Apologizing and Showing Empathy | How Canadians Say Sorry and Show Care

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Every day Canadian phrases episode 8, apologizing and showing empathy how, and when Canadians say sorry and show care, 1.
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Opening hello, and welcome back to every day Canadian phrases.
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Today, we are going to talk about one of the smallest words in English, but also one of the most interesting.
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That word is sorry.
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Sorry.
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It sounds simple.
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But if you have been learning English for some time, you may already know that the word sorry does not always mean exactly the same thing.
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Sometimes it means I made a mistake.
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Sometimes it means I hurt you, and I regret it.
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Sometimes it means I understand that something difficult happened to you.
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I need to get your attention.
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And sometimes, especially in Canada, it can mean something much softer.
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It can simply mean I recognize that something was inconvenient or uncomfortable.
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This is one reason Canadian English can be confusing for non-native speakers.
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You may hear someone say, sorry, when they did absolutely nothing wrong.
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You may hear someone say, oh, I'm sorry, when another person tells them some sad news.
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You may hear someone say, sorry, could you say that again, when they simply did not hear you?
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And you may hear two people say sorry to each other after a very small accident.
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Neither person is necessarily accepting serious blame.
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They are simply trying to keep the interaction comfortable.
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Today, we are going to slow all of this down.
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We will look at what Canadians mean when they apologize, when they show empathy,
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and when the word sorry is actually not the best choice.
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Our goal is not to make you say sorry more often.
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The goal is to help you understand why someone says it, what emotion it carries,
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and how you can respond naturally.
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Because communication is not only about vocabulary.
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It is also about emotional signals.
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A sentence can be grammatically correct and still sound cold.
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Another sentence can be very simple and sound deeply caring.
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For example, imagine your friend says, my grandmother passed away yesterday.
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You could say, that is unfortunate.
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The sentence is grammatically correct.
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But it sounds distant.
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You could say, I'm so sorry to hear that.
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That sounds much more natural in a personal conversation.
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You could also say, I'm really sorry.
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How are you doing?
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Now you are not only acknowledging the difficult news.
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You are showing concern for the person.
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That small difference is what we are exploring today.
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We will talk about apologies between friends.
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We will talk about small accidents.
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We will talk about workplaces.
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We will talk about restaurants, public transportation,
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neighbors, and everyday conversations.
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We will also talk about something very important when not to apologize.
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Because being polite does not mean constantly taking responsibility for things that are not your fault.
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Sometimes, the most empathetic response is not, I'm sorry.
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Sometimes it is, that sounds really difficult.
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Or, I can see why you're upset.
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Or, are you okay?
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Or simply, I'm here if you need anything.
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As always, listen for the rhythm of the language.
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Do not worry about understanding every word immediately.
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Notice how the phrases sound when they are spoken gently.
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Notice the difference between a serious apology and a casual apology.
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And notice how Canadians often soften their language.
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You will hear words such as really, so, just a little, and I think.
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These words may look small on paper.
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But in conversation, they can make a sentence feel warmer and less direct.
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So take a breath.
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Relax.
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And let's spend the next couple of hours learning how to say sorry,
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how to respond to sorry, and how to show care in natural Canadian English.
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Now, let's move to the next part.
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2.
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Core concept the first idea I want you to understand is very simple.
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An apology is not always about admitting guilt.
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An apology can also be a way of recognizing another person's experience.
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That distinction is extremely useful.
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Imagine that you are walking through a crowded grocery store.
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Someone.
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Accidentally bumps into your shopping cart.
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You look at each other.
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They say, oh, sorry.
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You say, no worries.
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The interaction is.
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Another person's experience.
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That distinction is extremely useful.
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Imagine that you are walking through a crowded grocery store.
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Someone.
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Accidentally bumps into your shopping cart.
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You look at each other.
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They say, oh, sorry.
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You say, no worries.
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The interaction is.
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Finished.
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Did they commit a serious wrongdoing?
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No.
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Did you need a formal apology?
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No.
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The word sorry simply helped both people acknowledge the small moment of inconvenience.
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It says, in a very soft way, I noticed that happened.
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And your response, no worries, says, it is okay.
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This is one of the most common patterns in everyday Canadian interaction.
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One person acknowledges a small problem.
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The other person reduces the tension.
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Sorry.
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No worries.
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Sorry about that.
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You're okay.
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Excuse me.
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No problem.
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These exchanges can happen very quickly.
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They are part of the social rhythm of conversation.
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Now let's make the situation more serious.
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Imagine a coworker forgets to send you an important document.
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You need it for a meeting.
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They realize their mistake and say, I'm really sorry.
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I completely forgot to send that.
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This apology is different.
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The person is taking responsibility.
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You might respond, it's okay.
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Just send it when you can.
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Or, no worries.
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Thanks for letting me know.
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But if the mistake caused a serious problem, you might say, I understand.
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I just need to make sure we have it before the meeting.
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Notice something important here.
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Being polite does not require you to pretend that the problem does not exist.
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You can accept an apology and still explain what needs to happen next.
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This is a useful communication skill.
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Many learners think politeness means avoiding all disagreement.
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It does not.
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Politeness means managing disagreement respectfully.
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You can say, I understand, but we still need to fix this.
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You can say, I appreciate the apology.
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Let's figure out what we can do.
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You can say, thanks for letting me know.
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Could you send it by two?
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These sentences are calm.
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They are direct.
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And they are still polite.
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Now let's look at empathy.
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Empathy means trying to understand another person's feelings or situation.
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You do not necessarily have to experience the same thing.
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You are simply showing that you recognize their experience.
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For example, someone says, I've been looking for work for six months
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and I'm getting really discouraged.
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A weak response might be, just keep trying.
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The person may not feel understood.
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A more empathetic response could be, yeah, I can understand why you'd feel discouraged.
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Or that sounds really frustrating.
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Or six months is a long time.
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I can see why you're feeling tired of it.
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Notice that none of these sentences solves the person's problem.
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And that is okay.
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Empathy is not always about solving.
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Sometimes people do not want a solution immediately.
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They want someone to recognize what they are experiencing.
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This is especially important in emotional conversations.
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When someone says, I'm having a really difficult week.
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You do not always need to say, here's what you should do.
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Sometimes the better response is, I'm sorry you're having such a rough week.
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Then, do you want to talk about it?
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That question gives the other person a choice.
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They can talk.
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Or they can say no.
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Now let's talk about the phrase, I'm sorry.
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This phrase has several meanings.
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If someone says, I'm sorry I was late.
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They are apologizing.
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If someone says, I'm sorry to hear that.
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They are expressing sympathy.
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If someone says, I'm sorry, I didn't catch that.
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They are asking someone to repeat something.
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Same two words.
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Different function.
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This is why context matters so much in spoken English.
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You cannot always translate a phrase word for word.
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You have to understand what the speaker is doing socially.
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When someone says, I'm sorry to hear that.
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They are not saying, I caused this.
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They are saying, I recognize that this is difficult or sad.
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This is called sympathy.
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Sympathy means feeling concern for someone because something difficult happened to them.
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Empathy goes slightly deeper.
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Empathy involves trying to understand what the person may be feeling.
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In everyday conversation, however, the two ideas often overlap.
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You do not need to worry about the terminology every time you speak.
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Just remember the basic idea when someone tells you about pain, disappointment, stress,
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or loss, you can respond by recognizing their feelings.
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For example, I'm sorry you're going through that.
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This is a very useful sentence.
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It is.
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Warm.
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It is natural.
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And it does not assume that you know exactly how the person feels.
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You are not saying, I know exactly how you feel.
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That sentence can sometimes sound too strong.
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Instead you are saying, I recognize that this is difficult.
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Let's compare a few expressions.
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I feel sorry for you.
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This can be okay in some contexts, but be careful.
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Depending on your tone, it can sound as though you are looking down on someone.
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For example, oh you poor thing.
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I feel sorry for you.
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That can sound patronizing.
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Patronizing means speaking to someone as if you are more important or more capable than they are.
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A safer expression is, I'm sorry you're dealing with that.
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Or that sounds really difficult.
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Another expression is, that's too bad.
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This is common and natural in Canadian English.
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Someone says, my flight was cancelled.
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You might say, oh that's too bad.
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It is sympathetic, but not extremely emotional.
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Someone says, I didn't get the apartment.
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You might say, oh that's too bad.
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I know you really wanted it.
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That sounds natural.
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Another phrase is, that must be difficult.
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This is useful when you want to acknowledge a serious situation.
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For example, my parents are moving back home, and I'll probably be alone here.
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You could say, yeah.
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That must be difficult.
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It does not tell the person what to do.
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It simply recognizes the emotional weight of the situation.
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Now let's discuss something that can be confusing for learners.
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Canadians often use indirect language.
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Instead of saying, you are in my way.
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Someone may say, sorry could I just get by.
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Instead of, you made a mistake.
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Someone may say, sorry, I think there might be an issue here.
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Instead of, you're speaking too quietly.
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Someone may say, sorry could you speak up a little?
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Notice the repeated use of sorry.
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It is not always an apology.
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It can soften what comes next.
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This is called a softener.
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A softener makes a statement or request feel less forceful.
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For example, move your bag.
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That is direct.
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Sorry could you move your bag?
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That is softer.
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Give me a minute.
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Direct.
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Sorry could you give me a minute?
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softer.
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Say that again.
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Direct.
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Sorry could you say that again?
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Much more natural in many Canadian conversations.
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You may notice that people sometimes say sorry before making a request even when there is nothing to apologize for.
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This does not mean Canadians are constantly guilty.
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It is simply a politeness habit.
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Of course, not every Canadian does this.
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People have different personalities.
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Some are very direct.
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Some are very informal.
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Some use sorry frequently.
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Others use it less.
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Regional differences also exist.
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But in general, Canadian English is known for frequent politeness markers.
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Now let's talk about responding to an apology.
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One of the easiest responses is no worries.
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This is extremely common.
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It means it is okay.
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Don't worry about it.
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Another is no problem.
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Very common.
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Another is it's okay.
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Simple.
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Another is all good.
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Very casual.
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Another is that's okay.
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Neutral and friendly.
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There is a small difference between them.
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If a friend says, sorry I'm late.
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You can say, no worries.
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Very natural.
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If a coworker says, I'm sorry I missed the deadline.
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You might say, okay.
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Thanks for letting me know.
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That does not completely erase the problem.
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And that is sometimes exactly what you want.
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Now imagine someone apologizes for something serious.
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They say, I'm really sorry.
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I shouldn't have said that.
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You might say, thank you for apologizing.
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This response is more serious.
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It acknowledges the apology without immediately saying that everything is fine.
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You can then explain how you feel.
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For example, thank you for apologizing.
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I was pretty hurt by what you said.
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That is a mature response.
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It accepts the apology while still being honest.
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This brings us to an important idea.
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An apology does not automatically erase consequences.
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If someone breaks your trust saying sorry does not instantly repair the relationship.
00:15:34.800 --> 00:15:39.280
If someone damages something saying sorry does not automatically replace it.
00:15:40.160 --> 00:15:44.160
If someone repeatedly behaves badly, one apology may not be enough.
00:15:45.120 --> 00:15:47.120
In English, you can communicate this.
00:15:48.880 --> 00:15:54.000
Calmly, you can say, I appreciate the apology, but I need some time.
00:15:54.960 --> 00:15:56.560
Or thank you for saying that.
00:15:57.440 --> 00:15:59.520
I still need to think about what happened.
00:16:00.480 --> 00:16:02.800
Or I appreciate you apologizing.
00:16:03.760 --> 00:16:06.400
Let's talk about how we can avoid this happening again.
00:16:07.360 --> 00:16:10.880
These are useful phrases because they combine kindness with boundaries.
00:16:11.840 --> 00:16:15.040
A boundary is a limit that protects your needs or your well-being.
00:16:16.000 --> 00:16:18.400
You do not need to be aggressive to have boundaries.
00:16:19.440 --> 00:16:20.240
You can become.
00:16:21.280 --> 00:16:22.400
You can be respectful.
00:16:23.280 --> 00:16:24.640
And you can still say no.
00:16:25.600 --> 00:16:29.600
Let's now look at one of the most important situations involving empathy
00:16:29.601 --> 00:16:30.800
when someone is grieving.
00:16:31.680 --> 00:16:34.400
If someone tells you that a family member has died,
00:16:34.401 --> 00:16:36.320
a simple response is often best.
