WEBVTT
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It's a really good way to find out if your spouse is hiding something.
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They have$400 a month going to a credit card that you didn't know.
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We have a couple of friends that that has happened.
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Like five years into the marriage, they're trying to buy a house and they're running.
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They're like, hey honey, what is this?
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Couples with combined joint bank accounts generally report higher relationship satisfaction, fewer financial conflicts, and greater long-term relationship stability.
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Imagine you're in a basketball team.
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One of the players wants to scroll by themselves, run to the defense and grab the ball by themselves.
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How can a team work?
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Hi everybody, thanks for joining us at the PillA Plays podcast where we talk about faith, family, and finance.
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You know, guys, um, if this is if this content is benefiting you, please subscribe, hit the like button because it helps us spread the word.
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And really, our heart is to share about faith, family, and finance, some of the things that has made us successful in these things, these traits, um, that that also helps you leave a good legacy for yourself and your family.
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Uh, so please help the subscribe button so that that way we can spread the word.
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Thank you.
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You know, I was talking to a friend the other day, and this friend saw like uh a short from from one of our friends that was doing podcasts, and the guest that he had on the show uh really believe in separate finances.
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And it just makes me wonder how do people do their finances and like what do you believe?
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Like separate finances or unity in finances for those that are married.
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Okay, so we're gonna jump into that today.
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Welcome back to the Palay Plays where we talk about faith, family, and finance.
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Um and yeah, let's jump in.
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Yeah Well, what do you mean by unity and finance?
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Well, we have our finances together.
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Yeah.
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Right, but I think Well practically speaking, we have one bank account, right?
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One one team, one dream approach.
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Yeah.
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It it it has never been an issue for us.
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Oh well, we have several bank accounts, but like we share them.
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And we are aware of them and our and our checks or our go straight into those accounts together.
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That's right.
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Yeah, so this person was referring to completely separate accounts.
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Like you do you, I do me, and and we don't mingle.
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Yeah, we don't share some share expenses.
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Right.
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I'll transfer it to you or whatever, but they don't they don't do it together.
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And so what are your thoughts on that?
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Because I'm not saying there's right and wrong.
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I have a preferred way, uh-huh, and I am biased and I think that it should be together.
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But let's bring some people out there that who truly do believe in the separation of finances.
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Yeah, let's bring some data here.
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Uh 2022-23 study, so this is recent by Indiana University and Kellogg School of Business, uh published an article, joint article with uh another journal that reports that couples with combined joint bank accounts generally report higher relationship satisfaction, fewer financial conflicts, and greater long-term relationship stability than couples who keep their finances separate.
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Okay.
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Why?
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I believe it's because we're forced to work together and help each other, right?
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We talked about one team, one dream.
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We actually mean it.
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We dream together and then we follow through with our money, we budget, yeah, and then our bank accounts need to reflect the budget.
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If it doesn't, we talk about what went wrong, what worked, we look at each other's habits, right?
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We too we trust each other or we develop trust in areas that we're like, okay, we messed up, let's give each other grace and work around it, right?
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Bible even says that two is better than one.
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Each of you can bring your own strengths to this, right?
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And we'll talk about some of the practical things that Van and I do.
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And I also think it's a high level of accountability.
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Like when I started managing all of our money versus just managing mine, I had a different mentality.
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I took on a res like I'm responsible for our success, right?
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And um, I don't know about you, like how did you feel at that time?
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Well, I feel like because there is an accountability aspect.
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Like I'm not afraid to spend, but then I I think about is this reckless spending?
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Because it's not just mine, it's yours too.
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Well, you're definitely not afraid to spend.
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But like, but I think about okay, is this something that that matches our goals?
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Right.
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Right.
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But more importantly, I think it's because I know that you are responsible for that piece.
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I am responsible for this piece.
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Yeah.
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So what she's what what Van is really referring to is uh we don't step on each other's toes.
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So we have one bank account, but Van manages all the groceries because she's the mother of the house, right?
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So she she what I mean is like feeling responsible for the part so that when you do your part, it's not difficult.
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Yeah, but like practically what does that mean?
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What is your part?
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Like I watch I watch my spending.
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Okay.
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I see what you're saying.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, because then there's a piece and I think of it like this is ours.
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Like it's not mine.
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It's not mine.
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Right.
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I mean, I do have that piece too, you know.
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But I guess what I'm trying to say is knowing that it is ours, I'm also taking care of it better.
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Yeah.
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Because I'm not just ruining myself, I'll be ruining both of us.
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Right.
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But we we definitely bring our individual roles, is the point that I was trying to make, right?
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So, like my role is to manage the eating out budget.
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And if that goes haywire, then it's going to impact other things, right?
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Because we have commitments, we have a mortgage, we have car payments, all these other things.
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Your role is to manage the grocery budget, right?
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And as the kids grow, they eat a lot more.
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So your job is to manage all that and make sure that we have enough groceries in the house and communicate with me and say, hey, if we're gonna go over or under or whatever.
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Yeah.
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And then I my job is to make sure that there's money in other things that we can, you know, allocate if needed.
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You're probably talking about like the practical piece.
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That's right.
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I am referring to the mentality that I have.
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Yeah, sure.
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Uh that I got that point.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Um, like the mentality is that it is ours.
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And so if I'm gonna make this big purchase or if I'm gonna make this, is it still in unity with you?
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Would you agree to this?
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Yeah.
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Right.
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And um and that's what partnership is really about.
