202. The Grief of Motherhood: Ambition, Identity Crisis & the Versions We Leave Behind with Sophia Parra

WEBVTT
00:00:00.959 --> 00:00:10.000
You're listening to the grief series, a collection of conversations, exploring something I think that we simply just do not talk about enough.
00:00:10.160 --> 00:00:11.199
And that is grief.
00:00:11.359 --> 00:00:28.800
And it's not just something that we experience when someone dies, it's woven throughout our lives in motherhood, and ambition, and aging, and divorce and identity, relationships, business, and even in the becoming of who we are, because every version of ourselves we gain requires us to let another version go.
00:00:28.960 --> 00:00:35.359
I hope that you see yourself somewhere in these stories and these very raw, very real conversations.
00:00:36.880 --> 00:00:38.320
Hello, hello, hello.
00:00:38.399 --> 00:00:40.960
Welcome back to the Shamelessly Ambitions Podcast.
00:00:41.200 --> 00:00:43.439
We are in the grief series still.
00:00:43.600 --> 00:00:47.600
And again, I'm just beyond excited for the conversations that we're having.
00:00:47.840 --> 00:00:54.560
Today, I have a friend, Sophia, here, who I was telling her before we hit record that I mean, time, what is time?
00:00:54.640 --> 00:00:59.679
Because I thought it was a few months ago, but actually a year ago, we interviewed for her podcast.
00:00:59.759 --> 00:01:00.719
I was on her podcast.
00:01:02.159 --> 00:01:03.200
I know it's crazy.
00:01:03.520 --> 00:01:11.920
Prior to the actual episode recording, we were talking about her experience becoming a new mom because she was very early in on that stage.
00:01:12.159 --> 00:01:17.200
And I have been able to kind of witness and follow this journey as things have unfolded for you.
00:01:17.280 --> 00:01:31.200
And so I knew when the grief series came about that I had to have a conversation with you because I think in general, one of the biggest griefs that sometimes we do carry is the grief of like who we become or who we have to let go of as we shift into motherhood.
00:01:31.280 --> 00:01:35.120
And I'm a few years out from the beginning stages, but I remember quite a bit.
00:01:35.280 --> 00:01:37.760
And so, Miss Sophia, I'm so glad to have you here.
00:01:37.840 --> 00:01:44.560
I want you to introduce yourself though, tell us a little bit about you, your VIPs, i.e., your very important people, and we'll get into it.
00:01:45.280 --> 00:01:46.079
Oh my gosh.
00:01:46.239 --> 00:01:48.239
Well, I'm so grateful to be here.
00:01:48.400 --> 00:01:52.319
This conversation I was saying earlier is not one that I typically talk about.
00:01:52.480 --> 00:01:54.239
I'm a marketing coach and strategist.
00:01:54.319 --> 00:02:06.319
I have a podcast, as Ash mentioned, called Marketing Unfiltered, where we talk about marketing strategy and, you know, and I speak very much to fellow business owners and what they're doing and what's working.
00:02:06.480 --> 00:02:13.599
And so when you approached me, this is such a topic I think about on the daily.
00:02:13.759 --> 00:02:20.400
So I knew it was so like heavy on my heart, necessarily, not necessarily in a bad way, but just very present.
00:02:20.639 --> 00:02:24.080
And also I said, I don't typically talk about this stuff.
00:02:24.159 --> 00:02:27.280
So I'm an open book, but also I have no idea what's gonna come out.
00:02:27.360 --> 00:02:29.680
So I am as curious as you might be.
00:02:29.919 --> 00:02:34.319
Um but so yes, I'm a marketing coach and strategist.
00:02:34.479 --> 00:02:35.680
I live in London.
00:02:36.000 --> 00:02:40.719
And like I said, I don't typically talk about this stuff, but I I'm here for it.
00:02:40.800 --> 00:02:48.000
And I think that something I have learned in this process is the evolution that you experience when you have a baby.
00:02:48.159 --> 00:02:53.039
And while there's so many things to be excited about, especially in the journey that I had, I had an IVF baby.
00:02:53.199 --> 00:02:54.719
We really, really wanted a child.
00:02:54.879 --> 00:02:57.680
We had massive problems to get pregnant.
00:02:57.919 --> 00:03:03.360
Then we finally got pregnant and it was just miraculous because we were pretty much told my husband was going sterile.
00:03:03.439 --> 00:03:04.719
It was a lot.
00:03:05.360 --> 00:03:11.280
And then he comes, and I think, damn, this is gonna be so incredible.
00:03:11.439 --> 00:03:24.879
And it is, but also I was not prepared to come back to my dream job that I built from the ground up and be crying at my desk every single day and literally question who the fuck I am anymore.
00:03:24.960 --> 00:03:26.800
Cause I didn't feel like me at all.
00:03:27.039 --> 00:03:29.439
So there's a lot here for sure.
00:03:29.680 --> 00:03:30.080
Yeah.
00:03:30.400 --> 00:03:44.639
Well, take us back to that moment because I feel like it must have been just a couple months, you know, it was just a couple months after you had him when we were talking and we had started, and I'll link that episode as well, because we did talk a lot about motherhood and what it means.
00:03:44.800 --> 00:03:54.879
And I would love to take us back to that point of what was happening for you just a couple months into coming back to business after having a baby.
00:03:55.280 --> 00:04:05.199
Yeah, well, before I even had the baby, I should I think that this ground, this background is gonna be helpful to explain like what actually happened to me.
00:04:05.360 --> 00:04:09.919
But a lot of people, what my really good friend is an example, her name is Meggie Laney.
00:04:10.400 --> 00:04:12.879
She had twins the year before.
00:04:13.280 --> 00:04:16.319
We actually, I'm interviewing her as well for the grief series.
00:04:16.480 --> 00:04:18.720
So we'll hear from her in just a couple episodes.
00:04:19.040 --> 00:04:20.319
That is fascinating.
00:04:20.399 --> 00:04:20.720
Okay.
00:04:21.120 --> 00:04:24.959
So she sent me a text like a few weeks before I gave birth.
00:04:25.120 --> 00:04:26.000
Could have been a couple months.
00:04:26.079 --> 00:04:26.399
I don't remember.
00:04:26.560 --> 00:04:28.399
Like I said, time makes no sense these days.
00:04:28.639 --> 00:04:32.639
But she sent me a text and she was like, hey, and I'm sure we it came up in conversation.
00:04:32.720 --> 00:04:36.639
I don't think it was totally spontaneous and random, but we were talking about business stuff.
00:04:36.720 --> 00:04:38.480
We weren't really talking about baby stuff.
00:04:38.560 --> 00:04:41.120
So it felt maybe in the moment a little random.
00:04:41.279 --> 00:04:47.040
And she was like, hey, I just want to tell you something only because I wish someone had told it to me.
00:04:47.360 --> 00:04:50.240
Obviously, don't overthink this.
00:04:50.319 --> 00:04:56.240
But I again, I just, if I had had some kind of a warning, I think I would have been better set up to navigate it.
00:04:56.480 --> 00:05:00.639
When you have a baby, you might go through an identity crisis.
00:05:00.959 --> 00:05:05.199
You might feel like you don't know who the heck you are, you don't even know if you're cut out for this business thing.
00:05:05.279 --> 00:05:07.439
You like, I don't know what it's gonna look like for you.