00:16:37.360 --> 00:16:38.880
I'm so sorry to hear that.
00:16:39.920 --> 00:16:41.840
Then perhaps my condolences.
00:16:42.880 --> 00:16:44.960
Or I'm thinking of you and your family.
00:16:45.920 --> 00:16:47.680
Or please take care of yourself.
00:16:48.640 --> 00:16:52.160
If you know the person well, you might say, I'm really sorry.
00:16:53.040 --> 00:16:54.800
If you need anything, I'm here.
00:16:55.760 --> 00:16:56.960
Be careful with advice.
00:16:58.000 --> 00:17:03.200
If someone is grieving, this is usually not the moment to say, everything happens for a reason.
00:17:04.160 --> 00:17:06.240
Or at least they lived a long life.
00:17:07.200 --> 00:17:08.880
Or you need to stay strong.
00:17:09.920 --> 00:17:14.000
These phrases may be intended to help, but they can sometimes make the person feel
00:17:14.001 --> 00:17:15.680
that their grief is being minimized.
00:17:16.720 --> 00:17:19.040
Instead, let the person have their feelings.
00:17:20.000 --> 00:17:23.360
You can say, I don't know what to say, but I'm really sorry.
00:17:24.320 --> 00:17:26.240
That is actually a beautiful sentence.
00:17:27.280 --> 00:17:28.160
It is honest.
00:17:29.120 --> 00:17:31.600
It does not pretend that you have the perfect words.
00:17:32.560 --> 00:17:35.120
And that is a major lesson for today's episode.
00:17:36.080 --> 00:17:38.560
You do not need perfect English to show care.
00:17:39.440 --> 00:17:40.480
You need attention.
00:17:41.440 --> 00:17:42.640
You need sincerity.
00:17:43.520 --> 00:17:46.160
And sometimes you need only a few simple words.
00:17:47.120 --> 00:17:47.920
I'm sorry.
00:17:48.880 --> 00:17:50.400
That sounds really hard.
00:17:51.360 --> 00:17:52.160
Are you okay?
00:17:53.040 --> 00:17:54.080
Do you want to talk?
00:17:55.040 --> 00:17:56.400
I'm here if you need me.
00:17:57.440 --> 00:17:59.120
Those sentences can do a lot.
00:18:00.080 --> 00:18:05.200
Now let's move to the next part, where we will focus more closely on Canadian English itself.
00:18:06.160 --> 00:18:06.560
Three.
00:18:07.520 --> 00:18:11.280
Canadian English focus now let's move to the Canadian English focus.
00:18:12.320 --> 00:18:16.960
In this section, we are going to listen carefully to the language patterns that make apologies
00:18:16.961 --> 00:18:19.040
and expressions of empathy sound natural.
00:18:19.920 --> 00:18:22.400
The first word we need to examine is sorry.
00:18:23.280 --> 00:18:26.880
In Canadian English, sorry can be pronounced clearly and softly.
00:18:27.840 --> 00:18:30.960
In casual speech, the vowel can sound quite relaxed.
00:18:31.840 --> 00:18:33.920
You may hear something like, sorry.
00:18:34.960 --> 00:18:36.320
Not, S-O-R-E.
00:18:37.200 --> 00:18:40.560
The tone is usually more important than the exact pronunciation.
00:18:41.520 --> 00:18:46.080
If you say sorry with a very strong, dramatic tone, it can sound sarcastic.
00:18:47.040 --> 00:18:49.520
For example, O-S-O-R-Y.
00:18:50.560 --> 00:18:53.040
That can mean the opposite of a sincere apology.
00:18:54.000 --> 00:18:57.120
So when you want to sound sincere, keep your voice relaxed.
00:18:58.000 --> 00:18:58.800
I'm sorry.
00:18:59.760 --> 00:19:02.160
The word really can make an apology stronger.
00:19:03.120 --> 00:19:04.160
I'm really sorry.
00:19:05.120 --> 00:19:06.960
Compare, sorry, with.
00:19:06.961 --> 00:19:08.000
I'm really sorry.
00:19:08.800 --> 00:19:11.520
The second one usually carries more emotional weight.
00:19:12.480 --> 00:19:14.560
You might use it when someone is upset.
00:19:15.520 --> 00:19:18.080
For example, I'm really sorry I forgot.
00:19:19.040 --> 00:19:21.440
Or, I'm really sorry you're going through this.
00:19:22.400 --> 00:19:24.000
Another useful word is so.
00:19:24.960 --> 00:19:25.920
I'm so sorry.
00:19:26.960 --> 00:19:29.360
This is common when someone shares sad news.
00:19:30.400 --> 00:19:33.040
For example, my dad has been in the hospital.
00:19:34.000 --> 00:19:35.280
Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:19:36.240 --> 00:19:38.960
The expression is not necessarily an apology.
00:19:39.840 --> 00:19:40.720
It is sympathy.
00:19:41.760 --> 00:19:43.120
Now listen to this difference.
00:19:44.160 --> 00:19:44.880
I'm sorry.
00:19:45.840 --> 00:19:47.040
I'm sorry about that.
00:19:48.000 --> 00:19:49.280
I'm sorry to hear that.
00:19:50.240 --> 00:19:51.840
I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
00:19:52.880 --> 00:19:55.040
Each one adds a little more information.
00:19:56.080 --> 00:19:56.880
I'm sorry.
00:19:57.840 --> 00:19:58.400
General.
00:19:59.280 --> 00:20:00.480
I'm sorry about that.
00:20:01.520 --> 00:20:04.320
Usually connected to a particular problem or event.
00:20:05.360 --> 00:20:06.640
I'm sorry to hear that.
00:20:07.680 --> 00:20:10.160
Usually used when someone gives you bad news.
00:20:11.120 --> 00:20:12.720
I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
00:20:13.840 --> 00:20:15.520
More personal and empathetic.
00:20:16.480 --> 00:20:18.400
Let's look at I'm sorry about that.
00:20:19.440 --> 00:20:21.920
This is extremely useful in everyday life.
00:20:22.960 --> 00:20:25.200
Imagine a restaurant server tells you,
00:20:25.201 --> 00:20:27.040
I'm sorry, but we're out of the soup.
00:20:28.000 --> 00:20:30.480
You might say, okay, no problem.
00:20:31.360 --> 00:20:34.000
The server is apologizing for the inconvenience.
00:20:35.120 --> 00:20:38.000
Now imagine a friend says, I missed the bus again.
00:20:39.040 --> 00:20:41.360
You could say, I'm sorry about that.
00:20:42.400 --> 00:20:43.520
This is sympathetic.
00:20:44.400 --> 00:20:46.240
The meaning depends on context.
00:20:47.200 --> 00:20:48.720
Another important phrase is,
00:20:50.000 --> 00:20:50.960
sorry about that.
00:20:52.000 --> 00:20:53.360
This is often casual.
00:20:54.320 --> 00:20:56.160
You spill some water near someone.
00:20:57.200 --> 00:20:58.160
Sorry about that.
00:20:59.200 --> 00:21:01.120
You accidentally interrupt someone.
00:21:02.160 --> 00:21:02.640
Sorry.
00:21:04.400 --> 00:21:05.040
About that.
00:21:06.080 --> 00:21:07.920
You forget to reply to a message.
00:21:08.960 --> 00:21:10.000
Sorry about that.
00:21:10.960 --> 00:21:12.240
I've been really busy.
00:21:13.120 --> 00:21:15.920
It is lighter than, I sincerely apologize.
00:21:16.960 --> 00:21:18.640
That expression sounds formal.
00:21:19.520 --> 00:21:21.040
You may hear it in business,
00:21:21.041 --> 00:21:23.360
customer service, official complaints,
00:21:23.361 --> 00:21:25.040
or very serious situations.
00:21:26.000 --> 00:21:28.320
For everyday Canadian conversation,
00:21:28.321 --> 00:21:30.800
sorry about that is usually much more natural.
00:21:31.760 --> 00:21:33.920
Now let's examine, I apologize.
00:21:34.880 --> 00:21:36.640
I apologize for the confusion.
00:21:37.600 --> 00:21:39.200
I apologize for the delay.
00:21:40.160 --> 00:21:42.080
I apologize for the inconvenience.
00:21:43.200 --> 00:21:44.720
These are grammatically correct.
00:21:45.680 --> 00:21:47.120
They are also more formal.
00:21:48.080 --> 00:21:50.400
You might hear them in a professional environment.
00:21:51.360 --> 00:21:54.080
But if you are speaking to a close friend saying,
00:21:54.081 --> 00:21:57.520
I apologize for my lateness would probably sound too formal.
00:21:58.400 --> 00:22:00.720
Your friend would expect, sorry I'm late.
00:22:01.760 --> 00:22:03.840
This is an important principle in English.
00:22:04.800 --> 00:22:08.320
The most correct sentence is not always the most natural sentence.
00:22:09.360 --> 00:22:12.880
Natural language depends on relationship, context, and tone.
00:22:13.840 --> 00:22:15.360
Let's talk about my bad.
00:22:16.320 --> 00:22:17.760
This is very casual.
00:22:18.640 --> 00:22:20.560
It means, that was my mistake.
00:22:21.520 --> 00:22:23.680
For example, you sent the wrong file.
00:22:24.560 --> 00:22:25.520
Oh my bad.
00:22:26.400 --> 00:22:29.600
It can be friendly between people who are comfortable with each other.
00:22:30.480 --> 00:22:32.640
But do not use it for every situation.
00:22:33.600 --> 00:22:37.600
If you accidentally damage an important piece of equipment at work saying,
00:22:37.601 --> 00:22:39.520
my bad may sound too casual.
00:22:40.480 --> 00:22:42.240
You might say, I'm sorry.
00:22:43.200 --> 00:22:44.400
That was my mistake.
00:22:45.440 --> 00:22:48.080
Another casual expression is, oops, sorry.
00:22:49.120 --> 00:22:51.280
This is useful for very small mistakes.
00:22:52.400 --> 00:22:53.920
You step on someone's foot.
00:22:54.880 --> 00:22:55.840
Oops, sorry.
00:22:56.800 --> 00:22:58.000
You bump into someone.
00:22:58.960 --> 00:22:59.920
Oops, sorry.
00:23:00.880 --> 00:23:02.720
You interrupt someone accidentally.
00:23:03.680 --> 00:23:04.640
Oops, sorry.
00:23:05.520 --> 00:23:06.240
It is light.
00:23:07.280 --> 00:23:08.960
Now let's look at, excuse me.
00:23:10.000 --> 00:23:12.880
Learners sometimes confuse, excuse me, and sorry.
00:23:13.840 --> 00:23:15.920
They overlap, but they are not identical.
00:23:16.880 --> 00:23:20.080
If you want to get someone's attention, say, excuse me.
00:23:21.040 --> 00:23:24.240
If you accidentally bump into them, you may say, sorry.
00:23:25.120 --> 00:23:29.040
If you need to pass through a crowded space, you might say, excuse me.
00:23:30.000 --> 00:23:32.400
You could also say, sorry, could I get by?
00:23:33.440 --> 00:23:34.480
Both are possible.
00:23:35.440 --> 00:23:37.280
Here is another useful distinction.
00:23:38.240 --> 00:23:40.720
Excuse me, could you tell me where the washroom is?
00:23:41.680 --> 00:23:42.800
This is a request.
00:23:43.840 --> 00:23:45.360
Sorry, could you say that again?
00:23:46.320 --> 00:23:48.640
This is usually a request for repetition.
00:23:49.600 --> 00:23:50.880
I'm sorry, I forgot.
00:23:51.920 --> 00:23:53.040
This is an apology.
00:23:54.000 --> 00:23:55.280
I'm sorry to hear that.
00:23:56.320 --> 00:23:57.280
This is sympathy.
00:23:58.320 --> 00:24:00.240
Now let's focus on, are you okay?
00:24:01.280 --> 00:24:03.840
This is one of the most important empathy phrases.
00:24:04.880 --> 00:24:06.320
Imagine someone falls.
00:24:07.280 --> 00:24:08.080
Are you okay?
00:24:08.960 --> 00:24:10.800
Imagine someone looks upset.
00:24:11.680 --> 00:24:12.480
Are you okay?
00:24:13.440 --> 00:24:15.920
Imagine your friend becomes unusually quiet.
00:24:16.880 --> 00:24:17.600
Are you okay?
