WEBVTT
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This is another episode of Stand Up Comedy, your host and MC, celebrating 40 plus years on the fringe of show business.
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Stories, interviews, and comedy sets from the famous and not so famous.
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Here's your host and MC, Scott Edwards.
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Hi, thanks for joining this week's show.
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I've put together another great series of comedy entertainers coming up to you as opening act, feature act, and headliner, much like you would experience at a professional comedy club.
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This show is going to feature headliner Jerry Seinfeld, who you've all heard of, who is a regular at my club, Laughs Unlimited.
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The featured act is Ed Solomon, very special guy.
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I'll tell you more about him later.
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And our first act for this week's show features a very talented young comic who used to hang around the club a lot back in the 80s.
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He uh started in Sacramento, ended up working out of San Francisco a lot, and now is a very talented musician out of Los Angeles, California.
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We really liked him as a great guy and a very funny guy.
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Please enjoy the set from Chris Hobbs.
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Please, a nice big round of applause.
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Our first entertainer this afternoon with one of the House MCs with Lance Unlimited in Old Sacramento.
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A local favorite.
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A big round of applause, Mr.
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Chris Hobbs, right here at Christmas.
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You look like a good group.
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You do.
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But I noticed there's a lot of studs that I look around and you're seeing the guys with their shirts on.
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I see you guys.
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I mean, I mean, it looks good and everything.
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It's just I can't do it myself.
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Like, it's not that I'm fat.
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It's just that I've got like this really skinny body and then like the belly, you know.
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And when I try to cover up, you may have seen me earlier.
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I was a guy wearing like a speedo and a cumber bun.
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Yeah.
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I know he looks like a good guy.
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I'm not I mean anyone from downtown for the downtown area.
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Anyone from downtown area?
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I have to admit it's kind of scary uh because there's a lot of gangs and stuff, and uh I have to tell you, I'm afraid of gangs.
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I am.
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I'm afraid of the uh the Crips gang, and I'm afraid of the Blessed gang.
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You know, but then again, I'm even afraid of the Roseville gang, so I've always been afraid of stuff my entire life.
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I can remember being 16 years old trying to get into an R-rated movie, and my heart would just be pumping like this, you know.
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And I turned 20, and I was trying to buy beer, and I was just really freaking out.
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I mean, what's gonna happen when I'm only 59?
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I'm trying to get that senior citizen special at Denny's, you know.
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A lot of people say the reason I'm like this is because of the fact that, well, I was kind of raised in an overprotective environment.
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Well, I was raised by old people.
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Um not like a whole village of old people, just like two.
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And it was really boring, especially when my grandma's friends would come over.
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Because every time my grandma's friends come over, it's like the same conversation every time.
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You know, it's like, my Chris, are you grown?
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Boy, you're handsome.
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I tell you, if I was 30 years younger.
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They're always so honest and sincere.
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I feel like I'd have to be honest and sincere back.
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It's kind of like, gee, Mabel, you sure have kind of shriveled up.
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But you're still really pretty, I tell you.
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If I was about a hundred years older, my grandma's a sweetheart.
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She related to the fact last week was her birthday.
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I saved all the money I made in comedy so far, and I got her a blue velour shirt.
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She was so excited that she walked around the house all day going, Dark blue! Light blue! I got so excited, I like ran up to her hair and went, dark blue, light blue, dark blue.
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My grandma is a Sware, she's originally from Germany, and then why she traveled.
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I mean, she's originally Germany people over to America, because it's kind of an interesting story.
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But if you know any older German people, I know there's some older people.
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Is there any older German people here?
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Don't be afraid.
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No, the thing about older German people, they all have this strong German attitude.
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They think they know everything.
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My grandma, 70-year-old German, like she even thinks she knows about baseball?
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She knows nothing about baseball.
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I can hear her last weekend, and we'll listen to the baseball game in the room.
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Once I hear is and like ten seconds later.
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It's like, grandpa, you better go in there and explain instant replay again.
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Anyway, you guys like music?
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I brought a guitar.
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Would you like to hear a song?
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Scott Edwards, he handed me my guitar.
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I think that's a beautiful thing.
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How about a big round of applause for Mr.
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Scott Edwards?
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Just get it out of your system right now, all those John Denver comparisons.
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Just get it out of your system right now.
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This is a little song I wrote, and I hope you enjoy it.
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It's uh I wanted to write a song that was meaningful, something that meant a lot to me, and hopefully to you.
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It's a song I wrote, and I call it the Carl's Jr.
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song.
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When I was a teen hung out at the skating ring, I'm a mummy.
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What will I be?
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You're gonna be a cost junior booty slipper.
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I have your brown shoes.
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I even make a bed, you're gonna wear a head and always be a look.
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Just don't stop acting like you can do anything.
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You can do anything when you can't even get a job at Burger, Burger, Burger, Burger King.
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Thanks on I've been Chris.
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Enjoy the rest of the show.
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I even done Mr.
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Chris Hum.
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Oh my hands Dr.
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Tomato, let's do it.
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Well, I hope you enjoyed that set from Chris.
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He was a very funny guy and did a lot of work for us as both an MC and an opening act, and uh he's moved on and is doing music now in Southern California, but it was great to uh be able to showcase his comedy from back in the eighties.
