S01 EP21: Russell Kane

WEBVTT
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Hello, I'm Josh Whitacombe.
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And I'm Rob Beckett.
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Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell. The show in which Rob
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and I discuss what it's like to be a parent
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during lockdown, which I would say can be a little tricky.
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Yeah!
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Yeah! So, in an effort to make some kind of
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sense of the current situation... And to.
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Make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills.
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Each episode we'll be chatting to a famous parent about
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how well they're coping.
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Or hopefully not.
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And we will be hearing from you, the listener, with
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your tales of lockdown parenting woe.
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Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing.
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Hello and welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell with... Josh Regiton.
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And Rob Beckett. Rob Beckett.
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Very good.
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Very good.
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Very good from Isla Clines. I'm very impressed with that.
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Very, very efficient. Job done. No messing. That's how we
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like it.
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Throughout lockdown, Isla, our two-year-old, has developed a deep and
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unwavering affection for garden gnomes. Started off with one, as
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I thought it was quite funny, and she liked it.
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We now have four. They're all called Mr Gnomey, even
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the female one. She needs to say goodnight to them all,
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and as they're not designed for two-year-olds, keep smashing them,
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meaning I'm frequently spending nap time supergluing them back together
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at Gnome Hospital.
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Oh, no.
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No, you've set yourself up for a fail there. Gnome Hospital.
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You know, like, feeders. You know these people that get
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to 40 stone?
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Yeah.
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They're just like feeders. You're feeding the gnome addiction with
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Gnome Hospital. You're creating more problems.
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Wait for it, mate. You're only halfway. Best of all.
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Oh, she's got to hide out the XL, has she?
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She loves to pretend to breastfeed them. And I have
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no idea. It's completely fucking weird to have two tiny
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men attached to her nipples.
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Wow. I mean, are these two all right?
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It's a hell of an image, isn't it?
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Oh, gnome hospital as well.
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God, dear.
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What are you in for? Broken out again?
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No, I just sat down with no clothes on, the
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fishing rod went up my arse. There's nothing more sinister
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than that.
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Yeah, that's all it was. The thing is, gnomes, kids
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love gnomes, but they are, I'd say, the most breakable
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thing for a child to have. It's ridiculous. I've had
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a number of things that have just broken that I
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think I should fix and I just never do because
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the kids forget. eventually oh so what have you got
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to fix oh like they keep pulling the heads off
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these little like disney princess figure things oh and like
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that because they just break over through they're not like
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it's not like a weird like that sid kid from
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toy story just ripping the heads off and burning them
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they just fall off and um i just don't bother
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i just can't bother i just get glue out i'm
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not very good at fixing stuff like you're not very
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handy man.
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I've got more handy they're not don't don't call the press.
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More handsy. I've been whistling at women, actually. Little cat
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on their arse in the shops. Why not?
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Sorry, what was the question? I don't know what that was.
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You've become more handy in lockdown.
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No, no, no. Since becoming a parent, I've really lent
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into my role. Really? The other day, the kitchen door...
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I mean, this is such a pathetic achievement. But throughout,
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in my head, I'm just like, look at you, you're
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just doing this like a normal bloke. Yeah. But one
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of the cupboard doors came loose, the hinge. I just
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got a screwdriver, screwed it back in, tightened it up,
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just as like it was the most normal thing. You know,
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like I was just like, yeah, I could do that.
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And I did it.
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You sort of want like a guard of honor clap after,
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don't you? Because I'm used, I can't do anything. I
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have to get a bloke around to hang pictures. I can't,
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I didn't even know what a raw plug was till
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about a week ago. But you have to drill it all,
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put a little plastic thing in. I don't, my dad.
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my dad's awful at DIY.
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Yeah.
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And you know, he'll get the ump with me saying that,
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but can I, can I give you a story about
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him doing DIY?
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Go on.
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He's a, he was a black cab driver. He's retired now,
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but he used to go work about like one, two
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in the afternoon. So he'd normally get up a bit late.
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Cause then he worked late.
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Right.
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So anyway, I left for school. He was up early, weirdly.
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He was like, no, I've got, I've got to put
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up this hook for the bathroom blind to tie it around.
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Right.
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It says eight in the morning as I left for school.
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Right.
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I came home at half three. So he should be
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at work by now. And as I walked into the house,
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I heard him say, oh, fuck you, you little, and
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then the bad word. Yeah. And he was still trying
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to put this hook in. And since then, he's always
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been so angry and aggressive when he's ever done anything.
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I've sort of, you know, I had a whole routine
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about when he tripped and spilt varnish in the house.
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And he screamed at the floor, oh, you bollocky cunt.
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And I was like eight or nine here listening to this.
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And then he said, this is basically an old joke now,
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but it's still quite funny. I was laughing at him,
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obviously as you would, when someone was that angry, screaming
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at a carpet, that he went, keep laughing, I'll fucking
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varnish you in a minute. As if he was just
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going to paint me.
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Yeah, no, I'm not great at it, but I do
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like every time, I've got plans this weekend, because we're
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recording this on Friday, I'll have already done this, so.
