WEBVTT
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Every scar has a story.
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Every woman a fight worth telling.
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Welcome to Fights with Hello Puton, the podcast where we bring you all powerful and inspiring stories of women who face the unimaginable and survive.
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Some conversations explore heavy emotional life experiences.
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Take care of women when it feels right for you.
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From battle for fillness, abuse, and injustice.
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To triumphs of resilience, courage, and hope.
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These are the voices that refuse to be silent.
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Real women, real stories, unbreakable spirit.
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This is Chief Fights.
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Today I'm grateful to have back on Robin Hopkins.
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This is kind of our part two.
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For those of you that may have missed her first interview, a little background on Robin.
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She's a former Marine, a retired sheriff's deputy, current Air National Guard member, wife, and a mom.
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And Robin shared her impactful story of when she was shot and critically injured by an active shooter event here in Albuquerque.
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And during that time, we touched on things that she did within her life to kind of help her overcome things like PTSD, alcohol abuse, chronic pain.
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But what we didn't get to discuss, which I think is huge for people to hear, is some of the other things that Robin has been doing and has done that helped her healing.
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And I think it's important for anyone out there that's dealt with trauma to just have options and hear how different people have managed their trauma and the tools that are available to us.
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So thank you, Robin, for being here again and I'm honored to have you back.
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Oh, Heather, thank you.
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Well, first I have to say I'm a big fan of yours.
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And I I think it's really important for us to collaborate and continue to tell our stories.
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Everybody has a story.
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I think we make the mistake of getting caught up on details and comparing.
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And I know my story is uh what's the word, dramatic or dynamic, and it's big, but everybody has a story, and that's really important.
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So I want to throw that out.
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And I also like to tell people don't minimize your story, because that's the other thing people do is they compare.
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So please don't compare your story, don't minimize your story.
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So I want to say that.
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Um one thing I want to touch on is uh when we talk about uh PTSD, the other side of it is post-traumatic growth.
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And that took me a while to find out about.
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So there's the other side of it.
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There's there is a bright side, there is always a bright side.
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So I have learned a lot from the experiences that happened to me.
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And I'm not an authority on post-traumatic growth, but there is an upside to trauma.
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I discovered later that I never would have joined law enforcement or the military had I not had and it started in childhood, which I didn't even know until I went into therapy and and whatnot, that that led me into a life of service.
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So that's where it started was some issues in childhood, right?
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So that was really interesting for me.
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But yeah, so there's always an upside, and and that's what I I want to share is post-traumatic growth.
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You can Google it and it's it was a real aha moment for me.
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I was like, what?
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There's an upside to all this crap?
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This is this is awesome.
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Yeah, I've never heard that.
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I've never heard of that.
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So really well, what exactly is it?
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Is it is it a uh strengthening resilience that comes from that trauma?
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You just said it.
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Absolutely.
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It's an upside.
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It's absolutely an upside.
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And once you look at it as the upside to what you're going through, it's it's a game changer, it's a superpower.
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So there's no one I can't sit in front of and go, yeah, hashtag me too, right?
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And again, it's not about saying me too in terms of I don't want to say me too.
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It's yeah, you you just said it, Heather.
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It's like the sword, the you get stronger from it.
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It's not gonna beat you down.
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And yeah, there's gonna be tears and days where you don't want to get up, but when you get up, you will get up stronger, just like lifting weights.
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Yeah, you can't build a muscle without the tough stuff, right?
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Without the that's huge.
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Yeah.
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There and there's research behind the growth, the post-traumatic growth, all sorts of research behind it.
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Yeah.
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You mentioned last time that you had worked with youth um as part of your your journey and all of this.
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And so what was it that you did and what was it about working with youth that was healing for you specifically?
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It's funny because it started around uh 2000, I want to say five, and I'm bad with time and dates, but a very long time ago, as a sheriff's deputy, one of the sergeants reached out and asked me to put in for a school resource officer position.
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And um, I immediately said no.
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I was like, oh, thanks a lot for, you know, I'm flattered, but absolutely not.
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I was a single parent at the time, and I was on patrol and I was like, nope, nope, nope, I'm not not interested at all.
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Hadn't volunteered with kids and didn't even particularly like them.
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I loved mine, you know.
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I loved mine, but no, not interested at all.
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And he was like, all right, well, it's weekends off, holidays off.
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And I was like, uh, maybe the youth do need my mentorship.
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Uh maybe, you know, so I said, well, let me think about it.
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And I and I said, Yeah, I'll give it a try.
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And I did put in for it, I got it, and I went to the training.
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The training was outstanding.
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And I was a school resource officer, and it absolutely changed my perception, my life, because I I was around the kids and they were amazing.
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And you know, working with them, they're they're just phenomenal.
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And it changed my perception, not only of kids, but of law enforcement, because that's where it all begins, right?
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And I never saw it that way because my world was just my own.
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And dealing with adults, really, I didn't deal with kids much.
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And so that's where it began.
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And I saw them differently, and they just melted my heart.
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I mean, you just see them and you know them personally, their stories.
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They'd come to my office, or I'd see them, you know, at I was at uh Polk Middle School in the in the South Valley.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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And they'd come to me and and it just it changed everything.
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And so that's where it started.
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And then over the years, then I became a DAIRE officer, if you remember that.
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Oh, yes.
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Yeah, I was a DAIRE officer.
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And that's where it started.
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And then over the years, I got involved in leadership programs, ROTC, and then I just got hooked.
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And off and on from there on, uh, that that's where it all began.
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And and I tell, especially cops, I'm like, if you haven't been involved in something with youth, you've got to because they'll never forget you.
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I mean, I've been retired so long, it doesn't happen now, but I would have kids come up to me and say, they called me Miss.
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Yeah.
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Um they go, Miss, you don't remember me.
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And I knew what was coming next.
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And I'll never forget a face.
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I wouldn't remember their name.
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And they'll say, you know, who they were.
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And it just, oh, it just hit my heart.
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And they don't, they'll never forget you.
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And you don't know who you're changing and who you're influencing.
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And then they changed me, you know, and influenced me.
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And it just changes your life.
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So that's where it started.
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And and to this day, I just here and there I'll I'll volunteer.
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The latest one I just got involved in, and it starts in a couple weeks, is it's called the Navy Sea Cadets.
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It's an RTC program.
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I'm starting that.
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And you know what people don't realize is a lot of kids don't join the military, but it's in schools.
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This one is outside of school, but they they don't necessarily join the military, but it's character, it's leadership.
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Um in APS, they have these programs.
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They're just gems, they're hidden gems inside the schools.
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They're archery programs.
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I don't know if parents know about them, but I've done a lot of volunteering with those programs, and they're awesome.
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I just love them.
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Yeah, no, I um I taught in the public schools for about five years and at Wilson and Hayes.
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And yeah, I was much younger at the time.
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Yeah.
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But I remember a student in particular coming to me.
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I was always on his case because he was smart.
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He was so smart.
