00:00:07
Speaker 1: What is up, everybody?
00:00:08
Speaker 2: And thank all of you, because you are just tuning in to Real Labs on Real Radio 104.1.
00:00:14
Speaker 1: I'm your host tonight, Mr. James Yan.
00:00:17
Speaker 2: I'm going to call myself the wrecking crew tonight, and I'll tell you what that means in just a second. I'm joined in virtual studio with my brother from another mother, Mr. Miguel Colon. Don't you forget about the junior, because he knows who his dad is, man. Miguel, are you home right now?
00:00:31
Speaker 3: I'm home, man. I'll be back on the road next week. Yeah, but I am home right now. Gotcha.
00:00:38
Speaker 2: Well, I was doing a show as snappers in Palm Harbor, Florida, and I was doing the first show. And then I was waiting for the second show to start when one of the waitresses runs in and goes, James, James, did you see the accident outside? I'm like, nah, the one on the highway. Cause you know, right by a busy street. She goes, nah, it's in the parking lot. I'm like, oh damn.
00:00:58
Speaker 1: I said, what happened?
00:00:59
Speaker 2: She goes, yo, some lady backed the car into like five different vehicles outside. And I'm like, but we're outside. She goes like right out front. And I'm like, wait a minute. I parked out front. But it couldn't be my car, right?
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Speaker 3: Not me. Like, right, Miguel?
00:01:13
Speaker 1: You're thinking, man, it can't be my car.
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Speaker 3: It can't be my car.
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Speaker 2: So I go outside, and my bumper has relocated to another location in the actual parking lot.
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Speaker 3: Oh, my God.
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Speaker 1: Just hanging off, man.
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Speaker 2: This lady did a half moon.
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Speaker 1: She was parked in a parking spot facing the actual building.
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Speaker 2: And, like, at 80 miles per hour, backed up and did a half moon and took five cars with her. The lady ended in a parking spot, Miguel. She ended in a parking spot that had a car already in it.
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Speaker 1: She had pushed the car out of the way.
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Speaker 3: Oh, my God.
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Speaker 2: The crazy thing is she was in the parking spot perfectly.
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Speaker 3: A woman parked perfectly? Yes. That's insane. Surely you jest. So, bro, so is she OK? Like physically, was she OK?
00:02:07
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the first thing I asked. To be honest, I mean.
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Speaker 3: First thing I asked, I would have been like, what the hell were you think? Even if she was spurting blood out, she'd be convulsing with a piece of glass through her chest. I'd be like, I need your insurance right now. My car scraped. Look at me. Stop going unconscious. Look at me. I need my car. Yeah.
00:02:29
Speaker 1: Give me your information.
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Speaker 3: I need your information right now, lady. We'll clamp this artery once I know for sure that the general is going to cover this.
00:02:40
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, bro. It was wild. It had like 20 cops outside.
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Speaker 2: People are yelling, screaming because they just were inside drinking, having a good time at the little bar next door and come out.
00:02:52
Speaker 1: Here's the crazy part. The car that the lady used wasn't hers.
00:02:56
Speaker 2: She had taken someone's keys from the bar, left her person keys on the bar and took a dude's 2023 BMW big body.
00:03:05
Speaker 3: Yeah. And just did damage. To be fair, that's pretty responsible. I'm not going to risk my own car. You know, she's thinking about herself. And where was she going in his car if she was parking it? She was probably just like, he's not in the lines. Let me fix this.
00:03:22
Speaker 2: Well, I can tell you where she went last night. They took her to the ambulance. They took her away in the ambulance. And after that, I'm pretty sure she's wearing some metal bracelets.
00:03:33
Speaker 3: Oh, man. I mean, and, like, something seemed like she was drunk, right? Like, you don't know if she was drunk or not, but something seemed like she was drunk, right, when you saw her.
00:03:44
Speaker 2: They ran her tab, and they saw that the woman had had two drinks, and then they said, well, this woman couldn't do all this with just two drinks.
00:03:52
Speaker 1: In my head, this is what I'm saying.
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Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, she may have had two drinks at the bar, but you brought up a really good point, Miguel.
00:03:57
Speaker 1: You said, I bet this woman was pre-gaming somewhere else.
00:04:00
Speaker 3: Oh, chugging them up, bro. Chugging them up. And that dude probably had her on a date the whole time. And listen, every guy has been here in this situation, but you... like taking a new date out or something like that. And all of a sudden you like, Hey, Whoa, slow down, slow down, slow down. You're like, Whoa, slow down, slow down. You're like, we're trying to hang out here, man. And then you get to that point where you're like, Oh man. Now I got to, cause y'all drove separately. Yeah. This bar or something like that to meet up, hang out. And I'll tell you how it happens for me. It always happens where I meet this girl somewhere. And the day I meet her, I'm like, this is a respectable human being. This is girls. Cool, man. And then we text in and then she's like, let's go to, let's go to, you know, McGuffey's for a drink. And I'm like, cool, man. And I'm thinking to myself, I'm thinking to myself, I'm like, Hey, Miguel, be respectable, cool dude. She don't need to know, you know, she don't need to know how messed up you are. Good human being. Right.
00:04:59
Speaker 1: Not on the first day.
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Speaker 3: Yeah. I'm like, yeah, yeah, this is a good. And then like, An hour and a half into it, you're like, oh, no, she's the messed up one. Yeah. She's got issues.
00:05:12
Speaker 1: Oh, that's the worst. You're like, oh, no, I'm the good person in this scenario.
00:05:16
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:05:17
Speaker 2: Oh, no.
00:05:18
Speaker 3: And so you're like, I got to get out of here. And then you feel like it's not your responsibility.
00:05:24
Speaker 1: It's not.
00:05:24
Speaker 3: But you're also like, oh, man, I got to leave her. I got to leave her. She's wasted. I didn't drive her here. I don't know. I bet my man was already like, hey, hey, hey. You've been drinking a lot. How you get home? How you get home? I get home. He's like, whatever you do, don't drive your car. She's like, bet. You're right. I guarantee you I won't drive my car. He's like, all right, cool. Goes to the John to take a leak. Comes back. Grand Theft Auto 6 has started in the parking lot. Dude, could you.
00:06:03
Speaker 2: Imagine you just come out, you're using the bathroom thinking you did a good thing by telling a woman, don't drive your car drunk.
00:06:09
Speaker 1: And you come out, you're like, hey, have y'all seen Patricia?
00:06:12
Speaker 3: Yeah, she comes back. She's like, hey, somebody parked your car upside down. Did you know that?
00:06:22
Speaker 2: Bro, you said something that's so interesting that I think every guy listening has been through.
00:06:27
Speaker 3: You're right.
00:06:28
Speaker 2: There has been a time you're out with a young lady and she's having too much to drink. You drove separately, but at some point you're like, man, I think I'm responsible for this person.
00:06:37
Speaker 3: You just like, man, like. This person is going to drive drunk, and I've got me a little Spider-Man moment. Am I going to let her drive drunk because I'm not responsible for it, and she's going to kill my Uncle Ben? Yeah. It's rough. The worst, though, is when you are responsible for it, when you brought them there. You picked them up, and you took them there, and now you're like, oh, my God. Because it's never somebody that you know really well. nah it's never somebody that you could like literally be like god damn it Aisha come on girl I'm gonna call your brother right now it's some girl that you like yeah yeah.
00:07:17
Speaker 2: We vet our friends and the guys we hang out with, the women that we know and we kick it with. So this is always a new person. You're like, oh, I'm trying to give them a chance, trying to get to know you.
00:07:25
Speaker 1: Then, oh, this is how you act?
00:07:27
Speaker 3: And you always think, I'm telling you, in my opinion, you always think to yourself, hey, I'm going to slow down because I don't want to drink too much. This is our first time hanging out. I want to make sure I'm respectable. And then she's knocking back shots and just using racial slurs you'd never heard before. I'm like, hey, man, you can't talk about people from Kazakhstan like that. She's like, oh, yeah, dirty cassocks. And I'm like, hey, girl, chill out, man. And she's getting all loose with it. And she's like, you're acting like a real bitch. Oh, yeah. And you're like, I met you at an oncology office. You're a decent human being.
00:08:05
Speaker 2: And here's a lesson I learned back in the day dating. Don't take a new girl to an old spot.
00:08:11
Speaker 1: Where people know you, where people love you. You don't know how she's going to act.
00:08:16
Speaker 3: Don't do that.
00:08:17
Speaker 1: Don't take a new girl to an old spot.
00:08:19
Speaker 3: You got to go someplace y'all never before. I'm in there like, hey, man, it's Parliament House. Got some music. All right. Okay.
00:08:27
Speaker 1: I ain't going to run into anybody I know here.
00:08:29
Speaker 3: What's up, Devin? What's up, James?
00:08:33
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:08:34
Speaker 3: What's up, theme park comedians? All right, guys. Oh, they're kissing. By the way, Drinking Jack all by myself.
00:08:42
Speaker 2: Thank you, by the way, for all that. Because now everybody thinks we're a couple, sir, so thank you.
00:08:48
Speaker 3: Yo, Billy Joe, I didn't start the fire. It was always burning, bro. Y'all out there totally staring at each other like you're trying to gobble each other's biscuits. I'm like, wait a second. I'm like going back looking at pictures of real laughs, and I'm like, why the hell were they holding hands at that show? Like.
00:09:07
Speaker 1: Miguel, that's our secret handshake.
00:09:09
Speaker 3: Yeah, man. I'm out here like going through the theme park comedian files and realizing like, uh-oh, wait a second here.
00:09:19
Speaker 2: Oh, you'll be happy to know that our fellow friend and guy that needs a hug most from his father, Kermit Gonzalez, hit me up going, hey, I just want to tell you, you and Devin, I'm like, here we go. You are the gayest couple I've ever met in my life. I'm like, thank you, Kermit. I love you too, brother. If y'all don't know, Kermit's a comedian in Orlando.
00:09:38
Speaker 3: Angry human being.
00:09:39
Speaker 1: Angry human being.
00:09:42
Speaker 2: He just wants to see the world burn and doesn't know how to say, hey, man, I'm proud of you. So how he does it is he will insult you and question your masculinity at every moment.
00:09:53
Speaker 1: So thank you, Kermit. I love you too, man.
00:09:55
Speaker 3: Yeah. little angry man. He'll hit you. I'm going to tell you, bro. Back the day before me and Kermit were friends, he's not an angry, mean person because he's a bad person. He's just so relaxed with me. Kermit can visualize your insecurity and just bam. yeah you're like and and you can literally pick him up and throw him out a window but remember this he's a little kung fu master.
00:10:30
Speaker 2: Yeah you're also.
00:10:32
Speaker 3: Gonna get your ass whooped by kermit that's a hard one to swallow because everybody looking at the situation is like damn you letting that little dude punk you out like that and you like Man, not only is he going to smoke me with insults, if I physically try to fight him, I'm going to get my ass whooped, and then he's going to make a meme about it. I'm so glad Kermit Gonzalez is my friend. Like, I'm so glad. I don't need that smoke. I don't need to get my ass whooped and then have a funny meme about it. And then I got to like it, too, because if I don't, he's going to whoop my ass again. Like, he's hitting me up with, hey, man, I see you didn't share the meme. It's me getting peed on after I got knocked out. He's like, yeah, you are like a real bitch.