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You know, I might have died by this point.
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Really?
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What's the plan?
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We're emptying the shed. And so I've got some shelves
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coming from Ikea that we're putting. So tidying up the shed.
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Have you got an electric drill?
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No, I haven't got an electric drill. That would scare me.
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So, yeah, I've been like that for years. I bought
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one from Bosch. It was about 20 quid.
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Yeah.
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And I've always thought that's not my game. I'm not
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a drill man. Give me a microphone, a load of people.
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I'll do that job. But I'm not I'm not a
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drill guy. I haven't got tools.
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Yeah.
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Anyway, I bought one, just a little one. And I
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put up an IKEA set of drawers in about. Six minutes.
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Wow.
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And I didn't have wrist ache. Because, you know, you're
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just turning it. Just turning it with a screwdriver. It's
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basically a screwdriver, but well fast.
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Yeah, yeah. But I suppose with an Ikea set of drawers,
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you're not worried about hitting a wire. That would just
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be my worry.
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Yes, of course.
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Obviously, I'm going to hit a wire.
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Yeah, I would never go into a wall bareback with
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a drill.
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No, going bareback is what got you into this problem
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in the first place, isn't it?
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Yeah. should have had a raw plug on.
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Do you know what i've realized i've got to the
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point where i've realized it's better if i just spend
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the time i would of putting up the pictures doing
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some work that will pay for someone else to put
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up the pictures that's.
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A great idea josh but i don't know if you're
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aware of the current crisis the arts and the theater
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industry is in so i think we're gonna have to
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start learning quick shit shit Because you can't use that argument.
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You know what? It's better off to hire someone, and
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it's their profession, and they can do a good job,
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and I'll go out and do my job. But we
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haven't got a job.
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To go and do, Josh.
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No. Have we? I was going to say something else,
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and I can't. We're not talking about kids, are we?
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We're not talking about kids.
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How have your kids been?
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Shall I tell you about what's happened? I'll tell you what.
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We could save this one for Friday.
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Okay. Trail it.
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Basically, it's quite a big week this week because our
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eldest is starting primary school in September. So this week
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we've had three major events. One on Saturday. We've recorded
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this on Friday due to a family retirement party which
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is happening. Anyway, it's bogged down in my details. Anyway,
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this week we've had school uniform being bought and tried on.
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A meet the parents induction type thing.
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Oh, yeah.
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Because basically they can't do the inductions at the school.
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Normally they'd invite, you know, you invite them in. And
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also like they was doing this thing where all the
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kids dial into a Zoom call and the kids get
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read a book. And it's, I mean, like trying to manage,
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you know, 20 people, adults on a Zoom call. Imagine
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children with their adults all on mute, not on mute,
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like also parent dick swinging at them. I mean, because
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it all happens, doesn't it, at the school games?
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We had a... Zoom call. Right at the start of lockdown,
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our nursery decided to do a Zoom call for her class,
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for Chestnut. And it was basically, so Chestnut are what, two?
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To three-year-olds on a Zoom call. None of them paying
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any attention. So it's just all the parents really sat there.
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Awkwardly worried about how they look, what their background's like.
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You're desperately searching the backgrounds of the parents that you've
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got issues with.
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Also, weirdly, my daughter, for some reason, has picked up
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a Mansfield Park book. Who wrote that? Is it Jane Austen?
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Yeah.
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Anyway, she bought a selection of these books, right? And
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they're like proper books, Mansfield Park. So proper, like... You
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read that with your 15 book, right?
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She's just been.
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Taking it around with her, like some sort of mic drop,
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like she's reading Mansfield Park at four. And then she went,
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I want to hold this book for Reading Club. And
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I was like, I can't open the Zoom call. We're
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about to get a mouthful of Gruffalo and you've got
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Mansfield Park there. Anyway, it just made me laugh.
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I thought all the parents going, bloody hell, that Rob
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Beckett's daughter's not a chick off the old block, is she?
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She's knocking out Jane Austen once a week. She don't
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know anything about the Gruffalo. Anyway, sorry, go on, Josh.
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Oh, no, so we were doing this Zoom call, and
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then one of the parents was like, shall we sing
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a song? No! And none of the kids are going
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to sing a song. Suddenly it's 2.30 on a Tuesday afternoon,
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and I'm singing fucking... um whatever the song is i
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can't remember that loom song what's it ever is.
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Proud mary imagine that like an absolute belter this is me.
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Come on kids Wuthering Heights by Kate Bush is ambitious. No,
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so it's two in the afternoon, 2.30 in the afternoon,
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and there's just 20 sets of parents, no kids, just
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singing Wind the Bobbin' Up together. That's what the song was.
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And you're just like, this isn't living. That was like
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week one of lockdown.
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I can't do this for three months.
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Yes.
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There hasn't been a follow-up Zoom call.
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No, I think that's the right decision, to be honest.
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But anyway, I'll talk about the very stressful week.
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Oh, yeah.
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We're not stressful, but it's quite a big week, isn't it?
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You're going to primary school and stuff. But anyway, we'll
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talk about that on Friday.
