfortable, there's, it's, it sounds so, I mean, you can hear me stumbling over my words.



Dane:
18:18
It to settle into that is the exercise. That's it. And if you're trying to tweak with it or t twirl with it, or look at somebody else or cut a corner or throw in the towel, you're not doing it right. But if you're feeling desperately uncomfortable and you, you feel the, the temptation to quit or the temptation to tweak.



Dane:
18:40
That's the clue that you're doing it right, and that's the feeling you're looking for.



Mitch:
18:46
And that's so, that's so counter my goodness. Like everything in kind of culture, society, even in our own kind of fight or flight wants to say, I. Get



Mitch:
18:57
out. Yeah. Fight or quit or flight, right? Yeah. Or freeze or, yeah, exactly.



Dane:
19:02
That's the whole point. And this is the executive function. This is gaining agency that's happening is, yes, of course you're, you want it to be done. Of course you want something new to happen. Your opinion actually has no relevance to your committed state release on it. Let it go. Yeah, and, and of course saying it is harder than doing it, saying it actually has nothing to do with doing it.



Dane:
19:28
You, you just know that you've done it when you settle in, and I, I know everyone listening has had moments like this where they've settled in, they've just given themselves to it. They've stopped playing little games in their mind or with their body, and they just go, no, I'm ac I'm actually looking for, I want more of the discomfort.



Dane:
19:47
They, they go from like, I wanna check the box to like. I'm, no, I'm looking for the thing. That's the point. If I can get to the thing and stay there just a little longer than I can bear that, that's the part where I go, okay, now I've made a deposit. Into the, just this kind of this vote for who I want to be in the future as James Clear talks about.



Dane:
20:08
And I, I find that incredibly difficult and incredibly compelling and more available than we think, especially. And, and this is where Holly's point's really helpful about like, kind of looking back over your body of work. You know, you can bear it because you, you bore it before. And now you're just, you're going to an another level of bearing it, and you don't, you don't have to overthink, like if I hit my limit or whatever, that now you're playing the games again, just get back to the thing, let it be what it's gonna be, and forget yourself a little bit.



Dane:
20:42
Forget your preferences, your opinions, your options be here. Now,



Mitch:
20:49
I think people have experienced this too. If they haven't chosen kind of voluntary discomfort, I think a lot of people get a glimpse into the benefits or necessity of that release piece when they're under it or when they're in a whirlwind.



Mitch:
21:03
Hmm. Like it's that moment when you like, almost like have to release in order to get through especially when kind of hardship is, is thrust upon you. Mm-hmm. And I think it's, it's, it's really easy. I. Like we're, we've been saying this whole time for people on the outside to say, oh, well just look back or Things will get better.



Mitch:
21:25
There's gonna be so much, you know, there's a silver lining in this moment. And that perspective can be resourceful, like we're saying with Holly. But what, what I. There, there's something really particular that we were talking about right before we hit record, and it's about kind of like flipping the script script on this kind of perspective that people are often advocating for when talking about patience, when talking about delayed gratification.



Mitch:
21:51
And I want to spend the last part of this podcast focusing on what we've been kind of hinting at this whole time. Mm-hmm. Of. Like the presence. Yeah. And how important that is and what that, what that actually looks like. And I think you have even had a metaphor that we were talking about before I hit, before.



Dane:
22:08
I have two. I have two metaphors. I have two.



Mitch:
22:09
Great. Even better.



Dane:
22:11
Yeah. And, but I think they're the same thing. And the first one I think is accessible, more accessible than the second. But I, I take that back. The second one is so accessible. It might be too painful to lead with, so, we'll, we'll set that up for just a second.



Dane:
22:23
So the first one we'll go to my favorite metaphor of all time, which is of course pickleball. And and for those who've been active listeners to the show, they know I've been working on my game for the last year. And, and I'm, I'm, I'm way better at the game than I used to be. Tell my, ask my friends, they'll tell you.



Dane:
22:41
But one of the most significant breakthroughs in my, my skill as a pickleball player is if you come back to wanting to start and wanting to finish, I love the game. It's just fun to play. I love starting a new game. Zero, zero 0 0 2. If you know the game, you know, you start in the second serve.