00:05:07.600 --> 00:05:13.360
But for me, I went from loving my business the day before I gave birth to hating my business the day after.
00:05:13.680 --> 00:05:15.600
And I don't know what that's about.
00:05:15.759 --> 00:05:16.879
I I couldn't tell you.
00:05:17.040 --> 00:05:22.000
I all I could say is it happened and people and I had no idea it was gonna happen.
00:05:22.160 --> 00:05:26.800
So I truly was just a mess about it.
00:05:27.279 --> 00:05:29.680
So I was so grateful that she told me this.
00:05:29.839 --> 00:05:32.240
And I was like, thank you.
00:05:32.399 --> 00:05:34.399
And also, that's just not me.
00:05:34.639 --> 00:05:36.800
Like, it's just not me.
00:05:36.959 --> 00:05:42.240
Like I told my husband before we had a baby, my biggest fear, and P.S.
00:05:42.399 --> 00:05:45.360
There is no problem with wanting to be a stay-at-home mom.
00:05:45.439 --> 00:05:48.399
I fucking love people who want who choose that for themselves.
00:05:48.560 --> 00:05:50.079
I just knew that wasn't my choice.
00:05:50.399 --> 00:06:02.560
And so I, my husband and I talked about the things we were the most afraid about with having a baby, so that we could each make sure that our biggest fears that the other person was taking care of that as much as we were.
00:06:02.879 --> 00:06:07.920
And my husband's biggest fear, he had a stroke back in the day, or not back in the day, a few years ago.
00:06:08.399 --> 00:06:11.759
And and he has massive sleep issues as a result of that.
00:06:12.000 --> 00:06:17.199
I think I mentioned this, but he's a Peloton instructor, so he's very vocal about this about stroke recovery and things like that.
00:06:17.439 --> 00:06:20.480
So he his biggest fear is that it was the sleep.
00:06:20.639 --> 00:06:22.879
He was just like, I know what happens when I don't have sleep.
00:06:23.040 --> 00:06:24.480
I know I'm not the same person.
00:06:24.639 --> 00:06:26.240
Sometimes he even throws up all day.
00:06:26.319 --> 00:06:27.439
It's really dramatic.
00:06:27.600 --> 00:06:28.879
My biggest fear is asleep.
00:06:29.040 --> 00:06:34.480
So I knew I was going to volunteer as tribute to do a lot of the sleep stuff.
00:06:35.120 --> 00:06:35.759
Uh P.S.
00:06:35.839 --> 00:06:37.519
I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
00:06:37.680 --> 00:06:38.800
That's a story for another day.
00:06:38.959 --> 00:06:41.040
That was hell on earth, but whatever.
00:06:41.279 --> 00:06:45.279
And then my biggest fear was I know I don't want to be a stay-at-home mom.
00:06:45.759 --> 00:06:48.639
I know I want my business to be a big part of my life.
00:06:48.800 --> 00:06:59.600
I know that I want you to show up and care as much as I do that my business does not need to shut down because we don't have enough hands on deck to take care of the baby.
00:07:00.319 --> 00:07:02.560
And so we communicated that to one another.
00:07:02.800 --> 00:07:08.639
And I just I share that because I think that is how much my identity was rooted in the work I was doing.
00:07:08.800 --> 00:07:10.000
I loved it.
00:07:10.319 --> 00:07:15.680
I cared about my future as this career person inside of the work I was doing.
00:07:15.839 --> 00:07:17.920
I had done a lot in 10 years.
00:07:18.160 --> 00:07:22.240
I did not want to feel like I had to let go of it.
00:07:22.720 --> 00:07:29.519
And so then she gave me this morning, and I was like, given all this that I've been talking with my husband, I'm like, that's so cute.
00:07:29.600 --> 00:07:32.399
That's so not gonna happen to me, but like, I love you.
00:07:32.639 --> 00:07:33.279
Thank you.
00:07:33.439 --> 00:07:34.720
I hope you're good.
00:07:35.199 --> 00:07:38.399
Because that sounds like it sucks, but it's not gonna happen to me.
00:07:38.720 --> 00:07:40.079
I am not kidding.
00:07:40.319 --> 00:07:41.360
I had the baby.
00:07:41.519 --> 00:07:43.120
It didn't actually happen right away.
00:07:43.279 --> 00:07:46.720
I actually still found myself kind of excited to check my email, see what was going on.
00:07:46.800 --> 00:07:51.279
But I also was like, I had two months maternity leave that I had planned for, so I wasn't in it.
00:07:51.519 --> 00:08:00.079
Then the day I get back to work, uh according to my calendar, of course things shifted, but that was the day I was supposed to get back to work.
00:08:00.480 --> 00:08:03.360
I was crying my eyes out.
00:08:03.600 --> 00:08:12.480
Not because I didn't want to work, but because I looked in my to-do list and I was just like, I don't want to do any of this.
00:08:12.639 --> 00:08:15.360
I literally was just like, this is how I used to spend my day.
00:08:15.519 --> 00:08:17.199
I was like, I hate this.
00:08:17.439 --> 00:08:22.160
It was like putting on a shirt that was like just didn't fit and it was so itchy.
00:08:22.240 --> 00:08:28.480
And it was like, I used to wear that shirt and I loved it back in the day, and now I don't I hate that shirt.
00:08:28.720 --> 00:08:31.360
That shirt has no style or whatever it was, right?
00:08:31.600 --> 00:08:40.000
And I was just bawling my eyes out, and I could not answer the question of what do I want to do?
00:08:40.480 --> 00:08:47.759
Because the way I was doing my business truly felt like the thing that would would kill me.
00:08:48.000 --> 00:08:51.919
It like it was like that that I was that repelled by it.
00:08:52.080 --> 00:08:55.039
Again, it was really, really specifically the way I was doing it.
00:08:55.279 --> 00:09:00.480
So I just started crossing things off of my to-do list that I felt I didn't want to do.
00:09:00.559 --> 00:09:03.840
And like I said, so much of it was like the stuff that made me money.
00:09:04.080 --> 00:09:05.840
I was like, I'm so screwed.
00:09:06.000 --> 00:09:07.840
Like, what am I gonna do here?
00:09:08.240 --> 00:09:13.279
I entertained so many my husband and I had crazy the day after I gave birth.
00:09:13.360 --> 00:09:14.879
We started this is so insane.
00:09:15.039 --> 00:09:16.720
We started a podcast.
00:09:17.279 --> 00:09:24.639
So I had this like other things that were in the background that didn't feel like work that I that I wanted to focus on.
00:09:24.720 --> 00:09:26.639
But then I was like, but do I want to focus on that?
00:09:26.720 --> 00:09:28.480
Because who the fuck wants to be an influencer?
00:09:28.639 --> 00:09:29.519
That sounds so lame.
00:09:29.679 --> 00:09:33.039
There was so much judgment I had on the options I had available to me.
00:09:33.200 --> 00:09:33.440
Yeah.
00:09:33.519 --> 00:09:33.679
Yeah.
00:09:33.840 --> 00:09:39.360
But long story short, I could not, I just the question of like, who am I?
00:09:39.519 --> 00:09:42.000
What is my life gonna look like in a few years?
00:09:42.240 --> 00:09:44.240
What is my career gonna look like in a few years?
00:09:44.399 --> 00:09:50.159
Because if I have no more passion for anything, which is kind of how it felt, yeah, where am I going?
