From Shock To Self-Leadership: Elizabeth Jane On Boundaries, Healing, And Joy

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If you've ever struggled with fear, doubt, or worry, and wondering what your true purpose was all about, then this podcast is for you.
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In this show, your host, Sylvia Warsham, will interview elite experts and ordinary people that have created extraordinary lives.
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So here's your host, Sylvia Warsham.
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Hey Lightbringers, it's Sylvia Warsham.
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Welcome to Released Out Reveal Purpose.
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And today is Elizabeth Jane.
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And gosh, what can I say?
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When I read her biography and it stated that after 25 years of marriage, there was a sudden divorce and she had to rebuild everything.
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I thought, oh my goodness, after 25 years of being in union with someone else, and then you have to start all over again.
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I remember my own divorce after only nine years was tough.
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I can't imagine 25 years and having to start all over again.
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So I know she's here to share how you can rebuild, how you can set some boundaries for yourself, how you can regain the presence and the joy and the authenticity of being one after that happens to you.
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So without further ado, Elizabeth, thank you so much for joining us on Release Out Reveal Purpose.
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Oh, it's my pleasure, Sylvia.
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It's great to be here.
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It's wonderful to have you.
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And I I hear the accent, I know you're in Australia.
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So I got kangaroos in our back garden.
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Not quite, but you know.
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But hey, you know, it's it's pretty neat, but it's one place that we want to travel with our children.
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But the kids were like, but it's so dangerous.
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There's so many crazy animals there.
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I'm like, there's crazy animals everywhere.
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But there's a lot of deadly animals in Australia.
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Yes, that's true.
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But I do know you have a very profound story of transformation.
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I really want to get into it.
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So please share with us that dark chapter that you mentioned in your in your in the bulk of what you sent me.
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Yes, yes, I will, because um I I was always an optimist going through school and uh I always, you know, was always picking people up and making them feel feel good.
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And then when I fell down, that that oh I was I was falling and I fell very deeply with the announcement that my husband wanted a divorce, and it came out of nowhere, and um I had uh two the twins, the youngest were the twins.
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I had four children.
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Uh the twins were about to do their final year exams for year 12, their final year at school, and I was in shock, so I hadn't really registered.
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Um, I thought, you know, my husband's having male menopause, it's just something, it'll pass.
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It'll pass, you know, this can't be happening.
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So I was in shock for that, but then I realized that the children were also in shock and didn't understand, um, and especially with the exams to come, so I really got into getting special consideration for them.
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But down the track, I was determined.
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My nature was I was determined to, because there were some days I just couldn't get out of bed, and I went on a roller coaster of deep grief, shock, deep grief, anger, every emotion, you know, that you know, they they sort of say you go through five stages of whatever with with um the loss of a loved one, um whether it's divorce or or um whether it's you know whether whether they pass, you know, when they but so anyway, so I started journaling.
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Journaling helped me in terms of what was working and what was not, and that organically grew later to be become my book, Free and First, Unlocking Your Ultimate Life, which you can purchase on Amazon.
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I'm about to put a second edition to come out to um be distributed around the world, and hopefully it will be on Audible soon.
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So basically, this book is uh a manual, a manual to pick yourself up and to give you the tools to to lift yourself up, but not just get yourself back on track, to actually get further than back on track, to really thrive in your life, to work out no longer what is meaningful for um the people around you, but more which is more meaningful for you because what I realized, the truth of it, is that I had had four children under five years, very close in age, and I'd always thought I was flexible with my husband, I'll live anywhere, you know, I'll and what I'd done is I'd over 30 years together, I had sidelined my needs in and thought that I was meeting my needs when I was meeting the needs of my children and my husband.
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I had really lost track of me and in my roles.
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And that had actually started, Sylvia, way before being a mother.
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It had started when being the eldest child of a family and coming home, running home with the report with the the A pluses on the on the report card, showing them to my parents and wanting the love and adoration of my parents, and then trying to impress my teachers and and my peers.
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And my whole life had sort of all of a sudden I started to realize that I really had to um put myself first, which is the um name of my book, free and first.
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Um, and it kept coming into my ear, but that's selfish, you can't do that.
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You can't put yourself first.
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You can't spoil yourself, you've got children to look after.
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You know, you can't just sit on your sun lounge, you're a waste of space.
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You know, you can't just be you can't stop.
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But then I realized all that noise was counterproductive and the opposite to what I needed to do to really thrive.
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And so the first I talk about in my book that we really need to stop, we need to stop on the life hamster wheel momentarily.
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I mean, I know that's a scary word in this busy, busy world.
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Everyone's busy, busy at work, busy at play, busy with children.
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Oh, I'm too busy for that, I'm too busy for that, I'm too busy.
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But if we just stop from our day and just take two minutes of time to take deep belly breaths, none of this shallow breathing, deep belly breaths, we will feel our parasympathetic nervous system will calm down.
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We don't even have to be what we call meditating, it's it's really a reset can be as short as two minutes if you go into the bathroom and you're you know in the bathroom alone, and you just go, okay, I'm gonna close my eyes and I'm going to belly breathe for two minutes.
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I'm gonna set an alarm on my on my phone, and um, I I'll tell you you will feel a lot better.
