Meg: Hello everybody, welcome back to Split. Sam and Make here. And today we're not gonna chat about something that is specifically twin related, but we are going to talk about something that we have dealt with as individuals and in some ways within our twin dynamic as well. And that's this kind of paradoxical idea of of living the of living life through a lens of of fear or a lens of love. And I think for a lot of us as humans, we really find it much easier to approach life through fear because because of how our nervous systems are wired and how desperate. Our nervous systems want to attempt to protect us. So we'll talk a little bit about how that showed up in our relationship as twined and kind of how it's showing up for us and specifically Sam as individuals these days. All right. So we'll just briefly talk about maybe how this showed up, this dynamic showed up in our twin relationship. And a lot of that actually was on my end. I I struggled a lot with some compulsive thought patterns when I was younger, and I still do, but I have some tools now that I can use to keep it a little bit more under control. And so As twins and being heavily compared all the time, I tended to become very critical of Sam. If there was something that she did that made me uncomfortable, or if if she moved a certain way or or or made specific moves in life that I didn't agree with. Even even subtle things like if I felt that she wasn't moving in an empowered way enough, I would become a little bit hypercritical. And but a lot of but all that was was was fear that I was being considered exactly the same. And there was nothing wrong with anything Sam was doing. But I became highly critical and judgmental because I was afraid that people would perceive me. in the not in the same light because they weren't even perceiving her the same way, but as as acting exactly the same as Sam.
samara: Yeah. I mean, I experienced that with you to a certain degree as well. Like I said, I think it was maybe a little bit more acute with you, but it was still something I definitely experienced as well. Yeah, just like if we weren't looking as polished as I wanted us to or
Meg: Mm-hmm.
samara: or I felt like you were being too over the top. I didn't necessarily want to be perceived
Meg: Yeah, which I could be definitely.
samara: that way. so I mean I definitely experienced that. That wasn't something that was that was removed from my experience. I just yeah, I think that maybe there was a little bit more of an extreme an extreme aspect to it. with you. But I will say that Like I do feel like that habit crossed into my other relationships as well, particularly my intimate relationships.
Meg: I think it's hard not to. I think when it comes to intimacy, there's something so vulnerable about it, right? Of being in a romantic relation, of attempting to develop an intimate relationship with someone. And so our first instinct is is to move from fear unless we've really started to to excavate some of those those thought patterns, the programming from when we were a child. Because to some extent we've all been taught that we are unworthy, whether it's from our parents, whether it's from classmates, whether it's just the message that society puts out for us through through the media.
samara: Yeah.
Meg: yeah.
samara: And yes, and like I always preach and it's it's funny because it's something I know consciously but not always something that I'm able to yet be completely mindful about in the moment in the moment of a conflict or but yeah, relationships are your mirrors, right? And like with us, what we're d we Talking about intimate relationships right now, but our relationship in a lot of ways is quite intimate. You and
Meg: Yes.
samara: me. And it was a very it is a very strong mirror. And of course, intimate relationships become that as well. And so any places where you are holding on to fear, where you're holding on to wounds, where you're holding on to feelings of unworthiness, where you're holding on to feelings of unwantedness, of Negative self perception. Yeah, it it is going to come out in your relationship. The way that it's received within your relationship is going to depend on your partner and also, maybe the way that your projecting those feelings onto the other person. and it can be really challenging. Like the ego is persistent and tenacious and holds on for your dear life, especially I find when you are actively trying to make changes.
Meg: for sure. The ego does not want to die and it does not like change. Change is uncomfortable, and the ego loves to be comfortable. So making those those changes in yourself for us has been hard. I'm sure there are some people out there who who say it's easy. You know, we all have different experiences, but I I think that for most people. really creating a shift in yourself and the the lenses through which you perceive your reality is I think one of the one of the hardest things that you can you can do and pursue in your life. But it's also worth it.
samara: also one of the most yeah also one of the most powerful shifts you can make. And that's not to say that sometimes like you won't fall back a little bit and then keep moving forward. because I mean that's been my experience recently in this moment is I have been making really strong identity shifts. But as this is happening recently the ego has been really fighting to keep the old stories alive and to keep my nervous system in the state that it feels most comfortable in and it's yeah and it's been screaming at me and in the and in the midst of that like I'm not always making the best decisions. Where before like as I was improving and I'm still improving but again this is one of those moments where it's like the die off of certain identities. as I come to term with with wounds as I as I I s as I discover like specific wounds in me that I can now integrate. Yeah, there is this I this I think this really loud die off period and and those can create really big moments of self sabotage too if you're not careful.