00:11:19
Speaker 1: He is literally a human honey badger.
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Speaker 3: That's what he is. Yeah, he's Wolverine with wit. Yes. He's a witty Wolverine.
00:11:30
Speaker 1: Just a little angry little guy.
00:11:33
Speaker 3: Beat your ass. Humiliate you with jokes and memes. I got to laugh at him. That's a good joke, Kermit. I do have steak ass. I'm definitely going to post that on my story. Thank you, sir.
00:11:50
Speaker 1: And now he reproduced. That's the thing.
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Speaker 3: Twice, right? He's got another one coming. Twice.
00:11:58
Speaker 1: He reproduced.
00:12:00
Speaker 3: He made girls too, man, so they're going to be even meaner and better at insecurities. Oh, wow.
00:12:05
Speaker 2: You're right about that. Nobody hits your insecurities like a woman.
00:12:08
Speaker 3: God. Oh, my God. They're like the Xenomorph. They're the perfect insecurity killing machine.
00:12:14
Speaker 1: Oh, you can't be stopped. Mm-mm. And he'll sit back proud like, look at this.
00:12:20
Speaker 3: Yeah. I made this happen. Just watch it burn the whole world while he's making s'mores.
00:12:27
Speaker 1: Yeah. God bless Kermit. Mean little guy that we love.
00:12:36
Speaker 3: Oh, my God. Mean dude. Hilarious mean dude.
00:12:39
Speaker 1: Hilarious mean dude.
00:12:40
Speaker 3: Oh, my God. You were telling me that people stop you and Devin all the time. If you guys don't know, Devin Siebel and James Yawn are the theme park comedians, and they're going viral, and they're making content, whatever. Maybe sometimes I like it, but it's stupid. you know sometimes whatever maybe sometimes i heart heart it just because you know it's really witty and good but whatever i love you too brother yeah you don't show it but all right man um so yeah you know they're part of what we like to call best friends club we used to be me uh and james and we would go up and have all types of adventures like you know tin tin and his dog but now we're running around and you know it's just james and devin going out exploring disney which i have an annual pass too it's not like i can't go but they go out and explore disney together and we do And, you know, they make they make little silly memes. And USA Today recently featured them because, you know, they hate me. Yeah. But you said that people. following did not realize you guys were not a couple.
00:13:43
Speaker 1: And I'm not making that up.
00:13:44
Speaker 2: I posted a picture of me and my wife at Disney and they're like, whoa, wait a minute.
00:13:49
Speaker 1: Are you cheating on Devin? I'm like, wait, what?
00:13:52
Speaker 3: And I'm leading that pack. I'm leading that pack. I'm like, yeah, man. He's a cheating cheater.
00:14:01
Speaker 1: I am not gay. Devin is not my partner.
00:14:05
Speaker 3: Not in my storyline. Yeah, man. You married to Michelle because you're from the early 90s where you had to have a beard. Live out loud. Live out loud, bro.
00:14:16
Speaker 2: On that note, we're going to take a short break for me to reach out to my fellow brothers in the LGBTQA community.
00:14:22
Speaker 1: This is Real Lives, Real Race.
00:14:24
Speaker 3: There's another letter now? Yes. What's the A? It's for A. A. What's up, player?
00:14:34
Speaker 2: We'll be right back. Welcome back, everybody. You still listening to Real Lives on Real Radio.
00:14:59
Speaker 1: I'm your host today, Mr.
00:15:00
Speaker 3: James John.
00:15:00
Speaker 2: Join the virtual studio with Miguel Colon. Don't forget the junior because he knows who his daddy is. Before the break, we were talking about the alternative lifestyle community, and I misquoted them. I said the LGBTQ community. Q A, but I missed lifestyle community.
00:15:18
Speaker 3: Sounds like, sounds like they're into sound garden, James. You know, my dad will say that to their lifestyle. I'm like, your lifestyle is how you dress. You just, I mean, I'm like, Begging tortas isn't my lifestyle. It's in my heart. I ain't making no choices. Cameron's lifestyle makes him wear a fur coat. Lifestyle is like choices. Who you are is who you are. It's always funny because I was hearing people say their lifestyle. I'm like, the fabulous part is their lifestyle. The dude bone is just who they are. Got it.
00:15:56
Speaker 1: Dude bone.
00:15:57
Speaker 3: Listen, I bone women's because that was my default setting. I have no say in it. No. I have no say in it. And that's why I think it's ridiculous when people try to tell me, like, people choose to be gay. I'm like, no, I don't choose. Man, if I could choose who I was attracted to, it would be just well-together women. But that's not how I'm built.
00:16:27
Speaker 1: You like scallywags.
00:16:29
Speaker 3: I like skulls, James. Yeah, man, that was that God in my ears. He sent me to earth. He said, hey, and then pushed me out there. And then me and Nate dog was like, hey, get them in different area codes. And there's less of a chance to kill you because they got to drive and they don't have cars. Yeah. They used to.
00:16:52
Speaker 1: They used to drive Altimas. Now they stopped making them.
00:16:55
Speaker 3: Uh-uh, yeah. That's the whole reason. We lobbied Nissan. We're like, hey, man. We got to bring it back. That was your way of noticing. Like, hey, you see that Altima with them scratched up rims? Bro. Facts.
00:17:05
Speaker 1: Tell me that wasn't what all the.
00:17:07
Speaker 3: She out there. Yeah.
00:17:09
Speaker 1: All the ladies back in the day... Three baby seats in the back. Yep.
00:17:13
Speaker 3: You know? Children all shades of color looking like an R & B group. Oh, man.
00:17:18
Speaker 1: You ain't lying. You ain't looking like Shy.
00:17:21
Speaker 3: Yeah, man. And if I ever fall in love again, I will be sure he pulls out in the end. It's her anthem. So the reason she's got a baby seat in the front is they don't allow that. That's true. She's like the fourth one just sits on the floorboards.
00:17:44
Speaker 1: And she refuses to get a minivan. So that's what it is.
00:17:47
Speaker 3: Oh, no, I'm a hot girl.
00:17:48
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:17:49
Speaker 3: A van.
00:17:50
Speaker 1: That's gross.
00:17:51
Speaker 2: Oh, so what I meant to say was it's not the LGBTQ. A is the LGBTQ. I a I stands for intersex.
00:18:02
Speaker 3: Intersexual? What are they, aliens now? Yeah, man. Intersexual. Well, I did see him do a chestburster on his dude.
00:18:11
Speaker 1: Oh, a chestburster. What'd that butt do?
00:18:16
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:18:18
Speaker 2: Intersex is a person born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that does not fit typical definitions of male or female.
00:18:26
Speaker 3: Okay. All right. What? Intersex people want reproductive sexual anatomy that does not fit typical definitions of male or female. What is it? He's got two. Oh, can you do that? I don't know. They look like the snake for hospitals. There's rapid.
00:18:44
Speaker 1: Is that a possibility?
00:18:46
Speaker 3: Hey, man.
00:18:48
Speaker 1: Hey, it looks so man. It sounds like my question is this, too.
00:18:52
Speaker 3: I'd be real to try it.
00:18:53
Speaker 1: I just want to get it.
00:18:54
Speaker 2: So, yeah.
00:18:58
Speaker 3: I don't want to eat it. I just want to see it. I just want to know it's out there.
00:19:06
Speaker 1: Yeah, bro. I didn't know what that is, man. Okay, now I am intrigued. I will say that.
00:19:12
Speaker 3: I am intrigued.
00:19:13
Speaker 2: I don't know what that quite is, but If anybody out there knows, holler at your boy.
00:19:17
Speaker 1: Let me know.
00:19:18
Speaker 3: I remember this like the RZA Bobby Digital song. Remember the P, the O, the P, the P, the Y, the D. I'm like the L, the G, the P, the T, the Q, the I, the A, the plus.
00:19:30
Speaker 1: You know what it is. Fabulous.
00:19:32
Speaker 3: You know what it is. So L stands for lesbians. And the definition that the internet is giving me is a woman who is physically, romantically, or emotionally attracted to another woman. The G stands for gay. A person whose enduring attractions are to people of the same sex. often used specifically for men attracted to men.
00:19:53
Speaker 1: I knew that.
00:19:54
Speaker 3: The B, bisexual. A person attracted to more than one gender. T, transgender. A person whose gender identity differs from the sex they were assigned at birth. Q, queer or questioning. An inclusive umbrella term for sexual or gender minorities or someone actively exploring their identity. I, intersex. People born with reproduction or sexual anatomy that does not fit typical definitions of male or female. A, asexual, aromantic, agender. When it said aromantic, I read aromantic. And I was like... Like rosemary? Yeah. Really? And that is people who experience little to no sexual attraction, little to no romantic attraction, or do not identify with any gender. And P, a plus sign, representing additional sexual orientation and gender identities, not explicitly names such as pansexual or non-binary. Now, my only beef with this. Okay.
00:20:58
Speaker 1: Talk about it.
00:21:01
Speaker 3: How did L get in front of the G, boys? What's up, man? What's up, fellas? Hey, first of all, we know who steers the ship. The Gs, baby. The Gs, man. Y'all team guy. Y'all team guy, man. Yeah, man.
00:21:19
Speaker 1: Bro, the Gs run it. Y'all know that.
00:21:22
Speaker 3: The Gs run it, man.
00:21:23
Speaker 1: The Gs run it, man.
00:21:23
Speaker 3: The Gs run it, dog. They was the one getting the marches together. Because the Ls, man, they day walkers. You know, sometimes you don't know. I mean, sometimes you do. Like at Home Depot, you know an L. Yeah, true. You see that TT with that fade, you know an L. Yeah, you know. But the Gs, I'm like, players. And then I thought about it. It's not even alphabetical. Like I thought for a minute, oh, maybe the Ls took it because they were just being alphabetical. No, man.
00:21:51
Speaker 2: Geez it's a great point man hey bro you just said it geez run that.
00:21:56
Speaker 3: They run hey geez how about us straights man we'll march together on this one bro this is just team unity team guy what like anytime a woman transitions from a woman to a man i'm like welcome to the best gender dog you.
00:22:11
Speaker 1: Know that's what i did with jack.
00:22:13
Speaker 3: Yeah dude hey i'm gonna tell you this much when like uh a man transitions into a woman and he competes in sports. I am like, Oh, come on player. Don't, don't do that. Listen to that. Send the hate mail to James young.com. That's how I feel.
00:22:30
Speaker 1: Pretty much.
00:22:31
Speaker 3: Pretty much. When, A woman transitions to a man and she can play men's sport. I'm like, that's that dog in you. Yeah. Welcome.
00:22:40
Speaker 1: Welcome.
00:22:41
Speaker 3: Oh, man. Look at that crossover. Uh-huh.
00:22:44
Speaker 1: Look at that. Look how that. Y'all nothing.