00:09:50.399 --> 00:09:56.879
And as a type A person who, again, still felt like I didn't want to be a stay-at-home mom, that still felt clear to me.
00:09:57.039 --> 00:10:01.279
I didn't need to answer if I wasn't gonna be a stay-at-home mom, what the heck was I gonna be?
00:10:01.519 --> 00:10:03.120
And I had no idea anymore.
00:10:03.360 --> 00:10:12.320
I literally felt like I had graduated from university without any passion, purpose, or maybe I maybe I dropped out, didn't even have a fucking degree.
00:10:12.480 --> 00:10:14.399
I just did not know what I was gonna do.
00:10:14.559 --> 00:10:23.360
And to tell you that that made me so deeply depressed is an understatement.
00:10:23.600 --> 00:10:27.120
I cried multiple times a day.
00:10:27.440 --> 00:10:37.360
And I was so happy when I was with my son, but then when I was paying a nanny to take care of him while I was supposed to be working, but instead I was just crying at my desk.
00:10:37.519 --> 00:10:46.080
I was like, I felt insane guilt as well that I just I had lost myself and I didn't know what that looked like anymore.
00:10:46.320 --> 00:10:48.799
So yeah, I hope that paints a little bit of a picture.
00:10:49.039 --> 00:10:49.919
It does, it does.
00:10:50.000 --> 00:10:51.919
And I think so many people go through this.
00:10:52.000 --> 00:10:59.600
And that was the I everything you just said, I felt when we connected last year and we were talking beforehand.
00:10:59.679 --> 00:11:04.320
I mean, you kind of did have this little bit of a cry for help of like, yeah, tell me it gets better.
00:11:04.639 --> 00:11:08.159
Tell me, you know, you're a few years ahead of me, like what happens next.
00:11:08.320 --> 00:11:13.600
And I remember just having such a soft spot for what you were experiencing because I had been there.
00:11:13.840 --> 00:11:27.440
And with love, I also went there every single time I had a child because I do believe there's like a rebirth that kind of happens, and who you were before, there's this process of grieving that has to take place.
00:11:27.600 --> 00:11:33.039
And I think a lot of women skip over it and they just they're trying to just push their way back.
00:11:33.200 --> 00:11:36.000
And yes, we talked a little bit about this before hitting record as well.
00:11:36.159 --> 00:11:56.799
Like, yes, it's in our body, it's in our physical appearance, there's some stuff there too, but it's also in our identity and how our emotional capacity, because so much now is taken feels like a negative word, but for lack of better words, taken by this little being that's like, oh, but now that's reserved for this child.
00:11:56.879 --> 00:11:58.240
And my first was a boy as well.
00:11:58.320 --> 00:12:01.360
Like it's reserved for him, yeah, nobody else.
00:12:01.519 --> 00:12:02.559
And so everything shifts.
00:12:02.639 --> 00:12:08.320
So I'm curious when you think of it through the lens of grief, and and you know, you said he's oh a year now, right?
00:12:08.559 --> 00:12:10.799
Uh yeah, how I don't know how, but yes.
00:12:11.120 --> 00:12:12.240
Yeah, crazy.
00:12:12.559 --> 00:12:22.480
Now that you are a year out from it, yeah, then and now I'm just curious what the grieving process, if any, has looked like for you in terms of grieving the the gal before.
00:12:22.559 --> 00:12:26.320
Before we get into like who you've become, what is that grieving process like?
00:12:26.639 --> 00:12:33.039
Yeah, I honestly, I it was I have uh dealt with grief several times in my life.
00:12:33.200 --> 00:12:37.120
I dealt with grief when my husband had a stroke and was a totally different person.
00:12:37.279 --> 00:12:42.240
And I thought he did, I think, eventually find his way back to someone I recognized.
00:12:42.320 --> 00:12:49.919
But there was a good year where I was like, I don't know if you're the same person I fell in love with, and I'm really terrified to say that out loud.
00:12:50.320 --> 00:12:51.759
He just had a really bad temper.
00:12:51.919 --> 00:12:55.600
It was just, again, part of the healing process, but I didn't know that.
00:12:55.679 --> 00:12:58.080
No one gives you a handback on how to deal with that.
00:12:58.320 --> 00:13:06.320
So there was grief there, and then my dad died of cancer, and I actually, me and my sister moved in to take care of him.
00:13:06.480 --> 00:13:13.519
My parents are divorced, and so it was him and his, I was gonna say his stepwife, him and his wife after my mom.
00:13:13.759 --> 00:13:17.120
We moved in and and I took care of him, and so there was grief there.
00:13:17.279 --> 00:13:24.399
So I have dealt, I have gone through the grief process before, and this felt so different because you know, there's those stages of grief.
00:13:24.480 --> 00:13:29.519
I I couldn't tell you what they are, but I know that there's like there's something with bargaining and anger.
00:13:29.759 --> 00:13:31.600
I don't know, there's like seven of them or something.
00:13:31.840 --> 00:13:35.519
I did a play once back when I was an actor where I had to like do a monologue where I did all of them.
00:13:35.679 --> 00:13:38.159
So I had to know them once upon a time.
00:13:38.399 --> 00:13:40.320
But all of those, right?
00:13:41.120 --> 00:13:48.240
And I remember going through all of them when I grieved before.
00:13:48.799 --> 00:13:52.879
And this time it felt just like a big mess.
00:13:53.039 --> 00:13:58.399
Like I didn't, there was no, I didn't recognize any of the stages.
00:13:58.559 --> 00:14:04.960
I didn't recognize so I I found myself unable to say, okay, I'm in this stage.
00:14:05.120 --> 00:14:06.159
I'm moving forward.
00:14:06.320 --> 00:14:07.679
I'm, you know what I mean?
00:14:07.840 --> 00:14:10.639
Like it was just pure fog.
00:14:11.200 --> 00:14:14.960
And I was lost in it and I couldn't get out of it.
00:14:15.279 --> 00:14:25.279
And every I think the worst part is every day where I thought I made another a decision and I found my some clarity, and I'm like, yes, I'm getting there.
00:14:25.519 --> 00:14:27.200
The next day I hated that decision.
00:14:28.159 --> 00:14:36.639
So I was like every step I took, I found myself like questioning it or taking a step back, you know.
00:14:36.879 --> 00:14:45.039
I think some of that has to do with the confusion around my son, because I think before I was always just about me.
00:14:45.279 --> 00:14:48.240
The grief process was just about what I needed.
00:14:48.559 --> 00:14:52.320
But I think I was navigating what I needed and also what he needed.
00:14:52.399 --> 00:14:54.639
And sometimes those things contradicted.
00:14:55.039 --> 00:14:58.720
And and I always put his needs first because that's just the stage I was in.
00:14:58.960 --> 00:15:03.200
I still I feel in I'm in that stage, but he's just a different being right now.
00:15:03.360 --> 00:15:05.279
That you'll be in that stage forever.
00:15:05.519 --> 00:15:06.240
Just say you know.
00:15:06.720 --> 00:15:08.799
It's probably that doesn't go away.
00:15:08.960 --> 00:15:12.960
I've also heard from fellow moms who have older, older children.
00:15:13.200 --> 00:15:14.480
It still doesn't go away.
00:15:14.720 --> 00:15:16.720
So just throwing that out there.