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Right.
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So why do you think uh people want to keep theirs separate?
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What is what's the reason for that?
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I think they're afraid.
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I think they're afraid that there's a lack of trust in their partnership.
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There's definitely lack of trust, yeah.
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Right?
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Like trusting that that their partner will spend wisely.
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Yeah.
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I think part of it too is like inheriting possible debt that they already have.
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Other piece is also judgment.
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They don't want to be judged.
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Okay.
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For example, you may have a partner that's that has been judgmental about other things, and you're like, well, if I share my my finances with him, he's gonna think I'm this, this, and this.
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Or she's gonna think I'm this, this, and this.
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Right?
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And you're not you're not ready to to open that up.
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So like shame around shame, yeah, exactly.
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Around how you spend it kind of all you know, all goes down to trust and vulnerability.
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Yeah.
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Well, I think another thing too is like maybe is this mentality of I work really hard for this.
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Yes.
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And so I want to be able to spend it the way I want to, so there's a selfishness to it as well.
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Or my partner doesn't make enough, and so that's their life that they like cover.
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Um, and but it's the separation mentality that is more worrisome.
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It is.
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The the the best example for that would be imagine you're in a basketball team, right?
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Or you're watching a game of the basketball team, and one of the players wants to squall by themselves, run to the defense and grab the ball by themselves, right?
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And like each his own, how can a team work, right?
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So like you can't you can't be in a team and have indu individualism, like that it's contradictory, right?
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Yeah, you do have your own identity, but it's your identity should complement the team, not take away from it.
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So you can't be in this marriage and say that I'm part of the marriage, but when it comes to finances, I'm gonna keep things separate.
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And underlying below that is well, because I don't trust him or I don't want him to judge me or whatever.
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Yeah.
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I think some people also think of it as it's just better to have the separation so that there is no conflict.
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Conflict, yes.
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Yeah.
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Like if we just keep it separate, like life is better.
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Yeah.
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But but then I think that lacks intimacy and transparency.
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Exactly.
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Right.
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And so I feel like in our easier to surprise the other person.
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Like it's so hard to surprise you because you just see where I order everything.
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Unless I don't look at it.
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I guess that's the one benefit.
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But like, yeah, it's true.
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Like if you don't touch an area, you will never have conflict about that area because we're human beings.
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Yeah, but then I feel like it's like it's an incomplete circle.
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Well, not just that.
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I think what you're doing is you're cutting yourself short in how far you could go.
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In the mask of I'm trying to avoid conflict, you're avoiding the fact that if you worked together, how much further you could go if you just worked together and was vulnerable, transparent, and willing to be in unity.
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Is this mindset of I have to be accountable?
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There's another person relying on me being responsible in this area.
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Yeah.
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Right.
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And it keeps each other like That's what I'm saying.
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Like that, those are just the little things, but I believe that, you know, in receiving all the blessing that heaven has for us, right?
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Yeah.
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I believe that when you work together, scripture says two is better than one.
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When you leave your parents, you become one with your wife.
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Right?
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Now you have a purpose and a and a destiny that the Lord has for you.
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You can't even tap into that unless you do these practical things.
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Right?
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Yeah.
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And and like seeing everything together.
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Yeah.
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Right.
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I think I remember I think we got engaged, and then almost like the week after we put our finances together.
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I like closed my bank account, I got added onto yours.
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Yes.
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And and I handed I don't know, this was even before we have the revelation of like unity and finances.
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But yeah, that's right.
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I was like, here, here it is.
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Here's here's everything.
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Yes.
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Like, this is what I pay every month.
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And I think I was pretty good stored on my own.
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But then when I gave that to you, I think you took that on as all right, this is I have to handle this.
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Yeah.
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This is my responsibility.
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That's right.
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And you become more focused on it, more responsible with it.
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Right.
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And because if it if it fails, it's now it's not just yours, it's mine too.
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Yeah.
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And you And our kids and our grandkids.
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The the one thing that I have learned working with you in this is um the other perspectives you bring.
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Right.
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And I'll t I'll be talking about like, okay, we want to do this with so much money, right?
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And I'll say something, and you will say something that's completely different, right?
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And if I imagine, like if I was managing my finances myself and you were managing yours, I would never have that perspective.
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Can you give an example?
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Yeah, like it was like we were trying about doing a giving for something, right?
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We're donating some money.
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And I was simply thinking about, okay, well, we're gonna do this, it's it's a tax thing and this and that, right?
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And you were thinking about, well, you know, we don't support this kind of ministry.
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It's totally unique and it's very different.
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And I'd like for some of our money that we work so hard for to go towards that, right?
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And I thought it was such a very like such a good way to like just look at your finances.
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Yeah.
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So when I look at the whole big picture, right, and I'm looking at a pie chart, is the pie contributing to things that I would not have contributed just on my own?
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Sure.
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Right?
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I mean, we are stewards of this life.
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Yeah.
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Right, right.
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Not just money, but this entire life that God has given us.
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And when we are steward this life, what is it that we leave Earth with?
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Right?
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And that's how I think about you know just finances, but like everything around us.
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I think there's a a good and positive pressure to carry our own weight when we are doing this together.
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Yeah.
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It's truly a team dynamic, right?
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Like it just sports analogy works so well because that's literally what every team member has to do.
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Imagine if one team member was missing out of uh, you know, a five-person basketball team, yeah, everybody would feel it.
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They would the rest of them would have to step up, right?
