WEBVTT
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Hi, I'm Kirsten, fellow mom, and your biggest cheerleader in all things motherhood and parenting.
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My husband and I co-founded Parker Baby Co.
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with one mission in mind to nurture and grow strong families.
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And that mission continues right here on Rooted Conversations.
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So grab a cozy drink, take a deep breath, and remember you're not alone in this journey.
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Hi everyone, welcome back to Rooted Conversations.
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I am Kirsten Hiebner, the co-owner of Parker Baby.
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And today I have a very special guest.
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I have Beth Carey.
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She is the mother of our COO at Parker Baby, Ryan Carey, and his she is the grandmother to, they're almost like cousins to my children.
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Lucy, Carl, Rose, and oh my gosh, Annie.
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So yeah, they're kind of about the same ages as my kids.
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They've got their youngers, or um, two are a little bit younger than um our four, but we've kind of done life with Ryan and Abby.
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Um and we've just done a lot of fun things with uh with Ryan, her son.
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And we had a lot of amazing grandparents to choose from for this podcast about intentional grandparenting.
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And uh yeah, so Beth, but we've just heard so many great things about Beth from both Ryan and Abby, and I'm really excited to chat with you, Beth, and uh get to know you a little more.
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And um yeah, so thank you for being here.
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Thank you for the invitation.
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I'm honored.
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Yeah, so you have how many children?
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So we have three sons.
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So Ryan's our oldest in Colorado, and Tyler's out here in the Pacific Northwest with us uh with his family, and then Max is in California, and they're all three are married, and Ryan has four, as you mentioned.
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Tyler has three, and Max has two, so we have nine grandchildren.
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Oh wow, and all under so is um Lucy your oldest?
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Lucy's the oldest, almost 11, and then our youngest is a year old, a little over a year.
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Yeah, yeah.
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So you guys have your hands full too.
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It's fun, it's fun, all the different ages.
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Oh my gosh, that is so fun.
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So you guys have you're a military family, and you've kind of lived all over the place.
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We have, yeah.
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Ryan and Tyler were both born in Germany, and then Ryan, I mean, Max was born in um Northern Virginia.
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Randy was at the Pentagon, and then we moved to Wheaton and we were there for 25 years, and then we relocated out here about four years ago with Ty and Brittany.
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So it's been an adventure.
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That's so special.
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Yeah, that's nice when you get to be by, I'm sure they appreciate you living out there.
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And I know that Ryan and Abby love coming and visiting.
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How was it when you came in babysat while we were hiking the Grand Canyon a few like a month ago, right?
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Yeah.
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So that was quite an experience because I've never managed four children before.
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But as long as I had, you know, Lucy to guide me, that helped.
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Um, I think the moment the reality hit was when I realized my husband was in Thailand.
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Randy was in Thailand on a work trip.
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And then um I realized that Ryan and Abby were in the base of the Grand Canyon, and and Ryan, uh Robin and Jim were with them, who are normally the support in Fort Collins.
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Oh, and so it was kind of this moment of I'm uh I'm all alone in this.
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So but other people, you know, texted and said they would they were available if needed, but it was delightful.
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It you realize how tiring it is, and when you haven't done it in a while, um, just thinking of the food, you know, all the things you young moms are doing just so naturally, when you haven't done it in a while, it yeah, it's definitely um a readjustment.
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And I slept pretty well.
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Yeah.
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Well, I know Ryan and Abby had full faith in you when we were when we were at the bottom and we they were just like, oh, she's got it, she can do it.
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Yeah, but yeah, I even now like I have one of my best friends.
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Um, she has a baby, like a one year, she's turned one, but I'm like, I'm exhausted, I'm not even that far out of it.
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And I'm like, oh my gosh, I I don't think I can go back and do it all again.
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Yeah, so it's crazy how when you get out of it, but well, and just the layer of them missing their mom and dad, you know, that came in and out every once in a while, especially with the two younger ones.
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So yeah, yeah, I bet, yeah, for sure.
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But we had a great time, so thank you for doing that.
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That was a that was an adventure, that's for sure.
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A big adventure, yeah.
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I got to mark that off the bucket list.
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So remind me your husband's name again.
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Randy.
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Randy.
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Okay, thank you.
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Um so what so today's podcast is about intentional grandparenting.
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Um, what does that mean?
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What does intentional grandparenting mean to you?
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So when we became grandparents, um Ryan and Abby were in Colorado Springs.
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Ryan's still in the army.
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So, yeah, Ryan was deployed, and so we tried to support Abby as much as we could.
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I was still teaching.
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And so we started just I think exploring what what does it mean, you know, to grandparent.
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You have your base knowledge of your experience, but we knew we really wanted to be involved and supporting them.
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And I think what came out, and as we've added in each family, is just that partnership with the parents.
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And um, I think it's also being making yourself available and just living from a mindset of um they have their nuclear family now, and your role is different, but you're still part of that.
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And um there's research that's shown that the second most influential people in a child's life next to their parents are their grandparents.
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And so I feel like, you know, our generation has really maybe struggled with that a little bit.
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What does that look like?
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And I think with your generation having access to so much information about parenting and views on parenting have changed.
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Um, I think it, I think the partnership is is what I've has really come to help me.
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And then the intentional part comes out of that because um, you know, it's not our generation, you know, we kind of learned people have the attitude you spoil your grandchildren.
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And it's figuring out how you bring fun things in, but you're partnering with their parents on the things that are important to them.
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Yeah, yeah, I love that.
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I love that because you know, the media portrays in-laws, especially I feel like the husbands' in-laws.
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And I as women, there's this stigma around husbands, moms, and because it is different.
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I think moms, moms need their moms, right?
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Like, and it's just always different with the husband's mom.
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And I feel like you've done such a good job of bridging that gap with Abby.
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And you're you're just so good at being there for them and supporting them as parents.
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And I don't know, I just I think you've done that so beautifully, and I know that this it's just um, it's not an easy relationship.
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And I think people struggle with it.
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I think a lot of people, there's a lot of hurt in a lot of families.
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Yes.
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And I think one of the things I've learned, and yes, I I am so thankful for each of my daughter-in-laws.
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And when my sons were getting married, I told each of them, you know, love them well and don't ever let me get in the way of your relationship.
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And I mean, there have been times where they've had to say something, or um, we've had some fun conversations, you know, about um expectations or unspoken expectations.
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But yeah, I think in this stage of life, being the mother-in-law is to, you know, the mother of the son, the husband, is a really hard place.
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Yet I my daughter-in-laws have been so gracious.
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And I am so thankful for that.
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Um, because yeah, I I've made some mistakes.
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And I mean, we're getting ready to go to Disneyland this week with our whole family.
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And yeah, and even in the yeah, the planning of that, it's just been fun to see everyone's excitement in being part of the planning.
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And that's a really cool thing because I don't have to be in charge of that, you know, and I think I think sometimes, you know, the mother-in-law or the mother feels like they have to run the show.
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And I'm just so thankful for these, you know, families that are just um so willing to, yeah, take a lead.
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And and I think that's one thing I've learned is that you know, hold your expectations and traditions lightly or flet with flexibility because you do want them to create their family and their nucleus family.
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And so with that, you've kind of maybe got let go of some of yours, but I haven't had to let go of much because they've just been so supportive.
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So that's great, that's great advice.
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I think as moms, we work so hard for so long to build these magical moments and these traditions, and then like to watch them have to, you know, to do their own thing, you know, like you want to continue that and you kind of have have to give that up.
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I'm sure that's yes, you uh you as moms, you're working so hard.
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And I think that time with the Colorado Carries really helped me to be reminded of that.
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Just all that's going through mom's head all day.
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All day.
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Oh, yeah, when you're babysitting.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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I think that's really great advice about respecting the traditions that moms are trying to establish.
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That that's really important.
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And the other factor too is the other side of the family, you know, just accepting that as part of the partnership, too.
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And I have come to be so grateful for the other grandparents supporting our three sons and wives and family.
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So um that's always another layer that um it can be beautiful or caught can cause friction.
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So what was um what's was your experience like with intentional grandparents?
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Did you have a lot of support when you were raising the boys with like your parents or uh Randy's parents?
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Um, yes, I mean they were both sets of grandparents were um we worked hard to make to allow our sons to get to know them because Randy's parents lived on the West Coast, mine lived on the East Coast, and initially we were in Germany.
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So we would come back, and a trip would entail our vacation time would be visiting each set of grandparents.
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Oh wow.
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So, yes, and you know, a lot of things I learned from my mom, like a love of books and how important those are for children.
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Um, my dad was a storyteller.
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Um Randy's parents, Jim and Mary, just could always provide, you know, they'd always have places like go feed the ducks and things like that that the kids love to do.
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Um but maybe just, you know, I think the idea of being intentional grandparents has come out even more um over the years.
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But yeah, they and there were some fun traditions, you know, when we would get together and but not very often, you know, would we um I don't we have maybe one or two times where they were stayed with the kids so we could do something.
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Um I think and that was partially the distance and they didn't have that day-to-day connection time.
