WEBVTT
1
00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:05.599
Support for the following podcast is provided
by the user experience specialists at Johns and
2
00:00:05.639 --> 00:00:12.519
Taylor. More information follows this episode. What if the core of your most
3
00:00:12.640 --> 00:00:18.800
frustrating behavior lies in your desire to
keep people happy? I'm Joe Taylor Junior.
4
00:00:19.199 --> 00:00:28.359
This is Search and Replace. Podcaster
Tina o'han says that the hard choices
5
00:00:28.440 --> 00:00:33.039
her mother made when she was young
led to a behavior that would eventually cause
6
00:00:33.079 --> 00:00:36.840
one of Tina's biggest problems. I
was like five, one of my parents
7
00:00:36.880 --> 00:00:44.079
divorced. But then eventually my mom
had to make the hard choice of working
8
00:00:44.200 --> 00:00:47.200
a lot more because she don't work. Then, however, you're going to
9
00:00:47.240 --> 00:00:52.479
have a riftop top over it and
have food on a table and just eating,
10
00:00:52.600 --> 00:00:55.880
you know, And so she hasn't
made that choice of be the provider
11
00:00:56.240 --> 00:01:00.479
or be the caregiver. Yeah,
the nurturing mothers can be. So she
12
00:01:00.759 --> 00:01:04.359
had to work a lot, and
we have to stay with babysitters most of
13
00:01:04.400 --> 00:01:08.439
the time. She made time for
us. But just like overall, I
14
00:01:08.560 --> 00:01:14.159
developed that people pleasing. If you've
never heard the term in this context,
15
00:01:14.439 --> 00:01:19.040
professionals in the mental health community say
that people pleasing sounds like a good thing
16
00:01:19.159 --> 00:01:23.359
on the surface. It's that desire
to be kind or helpful, to step
17
00:01:23.439 --> 00:01:29.799
up when someone needs something, but
many people pleasers push that behavior too far.
18
00:01:30.400 --> 00:01:34.519
In the worst cases, people pleasers
end up neglecting their own needs in
19
00:01:34.560 --> 00:01:38.560
favor of making things happen for others. And that's the situation Tina found herself
20
00:01:38.599 --> 00:01:46.280
in. If I don't make other
people happy or do something that makes them
21
00:01:46.680 --> 00:01:49.719
that will like me, I will
feel depleted, I will feel debilitated.
22
00:01:49.799 --> 00:01:53.599
I was like, I need to
do something about this. If I don't
23
00:01:53.640 --> 00:01:56.120
do this, they would never want
to be my friend, They never want
24
00:01:56.159 --> 00:02:00.640
to be my life. My word
is tied to their action. And it's
25
00:02:00.959 --> 00:02:04.959
not just like you sad within the
families, also within friends, to where
26
00:02:05.000 --> 00:02:07.039
I struggle with that a lot.
I'm in my thirties now. And then
27
00:02:07.159 --> 00:02:10.800
finally, like during COVID, that's
when it was like, Okay, I
28
00:02:10.840 --> 00:02:15.240
don't want to be a people pleaser
anymore, and I just wanted to be
29
00:02:15.280 --> 00:02:19.919
assertive, but more so because someone
broke up with me and they told me,
30
00:02:20.919 --> 00:02:23.919
Tina, your passivity is unattractive,
Like, oh, do I believe
31
00:02:24.039 --> 00:02:28.800
to go down this path like that? I will will forever be passive and
32
00:02:28.919 --> 00:02:31.120
also ask my friends too, Am
I passive? And they all said yes,
33
00:02:31.319 --> 00:02:35.919
and I'm just like, oh man, okay. So I had to
34
00:02:35.919 --> 00:02:38.319
make the decision of do I want
to continue being on this path forever be
35
00:02:38.400 --> 00:02:43.240
a people pleaser, to put other
people before me and put myself in the
36
00:02:43.280 --> 00:02:46.840
back, always believing that I don't
matter and I am not important. That
37
00:02:46.919 --> 00:02:53.400
decision sent Tina on an epic journey
of self discovery that included a very important
38
00:02:53.520 --> 00:02:57.599
phone call. So when I finally
made that decision to you know, it's
39
00:02:57.719 --> 00:02:59.960
like, I want to do it. I'm going to grow because I want
40
00:03:00.159 --> 00:03:04.199
to be assertive. It started five
years ago with that too. I learned
41
00:03:04.199 --> 00:03:09.800
about my and a child too,
which is who because she is fifteen,
42
00:03:09.879 --> 00:03:14.439
sixteen years old, I call her
Tiny Tina. I've learned a lot about
43
00:03:14.479 --> 00:03:20.840
her so far and where she's at
really in regards of like how much hurt
44
00:03:21.000 --> 00:03:25.960
she's been going through so much of
what what she needed, what she wanted.