00:15:16.960 --> 00:15:17.759
Well, that's good.
00:15:17.840 --> 00:15:19.279
That's something to look forward to.
00:15:19.519 --> 00:15:25.360
Um so I I think that that muddy the waters a little bit, right?
00:15:25.600 --> 00:15:29.279
Because I I could never quite, I don't know.
00:15:29.440 --> 00:15:31.519
I'm a like I said, I'm a very type A person.
00:15:31.600 --> 00:15:33.360
So I I love a milestone.
00:15:33.519 --> 00:15:38.480
I love a checkbox, I love to see and all those things equal moving forward.
00:15:38.639 --> 00:15:40.240
And I didn't have any of that, you know?
00:15:40.799 --> 00:15:45.600
So I just felt stuck and lost in the fog day after day after day.
00:15:45.679 --> 00:15:47.759
And every time I made a decision, I had to go back.
00:15:47.919 --> 00:15:54.720
I hired a coach to help with this because I was so, so lost.
00:15:55.360 --> 00:16:02.080
And this particular coach is actually a business coach, but she's also certified in life coaching and this and that.
00:16:02.159 --> 00:16:05.039
So she has a very, she was quite a good balance.
00:16:05.200 --> 00:16:12.799
We talked about business stuff when I wanted to talk about business stuff, but then when I was just feeling like lost and heavy, she she could talk that stuff as well.
00:16:12.960 --> 00:16:13.919
So it was whatever I needed.
00:16:14.000 --> 00:16:16.240
So it was very helpful for the period.
00:16:16.639 --> 00:16:20.720
But all I can say is it it honestly felt like mesh.
00:16:20.960 --> 00:16:28.159
And I don't, I I really sit here telling you right now, one year later, I don't know if I went through the grooving process.
00:16:28.480 --> 00:16:39.440
I feel like I did eventually land on something that I that refueled my passion for the work I was doing.
00:16:39.600 --> 00:16:39.840
Yeah.
00:16:40.000 --> 00:16:46.639
And I created the thing and I put it out into the world, and that made me feel a little bit like, ah, here I am, right?
00:16:47.360 --> 00:16:54.159
And but even then, I still have days where I am like question things, right?
00:16:54.399 --> 00:16:56.080
And then the next day I'm back.
00:16:56.240 --> 00:17:09.839
So it's it's quite confusing, but I definitely feel much lighter a year later, but unable to look back and say, this is when that happened, this is what you know what I mean.
00:17:09.920 --> 00:17:16.400
It's like I just still feels like something that I barely made it through in a lot of ways.
00:17:16.799 --> 00:17:21.359
And there is a fear of mine that it's like, is that gonna come back and bite me in the butt eventually?
00:17:21.519 --> 00:17:22.240
You know what I mean?
00:17:22.319 --> 00:17:31.279
Because it's not fully processed, or is that just the way it is for this particular chapter?
00:17:31.759 --> 00:17:41.680
And and I made it through, and I'll probably go through the same thing if I have a second, and up, but at least I'll know what it was like, and I'll be able to like take care of myself differently.
00:17:41.839 --> 00:17:56.880
I don't know the answer to that question, but yeah, but unlike any other type that I've navigated grief, this particular one felt like the most confusing and like I was never making progress.
00:17:57.200 --> 00:18:02.400
And as as the type of person I am, this type A person, that's the worst feeling in the world.
00:18:02.559 --> 00:18:03.759
I hate feeling stuck.
00:18:04.400 --> 00:18:04.720
Yeah.
00:18:04.880 --> 00:18:06.960
Well, I think a few things here.
00:18:07.119 --> 00:18:16.960
One, I humbly believe that motherhood is really, really close with grief, as in holding hands embraced for the whole journey.
00:18:17.200 --> 00:18:29.920
And I think that what I witness a lot is women trying to get back to the version they were before, as opposed to formally saying goodbye and finding a new version.
00:18:30.160 --> 00:18:40.240
And I think that that is, as I mentioned, something that has to take place in not just with every child, you know, but also with every season.
00:18:40.720 --> 00:18:46.880
I I feel grief every day as a mom for some reason or another.
00:18:47.039 --> 00:19:00.000
You know, I know on one of the previous episodes within the series, I talked about how sometimes the grief is looking at my 12-year-old or my almost eight-year-old or my almost 10-year-old.
00:19:00.160 --> 00:19:10.319
And all of a sudden, I feel this like gripping in my chest, like I can't breathe, because versions of them that were little will never exist again.
00:19:10.480 --> 00:19:11.200
They're just gone.
00:19:11.359 --> 00:19:16.240
And sometimes the grief is, we talked about this, like my oldest now is 12 and very moody and broody.
00:19:16.400 --> 00:19:29.599
And sometimes it's trying to connect with him and and him being a little standoffish and wanting his space and not knowing, you know, it's grieving the like the boy who used to come to me to tell me everything.
00:19:29.759 --> 00:19:35.599
And so I think that part of the journey is embracing the grief.
00:19:36.880 --> 00:19:38.880
That is really true.
00:19:39.039 --> 00:19:40.400
I can so see this.
00:19:40.559 --> 00:19:50.079
And I think it's interesting that you just mentioned that because this year, even though I've talked a lot about this particular grief of losing myself, right?
00:19:50.720 --> 00:19:56.400
I think maybe one of the reasons why it felt like such a weird, fuzzy feeling.
00:19:56.559 --> 00:20:00.319
Not the nice fuzzy, but the like the uncomfortable.
00:20:01.440 --> 00:20:01.599
Yeah.
00:20:01.839 --> 00:20:03.039
The bad fuzzy.
00:20:03.359 --> 00:20:07.200
Was that on top of all of that, I felt that as well.
00:20:07.440 --> 00:20:14.480
Just feeling like I wake up and Grayson's a different person, and and oh, this didn't make me cry.
00:20:14.720 --> 00:20:17.440
Like breastfeeding, for example.
00:20:17.759 --> 00:20:20.319
I loved breastfeeding.
00:20:20.640 --> 00:20:26.079
I hated it in that it took so fucking long for him to latch, and I was like, get it together.
00:20:26.799 --> 00:20:31.920
But totally, but when he did, it was like unbelievable.
00:20:32.160 --> 00:20:35.039
There is nothing else like that in the world.
00:20:35.359 --> 00:20:38.160
And I feel so lucky that I get to do it.
00:20:38.240 --> 00:20:40.319
And so there was some of that.
00:20:40.559 --> 00:20:43.599
And I I was what's the word I'm looking for?
00:20:43.759 --> 00:20:54.319
Supplementing with formula because I was a working mom and people were helping me take care of him when I didn't have a ton of work hours, but still I needed to do that.
00:20:54.640 --> 00:20:58.880
And one what I didn't know, this is my first kid, so forgive me, I had no idea.
00:20:59.039 --> 00:21:02.000
This is so lame now that I know the answer to this question.
00:21:02.079 --> 00:21:03.599
I'm like, duh, Sophia.
00:21:03.680 --> 00:21:05.119
But at the time I had no idea.
00:21:05.440 --> 00:21:09.839
You have to keep humping when you are not nursing if you're going to keep your supply.
00:21:10.160 --> 00:21:13.599
So I and also I was always told, oh, you got such great supply.
00:21:13.680 --> 00:21:15.599
So I feel like I was just like, I have got this.