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So yeah, it's carrying that our own weight.
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That's right.
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And um and you know, um, I was just reminded it's a really good way to find out if your spouse is hiding something because some people get to a divorce and they find out, oh, they were hiding this, this, and this.
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But if your finances were combined, you would just see it on day one that they they have$400 a month going to a credit card that you didn't know.
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Well, we have a couple of friends that that has happened.
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Yes.
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Um, like five years into the marriage, they're trying to buy a house and they're running, they're like, hey honey, there's this what's this?
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What is this?
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Yes.
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Um, but you know, that also makes me wonder like why are you hiding?
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Like, why do you want to keep this?
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You you're sharing everything else, you're sharing your whole life with this person.
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But why are you holding on to the finances?
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Yeah.
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And wanting to do it on your own and giving you the freedom.
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Like, what does that really say about your partnership?
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Yeah.
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Right.
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And so that's something too, I think it's it's good to like think about.
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And if there if there is a trust issue, then I think that there's a good candid conversation to be had.
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You know, some people are just very well, what if your your partner has like really bad habits?
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That's what I was saying.
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Like, if some people are just have bad habits and they don't want to change, they want to keep their habits.
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It defines them, right?
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Like they like, let's go out and blow it all the moment I make it.
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And the more responsible ones saying, I'd rather just keep things on my own so that way we don't have fights, right?
00:17:25.839 --> 00:17:36.960
I think before this other person that blows it all, you know, ruins themselves, I think it's it would be helpful to have a candid conversation with them.
00:17:38.160 --> 00:17:39.759
That's the point of this, right?
00:17:39.920 --> 00:17:44.960
The point of this is not to go to the bank tomorrow and open an account and combine it all.
00:17:45.119 --> 00:17:50.240
Yes, that works better for us, but it all started with a conversation.
00:17:51.680 --> 00:17:52.319
Yeah.
00:17:53.279 --> 00:18:10.160
I mean, that's important to I mean, talking about finances on how to handle finances, being watchful on how your potential partner or potential like spouse handle finances is is important.
00:18:10.640 --> 00:18:10.799
Yeah.
00:18:11.039 --> 00:18:13.359
It's part of being wise and who you're marrying.
00:18:13.440 --> 00:18:15.680
Because you remember, we we had an episode on this.
00:18:15.920 --> 00:18:19.200
On like you're not marrying them, you're marrying their habits.
00:18:19.440 --> 00:18:19.759
Yeah.
00:18:20.000 --> 00:18:20.240
Right?
00:18:20.559 --> 00:18:30.960
And so if the habits are some is something that you can't handle and the it doesn't get better, that's something too considerable.
00:18:31.279 --> 00:18:42.880
And majority of the time bad habits are built from these mindsets, these falsehoods that has rooted itself in our hearts and it has to be uprooted.
00:18:43.200 --> 00:18:53.920
And you've helped me, you know, uproot a lot of things over over the last ten years, but it took a lot of vulnerability and open conversations.
00:18:54.799 --> 00:18:55.279
Right?
00:18:55.599 --> 00:19:01.119
And imagine if you just said, you know, you do you and I do me, it would still exist.
00:19:01.599 --> 00:19:01.920
Yeah.
00:19:02.079 --> 00:19:10.480
And the struggle here is like if they have like disapproving habits, right?
00:19:10.799 --> 00:19:13.039
The accountability is a big thing.
00:19:13.279 --> 00:19:13.920
That's right.
00:19:14.240 --> 00:19:14.799
Right.
00:19:15.119 --> 00:19:18.319
I can totally see myself shopping away.
00:19:20.319 --> 00:19:22.240
If you if you didn't look.
00:19:22.720 --> 00:19:26.720
Well, you wouldn't do it for yourself, probably, but you would do it for the kids like crazy.
00:19:27.200 --> 00:19:27.839
I would.
00:19:28.400 --> 00:19:30.319
They always need something.
00:19:30.880 --> 00:19:31.359
Need.
00:19:34.799 --> 00:19:37.680
Um, you have on here, what is this about?
00:19:37.920 --> 00:19:39.759
Cut them off of Amazon?
00:19:39.920 --> 00:19:41.119
What is that about?
00:19:41.599 --> 00:19:44.799
Well, now that you brought it up, we're gonna have to talk about it.
00:19:46.079 --> 00:19:49.440
Well, um, that's all we have for this episode.
00:19:50.319 --> 00:19:54.960
If you um if you find this helpful, I mean, I'm genuinely curious.
00:19:55.119 --> 00:19:57.920
How do you handle your finances with your spouse?
00:19:58.079 --> 00:20:01.519
And what are some of the issues that you run into?
00:20:01.680 --> 00:20:03.359
Do you guys do it separately, together?
00:20:03.519 --> 00:20:07.039
What are some things that that you're really stuck on?
00:20:07.279 --> 00:20:09.599
And or something that has worked for you?
00:20:09.680 --> 00:20:12.400
Please share it with us in the comments below.
00:20:12.480 --> 00:20:13.680
I'd love to know.
00:20:13.839 --> 00:20:19.680
Um, and if you enjoy this episode, please like and subscribe, and we will see you in our next episode.
00:00:00.080 --> 00:00:04.639
It's a really good way to find out if your spouse is hiding something.
00:00:04.719 --> 00:00:07.839
They have$400 a month going to a credit card that you didn't know.
00:00:08.080 --> 00:00:10.800
We have a couple of friends that that has happened.
