S8 EP59: Dr. Josh Widdicombe has a breakdown

WEBVTT
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Hello, I'm Rob Beckett.
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And I'm Josh Willicombe.
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Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and
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I discuss what it's really like to be a parent,
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which I would say can be a little tricky.
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So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about
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the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week
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we'll be chatting to a famous parent about.
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How they're coping.
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Or hopefully how they're not coping.
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And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with
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your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe.
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Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times where
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none of us know what we're doing. Right, so to
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set the scene before we start the show, or should
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we start the show? Josh is yawning. When's early in
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the morning, Rob?
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It's 9am. You wanted to start at half eight, you
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sick fuck.
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I know, I would have started at half eight.
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I'd have been more alert.
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I've gone over the top.
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Right, okay, you've gone too late. Basically, I'm in a
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voiceover booth in London. Cause I'm doing celebs go date
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and voiceover after. And I'd say I've got a little
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lie of the sounds. Absolutely crisp as fuck where Josh's
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audio is a bit off because you're, you're.
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You're a bit off. We don't know until I deliver
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it to Michael via email. I.
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I've got a sneaking suspicion that you on your AirPods
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recording into your phone in the, in just my phone.
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I'm recording into my mic that's plugged into my phone.
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Okay.
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I stand corrected. However, what I would suggest.
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My walls have got carpet on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So
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I am in.
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I'm just saying there might be a disparity for the listener, Josh.
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Yeah, fair enough, fair enough. But you forgot your laptop.
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Is that correct?
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I brought my iPad because I forgot that you can't
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record Zencastr on a... I forgot that it's different. Despite
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the amount of times... we've dealt with middle-aged celebrities who've
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only got an iPad and haven't got a laptop and.
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How difficult it is for them.
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I would say this is the oldest you've ever looked.
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I would say... Just from background, not you in yourself.
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Have you seen my neck, Rob?
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I can see half of your neck, but there's a
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microphone in the way because you've got it angled up
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your nose because it's on the iPad slant like a
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nan on holiday.
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I know, I fucking hate the iPad slant. Let me
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just do this.
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What's going on with your neck? Good or bad neck?
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Oh, no.
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I've burnt my neck badly. Oh, God. How?
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Sunburn.
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Oh, right. When? You're in the UK.
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What's this one? I know.
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That's what I do.
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Josh, that's so bad.
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Oh, my God.
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You look like you've been strangled. Where was you just
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on the beach?
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It wasn't even hot, Rob. The old UV, mate.
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It was the wind disguised the heat.
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Oh, do you know what?
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I have been windburned before. Yeah, I've been.
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Windburned before and I wondered whether it was that. But
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then I thought, is windburn a thing or is it
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just a thing my parents used to say?
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No, windburn's a thing, mate. Me and Lou, you know
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when it was some sort of diamond jubilee, me and
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Lou won tickets, free tickets to sit at Buckingham Palace
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to basically see A carriage go-part. It was absolute bullshit.
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So boring. It was that stage of the relationship where
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you sort of agree to do things because you want
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to keep the other one. Neither of you are enjoying them. No,
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I'm not suggesting that. Yeah, I'm not suggesting that I
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don't want to keep her at the moment and vice versa.
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I'm just saying.
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But you don't want to keep her enough to watch
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the king go down the fucking mall in a carriage.
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No.
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And I would say now I'd be confident enough in
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the relationship to say, Lou, I've got windburn. Can I
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go home? Yeah, yeah.
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Not let's sit here for another two hours. But I
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had windburn.
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It's horrible. But you've got a burnt neck, Josh. Yeah.
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I've got so much to say because we haven't spoken
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in about two weeks. My life's been all over the
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fucking shop. My life has been. A content farm for
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this podcast, i.e.
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Shit.
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Right, okay. Well, I've been away in Greece, so I've
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got sort of holiday stuff. And then I went to
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Berlin for the Euros final with Lloyd. That's what I've
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sort of been up to. So I've got lots to
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chat about. However, I'm happy to... I don't think we're
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going to do an intro for this one, are we? Well,
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we can do one.
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Should we do the intro, then go into what's been
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going on with you?
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Yeah, I think the thing is... I'd feel weird if
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we didn't.
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Yeah. So you're away at the moment, so you haven't
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got your iPad, and I'm going to have to play
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in the intro for you. No, I've got my iPad.
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That's one of the few things I have got. I
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haven't got my.
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Oh, yeah, you haven't got your laptop. My phone's plugged
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into the... Right, OK. No worries. I'm going to do
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the Sean one. Actually, because Josh is recording into his phone.
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Yeah.
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Can you swap roles? Just because Josh picks up his
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phone and then. Yeah, I'm a bit worried. OK, so
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I'm going to do the intro to the intro, play
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the voice note and then read the email. Well, Josh
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can do the intro. No, I can do the intro.
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If we're going to swap, I'm happy to do the intro.
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Are you territorial over there? No, no, no, don't you
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worry about that. No, it's fine. If you can't bear
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me doing the intro.
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If you feel that would be, like, too confronting for you.
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No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
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No, no, no, I'll host Have I Got News For
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You and do the Ian Hissop and Paul Merton role
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as well, shall I?
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I don't think you will host Have I Got News
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For You role.
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If I did, I'd do it really well.
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I think you would. But I just don't want to.
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And I think I'd enjoy it, but I don't know
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if everyone else would.
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I think within 15 minutes you'd look at your card
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and say, I don't care.
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Do you know what? I'd really care for the first
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five minutes. I'd convince myself I'd care. Oh, it's on
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the BBC. It's a big legendary show. And then I'd
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be doing it and go, do you know what? I
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don't care.
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Yeah.
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I don't care about Trump.
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I've got a list of people on my card, MPs
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I've never heard of.
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Yeah, and they're all new now.
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I've got to learn new ones because all the other
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ones are gone.
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I don't care about the funding for British Transport.
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Actually, I do care about that.
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Oh, yeah, that's a bad example.
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But then if you care too much, whatever I'm going
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to use for you, it's not funny, is it? So
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you need that middle ground of caring a bit.
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Yeah, and then I've got Ian Hislop, who I respect.
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I've got Paul Merton, who hasn't spoken yet. And then
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I've got some journalist from The Telegraph I've never fucking
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heard of and a comedian from Radio 4. And I'm
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Rob Beckett.
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Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with.
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Hold on.
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Sean, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett.
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And can you say Josh Whittaker?
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Sean Sickles. Thank you.
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Very good. I'd say, well, it was a good start
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for the American. Well, shall I guess where it's from? Oh,
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you've given it away now.
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Here we go.
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Swap roles. Riff away.
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California. There was a West Coast twang.
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Oh, no, it's New York City.
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Couldn't be further.
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I couldn't have been further in America.
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Hawaii.
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From where it was. We both knew it was America.
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I couldn't have got it more wrong.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's hard, isn't it, that? Do
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you know what?
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I should stop having a go at you for getting
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them wrong.
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Do you know what?
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I actually think this is bringing us together.
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No. These role reversals. Well, no, because I didn't even
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get to do your role. Oh, right, yeah, you didn't,
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did you? I basically just... Basically, yeah, I moaned about
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doing too much. You offered to do it, and then
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I just said no and then did it all.
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Yeah, yeah.
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It's like my relationship. That's how I husband. That's exactly
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what I do with Rose every day. Oh, I suppose
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I'll stack the dishwasher. No, no, no, no, no.
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I'll be the master.
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You go to bed and I'll stand down here and
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wipe down the sides and I'll resent you for it. Yeah.
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I'll get up and make the tea.
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Don't worry about that.
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I'll go and get you a little coffee. Actually, I
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quite like going to get my coffee, Josh.
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No, no, no, no, Rose. You stay there. I want
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to go out, Josh.
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No, no.
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Okay, this is from Jen Grunwald, but they've got an
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umlaut over the U. Grunwald. I don't know how you
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pronounce an umlaut.
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Do you know?
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I don't really know what an umlaut does.
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Well, it changes the pronunciation.
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Of that letter.
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I don't know in what direction.
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In what way? Right, of course.
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Yeah.
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Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael.
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I'm hoping my location gives me a leg up on
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getting chosen. This is my nephew, Sean, who's just turned three.
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Having a shot at your names, as always, Josh's is
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a bit difficult. I've been listening from the beginning since
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before he was born, then waiting patiently for him to
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start talking so I could try this. I'm far from
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your base audience as a single childless American, but I
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absolutely love listening to you guys. Always hilarious and entertaining.
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Thanks so much for being awesome and sexy and relatable. Thanks, Jen.
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It's nice, isn't it?
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Yeah.
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A lot of, I know we do say this, but
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people do come up to me and say, I listen
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to your podcast. I get this at least once a
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week is someone kind of saying, I shouldn't listen to
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your podcast because I haven't got kids, but I do
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listen to your podcast. And I think it's fine.
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I'm not, I think it's the way you say that.
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I haven't got kids, but I listen to your podcast
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and love it. That's fine. But if you go, I
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love your podcast and I haven't got kids. Maybe that's
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the umlaut. I've just umlauted the difference there.
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Shall we talk about the Euros final today?
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I'm really excited about talking to you.
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Because we've both got stories about Euros final, but then
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I've also sent you some voice memos.
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Oh, yeah, he sent me voice memos ages ago.
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Why don't we start with you going to the Euros final?
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Because I think we should start with this, because the
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Daily Mail, Rob.
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Well, yeah, that's a key thing to discuss, isn't it?
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Wrote a story saying that you deserted.
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Abandoned? Deserted.
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Abandoned.
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Abandoned your family on holiday to go to the Euros final.
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Well, they said... Well, basically, I've put it on line
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of going to the final. Some would say.
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if you abandoned your family, you wouldn't Instagram about it.
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But that would just be me.
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Well, yeah. I mean, yeah, some would say that. Yeah,
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Rob Beckett abandons his family holiday in Greece and then
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put up some photos. Basically, if you've, I went to
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Euros final, we lost. Spoiler alert, if you just start
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in the box set of Euro 2024. It's not a
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good one. It's not worth it. It's a real grind.
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I went there for 23 hours, but they said I
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abandoned my family. But basically, there's nothing really to talk about.
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Everything I did, you saw on my Instagram. You can
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go back and have a look at it. But the
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Daily Mail comments about me going to the football and
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abandoning my family are absolutely... hilarious there's just some absolutely
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uh like someone said well some funny ones as well
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where people go uh my husband's just abandoned me and
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the children to go to the garage to get the
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papers and some milk i can't people saying the word
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abandoned a bit dramatic but then it basically here we
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go really issues me off with these so-called stars get
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tickets big games and by the way he's no star
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i was like well what am i then so what
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am i just a normal guy that's got a And
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then you said, I'm not a star. Oh, this is
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for England fans. All these so-called snubs jumping on Get
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Behind England bandwagon. I've been asked by a fucking bin
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eating chicken three years ago. I've done my yards as
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England fans. Do you know what I mean? I get
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00:11:28.480 --> 00:11:31.179
it when fucking Shania Twain turns up because she's in
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Europe on tour and they've got the ump.
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Could you tell me, Rob, what it was like when
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you got back to your holiday? Because just tell our
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listeners for your flight times.
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Oh, yeah.
