A: Welcome to Sharing My Truth with Mel and Suzie. The uncensored version where we bear it all.
B: We do.
A: 1, 2, 3, 4.
And hello everyone and welcome back to Sharing My Truth Pod. You're here with Melon Susie. Thanks so much for tuning in with us today. We have a very, very special guest,
Tyler Bailey. Thank you so much for joining us here.
I'm a big fan and I've gotten Mel to be a big fan of his content online.
Really awesome stuff. He's a divorce lawyer.
Really great insight into men and women and why people divorce and why they get married and what maybe the problems are of relationships. I know we have a lot of people in our dms, in our comments,
always complaining to us as to why marriage and all this stuff is down the tube now.
And maybe Tyler, we're hoping you could give a little insight. So thank you so much for being here, Tyler. Really appreciate it.
C: I appreciate you guys having me on. That was a pretty good introduction right there.
A: Well, I just want to start the pod off by just allowing yourself to introduce yourself where people can find you. And how long have you been doing this lawyer thing?
C: Okay. Yeah. So my name is Tyler,
Tyler Bailey. I have been practicing law for less than a year now. Actually I'm about to reach my one year anniversary in like two weeks. So it's been a pretty fun year.
I'm located in Michigan.
Thank you, Appreciate that. I'm located in Michigan. I practice all over the state, but primarily in mid Michigan, so like Lansing area.
And you can find me on TikTok. My handle is Ty Tucker ticking.
Kind of a tongue twister. I don't know what I was thinking when I made that username.
Could have done a lot better on that one, but. And then my Instagram is Tyler Bailey, 24.
A: Perfect. Awesome. Well, really appreciate you being here.
I, I've, I've been a fan of your content because my mom was actually a divorce lawyer,
so I really grew up in the idea of that and I, I have a huge amount of respect for what you guys do and I think marriage is a really big contention right now, especially like with millennials and Gen Z,
because I think what we're hearing a lot of the time is,
you know, over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Right. And so obviously that's keeping you very busy and well stacked, but it's not great for the, for society. So is that accurate?
And like,
are, are millennials more getting divorced right now or is it more Gen X? Like, what are you seeing right now?
C: Oh man. I mean I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it seems like we're all kind of doomed regardless of what generation that you're in.
You're right about, like, the 50 percentile. It's a little higher than that. It's like around the 58 percentile, people getting divorced. But it's very circumstantial. Those numbers are just a collection of everyone getting divorced.
But there are things that give you a better chance at success in marriage. Like if your parents are still together,
you have a greater chance of having a successful marriage. And there's a lot of psychological reasons behind that.
If you are educated,
you have a better chance of having a successful marriage. Your location matters. People in California get. Get divorced a lot more frequently than people may be in, like, a small town in Michigan.
So it's very circumstantial.
The number is quite high and it is getting higher.
People are getting married less and less, too.
So it's becoming a little more unpopular. But still a lot of people getting married. Business is still booming.
In terms of generations, you know, crazy is I've. I've seen every single generation get divorced. I've had, you know, even generations younger than me. I'm 30 years old.
I've had clients that are 21 that have been married for less than six months get a divorce.
And I've also. I just recently got retained by someone that was 85 years old and they've been married for over 50 years.
So obviously those people are getting divorced very frequently. Right. I don't see that too often. I would say the people that I see the most are from the ages of 30 to 50 is probably the most common age.
But I think it's not really a generational.
I think it's just an age thing. That's kind of the timeframe in your life that people are being divorced.
A: Right. Is it.
B: Sorry, is it mostly women or men who are instigating it?
A: Do you see that?
C: That's a great question.
Instigating is a interesting word to choose because instigating can mean.
Yeah, it is. It is interesting because instigating can mean filing, right?
Like the actual act of putting the divorce paperwork into the system. And filing for divorce or instigating can mean this is your fault that the marriage is falling apart. I have to file,
so.
Right,
right. So to answer,
who's filing most is women by a long shot.
Like 90% of divorces are filed by women.
And if you are a woman with a college degree, that number jumps up to about 99%.
So most divorces are getting filed by women. There's a lot of reasons that that. That occurs. It's not just because women are spiteful and they're the ones that want to get divorced.
It's. I mean, that could be part of it.
I think a big reason why women are filed most often is because this is just my opinion, and I've made content about this before, is that I think women are finding a necessity with men less and less.
Right. There used to be a sort of idea that women needed men to survive, basically needed them for financial support. You needed them for just physical protection, a roof over your head and things like that.
And women are becoming more and more independent and they're making more money and they have a lot more things that they're. They have access to. And so they're. They're realizing that there's less of a need for these men.
And so it's leading to them to file. You know, I make the money, I cook, I clean, I take care of the children.
Why. Why do I need this guy? You know, what is the point?
Meanwhile, a man, his perspective is, you know, I provide for my family,
financial support. But most often the woman is the one that's keeping the house afloat, right? It's the one. She's cooking, she's cleaning, she's taking care of the children. She's doing all the little things that basically make your marriage and your family sustain and together.
And so that's why men are filing less and less, is because if I file,
that all goes away. Who's going to help take care of my kids, who's going to help cook, who's going to help clean, who's. All that type of stuff. And so women are finding men less useful and less of a necessity.
And men still have that same need that they always have had.
Another reason why I think that the number is so high is just because men,
and I'm sorry to all, all of your male listeners. I don't know how many male listeners you have.
A: We have more male listeners than female. Just letting you know.
C: All right, well, I'm sorry if I seem a little biase bias or if I seem like I'm favoring the women. I'm just telling you what my thoughts are and what the numbers are.
Men,
and I'll try to say this nicely so you guys don't get so offended,
are a little less in. They're a little less capable of filing. And what I mean by that is they don't take the initiative too often. I know a lot of men that are incapable of even scheduling their own dentist appointment, let alone filing for ******* divorce.
And so that complication,
that extra layer,
that headache that's. That's giving them, they're just like it. I'm just not going to file. I'm just going to cheat, right? Or if I'm unhappy, I'm just going to find the mistress or something like that.
And then if she finds out, whatever, **** it, she'll file, and then I don't have to deal with it. So there's a lot of that going around. The numbers are extremely high.
90% is an extremely high number.
And you know, what is the cause of that number?
That's just my speculation is what I, what I just said, you know,
so
A: when this is happening,
because we hear a lot about this, and I'm sure you hear a lot about it, too. But, you know, men say,
don't get married because she's gonna take half,
right? And I think that's kind of a theme of, like, men not wanting to get married anymore,
women being like, I'm making my own money anyways. Like, I don't need your money really anymore. Like,
so we have this weird standoff.
But is that still true, even though the women are still making money? Let's say, are they still taking half of men's money when they are getting divorced? Or how does that usually happen?
C: Yeah, I think I get what you're saying. So they're going to take half. Someone is going to take half, right? It's not necessarily. The woman is going to take half of what you make or what you've earned as a man.
It is going to be looked at in whole. So she's going to take half of whatever you guys have accumulated throughout your marriage.
Now, if she is,
let's say, you know, your total assets, we're just going to use round numbers, totals out to be a hundred thousand dollars. And she's a. And she's responsible for,
you know,
more than half of that, let's say $60,000,
right?
Then she's going to be taking some of her money. So regardless of who's making the most money, the marital pot is the marital pot. If you're making more money than me, I'm going to get half of what we had.
If I'm making more money than you, you're going to get half of what we had. So it doesn't really matter who's making more money.
In terms of a division of assets, you're going to get half of It.
B: Well, yeah, because that's interesting you say that because in the comments that we get from our male listeners, it's all about there's no point getting married because she's just going to take you to the cleaners and she's going to take all your money and you're like, well,
it's not really.
That's not the case today. The point is so many women are working and in many cases making more.
So it's not the case. It's just this almost this urban myth that people still think that's the case or we hear a lot because we're based in Canada,
but we have a huge following.
Most of our listeners are in the US and they also talk a lot about child support, like, don't get married because she'll just say you're the daddy kind of thing and then just take you for your child support.
And you're like, is this really happening in the United States that people are just saying you're the daddy and you can.
And going after this guy for child support?
A: I mean, have to get a genetic testing anyways? Like, I think that's also a problem in the US we're not hearing that as much in Canada.
B: Yeah, we don't hear about that.
A: But like, we're hearing this a lot online where men are like, afraid that it's not their child and they still have to play child support support for it.
Have you seen this? Yeah.
C: Yes. Yes, I have seen this. And there's a lot of things to unpack with what you guys just said right there. So I've seen both ends of this story. Right. I just had a case get settled a couple weeks ago where my client was the female and she paid the man a substantial amount of money.
I mean, I'm talking in the millions of dollars. Right. And that was because she earned a substantial amount of money during their marriage. Right. And he was earning money, too.
But the grand scheme of things is she earned a lot more than he did. And so the end, the end result was her having to pay the her spouse out.
Now, granted, that is a rare circumstance. It happens more often than it used to.
What I see more often is a man getting taken to the cleaners. And there's a lot of reasons why that's right.
What most often happens in these circumstances and why men are so scared. And I totally get why they're scared because I'm 30, I'm single, I have no girlfriend, no kids, no wife, no nothing.
And part of it is because of what I've witnessed in the last year in practicing law. And men can definitely get the short end of the stick. And here's why.
Because a lot of times we still follow those traditional values of marriage. A man working in the woman, not working, her being the Betty Crocker is what we like to call them.
The woman is taking care of the children and she's more involved in their. Yeah, the more she's more involved in their day to day lives. And so when you're going a child custody dispute,
right? A judge is looking at the best interests of the children and she's saying she or he. I deal with mostly female judges, so I say she when I reference a judge, but she or he is looking at it and she's saying okay, so mom is with the kids all day long.
The kids have familiarity with mom. She knows the doctor, she knows the teachers, she knows their schedules. The kids confy a mom. They have more,
they feel like safe with mom. She is more involved in the children's life. Meanwhile dad, dad is out working his *** off to provide for the family, right? And that matters too.
But it matters less in child custody proceedings, right? And so the judge is going to see a woman that has more familiarity with her children, that is more used to taking care of these kids.
And the guy that's working his *** off to just provide for his family is going to get knocked severely because of that.
Just because of the day to day involvement. It's a huge factor in child custody disputes. And so there's guy is sitting here, he's like, I work 60, 70, 80 hours a day just to provide for my family.
A lot of blue collar people I represent, they're working hard,
really hard and they simply get the short end of the stick because they just do not have availability. Right. Even though they get divorced, they still got to work 80 hours a week, right.
How are you going to take care of children when you don't have a wife anymore? How are you going to be familiar with your day to day lives when you haven't done it before?
And so it's always just a constant uphill battle for men when they're in those sort of circumstances.
And women kind of get preference because it's just, it's just a natural course of living. They're just naturally going to be the ones providing those day to day needs.
And so if you're a man listening to this and you are concerned about losing your children, you're concerned about a custody dispute,
try to get more involved with your children.
I know it sounds so simple. But read them bedtime stories, take them to their doctor's appointments, know every single intricacy of their life.
So when the custody dispute comes about,
you know, you can seem like you're, yeah, I'm working, I'm providing. I can financially support them. I can buy a roof over their head. But I also am ute to taking care of these children.
And so that's kind of where they get knocked. And in terms of the genetic testing, I just had a case actually come about. I haven't. We have a hearing in a couple of weeks regarding it.
But if you. This is how it works in Michigan. And so I'm going. Going to speak of the loss in Michigan. But if you have a child and, and you are married to someone,
you are presumed to be the father, right? There's no genetic testing that needs to be done. If you are not the father,
say your wife cheats on you and okay.