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But he, you know, first thing you do after school is go to the park and fight.
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And it was like, come on.
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And he frustrated me.
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And then he came back in high school and he enjoyed ROTC.
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Came in with his uniform and you know, and it was making good grades.
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And I was like, Yes, yes, this is it, you know.
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Yeah, it's we just we need so much of that in Albuquerque in in the community because there's so many hurting kids and so many kids without guidance, without role models, without resources, you know.
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So that's amazing that people like you are in demand.
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So I yeah, I don't know if it's me, but it and you know, and as soon as you think, oh my god, I don't have time for this, you do it and it doesn't take that much time.
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It's an hour out of your day, and you get way more than you know, you really put in.
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And you're not just touching one life, you know.
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There's that saying, if you touch one person, you never are, because you're always that life is influencing someone else, and you always get more than you put in.
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You just do.
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That is so true, right there.
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You just hit the nail on the head.
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We started the Incredible Adaptive Program, was our nonprofit, because at my backstory, my daughter had a stroke at birth, special needs, one side of her body affected.
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She grew up in the gym, and we saw that MMA of all things was helping her.
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And so we started that program, the nonprofit, where they would get free lessons with some of our athletes at Jackson Week in MMA and earn their belts.
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And we had 45 youth and teens in that program at one time, and it not only changed their lives, it changed their families' lives, and it changed the coaches' lives because some of these coaches came from some pretty rough backgrounds.
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And one particular grew up in the Chicago foster care system, yeah, had his own struggles, and I saw a huge transformation in him, yeah, you know, and and our other fighters that have these backstories.
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And so you're absolutely right.
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It really does kind of have a far-reaching effect on people.
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Is it still going?
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It's not.
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We we ended it in December.
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We had it for about eight years, but nonprofits are a lot of work.
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Oh, tell me about it.
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A lot of fundraising, a lot of begging for money and grants.
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And you know, we paid our coaches and we bought gear and tried to keep it free for students and families, but it just got to be so much after a while.
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It is, it's a misnomer.
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Yeah, the whole nonprofit thing.
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I did it for a little while and it's it's exhausting.
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Good on you.
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You did it for a while, you touched a lot of lives, and maybe somebody else will pick it up.
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Do you have a moment where you influenced a student or a child and you thought, okay, this is why I'm here.
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This is why I like doing it.
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I'm sure there's many, but can you think of one in particular that just jumps out?
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Absolutely.
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It brings tears to my eyes, and it's been over 20 years.
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He was a student, tough kid, and they're, you know, I we say tough, but they're in middle school.
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And I knew his background.
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He didn't know that I knew.
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That's what people don't know about these kids is they think, oh, they're in middle school and they don't take them serious.
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They're in gangs, and oh, how much can they be in a gang?
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But I took them serious and I always treated them with respect.
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And I had to take him to jail one day for assault on school personnel.
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And I loved this kid.
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I loved him because I knew his backstory and I knew what happened to him.
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So I took him to JDC and something told me to do this, and I don't know why, but I opened up the car door before we went into JDC and I knelt down and I said to him, because he was always tough, always put up this tough exterior.
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And I knelt down and I said, Whatever happened to you, I said, let it go.
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I said, because they're always gonna win if you keep this fight up.
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And I said, go in there.
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And I said, say yes, sir, yes, ma'am, no, sir.
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You know, and I said, let it go.
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I said, because they're always gonna win.
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And that's that's all basically I said.
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And I knelt down.
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He was sitting in the car with handcuffs, you know, and I knelt down and I talked to him, and he wouldn't look at me.
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And then I stood up and then I let him in there, and I walked into JDC, and and I said to, I said, the booking officer, I said, This is a good one.
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And and that's all I said.
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And then I I let him in the next day.
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He walked up to me and he said, That's the nicest anyone has ever been to me.
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And he wouldn't look at me.
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And then he walked away, and I was like, That's as nicest anyone's ever been to me.
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And it was kind of astray, he was a loving talking to, but it was a stern talking to, and I was like, I didn't know what to make of it.
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And then I never saw him again.
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And I talked to the the principal and I said, What happened to Aesus?
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And they said, His mom pulled him out because he was always school to school to school, and I never saw him again.
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And then I read in the paper that he was involved in a shooting and he was shot and he was he's dead.
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And I saw his face in the paper.
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It was like 10 years later, and I was like, Oh, you hear about these kids, but that particular one just really hit me.
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And I think about him because there's so many Jesus over the years, you know, and that was his outcome.
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And it just stuck with me that there's just so many of him, but that line, that's the nicest anyone's ever been to me.
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Wow, you know, and I'm like, that's the nicest anyone's ever been, you know, but that's the influence that we have on these kids is just go in there and just let that guard down.
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And I I think what got to him is I said, whatever happened to you, don't let them win.
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Yeah.
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There was some pretty bad stuff that had happened to him.
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And I said, Don't let them win, just let your guard down.
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And and I don't know if this is making any sense, but no, it is.
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It's it it yeah, it sounds like it had a big impact on you.
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And you realize it sounds like kindness, really kindness, respect, being willing to take time, you know.
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Uh yeah, even though his outcome was was bad, it it sounded like it still impacted him.
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And um for you to be the nicest person, you know, that's that's huge.
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Yeah.
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I hope so.
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I don't think I volunteer that much.
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My husband and son might think differently much.
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I love volunteering, so I I I just share that because I I hope we do a little bit more as a society.
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It sounds like, you know, at least from what I've experienced too with my own daughter and and the adaptive program we had, it having that responsibility towards others, it's really a powerful tool for healing.
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It really helped me and it helped my daughter immensely.
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So it's overwhelming sometimes because there is such a huge need.
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Like you said, I have a friend who's a teacher in the public schools right now, and the stories, the stories she comes back with about what some of these kids are dealing with.
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Yeah, we really have to do better.
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Yeah, we do as a society, as a community.
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Yeah, I think our schools, APS, gets a bad rap.
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There are plenty of good teachers doing plenty of good things.
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I think people jump on the bandwagon.
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Yeah, there's a lot of crap, but there's a plenty of good things going on.
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I read, it was fourth grade.
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I read to what they were kids that English was their second language.
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Yeah, that's what I taught in middle school.
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Yeah, DSO.
00:17:26.240 --> 00:17:26.960
Yeah, yeah.
00:17:27.279 --> 00:17:27.920
Yeah, yeah.
00:17:28.160 --> 00:17:31.039
And I can read, so that was my skill less.
00:17:31.200 --> 00:17:34.160
So I read to these kids and I they were adorable.
00:17:34.319 --> 00:17:35.759
So that's what I did.
00:17:36.400 --> 00:17:38.720
And uh, you know, stuff like that.
00:17:38.880 --> 00:17:47.119
It's like I remember, you know, my second grade teacher, my third grade teacher, you know, being loved by them.
00:17:47.279 --> 00:17:56.960
You know, childhood was not a good time for me, but I, you know, that saying, I'll, you know, you may not remember what they said, but you always remember how they made you feel.