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So basically, I flew at 10 a.m.
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From Greece to Berlin, got in at midday, got absolutely
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shit-faced with Lloyd for four hours, had to sober up
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on a coach to the game, got into the stadium,
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couldn't get a beer.
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So you hung over in the stadium, basically?
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No, because I had a couple of beers to keep
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that at bay. I had my hangover at about 11 p.m.
293
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on the train back from the stadium. That was great,
294
00:12:06.129 --> 00:12:08.149
that was. quite a lot of England fans they're right
295
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near my face all pissed and shit face keep moaning
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at me about how much it cost them to go
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and watch England I'm like well no one's forced you
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mate yeah It's not conscription, is it? I know we
299
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didn't win, but you can't have a go at Southgate
300
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because it cost you four grand. You've decided to spend that.
301
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That's on you.
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00:12:21.919 --> 00:12:24.399
When you go to watch England in a final, there
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is a gamble. You've got to understand the result isn't
304
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part of the deal.
305
00:12:29.100 --> 00:12:30.000
I know.
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00:12:31.279 --> 00:12:34.419
There is a random element. If anything, when you go
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and watch England in a final, best to presume you're
308
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going to lose. Don't go thinking, if we need to
309
00:12:39.980 --> 00:12:41.639
win this for me to get my money's worth.
310
00:12:41.940 --> 00:12:43.830
Exactly. So that was quite odd because there's some lovely
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England fans. I'd say 95% of the England fans are brilliant,
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lovely people. There's 5%, Josh, that are so fucking disgusting
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00:12:53.029 --> 00:12:56.769
and violent and racist and aggressive. And everyone goes, oh, yeah,
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00:12:56.789 --> 00:12:59.169
but the minority, it's only the minority. I went, yeah,
315
00:12:59.190 --> 00:13:03.389
I know, but that minority are racist and aggressive. It's
316
00:13:03.429 --> 00:13:06.929
not like, oh, that minority is really bad. I mean,
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00:13:06.960 --> 00:13:09.919
if you had a party with 100 people in and
318
00:13:10.000 --> 00:13:13.179
five of them were Hitler and four Nazi henchmen, You
319
00:13:13.220 --> 00:13:16.259
would go, but it's just the minority of the party.
320
00:13:16.299 --> 00:13:19.080
This party has to stop for a minute. I know
321
00:13:19.139 --> 00:13:22.399
it's the minority, but we need to really readdress who's
322
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in here. They are not okay. It's the minority. I
323
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know it is the minority, but it's not okay. Anyway, yeah,
324
00:13:29.009 --> 00:13:31.529
so that was tough. The train back from the stadium.
325
00:13:31.590 --> 00:13:33.769
And then basically my flight was at 6 a.m. So
326
00:13:33.870 --> 00:13:35.409
I had to be at the airport at 4 a.m.
327
00:13:35.669 --> 00:13:37.570
So I got back to the hotel at midnight. So
328
00:13:37.590 --> 00:13:39.850
then I just drank. I sat there drinking for like
329
00:13:39.870 --> 00:13:42.039
three or four hours with Lloyd and a couple of
330
00:13:42.049 --> 00:13:45.919
other friends. mates and then I got a cab at 3.30am
331
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to the airport for the saddest security check-in of all
332
00:13:49.419 --> 00:13:51.940
time and I was so tired I'd been awake 24
333
00:13:51.940 --> 00:13:54.470
hours so I was like I just cannot fall asleep
334
00:13:54.490 --> 00:13:56.909
and miss this flight I missed a flight I'm basically
335
00:13:56.950 --> 00:14:00.129
in Berlin for a day and when you lose you
336
00:14:00.149 --> 00:14:02.429
want to leave that place as quickly as.
337
00:14:02.389 --> 00:14:05.929
Possible also imagine making that phone call to Lou.
338
00:14:06.669 --> 00:14:13.279
Oh god hi Lou do you want to be Lou Hi, Rob.
339
00:14:13.320 --> 00:14:15.940
Can't wait to see you. Aren't you in the air?
340
00:14:16.159 --> 00:14:19.190
Aren't you in the air? No, no, no. Well, I'm not.
341
00:14:19.389 --> 00:14:22.490
My plane is. I'm still at the airport. I fell
342
00:14:22.529 --> 00:14:25.450
asleep at the gate. So I'll be home probably tomorrow.
343
00:14:25.990 --> 00:14:26.850
After you abandoned me?
344
00:14:27.769 --> 00:14:32.899
Yeah. Two days running. Tell the press. Double abandoned. Double abandoned.
345
00:14:33.200 --> 00:14:38.940
But I basically just mainline TikTok. like two hours nonstop.
346
00:14:39.379 --> 00:14:39.940
Cause that you.
347
00:14:39.899 --> 00:14:40.559
Cannot fall asleep.
348
00:14:40.580 --> 00:14:41.980
Did you continue drinking?
349
00:14:42.320 --> 00:14:44.440
No, no. So I sort of wound it down and
350
00:14:44.460 --> 00:14:47.450
then I basically, it was more tiredness than the drink.
351
00:14:47.570 --> 00:14:50.690
Cause I, you know, adrenaline and running about and you
352
00:14:50.730 --> 00:14:53.429
do about 20,000 steps. And I, anyway, as soon as
353
00:14:53.450 --> 00:14:55.269
I got on the plane though, I just passed out
354
00:14:55.429 --> 00:14:59.429
and I looked, or I looked awful. And like, The
355
00:14:59.490 --> 00:15:04.649
stewardesses were looking at me strange. I stunk, Josh. Those
356
00:15:04.730 --> 00:15:06.909
old England shirts do not breathe. And I was in
357
00:15:06.950 --> 00:15:09.129
it for 24 hours in the heat of Greece, the
358
00:15:09.169 --> 00:15:11.480
heat of the stadium, the heat of a packed train
359
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at the airport. And I just had to peel my
360
00:15:14.120 --> 00:15:15.840
pants and socks off when I got back to the hotel.
361
00:15:15.860 --> 00:15:18.980
But then I slept on the plane for like two hours,
362
00:15:19.059 --> 00:15:22.799
got back to the hotel. And then I straight quick
363
00:15:22.840 --> 00:15:25.059
shower straight down the pool. And then when I was
364
00:15:25.179 --> 00:15:26.919
very keen on going, you know, when it gets hot
365
00:15:26.970 --> 00:15:29.049
and you go, Or should we get the kids back
366
00:15:29.549 --> 00:15:31.049
just for a little afternoon nap? Because it's probably a
367
00:15:31.049 --> 00:15:32.529
bit too hot for them, isn't it? It's probably a
368
00:15:32.529 --> 00:15:33.570
bit too hot for them. They need a bit of
369
00:15:33.590 --> 00:15:34.190
air con in the room.
370
00:15:34.490 --> 00:15:37.169
A bit of air con, yeah. It's like quarter past 11.
371
00:15:37.169 --> 00:15:39.009
Kids are loving life. A bit of air con in
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the room. A bit of air con in the room, yeah.
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And then when we went back, I slept for like
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two hours in the afternoon, which didn't really impact the
375
00:15:44.860 --> 00:15:46.840
holiday because the kids were just like watching a bit
376
00:15:46.860 --> 00:15:48.460
of telly, cooling down. And then we went out in
377
00:15:48.480 --> 00:15:50.379
the evening, had a couple of drinks. I was fine, actually. Oh,
378
00:15:50.419 --> 00:15:53.360
that's good. It's easy to recover from a night of
379
00:15:53.399 --> 00:15:55.460
not sleeping when you're at an all-inclusive hotel.
380
00:15:55.480 --> 00:15:56.019
It is, yeah.
381
00:15:56.090 --> 00:15:56.279
Not.
382
00:15:56.889 --> 00:15:58.470
When you've got to go straight into work, do you
383
00:15:58.490 --> 00:16:00.029
know what I mean? And I've done that before where
384
00:16:00.049 --> 00:16:01.710
you go straight into Sainsbury's.
385
00:16:02.169 --> 00:16:04.580
Was there other people on the flight doing the same thing?
386
00:16:04.960 --> 00:16:05.460
No, Josh.
387
00:16:05.740 --> 00:16:08.789
There was no one else on earth flying at 6am
388
00:16:08.809 --> 00:16:15.019
from Berlin to Thessaloniki. absolutely I literally was on that
389
00:16:15.059 --> 00:16:18.409
plane I was like I couldn't I'd say most planes
390
00:16:18.750 --> 00:16:22.110
if I wondered about a selfie's happening absolutely no if
391
00:16:22.129 --> 00:16:24.070
you want to not be famous anymore fly from Berlin
392
00:16:24.090 --> 00:16:24.769
to Greece.
393
00:16:24.610 --> 00:16:26.830
He's not a star he's not a bloody star tell the.
394
00:16:26.789 --> 00:16:28.820
Daily Mail I'll tell you what I'm not a star.
395
00:16:34.059 --> 00:16:35.840
Shall I tell you about my Euros final.
396
00:16:35.600 --> 00:16:39.039
Rob someone one of the comments someone said oh no
397
00:16:39.059 --> 00:16:41.250
TV's in Greece Rob oh good one mate you fucking
398
00:16:41.289 --> 00:16:44.990
loser Here's one. Family priorities are much more important than
399
00:16:45.190 --> 00:16:48.629
overgrown schoolboys football game. Anyways, you get a much better
400
00:16:48.669 --> 00:16:52.289
view in the television and comfort. So family first always. Oh,
401
00:16:52.330 --> 00:16:53.409
you fucking loser.
402
00:16:53.710 --> 00:16:54.269
Oh, really?
403
00:16:54.289 --> 00:16:56.190
It's a better view, is it? Of course it's a
404
00:16:56.190 --> 00:16:58.539
better view. It's the atmosphere, isn't it? You fucking twat.
405
00:16:58.700 --> 00:17:03.240
Bushman 1958. Well, that was a waste of money. Yeah,
406
00:17:03.279 --> 00:17:04.420
it would be a waste of money if I had
407
00:17:04.440 --> 00:17:06.799
a fucking time machine. You twat who's wasted a day
408
00:17:06.839 --> 00:17:10.839
to write that comment. I'd love to be in right now.
409
00:17:10.859 --> 00:17:11.559
What an adventure.
410
00:17:11.599 --> 00:17:12.200
Bring it home.
411
00:17:12.259 --> 00:17:16.109
Thank you very much, 6233173. That's a Russian bot. That's
412
00:17:16.160 --> 00:17:19.569
a Russian bot. Definitely that last one.
413
00:17:19.990 --> 00:17:23.630
No one's really putting that on the Daily Mail.
414
00:17:24.309 --> 00:17:26.730
Sad, really. Family over football always.
415
00:17:27.009 --> 00:17:33.490
Fuck off. What a melt. Fuck off, Durham. What a melt.
416
00:17:34.700 --> 00:17:36.779
Hope he's taking Romesh with him and they get lost
417
00:17:36.799 --> 00:17:37.720
for maybe 35 years.
418
00:17:39.420 --> 00:17:42.950
Oh, you fucking losers. Agreed, a complete pair of James Hunts.
419
00:17:43.730 --> 00:17:44.349
Fuck off.