Meg: Mm-hmm.
samara: And I know that sometimes I'm not careful enough.
Meg: I think that this is really I think this is just part of the journey, right? Like if for any tarot lovers out there, I think this is just a tower moment, right? Is it's it's the chaos, the storm before before the
samara: For the star.
Meg: light kind of breaks through, right? And and I think that it's part of this journey. And we all have the big journeys and we have the little journeys, and this is you know. This is you're just kind of making your way through a hundred
samara: Micro tower moments and macro tower mo yeah.
Meg: percent. Yeah. So It's just part of the path, of the journey. You you know, we're human. You're always gonna have those moments where you feel like you could have done something different, where you feel like you could have responded better. But the key is to using those moments as as a lesson, something to learn from as opposed to To feeling shamed and
samara: Yeah.
Meg: less human or less worthy.
samara: Yes. Yes, for sure. yeah, so The last I would say three years for me, and part of like why this topic is coming up, the last three years for me have been like pretty momentous in terms of doing a lot of identity work. And again, this comes with good moments and it comes with really hard moments. Part of that shift and the reason that I did start consciously doing this work a little bit more actively. I mean, I've always like sometimes you need a catalyst, I've always been pretty spiritual. But I've also always sort of had a pretty peaceful, calm, not not overly eventful life. But I but yeah, but then I entered into a relationship. I moved countries. The relationship I'm in is like really loving, but there's also some turbulence because me and my partner have wounds that directly reflect each other. And so that can trigger a lot of conflict stuff. so I've been yeah, just actively working on my wounds and trying to discover like what those places that I didn't realize fully that I had before, like where those I guess quote unquote weak spots are. And one of the ones that I discovered like relatively recently or sort of that I consciously uncovered and I always think that I've like dug them all up, but then but then another one comes up is
Meg: Mm-hmm.
samara: like this wound around not being wanted. And I realize that that stems from childhood. And me always feeling like I had to apologize for my presence or I shouldn't take up space.
Meg: yeah, totally.
samara: and that leads me in my relationships I'm realizing now to put the burden of doing most of the work or the the initiation
Meg: The initiation of
samara: of any sort of even like affection or anything on the other person because if they're not doing it it means that they don't want me there which triggers that wound in me very strongly and I'm like realizing now how unfair that is, there's other wounds that I've discovered that have like sort of come out in this in different ways, but this one but this one, yeah, I'm I'm finding is like very prevalent and also quite destructive. in my relationships. And even though I'm conscious of it, it's still really hard to overcome the actions that the actions, but sort of yeah, those behavior patterns that it perpetuates
Meg: The reactions, yeah.
samara: that it perpetuates in me, how it shows up in my nervous system.
Meg: Mm-hmm.
samara: And I think that, you know, some of the expectations that come from it are fair. I want to be chased, I want to be adored, I want to be shown that I am prioritized but I think but I think that I can also provide that to the other person. And I think because of this wound, I don't, and I think that's been similar. reflecting on it in my other relationships, my previous relationships as well. and it doesn't necessarily show up the same way with Meg, because with Meg, it's like that relationship is a given. There's a certain form of safety and security within our relationship that doesn't necessarily
Meg: Yeah.
samara: automatically come with romantic relationships.
Meg: Right. And I know intuitively, like I know who you are, right? I and I know that your intent is always positive. And I think for some people who are who are perceiving you from different wounds, it duh it's it's not always that obvious for them.
samara: But I but but I it it it can be quite selfish on my part as well.