00:24:18.640 --> 00:24:20.800
The phrase is simple, but the tone matters.
00:24:21.760 --> 00:24:24.960
You can say, are you okay with genuine concern?
00:24:25.840 --> 00:24:28.160
Or, are you okay with irritation?
00:24:29.200 --> 00:24:30.000
Same words.
00:24:31.040 --> 00:24:31.840
Different meaning.
00:24:32.800 --> 00:24:36.480
If you want to sound especially gentle, you can say, are you okay?
00:24:37.440 --> 00:24:38.960
Or, are you doing okay?
00:24:39.840 --> 00:24:44.240
The second one can sound slightly softer when someone has been having a difficult time.
00:24:45.200 --> 00:24:49.040
For example, your first week at the new job has been pretty intense.
00:24:50.000 --> 00:24:51.120
Are you doing okay?
00:24:52.080 --> 00:24:54.320
That sounds caring without being dramatic.
00:24:55.200 --> 00:24:58.080
Another useful phrase is, how are you holding up?
00:24:59.120 --> 00:25:02.400
This means, how are you managing during a difficult situation?
00:25:03.360 --> 00:25:06.640
It is often used when someone is dealing with something stressful.
00:25:07.600 --> 00:25:11.520
For example, your exams are coming up and you're also working full time.
00:25:12.560 --> 00:25:13.600
How are you holding up?
00:25:14.560 --> 00:25:16.400
Or, it's been a tough few weeks.
00:25:17.440 --> 00:25:18.480
How are you holding up?
00:25:19.440 --> 00:25:21.440
The expression holding up is an idiom.
00:25:22.320 --> 00:25:27.280
An idiom is an expression whose meaning is not always obvious from the individual words.
00:25:28.240 --> 00:25:30.560
Here, holding up means coping or managing.
00:25:31.440 --> 00:25:33.680
You might respond, I'm doing okay.
00:25:34.640 --> 00:25:36.080
Or, I'm getting through it.
00:25:36.960 --> 00:25:39.040
Or, honestly, it's been hard.
00:25:40.080 --> 00:25:42.160
Now let's look at that sounds difficult.
00:25:43.200 --> 00:25:46.000
This is one of the safest empathy phrases in English.
00:25:47.120 --> 00:25:47.440
Why?
00:25:48.400 --> 00:25:51.680
Because you are not pretending to know exactly how the person feels.
00:25:52.640 --> 00:25:54.800
You are simply responding to what they told you.
00:25:55.760 --> 00:25:59.200
Someone says, my landlord gave me a notice to move out.
00:26:00.160 --> 00:26:02.160
You say, that sounds difficult.
00:26:03.120 --> 00:26:06.080
Someone says, my parents are going through a divorce.
00:26:07.120 --> 00:26:09.920
That sounds really difficult.
00:26:10.880 --> 00:26:13.120
Someone says, I didn't get the promotion.
00:26:14.160 --> 00:26:15.680
That sounds disappointing.
00:26:16.640 --> 00:26:19.200
Notice another useful adjective, frustrating.
00:26:20.160 --> 00:26:24.400
Frustrating means something makes you feel annoyed because you cannot get the result you want.
00:26:25.440 --> 00:26:27.440
My application was rejected again.
00:26:28.400 --> 00:26:29.840
That sounds frustrating.
00:26:30.800 --> 00:26:35.280
You can also say, that, must be frustrating.
00:26:36.240 --> 00:26:37.600
There is a small difference.
00:26:38.640 --> 00:26:42.560
That sounds frustrating, focuses on what the situation appears to be like.
00:26:43.600 --> 00:26:46.320
That must be frustrating, makes a gentle inference.
00:26:47.280 --> 00:26:50.240
An inference is a conclusion you make based on information.
00:26:51.120 --> 00:26:53.280
Another useful word is overwhelming.
00:26:54.160 --> 00:26:57.120
Overwhelming means something feels like too much to handle.
00:26:58.080 --> 00:27:02.880
Someone says, I've started a new job, moved apartments, and I'm taking evening classes.
00:27:03.840 --> 00:27:07.840
You might say, wow, that sounds overwhelming.
00:27:08.720 --> 00:27:10.800
Or, that must be a lot to deal with.
00:27:11.760 --> 00:27:13.760
That last phrase is very natural.
00:27:14.720 --> 00:27:17.280
A lot to deal with is another useful expression.
00:27:18.160 --> 00:27:21.360
It means there are many difficult things happening at the same time.
00:27:22.320 --> 00:27:25.200
For example, you've had a lot to deal with lately.
00:27:26.160 --> 00:27:28.160
This sentence can be very empathetic.
00:27:29.120 --> 00:27:31.680
It does not require you to know every detail.
00:27:32.640 --> 00:27:35.040
Now let's look at, I can understand why.
00:27:35.041 --> 00:27:38.240
This phrase is useful when you want to validate someone's feelings.
00:27:39.280 --> 00:27:42.480
Validate means to recognize that someone's feelings make sense.
00:27:43.520 --> 00:27:46.480
For example, I can understand why you're upset.
00:27:47.440 --> 00:27:49.520
I can understand why you're frustrated.
00:27:50.480 --> 00:27:52.880
I can understand why you feel disappointed.
00:27:53.840 --> 00:27:57.440
Notice that you are not necessarily saying, you are completely right.
00:27:58.400 --> 00:28:01.680
You are saying, your emotional reaction makes sense to me.
00:28:02.640 --> 00:28:05.600
This distinction is especially useful during disagreement.
00:28:06.640 --> 00:28:09.520
Suppose your friend is upset because you canceled plans.
00:28:10.560 --> 00:28:13.840
You might say, I can understand why you're disappointed.
00:28:14.720 --> 00:28:16.320
I should have told you earlier.
00:28:17.280 --> 00:28:19.280
That is a strong communication skill.
00:28:20.240 --> 00:28:21.840
You are acknowledging their feeling.
00:28:22.880 --> 00:28:25.280
Then you are taking responsibility for your part.
00:28:26.320 --> 00:28:28.400
Now let's talk about, I didn't mean to.
00:28:29.360 --> 00:28:31.120
This phrase explains intention.
00:28:32.160 --> 00:28:33.840
For example, I'm sorry.
00:28:34.720 --> 00:28:36.480
I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
00:28:37.440 --> 00:28:38.480
Or sorry.
00:28:39.440 --> 00:28:40.880
I didn't mean to interrupt.
00:28:41.840 --> 00:28:44.080
Or I didn't mean to make things difficult.
00:28:45.040 --> 00:28:46.080
Be careful though.
00:28:46.960 --> 00:28:49.360
I didn't mean to should not become an excuse.
00:28:50.320 --> 00:28:55.440
If you hurt someone, saying, I didn't mean to does not automatically remove the impact.
00:28:56.400 --> 00:28:59.760
A better apology can combine intention and responsibility.
00:29:00.640 --> 00:29:03.200
I didn't mean to hurt you, but I can see that I did.
00:29:04.160 --> 00:29:04.880
I'm sorry.
00:29:05.920 --> 00:29:07.600
That sounds much more mature.
00:29:08.560 --> 00:29:11.280
Another useful phrase is, I should have.
00:29:11.281 --> 00:29:13.760
This is a strong way to accept responsibility.
00:29:14.720 --> 00:29:15.760
I should have called.
00:29:16.720 --> 00:29:18.000
I should have checked first.
00:29:18.960 --> 00:29:20.560
I should have told you earlier.
00:29:21.520 --> 00:29:23.040
I should have been more careful.
00:29:24.000 --> 00:29:25.680
For example, I'm sorry.
00:29:26.560 --> 00:29:28.960
I should have checked the address before I left.
00:29:30.080 --> 00:29:32.560
This sounds more responsible than, sorry.
00:29:33.520 --> 00:29:35.120
The address was confusing.
00:29:36.160 --> 00:29:38.480
Now let's examine, I appreciate that.
00:29:39.440 --> 00:29:41.200
Suppose someone apologizes.
00:29:42.240 --> 00:29:44.160
You say, I appreciate that.
00:29:45.120 --> 00:29:48.240
This means, I value the fact that you said or did this.
00:29:49.200 --> 00:29:50.960
It can sound calm and mature.
00:29:51.920 --> 00:29:54.480
For example, I'm sorry about what happened.
00:29:55.440 --> 00:29:56.560
I appreciate that.
00:29:57.520 --> 00:29:59.440
Or thank you for apologizing.
00:30:00.320 --> 00:30:01.360
I appreciate it.
00:30:02.320 --> 00:30:04.880
You can also say, thanks for letting me know.
00:30:05.840 --> 00:30:08.560
This is useful when someone tells you about a mistake.
00:30:09.520 --> 00:30:13.040
For example, I'm sorry, but I'll be about 20 minutes late.
00:30:14.000 --> 00:30:15.200
Thanks for letting me know.
00:30:16.160 --> 00:30:18.880
You are not necessarily saying the lateness is fine.
00:30:19.840 --> 00:30:22.000
You are simply acknowledging the communication.
00:30:23.040 --> 00:30:25.200
Finally, let's look at no worries.
00:30:26.240 --> 00:30:29.600
This phrase deserves special attention because you will hear it often.
00:30:30.560 --> 00:30:32.880
No worries can mean, it is okay.
00:30:33.840 --> 00:30:34.960
Don't worry about it.
00:30:36.000 --> 00:30:36.720
That's fine.
00:30:37.680 --> 00:30:39.040
It isn't a big problem.
00:30:39.920 --> 00:30:41.520
It is friendly and casual.
00:30:42.400 --> 00:30:45.120
A friend says, sorry, I forgot to text you.
00:30:46.080 --> 00:30:46.880
No worries.
00:30:47.840 --> 00:30:50.880
A coworker says, sorry, I took the last chair.
00:30:51.840 --> 00:30:52.640
No worries.
00:30:53.600 --> 00:30:54.640
I'm good standing.
00:30:55.600 --> 00:30:58.640
A stranger says, sorry, is anyone sitting here?
00:30:59.680 --> 00:31:00.400
No worries.
00:31:01.440 --> 00:31:02.080
Go ahead.
00:31:03.120 --> 00:31:04.400
The phrase is flexible.
00:31:05.440 --> 00:31:07.280
But again, context matters.
00:31:08.240 --> 00:31:10.640
If someone has caused a serious problem,
00:31:10.720 --> 00:31:14.880
saying, no worries, can sometimes sound as though you are minimizing the issue.
00:31:15.840 --> 00:31:18.080
You do not have to say it automatically.
00:31:18.960 --> 00:31:20.880
And that brings us to our next section.
00:31:21.920 --> 00:31:23.680
We have learned the basic language.
00:31:24.720 --> 00:31:27.840
Now we are going to place these phrases into real situations.
00:31:28.960 --> 00:31:32.400
Let's move into soft skills and action.
00:31:33.440 --> 00:31:37.120
For soft skills and action in this section,
00:31:37.121 --> 00:31:39.520
we are going to imagine real life situations.
00:31:40.640 --> 00:31:44.080
Listen carefully to how the language changes depending on the situation.
00:31:45.120 --> 00:31:47.600
We will begin with a small everyday accident.
00:31:48.640 --> 00:31:53.200
Situation one, a small accident in public imagine you are in a busy cafe.
00:31:55.040 --> 00:31:56.480
You are carrying a coffee.
00:31:57.440 --> 00:31:59.040
Someone turns around quickly.
00:32:00.000 --> 00:32:01.280
You bump into each other.
00:32:02.240 --> 00:32:03.600
A little coffee spills.
00:32:04.640 --> 00:32:07.840
The other person says, oh, sorry.
00:32:08.640 --> 00:32:10.400
You say, oh, you're okay.
00:32:11.440 --> 00:32:13.280
They say, I'm really sorry.
00:32:14.160 --> 00:32:15.120
I didn't see you.
00:32:16.080 --> 00:32:17.760
You say, no worries.
00:32:18.720 --> 00:32:19.920
It's just a little bit.
00:32:20.880 --> 00:32:22.800
This is a very normal interaction.
00:32:23.840 --> 00:32:24.960
Notice what happened.
00:32:26.000 --> 00:32:27.600
The other person apologized.
00:32:28.640 --> 00:32:29.840
You reduced the tension.
00:32:30.880 --> 00:32:32.880
Nobody made a big issue out of it.
00:32:33.840 --> 00:32:35.520
Now imagine a different version.