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And um, what you're actually doing is you're if you and if you can imagine breathing out all the things that are in your head, or all the overburden, all this, all the sadness, uh, all the anger, whatever emotion is clogging up your system, so to speak, because that's what's holding you back from lifting up like a hot air balloon, and that's what we want to do.
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We want to lift up like a hot air balloon, where it will attract good high vibrational energy.
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So our vibration is so important.
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We're we're I'm not gonna go into too much about it, but we doctors forget, they don't really remind us that we're set we're made up of 72,000 energy channels.
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72,000 energy channels, and when those energy channels are running well, guess what?
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We're running well, we are running well, we are alert, we're focused, we're healthy, we we attract abundance in every area of our life.
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But what happens is if we've got all this emotion that's oh, I can't cry now, no, can't cry now, oh can't be angry, then it gets stuck in our system, and that is holds us back.
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It's it's unconscious.
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We say, Oh no, I'm not angry, no, I'm not angry, no, no.
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Oh no, I'm not sad, I'm just busy, I'm just really busy.
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And what we're doing is we're not giving ourselves a chance to acknowledge how we feel, which brings me to my toolbook tool in my book, which is the A, B, C of me.
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We have to follow the A, B, C, and then we'll be free.
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The A, B, C of me.
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What is the A B C of me?
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A is we have to stop and A acknowledge, allow, and accept how we feel.
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The problem with our life, oh, it's just nice to have a champagne.
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I think I'll just have a champagne now.
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I'll feel better after a champagne or or a gin and tonic.
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That'll relax me.
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Just sit out, have a gin and tonic.
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But and and alcohol, it it you know, in small amounts, it does have a place because that can stop you, you know, it can stop you, get you off that hamster wheel, and we need to stop.
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So we need to stop to acknowledge how we feel, and maybe that that one drink will you will go, oh, I actually feel so worn out, or I feel angry, or I feel sad.
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But if the first thing is a acknowledge how we feel, and B is putting a boundary in place, actually having that empowered conversation with your child, with your boss, with your best friend, who you're not sure is your best friend at the moment, whoever it is with, about what you need, and and they heart argue back if they you say how you feel.
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I feel X when you leave the lid off the toothpaste.
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I love you living with me, you're a great flat mate.
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But when you leave the lid off the toothpaste, whatever you lead it in, there's approaches in my book as to how to have this empowered conversation.
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But if you start doing the A and the B and the C is the communication of the empowered conversation, and if we continue to do that every time we get a rumble, every time we feel, oh, I don't feel too good, I feel really angry.
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Yeah, or I feel really sad.
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Every time we get a little rumble about we're not feeling good, it's usually because we've something's come up, and it's our emotions are guiding us as to how to get back on track, how to get back into flow, how to get back into joy, and how and how to get back into to peace.
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Um because those moments of joy come every day.
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We miss them though when we're going through trials and tribulations, and it's those moments of joy that can bring us back into the present moment where we're not being pulled into our past, which in your case, you the rumblings of like, oh my goodness, like I could have done this, I should have done this, or what if the what ifs in the future and the anxiety that can come by being a single parent now and having young children, because they were in essence young and the timing of it was horrible, like right as they're taking their final exams in 12th grade, that's high school, I guess, for us, before they even head off to college, if that's our university, if that's what they're gonna do.
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Um and so many things went through my mind because I know so many women that get stuck in these loops of achievement to avoid the pain, and they fail to acknowledge the feelings as they're showing up.
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And the more you acknowledge and accept, the further you'll go in your journey.
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Yes.
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When you don't do that, I found then you're stuck in these negative loops, and they're just like it's this crazy cycle, and you're wondering like, why am I not out of this loop yet?
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And it's because you're failing to work through your pain, you're avoiding your pain, you want the pleasure and the instant gratification of I want the you know, the happy, joyful life, but I don't want to go through what that entails.
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And but what people don't realize is as you go through that journey, you learn and you get equipped for all the larger trials that are coming down the road.
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Yes, yes, exactly.
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That's what you're missing when you're trying to jump that those steps, those very vital steps to our growth and our healing.
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Um, that we can look back on, which I had to do just recently because as a life coach, I learned all of this.
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Like I took myself and I went and I learned and personal growth, and I trained under the John Maxwell team, and they they put you through the rear in terms of like the training.
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Um and it's a great thing.
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And I've I've always been either coached or in therapy because there's always blind spots that we miss, and the more we can open our souls up and heart to receive uh guidance, the the clearer we'll be in our journeys.
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Yes, and so I'm not one to hide from the pain, I actually know the process now, and I'm grateful because I did go through a divorce and I did do the journaling, and that's how I connected to my to my higher source of power, which my case is God.
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And so I started to hear his voice and my intuition kicked in.
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That's not a healthy way to move forward.
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I mean, initially it might help you because that's what you know, right?
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That's what your mind knows, but eventually it's going to block you.
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And when that block comes, you won't know how to uh navigate it because you've you've taken these easier steps before of like avoiding pain through achievement that that when that runs out or you get burned out, what happens next, right?
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Yeah, yes, yes, yeah, exactly.
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I mean, the the the quickest way I found, you know, and I talk about it in my book, is if you're feeling not good, it's because you've unconsciously gone into this is a really good thing for your your audience, I think, you know, because you've you know, like if you're wanting really simple, you know, if you're in a bad place, you don't want too many rules and too much profusess, which is why my book's good.