And,
you know, I got a white wife and I'm a white dude, and that baby comes out black,
that, that kid is still presumed to be my child legally, which is pretty insane.
And I've, and I've seen this happen before. Now, the opposite end of that is, okay, well, what if you're not married? And this is happening very commonly, right? People are getting married less and less.
They don't find comfort in it. But regardless, I have job security. Because even though people are going to stop getting married, they're always going to continue having children. They're always, I would say people may stop getting married, but they're going to keep up.
And if that's going to be the case,
I'm going to have business. Right? And so where these guys get screwed over in terms of child custody is they're not there when the child is born.
Be there when your child is born. Sign the affidavit.
Yes,
born. Sign the affidavit of parentage, confirming you are the father. And then everything else in the future, if you have to deal with a custody dispute, you don't need to worry about it.
You don't need to get genetic testing. You don't need to get fraternity.
And if you are the dad and you think that kid is not mine,
then that's when you want to get the genetic test.
So it goes back and forth. There's a lot of loopholes. There's a lot that goes into it. If you're married, you're presumed to be the father. If you're not married, make sure you sign an affidavit of parentage.
B: Okay, that makes a lot of sense.
A: That's so crazy. Like, yeah, because like guys who maybe would question it,
they should just get a genetic test on their own. Can't they just do that? If they really were confused about it
C: or concerned they could,
they could get a genetic test on their own when they're in the good graces of their spouse.
But when you have a spouse that has a child already and they're like, I hate that ******* guy, I don't want anything to do with him, I don't want him near my child,
then that genetic test gets a lot harder because why is she going to give up a child that he has no right to? Right?
Say you say you're not married, right? And you get someone pregnant and you're not there to sign the affidavit of parentage, but you know that that kid is yours, you have no rights.
That woman can leave with your child and go to a different country if she wants to. And there's nothing that you can do about it. So make sure you are there when your child is born.
A: Wow.
B: Yeah. I mean it's, it's interesting what you say like, about like men can really get sort of basically screwed over about this. And I do understand that point of view.
But when you're saying, let's say the man is in full time work and he's the financial provider and the woman is the stay at home mother and she is the provider of all the childcare, therefore she cannot work,
that is going to assume if you get divorced,
obviously if she remains the full time carer, then obviously he's going to have to provide the income because that's what was going on,
going on before. And I think there doesn't seem to be an understanding of that. And I think from also from the male point of view that a lot of women will stay with men.
I say this, I mean, I've been married for 25 years, but my parents were divorced and they were a classic story of being married for 20 years. And then my dad ran off with a younger woman.
My mother was there the whole time. And then basically he wanted to not give her anything. Right? So that does happen a lot also where women are there, they're building the life with the man.
They are the carer of the home and the plans and the children and the social calendar and managing everybody's life.
They're with this man for 20, 25 years.
That man turns around and you know, this is a common story. He cheats.
She is not the way she looked 25 years ago because she's 25 years older. He would like to have a new model.
And then she hasn't been working for 25 years.
What exactly are you supposed to do now? I'm not in any way saying that men, that men don't get screwed over at all. They do, but women do too. This is a two way story.
A: Is the way to just stop it all. You just,
like a lot of these guys in our comms are saying, just stop it all and just don't get married. Is that what we're gonna do from now on? It's just like people are just gonna stop getting together.
C: I hope not. You know, I'm scre.
But it's gonna work.
I, I don't know the answer to that. I don't have a solution to all these problems that we have within our society. When it comes to marriage. There's a huge,
huge wave of distrust with people. You know, people. I think social media has played a huge role in what's going on with people getting married, right? They just see a greener side.
They see a woman that they think is more pretty and they're like, well, why would I settle down with this woman? Or, or they see someone living this luxurious life and I don't live that life.
Or from a woman's perspective, you know,
this guy's a hunk and he does this for his wife. It's just constant comparison, right? And comparison is the thief of happiness.
And so people are just never ever happy. I think the best way,
and this is going to sound kind of crazy, but I've thought about this a lot.
The best way to solidify your marriage is to have a prenup.
And not everyone needs a prenup. If you have no assets, you don't need a prenup. Right? If you, if you're worth nothing, you don't need a prenup. But if you're worth something and you can get an attorney that can draft a real good prenup, I think,
you know, people think like if you draft a prenup, it's a bad way to go into a marriage because it's basically saying, oh, well, you're expecting to get divorced. No, it's not saying that.
It's saying that if you do divorce, I mean, this is what's going to happen.
And a lot of times people will get divorced because it's an easy way out. And they know they're going to get that 50, 50 cut and they're going to be Just fine.
They're going to get some financial benefit from it or something like that. But if you go into the marriage and you know that there's a prenuptial agreement, if you go into the marriage and you know that if I leave this man, if I leave this woman, I'm not necessarily going to get a fair deal because I signed this prenup years,
years and years ago.
That sort of induces people to stay together longer. Right. Because there's one thing that is inevitable in your marriage, and you've been married for 25 years. I'm sure you can attest to this.
I have zero years underneath my belt. But this is just what I assume is that there is going to be a point in your time where you're like, I want to divorce this guy's ***, or I want to leave this guy's ***, or this guy sucks, or it's just,
you guys are gonna butt heads. 25 years is a long time to be with someone. There's going to be highs and lows. That's how marriage works. And a lot times people get to.
A: She knows all about that.
B: I know all about that.
C: Yeah, right. And a lot of times people get to this low and they leave. They get to that first low and they're like, wait, my marriage isn't perfect. This guy isn't perfect.
This guy isn't what he was doing a year or two ago before this guy made a minor mess up or something like that. And they don't see it through.
And so if you do have a prenuptial agreement between the two of you, it just, it strengthens that unity.
It makes it so you persevere through the hard times.
B: Yeah, I mean, I would agree with that. Like, you do have to persevere. A lot of people give up at the first sign of trouble, which could be a lot of different things.
And there are stresses in life, finances, and all sorts of things that cause stress.
Your intimate relationship, all kind of things that change over the years. But in terms of a prenuptial agreement,
which is different from country to country, I know that that's a sort of very US centric kind of idea. Like, you know, I'm from the uk, you can't actually have a prenuptial agreement in England.
But.
Yeah, but what happens if, like, in my case, I got married, I was 28, my husband was 27. And you make your wealth together during the marriage. So neither of you came in with anything, which is.
A lot of people do that. They don't come in with much and they work and they build something together during the marriage. So how do you have a prenuptial agreement for something that may happen or may not happen?
C: Well, this is possible. And it's not a prenuptial agreement. It's a post nuptial agreement. Right.
B: Okay.
C: So there's two different types of agreement. Prenups are for before the marriage. Postnups are after the marriage. Postnups are less common than prenups, but still are drafted all the time. And so if you're one of these couples that are developing a crazy amount of wealth, maybe you started a business with each other or maybe you didn't start a business with each other.
With each other. Maybe one of the spouses started a business during the course of the marriage and you don't have this prenuptial agreement. You can always get a post nuptial agreement.
And I don't know how it is in every single country. I don't know how it is in every single state.
I do know in Michigan that post nuptial agreements are allowed. And I would imagine in most states that they are. And so that's how you protect yourself.
A: Yeah, I was. And I'm so happy you brought up prenups because I think a lot of.
And this is just a well known fact, like the richest women in the world are rich because of their divorces.
And you know, this is true.
B: I was just crazy or inheritance or.
A: Yeah. Something that they. And obviously there's a lot of reasons for that. You know, like Melinda Gates,
25 billion. Mackenzie Scott, who's Amazon's divorce, a 38 billion. And in Canada, I don't know if you know who Chip Wilson is. He's these like, used to be CEO of Lululemon.
He's a very Canadian sort of billionaire celebrity,
but he's getting a divorce. They do not have a prenup. So I think it's very interesting to see these women who are.
And I don't think they're meaning to get rich off of their husband who they have been married to for.
B: They built 20 plus years.
A: Exactly. And I think there is a huge issue with a lot of men saying,
oh, this is his money. Right. Like, where it's like, okay, but she has been there for when he wasn't a billionaire. Like, she was there when he was just a little guy doing business and trying to make something of himself.
B: Yeah.
A: And she was there for the whole thing. And like, what are you gonna sue her for trying, like getting out, like probably he wants to probably move on too.
B: Yeah. But also as a wife, is what I was saying before,
if you are a stay at. It doesn't even matter if you're a stay at home. Even I think about all the stuff I do. It's like you are the person allowing that man to go out and make the money because you're at home picking up the kids, you're going to every single appointment,
you're doing all this stuff which frees the man up to.
C: Absolutely.
B: That frees up the man to go and do that. So this idea, like you think of Melinda Gates, who obviously we do not know, but like, you know,
she is the person who was the solid person that allowed him to go out and do it. Like, if there's nobody at home looking after the kingdom at home, how does he build the kingdom outside?
And that is a really important thing to understand, like, to value.
And I do fully understand that a lot of women are not necessarily doing this, but the women that have done this, they've built the fortune. They haven't necessarily directly been at the job and the company, the business,
but they've been protecting, building, nurturing something to allow that man to go out and do that.
And I like, for example, all the many hundreds and thousands of comments we get. We'd love to answer them and say,
this is like you said at the beginning, this is circumstantial.
Every situation, every divorce is different. And maybe some women and some men haven't done this and some haven't, but there needs to be a little bit more of, I think, an understanding of that.
A: But if they had a post op would have been fine.
B: Yeah, that's true.
C: Depending how well, depending how well drafted that post op was and depending on what's occurred since the postnup has been drafted. But no, you, you bring up a great point. There's a lot of ego that gets involved with finances.
Right. I make all this money, I pay all the bills, all that **** is mine. And it goes both ways. Men and women are both like that. I've represented super powerful women that make a bunch of money and they're actually more reluctant to give money away than men are.
B: Surprised me. Yeah.
C: Which, yeah. Which, you know, kind of is. Was a little surprising to me when I first started practicing. It's just what they have to have an understanding of when you go into marriage is that you.
This is a partnership, right.
And every single dollar that you make, he or she is making 50 cents of that dollar as well, regardless if she's the one that's actually doing the work. And so you need to set your ego aside and have an understanding that yes, I am the one going into work,
but I would never be able to go into work if my wife was not home taking care of all of my children or taking care of whatever she needs to take care of.
And if, even if she's not doing,
even if she's staying at home and you guys got no kids and she's just sitting there eating potato chips, picking her *** all day long,
it doesn't matter,
right? It does not matter.
She is going to get 50% of the **** that you get. So you better pick a good one that's actually going to help you out. And so you got to set your ego aside and it goes to the men and women.
But I,
men are more willing to give their ex wife, soon to be ex wife, a settlement that's going to put her in a place where she is not completely screwed over, where she is safe, where she is still able to afford a home.
But a woman, on the other hand, if she's the one that's a breadwinner, if she's the one that is making a substantial amount of money and let's say Joe Schmo is just some lazy piece of **** that doesn't do anything,
she is way less willing to give any of that pay away.
And there's a lot of things that can, that can be as a result of that.
And so I've seen some women do some insane things to men where, to the point where they're basically **** near homeless. And I haven't really seen men as spiteful like that.
A woman in a divorce is way more malicious than a man is in a divorce.
A woman needs.
My, my role as a, as a attorney for a woman is more therapeutic. It's more guidance. It's more settling down like, no, I'm not going to kill your husband. We are just getting a divorce.
A man, on the other hand, is kind of, he needs a babysitter a little bit. He needs someone to hold his hand,
guide him through it. It's emotionally extremely damaging for him. But it is very rare that a man wants to attack his wife to the point where she is just completely ruined.