Meg: a hundred percent. And
samara: Yeah.
Meg: and we you know, we we know each other's faults. We know and we know each other's strengths, we know as as as far as you can know someone else, we know each other, right? And you can
samara: Yes.
Meg: never fully know someone. Everyone is always some extent because I do not exist in your head, I do not know all of the all of the thoughts, all of the fantasies, all of the the fears that you ruminate on or that come up for you at any given time. But
samara: Right.
Meg: I know you as much as I can know a person that is not me.
samara: Yeah.
Meg: And I know your heart, right?
samara: yeah. So do you feel like you share this wound?
Meg: I I do. and I am kind of the same in the same way in that I expect the approach to happen from the other person. I've worked on that as you have, and I'm getting better. And you know, my my own relationship does have does have its tumultuous moments. But what I'm really striving to come to terms with is this idea that nobody Can make me happy, right? I am the person who dictates my own happiness. And I can't put that on anyone. And that's hard, right? It's hard not to when you're in a relationship. it's kind of learning how to detach your your worthiness from how someone perceives you. And and know inherently that you are, that you are worthy of love, of everything that you want, and that, and that you will always be okay, that you will always be able to thrive regardless of of the hard moments. And it's still something I'm working on. And I think it will be a lifelong journey.
samara: Sony.
Meg: But
samara: Yeah. Yeah, I mean that's the work that I've been doing. That's the work that
Meg: You know I know.
samara: I've been doing too. and yeah, not allowing The yeah, another person to to dictate whether or not you experience joy or happiness, not letting their actions be the main driver behind that, finding it within yourself. yeah, but like I said, it's like as you're doing this identity shift and and and sort of finding that within yourself, like there can be some There can be some eruption. of old stuff that comes up that sort of tries to fight that. Because that level of liberation I think is scary to the ego mind.
Meg: Yes, it for sure is.
samara: And Yeah, it's funny because the like it's always working, acting to protect us, but a lot of ways it actually just s sabotages us more than anything.
Meg: Yeah, well I mean our nervous system is just an ancient relic, essentially, from
samara: Yeah.
Meg: like the days when we were when we were being chased around by predators and and you know existing fully in nature and having
samara: Yeah, but but I don't know.
Meg: to deal with all of that sh that that shit, that stuff. So
samara: I just wish that the nervous system didn't have to translate like that over to this kind of stuff where it
Meg: Yeah, yeah. It's not it it's not always our I mean it is our ally. Like it d it does work very vigilantly to keep us safe. But sometimes sometimes safe isn't where we need to be, right? In in
samara: Yeah.
Meg: terms of in terms of not being vulnerable in terms of you know, not doing the embarrassing thing or the scary thing. It can prevent us from really growing as people if we're not aware of it.
samara: Yeah, I mean for me like I I very much have this so when I so so just for the listeners when I think about what I believe the purpose of sort of life is what my belief is and not saying that it's correct or not saying it it's the only one but what I what feels right to me is is this idea that we are all divine consciousness existing in a body and the purpose is to remember our true essence. So for me that's purpose of life. So when I envision existence, it's made up of three parts. Existence as a human, simplistically it's made up of three parts the temple or the body, the mind and the spirit or your divine source the essence of you or if you wanna s use God self terminology you can do that but the part of you that's that's infinite and inevitable and unified with everything. And so we have these three parts. Now for me I I visualize it as a physical church. You have or a temple. You have the temple, you have the person who's responsible for being the bridge or the mediator between who's like the leader of the temple or the priest or the or the shaman or whatever you wanna call it. And then you have the actual divine presence within the temple. Now, for me, the ego mind is for me, the mind, the human mind is that. It's the bridge, it's the mediator. But just like in real life, that mediator can act mostly on behalf of itself and its fear of other people of of others gaining too much power or it's fear like just in general or can act from a space of divine love. So I look at it as the corrupt priest all the way to more of like a Christ consciousness. If you look at the way that Christ moved through the world trying to connect people to God in a way that was very based in Sort of love and recognizing that in yourself. The I think the mind can act anywhere along that spectrum. And a lot of us are much closer to the mind behaving like a corrupt priest who is just grabbing per for power and is afraid of. you getting too close to the other side because for whatever reason that's threatening to the ego mind. And so for me, this is what I really struggle with because I feel like my mind really fights me to stay closer to that end of the spectrum while I'm actively trying to grow towards the other side. But it is a battle. And yeah, it is a battle. It's a battle. And my nervous system struggles with that and so Is I guess what I'm trying to say is yeah, like It's a very human experience if you are feeling like I do a lot of the time where you're self-sabotaging even though you're you you have the best of intentions but your nervous system and where wherever your brain is taking you is is sabotaging you. and all we can do is is keep doing the work. I think that eventually we will find more or less liberation from that and the mind will eventually shift into one into a place that's more love based versus fear based or more of that Christ consciousness versus versus the the fear the corrupt mediator
Meg: Mm-hmm.