45
00:03:27.400 --> 00:03:30.960
But then it's kind of like,
okay, girl, I know.
46
00:03:30.439 --> 00:03:35.960
I think. Also at that time, I didn't have therapy because I didn't
47
00:03:35.960 --> 00:03:38.800
have health insurance, so I couldn't
see a therapist for that. Thankfully,
48
00:03:38.879 --> 00:03:45.759
it was wonderful to have the warm
line there, and I recommend anyone to
49
00:03:45.879 --> 00:03:51.120
just have someone to listen to you. So that's also a great resource that
50
00:03:51.199 --> 00:03:55.120
for anyone to use when you're the
analogy of you're kind of simmering right now,
51
00:03:55.159 --> 00:03:59.039
like it's a great time to chalk
to a warmland. You're feeling really
52
00:03:59.080 --> 00:04:01.199
anxious, feeling in great stress or
whatever, but you need to talk to
53
00:04:01.240 --> 00:04:04.840
someone. So the warmline is a
great resource. The warmline really helped me
54
00:04:05.560 --> 00:04:13.159
navigate it through that process of journaling, reading, and just having someone neutral
55
00:04:13.319 --> 00:04:15.600
there to just listen. You may
be familiar with the idea of a mental
56
00:04:15.600 --> 00:04:21.680
health hotline. A warmline operates in
a similar way, organized by peers going
57
00:04:21.720 --> 00:04:28.000
through their own mental health recovery,
offering a network of community based phone numbers
58
00:04:28.000 --> 00:04:32.040
for people who are not in immediate
crisis but can benefit from talking to someone
59
00:04:32.079 --> 00:04:36.639
who can help support them. Although
some warmlines are a little more structured and
60
00:04:36.720 --> 00:04:43.480
formal than others, the American Psychiatric
Association has tracked down warm lines operating in
61
00:04:43.519 --> 00:04:47.920
at least thirty states, often offering
support for callers who don't have access to
62
00:04:48.040 --> 00:04:54.120
professional mental health care. As far
as Tina's story goes, she's now hosting
63
00:04:54.199 --> 00:05:00.560
conversations about mental health on a podcast. I created The Courageous Interbeast just having
64
00:05:00.600 --> 00:05:03.800
women share their story, unfiltered,
uncensored, like we are here to just
65
00:05:03.920 --> 00:05:08.199
like say, however, you want
the work on a vibe like that,
66
00:05:08.439 --> 00:05:11.600
you know it's just gonna be how
it is. And I feel like I'm
67
00:05:11.600 --> 00:05:14.800
not already doing that work, and
I love it. I love meeting with
68
00:05:14.879 --> 00:05:17.160
women and then also now showing up
for myself like I've been showing up for
69
00:05:17.199 --> 00:05:21.720
other women, now I want to
show up for myself for other people.
70
00:05:21.959 --> 00:05:27.560
Tina says that she's mixing up interviews
with solo episodes about her own journey and
71
00:05:27.600 --> 00:05:31.279
that she's harnessing the energy she used
to spend pleasing other people into focusing on
72
00:05:31.360 --> 00:05:38.680
her own satisfaction. I feel so
powered up to do stuff that I want
73
00:05:38.720 --> 00:05:44.519
to do, and I you know, it's I'm reflecting and I'm saying this
74
00:05:44.560 --> 00:05:47.360
out loud to myself. I love
where I'm at right now, like the
75
00:05:47.439 --> 00:05:53.120
confidence. I want to do so
much more for myself and for the community,
76
00:05:53.680 --> 00:05:58.560
and I want I don't know,
I just want love for everyone and
77
00:05:58.639 --> 00:06:02.360
compassion and just like for women right
now too, just like owne up for
78
00:06:02.439 --> 00:06:06.560
yourself, like be the fire beast
that you are, Like you are like
79
00:06:06.720 --> 00:06:11.639
the fire and you and you know
you're being your true self and you're just
80
00:06:11.680 --> 00:06:14.160
like, yeah, this is how
I am. Is how much power?