00:17:57.279 --> 00:17:58.079
Yes, you know.
00:17:58.880 --> 00:18:03.359
So I remember feeling loved by my second and third grade teacher.
00:18:03.599 --> 00:18:08.000
And I think we need more volunteers, just a little bit.
00:18:08.160 --> 00:18:13.279
I only did it for a school year because my son was at the same elementary school.
00:18:13.759 --> 00:18:15.519
So it was one day a week.
00:18:15.680 --> 00:18:19.519
He was in school, so I would just, you know, jump in there and do the reading.
00:18:19.680 --> 00:18:24.400
And, you know, hopefully those two kids they were from Afghanistan.
00:18:24.640 --> 00:18:24.960
Yeah.
00:18:25.200 --> 00:18:26.880
And it was nothing for me.
00:18:27.039 --> 00:18:35.119
I'd show up at the door and you know, their little faces, they'd see me and they'd, you know, run to the door and I'd read to maybe it made a difference.
00:18:35.200 --> 00:18:35.759
I don't know.
00:18:35.839 --> 00:18:38.960
Um back to healing.
00:18:39.119 --> 00:18:41.200
You and I were talking about healing.
00:18:41.440 --> 00:18:43.279
I think I did it for me.
00:18:43.440 --> 00:18:48.079
And I know my mom was severely abused as a child.
00:18:48.240 --> 00:18:49.519
Maybe I did it for her.
00:18:49.680 --> 00:18:53.440
You know, I think we all do it for selfish reasons.
00:18:53.599 --> 00:18:54.319
Why not?
00:18:54.559 --> 00:18:55.759
You know, it helped me.
00:18:55.920 --> 00:18:57.839
I think it helped me and my mom.
00:18:58.559 --> 00:19:02.720
Yeah, you know, she's she's gone now, and so and I miss her.
00:19:02.799 --> 00:19:05.359
So maybe it's a little grieving for her, you know.
00:19:05.519 --> 00:19:06.319
Why not?
00:19:06.559 --> 00:19:06.960
Yeah.
00:19:07.200 --> 00:19:08.000
No, you're right.
00:19:08.079 --> 00:19:12.400
I remember my dad died tragically and suddenly when I was eight.
00:19:12.799 --> 00:19:19.119
And in those days, we didn't do counseling, you know, it was like you just went on.
00:19:19.279 --> 00:19:24.640
And uh and I remember not much was really talked about for a few months.
00:19:24.720 --> 00:19:25.519
I was numb.
00:19:25.759 --> 00:19:35.279
And I remember though, to this day, my second, maybe third grade teacher, yeah, taking me for a walk on the playground and just saying, How are you doing?
00:19:35.440 --> 00:19:36.880
You know, are you doing okay?
00:19:37.119 --> 00:19:42.720
And it's like, you know, the trauma's still there, the grief's still there, you take it into adulthood, like you said.
00:19:42.880 --> 00:19:50.799
But I still remember that moment, that moment of her just expressing that kindness and the time, like you say.
00:19:50.960 --> 00:19:54.000
You know, it is, it's it's huge, and we need more of it.
00:19:54.240 --> 00:19:54.720
Absolutely.
00:19:54.960 --> 00:19:55.279
Yeah.
00:19:55.839 --> 00:20:04.880
So is there anything else you that you did that we didn't talk about in the last interview or even today that you can think of that was pivotal?
00:20:05.119 --> 00:20:13.759
Or even any advice you would offer to someone who's dealing with trauma and trying to overcome difficulty?
00:20:14.160 --> 00:20:15.920
That's a loaded question, I know.
00:20:16.240 --> 00:20:23.759
I think between last time we talked and now I was talking to a couple friends and fellow coaches.
00:20:24.160 --> 00:20:33.599
Grieving has been a topic that's come up, and you just reminded me because we don't grieve, and uh, whatever that means to you.
00:20:33.920 --> 00:20:48.400
So I was talking to a friend and grieving meaning the loss of a job or the loss of an identity or the loss of she was telling me she had moved and she had lost a nonprofit, and there's anticipatory grief.
00:20:48.559 --> 00:20:49.920
Her dog is dying.
00:20:50.160 --> 00:20:58.799
And so, as a society or as a culture, grieving is it's it's an interesting topic in general.
00:20:59.119 --> 00:21:01.200
So, and it changes.
00:21:01.440 --> 00:21:06.960
So, you mentioned your dad, the loss at eight, and grieving is a lifelong process.
00:21:07.440 --> 00:21:28.640
It's like I didn't grieve my mom the first probably three years because I was the one that made all the arrangements, and I'm the baby of the family, and I didn't cry, like do the really ugly, deep tears till years later, and it was, you know, it's but there's no timeline, you know, like you're supposed to cry right.
00:21:28.960 --> 00:21:32.000
So I think grieving is a very interesting topic.
00:21:32.559 --> 00:21:41.759
It is, you know, and then our devices, you know, our phone devices, it's just we're not off them, and so we're overstimulated.
00:21:41.920 --> 00:21:49.200
We don't take time to just get quiet and yeah, be in the present, be in the moment.
00:21:49.759 --> 00:21:52.319
Yeah, mindfulness is thrown around, you know.
00:21:52.640 --> 00:21:53.279
Yeah, yeah.
00:21:53.359 --> 00:21:53.759
I don't know.
00:21:54.000 --> 00:21:59.759
Everybody's gotta kind of explore that grief, grieving on on their own terms and in their own on their own timeline.
00:22:00.799 --> 00:22:06.480
It's funny because I remember when I was going through nursing school, they were talking about how important it is to meditate.
00:22:06.799 --> 00:22:09.279
Well, I don't do well with meditation.
00:22:09.440 --> 00:22:12.160
I think it's so admirable people that can do it.
00:22:12.640 --> 00:22:18.079
I like to hit stuff, and I like to punch the bag in the midst.
00:22:18.319 --> 00:22:22.880
And that's my way of getting that tension and that energy out.
00:22:23.200 --> 00:22:25.440
And everybody's got their own way of dealing with it.
00:22:25.519 --> 00:22:28.319
But yeah, it's it's an individual thing.
00:22:28.480 --> 00:22:29.119
It really is.
00:22:29.359 --> 00:22:35.119
When you grieve, how you grieve, what you do to deal with stress, what you do to make yourself more resilient.
00:22:35.200 --> 00:22:37.119
All those things are gonna be so variable.
00:22:37.440 --> 00:22:41.359
Well, so well, some might say that is your meditation or your flow.
00:22:41.839 --> 00:22:49.839
Because if you're if you're completely in the moment with your hitting and in with your focus, then that is your meditation.
00:22:50.240 --> 00:22:50.880
You know what I mean?
00:22:51.119 --> 00:22:51.279
Yeah.
00:22:51.440 --> 00:23:08.559
Because meditating, I think people, it's like like yoga, they they think, oh, and yoga pants, and you know, that's why when I don't say yoga, because you know, it conjures up images where you know, for me, yoga is breathing and it's different things.
