E5 - Sharing is Caring?

Danielle Porte: Hello, parents, parental figures, and all who are involved in the lives of little people. Welcome to the Parenting with Picture Books Podcast. I'm your host, Danielle Port. As a mom and educator, I have found that some of the best parenting lessons and social emotional development tools aren't found in a long and cumbersome parenting book. They're found within the beautifully worded and often illustrated 32 pages of a picture book. Picture books can be the ultimate parenting companion. So each week we will tackle a parenting topic and I will share three picture book titles that support the topic we discuss. Parenting is a wild ride. So for now, let's sit back, relax, and get lost in the pages of a picture book. I'm so glad you're here. Hello everyone, welcome to episode five of parenting with picture books. Today we're tackling a tough topic, and I actually didn't give it just a title, I made it a question because I have thoughts and I'm really curious on what your thoughts too. So today's episode is called Sharing is Caring. We've all been brought up sharing is caring, unless it's germs. But I've been thinking about it a lot. And it's something I notice in my classroom, sharing is challenging and not just for kids. It's challenging for adults too. So let's get into it and let's talk about it. My first takeaway, like I just said, sharing is hard. Little kids, and some adults too, are egocentric. They cannot grasp the thought of anybody but themselves. It is a total normal part of brain development. Now, as you get older, you're supposed to be able to work on that. But we know it's not always the case. But let me share a story of what just happened recently and how you know it kind of goes in a thing of like, is it sharing or is it taking turns? Last week, my boys play flag football and They had their games, and one of my girlfriends gifted me a couple years ago this amazing contraption called the loud cup. If you have ever been to any event with me where you get to cheer somebody on, there is nothing I love more than being somebody's hype girl. So you put my children on a field where they're going to do their thing, and I I am here for it. Well, take my own obnoxious voice in my loud cheering and give me something called a loud cup, and it is next level. Next level where It initially scares everybody because it is this enormous horn. But if you don't blow into it right, you kind of sound like a dying animal. I mean, it is glorious. I love it with all my heart. And I brought it last week for me to use to cheer on my children. Well, during my older son's game, my younger son was, hey mom, can I have your loud cup? No, was my response. No. Like fall out, stop. Nothing's happening. No, you can't have my loud cup. Everybody around me started laughing because they're all like, says the preschool teacher, says the girl with a podcast on parenting and sharing. They're like, hey Danielle, how's your lesson on sharing going in your classroom? And here's the thing. This is one of my no's. I understand it is even my child, but sharing is carrying unless it involves germs. I am sorry. It is the beginning of the school year and there is so much ick. Going around already that no, I don't even want to share with my own child because I don't want to take a chance that they've been contaminated somehow. And now they're gonna share their saliva with me. No, thank you. So no, that is my my loud cup. My loud cup. And because it involves saliva, I don't want to share it with anybody else. Back to the children. Again, this concept is really hard. And as we get into more takeaways, I'll explain. My thought process and what I think could be some better execution and articulation of how this actually works. Sharing is hard. Expect it to be hard. Expect it not to be hard just when you introduce the topic, but for several years down the road. It is something that we have to work on so hard. You just got something new. Of course, it's amazing. Of course, that friend is gonna see. Ooh, you got something shiny and new. I want that too. Ugh. And now we're supposed to just be okay giving them your something that's shiny and new that you're playing with. What if they ruin it? What if they break it? What if they mark it up? Like that is your something new. And did you have to work hard to get that something new? Did you have to earn something for behavior for something new? Did you do something really well that is now being rewarded by having this new toy? And now you're just supposed to share. Now, when it comes to communal toys that are in a classroom or available at a park, or if you're going to a facility that has things, my views are different because that is not your personal item. I feel like setting up children for practice with sharing is great in a community space. So the first takeaway: this is hard. This is hard, it's going to be hard. For some personalities, it may always be hard. For others, with practice, it may become more acceptable, a little bit easier, but I don't think there is anywhere or any way that sharing is easy. Takeaway number two, special items are not for sharing. If your child has a lovey, a certain stuffy, something that is their safe space, is their regulation toy, is something that soothes them it is something that soothes them. Soothes is a hard word. Soothes. Anyway. Something that soothes them that is not up for sharing. Nope. When my boys were little and they had their special levies, there was a hard rule in the porthouse that those were not to be played with with other people. And within the brothers, they are not to be taken and teased with. We don't touch somebody else's special item. So if you're going to a play date or if you're having people over. It is really important to put those special items away where they are not open for the option to, ooh, I would like to see this, ooh, I would like to touch this. Ooh, is this mine now? Special items are completely off limits. They are not for sharing. If your child happens to have their love and somebody else sees it, that is where you step in and you can say, I know, isn't this really special? This is so and so's. This one is not for sharing, so I'm gonna hold on to it right now, and you guys can play with X, Y, or Z. You have to take the special item out of the equation. Because then when the item's off limits, everyone's like, ooh, well, now I really wanna see it. Nope, we're just taking the special item away. Takeaway number three for today. So this is where my recent thought process has gone. Thought process, I should say. Especially when I'm looking in the classroom and the school year is new, my kids are babies. These concepts are brand new. And it's interesting because so many of my parents start the year off by sharing their concerns about their child and sharing. They're just learning. We're worried it's really a hard thing for them. We do not expect three-year-olds, especially brand new three-year-olds, to have the neurological development to sit there and be like, yes, please, yes, I will absolutely share this item. They can use it for as long as they want, and then I will patiently absolutely not. Even when we're working on fostering the development of understanding of what sharing is, and what I like to use instead is the words taking turns, especially when it is a communal item. Now It is challenging. We don't let