81
00:06:14.199 --> 00:06:16.920
How much energy I have? You
know? And I have that energy,
82
00:06:17.040 --> 00:06:21.920
Like I have so much energy until
eventually I ought to dive down because I'm
83
00:06:23.000 --> 00:06:27.439
not. I can't stay high all
the time because that's just not how I
84
00:06:27.480 --> 00:06:31.399
operate as a person. But yeah, it's it feels good. I feel
85
00:06:31.399 --> 00:06:35.720
good, and I feel good right
now. That's Tina Ohuan, host of
86
00:06:35.759 --> 00:06:40.920
The Courageous inter Beast podcast. We've
got links to Tina's work in our show
87
00:06:40.920 --> 00:06:46.519
notes and on our website at search
and Replace dot show. Search and Replace
88
00:06:46.680 --> 00:06:50.160
was produced by Nicole Hubbard, with
support from Connie Evans, Amelia Lowman,
89
00:06:50.399 --> 00:06:56.560
April Smith, and Podcast Taxi executive
producer Lori Taylor. Our theme music was
90
00:06:56.600 --> 00:07:05.759
composed by Alex Rufeier. I'm Joe
Taylor Jr. This has been a podcast
91
00:07:05.800 --> 00:07:14.480
Taxi Radio production support for Surge and
Replaces provided by Johnson Taylor User Experience Specialists
92
00:07:14.519 --> 00:07:19.360
serving media and technology companies that want
their websites to work. Learn more about
93
00:07:19.360 --> 00:07:27.639
how top performing businesses eliminate barriers between
customers and their goals at www. Dot
94
00:07:27.839 --> 00:07:30.800
Make the website work for me dot
com
1
00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:05.599
Support for the following podcast is provided
by the user experience specialists at Johns and
2
00:00:05.639 --> 00:00:12.519
Taylor. More information follows this episode. What if the core of your most
3
00:00:12.640 --> 00:00:18.800
frustrating behavior lies in your desire to
keep people happy? I'm Joe Taylor Junior.
4
00:00:19.199 --> 00:00:28.359
This is Search and Replace. Podcaster
Tina o'han says that the hard choices
5
00:00:28.440 --> 00:00:33.039
her mother made when she was young
led to a behavior that would eventually cause
6
00:00:33.079 --> 00:00:36.840
one of Tina's biggest problems. I
was like five, one of my parents
7
00:00:36.880 --> 00:00:44.079
divorced. But then eventually my mom
had to make the hard choice of working
8
00:00:44.200 --> 00:00:47.200
a lot more because she don't work. Then, however, you're going to
9
00:00:47.240 --> 00:00:52.479
have a riftop top over it and
have food on a table and just eating,
10
00:00:52.600 --> 00:00:55.880
you know, And so she hasn't
made that choice of be the provider
11
00:00:56.240 --> 00:01:00.479
or be the caregiver. Yeah,
the nurturing mothers can be. So she
12
00:01:00.759 --> 00:01:04.359
had to work a lot, and
we have to stay with babysitters most of
13
00:01:04.400 --> 00:01:08.439
the time. She made time for
us. But just like overall, I
14
00:01:08.560 --> 00:01:14.159
developed that people pleasing. If you've
never heard the term in this context,
15
00:01:14.439 --> 00:01:19.040
professionals in the mental health community say
that people pleasing sounds like a good thing
16
00:01:19.159 --> 00:01:23.359
on the surface. It's that desire
to be kind or helpful, to step
17
00:01:23.439 --> 00:01:29.799
up when someone needs something, but
many people pleasers push that behavior too far.