00:23:08.720 --> 00:23:13.599
But yeah, if you're in in the zone, then I think you're meditating when you're hitting things.
00:23:14.160 --> 00:23:15.599
Okay, all right, I'll take that.
00:23:15.839 --> 00:23:18.000
Yeah, that's that's your meditation.
00:23:18.160 --> 00:23:22.240
Yeah, it's good to actually it's all perspective, right?
00:23:22.480 --> 00:23:23.920
It's all perspective, right?
00:23:25.440 --> 00:23:28.160
Well, I um I love this conversation.
00:23:28.319 --> 00:23:29.920
I love talking to you about this stuff.
00:23:30.160 --> 00:23:35.039
I think it's super helpful for people to hear and important for people to hear.
00:23:35.359 --> 00:23:36.799
I appreciate you so much.
00:23:36.880 --> 00:23:37.759
Um thank you.
00:23:38.079 --> 00:23:41.359
I'm honored, and yeah, I'm sure I'll be talking to you again.
00:23:41.519 --> 00:23:42.480
I know I will.
00:23:43.279 --> 00:23:44.400
Thank you so much.
00:23:44.640 --> 00:23:45.680
Thanks, Robin.
00:23:46.160 --> 00:23:48.000
You know, she fights.
00:23:50.880 --> 00:23:56.640
Thanks for joining us on She Fights, where women's voices rise and strength takes center stage.
00:23:56.880 --> 00:23:59.200
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00:24:01.279 --> 00:24:07.279
Don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and follow us on social media at Smart Girl Self-Defense.
00:24:07.519 --> 00:24:19.680
And if you're interested in powerful stories of women in sport, not only the pioneers who shaped history, but the women competing, coaching, and changing the game today, we invite you to listen to Unstoppable Podcast.
00:24:20.079 --> 00:24:30.319
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00:24:30.480 --> 00:24:34.319
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00:24:34.480 --> 00:24:40.079
Until next time, keep fighting, keep rising, and never forget the power of your voice.
00:00:00.400 --> 00:00:02.479
Every scar has a story.
00:00:02.720 --> 00:00:05.280
Every woman a fight worth telling.
00:00:19.839 --> 00:00:29.519
Welcome to Fights with Hello Puton, the podcast where we bring you all powerful and inspiring stories of women who face the unimaginable and survive.
00:00:29.760 --> 00:00:33.439
Some conversations explore heavy emotional life experiences.
00:00:34.079 --> 00:00:36.320
Take care of women when it feels right for you.
00:00:36.479 --> 00:00:39.520
From battle for fillness, abuse, and injustice.
00:00:39.679 --> 00:00:42.560
To triumphs of resilience, courage, and hope.
00:00:42.799 --> 00:00:45.359
These are the voices that refuse to be silent.
00:00:45.840 --> 00:00:49.600
Real women, real stories, unbreakable spirit.
00:00:49.759 --> 00:00:51.280
This is Chief Fights.
00:00:53.840 --> 00:00:58.000
Today I'm grateful to have back on Robin Hopkins.
00:00:58.079 --> 00:00:59.679
This is kind of our part two.
00:01:00.000 --> 00:01:04.319
For those of you that may have missed her first interview, a little background on Robin.
00:01:04.400 --> 00:01:11.519
She's a former Marine, a retired sheriff's deputy, current Air National Guard member, wife, and a mom.
00:01:12.000 --> 00:01:22.159
And Robin shared her impactful story of when she was shot and critically injured by an active shooter event here in Albuquerque.
00:01:22.319 --> 00:01:32.159
And during that time, we touched on things that she did within her life to kind of help her overcome things like PTSD, alcohol abuse, chronic pain.
00:01:32.319 --> 00:01:42.959
But what we didn't get to discuss, which I think is huge for people to hear, is some of the other things that Robin has been doing and has done that helped her healing.
00:01:43.120 --> 00:01:56.159
And I think it's important for anyone out there that's dealt with trauma to just have options and hear how different people have managed their trauma and the tools that are available to us.
00:01:56.400 --> 00:02:01.680
So thank you, Robin, for being here again and I'm honored to have you back.
00:02:02.079 --> 00:02:03.599
Oh, Heather, thank you.
00:02:03.760 --> 00:02:07.760
Well, first I have to say I'm a big fan of yours.
00:02:08.319 --> 00:02:14.719
And I I think it's really important for us to collaborate and continue to tell our stories.
00:02:14.960 --> 00:02:17.120
Everybody has a story.
00:02:17.520 --> 00:02:23.439
I think we make the mistake of getting caught up on details and comparing.
00:02:23.919 --> 00:02:34.560
And I know my story is uh what's the word, dramatic or dynamic, and it's big, but everybody has a story, and that's really important.
00:02:34.800 --> 00:02:36.479
So I want to throw that out.
00:02:36.719 --> 00:02:43.759
And I also like to tell people don't minimize your story, because that's the other thing people do is they compare.
00:02:43.919 --> 00:02:47.680
So please don't compare your story, don't minimize your story.
00:02:47.919 --> 00:02:50.080
So I want to say that.
00:02:50.560 --> 00:03:01.360
Um one thing I want to touch on is uh when we talk about uh PTSD, the other side of it is post-traumatic growth.
00:03:01.680 --> 00:03:05.120
And that took me a while to find out about.
00:03:05.680 --> 00:03:07.360
So there's the other side of it.
00:03:07.520 --> 00:03:11.199
There's there is a bright side, there is always a bright side.
00:03:11.520 --> 00:03:18.400
So I have learned a lot from the experiences that happened to me.
00:03:18.639 --> 00:03:24.800
And I'm not an authority on post-traumatic growth, but there is an upside to trauma.
00:03:25.280 --> 00:03:42.240
I discovered later that I never would have joined law enforcement or the military had I not had and it started in childhood, which I didn't even know until I went into therapy and and whatnot, that that led me into a life of service.
00:03:42.400 --> 00:03:46.479
So that's where it started was some issues in childhood, right?
00:03:46.800 --> 00:03:48.639
So that was really interesting for me.
00:03:48.800 --> 00:03:55.360
But yeah, so there's always an upside, and and that's what I I want to share is post-traumatic growth.
00:03:55.439 --> 00:03:59.520
You can Google it and it's it was a real aha moment for me.
00:03:59.599 --> 00:04:00.319
I was like, what?
00:04:00.400 --> 00:04:02.080
There's an upside to all this crap?
00:04:02.240 --> 00:04:03.520
This is this is awesome.
00:04:03.919 --> 00:04:05.039
Yeah, I've never heard that.
00:04:05.120 --> 00:04:06.000
I've never heard of that.
00:04:06.159 --> 00:04:08.800
So really well, what exactly is it?
00:04:09.280 --> 00:04:14.240
Is it is it a uh strengthening resilience that comes from that trauma?
