S9 EP4: Dynamic Summer Holidays Pricing

WEBVTT
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Hello, I'm Rob Beckett.
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And I'm Josh Willicombe.
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Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and
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I discuss what it's really like to be a parent,
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which I would say can be a little tricky.
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So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about
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the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week
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we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping.
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Or hopefully how they're not coping.
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And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with
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your tips, advice and, of course, tales of parenting woe.
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Because, let's be honest, there are plenty of times when
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none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening
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to Parenting Hell with... James, can you say... Rob Beckett.
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Rob Beckett. And can you say... Josh Widdicombe. Josh Widdicombe.
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Good boy. Oh, that was very cute. I like that one.
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Who was that, Josh?
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Hello, this is from Sophie. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael.
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Loving the podcast. This is my nearly three-year-old son, James.
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Thank you for getting me through the night feeds when
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he was a baby. Stay sexy and relatable. Sophie from
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Milton Keynes.
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Kiss. Very, very efficient. I like that.
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Yeah, it's quite an efficient email. She's done a new
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paragraph for every sentence.
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I don't really know when to do a paragraph. I
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just sort of think it's getting quite bulky.
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Just feel it out, don't you?
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It's getting quite bulky. I might start a new one. Yeah.
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Makes it look longer. I was like, there's a lot
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going on in this bit. I'll just do another bit, mid-sentence.
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I know it needs to be a full stop, but
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apart from that, Josh, I don't know how much Michael
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has put in the show so far.
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The pre-title. Have you done a pre-title, Michael? That's how
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it could be, like a little thing, and then there's.
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We wouldn't know that yet, because Michael's not listened back
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to the audio, but you've been very stressed. Basically, you're
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in Paris... Doing the Paralympics every night, you're working, doing
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a live show and you've lost your headphones. So me
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and Michael watched you march around your bedroom show. And
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I hate myself. I hate myself until you went to
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get some headphones from someone and you've got your head
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in your hands.
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But I previously, I've got a laptop that I've brought
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to Paris that doesn't work.
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Why doesn't your laptop work?
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I think it's just got one of those batteries that's fucked.
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Yeah. Well, fingers crossed, hopefully we get a little bit
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more successful and then we'll be able to afford a laptop.
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Do you know what I mean? Is that what you've
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been on telly 20 years?
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I'm never broadcasting from outside my house ever again.
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Well, good luck. You're in Paris tonight broadcasting. You've got
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a show tonight? Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to the Moulin
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Rouge straight after this, Rob. Watch Adam Hills practice the can-can.
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He already knows it. Is that a VT for the show?
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He had a mohawk shaved into his head the other night,
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didn't he? Yeah, not having a midlife, as always. And
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so you've got to go to the Moulin Rouge to
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watch the can-can. And that's some filming.
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So everything's been moved earlier. So that's why I tried
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to move this earlier. And then obviously we've managed to
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start two minutes earlier than originally planned because I'm a
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fucking idiot.
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And I just can't do tech. You text me at
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1am to see if I could start earlier at 8.45am.
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I didn't see the message until 6am.
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Well, if that helps, it was 2am in French time.
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I was still up. What are you doing up at 2am?
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Well, we only get back to the hotel at half 12.
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Of course, yeah. By the time you've got into the room,
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thrown your headphones out of the window, had a shit
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and gone to bed, it's done a quick bit of work, admin.
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You're asleep.
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I just saw the headphones I'd borrowed and thought, oh,
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I found my headphones. No, but they're the new headphones.
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I thought, oh, they've been there all along.
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Are the ones you've got in got charge? Are they
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going to be all right? I hope so. We might
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have to slip to one.
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When I lose something, I go mad these days. You
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really don't like it. You were really.
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I'd say end of your tether, you started the Zoom
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call on. Would it suggest that maybe the headphones aren't
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the problem? And it's a little bit annoying, but you're
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quite stressed from the summer holidays? No. No?
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No, yeah. But no, it's not actually that. It's... I
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lose stuff so often and I can't do anything about
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it as hard as I try. And if my mind
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isn't interested in something, it's just not interested in it
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and I can't focus on it. And that includes where
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I leave stuff.
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Yeah, but I don't think anyone's mind's interested in where
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their headphones are. That's not an interesting thing.
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No, it's not. But some people are good at putting stuff.
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I just blank these things.
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Do you need a little bag? You need a little handbag.
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I don't need a little handbag. I'd lose it.
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Like a little man bag, little crossbody. I've got one
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from Uniqlo and apparently it's the hot mum bag of
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the summer. Loads of people have got it.
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I don't want the hot mum bag of the summer.
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I've not lost my headphones. And I've also got a
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little string thing. You know that thing you'd put on a,
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a digital camera in the noughties that goes around your wrist.
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Yeah.
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I've got one of them and I tie that sometimes,
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the actual casing to my phone or in the bag.
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I just don't know where they are.
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Okay. Well, you've got some headphones now. How are you?
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How's parenting? Have you seen your kids? You went back,
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you've been away, haven't you? But then the kids were
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with you in Paris, weren't they?
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The kids were with me at the start of Paris, Rob.
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We'll come to that.
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How long are you in Paris for? Two weeks.
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We had a rest day. In the middle, due to
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French labour laws.
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And you went back to London? I went back to London, 100%.
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That's not really restful, though, travelling to London and back
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for a few hours, is it? Rob, the other options
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weren't restful. What are the other options?
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So, basically, we had a day off, right?
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Yeah.
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And everyone was going on the lash. That's obviously of
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no use to me. Yes. I find it full respect, right?
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I like the people I work with.
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Oh, yeah, of course. Ultimate respect.
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You've been working with them for 12 years. But in
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the same way I like you, Rob.
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Yeah. I find it utterly baffling that these people want
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to meet up outside working hours. I think it's baffling
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if they want to meet up outside of working hours
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on the one day off within an intense schedule. That,
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for me, would be a time to go and wander
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around Paris on my own and chill out, maybe, if
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I could find them, put my headphones in, listen to
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a podcast. But I think people like hanging out with
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their friends from work when it's not so intense, but
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I would agree on this occasion. No, no. That if
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you've got one day off in a two-week run. Yeah.
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Each to their own, Rob. From my world, in my head,
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I don't want to ever, when I go down for
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breakfast and I like these people.
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Yeah, you do. You keep telling us. You don't want
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to see them or socialise with them, but you like them. Yeah, correct.
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You don't want to be near them. Yeah, absolutely.
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You'll only be near them if you're being paid to be.
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Tom Crane, who's one of my best friends who works
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on the show. Yeah. The thought. Of seeing him before 1.30.
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How do you think your producer felt? You knocked on
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his door in your pyjamas trying to get his headphones
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out of his ears. I know.
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If he's a sane man like me, then he didn't
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want to see me.
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No, I get that.
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Yeah.
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I had a work colleague. I used to get on
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with him. I bumped into her on the commute, but
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very early in the commute, like still 50 minutes to work.
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On the tube and she had her headphones in. She
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said to me, sorry, I don't talk before work. I
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just put her headphones back in and I respected that.
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I spudded her and then we just carried on with
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her own headphones. Yes. Just... Big up, Kath.
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So that's how I feel. So I went back to London. Yeah.
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Because it's two hours.
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Yeah, true. And you're on the Eurostar, which is as
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relaxing as hell. And it's so easy to get... Relaxing
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as hell? What? That's not a saying, is it? As
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relaxing as hell?
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No, I was going to say fuck, but I pulled
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myself in at the... The Eurostar's relaxing as fuck. Oh, okay.
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Yeah. It's fuck. What's fuck? Sorry, I didn't know I
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was doing a podcast with a skater, dude. Man, that
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is relaxing as fuck. Yeah. Fuck, man. Yeah, you've been
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on that train. Yeah, London, Paris, two hours. Relaxing as fuck, man.
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I thought it was a fucking spa weekend. It was
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a fucking train. Fuck.
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Posh old skater, boy.
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Yeah, yeah. Well, he's expensive, isn't he, these days? Fuck.
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They always keep breaking them. So I went home, Rob. Yeah.
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Because it was my daughter's first day of school in
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year two the next day.
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How was she? A bit nervous?
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Yeah, she was a bit nervous.
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Mine have been a bit nervous and not wanting to
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go to sleep the night before.
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Yes. Yeah.
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We'll come to that. All right. Because that was difficult
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for us. Yeah. They did not want to go. No.
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But it's because, I'll tell you why it is, Rob.
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What's that?
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Because six weeks off is fucking insane. It's fun, isn't it?
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Yeah.
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For them. For them, yeah.
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I'd say I had fun, but it was challenging fun.
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I'd say I made a lot of great memories.
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Yeah. But probably took a year off my life in
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doing so. What memories do I have when you slip
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away at 51? Sorry, go on.
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Yeah, so you went back. I didn't get the train
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too early because I was like, you know, it's my
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day off. I'm not going to suddenly force myself to
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get on the 8am train or something.
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Yeah. And you finished work late. So what train was
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you on?
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Like midday.
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Midday. Okay. Yeah.
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So got back at like half two or something. Get
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home at three. My daughter needs, her new school shoes
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don't quite fit. So we need to go to Clark's.
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I feel like there needs to be another shop you
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can get to. Everyone just goes to Clark's. I mean, like, well,
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you go Marks and Spencer's for their shoes as well,
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I think. But Clark's, they measure them in Clark's. Have
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they got the trademark on measuring the Because surely other
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shops could measure the thing. It's like, got to go
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Clark's to get it measured. But surely these other shops go,
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we could measure them, couldn't we?
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No, no, no.
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They've got a trademark. Also, let's be honest.
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I'm sure you could just print something out with your
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computer if I could get my printer working and put
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your kid's foot on that. No, no, no. You couldn't.
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Let's face facts. If your job today... was to print
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out something, but you don't even know what it is yet.
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You're going to have to research that. To measure your
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child's foot and then get your child to stand on
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this bit of paper to measure it from your printer
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that doesn't work. And then you think you're going to
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go to a shop and find shoes that fit with
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that method. Ah! How are you going to do the
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top bit? Because they measure the side, the width.
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They never measure the top bit, do they?
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They do. That's a little bit of like tape measure
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thing that comes around. Yeah, I don't think that's doing anything. No,
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you fit the line.
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It's all about the line. It's all about the toe line,
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isn't it?
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00:10:47.990 --> 00:10:50.669
Okay. Right. So, yeah. Sorry. So, you've gone to Clark's?
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00:10:51.210 --> 00:10:53.470
Yeah. The only Clark's that had the shoes that she
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needed in the right size was in Walthamstow. Yeah. And
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then she didn't actually want to come. So, I got
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home and then I drove to Walthamstow to Clarks to
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buy some shoes.
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Alone?
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00:11:06.090 --> 00:11:09.289
Rose came and Rose's mum looked after the kids. Right, okay.
250
00:11:09.330 --> 00:11:09.990
At least you got to see.
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00:11:10.570 --> 00:11:14.370
Rob, our date, our bit of alone time, was to
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00:11:14.409 --> 00:11:19.570
drive to a shopping mall in Walthamstow to go to Clarks,
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pick up some shoes and get straight back in the
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car and drive back.
255
00:11:23.129 --> 00:11:25.509
Also, what I'd say is, Josh, that if I worked
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00:11:25.570 --> 00:11:28.049
in Clarks and you came in without a child looking
257
00:11:28.090 --> 00:11:32.250
for a pair of size ones, I'd think, are they
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00:11:32.269 --> 00:11:36.460
for him? This is all a cover story.