00:22:46
Speaker 3: Y'all born with peepees, but she got the wang. You know?
00:22:50
Speaker 1: Put that on a T-shirt. I'll wear it. Yeah, man.
00:22:53
Speaker 3: I'm talking about, brother. So, geez, I just think, man, listen, y'all run the shit, man.
00:22:58
Speaker 1: They do.
00:22:59
Speaker 3: You know, brother to brother, geez, I think it needs to be G, capital, and then that G needs to be written like a renaissance book. Where it's a G, but it's a snake crawling through a peach also. You know, so you see what's happening here. You know, it's got art to it. That G needs to be a piece of art. Yes. Capital G. Yeah. And then all the other letters show up. Cool, man.
00:23:27
Speaker 1: Written on like parchment.
00:23:28
Speaker 3: Yeah. And first of all, L's, do not take this as an insult.
00:23:34
Speaker 2: No.
00:23:35
Speaker 3: First of all, L's, love my L's.
00:23:38
Speaker 1: We love you.
00:23:38
Speaker 3: Big fan of your work. I have been following you guys since print media, you know, so I'm a big fan and buys ladies, lady buys, man, me and you, we've been going back. We've been going back since the, since the Clinton administration, you know? Wow.
00:23:54
Speaker 1: It was a good time. That was a good time for them.
00:23:56
Speaker 3: And by dudes, by dudes, you greedy sons of guns. All right. All right.
00:24:03
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:24:04
Speaker 3: Right. You. Okay. Yeah. I get it. You omnivores.
00:24:12
Speaker 2: Lettuce and sausage yeah.
00:24:19
Speaker 3: You fish and pork but little surf and turfers you wild boys all right why but Geez, man. As your straight brother, come to me. Let me know. What do us straights have to do? What do we have to do? Because I do think this too, man. We get you guys back to holding the keys to the car. That is true. Things are going to happen. You guys are going to get it done. Yes. The G's get it done.
00:24:54
Speaker 1: They do.
00:24:55
Speaker 3: The G's get it done.
00:24:56
Speaker 1: If you don't live or have a friend that's gay.
00:25:00
Speaker 2: then you don't have a friend that's completely honest with you about yourself.
00:25:03
Speaker 1: You want to get a real opinion?
00:25:05
Speaker 2: Tell them they are not going to hold back about your feelings.
00:25:10
Speaker 1: They're like, yeah, because the.
00:25:11
Speaker 3: G's are looking at you like you think I'm worried what I'm going to tell you. I had to tell my grandpa I eat meat. Yeah. You think I'm scared of what I'm going to tell you? You? Yeah, bro. My mom was crying because I told her I was born gay. You think I'm worried to tell you that hat looks stupid? Yeah. That dumb ass hat.
00:25:30
Speaker 1: And don't ever wear that hat again.
00:25:31
Speaker 3: Don't wear that hat again in my presence. I'll whoop your ass.
00:25:35
Speaker 1: Hey, don't get it twisted.
00:25:37
Speaker 2: I know some Gs out there that'll whoop your ass, bro.
00:25:40
Speaker 3: Hey, liking dudes doesn't change the fact that you're a dude.
00:25:46
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:25:46
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying, man? You're going to get molly whopped by any dude. The same way this dude's genetically predisposed to attraction to men, he's also genetically predisposed to being 6'3 and built like a steel worker.
00:26:02
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:26:06
Speaker 3: Gender ain't the same as size people, too. Because people are like, I'll beat that woman. All right, man, she's 6'3 and stacked. You're going to get Molly won't. Yeah. Yeah. Go, go ahead.
00:26:19
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:26:19
Speaker 1: Go ahead and run up on Clarissa. Yeah.
00:26:22
Speaker 3: Yeah. For real. And the thing is, if you get in a fight with a twink, good luck. Cause they're going to disappear in a cloud of glitter. Come at you like night crawler. Where'd he go? You're giggling from the ceiling.
00:26:41
Speaker 1: All you see is abs.
00:26:43
Speaker 3: Yeah, man. Getting your ass whooped and it's like, oh, dance, dance, dance, switch up. And you're like, damn, he's so quick. So fast. How's he doing? Go fight a twig. And you try to grab him. He's all lotioned up. He'll be sliding.
00:26:56
Speaker 1: Yep.
00:26:57
Speaker 3: Can't do it.
00:26:58
Speaker 1: Can't do it.
00:26:58
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:26:59
Speaker 1: They're like little elves, if you will.
00:27:01
Speaker 3: Yeah, man. I'm getting my ass whooped by Dobby.
00:27:07
Speaker 1: And I gave him socks, so now he's free.
00:27:08
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:27:11
Speaker 3: And you don't know about when the T's come at you, you got to be ready, man, because they're decepticons, man. Bro, I love it. I love it. Next thing you know, chika-paka-chika. Like, oh, no, turn into a man.
00:27:25
Speaker 2: Christopher Robinson got a great joke. He's like, bro, don't be messing with trans, man, especially trans women. Like Bruce Jenner, he might have Caitlyn's body, but he still has Bruce Jenner's hands.
00:27:35
Speaker 3: Yeah, man.
00:27:36
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:27:37
Speaker 3: You get six of those Decepticons together, too. They turn into a Devastator. They all form. Oh, yeah. Oh, no.
00:27:49
Speaker 1: I got my ass kicked.
00:27:50
Speaker 3: Yeah. And then the eyes, the intergalactics, man. You got to watch out for them, man. Danger, galactic danger, danger, danger.
00:27:59
Speaker 1: Oh, I just realized something, Miguel, about me and you. We actually fit this, man. We are intersex.
00:28:06
Speaker 2: A person born with reproductive or sexual anatomy that does not fit their typical definitions.
00:28:12
Speaker 1: Bro, we both got breasts.
00:28:13
Speaker 3: Yeah, man. Hey, what up? Hey, G's. Hey, get me in the club. I'll stand beside you. That's what they got to do. The G's got to start getting us in the club because we'll stand beside them. We're like, hey, we're bringing in our new intersex homies. This is the big committee over here, man. We got to do. We got to believe that. Nobody's listening. Nobody's listening. Plus, I'm standing beside the G's, which means it's loud. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, Tetas Grande squad over here. They bring us in, man. We help steer this ship with them. Because the G's got to get back to steering the ship, bro. They do. The G's got to get back to steering the ship. Those are solid dudes, man. Like my old man has said before, he's like, when they were legalizing gay marriage, my father was so furious that gay marriage wasn't legalized because he's just coming from a standpoint of like, oh, the government's trying to tell people who they can marry now. The government says people can't get married. He was like, that's how it starts.
00:29:20
Speaker 1: He said he goes, that's how it starts.
00:29:22
Speaker 3: Yeah, because he's like that when they tell you you can't do stuff. he's like because you know his whole life gay marriage was illegal and when they were finally legalizing it people were going against it my old man was like why is anybody against this he was like why is just let let let let but but his his quote his quote man he says oh they i can't but he's like they don't let gays get married. He's like, why? He's like, gays aren't citizens. He's like, gays don't vote. Gays don't pay taxes. Gays don't serve this country. And he goes, gays don't serve this country in the Navy. That was my dad's exact. Okay. Oh, it's messed up. He's like, they need to have, they have rights and they need to be protected. And I'm like, how progressive?
00:30:05
Speaker 1: I love your dad. We'll be right back. Welcome back, everybody.
00:30:35
Speaker 2: You are still listening to Real Laughs on Real Radio 104.1. I'm your host, James John. That is Miguel Colon. Don't you forget the junior because he knows who.
00:30:43
Speaker 3: His daddy is.
00:30:44
Speaker 2: Now, here's the thing, Miguel. We're both comedians. We're doing very well. We are truly blessed at this moment. We're getting to a point in our career where things are starting to happen. And here's what I started thinking about the other day. And I was actually talking to my wife about this. As I climb the ladder in comedy and I make a better living, there's a list of just a mental list I started making of all the places I no longer work and all the people that I want to tell to kiss my ass. Do you have a similar set list, Miguel? Where you're like, bro, I can't wait to tell this MF.
00:31:18
Speaker 3: Hey, I got, for me, it's just more of, I'm happy that I can say no.
00:31:27
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:31:28
Speaker 3: I'm happy that now I can say no. confidently no thank you i'm not doing that and that's what all they're getting and if they want to know if if you want to pry and ask why i'll tell you why but i just confidently can be like no thank you i i don't and there's some like there's a couple rooms i won't do ever again because when i was a feature they treated their features bad even though they treat their host or their, their headline as well. And it's not like, I'm not, I want to make sure you guys know, man, like I'm not trying to pretend like I've got some moral high ground. I've, I've, you know, I've done war crimes. I've done places that treated me very bad before. And I went back and took the money because I wanted to needed the money. So nobody's above it, man. Do what you got to do, especially if you got like family to take care of you, do what you got to do. But I'm currently in a position now where, uh, I have lots of tour dates with Jolly. I have lots of dates on my own. And there's a couple of things that I've been working on that I've been doing really well also. So I'm in a position now where I can be very selective on doing shows that just don't don't. Me and James said this about two years ago on the show. We finally found ourselves in the position where we could say no when we didn't like the room or the money wasn't good. Now I'm in a position where I can just make decisions on me. I just don't like you. Yes! Just don't like you. You. Because just two years ago, we finally got to the point where we could say no because of money or the room sucked. But if the room was good and the money was good and you sucked, I was still saying yes because the room was good and the money. And I have just finally in the past couple months got to the point where now I could be like... I don't like you. I don't like the way you treat people. I don't like your vibe. I just don't want to work for you.
00:33:25
Speaker 2: Yeah, you make it awkward and stressful when I come back here. You're unnecessarily mean to not only the comics, but your own staff.
00:33:32
Speaker 1: I don't want to be around this.
00:33:34
Speaker 3: I don't want to be around it anymore. I don't want to be a part of it. Yeah.
00:33:37
Speaker 2: Some places we work and the people treat, eat. I got to give a shout out to Krista. Krista's very good to us. Not only is she good to us when we go there, but she's good to our wives, our girlfriends.
00:33:49
Speaker 1: Krista's good to her staff. The staff, yes.
00:33:51
Speaker 3: Krista's good to her staff. I will say this. Comedy clubs have a huge turnover rate. Just because you're only usually working three days a week. So anybody serving there, even if they're making good money, they eventually, if they're serving, bartending, kitchen workers, they eventually get offers for jobs that are going to be more lucrative. So people work at comedy clubs and stay there because they like the comedy club. They love comedy and the GM. And the amount of people that have gone through the doors of the improv funny bones That still speak highly of it. Even though a lot of them left because, you know, hours, this is Orlando. If you're a kitchen worker and you're working at the improv, maybe you're funny bone making 40 hours a week. You know, you can go work at the Marriott and get 80. If that's a money thing for you, you go.
00:34:38
Speaker 2: It's an hour thing, too, because you work at night at the comedy club.