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But if you're if you're not feeling good, you've uh either gone into the past unconsciously or into the future, the past being should have, could have, would have, regret, shame, blame, judgment, guilt, guilt, all that.
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All that fun stuff, yeah.
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Guilt.
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And so that brings you down in your vibration, and then if into the or into the the fearful but fantasy future.
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So we go into the future and we're we're really good with our imaginations to to sort of like get a real big bomb of negativity imagined.
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And because we actually, I believe we our thoughts become our our future, so it's really important when we're not feeling good to say, oh, but they're just thoughts.
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Um, I can choose again, I can choose, I've got choice points, I can choose a better thought.
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You can always choose a better thought and remember that they are just thoughts, they may not necessarily be truth.
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And so, um, and then on on the angle with I'm so grateful for what I went through.
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So, so with with the angle of the obstacle at the time, you think, oh god, what's this big challenge coming my way?
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It's like a big boulder, it's gonna just like but the obstacle is the opportunity, and I'm really grateful for my ex because I wouldn't be in the place I am today, the leader of my life.
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Um, I was always sort of um a very, very happy mother to be looking after my four children, and you know, soon perhaps, you know, in the next few years, grandchildren, and and to be a wife and to be a daughter and all these roles.
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But then I realized, oh my gosh, this like I I really should, you know, I pop in on this planet, you know, alone, and when we leave it alone, I really should do something for me with it.
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Yes, I was only here for a short time, and when I started to realize that as I bought myself up then onto a higher vibration, a higher feel-good vibe, then my children were bought up as well, because we're all energetically uh attached to one another.
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So we go down, the whole ship goes down, and so the only the best thing you can do for your loved ones is not to put them first.
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Yes, you heard it from me, is to put you first, like what the air stewards say on the plane, put your mask on first before you help others, and so just little steps.
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If I'm not feeling good, oops, Elizabeth Jane said, Oh, must have gone into the past unconsciously or the future, because we've got, I think someone said to me, we have 60,000 thoughts a day, at least, and we can't keep track of our 60,000 thoughts, but what we can do is keep track of how we feel and when we're not feeling good, go okay, I'm gonna shake myself into the present, whether that's breathing, whether that's looking at all the colours around me, whether it's doing something for 10 minutes that makes me feel good, whether that's skipping to get my coffee.
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Yep, skipping, doing something silly, taking a skip, um, a silly dance, um, listening to your wake up your mind, is what we're really saying, because our mind takes these loops into mind.
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It has a pattern of behaving, and when you don't interrupt that pattern of behaving, which is subconscious, then you're gonna go down those loops over and over and over and over again, and you don't even realize you're doing it.
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That's why it's subconscious, and it's fully aware of it's happening.
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So it's like a quick pan, too.
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It's like like I would if you go to yoga, sometimes you go to yoga and you think, Oh, gone to something good, you know.
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I'm feeling good, I'm feeling good, and then you go into the coffee shop, and then you go with your girlfriends, and they go into the drama, yeah.
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Over and over the drama.
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He says, she says, and that's awful.
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She, oh wow, and the judgment and the shame and the blame, yeah, that takes you down.
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All the good work you did at walking in the park or at the gym.
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Now you're going down, down, down, and you go down into a lower vibration where the you get, I like to think of it as you get stuck in the quicksand.
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So you really need to realize, oh, I'm going into the judging.
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Everyone's on their own path.
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Everyone on this planet, some, some are how I look at it, some are at university, some are at kindergarten.
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You love them all.
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The the kindergarten ones might get up to a few more tantrums, but we're all all all on all trying to do our best at the level that we're at on this planet.
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So some are, and so the more we judge others, the best thing we can do is really to get ourself, our inner, inner landscape happening.
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Because then if we believe in ourselves, if we if we um life is a mirror.
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So if we so there's a whole chapter in my book on self care.
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Once we build ourselves up, we will be able to have that set that boundary and have that empowered conversation and be heard.
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If we're not feeling good about ourselves, we're not going to be able to stand up.
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And so the reality is if I'm secretly disrespecting myself or not feeling good, I'm going to get a hell of a lot coming my way that reflects that inner landscape that I have.
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So the first thing I needed to do, and I realized this through living, well, I lived in ashrams in, you know, which are like convents in India, that I had to build me from the inside out, and then the world would reflect differently because I had built me internally that feeling good.
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And so the first the first few um months, even the first year after the uh shop divorce, I would spend 10 minutes a day purely following my joy, and that got me into hobbies, and that got me feeling good about myself.
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It also kept me present whilst I was doing my painting.
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I have a lot of paintings in my book which were intuitively painted, which actually summarized the chapters, and so the painting was a healing process because it kept me present and then unconsciously allows you to process your heavy emotions which are stuck inside you, which holds you back.
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And we want to be hot air balloons and we want to rise up into a higher vibration because while we're on vibration, the world right now has very low vibration, it does, but sometimes some of us are saying a second to third vibration of uh dimension and uh the the fifth, and so some people are on the fifth and going, oh well, I'm okay up here.
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It's like quite it's it's so we're we're we're one one um humanity living on this rock called the planet Earth, and some of us are um at a lower vibe, attracting lower vibe challenges, which ironically are the opportunities, the obstacles of the opportunities to blast you up, but you need the tools, you need the tools to be able to get you up the ladder.
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And so, yes, you might walk up a couple and then you might take a few back down, and that's okay.