samara: space. but yes, fucking hard. It's it's fucking hard work. And this is coming from somebody who didn't even have a lot of what people would consider significant trauma growing up. So
Meg: Yeah, we had our own we had our own battles as kids, but we didn't deal with anything physical or anything like that. We had parents who tried to be the best they could. So this episode isn't really about having answers. It's just about kind of exploring this topic. And even though it's not really focused on on the twin experience, it is focused on on this idea of duality, of being split between the fear brain or the fear path and the the path of of love so just some some food for thought we kind of wanted to explore it together as sam n navigates maybe a hard a hard moment in her in her life in her relationship and I'm not sure if there's anything else that you want to say on the subject today Sam
samara: Not really. I don't know how I don't know r really like how helpful this was. It was sort of just a little bit of a rant ramble, but
Meg: philosophical expounding maybe from us without
samara: Yeah.
Meg: actually having any answers on on how to
samara: Yeah, I don't have any answers, just sort of reflection and maybe people can relate to feeling like this and
Meg: Yeah, and just know that you're not alone if this is something that you do experience. And it doesn't make you a bad or an unworthy person if if you do struggle, right? If
samara: Yeah.
Meg: if you do tend to lean into fear. awareness is the first step. And from there it's it's a long journey of of work to experience, I think, the freedom of. of knowing your your worth your worth in life, right? And not allowing anybody else to be in control of your happiness, of your joy, of your journey.
samara: Yeah.
Meg: Okay. Cool, Sam. Well, I hope that everybody out there is having a wonderful end to summer as we move towards the end of August here. And we are both wishing you all of the love, light, and magic. And we hope you have a great week. We'll talk to you again. Next time here on Split.
samara: sending you all the love and blessings. Bye.
Meg: Bye.
samara: Yeah. I mean, I experienced that with you to a certain degree as well. Like I said, I think it was maybe a little bit more acute with you, but it was still something I definitely experienced as well. Yeah, just like if we weren't looking as polished as I wanted us to or
Meg: Mm-hmm.
samara: or I felt like you were being too over the top. I didn't necessarily want to be perceived
Meg: Yeah, which I could be definitely.
samara: that way. so I mean I definitely experienced that. That wasn't something that was that was removed from my experience. I just yeah, I think that maybe there was a little bit more of an extreme an extreme aspect to it. with you. But I will say that Like I do feel like that habit crossed into my other relationships as well, particularly my intimate relationships.
Meg: I think it's hard not to. I think when it comes to intimacy, there's something so vulnerable about it, right? Of being in a romantic relation, of attempting to develop an intimate relationship with someone. And so our first instinct is is to move from fear unless we've really started to to excavate some of those those thought patterns, the programming from when we were a child. Because to some extent we've all been taught that we are unworthy, whether it's from our parents, whether it's from classmates, whether it's just the message that society puts out for us through through the media.
samara: Yeah.
