EP 43: Stop Second-Guessing Yourself and Trust Your Intuition

Rocky K: Welcome back to the Soul Knowledge Podcast. This is Rocky and I'm here today. I want to talk about trusting our inner voice. And when I talk about trusting our inner voice, it's not something that we need to find, create. It's already there. The practice is learning to hear and recognize it again. Or maybe what you feel to be your first time. It doesn't necessarily have to Again, we spend so much of our time and our lives listening outward, letting outside Items like control or dictate our answers in our lives. We think about like external validations, you know, like what do they think? What should I do? What's expected of me? What's the right choice? And we rely so heavily on those external things that we lose that inner voice, we lose that trust and that connection. To our inner knowing, and over time, all those outside voices can become so loud that it becomes difficult to distinguish your own truth from everything that you've absorbed. Deep self connection helps you discern what is yours and what isn't. So like when we really have like a strong, strong self-connection, we know the inner voice. And it's funny because even half the time, like I'm sitting down trying to figure something out, I want an answer. And multiple times, like I hear this thing like, why are you asking for like a sign or a symbol? And I just kind of giggle because they're like, you already know the answer. Like that is the voice. Like my inner knowing is like you already know the answer. You don't need you don't need a fucking sign, Rocky, you know? And I'm like, Okay. So I just gotta trust that feeling. And that's kind of the point. Like that's what I want people to get to is like just trusting that and not like, okay, give me a sign if this is right. I fucking do that and I have a good strong inner voice. And once I got that, I just kind of laughed. I was like, all right, you know what? that's actually a good point. But when I say like having like the discernment of what's ours and what isn't You know, we get to have that opportunity to sit and reflect and be like, okay, what is it that I actually believe? And what was just taught or expected of me, right? You think about that. And then what is it that I want? Versus like, what am I supposed to want? Like, I mean, we have like these roles that we're supposed to have. like even when I was a kid, like we're supposed to, you know, go to school. Graduate from college, get married, have kids, da da da da da. And that doesn't fit everybody. It is what I did. That doesn't mean that that's what like everybody does, but it's what's expected. And so sometimes there's people that feel that pressure that that is what they're supposed to do. And maybe that that's just not right. And so that's where we start to like lose our voices because we just did what we were supposed to do. And then we think about things like fears. Is this your own fear or is it something you've absorbed? You know, and I'm talking especially to you, empaths, like we take on so much stuff that isn't ours and we make it our own. And that's kind of a problem, you know? But it also controls our life. And so even like we think about guilt, you know. Is it guilt because you've done something wrong or is it because I'm breaking an old pattern? You know, when we start to do the healing work and we start to like step out, man, we gotta like it's a little scary when we're stepping out of what we've always done and we're doing really cool shit. Is this intuition or is it an old womb? Like it's so interesting to have like the mix up. Like, is this intuitively what I'm thinking or is this something else? You know, we can talk ourselves out of things. so often. And I know I have done the same and I'm definitely way better at it now. especially, you know, 'cause I'll sit with things, especially big questions, you know, I I think it's so important. We're gonna talk a little bit more about that here in a little bit. but emotions. my gosh. I mean, the work that I do, especially when I start to work people through, you know, their emotions with the big six. It's so often that some of our emotions are passed down generationally. Can you imagine? Like you're pissed off at the world because something four generations ago, somebody in your family was pissed off about. And I mean, I'm I'm gonna say that especially like living in America with slaves and all that stuff, like black Americans, like they are Holding a lot of that rage. I wouldn't even go anger. I'm gonna go way past that, you know. You know, and they're carrying it. We're carrying these things, and women, my gosh, I can't tell you how much guilt women are carrying and shame from past lives or past generations, like because like there's such certain expectations of women, right? And so we think about like that's where it's cool to do the subconscious work, but it's also really good to be able to sit in that quiet and distinguish, okay, is that mine? You know? And the more familiar you become with your own inner voice, the easier it is. It really does get easier to recognize what doesn't belong to you. It's like, you know, it and I should say for me, like when I know, like, I know it's mine, I