00:04:14.560 --> 00:04:15.520
You just said it.
00:04:15.759 --> 00:04:16.240
Absolutely.
00:04:17.120 --> 00:04:17.920
It's an upside.
00:04:18.000 --> 00:04:19.360
It's absolutely an upside.
00:04:19.600 --> 00:04:27.519
And once you look at it as the upside to what you're going through, it's it's a game changer, it's a superpower.
00:04:27.839 --> 00:04:33.839
So there's no one I can't sit in front of and go, yeah, hashtag me too, right?
00:04:34.000 --> 00:04:40.560
And again, it's not about saying me too in terms of I don't want to say me too.
00:04:40.720 --> 00:04:43.600
It's yeah, you you just said it, Heather.
00:04:43.680 --> 00:04:47.120
It's like the sword, the you get stronger from it.
00:04:47.360 --> 00:04:49.199
It's not gonna beat you down.
00:04:49.439 --> 00:04:56.399
And yeah, there's gonna be tears and days where you don't want to get up, but when you get up, you will get up stronger, just like lifting weights.
00:04:56.560 --> 00:05:01.040
Yeah, you can't build a muscle without the tough stuff, right?
00:05:01.439 --> 00:05:03.040
Without the that's huge.
00:05:03.360 --> 00:05:03.600
Yeah.
00:05:03.759 --> 00:05:10.480
There and there's research behind the growth, the post-traumatic growth, all sorts of research behind it.
00:05:10.639 --> 00:05:10.879
Yeah.
00:05:11.199 --> 00:05:18.240
You mentioned last time that you had worked with youth um as part of your your journey and all of this.
00:05:18.319 --> 00:05:26.240
And so what was it that you did and what was it about working with youth that was healing for you specifically?
00:05:26.639 --> 00:05:44.160
It's funny because it started around uh 2000, I want to say five, and I'm bad with time and dates, but a very long time ago, as a sheriff's deputy, one of the sergeants reached out and asked me to put in for a school resource officer position.
00:05:44.319 --> 00:05:47.439
And um, I immediately said no.
00:05:47.600 --> 00:05:52.319
I was like, oh, thanks a lot for, you know, I'm flattered, but absolutely not.
00:05:52.560 --> 00:05:59.600
I was a single parent at the time, and I was on patrol and I was like, nope, nope, nope, I'm not not interested at all.
00:05:59.839 --> 00:06:03.680
Hadn't volunteered with kids and didn't even particularly like them.
00:06:03.839 --> 00:06:05.839
I loved mine, you know.
00:06:06.000 --> 00:06:08.560
I loved mine, but no, not interested at all.
00:06:08.720 --> 00:06:12.879
And he was like, all right, well, it's weekends off, holidays off.
00:06:12.959 --> 00:06:16.560
And I was like, uh, maybe the youth do need my mentorship.
00:06:16.800 --> 00:06:19.759
Uh maybe, you know, so I said, well, let me think about it.
00:06:19.839 --> 00:06:21.839
And I and I said, Yeah, I'll give it a try.
00:06:22.000 --> 00:06:25.519
And I did put in for it, I got it, and I went to the training.
00:06:25.680 --> 00:06:27.519
The training was outstanding.
00:06:28.240 --> 00:06:39.519
And I was a school resource officer, and it absolutely changed my perception, my life, because I I was around the kids and they were amazing.
00:06:39.920 --> 00:06:42.879
And you know, working with them, they're they're just phenomenal.
00:06:43.040 --> 00:06:50.399
And it changed my perception, not only of kids, but of law enforcement, because that's where it all begins, right?
00:06:50.560 --> 00:06:54.240
And I never saw it that way because my world was just my own.
00:06:54.399 --> 00:06:57.519
And dealing with adults, really, I didn't deal with kids much.
00:06:58.160 --> 00:07:00.079
And so that's where it began.
00:07:00.240 --> 00:07:03.519
And I saw them differently, and they just melted my heart.
00:07:03.680 --> 00:07:06.879
I mean, you just see them and you know them personally, their stories.
00:07:07.040 --> 00:07:12.720
They'd come to my office, or I'd see them, you know, at I was at uh Polk Middle School in the in the South Valley.
00:07:12.959 --> 00:07:13.199
Yeah.
00:07:13.360 --> 00:07:13.600
Yeah.
00:07:13.759 --> 00:07:13.920
Yeah.
00:07:14.160 --> 00:07:17.839
And they'd come to me and and it just it changed everything.
00:07:18.000 --> 00:07:19.759
And so that's where it started.
00:07:20.000 --> 00:07:23.920
And then over the years, then I became a DAIRE officer, if you remember that.
00:07:24.160 --> 00:07:24.800
Oh, yes.
00:07:25.040 --> 00:07:26.720
Yeah, I was a DAIRE officer.
00:07:26.959 --> 00:07:28.480
And that's where it started.
00:07:28.639 --> 00:07:35.680
And then over the years, I got involved in leadership programs, ROTC, and then I just got hooked.
00:07:36.000 --> 00:07:40.079
And off and on from there on, uh, that that's where it all began.
00:07:40.240 --> 00:07:51.680
And and I tell, especially cops, I'm like, if you haven't been involved in something with youth, you've got to because they'll never forget you.
00:07:51.920 --> 00:07:59.040
I mean, I've been retired so long, it doesn't happen now, but I would have kids come up to me and say, they called me Miss.
00:07:59.199 --> 00:07:59.519
Yeah.
00:07:59.759 --> 00:08:03.360
Um they go, Miss, you don't remember me.
00:08:03.519 --> 00:08:05.199
And I knew what was coming next.
00:08:05.360 --> 00:08:06.720
And I'll never forget a face.
00:08:06.800 --> 00:08:08.160
I wouldn't remember their name.
00:08:08.319 --> 00:08:10.319
And they'll say, you know, who they were.
00:08:10.480 --> 00:08:12.800
And it just, oh, it just hit my heart.
00:08:12.959 --> 00:08:15.199
And they don't, they'll never forget you.
00:08:15.360 --> 00:08:18.560
And you don't know who you're changing and who you're influencing.
00:08:18.639 --> 00:08:21.199
And then they changed me, you know, and influenced me.
00:08:21.439 --> 00:08:23.680
And it just changes your life.
00:08:23.839 --> 00:08:25.199
So that's where it started.
00:08:25.279 --> 00:08:30.079
And and to this day, I just here and there I'll I'll volunteer.
00:08:30.480 --> 00:08:36.879
The latest one I just got involved in, and it starts in a couple weeks, is it's called the Navy Sea Cadets.
00:08:36.960 --> 00:08:38.320
It's an RTC program.
00:08:38.480 --> 00:08:39.759
I'm starting that.
00:08:40.240 --> 00:08:46.559
And you know what people don't realize is a lot of kids don't join the military, but it's in schools.
00:08:46.720 --> 00:08:54.159
This one is outside of school, but they they don't necessarily join the military, but it's character, it's leadership.