B: Yeah, no, no, I would agree with that.
A: No one wants to give up their money less than a woman who's the breadwinner in a marriage.
B: Like the way, the way to destroy a man is money. And that's what women do. And yes, they are spiteful by nature. And men are not.
A: Well, it's funny, like, I've. I have not seen so many women who like. And Mel, I think, has a lot of her friends experience too, where it's like, there's so many women out there who make way more than their husbands, and they are the breadwinners, and they are so resentful of that piece,
even though they were completely aware of what's going on.
Right. Like, they see that these men aren't working and their house husbands or whatever they might be.
And we keep on seeing time and time again from our perspectives that this kind of relationship does not work that Right.
B: And I've seen so many. I mean, so many.
A: The women being the Bren winner. Yeah, it doesn't work. It. There's way too much resentment that comes with it.
So obviously that's what you've seen as well.
And is it just like, men do not date a woman or marry a woman who makes more than you? And is it telling women, do not date a man who just refuses to work?
Or like,
is that even. Is that ever gonna. Is it ever gonna work? I doubt it.
C: But it's definitely. You are definitely more likely to have a successful marriage if you marry someone on the same social status as you.
If you marry someone that's making similar amounts of money towards you, because then you have no reason to be spiteful. Especially if you're a woman making cuckoo bucks and you get this guy that doesn't do anything and doesn't make any money.
Now, I know those relationships happen all the time.
I think that those relationships are more likely to fail than any other relationship out there.
Numerous reasons for that. But you know, you got to think about the woman that's making all these buku bucks. And then there's the stay at home dad.
Even if she is the breadwinner, I guarantee you she's going home and being nurturing and still being a mother. And it's just. It's just in your guys's instinct you have to do that.
And the guy, on the other hand, if he's the breadwinner,
his point of view is that my job is done here. Right? The woman will just keep going and just keep going. I'll go. I'll work for nine hours. I'll go home and I'll breastfeed and I'll take care of the kids.
I'll pack their lunches for school the next day. I'll even make my useless husband dinner too, while we're at it. But the guy is just not like, that. So if you are a guy in this position, you have to create value for yourself.
And how do you do that?
Go find a job. Go do something. Clean the house, take care of the children, Go the extra mile. Be complimentative,
be nice, be romantic, be all these types of things. But what you cannot be is a ***. And I have seen so many bumps, it is embarrassing. I mean, that's one of the most alarming things that I've noticed in my practice is how useless and pathetic these men are that I'm dealing with.
Get off your *** and go to work.
Get off your *** and take care of your children.
Love your wife, hug her, kiss her, have sex with your wife. Don't go have sex with somebody else because you're bored and you're. And your wife is at work,
ton of money.
When she comes home,
take care of her, or she is going to lead your ***.
And. And again, if she leaves your ***, he's still gonna get 50% of what she got. So that's why the.
That's why the relationship of a marriage is so toxic, because it is the most unfair contractual obligation that I have ever seen in my life. Right. I'm. I'm a lawyer.
I went to. I went to law school. I've read a lot of contracts in my day. Um, I took contracts class one and two. So a year of my life was just dedicated to contracts.
There is not a more unfair contract than a marriage contract. It is the only one that is in perpetuity that you can never, ever get out of. And it's just.
I think.
I think people are understanding how unfair it truly is to get into marriage, and so they're shying away from it.
B: Yeah. Yeah. I feel like men want to do the work.
A: Yeah, well, men,
it's.
You can't make a man do something he doesn't want to do.
Like,
men are extremely difficult to like. And especially women don't want it. We don't want a nag. Women do it because we don't want to see a man sitting on his *** or whatever, and we don't want to tell him to take out the trash.
But if he isn't doing it, then, yeah, you have to tell him to do it. So it's. But it is very hard because then they're like, oh, my wife nags me.
Why do I want to. I don't want to have sex with her. I want to go have sex with the hot secretary at my office instead. Because she doesn't nag me.
Not yet, anyways.
But so there's just these things, like, there. I find it very interesting. Like, men do not see the future like some women do.
Like, men can't see what their life would be like if they chose to actually help out their wife with the kids or with. Like. That is the problem. I find that, like,
I have no
C: idea how we've gotten here as a society. I don't know how men got to this point. I'm not gonna lie. And I don't want to put all the blame on men because it's not.
It's not the case. The reason why I am so hard on men is because I am a man myself, right? And so I can put things into my. Into perspective.
And I've seen how my dad acts, and I've seen my brothers unmarried, and I see how they act in their marriage.
I know what a good marriage looks like, right?
And I get into divorce law and I just see this infestation of men that are simply pathetic. Now, granted, I'm seeing a very select pool of people, right? They're getting divorced.
There's a reason why they're getting divorced. It's because they're so pathetic. And I know there are a lot of great men out there,
but there has been just a poisoning in our minds as a society. And it's the cheating, it's the complacency, it's the. The laziness. It's the.
It's the just not be. Not existing in your marriage, you know, not being present with your wife, with your children,
just being on your phone and scrolling and the gambling and the drug addiction and the alcohol addiction, it has got to stop or our entire society is just going to fall apart.
And the crux of our society is marriage. That is what's kept us together, right? Unity,
strength, and an organization giving us a goal to work for. If we're all just single and we're just each other and we're just running around like maniacs,
our society will fall apart eventually, right? We're not meant to be like that. We're supposed not to be controlled, but we're supposed to have purpose in our life, not just gamble and booze and sex and all that kind of stuff.
And it's just.
It is the most disappointing thing I've ever experienced in my life, to be honest.
A: Wow. So do you think you will get married?
C: I do not think I will get married, no.
A: So you're part of the problem.
C: Wow. So you said.
B: You said you know what a happy marriage looks like. So what Does a happy mar. I know what a happy marriage looks like, but what do you think a happy marriage is?
C: So like, I look at my brother, right? My parents are actually going through divorce right now. So they're actually not a good example of starting that.
They were a happy marriage for a long time.
I look at my brothers. His, his name's Matt. He's a divorce attorney as well. He has a wife that is extremely supportive. He had. He's extremely supportive of her. They've learned so much from each other, right?
She has learned from him and I and some of his personality has bled into hers and some of her personality has bled in him. Matt is more extroverted now because of her and she is more reasonable, right?
And she's more sound of mind because of him. They have a daughter who is the most beautiful girl in the world and they cherish her so much. They're so involved in her life that she's everything to them.
They do a bunch of things together and they fight, but they fight and they talk about it. They fight and they don't do it in front of me. They don't do it in the, in front of the public.
They don't bash each other to their friends or anything like that. But they do fight, but they resolve it,
right? So there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. And I'm sure there's a bunch of things that happen to close doors that I don't know anything about. And he's my brother and she's my sister in law, but they resolve their conflict and they're okay with having uncomfortable conversations and they grow together and they work on things together and she makes a lot of money and she.
And then my brother makes even more money and they, and but they coexist well together, right? There's. There's a dependency for the both of them. They both need each other to thrive and survive.
And you know, that's my best example of a marriage.
I don't know what a perfect marriage looks like. I got an uncle that met his high school sweetheart when they were 14 and you know,
they,
they bake her all the time. But they love each other and I know that they love each other because my aunt obsessed with her. If he's not with my aunt for longer than a day,
he is not himself. He is moody. He complains,
you know what doing. He's looking at her phone. He's looking at her phone. Oh, she's doing this like.
I know what it looks like. I know I would look for in A wife.
Right. I know things that I can look for in a spouse that will increase my chances of having a successful marriage. Right. But I'm talking strictly numbers here. I'm saying increase my chances.
Like. Like marriage is some gambling game or something like that. Like, I'm about to play roulette.
And I'm not a gambling man. Right. I don't gamble. I don't support Gable. I don't go to the casino. I mean, I do sometimes with my friends on a bachelor party, but I'm not a gambling man.
But I am an extremely analytical person.
Right.
I'm not a pessimist. I'm not an optimist. I'm a realist. And I know how hard marriage is. Even with all of the knowledge that I have, even with all this information that I'm learning just in one year of practicing law,
I still, still know how hard it is to get married. I know for a fact that it is more unlikely than likely that I'm going to. It is more unlikely than likely that I'm going to have a successful marriage, and it just, it deters me a lot.
A: Yeah, it's. I, I. Because I. We're very similar age. You said you're 30. I'm 31.
So I. A lot of my friends are single women.
Um, and I have a lot of friends who are single men, but,
like, they're older. I like older guy friends who are getting through the divorce or going through, like, should be getting divorced.
Um,
and it's very telling because I think a lot of the women that are my age who aren't, who aren't in that beautiful relationship already,
I can't see them getting into a relationship now, which is insane because I don't know what it is. There is just an attitude that women,
what women are looking for, their expectations now are beyond, in my opinion, and
C: they're looking for 1%. And if you're not, it's insane.
A: Yeah. And they don't want to do anything for that. Right. Like, they are like, well, I'm great,
so I. That's what I deserve. And it's like, no, no, you still have to.
You still have to work for whatever you're doing. Like,
it's just. This is just being unreasonable right now.
C: So most of the time, they're not as great as they think they are. You know, there's a, there's a huge.
There's inflation of people's minds and thinking of how great they are. The women want the top 1%,
and the men want you Know everything underneath the sun, you know, so it's hard to find any common ground. Another thing that I see why relationships fall apart is the expectations are insane.
Insane. It is, it is mere perfection. You know, I've had people come into my office and I like to ask them, why, why are you doing this? Why are you getting a divorce?
You might be thought about reconciliation or anything like that. Have you tried marriage counseling? Oh, well, he just ****** me off.
He just annoys me.
Well,
he annoys you and ****** you off. Well, you got three ******* kids with him that are five years old, right? So you're supposed to work through these types of things.
And I get it. Joe Schmo is Joe Schmo, right? And you want him to be Mr. Wonderful and perfect, but he's not. And neither are you, sweetheart. You're far from perfect.
And so you're expecting 100% out of this man. And, and a lot of the times a man can't even give himself 100.
You know, I'm single. I, I,
my only stresses in my life are myself and my job and, like my family and stuff like that. But it's just normal. Like, my life is not crazy stressful. Besides, my job is stressful as, but that's another thing to talk about.
But even then,
I still cannot give myself 100.
I have days where I am right?
I have days where I wake up in bed, I'm just like this, you know, I can't do it. Or,
or I have something that I don't necessarily. Nobody is ever 100.
And these.
You are human. Exactly. And the same thing applies in marriage. You are human. You will make mistakes. You will have C minus days, and you will have A plus days, and it'll go up and it'll go down.
But the women that think that you will always be A plus, that you will always be Prince Charles, that you will always be perfect,
those are the ones that have this false reality and will never be happy.
B: Yeah, I mean, I agree. I mean, I think that's a sort of narrative at the moment, I mean, particularly millennial women and younger women, is that they've been fed this idea that they're it, that they're,
that they're the best, that they're worth it and no, nobody on the planet is worth anything unless you, you work for it. I mean, you're not worth it by just being you.
You know, you have to achieve something, do something,
strive towards something.
And this continuous, like, wanting perfection from somebody is, like you said, is just ridiculous. And you actually, if you're in a marriage, you have to love somebody at. When they are like ******* you off, when they are not.
When they are having the C minus days is. That's exactly it. They still have to be the person that you love, the person you want to be with.
And that's really, really important. And over a long period of time you see a lot of C minus days from yourself and from them.
And the thing I would also say is that I see a lot of problems in marriages of all ages is people in competition with each other. Men and women who are competing,
um, they're not a team. They compete, they compete about their jobs, they compete about the children, they compete about everything.
