Somehow Managing
Somehow Managing
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Rachel Aitken on PMDD, and Building a Second Career From Scratch on Maternity Leave

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Rachel Aitken describes herself at school as "the middle girl" - not top of the class, not bottom, just happily along for the ride. That drifting energy carried her through a law degree she hated, into PR in London, and eventually into a senior marketing role - successful by most measures, but never quite the thing that lit her up.

The turning point came during lockdown, watching interviews on TV and thinking she could do better. Early in her first pregnancy, she found a stranger on LinkedIn - Laura Crompton, who had an almost identical career history and her own BBC Radio Manchester show - and messaged her cold, asking for a coffee. She didn't mention she was pregnant, worried it would make her seem less fun. Laura suggested a Zoom instead, and by the end of the hour, Rachel was drafting a message to a BBC producer. Within a week, she was live on air — having told no one except her husband, who tuned in on the radio at home.

That leap became a second career built alongside a full-time marketing job, motherhood, and - as Rachel is candid about - a serious mental health struggle most people around her never saw coming. Diagnosed with PMDD and postnatal depression, Rachel talks openly about what it's like to be the person everyone assumes has it together, and why that assumption can be exactly what stops people from checking in. She and Hannah also get into the reality of chasing a broadcasting career on maternity leave, including one interview that went memorably, spectacularly wrong.

 

Topics covered:

•     Growing up as "the middle girl," and how that shaped her sense of ambition early on

•     Cold-messaging a stranger on LinkedIn — and being on air within a week

•     Building a broadcasting career in secret before telling anyone but her husband

•     Chasing interview opportunities while on maternity leave, baby in tow

•     PMDD and postnatal depression — what it actually looked like day to day, and why nobody suspected it

•     Being the "yellow" character everyone assumes is fine, and why that's often exactly who isn't

•     Dual-career life with her husband, a doctor who also changed careers at 30

•     Living in Southport with no family nearby, and what that support gap actually looks like

•     Where she wants to take her broadcasting career next

FOLLOW ON INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/somehowmanaging_/ https://www.instagram.com/hannahevisonfrost_md/