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We have a very special featured act for you on this week's show.
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Originally from Los Angeles, he now lives in Laguna Beach, same general area, is a very talented young writer.
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Back in the eighties, he was also doing some stand-up comedy.
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And what's interesting is I would talk to him several times after the show and compliment him on his quality writing, but he was struggling with the performance.
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And I actually suggested to him, not that it had any bearing on his future, that he was a really good writer and maybe focused that way.
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Well, I'm sure I had nothing to do with it, but this gentleman did continue writing and has written such movies as Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.
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He was the writer for Men in Black.
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He also did a lot of the writing on Charlie's Angels, and in the late 80s was a regular head writer for the Gary Shanling show.
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Ladies and gentlemen, I think you'll enjoy hearing his comedy.
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Ed Solomon.
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Anyone get trivial pursuit?
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Oh, there's a good there's a good game.
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Like how come it's like every question you get is like uh like geography.
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What is the exact latitude and longitude of Bengal?
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And then like your opponent always gets questions like geography.
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What planet are we on?
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Oh man.
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Did everyone have Christmas dinner at home and all that stuff?
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Anyone have the same thing as like Thanksgiving dinner at home?
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It's always the same thing.
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Now, is it is it just me?
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I don't think so.
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I'm 24 now.
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When I go home for like Thanksgiving dinner and stuff, they still stick me at the kitty table.
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Do you know what I'm talking about?
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It's like the aluminum card table.
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Throw a sheet over it, like you put your elbow on it, everything like slides down to what and every year they tell you when you grow up, you move up from the kitty table to the adult table.
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When you grow up, yeah, that's bullshit.
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Okay.
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Let's face it, folks.
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The only way you move up from the kitty table to the adult table is if someone at the adult table dies.
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Dad but true.
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I'm sitting there going, Grandpa, boo! And my mom's there, my mom's drinking, like my you know people like this?
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Like she won't drink from the same glass someone else uses.
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But like she will French kiss the dog.
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Like, it's like I'd say, right, mom, while the dog was in the house using the water pick, okay.
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I I was outside eating dog shit, okay?
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So uh so we're at the table, we're at the dinner table, right?
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And and it like when I was a kid, it was like the the adults would drink like wine and champagne, and they'd give the kids sparkling cider.
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Did you ever hear sparkling cider?
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Like, this is supposed to think we're really drinking wine, right?
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Have like four or five glasses to go out and drive our big wheel off a cliff or something.
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Does anyone uh who drinks and drives here?
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Anyone?
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You do drinking and driving is a problem.
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Oh, I mean it's not a problem if you're drunk, because like if you're drunk, hell, you know you can drive.
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The problem comes with the person who has to basically convince you that you're too drunk to drive.
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You always end up with something like uh Dave.
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Dave, you're a little messed up right now.
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Maybe I should drive you home.
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Dave says, No, no, I'm fine, I'm fine.
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Just let me adjust the seat.
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Uh Dave, you're sitting on the fucking hood of the car right now.
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Uh I actually have a solution for the drunk driving problem that would eradicate it 100% from the freeway.
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And I don't know why they have an instigate iet.
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Why don't we simply do this?
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Why don't we simply put on the freeway a drunk lane?
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You know.
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Thank you.
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Sort of a padded lane, sort of shaped like this.
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Cars just kind of I'm gonna read you an honest to God question from the California driver's test, and I want you to tell me if you think this is not possibly one of the most difficult things you've you've ever seen.
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Question number one honest question.
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What does this sign mean?
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No right turn.
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A no right turn.
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B deer crossing.
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C turn left into the oncoming traffic.
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I I miss this one.
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Um I put none of the above.
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I was like Some of these are incredible.
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Like what do you think?
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Okay.
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Number two, pedest uh no, all right, that's three.
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Pedest two.
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Driving under the influence of any drug which makes you drive unsafely is a fun.
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B okay on weekends.
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But watch out for those roadblocks.
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And of course, C, okay, but you must be willing to share it with everyone on the freeway.
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Yeah, okay.
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Uh how about this one?
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Number three, pedestrians using guide dogs are carrying white canes.
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A.
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Should be ignored, they're just trying to attract attention.
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B should be considered armed and extremely dangerous.
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And of course, C, are blind, drive by and yell, how many fingers am I holding up?
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Well, Ed was a very funny guy.
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He uh may have been a little weak in the presentation part of the uh comedy set, but when it came to his writing, he was genius, as was proven by his many very successful movies coming in the late 80s and through the nineties, and continues today.
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He is still one of the most successful television and movie writers in Hollywood today.
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I hope you enjoyed his comedy.
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And now, coming up, our headliner, a gentleman that really doesn't need any introduction.
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He is world famous for his TV show, Seinfeld.
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That's right.
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Jerry Seinfeld was a regular at Laughs Unlimited for many years, and then he started his series in conjunction with Larry David.
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You may not know, but he was also the head writer and starred in the B movie, an animated piece that was really popular in the early 2000s.
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Now he's got a TV series on Netflix called Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee.
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I've had a chance to see many of the episodes, and Jerry continues to be one of the funniest men in the universe.
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Before we get to his comedy set, I wanted to share a little background information on my relationship with Jerry.