00:34:41
Speaker 3: You work at night in the comedy club. Yeah, you can't get doubles and stuff. But the amount of people that still are like, oh, I loved it when I was at the Improv at a Funny Bone. I love it, man. Chris does an amazing GM. I would say this. Funny Bone Orlando, Sidesplitters Tampa, my two favorite clubs in Florida. Nice. They're just great. And I like working for small clubs, man, now too. I love Alex's Underground. This is the thing with Alex's Underground. The staff is Alex.
00:35:10
Speaker 1: God bless her. She does a lot of work.
00:35:12
Speaker 3: And she's horrible to the staff. She hates herself. But no, no. No, the staff is Alex. And then the rest of the staff is comics. Coming in, pitching in, making tips and stuff like that. And because of that, man, I really have a love for Alex's Underground. It's a community clubhouse. It's built on the idea of comedy. Yes. Yeah.
00:35:32
Speaker 1: Everybody comes together to make it work. Yeah.
00:35:35
Speaker 3: Yeah. Nice, man. Yeah, man. Shout out to her.
00:35:37
Speaker 2: I've never been there. I got to go hang out there one night with you, Miguel. Have a couple of drinks and support them.
00:35:42
Speaker 3: Go hang out, man. And then another, any room that Jari runs. Yeah. If you guys don't follow Jari knows yet, man, you don't know that Jari, in my opinion, in the central Florida comedy scene, he is the most influential comedy producer ever. In Central Florida.
00:36:00
Speaker 1: I would say that. I would say that to be true.
00:36:02
Speaker 3: If Jari is producing a show, it's better than half the shows in town. Yeah. Jari's just Jari. He brings a vibe. He brings a vibe. He's a professional. He's a hustling businessman. And he cares. He cares about comedy. I mean, Jari's currently on tour with Cam Patterson and still running some of the best independent rooms in Orlando. Yeah. So, I mean, yeah, I'd say when it comes to like Orlando, if you want to see a great show in Orlando, the three places you want to go to is you want to go to the Orlando Funny Bone. Correct. That's where you're going to see some of the most amazing headliners, the biggest names, Sean Wayans, Marlon Wayans, big names coming through all the time. If you want a great independent show, go to Alex's underground. That's it's in downtown Orlando. It's amazing. It's, it's open seven nights a week too.
00:36:55
Speaker 1: That's a lot.
00:36:56
Speaker 3: Seven nights a week, like three shows a night, man. Yeah.
00:36:59
Speaker 1: Wow.
00:36:59
Speaker 3: And then, yeah. And then any show that Jari produces right now, he produces milk district. He handles all the don't tells in Orlando and tons of independent rooms. But if you see Jari knows putting on a room, you see Alex's Underground has a show, or you want to go see something at the Funny Bone, you're not going to miss. Three best shows. And there's lots of small independent rooms, and I'm not knocking them. I'm just saying. As a person who travels the country doing comedy, I would recommend these three to any person or any comic in the world.
00:37:32
Speaker 2: They definitely have to bring up Mike Lee and Laugh Out Lounge and Winter Haven.
00:37:36
Speaker 3: Laugh Out Lounge is an A club.
00:37:38
Speaker 2: Yes.
00:37:38
Speaker 3: The people of Winter Haven who love it don't even realize how good of a club this is. This is a real A club.
00:37:46
Speaker 2: Max he's getting bigger names now yeah.
00:37:49
Speaker 3: Laugh out loud in winter haven is a real a club you go there and it's not watching a show you're getting a comedy club experience correct it's the same thing with side splitters is i side splitters is one of the best comedy clubs in the country yeah it really is.
00:38:04
Speaker 2: I went to go see sebastian maniscalco in tampa in an arena And he made sure to shout out side splitters. He made sure to shout them out. Everybody talks about him on podcast, by the way.
00:38:16
Speaker 3: When I meet any working comic, whether they're my level of working comic or they're a huge professional, when I tell them I'm from Orlando, they always go, and you work side splitters. Yeah. And it's either a working comic asking me how they can get in or giving me their stories. But I mean, everybody, the biggest names in comedy, if you get to talking about comedy with them in Florida, side splitters will come up. It's the best comedy club. It's side splitters. The Orlando Improv Funny Bone. I always say the improv because that brings up the decades before and the funny browns now. Laugh Out Loud is Winter Haven and Alex's Underground. You really will not miss with any of those rooms, man. And Jari knows, man, all the Milk District stuff, he runs it, anything. If you see Jari's name on it, if Jari is running a show and it is in an elevator shaft at a granary, that lineup's going to be fire.
00:39:27
Speaker 1: And here's what Jari's providing.
00:39:29
Speaker 2: That doesn't really happen anymore in Orlando.
00:39:32
Speaker 1: Jari's actually developing talent.
00:39:34
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:39:35
Speaker 1: Newer guys are going through him and learning.
00:39:37
Speaker 2: The ropes through Jari, which is a great thing because– We all need to see that example of where I want to be and how they got there. Because he's willing to show you, too. Jari's doing a great, great service, if you will, for all the younger comics out there.
00:39:52
Speaker 1: Salute to you, Jari, man.
00:39:54
Speaker 3: He's great because younger comics will talk to him and be like, hey, Jari, I saw you kill it up there. What do I got to do to do that? He's humble enough to be like, hey, man, I got to put my reps in. You got to try. He gives them solid advice. He gives them solid, real coaching advice. Because when they ask me, man, they're like, hey, man, what do I got to do to be that? I'm like, wake up tomorrow and be me. Other than that, you ain't. Player? Player. How do you get that good? You won't.
00:40:28
Speaker 1: That's funny, bro.
00:40:30
Speaker 2: I really hope that the younger comics are having the experiences that we got to do traveling together as a group of comics, man.
00:40:37
Speaker 1: We got to do some great stuff together.
00:40:39
Speaker 3: If they don't, I hope their new experiences are equal to what ours were. Because I know some things are over. There's some things that just don't seem to happen in the comedy community in Orlando anymore. I don't know if they're over for good or if they're over now, but whatever new experiences they're having, I hope it's as influential to their development and their understanding because the parts of comedy that you learn in the beginning of your career are just not just how to be funny, but how to navigate this culture and community and, you know, How to be a part of something that you don't at first really understand.
00:41:17
Speaker 1: And it's bigger than us.
00:41:19
Speaker 2: When we were first starting out, we got to do all these shows together because we couldn't command a certain price point individually. So we would be working together. Bro, I've done so many shows out of state with Miguel. It just used to be, oh, Miguel, I'm going out of state. You're coming with me, right?
00:41:33
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:41:33
Speaker 1: That's how it used to be. Yeah, we would just have a blast. And now.
00:41:38
Speaker 2: We've been doing it so well and we were blessed, but now we've, we've, what is it? We've outpriced working together. Like, yeah, you know what happened anymore? Like people are like, I can't afford that.
00:41:49
Speaker 3: Why not? I'm like, come on, man. We're going to eat every day. Spoiling them. No, man.
00:41:58
Speaker 1: I just love this comedy game.
00:42:00
Speaker 2: And I just want to thank anybody who's ever supported us, whether it be real last me and Miguel individually, Ken Miller, Devin Seibold, man, Just love what we get to do, man.
00:42:08
Speaker 1: I love this comedy game.
00:42:09
Speaker 2: Oh, a lot to it, Miguel, because I'm living my best life right now because of comedy.
00:42:12
Speaker 1: Without it, I don't know where I'd be. So I'm very thankful.
00:42:15
Speaker 2: Can't wait to see what the next chapter of this thing is going to lead us, brother.
00:42:20
Speaker 1: This is really good.
00:42:21
Speaker 3: Yeah, man. You and Devin, man, I'm really proud. I'm really proud of your theme park comedian videos. Thank you. People are coming to me and telling me like, hey, have you seen this? And I'm like, yeah, I've seen that. That's amazing. Like people, random people who I I've seen people follow you guys and share a post and don't even know that you guys were once my friends. Stop it.
00:42:50
Speaker 1: And by the way, we got to get together.
00:42:52
Speaker 2: We got to hit some more restaurants together because that's one thing we all do when we get together.
00:42:56
Speaker 1: We go eat somewhere. That's what we do. We got to go eat, man. So, Miguel, before we get out of.
00:43:01
Speaker 2: Here, brother, where are you going to be soon so people can come get on that tour with you guys?
00:43:06
Speaker 3: Um, so I am in Miamisburg, Ohio, the, uh, seventh, eighth, seventh, eighth, no, the eighth, ninth and 10th. I'm in Miamisburg, Ohio this month. And then I'm back home for the rest of, no, man, I'm a liar. Sorry, dog. I'm in Miamisburg, Ohio, the eighth, ninth and 10th of this month, October 8th, ninth and 10th. October 23rd, I'm in Stanford, Connecticut. October 21st, 24th, I'm in Wallingford, Connecticut. And then November 15th, I'm in Washington, D.C. at the Comedy Loft.
00:43:40
Speaker 2: Are you going to stop by and see your sister while you're in that spot?
00:43:43
Speaker 3: She's flying with me because we're going to– or she's meeting me there because we're going to be in town. Then she flies back home the next day with me because we're going to go do some vacation stuff, me, her, my little sister. Nice. Yeah, we've been for the past, like, two years, we've been doing, like, a siblings trip. And we're going to Dollywood. We're going to Dollywood.
00:44:05
Speaker 1: Brother, I'm going to Dollywood.
00:44:07
Speaker 3: My little sister always wanted to go. I say my little sister. She's 35, but she's my baby. Hey, man, that's what's up, man. It's going to be fun.
00:44:15
Speaker 2: It's going to be great, man. Please tell your sister I said, hey, and I definitely want to get.
00:44:18
Speaker 1: Up there in D.C. and do a show with you because I want to go eat.
00:44:20
Speaker 2: In Chinatown with you.
00:44:24
Speaker 1: People don't know.
00:44:25
Speaker 2: They don't know about Chinatown in Washington, D.C.
00:44:29
Speaker 1: They have no idea.
00:44:30
Speaker 3: Hey, bro, that's how they got people to eat a bat and get COVID because it was so flavorful.
00:44:34
Speaker 2: I was like, usually I won't do this.
00:44:37
Speaker 3: But this Szechuan bat is on fire. Why am I coughing?
00:44:43
Speaker 2: Hey, if you guys want to see me next Wednesday, I'll be at Bassani's for one night only.
00:44:49
Speaker 3: That's right.
00:44:49
Speaker 1: Bassani's in Port Charlotte. Check me out.
00:44:52
Speaker 2: And then I'll be in Winter Park on Saturday doing a new gig with Avisar Sadiq. Y'all come check me out. Look at my social media if you guys want to get tickets. Thank y'all for listening to Real Lives each and every night. We'll be back on Wednesday. So we'll see you till then. But Miguel, tell them what to do, bro.
00:45:07
Speaker 3: Take your ass to bed. And geez, get a hold of this car. Okay? Get a hold of this car. It belongs to Team Man.
00:45:17
Speaker 1: We're out.
00:45:26
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 1: What is up, everybody?
00:00:08
Speaker 2: And thank all of you, because you are just tuning in to Real Labs on Real Radio 104.1.