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So yeah.
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Did you have standard or like other relationships in your life that especially with Randy being in the military, um, that gave you some support as a mom?
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Yeah, I mean, like when I first became a mom, we would we had like um mom coffee groups and we were in Germany, so we just gather in someone's quarters and um you know, sit around, talk, and the babies would play, and then that became a play group.
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So in the military, it was our military family.
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We're all kind of in the same boat, so we would um yeah, support each other that way.
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Um, and then I, you know, I had friends in each place we lived, and we would share caring for kids or making meals together, whatever.
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So yeah, it was you just had to be more intentional in finding it, I think, as you moved around.
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Yeah.
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Do you think because you your parents lived further away that that kind of made you want to be more involved or make more?
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I guess now it's easier to travel, but um see grandkids and stuff.
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Yeah, I mean, travel is is our lifestyle, you know, since we had children.
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Yeah, I as we became grandparents, I started looking for resources, um, just you know, that might be an encouragement and didn't find a lot.
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And then um a friend and I were laughing one day, talking about maybe writing a book.
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Her kid grandkids were all near, mine were all far.
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And so as I started writing a book proposal and doing some research, I found an organization called Legacy Coalition, and um they are basically um kind of launched my understanding of intentional grandparenting.
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So they have something called Grand Monday Monites that's every Monday night, and then they have a summit, an annual summit.
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And so we started gathering once we got out here, we started gathering grandparents together, and it's just interesting all the different um, of course, backgrounds people are coming from, but also it's it's so interesting to hear people's stories, and you know, not everyone has daughter-in-laws who invite them in or sons who support that or um access to their grandchildren.
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And so I think that really helped form formulate for us just the privilege um we have, you know, just being more intentional.
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And um, so yeah, so you know, in the military it was our friends, our peers, and um through the years it's just been friends as I think as they become grandparents, just kind of walking alongside each other.
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That's awesome.
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That's awesome.
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Um, Randy is a grandpa.
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What's um his way of being an intentional grandpa?
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Yeah, so Randy chose to be called Kraken.
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Um before Kraken was, you know, out here, um, Kraken is a sports team, but before that, he chose that.
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And um I was just talking about how I have to bring the the balloons and the things to create the party, and he is the party.
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So, you know, I don't know if you've seen any of those videos on Instagram where the the grandmother is so excited she gets out of the car and the kids run right past her to the grandfather.
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That's my life.
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Um, yeah, he there's just something about him that they just they love, and he um and he's intentional too.
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Um, and you know, we gotta do it together.
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I said he should have been up here too, but um so yeah, so it's fun to do it with him because he does engage um you know as as much as as I do or as we want to.
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So yeah, that's great.
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He's you could you guys both you guys can't make a great team.
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Yeah.
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Well, that's what makes it even more fun.
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Yeah.
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And I was missing him when I was managing the four children and he wasn't there, so yeah.
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Yeah, that's awesome.
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Um okay, what advice would you give to other grandparents?
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I think the one thing is remembering that um, you know, it is a partnership.
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Uh and I mentioned about how, you know, you you have a role of influencing, and it's a great opportunity to share your faith.
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Um, always making sure that the parents are on the same page with that too is really important.
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And we're very fortunate in that respect.
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Um you know, I I think one thing is, you know, just taking those steps to get to know your grandchildren and who they are and what they like and and those kinds of things really um builds that relationship.
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And you know, they say that your area of your um level of influence, I guess, you know, uh goes up to about age 12.
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And then, you know, so many other people become so important to your grandchildren.
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So you have this window of, you know, when they're old enough to start sharing those things to when um, you know, they're kind of looking to other people too.
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Um yes, and then I, you know, being flexible with traditions.
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I mentioned, I think that um staying connected to other grandparents, you know, books.
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My mom sent books to our her great-grand her children, her grandchildren and her great-grandchildren.
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And we have I've done that too.
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And having been a teacher, I just know that's such a great way to connect um with kids.
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I do recommend reading things before you send them because there are a lot of hidden messages in children's literature these days, which it's kind of hard.
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And then with like the old ones, like Lucy and some of our older grandchildren, um, reading what they're reading and then being able to talk about is a great, a great connecting point for grandparents.
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Um, another thing someone very wise suggested to me when kids started visiting our home with grandchildren was make your home a place where um they know you're gonna have everything they need.
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And I mean, you can't have everything.
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Sometimes I overdo that, but you know, having, in fact, I've loved some of the Parker Baby products because I have the felt carry-all, you know, filled with diapers and wipes downstairs, and I have the kid-size towels, and um, I just got the willow tote, and I'm I fill that with all kinds of um things, and I just used it at a potluck with two of the kids from here, you know, they just got to pull, yeah, and crayons and and those things.
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Um so you know, just but having your home, you know, whether it's um the the Graco beds, you know, portable beds or the sound machines or the monitors, just things like that.
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We have kid-sized fold-up chairs and um um sleeping bags and you know, just things that create create a space that make them really want to come and be comfortable in your in your home, in your space.
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Um, and then I think it's really important to make birthdays special, you know, whether it's sending a card filled with confetti, and my mom started the tradition of a dollar for every year.
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So I've carried that, we've carried that on.
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Um, one thing that I would like to do better is just being able to stay connected either by phone calls or FaceTime.
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But when you've got, you know, you've got to schedule it with the parents because you're using their phones.
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Ryan and Abby did get a landline, and that's been kind of fun.
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Just to call.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, just to call and be able to talk to them.
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And then one of the other things I've learned over the years is about our visits to the ones who don't live locally.
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Um, you know, coordinating those with the parents.
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I, you know, as they get into school, you have to realize, I've come to realize that um when we step into their home during the school year, we're disruptive, you know, and whatever that looks like, um, so we found that like before school starts, going and doing some back to school shopping with them, um, end of school, any end of school activities.
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Um, and then they, you know, the first few days are out of school are kind of fun times to be there, and keeping our visits shorter than, you know, sometimes we used to go for a whole week.
00:21:43.440 --> 00:21:49.200
And now we've realized, oh, long weekends, probably good for everyone, and especially for them.
00:21:49.359 --> 00:21:52.640
Then they, you know, keep them out of their routines too long.
00:21:52.880 --> 00:21:59.680
Um, and one um, well, I guess this will be a little bit later um with suggestions for moms, but yeah.
00:22:00.079 --> 00:22:05.200
I think those are just and getting even schedules, school schedules, um, sports schedules.
00:22:05.279 --> 00:22:14.240
So you can kind of plan, you know, with your own schedule when you can be there and cheer them on or just know when they're gonna have time off from school too.
00:22:14.480 --> 00:22:15.039
Yeah.
00:22:15.359 --> 00:22:17.200
Yeah, those are all such great.
00:22:17.359 --> 00:22:21.680
I mean, just fantastic things for grandparents, first-time grandparents.
00:22:21.759 --> 00:22:22.319
It's so great.
00:22:22.480 --> 00:22:46.559
I going back to like what you're saying about having your house full of things for, you know, so they don't need anything, they don't need to, because as moms, you have to bring so much to come to places, and that can be a deterrent to going and spending, especially if to spend any amount of time anywhere, um, you have to bring so much stuff.
00:22:46.720 --> 00:22:55.599
Um, so if you want your grandchildren to stay at your house for any significant amount of time, you're gonna need a lot of stuff there.
00:22:55.759 --> 00:23:03.599
And if you don't have your stuff there, then your your children are gonna feel like you don't want them there, you know.
00:23:03.920 --> 00:23:08.240
And my mom get all the all that stuff at garage sales.
00:23:08.400 --> 00:23:14.240
I mean, you can get all that stuff at garage sales or Facebook Marketplace.
00:23:14.640 --> 00:23:41.519
Even my grandma, when we would go f visit her when I was growing up, I mean, our her bath toys were like butter containers, you know, the lids and like holes in the bottom, you know, like she made them because we're growing up, we would have like the TV with the VCR um in our van because we would have to travel like nine hours to see her.
00:23:41.759 --> 00:23:50.000
Every time we went, she would have made, you know, when back then you had to like record on the TV, you had to like put on the VHS.
00:23:50.160 --> 00:24:01.279
She would have made she made us one every time we went for us to watch on the way back, like her own snippets of shows or something, you know, like Bambi or like I don't know.
00:24:01.440 --> 00:24:16.240
So those are just little things that like don't really cost money or like but just made us feel like she wanted us there or like was thinking about us and preparing for us to be there and to stay there for a long time.
00:24:16.559 --> 00:24:25.839
When I think it says to the grandchildren, you're important enough to me that I want to make sure, yeah, there are things here that you can enjoy.
00:24:26.160 --> 00:24:29.519
And yeah, we have I have a big library of books.
00:24:29.680 --> 00:24:34.400
Um, and I'm also learning about games, you know, finding a new game to share with them.
00:24:34.559 --> 00:24:40.000
Most of them, almost majority are getting to the age that they really love a love to play a game.