00:32:36.480 --> 00:32:38.560
The coffee spills all over your coat.
00:32:39.520 --> 00:32:42.320
The person says, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.
00:32:43.280 --> 00:32:44.960
You might say, it's okay.
00:32:46.000 --> 00:32:46.960
Accidents happen.
00:32:47.920 --> 00:32:49.200
Or it's all right.
00:32:50.160 --> 00:32:50.880
Don't worry.
00:32:51.840 --> 00:32:55.040
You can still be polite while acknowledging that it was inconvenient.
00:32:56.000 --> 00:32:58.160
If they offer to help clean it, thanks.
00:32:58.161 --> 00:32:59.120
I appreciate it.
00:33:00.080 --> 00:33:02.800
Now imagine you are the person who caused the accident.
00:33:03.760 --> 00:33:05.840
You could say, I'm really sorry.
00:33:06.800 --> 00:33:07.520
Are you okay?
00:33:08.560 --> 00:33:10.080
That question is important.
00:33:11.040 --> 00:33:13.600
You are checking whether the person is physically okay.
00:33:14.720 --> 00:33:16.640
Then, let me help you clean that.
00:33:17.600 --> 00:33:21.680
If the damage is significant, you might say, I'm really sorry about this.
00:33:22.720 --> 00:33:24.160
What can I do to make it right?
00:33:25.200 --> 00:33:28.800
That phrase, make it right, means to take action to correct a problem.
00:33:29.760 --> 00:33:31.920
Let's imagine another public situation.
00:33:32.960 --> 00:33:34.320
You are getting off a bus.
00:33:35.360 --> 00:33:37.680
You accidentally step in front of someone.
00:33:38.640 --> 00:33:40.000
You say, sorry.
00:33:40.960 --> 00:33:42.560
They say, no worries.
00:33:43.600 --> 00:33:44.720
You continue walking.
00:33:45.760 --> 00:33:46.560
That is all.
00:33:47.520 --> 00:33:51.840
You do not need to say, I sincerely apologize for obstructing your movement.
00:33:52.880 --> 00:33:56.560
Natural conversation is often much simpler than textbook English.
00:33:57.600 --> 00:33:58.960
That is an important lesson.
00:34:00.000 --> 00:34:02.240
Now let's move to a workplace situation.
00:34:03.280 --> 00:34:07.360
Situation 2, the workplace mistake imagine you work with a small team.
00:34:08.320 --> 00:34:11.280
Your manager asked you to send a report by 3 o'clock.
00:34:12.320 --> 00:34:13.040
You forgot.
00:34:14.000 --> 00:34:16.560
At 4.15, you realize your mistake.
00:34:17.520 --> 00:34:19.120
You walk over to your manager.
00:34:20.080 --> 00:34:21.520
You say, I'm sorry.
00:34:22.400 --> 00:34:24.480
I completely forgot to send the report.
00:34:25.520 --> 00:34:27.200
Your manager says, okay.
00:34:28.240 --> 00:34:29.760
I need it for tomorrow morning.
00:34:30.720 --> 00:34:32.480
You say, I understand.
00:34:33.440 --> 00:34:34.560
I'll send it tonight.
00:34:35.600 --> 00:34:37.920
Notice that you did not give a long explanation.
00:34:38.960 --> 00:34:40.720
You accepted responsibility.
00:34:41.680 --> 00:34:42.720
You gave a solution.
00:34:43.760 --> 00:34:45.760
That is a strong professional apology.
00:34:46.800 --> 00:34:49.440
Now imagine you want to be slightly more detailed.
00:34:50.400 --> 00:34:52.400
You could say, I'm really sorry.
00:34:53.360 --> 00:34:54.880
I should have sent it earlier.
00:34:55.840 --> 00:34:56.880
That's my mistake.
00:34:57.840 --> 00:34:59.360
I'll have it to you by 6.
00:35:00.400 --> 00:35:02.000
This is clear and professional.
00:35:03.040 --> 00:35:05.600
Now imagine your coworker makes the same mistake.
00:35:06.560 --> 00:35:08.000
They say, I'm sorry.
00:35:08.960 --> 00:35:10.160
I completely forgot.
00:35:11.200 --> 00:35:12.800
You might respond, okay.
00:35:13.840 --> 00:35:15.040
Thanks for letting me know.
00:35:16.000 --> 00:35:18.480
If the deadline is flexible, no worries.
00:35:19.520 --> 00:35:21.280
Just send it when you have a chance.
00:35:22.320 --> 00:35:24.720
If the deadline is not flexible, okay.
00:35:25.760 --> 00:35:26.720
I understand.
00:35:27.760 --> 00:35:29.520
We still need it by 5, though.
00:35:30.480 --> 00:35:31.600
Notice the word, though.
00:35:32.480 --> 00:35:36.000
It softens the transition between understanding and a requirement.
00:35:36.960 --> 00:35:40.320
You are saying, I understand, but the requirement remains.
00:35:41.360 --> 00:35:44.080
Now imagine your coworker makes a serious mistake.
00:35:45.120 --> 00:35:48.080
They accidentally send the wrong information to a client.
00:35:49.120 --> 00:35:50.960
They say, I feel terrible.
00:35:51.840 --> 00:35:52.960
I'm really sorry.
00:35:53.840 --> 00:35:56.000
A helpful response might be, okay.
00:35:57.040 --> 00:35:58.880
Let's focus on fixing it first.
00:35:59.920 --> 00:36:01.280
This is a useful phrase.
00:36:02.320 --> 00:36:04.880
You are not spending all your energy on blame.
00:36:05.840 --> 00:36:07.520
You are moving toward a solution.
00:36:08.480 --> 00:36:11.200
You might say, let's figure out what we can do.
00:36:12.080 --> 00:36:14.160
Or, let's see how we can correct it.
00:36:15.200 --> 00:36:17.200
This is another important soft skill.
00:36:18.160 --> 00:36:20.880
When something goes wrong, people can become defensive.
00:36:21.760 --> 00:36:25.680
Defensive means they feel attacked and immediately try to protect themselves.
00:36:26.640 --> 00:36:31.120
If you want to reduce defensiveness, focus on the problem instead of attacking the person.
00:36:32.080 --> 00:36:34.400
Instead of, you always make mistakes.
00:36:35.440 --> 00:36:37.680
Say, let's figure out what went wrong.
00:36:38.640 --> 00:36:40.800
Instead of, you weren't paying attention.
00:36:41.840 --> 00:36:43.760
Say, can we go over what happened?
00:36:44.720 --> 00:36:46.400
Instead of, this is your fault.
00:36:47.440 --> 00:36:49.760
Say, let's work out how we can fix this.
00:36:50.800 --> 00:36:53.040
This does not mean avoiding accountability.
00:36:53.920 --> 00:36:56.240
It means separating the person from the problem.
00:36:57.200 --> 00:36:59.760
Now let's move to a more emotional situation.
00:37:00.720 --> 00:37:02.160
Situation 3.
00:37:02.161 --> 00:37:05.760
A friend is having a difficult time imagine your friend tells you.
00:37:05.761 --> 00:37:07.360
I've been really stressed lately.
00:37:08.320 --> 00:37:10.480
Work is getting worse and I don't know what.
00:37:11.600 --> 00:37:12.560
I'm going to do.
00:37:13.520 --> 00:37:16.080
You could say, I'm sorry you're dealing with that.
00:37:17.120 --> 00:37:19.200
Then, that sounds really stressful.
00:37:20.240 --> 00:37:21.920
Then, do you want to talk about it?
00:37:22.960 --> 00:37:23.360
Notice.
00:37:25.200 --> 00:37:25.920
The order.
00:37:26.880 --> 00:37:28.160
First, recognition.
00:37:29.120 --> 00:37:30.080
Then empathy.
00:37:31.040 --> 00:37:32.160
Then an invitation.
00:37:33.120 --> 00:37:35.120
You are not immediately giving advice.
00:37:36.160 --> 00:37:37.920
Your friend may say, yeah.
00:37:38.800 --> 00:37:40.240
I just feel exhausted.
00:37:41.120 --> 00:37:43.600
You could say, I can understand why.
00:37:44.560 --> 00:37:46.080
You've had a lot going on.
00:37:47.040 --> 00:37:50.640
Your friend says, I don't even know if I should stay at this job.
00:37:51.600 --> 00:37:52.800
Now you have a choice.
00:37:53.760 --> 00:37:57.200
If they seem to want advice, you can ask, do you want my opinion?
00:37:58.240 --> 00:37:59.760
That is an excellent phrase.
00:38:00.720 --> 00:38:02.960
It prevents you from giving unwanted advice.
00:38:04.080 --> 00:38:05.920
Many people have experienced this.
00:38:06.960 --> 00:38:09.120
They tell a friend about a difficult problem.
00:38:10.080 --> 00:38:12.160
The friend immediately starts solving it.
00:38:13.120 --> 00:38:13.840
You should quit.
00:38:14.880 --> 00:38:15.600
You should move.
00:38:16.640 --> 00:38:18.080
You should talk to your manager.
00:38:19.040 --> 00:38:19.920
You should do this.
00:38:20.960 --> 00:38:21.840
You should do that.
00:38:22.880 --> 00:38:24.880
Sometimes the person does need advice.
00:38:25.840 --> 00:38:28.400
But sometimes they simply need someone to listen.
00:38:29.360 --> 00:38:32.720
So ask, do you want advice or do you just want me to listen?
00:38:33.680 --> 00:38:35.440
That sentence is very useful.
00:38:36.400 --> 00:38:38.000
It shows emotional awareness.
00:38:39.120 --> 00:38:41.120
Now imagine your friend starts crying.
00:38:42.080 --> 00:38:44.240
You do not need a complicated sentence.
00:38:45.280 --> 00:38:46.800
You can say, it's okay.
00:38:47.840 --> 00:38:48.640
Take your time.
00:38:49.600 --> 00:38:50.240
I'm here.
00:38:51.200 --> 00:38:53.200
You don't have to explain everything.
00:38:54.080 --> 00:38:54.800
Take a breath.
00:38:55.840 --> 00:38:57.280
Those are simple sentences.
00:38:58.240 --> 00:38:59.840
But they can be very comforting.
00:39:00.800 --> 00:39:04.560
Now imagine your friend says, I feel stupid for being this upset.
00:39:05.520 --> 00:39:08.000
A good response might be, you're not stupid.
00:39:08.880 --> 00:39:10.880
Or it's okay to feel upset.
00:39:11.840 --> 00:39:13.840
Or I don't think you're overreacting.
00:39:14.800 --> 00:39:20.080
The phrase overreacting means reacting more strongly than the situation seems to require.
00:39:21.040 --> 00:39:24.640
Sometimes people need reassurance that their feelings are not ridiculous.
00:39:25.680 --> 00:39:29.840
Now imagine your friend has had a difficult week, but you are not sure what to say.
00:39:30.720 --> 00:39:34.640
You can honestly say, I don't really know what to say, but I'm here.
00:39:35.600 --> 00:39:38.800
This is one of my favorite phrases for difficult conversations.
00:39:39.840 --> 00:39:40.640
It is honest.
00:39:41.600 --> 00:39:44.000
It does not pretend to have a perfect solution.
00:39:44.960 --> 00:39:46.480
And it communicates presence.
00:39:47.440 --> 00:39:49.840
Sometimes presence matters more than advice.
00:39:50.880 --> 00:39:52.720
Let's move to a fourth situation.
00:39:53.760 --> 00:39:59.520
Situation four, bad news and grief imagine a coworker tells you, my mother passed away last night.
00:40:00.560 --> 00:40:02.000
This is a serious moment.
00:40:03.040 --> 00:40:03.760
Slow down.
00:40:04.800 --> 00:40:05.600
Do not rush.
00:40:06.640 --> 00:40:09.280
You can say, I'm so sorry to hear that.
00:40:10.320 --> 00:40:11.760
Then, my condolences.
00:40:12.720 --> 00:40:14.880
Or I'm thinking of you and your family.
00:40:15.760 --> 00:40:18.480
If appropriate, please take all the time you need.
00:40:19.360 --> 00:40:23.280
If you know the person well, if there's anything I can do, please let me know.
00:40:24.240 --> 00:40:27.040
You might feel nervous because you do not know what to say.
00:40:28.000 --> 00:40:29.360
That is completely normal.
00:40:30.320 --> 00:40:32.240
You can say, I'm so sorry.