00:08:54.320 --> 00:08:57.519
Um in APS, they have these programs.
00:08:57.600 --> 00:09:01.039
They're just gems, they're hidden gems inside the schools.
00:09:01.200 --> 00:09:02.879
They're archery programs.
00:09:03.120 --> 00:09:09.759
I don't know if parents know about them, but I've done a lot of volunteering with those programs, and they're awesome.
00:09:09.919 --> 00:09:10.960
I just love them.
00:09:11.200 --> 00:09:18.879
Yeah, no, I um I taught in the public schools for about five years and at Wilson and Hayes.
00:09:19.039 --> 00:09:21.600
And yeah, I was much younger at the time.
00:09:21.759 --> 00:09:22.000
Yeah.
00:09:22.240 --> 00:09:25.679
But I remember a student in particular coming to me.
00:09:25.840 --> 00:09:28.720
I was always on his case because he was smart.
00:09:28.879 --> 00:09:30.080
He was so smart.
00:09:30.480 --> 00:09:34.320
But he, you know, first thing you do after school is go to the park and fight.
00:09:34.559 --> 00:09:36.399
And it was like, come on.
00:09:36.639 --> 00:09:38.879
And he frustrated me.
00:09:39.120 --> 00:09:43.360
And then he came back in high school and he enjoyed ROTC.
00:09:43.600 --> 00:09:47.759
Came in with his uniform and you know, and it was making good grades.
00:09:47.840 --> 00:09:50.320
And I was like, Yes, yes, this is it, you know.
00:09:50.480 --> 00:10:04.960
Yeah, it's we just we need so much of that in Albuquerque in in the community because there's so many hurting kids and so many kids without guidance, without role models, without resources, you know.
00:10:05.200 --> 00:10:09.279
So that's amazing that people like you are in demand.
00:10:10.000 --> 00:10:20.080
So I yeah, I don't know if it's me, but it and you know, and as soon as you think, oh my god, I don't have time for this, you do it and it doesn't take that much time.
00:10:20.320 --> 00:10:27.600
It's an hour out of your day, and you get way more than you know, you really put in.
00:10:27.840 --> 00:10:30.480
And you're not just touching one life, you know.
00:10:30.559 --> 00:10:39.679
There's that saying, if you touch one person, you never are, because you're always that life is influencing someone else, and you always get more than you put in.
00:10:39.840 --> 00:10:40.720
You just do.
00:10:41.120 --> 00:10:42.480
That is so true, right there.
00:10:42.559 --> 00:10:44.399
You just hit the nail on the head.
00:10:44.639 --> 00:10:55.519
We started the Incredible Adaptive Program, was our nonprofit, because at my backstory, my daughter had a stroke at birth, special needs, one side of her body affected.
00:10:55.600 --> 00:11:00.559
She grew up in the gym, and we saw that MMA of all things was helping her.
00:11:01.039 --> 00:11:11.120
And so we started that program, the nonprofit, where they would get free lessons with some of our athletes at Jackson Week in MMA and earn their belts.
00:11:11.360 --> 00:11:27.120
And we had 45 youth and teens in that program at one time, and it not only changed their lives, it changed their families' lives, and it changed the coaches' lives because some of these coaches came from some pretty rough backgrounds.
00:11:27.360 --> 00:11:42.240
And one particular grew up in the Chicago foster care system, yeah, had his own struggles, and I saw a huge transformation in him, yeah, you know, and and our other fighters that have these backstories.
00:11:42.320 --> 00:11:44.000
And so you're absolutely right.
00:11:44.159 --> 00:11:47.759
It really does kind of have a far-reaching effect on people.
00:11:48.159 --> 00:11:49.200
Is it still going?
00:11:50.080 --> 00:11:50.480
It's not.
00:11:50.639 --> 00:11:52.159
We we ended it in December.
00:11:52.240 --> 00:11:57.279
We had it for about eight years, but nonprofits are a lot of work.
00:11:57.679 --> 00:11:58.399
Oh, tell me about it.
00:11:58.799 --> 00:12:02.399
A lot of fundraising, a lot of begging for money and grants.
00:12:02.559 --> 00:12:11.759
And you know, we paid our coaches and we bought gear and tried to keep it free for students and families, but it just got to be so much after a while.
00:12:12.399 --> 00:12:14.159
It is, it's a misnomer.
00:12:14.240 --> 00:12:15.759
Yeah, the whole nonprofit thing.
00:12:15.840 --> 00:12:18.799
I did it for a little while and it's it's exhausting.
00:12:19.120 --> 00:12:19.919
Good on you.
00:12:20.080 --> 00:12:23.919
You did it for a while, you touched a lot of lives, and maybe somebody else will pick it up.
00:12:24.159 --> 00:12:31.679
Do you have a moment where you influenced a student or a child and you thought, okay, this is why I'm here.
00:12:31.919 --> 00:12:33.759
This is why I like doing it.
00:12:33.759 --> 00:12:37.759
I'm sure there's many, but can you think of one in particular that just jumps out?
00:12:38.320 --> 00:12:39.200
Absolutely.
00:12:39.440 --> 00:12:43.279
It brings tears to my eyes, and it's been over 20 years.
00:12:43.519 --> 00:12:49.519
He was a student, tough kid, and they're, you know, I we say tough, but they're in middle school.
00:12:49.840 --> 00:12:52.320
And I knew his background.
00:12:52.480 --> 00:12:54.080
He didn't know that I knew.
00:12:54.240 --> 00:13:00.320
That's what people don't know about these kids is they think, oh, they're in middle school and they don't take them serious.
00:13:00.480 --> 00:13:03.519
They're in gangs, and oh, how much can they be in a gang?
00:13:03.679 --> 00:13:06.799
But I took them serious and I always treated them with respect.
00:13:06.960 --> 00:13:12.000
And I had to take him to jail one day for assault on school personnel.
00:13:12.240 --> 00:13:14.159
And I loved this kid.
00:13:14.480 --> 00:13:18.559
I loved him because I knew his backstory and I knew what happened to him.
00:13:18.720 --> 00:13:33.840
So I took him to JDC and something told me to do this, and I don't know why, but I opened up the car door before we went into JDC and I knelt down and I said to him, because he was always tough, always put up this tough exterior.
00:13:34.240 --> 00:13:40.480
And I knelt down and I said, Whatever happened to you, I said, let it go.
00:13:40.639 --> 00:13:44.000
I said, because they're always gonna win if you keep this fight up.
00:13:44.240 --> 00:13:45.840
And I said, go in there.
00:13:46.000 --> 00:13:49.039
And I said, say yes, sir, yes, ma'am, no, sir.
00:13:49.360 --> 00:13:50.559
You know, and I said, let it go.
00:13:50.639 --> 00:13:52.320
I said, because they're always gonna win.
00:13:52.480 --> 00:13:54.799
And that's that's all basically I said.
00:13:54.879 --> 00:13:56.159
And I knelt down.