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00:11:36.559 --> 00:11:39.279
I thought I'd need to tell this anecdote on the
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00:11:39.320 --> 00:11:41.259
podcast to cover the fact that I've been going to
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00:11:41.279 --> 00:11:43.039
Walthamstow to buy children's shoes.
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00:11:43.360 --> 00:11:46.230
For your own feet? For my own feet. So you
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00:11:46.269 --> 00:11:48.149
and Rose just went. That's nice. Did you get any
264
00:11:48.169 --> 00:11:49.909
food or drink or anything? No, no, no.
265
00:11:49.929 --> 00:11:52.029
I came straight back, Rob. Yeah. I didn't even make
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00:11:52.049 --> 00:11:54.210
it into Clark's. I was parking the car. The moment
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00:11:54.250 --> 00:11:55.690
I got into Clark's, Rose had already bought them, and
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then we got back in the car.
269
00:11:56.850 --> 00:11:59.070
Right, okay. And then so sort of just there and back.
270
00:11:59.250 --> 00:12:01.070
Still, it was a long way to Walthamstow and difficult
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to find parking, so it was a good hour and
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a half.
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Nice. Okay, lovely.
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00:12:04.620 --> 00:12:06.419
And then I fell asleep on the sofa for 20
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minutes and then it was bedtime for the kids. Mm-hmm.
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00:12:09.919 --> 00:12:13.720
Bath time, bedtime, that stretched out because my daughter was nervous, understandably.
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00:12:14.100 --> 00:12:16.320
So what I find is my kids will say, I've
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00:12:16.340 --> 00:12:18.299
got a bellyache or I've got an itch or my
279
00:12:18.340 --> 00:12:22.120
leg hurts. I sort of go, but do you or
280
00:12:22.340 --> 00:12:24.340
are you trying to delay bedtime because you're worried about
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school or something? And then if I sit with them
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and they say my leg hurts, I'm like, well, just
283
00:12:28.580 --> 00:12:30.100
rest it. It'll feel better in the morning. Or where
284
00:12:30.120 --> 00:12:31.980
does it hurt? Or show me. I found that if
285
00:12:32.000 --> 00:12:34.059
I just don't, answer them, but I just sit there
286
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with them and sort of smiling. Eventually, my kid will go, oh,
287
00:12:36.820 --> 00:12:39.480
my leg hurts. I don't know, bellyache. Then they'll just go,
288
00:12:39.879 --> 00:12:45.509
I don't like maths and I'm scared. It's not like
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they just blurt it out. If you go quiet, they
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00:12:47.830 --> 00:12:50.110
just eventually blurt it out. So that's what we were
291
00:12:50.129 --> 00:12:52.230
getting where my daughter had a bad leg and then
292
00:12:52.269 --> 00:12:53.870
as soon as I sat next to her bed last night,
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she just went, I don't know, I don't know about
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00:12:55.429 --> 00:12:58.039
times tables. I'm like, oh, so that's what you're worrying about.
295
00:12:58.059 --> 00:12:58.850
I think....
296
00:13:02.429 --> 00:13:05.600
She's better at articulating this than some other things that
297
00:13:05.679 --> 00:13:08.960
obviously as a kid, it's really difficult to understand why
298
00:13:09.000 --> 00:13:10.340
you're feeling feelings, right?
299
00:13:10.820 --> 00:13:12.659
Yeah, of course. Well, adults, I struggle.
300
00:13:12.919 --> 00:13:15.110
It's not that easy as an adult, let's be honest.
301
00:13:15.450 --> 00:13:17.350
What is this headphone thing really about?
302
00:13:18.230 --> 00:13:20.809
I know, there is something. It isn't just about the
303
00:13:20.850 --> 00:13:23.429
missing headphones, because really, if you were a little bit
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00:13:23.470 --> 00:13:25.909
calmer in that moment, you could have just got headphones
305
00:13:25.950 --> 00:13:28.519
off the producer, Alex, Adam. There's someone in that building
306
00:13:28.559 --> 00:13:29.419
that you know headphones.
307
00:13:30.159 --> 00:13:30.580
Yeah, yeah.
308
00:13:30.740 --> 00:13:31.820
You were stressed. Yeah.
309
00:13:32.100 --> 00:13:33.139
And what's that really about?
310
00:13:33.159 --> 00:13:34.320
What do you think?
311
00:13:34.539 --> 00:13:36.440
It's about the fact that I can't control this bit
312
00:13:36.460 --> 00:13:38.139
of my mind and it feels like I'm going mad.
313
00:13:38.639 --> 00:13:42.019
And I've probably got ADHD. I mean, you know, a
314
00:13:42.080 --> 00:13:43.159
lot of people have told me that.
315
00:13:43.340 --> 00:13:47.039
Oh, self-diagnosis, yeah. One loss of headphones. Yeah. Yeah. No, no.
316
00:13:48.360 --> 00:13:52.019
I've had enough comments on my Instagram about this podcast
317
00:13:52.070 --> 00:13:53.370
that people certainly think that.
318
00:13:53.590 --> 00:13:57.149
So what, you've been diagnosed as on the podcast? ADHD? Yeah, yeah.
319
00:13:57.350 --> 00:13:59.759
It's always coming up on my Instagram, Rob. what people
320
00:13:59.799 --> 00:14:01.179
just say to you, you've got ADHD. Yeah.
321
00:14:01.759 --> 00:14:03.799
Josh, you've got ADHD.
322
00:14:04.100 --> 00:14:04.419
Fine.
323
00:14:04.440 --> 00:14:08.500
That's so low on my list of concerns at this moment.
324
00:14:11.659 --> 00:14:13.500
Look, I've got, I'm doing 10 things at once. I
325
00:14:13.539 --> 00:14:17.570
don't need to sort that out yet. Just let me
326
00:14:17.639 --> 00:14:20.210
spin all these fucking plates. It stresses me out and
327
00:14:20.230 --> 00:14:21.250
then makes me get anxious.
328
00:14:21.289 --> 00:14:21.509
Okay.
329
00:14:21.809 --> 00:14:24.789
I haven't got time to sort that out. Why treat
330
00:14:24.809 --> 00:14:29.539
the cause? Well, you can treat the other beings.
331
00:14:30.220 --> 00:14:33.879
But yeah, like every fucking comic's got ADHD as we know, Rob,
332
00:14:34.080 --> 00:14:35.139
et cetera, et cetera.
333
00:14:35.200 --> 00:14:36.740
Yeah, but I think that's probably why they ended up
334
00:14:36.759 --> 00:14:40.620
being a comedian because of those things. Totally, totally, totally.
335
00:14:40.879 --> 00:14:42.220
I did a show the other day with a load
336
00:14:42.240 --> 00:14:43.860
of comedians. I can talk about it later on, but
337
00:14:43.919 --> 00:14:46.179
it's not been announced yet. We're basically loads of comedians
338
00:14:46.200 --> 00:14:50.039
in a room together and we're all in trouble. We're
339
00:14:50.059 --> 00:14:53.210
not right. It's not okay what we're up to. And
340
00:14:53.230 --> 00:14:55.950
I used to think like when I met all these comedians, oh, look,
341
00:14:56.490 --> 00:14:59.110
look at us. We know best what a life we have.
342
00:14:59.509 --> 00:15:00.340
We're free.
343
00:15:00.509 --> 00:15:02.480
We can just express ourselves. But now I'm like, I
344
00:15:02.500 --> 00:15:05.240
feel sorry for us. Yeah. This is a terrible way to,
345
00:15:05.259 --> 00:15:07.080
because there's people out there, Josh, that just crack on
346
00:15:07.120 --> 00:15:07.820
and have a lovely life.
347
00:15:08.460 --> 00:15:09.240
Yeah.
348
00:15:09.259 --> 00:15:12.360
They've got their headphones on them. They're just doing normal things.
349
00:15:12.500 --> 00:15:14.360
They do a job one job at a time, Josh.
350
00:15:15.080 --> 00:15:17.139
They're not trying to print out their own shoe measuring
351
00:15:17.600 --> 00:15:21.710
bit of paper, find their headphones, drive to Walthamstow, present
352
00:15:21.789 --> 00:15:24.690
a show about the Paralympics, do a podcast, and write
353
00:15:24.710 --> 00:15:27.730
a tour. They haven't announced it. No, no.
354
00:15:28.190 --> 00:15:29.009
Will it be announced?
355
00:15:29.049 --> 00:15:31.549
We'll see. Or keep doing gigs for a tour that
356
00:15:31.590 --> 00:15:35.960
he doesn't need to, yeah? So he's really prepared. Fucking hell.
357
00:15:36.620 --> 00:15:40.460
It's so tiring being thick. Well, you're talking to a
358
00:15:40.460 --> 00:15:43.120
man who microwaved every key he owns, Josh. Yeah, I know.
359
00:15:43.340 --> 00:15:46.220
Rose loved that. Oh, she really laughed at that. Oh, good.
360
00:15:46.399 --> 00:15:46.740
I'm glad.
361
00:15:46.759 --> 00:15:48.460
She said what an old person would do.
362
00:15:50.000 --> 00:15:54.029
No, they'd boil them. They wouldn't microwave. They don't trust
363
00:15:54.049 --> 00:15:56.860
the old people. Yeah. They'd boil it. They'd boil it
364
00:15:56.879 --> 00:15:59.090
or air fryer. It's weird. They jumped to level, didn't they,
365
00:15:59.129 --> 00:16:01.830
old people? They not want to get involved in the microwaves.
366
00:16:01.850 --> 00:16:03.649
Oh, have you gone in on the air fryer, Rob?
367
00:16:04.269 --> 00:16:04.649
Oh, mate.
368
00:16:04.710 --> 00:16:05.409
Are you one of them?
369
00:16:05.809 --> 00:16:07.049
I was a bit of an eye roller with the
370
00:16:07.090 --> 00:16:09.799
air fryer. Like, oh yeah, whatever. It's changed my life.
371
00:16:09.960 --> 00:16:12.580
Oh no, fucking hell. Another one gone. He's so good.
372
00:16:12.659 --> 00:16:15.600
He's so quick. He's so easy. I don't know what
373
00:16:15.620 --> 00:16:17.740
it is, but turning the oven on feels like such
374
00:16:17.799 --> 00:16:20.500
a stress now. Like, oh, I've got to do that
375
00:16:20.519 --> 00:16:22.340
and then turn that and it's... Oh, and then I've
376
00:16:22.360 --> 00:16:22.879
got to open it.
377
00:16:22.879 --> 00:16:23.659
Oh, leave it out.
378
00:16:23.700 --> 00:16:27.009
Just tray, bosh, max crisp, 20 minutes. See you later, bosh.
379
00:16:27.429 --> 00:16:29.549
Maybe I'll get one. It's so easy. It's so crispy
380
00:16:29.590 --> 00:16:31.970
as well, Josh. It takes ages to crisp stuff up.
381
00:16:32.029 --> 00:16:34.269
The thing I feel with the air fryer is why
382
00:16:34.330 --> 00:16:37.330
do I do this thing where... Every new thing that
383
00:16:37.409 --> 00:16:39.710
everyone's going to get, I have to spend the first
384
00:16:39.710 --> 00:16:42.009
18 months resisting. Yes.