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We met through a mutual friend, George Wallace.
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Jerry had just come out from New York and was doing small guest appearances on TV shows, talk shows, and was a semi-regular on the TV show Benson.
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He was always very funny, clean, easy to work with, and one of the best late-night comedy guys in the business.
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But what really impressed me about Jerry was that after the first season of the Seinfeld Chronicles, later known as Seinfeld, he was really starting to take off, but he had to cancel the gig because of production.
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It was very special because many acts cancel for bigger events and shows, but they don't usually do makeups, and especially when hitting it so big.
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But not Jerry Seinfeld.
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After he had a hiatus on the first season of The Seinfeld Chronicles, Jerry gave me a call and said he owed me a weekend, and he came up and worked a special three-day weekend.
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It was really exciting for the club, the audience, and I really appreciated the effort on his part.
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He's a stand-up guy in many ways.
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What's great about Jerry is he has a natural ability to see funny things in our normal life and point out what's exceptional about it and what makes it funny.
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Anyway, we hope you enjoyed that little piece of background.
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Now let's hear some great stand-up comedy from the star of this week's show, Jerry Seinfeld.
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Thank you, thank you very much.
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Well, this is very exciting for me here in because I was just visiting my parents.
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They live in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.
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I just ran it here.
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I love my parents, I really do.
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I have a great time when I see them.
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I'll give you an idea of the kind of home I came from.
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In my house, in my mother's bathroom, on top of the toilet, there was an extra roll of toilet paper.
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And it had a little knit hat with a pom-pom on it.
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She didn't want people to see we had an extra roll of she didn't want them to see we had an extra hat.
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Of course, now I have my own apartment.
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My own toilet.
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I think you want those blue things.
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You also have to know about cleaning.
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You know, when I first moved into my problem when I didn't know anything about it.
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But I watched television, I got very heavy.
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Dirt, green, flood, grime, no problem now.
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But I'm not worried about it.
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Because grime always smells itself.
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You also have to know about apartment security.
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Locks and things.
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I'm not going to even get one of these locks that was called a police lock.
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Has anybody ever heard of this?
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It's like a uh it's a bar that actually braces in between the door and the floor of the apartment.
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And it's supposed to be like the best lock you can get.
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And it is very efficient.
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Because once the breaks into your apartment, this gives him something to beat you with.
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He's done sooner.
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You're home earlier.
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Everyone seems to think it's best.
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I tried plants.
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I couldn't really get it going with plants.
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Now, the best I could do is to get plants to die slowly.
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You know, I had a plant committed suicide on.
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Came home, I found him hanging from a macrame noose.
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Kicked out from underneath.
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He left me a little note, too.
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I hate you and your albums.
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But then when you go back to visit your parents, you have to readjust again.
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I had to buy pajamas.
00:17:52.559 --> 00:17:53.920
Pajamas are pretty funny clothes.
00:17:54.000 --> 00:17:55.440
Have you noticed how they style pajamas?
00:17:55.759 --> 00:17:56.720
They're very funny.
00:17:56.880 --> 00:18:00.400
They always make pajamas look like a tiny suit.
00:18:02.240 --> 00:18:03.920
They give you a little collar button down.
00:18:04.880 --> 00:18:05.599
Breast pocket.
00:18:05.759 --> 00:18:07.200
Now that is a useful item.
00:18:08.960 --> 00:18:11.599
Anybody using the breast pockets on your pajamas?
00:18:15.200 --> 00:18:18.480
You put a pen in there in the middle of the night, you kill yourself.
00:18:21.599 --> 00:18:30.240
The only problem I ever had with uh my mother, though, was she would she would disguise food on me when I was a kid, you know, to get me to eat things that she wants.
00:18:30.480 --> 00:18:31.119
Did you ever have this?
00:18:31.279 --> 00:18:32.240
I mean, it never works.
00:18:32.480 --> 00:18:34.559
Look, mom, I know it's lift.
00:18:35.279 --> 00:18:37.839
I don't know how you got it to look like Coco Puffs.
00:18:39.359 --> 00:18:41.440
You did some good work there, I'll give you that.
00:18:41.839 --> 00:18:42.960
But you didn't get past me.
00:18:43.200 --> 00:18:44.000
You've been very nice.
00:18:44.079 --> 00:18:44.319
Thank you.
00:18:44.400 --> 00:18:44.960
Good night.
00:18:46.960 --> 00:18:58.559
Jerry uh always was and continues to be one of the funniest men on the planet, and I'm sure you're aware of all his many credits and successes over the last several decades.
00:18:58.720 --> 00:19:10.960
But not only was he the star and head writer for Seinfeld and is currently doing comedians in cars getting coffee, but he continues to do stand-up comedy around the country and the world.
00:19:11.200 --> 00:19:18.160
In fact, he's still doing regular stand-up sets in concerts from coast to coast each and every month.
00:19:18.640 --> 00:19:19.599
So keep an eye out.
00:19:19.680 --> 00:19:22.400
Maybe Jerry Seinfeld will be at a theater near you soon.
00:19:23.279 --> 00:19:25.599
Well, thanks for listening to this week's podcast.
00:19:25.680 --> 00:19:31.599
We hope you enjoyed these last three comics Chris Hobbs, Ed Solomon, and Jerry Seinfeld.