And this is something that I've never done in my marriage. We decided very early on like what are you competing for? You're a team going for a goal.
So work together and go for that goal. Don't compete to try and get to it. But there seems to be, I don't know if that's modern society. Like people are.
A: Well, cause you say that there's a lot of women and I don't know women who do this, but I don't know a lot of women who are married. But there's a lot of women in their marriages who will be like, I'm only doing my laundry, he's going to do his.
And it's like so many times, yo girl.
C: Like you don't know a lot of women that are married. Where are you, where are you from? Where do you live?
A: We live in Toronto. So it's city, big city. I have, I have some friends who are married.
B: But your age then? My age, I'm 53 so I know a lot of people who are married. But you know, that's because of an age thing. I just think people are getting married in Toronto.
The average age.
Oh in big cities is just so
A: like of course there's some people getting married but like the majority of my friends, my girlfriends are not married.
I obviously have other friends who are in long term relationships.
Maybe they're not going to get married, maybe they'll just,
they'll skip marriage, go straight to kids.
I think just there is,
there is a trend happening of people not getting together which I don't agree with. You know, Gen Z's are having less sex than ever than any other generation.
So that's a huge problem.
We want everyone to start having sex and having babies again because otherwise society as the thing you love to say is going to collapse. So hopefully not but, you know, we have to somewhat,
I don't know if it's like the government has to figure it out, how do we get people to want to get together?
Right.
C: Society need to figure it out. Right. And if you're in a,
I mean, that sounds, it's a lot easier said than done. And if you are in a city,
I get it, it's hard, you know, there's a lot of options there that your eyes are constantly wandering. I am from a very small town, very small town.
And so most of the people that I associate with are married or have kids or are buying homes.
But if you live in a city, that is not the culture.
And I, I, I've mentioned this earlier in the podcast, but honestly, social media has ruined our perception of, of reality, our perception of love, our perception of unity, our perception of marriage.
There has been a blanket of ego put all across the world, and it has just distorted how we look at love and everything like that. And I think,
you know, there needs to be worldwide humility,
expression of just being humble and recognizing imperfections and loving imperfections and accepting those imperfections instead of being just some egotistical maniac and expecting perfection out of everyone, expecting your life to be perfect,
expecting your husband to be in that top, top 1%.
You know, there's only so many of the top 1%, and if everyone's going after the top 1%,
then the other 99% is totally.
And if they, if they're screwed and we're not making babies and we're not having marriages and we're not having families, and our society is just going to keep going down like that, slowly and gradually.
B: Yeah,
it's illogical, but I mean, like you said earlier that, you know, you've seen obviously what you do for work, you've seen the really bad side of it, and so that's negatively impacting you because you're saying, oh, my God.
I, I don't know if it's even possible,
but what I would say to
C: you,
I, I used to be, I used to be like, really into marriage and want the family and want the kids.
I used to love that thought. And like, that used to be what, what drove me to be honest, because that's how my, I was raised. That was the culture that I grew up in.
And I, I had lost that love definitely in the last year or so.
B: But.
Yeah, but don't you think that, I mean, one thing I would say you said earlier is absolutely, you have to choose wisely when you choose your partner from A male and a female point of view, you have to choose wisely, you have to be smart,
and, you know, you have to think about what you're choosing right from the beginning.
And you have to have common values, shared values, wanting to go in the same direction. Things will change, but generically, that it's really important.
But the thing is about marriage or when you have a good relationship, when it's good, it's really good. And even when there are ups and downs, like, I can't imagine my life not being married.
I have two children, I've had. I have a successful marriage. I didn't come from a happy home, but I've managed to make a very happy marriage.
And so my argument would be, yes, I know it's difficult and you have to put a lot of work in and you have to keep going and keep talking and keep communicating.
But if it's good, it's really good. So why not try and find,
Find,
find that? Why? Like, I understand, if you're on your own,
it's kind of easier. You're not going to get hurt. You're not going to possibly have to deal with divorce. I get that.
But your life will be exponentially better if you find that person.
If you find. I understand, that's not easy. But if you. Your life. So why not strive for the best possible life you can have?
And I say this to you, but to anybody. What's that?
C: You already answered it right there, right? It's not easy. It's hard. There's a lot of risk involved.
We as a society.
I know, but we as a society, we don't like.
We don't like things to be hard,
right? We like it to be easy. Think about even our entertainment, right? We, we love TikTok because we like scrolling. And it's nice and easy. There's not much resistance. It's 10 seconds, 5 seconds, and then dopamine, dopamine, dopamine.
But if you wanted to entertain yourself with maybe a movie that's two hours long, that's a little more resistance, you got to work a little harder, right? To find that sort of entertainment value.
You want to read a book.
Holy ****. That's a whole lot of resistance. And so we're so.
We're so used and susceptible to just that easy fix of just scrolling. The same thing goes with marriage, right?
Well, why would I want to do that if it's so hard? I can just go on Tinder and find a random chick every single week and her. And be by myself and, And I don't have to worry about that.
We don't want the resistance. We don't want it.
We always shy away from the resistance.
And so we just go back to the quick little scrolls. Nice, easy living. But if you're absolutely right, easy life.
If you want something that is worth it. Right. And this applies to everything, but especially marriage.
B: Yeah.
C: It's going to be really,
really hard.
Really hard. But those are the things that are the most rewarding. And so we're just so used to the quick dopamine, the least amount of resistance that we can possibly have,
that when we look at marriage, it seems almost like an impossible task.
B: Yeah. Gosh, it's really depressing.
A: I'd like to ask you something about.
C: I know, guys, I'm really sorry to bring. Be the bear. People have conversations with me and they're like, I'm never talking to that guy again.
A: Here's. Here's my hope for this, Taylor. Tyler. Sorry. Here's my hope for this, Tyler, is that you're gonna. Some gorgeous girl in Michigan. Michigan, right. That's where you're from. Is going to see this podcast and be like, oh, my God, that's my dream man.
And they're going to message us and they're going to get us to give. Get you guys involved, and we're going to be the matchmakers in this. And that's my dream for this right now.
C: I have gorgeous women already contacted me. What do you think I'm doing?
A: But this is going to be the one, you know, your dream woman.
C: Yeah, go ahead. You guys want to play a little Cupid? I won't be mad about it. Not at all.
A: I love that. No. I wanted to ask you something about dating apps because you brought it up like Tinder,
quickly. But do you notice or is there any trend that you've seen that is if you've met on a dating app, is the rate of divorce higher or anything like that or.
Because I find that. Yeah.
C: I've never noticed the trend of dating apps or anything.
Like my brother, who I mentioned, who is super happy, he met his wife on Tinder. He super liked hers center that. That blue star, super liked her. And the rest is history.
My other brother Patrick, has been. He was in a long relationship. Seven years. He found her unhinged. I just broke up recently.
A: Wow.
C: But I don't see any correlation with how they met.
But granted, I don't know how people meet when they come into my office.
How's it get to meet?
I'm like, okay, let's let's ******* finalize this ****, right? Like,
I'm not a marriage counselor, I'm a divorce attorney, so I don't really know the origin of this story. Sometimes I ask them why they're getting divorced, but I don't really care about their love life or their love story.
It's. It's over.
B: You're at the end.
C: Yeah, it's the end of the road.
But I think if you find your wife,
you find your spouse or whoever it is that you're with on, on a dating app, I think there's absolutely no problem with that whatsoever. It's the society that we live in today.
Again, it goes back to that quick scrolling and, you know, easy fix and stuff like that. But again,
we have options now, right? And so in my opinion, if, if you're going to use dating apps, if you're going to use the traditional method of going out to the bar or meeting them in the library, whatever you got to do to make it work, you know, make it work.
Because there's a lot of people that are introverts and they don't want to be in public and,
or there's a lot of people that work 80 hours a week and they, I don't got time for that. And so how are they supposed to meet their spouse if they're not going on dating apps?
So I think just use everything that you have at your disposal,
but do not abuse. Use, but do not abuse. Because having options can, can make it really hard to settle on one and, you know.
B: Yeah, too many options. Yeah.
A: And do you have any last positive. Yeah, anything positive, Positive piece of advice for any.
C: I do have some positive pieces of advice.
You know, I, I know I talk a lot about why marriages fail. Right. And we talked a lot about why relationships aren't working or anything like that. If I could give the men and women one single thing of advice, listening to me right now, coming from a divorce attorney,
if you want a successful marriage,
you have to look at your spouse, engage their concept of unity, and that will be a good determination of how well your marriage is going to succeed.
If their concept of unity is weak, they will leave you extremely soon because when the going gets tough,
they're out of here. But if their concept of unity is strong,
they will stay with you. Right. And how do you gauge someone's concept of unity? Well, you get in fights in relationships. You don't, you know, you don't, don't get in fist fights, but you get in natural fights, arguments, and you communicate it and you work it out or you,
you talk to them about things. What do you think about that situation? What do you think about this relationship? You look at their parents relationship, are they still together?
You look at their siblings, are they still together?
What is their concept of unity? Because, and I know you were raised in a house divided and it doesn't work like this all the time. Right. You can still be a happily married person and have divorced parents, but if you are a child that is raised with parents that stayed together and then you have siblings that,
that were raised and stayed together and got married and stayed together with their wives, then your concept of unity, what you know in terms of marriage is we stay together regardless of how hard it is.
Regardless.
Yeah, regardless of how,
you know,
difficult the situation is, when you hit that low in your marriage,
you are able to get back to the high. And if you are with someone that has a weak concept of immunity, you know,
their eyes are always wandering. They, you know, they don't really value your relationship or your marriage that well, then they're going to lead you as soon as the going gets tough.
And I know that's such a hard concept to grasp. How do I know someone's concept of unity?
But just try to measure it, right? Just try to measure it before you marry that person. And if you think this person has a good sense of unity and that they're.
When the going gets tough, they're going to work together with me to get through this,
then your chances of a successful marriage are much higher. So that's that. What? I'll leave that on. That we are not hopeless.
Right. 58% of marriages end in divorce, but that means that 42 of them are successful. So try to stay optimistic.
B: Okay. No, I think that's good advice.
A: You do, Tyler. Okay. Optimistic.
C: Yeah, I will do my best. Thank you.
A: Well, thank you so much for the conversation.
If any of our audience members are potentially maybe going through divorce or thinking about divorce or they're having relationship with problems or maybe they're single and they're looking to find out maybe what do they do to get a great partner?
Maybe we'll get some of these guys to write into us. We'll have you on again. We'll do a part two.
And, you know, maybe you can answer some real questions because I think that would be really helpful for people who are going through this. They don't know really where to tune.
Maybe they are not ready for divorce and they want to know if it's worth it to stay. I think that would be amazing if you could give those people some advice.
So if you're up for that,
we
C: had a great time with you two ladies. It was a pleasure talking to you. I'd be happy to come back on and. And answer some questions. It was. It was nice meeting you two.
It really was.
B: Thank you.
A: So nice. Most of our guests absolutely have a horrible time, so really appreciate you having a great time.
C: Do you guys normally talk about relationships on your podcast or are you just talking about anything underneath the sun?
A: We typically talk about relationships, dating, and sex. So anything to do with that, we
C: didn't get to that. So next time, I know we'll have
A: to have a whole three.
C: Maybe I need a whole hour for that.
A: Yeah. Okay, good. Perfect.
So we'll definitely. We'll definitely chat with you again, Tyler, really appreciate your time, obviously,
chatting with us. And we can't wait to see you next time and can't wait for audience to listen. So awesome. Thank you.
B: Thank you so much. It's great to meet you. Bye.