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WEBVTT
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You know it's not normal to cry three times a day.
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You should be really like actually enjoying this.
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I know I have PMDD.
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It basically affects like more women than you would ever know.
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And they will say, there is no way that that woman has ever struggled mentally.
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I'm just not gonna be that person and I may get cancelled for saying that.
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The most amount of spew that happened, like literally was like projectile vomiting at one of this guy.
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I had to like send him a message being like, I'm so sorry, can I pay for your dry cleaning?
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Honestly, Hannah, I I was like, wow, I've I've found where I'm meant to be.
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Rachel Aitken is a radio presenter, a BBC contributor, and host of her own podcast, The Crossroad.
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After 15 years in PR and marketing roles in London and in Manchester, Rachel found her turning point during her first pregnancy.
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Deciding she wanted her daughter to watch her chase work that actually fulfilled her, not settle for what was safe.
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She began pursuing presenting opportunities, building a second career alongside her day job, motherhood, and later a second child.
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Rachel is candid about the reality behind the ambition, including her experience of postnatal depression and a PMDD diagnosis, and brings a rare honesty to what it actually takes to build something new while raising a young family with no family of her own close by to lean on.
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This is Rachel Aiken on somehow managing.
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Rachel Aitken, welcome.
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You are a radio presenter, a broadcaster, a contributor to some of the biggest broadcasters in the UK.
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You host your own podcast, you are a mother of two, and you are still holding down a nine to five in a senior marketing role at a big brand.
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I know what intro.
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It's actually like bringing tears to my eyes.
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I'm like, wow, it's actually kind of it feels a lot.
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Kick us off then.
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Talk to us about the dual career, career pivot.
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How has it all come to be?
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Well, I think I gotta take you back a little bit because I think the best way to describe myself at school was like the middle girl.
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So I wasn't like top the class, I wasn't like bottom of the class.
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I'm always happy, go lucky, I've always been that personality.
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Loved my mates, loved sport, just just kind of milled around.
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I grew up in Edinburgh, hence the accent.
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Um, and it kind of just like fell in, oh, you'd go to uni next.
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That was the sort of school I went to.
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I remember saying to my head teacher, Brycey, I don't want to go to uni.
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And she was like, just don't be silly.
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Like, like that's what we do.
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I realize that it's for their leading tables, of course.
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I went to uni and I just was like, I started off doing law and was like, this is hectic.
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This is hard work, this is not for me, this is so rigid, I don't know what I'm doing.
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And switched halfway through degree.
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And again, I kind of got through it.
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I got the two one fine, but it's nothing was like lighting my soul on fire.
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If anything, I felt like kind of like I loved it, I met loads of people, but I'm just partying, whatever.
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Then we we moved to London and I got a job in PR.
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And I kind of once again just fell into it.
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All my friends were moving to London.
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I always knew I've I've always got that wonder lust in me.
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So actually, we were chatting to your lovely producer and colleagues, and just there, and I was saying, you know, like if someone was to say to me tomorrow, you've got an opportunity to move to Australia, like I would do it, I wouldn't hesitate.
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I've just got the wonder lust in my bones.
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I think you have it or you don't, truthfully, because a lot of my friends are like, you were mad to I have two kids now, you were mad to be not living back in Edinburgh where your families, both Rory and I, my husband and I's families are in Edinburgh, but we're not there, we're in Southport.
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And yeah, I just kind of have been kind of going along happy, enjoying it.
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You know, I loved working in PR.
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I worked for the world's largest PR firm in London.
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I transferred up to Manchester, where we're here today, and I was saying to the guys, like, it's so nice to be back, and in my old stomping ground, I just lived in Castlefield, and it was just such an amazing time.
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Um, and I had cool clients, and you know, I would go with my clients to Media City all the time.
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I'd go down to London, I'd be like there for Sky News, Sky Sports.
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And to be honest with you, Hannah, it was just one of those things where I think it was always niggling in the back of my head, but I didn't actually think someone like me could be in front of the camera.
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I thought I'd always be the kind of um one cheering everyone else on because I am that person, like you know, I will always back whoever's in my life to the hilt, like whatever you need.
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You know, my friend has just set up a little Instagram post, something really a bit like Murphy Sketches, if you know who Murphy Sketches are, yeah.
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And uh I've reposted everything she's not asked me to do, and I will absolutely be that person, but I've never championed myself.
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And um, you know, we were just you just mentioned to me um off air about lockdown.
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Well, it was lockdown for me.
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I was watching interviews on, you know, we were watching TV a lot, we were watching Boris a lot, I was watching BBC Breakfast a lot.
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Um, and you know, I was thinking to myself, I don't know if I'd necessarily ask those questions, or oh, they could have maybe gone like deeper there.
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On the flip side, I was also really absorbing, like, oh, that was a really cool interview, that was such a cool person, just normal people they were interviewing.
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And I found I love that kind of human interaction, human storytelling.
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And it was just starting to build and build, like, ooh, oh, I'd love to do something like that.
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I kept saying to like my friends and family, like, I would love to do something like that.
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Um, and for some reason or other, as soon as I fell pregnant with my daughter, it was instantaneous.
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I was like, I've got to make a change because I really whatever you believe, I believe you have one shot here.
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And we've got to, even if you fall face first, I just think you've got to go for it because what's the alternative?
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You don't, and you don't know what what the outcome is.
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So yeah, I continued, I like um moved from PR to marketing, I should have probably said, um, before I had my daughter, just generally because the pace of life in PR was really, really intense, and I knew that family exactly.
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I I knew that it probably wasn't going to be the right the right fit.
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Um and it I had like moving in-house, it did give me that breathing space, I think, to realise A, what career I really wanted, and B to start a family.
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Um, so yeah, moved into marketing, had an amazing boss who really championed like my like dreams outside of the business.
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She was absolutely amazing, like honestly, like very much one of us.
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You know, she did the interviews with her three dog dogs on her.
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She was like, I'm so sorry, I'm stinking of Red Bulls have been out last night.
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And I just thought, I absolutely love you.
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But she was like head like off of her game.
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Like, I still I still in touch with her, she's absolutely amazing, and really championed me.
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And honestly, within I think the first month of pregnancy, I was on BBC Radio.
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It was so bizarre.
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That's really cool.
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Yeah.
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And just jumping back to sort of you were watching the interviews during lockdown, you had all these sort of mm opinions and you know, almost ideas, creative ideas going wrong in your head.
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What was the moment that you thought fuck it?
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Like you pressed the fuck it button and you were like, I'm gonna do it.
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Because ultimately, when you are in a full-time role, I know you're off on Matt Leave, but to to basically decide you're gonna start a new career whilst also having one, it's it's a bold decision.
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Yeah, um, I actually was still working because I was I was only just early stages of pregnancy, but um my job is based in London, but I was living in Manchester at the time, so I did have like the days I wasn't um needed in London.
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I did have like time at home.
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So um I just started scouting about really.
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I looked on LinkedIn and really randomly, this girl who um called Laura Crompton, and she is how we got to the pivot.
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Um, I took her job when I moved up to Manchester.
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We had a day of handover, so we didn't know each other, but we connected on socials, Instagram and and LinkedIn.
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And I saw that she had a Friday show on BBC Radio Manchester, but she had the exact same career history as me.
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So I was like, I don't know why, but one day when I pressed that fuck it button, I saw that, and I was like, I'm just gonna message her and ask her if I can have a coffee with her.
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Um, I didn't want to disclose I was pregnant at the time, and I didn't want to look like I wasn't a fun gal, to be honest.
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I know you don't have to drink, but at the time it kind of felt like you did have to.