385
00:16:42.509 --> 00:16:43.909
You know what I mean? I'm a bit like that
386
00:16:43.929 --> 00:16:47.870
with TV shows, to be honest. But the air fryer, well,
387
00:16:47.950 --> 00:16:49.370
I got one once. We didn't really use it. I
388
00:16:49.409 --> 00:16:50.990
lent it to mum and dad and then didn't see
389
00:16:51.009 --> 00:16:53.169
it again. So then Lou bought another one. Because I've
390
00:16:53.190 --> 00:16:55.500
been trying to eat healthier, it's quite a good way
391
00:16:56.080 --> 00:16:57.529
to do it. So I've just been getting chicken breast
392
00:16:57.580 --> 00:16:59.840
with a little bit of seasoning in, loads of veg,
393
00:17:00.220 --> 00:17:03.610
and just crisping it up, mate. Megazone, Max Crisp, 240.
394
00:17:03.610 --> 00:17:04.740
10 minutes.
395
00:17:04.759 --> 00:17:06.140
Sorry, what's Megazone?
396
00:17:06.369 --> 00:17:10.660
Well, I've got a double draw one. Right. So you
397
00:17:10.680 --> 00:17:12.359
can have a divider in it. And then what that
398
00:17:12.400 --> 00:17:14.720
means is that you can pick two separate temperatures. So
399
00:17:14.740 --> 00:17:16.980
if you're doing a meal where potatoes need to be
400
00:17:17.039 --> 00:17:19.480
really hot for a long time, you can put it
401
00:17:19.539 --> 00:17:20.859
on for 30 minutes. But then if you're just doing
402
00:17:20.880 --> 00:17:22.740
a couple of fish fingers with it, you could do
403
00:17:22.759 --> 00:17:26.039
that for 10 minutes, not as hot in the separate zones. However,
404
00:17:26.339 --> 00:17:28.039
if you're doing a bigger meal for a few people,
405
00:17:28.500 --> 00:17:31.960
bang it all in, remove the divider, mega zone. Fucking hell.
406
00:17:31.980 --> 00:17:34.319
And that's called the mega zone. Rather than zone one,
407
00:17:34.339 --> 00:17:37.569
zone two, mega zone, max crisp. And I just do
408
00:17:37.589 --> 00:17:40.630
chicken breast in there. It's lovely. You don't eat chicken though,
409
00:17:40.650 --> 00:17:43.849
do you? No. Don't even really. I tell you what though, tofu.
410
00:17:44.130 --> 00:17:45.369
I reckon tofu would be good up there. Do you
411
00:17:45.390 --> 00:17:46.410
know what I saw in there the other day?
412
00:17:46.710 --> 00:17:49.630
Don't patronise me, Rob. Rob, I like you trying to
413
00:17:49.650 --> 00:17:51.910
include me, but let's not pretend tofu would be good
414
00:17:51.950 --> 00:17:52.690
in the air fryer.
415
00:17:52.869 --> 00:17:55.430
Yeah, but the worst thing about tofu is it's too wobbly,
416
00:17:55.470 --> 00:17:58.269
isn't it? That's the thing I don't like, the way
417
00:17:58.309 --> 00:18:01.170
it moves. It looks like a baddie out of Ghostbusters. Oh,
418
00:18:01.279 --> 00:18:03.339
it's the way it tastes as well. Yeah, I know,
419
00:18:03.359 --> 00:18:04.759
but I think if you could crisp it up, a
420
00:18:05.059 --> 00:18:07.700
bit of seasoning, crisp it up, If you cut that
421
00:18:07.720 --> 00:18:10.009
in little, like, strips and stuck it in the air fryer,
422
00:18:10.029 --> 00:18:11.269
I reckon it'll crisp up nice, Josh.
423
00:18:11.549 --> 00:18:14.670
Here he fucking is, Tom Carriage, kicking around with his,
424
00:18:14.710 --> 00:18:16.230
now you've got your air fryer, which I never asked.
425
00:18:16.269 --> 00:18:18.190
While we're on the subject, at the risk of sounding
426
00:18:18.230 --> 00:18:20.680
like I'm trying something new on you, why don't anyone
427
00:18:20.720 --> 00:18:25.000
cook avocados? Oh, here we go. Always raw. Always raw.
428
00:18:25.079 --> 00:18:25.740
Have you ever done it?
429
00:18:25.740 --> 00:18:28.059
No. I'll put a scotch egg in the oven once.
430
00:18:28.119 --> 00:18:30.299
Well, I'm sure you'll find your answer. Do you know what, Rob?
431
00:18:30.660 --> 00:18:33.000
Next episode, come back to us. Tell us what the
432
00:18:33.019 --> 00:18:33.880
cooked avocado was like.
433
00:18:33.900 --> 00:18:36.240
I'm going to put a whole avocado in the oven
434
00:18:36.279 --> 00:18:38.369
and see what happens. And imagine how hot that pip
435
00:18:38.400 --> 00:18:38.720
will get.
436
00:18:43.109 --> 00:18:45.109
So you're just going to boil it with the skin on?
437
00:18:45.390 --> 00:18:47.109
I'm not going to cook an avocado. Roast it. I'll
438
00:18:47.130 --> 00:18:51.089
Google it. Someone will have done it. Yeah, I'll be
439
00:18:51.109 --> 00:18:51.930
cooking avocado.
440
00:18:52.809 --> 00:18:57.369
So I went to Clark's. Then it was bed time. Yeah. So,
441
00:18:57.410 --> 00:18:59.289
bath time to bedtime just went on and on.
442
00:18:59.549 --> 00:18:59.710
Yeah.
443
00:18:59.730 --> 00:19:06.000
Got downstairs about quarter to nine, nine-ish. Had a takeaway.
444
00:19:07.440 --> 00:19:08.819
Went to bed. What did you have?
445
00:19:09.319 --> 00:19:09.599
Indian.
446
00:19:10.440 --> 00:19:10.579
Yeah.
447
00:19:10.920 --> 00:19:14.160
Went to bed about half nine, quarter to ten, because
448
00:19:14.180 --> 00:19:14.640
you're tired.
449
00:19:14.660 --> 00:19:17.700
Yeah. And then came back. What time did you come back?
450
00:19:17.720 --> 00:19:19.769
I had to leave at quarter to eight the next morning.
451
00:19:20.009 --> 00:19:22.369
And then did you have a show that night in Paris? Yeah.
452
00:19:23.509 --> 00:19:25.910
It's quite a weird return to the UK in many ways.
453
00:19:25.930 --> 00:19:27.839
Yeah. I'd call that a horrible day off.
454
00:19:28.279 --> 00:19:31.420
No, because it was really, really nice, Rob, to go home.
455
00:19:31.599 --> 00:19:33.759
For an hour and then drive to Walthamstow.
456
00:19:34.180 --> 00:19:38.430
For an hour. Do you know what? I don't like
457
00:19:38.470 --> 00:19:40.289
being away. I'm really bad at it.
458
00:19:40.630 --> 00:19:42.690
No, I think that's what's stressing you out a bit here.
459
00:19:43.230 --> 00:19:44.470
But you're going to go on tour.
460
00:19:44.750 --> 00:19:47.329
Yeah, but the thing about the UK is people, when
461
00:19:47.349 --> 00:19:49.589
you say you're going to go on tour, people act
462
00:19:49.630 --> 00:19:51.319
like you're... getting in the back of a tour bus
463
00:19:51.380 --> 00:19:54.420
and not being seen for three months. Most nights you
464
00:19:54.440 --> 00:19:56.380
come home when you're touring in the UK.
465
00:19:56.640 --> 00:19:58.720
Yeah, true, yeah. So you're going to just do that.
466
00:19:58.980 --> 00:20:01.940
Like, if you're willing to get home at 2am, you
467
00:20:01.960 --> 00:20:05.269
can get home most nights. And so that's what I do, basically.
468
00:20:05.490 --> 00:20:07.630
Yeah. Would that stress you out, though?
469
00:20:07.930 --> 00:20:09.430
No, it's what, sit in the back of a car
470
00:20:09.450 --> 00:20:11.329
on my own, reading a book and listening to music,
471
00:20:11.390 --> 00:20:12.930
if I can buy some new AirPods, yeah.
472
00:20:13.089 --> 00:20:16.019
Yeah, in the dark at 2am. Dark at 2am with
473
00:20:16.039 --> 00:20:18.539
my thoughts. You don't read in.
474
00:20:18.140 --> 00:20:18.759
The car, do you?
475
00:20:19.000 --> 00:20:21.319
Of course I read in the car. It makes you sick.
476
00:20:21.660 --> 00:20:23.640
It doesn't make me sick, it's one of my superpowers.
477
00:20:24.200 --> 00:20:27.099
That is a, because I'd have you down as feeling sick.
478
00:20:27.339 --> 00:20:29.740
Yeah, it would be very on brand, wouldn't it? It'd
479
00:20:29.759 --> 00:20:30.819
be very on brand.
480
00:20:30.940 --> 00:20:32.319
Do you know what I found out that shocked me
481
00:20:32.339 --> 00:20:36.490
the other day? That Rich Ayoade doesn't have RBS. I'd
482
00:20:36.529 --> 00:20:38.490
have actually nailed on for it. I'm looking forward to.
483
00:20:38.470 --> 00:20:40.210
This show that you're going to do with other comedians.
484
00:20:40.529 --> 00:20:42.069
That I'm not allowed to talk about.
485
00:20:42.849 --> 00:20:43.990
You're not allowed to talk about?
486
00:20:46.789 --> 00:20:48.609
You're back in Paris. How's it going in Paris? How
487
00:20:48.650 --> 00:20:49.650
was it with the kids in Paris?
488
00:20:50.069 --> 00:20:50.990
It was trying, Rob.
489
00:20:52.329 --> 00:20:52.490
Yeah.
490
00:20:52.569 --> 00:20:55.869
They had some lovely memories, but I lost a year of.
491
00:20:55.849 --> 00:20:57.490
My life again. Were you all in that room you're
492
00:20:57.539 --> 00:20:57.880
in now?
493
00:20:58.099 --> 00:20:59.740
No, we had a bigger family room.
494
00:21:00.200 --> 00:21:00.480
Okay.
495
00:21:00.900 --> 00:21:03.200
So we got to the bigger family room. They loved
496
00:21:03.220 --> 00:21:03.859
the aquarium.
497
00:21:06.369 --> 00:21:07.349
Didn't even know they had one.
498
00:21:07.650 --> 00:21:09.309
Yeah, the aquarium's fucking great.
499
00:21:09.470 --> 00:21:11.630
The Paris? Yeah, because that's what they all travel there for,
500
00:21:11.650 --> 00:21:13.549
isn't it? Yeah, yeah. The old Paris aquarium.
501
00:21:13.650 --> 00:21:14.490
The Eiffel Tower.
502
00:21:14.710 --> 00:21:17.230
Yeah, that's good, isn't it? It's horrible at the bottom, though,
503
00:21:17.259 --> 00:21:18.920
isn't it? Loads of people just trying to, like, sell
504
00:21:18.960 --> 00:21:19.759
you stuff and rob you.
505
00:21:20.319 --> 00:21:20.619
Yeah.
506
00:21:20.779 --> 00:21:22.859
There's a lot of crime, a lot of shifty people
507
00:21:22.880 --> 00:21:24.759
in Paris the last few times. I've gone off it.
508
00:21:24.779 --> 00:21:26.400
Do you know what there is in Paris, Rob?
509
00:21:26.460 --> 00:21:29.019
And I love Paris. I've been very impressed by Paris.