00:13:56.320 --> 00:14:01.279
He was sitting in the car with handcuffs, you know, and I knelt down and I talked to him, and he wouldn't look at me.
00:14:01.519 --> 00:14:09.200
And then I stood up and then I let him in there, and I walked into JDC, and and I said to, I said, the booking officer, I said, This is a good one.
00:14:09.679 --> 00:14:11.440
And and that's all I said.
00:14:11.600 --> 00:14:14.000
And then I I let him in the next day.
00:14:14.159 --> 00:14:20.799
He walked up to me and he said, That's the nicest anyone has ever been to me.
00:14:20.960 --> 00:14:22.159
And he wouldn't look at me.
00:14:22.320 --> 00:14:27.519
And then he walked away, and I was like, That's as nicest anyone's ever been to me.
00:14:27.679 --> 00:14:33.279
And it was kind of astray, he was a loving talking to, but it was a stern talking to, and I was like, I didn't know what to make of it.
00:14:33.440 --> 00:14:34.799
And then I never saw him again.
00:14:34.879 --> 00:14:38.080
And I talked to the the principal and I said, What happened to Aesus?
00:14:38.240 --> 00:14:42.960
And they said, His mom pulled him out because he was always school to school to school, and I never saw him again.
00:14:43.200 --> 00:14:49.200
And then I read in the paper that he was involved in a shooting and he was shot and he was he's dead.
00:14:49.440 --> 00:14:51.519
And I saw his face in the paper.
00:14:51.759 --> 00:14:58.240
It was like 10 years later, and I was like, Oh, you hear about these kids, but that particular one just really hit me.
00:14:58.960 --> 00:15:04.879
And I think about him because there's so many Jesus over the years, you know, and that was his outcome.
00:15:04.960 --> 00:15:12.559
And it just stuck with me that there's just so many of him, but that line, that's the nicest anyone's ever been to me.
00:15:12.639 --> 00:15:25.440
Wow, you know, and I'm like, that's the nicest anyone's ever been, you know, but that's the influence that we have on these kids is just go in there and just let that guard down.
00:15:25.679 --> 00:15:30.240
And I I think what got to him is I said, whatever happened to you, don't let them win.
00:15:30.399 --> 00:15:30.720
Yeah.
00:15:31.039 --> 00:15:33.360
There was some pretty bad stuff that had happened to him.
00:15:33.519 --> 00:15:36.480
And I said, Don't let them win, just let your guard down.
00:15:36.559 --> 00:15:40.480
And and I don't know if this is making any sense, but no, it is.
00:15:40.559 --> 00:15:44.000
It's it it yeah, it sounds like it had a big impact on you.
00:15:44.240 --> 00:15:52.480
And you realize it sounds like kindness, really kindness, respect, being willing to take time, you know.
00:15:52.559 --> 00:16:00.080
Uh yeah, even though his outcome was was bad, it it sounded like it still impacted him.
00:16:00.480 --> 00:16:04.799
And um for you to be the nicest person, you know, that's that's huge.
00:16:04.960 --> 00:16:05.440
Yeah.
00:16:05.919 --> 00:16:07.039
I hope so.
00:16:07.360 --> 00:16:09.600
I don't think I volunteer that much.
00:16:09.840 --> 00:16:12.960
My husband and son might think differently much.
00:16:13.279 --> 00:16:20.240
I love volunteering, so I I I just share that because I I hope we do a little bit more as a society.
00:16:20.720 --> 00:16:33.759
It sounds like, you know, at least from what I've experienced too with my own daughter and and the adaptive program we had, it having that responsibility towards others, it's really a powerful tool for healing.
00:16:34.080 --> 00:16:38.240
It really helped me and it helped my daughter immensely.
00:16:38.720 --> 00:16:42.879
So it's overwhelming sometimes because there is such a huge need.
00:16:43.039 --> 00:16:54.000
Like you said, I have a friend who's a teacher in the public schools right now, and the stories, the stories she comes back with about what some of these kids are dealing with.
00:16:54.159 --> 00:16:57.120
Yeah, we really have to do better.
00:16:57.600 --> 00:17:00.639
Yeah, we do as a society, as a community.
00:17:01.120 --> 00:17:04.319
Yeah, I think our schools, APS, gets a bad rap.
00:17:04.400 --> 00:17:07.119
There are plenty of good teachers doing plenty of good things.
00:17:07.359 --> 00:17:09.519
I think people jump on the bandwagon.
00:17:09.759 --> 00:17:14.720
Yeah, there's a lot of crap, but there's a plenty of good things going on.
00:17:15.200 --> 00:17:17.359
I read, it was fourth grade.
00:17:17.519 --> 00:17:22.640
I read to what they were kids that English was their second language.
00:17:22.880 --> 00:17:24.799
Yeah, that's what I taught in middle school.
00:17:24.960 --> 00:17:26.000
Yeah, DSO.
00:17:26.240 --> 00:17:26.960
Yeah, yeah.
00:17:27.279 --> 00:17:27.920
Yeah, yeah.
00:17:28.160 --> 00:17:31.039
And I can read, so that was my skill less.
00:17:31.200 --> 00:17:34.160
So I read to these kids and I they were adorable.
00:17:34.319 --> 00:17:35.759
So that's what I did.
00:17:36.400 --> 00:17:38.720
And uh, you know, stuff like that.
00:17:38.880 --> 00:17:47.119
It's like I remember, you know, my second grade teacher, my third grade teacher, you know, being loved by them.
00:17:47.279 --> 00:17:56.960
You know, childhood was not a good time for me, but I, you know, that saying, I'll, you know, you may not remember what they said, but you always remember how they made you feel.
00:17:57.279 --> 00:17:58.079
Yes, you know.
00:17:58.880 --> 00:18:03.359
So I remember feeling loved by my second and third grade teacher.
00:18:03.599 --> 00:18:08.000
And I think we need more volunteers, just a little bit.
00:18:08.160 --> 00:18:13.279
I only did it for a school year because my son was at the same elementary school.
00:18:13.759 --> 00:18:15.519
So it was one day a week.
00:18:15.680 --> 00:18:19.519
He was in school, so I would just, you know, jump in there and do the reading.
00:18:19.680 --> 00:18:24.400
And, you know, hopefully those two kids they were from Afghanistan.
00:18:24.640 --> 00:18:24.960
Yeah.
00:18:25.200 --> 00:18:26.880
And it was nothing for me.
00:18:27.039 --> 00:18:35.119
I'd show up at the door and you know, their little faces, they'd see me and they'd, you know, run to the door and I'd read to maybe it made a difference.
00:18:35.200 --> 00:18:35.759
I don't know.
00:18:35.839 --> 00:18:38.960
Um back to healing.
00:18:39.119 --> 00:18:41.200
You and I were talking about healing.
00:18:41.440 --> 00:18:43.279
I think I did it for me.
00:18:43.440 --> 00:18:48.079
And I know my mom was severely abused as a child.
00:18:48.240 --> 00:18:49.519
Maybe I did it for her.