00:21:15.920 --> 00:21:16.960
I've got this down.
00:21:17.119 --> 00:21:17.519
Yeah.
00:21:17.759 --> 00:21:23.200
And I'm like, I'm failing at everything else in life right now, but nursing, I've got that down.
00:21:23.759 --> 00:21:31.119
And long story short, I woke up one day with half of my supply, and I was like, what the F happened?
00:21:31.359 --> 00:21:33.920
And then it just kept going down and down and down and down.
00:21:34.880 --> 00:21:40.480
Hey, hey, hey, really quick before we get back into it, I want to tell you about something I built specifically for you.
00:21:40.640 --> 00:21:43.039
It's the shamelessly ambitious soundtrack.
00:21:43.200 --> 00:21:50.559
Three very curated playlists built for the three most common places I personally see ambitious women stuck in right now.
00:21:50.880 --> 00:21:52.319
Number one, heavy metal.
00:21:52.400 --> 00:21:55.359
For when burnout is so deep you don't even know what to do.
00:21:55.519 --> 00:22:01.359
These six episodes will not only show you through and out, but they will make You feel like you again.
00:22:01.519 --> 00:22:07.759
Classic rock is the second one for when you've achieved everything you said you wanted and somehow feel more lost than ever.
00:22:08.000 --> 00:22:13.119
These six episodes will help you find your way back to yourself without burning everything down in the process.
00:22:13.279 --> 00:22:16.319
And finally, playlist number three, Park Rock.
00:22:16.400 --> 00:22:24.079
For when you are so done shrinking and so ready to go as hard as you actually want to go and crush all of your dreams and goals.
00:22:24.240 --> 00:22:28.799
These six episodes will give you full permission and the tools to back it up.
00:22:28.960 --> 00:22:29.839
Here's the best part.
00:22:29.920 --> 00:22:31.680
It's totally free and it's waiting for you.
00:22:31.839 --> 00:22:33.440
The link is in the show notes.
00:22:34.319 --> 00:22:35.759
My point here is this.
00:22:36.079 --> 00:22:40.640
I had no idea it was gonna be my last time I could breastfeed Grayson.
00:22:40.880 --> 00:22:41.839
No idea.
00:22:42.160 --> 00:22:50.640
So my biggest fear is that I was checking my email or doing something and not in it with him, you know?
00:22:51.519 --> 00:22:53.279
And and then it's gone.
00:22:53.519 --> 00:22:59.920
And he's and of course I'm lucky he we he we had formula there, uh he could get fed.
00:23:00.319 --> 00:23:03.680
So like that's probably the most important thing.
00:23:03.839 --> 00:23:09.279
And yet I just didn't get to say goodbye to that version, you know?
00:23:09.599 --> 00:23:33.920
And I think I there was every three months, it actually probably happened every month, there was a bit of that, a goodbye of of him, of a little habit that he did, or a little like newborn thing, and then a six-month thing, and then every month there was something that just he just stopped doing, and I never said goodbye to any of it because I didn't know it was gonna be my last time.
00:23:34.559 --> 00:23:43.599
And that on top of dealing with this feeling of just not knowing who you are, it's I was just I don't know.
00:23:43.759 --> 00:23:45.440
I I really hated it.
00:23:46.400 --> 00:23:55.279
Yeah, it's so weird to feel so much joy and so much, so much grief, but also fear of the thing you're missing.
00:23:55.599 --> 00:23:56.799
What am I gonna miss out on?
00:23:56.880 --> 00:23:57.200
What am I?
00:23:57.440 --> 00:24:06.319
It's just it's a lot of awful feelings happening at the same time while the best thing is happening, and it's very confusing.
00:24:07.440 --> 00:24:12.000
Especially when it's your first time, I would assume that could be completely wrong.
00:24:12.079 --> 00:24:16.799
Maybe it's always like that, but I fucking hope it's a little better the second time.
00:24:17.759 --> 00:24:20.720
Oh God, I hate to be the bearer of bad news.
00:24:21.599 --> 00:24:28.799
Well, you know, I think what's even worse is I find myself really having days where I really want a second.
00:24:29.279 --> 00:24:30.240
My husband's not there.
00:24:30.400 --> 00:24:31.440
He's like, Are you joking?
00:24:31.519 --> 00:24:34.000
I like I'm so tired right now.
00:24:34.240 --> 00:24:35.519
So I don't know if we will.
00:24:35.680 --> 00:24:39.039
I I don't know if I even I'm like, I don't know, I don't know how I feel about it yet.
00:24:39.279 --> 00:24:42.640
But I do find myself having days where I'm like, I really want a second.
00:24:42.880 --> 00:24:51.599
But sometimes what I'm realizing is the reason I want a second is so I can experience those things again and be able to say goodbye to them.
00:24:51.839 --> 00:24:54.079
Again, that is gonna happen.
00:24:54.240 --> 00:24:56.720
That's probably unrealistic.
00:24:57.039 --> 00:25:03.119
But I have realized I have to, I have to stop wanting a second for the wrong reasons.
00:25:03.279 --> 00:25:03.920
Do you know what I mean?
00:25:04.000 --> 00:25:08.319
Like I still I feel stuck in a loop of wanting them for wanting a number two.
00:25:08.640 --> 00:25:18.720
When I realize if I were to really examine my feelings, I think I just want to do number one again and knowing what I know now, you know?
00:25:18.880 --> 00:25:27.359
So it's like there's this pressure of making that decision in the right frame of mind and not feeling like I'm there.
00:25:27.839 --> 00:25:28.319
Yeah.
00:25:28.640 --> 00:25:34.799
I mean, ultimately you've just named what motherhood is in a nutshell, and it's forever, it's constant.
00:25:34.960 --> 00:25:42.960
I think that we believe that we know before having kids what the concept of duality is, which is ultimately to hold multiple emotions at once.
00:25:43.279 --> 00:25:48.240
We have no freaking idea what that means until you have a kid.
00:25:48.480 --> 00:25:51.359
And in my instance, obviously I have three.
00:25:51.440 --> 00:25:56.160
I've also lost a few, and that carries some weight for me too.
00:25:56.400 --> 00:26:04.480
And through that, like I'm it's like I'm ricocheting between the grief of each kid all the time.
00:26:04.720 --> 00:26:12.079
All the time, whether it's just a different facial expression from my daughter or my son uses this word that I'm like, yeah, yeah, how do you know that word?
00:26:12.160 --> 00:26:12.799
How do you know that?
00:26:12.960 --> 00:26:21.680
Or just the pride that you have, you know, watching, watching my kids, you know, my oldest son is on our club basketball team and just touching him give his heart to something.
00:26:21.839 --> 00:26:25.920
I sit on those bleachers and I just can't, I can't function.
00:26:26.079 --> 00:26:28.319
I'm frozen and I want to capture everything.
00:26:28.400 --> 00:26:30.480
And and the truth is it doesn't go away.
00:26:30.640 --> 00:26:34.319
Every single experience is like, is this it?
00:26:34.480 --> 00:26:40.559
And I I am lucky enough and also cursed enough to work with women from all different seasons.
00:26:40.640 --> 00:26:54.880
And so I get to support women who are in seasons earlier than mine, but also women who are further ahead and women who are dealing with empty nesting, women who are dealing with, oh, my child no longer plays sports, they've decided to stop.