18
00:01:30.400 --> 00:01:34.519
In the worst cases, people pleasers
end up neglecting their own needs in
19
00:01:34.560 --> 00:01:38.560
favor of making things happen for others. And that's the situation Tina found herself
20
00:01:38.599 --> 00:01:46.280
in. If I don't make other
people happy or do something that makes them
21
00:01:46.680 --> 00:01:49.719
that will like me, I will
feel depleted, I will feel debilitated.
22
00:01:49.799 --> 00:01:53.599
I was like, I need to
do something about this. If I don't
23
00:01:53.640 --> 00:01:56.120
do this, they would never want
to be my friend, They never want
24
00:01:56.159 --> 00:02:00.640
to be my life. My word
is tied to their action. And it's
25
00:02:00.959 --> 00:02:04.959
not just like you sad within the
families, also within friends, to where
26
00:02:05.000 --> 00:02:07.039
I struggle with that a lot.
I'm in my thirties now. And then
27
00:02:07.159 --> 00:02:10.800
finally, like during COVID, that's
when it was like, Okay, I
28
00:02:10.840 --> 00:02:15.240
don't want to be a people pleaser
anymore, and I just wanted to be
29
00:02:15.280 --> 00:02:19.919
assertive, but more so because someone
broke up with me and they told me,
30
00:02:20.919 --> 00:02:23.919
Tina, your passivity is unattractive,
Like, oh, do I believe
31
00:02:24.039 --> 00:02:28.800
to go down this path like that? I will will forever be passive and
32
00:02:28.919 --> 00:02:31.120
also ask my friends too, Am
I passive? And they all said yes,
33
00:02:31.319 --> 00:02:35.919
and I'm just like, oh man, okay. So I had to
34
00:02:35.919 --> 00:02:38.319
make the decision of do I want
to continue being on this path forever be
35
00:02:38.400 --> 00:02:43.240
a people pleaser, to put other
people before me and put myself in the
36
00:02:43.280 --> 00:02:46.840
back, always believing that I don't
matter and I am not important. That
37
00:02:46.919 --> 00:02:53.400
decision sent Tina on an epic journey
of self discovery that included a very important
38
00:02:53.520 --> 00:02:57.599
phone call. So when I finally
made that decision to you know, it's
39
00:02:57.719 --> 00:02:59.960
like, I want to do it. I'm going to grow because I want
40
00:03:00.159 --> 00:03:04.199
to be assertive. It started five
years ago with that too. I learned
41
00:03:04.199 --> 00:03:09.800
about my and a child too,
which is who because she is fifteen,
42
00:03:09.879 --> 00:03:14.439
sixteen years old, I call her
Tiny Tina. I've learned a lot about
43
00:03:14.479 --> 00:03:20.840
her so far and where she's at
really in regards of like how much hurt
44
00:03:21.000 --> 00:03:25.960
she's been going through so much of
what what she needed, what she wanted.
45
00:03:27.400 --> 00:03:30.960
But then it's kind of like,
okay, girl, I know.
46
00:03:30.439 --> 00:03:35.960
I think. Also at that time, I didn't have therapy because I didn't
47
00:03:35.960 --> 00:03:38.800
have health insurance, so I couldn't
see a therapist for that. Thankfully,
48
00:03:38.879 --> 00:03:45.759
it was wonderful to have the warm
line there, and I recommend anyone to
49
00:03:45.879 --> 00:03:51.120
just have someone to listen to you. So that's also a great resource that
50
00:03:51.199 --> 00:03:55.120
for anyone to use when you're the
analogy of you're kind of simmering right now,
51
00:03:55.159 --> 00:03:59.039
like it's a great time to chalk
to a warmland. You're feeling really
52
00:03:59.080 --> 00:04:01.199
anxious, feeling in great stress or
whatever, but you need to talk to
53
00:04:01.240 --> 00:04:04.840
someone. So the warmline is a
great resource. The warmline really helped me
54
00:04:05.560 --> 00:04:13.159
navigate it through that process of journaling, reading, and just having someone neutral
55
00:04:13.319 --> 00:04:15.600
there to just listen. You may
be familiar with the idea of a mental
56
00:04:15.600 --> 00:04:21.680
health hotline. A warmline operates in
a similar way, organized by peers going
57
00:04:21.720 --> 00:04:28.000