00:00:14
Speaker 1: I'm your host tonight, Mr. James Yan.
00:00:17
Speaker 2: I'm going to call myself the wrecking crew tonight, and I'll tell you what that means in just a second. I'm joined in virtual studio with my brother from another mother, Mr. Miguel Colon. Don't you forget about the junior, because he knows who his dad is, man. Miguel, are you home right now?
00:00:31
Speaker 3: I'm home, man. I'll be back on the road next week. Yeah, but I am home right now. Gotcha.
00:00:38
Speaker 2: Well, I was doing a show as snappers in Palm Harbor, Florida, and I was doing the first show. And then I was waiting for the second show to start when one of the waitresses runs in and goes, James, James, did you see the accident outside? I'm like, nah, the one on the highway. Cause you know, right by a busy street. She goes, nah, it's in the parking lot. I'm like, oh damn.
00:00:58
Speaker 1: I said, what happened?
00:00:59
Speaker 2: She goes, yo, some lady backed the car into like five different vehicles outside. And I'm like, but we're outside. She goes like right out front. And I'm like, wait a minute. I parked out front. But it couldn't be my car, right?
00:01:12
Speaker 3: Not me. Like, right, Miguel?
00:01:13
Speaker 1: You're thinking, man, it can't be my car.
00:01:15
Speaker 3: It can't be my car.
00:01:16
Speaker 2: So I go outside, and my bumper has relocated to another location in the actual parking lot.
00:01:22
Speaker 3: Oh, my God.
00:01:23
Speaker 1: Just hanging off, man.
00:01:25
Speaker 2: This lady did a half moon.
00:01:27
Speaker 1: She was parked in a parking spot facing the actual building.
00:01:31
Speaker 2: And, like, at 80 miles per hour, backed up and did a half moon and took five cars with her. The lady ended in a parking spot, Miguel. She ended in a parking spot that had a car already in it.
00:01:44
Speaker 1: She had pushed the car out of the way.
00:01:47
Speaker 3: Oh, my God.
00:01:48
Speaker 2: The crazy thing is she was in the parking spot perfectly.
00:01:52
Speaker 3: A woman parked perfectly? Yes. That's insane. Surely you jest. So, bro, so is she OK? Like physically, was she OK?
00:02:07
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the first thing I asked. To be honest, I mean.
00:02:10
Speaker 3: First thing I asked, I would have been like, what the hell were you think? Even if she was spurting blood out, she'd be convulsing with a piece of glass through her chest. I'd be like, I need your insurance right now. My car scraped. Look at me. Stop going unconscious. Look at me. I need my car. Yeah.
00:02:29
Speaker 1: Give me your information.
00:02:31
Speaker 3: I need your information right now, lady. We'll clamp this artery once I know for sure that the general is going to cover this.
00:02:40
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, bro. It was wild. It had like 20 cops outside.
00:02:45
Speaker 2: People are yelling, screaming because they just were inside drinking, having a good time at the little bar next door and come out.
00:02:52
Speaker 1: Here's the crazy part. The car that the lady used wasn't hers.
00:02:56
Speaker 2: She had taken someone's keys from the bar, left her person keys on the bar and took a dude's 2023 BMW big body.
00:03:05
Speaker 3: Yeah. And just did damage. To be fair, that's pretty responsible. I'm not going to risk my own car. You know, she's thinking about herself. And where was she going in his car if she was parking it? She was probably just like, he's not in the lines. Let me fix this.
00:03:22
Speaker 2: Well, I can tell you where she went last night. They took her to the ambulance. They took her away in the ambulance. And after that, I'm pretty sure she's wearing some metal bracelets.
00:03:33
Speaker 3: Oh, man. I mean, and, like, something seemed like she was drunk, right? Like, you don't know if she was drunk or not, but something seemed like she was drunk, right, when you saw her.
00:03:44
Speaker 2: They ran her tab, and they saw that the woman had had two drinks, and then they said, well, this woman couldn't do all this with just two drinks.
00:03:52
Speaker 1: In my head, this is what I'm saying.
00:03:53
Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, she may have had two drinks at the bar, but you brought up a really good point, Miguel.
00:03:57
Speaker 1: You said, I bet this woman was pre-gaming somewhere else.
00:04:00
Speaker 3: Oh, chugging them up, bro. Chugging them up. And that dude probably had her on a date the whole time. And listen, every guy has been here in this situation, but you... like taking a new date out or something like that. And all of a sudden you like, Hey, Whoa, slow down, slow down, slow down. You're like, Whoa, slow down, slow down. You're like, we're trying to hang out here, man. And then you get to that point where you're like, Oh man. Now I got to, cause y'all drove separately. Yeah. This bar or something like that to meet up, hang out. And I'll tell you how it happens for me. It always happens where I meet this girl somewhere. And the day I meet her, I'm like, this is a respectable human being. This is girls. Cool, man. And then we text in and then she's like, let's go to, let's go to, you know, McGuffey's for a drink. And I'm like, cool, man. And I'm thinking to myself, I'm thinking to myself, I'm like, Hey, Miguel, be respectable, cool dude. She don't need to know, you know, she don't need to know how messed up you are. Good human being. Right.
00:04:59
Speaker 1: Not on the first day.
00:05:00
Speaker 3: Yeah. I'm like, yeah, yeah, this is a good. And then like, An hour and a half into it, you're like, oh, no, she's the messed up one. Yeah. She's got issues.
00:05:12
Speaker 1: Oh, that's the worst. You're like, oh, no, I'm the good person in this scenario.
00:05:16
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:05:17
Speaker 2: Oh, no.
00:05:18
Speaker 3: And so you're like, I got to get out of here. And then you feel like it's not your responsibility.
00:05:24
Speaker 1: It's not.
00:05:24
Speaker 3: But you're also like, oh, man, I got to leave her. I got to leave her. She's wasted. I didn't drive her here. I don't know. I bet my man was already like, hey, hey, hey. You've been drinking a lot. How you get home? How you get home? I get home. He's like, whatever you do, don't drive your car. She's like, bet. You're right. I guarantee you I won't drive my car. He's like, all right, cool. Goes to the John to take a leak. Comes back. Grand Theft Auto 6 has started in the parking lot. Dude, could you.
00:06:03
Speaker 2: Imagine you just come out, you're using the bathroom thinking you did a good thing by telling a woman, don't drive your car drunk.
00:06:09
Speaker 1: And you come out, you're like, hey, have y'all seen Patricia?
00:06:12
Speaker 3: Yeah, she comes back. She's like, hey, somebody parked your car upside down. Did you know that?
00:06:22
Speaker 2: Bro, you said something that's so interesting that I think every guy listening has been through.
00:06:27
Speaker 3: You're right.
00:06:28
Speaker 2: There has been a time you're out with a young lady and she's having too much to drink. You drove separately, but at some point you're like, man, I think I'm responsible for this person.
00:06:37
Speaker 3: You just like, man, like. This person is going to drive drunk, and I've got me a little Spider-Man moment. Am I going to let her drive drunk because I'm not responsible for it, and she's going to kill my Uncle Ben? Yeah. It's rough. The worst, though, is when you are responsible for it, when you brought them there. You picked them up, and you took them there, and now you're like, oh, my God. Because it's never somebody that you know really well. nah it's never somebody that you could like literally be like god damn it Aisha come on girl I'm gonna call your brother right now it's some girl that you like yeah yeah.
00:07:17
Speaker 2: We vet our friends and the guys we hang out with, the women that we know and we kick it with. So this is always a new person. You're like, oh, I'm trying to give them a chance, trying to get to know you.
00:07:25
Speaker 1: Then, oh, this is how you act?
00:07:27
Speaker 3: And you always think, I'm telling you, in my opinion, you always think to yourself, hey, I'm going to slow down because I don't want to drink too much. This is our first time hanging out. I want to make sure I'm respectable. And then she's knocking back shots and just using racial slurs you'd never heard before. I'm like, hey, man, you can't talk about people from Kazakhstan like that. She's like, oh, yeah, dirty cassocks. And I'm like, hey, girl, chill out, man. And she's getting all loose with it. And she's like, you're acting like a real bitch. Oh, yeah. And you're like, I met you at an oncology office. You're a decent human being.
00:08:05
Speaker 2: And here's a lesson I learned back in the day dating. Don't take a new girl to an old spot.
00:08:11
Speaker 1: Where people know you, where people love you. You don't know how she's going to act.
00:08:16
Speaker 3: Don't do that.
00:08:17
Speaker 1: Don't take a new girl to an old spot.
00:08:19
Speaker 3: You got to go someplace y'all never before. I'm in there like, hey, man, it's Parliament House. Got some music. All right. Okay.
00:08:27
Speaker 1: I ain't going to run into anybody I know here.
00:08:29
Speaker 3: What's up, Devin? What's up, James?
00:08:33
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:08:34
Speaker 3: What's up, theme park comedians? All right, guys. Oh, they're kissing. By the way, Drinking Jack all by myself.
00:08:42
Speaker 2: Thank you, by the way, for all that. Because now everybody thinks we're a couple, sir, so thank you.
00:08:48
Speaker 3: Yo, Billy Joe, I didn't start the fire. It was always burning, bro. Y'all out there totally staring at each other like you're trying to gobble each other's biscuits. I'm like, wait a second. I'm like going back looking at pictures of real laughs, and I'm like, why the hell were they holding hands at that show? Like.
00:09:07
Speaker 1: Miguel, that's our secret handshake.
00:09:09
Speaker 3: Yeah, man. I'm out here like going through the theme park comedian files and realizing like, uh-oh, wait a second here.
00:09:19
Speaker 2: Oh, you'll be happy to know that our fellow friend and guy that needs a hug most from his father, Kermit Gonzalez, hit me up going, hey, I just want to tell you, you and Devin, I'm like, here we go. You are the gayest couple I've ever met in my life. I'm like, thank you, Kermit. I love you too, brother. If y'all don't know, Kermit's a comedian in Orlando.
00:09:38
Speaker 3: Angry human being.
00:09:39
Speaker 1: Angry human being.
00:09:42
Speaker 2: He just wants to see the world burn and doesn't know how to say, hey, man, I'm proud of you. So how he does it is he will insult you and question your masculinity at every moment.
00:09:53
Speaker 1: So thank you, Kermit. I love you too, man.
00:09:55
Speaker 3: Yeah. little angry man. He'll hit you. I'm going to tell you, bro. Back the day before me and Kermit were friends, he's not an angry, mean person because he's a bad person. He's just so relaxed with me. Kermit can visualize your insecurity and just bam. yeah you're like and and you can literally pick him up and throw him out a window but remember this he's a little kung fu master.
00:10:30
Speaker 2: Yeah you're also.
00:10:32
Speaker 3: Gonna get your ass whooped by kermit that's a hard one to swallow because everybody looking at the situation is like damn you letting that little dude punk you out like that and you like Man, not only is he going to smoke me with insults, if I physically try to fight him, I'm going to get my ass whooped, and then he's going to make a meme about it. I'm so glad Kermit Gonzalez is my friend. Like, I'm so glad. I don't need that smoke. I don't need to get my ass whooped and then have a funny meme about it. And then I got to like it, too, because if I don't, he's going to whoop my ass again. Like, he's hitting me up with, hey, man, I see you didn't share the meme. It's me getting peed on after I got knocked out. He's like, yeah, you are like a real bitch.