know it's my voice, I know it's right, I have just a really calm, grounded feeling. Anything else, like I'll hear like a the the ego kind of pop in, you know, something there's like a little like fear or or something like you know, I don't know, I can't explain it, but I know when it's right, it's a very calm, grounded feeling. You know, and I should say like your own inner knowing, it doesn't necessarily come like in words, which is really unfortunate. And I I can tell you that I have asked for blinking fucking signs before. Like I I need like straight up, like I don't need some subtle little like breeze in the wind, right? You know, that just kinda like fluffs my hair. I need sometimes I do ask for like really obvious like please make this really, really obvious. But sometimes those inner knowings, it's like they show up like as a pool, a tightening, an expansion, and excitement, a resistance, like a quiet yes, an immediate no, or simply just the sense like just I know it. Like I know it. And it has a real matter-of-fact feeling, you know? But pay attention to your body. Like your body says no or doesn't like something in really specific. way and it is only something that you are the one that can tell. I can't tell you how your body is like talking to you. Like that is something well, maybe I could, but that's not what I'm doing. And I'm not going to do it. I'm gonna teach you how to listen to your own body. Your body can know something way before your mind can explain it. You know, and I'm sure you guys can all think of things like you just know something. Or even like I let's just talk about like maybe I feel like a a good example would be a person. Like you've met somebody and everybody just thinks like the world of this person, like, my gosh, sensational, amazing, so kind, so good. And there is something just sitting there like, mm-mm. Mm-mm. And you can't put your finger on it, but you know. And then fast forward, you weren't fucking wrong. You know what I'm saying? You guys have something like that, I'm sure. There's something that you knew knew, but you couldn't explain it. Your body knew it. Your soul knew it. The energy in the room, you knew it. In your your logical mind, they want evidence, justification, you know, some really amazing, perfectly like articulated one too. Like your inner knowing may just simply say, This just doesn't feel right to me. Like something is off here. And then when we squash that, or we brush it to the side, or we ignore it, or think that we're crazy, because how many fucking times have we done that? I mean, I can say how many times I'm like, okay, you're a little ridiculous, Rocky. You're crazy. No, no, I'm right. Okay. And you're right too. So I want you to really pay attention to those things because you are fucking right. That inner knowing is it is there for a reason. And I want you to start trusting it and paying attention to it. And I can tell you that you don't always need to understand the why you feel something before you're allowed to honor it, okay? I mean, and I actually talk mostly about this with clients with relationships. You're gonna go out on a date with somebody, or you've had old relationships, and you can use old relationships like Think about the time like when you first met somebody, a relationship that went bad. There was a sign. There was something that you brushed the side or ignored. Guarantee. And so moving forward into relationships, pay attention to that. Like start to reflect back on past events and get yourself like a system. See how your body and your mind and and things that are showing up and yeah, sorry, they're subtle sometimes. Sometimes they're really subtle. But that's why it's so important to meditate and take you don't even actually have to meditate. I do a lot of my work in the car and quiet in the shower. You know, laying in bed before I get out of bed. Like it doesn't have to be some magical moment. It's just that quiet where you like sit there and really kind of put the shit together. And I suggest doing it in the morning in your bed, not before you go to bed. Like clear the shit out of your brain. Go to sleep. You know, we're gonna be up until like 3 a.m. Like thinking about it if we sit there and try and do it as we're falling asleep. So meditation, like it gives you that opportunity though. Like, let me talk about this. Meditation gives you an opportunity to turn down the volume of everything outside you long enough to hear what's happening inside of you. I mean, I'm not gonna tell everybody to meditate every day. I don't meditate every day. I don't meditate every day. But I do have a mindful practice that is in my every single day life. I have things that are built in, you know. I sit in my bed and I think about my day. Like how do I want the day to go? How do I want to show up? What do I need to happen? My showers, my drives in quiet. I like to walk. I do a lot of walking. You know? Build things into your day. And they might be things that don't even take time out of your day. Like driving to work. It doesn't take me any extra time to drive to work. There it is, I just drive in silence. But it's the it's it's taking that opportunity to literally quiet all the other stuff. Out so that you can connect