00:40:33.120 --> 00:40:34.320
I don't know what to say.
00:40:35.360 --> 00:40:36.880
That can be very sincere.
00:40:37.840 --> 00:40:40.240
You do not need to fill the silence immediately.
00:40:41.200 --> 00:40:42.640
Silence can be appropriate.
00:40:43.600 --> 00:40:47.920
This is important for English learners because many people feel pressure to keep talking.
00:40:48.800 --> 00:40:51.600
But emotional conversations sometimes need space.
00:40:52.640 --> 00:40:57.760
If someone tells you about a death, you do not need to tell them a story about your own experience
00:40:57.761 --> 00:40:58.400
immediately.
00:40:59.280 --> 00:41:02.320
You do not need to say, my grandmother died too.
00:41:03.280 --> 00:41:06.320
You may eventually share your own experience if it helps.
00:41:07.280 --> 00:41:09.840
But first, let the other person have their moment.
00:41:10.800 --> 00:41:13.120
Now imagine the person says, thank you.
00:41:14.080 --> 00:41:16.000
You can simply say, of course.
00:41:16.880 --> 00:41:18.560
Or take care of yourself.
00:41:19.440 --> 00:41:20.880
Or I'm thinking of you.
00:41:21.840 --> 00:41:24.080
Let's consider another difficult situation.
00:41:25.040 --> 00:41:26.480
A friend loses their job.
00:41:27.440 --> 00:41:29.600
They say, I got laid off today.
00:41:30.560 --> 00:41:32.480
You say, I'm really sorry.
00:41:33.360 --> 00:41:34.480
That must be tough.
00:41:35.440 --> 00:41:37.440
Then perhaps, how are you feeling?
00:41:38.400 --> 00:41:42.640
This question is useful because it puts the focus on the person rather than immediately
00:41:42.641 --> 00:41:43.920
on employment strategies.
00:41:44.960 --> 00:41:47.600
They may say, honestly, I'm embarrassed.
00:41:48.560 --> 00:41:50.960
You can respond, I can understand that.
00:41:51.920 --> 00:41:53.920
But losing your job doesn't define you.
00:41:54.800 --> 00:41:59.520
Or if you do not know them well enough to say something personal, that sounds really difficult.
00:42:00.480 --> 00:42:04.320
Now suppose they say, I don't know how I'm going to pay my bills.
00:42:05.280 --> 00:42:07.920
At this point, practical help may become useful.
00:42:08.880 --> 00:42:12.320
You might say, if you want, we can look at some options together.
00:42:13.280 --> 00:42:16.960
That is different from immediately saying, you need to find another job.
00:42:17.920 --> 00:42:19.360
The first offers support.
00:42:20.320 --> 00:42:21.760
The second gives an order.
00:42:22.800 --> 00:42:25.760
This is a recurring pattern in empathetic communication.
00:42:26.720 --> 00:42:27.680
First, connect.
00:42:28.720 --> 00:42:30.480
Then, if appropriate, solve.
00:42:31.440 --> 00:42:33.520
Connection means recognizing the person.
00:42:34.480 --> 00:42:35.920
Solution means addressing.
00:42:37.680 --> 00:42:38.960
The practical problem.
00:42:39.840 --> 00:42:42.720
If you skip connection, your advice may feel cold.
00:42:43.680 --> 00:42:46.000
Let's move to a smaller social situation.
00:42:47.040 --> 00:42:48.960
Imagine you invite a friend to dinner.
00:42:49.840 --> 00:42:51.440
They cancel at the last minute.
00:42:52.400 --> 00:42:54.320
They say, I'm really sorry.
00:42:55.200 --> 00:42:56.480
I can't make it tonight.
00:42:57.440 --> 00:42:59.360
You might say, no worries.
00:43:00.400 --> 00:43:01.520
Is everything okay?
00:43:02.480 --> 00:43:05.280
They say, yeah, my daughter isn't feeling well.
00:43:06.240 --> 00:43:08.160
You respond, oh, I'm sorry.
00:43:09.120 --> 00:43:10.240
I hope she's okay.
00:43:11.280 --> 00:43:13.760
Notice how quickly the meaning of sorry changes.
00:43:14.800 --> 00:43:17.200
At first, they use sorry as an apology.
00:43:18.160 --> 00:43:19.920
Then you use sorry as empathy.
00:43:20.880 --> 00:43:21.680
Same word.
00:43:22.640 --> 00:43:23.520
Different function.
00:43:24.560 --> 00:43:27.520
This is one reason listening carefully is so important.
00:43:28.480 --> 00:43:32.480
You cannot understand spoken English only by translating every word.
00:43:33.360 --> 00:43:35.360
You need to listen for the social purpose.
00:43:36.400 --> 00:43:38.240
Let's imagine another situation.
00:43:39.280 --> 00:43:40.720
You are late to meet a friend.
00:43:41.760 --> 00:43:43.440
You arrive 20 minutes late.
00:43:44.400 --> 00:43:46.640
You say, I'm so sorry I'm late.
00:43:47.600 --> 00:43:49.440
Your friend says, it's okay.
00:43:50.400 --> 00:43:52.000
I was just getting a coffee.
00:43:52.960 --> 00:43:54.720
You say, thanks for waiting.
00:43:55.680 --> 00:43:56.480
That is enough.
00:43:57.520 --> 00:44:01.040
But imagine your friend says, I was worried something happened.
00:44:02.080 --> 00:44:04.240
Then a better response is, I'm sorry.
00:44:05.200 --> 00:44:06.560
I should have texted you.
00:44:07.600 --> 00:44:09.520
Now you are acknowledging the impact.
00:44:10.480 --> 00:44:12.960
You are not only apologizing for being late.
00:44:13.920 --> 00:44:16.720
You are apologizing because your lateness caused worry.
00:44:17.680 --> 00:44:19.280
This is an important distinction.
00:44:20.240 --> 00:44:23.920
A strong apology recognizes impact, not only intention.
00:44:24.800 --> 00:44:28.720
Impact means what actually happened to another person because of your action.
00:44:29.680 --> 00:44:32.240
You may say, I didn't mean to worry you.
00:44:33.120 --> 00:44:36.640
But an even stronger apology is, I'm sorry I worried you.
00:44:37.520 --> 00:44:38.800
I should have let you know.
00:44:39.760 --> 00:44:42.240
Let's practice one more workplace situation.
00:44:43.200 --> 00:44:44.960
Your manager gives you feedback.
00:44:46.000 --> 00:44:49.200
They say, I noticed you've missed two deadlines this month.
00:44:50.160 --> 00:44:51.440
You feel embarrassed.
00:44:52.400 --> 00:44:54.800
You might be tempted to say, I'm sorry.
00:44:55.760 --> 00:44:57.040
I've been really busy.
00:44:58.000 --> 00:44:59.680
That is not necessarily wrong.
00:45:00.640 --> 00:45:02.480
But it focuses on the explanation.
00:45:03.440 --> 00:45:05.760
A stronger response might be, you're right.
00:45:06.720 --> 00:45:07.440
I'm sorry.
00:45:08.400 --> 00:45:12.480
I've been struggling to manage the workload and I should have spoken to you earlier.
00:45:13.520 --> 00:45:17.040
Now you are accepting responsibility and explaining the situation.
00:45:18.080 --> 00:45:21.120
Then, can we talk about priorities for the next few weeks?
00:45:22.160 --> 00:45:24.560
That turns the conversation toward a solution.
00:45:25.600 --> 00:45:27.600
This is professional empathy as well.
00:45:28.560 --> 00:45:30.400
You can show empathy toward yourself.
00:45:31.360 --> 00:45:34.160
You do not have to attack yourself for every mistake.
00:45:35.200 --> 00:45:37.200
You can say, I made a mistake.
00:45:38.240 --> 00:45:40.800
Without saying, I'm terrible at everything.
00:45:41.840 --> 00:45:43.520
Those are very different statements.
00:45:44.640 --> 00:45:45.840
One is accountability.
00:45:46.800 --> 00:45:48.320
The other is self-criticism.
00:45:49.280 --> 00:45:52.080
Now, let's move into a deeper part of today's lesson.
00:45:53.040 --> 00:45:55.200
We have looked at everyday situations.
00:45:56.320 --> 00:45:58.160
Next, we will explore nuance.
00:45:59.200 --> 00:46:01.440
This is where the language becomes more subtle.
00:46:02.400 --> 00:46:02.800
Five.
00:46:03.840 --> 00:46:07.760
Advanced slash nuance now, let's move to the advanced and nuanced section.
00:46:08.720 --> 00:46:12.880
This is where we examine the small differences that can change how a sentence feels.
00:46:13.840 --> 00:46:17.840
The first important idea is that tone can completely change in apology.
00:46:18.800 --> 00:46:20.000
Consider, sorry.
00:46:20.960 --> 00:46:24.000
A quiet, sincere, sorry, can sound warm.
00:46:24.960 --> 00:46:27.200
A loud, sorry, can sound angry.
00:46:28.080 --> 00:46:30.720
A stretched, sorry, can sound sarcastic.
00:46:31.680 --> 00:46:36.400
Sarcasm means saying something in a way that communicates a different or opposite attitude.
00:46:37.360 --> 00:46:40.560
For example, someone makes the same mistake five times.
00:46:41.600 --> 00:46:43.280
You say, oh, sorry.
00:46:44.240 --> 00:46:46.160
That may not be a genuine apology.
00:46:47.120 --> 00:46:50.400
So when you learn these phrases, do not learn only the words.
00:46:51.440 --> 00:46:52.800
Learn the emotional tone.
00:46:53.840 --> 00:47:00.000
Now consider, I'm sorry, versus, I'm sorry, but the second phrase can sometimes weaken the apology.
00:47:00.960 --> 00:47:03.680
For example, I'm sorry, but you made me do it.
00:47:04.640 --> 00:47:06.720
That does not sound like a full apology.
00:47:07.680 --> 00:47:08.720
It shifts blame.
00:47:09.680 --> 00:47:11.040
Compare, I'm sorry.
00:47:12.000 --> 00:47:13.280
I shouldn't have said that.
00:47:14.320 --> 00:47:16.000
This accepts responsibility.
00:47:16.960 --> 00:47:18.080
Or, I'm sorry.
00:47:18.960 --> 00:47:21.040
I was frustrated, but that wasn't fair.
00:47:22.000 --> 00:47:25.280
This gives context without using the context as an excuse.
00:47:26.400 --> 00:47:27.920
That distinction is powerful.
00:47:28.880 --> 00:47:31.520
An explanation answers, why did this happen?
00:47:32.480 --> 00:47:34.960
An excuse tries to remove responsibility.
00:47:35.920 --> 00:47:38.560
You can give an explanation without giving an excuse.
00:47:39.600 --> 00:47:42.320
For example, I'm sorry I was short with you.
00:47:43.200 --> 00:47:46.160
I was stressed, but I shouldn't have spoken to you that way.
00:47:47.200 --> 00:47:48.400
That sounds accountable.
00:47:49.600 --> 00:47:51.840
Now let's talk about over-apologizing.
00:47:52.880 --> 00:47:55.280
Some English learners apologize for everything.
00:47:56.320 --> 00:47:59.440
They say, sorry, when someone else bumps into them.
00:48:00.400 --> 00:48:02.320
Sorry, when they ask a question.
00:48:03.280 --> 00:48:04.960
Sorry, when they need help.
00:48:05.920 --> 00:48:07.600
Sorry, when they disagree.
00:48:08.560 --> 00:48:10.080
Sorry, when they enter.
00:48:10.800 --> 00:48:12.320
A room.
00:48:13.360 --> 00:48:14.720
This can become a habit.
00:48:15.600 --> 00:48:16.800
Politeness is good.
00:48:17.680 --> 00:48:21.200
But constant apology can make your communication sound uncertain.
00:48:22.160 --> 00:48:24.480
Instead of, sorry, can I ask a question?
00:48:24.481 --> 00:48:26.800
You can often say, can I ask a question?
00:48:27.760 --> 00:48:29.920
Or, excuse me, can I ask something?
00:48:30.880 --> 00:48:33.440
Instead of, sorry, I don't understand.
00:48:33.441 --> 00:48:36.080
You can say, I'm not sure I understand.
00:48:36.960 --> 00:48:38.640
Or, could you explain that again?
00:48:39.600 --> 00:48:41.920
Instead of, sorry, I'm bothering you.