00:24:40.160 --> 00:24:45.440
So and then your eye to, you know, you're at eye level with them and making that contact.
00:24:45.599 --> 00:24:54.240
And of course, all the hugs and cozy moments of cuddling in a chair, reading books are always um fun things to do too.
00:24:54.799 --> 00:24:55.359
Yeah.
00:24:55.680 --> 00:24:56.000
Okay.
00:24:56.400 --> 00:25:00.720
Um, what are some advice that you would give to new moms?
00:25:00.960 --> 00:25:03.599
Yeah, I um I always hesitate.
00:25:08.559 --> 00:25:10.240
Not every advice is for everybody.
00:25:10.319 --> 00:25:13.680
It's just you can take and leave take or leave advice.
00:25:13.759 --> 00:25:14.559
It's not for everybody.
00:25:14.799 --> 00:25:25.839
Yeah, and I think the thing I've learned too is that you know, it's what I'm learning and I'm still learning um how to, you know, be in this role and and do it well.
00:25:26.240 --> 00:25:29.519
Um one thing is yeah, the expectations.
00:25:29.839 --> 00:25:44.160
Um, I think it's really important for grandparents um to ask parents, you know, like I just always go to food and snacks and that kind of thing.
00:25:44.400 --> 00:25:52.079
Um, because we, you know, you do one of my friends said, all I can ever think of to do with my grandchildren is take them for ice cream.
00:25:52.319 --> 00:25:54.640
So you have to learn to be a little more creative.
00:25:54.799 --> 00:26:01.519
But I think it's just that knowing the parents' expectations and then knowing where they're flexible.
00:26:01.839 --> 00:26:08.960
Um, you know, so maybe it's like Randy does get in trouble for taking kids to McDonald's.
00:26:09.279 --> 00:26:11.920
But living out here, there aren't many choices.
00:26:12.079 --> 00:26:15.599
We don't have Chick-fil-A and you know, some of those other places.
00:26:15.839 --> 00:26:23.359
Um, but he he understands the expectations and he doesn't do it every time um he's with them.
00:26:23.599 --> 00:26:26.160
So, you know, that's kind of the boundary there.
00:26:26.400 --> 00:26:33.119
Um, but I think the other thing for moms and dads is getting the grandparents involved.
00:26:33.279 --> 00:26:45.279
And I think um as you move into this role and then this stage of life, and some people are grandparents much younger, um, but I think you know, you can become invisible in a lot of ways.
00:26:45.519 --> 00:26:58.319
So I think it's just working in that partnership, going both ways of um, you know, what what can the grandparents do and to be helpful to partner um with the parents?
00:26:58.559 --> 00:27:11.200
And it sometimes it takes the initiative of the parents to um encourage that because you know, if depending on the what the where the grandparents are coming from as far as experience.
00:27:11.680 --> 00:27:21.200
Um and I think it's just you know, kind of like we're a team and just cultivating that mindset and also with the other grandparents.
00:27:21.279 --> 00:27:33.759
I mean, with you know, Robin and Jim, and you know, they were in close proximity to the grandchildren we shared, the only ones we had for a little while, and um and they got to be around them a lot.
00:27:33.920 --> 00:27:52.960
And I, you know, I confess to them that I was a little jealous, and then I realized I need to be grateful, you know, grateful that all of our grandchildren have other grandparents who are speaking into their lives, and so um yeah, it's yeah, it's with a grateful heart that I I share that.
00:27:53.359 --> 00:28:03.440
What a what a privilege to to like have two sets of just such loving grandparents that they're so jealous of each other with how much love they get to give.
00:28:03.920 --> 00:28:06.400
Because my that's our experience too.
00:28:06.559 --> 00:28:15.599
Like my parents and Sam's parents, like they're jealous of each other of how much love that they can you know, like I don't know, time they can spend, like what a privilege.
00:28:15.680 --> 00:28:25.680
And yeah, not everybody each of our each of our families have grandparents on the other side who do love them, you know, a lot.
00:28:25.920 --> 00:28:28.400
So the kids are well loved, that's for sure.
00:28:28.640 --> 00:28:31.519
Yeah, yeah, that's such a blessing.
00:28:32.000 --> 00:28:38.400
And you know, I I think one of the other things is um with the expectations, yeah.
00:28:38.480 --> 00:28:43.599
I mentioned like sharing calendars and and school schedules and things like that.
00:28:43.759 --> 00:28:57.359
Um, and just remembering that, you know, grandparents they do want to be have a role, and that role is not always um, especially if you're far away, is not always um obvious.
00:28:57.920 --> 00:29:14.000
But um I think the more grandparents get invited into it and the expectations are set, then um it just becomes a little more natural, maybe, or um fluid, you know, fluid.
00:29:14.559 --> 00:29:29.680
Um and then you know, the other thing is um hopefully grandparents, you know, are are praying for their grandchildren and it's just maybe inviting other people too, and other people that maybe don't have their own grandchildren.
00:29:29.839 --> 00:29:37.359
Um, I know out here we have several people in our lives and they um they love children, but they don't have their own grandchildren.
00:29:37.440 --> 00:29:45.839
So it's sometimes looking around and seeing who else might be able to be included in um that role of speaking into your family's life.
00:29:46.000 --> 00:29:51.920
So especially if you don't have the support, you know, on both sides or any support.
00:29:52.000 --> 00:29:57.920
I mean, there are a lot of people who just grandparents are doing other things, so yeah.
00:29:58.240 --> 00:30:04.079
We're huge believers in multi-generational like influence and and families.
00:30:04.240 --> 00:30:28.640
I think it's something that we're missing in like our world is just kids that have conversations with different generations and know and know well people in different generations, and um I think because I think in the church that's where kids kind of do did that, or in neighborhoods, and I feel like that's like not a huge thing anymore, and so I love that.
00:30:28.720 --> 00:30:30.720
I think it's that's so important.
00:30:30.880 --> 00:30:33.519
So yeah, we can all learn from each other, though.
00:30:33.680 --> 00:30:42.720
I mean, I'm learning things from my grandchildren all the time because they they're all into different things and they're learning different things, and so it's fun.
00:30:42.960 --> 00:30:43.759
Yeah, that is.
00:30:43.920 --> 00:30:45.440
Well, do you have any last things?
00:30:45.599 --> 00:30:47.119
Anything else you want to share?
00:30:47.279 --> 00:30:50.720
Um, did I forget anything or I don't think so.
00:30:50.880 --> 00:30:56.960
I yeah, thank you for just giving me the opportunity even to reflect on what is important.
00:30:57.759 --> 00:31:04.079
You know, it's kind of a good reminder to do this right before our trip because you're gonna have so much fun.
00:31:04.319 --> 00:31:05.440
Have you been walking?
00:31:05.680 --> 00:31:07.359
It's just a lot of walking.
00:31:07.680 --> 00:31:10.079
I haven't done what I thought I would have done by now.
00:31:10.160 --> 00:31:14.400
Yeah, and I think they're all they're all concerned about me, but we'll be fine.
00:31:14.720 --> 00:31:20.240
No, you don't need to be concerned, but it is, it's just like what parks are you doing?
00:31:20.480 --> 00:31:28.079
We're doing Disneyland in California on yeah, one day and then California Adventure and then Disneyland.
00:31:28.319 --> 00:31:29.119
So three days.
00:31:29.359 --> 00:31:30.480
You're gonna have so much fun.
00:31:30.720 --> 00:31:33.759
Yeah, well, the kids are the grandkids are just so excited.
00:31:33.839 --> 00:31:38.480
That's just so much fun to see the joy there.
00:31:38.880 --> 00:31:41.599
I I miss it, yeah.
00:31:44.559 --> 00:31:47.279
That's like it's like extra special, you know.
00:31:47.519 --> 00:31:48.000
Yeah, yeah.
00:31:48.079 --> 00:31:49.599
I think we're there with a lot of them.
00:31:49.759 --> 00:32:01.440
You know, one other thing I thought of is um Randy and I have talked a lot about, you know, when we're not here anymore with them, what would we like to see?
00:32:01.599 --> 00:32:26.799
And I think that's what spurred on some of these trips and gatherings with our family is because they're in three different states, um, so just the importance of building that community of family that, you know, they're each living their lives in different places with community there, but to and to for the grandchildren, the cousins, to really know each other.
00:32:27.200 --> 00:32:41.759
And even, you know, down to our youngest one, Rayla, who's here, she sees pictures and she starts naming um well, she's the second to the youngest, but she starts naming the different cousins, you know, at two.
00:32:42.079 --> 00:32:49.440
And so just building those relationships because you know they'll be for each, they'll be there for each other in the future.
00:32:49.680 --> 00:32:55.200
Yeah, I've heard about pickleball games at your house.
00:32:56.160 --> 00:32:56.559
Yeah.
00:32:56.880 --> 00:33:01.680
Between the the your kids and the wives.
00:33:02.079 --> 00:33:02.799
Yeah, yeah.
00:33:03.119 --> 00:33:05.359
I've heard about some pretty great pickleball games.