510
00:21:29.839 --> 00:21:31.680
Loads of people double up with you when you go
511
00:21:31.720 --> 00:21:33.279
through the gates on the metro.
512
00:21:33.500 --> 00:21:36.400
Right. Maybe they pickpocketed your headphones. Oh, don't. No, I
513
00:21:36.400 --> 00:21:37.279
haven't been out.
514
00:21:37.720 --> 00:21:40.099
They're not going to pickpocket my headphones at the wheelchair tennis,
515
00:21:40.160 --> 00:21:40.940
surely to God.
516
00:21:42.859 --> 00:21:46.720
Well, quiet getaway. Just rubber on tarmac. You won't hear it.
517
00:21:47.660 --> 00:21:50.740
Rubber on clay. I did get conned, Rob, by a
518
00:21:50.779 --> 00:21:54.319
vending machine. Conned? Yeah, conned. By a vending machine?
519
00:21:54.640 --> 00:21:56.500
Yeah, on the cruise down the Seine.
520
00:21:56.519 --> 00:21:57.559
Okay.
521
00:21:58.059 --> 00:22:01.819
So it was a vending machine, but it's all in French, obviously.
522
00:22:02.420 --> 00:22:04.460
And it was a tap one where you tap your card.
523
00:22:05.119 --> 00:22:08.529
And it wasn't working the first two times. And the
524
00:22:08.609 --> 00:22:10.750
third time, it gave me a bottle of water, so
525
00:22:10.769 --> 00:22:13.069
I was renewed hope. So I went back for two
526
00:22:13.109 --> 00:22:13.750
more times.
527
00:22:14.309 --> 00:22:14.490
Yeah.
528
00:22:14.529 --> 00:22:17.609
Couldn't get it to work. And then it was charging
529
00:22:17.630 --> 00:22:19.470
me five euros every time, Rob.
530
00:22:19.549 --> 00:22:22.470
No. Yes. It's a con to get the water for
531
00:22:22.509 --> 00:22:23.970
five euros, never mind not to get it.
532
00:22:24.089 --> 00:22:26.930
I know, but you're just stuck on a fucking boat. Yeah.
533
00:22:27.049 --> 00:22:29.259
I just paid 25 euros on a bottle of water.
534
00:22:29.279 --> 00:22:29.599
Mm-hmm.
535
00:22:31.440 --> 00:22:34.200
Who do you contact in that situation? Oh, the French
536
00:22:34.220 --> 00:22:34.920
won't give a fuck.
537
00:22:35.140 --> 00:22:38.500
They would not give a fuck. I do that. English tourists. Oh,
538
00:22:38.539 --> 00:22:41.180
a vending machine costs me too much money. Fuck off.
539
00:22:42.000 --> 00:22:44.450
And then my daughter was complaining that, you know, that
540
00:22:44.490 --> 00:22:45.529
she hadn't got the chocolate bar.
541
00:22:45.549 --> 00:22:47.809
And I was like, I've just spent 25 euros here, mate.
542
00:22:48.470 --> 00:22:51.349
When I call her mate, she knows she doesn't like that.
543
00:22:51.369 --> 00:22:52.069
Do you call her mate?
544
00:22:52.450 --> 00:22:54.750
If I'm incredibly stressed, I'll call her mate. And she'll go,
545
00:22:54.789 --> 00:22:55.410
don't call me that.
546
00:22:55.690 --> 00:22:57.819
Right. In what situation? So if I go, but I
547
00:22:57.839 --> 00:23:00.410
want the chocolate. Dad, can I have the chocolate? I
548
00:23:00.450 --> 00:23:01.730
don't want the water, can I have some chocolate now?
549
00:23:02.369 --> 00:23:04.910
But it's from the machine. That's a good example. Please,
550
00:23:04.930 --> 00:23:06.250
I'm not, you said I could have some and I
551
00:23:06.250 --> 00:23:08.859
haven't had any from the machine. They've got the chocolate there.
552
00:23:09.059 --> 00:23:11.700
Yes, but I've used it and now I've been told
553
00:23:11.740 --> 00:23:13.539
I've been paying for the last, because it hasn't been
554
00:23:13.579 --> 00:23:15.480
telling me I've been paying for nothing. So I've just
555
00:23:15.500 --> 00:23:16.799
spent 25 euros, mate.
556
00:23:16.839 --> 00:23:19.279
But that was water. Can you have the... Try the chocolate.
557
00:23:19.519 --> 00:23:21.700
That was the water. Can you try the chocolate one? Don't, Rob.
558
00:23:21.720 --> 00:23:23.599
It's bringing it all back. It's starting to make me.
559
00:23:23.640 --> 00:23:24.240
My hands go.
560
00:23:24.339 --> 00:23:25.279
Yeah, can you.
561
00:23:25.299 --> 00:23:29.549
You've not tried chocolate. Try chocolate, please, Daddy. Have the chocolate, please. What?
562
00:23:29.680 --> 00:23:31.109
I said, fuck off, you little wanker.
563
00:23:31.130 --> 00:23:33.690
Because I know it's you, Rob. That's why I can
564
00:23:33.730 --> 00:23:37.930
do that. You do say, mate, when you're a bit stressed,
565
00:23:37.950 --> 00:23:39.950
don't you? I do. How many more shows have you
566
00:23:39.970 --> 00:23:43.150
got left? Four. Okay, we're nearly there then. It's a
567
00:23:43.190 --> 00:23:44.769
lot of late nights. It's a lot of pressure and
568
00:23:44.789 --> 00:23:47.470
stress doing live TV. Oh, it's not. Do you know
569
00:23:47.509 --> 00:23:49.190
what though, Rob? Last time I've seen you, you got
570
00:23:49.230 --> 00:23:51.380
beaten up by a gladiator. You were dressed as a shoe.
571
00:23:51.519 --> 00:23:52.700
You had a little cricket hat on.
572
00:23:53.160 --> 00:23:55.299
Oh, we're doing a rematch today. I've got to get
573
00:23:55.319 --> 00:23:56.259
beaten up again.
574
00:23:56.299 --> 00:24:00.220
Josh, I watched this. You just let the gladiator hit
575
00:24:00.240 --> 00:24:02.579
you and fall over. I reckon give her a proper dig.
576
00:24:02.759 --> 00:24:04.880
That's why we're doing the rematch because people accused me
577
00:24:04.900 --> 00:24:05.880
of taking a dive.
578
00:24:06.059 --> 00:24:08.339
You did take a dive. I didn't take a dive.
579
00:24:08.460 --> 00:24:09.839
You wanted to get a little moment to end the
580
00:24:09.859 --> 00:24:12.589
episode and you thought, oh, that looks like a hard
581
00:24:12.609 --> 00:24:15.470
enough hit. I'll go down. That didn't happen. Come on.
582
00:24:15.829 --> 00:24:19.049
Tell the truth. And it's okay because it's a rematch.
583
00:24:19.230 --> 00:24:21.109
You're giving the people what they want. You were a
584
00:24:21.130 --> 00:24:23.940
good broadcaster. You took a hit and you thought, I
585
00:24:23.960 --> 00:24:25.920
don't really want to hurt this lady. So what I'll
586
00:24:25.940 --> 00:24:27.259
do is I'll wait for her to hit me half
587
00:24:27.299 --> 00:24:29.440
hard so it looks hard enough to knock me down.
588
00:24:29.519 --> 00:24:32.740
Rob, there was absolutely no worries about me hurting Fury
589
00:24:32.779 --> 00:24:33.559
from gladiators.
590
00:24:33.700 --> 00:24:34.500
Right, okay, but.
591
00:24:34.539 --> 00:24:37.220
She's absolutely ripped.
592
00:24:37.400 --> 00:24:41.359
Did you or did you not think that will look
593
00:24:41.400 --> 00:24:42.480
hard enough to knock me down?
594
00:24:42.859 --> 00:24:45.160
No, I didn't think that. I misbalanced.
595
00:24:45.839 --> 00:24:49.190
Yes, you did. You misjudged. That's what you did. How
596
00:24:49.210 --> 00:24:51.230
are you going to approach this gladiator jewel then? Go
597
00:24:51.269 --> 00:24:54.369
for it? I just, yeah, whatever. I've not given it
598
00:24:54.410 --> 00:24:56.609
any thought. I'd hit her as hard as I possibly
599
00:24:56.650 --> 00:24:57.970
could on the top of the thigh.
600
00:24:58.329 --> 00:24:59.490
On the top of the thigh?
601
00:24:59.710 --> 00:25:02.759
And then work your way up to midsection shoulder. If
602
00:25:02.799 --> 00:25:05.440
she's still going for it, swing her at her head.
603
00:25:05.920 --> 00:25:08.500
You've got helmets on. You've got jewels. It's the Paralympics.
604
00:25:08.759 --> 00:25:12.279
If hitting a disabled woman with a stick isn't the Paralympics,
605
00:25:12.759 --> 00:25:19.089
what is? Moulin Rouge can-can? Come on. You've got to
606
00:25:19.109 --> 00:25:21.809
give it some. That's true equality, Josh. I have. It's
607
00:25:21.829 --> 00:25:25.319
a jewel. Good luck. You'll do great. Oh, God. How
608
00:25:25.339 --> 00:25:27.640
are you, Rob? How am I? Happy for the kids
609
00:25:27.660 --> 00:25:29.279
to be back at school. I've loved it, though, and
610
00:25:29.299 --> 00:25:31.440
I'll miss them. But I feel like me and Lou
611
00:25:31.500 --> 00:25:34.660
have not finished a sentence or a conversation in six weeks.
612
00:25:35.259 --> 00:25:37.990
So as we start to talk, even at night when
613
00:25:38.009 --> 00:25:39.589
you're in bed, you'll say something like, what are you doing?
614
00:25:39.630 --> 00:25:43.470
And then you try and organise something, and then you hear, mum, dad.
615
00:25:43.609 --> 00:25:46.670
So that cutting through is quite difficult. But we had
616
00:25:46.690 --> 00:25:48.839
a really good time. We went to Centre Parcs as
617
00:25:48.859 --> 00:25:50.599
well for a few days in the summer. I don't
618
00:25:50.619 --> 00:25:52.140
think I spoke to you about that, did I? Oh, yeah. Fun?
619
00:25:52.759 --> 00:25:54.299
Do you know what? It is fun, but I do
620
00:25:54.339 --> 00:25:56.400
like Centre Parcs. I do think it's overpriced in the
621
00:25:56.440 --> 00:25:59.720
summer holidays. It's mental for what you're actually getting.
622
00:26:00.019 --> 00:26:02.099
I've never been, so talk me through what you're paying.
623
00:26:02.500 --> 00:26:04.700
All I know is it's like double what it's not,
624
00:26:05.019 --> 00:26:05.640
school holidays.
625
00:26:05.980 --> 00:26:07.900
It's dynamic pricing, Rob.
626
00:26:07.960 --> 00:26:11.009
Don't talk to me about dynamic pricing. Oasis is that
627
00:26:11.029 --> 00:26:15.730
dynamic pricing. As performers that sell tickets on Ticketmaster and websites,
628
00:26:15.869 --> 00:26:18.230
I've always been asked if I want to do dynamic
629
00:26:18.250 --> 00:26:18.890
pricing or not.
630
00:26:19.130 --> 00:26:20.670
Have you? I don't think I've ever been asked. You
631
00:26:20.710 --> 00:26:21.130
get asked.