00:19:31.839 --> 00:19:34.799
Please share this podcast with your family and friends.
00:19:35.039 --> 00:19:42.640
Check out our website, WW StandUp, your host and mc dot com for more information, another podcast.
00:19:42.880 --> 00:19:43.599
Thanks again.
00:19:43.759 --> 00:19:46.000
Be sure to share and rate.
00:19:46.559 --> 00:19:48.079
We'll see you next week.
00:19:48.400 --> 00:19:49.039
Bye.
00:19:50.319 --> 00:19:54.240
We hope you enjoyed this episode of Stand Up Comedy, your host and MC.
00:19:54.640 --> 00:20:05.279
For information on the show, merchandise, and our sponsors, or to send comments to Scott, visit our website at www.standupyourhost and mc dot com.
00:20:05.599 --> 00:20:09.680
Look for more episodes soon and enjoy the world of stand up comedy.
00:20:09.839 --> 00:20:12.240
Visit a comedy showroom near you.
00:00:04.160 --> 00:00:12.240
This is another episode of Stand Up Comedy, your host and MC, celebrating 40 plus years on the fringe of show business.
00:00:12.480 --> 00:00:17.679
Stories, interviews, and comedy sets from the famous and not so famous.
00:00:17.839 --> 00:00:21.519
Here's your host and MC, Scott Edwards.
00:00:22.960 --> 00:00:25.120
Hi, thanks for joining this week's show.
00:00:25.280 --> 00:00:38.000
I've put together another great series of comedy entertainers coming up to you as opening act, feature act, and headliner, much like you would experience at a professional comedy club.
00:00:38.240 --> 00:00:46.240
This show is going to feature headliner Jerry Seinfeld, who you've all heard of, who is a regular at my club, Laughs Unlimited.
00:00:46.399 --> 00:00:49.520
The featured act is Ed Solomon, very special guy.
00:00:49.600 --> 00:00:51.119
I'll tell you more about him later.
00:00:51.600 --> 00:00:58.960
And our first act for this week's show features a very talented young comic who used to hang around the club a lot back in the 80s.
00:00:59.200 --> 00:01:07.120
He uh started in Sacramento, ended up working out of San Francisco a lot, and now is a very talented musician out of Los Angeles, California.
00:01:07.359 --> 00:01:10.640
We really liked him as a great guy and a very funny guy.
00:01:10.879 --> 00:01:14.319
Please enjoy the set from Chris Hobbs.
00:01:14.719 --> 00:01:16.480
Please, a nice big round of applause.
00:01:16.640 --> 00:01:21.599
Our first entertainer this afternoon with one of the House MCs with Lance Unlimited in Old Sacramento.
00:01:22.000 --> 00:01:22.959
A local favorite.
00:01:23.120 --> 00:01:24.319
A big round of applause, Mr.
00:01:24.400 --> 00:01:26.319
Chris Hobbs, right here at Christmas.
00:01:34.719 --> 00:01:36.079
You look like a good group.
00:01:36.400 --> 00:01:36.959
You do.
00:01:37.200 --> 00:01:41.439
But I noticed there's a lot of studs that I look around and you're seeing the guys with their shirts on.
00:01:42.319 --> 00:01:43.359
I see you guys.
00:01:43.439 --> 00:01:45.599
I mean, I mean, it looks good and everything.
00:01:45.680 --> 00:01:47.680
It's just I can't do it myself.
00:01:47.840 --> 00:01:49.120
Like, it's not that I'm fat.
00:01:49.519 --> 00:01:53.519
It's just that I've got like this really skinny body and then like the belly, you know.
00:01:53.840 --> 00:01:56.000
And when I try to cover up, you may have seen me earlier.
00:01:56.079 --> 00:01:58.640
I was a guy wearing like a speedo and a cumber bun.
00:02:01.760 --> 00:02:02.319
Yeah.
00:02:02.560 --> 00:02:03.840
I know he looks like a good guy.
00:02:03.920 --> 00:02:06.319
I'm not I mean anyone from downtown for the downtown area.
00:02:06.560 --> 00:02:07.599
Anyone from downtown area?
00:02:09.280 --> 00:02:15.840
I have to admit it's kind of scary uh because there's a lot of gangs and stuff, and uh I have to tell you, I'm afraid of gangs.
00:02:15.919 --> 00:02:16.240
I am.
00:02:16.400 --> 00:02:20.400
I'm afraid of the uh the Crips gang, and I'm afraid of the Blessed gang.
00:02:20.560 --> 00:02:27.680
You know, but then again, I'm even afraid of the Roseville gang, so I've always been afraid of stuff my entire life.
00:02:27.919 --> 00:02:33.280
I can remember being 16 years old trying to get into an R-rated movie, and my heart would just be pumping like this, you know.
00:02:33.599 --> 00:02:37.680
And I turned 20, and I was trying to buy beer, and I was just really freaking out.
00:02:37.840 --> 00:02:39.840
I mean, what's gonna happen when I'm only 59?
00:02:39.919 --> 00:02:43.199
I'm trying to get that senior citizen special at Denny's, you know.