00:00:10.880 --> 00:00:14.480
Like five years into the marriage, they're trying to buy a house and they're running.
00:00:14.640 --> 00:00:16.399
They're like, hey honey, what is this?
00:00:17.280 --> 00:00:28.960
Couples with combined joint bank accounts generally report higher relationship satisfaction, fewer financial conflicts, and greater long-term relationship stability.
00:00:29.199 --> 00:00:30.960
Imagine you're in a basketball team.
00:00:31.120 --> 00:00:36.000
One of the players wants to scroll by themselves, run to the defense and grab the ball by themselves.
00:00:36.159 --> 00:00:37.600
How can a team work?
00:00:38.399 --> 00:00:43.759
Hi everybody, thanks for joining us at the PillA Plays podcast where we talk about faith, family, and finance.
00:00:44.000 --> 00:00:52.079
You know, guys, um, if this is if this content is benefiting you, please subscribe, hit the like button because it helps us spread the word.
00:00:52.159 --> 00:01:05.439
And really, our heart is to share about faith, family, and finance, some of the things that has made us successful in these things, these traits, um, that that also helps you leave a good legacy for yourself and your family.
00:01:05.599 --> 00:01:09.519
Uh, so please help the subscribe button so that that way we can spread the word.
00:01:09.760 --> 00:01:10.560
Thank you.
00:01:12.719 --> 00:01:35.439
You know, I was talking to a friend the other day, and this friend saw like uh a short from from one of our friends that was doing podcasts, and the guest that he had on the show uh really believe in separate finances.
00:01:36.319 --> 00:01:44.000
And it just makes me wonder how do people do their finances and like what do you believe?
00:01:44.400 --> 00:01:49.359
Like separate finances or unity in finances for those that are married.
00:01:49.760 --> 00:01:51.840
Okay, so we're gonna jump into that today.
00:01:52.000 --> 00:01:55.920
Welcome back to the Palay Plays where we talk about faith, family, and finance.
00:01:56.400 --> 00:02:00.640
Um and yeah, let's jump in.
00:02:00.959 --> 00:02:03.359
Yeah Well, what do you mean by unity and finance?
00:02:03.760 --> 00:02:05.920
Well, we have our finances together.
00:02:06.400 --> 00:02:06.719
Yeah.
00:02:06.959 --> 00:02:12.319
Right, but I think Well practically speaking, we have one bank account, right?
00:02:12.719 --> 00:02:15.840
One one team, one dream approach.
00:02:16.319 --> 00:02:16.800
Yeah.
00:02:17.120 --> 00:02:19.680
It it it has never been an issue for us.
00:02:20.000 --> 00:02:23.199
Oh well, we have several bank accounts, but like we share them.
00:02:23.759 --> 00:02:32.800
And we are aware of them and our and our checks or our go straight into those accounts together.
00:02:33.199 --> 00:02:33.599
That's right.
00:02:33.759 --> 00:02:40.400
Yeah, so this person was referring to completely separate accounts.
00:02:40.879 --> 00:02:47.360
Like you do you, I do me, and and we don't mingle.
00:02:47.840 --> 00:02:51.680
Yeah, we don't share some share expenses.
00:02:51.840 --> 00:02:52.080
Right.
00:02:52.319 --> 00:02:58.159
I'll transfer it to you or whatever, but they don't they don't do it together.
00:02:58.319 --> 00:03:00.400
And so what are your thoughts on that?
00:03:00.719 --> 00:03:03.280
Because I'm not saying there's right and wrong.
00:03:03.439 --> 00:03:09.120
I have a preferred way, uh-huh, and I am biased and I think that it should be together.
00:03:09.360 --> 00:03:15.599
But let's bring some people out there that who truly do believe in the separation of finances.
00:03:15.919 --> 00:03:17.599
Yeah, let's bring some data here.
00:03:17.840 --> 00:03:49.680
Uh 2022-23 study, so this is recent by Indiana University and Kellogg School of Business, uh published an article, joint article with uh another journal that reports that couples with combined joint bank accounts generally report higher relationship satisfaction, fewer financial conflicts, and greater long-term relationship stability than couples who keep their finances separate.
00:03:50.319 --> 00:03:50.639
Okay.
00:03:51.599 --> 00:03:52.240
Why?
00:03:52.639 --> 00:03:57.199
I believe it's because we're forced to work together and help each other, right?
00:03:57.360 --> 00:03:58.879
We talked about one team, one dream.
00:03:58.960 --> 00:03:59.599
We actually mean it.
00:03:59.680 --> 00:04:07.919
We dream together and then we follow through with our money, we budget, yeah, and then our bank accounts need to reflect the budget.
00:04:08.080 --> 00:04:14.400
If it doesn't, we talk about what went wrong, what worked, we look at each other's habits, right?
00:04:14.800 --> 00:04:24.240
We too we trust each other or we develop trust in areas that we're like, okay, we messed up, let's give each other grace and work around it, right?
00:04:24.879 --> 00:04:27.199
Bible even says that two is better than one.
00:04:27.360 --> 00:04:30.160
Each of you can bring your own strengths to this, right?
00:04:30.240 --> 00:04:33.279
And we'll talk about some of the practical things that Van and I do.
00:04:33.519 --> 00:04:36.000
And I also think it's a high level of accountability.
00:04:36.079 --> 00:04:43.759
Like when I started managing all of our money versus just managing mine, I had a different mentality.