420
00:17:45.009 --> 00:17:48.230
Wow. It's just more abusive. It's amazing, isn't it? I
421
00:17:48.230 --> 00:17:51.670
don't really read comments, but I've started reading. Rob, stop
422
00:17:51.690 --> 00:17:53.950
looking at them. This one, out of nowhere, never forgiven
423
00:17:53.970 --> 00:17:56.039
him for ousting the late Paul O'Grady on a Sunday
424
00:17:56.099 --> 00:17:58.640
afternoon on Radio 2. Fucking hell.
425
00:18:00.200 --> 00:18:01.900
Jesus, where's that come from?
426
00:18:01.920 --> 00:18:04.740
Not bad, but he's used a zero instead of an
427
00:18:04.839 --> 00:18:06.960
O because it gets banned if it's a swear word.
428
00:18:08.039 --> 00:18:09.220
How sad that he must.
429
00:18:09.099 --> 00:18:11.859
Put football before quality time with his children. How to
430
00:18:11.880 --> 00:18:14.819
be an appalling parent. In a few years, he'll wonder
431
00:18:14.859 --> 00:18:18.289
why his children do not put him first. I tell
432
00:18:18.650 --> 00:18:22.250
you what, Pam, 4242207, how about they might like me
433
00:18:22.289 --> 00:18:24.430
and I like your kids and probably fucking hate you.
434
00:18:24.450 --> 00:18:26.190
I shouldn't read comments, Josh.
435
00:18:26.410 --> 00:18:27.740
No, it's not working. Close it down.
436
00:18:27.779 --> 00:18:28.880
I can see your eyes, Rob.
437
00:18:28.940 --> 00:18:29.180
Stop.
438
00:18:29.339 --> 00:18:31.920
I can see it. I can see it, yeah. I
439
00:18:31.960 --> 00:18:32.859
can see it in your glasses.
440
00:18:32.880 --> 00:18:33.839
You're still looking at it.
441
00:18:34.000 --> 00:18:36.480
So what actually is his history as an England football
442
00:18:36.519 --> 00:18:41.289
fan or just another bandwagon jumper? Rob, stop reading. Stop reading.
443
00:18:41.710 --> 00:18:45.269
Stop reading. Talentless here. OK, fair enough. I think that's
444
00:18:45.289 --> 00:18:47.630
the only fair thing I've read so far. Talentless. What
445
00:18:47.650 --> 00:18:48.079
a wally.
446
00:18:48.539 --> 00:18:50.200
His family's holiday should be so important.
447
00:18:50.259 --> 00:18:55.319
Sad man. Privileged. Oh, yeah. Privileged. OK, fair enough. Oh, Rob, Rob,
448
00:18:55.339 --> 00:18:58.779
stop reading. Stop reading. No, stop reading. This guy's a goon.
449
00:18:59.619 --> 00:19:02.809
As all these celebs are who miraculously have tickets to
450
00:19:02.849 --> 00:19:05.410
the final, our fans will go to every game.
451
00:19:06.130 --> 00:19:07.609
Maybe the ones that go to every game should let
452
00:19:07.630 --> 00:19:08.349
me have a little go.
453
00:19:08.549 --> 00:19:12.750
I didn't go to one. Share it out. Here we go.
454
00:19:12.769 --> 00:19:16.730
Leaving your family holiday. No, I'm not stopping here, mate.
455
00:19:16.950 --> 00:19:21.859
Leaving your family holiday. Re-leaving your family holiday to go
456
00:19:21.910 --> 00:19:25.359
to another country to watch football is not something to
457
00:19:25.400 --> 00:19:28.279
be celebrated or proud of. It's a sign of insecurity.
458
00:19:28.299 --> 00:19:28.980
What?
459
00:19:29.359 --> 00:19:34.559
Insecurity? It's a sign of insecurity, low self-worth and obsession.
460
00:19:35.099 --> 00:19:37.829
Mentally ill, in other words. Right, the last bit's fine,
461
00:19:37.980 --> 00:19:39.970
but there are other bits. I'm not insecure, so I've
462
00:19:39.990 --> 00:19:44.230
gone to fucking Berlin. Could someone staple his awful gob shut?
463
00:19:44.299 --> 00:19:47.210
Can't stand him. and what a fucking horrible thing to say.
464
00:19:46.950 --> 00:19:50.440
I quite like that one there we go right stop.
465
00:19:50.180 --> 00:19:51.720
I tell you what has been nice I'm going to
466
00:19:51.839 --> 00:19:53.859
say the last one is that someone at the top
467
00:19:53.920 --> 00:19:56.299
the most liked comment said if you actually listen to
468
00:19:56.319 --> 00:19:58.460
their podcast him and his wife have got a great
469
00:19:58.480 --> 00:20:01.480
agreement where they both do things of their own and
470
00:20:01.500 --> 00:20:06.329
then take turns and it's called the favour tank did
471
00:20:06.349 --> 00:20:09.210
they did someone write that Yeah, so I actually wrote that, yeah. Oh,
472
00:20:09.319 --> 00:20:10.059
that's nice.
473
00:20:10.140 --> 00:20:12.339
And so what's Lou getting in exchange for.
474
00:20:12.980 --> 00:20:14.880
Well, she wants to, which I think is a slight
475
00:20:14.920 --> 00:20:18.000
level up, but I've got absolutely no fucking Legos to
476
00:20:18.039 --> 00:20:18.619
stand on.
477
00:20:19.059 --> 00:20:21.700
She wants to go to BravoCon in Vegas.
478
00:20:21.980 --> 00:20:23.069
What's BravoCon?
479
00:20:23.950 --> 00:20:26.829
Well, do you know all those programmes? Vanderpump Rules.
480
00:20:26.869 --> 00:20:27.789
Oh, yeah, the Rose Watchers.
481
00:20:27.809 --> 00:20:29.650
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
482
00:20:29.690 --> 00:20:30.890
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
483
00:20:31.150 --> 00:20:34.150
She's watching one at the moment called Southern Charm. She's
484
00:20:34.250 --> 00:20:35.329
obsessed with it. Rose loves those.
485
00:20:35.349 --> 00:20:38.650
And they're And there's an event. She's found her travel
486
00:20:38.690 --> 00:20:39.230
buddy then.
487
00:20:39.329 --> 00:20:42.220
We're fucked. Yeah. Because if Lou's going, Rose gets to go.
488
00:20:42.230 --> 00:20:42.839
That's the rule, isn't it?
489
00:20:42.970 --> 00:20:43.170
Yeah.
490
00:20:43.579 --> 00:20:45.599
Bravo. Anyway, so basically.
491
00:20:45.619 --> 00:20:48.140
So they meet those kind of women that have had
492
00:20:48.140 --> 00:20:50.599
400 facelifts that live in New York. Those kind of women.
493
00:20:51.140 --> 00:20:55.609
Yes, exactly. But also they do do like live Q
494
00:20:55.609 --> 00:20:56.349
& As and live.
495
00:20:56.529 --> 00:20:56.829
Oh, yeah.
496
00:20:57.250 --> 00:20:59.150
And you'd hope that they'd fight on stage.
497
00:20:59.190 --> 00:20:59.309
Yeah.
498
00:21:00.039 --> 00:21:02.400
Exactly, that kind of thing. And then also just because
499
00:21:02.460 --> 00:21:03.980
it's GoVegas, which is fair enough, but yeah.
500
00:21:04.460 --> 00:21:07.140
Rob, let me tell you about my Euros final.
501
00:21:07.369 --> 00:21:09.450
Tell me about your Euros final. Okay, stop looking at
502
00:21:09.470 --> 00:21:10.430
the comments.
503
00:21:10.470 --> 00:21:12.430
I can see it in your eyes.
504
00:21:12.529 --> 00:21:13.829
I'm off the comments now.
505
00:21:14.549 --> 00:21:14.829
Okay.
506
00:21:14.950 --> 00:21:16.309
I'm off. I can do one more.
507
00:21:20.490 --> 00:21:20.730
Go on.
508
00:21:21.230 --> 00:21:23.329
I bet the missus is glad of the break from
509
00:21:23.369 --> 00:21:24.569
his inane prattle.
510
00:21:25.190 --> 00:21:25.410
Yeah.
511
00:21:25.470 --> 00:21:28.650
In fact, she's probably playing for extra time and penalties.
512
00:21:29.150 --> 00:21:32.099
Oh, that wouldn't affect your flight. Wouldn't affect your flight,
513
00:21:32.140 --> 00:21:33.019
so it doesn't make any sense.
514
00:21:33.920 --> 00:21:38.460
Still masquerading as a comedian, I see. Fuck off.
515
00:21:39.859 --> 00:21:40.720
Fucking sad case.
516
00:21:42.109 --> 00:21:42.710
Quite like that one.
517
00:21:43.589 --> 00:21:47.410
Oh, sorry, I thought that was you replying to the masquerade.
518
00:21:47.470 --> 00:21:49.950
Oh, no, no, that was for me. All right. Absolutely.
519
00:21:50.130 --> 00:21:51.710
Sad little man. So wait a minute.
520
00:21:52.210 --> 00:21:54.650
Fucking sad case. Are they just allowed to write fucking
521
00:21:54.670 --> 00:21:55.970
sad case on the Daily Mail?
522
00:21:56.049 --> 00:21:58.599
Yeah, what a fucking little stiffnet that put the zero
523
00:21:58.630 --> 00:22:02.339
in knobhead, loser. This one's out of order.
524
00:22:02.390 --> 00:22:03.390
He creeps me out.
525
00:22:03.839 --> 00:22:05.480
Come on, mate. I'm just living my life here.
526
00:22:05.500 --> 00:22:06.200
I think that's fair.
527
00:22:06.920 --> 00:22:08.599
I didn't ask for the article.
528
00:22:08.319 --> 00:22:11.559
To be put in there. Anyway, Josh, talk to me
529
00:22:11.579 --> 00:22:13.799
about your Euros fine. It's quite stressful, Rob.
530
00:22:14.099 --> 00:22:17.099
So I had a clash in my diary that I
531
00:22:17.180 --> 00:22:22.160
hadn't noticed about the Euros final. And I only noticed
532
00:22:22.180 --> 00:22:24.299
a week before. And Rose kept saying it won't happen
533
00:22:24.319 --> 00:22:26.299
because England aren't going to get to the final. But
534
00:22:26.380 --> 00:22:31.609
I needed to be in Exeter at 8.20am on Monday morning.
535
00:22:32.890 --> 00:22:34.789
Right, we need to talk about this. I've seen you
536
00:22:34.809 --> 00:22:38.019
do that. Well, we'll come to it.
537
00:22:38.289 --> 00:22:38.990
We'll come to it.
538
00:22:38.990 --> 00:22:43.119
I think we're already there, aren't we? Talk to me
539
00:22:43.140 --> 00:22:44.700
about your finals. We'll talk to you about your silly
540
00:22:44.720 --> 00:22:45.839
little award for letters.
541
00:22:46.539 --> 00:22:46.799
Right.
542
00:22:46.960 --> 00:22:48.039
So I got.
543
00:22:48.839 --> 00:22:51.900
So on the morning, so I was ill the week
544
00:22:51.940 --> 00:22:55.349
before and then Rose got it. So I basically, I
545
00:22:55.509 --> 00:22:58.509
book a car from Exeter.