00:02:46.159 --> 00:02:50.960
A lot of people say the reason I'm like this is because of the fact that, well, I was kind of raised in an overprotective environment.
00:02:51.120 --> 00:02:52.879
Well, I was raised by old people.
00:02:53.120 --> 00:02:56.560
Um not like a whole village of old people, just like two.
00:02:56.879 --> 00:02:59.919
And it was really boring, especially when my grandma's friends would come over.
00:03:00.159 --> 00:03:03.919
Because every time my grandma's friends come over, it's like the same conversation every time.
00:03:04.000 --> 00:03:07.360
You know, it's like, my Chris, are you grown?
00:03:07.840 --> 00:03:09.439
Boy, you're handsome.
00:03:09.599 --> 00:03:12.080
I tell you, if I was 30 years younger.
00:03:12.479 --> 00:03:14.080
They're always so honest and sincere.
00:03:14.159 --> 00:03:16.159
I feel like I'd have to be honest and sincere back.
00:03:16.240 --> 00:03:20.319
It's kind of like, gee, Mabel, you sure have kind of shriveled up.
00:03:21.199 --> 00:03:23.039
But you're still really pretty, I tell you.
00:03:23.199 --> 00:03:28.800
If I was about a hundred years older, my grandma's a sweetheart.
00:03:28.960 --> 00:03:30.879
She related to the fact last week was her birthday.
00:03:31.039 --> 00:03:36.000
I saved all the money I made in comedy so far, and I got her a blue velour shirt.
00:03:37.039 --> 00:03:50.719
She was so excited that she walked around the house all day going, Dark blue! Light blue! I got so excited, I like ran up to her hair and went, dark blue, light blue, dark blue.
00:03:52.960 --> 00:03:57.280
My grandma is a Sware, she's originally from Germany, and then why she traveled.
00:03:57.439 --> 00:04:00.560
I mean, she's originally Germany people over to America, because it's kind of an interesting story.
00:04:00.639 --> 00:04:03.759
But if you know any older German people, I know there's some older people.
00:04:03.919 --> 00:04:05.599
Is there any older German people here?
00:04:06.400 --> 00:04:07.520
Don't be afraid.
00:04:08.000 --> 00:04:11.439
No, the thing about older German people, they all have this strong German attitude.
00:04:11.520 --> 00:04:12.800
They think they know everything.
00:04:13.039 --> 00:04:16.560
My grandma, 70-year-old German, like she even thinks she knows about baseball?
00:04:17.519 --> 00:04:18.720
She knows nothing about baseball.
00:04:18.800 --> 00:04:22.160
I can hear her last weekend, and we'll listen to the baseball game in the room.
00:04:22.240 --> 00:04:27.040
Once I hear is and like ten seconds later.
00:04:29.920 --> 00:04:33.439
It's like, grandpa, you better go in there and explain instant replay again.
00:04:35.040 --> 00:04:36.399
Anyway, you guys like music?
00:04:36.480 --> 00:04:37.120
I brought a guitar.
00:04:37.199 --> 00:04:38.399
Would you like to hear a song?
00:04:46.879 --> 00:04:48.720
Scott Edwards, he handed me my guitar.
00:04:48.800 --> 00:04:49.519
I think that's a beautiful thing.
00:04:49.600 --> 00:04:51.120
How about a big round of applause for Mr.
00:04:51.199 --> 00:04:52.319
Scott Edwards?
00:04:54.639 --> 00:04:57.839
Just get it out of your system right now, all those John Denver comparisons.
00:04:57.920 --> 00:05:00.240
Just get it out of your system right now.
00:05:03.920 --> 00:05:06.560
This is a little song I wrote, and I hope you enjoy it.
00:05:06.639 --> 00:05:11.120
It's uh I wanted to write a song that was meaningful, something that meant a lot to me, and hopefully to you.
00:05:11.199 --> 00:05:13.439
It's a song I wrote, and I call it the Carl's Jr.
00:05:13.600 --> 00:05:14.160
song.
00:05:21.920 --> 00:05:31.600
When I was a teen hung out at the skating ring, I'm a mummy.
00:05:34.160 --> 00:05:35.519
What will I be?
00:05:44.079 --> 00:05:47.439
You're gonna be a cost junior booty slipper.
00:05:47.759 --> 00:05:49.439
I have your brown shoes.
00:05:49.839 --> 00:05:56.639
I even make a bed, you're gonna wear a head and always be a look.
00:06:01.920 --> 00:06:06.480
Just don't stop acting like you can do anything.
00:06:06.639 --> 00:06:18.240
You can do anything when you can't even get a job at Burger, Burger, Burger, Burger King.
00:06:19.600 --> 00:06:20.800
Thanks on I've been Chris.
00:06:20.879 --> 00:06:22.160
Enjoy the rest of the show.
00:06:25.519 --> 00:06:26.879
I even done Mr.
00:06:26.959 --> 00:06:27.920
Chris Hum.
00:06:29.920 --> 00:06:31.199
Oh my hands Dr.
00:06:31.360 --> 00:06:32.879
Tomato, let's do it.
00:06:34.240 --> 00:06:36.800
Well, I hope you enjoyed that set from Chris.