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Don't shame yourself.
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You know, I've I've had times where I've got, okay, yeah, I'm feeling okay.
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And then, you know, and then I'll sort of have a big night with the girlfriends and like uh wake up in the morning and go, I'm not okay.
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And so it's you know, we we can only do our best, and it it takes it took me a process, I don't know how long it took you, Sylvia, but it probably took me to to actually become totally in charge of my life and to to to really understand that I was the leader and 100% responsible for what came my way.
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Um took me probably um three years.
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So I that's what it took me.
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It took me about three years, and then I ended up uh meeting who would become my second husband, but in the interim had a huge awakening and that really rocked my world in 2012, and that's what led me to to land as an as a life coach with the John Maxwell team, and then eventually as an author in 2020, and now as a podcast host, it was like not a totally linear path.
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I came from the corporate world, uh I achieving very stressful, you know, driven world.
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And yeah.
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Welcome, welcome to the club.
00:26:17.279 --> 00:27:18.160
Well, and then God used my choice in taking breast control pills after the age of 35, which I was in pharmaceuticals, I worked for Pfizer for many years, and so I used to sell these products and talk a lot about side effects day in and day out, and I became the statistic because after the age of 35, your risk quadruples to get pulmonary embolism with the use of birth control pills, and I was 37 when I was taking them, and I had taken them safely before, and then but this time around it really wreaked havoc, and I ended up facing an 18% chance of dying because I ended up uh with a syndrome called butt carry syndrome that can happen with birth control pills after the age of 35 in women, and it it's based in essence, it is a blood clot that blocks the vena cava, which is the main vein that takes blood out of your main organs that's putting pressure on my liver, and that is butt carry syndrome.
00:27:18.319 --> 00:27:38.079
And so, and I came from a family of doctors, and when they told my sister and my brother, I remember them crying in ICU, but I didn't know why, because they wouldn't tell me that it carried an 80% chance of death for obvious reasons, because they wanted me to stay optimistic and hopeful that I would survive.
00:27:38.319 --> 00:27:38.720
Wow.
00:27:38.960 --> 00:27:48.319
What I did was I surrendered to God because I could see on the faces of the medical staff that they were not confident I was going to survive the night.
00:27:48.880 --> 00:27:57.839
This was during Easter weekend, which is a very pronounced weekend here in the United States because it is, you know, for people that believe in God and in Christ.
00:28:00.160 --> 00:28:01.519
It's very energetic.
00:28:01.680 --> 00:28:04.240
That that weekend is extremely energetic.
00:28:04.640 --> 00:28:12.000
Across the world, actually, in it's uh there's a correlation with all faiths, actually, that there's high energy.
00:28:12.240 --> 00:28:19.119
So no matter what faith, um, at certain times with with the moons, because that's why Easter's around the moon.
00:28:19.200 --> 00:28:29.359
So yeah, so and I and I received three miracles in 72 hours, and and I received the third one the day he resurrects.
00:28:29.680 --> 00:28:42.000
Wow, you know, and and I get an I get to feel his love and his peace, and the knowing washed over me that I had received my second chance at life before the doctors confirmed it.
00:28:42.880 --> 00:28:45.519
He he came into the ICU room.
00:28:45.759 --> 00:28:53.119
I felt like I was being carried like a baby in his arms, and we had formed a circle to pray.
00:28:53.599 --> 00:29:03.200
Because when I walked into the hospital, I was still a Catholic, and they make you fill out paperwork here in the States of like, what religion are you?
00:29:03.599 --> 00:29:09.119
Because, well, if you die or if you're about to die, they want to bring in a priest or whatever, or pastor or whatever.
00:29:09.359 --> 00:29:13.599
And and she walked in, it was Easter Sunday morning, and she said, Do you want to pray with me?
00:29:13.759 --> 00:29:16.880
And I remember I was just watching TV and I was like, I need a miracle.
00:29:17.039 --> 00:29:19.920
Like, these doctors aren't confident.
00:29:20.400 --> 00:29:29.920
And my boyfriend, now my husband Donnie, was in the room, and so we formed a circle, which is common, and we started reciting the Lord's Prayer, the Our Father for the Catholics.
00:29:30.160 --> 00:29:34.720
And halfway through is when I mean it was indescribable.
00:29:34.880 --> 00:29:47.200
That is the the chapter, the free chapter I have on my webpage to download uh is that precise chapter because the love I experienced was not a love of this world.
00:29:48.160 --> 00:29:52.400
Was no words could possibly, they just did it no justice.
00:29:52.559 --> 00:29:56.640
I I sat there and I tried to think back to that moment.
00:29:56.799 --> 00:29:58.319
It was so powerful.
00:29:58.720 --> 00:30:03.519
And she leaves the room and Donnie turns to me and he says, You felt them too, didn't you?
00:30:04.000 --> 00:30:12.160
So he revealed himself to both of us and he told Donnie, like your prayers were answered, like he felt peace as well.
00:30:12.400 --> 00:30:17.039
And a knowing washed over both of us that I had received my my miracle.
00:30:17.920 --> 00:30:22.160
And so when they wheeled me in, I was like, Oh, I'm fine, you don't have to tell me anything.
00:30:22.240 --> 00:30:23.440
I already know what happened.
00:30:24.880 --> 00:30:26.559
The doctors were radiant.