546
00:22:58.549 --> 00:23:00.150
So you've got to be in Exeter, sorry, you've got
547
00:23:00.190 --> 00:23:01.930
to be in Exeter at 8.20am and you're watching the
548
00:23:01.950 --> 00:23:02.690
football at home.
549
00:23:02.710 --> 00:23:04.170
I've got a hotel, but I don't want to watch
550
00:23:04.210 --> 00:23:06.460
the football on my own in the hotel.
551
00:23:07.240 --> 00:23:10.559
It's too bleak. Isn't Rose with you? Yeah, but we
552
00:23:11.000 --> 00:23:11.819
have originally.
553
00:23:13.880 --> 00:23:17.579
our train is booked for the evening because of childcare reasons.
554
00:23:18.369 --> 00:23:20.869
So Rose wouldn't have been able to come down until
555
00:23:20.890 --> 00:23:23.230
the next morning anyway. So blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
556
00:23:23.289 --> 00:23:24.829
I'd have been sat in a hotel on my own
557
00:23:24.849 --> 00:23:28.509
watching it. So I book a car for 11pm from
558
00:23:28.549 --> 00:23:33.430
London to Exeter at, I should say, quite high expense.
559
00:23:34.390 --> 00:23:34.869
Huge.
560
00:23:35.349 --> 00:23:39.210
Yeah, that is an expense. Sunday night, Euro final. Four
561
00:23:39.269 --> 00:23:40.450
and a half hour journey.
562
00:23:41.630 --> 00:23:42.170
Horrible.
563
00:23:42.859 --> 00:23:44.960
Yeah. For no money. Why are you doing that for
564
00:23:45.059 --> 00:23:45.559
no money?
565
00:23:46.140 --> 00:23:48.180
Because not everything's about money, Rob.
566
00:23:49.279 --> 00:23:49.579
Some of it.
567
00:23:49.579 --> 00:23:50.099
What's it about?
568
00:23:50.460 --> 00:23:50.900
Ego.
569
00:23:51.039 --> 00:23:52.480
It's about ego, Rob.
570
00:23:52.599 --> 00:23:54.059
It's about ego.
571
00:23:54.660 --> 00:23:55.940
It's about being special.
572
00:23:56.220 --> 00:23:59.920
It's about thinking you've achieved something when you know you haven't.
573
00:24:00.740 --> 00:24:03.660
Convincing yourself your life is worth something.
574
00:24:04.240 --> 00:24:05.859
Anyway. Right, so.
575
00:24:06.460 --> 00:24:08.619
Rose isn't well on the Sunday. Rose isn't well on
576
00:24:08.660 --> 00:24:11.849
the Sunday. So at the last minute, I get subbed
577
00:24:11.930 --> 00:24:17.569
in at 4.30 for a pool party with my daughter.
578
00:24:18.710 --> 00:24:19.849
Yeah.
579
00:24:19.930 --> 00:24:21.450
At 4.30 p.m., you've got to go to a pool,
580
00:24:21.490 --> 00:24:22.430
like a swimming pool party.
581
00:24:22.490 --> 00:24:24.410
Yeah, yeah, a swimming pool party. With your daughter. Right,
582
00:24:24.450 --> 00:24:26.319
Rose was supposed to be doing it, but you're doing it, okay? Yeah,
583
00:24:26.519 --> 00:24:27.190
so I'm doing it.
584
00:24:27.519 --> 00:24:30.880
It's a leisure centre, there's a pool, and then there's
585
00:24:30.940 --> 00:24:31.799
a huge slide.
586
00:24:33.099 --> 00:24:33.500
Okay.
587
00:24:33.539 --> 00:24:36.940
So I feel quite weird as well because you're like,
588
00:24:37.329 --> 00:24:39.819
Suddenly I'm going topless in front of all of the
589
00:24:39.880 --> 00:24:41.420
dads and mums from the school.
590
00:24:42.079 --> 00:24:42.779
Are you all getting in?
591
00:24:43.279 --> 00:24:43.619
Yeah.
592
00:24:44.559 --> 00:24:45.299
Why are you getting in?
593
00:24:45.779 --> 00:24:46.480
Well, because they need.
594
00:24:47.019 --> 00:24:49.619
One adult for every two kids needs to be in.
595
00:24:49.819 --> 00:24:52.700
Well, turn to fucking find some and organise their own
596
00:24:52.769 --> 00:24:55.630
party rather than getting... Well, no. Are you getting in?
597
00:24:55.950 --> 00:24:59.190
Rob, not everyone is knee-jerk angry like you.
598
00:24:59.589 --> 00:25:01.539
Some people... Get the fuck off. Get me tits out.
599
00:25:01.630 --> 00:25:02.809
All right, I'll get me tits out so she can
600
00:25:02.829 --> 00:25:04.559
have a shit bit of cake in a minute. Fuck off.
601
00:25:04.599 --> 00:25:05.279
Get in, have a swim.
602
00:25:05.299 --> 00:25:08.200
I'll sit on the edge. What, it's an old lifeguard?
603
00:25:08.740 --> 00:25:10.339
What is it, a fucking Amherst Ponds?
604
00:25:11.039 --> 00:25:11.640
Amherst Ponds?
605
00:25:12.200 --> 00:25:12.369
What?
606
00:25:12.420 --> 00:25:15.089
No, it's not a Amherst Ponds. It's just a rule
607
00:25:15.119 --> 00:25:17.009
at the party. You need two adults for the kids.
608
00:25:17.450 --> 00:25:19.809
Is it a swimming centre? What is a swimming.
609
00:25:19.849 --> 00:25:21.390
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a leisure centre.
610
00:25:22.509 --> 00:25:26.730
What's a swimming centre? Well, no, OK, so every two... Right,
611
00:25:26.750 --> 00:25:29.609
so now you're topless with someone else's kid. Well, this
612
00:25:29.670 --> 00:25:30.549
is what happens, Rob.
613
00:25:31.049 --> 00:25:34.390
So my daughter's quite nervous about the big slide, so
614
00:25:34.509 --> 00:25:37.599
I'm like, I'll go down with you initially, fine. Then
615
00:25:37.640 --> 00:25:40.920
her friend wants to go down as well.
616
00:25:40.940 --> 00:25:41.880
How do you go between your legs?
617
00:25:42.049 --> 00:25:42.680
Fucking hell.
618
00:25:43.309 --> 00:25:48.089
So it's her and her friend and me. And then
619
00:25:49.029 --> 00:25:50.559
I'm like, so I go to.
620
00:25:50.569 --> 00:25:52.670
Are both parents in a pool of the organisers of
621
00:25:52.690 --> 00:25:54.910
this party? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
622
00:25:54.930 --> 00:25:55.750
Okay. Yeah.
623
00:25:57.210 --> 00:25:58.990
I just have visions of them on the side.
624
00:26:00.150 --> 00:26:04.559
Not everything, Rob, is a competition in which people are
625
00:26:04.579 --> 00:26:06.880
trying to fuck each other over. Some people are just
626
00:26:06.900 --> 00:26:07.480
helping out.
627
00:26:11.900 --> 00:26:14.599
So you've got to drive your child to a leisure
628
00:26:14.640 --> 00:26:17.779
centre at 4.30pm when they've already tied and got the ump, right?
629
00:26:18.460 --> 00:26:22.079
No one wants a party after four. Let's face it.
630
00:26:22.099 --> 00:26:25.920
The kids go feral. Everyone's badly behaved. I'm sure it was.
631
00:26:26.039 --> 00:26:28.599
I'm sure it fucking was, you gutless coward. We all
632
00:26:28.640 --> 00:26:30.079
know it and I've said it to people. I've been
633
00:26:30.119 --> 00:26:32.180
at Trampolines Park at five o'clock till seven. I'm like,
634
00:26:32.200 --> 00:26:34.910
what the fuck are you doing here? This is mental. Right?
635
00:26:34.930 --> 00:26:36.009
And they go, oh, I know, but it's the only
636
00:26:36.049 --> 00:26:37.849
time we get it booked. Yeah, sure. Okay, whatever.
637
00:26:38.130 --> 00:26:41.109
But any party after four for young kids is a write-off.
638
00:26:41.509 --> 00:26:44.309
They're all stressed. They're hangry. They're hungry. Also, day of
639
00:26:44.329 --> 00:26:46.750
the Euros final. Fuck the party off.
640
00:26:47.450 --> 00:26:50.410
You can't fuck the party off, Rob. It's bigger than that.
641
00:26:50.589 --> 00:26:51.450
It's not bigger than that.
642
00:26:51.509 --> 00:26:52.890
It's bigger than that.
643
00:26:53.029 --> 00:26:58.710
Not everyone is putting football before family because they... are
644
00:26:58.769 --> 00:27:04.309
abandoning their wife and children, Rob. Some people... Maybe I've
645
00:27:04.349 --> 00:27:07.150
written a few comments on the Daily Mail about you saying,
646
00:27:07.390 --> 00:27:10.180
I disapprove of the way you treated your family on
647
00:27:10.220 --> 00:27:10.839
that day.
648
00:27:11.559 --> 00:27:11.720
Yeah.
649
00:27:12.220 --> 00:27:14.279
I'll tell you what, Josh. We're going to invite you
650
00:27:14.339 --> 00:27:16.839
to our daughter's birthday. It's at 4.30pm in the legislature
651
00:27:16.859 --> 00:27:17.980
and you've got to get your tits out and get
652
00:27:18.000 --> 00:27:19.759
in the war. I'll tell you what, see you next year.
653
00:27:21.380 --> 00:27:25.369
Rob, I'll tell you what you are. An N0BHEAD.
654
00:27:25.390 --> 00:27:32.430
LAUGHTER Or a fucking sad case if you're an absolute
655
00:27:32.450 --> 00:27:39.650
male online comment legend. Tell me good. If the Parenting
656
00:27:39.690 --> 00:27:42.269
Hell listeners want to go on the male comments and
657
00:27:42.289 --> 00:27:45.170
just start having a go back and create a civil
658
00:27:45.289 --> 00:27:46.609
war and then we'll read out the best ones.
659
00:27:46.630 --> 00:27:47.990
Yeah, yeah.
660
00:27:48.109 --> 00:27:48.410
Cool.
661
00:27:48.450 --> 00:27:51.210
We'll do that next time. It's easy to find. Rob
662
00:27:51.230 --> 00:27:52.130
Beckett abandons family.
663
00:27:52.150 --> 00:27:52.569
Just Google that.
664
00:27:53.660 --> 00:27:55.630
And there's quite a few stories about that, but the
665
00:27:55.670 --> 00:27:57.089
Daily Mail one, that's the one you want.
666
00:27:57.130 --> 00:27:58.170
Yeah, that's the lead one.
667
00:27:58.190 --> 00:28:00.890
Not the court case reports on Rob Beckett.
668
00:28:00.930 --> 00:28:03.170
No, no, no, none of that. None of the secret
669
00:28:03.210 --> 00:28:05.029
baby payoffs. Yeah.
670
00:28:05.130 --> 00:28:07.009
Rob, so I haven't got to the worst bit.
671
00:28:07.849 --> 00:28:08.250
Yeah, go on.
672
00:28:08.930 --> 00:28:13.109
So I got stuck in the slide. Oh, no.