00:06:37.040 --> 00:06:51.040
He was a very funny guy and did a lot of work for us as both an MC and an opening act, and uh he's moved on and is doing music now in Southern California, but it was great to uh be able to showcase his comedy from back in the eighties.
00:06:51.920 --> 00:06:55.680
We have a very special featured act for you on this week's show.
00:06:56.000 --> 00:07:04.000
Originally from Los Angeles, he now lives in Laguna Beach, same general area, is a very talented young writer.
00:07:04.240 --> 00:07:07.839
Back in the eighties, he was also doing some stand-up comedy.
00:07:08.000 --> 00:07:17.680
And what's interesting is I would talk to him several times after the show and compliment him on his quality writing, but he was struggling with the performance.
00:07:17.839 --> 00:07:25.759
And I actually suggested to him, not that it had any bearing on his future, that he was a really good writer and maybe focused that way.
00:07:26.000 --> 00:07:35.600
Well, I'm sure I had nothing to do with it, but this gentleman did continue writing and has written such movies as Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.
00:07:36.399 --> 00:07:38.879
He was the writer for Men in Black.
00:07:39.519 --> 00:07:47.519
He also did a lot of the writing on Charlie's Angels, and in the late 80s was a regular head writer for the Gary Shanling show.
00:07:48.079 --> 00:07:50.959
Ladies and gentlemen, I think you'll enjoy hearing his comedy.
00:07:51.439 --> 00:07:52.720
Ed Solomon.
00:07:53.839 --> 00:07:55.600
Anyone get trivial pursuit?
00:07:57.360 --> 00:07:58.800
Oh, there's a good there's a good game.
00:08:05.279 --> 00:08:10.560
Like how come it's like every question you get is like uh like geography.
00:08:10.720 --> 00:08:13.600
What is the exact latitude and longitude of Bengal?
00:08:14.800 --> 00:08:17.920
And then like your opponent always gets questions like geography.
00:08:18.079 --> 00:08:19.839
What planet are we on?
00:08:22.959 --> 00:08:23.759
Oh man.
00:08:24.079 --> 00:08:26.800
Did everyone have Christmas dinner at home and all that stuff?
00:08:27.920 --> 00:08:30.240
Anyone have the same thing as like Thanksgiving dinner at home?
00:08:30.319 --> 00:08:31.040
It's always the same thing.
00:08:31.279 --> 00:08:32.399
Now, is it is it just me?
00:08:32.480 --> 00:08:32.960
I don't think so.
00:08:33.039 --> 00:08:33.759
I'm 24 now.
00:08:33.840 --> 00:08:38.480
When I go home for like Thanksgiving dinner and stuff, they still stick me at the kitty table.
00:08:39.840 --> 00:08:40.720
Do you know what I'm talking about?
00:08:40.799 --> 00:08:42.159
It's like the aluminum card table.
00:08:43.600 --> 00:08:52.639
Throw a sheet over it, like you put your elbow on it, everything like slides down to what and every year they tell you when you grow up, you move up from the kitty table to the adult table.
00:08:52.799 --> 00:08:54.399
When you grow up, yeah, that's bullshit.
00:08:54.559 --> 00:08:54.879
Okay.
00:08:55.600 --> 00:08:56.559
Let's face it, folks.
00:08:56.639 --> 00:09:01.519
The only way you move up from the kitty table to the adult table is if someone at the adult table dies.
00:09:04.159 --> 00:09:04.879
Dad but true.
00:09:04.960 --> 00:09:15.200
I'm sitting there going, Grandpa, boo! And my mom's there, my mom's drinking, like my you know people like this?
00:09:15.519 --> 00:09:17.840
Like she won't drink from the same glass someone else uses.
00:09:17.919 --> 00:09:20.080
But like she will French kiss the dog.
00:09:20.399 --> 00:09:26.960
Like, it's like I'd say, right, mom, while the dog was in the house using the water pick, okay.
00:09:27.519 --> 00:09:30.000
I I was outside eating dog shit, okay?
00:09:33.840 --> 00:09:36.240
So uh so we're at the table, we're at the dinner table, right?
00:09:36.320 --> 00:09:43.600
And and it like when I was a kid, it was like the the adults would drink like wine and champagne, and they'd give the kids sparkling cider.
00:09:43.840 --> 00:09:45.039
Did you ever hear sparkling cider?
00:09:45.120 --> 00:09:47.039
Like, this is supposed to think we're really drinking wine, right?
00:09:47.200 --> 00:09:51.120
Have like four or five glasses to go out and drive our big wheel off a cliff or something.
00:09:54.720 --> 00:09:56.399
Does anyone uh who drinks and drives here?
00:09:56.559 --> 00:09:56.960
Anyone?
00:10:00.639 --> 00:10:05.600
You do drinking and driving is a problem.
00:10:05.759 --> 00:10:09.120
Oh, I mean it's not a problem if you're drunk, because like if you're drunk, hell, you know you can drive.
00:10:10.720 --> 00:10:13.840
The problem comes with the person who has to basically convince you that you're too drunk to drive.
00:10:13.919 --> 00:10:15.279
You always end up with something like uh Dave.
00:10:15.360 --> 00:10:16.559
Dave, you're a little messed up right now.
00:10:16.639 --> 00:10:17.519
Maybe I should drive you home.