00:30:27.359 --> 00:30:47.039
Yes, yes, yes, no, and I I I I I hear you totally, I hear you because and I just want to say with all your audience, it it it it it could be um Christ consciousness, could be Buddhic consciousness, it could be uh any of these energies we can tap into.
00:30:47.359 --> 00:31:04.799
I actually, when I meditate, I bring uh Lord Yeshua or Christ consciousness um into my meditation as a form of energy, and I also bring the Buddhic consciousness, I bring, I bring everyone into the party.
00:31:04.960 --> 00:31:09.920
I bring, you know, the archangels, the angels, um, yeah.
00:31:10.000 --> 00:31:12.079
And we have a spiritual team.
00:31:12.319 --> 00:31:15.440
We all assigned an angel, so we have a spiritual team.
00:31:16.559 --> 00:31:20.960
We have, and we've forgotten, we've forgotten this, so it's all been drummed out of us.
00:31:21.119 --> 00:31:33.039
We have a guardian angel, and we can always say, Okay, guys, I know I don't talk to you all the time, and I'm not going mad because you know, Elizabeth Jane says it's okay to talk to you, but I need some advice on this.
00:31:33.200 --> 00:31:34.799
I really need your help.
00:31:35.039 --> 00:31:40.799
I don't know, I'm at crossroads with this decision, and please, please guide me.
00:31:40.880 --> 00:31:46.240
You know, I I I want to do something that's for my highest good and the highest good of everyone around me.
00:31:46.559 --> 00:31:48.240
Please, please help me here.
00:31:48.880 --> 00:31:58.240
And um we we we all we need to do to get to to to connect is is what I said at the beginning.
00:31:58.400 --> 00:32:04.480
Our most powerful thing is pausing, powerful pause, stop, stop, breathe.
00:32:04.960 --> 00:32:08.960
We can't connect, we can't connect to our true self.
00:32:09.440 --> 00:32:12.400
You know, we're all God really within us.
00:32:12.880 --> 00:32:15.359
You know, we're all all all God.
00:32:15.599 --> 00:32:21.039
We can't connect with God, no matter what God looks like for you.
00:32:22.079 --> 00:32:24.319
It's everything is energy.
00:32:24.480 --> 00:32:30.880
We can't connect to the energy around us that is our birthright unless we stop.
00:32:31.599 --> 00:32:36.319
If we're running around like a um, we're a human, we're a human being.
00:32:36.640 --> 00:32:38.319
We're not a human doing.
00:32:38.880 --> 00:32:40.000
We're a human being.
00:32:40.160 --> 00:32:45.359
If we just remember that, okay, I'm a human being, I have to be.
00:32:45.519 --> 00:32:47.359
It's powerful to be.
00:32:47.599 --> 00:33:14.720
It's like I've got this painting that came that I intuitively painted, which is of a um a um lighthouse, and it's beaming its light, and it's it's saving, saving all the the people, the red, the boats, by just being strong, grounded, and and high vibe and putting themselves first.
00:33:14.960 --> 00:33:19.200
This this lighthouse is not doing anything, it's just being.
00:33:19.599 --> 00:33:36.559
And then there's this on the on the on the water, there's this tugboat, there's this rescue boat that's looking half worn out and with the analogy of us trying to rescue one boat that looks like it's going to go down with it.
00:33:36.799 --> 00:33:49.440
It's just like the sea is so ferocious that the power of the the lighthouse is assisting so many more people, you know, so many more yachts.
00:33:49.680 --> 00:33:57.200
And so that's what we have to really um remember that we are not human doings.
00:33:57.359 --> 00:34:02.799
We can run around as long as we want from A to B, B to A, A to B, and then we're just like, oh, that's the end of our life.
00:34:02.880 --> 00:34:18.159
Well, that went quickly, or we can stop reflect and reset about how we feel and what we need and make small steps to actually lift up in our consciousness.
00:34:18.400 --> 00:34:24.480
And as we do that, as we start climbing that, we uh say we think of it as Mount Everest.
00:34:24.559 --> 00:34:36.880
We don't try and do it overnight, took me three years, took Sylvia three years, but we in we remark as we go up Mount Everest, we look at the view and go, yes, we've done that.
00:34:37.199 --> 00:34:40.400
Wow, I had that empowered conversation with my daughter.
00:34:40.559 --> 00:34:46.320
She actually listened to me because that's because I felt good about me.
00:34:46.639 --> 00:34:51.360
If we go in there half-hearted, oh, could you put the lid on the toothpaste?
00:34:51.679 --> 00:34:52.159
Really?
00:34:53.039 --> 00:34:54.079
They're not going to listen.
00:34:54.400 --> 00:34:55.440
They're not going to listen.
00:34:55.840 --> 00:35:08.639
You have to have you have to have the power in your, you have to be not aggressive, not passive, just affirm how you feel and what what behavior is not on.
00:35:08.880 --> 00:35:14.000
Because you think we could we're very powerful beings and we've forgotten that.
00:35:14.159 --> 00:35:43.280
We could change the whole theme of this world because if we're enabling bad behavior, but I was, because if we're people pleasing, oh no, keeping the peace and not having that empowered conversation, we're actually enabling, we're enabling that and and we're the ones we're the ones that really need to look at ourselves in the mirror and say, the change starts with you.