00:33:05.599 --> 00:33:11.039
I know that you've just cultivated a really amazing family unit.
00:33:11.359 --> 00:33:14.480
Well, they've allowed us to, so it's been fun.
00:33:14.720 --> 00:33:19.440
Well, you raised good boys, good men that married great women.
00:33:19.759 --> 00:33:21.519
That they did, yes.
00:33:21.839 --> 00:33:27.279
Yeah, I'm sure that required that was a lot of prayer and had a big part of it too.
00:33:27.440 --> 00:33:34.400
So yeah, and you know, to tag on what I said about asking other people to pray for your children, that was something.
00:33:34.640 --> 00:33:39.920
Um, we had different couples that were committed from their birth on to pray for them.
00:33:40.000 --> 00:33:52.880
And then of course there were times in the church where they were assigned to different people, but I think other people walking along with you and your kids hearing from them is really important.
00:33:53.200 --> 00:34:00.880
And I mean, that's the extended family that you used to get when you all lived in the same area, um, hopefully.
00:34:01.119 --> 00:34:07.519
And you know, now with people dispersed in different locations, um, you have to be a little more intentional with that.
00:34:07.599 --> 00:34:13.840
But yeah, I mean, just yeah, if you don't live close to grandparents, I know there are people just waiting to be asked.
00:34:14.639 --> 00:34:16.079
Yeah, that's that's good.
00:34:16.239 --> 00:34:26.559
Um, I know my my best friend that I mentioned before, she hasn't lived by grandparents, like her parents or husband husband's parents ever.
00:34:26.960 --> 00:34:31.920
And they've found people in the church that will be step-in grandparents everywhere we've lived.
00:34:32.079 --> 00:34:42.559
They've been able to find step-in grandparents that will like through the church that will watch their kids whenever, like, yeah, pray for their kids, like do whatever.
00:34:42.800 --> 00:34:45.039
It's been it's pretty cool to see.
00:34:45.519 --> 00:35:00.400
Yeah, I think people just yeah, in that stage of life are just waiting to be asked, you know, and so yeah, and in the church, it's it's a great opportunity because so many times they're just sitting there feeling invisible.
00:35:00.559 --> 00:35:01.679
So yeah.
00:35:06.480 --> 00:35:08.480
Yeah, yeah, if they're feeling alone.
00:35:08.639 --> 00:35:11.920
Well, well, thank you so much for being here and thank you for chatting.
00:35:12.000 --> 00:35:13.440
This is really, really nice.
00:35:14.079 --> 00:35:15.360
It's nice to see you again.
00:35:15.599 --> 00:35:16.880
Yeah, you too.
00:35:17.119 --> 00:35:23.199
Um, next episode is in May, and this I just saw this.
00:35:23.360 --> 00:35:30.960
We're sharing um parenting horror stories that um listeners can submit on Instagram.
00:35:31.360 --> 00:35:39.440
So you can follow us on Parker Baby Instagram and submit your horror story, and we'll be talking about them next time.
00:35:39.760 --> 00:35:41.920
So that'll be that'll be fun.
00:35:42.159 --> 00:35:44.159
That'll be a fun one to watch.
00:35:44.880 --> 00:35:49.199
I think uh my sister-in-law Jess will be in joining me for that one.
00:35:49.280 --> 00:35:51.679
So that'll be really that'll be a good time.
00:35:51.920 --> 00:35:56.079
Brian's joining me for the one after that for camping with kids.
00:35:56.480 --> 00:36:00.000
Oh, that's a great one for summertime, yeah.
00:36:00.079 --> 00:36:02.400
And Father's Day around Father's Day.
00:36:02.480 --> 00:36:06.320
So that yeah, he has great stories from growing up on that topic.
00:36:06.559 --> 00:36:10.159
So well, thank you so much.
00:36:10.320 --> 00:36:12.719
I'm sure we'll see you again in the future.
00:36:12.960 --> 00:36:14.800
Yeah, blessings to your family.
00:36:15.440 --> 00:36:15.920
You too.
00:36:16.000 --> 00:36:16.639
Bye, Beth.
00:36:16.800 --> 00:36:17.599
Bye bye.
00:36:17.840 --> 00:36:21.039
Thank you so much for tuning in to Rooted Conversations.
00:36:21.280 --> 00:36:26.639
I hope this episode reminded you that you're growing, you're growing a strong family, and you're growing as a parent.
00:36:26.880 --> 00:36:29.840
One moment, one choice, and one hug at a time.
00:36:30.000 --> 00:36:31.679
I'll see you next time.
00:00:00.320 --> 00:00:06.799
Hi, I'm Kirsten, fellow mom, and your biggest cheerleader in all things motherhood and parenting.
00:00:07.040 --> 00:00:10.160
My husband and I co-founded Parker Baby Co.
00:00:10.320 --> 00:00:13.919
with one mission in mind to nurture and grow strong families.
00:00:14.080 --> 00:00:17.839
And that mission continues right here on Rooted Conversations.
00:00:18.079 --> 00:00:24.399
So grab a cozy drink, take a deep breath, and remember you're not alone in this journey.
00:00:25.440 --> 00:00:28.879
Hi everyone, welcome back to Rooted Conversations.
00:00:29.039 --> 00:00:32.880
I am Kirsten Hiebner, the co-owner of Parker Baby.
00:00:33.039 --> 00:00:35.280
And today I have a very special guest.
00:00:35.439 --> 00:00:36.960
I have Beth Carey.
00:00:37.119 --> 00:00:49.039
She is the mother of our COO at Parker Baby, Ryan Carey, and his she is the grandmother to, they're almost like cousins to my children.
00:00:49.920 --> 00:00:54.960
Lucy, Carl, Rose, and oh my gosh, Annie.
00:00:55.759 --> 00:00:59.840
So yeah, they're kind of about the same ages as my kids.
00:01:00.159 --> 00:01:09.519
They've got their youngers, or um, two are a little bit younger than um our four, but we've kind of done life with Ryan and Abby.
00:01:09.760 --> 00:01:16.400
Um and we've just done a lot of fun things with uh with Ryan, her son.
00:01:16.560 --> 00:01:23.519
And we had a lot of amazing grandparents to choose from for this podcast about intentional grandparenting.
00:01:23.760 --> 00:01:35.519
And uh yeah, so Beth, but we've just heard so many great things about Beth from both Ryan and Abby, and I'm really excited to chat with you, Beth, and uh get to know you a little more.
00:01:35.840 --> 00:01:39.599
And um yeah, so thank you for being here.
00:01:40.000 --> 00:01:41.280
Thank you for the invitation.
00:01:41.359 --> 00:01:42.239
I'm honored.
00:01:42.480 --> 00:01:46.159
Yeah, so you have how many children?
00:01:46.480 --> 00:01:47.680
So we have three sons.
00:01:47.840 --> 00:02:01.439
So Ryan's our oldest in Colorado, and Tyler's out here in the Pacific Northwest with us uh with his family, and then Max is in California, and they're all three are married, and Ryan has four, as you mentioned.
00:02:01.599 --> 00:02:05.519
Tyler has three, and Max has two, so we have nine grandchildren.
00:02:05.840 --> 00:02:11.039
Oh wow, and all under so is um Lucy your oldest?
00:02:11.280 --> 00:02:16.719
Lucy's the oldest, almost 11, and then our youngest is a year old, a little over a year.
00:02:17.759 --> 00:02:18.879
Yeah, yeah.
00:02:19.039 --> 00:02:21.120
So you guys have your hands full too.
00:02:21.439 --> 00:02:24.159
It's fun, it's fun, all the different ages.
00:02:24.960 --> 00:02:26.639
Oh my gosh, that is so fun.
00:02:26.800 --> 00:02:33.439
So you guys have you're a military family, and you've kind of lived all over the place.
00:02:34.560 --> 00:02:35.439
We have, yeah.
00:02:35.599 --> 00:02:42.560
Ryan and Tyler were both born in Germany, and then Ryan, I mean, Max was born in um Northern Virginia.
00:02:42.719 --> 00:02:53.039
Randy was at the Pentagon, and then we moved to Wheaton and we were there for 25 years, and then we relocated out here about four years ago with Ty and Brittany.
00:02:53.199 --> 00:02:55.039
So it's been an adventure.
00:02:55.840 --> 00:02:57.199
That's so special.
00:02:57.439 --> 00:03:01.759
Yeah, that's nice when you get to be by, I'm sure they appreciate you living out there.
00:03:01.840 --> 00:03:05.039
And I know that Ryan and Abby love coming and visiting.
00:03:05.280 --> 00:03:11.919
How was it when you came in babysat while we were hiking the Grand Canyon a few like a month ago, right?
00:03:12.240 --> 00:03:12.719
Yeah.
00:03:12.960 --> 00:03:18.080
So that was quite an experience because I've never managed four children before.
00:03:18.319 --> 00:03:22.319
But as long as I had, you know, Lucy to guide me, that helped.
00:03:22.560 --> 00:03:27.599
Um, I think the moment the reality hit was when I realized my husband was in Thailand.