00:26:54.960 --> 00:26:57.519
And I didn't realize that was the last game I'd ever attend.
00:26:57.599 --> 00:26:58.079
Oh god.
00:26:58.400 --> 00:27:04.079
And that's just in my head all the time, this idea that we just don't know when it closes.
00:27:04.240 --> 00:27:06.240
And so I think that that is motherhood.
00:27:06.319 --> 00:27:14.559
And I think I'm so grateful that you are vulnerable and honest enough to admit that you haven't made your way through because same.
00:27:14.720 --> 00:27:16.559
And I'm 12 years into this.
00:27:17.039 --> 00:27:17.680
Same.
00:27:17.920 --> 00:27:20.640
I am constantly reinventing.
00:27:20.880 --> 00:27:27.519
I and I don't say this, I don't feel the shakiness that I felt very early on, where the ground is unsteady.
00:27:27.839 --> 00:27:37.359
I feel a little bit more like new doors pop up constantly, and all of a sudden I'm stifled in the room I'm in and I must exit, I must go through another door.
00:27:37.599 --> 00:27:42.079
I feel more confident and more resilient in my ability to walk through those doors.
00:27:42.240 --> 00:27:42.480
Yeah.
00:27:42.720 --> 00:27:46.480
But I also still feel that, oh, I thought that was it.
00:27:46.720 --> 00:27:48.240
I thought we were there.
00:27:49.039 --> 00:27:50.079
And we're just not.
00:27:50.240 --> 00:28:01.200
And I think that over especially the past couple of years, as children move into the ages my kids are in, I feel like the physical need goes down, which is a nice change.
00:28:01.279 --> 00:28:02.559
You know, I'm not bathing.
00:28:02.720 --> 00:28:08.240
I my kids can do their own laundry, they can put themselves to sleep, although they don't want to.
00:28:08.319 --> 00:28:12.000
You know, there's things that there's independence that didn't exist before, right?
00:28:12.319 --> 00:28:15.119
But the emotional need has skyrocketed.
00:28:15.599 --> 00:28:19.039
I didn't realize that I would be trading one for the other.
00:28:19.200 --> 00:28:25.200
You think, like, oh, I can't wait till I don't have to clean up a giant tornado of a mess every time I feed my kid, right?
00:28:25.440 --> 00:28:26.640
Or I have to, whatever.
00:28:26.799 --> 00:28:27.680
And those things do go.
00:28:27.759 --> 00:28:29.680
I mean, my kids have to clean up epit themselves, you know.
00:28:29.759 --> 00:28:30.400
So it's amazing.
00:28:30.559 --> 00:28:30.720
Yeah.
00:28:31.200 --> 00:28:40.880
And yet I do have to carve out a couple hours every single night to talk to each one of my children about the things that are really heavy on their hearts.
00:28:40.960 --> 00:28:46.400
And I have to hold space for their grief now and their pain.
00:28:46.720 --> 00:28:55.200
And when something doesn't go the way they want it to, or when somebody hurts their feelings, or when my middle son yesterday asked me if he was fat.
00:28:55.519 --> 00:29:05.920
It just it's forever and it's also so beautiful in the most chaotic and painful way.
00:29:06.559 --> 00:29:06.960
Yeah.
00:29:07.680 --> 00:29:08.319
Yeah.
00:29:08.640 --> 00:29:13.920
God, that sounds because these are all things I haven't even thought about yet, of course.
00:29:14.480 --> 00:29:24.480
And but you know, my son is in helmet therapy right now because he has a little flat spot on the back of his head, which in the States is very common.
00:29:24.720 --> 00:29:26.400
In England, it's not as common.
00:29:26.640 --> 00:29:26.960
Oh.
00:29:27.200 --> 00:29:27.759
And yeah.
00:29:28.160 --> 00:29:28.559
Interesting.
00:29:28.799 --> 00:29:29.039
I know.
00:29:29.279 --> 00:29:30.720
I learned that yeah.
00:29:30.960 --> 00:29:34.640
I learned that just because of like the reactions we get on the street.
00:29:34.960 --> 00:29:37.680
And then and then cool the questions we get, which I welcome.
00:29:37.839 --> 00:29:41.440
I love being able to answer questions and normalize things, so that's fine.
00:29:41.839 --> 00:29:47.599
But yeah, the dog it also was very hard to get this done because again, not as common.
00:29:47.759 --> 00:29:52.480
But long story short, we were talking about nursery, putting him in nurse.
00:29:52.799 --> 00:29:57.279
We have we have a a babysitter that comes and watches him while I work a few days a week.
00:29:57.920 --> 00:30:00.559
But my husband was like, Should we do nursery instead?
00:30:00.799 --> 00:30:04.079
We just had that conversation, like, what would be best for us, you know?
00:30:04.240 --> 00:30:04.559
Yeah.
00:30:04.720 --> 00:30:07.200
And so we're talking about this, and my husband starts crying.
00:30:07.519 --> 00:30:08.559
God, this is awful.
00:30:08.720 --> 00:30:21.359
And he's like, I just keep thinking about him in the middle of this room of kids, and he's just sitting there alone in his helmet, and like, just like the weird one or whatever, you know.
00:30:21.440 --> 00:30:23.200
And he's like, and I just don't.
00:30:23.359 --> 00:30:27.200
That's why I just want to keep him here and keep him safe and keep him like, you know.
00:30:27.440 --> 00:30:30.160
And I was like, fuck, I didn't even think about that.
00:30:30.319 --> 00:30:31.440
Like, do you know what I mean?
00:30:31.519 --> 00:30:35.839
It's like all these things that just like pop out, like new fear unlocked.
00:30:36.160 --> 00:30:36.960
Yeah, yeah.
00:30:37.200 --> 00:30:40.960
And it's for I mean, I feel that way just sending my son to middle school next year.
00:30:41.039 --> 00:30:44.319
We've talked about it continuously of like, what if it's horrible?
00:30:44.559 --> 00:30:45.519
What if he gets bullied?
00:30:45.759 --> 00:30:46.720
What if he bullies?
00:30:46.880 --> 00:30:50.559
What if there's just so much of the unknown in everything?
00:30:50.720 --> 00:30:56.319
And I and then you have to somehow have the capacity to run a multiple six-figure business.
00:30:56.480 --> 00:30:57.119
Yeah.
00:30:58.319 --> 00:30:59.839
Oh, yeah, there's that.
00:31:00.799 --> 00:31:01.039
Right?
00:31:01.680 --> 00:31:03.599
For the mortgage and things like that.
00:31:04.240 --> 00:31:08.880
Hold all this responsibility and have all the passion you've had before.
00:31:09.039 --> 00:31:26.640
And I just I think what I hoped for this episode, which you have conquered, is that we would more so just normalize that it doesn't get to that point, that there isn't some box that you check, that you don't just wake up one day and you're completely recovered and not in a bad way, not in a fuck this, it's horrible.
00:31:26.720 --> 00:31:27.279
Not at all.
00:31:27.440 --> 00:31:33.440
In fact, it's like if you can make room for it, it can be really beautiful.
00:31:33.599 --> 00:31:38.960
And if you can allow yourself to walk through door after door after door because you're not gonna ever settle.
00:31:39.039 --> 00:31:40.960
Don't settle in, I think is what I want to say.