00:04:44.160 --> 00:04:50.480
I took on a res like I'm responsible for our success, right?
00:04:51.279 --> 00:04:55.360
And um, I don't know about you, like how did you feel at that time?
00:04:55.759 --> 00:05:00.800
Well, I feel like because there is an accountability aspect.
00:05:00.959 --> 00:05:05.199
Like I'm not afraid to spend, but then I I think about is this reckless spending?
00:05:05.279 --> 00:05:07.199
Because it's not just mine, it's yours too.
00:05:07.439 --> 00:05:09.519
Well, you're definitely not afraid to spend.
00:05:11.199 --> 00:05:22.879
But like, but I think about okay, is this something that that matches our goals?
00:05:23.199 --> 00:05:23.519
Right.
00:05:23.839 --> 00:05:24.399
Right.
00:05:24.639 --> 00:05:30.000
But more importantly, I think it's because I know that you are responsible for that piece.
00:05:30.240 --> 00:05:32.160
I am responsible for this piece.
00:05:32.480 --> 00:05:32.639
Yeah.
00:05:32.720 --> 00:05:37.279
So what she's what what Van is really referring to is uh we don't step on each other's toes.
00:05:37.519 --> 00:05:42.639
So we have one bank account, but Van manages all the groceries because she's the mother of the house, right?
00:05:42.720 --> 00:05:51.040
So she she what I mean is like feeling responsible for the part so that when you do your part, it's not difficult.
00:05:52.160 --> 00:05:54.399
Yeah, but like practically what does that mean?
00:05:56.160 --> 00:05:57.040
What is your part?
00:05:57.680 --> 00:06:00.959
Like I watch I watch my spending.
00:06:01.600 --> 00:06:01.839
Okay.
00:06:02.399 --> 00:06:03.199
I see what you're saying.
00:06:03.360 --> 00:06:03.439
Yeah.
00:06:07.199 --> 00:06:10.720
Yeah, because then there's a piece and I think of it like this is ours.
00:06:11.040 --> 00:06:12.399
Like it's not mine.
00:06:13.439 --> 00:06:14.800
It's not mine.
00:06:15.120 --> 00:06:15.360
Right.
00:06:16.160 --> 00:06:20.959
I mean, I do have that piece too, you know.
00:06:21.120 --> 00:06:30.319
But I guess what I'm trying to say is knowing that it is ours, I'm also taking care of it better.
00:06:30.480 --> 00:06:30.560
Yeah.
00:06:30.800 --> 00:06:34.480
Because I'm not just ruining myself, I'll be ruining both of us.
00:06:34.879 --> 00:06:35.279
Right.
00:06:35.600 --> 00:06:40.639
But we we definitely bring our individual roles, is the point that I was trying to make, right?
00:06:40.879 --> 00:06:46.879
So, like my role is to manage the eating out budget.
00:06:47.120 --> 00:06:50.480
And if that goes haywire, then it's going to impact other things, right?
00:06:50.560 --> 00:06:54.639
Because we have commitments, we have a mortgage, we have car payments, all these other things.
00:06:54.959 --> 00:06:59.360
Your role is to manage the grocery budget, right?
00:06:59.920 --> 00:07:02.319
And as the kids grow, they eat a lot more.
00:07:02.560 --> 00:07:13.360
So your job is to manage all that and make sure that we have enough groceries in the house and communicate with me and say, hey, if we're gonna go over or under or whatever.
00:07:13.519 --> 00:07:13.839
Yeah.
00:07:14.000 --> 00:07:21.279
And then I my job is to make sure that there's money in other things that we can, you know, allocate if needed.
00:07:22.319 --> 00:07:24.879
You're probably talking about like the practical piece.
00:07:25.519 --> 00:07:25.839
That's right.
00:07:26.480 --> 00:07:30.399
I am referring to the mentality that I have.
00:07:30.800 --> 00:07:31.519
Yeah, sure.
00:07:31.600 --> 00:07:32.639
Uh that I got that point.
00:07:32.720 --> 00:07:32.879
Yeah.
00:07:33.120 --> 00:07:33.360
Yeah.
00:07:33.439 --> 00:07:33.759
Yeah.
00:07:34.000 --> 00:07:36.879
Um, like the mentality is that it is ours.
00:07:37.199 --> 00:07:43.439
And so if I'm gonna make this big purchase or if I'm gonna make this, is it still in unity with you?
00:07:43.600 --> 00:07:45.519
Would you agree to this?
00:07:45.759 --> 00:07:46.079
Yeah.
00:07:46.240 --> 00:07:46.800
Right.
00:07:47.120 --> 00:07:51.040
And um and that's what partnership is really about.
00:07:51.360 --> 00:07:51.680
Right.
00:07:51.839 --> 00:07:54.720
So why do you think uh people want to keep theirs separate?
00:07:54.879 --> 00:07:56.240
What is what's the reason for that?
00:07:56.560 --> 00:07:58.079
I think they're afraid.
00:07:58.639 --> 00:08:04.720
I think they're afraid that there's a lack of trust in their partnership.
00:08:04.959 --> 00:08:06.000
There's definitely lack of trust, yeah.
00:08:06.240 --> 00:08:06.480
Right?
00:08:06.639 --> 00:08:13.040
Like trusting that that their partner will spend wisely.
00:08:13.279 --> 00:08:13.439
Yeah.
00:08:13.600 --> 00:08:18.480
I think part of it too is like inheriting possible debt that they already have.