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Yeah, yeah, I can't.
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Um, this was a little while ago now.
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And uh anyway, she said, look, I'm a single mum, I can't meet you for a drink, but I'll do a zoom with you.
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And I was like, perfect.
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Um and she was, you know, somebody who actually really champions you.
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She didn't have to do it at all.
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We had this hours conversation, and by the end of the hour, she got me drafting up this message to send her producer at BBC.
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And then honestly, within the week, I was on the first show.
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So I finished my job, let's say five.
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It never ends at five.
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I think I finished at half six and I was on air by half seven, and I didn't tell anyone apart from my husband I was doing it.
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So he was like tuning into the wireless listening.
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So cool.
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And uh honestly, Hannah, I I was like, wow, I've I've found where I'm meant to be.
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I I stepped a toe into the studio and I I realize I went straight into like the BBC and I was just like the buzz, the people, the energy.
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A bit like when I I've walked into your offices today, like there's a cool energy, and you feel a little bit like should I be here?
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But you're here and you're doing it, and like I'm gonna clip that up and send it round.
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No, everyone's very cool here.
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I honestly, everyone's very cool in Manchester, in my opinion.
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But I I just was like from be going from that middle girl energy to always like just falling into it and making the most of it.
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Like, I you know, I made like account director at a very young age.
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I would say it was too young, to be honest with you.
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But like, you know, I I will I will give you every time 110%.
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Like, you know, there's even when I tracked you yesterday, I said I'm running on five percent, my kids don't sleep, but like I'll always give my best, I always put my best foot forward, and um oh the energy, I just loved it.
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And I was like, and then I was on with the BBC like you know throughout my pregnancy, and then I just as soon as I was on Mat Leave, I utilized that Mat Leave to the Hilt and uh ended up going from like contributing at the BBC to then landing my own Saturday show, which reaches I think now three quarters of a million people every Saturday.
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I am taking a little bit of a break from it at the minute because I'm now on my second Mat Leave, but um you know that's amazing to me.
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Like I don't really think about the numbers, but when they come in, I'm like, wow, I've just gone from you do have to take a moment to appreciate that because I think as with most people, career women, especially mothers, yeah, um, who are just running at 100 mile an hour, I think you're almost always thinking about what's next and never taking that moment to appreciate how far you've come.
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So that's really important.
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Yeah, it was very cool.
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Because I I was contributing at the BC, I didn't have my own show, and that basically the setup for that is like a bit like have I got news for you.
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So you're like on panel discussions, you're talking about like what's happened in the week, like you know, heavy stuff alongside lighthearted stuff.
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Do you get paid for that?
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No, it's all voluntary, okay.
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Um, but like that's the thing with the money.
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I think my husband would love it, all of this to be paid.
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Of course, majority of it is voluntary.
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Yeah, I don't think about it because I mean, I'm unfortunately obviously do have a still a nine to five, and that's why I still basically have to have it.
00:11:07.440 --> 00:11:12.799
Yeah being open about that until as I say I become the next Gabby Logan or Zoe Ball.
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Um, you know, I can't.
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By the way, I saw a picture of Gabby Logan on the back of a bus yesterday.
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Oh yeah.
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Slight aside, but she's insane.
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She's my she looks unbelievable.
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And the um the advert that she was actually on was like a um a pill for menopause.
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And I was just thinking, if I look like her when I'm going for the menopause, like unreal.
00:11:32.240 --> 00:11:32.799
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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In fact, my best friend calls me Gabster.
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If I call her, she'll go Gabster! And you know, because she know they everyone knows how much I want to be Gabby Logan.
00:11:40.080 --> 00:11:41.519
Yeah, she's absolutely wonderful.
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Amazing.
00:11:42.399 --> 00:11:51.360
Well, that is a really um condensed version of the the road to the pivot, but I want to jump back to the middle girl thing.
00:11:51.440 --> 00:11:51.759
Yeah.
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I am keen to get into that because I think it sets up a lot of the story and how we're gonna sort of go through what your life looks like today.
00:12:04.960 --> 00:12:08.799
So explain to me what you mean by the middle girl.
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I think a lot of people will be able to resonate with this.
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The middle girl is somebody who's just kind of like you're not super excelling, but you're also not so so basically say it's grades in terms of grades.
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I know everyone's now one, two, three numbers, but I did A, B, C back in the day.
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So you're not somebody who's gonna get the A star the whole time, you may get the odd one, but you're also not somebody who's gonna maybe get an F.
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Like you're probably tracking, you get some A's, you get some B's, you get some C's.
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You're maybe not 100% sure, you know, what you want to do.
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Like one of my friends, I was in nursery with her, and she was just destined to be a doctor from nursery.
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Like, there it wasn't from her appearance kind of nudging her in that direction.
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I mean, she heard about someone getting their head stapled, and she went around chasing another girl with a staple, like a stapler.
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I don't know why someone was giving a child a stapler, but it was the 90s, and like to this day she's now a doctor living in the States, and I just think she just knew that was her path.
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Yeah, I just didn't know what my path was.
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I didn't have anyone sitting guiding me.
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I went to a really lovely school, but like I think, like so many people, it was kind of like, oh, you're you're good at science, you should go down a medical school.
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For sure, and I just think actually, like, if you're getting told off at school for being chatty, then maybe broadcasting or journalism or something such like that, or marketing.
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A creative industry, a creative industry is for you, not just somebody who who's good at art, you know.
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Um, and I'm sure, I'm absolutely sure we've come a long way since um since then.
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But yeah, I just think wow, it was never discussed to me that you could go down the route of like radio, TV.
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That always felt very glamorous, very out of reach, and very much for somebody not like me.
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Um, you know, so you have you do live with a little bit of imposter syndrome when you're a middle girl, I think, more so than the average person.
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Um, but yeah, it's that I think the middle girl analogy is somebody who's kind of like that middle of the road person.
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You're you're kind of you're well liked, you're just maybe class client, you're just kind of muddling through and you will always kind of you always get get there eventually, but nobody's really massively paying you loads of attention like they would the super academic kid or the super sporty kid or the one who's really, really struggling.
00:14:22.320 --> 00:14:27.200
I've never heard the middle girl thing before, but when you mentioned it to me yesterday, I couldn't stop thinking about it.
00:14:27.360 --> 00:14:29.679
And I was like, I think that's me as well.
00:14:29.919 --> 00:14:34.720
Like I too have a very similar road to my career.
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I went to uni because I thought it was what I had to do.
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I went to really academic college.
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When I say I muddled through that, I mean I muddled through.
00:14:42.559 --> 00:15:01.519
As in I did three non-academic subjects dance, musical, theatre, performing arts, and English literature because I had to do an academic subject because of the college we went to, and I dropped the academic subject after year one when the the tutor said to me, Um, what books did you read over the summer, Hannah?
00:15:01.679 --> 00:15:03.840
And I said, Jordan's autobiography.
00:15:05.440 --> 00:15:07.360
And she was disgusted.
00:15:07.679 --> 00:15:12.399
And I think she through her eyes said, We don't have a place in this class.
00:15:12.639 --> 00:15:18.399
And I dropped that and then just did all of the non-academic um subjects for my second year.
00:15:18.559 --> 00:15:27.440
And it was almost like because it was an academic college, there was an assumption that, well, even if you do not non-academic subjects, you still go on to do the next level of education.
00:15:27.600 --> 00:15:30.320
So applied for universities to study dance.
00:15:30.639 --> 00:15:35.039
But it was literally weeks after I got there that I was like, What am I doing?
00:15:35.440 --> 00:15:36.799
What am I actually doing?
00:15:36.960 --> 00:15:39.039
Like, this is just not for me.
00:15:39.279 --> 00:15:43.840
It's still classroom-based learning, which wasn't who I was at that point in my life.
00:15:43.919 --> 00:15:45.279
I wanted to get out in the world.
00:15:45.759 --> 00:15:49.440
So when you were talking about the middle girl, I was like, that is me in so many ways.
00:15:49.519 --> 00:15:52.639
I've never heard it, I've just never heard it be called that.
00:15:52.799 --> 00:15:53.759
I did all right at school.
00:15:53.840 --> 00:15:56.399
I wasn't the most popular, I wasn't, you know, picked on it.
00:15:56.639 --> 00:15:58.159
I was just, I just got by.
00:15:59.039 --> 00:16:02.559
And I really liked it because I was like, oh, yeah, that makes sense.
00:16:02.639 --> 00:16:07.919
And it kind of it kind of really connected with me in terms of like I'm a creative inside.
00:16:08.320 --> 00:16:19.600
And even though I work in a what probably would be classified as kind of a corporate job, corporate role, it's still in a very creative industry, and I am very informal and creative as a leader.
00:16:19.759 --> 00:16:22.399
I don't, I don't behave very corporate.
00:16:22.559 --> 00:16:22.720
Yeah.
00:16:22.879 --> 00:16:30.799
Um, so I really like that, but I would also, I would also say that when you said it, I was like, this girl is anything but a middle girl.
00:16:31.039 --> 00:16:37.440
Like it's the weirdest thing because even though I know what you mean, I also look at you and think, you're not a middle girl, you're a star.
00:16:37.679 --> 00:16:40.799
You're you're you're what I would say is somebody that would stand out.