00:11:19
Speaker 1: He is literally a human honey badger.
00:11:21
Speaker 3: That's what he is. Yeah, he's Wolverine with wit. Yes. He's a witty Wolverine.
00:11:30
Speaker 1: Just a little angry little guy.
00:11:33
Speaker 3: Beat your ass. Humiliate you with jokes and memes. I got to laugh at him. That's a good joke, Kermit. I do have steak ass. I'm definitely going to post that on my story. Thank you, sir.
00:11:50
Speaker 1: And now he reproduced. That's the thing.
00:11:53
Speaker 3: Twice, right? He's got another one coming. Twice.
00:11:58
Speaker 1: He reproduced.
00:12:00
Speaker 3: He made girls too, man, so they're going to be even meaner and better at insecurities. Oh, wow.
00:12:05
Speaker 2: You're right about that. Nobody hits your insecurities like a woman.
00:12:08
Speaker 3: God. Oh, my God. They're like the Xenomorph. They're the perfect insecurity killing machine.
00:12:14
Speaker 1: Oh, you can't be stopped. Mm-mm. And he'll sit back proud like, look at this.
00:12:20
Speaker 3: Yeah. I made this happen. Just watch it burn the whole world while he's making s'mores.
00:12:27
Speaker 1: Yeah. God bless Kermit. Mean little guy that we love.
00:12:36
Speaker 3: Oh, my God. Mean dude. Hilarious mean dude.
00:12:39
Speaker 1: Hilarious mean dude.
00:12:40
Speaker 3: Oh, my God. You were telling me that people stop you and Devin all the time. If you guys don't know, Devin Siebel and James Yawn are the theme park comedians, and they're going viral, and they're making content, whatever. Maybe sometimes I like it, but it's stupid. you know sometimes whatever maybe sometimes i heart heart it just because you know it's really witty and good but whatever i love you too brother yeah you don't show it but all right man um so yeah you know they're part of what we like to call best friends club we used to be me uh and james and we would go up and have all types of adventures like you know tin tin and his dog but now we're running around and you know it's just james and devin going out exploring disney which i have an annual pass too it's not like i can't go but they go out and explore disney together and we do And, you know, they make they make little silly memes. And USA Today recently featured them because, you know, they hate me. Yeah. But you said that people. following did not realize you guys were not a couple.
00:13:43
Speaker 1: And I'm not making that up.
00:13:44
Speaker 2: I posted a picture of me and my wife at Disney and they're like, whoa, wait a minute.
00:13:49
Speaker 1: Are you cheating on Devin? I'm like, wait, what?
00:13:52
Speaker 3: And I'm leading that pack. I'm leading that pack. I'm like, yeah, man. He's a cheating cheater.
00:14:01
Speaker 1: I am not gay. Devin is not my partner.
00:14:05
Speaker 3: Not in my storyline. Yeah, man. You married to Michelle because you're from the early 90s where you had to have a beard. Live out loud. Live out loud, bro.
00:14:16
Speaker 2: On that note, we're going to take a short break for me to reach out to my fellow brothers in the LGBTQA community.
00:14:22
Speaker 1: This is Real Lives, Real Race.
00:14:24
Speaker 3: There's another letter now? Yes. What's the A? It's for A. A. What's up, player?
00:14:34
Speaker 2: We'll be right back. Welcome back, everybody. You still listening to Real Lives on Real Radio.
00:14:59
Speaker 1: I'm your host today, Mr.
00:15:00
Speaker 3: James John.
00:15:00
Speaker 2: Join the virtual studio with Miguel Colon. Don't forget the junior because he knows who his daddy is. Before the break, we were talking about the alternative lifestyle community, and I misquoted them. I said the LGBTQ community. Q A, but I missed lifestyle community.
00:15:18
Speaker 3: Sounds like, sounds like they're into sound garden, James. You know, my dad will say that to their lifestyle. I'm like, your lifestyle is how you dress. You just, I mean, I'm like, Begging tortas isn't my lifestyle. It's in my heart. I ain't making no choices. Cameron's lifestyle makes him wear a fur coat. Lifestyle is like choices. Who you are is who you are. It's always funny because I was hearing people say their lifestyle. I'm like, the fabulous part is their lifestyle. The dude bone is just who they are. Got it.
00:15:56
Speaker 1: Dude bone.
00:15:57
Speaker 3: Listen, I bone women's because that was my default setting. I have no say in it. No. I have no say in it. And that's why I think it's ridiculous when people try to tell me, like, people choose to be gay. I'm like, no, I don't choose. Man, if I could choose who I was attracted to, it would be just well-together women. But that's not how I'm built.
00:16:27
Speaker 1: You like scallywags.
00:16:29
Speaker 3: I like skulls, James. Yeah, man, that was that God in my ears. He sent me to earth. He said, hey, and then pushed me out there. And then me and Nate dog was like, hey, get them in different area codes. And there's less of a chance to kill you because they got to drive and they don't have cars. Yeah. They used to.
00:16:52
Speaker 1: They used to drive Altimas. Now they stopped making them.
00:16:55
Speaker 3: Uh-uh, yeah. That's the whole reason. We lobbied Nissan. We're like, hey, man. We got to bring it back. That was your way of noticing. Like, hey, you see that Altima with them scratched up rims? Bro. Facts.
00:17:05
Speaker 1: Tell me that wasn't what all the.
00:17:07
Speaker 3: She out there. Yeah.
00:17:09
Speaker 1: All the ladies back in the day... Three baby seats in the back. Yep.
00:17:13
Speaker 3: You know? Children all shades of color looking like an R & B group. Oh, man.
00:17:18
Speaker 1: You ain't lying. You ain't looking like Shy.
00:17:21
Speaker 3: Yeah, man. And if I ever fall in love again, I will be sure he pulls out in the end. It's her anthem. So the reason she's got a baby seat in the front is they don't allow that. That's true. She's like the fourth one just sits on the floorboards.
00:17:44
Speaker 1: And she refuses to get a minivan. So that's what it is.
00:17:47
Speaker 3: Oh, no, I'm a hot girl.
00:17:48
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:17:49
Speaker 3: A van.
00:17:50
Speaker 1: That's gross.
00:17:51
Speaker 2: Oh, so what I meant to say was it's not the LGBTQ. A is the LGBTQ. I a I stands for intersex.
00:18:02
Speaker 3: Intersexual? What are they, aliens now? Yeah, man. Intersexual. Well, I did see him do a chestburster on his dude.
00:18:11
Speaker 1: Oh, a chestburster. What'd that butt do?
00:18:16
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:18:18
Speaker 2: Intersex is a person born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that does not fit typical definitions of male or female.
00:18:26
Speaker 3: Okay. All right. What? Intersex people want reproductive sexual anatomy that does not fit typical definitions of male or female. What is it? He's got two. Oh, can you do that? I don't know. They look like the snake for hospitals. There's rapid.
00:18:44
Speaker 1: Is that a possibility?
00:18:46
Speaker 3: Hey, man.
00:18:48
Speaker 1: Hey, it looks so man. It sounds like my question is this, too.
00:18:52
Speaker 3: I'd be real to try it.
00:18:53
Speaker 1: I just want to get it.
00:18:54
Speaker 2: So, yeah.
00:18:58
Speaker 3: I don't want to eat it. I just want to see it. I just want to know it's out there.
00:19:06
Speaker 1: Yeah, bro. I didn't know what that is, man. Okay, now I am intrigued. I will say that.
00:19:12
Speaker 3: I am intrigued.
00:19:13
Speaker 2: I don't know what that quite is, but If anybody out there knows, holler at your boy.
00:19:17
Speaker 1: Let me know.
00:19:18
Speaker 3: I remember this like the RZA Bobby Digital song. Remember the P, the O, the P, the P, the Y, the D. I'm like the L, the G, the P, the T, the Q, the I, the A, the plus.
00:19:30
Speaker 1: You know what it is. Fabulous.
00:19:32
Speaker 3: You know what it is. So L stands for lesbians. And the definition that the internet is giving me is a woman who is physically, romantically, or emotionally attracted to another woman. The G stands for gay. A person whose enduring attractions are to people of the same sex. often used specifically for men attracted to men.
00:19:53
Speaker 1: I knew that.
00:19:54
Speaker 3: The B, bisexual. A person attracted to more than one gender. T, transgender. A person whose gender identity differs from the sex they were assigned at birth. Q, queer or questioning. An inclusive umbrella term for sexual or gender minorities or someone actively exploring their identity. I, intersex. People born with reproduction or sexual anatomy that does not fit typical definitions of male or female. A, asexual, aromantic, agender. When it said aromantic, I read aromantic. And I was like... Like rosemary? Yeah. Really? And that is people who experience little to no sexual attraction, little to no romantic attraction, or do not identify with any gender. And P, a plus sign, representing additional sexual orientation and gender identities, not explicitly names such as pansexual or non-binary. Now, my only beef with this. Okay.
00:20:58
Speaker 1: Talk about it.
00:21:01
Speaker 3: How did L get in front of the G, boys? What's up, man? What's up, fellas? Hey, first of all, we know who steers the ship. The Gs, baby. The Gs, man. Y'all team guy. Y'all team guy, man. Yeah, man.
00:21:19
Speaker 1: Bro, the Gs run it. Y'all know that.
00:21:22
Speaker 3: The Gs run it, man.
00:21:23
Speaker 1: The Gs run it, man.
00:21:23
Speaker 3: The Gs run it, dog. They was the one getting the marches together. Because the Ls, man, they day walkers. You know, sometimes you don't know. I mean, sometimes you do. Like at Home Depot, you know an L. Yeah, true. You see that TT with that fade, you know an L. Yeah, you know. But the Gs, I'm like, players. And then I thought about it. It's not even alphabetical. Like I thought for a minute, oh, maybe the Ls took it because they were just being alphabetical. No, man.
00:21:51
Speaker 2: Geez it's a great point man hey bro you just said it geez run that.
00:21:56
Speaker 3: They run hey geez how about us straights man we'll march together on this one bro this is just team unity team guy what like anytime a woman transitions from a woman to a man i'm like welcome to the best gender dog you.
00:22:11
Speaker 1: Know that's what i did with jack.
00:22:13
Speaker 3: Yeah dude hey i'm gonna tell you this much when like uh a man transitions into a woman and he competes in sports. I am like, Oh, come on player. Don't, don't do that. Listen to that. Send the hate mail to James young.com. That's how I feel.
00:22:30
Speaker 1: Pretty much.
00:22:31
Speaker 3: Pretty much. When, A woman transitions to a man and she can play men's sport. I'm like, that's that dog in you. Yeah. Welcome.
00:22:40
Speaker 1: Welcome.
00:22:41
Speaker 3: Oh, man. Look at that crossover. Uh-huh.