00:08:19.040 --> 00:08:20.639
Other piece is also judgment.
00:08:20.800 --> 00:08:22.079
They don't want to be judged.
00:08:22.399 --> 00:08:22.560
Okay.
00:08:22.959 --> 00:08:35.679
For example, you may have a partner that's that has been judgmental about other things, and you're like, well, if I share my my finances with him, he's gonna think I'm this, this, and this.
00:08:35.919 --> 00:08:38.240
Or she's gonna think I'm this, this, and this.
00:08:38.960 --> 00:08:39.279
Right?
00:08:39.440 --> 00:08:43.120
And you're not you're not ready to to open that up.
00:08:43.440 --> 00:08:45.840
So like shame around shame, yeah, exactly.
00:08:46.080 --> 00:08:51.519
Around how you spend it kind of all you know, all goes down to trust and vulnerability.
00:08:52.000 --> 00:08:52.480
Yeah.
00:08:52.720 --> 00:08:59.679
Well, I think another thing too is like maybe is this mentality of I work really hard for this.
00:09:00.080 --> 00:09:00.480
Yes.
00:09:00.639 --> 00:09:08.639
And so I want to be able to spend it the way I want to, so there's a selfishness to it as well.
00:09:09.360 --> 00:09:16.399
Or my partner doesn't make enough, and so that's their life that they like cover.
00:09:16.960 --> 00:09:23.279
Um, and but it's the separation mentality that is more worrisome.
00:09:23.679 --> 00:09:24.000
It is.
00:09:24.080 --> 00:09:29.039
The the the best example for that would be imagine you're in a basketball team, right?
00:09:29.120 --> 00:09:38.720
Or you're watching a game of the basketball team, and one of the players wants to squall by themselves, run to the defense and grab the ball by themselves, right?
00:09:39.360 --> 00:09:43.919
And like each his own, how can a team work, right?
00:09:44.240 --> 00:09:53.039
So like you can't you can't be in a team and have indu individualism, like that it's contradictory, right?
00:09:53.200 --> 00:10:01.600
Yeah, you do have your own identity, but it's your identity should complement the team, not take away from it.
00:10:01.840 --> 00:10:12.480
So you can't be in this marriage and say that I'm part of the marriage, but when it comes to finances, I'm gonna keep things separate.
00:10:12.799 --> 00:10:18.480
And underlying below that is well, because I don't trust him or I don't want him to judge me or whatever.
00:10:19.840 --> 00:10:20.480
Yeah.
00:10:21.919 --> 00:10:31.759
I think some people also think of it as it's just better to have the separation so that there is no conflict.
00:10:32.159 --> 00:10:33.200
Conflict, yes.
00:10:33.519 --> 00:10:33.919
Yeah.
00:10:34.320 --> 00:10:37.679
Like if we just keep it separate, like life is better.
00:10:38.000 --> 00:10:38.399
Yeah.
00:10:38.960 --> 00:10:45.360
But but then I think that lacks intimacy and transparency.
00:10:46.159 --> 00:10:47.039
Exactly.
00:10:47.840 --> 00:10:48.240
Right.
00:10:48.399 --> 00:10:52.559
And so I feel like in our easier to surprise the other person.
00:10:52.799 --> 00:10:57.919
Like it's so hard to surprise you because you just see where I order everything.
00:10:59.440 --> 00:11:00.559
Unless I don't look at it.
00:11:00.720 --> 00:11:02.399
I guess that's the one benefit.
00:11:02.559 --> 00:11:03.679
But like, yeah, it's true.
00:11:03.840 --> 00:11:10.799
Like if you don't touch an area, you will never have conflict about that area because we're human beings.
00:11:11.120 --> 00:11:14.320
Yeah, but then I feel like it's like it's an incomplete circle.
00:11:14.720 --> 00:11:15.759
Well, not just that.
00:11:15.919 --> 00:11:20.559
I think what you're doing is you're cutting yourself short in how far you could go.
00:11:21.120 --> 00:11:35.519
In the mask of I'm trying to avoid conflict, you're avoiding the fact that if you worked together, how much further you could go if you just worked together and was vulnerable, transparent, and willing to be in unity.
00:11:36.159 --> 00:11:39.440
Is this mindset of I have to be accountable?
00:11:39.919 --> 00:11:45.279
There's another person relying on me being responsible in this area.
00:11:45.519 --> 00:11:46.000
Yeah.
00:11:46.240 --> 00:11:46.639
Right.
00:11:46.799 --> 00:11:49.840
And it keeps each other like That's what I'm saying.
00:11:49.919 --> 00:11:58.399
Like that, those are just the little things, but I believe that, you know, in receiving all the blessing that heaven has for us, right?
00:11:58.559 --> 00:11:59.039
Yeah.
00:11:59.279 --> 00:12:03.600
I believe that when you work together, scripture says two is better than one.
00:12:03.840 --> 00:12:06.639
When you leave your parents, you become one with your wife.
00:12:07.200 --> 00:12:07.519
Right?
00:12:07.679 --> 00:12:13.360
Now you have a purpose and a and a destiny that the Lord has for you.
00:12:13.679 --> 00:12:17.759
You can't even tap into that unless you do these practical things.
00:12:18.559 --> 00:12:18.879
Right?
00:12:19.360 --> 00:12:19.840
Yeah.
00:12:20.799 --> 00:12:25.600
And and like seeing everything together.
00:12:25.919 --> 00:12:26.240
Yeah.