00:10:17.759 --> 00:10:19.679
Dave says, No, no, I'm fine, I'm fine.
00:10:19.840 --> 00:10:21.039
Just let me adjust the seat.
00:10:21.759 --> 00:10:24.480
Uh Dave, you're sitting on the fucking hood of the car right now.
00:10:26.399 --> 00:10:32.799
Uh I actually have a solution for the drunk driving problem that would eradicate it 100% from the freeway.
00:10:32.960 --> 00:10:34.720
And I don't know why they have an instigate iet.
00:10:34.799 --> 00:10:35.759
Why don't we simply do this?
00:10:35.840 --> 00:10:39.519
Why don't we simply put on the freeway a drunk lane?
00:10:41.919 --> 00:10:42.399
You know.
00:10:43.360 --> 00:10:44.240
Thank you.
00:10:44.720 --> 00:10:48.639
Sort of a padded lane, sort of shaped like this.
00:10:50.960 --> 00:11:06.080
Cars just kind of I'm gonna read you an honest to God question from the California driver's test, and I want you to tell me if you think this is not possibly one of the most difficult things you've you've ever seen.
00:11:06.639 --> 00:11:08.320
Question number one honest question.
00:11:09.279 --> 00:11:12.080
What does this sign mean?
00:11:13.600 --> 00:11:15.519
No right turn.
00:11:19.840 --> 00:11:23.519
A no right turn.
00:11:27.039 --> 00:11:30.000
B deer crossing.
00:11:33.600 --> 00:11:37.600
C turn left into the oncoming traffic.
00:11:40.639 --> 00:11:41.919
I I miss this one.
00:11:42.080 --> 00:11:44.000
Um I put none of the above.
00:11:44.080 --> 00:11:46.000
I was like Some of these are incredible.
00:11:46.080 --> 00:11:46.639
Like what do you think?
00:11:46.799 --> 00:11:46.960
Okay.
00:11:47.120 --> 00:11:49.360
Number two, pedest uh no, all right, that's three.
00:11:49.440 --> 00:11:50.080
Pedest two.
00:11:50.480 --> 00:11:56.240
Driving under the influence of any drug which makes you drive unsafely is a fun.
00:12:00.879 --> 00:12:03.279
B okay on weekends.
00:12:04.080 --> 00:12:06.480
But watch out for those roadblocks.
00:12:06.879 --> 00:12:12.240
And of course, C, okay, but you must be willing to share it with everyone on the freeway.
00:12:14.320 --> 00:12:14.960
Yeah, okay.
00:12:15.120 --> 00:12:15.919
Uh how about this one?
00:12:16.000 --> 00:12:19.360
Number three, pedestrians using guide dogs are carrying white canes.
00:12:19.600 --> 00:12:19.840
A.
00:12:20.080 --> 00:12:23.120
Should be ignored, they're just trying to attract attention.
00:12:24.480 --> 00:12:27.759
B should be considered armed and extremely dangerous.
00:12:28.000 --> 00:12:32.480
And of course, C, are blind, drive by and yell, how many fingers am I holding up?
00:12:35.919 --> 00:12:38.080
Well, Ed was a very funny guy.
00:12:38.320 --> 00:12:53.600
He uh may have been a little weak in the presentation part of the uh comedy set, but when it came to his writing, he was genius, as was proven by his many very successful movies coming in the late 80s and through the nineties, and continues today.
00:12:53.840 --> 00:13:00.240
He is still one of the most successful television and movie writers in Hollywood today.
00:13:00.399 --> 00:13:02.080
I hope you enjoyed his comedy.
00:13:02.320 --> 00:13:06.639
And now, coming up, our headliner, a gentleman that really doesn't need any introduction.
00:13:06.879 --> 00:13:10.320
He is world famous for his TV show, Seinfeld.
00:13:10.559 --> 00:13:11.360
That's right.
00:13:11.679 --> 00:13:19.200
Jerry Seinfeld was a regular at Laughs Unlimited for many years, and then he started his series in conjunction with Larry David.
00:13:19.440 --> 00:13:27.759
You may not know, but he was also the head writer and starred in the B movie, an animated piece that was really popular in the early 2000s.
00:13:28.639 --> 00:13:34.799
Now he's got a TV series on Netflix called Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee.
00:13:35.039 --> 00:13:41.200
I've had a chance to see many of the episodes, and Jerry continues to be one of the funniest men in the universe.
00:13:41.919 --> 00:13:47.279
Before we get to his comedy set, I wanted to share a little background information on my relationship with Jerry.
00:13:47.759 --> 00:13:50.320
We met through a mutual friend, George Wallace.
00:13:50.639 --> 00:14:00.240
Jerry had just come out from New York and was doing small guest appearances on TV shows, talk shows, and was a semi-regular on the TV show Benson.
00:14:01.039 --> 00:14:07.679
He was always very funny, clean, easy to work with, and one of the best late-night comedy guys in the business.
00:14:08.559 --> 00:14:20.399
But what really impressed me about Jerry was that after the first season of the Seinfeld Chronicles, later known as Seinfeld, he was really starting to take off, but he had to cancel the gig because of production.
00:14:20.559 --> 00:14:28.080
It was very special because many acts cancel for bigger events and shows, but they don't usually do makeups, and especially when hitting it so big.