00:16:40.960 --> 00:16:44.399
So I just think like it's not a negative thing, is it at all?
00:16:44.639 --> 00:16:53.039
It's just like almost like you've found who you are now as an adult, but probably took the long road to get there.
00:16:53.200 --> 00:16:53.600
Yeah.
00:16:53.759 --> 00:16:59.600
I I think honestly, like that middle girl energy was just more like I wasn't the leading lady of my own life.
00:16:59.759 --> 00:17:00.000
Yeah.
00:17:00.159 --> 00:17:08.880
And like, for example, I have a friend today who's in between jobs, and she was like, Oh, I'm just trying to put my phone aside because otherwise I could just sit on TikTok all day.
00:17:08.960 --> 00:17:11.359
My structure of my day is not there because I'm not working at the moment.
00:17:11.519 --> 00:17:12.720
And I really resonate with that.
00:17:12.799 --> 00:17:17.119
And again, I feel like get yourself back to that leading lady I was like to her today.
00:17:17.200 --> 00:17:33.200
I was like, because you're not gonna be getting the job of your dreams, or you're not gonna be, you know, going to that gym class and stuff if you're just sat scrolling on TikTok, which is such an easy thing to do, but that's more middle girl energy, like being the best friend you could be, the best daughter you can be, and that's great.
00:17:33.519 --> 00:17:37.440
But when is all said and done, like you need to look back.
00:17:37.759 --> 00:17:41.839
I I think about I never think about little Rach, I think about old Rach.
00:17:42.000 --> 00:17:46.160
And I want her to be like, Yes, we did it, you know, we gave it a crack.
00:17:46.319 --> 00:17:50.559
Little Rach, she'd be like, I knew you had it in you, but you didn't know that at the time.
00:17:50.640 --> 00:18:00.079
Yeah, um, but I just think, yeah, from being somebody who like I love so deeply, like I will, like I say, give my friends, my family everything.
00:18:00.240 --> 00:18:06.240
I think I gave everyone everything bar myself, and it was that switch of especially having a daughter, you know.
00:18:06.319 --> 00:18:10.319
I was like, she's gonna be looking at me, I'm her first role model based on gender.
00:18:10.480 --> 00:18:13.599
And if I'm not proud of myself, she's not gonna be proud of herself.
00:18:13.759 --> 00:18:20.079
And I really also did not want the narrative of like I grew up quite a lot with like you know, oh, what does your dad do for a living?
00:18:20.160 --> 00:18:21.279
And mum never got a look in.
00:18:21.599 --> 00:18:23.759
It's like mum's quite a boss as well, you know.
00:18:23.920 --> 00:18:24.720
I don't want that.
00:18:24.880 --> 00:18:31.839
I, you know, I live in a very balanced household and I want that to continue to be so, and that does come from like your job element too.
00:18:32.160 --> 00:18:34.240
Remodelling what you want exactly to say.
00:18:35.039 --> 00:18:43.440
I then I then switched to actually, okay, I'm gonna become the leading lady, but it was kind of still that people-pleasing element of well, I'm kind of doing it for my kid now rather than anyone else.
00:18:43.839 --> 00:18:53.119
It's really weird that you've you've just so naturally segueed into my next question, and clearly you are a professional at this, and you must have known what was coming.
00:18:53.279 --> 00:19:01.759
But I was going to ask you, um, if you could have your daughter look at a version of you and take in what she's seeing.
00:19:01.920 --> 00:19:09.359
Like, what is it you want her to see from the way that you behave and and and how you've approached this sort of pivot in your career?
00:19:09.759 --> 00:19:16.640
I just want her to know that, and my son, but I want them both to know that like you can just go for anything.
00:19:16.880 --> 00:19:18.960
I'm very fortunate to be from a family like that.
00:19:19.119 --> 00:19:27.200
I, you know, we're not we're very big thinkers, and um I actually realise now that's not a normal that's not necessarily normal.
00:19:27.359 --> 00:19:32.880
Most people are just like, oh yeah, but but you've got a great job, so why would you you you're bringing in steady money, so why would you do this?
00:19:33.119 --> 00:19:36.400
Yeah, and um, because I've had that feedback, you know.
00:19:36.640 --> 00:19:41.039
But I am very fortunate that like my dad changed career at 30.
00:19:41.119 --> 00:19:45.759
Um my mum went back to uni in her 50s, and my brother has just quit his nine to five.
00:19:45.839 --> 00:19:51.599
We're not nine to five people, guys, okay, yeah, well clearly to start his own business, and it was very, very daunting.
00:19:51.680 --> 00:19:54.319
He had to move back in with my mum and dad, he's 28.
00:19:54.480 --> 00:20:02.079
Um, and but it's kind of like we're big picture people, and I just I really want to emulate that to my children, you know.
00:20:02.240 --> 00:20:14.079
Like, just you know, if you want to go and sell jam aged six, down the little shop or whatever, or whatever it is, the maker's mark on his ash, like I will help you do that.
00:20:14.160 --> 00:20:16.079
Like, you know, make your own money from a young age.
00:20:16.160 --> 00:20:17.200
I think it's important.
00:20:17.519 --> 00:20:22.240
I want her to know, I especially want my daughter to know that she should always have her own money.
00:20:22.559 --> 00:20:26.880
I think like you can be in the best relationship possible, but you just don't know what twists are in the road.
00:20:27.039 --> 00:20:36.079
And I think women, you know, I think women have a history of um they rely on their dads, then they rely on their husbands, and then they rely on their sons.
00:20:36.160 --> 00:20:37.599
And that's not gonna happen in my household.
00:20:37.759 --> 00:20:43.119
You have to know like how to hustle, how to invest, all of that stuff.
00:20:43.279 --> 00:20:47.920
And I want her to see that conversation comes not just from her dad, but it comes from me.
00:20:48.079 --> 00:20:51.839
Um, and I want her to see I'm like pumped to like go to work.
00:20:51.920 --> 00:20:55.519
Like today I told her mommy's off to work because she can't handle it.
00:20:55.759 --> 00:21:00.160
Even if I was going for a coffee with a friend, I have to say work because that's the only way she lets me out the door.
00:21:00.480 --> 00:21:05.359
And like she already plays like going to work, like I'm off to work, mummy.
00:21:05.599 --> 00:21:19.839
And her nursery teacher said to me, you know, most kids say they're off on holiday, but uh Lou's saying she's going to work, and I kind of love that because she is seeing hard work, she's seeing work ethic, and she's seeing that it's it's coming from both sides.
00:21:20.240 --> 00:21:48.319
I really love that, and I think actually it's great that we as women and as as more sort of um yeah, so I would say like le natural leaders are vocalizing it and making it a thing that is okay because I actually think you're right that I think even in this day and age, it's still the assumption that most women are relying on a man in some way financially.
00:21:48.640 --> 00:21:51.200
And well, it's just not the case.
00:21:51.359 --> 00:21:53.359
It's an assumption, it's not reality.
00:21:53.519 --> 00:21:59.599
Yeah most families aren't in a position to have one income, most families aren't in a position where they've inherited.
00:22:00.079 --> 00:22:02.480
Family money because they've got an agent agent population.
00:22:02.640 --> 00:22:04.559
Most parents are still alive and well.
00:22:04.640 --> 00:22:10.960
And it's just a very, very different world we're parenting in than what it was, even not that long ago.
00:22:11.279 --> 00:22:16.000
But actually, society and the system hasn't really moved on.
00:22:16.160 --> 00:22:16.319
Yeah.
00:22:16.480 --> 00:22:18.799
But we've got to find a way of making it work, haven't we?
00:22:19.119 --> 00:22:19.440
We do.
00:22:19.599 --> 00:22:23.440
I actually sent my brother a meme the other day, which is like it was like a wrecked Barbie.
00:22:23.839 --> 00:22:24.640
I'll send you it.
00:22:24.720 --> 00:22:30.640
And it was like, you know, like wishing my parents had given me generational wealth rather than a hard worker.
00:22:32.319 --> 00:22:32.960
That is us.
00:22:33.200 --> 00:22:34.559
Like literally, it's round the clock.
00:22:34.640 --> 00:22:35.680
But we love it, we buzz off of it.
00:22:35.759 --> 00:22:40.400
And I think if you find something, it's it's it's also a huge blessing to find something you're really passionate about.
00:22:40.640 --> 00:22:42.480
Like I know that as well.
00:22:42.559 --> 00:22:46.000
That this kind of spark, I think it was always there dormant.
00:22:46.160 --> 00:22:50.160
Because one of my friends said to me, She was like, We were like 21, and you said to me, I think I want to be presenter.
00:22:50.319 --> 00:22:52.160
And I was like, I don't remember saying that to you.
00:22:52.319 --> 00:22:58.720
Um I'm unfortunately nowhere near 21 now, but um yeah, and I think like it was always maybe within me.
00:22:58.799 --> 00:23:00.640
I just didn't have the confidence.
00:23:00.880 --> 00:23:05.920
And listen, some days I'm like, oh my gosh, like this morning to get out of the house to come here.
00:23:06.079 --> 00:23:10.640
I was thinking, This is hectic, but I know that I'm gonna buzz off of this.
00:23:10.720 --> 00:23:11.839
I know I'm gonna get so much of it.
00:23:11.920 --> 00:23:14.720
I was so excited to meet you and hear your story too.
00:23:14.799 --> 00:23:17.039
And like, you know, it's really important.
00:23:17.200 --> 00:23:19.680
I parent better when I am doing stuff like this.
00:23:19.759 --> 00:23:22.160
I'll go back, I'll have so much energy for them.
00:23:22.559 --> 00:23:24.960
Um, it's really important to do a bit for you, I think.
00:23:25.200 --> 00:23:26.640
Yeah, I absolutely agree.
00:23:26.880 --> 00:23:37.119
And I would say that I have become a better parent since I've been doing this podcast, quite simply because I'm filling my own cup a little bit with it.
00:23:37.200 --> 00:23:41.519
I obviously have, you know, I have a career that I'm very incredibly proud of, and I love my job.
00:23:41.599 --> 00:23:45.440
There's not a question there, but it's ultimately very hard work.
00:23:45.599 --> 00:23:48.400
Um I work in an industry which is under a huge amount of pressure.
00:23:48.559 --> 00:23:54.480
Um we have a lot of a lot of staff in this building that I have to make sure are well and looked after.
00:23:54.559 --> 00:23:58.880
And that, you know, for somebody in my position, still a lot of a lot of weight that I carry.
00:23:59.039 --> 00:23:59.279
Of course.
00:23:59.680 --> 00:24:10.799
So actually being, you know, having the opportunity to do the podcast and start to build my own personal brand and find a little bit of of my own passion and get that back has been brilliant for me.
00:24:10.880 --> 00:24:15.359
And it also does mean to your point, I go home with a bit more of a spring in my step.
00:24:15.680 --> 00:24:21.359
And it's not that like getting home, putting my back on the floor, like you know, breathing a sigh of relief.
00:24:21.519 --> 00:24:24.640
Which I'll be honest, in the last few years, it's been a lot of that.
00:24:24.799 --> 00:24:25.359
Of course it has.
00:24:25.599 --> 00:24:32.160
And that is normal, but I've tried to take control of my own life a little bit more since becoming a mother.
00:24:32.240 --> 00:24:32.480
Yeah.
00:24:32.720 --> 00:24:35.279
Because if I don't, who is that's it?
00:24:35.519 --> 00:24:37.920
It's it's I love the title.
00:24:38.079 --> 00:24:41.119
I was like, I have to come on this podcast because it's so true.
00:24:41.279 --> 00:24:44.480
I am just somehow managing all day, every day, and you do get through the day.
00:24:44.559 --> 00:24:44.799
Yeah.
00:24:44.960 --> 00:24:54.400
And listen, some people are super fulfilled by playing on the floor with their kids, and I'm just not gonna be that person, and I may get cancelled for saying that.
00:24:54.480 --> 00:24:59.759
But I think no, I I'm sorry, I love them, I do, of course I do.
00:24:59.920 --> 00:25:02.079
I I would honestly have like a football team of kids.
00:25:02.160 --> 00:25:03.279
I love, I love it.
00:25:03.599 --> 00:25:23.200
But I am not gonna be a person who's just gonna be fulfilled by being a stay-at-home mum or going to a baby class every day, like, no, Hannah, like honestly, send me absolute crackers, and that's why that's why I actually went back on the radio at seven after seven weeks having my daughter, which was a bit punchy, I have to be honest.
00:25:23.440 --> 00:25:25.920
This time, you know, we discussed this yesterday.
00:25:26.079 --> 00:25:32.079
Like the first one, you are just kind of getting through it, somehow managing, you know, you're not sure if everything is a phase.
00:25:32.319 --> 00:25:36.400
The second one, I was like, oh, time goes very quick, it's more precious.
00:25:36.480 --> 00:25:43.440
So I actually have taken more time off than I probably would have or I did the first time.
00:25:43.599 --> 00:25:48.079
Um, I say that I'm only four months postpartum, but to me, I'm like, oh my god, is everyone gonna forget me?
00:25:48.160 --> 00:25:49.680
And am I not gonna get these opportunities?
00:25:49.920 --> 00:25:56.319
Oh I'm taking my son to like meetings with like big cheeses from big broadcasting houses, and it's it's hilarious.
00:25:56.400 --> 00:26:01.680
But I'm also a bit like even if that fails, which quite honestly, like some of them are failing quite drastically right now, Hannah.
00:26:01.920 --> 00:26:08.799
But like, I'm taking him because I don't have the childcare, and also I'm like, well, if you want to work with me, this is the setup, yeah, you know, and this is me.
00:26:09.279 --> 00:26:21.279
I'm really proud of you for that because I think that says a lot about backing yourself, and you're not gonna win every time and you are gonna be rejected, but I do feel like that is what happens is anyway in life, yeah.
00:26:21.440 --> 00:26:26.960