00:12:26.559 --> 00:12:26.879
Right.
00:12:27.039 --> 00:12:38.639
I think I remember I think we got engaged, and then almost like the week after we put our finances together.
00:12:38.799 --> 00:12:42.320
I like closed my bank account, I got added onto yours.
00:12:42.559 --> 00:12:42.960
Yes.
00:12:43.200 --> 00:12:49.120
And and I handed I don't know, this was even before we have the revelation of like unity and finances.
00:12:49.279 --> 00:12:50.559
But yeah, that's right.
00:12:50.960 --> 00:12:52.480
I was like, here, here it is.
00:12:52.639 --> 00:12:54.159
Here's here's everything.
00:12:54.480 --> 00:12:54.720
Yes.
00:12:54.960 --> 00:12:56.799
Like, this is what I pay every month.
00:12:56.960 --> 00:12:59.519
And I think I was pretty good stored on my own.
00:12:59.840 --> 00:13:06.879
But then when I gave that to you, I think you took that on as all right, this is I have to handle this.
00:13:07.039 --> 00:13:07.440
Yeah.
00:13:07.679 --> 00:13:09.360
This is my responsibility.
00:13:09.600 --> 00:13:10.080
That's right.
00:13:10.240 --> 00:13:15.440
And you become more focused on it, more responsible with it.
00:13:15.600 --> 00:13:16.000
Right.
00:13:16.240 --> 00:13:23.679
And because if it if it fails, it's now it's not just yours, it's mine too.
00:13:23.840 --> 00:13:24.159
Yeah.
00:13:24.320 --> 00:13:27.679
And you And our kids and our grandkids.
00:13:28.159 --> 00:13:35.440
The the one thing that I have learned working with you in this is um the other perspectives you bring.
00:13:35.759 --> 00:13:36.000
Right.
00:13:36.159 --> 00:13:41.840
And I'll t I'll be talking about like, okay, we want to do this with so much money, right?
00:13:42.480 --> 00:13:47.519
And I'll say something, and you will say something that's completely different, right?
00:13:47.679 --> 00:13:55.600
And if I imagine, like if I was managing my finances myself and you were managing yours, I would never have that perspective.
00:13:56.159 --> 00:13:58.159
Can you give an example?
00:13:58.480 --> 00:14:03.759
Yeah, like it was like we were trying about doing a giving for something, right?
00:14:03.840 --> 00:14:05.360
We're donating some money.
00:14:05.519 --> 00:14:11.600
And I was simply thinking about, okay, well, we're gonna do this, it's it's a tax thing and this and that, right?
00:14:12.080 --> 00:14:17.759
And you were thinking about, well, you know, we don't support this kind of ministry.
00:14:18.000 --> 00:14:21.039
It's totally unique and it's very different.
00:14:21.440 --> 00:14:27.679
And I'd like for some of our money that we work so hard for to go towards that, right?
00:14:28.080 --> 00:14:34.080
And I thought it was such a very like such a good way to like just look at your finances.
00:14:34.240 --> 00:14:34.480
Yeah.
00:14:34.639 --> 00:14:45.519
So when I look at the whole big picture, right, and I'm looking at a pie chart, is the pie contributing to things that I would not have contributed just on my own?
00:14:45.759 --> 00:14:46.080
Sure.
00:14:46.320 --> 00:14:46.559
Right?
00:14:46.720 --> 00:14:49.679
I mean, we are stewards of this life.
00:14:49.919 --> 00:14:50.080
Yeah.
00:14:50.320 --> 00:14:50.879
Right, right.
00:14:50.960 --> 00:14:53.919
Not just money, but this entire life that God has given us.
00:14:54.159 --> 00:14:59.519
And when we are steward this life, what is it that we leave Earth with?
00:14:59.840 --> 00:15:00.240
Right?
00:15:00.399 --> 00:15:04.320
And that's how I think about you know just finances, but like everything around us.
00:15:04.720 --> 00:15:12.559
I think there's a a good and positive pressure to carry our own weight when we are doing this together.
00:15:12.879 --> 00:15:13.039
Yeah.
00:15:13.279 --> 00:15:15.039
It's truly a team dynamic, right?
00:15:15.200 --> 00:15:21.279
Like it just sports analogy works so well because that's literally what every team member has to do.
00:15:21.600 --> 00:15:30.240
Imagine if one team member was missing out of uh, you know, a five-person basketball team, yeah, everybody would feel it.
00:15:30.559 --> 00:15:33.600
They would the rest of them would have to step up, right?
00:15:34.159 --> 00:15:38.320
So yeah, it's carrying that our own weight.
00:15:38.559 --> 00:15:39.200
That's right.
00:15:39.440 --> 00:15:54.559
And um and you know, um, I was just reminded it's a really good way to find out if your spouse is hiding something because some people get to a divorce and they find out, oh, they were hiding this, this, and this.
00:15:54.720 --> 00:16:02.240
But if your finances were combined, you would just see it on day one that they they have$400 a month going to a credit card that you didn't know.
00:16:02.399 --> 00:16:06.960
Well, we have a couple of friends that that has happened.
00:16:07.200 --> 00:16:07.759
Yes.
00:16:08.240 --> 00:16:14.480
Um, like five years into the marriage, they're trying to buy a house and they're running, they're like, hey honey, there's this what's this?
00:16:14.639 --> 00:16:15.360
What is this?
00:16:15.679 --> 00:16:16.240
Yes.