673
00:28:13.170 --> 00:28:14.309
Is it like a flume one?
674
00:28:14.650 --> 00:28:14.869
Yeah.
675
00:28:15.789 --> 00:28:18.539
With the other kid? So I had two kids on
676
00:28:18.579 --> 00:28:18.930
my lap.
677
00:28:20.099 --> 00:28:20.230
Oh, God.
678
00:28:21.220 --> 00:28:22.549
My daughter and her friend.
679
00:28:22.769 --> 00:28:24.670
That's not allowed, is it?
680
00:28:24.930 --> 00:28:27.329
There was a guy at the top. The guy at
681
00:28:27.609 --> 00:28:29.670
the top waved me through. I was like, he's going
682
00:28:29.690 --> 00:28:30.289
to stop me here.
683
00:28:31.150 --> 00:28:31.329
Yeah.
684
00:28:31.849 --> 00:28:37.130
And so I get going and it's sticky. And then
685
00:28:37.150 --> 00:28:41.480
I lie back and I think we're getting some momentum here.
686
00:28:41.839 --> 00:28:42.740
Right. Yeah.
687
00:28:43.619 --> 00:28:46.240
After about five or six seconds, I think, I wonder
688
00:28:46.259 --> 00:28:49.920
how far we've gone. And I look round and we're
689
00:28:49.960 --> 00:28:50.880
still at the entrance.
690
00:28:52.910 --> 00:28:54.329
There's too much, too many kids.
691
00:28:54.470 --> 00:28:55.690
There's too many kids, Rob.
692
00:28:56.289 --> 00:28:58.130
It's too heavy and they're old now.
693
00:28:58.170 --> 00:28:59.009
They're six, are they?
694
00:28:59.049 --> 00:28:59.539
I know, yeah.
695
00:28:59.599 --> 00:29:02.900
And one of the other dads is actually shouting tips
696
00:29:02.960 --> 00:29:04.900
down the flume to me.
697
00:29:05.759 --> 00:29:06.160
Tips?
698
00:29:06.720 --> 00:29:08.319
On how to get some momentum going.
699
00:29:08.480 --> 00:29:12.089
Oh, I thought you were shouting the word tips. That
700
00:29:12.109 --> 00:29:16.650
was a thing on the slide. Tips! Tips forward, tips forward.
701
00:29:17.289 --> 00:29:21.839
It's got fucking tips. Hey, Josh, tips it. I can't help.
702
00:29:21.880 --> 00:29:23.200
I've got two down here on my own.
703
00:29:25.839 --> 00:29:29.079
So, yeah, I got stuck in the slide, Rob.
704
00:29:29.839 --> 00:29:31.480
Oh, Josh. And in the end.
705
00:29:31.619 --> 00:29:32.589
I think two.
706
00:29:32.650 --> 00:29:34.730
One parent for two kids as well, this rule. Sorry
707
00:29:34.750 --> 00:29:36.069
to go back to this rule. What if you've got
708
00:29:36.109 --> 00:29:38.710
three kids anyway? You're not allowed in that leisure centre. Sorry, mate,
709
00:29:38.730 --> 00:29:40.930
you need an extra parent. eh?
710
00:29:41.119 --> 00:29:42.400
You can't bring your own three kids in here.
711
00:29:42.619 --> 00:29:44.839
I don't know on that. No, I imagine if you're
712
00:29:44.859 --> 00:29:48.220
in the main pool, that is different to this was
713
00:29:48.259 --> 00:29:49.279
a separate pool.
714
00:29:50.279 --> 00:29:50.859
Right, OK.
715
00:29:51.559 --> 00:29:53.220
I imagine this is party rules.
716
00:29:54.359 --> 00:29:57.599
Party, classic party, political party rules, party my arse. Anyway, sorry,
717
00:29:57.619 --> 00:30:00.420
go on. So you're stuck in this flume. I'm angry again.
718
00:30:00.440 --> 00:30:01.720
I feel pumped up today.
719
00:30:01.900 --> 00:30:03.859
You are incredibly pumped up today.
720
00:30:04.119 --> 00:30:06.119
I don't know, I'm just fucking loving life at the moment, Josh.
721
00:30:06.569 --> 00:30:08.650
It doesn't feel that way.
722
00:30:08.769 --> 00:30:10.710
It doesn't feel that way. If anything, it feels like
723
00:30:10.730 --> 00:30:12.410
you're incredibly angry at the world.
724
00:30:13.670 --> 00:30:17.130
No, but this is my true self.
725
00:30:17.690 --> 00:30:19.150
Oh, yeah, I don't like your true self.
726
00:30:20.130 --> 00:30:26.759
LAUGHTER A lot of people. I have had feedback before
727
00:30:27.180 --> 00:30:31.460
on certain stations and channels that will remain nameless. Beat yourself,
728
00:30:31.500 --> 00:30:34.940
but not too much. Which sort of goes against what
729
00:30:34.980 --> 00:30:39.460
you're told in life, isn't it? I think me as
730
00:30:39.519 --> 00:30:42.450
me is fine, actually. No, I just feel pretty pumped up.
731
00:30:42.460 --> 00:30:45.000
I only put on one kilo going to an all-inclusive. Oh,
732
00:30:45.019 --> 00:30:45.680
that's good.
733
00:30:46.319 --> 00:30:48.289
Considering I had three pints at lunch every day.
734
00:30:48.609 --> 00:30:52.240
Yeah, well done. Sorry, Josh, go. So we're in this pool.
735
00:30:52.619 --> 00:30:56.349
Anyway, I managed to unstick ourselves. And it managed to
736
00:30:56.369 --> 00:30:59.210
get us going down, basically.
737
00:30:59.630 --> 00:31:02.109
It all sounds horrible. It all sounds veto.
738
00:31:02.509 --> 00:31:06.089
Yeah, so we just shot down the flume, Rob. And
739
00:31:07.349 --> 00:31:08.569
splashed out of the end.
740
00:31:08.589 --> 00:31:09.410
Yeah.
741
00:31:14.609 --> 00:31:16.970
And so you've exited the pipe i've exited.
742
00:31:16.609 --> 00:31:20.130
The pipe and um you know we're all wet and
743
00:31:20.349 --> 00:31:28.339
um um and then my daughter's fine for the rest
744
00:31:28.390 --> 00:31:30.079
of that she just wants to do go around and
745
00:31:30.099 --> 00:31:32.380
around yeah she's just done that she's just going around
746
00:31:32.420 --> 00:31:34.700
and around with her mates um and so i'm basically
747
00:31:34.740 --> 00:31:37.220
now just stood at the bottom of a pipe topless
748
00:31:37.559 --> 00:31:38.700
for 45 minutes.
749
00:31:39.140 --> 00:31:41.609
Yeah um yeah what about the other kids she doing
750
00:31:41.630 --> 00:31:43.069
it as well so they're all good so you just
751
00:31:43.089 --> 00:31:45.849
got one one after the other coming around uh.
752
00:31:45.210 --> 00:31:47.069
There was like yeah her and her mates now all
753
00:31:47.089 --> 00:31:49.089
of them just like just straight around.
754
00:31:48.849 --> 00:31:50.390
So you just stood topless with a few other a
755
00:31:50.970 --> 00:31:52.970
few other dads just more dads in the pool than
756
00:31:52.990 --> 00:31:55.369
mums i'll be honest with you rob also the dads
757
00:31:55.430 --> 00:31:58.289
are ripped no one wants to strip up in front
758
00:31:58.309 --> 00:32:02.430
of school parents or party parents today lou tells me
759
00:32:02.450 --> 00:32:05.009
i throw in shorts some days Does she? Well, she's like,
760
00:32:05.089 --> 00:32:06.650
you're going to wear shorts, are you? I was like, yeah,
761
00:32:06.710 --> 00:32:07.450
I'm going to wear shorts.
762
00:32:07.470 --> 00:32:08.859
Yeah, save those legs for me.
763
00:32:09.130 --> 00:32:10.200
Save those legs.
764
00:32:10.220 --> 00:32:11.640
What are you saying?
765
00:32:11.660 --> 00:32:13.500
You think, I think a couple of the other ladies
766
00:32:13.539 --> 00:32:15.160
might see my legs and go, oh, do you know what?
767
00:32:15.180 --> 00:32:17.140
I fancy a bit of school gate shagging. And I
768
00:32:17.160 --> 00:32:18.740
tell you what, they probably do fancy a bit of
769
00:32:18.759 --> 00:32:22.589
school gate shagging, but no. No. Actually. And if you
770
00:32:22.609 --> 00:32:23.990
were to shag, we would abandon you.
771
00:32:24.190 --> 00:32:26.089
You can look, but you can't touch for these legs.
772
00:32:26.130 --> 00:32:27.769
I say that to them sometimes at the gate. Okay,
773
00:32:27.789 --> 00:32:30.549
have a good old go. Gather round, ladies and men.
774
00:32:31.069 --> 00:32:33.630
Some of you may be living beard lives. Gather round.
775
00:32:34.609 --> 00:32:36.170
Have a little look at these legs. And this is
776
00:32:36.190 --> 00:32:37.890
the last time you're going to see these.
777
00:32:37.910 --> 00:32:38.039
Okay.
778
00:32:38.339 --> 00:32:40.819
Till tomorrow morning. Till tomorrow morning.
779
00:32:41.660 --> 00:32:44.000
Or whenever I decide to come back to my abandoned family.
780
00:32:44.240 --> 00:32:45.700
Yeah.
781
00:32:46.319 --> 00:32:48.920
Anyway, go to watch the Euros final at a friend's house.
782
00:32:49.380 --> 00:32:51.299
Then I have to get in the car. I was
783
00:32:51.420 --> 00:32:56.309
so relieved I didn't go to extra time. I'd have
784
00:32:56.329 --> 00:32:57.910
had to pay waiting time on the car.
785
00:32:58.809 --> 00:32:59.009
Yeah.
786
00:32:59.829 --> 00:33:02.769
Get in the car with my pillow, my trusty pillow.
787
00:33:03.730 --> 00:33:04.190
Oh, God.
788
00:33:04.230 --> 00:33:04.369
Yeah.
789
00:33:04.740 --> 00:33:07.599
Get a couple of hours, get to exit at 3am,
790
00:33:11.529 --> 00:33:15.390
get to bed, get up at seven. Right.
791
00:33:15.710 --> 00:33:18.750
Yep. Yep. Uh, get dressed for the first time of
792
00:33:18.769 --> 00:33:20.210
the day. We'll get into the second time in a bit.
793
00:33:20.630 --> 00:33:20.839
Yeah.
794
00:33:20.880 --> 00:33:25.359
Put on my suit. And then, uh, At Exeter University.
795
00:33:25.759 --> 00:33:27.480
So what have you actually been invited to do at
796
00:33:27.519 --> 00:33:28.380
Exeter University?
797
00:33:28.420 --> 00:33:30.319
I was getting an honorary doctorate, Rob.
798
00:33:30.640 --> 00:33:33.069
Okay, what does that mean? What is a doctorate compared
799
00:33:33.089 --> 00:33:34.609
to a degree? You're a doctor?
800
00:33:35.130 --> 00:33:36.210
It's like the next one up, isn't it?