632
00:26:22.150 --> 00:26:24.210
It's a new thing, and that's because it weren't around
633
00:26:24.230 --> 00:26:27.900
when you did your last tour. But dynamic pricing, you
634
00:26:27.920 --> 00:26:29.819
do get asked, and you either decide to do it
635
00:26:29.859 --> 00:26:32.799
or not. That's all I know about that. Yeah. Anyway,
636
00:26:33.380 --> 00:26:35.759
Centre Parcs. So my problem with Centre Parcs is I
637
00:26:35.779 --> 00:26:37.980
think it's way too expensive in the summer holidays, which
638
00:26:38.039 --> 00:26:41.559
is frustrating. Kids love it, though. We had a brilliant time.
639
00:26:41.579 --> 00:26:43.029
I went to one at Elvedo and went on the
640
00:26:43.049 --> 00:26:45.450
zip line thing. That was brilliant. The food and drink
641
00:26:45.470 --> 00:26:48.430
is so expensive. I just find it unnecessarily expensive.
642
00:26:48.509 --> 00:26:49.769
Is it good food and drink?
643
00:26:50.049 --> 00:26:53.150
Okay, I'd say. I mean, like, some of the food
644
00:26:53.349 --> 00:26:55.269
is all right. Huck's is quite nice, which is like
645
00:26:55.329 --> 00:26:57.950
an American diner type place. But then some of the
646
00:26:57.970 --> 00:27:00.900
other stuff is, the curry house is, you know, not
647
00:27:00.940 --> 00:27:03.180
great at all. Anyway, but I think it's a bit overpriced.
648
00:27:03.200 --> 00:27:06.849
And the beds and the pillows are so uncomfortable. It's like,
649
00:27:06.970 --> 00:27:07.789
what the fuck?
650
00:27:07.849 --> 00:27:10.029
Bring your own pillow, Rob. I wouldn't have a problem
651
00:27:10.089 --> 00:27:10.609
with that.
652
00:27:10.650 --> 00:27:12.390
And then the problem was, it was so hot as
653
00:27:12.410 --> 00:27:14.690
well because it was summer. But I know it's a
654
00:27:14.730 --> 00:27:18.589
woodland environment, but there's squirrels everywhere, Josh. And we couldn't
655
00:27:18.650 --> 00:27:21.019
have any windows or doors open because the squirrels come in.
656
00:27:21.049 --> 00:27:24.380
And now I'm not talking squirrels would come in like
657
00:27:24.859 --> 00:27:27.799
half a centimetre across the threshold hoping a nut would
658
00:27:27.819 --> 00:27:31.200
be chucked. I'm talking 9am in the morning, a squirrel
659
00:27:31.220 --> 00:27:33.559
has climbed through the window in my kid's bedroom and
660
00:27:33.579 --> 00:27:37.380
he's on the bed. I'm talking like squirrels from a
661
00:27:37.440 --> 00:27:39.240
horror film. And I know you're in the woods and,
662
00:27:39.380 --> 00:27:41.720
you know, whatever. And there was a mouse in the
663
00:27:41.759 --> 00:27:43.599
kitchen as well, which is not what you want. And
664
00:27:43.619 --> 00:27:44.339
I know it's a woodland.
665
00:27:44.380 --> 00:27:46.559
Squirrels from a horror film. What a horror film.
666
00:27:46.579 --> 00:27:48.349
Oh my God. But there's so many of them, Josh.
667
00:27:48.480 --> 00:27:49.309
The squirrel on the bed.
668
00:27:49.329 --> 00:27:51.430
Yes, there's a squirrel on the bed. How do you
669
00:27:51.470 --> 00:27:53.289
get rid of a squirrel on a bed? You basically
670
00:27:53.309 --> 00:27:55.670
have to shut all the other doors to things and
671
00:27:55.710 --> 00:27:58.089
just sort of like corral it out of a way.
672
00:27:58.230 --> 00:27:58.410
Yeah.
673
00:27:58.470 --> 00:28:00.819
Wait, basically. But the problem was I weren't sleeping because
674
00:28:00.839 --> 00:28:03.309
the pillows are so uncomfortable and And we couldn't have
675
00:28:03.329 --> 00:28:05.670
a window open to cool down because of the squirrels.
676
00:28:06.230 --> 00:28:08.009
So we were like locked in. I was so hot
677
00:28:08.410 --> 00:28:10.609
because the squirrels, they need, what I think they need
678
00:28:10.650 --> 00:28:13.589
is squirrel mesh. So you can have your door open
679
00:28:14.650 --> 00:28:16.490
and let the air come in, but also a mesh
680
00:28:17.029 --> 00:28:19.150
so the squirrels can't come in. Yeah. That's what they need.
681
00:28:19.430 --> 00:28:22.450
But the actual in-centre parks, the kids loved and we,
682
00:28:22.470 --> 00:28:24.059
you know, it was good. It's graft though. It ain't,
683
00:28:24.359 --> 00:28:26.539
you come back knackered. I mean, it's fun. The kids
684
00:28:26.599 --> 00:28:29.319
like it. I think that's what the summer holidays is, right?
685
00:28:29.730 --> 00:28:32.799
It's fun, but graft. No, but when you go, if
686
00:28:32.819 --> 00:28:35.000
you go somewhere hot and you're around a pool and
687
00:28:35.380 --> 00:28:38.019
it's like kids, the activity today is go in that
688
00:28:38.059 --> 00:28:40.500
pool and we'll sit here having a drink. That is
689
00:28:40.539 --> 00:28:43.220
more relaxing than we are now going to climb up
690
00:28:43.259 --> 00:28:44.940
to the top of a zip line and zip line
691
00:28:44.980 --> 00:28:47.890
down and then go archery and quad biking.
692
00:28:48.309 --> 00:28:50.789
And then it's the last thing you need after gladiators.
693
00:28:50.890 --> 00:28:54.269
It was mental, but we had a really good time,
694
00:28:54.309 --> 00:28:55.809
but I've struck, I'm going to have to take my
695
00:28:55.869 --> 00:28:58.769
own pillow and the squirrels are an issue because it sunk.
696
00:28:59.079 --> 00:29:01.579
I just think if you're paying that much money, I
697
00:29:01.599 --> 00:29:03.039
think they need to up their game a little bit with,
698
00:29:03.359 --> 00:29:06.220
you know, accommodation. Do you know what the worst thing is, Rob?
699
00:29:06.359 --> 00:29:06.660
What's that?
700
00:29:07.539 --> 00:29:09.339
Going away in the summer holidays.
701
00:29:09.900 --> 00:29:14.359
Yeah. I know you've got to because it's six weeks. Well,
702
00:29:14.380 --> 00:29:17.819
you don't have to, but it's incredibly helpful to go
703
00:29:17.839 --> 00:29:19.539
away in the summer holidays. You've got to break it
704
00:29:19.599 --> 00:29:22.059
up with something, whether it's play dates or visiting families.
705
00:29:22.079 --> 00:29:23.400
You've got to break it up in some way. You
706
00:29:23.440 --> 00:29:25.319
can't just do like, right, let's get up, go to
707
00:29:25.339 --> 00:29:26.079
the park every day.
708
00:29:26.240 --> 00:29:31.440
Going somewhere during the summer holidays, is so expensive compared
709
00:29:31.480 --> 00:29:34.529
to normal time that it feels a rip off.
710
00:29:34.569 --> 00:29:38.990
Yeah. And it's so fucking busy. Yeah. It's the worst
711
00:29:39.029 --> 00:29:40.390
time to go because it's too busy. And the most
712
00:29:40.450 --> 00:29:42.579
expensive is like, what the fuck's going on? It's just like,
713
00:29:42.880 --> 00:29:44.720
I know the fines are going up to take kids
714
00:29:44.819 --> 00:29:45.299
out of school.
715
00:29:45.539 --> 00:29:47.460
Do you know, I just think we need to stagger
716
00:29:47.500 --> 00:29:50.299
our summer holidays across the country in some way.
717
00:29:50.440 --> 00:29:50.660
Yeah.
718
00:29:51.059 --> 00:29:55.359
So that we can all just not have a horrific,
719
00:29:55.859 --> 00:29:58.559
like it's just too long. With everyone trying to do
720
00:29:58.579 --> 00:29:59.109
the same thing.
721
00:29:59.220 --> 00:30:01.829
Yes. And it's too busy where everyone's there. And also
722
00:30:02.089 --> 00:30:04.609
it's too expensive because of the supply and demand. Josh,
723
00:30:05.230 --> 00:30:08.809
this is basically what we're experiencing here is we'll be
724
00:30:08.869 --> 00:30:12.289
frustrated by this until the kids are 18. And then
725
00:30:12.450 --> 00:30:14.309
we'll be fucking loving it when we go away in
726
00:30:14.329 --> 00:30:18.430
September and it's dogs cheap. And then we'll be like, no, no, no,
727
00:30:18.470 --> 00:30:18.950
don't do that.
728
00:30:18.980 --> 00:30:21.140
All these fucking losers.
729
00:30:21.299 --> 00:30:25.759
No, no, no, keep it, keep it. Right. We're just
730
00:30:25.819 --> 00:30:27.680
in the trenches at the moment because that's why we
731
00:30:27.720 --> 00:30:30.099
have to go away. But yeah, I think it's bang
732
00:30:30.140 --> 00:30:32.259
out of order, to be honest. Now, I do think
733
00:30:32.799 --> 00:30:35.119
Centre Parcs is a great trip if you've got kids
734
00:30:35.160 --> 00:30:38.009
that are too young that aren't in school because you
735
00:30:38.049 --> 00:30:41.289
can get really good value holidays there. Like if you
736
00:30:41.329 --> 00:30:43.410
go in like February and it's a bit cold, but
737
00:30:43.430 --> 00:30:44.670
then you can have the fire on and make it
738
00:30:44.710 --> 00:30:47.569
cosy and it's not school holidays, it's quite cheap and
739
00:30:47.589 --> 00:30:48.930
quite a good thing. But I just think in the summer,
740
00:30:48.950 --> 00:30:50.690
I don't think it's worth it in the summer holidays.
741
00:30:50.890 --> 00:30:55.089
Talking of cold, Rob, I'm fucking, I'm gagging for autumn.
742
00:30:55.549 --> 00:30:56.009
You're too hot.
743
00:30:56.130 --> 00:31:00.450
I'm absolutely ready. Not too, I've just had enough summer.
744
00:31:01.039 --> 00:31:02.440
I'm such a big fan.
745
00:31:04.940 --> 00:31:06.779
I don't think anyone else in this country has had
746
00:31:06.819 --> 00:31:09.339
enough of it. Some would argue they haven't had it.
747
00:31:09.619 --> 00:31:10.359
I've had too much.
748
00:31:10.400 --> 00:31:12.079
You've had too much summer. At what point are you
749
00:31:12.119 --> 00:31:12.880
overwhelmed with summer?
750
00:31:13.299 --> 00:31:13.980
Mid-July.
751
00:31:14.019 --> 00:31:17.289
Mid-July, yeah, okay. You love autumn though, you love a jacket.
752
00:31:17.589 --> 00:31:20.069
I love autumn. I love the seasons, Rob.
753
00:31:20.400 --> 00:31:21.519
I love the seasons.
754
00:31:22.049 --> 00:31:22.950
I love all winter.
755
00:31:22.970 --> 00:31:25.269
Do you know what my favourite season is? The next one.
756
00:31:25.509 --> 00:31:27.910
I just love the next season. Whatever the next season is,
757
00:31:27.950 --> 00:31:28.390
I'm ready for it.