A: See you soon.
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C: 3, 2, 1.
B: We do.
A: 1, 2, 3, 4.
And hello everyone and welcome back to Sharing My Truth Pod. You're here with Melon Susie. Thanks so much for tuning in with us today. We have a very, very special guest,
Tyler Bailey. Thank you so much for joining us here.
I'm a big fan and I've gotten Mel to be a big fan of his content online.
Really awesome stuff. He's a divorce lawyer.
Really great insight into men and women and why people divorce and why they get married and what maybe the problems are of relationships. I know we have a lot of people in our dms, in our comments,
always complaining to us as to why marriage and all this stuff is down the tube now.
And maybe Tyler, we're hoping you could give a little insight. So thank you so much for being here, Tyler. Really appreciate it.
C: I appreciate you guys having me on. That was a pretty good introduction right there.
A: Well, I just want to start the pod off by just allowing yourself to introduce yourself where people can find you. And how long have you been doing this lawyer thing?
C: Okay. Yeah. So my name is Tyler,
Tyler Bailey. I have been practicing law for less than a year now. Actually I'm about to reach my one year anniversary in like two weeks. So it's been a pretty fun year.
I'm located in Michigan.
Thank you, Appreciate that. I'm located in Michigan. I practice all over the state, but primarily in mid Michigan, so like Lansing area.
And you can find me on TikTok. My handle is Ty Tucker ticking.
Kind of a tongue twister. I don't know what I was thinking when I made that username.
Could have done a lot better on that one, but. And then my Instagram is Tyler Bailey, 24.
A: Perfect. Awesome. Well, really appreciate you being here.
I, I've, I've been a fan of your content because my mom was actually a divorce lawyer,
so I really grew up in the idea of that and I, I have a huge amount of respect for what you guys do and I think marriage is a really big contention right now, especially like with millennials and Gen Z,
because I think what we're hearing a lot of the time is,
you know, over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Right. And so obviously that's keeping you very busy and well stacked, but it's not great for the, for society. So is that accurate?
And like,
are, are millennials more getting divorced right now or is it more Gen X? Like, what are you seeing right now?
C: Oh man. I mean I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it seems like we're all kind of doomed regardless of what generation that you're in.
You're right about, like, the 50 percentile. It's a little higher than that. It's like around the 58 percentile, people getting divorced. But it's very circumstantial. Those numbers are just a collection of everyone getting divorced.
But there are things that give you a better chance at success in marriage. Like if your parents are still together,
you have a greater chance of having a successful marriage. And there's a lot of psychological reasons behind that.
If you are educated,
you have a better chance of having a successful marriage. Your location matters. People in California get. Get divorced a lot more frequently than people may be in, like, a small town in Michigan.
So it's very circumstantial.
The number is quite high and it is getting higher.
People are getting married less and less, too.
So it's becoming a little more unpopular. But still a lot of people getting married. Business is still booming.
In terms of generations, you know, crazy is I've. I've seen every single generation get divorced. I've had, you know, even generations younger than me. I'm 30 years old.
I've had clients that are 21 that have been married for less than six months get a divorce.
And I've also. I just recently got retained by someone that was 85 years old and they've been married for over 50 years.
So obviously those people are getting divorced very frequently. Right. I don't see that too often. I would say the people that I see the most are from the ages of 30 to 50 is probably the most common age.
But I think it's not really a generational.
I think it's just an age thing. That's kind of the timeframe in your life that people are being divorced.
A: Right. Is it.
B: Sorry, is it mostly women or men who are instigating it?
A: Do you see that?
C: That's a great question.
Instigating is a interesting word to choose because instigating can mean.
Yeah, it is. It is interesting because instigating can mean filing, right?
Like the actual act of putting the divorce paperwork into the system. And filing for divorce or instigating can mean this is your fault that the marriage is falling apart. I have to file,
so.
Right,
right. So to answer,
who's filing most is women by a long shot.
Like 90% of divorces are filed by women.
And if you are a woman with a college degree, that number jumps up to about 99%.
So most divorces are getting filed by women. There's a lot of reasons that that. That occurs. It's not just because women are spiteful and they're the ones that want to get divorced.
It's. I mean, that could be part of it.
I think a big reason why women are filed most often is because this is just my opinion, and I've made content about this before, is that I think women are finding a necessity with men less and less.
Right. There used to be a sort of idea that women needed men to survive, basically needed them for financial support. You needed them for just physical protection, a roof over your head and things like that.
And women are becoming more and more independent and they're making more money and they have a lot more things that they're. They have access to. And so they're. They're realizing that there's less of a need for these men.
And so it's leading to them to file. You know, I make the money, I cook, I clean, I take care of the children.
Why. Why do I need this guy? You know, what is the point?
Meanwhile, a man, his perspective is, you know, I provide for my family,
financial support. But most often the woman is the one that's keeping the house afloat, right? It's the one. She's cooking, she's cleaning, she's taking care of the children. She's doing all the little things that basically make your marriage and your family sustain and together.
And so that's why men are filing less and less, is because if I file,
that all goes away. Who's going to help take care of my kids, who's going to help cook, who's going to help clean, who's. All that type of stuff. And so women are finding men less useful and less of a necessity.
And men still have that same need that they always have had.
Another reason why I think that the number is so high is just because men,
and I'm sorry to all, all of your male listeners. I don't know how many male listeners you have.
A: We have more male listeners than female. Just letting you know.
C: All right, well, I'm sorry if I seem a little biase bias or if I seem like I'm favoring the women. I'm just telling you what my thoughts are and what the numbers are.
Men,
and I'll try to say this nicely so you guys don't get so offended,
are a little less in. They're a little less capable of filing. And what I mean by that is they don't take the initiative too often. I know a lot of men that are incapable of even scheduling their own dentist appointment, let alone filing for ******* divorce.
And so that complication,
that extra layer,
that headache that's. That's giving them, they're just like it. I'm just not going to file. I'm just going to cheat, right? Or if I'm unhappy, I'm just going to find the mistress or something like that.
And then if she finds out, whatever, **** it, she'll file, and then I don't have to deal with it. So there's a lot of that going around. The numbers are extremely high.
90% is an extremely high number.
And you know, what is the cause of that number?
That's just my speculation is what I, what I just said, you know,
so
A: when this is happening,
because we hear a lot about this, and I'm sure you hear a lot about it, too. But, you know, men say,
don't get married because she's gonna take half,
right? And I think that's kind of a theme of, like, men not wanting to get married anymore,
women being like, I'm making my own money anyways. Like, I don't need your money really anymore. Like,
so we have this weird standoff.
But is that still true, even though the women are still making money? Let's say, are they still taking half of men's money when they are getting divorced? Or how does that usually happen?
C: Yeah, I think I get what you're saying. So they're going to take half. Someone is going to take half, right? It's not necessarily. The woman is going to take half of what you make or what you've earned as a man.
It is going to be looked at in whole. So she's going to take half of whatever you guys have accumulated throughout your marriage.
Now, if she is,
let's say, you know, your total assets, we're just going to use round numbers, totals out to be a hundred thousand dollars. And she's a. And she's responsible for,
you know,
more than half of that, let's say $60,000,
right?
Then she's going to be taking some of her money. So regardless of who's making the most money, the marital pot is the marital pot. If you're making more money than me, I'm going to get half of what we had.
If I'm making more money than you, you're going to get half of what we had. So it doesn't really matter who's making more money.
In terms of a division of assets, you're going to get half of It.
B: Well, yeah, because that's interesting you say that because in the comments that we get from our male listeners, it's all about there's no point getting married because she's just going to take you to the cleaners and she's going to take all your money and you're like, well,
it's not really.
That's not the case today. The point is so many women are working and in many cases making more.
So it's not the case. It's just this almost this urban myth that people still think that's the case or we hear a lot because we're based in Canada,
but we have a huge following.
Most of our listeners are in the US and they also talk a lot about child support, like, don't get married because she'll just say you're the daddy kind of thing and then just take you for your child support.
And you're like, is this really happening in the United States that people are just saying you're the daddy and you can.
And going after this guy for child support?
A: I mean, have to get a genetic testing anyways? Like, I think that's also a problem in the US we're not hearing that as much in Canada.
B: Yeah, we don't hear about that.
A: But like, we're hearing this a lot online where men are like, afraid that it's not their child and they still have to play child support support for it.
Have you seen this? Yeah.
C: Yes. Yes, I have seen this. And there's a lot of things to unpack with what you guys just said right there. So I've seen both ends of this story. Right. I just had a case get settled a couple weeks ago where my client was the female and she paid the man a substantial amount of money.
I mean, I'm talking in the millions of dollars. Right. And that was because she earned a substantial amount of money during their marriage. Right. And he was earning money, too.
But the grand scheme of things is she earned a lot more than he did. And so the end, the end result was her having to pay the her spouse out.
Now, granted, that is a rare circumstance. It happens more often than it used to.
What I see more often is a man getting taken to the cleaners. And there's a lot of reasons why that's right.
What most often happens in these circumstances and why men are so scared. And I totally get why they're scared because I'm 30, I'm single, I have no girlfriend, no kids, no wife, no nothing.
And part of it is because of what I've witnessed in the last year in practicing law. And men can definitely get the short end of the stick. And here's why.
Because a lot of times we still follow those traditional values of marriage. A man working in the woman, not working, her being the Betty Crocker is what we like to call them.
The woman is taking care of the children and she's more involved in their. Yeah, the more she's more involved in their day to day lives. And so when you're going a child custody dispute,
right? A judge is looking at the best interests of the children and she's saying she or he. I deal with mostly female judges, so I say she when I reference a judge, but she or he is looking at it and she's saying okay, so mom is with the kids all day long.
The kids have familiarity with mom. She knows the doctor, she knows the teachers, she knows their schedules. The kids confy a mom. They have more,
they feel like safe with mom. She is more involved in the children's life. Meanwhile dad, dad is out working his *** off to provide for the family, right? And that matters too.
But it matters less in child custody proceedings, right? And so the judge is going to see a woman that has more familiarity with her children, that is more used to taking care of these kids.
And the guy that's working his *** off to just provide for his family is going to get knocked severely because of that.
Just because of the day to day involvement. It's a huge factor in child custody disputes. And so there's guy is sitting here, he's like, I work 60, 70, 80 hours a day just to provide for my family.
A lot of blue collar people I represent, they're working hard,
really hard and they simply get the short end of the stick because they just do not have availability. Right. Even though they get divorced, they still got to work 80 hours a week, right.
How are you going to take care of children when you don't have a wife anymore? How are you going to be familiar with your day to day lives when you haven't done it before?
And so it's always just a constant uphill battle for men when they're in those sort of circumstances.
And women kind of get preference because it's just, it's just a natural course of living. They're just naturally going to be the ones providing those day to day needs.
And so if you're a man listening to this and you are concerned about losing your children, you're concerned about a custody dispute,
try to get more involved with your children.
I know it sounds so simple. But read them bedtime stories, take them to their doctor's appointments, know every single intricacy of their life.
So when the custody dispute comes about,
you know, you can seem like you're, yeah, I'm working, I'm providing. I can financially support them. I can buy a roof over their head. But I also am ute to taking care of these children.
And so that's kind of where they get knocked. And in terms of the genetic testing, I just had a case actually come about. I haven't. We have a hearing in a couple of weeks regarding it.
But if you. This is how it works in Michigan. And so I'm going. Going to speak of the loss in Michigan. But if you have a child and, and you are married to someone,
you are presumed to be the father, right? There's no genetic testing that needs to be done. If you are not the father,
say your wife cheats on you and okay.