But also, you have to absolutely warts and all put it out on the table and be okay to what comes off the back of that.
00:26:27.119 --> 00:26:33.200
I know I had a really funny moment the other day, so I went to quite a big meeting and it was all going quite well, I'll be honest with you.
00:26:33.279 --> 00:26:34.079
It was going really well.
00:26:34.160 --> 00:26:45.519
Um, having a really nice chin wag, and the guy said to me, Oh, I just fed my son, and my son is uh he's got reflux, which if you don't know what that means, it basically means he spews up quite drastically every time he drinks.
00:26:45.759 --> 00:26:50.960
And um, I was and he I just fed him and he was doing really well, chill baby, he's a really good boy.
00:26:51.200 --> 00:26:55.759
And the guy at the end of the interview, shall we say, says to me, Oh, I love babies, Rach.
00:26:55.920 --> 00:26:56.480
Can I hold your son?
00:26:56.640 --> 00:27:02.960
And I was like, and then can just to p paint the picture, this guy is like in a very swift suit, he's got the big watch, all this.
00:27:03.039 --> 00:27:05.920
And I was like, um, and he was like, Oh, I love them.
00:27:06.000 --> 00:27:06.799
Come on, let me have a go.
00:27:06.880 --> 00:27:09.599
And I was like, I'm gonna be honest, he is a spewy baby, but yeah, sure.
00:27:09.759 --> 00:27:14.799
The most amount of spew that happened, like literally was like projectile vomiting over this guy.
00:27:14.880 --> 00:27:18.240
I had to like send him a message being like, I'm so sorry, can I pay for your dry cleaning?
00:27:18.400 --> 00:27:24.000
I am yet to hear back, but I'm like, you know, I'm I'm just like putting myself out there.
00:27:24.079 --> 00:27:26.559
I'm getting a lot of micro-rejections, which is a lot on the city.
00:27:30.480 --> 00:27:31.119
We've got that story.
00:27:31.200 --> 00:27:32.400
I can tell Triss the story.
00:27:32.480 --> 00:27:36.480
Yeah, and I also think I do think there's something quite iconic about taking your kids along.
00:27:36.640 --> 00:27:39.759
I do think, like, maybe it's not benefiting me in the long haul.
00:27:39.839 --> 00:27:45.039
Like my friend said to me the other day, she was like, Oh, maybe, maybe it's not really working out because you're bringing the kids with you.
00:27:45.119 --> 00:27:46.880
But I'm like, Well, what other choice have I got?
00:27:46.960 --> 00:27:49.519
And also they know I'm very fresh postpartum.
00:27:49.759 --> 00:27:51.119
So And you know what?
00:27:51.279 --> 00:28:00.000
For every 10 interviews or conversations that you have, nine of them may well not go their way, but there will be one in ten, and sometimes that one is all you need.
00:28:00.400 --> 00:28:02.559
You just have to keep rat-tatting in correctly.
00:28:03.119 --> 00:28:08.720
Like, I honestly messaged someone again, he's like quite chief cheese at a different broadcasting situation.
00:28:08.880 --> 00:28:14.319
And I voice noted him, I haven't heard from him, and like every month I voice note to see if I'm gonna get a response because he's not said no.
00:28:14.480 --> 00:28:19.119
And I went rat-ta-tat, so and so, just me again knocking.
00:28:19.359 --> 00:28:21.279
And he was like, I've not forgotten about you, I'll come back.
00:28:21.440 --> 00:28:25.920
But like, I think you also have to remember like we do live in a world of rejection.
00:28:26.000 --> 00:28:30.559
Like, you might be going, like you might be on whatever dating app, and like that is savage to the soul.
00:28:30.640 --> 00:28:34.319
Like, that is rejections, rejections, rejections until maybe you meet somebody if that's what you're doing.
00:28:34.480 --> 00:28:36.799
And you only need one partner, you just need one.
00:28:37.039 --> 00:28:38.480
Well, some that's what you're into.
00:28:39.119 --> 00:28:40.960
Like, you know, some people might want more.
00:28:41.200 --> 00:28:45.759
But I think, like, you know, we live in this day and age, but it builds up resilience and resilience.
00:28:45.839 --> 00:28:46.480
You need it now.
00:28:46.559 --> 00:28:47.039
You just need it.
00:28:47.519 --> 00:28:48.000
Oh, yeah.
00:28:48.160 --> 00:28:54.559
I mean, that kind of does touch on a topic that isn't in my list, but I would like to talk about in terms of like that sort of gentle parenting.
00:28:54.799 --> 00:28:57.119
What type of parent do you think you are?
00:28:57.440 --> 00:28:59.680
What does gentle parenting mean again?
00:29:00.640 --> 00:29:08.400
Well, there is a there's a difference, isn't there, between gentle parenting and permissive parenting?
00:29:08.480 --> 00:29:09.039
Is that the word?
00:29:09.519 --> 00:29:10.079
I might be getting a bit more than a bit.
00:29:10.160 --> 00:29:11.039
I don't read any books probably.
00:29:11.519 --> 00:29:26.720
I think there's a difference between gentle parenting is uh is uh supposed to be something along the lines of when you get on a level with your child and try and basically treat them like a normal human being, not that subordinate relationship.
00:29:26.960 --> 00:29:27.440
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:29:27.680 --> 00:29:35.440
Um and I think permissive parenting is again, I probably am getting this terminology wrong, but is basically where you just soft ass and just let them get away with murder.
00:29:35.599 --> 00:29:38.079
No, um or or all the other way around.
00:29:38.319 --> 00:29:40.720
But any of those, do they any of those?
00:29:41.200 --> 00:29:44.720
I think like all I want for the kids is for them to be polite and funny.
00:29:45.680 --> 00:29:47.519
I think that's a good combination that will get you through.
00:29:47.759 --> 00:29:47.839
Yeah.
00:29:48.000 --> 00:29:51.359
If you're that middle girl or guy, like I think it will get you far far.
00:29:51.440 --> 00:29:53.119
It's kind of got me kind of this far.
00:29:53.359 --> 00:29:57.519
Um, I'm hot on the politeness, like manners, manners, manners.
00:29:57.680 --> 00:30:02.799
Like I literally look at my daughter Lee, and if she's not said please, she just knows she goes, please.
00:30:03.119 --> 00:30:07.279
But like, you know, and like the other day someone said to me, Oh, she's like really funny, isn't she?
00:30:07.519 --> 00:30:10.319
And I was like, She's three guys, okay, but it means a lot.
00:30:10.559 --> 00:30:12.240
And someone else said, Oh, she's so polite.
00:30:12.319 --> 00:30:13.440
And I thought, yes, we're winning.
00:30:13.680 --> 00:30:15.440
I'm really hot on that kind of stuff.
00:30:15.680 --> 00:30:20.160
Like last night, for example, you could easily lose it because you just put the baby down.
00:30:20.240 --> 00:30:21.279
It's just two in the morning.
00:30:21.440 --> 00:30:26.400
I just put my son down, he still gets up in the night, he's four months, so we'll let him off with that.
00:30:26.720 --> 00:30:38.720
My daughter Lou, she's always been a terrible sleeper, and that's kind of a wee bit our fault because my daughter, my son is my husband, is so much softer on my daughter than I am.
00:30:38.880 --> 00:30:40.400
And I don't know whether it's gender thing.
00:30:40.480 --> 00:30:45.759
I don't want to be gender biased with it, but I don't know where I'm like, no, I know she's fine, she's just playing you, and you'll have her in bed.
00:30:45.839 --> 00:30:47.920
And I think we've made a rod for our own backwards.
00:30:48.079 --> 00:30:52.559
I'm trying to kind of I think I'm stricter, but I wouldn't say we're like super strict.
00:30:52.640 --> 00:30:57.279
So, like last night, for example, I could have easily been like, come on, like lost it a bit.
00:30:57.359 --> 00:30:59.920
Like, you need to go to bed, your brother's upset, like, come on.
00:31:00.079 --> 00:31:02.160
And actually, I'm the eldest daughter.
00:31:02.240 --> 00:31:05.519
I and and I notice a lot from my own upbringing.
00:31:05.599 --> 00:31:10.319
Like, I love my brother to bits, but I was almost like a second mother, and I don't want that for Lou.
00:31:10.559 --> 00:31:14.480
I want her to be her own woman, and that starts from three, it starts from as young.
00:31:14.559 --> 00:31:22.480
I don't want and I so I don't want to use the language of like, oh, you're like bothering your brother, because actually you're three years old, you're having nightmares, less level.
00:31:22.559 --> 00:31:26.640
So I actually ended up sleeping in her bed, and I was like, This is it, me making the rod for my own back.
00:31:26.799 --> 00:31:32.480
So I would say, like, I'm a bit stricter, like you know, meals always have to be at the dinner table.
00:31:32.559 --> 00:31:36.160
That really whereas my husband would probably be like, Oh, you can have a sofa dinner.
00:31:36.319 --> 00:31:39.279
But I'm like, no, because if we start that, you set a precedent.
00:31:39.440 --> 00:31:41.119
So that kind of thing.
00:31:41.279 --> 00:31:48.480
Um, I always try and like get her, like if we're at the shops, I'll say, like, you go and put the milk up there and ask the lady for the milk and say thank you.
00:31:48.640 --> 00:31:52.640
I just like build the confidence, and if she doesn't want to, we'll try again.
00:31:52.720 --> 00:31:54.799
Like, she really got a fright on a big slide.
00:31:54.960 --> 00:31:56.240
I got her back on that slide again.
00:31:56.319 --> 00:31:57.279
It's like riding the horse again.
00:31:57.359 --> 00:32:02.960
So, and that kind of pairing, I'm like, oh, I know you've grazed your knee, but like I don't want you to have a phobia about that, so let's go again.
00:32:03.200 --> 00:32:05.680
I'm not gonna say I'm perfect, I'm absolutely not.
00:32:05.839 --> 00:32:08.799
I really like they test you, these children.
00:32:09.119 --> 00:32:10.160
Oh my god, they do.
00:32:10.400 --> 00:32:13.599
But um, I wouldn't say I'm super soft, but I'm definitely not like super strict.
00:32:13.839 --> 00:32:21.839
It's it's funny, you said something earlier about like how obsessed you are with your kids and you love them more than anything, you do anything for them, but you don't want to sit and play on the floor with them all day long.
00:32:21.920 --> 00:32:22.079
Yeah.
00:32:22.319 --> 00:32:30.000
Well, when you were talking, I was like, it reminded me of a piece of content I put out on I think probably a couple months ago now about.
00:32:30.319 --> 00:32:34.880
Um I went to nursery parents evening, which is hilarious, by the way, because what the hell are they gonna tell you?
00:32:35.200 --> 00:32:36.079
And you have to sit in the little seats.
00:32:36.319 --> 00:32:37.759
We had sick shits the other day.
00:32:37.839 --> 00:32:38.720
Like, do you know what I mean?
00:32:38.799 --> 00:32:39.920
What are they gonna tell you?
00:32:40.000 --> 00:32:55.519
But the reality was I actually was quite an important one because um they were talking about him transitioning to the next room up, and on the way home I cried and I was like, I'm not that person, I am not, I'm I am I'm maternal, but I am not hugely emotional about parenthood.
00:32:55.680 --> 00:33:02.079
I'm just not so I haven't been hugely emotional this whole time about the fact that he's gone to nursery.
00:33:02.160 --> 00:33:07.519
I had moments and I did have a little bit of that guilt in the early days, but overall I've been really comfortable with it.
00:33:07.680 --> 00:33:09.759
He loves it, I felt great about it.
00:33:09.920 --> 00:33:13.680
Um, I've worked very hard on myself to not carry all of that burden.
00:33:13.839 --> 00:33:20.559
And anyway, I I cried and I was so upset at the thought of him.
00:33:21.519 --> 00:33:24.799
It felt like two minutes ago he was just going to nursery, he couldn't walk.
00:33:24.880 --> 00:33:29.039
I was handing him over at the door, he was still, you know, drinking milk three times a day, all of that.
00:33:29.200 --> 00:33:32.960
And all of a sudden now he's walking, talking, going into the the transition.
00:33:33.119 --> 00:33:36.640
It hit me like a brick wall.
00:33:37.359 --> 00:33:42.400
And it it reminded me of how fast it all goes and the fact that he's in nursery full time.
00:33:42.480 --> 00:33:51.519
And I did have for that five-minute meltdown all of the feelings that I've been probably burying really, really deep for 10 months.
00:33:51.839 --> 00:33:56.880
Um, it all came flooding back to me to say, God, I'm missing out so much of his life.
00:33:56.960 --> 00:33:58.880
He's in nursery more than he's at home with me, all of that.
00:33:58.960 --> 00:34:01.759
But then I also had this realisation at the end of my five-minute meltdown.
00:34:02.319 --> 00:34:03.759
What the fuck are you on about?
00:34:04.000 --> 00:34:06.799
Because the reality is I'm not that mum.
00:34:06.880 --> 00:34:11.280
Yeah, I'm not that mum that is going to play all day long.
00:34:11.760 --> 00:34:19.280
I it is not who I am, and I think as mums and as women, we have to find who we are, yeah.
00:34:19.519 --> 00:34:24.159
That mother, who what is the best version of us that we can give to them?
00:34:24.480 --> 00:34:29.599
And forcing sitting on the floor and playing play-doh with them isn't for me.
00:34:29.679 --> 00:34:59.440
No, because I I will do that on the odd occasion, of course I will, and I will enjoy it when I do it on the odd occasion, but I'm not gonna be able to find activities for him to do all day long, and crafts aren't my thing, so we don't have a crafts box at home because he has crafts at nursery, but we do other things together, and I've got really comfortable with that, and I think I want everyone to feel anyone that's listening to this and anyone I meet, I want everyone to feel like it is okay to say out loud it's not my thing.
00:34:59.760 --> 00:35:03.280
He goes to nursery for those things, and they are incredible with him.
00:35:03.519 --> 00:35:05.679
He is at home there, he loves it.
00:35:06.400 --> 00:35:23.760
Who am I to say that actually, just because I've got a little bit of guilt every now and again, that I should bring him back to our house where he doesn't have all of those things, and I just think it's it's a really important part of the transition back to work and us back to who we are, as well as being mums that we admit that out loud.