00:35:43.440 --> 00:35:52.719
You can't place the blame on somebody else when you've positioned yourself in that circumstance through the choices you've been making throughout your journey.
00:35:53.119 --> 00:35:55.599
And this is something I've discussed with girlfriends before.
00:35:55.679 --> 00:35:57.039
They're like, Well, I'm over it.
00:35:57.199 --> 00:35:58.000
I said, Really?
00:35:58.159 --> 00:35:59.280
Did you go to therapy?
00:35:59.440 --> 00:36:01.360
Like you had a major loss.
00:36:01.519 --> 00:36:06.960
Like I had a friend who who lost her husband very tragically in 2021.
00:36:08.079 --> 00:36:14.000
And she tried going to therapy, but the therapists were ever, they were never a good fit.
00:36:14.320 --> 00:36:16.400
It was one and then another and then another.
00:36:16.480 --> 00:36:17.920
And I'm like, what are you looking for?
00:36:18.079 --> 00:36:19.360
You're making excuses.
00:36:19.760 --> 00:36:20.800
Don't make excuses.
00:36:20.960 --> 00:36:27.119
Here's the thing: like, if you don't heal that wound, that wound will inform.
00:36:28.000 --> 00:36:40.400
It will create belief systems, and those belief systems are gonna create the thought, and the thought is gonna create a feeling, and the feeling is going to create a reaction, it's a like a domino effect.
00:36:40.639 --> 00:36:46.800
So you want to sit with it, acknowledge it, accept that it happened.
00:36:47.039 --> 00:36:59.679
You have to sit with the fact that your husband asked for a divorce after 25 years, you have to accept that you had been people pleasing for many years, and you had to fix that.
00:37:00.400 --> 00:37:23.360
And it wasn't in because otherwise the acceptance, but it was so necessary to accept it because from that space, then you can start building a new foundation, and that way when other stuff comes in, I'm sorry, other stuff comes in, then you're not having to go all the way back to zero, you're starting from a different space.
00:37:23.599 --> 00:37:24.400
That's so true.
00:37:24.559 --> 00:37:25.760
That's so true, Sylvia.
00:37:25.840 --> 00:37:33.920
Because unless we can, as we as we keep that we both really emphasize, unless we can get our stuff under our shit under control.
00:37:34.480 --> 00:37:38.159
Oh yeah, we will continue to attract the same thing.
00:37:38.320 --> 00:37:56.480
So if I had that people pleasing where I was putting everyone first still, and sidelining my needs, it'd be very likely that I'd skip, hop, and jump into another relationship where the same cycle would continue.
00:37:56.960 --> 00:38:40.159
If my husband was abusing me and I hadn't learnt to stand up for me, well then it's likely, oh, I may get rid of that abusing husband, but it's likely that I would continue and attract another one to fill that those shoes the same at the same level of um this with the same characteristics of what I because unless you lift up and you have to process how you're feeling, you have to process the the um the hurt, you have to process the the anger, you have whatever emotion you're feeling, you have to process.
00:38:40.239 --> 00:38:41.599
And how do you process it?
00:38:41.760 --> 00:38:45.440
Well, you have to feel it and you have to be in the now with it.
00:38:45.519 --> 00:38:48.239
You can't be um busy, busy.
00:38:48.400 --> 00:38:51.360
Oh, I'm just gonna keep busy and then I'll be fine.
00:38:51.599 --> 00:38:51.840
Nope.
00:38:54.079 --> 00:38:55.840
That's just how time passes by.
00:38:56.079 --> 00:38:58.320
Like it's just like, well, it's been four years.
00:38:58.480 --> 00:38:59.840
I'm like, four years of what?
00:38:59.920 --> 00:39:01.760
Are you doing projects?
00:39:02.320 --> 00:39:04.880
If you're doing projects, are you really healing?
00:39:05.039 --> 00:39:06.559
And that's what you need to ask yourself.
00:39:06.639 --> 00:39:09.840
They're hard questions, but very doable.
00:39:10.239 --> 00:39:12.719
Like, sit with it, allow the feeling to come up.
00:39:12.800 --> 00:39:14.320
If you're angry, be angry.
00:39:14.559 --> 00:39:16.000
Acknowledge the anger.
00:39:16.239 --> 00:39:21.199
Anger, there's so much wealth of information underneath anger.
00:39:21.360 --> 00:39:29.119
If you just sit with it, if you look at anger, it's angry because deep down below you you're you're heartbroken.
00:39:29.440 --> 00:39:39.679
You've lost someone that you wanted to build a life with, and that grieving process will take you through areas that you never even dreamed possible.
00:39:40.000 --> 00:39:50.960
But one thing that came to me as you were speaking, and my ADHD brain kind of thought comes in, and then it just as quickly as it comes in, it goes out.
00:39:51.920 --> 00:40:20.880
But you were speaking on uh processing it and going through it to get to the other side of joy, and that that is the piece, and most people forget they get caught up in the negativity of the pain, but on the other side of that pain is joy waiting to be discovered and for you to really step into it fully because there was something that's what it was.
00:40:21.119 --> 00:40:31.119
There is something inside of you that attracted these people in your life in the first place, and that piece is the piece you need to identify and heal within.