00:14:28.320 --> 00:14:30.159
But not Jerry Seinfeld.
00:14:30.720 --> 00:14:40.879
After he had a hiatus on the first season of The Seinfeld Chronicles, Jerry gave me a call and said he owed me a weekend, and he came up and worked a special three-day weekend.
00:14:41.440 --> 00:14:47.440
It was really exciting for the club, the audience, and I really appreciated the effort on his part.
00:14:47.519 --> 00:14:49.679
He's a stand-up guy in many ways.
00:14:49.919 --> 00:14:59.120
What's great about Jerry is he has a natural ability to see funny things in our normal life and point out what's exceptional about it and what makes it funny.
00:14:59.360 --> 00:15:02.240
Anyway, we hope you enjoyed that little piece of background.
00:15:02.320 --> 00:15:07.919
Now let's hear some great stand-up comedy from the star of this week's show, Jerry Seinfeld.
00:15:08.240 --> 00:15:10.000
Thank you, thank you very much.
00:15:10.240 --> 00:15:14.639
Well, this is very exciting for me here in because I was just visiting my parents.
00:15:14.879 --> 00:15:17.200
They live in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.
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I just ran it here.
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I love my parents, I really do.
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I have a great time when I see them.
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I'll give you an idea of the kind of home I came from.
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In my house, in my mother's bathroom, on top of the toilet, there was an extra roll of toilet paper.
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And it had a little knit hat with a pom-pom on it.
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She didn't want people to see we had an extra roll of she didn't want them to see we had an extra hat.
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Of course, now I have my own apartment.
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My own toilet.
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I think you want those blue things.
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You also have to know about cleaning.
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You know, when I first moved into my problem when I didn't know anything about it.
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But I watched television, I got very heavy.
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Dirt, green, flood, grime, no problem now.
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But I'm not worried about it.
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Because grime always smells itself.
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You also have to know about apartment security.
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Locks and things.
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I'm not going to even get one of these locks that was called a police lock.
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Has anybody ever heard of this?
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It's like a uh it's a bar that actually braces in between the door and the floor of the apartment.
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And it's supposed to be like the best lock you can get.
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And it is very efficient.
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Because once the breaks into your apartment, this gives him something to beat you with.
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He's done sooner.
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You're home earlier.
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Everyone seems to think it's best.
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I tried plants.
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I couldn't really get it going with plants.
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Now, the best I could do is to get plants to die slowly.
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You know, I had a plant committed suicide on.
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Came home, I found him hanging from a macrame noose.
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Kicked out from underneath.
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He left me a little note, too.
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I hate you and your albums.
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But then when you go back to visit your parents, you have to readjust again.
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I had to buy pajamas.
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Pajamas are pretty funny clothes.
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Have you noticed how they style pajamas?
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They're very funny.
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They always make pajamas look like a tiny suit.
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They give you a little collar button down.
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Breast pocket.
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Now that is a useful item.
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Anybody using the breast pockets on your pajamas?
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You put a pen in there in the middle of the night, you kill yourself.
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The only problem I ever had with uh my mother, though, was she would she would disguise food on me when I was a kid, you know, to get me to eat things that she wants.
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Did you ever have this?
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I mean, it never works.
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Look, mom, I know it's lift.
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I don't know how you got it to look like Coco Puffs.
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You did some good work there, I'll give you that.
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But you didn't get past me.
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You've been very nice.
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Thank you.
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Good night.
00:18:46.960 --> 00:18:58.559
Jerry uh always was and continues to be one of the funniest men on the planet, and I'm sure you're aware of all his many credits and successes over the last several decades.
00:18:58.720 --> 00:19:10.960
But not only was he the star and head writer for Seinfeld and is currently doing comedians in cars getting coffee, but he continues to do stand-up comedy around the country and the world.
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In fact, he's still doing regular stand-up sets in concerts from coast to coast each and every month.
00:19:18.640 --> 00:19:19.599
So keep an eye out.
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Maybe Jerry Seinfeld will be at a theater near you soon.
00:19:23.279 --> 00:19:25.599
Well, thanks for listening to this week's podcast.
00:19:25.680 --> 00:19:31.599
We hope you enjoyed these last three comics Chris Hobbs, Ed Solomon, and Jerry Seinfeld.
00:19:31.839 --> 00:19:34.799
Please share this podcast with your family and friends.
00:19:35.039 --> 00:19:42.640
Check out our website, WW StandUp, your host and mc dot com for more information, another podcast.
00:19:42.880 --> 00:19:43.599
Thanks again.
00:19:43.759 --> 00:19:46.000
Be sure to share and rate.
00:19:46.559 --> 00:19:48.079
We'll see you next week.
00:19:48.400 --> 00:19:49.039
Bye.
00:19:50.319 --> 00:19:54.240
We hope you enjoyed this episode of Stand Up Comedy, your host and MC.
00:19:54.640 --> 00:20:05.279
For information on the show, merchandise, and our sponsors, or to send comments to Scott, visit our website at www.standupyourhost and mc dot com.
00:20:05.599 --> 00:20:09.680
Look for more episodes soon and enjoy the world of stand up comedy.
00:20:09.839 --> 00:20:12.240
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