00:03:27.680 --> 00:03:30.080
Randy was in Thailand on a work trip.
00:03:30.240 --> 00:03:42.159
And then um I realized that Ryan and Abby were in the base of the Grand Canyon, and and Ryan, uh Robin and Jim were with them, who are normally the support in Fort Collins.
00:03:42.479 --> 00:03:47.199
Oh, and so it was kind of this moment of I'm uh I'm all alone in this.
00:03:47.439 --> 00:03:54.639
So but other people, you know, texted and said they would they were available if needed, but it was delightful.
00:03:54.719 --> 00:04:10.159
It you realize how tiring it is, and when you haven't done it in a while, um, just thinking of the food, you know, all the things you young moms are doing just so naturally, when you haven't done it in a while, it yeah, it's definitely um a readjustment.
00:04:10.319 --> 00:04:12.319
And I slept pretty well.
00:04:13.199 --> 00:04:13.680
Yeah.
00:04:14.240 --> 00:04:22.079
Well, I know Ryan and Abby had full faith in you when we were when we were at the bottom and we they were just like, oh, she's got it, she can do it.
00:04:22.240 --> 00:04:27.120
Yeah, but yeah, I even now like I have one of my best friends.
00:04:27.279 --> 00:04:35.279
Um, she has a baby, like a one year, she's turned one, but I'm like, I'm exhausted, I'm not even that far out of it.
00:04:35.360 --> 00:04:39.600
And I'm like, oh my gosh, I I don't think I can go back and do it all again.
00:04:39.839 --> 00:04:52.639
Yeah, so it's crazy how when you get out of it, but well, and just the layer of them missing their mom and dad, you know, that came in and out every once in a while, especially with the two younger ones.
00:04:52.879 --> 00:04:56.319
So yeah, yeah, I bet, yeah, for sure.
00:04:56.480 --> 00:04:58.720
But we had a great time, so thank you for doing that.
00:04:58.879 --> 00:05:01.519
That was a that was an adventure, that's for sure.
00:05:01.920 --> 00:05:03.439
A big adventure, yeah.
00:05:03.839 --> 00:05:06.160
I got to mark that off the bucket list.
00:05:06.800 --> 00:05:08.800
So remind me your husband's name again.
00:05:09.040 --> 00:05:09.680
Randy.
00:05:09.920 --> 00:05:10.480
Randy.
00:05:10.639 --> 00:05:11.920
Okay, thank you.
00:05:12.480 --> 00:05:17.839
Um so what so today's podcast is about intentional grandparenting.
00:05:18.000 --> 00:05:19.120
Um, what does that mean?
00:05:19.279 --> 00:05:22.319
What does intentional grandparenting mean to you?
00:05:23.040 --> 00:05:28.800
So when we became grandparents, um Ryan and Abby were in Colorado Springs.
00:05:28.959 --> 00:05:30.720
Ryan's still in the army.
00:05:31.680 --> 00:05:38.959
So, yeah, Ryan was deployed, and so we tried to support Abby as much as we could.
00:05:39.040 --> 00:05:40.639
I was still teaching.
00:05:40.959 --> 00:05:48.399
And so we started just I think exploring what what does it mean, you know, to grandparent.
00:05:48.560 --> 00:05:56.720
You have your base knowledge of your experience, but we knew we really wanted to be involved and supporting them.
00:05:57.040 --> 00:06:05.759
And I think what came out, and as we've added in each family, is just that partnership with the parents.
00:06:06.399 --> 00:06:24.000
And um, I think it's also being making yourself available and just living from a mindset of um they have their nuclear family now, and your role is different, but you're still part of that.
00:06:24.560 --> 00:06:34.000
And um there's research that's shown that the second most influential people in a child's life next to their parents are their grandparents.
00:06:34.319 --> 00:06:40.399
And so I feel like, you know, our generation has really maybe struggled with that a little bit.
00:06:40.560 --> 00:06:42.000
What does that look like?
00:06:42.240 --> 00:06:51.439
And I think with your generation having access to so much information about parenting and views on parenting have changed.
00:06:51.600 --> 00:06:57.839
Um, I think it, I think the partnership is is what I've has really come to help me.
00:06:57.920 --> 00:07:09.360
And then the intentional part comes out of that because um, you know, it's not our generation, you know, we kind of learned people have the attitude you spoil your grandchildren.
00:07:09.759 --> 00:07:18.000
And it's figuring out how you bring fun things in, but you're partnering with their parents on the things that are important to them.
00:07:19.199 --> 00:07:21.439
Yeah, yeah, I love that.
00:07:21.680 --> 00:07:29.680
I love that because you know, the media portrays in-laws, especially I feel like the husbands' in-laws.
00:07:30.240 --> 00:07:38.319
And I as women, there's this stigma around husbands, moms, and because it is different.
00:07:38.399 --> 00:07:41.920
I think moms, moms need their moms, right?
00:07:42.480 --> 00:07:47.199
Like, and it's just always different with the husband's mom.
00:07:47.920 --> 00:07:54.879
And I feel like you've done such a good job of bridging that gap with Abby.
00:07:55.519 --> 00:08:02.720
And you're you're just so good at being there for them and supporting them as parents.
00:08:02.959 --> 00:08:11.199
And I don't know, I just I think you've done that so beautifully, and I know that this it's just um, it's not an easy relationship.
00:08:11.680 --> 00:08:14.079
And I think people struggle with it.
00:08:14.560 --> 00:08:19.279
I think a lot of people, there's a lot of hurt in a lot of families.
00:08:19.759 --> 00:08:20.399
Yes.
00:08:20.720 --> 00:08:28.720
And I think one of the things I've learned, and yes, I I am so thankful for each of my daughter-in-laws.
00:08:29.040 --> 00:08:37.840
And when my sons were getting married, I told each of them, you know, love them well and don't ever let me get in the way of your relationship.
00:08:37.919 --> 00:08:51.279
And I mean, there have been times where they've had to say something, or um, we've had some fun conversations, you know, about um expectations or unspoken expectations.
00:08:51.440 --> 00:09:01.440
But yeah, I think in this stage of life, being the mother-in-law is to, you know, the mother of the son, the husband, is a really hard place.
00:09:01.759 --> 00:09:06.559
Yet I my daughter-in-laws have been so gracious.
00:09:06.879 --> 00:09:09.600
And I am so thankful for that.
00:09:10.080 --> 00:09:13.679
Um, because yeah, I I've made some mistakes.
00:09:13.759 --> 00:09:18.000
And I mean, we're getting ready to go to Disneyland this week with our whole family.
00:09:18.159 --> 00:09:27.120
And yeah, and even in the yeah, the planning of that, it's just been fun to see everyone's excitement in being part of the planning.
00:09:27.360 --> 00:09:38.799
And that's a really cool thing because I don't have to be in charge of that, you know, and I think I think sometimes, you know, the mother-in-law or the mother feels like they have to run the show.
00:09:38.960 --> 00:09:47.600
And I'm just so thankful for these, you know, families that are just um so willing to, yeah, take a lead.
00:09:47.759 --> 00:10:01.279
And and I think that's one thing I've learned is that you know, hold your expectations and traditions lightly or flet with flexibility because you do want them to create their family and their nucleus family.
00:10:01.600 --> 00:10:09.840
And so with that, you've kind of maybe got let go of some of yours, but I haven't had to let go of much because they've just been so supportive.
00:10:10.080 --> 00:10:13.120
So that's great, that's great advice.
00:10:13.279 --> 00:10:28.799
I think as moms, we work so hard for so long to build these magical moments and these traditions, and then like to watch them have to, you know, to do their own thing, you know, like you want to continue that and you kind of have have to give that up.
00:10:28.960 --> 00:10:33.120
I'm sure that's yes, you uh you as moms, you're working so hard.
00:10:33.200 --> 00:10:38.240
And I think that time with the Colorado Carries really helped me to be reminded of that.
00:10:38.799 --> 00:10:42.240
Just all that's going through mom's head all day.
00:10:42.480 --> 00:10:43.039
All day.
00:10:43.679 --> 00:10:45.440
Oh, yeah, when you're babysitting.
00:10:45.600 --> 00:10:45.919
Yeah.
00:10:46.159 --> 00:10:46.480
Yeah.
00:10:46.639 --> 00:10:53.519
I think that's really great advice about respecting the traditions that moms are trying to establish.
00:10:53.679 --> 00:10:55.679
That that's really important.
00:10:56.240 --> 00:11:04.399
And the other factor too is the other side of the family, you know, just accepting that as part of the partnership, too.
00:11:04.559 --> 00:11:11.519
And I have come to be so grateful for the other grandparents supporting our three sons and wives and family.
00:11:11.919 --> 00:11:19.039
So um that's always another layer that um it can be beautiful or caught can cause friction.
00:11:19.200 --> 00:11:25.279
So what was um what's was your experience like with intentional grandparents?
00:11:25.440 --> 00:11:33.440
Did you have a lot of support when you were raising the boys with like your parents or uh Randy's parents?