Dane:
22:57
I go and and off you go. And, but what's amazing is I say I love the game, but there's this, there's this feeling that I, I really love this hit. I love when I win 11, whatever. And I, it's odd to me that I play a game that I want to end. Like, why, why is that so important? This, and quick nod. By the way, if you've ever listened to past episodes, go listen to the Infinite Game episode.



Dane:
23:23
I think could be really helpful in our anchor series. We'll link it



Dane:
23:26
in the show notes.



Dane:
23:27
Yeah, I, yeah, it's helpful here. But the, the point here is the more I thought about how I wanted to win games, I actually was stalling my progress in expanding my skills as a pickleball player. I actually won fewer games when I focused on wanting to win the game.



Dane:
23:44
I would, and this comes up all the time in sport, right? Like we all recently, if, if, depending when this was recorded Roy McElroy won the the Masters to complete the grand Slam of his career. Took him a long time, over a decade of tries to finish this final kind of tournament. We even have a fun little connection to Rory through the men and women of Discomfort community, where one of our members is really good friends with Rory's advisor, his psychological advisor, to help him not like fall apart in the, in the clutch.



Dane:
24:15
'Cause he had had a history of that, of kind of being really close but not getting the job done. And and the guy's world class like. Kind of Mount Rushmore of golf. And so we're all susceptible to this tension of, of choking, of one of, of of just. Giving up the hold on. The thing that we're in for something like some anticipation of the future or fear or whatever, it's, and I, I do that all the time in Pickle.



Dane:
24:43
So I get close to the end and I lose games. I lose can, I'm like, what? I get a little tight and like, what is that deal? What is choking really about? And another link we might wanna add is Steve Magnus' winning the inside game because he talks a lot about this. But, but this idea of like slowing the train down to get, so, to not think in terms of trying to win a game, but being really fixated on points.



Dane:
25:06
It's just the point. And if the point is won, I can't wait to get to the next point. 'cause if you won it, good for you. If the point is lost, you might be upset about it. Have a moment, release on it, get back to the game. You don't try to be famous for winning games. Be famous for winning points. Like how, what's the smallest kind of thing you can be in where you just, you hold the tension of the game, you hold the tension of that point.



Dane:
25:32
'cause turns out that's all there are are points. And if you could actually forget the score of games entirely and focus exclusively on being someone who is so locked in on every single point. So if you did well on the last point, it has no impact. On this point, if you'd horribly in the last one. It has no impact on this point.



Dane:
25:52
It's just you get to do it again. You get to do it again. And I have found it's, it's revolutionized it. Like if I could somehow in a severance kind of way, flick a switch and not know the score of any game or, or who's won how many games, I bet you on aggregate I would win way more games. Way more games, i'd get, I'd actually get the satisfaction of the 11th point, but I would really get the satisfaction of being in every single point. So that's the first metaphor. And I hope that's helpful for some. But the second one is actually harder. And this one is not about working out in a hollow hold or doing another physical workout or eating differently or whatever.



Dane:
26:36
It's relational. And I want folks at home to think about being with someone. Who just bugs the crap outta them personality wise. Maybe you have a history, maybe there's something going, like there's, there's just something like you, you hear you, like, you have a meeting coming up and that person's on the on the invite list, and you're like, Ugh, okay, here we go.



Dane:
26:59
And the temptation, you can hear it in it right, is like, how quickly can this meeting be done? I would just like to be done. I don't wanna be part of this anymore. And what I want you to imagine is being present to that person, to the point of try. It's empathy. It's trying to understand what is, what is life like through the eyes of this person.



Dane:
27:23
How can I see them? As a person, not as an object, not as a, an irritant, not as a thing that I'm just trying to get past. And I, I say this confessionally, right? Like I, I am, I'm that guy. I can totally judgey other people. I know people judge me too, but this is different. I'm way, I'm way more, I'm the worst of sinners in this category in my view, and, and one of the greatest practices I can have.



Dane:
27:47
Is to embrace that relational discomfort. And what I've been amazed by is not only do how I benefit from that, like I grow in patience, I grow in character, I grow in empathy, I grow like, but what I, I've radically underestimated is how much of a gift it is for the other. It's actually not about me. If I can stop concerning myself.



Dane:
28:15
With wanting to be done in a relationship to have them deleted, from my view and onto the next, it has an impact on the other in such a way where they feel seen, they're, they've been, someone's been present to them. I actually think it has something to do with the hope of humanity that, that this kind of practice, if we all did it, would actually.