00:31:41.200 --> 00:31:42.400
Don't settle in.
00:31:42.640 --> 00:31:54.160
Have fun, make it whimsy, but don't settle in because it's gonna change tomorrow, and then again the next day, and then you might go back, and then you might go forward, and it could be a lot of fun if you let it be.
00:31:54.559 --> 00:31:59.279
You know, I have to say something here because I think you're so right.
00:31:59.440 --> 00:32:12.240
And one thing that I think is an amazing surprise is I have been a notorious people pleaser, someone who takes a lot of over-responsibility on things.
00:32:12.559 --> 00:32:14.960
I was joking with another client recently.
00:32:15.119 --> 00:32:18.480
My client was saying how she, oh, she's getting weird vibes from this other client.
00:32:18.720 --> 00:32:21.440
She's like, she thinks that they're she's gonna end the contract or something.
00:32:21.519 --> 00:32:23.519
She's like, oh, I just like I get really angsty.
00:32:23.599 --> 00:32:31.680
I just want her to have the conversation with me, but she's like not replying to my text, like something's off, and she's like, this feeling that she was having with this client consumed her entire week.
00:32:31.920 --> 00:32:33.519
Turns out the client just had a bad week.
00:32:33.599 --> 00:32:34.720
It was literally nothing about her.
00:32:34.880 --> 00:32:35.119
Right.
00:32:35.359 --> 00:32:39.119
And and I was joking, joking with her, I was like, oh my God, can I relate to that?
00:32:39.279 --> 00:32:42.799
I was just like, that I that is so me, you just described it.
00:32:43.039 --> 00:32:52.400
And it's what one thing that I can say is through this journey of navigating one of the hardest things I've ever had to navigate in my life.
00:32:52.720 --> 00:33:04.400
There are certain things that I used to do, obsessed over, things that I can now put into so much perspective and be like, that's not that big of a deal, you know?
00:33:04.960 --> 00:33:08.160
And I have never been able to do that before.
00:33:08.400 --> 00:33:36.640
And I think if there's any gift that I'm walking out of this for, it's that I do genuinely feel like despite my weak moments, despite my confusion, despite my feeling lost, I can really see, especially one year later, where I've also become stronger, where I've also come brought way more perspective to the table, where I've also been able to let things go because I just I can just see, like, look, I don't know, I'm that's not where my time's gonna go.
00:33:36.880 --> 00:33:37.279
Sorry.
00:33:37.440 --> 00:33:39.200
Yeah, that's just not where I'm at anymore.
00:33:39.359 --> 00:33:42.079
And if that's what you want, you're gonna have to find someone else.
00:33:42.240 --> 00:33:47.680
And I feel like I can be able to say that where I've in a way that I've never been able to before.
00:33:48.000 --> 00:33:52.960
So I think that there is you're so you're so right about that.
00:33:53.119 --> 00:34:03.279
That it's like if you can embrace it, right, and make it part of the strength that you have as well, because that is what it's going to give you perspective, right?
00:34:03.440 --> 00:34:03.759
Yes.
00:34:03.920 --> 00:34:20.400
I think that acknowledging that and making that, like I said, like part of your strength is also a huge thing to recognize and a huge piece of what's gonna help you get out of that, at least feel like you can navigate or live with that grief if it's still there with you, you know?
00:34:20.559 --> 00:34:20.719
Yeah.
00:34:20.960 --> 00:34:27.519
And that for me, I have genuinely said to my husband, I do feel like I've developed a few superpowers along this journey.
00:34:27.760 --> 00:34:29.519
And that's one of mine now.
00:34:30.559 --> 00:34:33.679
Well, I think that is that is the identity shift, right?
00:34:33.840 --> 00:34:38.800
Is that the things that worked before, there's parts of you that are just no longer available for them.
00:34:39.119 --> 00:34:45.440
That story you told of like coming to that to-do list and just being like, absolutely freaking not, this won't happen.
00:34:45.679 --> 00:34:49.760
I do believe that the shift that's actually taking place is the priority shift.
00:34:49.920 --> 00:34:59.679
And so it feels like we're losing these pieces, but there is this other perspective of like, or am I becoming more aware of what actually matters?
00:34:59.920 --> 00:35:04.239
Am I less available for certain parts of my life?
00:35:04.400 --> 00:35:05.760
And I feel that to my core.
00:35:05.920 --> 00:35:10.079
I'm more simple in everything that I do now than ever before.
00:35:10.320 --> 00:35:15.199
There's so much less overcomplication in stuff because I just don't have the team.
00:35:15.280 --> 00:35:20.639
Like it's just I'm unavailable for it, you know, I'm unavailable for relationships and friendships that aren't supportive.
00:35:20.719 --> 00:35:29.840
What I used to vie after them and just hope and pray that this person who clearly is judging me would just see me for who I am and just appreciate, you know, I don't give a shit now.
00:35:30.079 --> 00:35:31.679
You can fuck right off.
00:35:32.079 --> 00:35:32.400
You know?
00:35:32.559 --> 00:35:32.880
Yeah.
00:35:33.280 --> 00:35:35.679
And that is absolutely motherhood.
00:35:35.760 --> 00:35:37.360
So I'd love, I want to wrap this up.
00:35:37.440 --> 00:35:41.920
And I feel like it's been so stinking beautiful, but I'd love to know if you have any.
00:35:42.079 --> 00:35:50.719
I mean, you've left many, but any final messages to a woman who's listening who might be considering embarking on motherhood, might be brand new in her journey, might be a little seasoned in it.
00:35:50.880 --> 00:35:52.880
What do you have to share?
00:35:56.480 --> 00:36:02.719
I think that's something I have realized is whatever happens to you is normal.
00:36:02.960 --> 00:36:10.239
Like I had there was a lot of judging myself, purely even down to the birth itself, right?
00:36:10.400 --> 00:36:19.679
Yeah, I did not pop out the baby and have that magical moment where my world stopped and I felt the this rush of love that I never thought I'd experience again.
00:36:19.840 --> 00:36:21.039
That didn't happen for me.
00:36:21.199 --> 00:36:22.400
I actually fell asleep.
00:36:22.559 --> 00:36:24.239
I was fucking exhausted.
00:36:24.639 --> 00:36:27.760
So they put him on my chest within two seconds.
00:36:27.920 --> 00:36:29.360
I was like, someone take him off.
00:36:29.519 --> 00:36:30.559
I am going to pass out.
00:36:30.719 --> 00:36:31.840
And that's what happened.
00:36:32.079 --> 00:36:37.840
And I woke up an hour later, bawling my eyes out because I thought I fucked up my own birth, you know?
00:36:38.159 --> 00:36:42.320
And now to come to realize that happens to a lot of people.
00:36:42.480 --> 00:36:43.920
That's not weird at all.
00:36:44.079 --> 00:36:45.039
That happens.
00:36:45.360 --> 00:36:54.559
And I think that it took a really long time for me to stop looking at everything I was going through and judging it as like, oh, why do I have to have this happen to me?
00:36:54.639 --> 00:36:59.360
Why can't I have what everyone else has again and again and again?
00:36:59.519 --> 00:37:10.639
And what I have realized, thank God, because I have a podcast with my husband that is not related to business called relatable, and we just talk about shit, to be honest, like the stuff we're going through.
00:37:10.960 --> 00:37:18.079
And I, in response to that, of just being open about those things, the amount of messages I've gotten being like, that happened to me.