00:48:41.921 --> 00:48:43.840
You can say, do you have a minute?
00:48:44.800 --> 00:48:47.760
This is an important transition from politeness to confidence.
00:48:48.800 --> 00:48:51.440
You can be polite without apologizing for existing.
00:48:52.400 --> 00:48:54.240
Now let's talk about disagreement.
00:48:55.200 --> 00:48:58.720
Imagine someone says, I think the meeting should start at nine.
00:48:59.680 --> 00:49:00.560
You disagree.
00:49:01.520 --> 00:49:04.160
You could say, sorry, I don't think that's right.
00:49:05.200 --> 00:49:06.160
That is possible.
00:49:07.120 --> 00:49:09.920
But a more natural professional response might be,
00:49:09.921 --> 00:49:11.200
I'm not sure I agree.
00:49:12.160 --> 00:49:15.040
Or, I see your point, but I think we should start at 10.
00:49:15.920 --> 00:49:18.240
Or, I understand where you're coming from.
00:49:19.200 --> 00:49:20.640
I just see it differently.
00:49:21.600 --> 00:49:23.680
These phrases reduce confrontation.
00:49:24.640 --> 00:49:26.960
You are not saying the other person is stupid.
00:49:27.920 --> 00:49:29.680
You are presenting another perspective.
00:49:30.720 --> 00:49:33.600
Now imagine someone says something that hurts your feelings.
00:49:34.560 --> 00:49:36.000
They later apologize.
00:49:36.960 --> 00:49:38.480
They say, I'm sorry.
00:49:39.360 --> 00:49:40.320
I didn't mean it.
00:49:41.200 --> 00:49:42.720
You can say, thank you.
00:49:43.600 --> 00:49:45.200
I appreciate the apology.
00:49:46.080 --> 00:49:49.040
If you are still hurt, I appreciate you saying that.
00:49:49.920 --> 00:49:51.600
I was pretty upset though.
00:49:52.560 --> 00:49:53.520
This is honest.
00:49:54.480 --> 00:49:57.360
You do not have to immediately say, no worries.
00:49:58.400 --> 00:50:01.040
Sometimes no worries is not the right response.
00:50:02.000 --> 00:50:04.560
If there are worries, you are allowed to acknowledge them.
00:50:05.520 --> 00:50:08.960
You can say, I accept your apology, but I need some time.
00:50:09.920 --> 00:50:11.840
Or, I appreciate the apology.
00:50:12.800 --> 00:50:14.720
I think we should talk about what happened.
00:50:15.760 --> 00:50:17.680
This is emotionally mature English.
00:50:18.720 --> 00:50:20.880
Now let's examine, I'm here for you.
00:50:21.840 --> 00:50:23.120
This is a warm phrase.
00:50:24.080 --> 00:50:27.440
It means, you do not have to deal with this completely alone.
00:50:28.400 --> 00:50:30.160
You might say it to a close friend.
00:50:31.120 --> 00:50:32.880
My divorce has been really hard.
00:50:33.840 --> 00:50:34.880
I'm really sorry.
00:50:35.840 --> 00:50:36.800
I'm here for you.
00:50:37.760 --> 00:50:40.400
Or, if you need someone to talk to, I'm here.
00:50:41.280 --> 00:50:43.120
Be careful with promises though.
00:50:44.000 --> 00:50:48.400
If you say, call me anytime, day or night, you should be prepared to mean it.
00:50:49.280 --> 00:50:52.720
If you cannot provide the kind of support, use a smaller promise.
00:50:53.680 --> 00:50:56.000
If you want to talk sometime, let me know.
00:50:56.960 --> 00:50:58.640
That is warm but realistic.
00:50:59.520 --> 00:51:01.440
Another phrase is, take care.
00:51:02.400 --> 00:51:03.840
This is extremely common.
00:51:04.800 --> 00:51:06.400
It can be a casual goodbye.
00:51:07.280 --> 00:51:09.040
But it can also carry empathy.
00:51:10.000 --> 00:51:12.320
Someone tells you they are having a difficult time.
00:51:13.360 --> 00:51:15.280
You say, take care of yourself.
00:51:16.320 --> 00:51:18.480
That is warmer than simply, take care.
00:51:19.440 --> 00:51:22.240
Another useful expression is, be kind to yourself.
00:51:23.280 --> 00:51:26.320
This means, do not be excessively hard on yourself.
00:51:27.280 --> 00:51:30.160
It can be comforting after a mistake or disappointment.
00:51:31.120 --> 00:51:33.200
For example, you didn't get the job.
00:51:34.080 --> 00:51:34.880
I'm sorry.
00:51:35.840 --> 00:51:36.960
Be kind to yourself.
00:51:37.920 --> 00:51:39.520
It was a difficult interview.
00:51:40.480 --> 00:51:44.720
This phrase is more emotional and personal, so use it with the right relationship.
00:51:45.680 --> 00:51:47.600
Now let's discuss cultural nuance.
00:51:48.560 --> 00:51:53.520
In Canada, people often use indirect language to avoid creating unnecessary tension.
00:51:54.480 --> 00:51:57.280
That does not mean Canadians never speak directly.
00:51:58.240 --> 00:51:59.200
They certainly do.
00:52:00.160 --> 00:52:03.680
But in many ordinary interactions, soft language is preferred.
00:52:04.640 --> 00:52:08.160
For example, I'm afraid we don't have any tables available.
00:52:09.120 --> 00:52:10.720
Instead of, no tables.
00:52:11.680 --> 00:52:13.360
I'm not sure that's going to work.
00:52:14.400 --> 00:52:16.080
Instead of, that won't work.
00:52:17.040 --> 00:52:17.840
Would you mind?
00:52:18.800 --> 00:52:20.160
Instead of, do this.
00:52:21.120 --> 00:52:22.320
I'm sorry, could you?
00:52:23.280 --> 00:52:24.560
Instead of, move.
00:52:25.600 --> 00:52:28.160
These phrases are not necessarily less clear.
00:52:29.120 --> 00:52:30.640
They are simply less forceful.
00:52:31.600 --> 00:52:36.160
This is especially useful when you are speaking to strangers, co-workers, customers,
00:52:36.161 --> 00:52:38.160
or people who have more authority than you.
00:52:39.120 --> 00:52:42.320
Now let's look at, I'm afraid, this phrase can be confusing.
00:52:43.200 --> 00:52:45.200
It does not necessarily mean fear.
00:52:46.160 --> 00:52:49.040
For example, I'm afraid we're fully booked tonight.
00:52:49.920 --> 00:52:52.640
It means, unfortunately, we are fully booked.
00:52:53.600 --> 00:52:56.960
You might hear this in customer service or formal conversation.
00:52:57.920 --> 00:53:02.720
But in casual Canadian conversation, you can simply say, sorry, we're fully booked.
00:53:03.680 --> 00:53:05.920
Another phrase is, unfortunately.
00:53:06.960 --> 00:53:09.520
Unfortunately, the appointment has been cancelled.
00:53:10.560 --> 00:53:12.000
This is polite but formal.
00:53:12.960 --> 00:53:17.040
In casual conversation, unfortunately, they cancelled the appointment.
00:53:18.000 --> 00:53:19.040
Both are correct.
00:53:20.000 --> 00:53:22.560
Again, relationship and context matter.
00:53:23.600 --> 00:53:26.160
Now let's talk about when empathy becomes too much.
00:53:27.280 --> 00:53:30.000
Sometimes people try very hard to sound caring.
00:53:31.040 --> 00:53:34.480
They say, oh my goodness.
00:53:35.520 --> 00:53:37.040
That's absolutely terrible.
00:53:38.000 --> 00:53:39.280
I can't even imagine.
00:53:40.320 --> 00:53:41.360
That's so horrible.
00:53:42.240 --> 00:53:45.280
But if the situation is minor, this can sound dramatic.
00:53:46.240 --> 00:53:48.480
If someone says, I missed my bus.
00:53:49.520 --> 00:53:52.400
You probably do not need, oh, I'm so sorry.
00:53:53.360 --> 00:53:54.800
That must be devastating.
00:53:55.840 --> 00:53:56.880
That is too strong.
00:53:57.920 --> 00:53:59.840
You could say, ah, that's annoying.
00:54:00.720 --> 00:54:02.080
Or, that's too bad.
00:54:03.040 --> 00:54:05.280
Or, hopefully the next one comes soon.
00:54:06.320 --> 00:54:07.920
Good empathy is proportional.
00:54:08.960 --> 00:54:11.760
That means the emotional response matches the situation.
00:54:12.800 --> 00:54:13.680
Small problem.
00:54:14.640 --> 00:54:15.440
Keep it light.
00:54:16.400 --> 00:54:17.360
Serious problem.
00:54:18.400 --> 00:54:20.240
Slow down and show more care.
00:54:21.200 --> 00:54:23.680
This is one reason, sorry, is so interesting.
00:54:24.640 --> 00:54:27.120
The same word can work in a tiny accident
00:54:27.121 --> 00:54:28.960
and a serious emotional situation.
00:54:29.920 --> 00:54:31.920
But your tone, your follow-up words
00:54:31.921 --> 00:54:33.760
and your body language change the meaning.
00:54:34.720 --> 00:54:38.240
Sorry, after bumping into someone is very different from.
00:54:38.241 --> 00:54:40.160
I'm so sorry to hear about your father.
00:54:41.040 --> 00:54:42.240
The words overlap.
00:54:43.200 --> 00:54:44.720
The emotional weight does not.
00:54:45.760 --> 00:54:47.920
Now let's discuss apologies in writing.
00:54:48.880 --> 00:54:50.800
Text messages are often shorter.
00:54:51.760 --> 00:54:54.160
A friend might write, sorry, just saw this.
00:54:55.280 --> 00:54:58.080
That means, I apologize for responding late.
00:54:59.040 --> 00:55:00.640
I only just saw your message.
00:55:01.600 --> 00:55:03.440
Or, sorry, running late.
00:55:04.400 --> 00:55:05.760
This is very casual.
00:55:06.720 --> 00:55:09.200
At work you might write, sorry for the delay.
00:55:10.160 --> 00:55:11.760
I'll send the document shortly.
00:55:12.800 --> 00:55:13.600
More formal.
00:55:14.560 --> 00:55:17.760
For a serious mistake, I apologize for the confusion.
00:55:18.720 --> 00:55:20.800
I'll correct this as soon as possible.
00:55:21.680 --> 00:55:24.640
Again, the level of formality should match the situation.
00:55:25.680 --> 00:55:28.080
Now let's consider pronunciation and rhythm.
00:55:29.040 --> 00:55:30.720
When you say, I'm sorry.
00:55:31.600 --> 00:55:34.080
Do not pronounce every word with equal force.
00:55:35.120 --> 00:55:38.160
Natural speech often sounds more like, I'm sorry.
00:55:39.120 --> 00:55:40.560
The phrase flows together.
00:55:41.520 --> 00:55:44.080
When you say, I'm really sorry about that.
00:55:45.040 --> 00:55:48.480
The strongest emotional stress may fall on really, or sorry.
00:55:49.360 --> 00:55:50.880
I'm really sorry about that.
00:55:51.920 --> 00:55:55.600
When asking someone to repeat something, sorry, could you say that again?
00:55:56.560 --> 00:55:58.000
The sorry is often quick.
00:55:58.960 --> 00:56:00.720
It is not a dramatic apology.
00:56:01.680 --> 00:56:04.000
It simply prepares the listener for the request.
00:56:05.120 --> 00:56:06.560
Sorry, could you say that again?
00:56:07.600 --> 00:56:09.440
This is a useful rhythm to practice.
00:56:10.560 --> 00:56:11.200
Quick, sorry.
00:56:12.160 --> 00:56:13.040
Clear request.
00:56:14.160 --> 00:56:16.240
Sorry, could you speak a little more slowly?
00:56:17.200 --> 00:56:19.040
Sorry, could you repeat the last part?
00:56:20.080 --> 00:56:21.600
Sorry, I didn't catch that.
00:56:22.560 --> 00:56:25.760
The phrase I didn't catch that is another natural expression.
00:56:26.720 --> 00:56:29.360
It means, I didn't hear or understand that.
00:56:30.400 --> 00:56:32.480
It does not mean you physically caught something.
00:56:33.440 --> 00:56:36.000
For example, sorry, I didn't catch that.