758
00:31:28.390 --> 00:31:29.150
But that means you're never happy.
759
00:31:29.170 --> 00:31:30.009
I'm always ready.
760
00:31:31.210 --> 00:31:35.099
Yeah, correct. You're always longing for the next one. Have
761
00:31:35.119 --> 00:31:35.579
you met me?
762
00:31:36.400 --> 00:31:38.940
I'm always longing for something that I haven't got or
763
00:31:38.960 --> 00:31:42.440
that I used to have. Headphones. Headphones. Fuck, you know,
764
00:31:42.460 --> 00:31:45.819
don't bring it up again. so angry about those headphones.
765
00:31:46.079 --> 00:31:47.339
They are in this room somewhere.
766
00:31:47.359 --> 00:31:49.359
They've got to be. Me and Lou looked after, when
767
00:31:49.579 --> 00:31:51.240
we was at the centre parks, my brother was there
768
00:31:51.259 --> 00:31:54.759
with his 18 month old baby or baby toddler. I
769
00:31:54.759 --> 00:31:57.150
don't know what the word is. She's really cute. And
770
00:31:57.170 --> 00:31:58.829
we looked after her for like three and a half
771
00:31:58.890 --> 00:32:02.230
hours or something when they went to like this Aquasana thing. Yeah.
772
00:32:02.430 --> 00:32:04.529
I forgot how hard it is having like an 18
773
00:32:04.529 --> 00:32:06.730
month year old. 18 month, I've fucking done it again.
774
00:32:06.730 --> 00:32:08.089
18 month old. Oh yeah.
775
00:32:08.130 --> 00:32:09.880
Here we go. Here we go again.
776
00:32:09.890 --> 00:32:14.359
Classic. Classic. Oh, he's rolling out the hits!
777
00:32:15.319 --> 00:32:17.630
Are you two playing Sunday Bloody Sunday?
778
00:32:17.670 --> 00:32:20.589
Of course they are! You're listening to Perrin Hill's Greatest Hits,
779
00:32:20.650 --> 00:32:25.009
where we go back and repeat some of... Remember when
780
00:32:25.069 --> 00:32:29.829
I built a trampoline? Remember the traffic light that Josh
781
00:32:29.849 --> 00:32:33.619
said never turned green? Oh, come and join us for
782
00:32:33.660 --> 00:32:36.960
a rundown of some of the greatest hits. Honestly, you
783
00:32:36.980 --> 00:32:38.599
were a bit closer to it because you're young, this
784
00:32:38.660 --> 00:32:41.619
is quite young, but She can't really talk yet. She
785
00:32:41.660 --> 00:32:43.089
does a few words and you can sort of work
786
00:32:43.109 --> 00:32:45.750
out what she wants. But she just wanders around. It
787
00:32:45.789 --> 00:32:48.269
looks like she's about to fall over at all times.
788
00:32:48.309 --> 00:32:50.730
But when it's your kid, you know when they're going
789
00:32:50.750 --> 00:32:52.079
to fall over or not. You're a bit more used
790
00:32:52.099 --> 00:32:54.140
to it. But obviously we were like, we didn't want
791
00:32:54.440 --> 00:32:55.859
them to come back and she got bruised and red.
792
00:32:56.119 --> 00:32:58.240
She just hunched over. And by the end, I was
793
00:32:58.299 --> 00:33:01.059
so exhausted, Josh. I just don't know how people are
794
00:33:01.079 --> 00:33:03.140
doing it when you've got like an 80. Oh, it's mad.
795
00:33:03.269 --> 00:33:05.150
It does get easier. It gets so much easier.
796
00:33:06.750 --> 00:33:07.930
It gets so much easier.
797
00:33:08.329 --> 00:33:09.549
And do you know what?
798
00:33:09.609 --> 00:33:14.880
The worst advice I've ever been given about parenting is
799
00:33:15.500 --> 00:33:16.480
it doesn't get easier.
800
00:33:16.500 --> 00:33:21.059
It's just difficult in different ways. Fucking bullshit. Absolute fucking bullshit. No,
801
00:33:21.180 --> 00:33:24.200
I agree with that. No, no, Rob. It is difficult
802
00:33:24.220 --> 00:33:26.150
in different ways. But mentally harder.
803
00:33:26.210 --> 00:33:29.269
No, it's never as difficult as the first six months.
804
00:33:29.369 --> 00:33:33.660
I'm sorry. Tell me that. Sorry that your child being,
805
00:33:34.099 --> 00:33:36.710
you know, bad at maths is worse than them waking
806
00:33:36.769 --> 00:33:39.509
up five times in the night. I'm sorry, but I refuse.
807
00:33:39.630 --> 00:33:40.309
I refuse.
808
00:33:40.390 --> 00:33:44.410
Yeah, no, not that. I don't think it's harder. it
809
00:33:44.450 --> 00:33:47.329
gets difficult in different ways where it's like... It does get.
810
00:33:47.230 --> 00:33:49.430
Difficult in different ways, but difficult in easier ways.
811
00:33:49.650 --> 00:33:52.250
Well, no, because the juggling of plates of stuff you've
812
00:33:52.269 --> 00:33:54.069
got to do, which Lou, to be fair, takes most
813
00:33:54.109 --> 00:33:55.779
of that hit on, is like, what are they wearing
814
00:33:55.819 --> 00:33:58.059
for school? What do they need? What clubs are they
815
00:33:58.099 --> 00:34:00.400
up to? What parties at the weekend? Who's that? What
816
00:34:00.460 --> 00:34:02.299
are they doing? Oh, you've got homework, you need to
817
00:34:02.319 --> 00:34:04.700
do that. That, in your brain, it's just like a
818
00:34:04.859 --> 00:34:08.000
fog all the time. Well, when they're 18 months, really,
819
00:34:08.260 --> 00:34:13.389
it's like, follow them round somewhere soft, And then just
820
00:34:13.719 --> 00:34:16.880
when they're hungry, give them something to eat. But it's exhausting.
821
00:34:17.039 --> 00:34:21.079
Rob, give me a uniform timetable any day.
822
00:34:21.119 --> 00:34:22.760
Josh, two naps in a day.
823
00:34:23.019 --> 00:34:24.579
Two naps in a day.
824
00:34:24.820 --> 00:34:28.679
When the nap drops, you're telling me it's harder with
825
00:34:28.699 --> 00:34:34.380
a four-month-old, right, than like an 18, two-month, two-year-old that's
826
00:34:34.420 --> 00:34:37.119
still not sleeping properly and has dropped their two naps.
827
00:34:37.280 --> 00:34:39.579
And he's just looking at you going, huh, all day.
828
00:34:39.659 --> 00:34:41.840
No, I'm saying zero to 18 months.
829
00:34:42.119 --> 00:34:42.260
Yeah.
830
00:34:42.719 --> 00:34:46.059
Is harder than anything that I've experienced since.
831
00:34:46.059 --> 00:34:47.989
18 months to three is fine, is it?
832
00:34:48.159 --> 00:34:49.980
No, I'm not saying it's fine. I'm saying it's easier
833
00:34:50.000 --> 00:34:51.179
than zero to 18 months.
834
00:34:51.559 --> 00:34:54.449
I think that 18 months to about two or three
835
00:34:54.469 --> 00:34:57.989
years is harder because you start with energy from zero.
836
00:34:59.190 --> 00:35:02.730
And then after 18 months, it's not exciting anymore. It's great,
837
00:35:02.750 --> 00:35:07.340
isn't it? So the novelty is gone. The first six months,
838
00:35:07.360 --> 00:35:08.780
you're in a haze of like, oh my God, we
839
00:35:08.820 --> 00:35:11.679
finally got this base. It's amazing. Everyone's excited. And it's like, oh,
840
00:35:11.699 --> 00:35:14.320
they've done this. Oh, they've done that. And then 18
841
00:35:14.320 --> 00:35:16.800
months to two or three, it's just brute. You're just
842
00:35:16.920 --> 00:35:19.840
following them around and they are launching themselves at danger
843
00:35:20.079 --> 00:35:24.159
every second. It's a four-month hold. It's hard because you're tired,
844
00:35:24.780 --> 00:35:26.920
but you don't move. It doesn't move, Josh.
845
00:35:27.300 --> 00:35:30.920
Let's put a vote on our Instagram. How do you stage?
846
00:35:31.179 --> 00:35:31.869
And it's all the.
847
00:35:32.639 --> 00:35:35.739
hardest ages and you can like segment them up or
848
00:35:35.800 --> 00:35:37.500
one of the options is they're all hard in different
849
00:35:37.539 --> 00:35:38.780
ways and let's see what.
850
00:35:38.619 --> 00:35:40.679
Right okay i think that's a good way to do
851
00:35:40.699 --> 00:35:42.039
it put it to the test put it to the
852
00:35:42.079 --> 00:35:44.880
test but i like to say like the physical exhaustion
853
00:35:45.300 --> 00:35:48.780
is bigger early doors and then i do think once
854
00:35:48.820 --> 00:35:52.550
there's six i think between about 7 to 12 13
855
00:35:52.550 --> 00:35:54.489
i think that is a little bit of a chill
856
00:35:54.530 --> 00:35:57.920
period Because they look and look after themselves, brush their
857
00:35:57.940 --> 00:35:59.659
teeth and all that kind of stuff. And they haven't
858
00:35:59.739 --> 00:36:01.980
hit the teenager age and they haven't started like going
859
00:36:02.119 --> 00:36:05.659
out without you and getting the bus to school. You
860
00:36:05.679 --> 00:36:08.420
know what I mean? And that is a massive worry
861
00:36:08.440 --> 00:36:09.440
in that way. Do you know what I mean? That
862
00:36:09.480 --> 00:36:11.539
letting go is difficult. Oh, yeah.
863
00:36:11.820 --> 00:36:13.500
Oh, I'm not saying that one's going to be.
864
00:36:13.579 --> 00:36:15.820
I feel like with a six-year-old and eight-year-old, I mean,
865
00:36:15.900 --> 00:36:20.039
quite a fairly, I'd say that's probably the easier period
866
00:36:21.199 --> 00:36:21.780
I'm in right now.
867
00:36:22.250 --> 00:36:24.030
Well, that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. It
868
00:36:24.070 --> 00:36:24.670
does get easier.
869
00:36:24.690 --> 00:36:26.739
Yeah, but then harder again, but then it's, but you're
870
00:36:26.980 --> 00:36:28.539
faced with different challenges. Do you know what I mean?
871
00:36:29.119 --> 00:36:30.500
You are faced with different challenges.
872
00:36:30.619 --> 00:36:32.920
Yeah, but if you've got a nine-year-old that comes home
873
00:36:33.199 --> 00:36:35.820
and says, oh, no one talks to me at school,
874
00:36:35.840 --> 00:36:38.119
no one plays with me at school, right? And you've
875
00:36:38.139 --> 00:36:40.039
got to try and help them navigate that, right? Which
876
00:36:40.079 --> 00:36:43.280
happens and it's horrible. That is insanely difficult.
877
00:36:43.300 --> 00:36:44.550
Do you know what I'd say to her? Do you
878
00:36:44.590 --> 00:36:45.150
know what I'd say?
879
00:36:45.210 --> 00:36:46.710
Get on with it, mate, you little wanker. You're not
880
00:36:46.730 --> 00:36:48.610
having chocolate at the vending machine. I've had enough. I've
881
00:36:48.630 --> 00:36:49.730
been in Paris a week.