00:40:31.440 --> 00:40:51.920
Because if you don't, you're right, you're gonna continue attracting this these people in your life that are not gonna treat you well, but it's because there's something inside of you that needs attention, and that's why when your feelings rise up in you, they're trying to teach you something about something that happened long ago in your mind.
00:40:52.480 --> 00:40:59.360
So, one thing I there was another author I interviewed on my podcast recently, it aired on 925.
00:40:59.440 --> 00:41:00.960
It's a good one to listen to.
00:41:01.199 --> 00:41:05.199
She wrote a book called Pain is a Portal to My to Beauty.
00:41:05.360 --> 00:41:11.760
I I thought the the title was beautiful, and the the artwork on the front was really bright and beautiful.
00:41:12.079 --> 00:41:16.239
So contrast to the word pain, because that's not how people see pain.
00:41:16.400 --> 00:41:21.280
But like you said earlier, it's an opportunity for you to discover things about yourself.
00:41:21.440 --> 00:41:26.159
And true to form, I was praying about a missing piece.
00:41:26.320 --> 00:41:34.400
I was start, I was wanting to understand why in conflict I never wanted to rejoice in the truth.
00:41:34.800 --> 00:41:42.079
And when I read her book, something inside of me went click, and it was God saying, This is your answer to that prayer.
00:41:42.320 --> 00:41:49.840
Um, your teenage bullied self is showing up full armor, ready to fight in conflict with your with your husband.
00:41:50.159 --> 00:41:52.239
So you need to heal that part of you.
00:41:52.320 --> 00:42:15.599
You need to first accept that she is, she will always be part of you, that she was a survivor, she did what she needed to do to survive bullying in high school, but that now she is now a wife and a mother, and she doesn't need to come on full force to fight because now you are in partnership with your husband, and he's someone that loves you and just wants the best for you.
00:42:15.679 --> 00:42:19.679
And sometimes her she gets triggered by certain words.
00:42:19.760 --> 00:42:25.360
And so now I need to sit with her and calmly talk her down off the ledge, you know.
00:42:25.440 --> 00:42:47.599
But her book, Pain is a portal of beauty, talks about these identities that um got formed long ago in our mind, and it's the way our mind responds to certain triggers and it's formed these patterns of behaving that if you don't capture and you don't understand, they're the ones that keep you in that constant negative loop over and over and over again.
00:42:47.760 --> 00:42:51.760
So it feels like you're you're living this, it's kind of like the movie Groundhog Day.
00:42:51.920 --> 00:42:54.480
You feel like you're living the same day over and over and over again.
00:42:54.559 --> 00:42:56.559
It's like you don't get out of there.
00:42:56.719 --> 00:42:58.719
And that's the feeling of being stuck.
00:42:58.960 --> 00:43:13.119
But the beauty of working through your pain is discovering what's behind it so that you can shift it, shift it from a side of fear to a side of love, which is what you're doing in your work and what I'm doing in my work as well.
00:43:13.760 --> 00:43:23.840
And just letting people know it is dark, it is painful, but there is so much waiting for you on the other side of that.
00:43:24.079 --> 00:43:27.599
Yes, and I and I think I think that that's so true, Sylvia.
00:43:27.760 --> 00:43:47.119
But in a nutshell, that when that little child, you know, that comes up that's scared or angry, um it's it's very tempting just to um have another drink or to let that part of you play up.
00:43:47.519 --> 00:44:01.840
But all that little child part of you that's coming up that's angry or sad is really needing is just wanting to know that they're that they're safe and they're loved and and And to be acknowledged.
00:44:02.079 --> 00:44:19.679
So if you can think of it, you know, for a minute when you when you feel that anger come up or that sadness come up, and think of it like as a as you, your two-year-old self, what you do with a two-year-old, what would you do with the two-year-olds having a tantrum?
00:44:20.000 --> 00:44:26.639
You just hold them there and say, I hear your pain, but we're but we're stronger now.
00:44:26.800 --> 00:44:46.800
You know, I've done I've done lots of work and I've read lots of books, and I know, I know that we're safe because we've got God protecting us, or whoever God is, or we've got we've we've done the lessons and we've got skills now, and you're safe.
00:44:46.880 --> 00:44:49.440
You don't have to have that anger anymore.
00:44:49.679 --> 00:45:03.760
We can re-channel that anger into empowered conversations, or we can rechannel that because it's energy, the anger's energy, and it's great energy, so we can rechannel it into something that's even greater.
00:45:04.480 --> 00:45:16.960
Um, and once that part of you knows that that they're safe and that they're loved and that they're free, um then it can make a hell of a difference.
00:45:17.360 --> 00:45:18.079
Good use of it.
00:45:18.320 --> 00:45:18.880
Oh my goodness.
00:45:19.039 --> 00:45:22.079
That's you know, it's it's a perfect word, so don't worry about it.
00:45:22.239 --> 00:45:35.360
It's it's a word that actually emphasizes how how it feels like that breakthrough that that we makes a lot to a lot of difference to and um can really step you up in terms of how you're feeling.
00:45:35.599 --> 00:45:50.880
So rather than as you as you said, reliving the groundhog day where we keep in our cycle, if we ignore that part of us as it comes up, well then it goes back inside of us and then it waits for another opportunity to come up.
00:45:51.039 --> 00:46:02.239
But it's coming up to be healed, it's coming up as an opportunity to be processed and to be able to move on from our energetic self.