00:11:34.080 --> 00:11:52.480
Um, yes, I mean they were both sets of grandparents were um we worked hard to make to allow our sons to get to know them because Randy's parents lived on the West Coast, mine lived on the East Coast, and initially we were in Germany.
00:11:52.799 --> 00:11:59.679
So we would come back, and a trip would entail our vacation time would be visiting each set of grandparents.
00:11:59.840 --> 00:12:00.399
Oh wow.
00:12:00.720 --> 00:12:08.879
So, yes, and you know, a lot of things I learned from my mom, like a love of books and how important those are for children.
00:12:09.039 --> 00:12:11.360
Um, my dad was a storyteller.
00:12:12.000 --> 00:12:22.639
Um Randy's parents, Jim and Mary, just could always provide, you know, they'd always have places like go feed the ducks and things like that that the kids love to do.
00:12:23.200 --> 00:12:33.679
Um but maybe just, you know, I think the idea of being intentional grandparents has come out even more um over the years.
00:12:34.080 --> 00:12:49.840
But yeah, they and there were some fun traditions, you know, when we would get together and but not very often, you know, would we um I don't we have maybe one or two times where they were stayed with the kids so we could do something.
00:12:49.919 --> 00:12:56.399
Um I think and that was partially the distance and they didn't have that day-to-day connection time.
00:12:56.960 --> 00:12:57.840
So yeah.
00:12:58.399 --> 00:13:08.320
Did you have standard or like other relationships in your life that especially with Randy being in the military, um, that gave you some support as a mom?
00:13:09.039 --> 00:13:27.279
Yeah, I mean, like when I first became a mom, we would we had like um mom coffee groups and we were in Germany, so we just gather in someone's quarters and um you know, sit around, talk, and the babies would play, and then that became a play group.
00:13:27.440 --> 00:13:30.559
So in the military, it was our military family.
00:13:30.639 --> 00:13:36.399
We're all kind of in the same boat, so we would um yeah, support each other that way.
00:13:36.879 --> 00:13:45.679
Um, and then I, you know, I had friends in each place we lived, and we would share caring for kids or making meals together, whatever.
00:13:45.840 --> 00:13:50.720
So yeah, it was you just had to be more intentional in finding it, I think, as you moved around.
00:13:51.039 --> 00:13:51.519
Yeah.
00:13:52.000 --> 00:14:01.840
Do you think because you your parents lived further away that that kind of made you want to be more involved or make more?
00:14:02.000 --> 00:14:09.440
I guess now it's easier to travel, but um see grandkids and stuff.
00:14:09.759 --> 00:14:14.720
Yeah, I mean, travel is is our lifestyle, you know, since we had children.
00:14:14.960 --> 00:14:25.519
Yeah, I as we became grandparents, I started looking for resources, um, just you know, that might be an encouragement and didn't find a lot.
00:14:25.759 --> 00:14:29.919
And then um a friend and I were laughing one day, talking about maybe writing a book.
00:14:30.080 --> 00:14:33.200
Her kid grandkids were all near, mine were all far.
00:14:33.600 --> 00:14:49.039
And so as I started writing a book proposal and doing some research, I found an organization called Legacy Coalition, and um they are basically um kind of launched my understanding of intentional grandparenting.
00:14:49.120 --> 00:14:56.080
So they have something called Grand Monday Monites that's every Monday night, and then they have a summit, an annual summit.
00:14:56.240 --> 00:15:22.559
And so we started gathering once we got out here, we started gathering grandparents together, and it's just interesting all the different um, of course, backgrounds people are coming from, but also it's it's so interesting to hear people's stories, and you know, not everyone has daughter-in-laws who invite them in or sons who support that or um access to their grandchildren.
00:15:22.720 --> 00:15:34.000
And so I think that really helped form formulate for us just the privilege um we have, you know, just being more intentional.
00:15:34.159 --> 00:15:46.480
And um, so yeah, so you know, in the military it was our friends, our peers, and um through the years it's just been friends as I think as they become grandparents, just kind of walking alongside each other.
00:15:46.720 --> 00:15:47.679
That's awesome.
00:15:47.919 --> 00:15:48.720
That's awesome.
00:15:48.960 --> 00:15:50.960
Um, Randy is a grandpa.
00:15:51.039 --> 00:15:54.799
What's um his way of being an intentional grandpa?
00:15:55.440 --> 00:15:58.799
Yeah, so Randy chose to be called Kraken.
00:16:00.000 --> 00:16:09.279
Um before Kraken was, you know, out here, um, Kraken is a sports team, but before that, he chose that.
00:16:09.840 --> 00:16:19.919
And um I was just talking about how I have to bring the the balloons and the things to create the party, and he is the party.
00:16:20.240 --> 00:16:29.919
So, you know, I don't know if you've seen any of those videos on Instagram where the the grandmother is so excited she gets out of the car and the kids run right past her to the grandfather.
00:16:30.080 --> 00:16:31.120
That's my life.
00:16:31.440 --> 00:16:39.679
Um, yeah, he there's just something about him that they just they love, and he um and he's intentional too.
00:16:39.919 --> 00:16:42.799
Um, and you know, we gotta do it together.
00:16:42.960 --> 00:16:57.200
I said he should have been up here too, but um so yeah, so it's fun to do it with him because he does engage um you know as as much as as I do or as we want to.
00:16:57.360 --> 00:16:59.279
So yeah, that's great.
00:16:59.440 --> 00:17:02.480
He's you could you guys both you guys can't make a great team.
00:17:02.639 --> 00:17:02.879
Yeah.
00:17:03.120 --> 00:17:05.279
Well, that's what makes it even more fun.
00:17:05.680 --> 00:17:05.920
Yeah.
00:17:06.079 --> 00:17:12.880
And I was missing him when I was managing the four children and he wasn't there, so yeah.
00:17:13.200 --> 00:17:15.039
Yeah, that's awesome.
00:17:15.359 --> 00:17:20.400
Um okay, what advice would you give to other grandparents?
00:17:21.039 --> 00:17:27.039
I think the one thing is remembering that um, you know, it is a partnership.
00:17:27.200 --> 00:17:34.799
Uh and I mentioned about how, you know, you you have a role of influencing, and it's a great opportunity to share your faith.
00:17:35.200 --> 00:17:41.440
Um, always making sure that the parents are on the same page with that too is really important.
00:17:41.759 --> 00:17:44.240
And we're very fortunate in that respect.
00:17:44.559 --> 00:18:01.519
Um you know, I I think one thing is, you know, just taking those steps to get to know your grandchildren and who they are and what they like and and those kinds of things really um builds that relationship.
00:18:01.680 --> 00:18:10.400
And you know, they say that your area of your um level of influence, I guess, you know, uh goes up to about age 12.
00:18:10.720 --> 00:18:15.680
And then, you know, so many other people become so important to your grandchildren.
00:18:15.759 --> 00:18:26.160
So you have this window of, you know, when they're old enough to start sharing those things to when um, you know, they're kind of looking to other people too.
00:18:27.519 --> 00:18:32.960
Um yes, and then I, you know, being flexible with traditions.
00:18:33.119 --> 00:18:39.200
I mentioned, I think that um staying connected to other grandparents, you know, books.
00:18:39.440 --> 00:18:45.519
My mom sent books to our her great-grand her children, her grandchildren and her great-grandchildren.
00:18:45.599 --> 00:18:47.279
And we have I've done that too.
00:18:47.359 --> 00:18:53.279
And having been a teacher, I just know that's such a great way to connect um with kids.
00:18:53.440 --> 00:19:02.240
I do recommend reading things before you send them because there are a lot of hidden messages in children's literature these days, which it's kind of hard.
00:19:02.319 --> 00:19:13.279
And then with like the old ones, like Lucy and some of our older grandchildren, um, reading what they're reading and then being able to talk about is a great, a great connecting point for grandparents.
00:19:13.519 --> 00:19:26.400
Um, another thing someone very wise suggested to me when kids started visiting our home with grandchildren was make your home a place where um they know you're gonna have everything they need.
00:19:26.559 --> 00:19:28.240
And I mean, you can't have everything.
00:19:28.400 --> 00:19:58.240
Sometimes I overdo that, but you know, having, in fact, I've loved some of the Parker Baby products because I have the felt carry-all, you know, filled with diapers and wipes downstairs, and I have the kid-size towels, and um, I just got the willow tote, and I'm I fill that with all kinds of um things, and I just used it at a potluck with two of the kids from here, you know, they just got to pull, yeah, and crayons and and those things.
00:19:58.480 --> 00:20:11.440
Um so you know, just but having your home, you know, whether it's um the the Graco beds, you know, portable beds or the sound machines or the monitors, just things like that.
00:20:11.519 --> 00:20:26.799
We have kid-sized fold-up chairs and um um sleeping bags and you know, just things that create create a space that make them really want to come and be comfortable in your in your home, in your space.