00:35:23.920 --> 00:35:24.559
Yeah, definitely.
00:35:24.639 --> 00:35:33.840
I mean, I I will say I actually am quite an artistic person, so I quite I like the arts and the crafts and the paint, and that you know I'm not like precious about.
00:35:34.159 --> 00:35:36.400
I used to be like love the aesthetic of my home.
00:35:36.480 --> 00:35:39.920
I'm doing it right, I still love interiors, but I'm like, this is not the era of like era for.
00:35:40.239 --> 00:35:40.960
Oh, I agree with that.
00:35:41.039 --> 00:35:52.079
Um, but I I absolutely agree with you, like all day, like they need the stimulation, they need the socialization, and obviously you can tell for me socializing is very important to me.
00:35:52.159 --> 00:35:56.079
I, you know, a really important that my kids are like well socialized.
00:35:56.239 --> 00:36:09.039
That is gonna come from being around other kids, and you know, they need to like you're basically you have kids to like nourish them through the world, but like one day they will leave and they need to have their own skills, they need to be able to, you know, fend for themselves.
00:36:09.119 --> 00:36:13.440
And again, it starts from a really young age, and you can tell the kids who haven't gone, and that's absolutely fine.
00:36:13.599 --> 00:36:16.719
Um, but like you know, they need to know that biting is not okay.
00:36:16.800 --> 00:36:20.320
You can't just go up to someone aged like 21 and go and bite them on the arm.
00:36:20.400 --> 00:36:21.519
Like, that's not a greeting.
00:36:21.599 --> 00:36:22.400
Do you know what I mean?
00:36:22.480 --> 00:36:24.960
And yeah, I mean you can, but you will go to jail.
00:36:25.440 --> 00:36:26.159
Yeah, well, exactly.
00:36:26.400 --> 00:36:27.679
You need to learn all these things.
00:36:27.840 --> 00:36:29.599
So, no, I completely agree with you.
00:36:29.679 --> 00:36:36.400
I find like I have the kids three days a week at the minute myself, and I've got a three-year-old and a four-month-old, so like their needs are very, very different.
00:36:36.559 --> 00:36:37.119
Yeah, that's hard.
00:36:37.360 --> 00:36:40.320
And I'm just like, it is hard, and I'm just like, I'm not made for this.
00:36:40.400 --> 00:36:51.280
I thought I was made for this, and I'm not, and like you come to the end of the day, and it is more just like I'd love to go and do painting with her, but like I can't sit and like I like doing it, but I can't sit and do it for eight hours of the day.
00:36:51.519 --> 00:36:56.320
I also really don't, I'm not like fully against screens, but I don't want them to become couch potatoes.
00:36:56.400 --> 00:37:00.800
I really don't like I do actually enjoy the odd episode of Bluey myself, so I'm happy with that.
00:37:01.280 --> 00:37:03.599
I I actually can't watch an episode of Blue without crying.
00:37:03.840 --> 00:37:04.320
It's so good.
00:37:04.559 --> 00:37:05.519
What is it?
00:37:05.599 --> 00:37:06.079
What is that about?
00:37:06.159 --> 00:37:09.119
Like, I don't, I'm not a crier, but you put an episode of Bluey on Facebook.
00:37:09.360 --> 00:37:09.679
It's so good.
00:37:10.159 --> 00:37:15.039
Because they they actually bluey is amazing because they tap into like the adults as well.
00:37:15.119 --> 00:37:15.360
Yeah.
00:37:15.519 --> 00:37:23.519
Um, but yeah, I'm like really conscious of that, but then you know, then all day you're like, I'm gonna have to run this kid like a little dog, and then I've got the other one.
00:37:23.599 --> 00:37:24.880
So yeah, I mean it's a lot.
00:37:24.960 --> 00:37:29.760
So God bless nursery, and God bless the people who work in nursery because they are special humans.
00:37:29.920 --> 00:37:31.280
I I would agree with that.
00:37:33.840 --> 00:37:46.079
For anybody listening to this or watching this on YouTube will look at you and they will say, There is no way that that woman has ever struggled mentally because you are you are, you know, yellow in your aura is yellow.
00:37:46.320 --> 00:37:48.880
You're so bright and energetic.
00:37:49.840 --> 00:38:01.440
But my observation, having met a lot of people over the years, is actually those are the people that tend to not necessarily struggle the most, but because no one really checks in on those people because they always think they're fine.
00:38:01.599 --> 00:38:12.320
So I really want to get into that as you're comfortable in doing so, because I do think it'll be really valuable for all the listeners that often feel the same, like, oh, everyone thinks I'm I'm happy and you know, all of that all the time.
00:38:12.480 --> 00:38:20.320
So what did that look like for you in terms of postpartum struggling with your mental health?
00:38:20.559 --> 00:38:24.559
Like what how did it unfold and what was your experience?
00:38:24.800 --> 00:38:36.400
Well, I think I've always um struggled with my mental health for a really long time, and I now know I have PMDD, so I think there's a lot in the media about that now, which is amazing that I had it before it was cool.
00:38:36.480 --> 00:38:36.800
Okay.
00:38:37.599 --> 00:38:40.960
PMDD is premenstrual dysphoric disorder.
00:38:41.119 --> 00:38:49.119
It basically affects like more women than you would ever know, and it basically um is a very, very severe uh period symptoms.
00:38:49.280 --> 00:38:56.079
And what that can look like and how that manifests in me is that my progesterone, so there's a hormone in me that is through the floor low.
00:38:56.239 --> 00:38:59.599
I don't have very much progesterone because it's very fascinating, Hannah.
00:38:59.760 --> 00:39:02.079
When I'm pregnant, I'm my best self.
00:39:02.239 --> 00:39:02.400
Wow.
00:39:02.559 --> 00:39:04.320
Okay, and I hate to admit that to the world.
00:39:05.599 --> 00:39:08.559
I would love to, if I could give the baby over, I would do it for people.
00:39:08.719 --> 00:39:10.559
In fact, one of my friends was struggling to conceive.
00:39:10.719 --> 00:39:13.920
I was like, if I could give you the baby over, I just would love it too much.
00:39:14.000 --> 00:39:15.039
I couldn't let it go.
00:39:15.199 --> 00:39:18.079
But um, and I was like, this is fascinating.
00:39:18.159 --> 00:39:18.960
There has to be something.
00:39:19.039 --> 00:39:20.480
I knew there was a chemical imbalance.
00:39:20.559 --> 00:39:28.480
I didn't know at the time until pregnant, and I was like, even Rory was like, wow, this is just how normal people must function.
00:39:28.639 --> 00:39:32.079
Just like not like emotional all over the place.
00:39:32.239 --> 00:39:39.840
And and anyway, I will like so so yeah, and and I now know that when you're pregnant, your progesterone levels shoot up.
00:39:39.920 --> 00:39:42.320
Yeah, so I'm like absolutely grand in these pregnancies.
00:39:42.400 --> 00:39:44.559
If anything, it's like happy days for the next nine months.
00:39:44.719 --> 00:39:47.599
By the last two weeks, I am not a good person the last two weeks of my pregnancy.
00:39:47.679 --> 00:39:49.119
I'm like, get this thing out of me.
00:39:49.440 --> 00:40:04.239
But anyway, so that's really fascinating because I was like, there must be someone out there who can invent something because I feel I feel so low before my period in that luteal phase, just before your period, I am like the lowest thoughts.
00:40:04.320 --> 00:40:05.119
I am not myself.
00:40:05.280 --> 00:40:07.039
I've just explained to you that I love people.
00:40:07.199 --> 00:40:09.679
I love, I mean, I love all this.
00:40:10.239 --> 00:40:15.679
You know, so energized by people, hosting, friends, family, the pod, whatever.
00:40:16.079 --> 00:40:19.039
I am not that person, like just before.
00:40:19.199 --> 00:40:21.679
I I think the world would be a better place without me.
00:40:21.920 --> 00:40:24.800
To be truthful, I've never actually said that out loud to anyone who doesn't know me well.
00:40:24.880 --> 00:40:29.440
But I think it's important to say, people who struggle with PMDD, they have these dark thoughts.
00:40:29.599 --> 00:40:32.320
And you never actually, well, I would never act upon that.
00:40:32.400 --> 00:40:34.880
Like, I know I wouldn't because I'm like, no, no, no, this is not you.
00:40:35.039 --> 00:40:37.280
But I'm like, oh nobody likes me, don't have any friends.
00:40:37.440 --> 00:40:41.039
I'm just like so on my own, like I'm so on my own, and that's completely untrue.
00:40:41.119 --> 00:40:45.599
I have an amazing network of friends right across the country in different countries.
00:40:45.840 --> 00:40:51.519
Um, you know, like I give a lot to my friends and my family, and so I'm like, why do I feel like this?
00:40:51.760 --> 00:40:54.239
Um, it's it's horrible, it's very emotional.
00:40:54.400 --> 00:41:01.280
And when I went to the doctor finally, during the second point, interestingly, so I go and see Dr.
00:41:01.440 --> 00:41:02.639
B, love him.
00:41:03.360 --> 00:41:07.679
And uh we're sat there, we're doing the six-week checkup, which is for baby and for mum.
00:41:07.760 --> 00:41:12.239
But we get to the end of the baby bit, and I went, Doctor B, uh can we talk about me?
00:41:12.880 --> 00:41:15.840
And he was like, Oh, I just I just assumed everything was fine.
00:41:16.000 --> 00:41:20.559
And I was like, no, and like we'd gone from like laughing joking, we had quite a lot in common, actually.
00:41:20.639 --> 00:41:24.400
Like, um, this doctor is like part-time GP, part-time pilot.
00:41:24.559 --> 00:41:26.480
My dad worked in the airlines, you know.
00:41:26.639 --> 00:41:27.440
That's what he pivoted.
00:41:27.599 --> 00:41:29.599
My dad pivoted into becoming an airline pilot.
00:41:29.760 --> 00:41:30.719
And as you do.
00:41:30.880 --> 00:41:31.280
As you do.
00:41:31.440 --> 00:41:32.079
That's what I mean.
00:41:32.159 --> 00:41:36.239
Big thinkers, and he wasn't from a family that you know you didn't have that wealth to do that.
00:41:36.320 --> 00:41:38.480
That was a whole that's a whole other conversation.
00:41:38.639 --> 00:41:39.920
Uh, very inspiring.
00:41:40.079 --> 00:41:41.119
And actually, I grew up.
00:41:41.440 --> 00:41:43.280
I feel like we had like if we had six hours, yeah.
00:41:43.360 --> 00:41:45.360
I'd be like, stop there, let's just go to the pilot store.
00:41:45.679 --> 00:41:45.920
That's it.
00:41:46.000 --> 00:41:52.400
But like again, I grew up with someone who was passionate about their job and loved their job to the very last day, and that's I think important.
00:41:52.800 --> 00:42:01.519
Anyway, uh, sorry, I'm going around the house on this, but essentially I was like, I must have postnatal depression because as soon as the baby comes, boom, the tears.
00:42:01.760 --> 00:42:03.519
I'm crying three times a day and then I'm fine.
00:42:03.840 --> 00:42:05.199
Crying three times a day, then I'm fine.
00:42:05.280 --> 00:42:14.559
And I spoke to one of my friends, Jacko, and she's a doctor, uh, also had two kids, and she was just like, you know, it's not normal to cry three times a day, you should be really like actually enjoying this.
00:42:14.880 --> 00:42:19.599
And I didn't have any challenges bonding with the babies, so I was like, that's interesting.
00:42:19.760 --> 00:42:20.400
Go to Dr.
00:42:20.559 --> 00:42:20.800
B.
00:42:21.119 --> 00:42:24.559
He's had three girls, specialized in hormones, incredible.
00:42:24.639 --> 00:42:26.639
I was like, I've just met the the right guy.
00:42:26.719 --> 00:42:31.280
I was like, I can talk to you because my husband's obviously medical and my dad's and this, this is great.
00:42:31.519 --> 00:42:35.039
And he was just like, Oh, you know, I thought I was gonna have to go on antidepressants.
00:42:35.199 --> 00:42:41.679
I couldn't believe that someone like me, like, no shame in it, but I was like, but I just don't think I'm depressed because it's only in this luteal phase.
00:42:42.159 --> 00:42:45.199
And he was like, I can't believe he was like, You're one of the worst cases I've seen.
00:42:45.360 --> 00:42:47.039
Pedresterone levels are so low.
00:42:47.280 --> 00:42:53.679
I just assumed because I typed in my as you do, typed in my symptoms years ago to mind, actually.
00:42:53.920 --> 00:42:55.440
Boom, came up, PMDD.
00:42:55.519 --> 00:43:00.960
I remember sending it to my mum and sending it to what some of my best friends have said, this is me, this is me, Tottee.
00:43:01.280 --> 00:43:07.119
And um, yeah, but now it's it's now in the second pregnancy where I was like, Dr.
00:43:07.280 --> 00:43:11.840
B, I I can't I can't have my kids see me like this, like every day.
00:43:12.000 --> 00:43:15.039
The my husband doesn't know what he's coming into, you know.
00:43:15.440 --> 00:43:18.320
I need this sorted and just so lucky.
00:43:18.400 --> 00:43:26.079
I didn't know that there was anything you could you could do, um, and there's so much you can actually do, and I think with the more awareness that's being raised, hopefully more government funding.
00:43:26.159 --> 00:43:30.079
We've now got Andy Burnham, yes, like let's see what he can do.
00:43:30.400 --> 00:43:40.480
Um, I know he's putting a lot into mental health and that kind of thing, but like I can't remember the stats, I don't want to say, but it's like I I remember a really high stat of women who don't even know that they are living like this.
00:43:40.559 --> 00:43:47.280
Yeah, but my symptoms just uh were so apparent after pregnancy that I was like something has to be wrong.
00:43:47.440 --> 00:43:56.000
And honestly, now I've got the diagnosis and I've got a bit of medication, it's not actually antidepressants, it's it's just a um what is it?
00:43:56.239 --> 00:43:57.760
A hypergesterone pill.
00:43:58.960 --> 00:43:59.440
Brand new.
00:44:00.159 --> 00:44:01.119
I'm like myself.
00:44:01.280 --> 00:44:02.079
It's amazing.
00:44:02.239 --> 00:44:03.599
It's absolutely amazing.
00:44:03.840 --> 00:44:04.719
And do you know what?
00:44:04.880 --> 00:44:13.039