00:56:36.960 --> 00:56:38.000
Could you say it again?
00:56:39.040 --> 00:56:39.920
Very natural.
00:56:40.960 --> 00:56:45.040
Now let's examine the difference between, I'm sorry, and I feel bad.
00:56:45.920 --> 00:56:48.640
I feel bad means you feel regret or concern.
00:56:49.600 --> 00:56:52.720
For example, I feel bad about missing your birthday.
00:56:53.600 --> 00:56:55.600
It can sound personal and sincere.
00:56:56.480 --> 00:56:59.280
But it is not always a substitute for an apology.
00:57:00.160 --> 00:57:03.120
If you actually made a mistake say, I'm sorry.
00:57:04.080 --> 00:57:06.800
Then, if useful, I feel terrible about it.
00:57:07.600 --> 00:57:11.040
Another phrase is, I regret, I regret what happened.
00:57:12.080 --> 00:57:14.000
This is more formal and serious.
00:57:14.960 --> 00:57:19.040
You would not normally say, I regret being 10 minutes late to dinner.
00:57:20.000 --> 00:57:21.280
That sounds dramatic.
00:57:22.240 --> 00:57:24.560
You might say, I'm sorry, I'm late.
00:57:25.440 --> 00:57:30.560
But in a formal statement, I regret the decision, or we regret any inconvenience.
00:57:31.600 --> 00:57:33.680
This language is more institutional.
00:57:34.640 --> 00:57:39.600
Finally, let's talk about one of the deepest forms of empathy, listening without taking over.
00:57:40.480 --> 00:57:45.200
When someone is sharing something difficult, your job is not always to become the main speaker.
00:57:46.160 --> 00:57:46.960
You can listen.
00:57:47.920 --> 00:57:49.680
You can ask, what happened?
00:57:50.640 --> 00:57:51.920
How are you feeling about it?
00:57:52.880 --> 00:57:54.000
What do you think you'll do?
00:57:54.960 --> 00:57:56.320
Do you want to talk about it?
00:57:57.200 --> 00:57:58.960
And sometimes, I'm listening.
00:58:00.000 --> 00:58:02.240
That last phrase is simple, but powerful.
00:58:03.040 --> 00:58:04.720
Empathy is not a performance.
00:58:05.760 --> 00:58:07.920
You do not need impressive vocabulary.
00:58:08.880 --> 00:58:09.840
You need attention.
00:58:10.880 --> 00:58:13.600
Now let's move to the practice and reflection section.
00:58:14.560 --> 00:58:17.760
This is where you can slow down and use the language yourself.
00:58:18.800 --> 00:58:23.440
Six, practice and reflection now let's move to practice and reflection.
00:58:24.400 --> 00:58:27.600
I want you to imagine that we are having a conversation together.
00:58:28.560 --> 00:58:30.320
You do not need to speak loudly.
00:58:31.280 --> 00:58:32.640
You can answer quietly.
00:58:33.600 --> 00:58:36.480
If you are walking, cooking, driving, or relaxing.
00:58:37.600 --> 00:58:39.600
Simply listen and repeat when you can.
00:58:40.640 --> 00:58:42.800
Let's begin with very short responses.
00:58:43.840 --> 00:58:45.680
Imagine I say, sorry.
00:58:46.640 --> 00:58:48.320
You say, no worries.
00:58:49.280 --> 00:58:49.680
Again.
00:58:50.800 --> 00:58:51.280
Sorry.
00:58:52.240 --> 00:58:53.040
No worries.
00:58:54.080 --> 00:58:55.680
Now, I'm sorry I'm late.
00:58:56.720 --> 00:58:58.160
You say, that's okay.
00:58:59.120 --> 00:58:59.520
Again.
00:59:00.560 --> 00:59:01.760
I'm sorry I'm late.
00:59:02.800 --> 00:59:05.440
That's okay.
00:59:06.480 --> 00:59:08.480
Now, I'm really sorry about that.
00:59:09.520 --> 00:59:10.720
You say, thanks.
00:59:11.680 --> 00:59:12.720
I appreciate it.
00:59:13.680 --> 00:59:14.000
Good.
00:59:15.040 --> 00:59:16.560
Now let's move to empathy.
00:59:17.520 --> 00:59:20.080
I say, my week has been really difficult.
00:59:21.120 --> 00:59:23.280
You say, I'm sorry to hear that.
00:59:24.240 --> 00:59:24.560
Again.
00:59:25.680 --> 00:59:27.360
My week has been really difficult.
00:59:28.320 --> 00:59:29.600
I'm sorry to hear that.
00:59:30.720 --> 00:59:32.240
Now, I didn't get the job.
00:59:33.200 --> 00:59:34.640
You say, I'm sorry.
00:59:35.600 --> 00:59:37.040
That must be disappointing.
00:59:38.080 --> 00:59:38.320
Good.
00:59:39.360 --> 00:59:41.280
Now, my dad is in the hospital.
00:59:42.320 --> 00:59:44.640
You say, I'm so sorry to hear that.
00:59:45.600 --> 00:59:48.080
And now, I've been feeling really overwhelmed.
00:59:49.120 --> 00:59:51.360
You say, that sounds really difficult.
00:59:52.320 --> 00:59:52.640
Good.
00:59:53.680 --> 00:59:55.520
Let's practice a longer response.
00:59:56.480 --> 00:59:59.840
Imagine your friend says, I've been working so much lately.
01:00:00.720 --> 01:00:04.400
I'm exhausted and I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this.
01:00:05.360 --> 01:00:05.760
Pause.
01:00:06.800 --> 01:00:08.080
Think about your response.
01:00:09.040 --> 01:00:11.760
You might say, I'm sorry you're dealing with that.
01:00:12.720 --> 01:00:14.320
It sounds really exhausting.
01:00:15.280 --> 01:00:16.640
Do you want to talk about it?
01:00:17.520 --> 01:00:18.560
Say it slowly.
01:00:19.440 --> 01:00:21.040
I'm sorry you're dealing with that.
01:00:22.000 --> 01:00:23.600
It sounds really exhausting.
01:00:24.560 --> 01:00:25.920
Do you want to talk about it?
01:00:26.800 --> 01:00:27.440
Excellent.
01:00:28.400 --> 01:00:30.560
Now, let's practice a workplace apology.
01:00:31.520 --> 01:00:34.080
Imagine you forgot to send an important email.
01:00:35.040 --> 01:00:36.160
Say, I'm sorry.
01:00:37.040 --> 01:00:38.640
I should have sent that earlier.
01:00:39.680 --> 01:00:40.640
That's my mistake.
01:00:41.680 --> 01:00:42.880
Now, add a solution.
01:00:43.840 --> 01:00:45.120
I'll send it right away.
01:00:46.080 --> 01:00:47.440
Put the two parts together.
01:00:48.400 --> 01:00:49.120
I'm sorry.
01:00:50.080 --> 01:00:51.600
I should have sent that earlier.
01:00:52.640 --> 01:00:53.680
That's my mistake.
01:00:54.640 --> 01:00:55.920
I'll send it right away.
01:00:56.880 --> 01:00:57.200
Good.
01:00:58.240 --> 01:01:00.720
Now, imagine a coworker apologizes to you.
01:01:01.680 --> 01:01:03.200
They say, I'm sorry.
01:01:04.080 --> 01:01:05.280
I completely forgot.
01:01:06.320 --> 01:01:07.680
You respond, okay.
01:01:08.720 --> 01:01:10.000
Thanks for letting me know.
01:01:10.960 --> 01:01:13.040
Now, imagine the deadline is flexible.
01:01:14.000 --> 01:01:14.800
No worries.
01:01:15.840 --> 01:01:17.520
Just send it when you have a chance.
01:01:18.640 --> 01:01:20.960
Now, imagine the deadline is not flexible.
01:01:21.920 --> 01:01:22.320
Okay.
01:01:23.360 --> 01:01:24.320
I understand.
01:01:25.280 --> 01:01:27.120
We still need it by five, though.
01:01:28.080 --> 01:01:29.840
Notice how the language changes.
01:01:30.880 --> 01:01:32.320
This is practical English.
01:01:33.360 --> 01:01:35.680
Now, let's practice asking for repetition.
01:01:36.640 --> 01:01:38.720
Imagine someone speaks too quickly.
01:01:39.680 --> 01:01:42.800
Do not say, sorry, I don't understand anything.
01:01:43.760 --> 01:01:45.840
Instead, sorry, could you say that again?
01:01:46.800 --> 01:01:49.600
Another version, sorry, I didn't catch that.
01:01:50.480 --> 01:01:52.880
Another, could you speak a little more slowly?
01:01:53.840 --> 01:01:55.840
These phrases are useful every day.
01:01:56.800 --> 01:02:00.640
You do not need to feel embarrassed about asking someone to repeat themselves.
01:02:01.680 --> 01:02:04.320
Clear communication is a shared responsibility.
01:02:05.280 --> 01:02:07.120
Now, let's practice showing concern.
01:02:08.080 --> 01:02:09.920
Imagine your friend looks tired.
01:02:10.880 --> 01:02:12.400
You say, are you okay?
01:02:13.360 --> 01:02:15.520
Another version, are you doing okay?
01:02:16.480 --> 01:02:18.400
Another, you seem a little tired.
01:02:19.280 --> 01:02:20.240
Everything okay?
01:02:21.200 --> 01:02:22.400
Be careful with you seem.
01:02:23.440 --> 01:02:25.600
It can sound caring when used gently.
01:02:26.480 --> 01:02:29.760
But if your tone is too strong, it can sound like criticism.
01:02:30.720 --> 01:02:33.440
You seem really upset, may sound concerned.
01:02:34.400 --> 01:02:37.040
You seem angry, may sound confrontational.
01:02:38.000 --> 01:02:38.800
Toned matters.
01:02:39.840 --> 01:02:43.440
Now, let's practice responding when someone shares a difficult experience.
01:02:44.480 --> 01:02:45.920
I will give you a situation.
01:02:46.960 --> 01:02:48.240
You think of a response.
01:02:49.280 --> 01:02:51.760
My landlord just told me I have to move out.
01:02:52.720 --> 01:02:54.720
A natural response could be, wow.
01:02:55.680 --> 01:02:56.480
I'm sorry.
01:02:57.440 --> 01:02:59.120
That sounds really stressful.
01:03:00.000 --> 01:03:01.200
Another situation.
01:03:02.160 --> 01:03:04.720
I've applied for 20 jobs and haven't heard back.
01:03:05.760 --> 01:03:08.400
You could say, that sounds really frustrating.
01:03:09.280 --> 01:03:12.720
Another, my relationship ended last week.
01:03:13.760 --> 01:03:15.440
You could say, I'm sorry.
01:03:16.400 --> 01:03:18.000
That must be really difficult.
01:03:18.960 --> 01:03:19.440
Another,
01:03:20.400 --> 01:03:21.600
I failed my exam.
01:03:22.640 --> 01:03:24.240
You could say, I'm sorry.
01:03:25.120 --> 01:03:26.640
I know you worked hard for it.
01:03:27.680 --> 01:03:31.600
Notice that empathy becomes more specific when you know more about the situation.
01:03:32.640 --> 01:03:37.280
Instead of simply saying, I'm sorry, you can say, I know you worked hard.
01:03:38.240 --> 01:03:39.600
That shows that you listened.
01:03:40.640 --> 01:03:42.880
Now, let's practice something more difficult.
01:03:43.840 --> 01:03:45.760
Imagine someone is upset with you.
01:03:46.800 --> 01:03:48.640
They say, you never listen to me.
01:03:49.680 --> 01:03:51.600
Do not immediately defend yourself.
01:03:52.560 --> 01:03:52.960
Pause.
01:03:53.920 --> 01:03:57.760
A possible response is, I can understand why you feel that way.
01:03:58.800 --> 01:04:00.000
Then, I'm sorry.
01:04:00.880 --> 01:04:02.720
I should have listened more carefully.
01:04:03.600 --> 01:04:05.680
Or, I can see why you're frustrated.
01:04:06.560 --> 01:04:07.360
I'm sorry.
01:04:08.400 --> 01:04:11.360
This does not mean you agree with every part of their statement.
01:04:12.400 --> 01:04:14.000
You are acknowledging their feeling.
01:04:14.960 --> 01:04:15.840
That is different.
01:04:16.960 --> 01:04:18.400
Now imagine you disagree.