00:20:26.960 --> 00:20:36.319
Um, and then I think it's really important to make birthdays special, you know, whether it's sending a card filled with confetti, and my mom started the tradition of a dollar for every year.
00:20:36.400 --> 00:20:38.960
So I've carried that, we've carried that on.
00:20:39.200 --> 00:20:47.359
Um, one thing that I would like to do better is just being able to stay connected either by phone calls or FaceTime.
00:20:47.680 --> 00:20:52.319
But when you've got, you know, you've got to schedule it with the parents because you're using their phones.
00:20:52.480 --> 00:20:55.839
Ryan and Abby did get a landline, and that's been kind of fun.
00:20:56.400 --> 00:20:57.440
Just to call.
00:20:57.759 --> 00:20:58.079
Yeah.
00:20:58.319 --> 00:21:01.119
Yeah, just to call and be able to talk to them.
00:21:01.359 --> 00:21:07.920
And then one of the other things I've learned over the years is about our visits to the ones who don't live locally.
00:21:08.240 --> 00:21:11.119
Um, you know, coordinating those with the parents.
00:21:11.279 --> 00:21:33.519
I, you know, as they get into school, you have to realize, I've come to realize that um when we step into their home during the school year, we're disruptive, you know, and whatever that looks like, um, so we found that like before school starts, going and doing some back to school shopping with them, um, end of school, any end of school activities.
00:21:33.680 --> 00:21:43.279
Um, and then they, you know, the first few days are out of school are kind of fun times to be there, and keeping our visits shorter than, you know, sometimes we used to go for a whole week.
00:21:43.440 --> 00:21:49.200
And now we've realized, oh, long weekends, probably good for everyone, and especially for them.
00:21:49.359 --> 00:21:52.640
Then they, you know, keep them out of their routines too long.
00:21:52.880 --> 00:21:59.680
Um, and one um, well, I guess this will be a little bit later um with suggestions for moms, but yeah.
00:22:00.079 --> 00:22:05.200
I think those are just and getting even schedules, school schedules, um, sports schedules.
00:22:05.279 --> 00:22:14.240
So you can kind of plan, you know, with your own schedule when you can be there and cheer them on or just know when they're gonna have time off from school too.
00:22:14.480 --> 00:22:15.039
Yeah.
00:22:15.359 --> 00:22:17.200
Yeah, those are all such great.
00:22:17.359 --> 00:22:21.680
I mean, just fantastic things for grandparents, first-time grandparents.
00:22:21.759 --> 00:22:22.319
It's so great.
00:22:22.480 --> 00:22:46.559
I going back to like what you're saying about having your house full of things for, you know, so they don't need anything, they don't need to, because as moms, you have to bring so much to come to places, and that can be a deterrent to going and spending, especially if to spend any amount of time anywhere, um, you have to bring so much stuff.
00:22:46.720 --> 00:22:55.599
Um, so if you want your grandchildren to stay at your house for any significant amount of time, you're gonna need a lot of stuff there.
00:22:55.759 --> 00:23:03.599
And if you don't have your stuff there, then your your children are gonna feel like you don't want them there, you know.
00:23:03.920 --> 00:23:08.240
And my mom get all the all that stuff at garage sales.
00:23:08.400 --> 00:23:14.240
I mean, you can get all that stuff at garage sales or Facebook Marketplace.
00:23:14.640 --> 00:23:41.519
Even my grandma, when we would go f visit her when I was growing up, I mean, our her bath toys were like butter containers, you know, the lids and like holes in the bottom, you know, like she made them because we're growing up, we would have like the TV with the VCR um in our van because we would have to travel like nine hours to see her.
00:23:41.759 --> 00:23:50.000
Every time we went, she would have made, you know, when back then you had to like record on the TV, you had to like put on the VHS.
00:23:50.160 --> 00:24:01.279
She would have made she made us one every time we went for us to watch on the way back, like her own snippets of shows or something, you know, like Bambi or like I don't know.
00:24:01.440 --> 00:24:16.240
So those are just little things that like don't really cost money or like but just made us feel like she wanted us there or like was thinking about us and preparing for us to be there and to stay there for a long time.
00:24:16.559 --> 00:24:25.839
When I think it says to the grandchildren, you're important enough to me that I want to make sure, yeah, there are things here that you can enjoy.
00:24:26.160 --> 00:24:29.519
And yeah, we have I have a big library of books.
00:24:29.680 --> 00:24:34.400
Um, and I'm also learning about games, you know, finding a new game to share with them.
00:24:34.559 --> 00:24:40.000
Most of them, almost majority are getting to the age that they really love a love to play a game.
00:24:40.160 --> 00:24:45.440
So and then your eye to, you know, you're at eye level with them and making that contact.
00:24:45.599 --> 00:24:54.240
And of course, all the hugs and cozy moments of cuddling in a chair, reading books are always um fun things to do too.
00:24:54.799 --> 00:24:55.359
Yeah.
00:24:55.680 --> 00:24:56.000
Okay.
00:24:56.400 --> 00:25:00.720
Um, what are some advice that you would give to new moms?
00:25:00.960 --> 00:25:03.599
Yeah, I um I always hesitate.
00:25:08.559 --> 00:25:10.240
Not every advice is for everybody.
00:25:10.319 --> 00:25:13.680
It's just you can take and leave take or leave advice.
00:25:13.759 --> 00:25:14.559
It's not for everybody.
00:25:14.799 --> 00:25:25.839
Yeah, and I think the thing I've learned too is that you know, it's what I'm learning and I'm still learning um how to, you know, be in this role and and do it well.
00:25:26.240 --> 00:25:29.519
Um one thing is yeah, the expectations.
00:25:29.839 --> 00:25:44.160
Um, I think it's really important for grandparents um to ask parents, you know, like I just always go to food and snacks and that kind of thing.
00:25:44.400 --> 00:25:52.079
Um, because we, you know, you do one of my friends said, all I can ever think of to do with my grandchildren is take them for ice cream.
00:25:52.319 --> 00:25:54.640
So you have to learn to be a little more creative.
00:25:54.799 --> 00:26:01.519
But I think it's just that knowing the parents' expectations and then knowing where they're flexible.
00:26:01.839 --> 00:26:08.960
Um, you know, so maybe it's like Randy does get in trouble for taking kids to McDonald's.
00:26:09.279 --> 00:26:11.920
But living out here, there aren't many choices.
00:26:12.079 --> 00:26:15.599
We don't have Chick-fil-A and you know, some of those other places.
00:26:15.839 --> 00:26:23.359
Um, but he he understands the expectations and he doesn't do it every time um he's with them.
00:26:23.599 --> 00:26:26.160
So, you know, that's kind of the boundary there.
00:26:26.400 --> 00:26:33.119
Um, but I think the other thing for moms and dads is getting the grandparents involved.
00:26:33.279 --> 00:26:45.279
And I think um as you move into this role and then this stage of life, and some people are grandparents much younger, um, but I think you know, you can become invisible in a lot of ways.
00:26:45.519 --> 00:26:58.319
So I think it's just working in that partnership, going both ways of um, you know, what what can the grandparents do and to be helpful to partner um with the parents?
00:26:58.559 --> 00:27:11.200
And it sometimes it takes the initiative of the parents to um encourage that because you know, if depending on the what the where the grandparents are coming from as far as experience.
00:27:11.680 --> 00:27:21.200
Um and I think it's just you know, kind of like we're a team and just cultivating that mindset and also with the other grandparents.
00:27:21.279 --> 00:27:33.759
I mean, with you know, Robin and Jim, and you know, they were in close proximity to the grandchildren we shared, the only ones we had for a little while, and um and they got to be around them a lot.
00:27:33.920 --> 00:27:52.960
And I, you know, I confess to them that I was a little jealous, and then I realized I need to be grateful, you know, grateful that all of our grandchildren have other grandparents who are speaking into their lives, and so um yeah, it's yeah, it's with a grateful heart that I I share that.
00:27:53.359 --> 00:28:03.440
What a what a privilege to to like have two sets of just such loving grandparents that they're so jealous of each other with how much love they get to give.
00:28:03.920 --> 00:28:06.400
Because my that's our experience too.
00:28:06.559 --> 00:28:15.599
Like my parents and Sam's parents, like they're jealous of each other of how much love that they can you know, like I don't know, time they can spend, like what a privilege.
00:28:15.680 --> 00:28:25.680
And yeah, not everybody each of our each of our families have grandparents on the other side who do love them, you know, a lot.
00:28:25.920 --> 00:28:28.400
So the kids are well loved, that's for sure.
00:28:28.640 --> 00:28:31.519
Yeah, yeah, that's such a blessing.
00:28:32.000 --> 00:28:38.400
And you know, I I think one of the other things is um with the expectations, yeah.
00:28:38.480 --> 00:28:43.599
I mentioned like sharing calendars and and school schedules and things like that.
00:28:43.759 --> 00:28:57.359
Um, and just remembering that, you know, grandparents they do want to be have a role, and that role is not always um, especially if you're far away, is not always um obvious.