00:16:16.720 --> 00:16:23.360
Um, but you know, that also makes me wonder like why are you hiding?
00:16:23.600 --> 00:16:26.639
Like, why do you want to keep this?
00:16:26.799 --> 00:16:32.000
You you're sharing everything else, you're sharing your whole life with this person.
00:16:32.799 --> 00:16:36.080
But why are you holding on to the finances?
00:16:36.559 --> 00:16:36.960
Yeah.
00:16:37.200 --> 00:16:41.840
And wanting to do it on your own and giving you the freedom.
00:16:42.159 --> 00:16:44.960
Like, what does that really say about your partnership?
00:16:45.200 --> 00:16:45.600
Yeah.
00:16:45.840 --> 00:16:46.159
Right.
00:16:46.320 --> 00:16:50.480
And so that's something too, I think it's it's good to like think about.
00:16:51.279 --> 00:16:57.120
And if there if there is a trust issue, then I think that there's a good candid conversation to be had.
00:16:57.360 --> 00:17:03.120
You know, some people are just very well, what if your your partner has like really bad habits?
00:17:03.360 --> 00:17:04.160
That's what I was saying.
00:17:04.319 --> 00:17:11.200
Like, if some people are just have bad habits and they don't want to change, they want to keep their habits.
00:17:11.440 --> 00:17:13.039
It defines them, right?
00:17:13.200 --> 00:17:17.519
Like they like, let's go out and blow it all the moment I make it.
00:17:17.920 --> 00:17:25.359
And the more responsible ones saying, I'd rather just keep things on my own so that way we don't have fights, right?
00:17:25.839 --> 00:17:36.960
I think before this other person that blows it all, you know, ruins themselves, I think it's it would be helpful to have a candid conversation with them.
00:17:38.160 --> 00:17:39.759
That's the point of this, right?
00:17:39.920 --> 00:17:44.960
The point of this is not to go to the bank tomorrow and open an account and combine it all.
00:17:45.119 --> 00:17:50.240
Yes, that works better for us, but it all started with a conversation.
00:17:51.680 --> 00:17:52.319
Yeah.
00:17:53.279 --> 00:18:10.160
I mean, that's important to I mean, talking about finances on how to handle finances, being watchful on how your potential partner or potential like spouse handle finances is is important.
00:18:10.640 --> 00:18:10.799
Yeah.
00:18:11.039 --> 00:18:13.359
It's part of being wise and who you're marrying.
00:18:13.440 --> 00:18:15.680
Because you remember, we we had an episode on this.
00:18:15.920 --> 00:18:19.200
On like you're not marrying them, you're marrying their habits.
00:18:19.440 --> 00:18:19.759
Yeah.
00:18:20.000 --> 00:18:20.240
Right?
00:18:20.559 --> 00:18:30.960
And so if the habits are some is something that you can't handle and the it doesn't get better, that's something too considerable.
00:18:31.279 --> 00:18:42.880
And majority of the time bad habits are built from these mindsets, these falsehoods that has rooted itself in our hearts and it has to be uprooted.
00:18:43.200 --> 00:18:53.920
And you've helped me, you know, uproot a lot of things over over the last ten years, but it took a lot of vulnerability and open conversations.
00:18:54.799 --> 00:18:55.279
Right?
00:18:55.599 --> 00:19:01.119
And imagine if you just said, you know, you do you and I do me, it would still exist.
00:19:01.599 --> 00:19:01.920
Yeah.
00:19:02.079 --> 00:19:10.480
And the struggle here is like if they have like disapproving habits, right?
00:19:10.799 --> 00:19:13.039
The accountability is a big thing.
00:19:13.279 --> 00:19:13.920
That's right.
00:19:14.240 --> 00:19:14.799
Right.
00:19:15.119 --> 00:19:18.319
I can totally see myself shopping away.
00:19:20.319 --> 00:19:22.240
If you if you didn't look.
00:19:22.720 --> 00:19:26.720
Well, you wouldn't do it for yourself, probably, but you would do it for the kids like crazy.
00:19:27.200 --> 00:19:27.839
I would.
00:19:28.400 --> 00:19:30.319
They always need something.
00:19:30.880 --> 00:19:31.359
Need.
00:19:34.799 --> 00:19:37.680
Um, you have on here, what is this about?
00:19:37.920 --> 00:19:39.759
Cut them off of Amazon?
00:19:39.920 --> 00:19:41.119
What is that about?
00:19:41.599 --> 00:19:44.799
Well, now that you brought it up, we're gonna have to talk about it.
00:19:46.079 --> 00:19:49.440
Well, um, that's all we have for this episode.
00:19:50.319 --> 00:19:54.960
If you um if you find this helpful, I mean, I'm genuinely curious.
00:19:55.119 --> 00:19:57.920
How do you handle your finances with your spouse?
00:19:58.079 --> 00:20:01.519
And what are some of the issues that you run into?
00:20:01.680 --> 00:20:03.359
Do you guys do it separately, together?
00:20:03.519 --> 00:20:07.039
What are some things that that you're really stuck on?
00:20:07.279 --> 00:20:09.599
And or something that has worked for you?
00:20:09.680 --> 00:20:12.400
Please share it with us in the comments below.
00:20:12.480 --> 00:20:13.680
I'd love to know.
00:20:13.839 --> 00:20:19.680
Um, and if you enjoy this episode, please like and subscribe, and we will see you in our next episode.