I think if anyone listening to this podcast even has an inkling or a slight feeling that there's something a little bit off, there is no harm, is there?
00:44:13.119 --> 00:44:14.159
In going to get checked.
00:44:14.239 --> 00:44:19.679
Because actually, like you say, it was you had one of the worst cases in terms of progesterone levels.
00:44:20.000 --> 00:44:24.800
And I actually feel like a lot of people think, oh, that's a little bit like me, but it's not that bad.
00:44:24.880 --> 00:44:25.679
So I won't go.
00:44:25.840 --> 00:44:27.199
Well, just go and get checked, right?
00:44:27.360 --> 00:44:28.880
Yeah, especially like a Scottish person.
00:44:28.960 --> 00:44:30.800
We don't go to the doctor, hilariously married to a doctor.
00:44:30.880 --> 00:44:31.920
I would never go to the doctor.
00:44:32.079 --> 00:44:35.039
I, you know, you put everyone else before yourself.
00:44:35.280 --> 00:44:43.440
Um, and oh yeah, and and again, if you do look at someone like me, because my friend even said the other day, she was like, You would never know someone like you struggling in it.
00:44:43.599 --> 00:45:12.639
But I'm like, I don't want to put that version of myself out there, but I'm so happy to talk to about it on like any platform and personally because I think it is important as you say, like this isn't an act, this is me, but I need you to know that I'm human and I have like a very broad spectrum of emotions, and I'm also struggling with this PMDD, like so many people are, and they're and I think the most important key message is like tell your look, your close people, monitor yourself, like write a little diary of like this week.
00:45:12.719 --> 00:45:20.639
I feel like this, because it could be that luteal phase, and go and see a doctor, and if it's not the right doctor for you, go to a different GP because there will be the right one out there.
00:45:20.880 --> 00:45:23.039
That's really good advice, and very practical as well.
00:45:23.199 --> 00:45:32.239
Because I think often people will relate to the stories we tell on this podcast, but we may we maybe don't do a good enough job at saying, So, what can you do about it or what should you do about it?
00:45:32.559 --> 00:45:33.760
So, thank you for sharing that.
00:45:33.840 --> 00:45:42.639
And I do think, particularly around sort of the post-natal stuff, I think it's important that people understand that it isn't actually normal to be crying.
00:45:42.800 --> 00:45:45.199
I mean, every day we all cry when we've given birth.
00:45:45.280 --> 00:45:51.119
It's the weirdest, best, weirdest, scariest, most unbelievable, all of those ups and downs that come with it.
00:45:51.280 --> 00:45:59.119
But to continue to cry multiple times a day, is not and from for me, like everyone's different, but like it didn't manifest.
00:45:59.440 --> 00:46:04.400
I was still getting up every day, I was still showering every day, like you know, uh still very much functioning.
00:46:04.480 --> 00:46:05.199
And I think that's what Dr.
00:46:05.360 --> 00:46:11.199
B was looking at me like, like, you look fine, and I was like, Yeah, but that's the whole point, yeah.
00:46:11.360 --> 00:46:11.920
You know what I mean?
00:46:12.320 --> 00:46:13.199
That's the problem, yeah.
00:46:13.360 --> 00:46:13.679
Exactly.
00:46:13.840 --> 00:46:15.280
And no one's going, Do you alright?
00:46:15.599 --> 00:46:18.960
Yeah, because no nobody checks in because yeah, you do look fine, you know what I mean.
00:46:19.280 --> 00:46:19.760
100%.
00:46:20.320 --> 00:46:26.320
Um we've spoken about the sort of mental health challenges, but we spoke about sleep.
00:46:26.639 --> 00:46:30.480
And I do want to talk about sleep because actually they're so closely linked.
00:46:30.960 --> 00:46:44.400
Sleep or lack of, shall we say, yeah, is it sleep deprivation is such a huge thing that I think um it almost comes part and parcel of becoming a parent, right?
00:46:44.480 --> 00:46:48.719
It's the the age old joke when you're pregnant and everyone goes, Oh, get the sleep while you can.
00:46:48.880 --> 00:46:49.599
Yeah, okay.
00:46:49.920 --> 00:46:50.960
But you're not gonna sleep when you're pregnant.
00:46:51.119 --> 00:46:52.880
Yeah, but have you ever been pregnant?
00:46:52.960 --> 00:46:56.400
Because if another man tells me to get the sleep while you can't, I will cry.
00:46:56.639 --> 00:46:58.719
Oh my gosh, you're up, you're up so much.
00:46:59.519 --> 00:47:12.960
I think it's yeah, it's almost become a jovial part of well, just what happens, and of course it is, and some people have better experiences than others, but I wanna I want to talk about it because you've not slept for three years.
00:47:13.039 --> 00:47:30.239
I know, and I think it's really important that people understand that you people like even like you, these yellow characters who obviously have loads going on and seem to be really excited about life, are barely getting by because of the sleep situation.
00:47:30.480 --> 00:47:32.320
So, what is that like for you?
00:47:32.559 --> 00:47:37.199
The sleep, I never understood the importance of sleep until I've had children.
00:47:37.280 --> 00:47:39.119
I think about sleep all the time.
00:47:39.280 --> 00:47:41.119
Um, and I'm so annoyed at myself.
00:47:41.199 --> 00:47:43.039
Like, I am a natural night owl.
00:47:43.440 --> 00:47:46.639
Um, so you know, and I think a lot of creative people are.
00:47:46.719 --> 00:47:49.360
So, like my best work comes to me from like 8 p.m.
00:47:49.599 --> 00:48:00.320
to like three o'clock in the morning, and I think that that's actually how I am able to do like a lot of my work, is that like my kids are up anyway, so I just kind of work until I know one of them's gonna be up.
00:48:00.400 --> 00:48:01.679
It's like clockwork.
00:48:01.920 --> 00:48:07.519
Um, I wasn't prepared for how hard it is to have continuous broken sleep.
00:48:07.599 --> 00:48:17.360
Like, I was not prepared for that, and that going back to your question about entering back into your working day, whatever that looks like, that was the hardest thing for me.
00:48:17.519 --> 00:48:27.840
Like having a broken sleep at night and then going into like really big like board meetings, big conversations, like all of the stuff, and being like, sorry, what are you talking about?
00:48:28.559 --> 00:48:34.239
And you just you feel incompetent, you and your brain, your chemistry, your brain chemistry is different, like you've got brain fog and all of that.
00:48:34.480 --> 00:48:40.320
On top of not getting sleep, it's I do believe parenting is harder when your kids don't sleep.
00:48:40.400 --> 00:48:43.360
Again, please don't cancel me, but I I do believe it's a different ball game.
00:48:44.000 --> 00:48:47.280
If you are getting a full night's sleep, if I got full night sleep, I don't even know.
00:48:47.360 --> 00:48:49.039
Maybe I would be the next Zoe ball.
00:48:49.119 --> 00:48:54.800
Like, because I'm a person who actually doesn't need 12 hours, I could function on five, I'm not getting five.
00:48:54.960 --> 00:49:02.719
Yeah, um, and because Rory has the job he does, like he's actually dealing with life and death the next day, so he's absolutely incredible.
00:49:02.800 --> 00:49:06.719
Like you took off the day today, so I could do this with you, which is really brilliant.
00:49:06.880 --> 00:49:14.239
So last night it meant that he would help me with the the choral singing that is the crying of both my children at night.
00:49:14.480 --> 00:49:19.679
But like, yeah, I I I find it really hard, like really, really hard.
00:49:19.760 --> 00:49:31.760
I also feel like a failure, honestly, because I'm like, I know that my daughter is because she's older, like they need a big sleep, they need it for their development, they need it for their growth, and I'm like, Why don't they understand it?
00:49:32.000 --> 00:49:41.599
Like, I'm I'm I'm sometimes looking at Teddy in the middle of the night, like, mate, honestly, do you understand what I would give to have the opportunity that you have right now?
00:49:41.920 --> 00:49:49.440
Yeah, I don't think it's I know they don't want to sleep, and listen, I was exactly the same child, so you know, she is me.
00:49:49.599 --> 00:49:52.400
She looks like her daddy, but she's my soul, like 100%.
00:49:52.800 --> 00:50:02.320
So that's why I'm like not super hard on her when she's waking up at night because I know that I used to be a scared of the dark, and I know that that shadow of that whatever would scare me too.
00:50:02.480 --> 00:50:10.880
So I I I empathize, but I'm also like and I know you probably don't want to hear this because it's so annoying when everyone says this sort of stuff to you.
00:50:11.119 --> 00:50:25.920
But it was good advice that I got when I was going through some of Teddy's really, really bad stages, and everyone reminded me of the fact that these years they are short in the grand schema thing, and I know when you're so sleep-deprived, it's like literal torture.
00:50:26.000 --> 00:50:26.159
I know.
00:50:26.320 --> 00:50:27.599
So you're just thinking, shut up.
00:50:28.239 --> 00:50:35.360
Like, seriously, you are thinking that when someone's trying to give you advice, but it it's weirdly is you will look back on it and be like, it's been so fast.
00:50:35.440 --> 00:50:36.480
And listen, you had another baby.
00:50:36.639 --> 00:50:38.480
Yeah, I know, but you've been glutton for punishment.
00:50:38.639 --> 00:50:41.280
I know, I've not been put off, and I'd have another one, honestly, no bother.
00:50:41.519 --> 00:50:46.000
I always say that while it's actually we we we whinged about it, oh well, as you do.
00:50:46.159 --> 00:50:47.360
This is hell on earth.
00:50:47.440 --> 00:50:49.599
We were always like, you know, 10-hour sleepers.
00:50:49.679 --> 00:50:51.760
We've like this was such a shock to our system.
00:50:51.920 --> 00:50:59.039
And I I too would have probably already been pregnant now and had another one if it was physically, biologically possible in the time that we've had.
00:50:59.199 --> 00:51:02.159
Um, and I probably would have, if we started younger, had about 10 kids.
00:51:02.239 --> 00:51:02.400
Yeah.
00:51:02.559 --> 00:51:05.280
And I would still moan about the sleep, but it wouldn't put me off.
00:51:05.519 --> 00:51:14.719
So I think that is really, really good context for people that are thinking, oh well, if you know, if they've not got kids of their own, yeah, and they're just hearing all of these horror stories.
00:51:14.800 --> 00:51:14.960
Yeah.
00:51:15.199 --> 00:51:16.480
It doesn't last forever.
00:51:16.639 --> 00:51:17.760
It's still worth it.
00:51:18.000 --> 00:51:20.800
The it is good outweighs the bad, passively.
00:51:20.960 --> 00:51:32.960
I mean, I am an advocate of like, you know, really do think about it because um, you know, we do live in a society like we were saying, like you kind of fall into things like you know, don't fall into having children because you think that's what you should do.
00:51:33.039 --> 00:51:34.400
Really think about it if you want to have children.
00:51:34.559 --> 00:51:36.719
You can still live a very fulfilled life without children.
00:51:36.880 --> 00:51:41.360
The path I definitely wanted to take was I am a dog person, a baby person.
00:51:41.440 --> 00:51:51.199
I I always knew I wanted a lot of I like people, so I want a big bustling home, but I was not prepared for I thought you know, I can function on quite little sleep.
00:51:51.280 --> 00:51:57.280
I worked in PR for 10 years, but like it when it's constant, that's the tough bit.
00:51:57.440 --> 00:52:02.639
Like you can you understand a baby, of course, they haven't like developed their sleep rhythm yet.
00:52:02.800 --> 00:52:16.000
But when it's now you're three years on, and I think what I do find really challenging untruthfully is when all my friends are like, Oh, but so and so sleeps seven till seven, and you're like, you just feel like you're feeling you feel like a personal they don't they don't mean it.
00:52:16.239 --> 00:52:27.599
I'm like, great, but like that's not irreality, it's quite isolating, and so I love when I have other friends who are like, Oh no, so and so hasn't slept for eight years, and you're like, Okay, but you know, it makes it better.
00:52:28.400 --> 00:52:39.280
You don't want anyone else to feel the way you feel, but equally you need to have those relatable conversations because otherwise you you're only ever gonna look inwardly, which is wrong, but that's how motherhood and parenthood works, right?
00:52:39.360 --> 00:52:40.800
Yeah, you're constantly questioning yourself.
00:52:41.840 --> 00:52:56.320
Before we sort of get into the final section, which is gonna be like a quick fire five, I want to just ask you one more question about um juggling your um motherhood journey and your family situation with your ambition?
00:52:56.559 --> 00:53:07.280
So um obviously, when I started this podcast, I I really wanted to hear stories from other super ambitious people, men and women, and I am dead keen to get some dads on.
00:53:07.360 --> 00:53:10.719
I actually have some conversations with some dads at the minute that will be great guests.
00:53:11.039 --> 00:53:20.719
Um and I want to understand did your relationship with ambition change when you first got pregnant only when you had your daughter?
00:53:20.800 --> 00:53:30.320
And obviously, I know you pivoted in terms of career trajectory and almost like your passion, yeah, but did it uh change your relationship with ambition?
00:53:30.880 --> 00:53:31.840
Yeah, it did massively.
00:53:32.000 --> 00:53:32.639
It spiked.
00:53:32.800 --> 00:53:34.639
Yeah, I've always been ambitious.
00:53:34.800 --> 00:53:42.639
Um ambitious to you know create my own money, my own security.
00:53:42.719 --> 00:53:44.239
That's always really important to me personally.
00:53:44.400 --> 00:53:46.559
Now I've obviously got family, that too.
00:53:46.800 --> 00:53:54.079
Um always been ambitious, always looking at like different avenues, but kind of still fell into the kind of normal corporate jobs.