00:18:49.680 --> 00:18:53.440
You know, I think we all do it for selfish reasons.
00:18:53.599 --> 00:18:54.319
Why not?
00:18:54.559 --> 00:18:55.759
You know, it helped me.
00:18:55.920 --> 00:18:57.839
I think it helped me and my mom.
00:18:58.559 --> 00:19:02.720
Yeah, you know, she's she's gone now, and so and I miss her.
00:19:02.799 --> 00:19:05.359
So maybe it's a little grieving for her, you know.
00:19:05.519 --> 00:19:06.319
Why not?
00:19:06.559 --> 00:19:06.960
Yeah.
00:19:07.200 --> 00:19:08.000
No, you're right.
00:19:08.079 --> 00:19:12.400
I remember my dad died tragically and suddenly when I was eight.
00:19:12.799 --> 00:19:19.119
And in those days, we didn't do counseling, you know, it was like you just went on.
00:19:19.279 --> 00:19:24.640
And uh and I remember not much was really talked about for a few months.
00:19:24.720 --> 00:19:25.519
I was numb.
00:19:25.759 --> 00:19:35.279
And I remember though, to this day, my second, maybe third grade teacher, yeah, taking me for a walk on the playground and just saying, How are you doing?
00:19:35.440 --> 00:19:36.880
You know, are you doing okay?
00:19:37.119 --> 00:19:42.720
And it's like, you know, the trauma's still there, the grief's still there, you take it into adulthood, like you said.
00:19:42.880 --> 00:19:50.799
But I still remember that moment, that moment of her just expressing that kindness and the time, like you say.
00:19:50.960 --> 00:19:54.000
You know, it is, it's it's huge, and we need more of it.
00:19:54.240 --> 00:19:54.720
Absolutely.
00:19:54.960 --> 00:19:55.279
Yeah.
00:19:55.839 --> 00:20:04.880
So is there anything else you that you did that we didn't talk about in the last interview or even today that you can think of that was pivotal?
00:20:05.119 --> 00:20:13.759
Or even any advice you would offer to someone who's dealing with trauma and trying to overcome difficulty?
00:20:14.160 --> 00:20:15.920
That's a loaded question, I know.
00:20:16.240 --> 00:20:23.759
I think between last time we talked and now I was talking to a couple friends and fellow coaches.
00:20:24.160 --> 00:20:33.599
Grieving has been a topic that's come up, and you just reminded me because we don't grieve, and uh, whatever that means to you.
00:20:33.920 --> 00:20:48.400
So I was talking to a friend and grieving meaning the loss of a job or the loss of an identity or the loss of she was telling me she had moved and she had lost a nonprofit, and there's anticipatory grief.
00:20:48.559 --> 00:20:49.920
Her dog is dying.
00:20:50.160 --> 00:20:58.799
And so, as a society or as a culture, grieving is it's it's an interesting topic in general.
00:20:59.119 --> 00:21:01.200
So, and it changes.
00:21:01.440 --> 00:21:06.960
So, you mentioned your dad, the loss at eight, and grieving is a lifelong process.
00:21:07.440 --> 00:21:28.640
It's like I didn't grieve my mom the first probably three years because I was the one that made all the arrangements, and I'm the baby of the family, and I didn't cry, like do the really ugly, deep tears till years later, and it was, you know, it's but there's no timeline, you know, like you're supposed to cry right.
00:21:28.960 --> 00:21:32.000
So I think grieving is a very interesting topic.
00:21:32.559 --> 00:21:41.759
It is, you know, and then our devices, you know, our phone devices, it's just we're not off them, and so we're overstimulated.
00:21:41.920 --> 00:21:49.200
We don't take time to just get quiet and yeah, be in the present, be in the moment.
00:21:49.759 --> 00:21:52.319
Yeah, mindfulness is thrown around, you know.
00:21:52.640 --> 00:21:53.279
Yeah, yeah.
00:21:53.359 --> 00:21:53.759
I don't know.
00:21:54.000 --> 00:21:59.759
Everybody's gotta kind of explore that grief, grieving on on their own terms and in their own on their own timeline.
00:22:00.799 --> 00:22:06.480
It's funny because I remember when I was going through nursing school, they were talking about how important it is to meditate.
00:22:06.799 --> 00:22:09.279
Well, I don't do well with meditation.
00:22:09.440 --> 00:22:12.160
I think it's so admirable people that can do it.
00:22:12.640 --> 00:22:18.079
I like to hit stuff, and I like to punch the bag in the midst.
00:22:18.319 --> 00:22:22.880
And that's my way of getting that tension and that energy out.
00:22:23.200 --> 00:22:25.440
And everybody's got their own way of dealing with it.
00:22:25.519 --> 00:22:28.319
But yeah, it's it's an individual thing.
00:22:28.480 --> 00:22:29.119
It really is.
00:22:29.359 --> 00:22:35.119
When you grieve, how you grieve, what you do to deal with stress, what you do to make yourself more resilient.
00:22:35.200 --> 00:22:37.119
All those things are gonna be so variable.
00:22:37.440 --> 00:22:41.359
Well, so well, some might say that is your meditation or your flow.
00:22:41.839 --> 00:22:49.839
Because if you're if you're completely in the moment with your hitting and in with your focus, then that is your meditation.
00:22:50.240 --> 00:22:50.880
You know what I mean?
00:22:51.119 --> 00:22:51.279
Yeah.
00:22:51.440 --> 00:23:08.559
Because meditating, I think people, it's like like yoga, they they think, oh, and yoga pants, and you know, that's why when I don't say yoga, because you know, it conjures up images where you know, for me, yoga is breathing and it's different things.
00:23:08.720 --> 00:23:13.599
But yeah, if you're in in the zone, then I think you're meditating when you're hitting things.
00:23:14.160 --> 00:23:15.599
Okay, all right, I'll take that.
00:23:15.839 --> 00:23:18.000
Yeah, that's that's your meditation.
00:23:18.160 --> 00:23:22.240
Yeah, it's good to actually it's all perspective, right?
00:23:22.480 --> 00:23:23.920
It's all perspective, right?
00:23:25.440 --> 00:23:28.160
Well, I um I love this conversation.
00:23:28.319 --> 00:23:29.920
I love talking to you about this stuff.
00:23:30.160 --> 00:23:35.039
I think it's super helpful for people to hear and important for people to hear.
00:23:35.359 --> 00:23:36.799
I appreciate you so much.
00:23:36.880 --> 00:23:37.759
Um thank you.
00:23:38.079 --> 00:23:41.359
I'm honored, and yeah, I'm sure I'll be talking to you again.
00:23:41.519 --> 00:23:42.480
I know I will.
00:23:43.279 --> 00:23:44.400
Thank you so much.
00:23:44.640 --> 00:23:45.680
Thanks, Robin.
00:23:46.160 --> 00:23:48.000
You know, she fights.
00:23:50.880 --> 00:23:56.640
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