And,
you know, I got a white wife and I'm a white dude, and that baby comes out black,
that, that kid is still presumed to be my child legally, which is pretty insane.
And I've, and I've seen this happen before. Now, the opposite end of that is, okay, well, what if you're not married? And this is happening very commonly, right? People are getting married less and less.
They don't find comfort in it. But regardless, I have job security. Because even though people are going to stop getting married, they're always going to continue having children. They're always, I would say people may stop getting married, but they're going to keep up.
And if that's going to be the case,
I'm going to have business. Right? And so where these guys get screwed over in terms of child custody is they're not there when the child is born.
Be there when your child is born. Sign the affidavit.
Yes,
born. Sign the affidavit of parentage, confirming you are the father. And then everything else in the future, if you have to deal with a custody dispute, you don't need to worry about it.
You don't need to get genetic testing. You don't need to get fraternity.
And if you are the dad and you think that kid is not mine,
then that's when you want to get the genetic test.
So it goes back and forth. There's a lot of loopholes. There's a lot that goes into it. If you're married, you're presumed to be the father. If you're not married, make sure you sign an affidavit of parentage.
B: Okay, that makes a lot of sense.
A: That's so crazy. Like, yeah, because like guys who maybe would question it,
they should just get a genetic test on their own. Can't they just do that? If they really were confused about it
C: or concerned they could,
they could get a genetic test on their own when they're in the good graces of their spouse.
But when you have a spouse that has a child already and they're like, I hate that ******* guy, I don't want anything to do with him, I don't want him near my child,
then that genetic test gets a lot harder because why is she going to give up a child that he has no right to? Right?
Say you say you're not married, right? And you get someone pregnant and you're not there to sign the affidavit of parentage, but you know that that kid is yours, you have no rights.
That woman can leave with your child and go to a different country if she wants to. And there's nothing that you can do about it. So make sure you are there when your child is born.
A: Wow.
B: Yeah. I mean it's, it's interesting what you say like, about like men can really get sort of basically screwed over about this. And I do understand that point of view.
But when you're saying, let's say the man is in full time work and he's the financial provider and the woman is the stay at home mother and she is the provider of all the childcare, therefore she cannot work,
that is going to assume if you get divorced,
obviously if she remains the full time carer, then obviously he's going to have to provide the income because that's what was going on,
going on before. And I think there doesn't seem to be an understanding of that. And I think from also from the male point of view that a lot of women will stay with men.
I say this, I mean, I've been married for 25 years, but my parents were divorced and they were a classic story of being married for 20 years. And then my dad ran off with a younger woman.
My mother was there the whole time. And then basically he wanted to not give her anything. Right? So that does happen a lot also where women are there, they're building the life with the man.
They are the carer of the home and the plans and the children and the social calendar and managing everybody's life.
They're with this man for 20, 25 years.
That man turns around and you know, this is a common story. He cheats.
She is not the way she looked 25 years ago because she's 25 years older. He would like to have a new model.
And then she hasn't been working for 25 years.
What exactly are you supposed to do now? I'm not in any way saying that men, that men don't get screwed over at all. They do, but women do too. This is a two way story.
A: Is the way to just stop it all. You just,
like a lot of these guys in our comms are saying, just stop it all and just don't get married. Is that what we're gonna do from now on? It's just like people are just gonna stop getting together.
C: I hope not. You know, I'm scre.
But it's gonna work.
I, I don't know the answer to that. I don't have a solution to all these problems that we have within our society. When it comes to marriage. There's a huge,
huge wave of distrust with people. You know, people. I think social media has played a huge role in what's going on with people getting married, right? They just see a greener side.
They see a woman that they think is more pretty and they're like, well, why would I settle down with this woman? Or, or they see someone living this luxurious life and I don't live that life.
Or from a woman's perspective, you know,
this guy's a hunk and he does this for his wife. It's just constant comparison, right? And comparison is the thief of happiness.
And so people are just never ever happy. I think the best way,
and this is going to sound kind of crazy, but I've thought about this a lot.
The best way to solidify your marriage is to have a prenup.
And not everyone needs a prenup. If you have no assets, you don't need a prenup. Right? If you, if you're worth nothing, you don't need a prenup. But if you're worth something and you can get an attorney that can draft a real good prenup, I think,
you know, people think like if you draft a prenup, it's a bad way to go into a marriage because it's basically saying, oh, well, you're expecting to get divorced. No, it's not saying that.
It's saying that if you do divorce, I mean, this is what's going to happen.
And a lot of times people will get divorced because it's an easy way out. And they know they're going to get that 50, 50 cut and they're going to be Just fine.
They're going to get some financial benefit from it or something like that. But if you go into the marriage and you know that there's a prenuptial agreement, if you go into the marriage and you know that if I leave this man, if I leave this woman, I'm not necessarily going to get a fair deal because I signed this prenup years,
years and years ago.
That sort of induces people to stay together longer. Right. Because there's one thing that is inevitable in your marriage, and you've been married for 25 years. I'm sure you can attest to this.
I have zero years underneath my belt. But this is just what I assume is that there is going to be a point in your time where you're like, I want to divorce this guy's ***, or I want to leave this guy's ***, or this guy sucks, or it's just,
you guys are gonna butt heads. 25 years is a long time to be with someone. There's going to be highs and lows. That's how marriage works. And a lot times people get to.
A: She knows all about that.
B: I know all about that.
C: Yeah, right. And a lot of times people get to this low and they leave. They get to that first low and they're like, wait, my marriage isn't perfect. This guy isn't perfect.
This guy isn't what he was doing a year or two ago before this guy made a minor mess up or something like that. And they don't see it through.
And so if you do have a prenuptial agreement between the two of you, it just, it strengthens that unity.
It makes it so you persevere through the hard times.
B: Yeah, I mean, I would agree with that. Like, you do have to persevere. A lot of people give up at the first sign of trouble, which could be a lot of different things.
And there are stresses in life, finances, and all sorts of things that cause stress.
Your intimate relationship, all kind of things that change over the years. But in terms of a prenuptial agreement,
which is different from country to country, I know that that's a sort of very US centric kind of idea. Like, you know, I'm from the uk, you can't actually have a prenuptial agreement in England.
But.
Yeah, but what happens if, like, in my case, I got married, I was 28, my husband was 27. And you make your wealth together during the marriage. So neither of you came in with anything, which is.
A lot of people do that. They don't come in with much and they work and they build something together during the marriage. So how do you have a prenuptial agreement for something that may happen or may not happen?
C: Well, this is possible. And it's not a prenuptial agreement. It's a post nuptial agreement. Right.
B: Okay.
C: So there's two different types of agreement. Prenups are for before the marriage. Postnups are after the marriage. Postnups are less common than prenups, but still are drafted all the time. And so if you're one of these couples that are developing a crazy amount of wealth, maybe you started a business with each other or maybe you didn't start a business with each other.
With each other. Maybe one of the spouses started a business during the course of the marriage and you don't have this prenuptial agreement. You can always get a post nuptial agreement.
And I don't know how it is in every single country. I don't know how it is in every single state.
I do know in Michigan that post nuptial agreements are allowed. And I would imagine in most states that they are. And so that's how you protect yourself.
A: Yeah, I was. And I'm so happy you brought up prenups because I think a lot of.
And this is just a well known fact, like the richest women in the world are rich because of their divorces.
And you know, this is true.
B: I was just crazy or inheritance or.
A: Yeah. Something that they. And obviously there's a lot of reasons for that. You know, like Melinda Gates,
25 billion. Mackenzie Scott, who's Amazon's divorce, a 38 billion. And in Canada, I don't know if you know who Chip Wilson is. He's these like, used to be CEO of Lululemon.
He's a very Canadian sort of billionaire celebrity,
but he's getting a divorce. They do not have a prenup. So I think it's very interesting to see these women who are.
And I don't think they're meaning to get rich off of their husband who they have been married to for.
B: They built 20 plus years.
A: Exactly. And I think there is a huge issue with a lot of men saying,
oh, this is his money. Right. Like, where it's like, okay, but she has been there for when he wasn't a billionaire. Like, she was there when he was just a little guy doing business and trying to make something of himself.
B: Yeah.
A: And she was there for the whole thing. And like, what are you gonna sue her for trying, like getting out, like probably he wants to probably move on too.
B: Yeah. But also as a wife, is what I was saying before,
if you are a stay at. It doesn't even matter if you're a stay at home. Even I think about all the stuff I do. It's like you are the person allowing that man to go out and make the money because you're at home picking up the kids, you're going to every single appointment,
you're doing all this stuff which frees the man up to.
C: Absolutely.
B: That frees up the man to go and do that. So this idea, like you think of Melinda Gates, who obviously we do not know, but like, you know,
she is the person who was the solid person that allowed him to go out and do it. Like, if there's nobody at home looking after the kingdom at home, how does he build the kingdom outside?
And that is a really important thing to understand, like, to value.
And I do fully understand that a lot of women are not necessarily doing this, but the women that have done this, they've built the fortune. They haven't necessarily directly been at the job and the company, the business,
but they've been protecting, building, nurturing something to allow that man to go out and do that.
And I like, for example, all the many hundreds and thousands of comments we get. We'd love to answer them and say,
this is like you said at the beginning, this is circumstantial.
Every situation, every divorce is different. And maybe some women and some men haven't done this and some haven't, but there needs to be a little bit more of, I think, an understanding of that.
A: But if they had a post op would have been fine.
B: Yeah, that's true.
C: Depending how well, depending how well drafted that post op was and depending on what's occurred since the postnup has been drafted. But no, you, you bring up a great point. There's a lot of ego that gets involved with finances.
Right. I make all this money, I pay all the bills, all that **** is mine. And it goes both ways. Men and women are both like that. I've represented super powerful women that make a bunch of money and they're actually more reluctant to give money away than men are.
B: Surprised me. Yeah.
C: Which, yeah. Which, you know, kind of is. Was a little surprising to me when I first started practicing. It's just what they have to have an understanding of when you go into marriage is that you.
This is a partnership, right.
And every single dollar that you make, he or she is making 50 cents of that dollar as well, regardless if she's the one that's actually doing the work. And so you need to set your ego aside and have an understanding that yes, I am the one going into work,
but I would never be able to go into work if my wife was not home taking care of all of my children or taking care of whatever she needs to take care of.
And if, even if she's not doing,
even if she's staying at home and you guys got no kids and she's just sitting there eating potato chips, picking her *** all day long,
it doesn't matter,
right? It does not matter.
She is going to get 50% of the **** that you get. So you better pick a good one that's actually going to help you out. And so you got to set your ego aside and it goes to the men and women.
But I,
men are more willing to give their ex wife, soon to be ex wife, a settlement that's going to put her in a place where she is not completely screwed over, where she is safe, where she is still able to afford a home.
But a woman, on the other hand, if she's the one that's a breadwinner, if she's the one that is making a substantial amount of money and let's say Joe Schmo is just some lazy piece of **** that doesn't do anything,
she is way less willing to give any of that pay away.
And there's a lot of things that can, that can be as a result of that.
And so I've seen some women do some insane things to men where, to the point where they're basically **** near homeless. And I haven't really seen men as spiteful like that.
A woman in a divorce is way more malicious than a man is in a divorce.
A woman needs.
My, my role as a, as a attorney for a woman is more therapeutic. It's more guidance. It's more settling down like, no, I'm not going to kill your husband. We are just getting a divorce.
A man, on the other hand, is kind of, he needs a babysitter a little bit. He needs someone to hold his hand,
guide him through it. It's emotionally extremely damaging for him. But it is very rare that a man wants to attack his wife to the point where she is just completely ruined.