00:53:54.159 --> 00:53:59.199
I worked for like startups, I loved it, but I felt like I needed the security of the bigger beasts.
00:53:59.360 --> 00:54:03.039
They come with their own challenges, but for the wider piece, that was really great for me.
00:54:03.199 --> 00:54:11.199
Um, but no, it really spiked, and it just gave me the confidence to be like, I think one of my favourite quotes someone said to me was, you know, why not you?
00:54:11.360 --> 00:54:16.239
And I was like, uh, yeah, like you know, if so and so is doing it, why can't you do it?
00:54:16.800 --> 00:54:18.719
I don't know why Stephen Bartlett's popped into my head.
00:54:18.800 --> 00:54:29.280
I think I've had a conversation about him the other day, but I look at him and I'm like, well, he came from absolutely nothing in Manchester, and look at him now, like, you know, you gotta start somewhere.
00:54:29.440 --> 00:54:31.679
And you might feel cringe, you might feel whatever.
00:54:31.760 --> 00:54:37.440
Like, I am, even though I'm an extroverted person, I'm actually a very private person, to put my life online does not come easily to me.
00:54:37.519 --> 00:54:45.599
I absolutely genuinely hate it, but I know that I need to do that and actually become like a bit more familiar about it.
00:54:45.679 --> 00:54:48.960
You know, I started doing a bit of content on the way here because I thought that might be interesting.
00:54:49.119 --> 00:54:50.880
Um, it definitely spiked.
00:54:51.039 --> 00:55:03.519
Interestingly, having my son, because to our point, like things are a phase and things go very quickly, it's kind of and the journey hasn't been maybe as challenging mentally because I've got the help now.
00:55:03.760 --> 00:55:06.800
Um, due to having the PMDD diagnosis.
00:55:06.960 --> 00:55:09.199
Uh it's maybe plateaued, but it's still there.
00:55:09.280 --> 00:55:11.840
There's still that burn of like, okay, we're gonna.
00:55:12.000 --> 00:55:14.639
I was I gave myself the summer, so we're gonna spend.
00:55:14.960 --> 00:55:16.960
Well, your four months post-partum and you sat here.
00:55:17.039 --> 00:55:21.199
Yeah that in itself suggests to me that the ambition hasn't in any way died out.
00:55:21.360 --> 00:55:22.159
But I understand what you mean.
00:55:22.400 --> 00:55:23.920
For me though, it definitely has slightly.
00:55:24.000 --> 00:55:38.400
But I mean I did like a this is not a flex in any way, but like I think to your question of ambition, I I hosted like a very big charity event in Cheshire at I think I was seven or eight weeks postpartum, and I felt very ready for it.
00:55:38.480 --> 00:55:39.199
I was up for it.
00:55:39.440 --> 00:55:41.840
Good for you, you know, and I I really enjoyed it.
00:55:42.159 --> 00:55:43.119
Good, great.
00:55:43.360 --> 00:55:44.159
Let's wrap up.
00:55:44.320 --> 00:55:46.480
What's honestly I feel like we could have taught.
00:55:46.960 --> 00:55:47.599
I know it's great.
00:55:47.920 --> 00:55:52.400
I've had loads of questions I've not even asked, but I am going to ask you another time because maybe we'll do a part two.
00:55:53.039 --> 00:55:54.079
Um quickfire, right?
00:55:54.159 --> 00:55:55.119
So we have already touched on sleep.
00:55:55.199 --> 00:55:56.239
The first question's about sleep.
00:55:56.400 --> 00:56:00.079
If you can, try and answer them in numbers so that we can fire through them quickly.
00:56:00.239 --> 00:56:02.559
But I do know that sometimes they need a bit more context.
00:56:02.880 --> 00:56:05.760
So I say quick fire, it's just five questions.
00:56:06.079 --> 00:56:08.880
I feel like you've got a timer on, no, that's fine.
00:56:09.360 --> 00:56:09.679
Okay.
00:56:10.159 --> 00:56:13.840
Um on average, how many hours sleep do you get a night?
00:56:14.239 --> 00:56:17.519
I think I probably get three to four hours of sleep.
00:56:17.760 --> 00:56:18.480
And it's broken.
00:56:18.719 --> 00:56:19.280
I'm so sorry.
00:56:19.360 --> 00:56:19.440
Yes.
00:56:19.760 --> 00:56:20.320
I'm so sorry.
00:56:20.800 --> 00:56:21.440
I'm so sorry.
00:56:21.920 --> 00:56:22.559
I'm sorry.
00:56:22.719 --> 00:56:23.440
I'm sorry.
00:56:23.679 --> 00:56:27.679
Um how many times have you asked Chat GPT for parenting advice?
00:56:28.000 --> 00:56:31.920
Oh my god, like daily, like absolutely daily.
00:56:32.000 --> 00:56:34.639
I'd I probably ask it like at least once a day.
00:56:34.960 --> 00:56:37.519
Well, yeah, you're not alone there, for sure.
00:56:37.679 --> 00:56:47.280
Um, how many times have you missed the memos from nursery to were to wear like a certain colour or um yeah, like I would how long she's in the nursery?
00:56:47.840 --> 00:56:49.840
Like like five to eight times.
00:56:50.079 --> 00:56:50.719
Like, no question.
00:56:50.960 --> 00:56:53.119
And she's only been five to eight months.
00:56:53.599 --> 00:56:57.840
Yeah, there's many a time where I'm like, run back to the house, get the kit, run back.
00:56:58.320 --> 00:57:01.599
I'm keen to know if, well, in fact, maybe that's in my next business idea.
00:57:01.760 --> 00:57:02.960
I'll write it in my notes after this.
00:57:03.119 --> 00:57:07.840
There needs to be some sort of app or system that alerts you all of the calendar days.
00:57:07.920 --> 00:57:17.199
Because our nursery has an app, but what it doesn't do is tell me the night before all the it puts the the dates in the diary for well in advance, but I need to know on the morning of when I'm dressing him.
00:57:17.440 --> 00:57:17.679
Definitely.
00:57:17.920 --> 00:57:20.559
But also, I don't have all these colour clothes, he's a neutral baby.
00:57:21.519 --> 00:57:24.239
Um how many things have you missed of your kids?
00:57:24.639 --> 00:57:29.119
I know they're very small, um, in the past year because you had to work, like stay in plays, anything like that.
00:57:29.360 --> 00:57:30.000
Do you know what?
00:57:30.079 --> 00:57:35.679
I uh I actually haven't missed any, um, but that's because my life right now is very flexible.
00:57:35.920 --> 00:57:37.440
But I'm conscious that's gonna change.
00:57:37.519 --> 00:57:38.400
I know I am conscious.
00:57:38.480 --> 00:57:44.480
I like at the moment, I know it's quick fire, but like I do like I work for Wrexham, FC.
00:57:44.559 --> 00:57:47.039
It's obviously off season at the minute, it's just about to ramp up.
00:57:47.199 --> 00:57:52.400
So like I put the kids to bed at seven, I'll do the evening, or I'll do a Saturday.
00:57:52.480 --> 00:58:00.159
So I'm I may be missing out on like play dates on a Saturday, but like the big moments, like my daughter graduated from Nurse for the day, like I was very fortunate to be there.
00:58:00.239 --> 00:58:01.599
I might not get to be there for my son.
00:58:01.840 --> 00:58:04.559
So it comes like it comes in waves.
00:58:04.800 --> 00:58:05.679
Right now it's going well.
00:58:05.840 --> 00:58:07.360
You're doing yeah, you're doing it well.
00:58:07.599 --> 00:58:14.159
Um finally, how many, if ever, times in your career do you feel like you've been treated differently because you're a parent?
00:58:14.320 --> 00:58:15.519
I like it's off the scale.
00:58:15.599 --> 00:58:15.760
Yeah.
00:58:15.920 --> 00:58:16.639
Yeah, it's off the scale.
00:58:16.719 --> 00:58:19.440
I mean, I gave you that example of like I thought that interview was going really well.
00:58:19.599 --> 00:58:20.559
You know when things are going well.
00:58:20.639 --> 00:58:22.000
I'm a really gut-feel person.
00:58:22.079 --> 00:58:22.239
Yeah.
00:58:22.400 --> 00:58:26.000
But I kind of do feel like because I brought my kid along, it's kind of hindered me.
00:58:26.239 --> 00:58:31.519
Um, I mean, I was there's so many, so many examples I could give you.
00:58:31.679 --> 00:58:32.400
So many examples.
00:58:32.960 --> 00:58:43.360
In my in the previous episode I've recorded, we've really got into a lot about the sort of system and um various challenges around going back to work, transitions, and things like that.
00:58:43.519 --> 00:58:49.039
And to actually today we focused a lot more on the motivational side and the inspirational side.
00:58:49.119 --> 00:59:01.599
And I think because your story is so positive and we are talking about a lot about your future, and I wanted to try and make this a really positive episode because I think it's important that people see very good examples of how it can be and how pivots do work.
00:59:01.679 --> 00:59:19.760
And I really wanted to make it like that, but you've touched there on something that obviously is a huge, huge part of what this podcast is all around, and that is um systematic problems and failures that mean that being an ambitious mother going back to work is just not very easy.
00:59:20.079 --> 00:59:24.960
And I think you know, we could whole we could have a whole other episode talking about it.
00:59:25.119 --> 00:59:39.199
You've worked in um for small businesses, for big corporations, you know, with big broadcasters, and your experience isn't positive overwhelmingly across the board because the system is not where it should be.
00:59:40.000 --> 00:59:44.320
I mean, it's not developed since like the industrial revolution, genuinely.
00:59:44.480 --> 00:59:47.440
If you look back at it, it's honestly not developed since then.
00:59:47.519 --> 00:59:51.280
So this is why it's like much, much harder for women.
00:59:51.599 --> 00:59:55.920
It it is, and like we've come a long way, but we've still got a long, long way to go.
00:59:56.159 --> 01:00:02.960
Um, you know, like going back to my corporate job, like you know, I know that I will be away from home quite a lot more.
01:00:03.199 --> 01:00:06.000
There's not not really a lot of flexibility in that.
01:00:06.079 --> 01:00:09.119
Um, and that's something I have to really like consider, you know.
01:00:09.519 --> 01:00:18.239
Um yeah, I mean, absolutely, there's just like so, so many examples that I find I am so open to talk about being a working mother.
01:00:18.559 --> 01:00:19.199
Absolutely.
01:00:19.360 --> 01:00:25.119
What I find really, really fascinating and a bit frustrating is that nobody would ask my husband, how is it being a working dad?
01:00:25.519 --> 01:00:27.039
They just don't they don't ask men that.
01:00:27.440 --> 01:00:28.960
And I find that like quite jarring.
01:00:29.280 --> 01:00:29.760
I agree.
01:00:29.840 --> 01:00:47.599
And actually, when I mentioned earlier about wanting to get dads on this podcast, the reason why I want to do that is because yes, I want to ask them, I want to dig into it a little bit more in terms of how do they sort of perceive it, but also I feel like in order to start to genuinely change the conversation, we have to talk about working parenthood.
01:00:47.760 --> 01:00:49.679
We have to start talking about it like that.
01:00:49.840 --> 01:00:56.159
We can't assume if we talk like it's always on the mother's shoulders, it will stay on the mother's shoulders forever because that is how people perceive it.
01:00:56.559 --> 01:00:57.679
We have to change the language.
01:00:57.840 --> 01:01:03.440
I'm not gonna do that in isolation on my own with this very, you know, insignificant in the grand scheme of things podcast.
01:01:03.519 --> 01:01:12.000
However, I'm hoping that the more I talk about it, the more people talk about it on social media, the more we change the narrative and it just becomes the norm.
01:01:12.480 --> 01:01:15.280
I'm really, really conscious of time and I want to carry it.
01:01:17.039 --> 01:01:18.960
Um but one final question for me.
01:01:19.119 --> 01:01:24.000
Um, what is next for Rachel Aitken and where do you see yourself in the next few years?
01:01:24.239 --> 01:01:38.159
I mean, in a very like ideal world, professionally, I'm assuming that question is, um, I would like to, you know, not be doing the nine to five, and you know, I've said it, I've said it to their faces, so here I go.
01:01:38.639 --> 01:01:45.920
Um, I would love to just be a full-time broadcaster on the nationals, um, pursuing that kind of thing.
01:01:46.000 --> 01:01:50.239
I mean, if you ever see me working at like Pride of Britain, you know that like I've made my personal goals.
01:01:50.320 --> 01:01:52.239
Like that is like my favourite show of all time.
01:01:52.480 --> 01:01:55.119
Um, yeah, I would love to pursue it full full-time.
01:01:55.199 --> 01:01:59.280
Like, honestly, that would just be incredible to be like on a national radio show.
01:01:59.360 --> 01:02:00.880
I thought, I think that would be amazing.
01:02:01.119 --> 01:02:05.679
Wow, thank you so much for really open, honest conversation.
01:02:05.920 --> 01:02:12.639
And having just met you today, I think you've got a pretty good shot, is what might be my would be my judgment.
01:02:12.800 --> 01:02:13.840
Um, so thank you so much.
01:02:14.079 --> 01:02:14.320
Thank you.
01:02:14.639 --> 01:02:15.440
It's been an absolute pleasure.
01:02:15.760 --> 01:02:16.639
No, thank you for having me.
01:02:16.719 --> 01:02:17.840
A real privilege to be on.
01:02:17.920 --> 01:02:19.039
Thank you so much.
01:02:21.760 --> 01:02:24.719
Thanks so much for listening to this episode of Somehow Managing.
01:02:25.119 --> 01:02:28.480
If you enjoyed what you heard, it would mean a lot if you could hit subscribe.
01:02:28.639 --> 01:02:33.039
It genuinely helps more people find the show, and more importantly, find each other in it.
01:02:33.360 --> 01:02:37.119
And if you've got 30 seconds, a quick rating or review helps us more than you'd think.
01:02:37.360 --> 01:02:39.679
It's one of the biggest ways new listeners find the show.
01:02:40.239 --> 01:02:46.800
You can also follow us over on Instagram at somehow managing underscore for clips, behind the scenes, and more from each episode.
01:02:47.280 --> 01:02:51.519
And if this one's landed with you, share it with someone else who's also somehow managing.
01:02:52.559 --> 01:02:55.280
Thanks for being here, thanks for listening, and see you next time.

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