882
00:36:50.869 --> 00:36:53.300
I'd say, But the good thing is you sleep through.
883
00:36:53.989 --> 00:36:54.940
Now let's watch some TV.
884
00:36:54.960 --> 00:36:56.480
Yeah, but then they're not sleeping through because they're not
885
00:36:56.500 --> 00:36:59.380
going to bed because they're worried. You'd swap that in
886
00:36:59.420 --> 00:37:01.739
that moment for, I'll follow them around a soft play.
887
00:37:02.679 --> 00:37:06.559
Just go, I can't have some cheese. You can have
888
00:37:06.599 --> 00:37:08.900
some cheese. You can have as much cheese as you want.
889
00:37:08.980 --> 00:37:11.639
Sit there strapped up in a high chair. Job done.
890
00:37:12.079 --> 00:37:14.340
What's that? What's that? Oh, it's 11. You can go
891
00:37:14.360 --> 00:37:16.750
and sleep for two hours. Okay, brilliant. What's that? Three.
892
00:37:16.769 --> 00:37:18.530
You can sleep for another two hours. Pathetic.
893
00:37:18.889 --> 00:37:20.650
We'll put it to the vote. We'll put it to
894
00:37:20.730 --> 00:37:20.949
the vote.
895
00:37:20.969 --> 00:37:22.570
We'll put it to the vote. What else has been
896
00:37:22.610 --> 00:37:26.070
going on? I've got to tell you about. I've got
897
00:37:26.090 --> 00:37:28.929
a funny bee sting story for you. Oh, tell me that.
898
00:37:28.949 --> 00:37:31.110
Do you want that? Don't cheer me up. So basically,
899
00:37:31.809 --> 00:37:33.889
so what I found was in the summer holidays, it's like,
900
00:37:34.110 --> 00:37:35.550
it's constant, right? You've got to be doing something all
901
00:37:35.570 --> 00:37:37.309
the time and you're still trying to go to work,
902
00:37:37.389 --> 00:37:39.489
still trying to like get to the gym or do
903
00:37:39.530 --> 00:37:41.590
the stuff you would normally do and see your friends
904
00:37:41.710 --> 00:37:43.469
as well as like spend time with the kids, make
905
00:37:43.510 --> 00:37:45.719
sure they're happy. So like the other day, like we'd
906
00:37:45.739 --> 00:37:46.820
done loads of stuff and then I was having that
907
00:37:46.840 --> 00:37:49.320
little five minute Chill. And it was all quiet. And
908
00:37:49.340 --> 00:37:50.880
I was like, actually, it's quite peaceful. This is a
909
00:37:50.940 --> 00:37:53.769
sunny day. The kids are playing in the garden. They're happy.
910
00:37:54.010 --> 00:37:56.489
And then I was just like, my kids just losing
911
00:37:56.510 --> 00:37:58.469
their mind. And then your house could immediately turn into
912
00:37:58.489 --> 00:38:02.750
like a, you know, boar war field hospital. And you've
913
00:38:02.789 --> 00:38:04.610
got to try and treat this child. She basically kneeled
914
00:38:04.659 --> 00:38:06.880
on a bumblebee. Oh my God. It was on the floor.
915
00:38:07.559 --> 00:38:09.619
Kneeled on a bumblebee. Fucking hell.
916
00:38:09.659 --> 00:38:10.079
Liven up.
917
00:38:10.139 --> 00:38:15.300
Look where you're going. Kneeled on a bumblebee. So she's
918
00:38:15.340 --> 00:38:17.380
got this massive red, like, welt on her knee.
919
00:38:17.539 --> 00:38:18.519
Is the bee still attached?
920
00:38:18.579 --> 00:38:20.539
No, bee's gone. Bee was dead, but the sting was,
921
00:38:20.599 --> 00:38:24.280
so it wasn't fully in. So anyway, she's screaming, screaming, screaming.
922
00:38:24.460 --> 00:38:26.760
And then we've got, like, a cold thing on her
923
00:38:26.800 --> 00:38:29.940
leg because it's sore and raised. But basically, we're trying
924
00:38:29.960 --> 00:38:32.280
to give her this, like, Puritan stuff, like, but it's
925
00:38:32.300 --> 00:38:34.460
a bit orangey flavour. It's not, like, nice, like, cowpole.
926
00:38:35.099 --> 00:38:36.219
So we're trying to give her this. She's going, I
927
00:38:36.260 --> 00:38:38.340
don't like it. I don't like it. It's disgusting. I
928
00:38:38.360 --> 00:38:40.320
don't like it. And you're like. but you've got to
929
00:38:40.340 --> 00:38:42.380
have it. You've got to have it. It does help.
930
00:38:42.440 --> 00:38:43.940
And I'm like, well, you can't moan about the pain
931
00:38:43.980 --> 00:38:46.059
and not have the medicine. Okay. Cause I'm trying. Then
932
00:38:46.099 --> 00:38:47.420
I went, right. I tell you what, let me get
933
00:38:47.460 --> 00:38:51.760
you something. And she had like these Yazoo milkshake things, right? Yeah. Anyway,
934
00:38:51.820 --> 00:38:53.380
so we got this, I grabbed a milkshake. I said like,
935
00:38:53.840 --> 00:38:56.610
have some of this and then have this milkshake straight after. Okay.
936
00:38:56.969 --> 00:38:58.489
And then that will take the horrible taste out of
937
00:38:58.530 --> 00:39:01.449
your mouth. Okay. So anyway, it goes on and on
938
00:39:01.489 --> 00:39:03.769
and on. Eventually we get, you know, you're trying to
939
00:39:03.869 --> 00:39:05.590
breathe so you don't lose your temper. Get her to
940
00:39:05.610 --> 00:39:07.809
have this, like a bit of it before she has more.
941
00:39:08.289 --> 00:39:10.260
And then, Give her the medicine. And then she chugs
942
00:39:10.300 --> 00:39:14.289
on this milkshake. Drinks those milkshakes. It's disgusting. It's disgusting.
943
00:39:14.389 --> 00:39:18.110
I was like, well, I saw a milk shake. It's fizzy.
944
00:39:18.349 --> 00:39:18.809
It's fizzy.
945
00:39:19.010 --> 00:39:19.510
It's disgusting.
946
00:39:19.530 --> 00:39:21.019
I'm like, fizzy? It's a bit odd.
947
00:39:21.070 --> 00:39:22.769
And is it disgusting? Have you tried it?
948
00:39:22.789 --> 00:39:26.329
It's like an orange flavor, but not sweet orange. Orange
949
00:39:26.349 --> 00:39:28.670
with a bit of a chemically kick, because it's obviously
950
00:39:28.710 --> 00:39:32.559
got medicine in it. right? So it isn't nice, but
951
00:39:32.599 --> 00:39:34.639
it isn't horrific. You know what I mean? It just
952
00:39:34.679 --> 00:39:39.300
isn't strawberry syrup, essentially. It's fizzy, fizzy. I keep giving
953
00:39:39.599 --> 00:39:43.400
her this fucking milkshake, Josh, right? Anyway, she's reacting weird
954
00:39:43.460 --> 00:39:45.760
to this. I taste a bit of the milkshake. It's
955
00:39:45.880 --> 00:39:48.460
fucking rotten. The milkshake.
956
00:39:48.760 --> 00:39:49.530
The milkshake?
957
00:39:49.610 --> 00:39:52.260
Two months out of date. Oh, my God. But obviously,
958
00:39:52.280 --> 00:39:53.400
because we were in a panic, I just grabbed it
959
00:39:53.420 --> 00:39:55.139
from the bottom of the fridge. So now I'm feeding
960
00:39:55.159 --> 00:40:02.900
her fucking off-milk. And she's going, it's fizzy. It's fizzy.
961
00:40:03.519 --> 00:40:04.800
It's fizzy. I don't know.
962
00:40:04.940 --> 00:40:06.800
I went and got her a smoothie thing that was
963
00:40:06.860 --> 00:40:09.219
just strawberry in that. But I was like, I was
964
00:40:09.280 --> 00:40:11.840
causing more problems. And I was like, I'm sorry. Yeah.
965
00:40:11.860 --> 00:40:13.559
Now she thinks I'm miserable and tastes fizzy. Because I
966
00:40:13.559 --> 00:40:15.199
didn't want to tell her it was an off-milk shake.
967
00:40:15.219 --> 00:40:16.340
But she goes, it's fizzy. Oh, my God.
968
00:40:19.590 --> 00:40:22.769
Not ideal. And how long did the bee sting last?
969
00:40:24.690 --> 00:40:26.590
It wasn't too bad, actually. I think because the bee
970
00:40:26.630 --> 00:40:29.150
was dead, it was just like, and the bee wasn't
971
00:40:29.190 --> 00:40:31.289
like attacking her as such. She sort of leant on
972
00:40:31.329 --> 00:40:33.210
it and jumped off quickly. So she had a lump,
973
00:40:33.250 --> 00:40:36.010
but basically once we put a cold flannel on it
974
00:40:36.090 --> 00:40:37.789
and she'd had her medicine, she didn't really mention it again.
975
00:40:37.829 --> 00:40:40.309
So it wasn't too bad. So it can be bad
976
00:40:40.690 --> 00:40:42.590
if you react to it certain ways. But it might
977
00:40:42.610 --> 00:40:45.010
have been a wasp maybe then because bees are normally
978
00:40:45.289 --> 00:40:47.929
a bit more brutal, aren't they? No, you haven't been
979
00:40:47.969 --> 00:40:50.190
stung in ages. Get yourself out of there, mate. I
980
00:40:50.230 --> 00:40:53.900
think I've got bed bugs in the hotel room. Oh, no, really? Well,
981
00:40:53.920 --> 00:40:56.619
I said to Rose, I keep getting mosquito bites.
982
00:40:57.159 --> 00:40:59.099
And you're like, I don't think... And then she was like, what,
983
00:40:59.119 --> 00:41:01.139
in Paris? Do you not think it's bed bugs?
984
00:41:01.159 --> 00:41:03.519
With your windows shut and the air con? Yeah. There's
985
00:41:03.539 --> 00:41:05.949
not mosquitoes in Paris, is there? I don't think there
986
00:41:05.989 --> 00:41:07.949
are without the window open and the lights on. Like,
987
00:41:07.969 --> 00:41:09.570
if you've got air con on and the windows shut,
988
00:41:09.610 --> 00:41:11.489
I don't think anything should be getting in. Yeah. They
989
00:41:11.510 --> 00:41:13.309
don't come through, like, the lobby, do they? So I
990
00:41:13.329 --> 00:41:15.309
think I've got bed bugs. And Paris is known for
991
00:41:15.349 --> 00:41:18.280
bed bugs. Oh, yeah, of course it fucking is. Unpopular opinion.
992
00:41:18.440 --> 00:41:20.059
I think Paris is disgusting.
993
00:41:20.079 --> 00:41:22.400
Oh, I like Paris.
994
00:41:22.940 --> 00:41:25.199
Certain bits of it are beautiful, obviously, and if you
995
00:41:25.219 --> 00:41:27.280
find a nice little cafe, but if you take it
996
00:41:27.340 --> 00:41:30.599
as a whole, and especially the touristy bits, ugh. Do
997
00:41:30.619 --> 00:41:32.300
you know, this is one of the problems with this
998
00:41:32.599 --> 00:41:35.119
over here, right? Right, go on, Farage, give it to me.
999
00:41:35.260 --> 00:41:37.639
Obviously, everyone's meeting up.