Dane:
28:44
Change things socially. Now we're, forget self-op optimization. This is now about relational work that actually the other is redeemed in a way that is good for you and good for them. And, and like peace on earth kind of stuff starts happening. Peace that wouldn't have been there unless somebody was willing to do the work, to hold into the tension, to not having the game be done, but for the game to perpetuate and, and that exercise is worth your time.



Dane:
29:14
It's worth your time. It's worth sitting with the one that's hard. And I have a hunch for some of you, at least if you're like me, some of those people are actually some of the people that you say you love the most. But in the right conditions, it's just really hard to do. It's really painful, but it's exactly what the doctor's ordering.



Dane:
29:32
If you wanna see the, the, the stuff that can only come from that kind of patients.



Mitch:
29:42
Bringing it full circle with the, the doctors and PT and holding that, holding that tension. It's so true and I think, you know, I grew up in Hawaii and went to a really small school and was in a really small town and there was so much benefit to almost being like forced to be in that small. Community where I don't have the luxury of all of this variety, all of this optionality.



Mitch:
30:08
Like you're, it's the gift of being forced to be with people that you wouldn't otherwise be with. To learn how to be friends with, to learn how to sit in, to learn how to like, make the most out of some of these limited resources and opportunities. Mm. And I think that's something that I often find myself craving at times because like, we live in this world where.



Mitch:
30:31
You know, the world's your oyster. You can have whatever you want. And one of the, the reason I bring this up is because this tension that I got to experience by happenstance of this community, of like being committed to a common thing and figuring it out even though it's uncomfortable, like is what I get to experience in our community at.



Mitch:
30:53
It's like there are lots of people with whom I get to. Rub shoulders with and persevere with who I normally wouldn't. Or maybe I might, you know, dismiss 'cause they feel incompatible with my personality or something. But even those like relationally not to mention the very kind of practices that we're enrolled in and, and committing to and putting ourselves on the hook for are practices in this, this kind of patience and this this kind of macro discipline that has been.



Mitch:
31:27
Just such a gift. Hard but a gift in this season. So thank you for co-founding it and starting it and inviting me and many others into it. And do you have a, an invitation for, for the listeners, whether it's becoming a part of this community or even what they can do right now in the present, in their day to day life?



Dane:
31:50
Sure, yeah. Yeah. I mean, big picture friends, if you've been listening for a while and you haven't applied. Come on, let's go m one.io/apply. This is moving toward the thing that I think you might want, so go, go do that now. But that, what I wanna leave people with that is actually a very, a very simple word that I think I.



Dane:
32:10
It's practically relevant to what everything we've talked about today. And and the word is shush. And it's probably in our community we have a thing called Tuesday Tips. So Monday, new Habits Tuesday tips. Wednesday anchors Thursday Truths Friday fests ups Saturday Challenge, rest on Sunday. And on Tuesdays.



Dane:
32:27
Tuesday tips, one of our teaser tips that comes in periodically is this idea of shush, shush, shush, and. For whatever reason that has stuck with me. Like it, and where it came from was my, I was taking a cold shower and I was making sounds and my wife was in the other room going like, what is going on in the bathroom?



Dane:
32:47
And I was saying, shush, shush, shush to myself. And it's, to her, it sounded like I was like, breathing weird and just trying to get whatever, like yelling or, but I was like, what I was actually doing was executive functioning front of my body telling. Front of my head, my brain, the telling my amygdala to be quiet, telling my amygdala to, to pipe down.



Dane:
33:12
It's not the boss and that, I think that's the primary biological driver here is this part of us lights up and it's the flight or fight. It's the fear, it's the self-preservation it like, and for me to tell it, look, I'm fine. Shush, shush, shush. Stay in the hollow hold, get in the right position that's uncomfortable.



Dane:
33:38
Be with the person that's in front of you. Shush, shush, shush, and see if you don't grow in your capacity to be present everywhere you go. And, and I, I have a hunch, those who, who are brave enough to experiment with, shushing those parts of themselves that are not serving you. Tell 'em whose boss and see if you aren't grateful for doing it.



Mitch:
34:04
Well, on that note, we're gonna shush and tune out here. Thanks Dane.