to yourself on that deeper level. And meditation isn't it's not only about relaxing or having this like empty mind, it can be a practice of developing a relationship with yourself, and I can tell you that the relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship, and it will say and dictate. Like setting the precedence for all your other relationships. Like if your relationship with yourself is not kind and good and loving and you communicate well, like all these things, that will impact all of your other relationships. There is the ripple. So make sure that you are showing up for yourself, loving yourself, listening to yourself. So that you can do that in your other relationships. journaling and automatic writing. I do this like and I'll talk a little bit about automatic writing. Like when I do a meditation and journal session that is just like another extension of my meditation. So, and I actually kind of prefer to journal more than to meditate. Well, because I'm like a type A person. And I also have a scattery brain. And so for me, journaling is I'm doing something. I'm physically doing something. and so that the movement of writing kind of quiets it all down. So, you know, when I talk about automatic wrang though, it's like allowing the inner voice to speak. on paper through my writing before the analytical mind edits, judges, explains, or shuts it down. Because that's what our ego does. That is what happens on our waking time. But when we are in meditation, it changes it. We don't have that time to quiet down. I'm just writing. So when I say automatic writing, so I get myself into a really nice, like relaxed state. Just sometimes I don't have a lot of time. So I will literally take five deep breaths and I'll sit with my pen and my paper and I'm like, okay, what do I need to know? Or if I have a specific question, I will ask the specific question. then I just trust first things that come up. And then in between questions, I do stop, I pause, I take a deep breath, kind of get make sure I'm still connected to myself. and then I just ask the questions. Or just tell me what I need to write. And some days I write a shit ton. And sometimes hardly anything. Every day is different. And I'm okay with that. And I want you to be okay with it. And I guess, and I should say, yeah, like I said earlier, like some days I don't actually sit down and do any of it. But what's really cool about writing and integrating the writing into this practice of connecting yourself and trusting yourself is because when you write things down, it becomes real. It's not just like the voice in your head. When you write things down. It becomes tangible. You know, 'cause like normally, I feel something. This is what I actually want, need, fear, you know, believe or know. Like it it shifts it now. It's written down on paper. Like this is what my body needs. shit, that's what it needs. I knew that. I knew that, but now it's written on paper, so it's real. It's real. and that's what I really love about journaling. And okay, and I've never been a dear diary girl. I'm not a journaler. But this, like it's like I'm talking to myself. But it's all in paper. I know. I always think about like I used to always watch my dad mow the lawn and he would talk to himself the whole fucking time. And as a little girl, I found this to be wildly entertaining. And clearly as an adult I still find it to be super entertaining. But here I am. I'm just having conversations in a notebook, you know, in a journal. So 'cause some of the questions that you could ask though, In meditation, you know, in your automatic writing. what do I want? What do I need? What feels true for me? What am I pretending not to know? What does my body keep trying to tell me? What would I choose if nobody else had to understand my choice? You know, and it As we think about like even injuries or parts of our bodies that have been hurting, or if we even have a like a chronic illness, what is my body trying to tell me? You know, I I've been doing a lot of I've had a couple knee surgeries and and getting myself back, which I am I can proudly say I am finally back and I these past couple of weeks I finally got to squat. like have weighted squats and it's the first time in over six years that I got to and it's it's because I've really been trying to hone in on what my knee and my leg needs to get me into that place. And sometimes it was kind of kinda trying to convince it that we really love lifting weights and getting strong. So you know whatever works right but I can tell you that Self trust is built through repetition. And that repetition, like you listen, you honor what you hear, and you experience what happens, and slowly you just create like a collection of evidence, right? That you can trust yourself. And one of the biggest benefits is clear decision making. Like I mean I think that's probably one of the biggest benefits of having this like inner knowing is like I sit with a qu a decision and I'm like, yeah, that's it. And I'm like, there it is. That's it. I don't even like question myself. I don't question, my God, what do they think since I said no? I don't care. Cause I know like inside me, that's the right decision for me. And I don't care. about anybody else's