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Are you holding your complex kid to expectations that weren't built for their brain? In this episode, Elaine Taylor-Klaus and Diane Dempster dig into one of the most misunderstood concepts in parenting neurodiverse kids: shifting expectations—not lowering or eliminating them. You'll learn why the gap between expectation and reality is the root of most conflicts, the reasons why your complex kid might be struggling to meet the bar you set, and what it means to meet your kid where they are. If you’re raising a kid with ADHD or executive function challenges, this one’s an essential listen. Tune in, then head to ImpactParents.com to find out how you can keep learning with Sanity School® for Parents.
What to expect in this episode:
- The 30% rule explained: Kids with executive function challenges are often 30% behind peers developmentally, which translates to 3–5 years for younger kids and 8–10 years for young adults.
- Shifting vs. lowering—they’re not the same thing: Understand the difference between abandoning your expectations and moving them to where your kid can actually reach them, then growing from there.
- Every trigger starts with a gap: The space between what you expect and what your kid delivers is the root cause of most conflicts at home.
- Process over outcome: Holding neurodiverse kids accountable to how they approach tasks (rather than just whether they finish them) is what really builds long-term capability and self-worth.
- The collaborative piece: Setting expectations isn't something you do to your kid, it's something you do with them, and buy-in from your child is what makes the whole thing stick.
Download free guide: Top 12 Tips To Help Your Complex Kids
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