00:22:44
Speaker 1: Look at that. Look how that. Y'all nothing.
00:22:46
Speaker 3: Y'all born with peepees, but she got the wang. You know?
00:22:50
Speaker 1: Put that on a T-shirt. I'll wear it. Yeah, man.
00:22:53
Speaker 3: I'm talking about, brother. So, geez, I just think, man, listen, y'all run the shit, man.
00:22:58
Speaker 1: They do.
00:22:59
Speaker 3: You know, brother to brother, geez, I think it needs to be G, capital, and then that G needs to be written like a renaissance book. Where it's a G, but it's a snake crawling through a peach also. You know, so you see what's happening here. You know, it's got art to it. That G needs to be a piece of art. Yes. Capital G. Yeah. And then all the other letters show up. Cool, man.
00:23:27
Speaker 1: Written on like parchment.
00:23:28
Speaker 3: Yeah. And first of all, L's, do not take this as an insult.
00:23:34
Speaker 2: No.
00:23:35
Speaker 3: First of all, L's, love my L's.
00:23:38
Speaker 1: We love you.
00:23:38
Speaker 3: Big fan of your work. I have been following you guys since print media, you know, so I'm a big fan and buys ladies, lady buys, man, me and you, we've been going back. We've been going back since the, since the Clinton administration, you know? Wow.
00:23:54
Speaker 1: It was a good time. That was a good time for them.
00:23:56
Speaker 3: And by dudes, by dudes, you greedy sons of guns. All right. All right.
00:24:03
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:24:04
Speaker 3: Right. You. Okay. Yeah. I get it. You omnivores.
00:24:12
Speaker 2: Lettuce and sausage yeah.
00:24:19
Speaker 3: You fish and pork but little surf and turfers you wild boys all right why but Geez, man. As your straight brother, come to me. Let me know. What do us straights have to do? What do we have to do? Because I do think this too, man. We get you guys back to holding the keys to the car. That is true. Things are going to happen. You guys are going to get it done. Yes. The G's get it done.
00:24:54
Speaker 1: They do.
00:24:55
Speaker 3: The G's get it done.
00:24:56
Speaker 1: If you don't live or have a friend that's gay.
00:25:00
Speaker 2: then you don't have a friend that's completely honest with you about yourself.
00:25:03
Speaker 1: You want to get a real opinion?
00:25:05
Speaker 2: Tell them they are not going to hold back about your feelings.
00:25:10
Speaker 1: They're like, yeah, because the.
00:25:11
Speaker 3: G's are looking at you like you think I'm worried what I'm going to tell you. I had to tell my grandpa I eat meat. Yeah. You think I'm scared of what I'm going to tell you? You? Yeah, bro. My mom was crying because I told her I was born gay. You think I'm worried to tell you that hat looks stupid? Yeah. That dumb ass hat.
00:25:30
Speaker 1: And don't ever wear that hat again.
00:25:31
Speaker 3: Don't wear that hat again in my presence. I'll whoop your ass.
00:25:35
Speaker 1: Hey, don't get it twisted.
00:25:37
Speaker 2: I know some Gs out there that'll whoop your ass, bro.
00:25:40
Speaker 3: Hey, liking dudes doesn't change the fact that you're a dude.
00:25:46
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:25:46
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying, man? You're going to get molly whopped by any dude. The same way this dude's genetically predisposed to attraction to men, he's also genetically predisposed to being 6'3 and built like a steel worker.
00:26:02
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:26:06
Speaker 3: Gender ain't the same as size people, too. Because people are like, I'll beat that woman. All right, man, she's 6'3 and stacked. You're going to get Molly won't. Yeah. Yeah. Go, go ahead.
00:26:19
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:26:19
Speaker 1: Go ahead and run up on Clarissa. Yeah.
00:26:22
Speaker 3: Yeah. For real. And the thing is, if you get in a fight with a twink, good luck. Cause they're going to disappear in a cloud of glitter. Come at you like night crawler. Where'd he go? You're giggling from the ceiling.
00:26:41
Speaker 1: All you see is abs.
00:26:43
Speaker 3: Yeah, man. Getting your ass whooped and it's like, oh, dance, dance, dance, switch up. And you're like, damn, he's so quick. So fast. How's he doing? Go fight a twig. And you try to grab him. He's all lotioned up. He'll be sliding.
00:26:56
Speaker 1: Yep.
00:26:57
Speaker 3: Can't do it.
00:26:58
Speaker 1: Can't do it.
00:26:58
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:26:59
Speaker 1: They're like little elves, if you will.
00:27:01
Speaker 3: Yeah, man. I'm getting my ass whooped by Dobby.
00:27:07
Speaker 1: And I gave him socks, so now he's free.
00:27:08
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:27:11
Speaker 3: And you don't know about when the T's come at you, you got to be ready, man, because they're decepticons, man. Bro, I love it. I love it. Next thing you know, chika-paka-chika. Like, oh, no, turn into a man.
00:27:25
Speaker 2: Christopher Robinson got a great joke. He's like, bro, don't be messing with trans, man, especially trans women. Like Bruce Jenner, he might have Caitlyn's body, but he still has Bruce Jenner's hands.
00:27:35
Speaker 3: Yeah, man.
00:27:36
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:27:37
Speaker 3: You get six of those Decepticons together, too. They turn into a Devastator. They all form. Oh, yeah. Oh, no.
00:27:49
Speaker 1: I got my ass kicked.
00:27:50
Speaker 3: Yeah. And then the eyes, the intergalactics, man. You got to watch out for them, man. Danger, galactic danger, danger, danger.
00:27:59
Speaker 1: Oh, I just realized something, Miguel, about me and you. We actually fit this, man. We are intersex.
00:28:06
Speaker 2: A person born with reproductive or sexual anatomy that does not fit their typical definitions.
00:28:12
Speaker 1: Bro, we both got breasts.
00:28:13
Speaker 3: Yeah, man. Hey, what up? Hey, G's. Hey, get me in the club. I'll stand beside you. That's what they got to do. The G's got to start getting us in the club because we'll stand beside them. We're like, hey, we're bringing in our new intersex homies. This is the big committee over here, man. We got to do. We got to believe that. Nobody's listening. Nobody's listening. Plus, I'm standing beside the G's, which means it's loud. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, Tetas Grande squad over here. They bring us in, man. We help steer this ship with them. Because the G's got to get back to steering the ship, bro. They do. The G's got to get back to steering the ship. Those are solid dudes, man. Like my old man has said before, he's like, when they were legalizing gay marriage, my father was so furious that gay marriage wasn't legalized because he's just coming from a standpoint of like, oh, the government's trying to tell people who they can marry now. The government says people can't get married. He was like, that's how it starts.
00:29:20
Speaker 1: He said he goes, that's how it starts.
00:29:22
Speaker 3: Yeah, because he's like that when they tell you you can't do stuff. he's like because you know his whole life gay marriage was illegal and when they were finally legalizing it people were going against it my old man was like why is anybody against this he was like why is just let let let let but but his his quote his quote man he says oh they i can't but he's like they don't let gays get married. He's like, why? He's like, gays aren't citizens. He's like, gays don't vote. Gays don't pay taxes. Gays don't serve this country. And he goes, gays don't serve this country in the Navy. That was my dad's exact. Okay. Oh, it's messed up. He's like, they need to have, they have rights and they need to be protected. And I'm like, how progressive?
00:30:05
Speaker 1: I love your dad. We'll be right back. Welcome back, everybody.
00:30:35
Speaker 2: You are still listening to Real Laughs on Real Radio 104.1. I'm your host, James John. That is Miguel Colon. Don't you forget the junior because he knows who.
00:30:43
Speaker 3: His daddy is.
00:30:44
Speaker 2: Now, here's the thing, Miguel. We're both comedians. We're doing very well. We are truly blessed at this moment. We're getting to a point in our career where things are starting to happen. And here's what I started thinking about the other day. And I was actually talking to my wife about this. As I climb the ladder in comedy and I make a better living, there's a list of just a mental list I started making of all the places I no longer work and all the people that I want to tell to kiss my ass. Do you have a similar set list, Miguel? Where you're like, bro, I can't wait to tell this MF.
00:31:18
Speaker 3: Hey, I got, for me, it's just more of, I'm happy that I can say no.
00:31:27
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:31:28
Speaker 3: I'm happy that now I can say no. confidently no thank you i'm not doing that and that's what all they're getting and if they want to know if if you want to pry and ask why i'll tell you why but i just confidently can be like no thank you i i don't and there's some like there's a couple rooms i won't do ever again because when i was a feature they treated their features bad even though they treat their host or their, their headline as well. And it's not like, I'm not, I want to make sure you guys know, man, like I'm not trying to pretend like I've got some moral high ground. I've, I've, you know, I've done war crimes. I've done places that treated me very bad before. And I went back and took the money because I wanted to needed the money. So nobody's above it, man. Do what you got to do, especially if you got like family to take care of you, do what you got to do. But I'm currently in a position now where, uh, I have lots of tour dates with Jolly. I have lots of dates on my own. And there's a couple of things that I've been working on that I've been doing really well also. So I'm in a position now where I can be very selective on doing shows that just don't don't. Me and James said this about two years ago on the show. We finally found ourselves in the position where we could say no when we didn't like the room or the money wasn't good. Now I'm in a position where I can just make decisions on me. I just don't like you. Yes! Just don't like you. You. Because just two years ago, we finally got to the point where we could say no because of money or the room sucked. But if the room was good and the money was good and you sucked, I was still saying yes because the room was good and the money. And I have just finally in the past couple months got to the point where now I could be like... I don't like you. I don't like the way you treat people. I don't like your vibe. I just don't want to work for you.
00:33:25
Speaker 2: Yeah, you make it awkward and stressful when I come back here. You're unnecessarily mean to not only the comics, but your own staff.
00:33:32
Speaker 1: I don't want to be around this.
00:33:34
Speaker 3: I don't want to be around it anymore. I don't want to be a part of it. Yeah.
00:33:37
Speaker 2: Some places we work and the people treat, eat. I got to give a shout out to Krista. Krista's very good to us. Not only is she good to us when we go there, but she's good to our wives, our girlfriends.
00:33:49
Speaker 1: Krista's good to her staff. The staff, yes.
00:33:51
Speaker 3: Krista's good to her staff. I will say this. Comedy clubs have a huge turnover rate. Just because you're only usually working three days a week. So anybody serving there, even if they're making good money, they eventually, if they're serving, bartending, kitchen workers, they eventually get offers for jobs that are going to be more lucrative. So people work at comedy clubs and stay there because they like the comedy club. They love comedy and the GM. And the amount of people that have gone through the doors of the improv funny bones That still speak highly of it. Even though a lot of them left because, you know, hours, this is Orlando. If you're a kitchen worker and you're working at the improv, maybe you're funny bone making 40 hours a week. You know, you can go work at the Marriott and get 80. If that's a money thing for you, you go.
00:34:38
Speaker 2: It's an hour thing, too, because you work at night at the comedy club.