01:04:19.440 --> 01:04:21.600
They say, you ignored me on purpose.
01:04:22.640 --> 01:04:24.000
You know that is not true.
01:04:24.960 --> 01:04:29.200
You could say, I understand why it looked that way, but that wasn't my intention.
01:04:30.400 --> 01:04:32.640
Then, I'm sorry it came across that way.
01:04:33.680 --> 01:04:34.640
This is nuanced.
01:04:35.600 --> 01:04:39.040
You are not accepting an accusation that you intentionally ignored them.
01:04:40.000 --> 01:04:41.600
But you are acknowledging the effect.
01:04:42.640 --> 01:04:45.440
Now, let's practice responding to a sincere apology.
01:04:46.480 --> 01:04:48.160
Someone says, I'm sorry.
01:04:48.960 --> 01:04:50.400
I shouldn't have said that.
01:04:51.360 --> 01:04:51.920
You say,
01:04:53.680 --> 01:04:55.200
Thank you for apologizing.
01:04:56.160 --> 01:04:57.200
I appreciate it.
01:04:58.160 --> 01:04:59.600
Now suppose you need time.
01:05:00.640 --> 01:05:02.160
Thank you for apologizing.
01:05:03.040 --> 01:05:05.360
I appreciate it, but I need some time to think.
01:05:06.400 --> 01:05:08.640
Now suppose you are ready to move forward.
01:05:09.680 --> 01:05:10.240
Thank you.
01:05:11.120 --> 01:05:12.720
I appreciate the apology.
01:05:13.680 --> 01:05:14.640
Let's move on.
01:05:15.600 --> 01:05:18.320
Different situations require different responses.
01:05:19.280 --> 01:05:21.200
There is no single perfect sentence.
01:05:22.240 --> 01:05:24.160
Let's do a reflection exercise.
01:05:25.200 --> 01:05:27.920
Think about the last time someone apologizes to you.
01:05:28.880 --> 01:05:29.760
What did they say?
01:05:30.720 --> 01:05:31.760
How did you respond?
01:05:32.720 --> 01:05:34.480
Did you say, no worries.
01:05:35.440 --> 01:05:36.000
It's okay.
01:05:37.040 --> 01:05:37.520
Thank you.
01:05:38.480 --> 01:05:39.520
Or did you say nothing?
01:05:40.480 --> 01:05:43.200
Now think about a time when you needed to apologize.
01:05:44.160 --> 01:05:45.760
Did you apologize clearly?
01:05:46.640 --> 01:05:48.400
Or did you give a long explanation?
01:05:49.440 --> 01:05:54.960
For example, sorry, I was busy and then my phone died and then traffic was terrible
01:05:54.961 --> 01:05:57.280
and then sometimes explanations are useful.
01:05:58.160 --> 01:06:00.720
But often, a simple apology is stronger.
01:06:01.600 --> 01:06:02.800
I'm sorry, I'm late.
01:06:03.760 --> 01:06:05.200
I should have left earlier.
01:06:06.240 --> 01:06:09.120
Now think about the difference between these two sentences.
01:06:09.121 --> 01:06:12.880
I'm sorry you feel that way and I'm sorry I made you feel that way.
01:06:13.840 --> 01:06:16.320
The first one can sometimes sound defensive.
01:06:17.200 --> 01:06:19.680
It may suggest the problem is your feelings.
01:06:20.640 --> 01:06:23.120
The second one accepts more responsibility.
01:06:24.000 --> 01:06:28.000
But even the second sentence may not be enough if you have caused real harm.
01:06:28.960 --> 01:06:31.280
A stronger version might be, I'm sorry.
01:06:32.240 --> 01:06:34.000
I can see that what I said hurt you.
01:06:34.880 --> 01:06:36.640
I should have handled it differently.
01:06:37.600 --> 01:06:38.960
That is more specific.
01:06:39.920 --> 01:06:42.640
Specific apologies often feel more sincere.
01:06:43.600 --> 01:06:45.520
Let's practice one final sequence.
01:06:46.560 --> 01:06:49.760
Imagine your friend says, I've been having a terrible month.
01:06:50.800 --> 01:06:52.960
You say, I'm sorry to hear that.
01:06:53.920 --> 01:06:58.480
They say, I lost my job and my apartment situation is getting complicated.
01:06:59.440 --> 01:07:03.120
You say, well, you've had a lot to deal with.
01:07:04.160 --> 01:07:07.600
They say, yeah, I don't really know what to do.
01:07:08.640 --> 01:07:10.560
You say, do you want to talk about it?
01:07:11.520 --> 01:07:15.360
They say, maybe, I just need someone to listen.
01:07:16.400 --> 01:07:19.360
You say, of course, I'm here.
01:07:20.400 --> 01:07:21.360
That is empathy.
01:07:22.320 --> 01:07:23.680
Notice how simple it is.
01:07:24.800 --> 01:07:26.320
No advanced vocabulary.
01:07:27.280 --> 01:07:28.720
No complicated grammar.
01:07:29.760 --> 01:07:32.400
Just attention, patience and appropriate language.
01:07:33.360 --> 01:07:37.040
Before we close today's episode, remember one final principle.
01:07:38.000 --> 01:07:40.320
You do not have to apologize for everything.
01:07:41.360 --> 01:07:43.760
You can be polite without making yourself smaller.
01:07:44.720 --> 01:07:46.480
You can say, excuse me.
01:07:47.440 --> 01:07:49.840
Instead of, sorry, sorry, sorry.
01:07:50.800 --> 01:07:52.560
You can say, could you help me?
01:07:53.520 --> 01:07:55.440
Instead of, sorry to bother you.
01:07:56.400 --> 01:07:58.400
You can say, I have a question.
01:07:59.360 --> 01:08:01.600
Instead of, sorry, can I ask something?
01:08:02.480 --> 01:08:06.640
And when you genuinely make a mistake, do not be afraid to say, I'm sorry.
01:08:07.600 --> 01:08:09.840
There is confidence in a sincere apology.
01:08:10.800 --> 01:08:12.400
Let's take one final breath.
01:08:13.360 --> 01:08:15.360
And now, let's move to the closing.
01:08:16.400 --> 01:08:16.800
Seven.
01:08:17.760 --> 01:08:20.400
Closing we have reached the end of today's episode.
01:08:21.280 --> 01:08:23.760
Today, we explored one very small word.
01:08:24.800 --> 01:08:25.280
Sorry.
01:08:26.240 --> 01:08:29.120
But as you have heard, sorry can do many different things.
01:08:30.160 --> 01:08:31.440
It can be an apology.
01:08:32.400 --> 01:08:34.240
It can be a request for repetition.
01:08:35.200 --> 01:08:36.560
It can soften a question.
01:08:37.520 --> 01:08:39.440
It can acknowledge a small accident.
01:08:40.400 --> 01:08:41.760
It can express sympathy.
01:08:42.640 --> 01:08:44.480
And it can open the door to empathy.
01:08:45.440 --> 01:08:49.120
We also learned that saying sorry does not always mean accepting blame.
01:08:50.080 --> 01:08:53.440
Sometimes it simply means, I recognize what happened.
01:08:54.400 --> 01:08:56.880
Or I understand that this is difficult for you.
01:08:57.840 --> 01:09:00.960
That is an important part of everyday Canadian communication.
01:09:01.920 --> 01:09:04.320
We looked at phrases such as, I'm sorry.
01:09:05.200 --> 01:09:06.320
I'm really sorry.
01:09:07.200 --> 01:09:08.400
I'm sorry about that.
01:09:09.440 --> 01:09:10.720
I'm sorry to hear that.
01:09:11.680 --> 01:09:13.280
I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
01:09:14.320 --> 01:09:15.600
That sounds difficult.
01:09:16.560 --> 01:09:18.000
That must be frustrating.
01:09:18.880 --> 01:09:21.120
I can understand why you feel that way.
01:09:22.080 --> 01:09:22.800
Are you okay?
01:09:23.760 --> 01:09:25.120
Do you want to talk about it?
01:09:26.080 --> 01:09:27.360
I'm here if you need me.
01:09:28.400 --> 01:09:29.840
And take care of yourself.
01:09:30.880 --> 01:09:33.360
You do not need to memorize all of these today.
01:09:34.320 --> 01:09:35.120
Choose a few.
01:09:36.080 --> 01:09:37.280
Practice them slowly.
01:09:38.240 --> 01:09:40.560
Then listen for them in real conversations.
01:09:41.600 --> 01:09:44.000
You may be surprised by how often you hear them.
01:09:44.880 --> 01:09:46.320
And remember something else.
01:09:47.440 --> 01:09:50.640
Natural English is not only about choosing the correct words.
01:09:51.680 --> 01:09:54.160
It is about choosing the right emotional temperature.
01:09:55.040 --> 01:09:57.840
If the situation is small, keep your response light.
01:09:58.880 --> 01:09:59.360
Sorry.
01:10:00.400 --> 01:10:01.120
No worries.
01:10:02.160 --> 01:10:04.640
If the situation is serious, slow down.
01:10:05.600 --> 01:10:05.920
I'm
01:10:06.880 --> 01:10:08.480
really sorry to hear that.
01:10:09.520 --> 01:10:11.120
That sounds really difficult.
01:10:12.080 --> 01:10:13.680
I'm here if you need anything.
01:10:14.640 --> 01:10:16.560
And when you make a mistake, you do not.
01:10:18.400 --> 01:10:19.600
Need a perfect speech.
01:10:20.640 --> 01:10:22.320
You can say, I'm sorry.
01:10:23.200 --> 01:10:24.640
I should have been more careful.
01:10:25.680 --> 01:10:26.880
That was my mistake.
01:10:27.840 --> 01:10:28.720
I'll fix it.
01:10:29.680 --> 01:10:32.080
Those four ideas can be incredibly powerful.
01:10:33.040 --> 01:10:35.680
When someone is hurting, you do not need to become
01:10:35.681 --> 01:10:36.400
their therapist.
01:10:37.440 --> 01:10:39.680
You do not need to solve their entire life.
01:10:40.720 --> 01:10:43.440
Sometimes you only need to say, I hear you.
01:10:44.480 --> 01:10:45.520
That sounds hard.
01:10:46.480 --> 01:10:47.280
I'm sorry.
01:10:48.240 --> 01:10:49.200
Do you want to talk?
01:10:50.160 --> 01:10:52.960
There is something very human about these simple phrases.
01:10:54.000 --> 01:10:57.200
They remind us that communication is not only information.
01:10:58.160 --> 01:10:59.440
It is also connection.
01:11:00.400 --> 01:11:03.920
So the next time you hear someone say sorry, listen carefully.
01:11:04.720 --> 01:11:06.960
Ask yourself, are they apologizing?
01:11:07.840 --> 01:11:09.680
Are they asking me to repeat something?
01:11:10.560 --> 01:11:12.240
Are they trying to get my attention?
01:11:13.120 --> 01:11:14.400
Are they showing sympathy?
01:11:15.280 --> 01:11:17.840
Or are they simply using a Canadian-style softener?
01:11:18.880 --> 01:11:21.120
Once you begin noticing these differences,
01:11:21.121 --> 01:11:23.920
everyday English becomes much easier to understand.
01:11:24.880 --> 01:11:27.040
And the next time you need to show care,
01:11:27.041 --> 01:11:29.200
do not worry about having perfect English.
01:11:30.240 --> 01:11:31.120
Speak simply.
01:11:32.160 --> 01:11:33.040
Speak gently.
01:11:34.000 --> 01:11:34.720
Be present.
01:11:35.760 --> 01:11:38.640
Sometimes, I'm sorry you're going through that is enough.
01:11:39.600 --> 01:11:41.840
Sometimes, are you okay is enough.
01:11:42.880 --> 01:11:44.880
Sometimes, I'm here is enough.
01:11:45.920 --> 01:11:47.760
Thank you for spending this time with me.
01:11:48.720 --> 01:11:49.520
Keep listening.
01:11:50.480 --> 01:11:51.360
Keep noticing.
01:11:52.320 --> 01:11:55.200
And most importantly, keep having real conversations.
01:11:56.240 --> 01:11:59.600
English becomes natural when it becomes part of your everyday life.
01:12:00.560 --> 01:12:01.760
Take care of yourself.
01:12:02.720 --> 01:12:06.240
And I'll see you in the next episode of everyday Canadian phrases.
01:12:07.200 --> 01:12:09.360
Until then, take care.