1000
00:41:37.659 --> 00:41:41.230
It's lax on the coast, are they? Do you know
1001
00:41:41.250 --> 00:41:43.050
what my daughter said today, and it sounded wrong, but
1002
00:41:43.070 --> 00:41:45.010
it was a fair enough point, but you know when
1003
00:41:45.030 --> 00:41:47.349
a kid's, she was moaning about the school lunches because
1004
00:41:47.409 --> 00:41:50.110
obviously my kids just like beige plain pasta yeah of
1005
00:41:50.170 --> 00:41:52.630
course cheese or just plain rice they don't really like
1006
00:41:52.650 --> 00:41:54.349
any flavour right so they moan a bit and they
1007
00:41:54.429 --> 00:41:57.329
went the thing dad they've just got to sort these
1008
00:41:57.389 --> 00:42:04.280
dinners out first of all stop the curry She don't
1009
00:42:04.320 --> 00:42:07.800
like curry. It's too flavourful, too spicy. Me and Lou
1010
00:42:07.840 --> 00:42:09.320
have it. We give it to her. She don't like it.
1011
00:42:09.480 --> 00:42:12.969
But Rachel's like, it's a white girl going, stop the curry.
1012
00:42:13.190 --> 00:42:16.969
It sounded like a Tory slogan, you know, stop the curry.
1013
00:42:19.690 --> 00:42:21.849
And I knew what she meant, you know, that she
1014
00:42:21.869 --> 00:42:26.070
also carried it on going, stop the jacket potatoes, stop
1015
00:42:26.110 --> 00:42:28.960
the pizza, just give me pasta and rice, you know.
1016
00:42:29.900 --> 00:42:32.820
But jacket potatoes surely are bland enough, aren't they?
1017
00:42:33.079 --> 00:42:35.780
Well, no, she does not like jacket potatoes. She likes
1018
00:42:35.840 --> 00:42:39.130
mashed potato, but she's very fussy. It's painful. I think
1019
00:42:39.150 --> 00:42:41.530
we're the problem, but what can you do? But yes.
1020
00:42:41.929 --> 00:42:42.809
No, I think I am.
1021
00:42:42.809 --> 00:42:44.429
Sorry, what did you say? What's your problem over here?
1022
00:42:44.750 --> 00:42:48.730
So it's been really, until this morning, it's been pretty stress-free,
1023
00:42:49.760 --> 00:42:50.550
except when I've tried to.
1024
00:42:50.550 --> 00:42:52.900
Do other work, right? That normally happens when you're at
1025
00:42:52.920 --> 00:42:55.110
work trying to do other work, isn't it? They know
1026
00:42:55.130 --> 00:42:55.530
you're doing this?
1027
00:42:55.550 --> 00:42:57.320
But we don't start till half one, Rob.
1028
00:42:57.489 --> 00:42:59.639
Oh, okay. So you've got, it is your own time now.
1029
00:42:59.860 --> 00:43:01.840
So now it's quarter to 11 in.
1030
00:43:02.039 --> 00:43:05.440
It's quarter to 12, yeah. Oh no, it's quarter to 11.
1031
00:43:05.440 --> 00:43:07.239
Yeah, yeah, sorry. So what time have you got to
1032
00:43:07.460 --> 00:43:10.519
go and do that filming? Midday. Okay, cool. So you're
1033
00:43:10.539 --> 00:43:11.920
quite tight then, aren't you? Yeah, yeah.
1034
00:43:12.119 --> 00:43:12.739
I haven't had a shower.
1035
00:43:12.900 --> 00:43:14.429
You haven't had a shower yet? No, okay, cool. No.
1036
00:43:14.989 --> 00:43:18.409
And so everyone's like making the most of Paris in
1037
00:43:18.449 --> 00:43:18.989
the mornings.
1038
00:43:20.230 --> 00:43:22.829
What, croissant? You know, going to places that they've read about.
1039
00:43:23.389 --> 00:43:26.630
but doing a nice pastry or they're going to watch
1040
00:43:26.710 --> 00:43:28.230
this or they're going to... I think that'd be good
1041
00:43:28.289 --> 00:43:30.070
for you when you go for a nice walk and
1042
00:43:30.110 --> 00:43:32.090
take it all in. I know, but every time I do,
1043
00:43:32.150 --> 00:43:33.989
I'm like, I know, Rob, I'm having.
1044
00:43:34.360 --> 00:43:35.119
This is the thing, right?
1045
00:43:35.559 --> 00:43:37.300
I'm having a lovely time. All right, you are having
1046
00:43:37.320 --> 00:43:37.579
a lovely time.
1047
00:43:37.599 --> 00:43:38.739
By just not doing these.
1048
00:43:38.619 --> 00:43:40.559
Things, but I feel... What are you doing in the morning?
1049
00:43:40.679 --> 00:43:42.219
I go to the gym. That's good.
1050
00:43:42.500 --> 00:43:45.119
I kind of catch up on my emails. I read
1051
00:43:45.159 --> 00:43:46.650
my book. I chill out.
1052
00:43:46.710 --> 00:43:49.559
I listen to my music, but People say, what did
1053
00:43:49.579 --> 00:43:50.340
you do this morning?
1054
00:43:50.420 --> 00:43:51.539
And I think, nothing.
1055
00:43:51.619 --> 00:43:54.900
That's okay, though. If you're happy with doing that. They're acting, Rob.
1056
00:43:54.980 --> 00:43:58.159
They're acting. Yeah, I know. They're acting. Pretending that they
1057
00:43:58.179 --> 00:44:00.699
like it or acting that what you're doing is a waste. No, no, no.
1058
00:44:00.699 --> 00:44:03.730
They're acting like they've never been to Paris before and
1059
00:44:03.750 --> 00:44:05.650
they're never going to get to go again. And this
1060
00:44:05.710 --> 00:44:08.510
is the only opportunity they'll ever have to explore Paris.
1061
00:44:08.789 --> 00:44:10.809
Some people, that might be the case. It might be
1062
00:44:10.849 --> 00:44:11.409
the case, Rob.
1063
00:44:11.429 --> 00:44:12.510
It might be the case.
1064
00:44:12.550 --> 00:44:14.400
But then that's fine if they enjoy that. But if
1065
00:44:14.440 --> 00:44:16.360
you're not enjoying that and you're enjoying the gym and
1066
00:44:16.400 --> 00:44:18.480
a bit of quiet and routine. I think you need routine.
1067
00:44:18.809 --> 00:44:20.949
exactly i think you need routine i think routine's good
1068
00:44:20.969 --> 00:44:23.800
for you oh god routine is so good for me
1069
00:44:23.949 --> 00:44:25.800
we'll talk about this because i'll wrap up in a
1070
00:44:25.800 --> 00:44:28.559
minute but um how is your gym going because mike
1071
00:44:28.599 --> 00:44:30.940
bubbins has put on a bit more weight he said
1072
00:44:31.000 --> 00:44:33.059
on instagram and he's trying to lose weight again and
1073
00:44:33.079 --> 00:44:35.719
then now we've re-agreed to do the tops off challenge
1074
00:44:35.760 --> 00:44:38.139
first of jan are you still up for that totally
1075
00:44:38.159 --> 00:44:41.280
because we're both trying to um get fitter you're enjoying
1076
00:44:41.300 --> 00:44:43.780
it it's going good it's going good you look leaner
1077
00:44:44.139 --> 00:44:47.559
You look powerful. Well, obviously Fury is shitting herself. Oh yeah,
1078
00:44:47.579 --> 00:44:49.840
because it can unload on Fury later. Well, that's a
1079
00:44:49.980 --> 00:44:53.159
weird way of... Yeah, I'm looking good for the gym
1080
00:44:53.199 --> 00:44:56.980
and I've also got something that I'm doing on TV
1081
00:44:57.019 --> 00:45:02.599
where I need to be trim. Oh, oh, oh, this is...
1082
00:45:02.860 --> 00:45:06.099
I like this game. Okay, this is intriguing. You're doing
1083
00:45:06.159 --> 00:45:07.059
something on TV.
1084
00:45:07.119 --> 00:45:08.260
But I'm not going to tell you what it is.
1085
00:45:08.320 --> 00:45:10.039
Right, okay. When can we know?
1086
00:45:10.059 --> 00:45:13.309
Well, I haven't totally agreed to it. I've said... Can
1087
00:45:13.329 --> 00:45:14.849
I have a Zoom to chat to them because I'm
1088
00:45:14.889 --> 00:45:15.590
not sure whether.
1089
00:45:15.429 --> 00:45:17.309
I want to do it. Okay. But if you were
1090
00:45:17.329 --> 00:45:18.489
to do it, you'd need to be trim.
1091
00:45:18.969 --> 00:45:19.250
Yeah.
1092
00:45:19.349 --> 00:45:19.849
It would help.
1093
00:45:20.269 --> 00:45:22.489
Well, it wouldn't need to be, but my vanity would
1094
00:45:22.550 --> 00:45:23.670
say be trim.
1095
00:45:24.130 --> 00:45:27.510
Right. Okay. So it's nothing to do with fitness. A
1096
00:45:27.530 --> 00:45:28.489
little bit to do with fitness.
1097
00:45:28.769 --> 00:45:31.340
I can't tell you. But I suppose it is, yeah.
1098
00:45:31.699 --> 00:45:35.619
Well, you just told me. So a bit of both.
1099
00:45:35.860 --> 00:45:39.599
Your own vanity and also it will be helpful in
1100
00:45:39.619 --> 00:45:43.309
your goal. Yeah. Okay. Interesting. Interesting. We'll leave that there.
1101
00:45:43.329 --> 00:45:44.750
Should we do a small business shout out?
1102
00:45:45.070 --> 00:45:47.670
Yes. Hi, Rob and Josh. I would be super grateful
1103
00:45:47.690 --> 00:45:49.349
if you could please do a shout out to my
1104
00:45:49.469 --> 00:45:55.829
best mate's invention, Tinny Soothe. T-I-N-N-I Soothe. Tinny Soothe is
1105
00:45:55.849 --> 00:45:59.219
a brand new wearable white noise medical device that helps
1106
00:45:59.260 --> 00:46:03.420
provide 24-7 relief for people who suffer from tinnitus. He's
1107
00:46:03.440 --> 00:46:06.260
had tinnitus for 10 years and invented this, then left
1108
00:46:06.300 --> 00:46:08.760
his main job to pursue it as a business. He
1109
00:46:08.800 --> 00:46:11.380
then suffered a horrific brain stem stroke as a result
1110
00:46:11.400 --> 00:46:14.900
of bad windsurfing accident just before lockdown, had to learn
1111
00:46:14.940 --> 00:46:17.949
to walk and talk again, but still battled through and
1112
00:46:18.070 --> 00:46:21.070
used the resultant journey of recovery to double down on
1113
00:46:21.110 --> 00:46:24.809
launching the business to help other sufferers. Please check it
1114
00:46:24.889 --> 00:46:33.409
out at www.tinnysoothe.com. Thanks so much for the enduring laughs
1115
00:46:33.489 --> 00:46:37.030
and general banter. General banter is a great description. that
1116
00:46:37.070 --> 00:46:41.630
never ceases to grow old. Loves and kisses, Simon. General banter, Rob.
1117
00:46:41.809 --> 00:46:45.739
General banter. We'll be back for some general banter on Friday.
1118
00:46:45.780 --> 00:46:48.940
You better believe it. I'll see you there. Bye. Bye-bye.