B: Yeah, no, no, I would agree with that.
A: No one wants to give up their money less than a woman who's the breadwinner in a marriage.
B: Like the way, the way to destroy a man is money. And that's what women do. And yes, they are spiteful by nature. And men are not.
A: Well, it's funny, like, I've. I have not seen so many women who like. And Mel, I think, has a lot of her friends experience too, where it's like, there's so many women out there who make way more than their husbands, and they are the breadwinners, and they are so resentful of that piece,
even though they were completely aware of what's going on.
Right. Like, they see that these men aren't working and their house husbands or whatever they might be.
And we keep on seeing time and time again from our perspectives that this kind of relationship does not work that Right.
B: And I've seen so many. I mean, so many.
A: The women being the Bren winner. Yeah, it doesn't work. It. There's way too much resentment that comes with it.
So obviously that's what you've seen as well.
And is it just like, men do not date a woman or marry a woman who makes more than you? And is it telling women, do not date a man who just refuses to work?
Or like,
is that even. Is that ever gonna. Is it ever gonna work? I doubt it.
C: But it's definitely. You are definitely more likely to have a successful marriage if you marry someone on the same social status as you.
If you marry someone that's making similar amounts of money towards you, because then you have no reason to be spiteful. Especially if you're a woman making cuckoo bucks and you get this guy that doesn't do anything and doesn't make any money.
Now, I know those relationships happen all the time.
I think that those relationships are more likely to fail than any other relationship out there.
Numerous reasons for that. But you know, you got to think about the woman that's making all these buku bucks. And then there's the stay at home dad.
Even if she is the breadwinner, I guarantee you she's going home and being nurturing and still being a mother. And it's just. It's just in your guys's instinct you have to do that.
And the guy, on the other hand, if he's the breadwinner,
his point of view is that my job is done here. Right? The woman will just keep going and just keep going. I'll go. I'll work for nine hours. I'll go home and I'll breastfeed and I'll take care of the kids.
I'll pack their lunches for school the next day. I'll even make my useless husband dinner too, while we're at it. But the guy is just not like, that. So if you are a guy in this position, you have to create value for yourself.
And how do you do that?
Go find a job. Go do something. Clean the house, take care of the children, Go the extra mile. Be complimentative,
be nice, be romantic, be all these types of things. But what you cannot be is a ***. And I have seen so many bumps, it is embarrassing. I mean, that's one of the most alarming things that I've noticed in my practice is how useless and pathetic these men are that I'm dealing with.
Get off your *** and go to work.
Get off your *** and take care of your children.
Love your wife, hug her, kiss her, have sex with your wife. Don't go have sex with somebody else because you're bored and you're. And your wife is at work,
ton of money.
When she comes home,
take care of her, or she is going to lead your ***.
And. And again, if she leaves your ***, he's still gonna get 50% of what she got. So that's why the.
That's why the relationship of a marriage is so toxic, because it is the most unfair contractual obligation that I have ever seen in my life. Right. I'm. I'm a lawyer.
I went to. I went to law school. I've read a lot of contracts in my day. Um, I took contracts class one and two. So a year of my life was just dedicated to contracts.
There is not a more unfair contract than a marriage contract. It is the only one that is in perpetuity that you can never, ever get out of. And it's just.
I think.
I think people are understanding how unfair it truly is to get into marriage, and so they're shying away from it.
B: Yeah. Yeah. I feel like men want to do the work.
A: Yeah, well, men,
it's.
You can't make a man do something he doesn't want to do.
Like,
men are extremely difficult to like. And especially women don't want it. We don't want a nag. Women do it because we don't want to see a man sitting on his *** or whatever, and we don't want to tell him to take out the trash.
But if he isn't doing it, then, yeah, you have to tell him to do it. So it's. But it is very hard because then they're like, oh, my wife nags me.
Why do I want to. I don't want to have sex with her. I want to go have sex with the hot secretary at my office instead. Because she doesn't nag me.
Not yet, anyways.
But so there's just these things, like, there. I find it very interesting. Like, men do not see the future like some women do.
Like, men can't see what their life would be like if they chose to actually help out their wife with the kids or with. Like. That is the problem. I find that, like,
I have no
C: idea how we've gotten here as a society. I don't know how men got to this point. I'm not gonna lie. And I don't want to put all the blame on men because it's not.
It's not the case. The reason why I am so hard on men is because I am a man myself, right? And so I can put things into my. Into perspective.
And I've seen how my dad acts, and I've seen my brothers unmarried, and I see how they act in their marriage.
I know what a good marriage looks like, right?
And I get into divorce law and I just see this infestation of men that are simply pathetic. Now, granted, I'm seeing a very select pool of people, right? They're getting divorced.
There's a reason why they're getting divorced. It's because they're so pathetic. And I know there are a lot of great men out there,
but there has been just a poisoning in our minds as a society. And it's the cheating, it's the complacency, it's the. The laziness. It's the.
It's the just not be. Not existing in your marriage, you know, not being present with your wife, with your children,
just being on your phone and scrolling and the gambling and the drug addiction and the alcohol addiction, it has got to stop or our entire society is just going to fall apart.
And the crux of our society is marriage. That is what's kept us together, right? Unity,
strength, and an organization giving us a goal to work for. If we're all just single and we're just each other and we're just running around like maniacs,
our society will fall apart eventually, right? We're not meant to be like that. We're supposed not to be controlled, but we're supposed to have purpose in our life, not just gamble and booze and sex and all that kind of stuff.
And it's just.
It is the most disappointing thing I've ever experienced in my life, to be honest.
A: Wow. So do you think you will get married?
C: I do not think I will get married, no.
A: So you're part of the problem.
C: Wow. So you said.
B: You said you know what a happy marriage looks like. So what Does a happy mar. I know what a happy marriage looks like, but what do you think a happy marriage is?
C: So like, I look at my brother, right? My parents are actually going through divorce right now. So they're actually not a good example of starting that.
They were a happy marriage for a long time.
I look at my brothers. His, his name's Matt. He's a divorce attorney as well. He has a wife that is extremely supportive. He had. He's extremely supportive of her. They've learned so much from each other, right?
She has learned from him and I and some of his personality has bled into hers and some of her personality has bled in him. Matt is more extroverted now because of her and she is more reasonable, right?
And she's more sound of mind because of him. They have a daughter who is the most beautiful girl in the world and they cherish her so much. They're so involved in her life that she's everything to them.
They do a bunch of things together and they fight, but they fight and they talk about it. They fight and they don't do it in front of me. They don't do it in the, in front of the public.
They don't bash each other to their friends or anything like that. But they do fight, but they resolve it,
right? So there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. And I'm sure there's a bunch of things that happen to close doors that I don't know anything about. And he's my brother and she's my sister in law, but they resolve their conflict and they're okay with having uncomfortable conversations and they grow together and they work on things together and she makes a lot of money and she.
And then my brother makes even more money and they, and but they coexist well together, right? There's. There's a dependency for the both of them. They both need each other to thrive and survive.
And you know, that's my best example of a marriage.
I don't know what a perfect marriage looks like. I got an uncle that met his high school sweetheart when they were 14 and you know,
they,
they bake her all the time. But they love each other and I know that they love each other because my aunt obsessed with her. If he's not with my aunt for longer than a day,
he is not himself. He is moody. He complains,
you know what doing. He's looking at her phone. He's looking at her phone. Oh, she's doing this like.
I know what it looks like. I know I would look for in A wife.
Right. I know things that I can look for in a spouse that will increase my chances of having a successful marriage. Right. But I'm talking strictly numbers here. I'm saying increase my chances.
Like. Like marriage is some gambling game or something like that. Like, I'm about to play roulette.
And I'm not a gambling man. Right. I don't gamble. I don't support Gable. I don't go to the casino. I mean, I do sometimes with my friends on a bachelor party, but I'm not a gambling man.
But I am an extremely analytical person.
Right.
I'm not a pessimist. I'm not an optimist. I'm a realist. And I know how hard marriage is. Even with all of the knowledge that I have, even with all this information that I'm learning just in one year of practicing law,
I still, still know how hard it is to get married. I know for a fact that it is more unlikely than likely that I'm going to. It is more unlikely than likely that I'm going to have a successful marriage, and it just, it deters me a lot.
A: Yeah, it's. I, I. Because I. We're very similar age. You said you're 30. I'm 31.
So I. A lot of my friends are single women.
Um, and I have a lot of friends who are single men, but,
like, they're older. I like older guy friends who are getting through the divorce or going through, like, should be getting divorced.
Um,
and it's very telling because I think a lot of the women that are my age who aren't, who aren't in that beautiful relationship already,
I can't see them getting into a relationship now, which is insane because I don't know what it is. There is just an attitude that women,
what women are looking for, their expectations now are beyond, in my opinion, and
C: they're looking for 1%. And if you're not, it's insane.
A: Yeah. And they don't want to do anything for that. Right. Like, they are like, well, I'm great,
so I. That's what I deserve. And it's like, no, no, you still have to.
You still have to work for whatever you're doing. Like,
it's just. This is just being unreasonable right now.
C: So most of the time, they're not as great as they think they are. You know, there's a, there's a huge.
There's inflation of people's minds and thinking of how great they are. The women want the top 1%,
and the men want you Know everything underneath the sun, you know, so it's hard to find any common ground. Another thing that I see why relationships fall apart is the expectations are insane.
Insane. It is, it is mere perfection. You know, I've had people come into my office and I like to ask them, why, why are you doing this? Why are you getting a divorce?
You might be thought about reconciliation or anything like that. Have you tried marriage counseling? Oh, well, he just ****** me off.
He just annoys me.
Well,
he annoys you and ****** you off. Well, you got three ******* kids with him that are five years old, right? So you're supposed to work through these types of things.
And I get it. Joe Schmo is Joe Schmo, right? And you want him to be Mr. Wonderful and perfect, but he's not. And neither are you, sweetheart. You're far from perfect.
And so you're expecting 100% out of this man. And, and a lot of the times a man can't even give himself 100.
You know, I'm single. I, I,
my only stresses in my life are myself and my job and, like my family and stuff like that. But it's just normal. Like, my life is not crazy stressful. Besides, my job is stressful as, but that's another thing to talk about.
But even then,
I still cannot give myself 100.
I have days where I am right?
I have days where I wake up in bed, I'm just like this, you know, I can't do it. Or,
or I have something that I don't necessarily. Nobody is ever 100.
And these.
You are human. Exactly. And the same thing applies in marriage. You are human. You will make mistakes. You will have C minus days, and you will have A plus days, and it'll go up and it'll go down.
But the women that think that you will always be A plus, that you will always be Prince Charles, that you will always be perfect,
those are the ones that have this false reality and will never be happy.
B: Yeah, I mean, I agree. I mean, I think that's a sort of narrative at the moment, I mean, particularly millennial women and younger women, is that they've been fed this idea that they're it, that they're,
that they're the best, that they're worth it and no, nobody on the planet is worth anything unless you, you work for it. I mean, you're not worth it by just being you.
You know, you have to achieve something, do something,
strive towards something.
And this continuous, like, wanting perfection from somebody is, like you said, is just ridiculous. And you actually, if you're in a marriage, you have to love somebody at. When they are like ******* you off, when they are not.
When they are having the C minus days is. That's exactly it. They still have to be the person that you love, the person you want to be with.
And that's really, really important. And over a long period of time you see a lot of C minus days from yourself and from them.
And the thing I would also say is that I see a lot of problems in marriages of all ages is people in competition with each other. Men and women who are competing,
um, they're not a team. They compete, they compete about their jobs, they compete about the children, they compete about everything.