Meg: yeah.
samara: And yes, and like I always preach and it's it's funny because it's something I know consciously but not always something that I'm able to yet be completely mindful about in the moment in the moment of a conflict or but yeah, relationships are your mirrors, right? And like with us, what we're d we Talking about intimate relationships right now, but our relationship in a lot of ways is quite intimate. You and
Meg: Yes.
samara: me. And it was a very it is a very strong mirror. And of course, intimate relationships become that as well. And so any places where you are holding on to fear, where you're holding on to wounds, where you're holding on to feelings of unworthiness, where you're holding on to feelings of unwantedness, of Negative self perception. Yeah, it it is going to come out in your relationship. The way that it's received within your relationship is going to depend on your partner and also, maybe the way that your projecting those feelings onto the other person. and it can be really challenging. Like the ego is persistent and tenacious and holds on for your dear life, especially I find when you are actively trying to make changes.
Meg: for sure. The ego does not want to die and it does not like change. Change is uncomfortable, and the ego loves to be comfortable. So making those those changes in yourself for us has been hard. I'm sure there are some people out there who who say it's easy. You know, we all have different experiences, but I I think that for most people. really creating a shift in yourself and the the lenses through which you perceive your reality is I think one of the one of the hardest things that you can you can do and pursue in your life. But it's also worth it.
samara: also one of the most yeah also one of the most powerful shifts you can make. And that's not to say that sometimes like you won't fall back a little bit and then keep moving forward. because I mean that's been my experience recently in this moment is I have been making really strong identity shifts. But as this is happening recently the ego has been really fighting to keep the old stories alive and to keep my nervous system in the state that it feels most comfortable in and it's yeah and it's been screaming at me and in the and in the midst of that like I'm not always making the best decisions. Where before like as I was improving and I'm still improving but again this is one of those moments where it's like the die off of certain identities. as I come to term with with wounds as I as I I s as I discover like specific wounds in me that I can now integrate. Yeah, there is this I this I think this really loud die off period and and those can create really big moments of self sabotage too if you're not careful.
Meg: Mm-hmm.
samara: And I know that sometimes I'm not careful enough.
Meg: I think that this is really I think this is just part of the journey, right? Like if for any tarot lovers out there, I think this is just a tower moment, right? Is it's it's the chaos, the storm before before the
samara: For the star.
Meg: light kind of breaks through, right? And and I think that it's part of this journey. And we all have the big journeys and we have the little journeys, and this is you know. This is you're just kind of making your way through a hundred
samara: Micro tower moments and macro tower mo yeah.
Meg: percent. Yeah. So It's just part of the path, of the journey. You you know, we're human. You're always gonna have those moments where you feel like you could have done something different, where you feel like you could have responded better. But the key is to using those moments as as a lesson, something to learn from as opposed to To feeling shamed and
samara: Yeah.
Meg: less human or less worthy.
samara: Yes. Yes, for sure. yeah, so The last I would say three years for me, and part of like why this topic is coming up, the last three years for me have been like pretty momentous in terms of doing a lot of identity work. And again, this comes with good moments and it comes with really hard moments. Part of that shift and the reason that I did start consciously doing this work a little bit more actively. I mean, I've always like sometimes you need a catalyst, I've always been pretty spiritual. But I've also always sort of had a pretty peaceful, calm, not not overly eventful life. But I but yeah, but then I entered into a relationship. I moved countries. The relationship I'm in is like really loving, but there's also some turbulence because me and my partner have wounds that directly reflect each other. And so that can trigger a lot of conflict stuff. so I've been yeah, just actively working on my wounds and trying to discover like what those places that I didn't realize fully that I had before, like where those I guess quote unquote weak spots are. And one of the ones that I discovered like relatively recently or sort of that I consciously uncovered and I always think that I've like dug them all up, but then but then another one comes up is
Meg: Mm-hmm.
samara: like this wound around not being wanted. And I realize that that stems from childhood. And me always feeling like I had to apologize for my presence or I shouldn't take up space.