feelings or opinions because the decision involved me and so I'm gonna trust that inner knowing. I mean, you can spend so much time second guessing yourself, overanalyzing, pulling everybody around you and searching for someone to tell you what to do. I can't tell you how many times people have come to me to give them an answer about their life. I am not going to give you an answer, but I'm going to teach you how to get the answer. Right? And I think That is so important to have that skill. I think it's probably one of the most important skills that you can have in life. So you start to know what you actually want rather than automatically choosing what you think you should want. You become less dependent on any kind of external validation. I mean, and I'm not saying that advice can't still be valuable, but you don't need someone else's permission to trust yourself. And I'm gonna tell you, you will learn to pick out misalignment way faster in relationships, opportunities, environments, friendships, work, choices. You're gonna spot it so much quicker. And you're gonna recognize faster and better your yeses, your no's, your maybes, and your not right nows. I have a lot of not right nows. And I think not right nows are very valid answers in life. And I say them, I use them all the time, especially in business. Because something might feel really right, but it's just not right at that moment. And so when we talk about like trusting this inner voice, this inner knowing, being able to see where we're aligned and misaligned easier and faster, that's where boundaries naturally enter the conversation. You can't clearly communicate your wants and needs if you never learned how to hear your wants and needs. Okay? And boundaries has been a hot topic in on my social media if you're following it or not. and it's probably one of the most common things I talk about with clients is setting boundaries. But how can you set boundaries? if you don't know what your yes and your no's are in the first place. Like you've got to know that you have to be connected to yourself well enough So that you can stop abandoning yourself simply because somebody else is disappointed, uncomfortable, or doesn't understand your decision. Like I'm at the point in my life where I am my number one. I'm my number one and I'm not and because I have such a great relationship with myself, like I'm not gonna disappoint myself and I'm not going to abandon myself. You know, there is like the little feisty part of me, the Scorpio in me, that does want to get a little crazy sometimes. and I do have to talk myself out of some things and I will continue to talk myself out of some things. because I do really like to have some sort of integrity sometimes too. And I don't like to piss people off. I really don't like to piss people off. I don't mind making people uncomfortable. but I suppose if it means abandoning myself or pissing somebody off, I'm gonna piss somebody off. And what's really beautiful about honoring your own feelings is now you can allow others. Other people to have the feelings without automatically making those feelings your responsibility. Like they can feel and be and do all the things, they can be disappointed, they can be angry. It's not your responsibility. Their response, their reaction is theirs. The only person you're worried about here is you, and if you have young children, okay. I have adults now. See, there's like a lot of freedom here. I do still love and care for my girls. I still have so much to do for them. But you know. relationships. It's so cool to see when you really like trust that inner voice and you have this like really great strong relationship with yourself. Other relationships just become so much more authentic. Because you're showing up as yourself rather than performing, shrinking, overexplaining, people pleasing, or even just managing everyone else's experience around you. How freeing is that to like not have to do that because I know I am that human or I used to be that human that I did. make sure everybody was good. Everybody was good. Didn't matter how fucking tired I was, but I would do this, you know, make everybody's good. Everybody's happy. Except me. And I can say that you experience less resentment because you're no longer repeatedly saying yes when something inside of you is screaming no. And resentment is a funny thing. And I can tell you resentment is stored in your gallbladder. And I can't tell you how many people have walked through my door without a gallbladder. And that is the emotion that is stored in your gallbladder and you can think about all the things that you have resented through your life and half of them they could have been in our control. And that's where we're taking back that power. We're taking back our voice so we don't have resentment. And yeah, if you're wondering, I do not have a gallbladder. I have lost mine. So I guess I gotta be a little stronger and I can't have that resentment because I guess it's just floating wildly through my body. I don't even know I don't know. That's a great question now. I gotta find somebody that has a answer. Like where does resentment go if you lose your gallbladder? I don't know. If any of you guys are out here know and are listening