through their own mental health recovery,
offering a network of community based phone numbers
58
00:04:28.000 --> 00:04:32.040
for people who are not in immediate
crisis but can benefit from talking to someone
59
00:04:32.079 --> 00:04:36.639
who can help support them. Although
some warmlines are a little more structured and
60
00:04:36.720 --> 00:04:43.480
formal than others, the American Psychiatric
Association has tracked down warm lines operating in
61
00:04:43.519 --> 00:04:47.920
at least thirty states, often offering
support for callers who don't have access to
62
00:04:48.040 --> 00:04:54.120
professional mental health care. As far
as Tina's story goes, she's now hosting
63
00:04:54.199 --> 00:05:00.560
conversations about mental health on a podcast. I created The Courageous Interbeast just having
64
00:05:00.600 --> 00:05:03.800
women share their story, unfiltered,
uncensored, like we are here to just
65
00:05:03.920 --> 00:05:08.199
like say, however, you want
the work on a vibe like that,
66
00:05:08.439 --> 00:05:11.600
you know it's just gonna be how
it is. And I feel like I'm
67
00:05:11.600 --> 00:05:14.800
not already doing that work, and
I love it. I love meeting with
68
00:05:14.879 --> 00:05:17.160
women and then also now showing up
for myself like I've been showing up for
69
00:05:17.199 --> 00:05:21.720
other women, now I want to
show up for myself for other people.
70
00:05:21.959 --> 00:05:27.560
Tina says that she's mixing up interviews
with solo episodes about her own journey and
71
00:05:27.600 --> 00:05:31.279
that she's harnessing the energy she used
to spend pleasing other people into focusing on
72
00:05:31.360 --> 00:05:38.680
her own satisfaction. I feel so
powered up to do stuff that I want
73
00:05:38.720 --> 00:05:44.519
to do, and I you know, it's I'm reflecting and I'm saying this
74
00:05:44.560 --> 00:05:47.360
out loud to myself. I love
where I'm at right now, like the
75
00:05:47.439 --> 00:05:53.120
confidence. I want to do so
much more for myself and for the community,
76
00:05:53.680 --> 00:05:58.560
and I want I don't know,
I just want love for everyone and
77
00:05:58.639 --> 00:06:02.360
compassion and just like for women right
now too, just like owne up for
78
00:06:02.439 --> 00:06:06.560
yourself, like be the fire beast
that you are, Like you are like
79
00:06:06.720 --> 00:06:11.639
the fire and you and you know
you're being your true self and you're just
80
00:06:11.680 --> 00:06:14.160
like, yeah, this is how
I am. Is how much power?
81
00:06:14.199 --> 00:06:16.920
How much energy I have? You
know? And I have that energy,
82
00:06:17.040 --> 00:06:21.920
Like I have so much energy until
eventually I ought to dive down because I'm
83
00:06:23.000 --> 00:06:27.439
not. I can't stay high all
the time because that's just not how I
84
00:06:27.480 --> 00:06:31.399
operate as a person. But yeah, it's it feels good. I feel
85
00:06:31.399 --> 00:06:35.720
good, and I feel good right
now. That's Tina Ohuan, host of
86
00:06:35.759 --> 00:06:40.920
The Courageous inter Beast podcast. We've
got links to Tina's work in our show
87
00:06:40.920 --> 00:06:46.519
notes and on our website at search
and Replace dot show. Search and Replace
88
00:06:46.680 --> 00:06:50.160
was produced by Nicole Hubbard, with
support from Connie Evans, Amelia Lowman,
89
00:06:50.399 --> 00:06:56.560
April Smith, and Podcast Taxi executive
producer Lori Taylor. Our theme music was
90
00:06:56.600 --> 00:07:05.759
composed by Alex Rufeier. I'm Joe
Taylor Jr. This has been a podcast
91
00:07:05.800 --> 00:07:14.480
Taxi Radio production support for Surge and
Replaces provided by Johnson Taylor User Experience Specialists
92
00:07:14.519 --> 00:07:19.360
serving media and technology companies that want
their websites to work. Learn more about
93
00:07:19.360 --> 00:07:27.639
how top performing businesses eliminate barriers between
customers and their goals at www. Dot
94
00:07:27.839 --> 00:07:30.800
Make the website work for me dot
com