And this is something that I've never done in my marriage. We decided very early on like what are you competing for? You're a team going for a goal.
So work together and go for that goal. Don't compete to try and get to it. But there seems to be, I don't know if that's modern society. Like people are.
A: Well, cause you say that there's a lot of women and I don't know women who do this, but I don't know a lot of women who are married. But there's a lot of women in their marriages who will be like, I'm only doing my laundry, he's going to do his.
And it's like so many times, yo girl.
C: Like you don't know a lot of women that are married. Where are you, where are you from? Where do you live?
A: We live in Toronto. So it's city, big city. I have, I have some friends who are married.
B: But your age then? My age, I'm 53 so I know a lot of people who are married. But you know, that's because of an age thing. I just think people are getting married in Toronto.
The average age.
Oh in big cities is just so
A: like of course there's some people getting married but like the majority of my friends, my girlfriends are not married.
I obviously have other friends who are in long term relationships.
Maybe they're not going to get married, maybe they'll just,
they'll skip marriage, go straight to kids.
I think just there is,
there is a trend happening of people not getting together which I don't agree with. You know, Gen Z's are having less sex than ever than any other generation.
So that's a huge problem.
We want everyone to start having sex and having babies again because otherwise society as the thing you love to say is going to collapse. So hopefully not but, you know, we have to somewhat,
I don't know if it's like the government has to figure it out, how do we get people to want to get together?
Right.
C: Society need to figure it out. Right. And if you're in a,
I mean, that sounds, it's a lot easier said than done. And if you are in a city,
I get it, it's hard, you know, there's a lot of options there that your eyes are constantly wandering. I am from a very small town, very small town.
And so most of the people that I associate with are married or have kids or are buying homes.
But if you live in a city, that is not the culture.
And I, I, I've mentioned this earlier in the podcast, but honestly, social media has ruined our perception of, of reality, our perception of love, our perception of unity, our perception of marriage.
There has been a blanket of ego put all across the world, and it has just distorted how we look at love and everything like that. And I think,
you know, there needs to be worldwide humility,
expression of just being humble and recognizing imperfections and loving imperfections and accepting those imperfections instead of being just some egotistical maniac and expecting perfection out of everyone, expecting your life to be perfect,
expecting your husband to be in that top, top 1%.
You know, there's only so many of the top 1%, and if everyone's going after the top 1%,
then the other 99% is totally.
And if they, if they're screwed and we're not making babies and we're not having marriages and we're not having families, and our society is just going to keep going down like that, slowly and gradually.
B: Yeah,
it's illogical, but I mean, like you said earlier that, you know, you've seen obviously what you do for work, you've seen the really bad side of it, and so that's negatively impacting you because you're saying, oh, my God.
I, I don't know if it's even possible,
but what I would say to
C: you,
I, I used to be, I used to be like, really into marriage and want the family and want the kids.
I used to love that thought. And like, that used to be what, what drove me to be honest, because that's how my, I was raised. That was the culture that I grew up in.
And I, I had lost that love definitely in the last year or so.
B: But.
Yeah, but don't you think that, I mean, one thing I would say you said earlier is absolutely, you have to choose wisely when you choose your partner from A male and a female point of view, you have to choose wisely, you have to be smart,
and, you know, you have to think about what you're choosing right from the beginning.
And you have to have common values, shared values, wanting to go in the same direction. Things will change, but generically, that it's really important.
But the thing is about marriage or when you have a good relationship, when it's good, it's really good. And even when there are ups and downs, like, I can't imagine my life not being married.
I have two children, I've had. I have a successful marriage. I didn't come from a happy home, but I've managed to make a very happy marriage.
And so my argument would be, yes, I know it's difficult and you have to put a lot of work in and you have to keep going and keep talking and keep communicating.
But if it's good, it's really good. So why not try and find,
Find,
find that? Why? Like, I understand, if you're on your own,
it's kind of easier. You're not going to get hurt. You're not going to possibly have to deal with divorce. I get that.
But your life will be exponentially better if you find that person.
If you find. I understand, that's not easy. But if you. Your life. So why not strive for the best possible life you can have?
And I say this to you, but to anybody. What's that?
C: You already answered it right there, right? It's not easy. It's hard. There's a lot of risk involved.
We as a society.
I know, but we as a society, we don't like.
We don't like things to be hard,
right? We like it to be easy. Think about even our entertainment, right? We, we love TikTok because we like scrolling. And it's nice and easy. There's not much resistance. It's 10 seconds, 5 seconds, and then dopamine, dopamine, dopamine.
But if you wanted to entertain yourself with maybe a movie that's two hours long, that's a little more resistance, you got to work a little harder, right? To find that sort of entertainment value.
You want to read a book.
Holy ****. That's a whole lot of resistance. And so we're so.
We're so used and susceptible to just that easy fix of just scrolling. The same thing goes with marriage, right?
Well, why would I want to do that if it's so hard? I can just go on Tinder and find a random chick every single week and her. And be by myself and, And I don't have to worry about that.
We don't want the resistance. We don't want it.
We always shy away from the resistance.
And so we just go back to the quick little scrolls. Nice, easy living. But if you're absolutely right, easy life.
If you want something that is worth it. Right. And this applies to everything, but especially marriage.
B: Yeah.
C: It's going to be really,
really hard.
Really hard. But those are the things that are the most rewarding. And so we're just so used to the quick dopamine, the least amount of resistance that we can possibly have,
that when we look at marriage, it seems almost like an impossible task.
B: Yeah. Gosh, it's really depressing.
A: I'd like to ask you something about.
C: I know, guys, I'm really sorry to bring. Be the bear. People have conversations with me and they're like, I'm never talking to that guy again.
A: Here's. Here's my hope for this, Taylor. Tyler. Sorry. Here's my hope for this, Tyler, is that you're gonna. Some gorgeous girl in Michigan. Michigan, right. That's where you're from. Is going to see this podcast and be like, oh, my God, that's my dream man.
And they're going to message us and they're going to get us to give. Get you guys involved, and we're going to be the matchmakers in this. And that's my dream for this right now.
C: I have gorgeous women already contacted me. What do you think I'm doing?
A: But this is going to be the one, you know, your dream woman.
C: Yeah, go ahead. You guys want to play a little Cupid? I won't be mad about it. Not at all.
A: I love that. No. I wanted to ask you something about dating apps because you brought it up like Tinder,
quickly. But do you notice or is there any trend that you've seen that is if you've met on a dating app, is the rate of divorce higher or anything like that or.
Because I find that. Yeah.
C: I've never noticed the trend of dating apps or anything.
Like my brother, who I mentioned, who is super happy, he met his wife on Tinder. He super liked hers center that. That blue star, super liked her. And the rest is history.
My other brother Patrick, has been. He was in a long relationship. Seven years. He found her unhinged. I just broke up recently.
A: Wow.
C: But I don't see any correlation with how they met.
But granted, I don't know how people meet when they come into my office.
How's it get to meet?
I'm like, okay, let's let's ******* finalize this ****, right? Like,
I'm not a marriage counselor, I'm a divorce attorney, so I don't really know the origin of this story. Sometimes I ask them why they're getting divorced, but I don't really care about their love life or their love story.
It's. It's over.
B: You're at the end.
C: Yeah, it's the end of the road.
But I think if you find your wife,
you find your spouse or whoever it is that you're with on, on a dating app, I think there's absolutely no problem with that whatsoever. It's the society that we live in today.
Again, it goes back to that quick scrolling and, you know, easy fix and stuff like that. But again,
we have options now, right? And so in my opinion, if, if you're going to use dating apps, if you're going to use the traditional method of going out to the bar or meeting them in the library, whatever you got to do to make it work, you know, make it work.
Because there's a lot of people that are introverts and they don't want to be in public and,
or there's a lot of people that work 80 hours a week and they, I don't got time for that. And so how are they supposed to meet their spouse if they're not going on dating apps?
So I think just use everything that you have at your disposal,
but do not abuse. Use, but do not abuse. Because having options can, can make it really hard to settle on one and, you know.
B: Yeah, too many options. Yeah.
A: And do you have any last positive. Yeah, anything positive, Positive piece of advice for any.
C: I do have some positive pieces of advice.
You know, I, I know I talk a lot about why marriages fail. Right. And we talked a lot about why relationships aren't working or anything like that. If I could give the men and women one single thing of advice, listening to me right now, coming from a divorce attorney,
if you want a successful marriage,
you have to look at your spouse, engage their concept of unity, and that will be a good determination of how well your marriage is going to succeed.
If their concept of unity is weak, they will leave you extremely soon because when the going gets tough,
they're out of here. But if their concept of unity is strong,
they will stay with you. Right. And how do you gauge someone's concept of unity? Well, you get in fights in relationships. You don't, you know, you don't, don't get in fist fights, but you get in natural fights, arguments, and you communicate it and you work it out or you,
you talk to them about things. What do you think about that situation? What do you think about this relationship? You look at their parents relationship, are they still together?
You look at their siblings, are they still together?
What is their concept of unity? Because, and I know you were raised in a house divided and it doesn't work like this all the time. Right. You can still be a happily married person and have divorced parents, but if you are a child that is raised with parents that stayed together and then you have siblings that,
that were raised and stayed together and got married and stayed together with their wives, then your concept of unity, what you know in terms of marriage is we stay together regardless of how hard it is.
Regardless.
Yeah, regardless of how,
you know,
difficult the situation is, when you hit that low in your marriage,
you are able to get back to the high. And if you are with someone that has a weak concept of immunity, you know,
their eyes are always wandering. They, you know, they don't really value your relationship or your marriage that well, then they're going to lead you as soon as the going gets tough.
And I know that's such a hard concept to grasp. How do I know someone's concept of unity?
But just try to measure it, right? Just try to measure it before you marry that person. And if you think this person has a good sense of unity and that they're.
When the going gets tough, they're going to work together with me to get through this,
then your chances of a successful marriage are much higher. So that's that. What? I'll leave that on. That we are not hopeless.
Right. 58% of marriages end in divorce, but that means that 42 of them are successful. So try to stay optimistic.
B: Okay. No, I think that's good advice.
A: You do, Tyler. Okay. Optimistic.
C: Yeah, I will do my best. Thank you.
A: Well, thank you so much for the conversation.
If any of our audience members are potentially maybe going through divorce or thinking about divorce or they're having relationship with problems or maybe they're single and they're looking to find out maybe what do they do to get a great partner?
Maybe we'll get some of these guys to write into us. We'll have you on again. We'll do a part two.
And, you know, maybe you can answer some real questions because I think that would be really helpful for people who are going through this. They don't know really where to tune.
Maybe they are not ready for divorce and they want to know if it's worth it to stay. I think that would be amazing if you could give those people some advice.
So if you're up for that,
we
C: had a great time with you two ladies. It was a pleasure talking to you. I'd be happy to come back on and. And answer some questions. It was. It was nice meeting you two.
It really was.
B: Thank you.
A: So nice. Most of our guests absolutely have a horrible time, so really appreciate you having a great time.
C: Do you guys normally talk about relationships on your podcast or are you just talking about anything underneath the sun?
A: We typically talk about relationships, dating, and sex. So anything to do with that, we
C: didn't get to that. So next time, I know we'll have
A: to have a whole three.
C: Maybe I need a whole hour for that.
A: Yeah. Okay, good. Perfect.
So we'll definitely. We'll definitely chat with you again, Tyler, really appreciate your time, obviously,
chatting with us. And we can't wait to see you next time and can't wait for audience to listen. So awesome. Thank you.
B: Thank you so much. It's great to meet you. Bye.
A: See you soon.
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