to this, I need this answer now. I'm gonna go research this after I get off this. You also, as you strengthen that connection, you become more willing to follow curiosity, to follow desire, excitement, inspiration, and things that genuinely light you up. I mean that's living. That is life right there. And that's all starts. When you can really trust who you are, what you want, what you need, you don't have a problem saying it. You feel more alive then, right? Because you're participating in your own life instead of constantly managing everyone else's experience of you, right? You become more resilient. There's self-trust doesn't mean believing you'll always make that perfect decision. It means trusting that whatever happens, you'll be able to meet yourself there and navigate what comes next. And that is freedom right there. Just trusting and knowing that whatever happens, you're going to be able to navigate it. You're going to be able to figure it out. You're Gonna be just fine. And I can tell you that ultimately your choices, relationships, boundaries, work, priorities, and experiences begin reflecting who you actually are instead of who you've learned to be. The goal isn't to always know the answer. The goal is is to become so deeply connected to yourself that you trust yourself when the answer comes and you don't second guess it. You don't second, guess it. You take that first initial answer as the answer and you go with it. Even if you don't like the answer. Even if it means you have to do something that feels uncomfortable. But no doing those uncomfortable things. Gets easier, one. But two, you're honoring yourself. You're showing your body, your heart, your soul the love and respect it absolutely deserves. So not every thought. Deserves to become a belief. Not every feeling needs to become your responsibility. Not every opinion deserves to become your truth. The more you know yourself, the easier it becomes to know the difference. And that, y'all, is that's it. That is going to help you. And I can tell you that it truly starts with meditation. It truly starts with that inner dialogue and trusting the inner dialogue. And as somebody that was so resistant to journaling, I'm so glad that I did. I am so glad that I was just like, I set my ego aside because I can tell you, I remember. the conversation. Like, no, I'm not journaling. I don't do that. And I've had the conversations with people. what if somebody says it or sees it? Well one I actually never write anything like when I'm really connected to my higher self, there is nothing mean or bad or something that I don't want people to read. Because it's coming from my higher self. It is coming from the purest part of me. And so it is honest. And if I can't back that up, I have no business writing it down. But if you're doing like a little rage on the page and you need to like get some shit out and you're really just kind of like angry and you need to get that out and write it down, well by all means get rid of that shit. Okay. You know, or you're just like kind of venting and like giving somebody the, you know, dear so-and-so letter and saying all the things that you need to just to get it off your chest. Go ahead and burn that. That's fine. You know, but my journals, well, one, if you can read my handwriting, because I have the time, I can't even read my handwriting because it's kind of chicken scratchy when I get into the automatic writing because I'm writing so fast. And if my kids try to read it, I mean I think maybe my older one could, but my younger one, I don't know. I feel very confident that she has probably looked through my journals and was probably like, I don't even know what any of this says. Maybe. Who knows? Maybe she's read it and she thinks I'm crazy, which that's probably slightly true, but either way. Anyways. So I'm just gonna leave you guys on that, please. Take time to build that relationship with yourself. Take time to really understand how your inner voice is speaking to you. And the more you do it, the easier it's gonna be. And I'm gonna tell you, you're gonna live such a more fulfilled, happier life. And it's just gonna ripple out into everything in your life, your relationships, your jobs, your purpose in life. gonna have just this freedom. And I it's so hard to explain like the real end result, but you're gonna set a boundaries and you're not gonna have that resentment, you're not gonna have that anger, you're not gonna have, you know, the whoa me shit. You're not gonna be sitting there in victim mentality. I lead meditations Tuesday night, 7 p.m. Eastern time. Every Tuesday. Well, almost every Tuesday. You know, sometimes there's some things that happen, but almost every single Tuesday. You can join virtually, you can join in person in Virginia Beach. They're $15. Not expensive, but you can learn. You can learn how to start to hear that inner voice, to trust that inner voice. Learn how to do the automatic writing. If I can help in any way, you know, I would be very happy to shoot me a message. You can email me. You can send me a DM on social media. I'd love to hear it. Love the questions. So, in the meantime, you guys have, you know, wonderful days, wonderful evenings. Until the next time on Soul Knowledge.