801
00:33:36.210 --> 00:33:36.789
Is that a PhD thing?
802
00:33:36.849 --> 00:33:39.329
Yeah, yeah, it's a PhD, but it's not.
803
00:33:39.349 --> 00:33:42.029
Is it? So could it change it, like, legally to Dr.
804
00:33:42.069 --> 00:33:42.670
Josh Widdicombe?
805
00:33:43.190 --> 00:33:46.440
I suppose I could. Just to be clear, I'd be
806
00:33:46.900 --> 00:33:48.000
clinically insane to.
807
00:33:48.880 --> 00:33:50.980
But I suppose you'll need a doctor and you will
808
00:33:51.019 --> 00:33:52.309
be one.
809
00:33:52.349 --> 00:33:52.849
Really nice.
810
00:33:52.980 --> 00:33:53.509
Really nice.
811
00:33:53.589 --> 00:33:55.289
So then you go there. They put you in a
812
00:33:55.309 --> 00:33:55.809
silly gown.
813
00:33:55.829 --> 00:33:57.710
The hat. Did you know that hat was happening?
814
00:33:58.410 --> 00:33:59.670
Yeah, I didn't know that was happening.
815
00:33:59.930 --> 00:34:00.650
Yeah. Right.
816
00:34:00.670 --> 00:34:01.990
OK, I've got no respect for you now.
817
00:34:02.930 --> 00:34:06.529
Because if they surprised you with that hat, fair enough.
818
00:34:06.589 --> 00:34:10.409
Poor old Josh. He's been fucking railroaded here. He's gone.
819
00:34:10.429 --> 00:34:13.250
Do you know what? This is me thinking the best
820
00:34:13.289 --> 00:34:15.550
of you, Josh. He's a good guy. He's gone down
821
00:34:15.570 --> 00:34:17.119
to his local area. I'm a good guy. I'm a
822
00:34:17.139 --> 00:34:18.719
good guy. You're a great guy. You're a great guy
823
00:34:19.139 --> 00:34:20.719
with a good heart, okay? And you want to do
824
00:34:20.760 --> 00:34:23.440
the right thing. You've gone down to Devon, where you're from.
825
00:34:23.460 --> 00:34:25.639
Someone said you should have gone to the University of Plymouth.
826
00:34:25.760 --> 00:34:26.179
Is there one?
827
00:34:26.739 --> 00:34:28.639
No, I'm nearer to Exeter. I went to sixth form
828
00:34:28.659 --> 00:34:29.059
in Exeter.
829
00:34:29.769 --> 00:34:31.809
Oh, right, so Exeter actually is closer to you than Plymouth.
830
00:34:31.969 --> 00:34:34.010
So you should support Exeter Football Club, really?
831
00:34:34.329 --> 00:34:34.489
Yeah.
832
00:34:35.409 --> 00:34:39.280
Okay, well, that's a separate issue. I was a glory hunter, Rob. Yeah, okay. God,
833
00:34:39.320 --> 00:34:42.059
what a terrible life that that's the glory Plymouth, no offence.
834
00:34:42.940 --> 00:34:47.199
You old janners. Right, okay, so let's reframe this. You
835
00:34:47.260 --> 00:34:50.559
are a good guy, good heart. You went to Union,
836
00:34:50.940 --> 00:34:53.590
you went to sixth form in Exeter, abandoned it for Manchester,
837
00:34:53.610 --> 00:34:55.369
but let's not get bogged down by that. Well, I
838
00:34:55.369 --> 00:34:56.570
wanted to leave home.
839
00:34:56.610 --> 00:34:58.880
You've got to leave home. I wanted to leave home.
840
00:34:59.159 --> 00:35:00.059
You're from Exeter, right?
841
00:35:00.079 --> 00:35:02.900
That's your nearest big city, isn't it?
842
00:35:02.920 --> 00:35:07.340
Just about. Lloyd went there. Lloyd did go there. Obviously,
843
00:35:07.519 --> 00:35:09.699
you do love academia and learning, and you want to
844
00:35:09.719 --> 00:35:10.699
go and do more and stuff like that. So it's
845
00:35:10.719 --> 00:35:13.010
something you're into. And also, it is great, for there's
846
00:35:13.030 --> 00:35:15.909
not many people from Devon that have gone on to
847
00:35:16.289 --> 00:35:17.530
do big stuff.
848
00:35:17.670 --> 00:35:19.909
Chris Martin, maybe, is probably the biggest, isn't he, you'd say?
849
00:35:20.110 --> 00:35:24.230
Yeah, Dawn French, maybe. Chris Martin, Dawn French. But you've
850
00:35:24.250 --> 00:35:26.929
gone back to do a speech in your local city.
851
00:35:27.329 --> 00:35:30.789
to talk to people and do a speech about living your,
852
00:35:31.030 --> 00:35:34.170
you know, following your dreams, your passions and stuff. It
853
00:35:34.190 --> 00:35:37.449
was an inspiring speech. Let's not be around the bush.
854
00:35:37.909 --> 00:35:41.869
It was an inspiring speech. However, what I would say
855
00:35:41.949 --> 00:35:44.420
is it doesn't matter what you're saying when you look
856
00:35:44.440 --> 00:35:47.559
a certain way. In some of Joe Biden's speeches, some
857
00:35:47.579 --> 00:35:50.320
of the actual content is pretty spot on, but the
858
00:35:50.360 --> 00:35:53.699
delivery and the look, Let him down. And he's now
859
00:35:53.760 --> 00:35:54.219
stood down.
860
00:35:55.460 --> 00:35:59.500
Why are you forced to be dressed up?
861
00:35:59.639 --> 00:36:00.420
I wasn't forced.
862
00:36:01.280 --> 00:36:02.010
Could you have not worn it?
863
00:36:02.940 --> 00:36:06.800
Well, I didn't try not to wear it. They did
864
00:36:06.820 --> 00:36:07.900
David Orwell on Wednesday.
865
00:36:07.940 --> 00:36:12.739
He wore it. Why do you have to be dressed
866
00:36:12.780 --> 00:36:17.219
up like a complete * * * *? There's not
867
00:36:17.239 --> 00:36:18.840
even a word for the name of that hat they
868
00:36:18.880 --> 00:36:21.119
put you in. There's not even a type of hat.
869
00:36:22.170 --> 00:36:24.070
They've made it up. It looks like, you know, when
870
00:36:24.090 --> 00:36:26.190
you get a pair of pants on your head.
871
00:36:28.800 --> 00:36:32.639
I thought I looked good. No, you didn't. I'm sorry.
872
00:36:32.659 --> 00:36:39.699
I can't lie. You look mental. Absolutely mental. But that's
873
00:36:39.739 --> 00:36:43.980
not you. That's the outfit. How would you have reacted
874
00:36:44.019 --> 00:36:48.079
if you saw me in it? Exactly the same.
875
00:36:48.340 --> 00:36:49.539
I'm giving it five years.
876
00:36:54.820 --> 00:36:58.840
Hello, it's me, Jessica Knappett. And here, here, here, here,
877
00:36:59.079 --> 00:37:02.300
brand new podcast alert. I've got a new show for you.
878
00:37:02.639 --> 00:37:06.989
It's called Perfect Day. And yeah, you've figured out the
879
00:37:07.010 --> 00:37:10.610
premise already, haven't you? Because you're so smart. And because
880
00:37:10.650 --> 00:37:15.070
it's obvious. Every Thursday, I interview a guest about what
881
00:37:15.130 --> 00:37:20.360
constitutes their perfect day. So if you like hopes and dreams...
882
00:37:20.849 --> 00:37:25.679
fantasies and sweet memories. You're going to love this stuff. Ah,
883
00:37:26.340 --> 00:37:30.360
we have got so many lovely, funny, nice people on.
884
00:37:30.659 --> 00:37:32.340
Your Romesh Ranganathans, your.
885
00:37:32.219 --> 00:37:35.519
Dolly Aldertons, your Jamali Maddoxes, Arabella Weir, she's doing it.
886
00:37:35.639 --> 00:37:37.840
Don't worry about the quality of the guest. Just worry
887
00:37:37.880 --> 00:37:39.719
about when you're going to listen to it. Or don't
888
00:37:39.760 --> 00:37:41.099
worry about when you're going to listen to it. Just
889
00:37:41.280 --> 00:37:42.260
actually listen to it.
890
00:37:42.599 --> 00:37:43.300
See you soon.
891
00:37:44.300 --> 00:37:48.460
Jess Knapp here, signing off, wishing you a perfect day.
892
00:37:48.480 --> 00:38:00.909
Music perfect day on all your favorite podcast platforms.
893
00:38:03.050 --> 00:38:05.269
Should we play my voice notes oh yeah you sent
894
00:38:05.289 --> 00:38:06.619
voice notes as well can you play them or do
895
00:38:06.639 --> 00:38:07.460
you need me to.
896
00:38:07.480 --> 00:38:10.360
You play them okay so this was the worst um
897
00:38:10.900 --> 00:38:12.380
i had a bad 24 hours rob.
898
00:38:13.019 --> 00:38:15.679
Yeah so this was before exeter is that correct yeah.
899
00:38:16.119 --> 00:38:19.110
Yeah And it was so bad that I was annoyed.
900
00:38:19.130 --> 00:38:21.210
Was this when you weren't very well? Yeah, I was.
901
00:38:21.110 --> 00:38:25.409
Annoyed we weren't recording the podcast. And so I recorded these.
902
00:38:25.730 --> 00:38:25.929
Right.
903
00:38:26.110 --> 00:38:27.429
It's three minutes long, this message.
904
00:38:27.679 --> 00:38:29.119
Well, we'll see how far we get. We can always
905
00:38:29.300 --> 00:38:31.880
pick it up on Friday morning. My two days of being...
906
00:38:31.739 --> 00:38:33.599
This is what you messaged. My two days of being ill.
907
00:38:33.619 --> 00:38:35.679
I've been so busy. It is insane. It's such a
908
00:38:35.719 --> 00:38:40.050
shame we don't have a pod. Michael, the absolute content
909
00:38:40.110 --> 00:38:41.909
grabber of the year, said, want us to find a slot?
910
00:38:42.929 --> 00:38:45.860
And I... And I say I could squeeze in one
911
00:38:45.880 --> 00:38:48.019
on Thursday. And you said, might do some voice notes
912
00:38:48.059 --> 00:38:49.599
here to play out when it comes to it.
913
00:38:49.659 --> 00:38:49.880
Okay.
914
00:38:50.280 --> 00:38:52.909
Don't overstretch us. Well, you weren't overstretching us. Me and
915
00:38:52.929 --> 00:38:57.150
Michael are up for it, Josh. I was so tired. Okay.
916
00:38:57.590 --> 00:38:58.590
Here we go. Let me play this one.
917
00:38:58.969 --> 00:39:02.010
So yesterday I was ill. Just needed some time on
918
00:39:02.030 --> 00:39:06.619
my own. Recorded the pod. Then just wanted to go
919
00:39:06.639 --> 00:39:08.840
back to bed. To give you an idea, the house
920
00:39:08.880 --> 00:39:13.159
was quite busy. We had Adrian and Igor obviously.
921
00:39:12.860 --> 00:39:18.059
Doing the building. The cleaner was here, so obviously.