00:28:57.920 --> 00:29:14.000
But um I think the more grandparents get invited into it and the expectations are set, then um it just becomes a little more natural, maybe, or um fluid, you know, fluid.
00:29:14.559 --> 00:29:29.680
Um and then you know, the other thing is um hopefully grandparents, you know, are are praying for their grandchildren and it's just maybe inviting other people too, and other people that maybe don't have their own grandchildren.
00:29:29.839 --> 00:29:37.359
Um, I know out here we have several people in our lives and they um they love children, but they don't have their own grandchildren.
00:29:37.440 --> 00:29:45.839
So it's sometimes looking around and seeing who else might be able to be included in um that role of speaking into your family's life.
00:29:46.000 --> 00:29:51.920
So especially if you don't have the support, you know, on both sides or any support.
00:29:52.000 --> 00:29:57.920
I mean, there are a lot of people who just grandparents are doing other things, so yeah.
00:29:58.240 --> 00:30:04.079
We're huge believers in multi-generational like influence and and families.
00:30:04.240 --> 00:30:28.640
I think it's something that we're missing in like our world is just kids that have conversations with different generations and know and know well people in different generations, and um I think because I think in the church that's where kids kind of do did that, or in neighborhoods, and I feel like that's like not a huge thing anymore, and so I love that.
00:30:28.720 --> 00:30:30.720
I think it's that's so important.
00:30:30.880 --> 00:30:33.519
So yeah, we can all learn from each other, though.
00:30:33.680 --> 00:30:42.720
I mean, I'm learning things from my grandchildren all the time because they they're all into different things and they're learning different things, and so it's fun.
00:30:42.960 --> 00:30:43.759
Yeah, that is.
00:30:43.920 --> 00:30:45.440
Well, do you have any last things?
00:30:45.599 --> 00:30:47.119
Anything else you want to share?
00:30:47.279 --> 00:30:50.720
Um, did I forget anything or I don't think so.
00:30:50.880 --> 00:30:56.960
I yeah, thank you for just giving me the opportunity even to reflect on what is important.
00:30:57.759 --> 00:31:04.079
You know, it's kind of a good reminder to do this right before our trip because you're gonna have so much fun.
00:31:04.319 --> 00:31:05.440
Have you been walking?
00:31:05.680 --> 00:31:07.359
It's just a lot of walking.
00:31:07.680 --> 00:31:10.079
I haven't done what I thought I would have done by now.
00:31:10.160 --> 00:31:14.400
Yeah, and I think they're all they're all concerned about me, but we'll be fine.
00:31:14.720 --> 00:31:20.240
No, you don't need to be concerned, but it is, it's just like what parks are you doing?
00:31:20.480 --> 00:31:28.079
We're doing Disneyland in California on yeah, one day and then California Adventure and then Disneyland.
00:31:28.319 --> 00:31:29.119
So three days.
00:31:29.359 --> 00:31:30.480
You're gonna have so much fun.
00:31:30.720 --> 00:31:33.759
Yeah, well, the kids are the grandkids are just so excited.
00:31:33.839 --> 00:31:38.480
That's just so much fun to see the joy there.
00:31:38.880 --> 00:31:41.599
I I miss it, yeah.
00:31:44.559 --> 00:31:47.279
That's like it's like extra special, you know.
00:31:47.519 --> 00:31:48.000
Yeah, yeah.
00:31:48.079 --> 00:31:49.599
I think we're there with a lot of them.
00:31:49.759 --> 00:32:01.440
You know, one other thing I thought of is um Randy and I have talked a lot about, you know, when we're not here anymore with them, what would we like to see?
00:32:01.599 --> 00:32:26.799
And I think that's what spurred on some of these trips and gatherings with our family is because they're in three different states, um, so just the importance of building that community of family that, you know, they're each living their lives in different places with community there, but to and to for the grandchildren, the cousins, to really know each other.
00:32:27.200 --> 00:32:41.759
And even, you know, down to our youngest one, Rayla, who's here, she sees pictures and she starts naming um well, she's the second to the youngest, but she starts naming the different cousins, you know, at two.
00:32:42.079 --> 00:32:49.440
And so just building those relationships because you know they'll be for each, they'll be there for each other in the future.
00:32:49.680 --> 00:32:55.200
Yeah, I've heard about pickleball games at your house.
00:32:56.160 --> 00:32:56.559
Yeah.
00:32:56.880 --> 00:33:01.680
Between the the your kids and the wives.
00:33:02.079 --> 00:33:02.799
Yeah, yeah.
00:33:03.119 --> 00:33:05.359
I've heard about some pretty great pickleball games.
00:33:05.599 --> 00:33:11.039
I know that you've just cultivated a really amazing family unit.
00:33:11.359 --> 00:33:14.480
Well, they've allowed us to, so it's been fun.
00:33:14.720 --> 00:33:19.440
Well, you raised good boys, good men that married great women.
00:33:19.759 --> 00:33:21.519
That they did, yes.
00:33:21.839 --> 00:33:27.279
Yeah, I'm sure that required that was a lot of prayer and had a big part of it too.
00:33:27.440 --> 00:33:34.400
So yeah, and you know, to tag on what I said about asking other people to pray for your children, that was something.
00:33:34.640 --> 00:33:39.920
Um, we had different couples that were committed from their birth on to pray for them.
00:33:40.000 --> 00:33:52.880
And then of course there were times in the church where they were assigned to different people, but I think other people walking along with you and your kids hearing from them is really important.
00:33:53.200 --> 00:34:00.880
And I mean, that's the extended family that you used to get when you all lived in the same area, um, hopefully.
00:34:01.119 --> 00:34:07.519
And you know, now with people dispersed in different locations, um, you have to be a little more intentional with that.
00:34:07.599 --> 00:34:13.840
But yeah, I mean, just yeah, if you don't live close to grandparents, I know there are people just waiting to be asked.
00:34:14.639 --> 00:34:16.079
Yeah, that's that's good.
00:34:16.239 --> 00:34:26.559
Um, I know my my best friend that I mentioned before, she hasn't lived by grandparents, like her parents or husband husband's parents ever.
00:34:26.960 --> 00:34:31.920
And they've found people in the church that will be step-in grandparents everywhere we've lived.
00:34:32.079 --> 00:34:42.559
They've been able to find step-in grandparents that will like through the church that will watch their kids whenever, like, yeah, pray for their kids, like do whatever.
00:34:42.800 --> 00:34:45.039
It's been it's pretty cool to see.
00:34:45.519 --> 00:35:00.400
Yeah, I think people just yeah, in that stage of life are just waiting to be asked, you know, and so yeah, and in the church, it's it's a great opportunity because so many times they're just sitting there feeling invisible.
00:35:00.559 --> 00:35:01.679
So yeah.
00:35:06.480 --> 00:35:08.480
Yeah, yeah, if they're feeling alone.
00:35:08.639 --> 00:35:11.920
Well, well, thank you so much for being here and thank you for chatting.
00:35:12.000 --> 00:35:13.440
This is really, really nice.
00:35:14.079 --> 00:35:15.360
It's nice to see you again.
00:35:15.599 --> 00:35:16.880
Yeah, you too.
00:35:17.119 --> 00:35:23.199
Um, next episode is in May, and this I just saw this.
00:35:23.360 --> 00:35:30.960
We're sharing um parenting horror stories that um listeners can submit on Instagram.
00:35:31.360 --> 00:35:39.440
So you can follow us on Parker Baby Instagram and submit your horror story, and we'll be talking about them next time.
00:35:39.760 --> 00:35:41.920
So that'll be that'll be fun.
00:35:42.159 --> 00:35:44.159
That'll be a fun one to watch.
00:35:44.880 --> 00:35:49.199
I think uh my sister-in-law Jess will be in joining me for that one.
00:35:49.280 --> 00:35:51.679
So that'll be really that'll be a good time.
00:35:51.920 --> 00:35:56.079
Brian's joining me for the one after that for camping with kids.
00:35:56.480 --> 00:36:00.000
Oh, that's a great one for summertime, yeah.
00:36:00.079 --> 00:36:02.400
And Father's Day around Father's Day.
00:36:02.480 --> 00:36:06.320
So that yeah, he has great stories from growing up on that topic.
00:36:06.559 --> 00:36:10.159
So well, thank you so much.
00:36:10.320 --> 00:36:12.719
I'm sure we'll see you again in the future.
00:36:12.960 --> 00:36:14.800
Yeah, blessings to your family.
00:36:15.440 --> 00:36:15.920
You too.
00:36:16.000 --> 00:36:16.639
Bye, Beth.
00:36:16.800 --> 00:36:17.599
Bye bye.
00:36:17.840 --> 00:36:21.039
Thank you so much for tuning in to Rooted Conversations.
00:36:21.280 --> 00:36:26.639
I hope this episode reminded you that you're growing, you're growing a strong family, and you're growing as a parent.
00:36:26.880 --> 00:36:29.840
One moment, one choice, and one hug at a time.
00:36:30.000 --> 00:36:31.679
I'll see you next time.