kids bring their own toys into the classroom because obviously that is the shiny new thing and everybody wants to gravitate towards that. When we're trying to teach kids the development of a new skill, it is better to have neutral items to do so. So there isn't a sense of ownership of a particular item that you, your child will have that possession over. When we are using our communal classroom items, and these items are open to everyone. For a chance to use, we talk about taking turns. And a great way to show them to take turns is we set a visual timer for them. Now, that being said, kids this young also don't have a great sense of time. So when you tell them five more minutes, you're starting to expose them to a time limit, but they don't understand what that time limit is. I'm a huge proponent of the five to one minute countdown before you have to transition somewhere. In this kind of space, and using something as a learning tool for what sharing means or taking turns, they're just being exposed to the idea and concept of time has some boundaries here. So by having a timer that's going to go off. They're not going necessarily understand, that was five minutes. They're going to hear the beep and say, okay, my time is up. This is that introduction to a concept in a way that they can understand it. So when they hear the beeps, it's time to hand it back to a friend. And then we can start, restart that timer. And when they hear the beeps again, we can pass it back. So this is that introduction to the concept of time because they aren't exactly there yet. but they can hear the alert and know that something's up. picture book suggestions to go with this concept of sharing that is challenging, like I said, for both children and adults too. Number one, you heard me rave about this series last week, and it does have a perfect book to go with the concept of sharing. We have Should I Share My Ice Cream, which is part of the Elephant and Piggy series by Mo Willem. Gerald the Elephant. wants to get an ice cream cone. But should he share his ice cream cone with Piggy? The internal struggle that elephant goes through is something so relatable. It is so sweet. And it's a really great depiction for kids on this concept of sharing and how challenging and complex it can be. It is a great one to talk about. It is a very simple explanation, and you can really, you can really feel for elephant in this one. Picture book number two, We Found a Hat by John Classon. This one, two turtles find a very stylish hat. What do we do when two friends find the same thing at the same time? This discovery leads to quite the funny story about fairness and friendship. There is also a follow-up to this one called I Want My Hat Back. Both very entertaining and engaging. And that's the thing when it with a tough concept and one that takes a lot of practice and a lot of frustration and disappointment and probably a lot of tears to understand, having some books that can bring a little bit of levity and laughter to the situation is a great teaching tool. And my third suggestion for this concept of sharing is called I Can Share by Karen Katz. This is a great one for beginners. It is a toddler-based book, one of those lift and flat books that is a great introduction for sharing. Because it's interactive, it's also something, you know, they have that tactile thing to keep them engaged. Words are simple, it's repetitive, and it allows for an instant conversation and practice with the concept of sharing. These are three great titles. That can help expose your child to this concept of sharing. Because sharing, they say sharing is caring. I say unless it's germ related. And I get the understanding of sharing is caring. And I also think sometimes, like, I don't even like to share my food. Like what I'm eating is because I am hungry. What I'm eating is because I wanted to order that. And you know I really love you when I am willing to openly have you share my food with me. So take that as the ultimate compliment when I'm like, you've gotta try this or do you want to try this? Because I don't always like to share my food. Obviously, I'm a terrible toddler. Looking back at our three takeaways from today, sharing is hard. It's hard for young people, it's hard for adults, especially for our little ones. They are egocentric. This is a foreign concept to them because their world only revolves around them. This is something that takes a lot of practice. And by a lot of practice, I mean it could take years of practice. Some are better than others at it. And With that, there are just going into takeaway too, certain items that are not for sharing. Things that are sentimental, things that have a special attachment, things that soothe and bring comfort to your child. Those are not items for sharing. Takeaway number three is that sharing can often be seen as giving what you have away to somebody else. That is really hard because it means loss. It means that you don't have it, you don't have control over it, it is not yours anymore. So instead of the sharing being seen as something that's going between two people, it is seen as a loss. So I try to use the phrase taking turns. instead of sharing because they can say taking turns it's active and they know that a turn okay that's they're going to use it for a while but then I'm going to get it back. So having that option to set a timer so that they can hear when their turn is up and they need to give it to somebody else and then that timer can be set again so that they can get it back so that they see this act of sharing is not a finite thing. It doesn't mean you're losing something. It just means you are having the opportunity to give somebody else another turn with it. Sharing is caring? Is it? I know it is. It's a wonderful thing, but it can be really challenging. And I'm sorry, as adults, like think about it for a second. You, what is something you love? Are you a sneaker freak? Do you love books? Do you love designer purses? do you love nice lipstick? And someone's like, I want that. I'm going to take that. You'd be like, absolutely not. But yet we're expecting these tiny little humans who don't have fully developed brains to say, yes, you need to give them a turn with that thing that you have that you're playing with. It's a really tough and complex concept. I like to think of sharing in a way of taking a turn because it adds that it's gonna go back and forth as opposed to I am giving something away that I like to somebody else. Thoughts? I would love to hear what you have to say about this. Find me on Instagram at parenting with picture books. I would love to join in a conversation. How are you handling it in your house? Are you better at it than your children or are your children better with it than you are? There is no judgment here, friends. I can't thank you enough for taking the time to listen today. I always love having this opportunity to share two passions in my life educating. and picture books. I love helping our little people grow into strong, confident, curious, creative learners. And I want to be here to support you as well because I have been there and you are in the thick of it right now. So make sure to give yourself your grace some grace. And if nobody has told you today, I think you're doing a great job. I look forward to talking again with you next week. Thank you for taking your time to listen. I'll see you later.