922
00:39:17.820 --> 00:39:20.559
I couldn't be in bed while the bedroom and bathroom
923
00:39:20.579 --> 00:39:23.550
were being done. She also had to try and navigate
924
00:39:23.570 --> 00:39:26.710
around the fact we're having building work done. Then the
925
00:39:26.809 --> 00:39:29.369
joiner was here with Ro.
926
00:39:30.280 --> 00:39:31.719
To go through the cupboarding and.
927
00:39:33.400 --> 00:39:38.099
Then um crow's doing that shell was here looking after
928
00:39:38.119 --> 00:39:41.000
my son they can go out because it's pissing rain
929
00:39:41.019 --> 00:39:45.539
so there was eight eight nine people here while i
930
00:39:45.559 --> 00:39:49.960
was ill unable to do anything Canceled my gigs in
931
00:39:50.000 --> 00:39:50.440
the evening.
932
00:39:51.699 --> 00:39:55.260
Tried to get to bed at a good time. Didn't.
933
00:39:55.280 --> 00:40:00.880
Sounds so depressed. Sounds so depressed.
934
00:40:01.019 --> 00:40:03.969
I mean, as if a house with eight people in
935
00:40:04.159 --> 00:40:08.530
when you're ill is not what you want. This morning,
936
00:40:10.409 --> 00:40:12.010
get the kids up, obviously, to get them to school.
937
00:40:13.170 --> 00:40:17.750
And then we're having our... So the car that isn't
938
00:40:17.769 --> 00:40:21.039
the one but obviously isn't the one that's cloned. It's
939
00:40:21.059 --> 00:40:23.159
the one that's been cloned, but it's our version of
940
00:40:23.199 --> 00:40:26.619
the cloned car. I got hit by a lorry about
941
00:40:26.639 --> 00:40:28.400
a week ago. I got caught by a lorry. I
942
00:40:28.760 --> 00:40:35.300
haven't even told you this. So it's got a go
943
00:40:35.340 --> 00:40:42.920
and get mended courtesy car situation. They come to get
944
00:40:42.940 --> 00:40:44.480
the courtesy car.
945
00:40:44.539 --> 00:40:46.889
It's a manual. I've not driven a manual in a decade.
946
00:40:47.329 --> 00:40:47.969
Can we just stop?
947
00:40:47.989 --> 00:40:50.250
Because I don't remember being this mad.
948
00:40:50.670 --> 00:40:51.050
It's mental.
949
00:40:51.110 --> 00:40:51.929
It doesn't really make sense.
950
00:40:52.429 --> 00:40:53.789
It doesn't make sense, Rob.
951
00:40:53.949 --> 00:40:54.769
You're delirious.
952
00:40:55.050 --> 00:40:59.050
I'm delirious. In my head, that was a swift message
953
00:40:59.940 --> 00:41:02.900
about what happened. I think I'm having a breakdown.
954
00:41:03.300 --> 00:41:05.579
Yeah, because all you said is it's quite busy in
955
00:41:05.599 --> 00:41:06.000
your house.
956
00:41:06.360 --> 00:41:08.539
But it took me about eight minutes to say it.
957
00:41:08.639 --> 00:41:11.960
I know. It was like so much detail that no
958
00:41:12.000 --> 00:41:19.920
one needed. I don't even remember that happening. How ill
959
00:41:19.940 --> 00:41:22.590
was I? So your actual car that you drive got
960
00:41:22.630 --> 00:41:23.869
hit by a lorry on the motorway?
961
00:41:24.190 --> 00:41:24.969
Not on the motorway.
962
00:41:25.190 --> 00:41:26.329
In London.
963
00:41:27.250 --> 00:41:27.469
Right.
964
00:41:27.769 --> 00:41:29.409
When you were driving, everyone was okay, though?
965
00:41:29.860 --> 00:41:30.119
Yeah.
966
00:41:31.360 --> 00:41:32.980
Then they sent you a courtesy car because I was
967
00:41:33.000 --> 00:41:33.400
getting fit.
968
00:41:33.420 --> 00:41:35.579
Three and a half grand of damage. I had to
969
00:41:35.619 --> 00:41:36.119
pay the excess.
970
00:41:36.119 --> 00:41:36.400
650 beans.
971
00:41:38.619 --> 00:41:39.219
Oh, God.
972
00:41:39.519 --> 00:41:42.300
Rob, I think I was having a breakdown without realising it.
973
00:41:42.539 --> 00:41:44.079
You sound like a different person in that message.
974
00:41:44.099 --> 00:41:45.590
I know. What's going on with me?
975
00:41:45.639 --> 00:41:47.920
Was that the end of it or did Michael.
976
00:41:47.659 --> 00:41:48.530
Just pause it?
977
00:41:48.570 --> 00:41:50.210
No, he paused it. I don't think we need the
978
00:41:50.250 --> 00:41:52.889
end of it. I'm so glad you said that because
979
00:41:53.349 --> 00:41:57.110
it's so shit. I didn't know what was going on.
980
00:41:58.010 --> 00:41:59.849
When you were like, use this for the podcast, I
981
00:41:59.849 --> 00:42:00.989
was like, really?
982
00:42:01.429 --> 00:42:03.030
Just a sad man rambling.
983
00:42:03.329 --> 00:42:06.389
I've got no idea. In my head, I was so ill.
984
00:42:07.769 --> 00:42:09.190
I was like, I need to get this down.
985
00:42:13.679 --> 00:42:15.500
It's like when someone's drunk and they come up with
986
00:42:15.519 --> 00:42:16.260
a business plan.
987
00:42:16.420 --> 00:42:21.940
Yeah. Basically, basically, the idea is, right, pillows, but littler
988
00:42:22.019 --> 00:42:24.320
ones than the ones you normally have. That's actually a
989
00:42:24.340 --> 00:42:24.699
good idea.
990
00:42:25.110 --> 00:42:26.010
I've got a good idea.
991
00:42:26.590 --> 00:42:30.449
And then they can pop out, like collapsible. I don't remember.
992
00:42:30.630 --> 00:42:32.050
I barely remember recording it.
993
00:42:33.050 --> 00:42:33.230
Yep.
994
00:42:33.909 --> 00:42:34.429
I don't know.
995
00:42:34.449 --> 00:42:37.460
There's more, Josh, though. There's... Have I gone on? Loads
996
00:42:37.500 --> 00:42:40.820
of it. Michael, is there more on that one? No,
997
00:42:40.840 --> 00:42:41.800
we don't need more on that one.
998
00:42:41.820 --> 00:42:42.659
Try the next one.
999
00:42:42.679 --> 00:42:45.750
See if I'm more together. There's at least a third
1000
00:42:45.789 --> 00:42:46.329
left of that.
1001
00:42:46.349 --> 00:42:47.030
Fuck yeah.
1002
00:42:47.050 --> 00:42:47.889
Let's play the third.
1003
00:42:48.349 --> 00:42:48.750
No.
1004
00:42:49.650 --> 00:42:50.849
Do you want it?
1005
00:42:51.329 --> 00:42:51.789
Yeah. Yeah.
1006
00:42:52.929 --> 00:42:54.889
It's a fucking state. I have to get the two
1007
00:42:55.130 --> 00:42:57.630
car seats out. He then asked for my driver's licence.
1008
00:42:57.650 --> 00:42:59.230
I've got no idea where my driver's licence is.
1009
00:42:59.250 --> 00:43:03.699
All in all, hour, hour and a half. That somehow takes.
1010
00:43:03.739 --> 00:43:05.639
Even the phone is trying not to play it.
1011
00:43:07.150 --> 00:43:09.519
Eventually, I managed to go to bed for 15, 20
1012
00:43:09.510 --> 00:43:16.650
minutes before it's then time to go drive this new car,
1013
00:43:16.710 --> 00:43:21.760
which I say not a like for like, to see
1014
00:43:21.780 --> 00:43:27.599
my daughter's play, which I get through. It's very good,
1015
00:43:27.699 --> 00:43:29.530
but not very well. But I wanted to see it.
1016
00:43:30.260 --> 00:43:32.800
And I sit away from everyone to, you know, stop
1017
00:43:32.820 --> 00:43:34.099
them catching.
1018
00:43:34.159 --> 00:43:34.750
And then I.
1019
00:43:37.050 --> 00:43:38.739
Try and get caught in traffic because I haven't got
1020
00:43:38.760 --> 00:43:40.320
a sat-nav. Well, I have got a sat-nav, but my
1021
00:43:40.340 --> 00:43:42.840
phone's in the test. The windscreen, because obviously I've left
1022
00:43:42.860 --> 00:43:48.599
that in the other car. And then I get home.
1023
00:43:49.280 --> 00:43:51.719
Half the electrics have gone off in the house. Because
1024
00:43:51.760 --> 00:43:56.190
when they installed the new internet last week, they left
1025
00:43:56.230 --> 00:43:56.969
a hole in the wall.
1026
00:43:57.329 --> 00:43:59.369
And there's water leaking through the wall onto.
1027
00:43:59.170 --> 00:44:00.969
Wires and onto the wall.
1028
00:44:00.989 --> 00:44:02.550
So we've got a big wet wall.
1029
00:44:03.329 --> 00:44:06.590
And now we've got no fridge anywhere. because that was off,
1030
00:44:06.610 --> 00:44:07.550
no kettle, etc.
1031
00:44:08.769 --> 00:44:10.949
And now I've got 45 minutes to go back to
1032
00:44:10.989 --> 00:44:13.469
bed till I have to get in the car again
1033
00:44:13.489 --> 00:44:14.590
to go and get my daughter from.
1034
00:44:14.510 --> 00:44:15.510
Her evening performance.
1035
00:44:16.869 --> 00:44:18.780
First question. He's still going.
1036
00:44:18.840 --> 00:44:21.000
And I've recorded this twice.
1037
00:44:22.199 --> 00:44:26.719
Recorded it twice! Oh, Josh.
1038
00:44:27.340 --> 00:44:27.920
Oh, my God.
1039
00:44:27.960 --> 00:44:30.780
Right, yeah, there's more of that. Do you reckon, should
1040
00:44:30.800 --> 00:44:34.329
we play it? There's a 45-second one, a three-second one,
1041
00:44:34.769 --> 00:44:35.849
a 35-second and a 40-second.
1042
00:44:35.889 --> 00:44:38.309
I've got no idea what's coming up, Rob. I don't
1043
00:44:38.349 --> 00:44:39.210
remember any of this.
1044
00:44:39.610 --> 00:44:41.239
Shall we play the next one, Michael, please?
1045
00:44:41.820 --> 00:44:43.559
A brief update on an app I've just had.
1046
00:44:44.920 --> 00:44:49.039
I've dealt with two separate phone calls regarding the emergency electrician,
1047
00:44:50.440 --> 00:44:53.880
which obviously I had to take. I'm not complaining that
1048
00:44:53.900 --> 00:44:56.309
they've called me, but obviously that hit into the nap.
1049
00:44:57.909 --> 00:45:01.000
Also, something I.
1050
00:45:02.110 --> 00:45:04.449
Found out that something I'd told someone off the record
1051
00:45:05.320 --> 00:45:07.199
has been used in a podcast, so I then had
1052
00:45:07.219 --> 00:45:10.860
to contact a producer to get the podcast taken down.