00:37:18.159 --> 00:37:20.239
Oh my God, I cannot believe you just said that.
00:37:20.320 --> 00:37:22.400
That is, I had no idea that was normal.
00:37:22.719 --> 00:37:27.599
Everything, whatever it is, whatever the experience is, it's normal.
00:37:27.760 --> 00:37:28.559
I promise.
00:37:28.719 --> 00:37:31.679
There are so many people that are experienced the exact same thing.
00:37:31.920 --> 00:37:42.159
And I think when I finally realized that and I stopped comparing what my journey was to compare to someone else's, that was so liberating.
00:37:42.480 --> 00:37:44.000
I was going through a hard time.
00:37:44.079 --> 00:37:45.119
I've said that here.
00:37:45.360 --> 00:37:51.840
And yet I still felt a feeling of freedom knowing that I wasn't the only one going through that.
00:37:51.920 --> 00:37:53.920
And Meg's text helped that as well.
00:37:54.079 --> 00:38:03.199
Because when it did happen to me, knowing that it happened to her as well, I was like, well, if that also happened to her, this can't be just a Sophia thing.
00:38:03.360 --> 00:38:08.320
So I feel like I that is the number one for me takeaway from this entire experience.
00:38:08.559 --> 00:38:08.800
Yeah.
00:38:08.880 --> 00:38:18.559
And as I mentioned, even when we were getting started, the whole point of the series is and this podcast, right, is to normalize feelings and experiences that we have.
00:38:18.719 --> 00:38:22.400
It's shamelessly ambitious because I want us to be shameless.
00:38:22.480 --> 00:38:28.400
And we live in a world right now, unfortunately, where there is so much opportunity to compare ourselves.
00:38:28.719 --> 00:38:32.639
A thousand percent more than we had 20 years ago, 30 years ago, 40.
00:38:33.039 --> 00:38:36.000
Not what my parents, I mean, I'm almost 40, which is crazy.
00:38:36.239 --> 00:38:41.280
But my parents did not have to have all of this constantly front and center.
00:38:41.440 --> 00:38:43.920
Everybody else's experiences, everybody else's stories.
00:38:44.000 --> 00:38:49.039
And as we know to be true on social media specifically, they're not true stories.
00:38:49.280 --> 00:38:51.280
They are perfected stories.
00:38:51.440 --> 00:38:53.280
They are the pretty version that we want to share.
00:38:53.440 --> 00:38:54.800
Sometimes people are vulnerable.
00:38:54.880 --> 00:38:56.000
That does exist, of course.
00:38:56.159 --> 00:38:59.599
But for the most part, we are not seeing the truth.
00:38:59.760 --> 00:39:01.280
And then we are comparing it.
00:39:01.360 --> 00:39:03.840
We're comparing our messy kitchen to somebody's clean kitchen.
00:39:04.000 --> 00:39:10.400
We're comparing our marriage to that, those amazing pictures where they look like they're friendly, but they could be fucking on the bring of divorce.
00:39:10.480 --> 00:39:11.760
We have no clue, you know?
00:39:12.000 --> 00:39:12.159
Yes.
00:39:12.559 --> 00:39:17.679
And so I think to add on to what you're saying, it's just be really mindful of your consumption.
00:39:17.840 --> 00:39:22.400
I think that we as humans consume at an inhumane rate right now.
00:39:22.480 --> 00:39:35.599
And I say that so intentionally, inhumane, meaning that it's not good for us, but especially when it comes to motherhood, because there are so many amazing perspectives and ways to parent.
00:39:36.159 --> 00:39:37.119
So many.
00:39:37.440 --> 00:39:42.079
Meaning that there are so many rights, there are so many right ways to do everything.
00:39:42.320 --> 00:39:47.840
And to think that you need to fit in a certain box is the most detrimental thing as a mom, period.
00:39:48.000 --> 00:40:01.679
So this is one of the reasons why I left social media almost a year ago at this point, because I just need, I need to be centered in what I believe and what I think and what I want and not fall to comparison because I'm human.
00:40:01.760 --> 00:40:04.880
Even if I know not to compare, I did anyway.
00:40:05.039 --> 00:40:06.719
You know, so yes, I love that.
00:40:06.800 --> 00:40:07.199
I love that.
00:40:07.280 --> 00:40:08.079
Where can people find you?
00:40:08.159 --> 00:40:08.960
I know they're gonna want to know.
00:40:09.039 --> 00:40:11.599
And now we know relatable, the podcast with your woodsman.
00:40:11.679 --> 00:40:12.559
It's one place.
00:40:12.800 --> 00:40:18.000
Yeah, that that's definitely if you want more of an unhinged podcast, we go all over the place on that one.
00:40:18.159 --> 00:40:24.239
So Relatable with the Roses, it's with my husband Bradley Rose, who, if you are a Pelotoner, you might know him.
00:40:24.400 --> 00:40:26.480
He's one of the cycling instructors.
00:40:26.719 --> 00:40:33.119
I also, if you're a business owner, you can follow me over on Marketing Unfiltered, which is my marketing podcast.
00:40:33.280 --> 00:40:34.880
Ash was obviously on that show.
00:40:35.039 --> 00:40:37.199
We had a great, I loved that interview so much.
00:40:37.360 --> 00:40:39.119
So that was a great conversation.
00:40:39.199 --> 00:40:40.719
I think you said you put it in the show notes.
00:40:40.800 --> 00:40:42.480
So, like, don't miss that.
00:40:42.719 --> 00:40:46.719
And yeah, I mean, I those are the two best places to stay connected.
00:40:46.880 --> 00:40:49.679
I am on social, but I'm like No judgment.
00:40:49.840 --> 00:40:53.840
Yeah, I I'm actually very it's a crazy story.
00:40:53.920 --> 00:41:00.000
I used to be a social media strategist, so it is a wild to say that I don't actually hang out there as much as I used to.
00:41:00.320 --> 00:41:03.440
But to our point here, motherhood exactly.
00:41:03.599 --> 00:41:04.880
And it just did not.
00:41:05.199 --> 00:41:10.320
I looked at the numbers, I looked at my data, which is what I teach you how to do in marketing unfiltered.
00:41:10.559 --> 00:41:15.760
And what I had used to use it for, which is relationship building, I was doing in other ways.
00:41:15.920 --> 00:41:17.280
So I was like, I don't need this.
00:41:17.440 --> 00:41:21.039
I can choose not to do this and do these other things instead.
00:41:21.280 --> 00:41:22.719
So that's what I do.
00:41:22.880 --> 00:41:27.920
And so you can follow me there so that every once in a while I'll tell you where I'm going instead.
00:41:28.079 --> 00:41:31.360
But marketing unfiltered is a great place to stay connected.
00:41:31.599 --> 00:41:32.159
I love it.
00:41:32.239 --> 00:41:36.400
Well, thank you so much for coming and bringing your honesty and your vulnerability.
00:41:36.480 --> 00:41:43.840
I know these aren't always rainbows and sunshine kind of conversations because we're getting into the nitty gritty, but you're making a difference, and I'm glad you were here.
00:41:44.159 --> 00:41:44.559
Thank you.
00:41:44.719 --> 00:41:46.320
Thank you so much for having me.
00:41:46.559 --> 00:41:47.199
Yeah.