Meg: yeah, totally.
samara: and that leads me in my relationships I'm realizing now to put the burden of doing most of the work or the the initiation
Meg: The initiation of
samara: of any sort of even like affection or anything on the other person because if they're not doing it it means that they don't want me there which triggers that wound in me very strongly and I'm like realizing now how unfair that is, there's other wounds that I've discovered that have like sort of come out in this in different ways, but this one but this one, yeah, I'm I'm finding is like very prevalent and also quite destructive. in my relationships. And even though I'm conscious of it, it's still really hard to overcome the actions that the actions, but sort of yeah, those behavior patterns that it perpetuates
Meg: The reactions, yeah.
samara: that it perpetuates in me, how it shows up in my nervous system.
Meg: Mm-hmm.
samara: And I think that, you know, some of the expectations that come from it are fair. I want to be chased, I want to be adored, I want to be shown that I am prioritized but I think but I think that I can also provide that to the other person. And I think because of this wound, I don't, and I think that's been similar. reflecting on it in my other relationships, my previous relationships as well. and it doesn't necessarily show up the same way with Meg, because with Meg, it's like that relationship is a given. There's a certain form of safety and security within our relationship that doesn't necessarily
Meg: Yeah.
samara: automatically come with romantic relationships.
Meg: Right. And I know intuitively, like I know who you are, right? I and I know that your intent is always positive. And I think for some people who are who are perceiving you from different wounds, it duh it's it's not always that obvious for them.
samara: But I but but I it it it can be quite selfish on my part as well.
Meg: a hundred percent. And
samara: Yeah.
Meg: and we you know, we we know each other's faults. We know and we know each other's strengths, we know as as as far as you can know someone else, we know each other, right? And you can
samara: Yes.
Meg: never fully know someone. Everyone is always some extent because I do not exist in your head, I do not know all of the all of the thoughts, all of the fantasies, all of the the fears that you ruminate on or that come up for you at any given time. But
samara: Right.
Meg: I know you as much as I can know a person that is not me.
samara: Yeah.
Meg: And I know your heart, right?
samara: yeah. So do you feel like you share this wound?
Meg: I I do. and I am kind of the same in the same way in that I expect the approach to happen from the other person. I've worked on that as you have, and I'm getting better. And you know, my my own relationship does have does have its tumultuous moments. But what I'm really striving to come to terms with is this idea that nobody Can make me happy, right? I am the person who dictates my own happiness. And I can't put that on anyone. And that's hard, right? It's hard not to when you're in a relationship. it's kind of learning how to detach your your worthiness from how someone perceives you. And and know inherently that you are, that you are worthy of love, of everything that you want, and that, and that you will always be okay, that you will always be able to thrive regardless of of the hard moments. And it's still something I'm working on. And I think it will be a lifelong journey.
samara: Sony.
Meg: But
samara: Yeah. Yeah, I mean that's the work that I've been doing. That's the work that
Meg: You know I know.
samara: I've been doing too. and yeah, not allowing The yeah, another person to to dictate whether or not you experience joy or happiness, not letting their actions be the main driver behind that, finding it within yourself. yeah, but like I said, it's like as you're doing this identity shift and and and sort of finding that within yourself, like there can be some There can be some eruption. of old stuff that comes up that sort of tries to fight that. Because that level of liberation I think is scary to the ego mind.
Meg: Yes, it for sure is.
samara: And Yeah, it's funny because the like it's always working, acting to protect us, but a lot of ways it actually just s sabotages us more than anything.
Meg: Yeah, well I mean our nervous system is just an ancient relic, essentially, from
samara: Yeah.
Meg: like the days when we were when we were being chased around by predators and and you know existing fully in nature and having
samara: Yeah, but but I don't know.
Meg: to deal with all of that sh that that shit, that stuff. So
samara: I just wish that the nervous system didn't have to translate like that over to this kind of stuff where it
Meg: Yeah, yeah. It's not it it's not always our I mean it is our ally. Like it d it does work very vigilantly to keep us safe. But sometimes sometimes safe isn't where we need to be, right? In in
samara: Yeah.