00:34:41
Speaker 3: You work at night in the comedy club. Yeah, you can't get doubles and stuff. But the amount of people that still are like, oh, I loved it when I was at the Improv at a Funny Bone. I love it, man. Chris does an amazing GM. I would say this. Funny Bone Orlando, Sidesplitters Tampa, my two favorite clubs in Florida. Nice. They're just great. And I like working for small clubs, man, now too. I love Alex's Underground. This is the thing with Alex's Underground. The staff is Alex.
00:35:10
Speaker 1: God bless her. She does a lot of work.
00:35:12
Speaker 3: And she's horrible to the staff. She hates herself. But no, no. No, the staff is Alex. And then the rest of the staff is comics. Coming in, pitching in, making tips and stuff like that. And because of that, man, I really have a love for Alex's Underground. It's a community clubhouse. It's built on the idea of comedy. Yes. Yeah.
00:35:32
Speaker 1: Everybody comes together to make it work. Yeah.
00:35:35
Speaker 3: Yeah. Nice, man. Yeah, man. Shout out to her.
00:35:37
Speaker 2: I've never been there. I got to go hang out there one night with you, Miguel. Have a couple of drinks and support them.
00:35:42
Speaker 3: Go hang out, man. And then another, any room that Jari runs. Yeah. If you guys don't follow Jari knows yet, man, you don't know that Jari, in my opinion, in the central Florida comedy scene, he is the most influential comedy producer ever. In Central Florida.
00:36:00
Speaker 1: I would say that. I would say that to be true.
00:36:02
Speaker 3: If Jari is producing a show, it's better than half the shows in town. Yeah. Jari's just Jari. He brings a vibe. He brings a vibe. He's a professional. He's a hustling businessman. And he cares. He cares about comedy. I mean, Jari's currently on tour with Cam Patterson and still running some of the best independent rooms in Orlando. Yeah. So, I mean, yeah, I'd say when it comes to like Orlando, if you want to see a great show in Orlando, the three places you want to go to is you want to go to the Orlando Funny Bone. Correct. That's where you're going to see some of the most amazing headliners, the biggest names, Sean Wayans, Marlon Wayans, big names coming through all the time. If you want a great independent show, go to Alex's underground. That's it's in downtown Orlando. It's amazing. It's, it's open seven nights a week too.
00:36:55
Speaker 1: That's a lot.
00:36:56
Speaker 3: Seven nights a week, like three shows a night, man. Yeah.
00:36:59
Speaker 1: Wow.
00:36:59
Speaker 3: And then, yeah. And then any show that Jari produces right now, he produces milk district. He handles all the don't tells in Orlando and tons of independent rooms. But if you see Jari knows putting on a room, you see Alex's Underground has a show, or you want to go see something at the Funny Bone, you're not going to miss. Three best shows. And there's lots of small independent rooms, and I'm not knocking them. I'm just saying. As a person who travels the country doing comedy, I would recommend these three to any person or any comic in the world.
00:37:32
Speaker 2: They definitely have to bring up Mike Lee and Laugh Out Lounge and Winter Haven.
00:37:36
Speaker 3: Laugh Out Lounge is an A club.
00:37:38
Speaker 2: Yes.
00:37:38
Speaker 3: The people of Winter Haven who love it don't even realize how good of a club this is. This is a real A club.
00:37:46
Speaker 2: Max he's getting bigger names now yeah.
00:37:49
Speaker 3: Laugh out loud in winter haven is a real a club you go there and it's not watching a show you're getting a comedy club experience correct it's the same thing with side splitters is i side splitters is one of the best comedy clubs in the country yeah it really is.
00:38:04
Speaker 2: I went to go see sebastian maniscalco in tampa in an arena And he made sure to shout out side splitters. He made sure to shout them out. Everybody talks about him on podcast, by the way.
00:38:16
Speaker 3: When I meet any working comic, whether they're my level of working comic or they're a huge professional, when I tell them I'm from Orlando, they always go, and you work side splitters. Yeah. And it's either a working comic asking me how they can get in or giving me their stories. But I mean, everybody, the biggest names in comedy, if you get to talking about comedy with them in Florida, side splitters will come up. It's the best comedy club. It's side splitters. The Orlando Improv Funny Bone. I always say the improv because that brings up the decades before and the funny browns now. Laugh Out Loud is Winter Haven and Alex's Underground. You really will not miss with any of those rooms, man. And Jari knows, man, all the Milk District stuff, he runs it, anything. If you see Jari's name on it, if Jari is running a show and it is in an elevator shaft at a granary, that lineup's going to be fire.
00:39:27
Speaker 1: And here's what Jari's providing.
00:39:29
Speaker 2: That doesn't really happen anymore in Orlando.
00:39:32
Speaker 1: Jari's actually developing talent.
00:39:34
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:39:35
Speaker 1: Newer guys are going through him and learning.
00:39:37
Speaker 2: The ropes through Jari, which is a great thing because– We all need to see that example of where I want to be and how they got there. Because he's willing to show you, too. Jari's doing a great, great service, if you will, for all the younger comics out there.
00:39:52
Speaker 1: Salute to you, Jari, man.
00:39:54
Speaker 3: He's great because younger comics will talk to him and be like, hey, Jari, I saw you kill it up there. What do I got to do to do that? He's humble enough to be like, hey, man, I got to put my reps in. You got to try. He gives them solid advice. He gives them solid, real coaching advice. Because when they ask me, man, they're like, hey, man, what do I got to do to be that? I'm like, wake up tomorrow and be me. Other than that, you ain't. Player? Player. How do you get that good? You won't.
00:40:28
Speaker 1: That's funny, bro.
00:40:30
Speaker 2: I really hope that the younger comics are having the experiences that we got to do traveling together as a group of comics, man.
00:40:37
Speaker 1: We got to do some great stuff together.
00:40:39
Speaker 3: If they don't, I hope their new experiences are equal to what ours were. Because I know some things are over. There's some things that just don't seem to happen in the comedy community in Orlando anymore. I don't know if they're over for good or if they're over now, but whatever new experiences they're having, I hope it's as influential to their development and their understanding because the parts of comedy that you learn in the beginning of your career are just not just how to be funny, but how to navigate this culture and community and, you know, How to be a part of something that you don't at first really understand.
00:41:17
Speaker 1: And it's bigger than us.
00:41:19
Speaker 2: When we were first starting out, we got to do all these shows together because we couldn't command a certain price point individually. So we would be working together. Bro, I've done so many shows out of state with Miguel. It just used to be, oh, Miguel, I'm going out of state. You're coming with me, right?
00:41:33
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:41:33
Speaker 1: That's how it used to be. Yeah, we would just have a blast. And now.
00:41:38
Speaker 2: We've been doing it so well and we were blessed, but now we've, we've, what is it? We've outpriced working together. Like, yeah, you know what happened anymore? Like people are like, I can't afford that.
00:41:49
Speaker 3: Why not? I'm like, come on, man. We're going to eat every day. Spoiling them. No, man.
00:41:58
Speaker 1: I just love this comedy game.
00:42:00
Speaker 2: And I just want to thank anybody who's ever supported us, whether it be real last me and Miguel individually, Ken Miller, Devin Seibold, man, Just love what we get to do, man.
00:42:08
Speaker 1: I love this comedy game.
00:42:09
Speaker 2: Oh, a lot to it, Miguel, because I'm living my best life right now because of comedy.
00:42:12
Speaker 1: Without it, I don't know where I'd be. So I'm very thankful.
00:42:15
Speaker 2: Can't wait to see what the next chapter of this thing is going to lead us, brother.
00:42:20
Speaker 1: This is really good.
00:42:21
Speaker 3: Yeah, man. You and Devin, man, I'm really proud. I'm really proud of your theme park comedian videos. Thank you. People are coming to me and telling me like, hey, have you seen this? And I'm like, yeah, I've seen that. That's amazing. Like people, random people who I I've seen people follow you guys and share a post and don't even know that you guys were once my friends. Stop it.
00:42:50
Speaker 1: And by the way, we got to get together.
00:42:52
Speaker 2: We got to hit some more restaurants together because that's one thing we all do when we get together.
00:42:56
Speaker 1: We go eat somewhere. That's what we do. We got to go eat, man. So, Miguel, before we get out of.
00:43:01
Speaker 2: Here, brother, where are you going to be soon so people can come get on that tour with you guys?
00:43:06
Speaker 3: Um, so I am in Miamisburg, Ohio, the, uh, seventh, eighth, seventh, eighth, no, the eighth, ninth and 10th. I'm in Miamisburg, Ohio this month. And then I'm back home for the rest of, no, man, I'm a liar. Sorry, dog. I'm in Miamisburg, Ohio, the eighth, ninth and 10th of this month, October 8th, ninth and 10th. October 23rd, I'm in Stanford, Connecticut. October 21st, 24th, I'm in Wallingford, Connecticut. And then November 15th, I'm in Washington, D.C. at the Comedy Loft.
00:43:40
Speaker 2: Are you going to stop by and see your sister while you're in that spot?
00:43:43
Speaker 3: She's flying with me because we're going to– or she's meeting me there because we're going to be in town. Then she flies back home the next day with me because we're going to go do some vacation stuff, me, her, my little sister. Nice. Yeah, we've been for the past, like, two years, we've been doing, like, a siblings trip. And we're going to Dollywood. We're going to Dollywood.
00:44:05
Speaker 1: Brother, I'm going to Dollywood.
00:44:07
Speaker 3: My little sister always wanted to go. I say my little sister. She's 35, but she's my baby. Hey, man, that's what's up, man. It's going to be fun.
00:44:15
Speaker 2: It's going to be great, man. Please tell your sister I said, hey, and I definitely want to get.
00:44:18
Speaker 1: Up there in D.C. and do a show with you because I want to go eat.
00:44:20
Speaker 2: In Chinatown with you.
00:44:24
Speaker 1: People don't know.
00:44:25
Speaker 2: They don't know about Chinatown in Washington, D.C.
00:44:29
Speaker 1: They have no idea.
00:44:30
Speaker 3: Hey, bro, that's how they got people to eat a bat and get COVID because it was so flavorful.
00:44:34
Speaker 2: I was like, usually I won't do this.
00:44:37
Speaker 3: But this Szechuan bat is on fire. Why am I coughing?
00:44:43
Speaker 2: Hey, if you guys want to see me next Wednesday, I'll be at Bassani's for one night only.
00:44:49
Speaker 3: That's right.
00:44:49
Speaker 1: Bassani's in Port Charlotte. Check me out.
00:44:52
Speaker 2: And then I'll be in Winter Park on Saturday doing a new gig with Avisar Sadiq. Y'all come check me out. Look at my social media if you guys want to get tickets. Thank y'all for listening to Real Lives each and every night. We'll be back on Wednesday. So we'll see you till then. But Miguel, tell them what to do, bro.
00:45:07
Speaker 3: Take your ass to bed. And geez, get a hold of this car. Okay? Get a hold of this car. It belongs to Team Man.
00:45:17
Speaker 1: We're out.
00:45:26
Speaker 3: Thank you.