00:46:02.880 --> 00:46:09.679
I know I'm totally in alignment with everything you're saying, and I really want to get your book now.
00:46:09.760 --> 00:46:11.920
What is the name of it again, and where can I offer?
00:46:12.559 --> 00:46:18.719
So, yes, it's called free and first unlocking your ultimate life.
00:46:18.960 --> 00:46:19.119
Okay.
00:46:19.360 --> 00:46:26.960
So it's about getting yourself back on track, whether you're going through a divorce, you're having financial problems, health problems.
00:46:27.199 --> 00:46:36.400
It's the tools and tips assist with every basket of challenges that we could be posed with on this planet.
00:46:36.559 --> 00:46:44.320
And some people on the planet have got three, the three baskets at the moment, you know, the financial, the health, and the relationship.
00:46:44.719 --> 00:46:48.159
So it they and they can feel in a really bad way.
00:46:48.239 --> 00:46:54.639
So this book is just baby steps on how to lift yourself up into a better place.
00:46:54.960 --> 00:46:55.519
Wonderful.
00:46:55.599 --> 00:46:59.519
And it's available on assuming on Amazon since you're international.
00:47:00.239 --> 00:47:04.400
And websites, or how else can people connect with you, Elizabeth?
00:47:04.880 --> 00:47:27.360
So elisabethjane.life is my uh Instagram, and so all my interviews and all my podcasts, so some of my interviews are on radio, they're 10 minutes, they're short and sharp, and um, so they all go onto my Instagram, um, and also um on my website, elisabethjane.com.au.
00:47:27.760 --> 00:47:29.119
We need AU for Australia.
00:47:29.280 --> 00:47:30.719
So it's Elizabeth Jane.
00:47:30.960 --> 00:47:35.280
Otherwise, you'll get onto some other weird website and go, well, that's not Elizabeth Jane.
00:47:35.440 --> 00:47:43.920
Yeah, so it's elisabethjane.com.au, and from there you can see my paintings, the podcasts, interviews.
00:47:44.079 --> 00:47:50.719
Um and um the new new edition of the book is going to be bright yellow, it's coming out very soon.
00:47:50.800 --> 00:48:02.239
So if there's a temporary jump of the old book off Amazon and the new book coming on, the the publishers are trying to work out how to do that without upsetting everything.
00:48:02.320 --> 00:48:10.480
But um, hopefully it'll be you know if they get the first edition, they get the first edition, and they'll see your growth in the second, if if they can't figure it out.
00:48:10.719 --> 00:48:16.559
Because I have my first edition still on Amazon of In Faith I Thrive, Finding Joy Through God's Master Plan.
00:48:16.719 --> 00:48:21.519
And my my book is totally like the covers are completely different.
00:48:21.760 --> 00:48:27.360
Uh, the other one is like dark with light, and the other one is bright yellow as well.
00:48:27.519 --> 00:48:34.320
So yellow, it's like the sun in the background with like blue lettering, and um very, very different.
00:48:34.480 --> 00:48:52.639
But I I know that um I'm definitely gonna get on Amazon right now as soon as I get off and order my copy and um and visit your webpage because I want to see your your paintings because paint and color they do reflect emotions and they do help heal.
00:48:52.719 --> 00:48:55.519
That's why psychologists use it a great deal.
00:48:55.760 --> 00:49:01.280
That type of painting therapy is what they call it or art therapy, it's very effective.
00:49:01.440 --> 00:49:05.920
Um, so thank you so much, Elizabeth, for joining us on release out reveal purpose.
00:49:06.079 --> 00:49:08.800
Any last words of encouragement before we sign off?
00:49:09.119 --> 00:49:58.480
Yes, well, I just think what you said before, I think um God's master plan, and I think I I really believe that that the the reason we're all on this planet is to bring joy to ourselves primarily, and then once we have uh an amazing joy within us, then we can share that joy with everyone around us, and I really think that that's a really um good focal point for for people to to lift up into finding more joy, and that's not ignoring the heavy emotions because they'll stay stuck, but just acknowledging them so they can pass on, as we talked about before, and as we lift up in joy, we can we can share our joy with others.
00:49:58.800 --> 00:50:00.639
Wonderful, thank you so much, Elizabeth.
00:50:00.719 --> 00:50:04.320
It's been a pleasure meeting you, zooming with you from Australia.
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Thank you for your flexibility and your time zone differences because I'm in Texas and you're in Australia, and there's quite a few hours between us, but um, I appreciate you being on the show.
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And for the listeners of release that reveal purpose, remember Matthew 5.14 to always be the light because you are a big, bright light in this world, and we need to know who you are, and don't let dark chapters keep you stuck in your circumstances.
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Step into your joy, step into God's master plan fully.
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Have a wonderful week.
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Stay safe, love y'all.
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Bye now.
00:50:40.559 --> 00:50:44.719
So that's it for today's episode of Release Doubt Reveal Purpose.
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Head on over to iTunes or wherever you listen and subscribe to the show.
00:50:49.440 --> 00:50:54.159
One lucky listener every single week who posts a review on iTunes.
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We'll win a chance the grand prize drawing to win a$25,000 private VIP day with Sylvia Worsham herself.
00:51:03.280 --> 00:51:10.719
Be sure to head on over to Released Out Reveal Purpose Podcast.com and pick up a free copy of Sylvia's gift.
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And join us on the next episode.