Meg: terms of in terms of not being vulnerable in terms of you know, not doing the embarrassing thing or the scary thing. It can prevent us from really growing as people if we're not aware of it.
samara: Yeah, I mean for me like I I very much have this so when I so so just for the listeners when I think about what I believe the purpose of sort of life is what my belief is and not saying that it's correct or not saying it it's the only one but what I what feels right to me is is this idea that we are all divine consciousness existing in a body and the purpose is to remember our true essence. So for me that's purpose of life. So when I envision existence, it's made up of three parts. Existence as a human, simplistically it's made up of three parts the temple or the body, the mind and the spirit or your divine source the essence of you or if you wanna s use God self terminology you can do that but the part of you that's that's infinite and inevitable and unified with everything. And so we have these three parts. Now for me I I visualize it as a physical church. You have or a temple. You have the temple, you have the person who's responsible for being the bridge or the mediator between who's like the leader of the temple or the priest or the or the shaman or whatever you wanna call it. And then you have the actual divine presence within the temple. Now, for me, the ego mind is for me, the mind, the human mind is that. It's the bridge, it's the mediator. But just like in real life, that mediator can act mostly on behalf of itself and its fear of other people of of others gaining too much power or it's fear like just in general or can act from a space of divine love. So I look at it as the corrupt priest all the way to more of like a Christ consciousness. If you look at the way that Christ moved through the world trying to connect people to God in a way that was very based in Sort of love and recognizing that in yourself. The I think the mind can act anywhere along that spectrum. And a lot of us are much closer to the mind behaving like a corrupt priest who is just grabbing per for power and is afraid of. you getting too close to the other side because for whatever reason that's threatening to the ego mind. And so for me, this is what I really struggle with because I feel like my mind really fights me to stay closer to that end of the spectrum while I'm actively trying to grow towards the other side. But it is a battle. And yeah, it is a battle. It's a battle. And my nervous system struggles with that and so Is I guess what I'm trying to say is yeah, like It's a very human experience if you are feeling like I do a lot of the time where you're self-sabotaging even though you're you you have the best of intentions but your nervous system and where wherever your brain is taking you is is sabotaging you. and all we can do is is keep doing the work. I think that eventually we will find more or less liberation from that and the mind will eventually shift into one into a place that's more love based versus fear based or more of that Christ consciousness versus versus the the fear the corrupt mediator
Meg: Mm-hmm.
samara: space. but yes, fucking hard. It's it's fucking hard work. And this is coming from somebody who didn't even have a lot of what people would consider significant trauma growing up. So
Meg: Yeah, we had our own we had our own battles as kids, but we didn't deal with anything physical or anything like that. We had parents who tried to be the best they could. So this episode isn't really about having answers. It's just about kind of exploring this topic. And even though it's not really focused on on the twin experience, it is focused on on this idea of duality, of being split between the fear brain or the fear path and the the path of of love so just some some food for thought we kind of wanted to explore it together as sam n navigates maybe a hard a hard moment in her in her life in her relationship and I'm not sure if there's anything else that you want to say on the subject today Sam
samara: Not really. I don't know how I don't know r really like how helpful this was. It was sort of just a little bit of a rant ramble, but
Meg: philosophical expounding maybe from us without
samara: Yeah.
Meg: actually having any answers on on how to
samara: Yeah, I don't have any answers, just sort of reflection and maybe people can relate to feeling like this and
Meg: Yeah, and just know that you're not alone if this is something that you do experience. And it doesn't make you a bad or an unworthy person if if you do struggle, right? If
samara: Yeah.
Meg: if you do tend to lean into fear. awareness is the first step. And from there it's it's a long journey of of work to experience, I think, the freedom of. of knowing your your worth your worth in life, right? And not allowing anybody else to be in control of your happiness, of your joy, of your journey.
samara: Yeah.
Meg: Okay. Cool, Sam. Well, I hope that everybody out there is having a wonderful end to summer as we move towards the end of August here. And we are both wishing you all of the love, light, and magic. And we hope you have a great week. We'll talk to you again. Next time here on Split.
samara: sending you all the love and blessings. Bye.
Meg: Bye.