1053
00:45:12.119 --> 00:45:14.420
And that has been the last 25 minutes of my nap.
1054
00:45:15.239 --> 00:45:19.170
It wasn't even something interesting. It was just something I
1055
00:45:19.349 --> 00:45:23.150
wasn't meant to have told them. I told them that.
1056
00:45:25.130 --> 00:45:25.809
Oh, my God.
1057
00:45:25.829 --> 00:45:29.780
OK, next one, three seconds.
1058
00:45:30.539 --> 00:45:32.079
Anyway... Off to the school run.
1059
00:45:33.119 --> 00:45:34.420
He can't even speak.
1060
00:45:34.480 --> 00:45:35.139
He's not drunk.
1061
00:45:35.739 --> 00:45:38.159
I'm fucked. There's another 35-second one here.
1062
00:45:39.059 --> 00:45:43.530
Quick update. Did the school run. No petrol in the car,
1063
00:45:43.550 --> 00:45:46.510
hardly any. Right on the bottom on the courtesy car.
1064
00:45:47.510 --> 00:45:50.929
On the way home, going to the garage. Just make it.
1065
00:45:51.050 --> 00:45:53.809
Thank God for that. And, of course, there's no.
1066
00:45:53.829 --> 00:45:56.900
There's no mention on the petrol cap or anywhere else
1067
00:45:56.940 --> 00:45:58.760
in the car, whether it's unleaded or diesel, they haven't
1068
00:45:58.780 --> 00:46:02.070
told me. And so I have to now drive her
1069
00:46:02.110 --> 00:46:03.070
home just till I got home.
1070
00:46:04.909 --> 00:46:07.010
Don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow morning, really.
1071
00:46:07.030 --> 00:46:10.780
Got to find the garage. Wonder whether I'll get to
1072
00:46:10.800 --> 00:46:12.940
the petrol station. What a life.
1073
00:46:15.659 --> 00:46:18.510
I mean, I'd say that's not that bad. There's another one.
1074
00:46:19.289 --> 00:46:20.210
Fucking hell.
1075
00:46:20.829 --> 00:46:22.130
I think I was just lonely.
1076
00:46:23.289 --> 00:46:25.409
I think you were really ill and depressed. What's the
1077
00:46:25.429 --> 00:46:25.809
last one?
1078
00:46:28.130 --> 00:46:31.809
So I'm currently being besieged by texts about how France
1079
00:46:31.829 --> 00:46:33.750
v Spain is the best game of the tournament.
1080
00:46:35.150 --> 00:46:37.570
While men drill a huge hole in my wall.
1081
00:46:38.570 --> 00:46:40.630
Kids want to go to sleep because obviously there's a
1082
00:46:40.670 --> 00:46:41.550
huge drill sound.
1083
00:46:42.369 --> 00:46:43.929
And I'm trying to cook dinner.
1084
00:46:46.860 --> 00:46:48.980
On a gas hob, which I'm having to light with
1085
00:46:49.019 --> 00:46:51.800
a match because obviously the electric starter thing doesn't work.
1086
00:46:52.880 --> 00:46:54.440
And I can't turn the radio on to listen to
1087
00:46:54.460 --> 00:46:56.699
the football. Can't turn the TV on to watch the football.
1088
00:46:58.920 --> 00:47:01.059
My brother's just texted me to say the commentators are
1089
00:47:01.079 --> 00:47:04.500
just the best 22 minutes of the tournament by far.
1090
00:47:06.559 --> 00:47:07.519
For fuck's sake.
1091
00:47:09.860 --> 00:47:14.219
I'd say, Josh, those messages are a real mix of
1092
00:47:14.260 --> 00:47:18.179
things that are bad. Oh my God, the electrics have
1093
00:47:18.219 --> 00:47:19.699
gone off and the walls damp.
1094
00:47:20.460 --> 00:47:21.860
And then stuff like.
1095
00:47:22.909 --> 00:47:24.650
Oh, I've got to go and watch my daughter's play.
1096
00:47:25.329 --> 00:47:29.789
Not ideal, but, you know, and then it's, oh, God, France,
1097
00:47:29.829 --> 00:47:32.969
Spain's good. And I've got to, like, just fucking order
1098
00:47:32.989 --> 00:47:35.030
a takeaway, mate. Watch it on your phone.
1099
00:47:35.050 --> 00:47:36.869
You weren't in a position to problem self.
1100
00:47:37.760 --> 00:47:41.579
I was fucked. You basically, you're like a role. Why
1101
00:47:41.599 --> 00:47:44.900
am I cooking? You're basically, exactly, you're ill. Sit down,
1102
00:47:44.940 --> 00:47:48.059
order a takeaway, watch the football on your phone. Headphones in.
1103
00:47:48.690 --> 00:47:50.170
That's all you had to do. But I think you're
1104
00:47:50.219 --> 00:47:52.280
like that, you know, the ball in Indiana Jones that
1105
00:47:52.320 --> 00:47:55.039
rolls down the thing. And then once it picks up
1106
00:47:55.059 --> 00:47:57.019
a bit of speed, your head's gone.
1107
00:47:57.139 --> 00:48:02.619
My head was fucked. That's the weirdest content we've ever done.
1108
00:48:03.619 --> 00:48:05.000
I think so. And do you know what that is?
1109
00:48:05.320 --> 00:48:12.650
That is your anxiety existing. On its own, without any
1110
00:48:12.690 --> 00:48:16.360
sort of logic, because you're ill and you're panicking a
1111
00:48:16.380 --> 00:48:17.929
bit and you're stressed and your head's gone and there's
1112
00:48:17.969 --> 00:48:19.420
people in the house and you're overwhelmed.
1113
00:48:19.840 --> 00:48:20.840
Because that's not you.
1114
00:48:20.860 --> 00:48:20.920
No.
1115
00:48:21.940 --> 00:48:23.019
But you don't recognise that.
1116
00:48:23.039 --> 00:48:25.539
I'd say if that was me, Rob, this podcast wouldn't
1117
00:48:25.559 --> 00:48:26.320
be the hit it is.
1118
00:48:26.340 --> 00:48:28.719
No, no. No, no.
1119
00:48:29.030 --> 00:48:30.219
What I'm saying, that is.
1120
00:48:30.460 --> 00:48:32.360
You'd have to do a lot more of the heavy lifting.
1121
00:48:32.579 --> 00:48:34.699
No, but that's you in your sort of like worst
1122
00:48:34.760 --> 00:48:37.659
moments kind of thing that you've captured. So it's quite interesting, actually.
1123
00:48:37.860 --> 00:48:40.260
But that's not who you are. But you have the
1124
00:48:40.300 --> 00:48:43.000
capability to slide, like everyone does, where you can get
1125
00:48:43.039 --> 00:48:45.360
into that momentum of, oh, it's all going fucking wrong now.
1126
00:48:45.659 --> 00:48:47.980
And your head goes. And you're not actually... There's no
1127
00:48:48.039 --> 00:48:51.329
need for you to cook on a gas... Just order
1128
00:48:51.349 --> 00:48:52.329
a bit of food and watch a football.
1129
00:48:52.349 --> 00:48:53.550
Also, it's not that bad.
1130
00:48:53.630 --> 00:48:54.969
Or let the kids stay up a bit.
1131
00:48:54.989 --> 00:48:58.429
Also, don't worry... In the grand scheme of things, using
1132
00:48:58.469 --> 00:49:07.829
a match isn't that bad. When it got to the
1133
00:49:07.869 --> 00:49:10.130
bit about the cooker, because I don't remember any of this,
1134
00:49:10.570 --> 00:49:12.449
when it got to the bit about the cooker, I thought,
1135
00:49:13.369 --> 00:49:15.010
what's going to be the problem with the cooker? And
1136
00:49:15.050 --> 00:49:17.449
when it was I had to use a match, I thought,
1137
00:49:17.750 --> 00:49:19.269
why do I think that's content?
1138
00:49:20.880 --> 00:49:23.119
Yeah, I don't know. But you weren't in a good
1139
00:49:23.139 --> 00:49:27.260
space there. That's good, though. That's enlightening to hear. Yeah. Oh, well,
1140
00:49:27.380 --> 00:49:31.329
there we go. Lovely stuff. Joshua, I'll see you on Friday.
1141
00:49:31.349 --> 00:49:33.570
See you on Friday for another bloody guest.
1142
00:49:33.590 --> 00:49:33.690
Bye.
1143
00:49:33.710 --> 00:49:34.030
Bye.
1144
00:49:39.409 --> 00:49:41.650
I'm Natalie Cassidy and I've been wanting to do a
1145
00:49:41.670 --> 00:49:43.670
podcast of my own for a very long time.
1146
00:49:44.010 --> 00:49:44.590
And here it is.
1147
00:49:45.230 --> 00:49:47.929
I'm going to be talking each week to family, friends,
1148
00:49:48.409 --> 00:49:51.309
most importantly, you. I want to talk about the issues
1149
00:49:51.329 --> 00:49:54.019
that are bothering me, things that make me smile and
1150
00:49:54.059 --> 00:49:56.119
how we get through that washing basket without having a
1151
00:49:56.159 --> 00:49:59.380
nervous breakdown. This is a podcast for the general public,
1152
00:49:59.460 --> 00:50:02.159
for the normal people. So get on board, become part
1153
00:50:02.179 --> 00:50:04.360
of my community and let's have a laugh.
1154
00:50:04.380 --> 00:50:12.710
MUSIC PLAYS Hello, it's me, Jessica Knappett, and here, here, here, here,
1155
00:50:12.969 --> 00:50:16.170
brand new podcast alert. I've got a new show for you.
1156
00:50:16.530 --> 00:50:20.860
It's called Perfect Day. And yeah, you've figured out the
1157
00:50:20.889 --> 00:50:24.500
premise already, haven't you? Because you're so smart and because
1158
00:50:24.519 --> 00:50:28.940
it's obvious. Every Thursday, I interview a guest about what
1159
00:50:29.019 --> 00:50:33.780
constitutes their perfect day. So if you like hopes and dreams,
1160
00:50:34.739 --> 00:50:39.550
fantasies and sweet memories, You're going to love this stuff. Ah,
1161
00:50:40.230 --> 00:50:44.230
we have got so many lovely, funny, nice people on.
1162
00:50:44.550 --> 00:50:46.210
Your Romesh Ranganathans, your.
1163
00:50:46.110 --> 00:50:49.400
Dolly Aldertons, your Jamali Maddoxes, Arabella Weir, she's doing it.
1164
00:50:49.510 --> 00:50:51.730
Don't worry about the quality of the guest. Just worry
1165
00:50:51.750 --> 00:50:53.610
about when you're going to listen to it. Or don't
1166
00:50:53.650 --> 00:50:54.969
worry about when you're going to listen to it. Just
1167
00:50:55.150 --> 00:50:56.130
actually listen to it.
1168
00:50:56.489 --> 00:50:57.190
See you soon.
1169
00:50:58.170 --> 00:51:02.489
Jess Knapp here, signing off, wishing you a perfect day.
1170
00:51:02.570 --> 00:51:14.309
E-R-A-B-U-C-T-U Perfect day on all your favourite podcast platforms.