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Look forward to it. Look forward to it. Now, on
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Friday's episode, we've got some great emails in. We've got Rob.
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There's got someone who needs your help in what would
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Rob Beckett do.
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Always.
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We've got a milk tray moment. And we've also, making
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me feel better, we've got someone who left their child
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in the house without realising it. So I look forward
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to reading you that.
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Oh, lovely.
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Yes, please.
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Also, can I put a call out for anyone that's
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had their work meeting interrupted by their child and how
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it went? Because I've been obsessed with those videos online
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of like BBC News interviews and Sky News interviews. They're
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on my Twitter. I've retweeted them. So if a kid's
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interrupted a serious work chat, because I know someone was making,
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one of my friend's wife was making someone redundant and
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their kid walked in asking for biscuits.
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Oh, my God. Her kid or the redundant, the person
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who's being redundant?
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No, no, no.
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The person making the person redundant. Oh. her kid walked
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in whilst she was making some.
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Because if it was the person who was being made
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redundant and then their kid came in asking for biscuits,
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like Oliver... Not anymore!
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Thanks to this guy! Yeah, for the next three months!
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Statutory!
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Josh, who have we got this week?
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This week, he's got a very different approach to parenting. Rob,
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how would you describe it?
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You sounded so unapart from him. Our guest this week
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is Fred Weston. Well, yeah, Russell Kane, I would say,
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is one of the nicest, most kind-hearted people I've ever met.
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Always looked after me at the start of comedy. I
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did his warm-up support and stuff like that. However, he's
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a maniac.
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He loves comedy.
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He loves gigging. He's got so much energy. He's hugely intelligent.
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He researches everything he does, and he approaches everything with
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a distinctive plan of action. And fatherhood is no different
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to the rest of his life. And he has got
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very meticulous ways in which he parents, which sound very effective.
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But I don't think everyone would be keen on it.
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And it's incredible listening. Enjoy Russell Cain.
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Russell Cain, how are you?
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Do you want the lying version or the true version?
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The truth.
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The truth.
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It's like Mo Farah has been put in a box.
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I've got so much energy. I'm used to just running
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around doing these long shows at high energy, going to
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the gym, doing podcasts. My days are normally full and
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now they're empty. And I've got like twitchy legs when
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I'm trying to fall asleep.
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I can't.
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It's an absolute frigging nightmare. I've had to get an
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exercise bike just to milk off the excess.
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You are one of the most energetic and just like
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busy people I've ever met in comedy. And you're always
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doing something. And even if you're not like booked on something,
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you're inventing a new way to sort of do like
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with your Facebook rants or podcasts. You are always doing
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about a million things. So has it really stressed you out?
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There's a bit of... FOMO going on every year I
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00:13:24.100 --> 00:13:27.919
tell myself this is my peak creative year finally I
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have arrived this is the year where I write the
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best stand-up or I will ever write and of course
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now in my head is I'm sort of taking a
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year's holiday when I'm sort of if I was a
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boxer 3% body fat and full of testosterone do you
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know what I'm going to cost myself for a year
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that's what I feel like so it is really that
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is doing my head in so I feel sorry for
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my manager because he gets called every day think of
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this screenplay And then it just hangs up.
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How are you, how are your family dealing with that?
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Are you good to live with or is it a
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nightmare for them?
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I am fortunate out of most of the standups I
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00:14:03.779 --> 00:14:07.610
know in that before this horrific COVID or if you're
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posh COVID-19 thing started, I was already doing these blogs and,
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00:14:13.950 --> 00:14:15.929
called canines the reason i did those was if i
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wasn't doing anything that was topical that week i was
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able to jump in first and get the best jokes
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00:14:20.610 --> 00:14:22.690
before friday came around and if i got news for
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you came on for example i would you would have
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done the best dominant coming jokes that i could think
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of that couldn't be stolen in advance so lucky for
329
00:14:29.860 --> 00:14:33.899
me i've already learned the slightly weird timing of performing
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to a camera and imagining where the laugh is and
331
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i've learned it by going through the comments and working
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out where it's sort of like a pause, but it's
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not a real pause. So I sort of know the
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00:14:44.049 --> 00:14:46.769
timing already. So I've just poured my energy into doing
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00:14:46.809 --> 00:14:50.169
a load more of that. So for me, I've had
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00:14:50.250 --> 00:14:53.519
places to stick that energy so it hasn't impeded too
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much on Lindsay and Minna's life. Not that they're still alive.
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They're two skeletons in the conservatory.
339
00:14:58.899 --> 00:15:01.159
So you're all set up, Ross. You live up north
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00:15:01.200 --> 00:15:03.289
now in Manchester, aren't you? So it's your wife, you,
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00:15:03.379 --> 00:15:06.379
your wife, Lindsay, and then your daughter, Minna. And how
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00:15:06.419 --> 00:15:06.919
old is Minna now?
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00:15:07.919 --> 00:15:09.360
Good age? Horrible, innit?
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Worst, worst. Oh, mate, the worst. If there was a
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00:15:12.259 --> 00:15:13.909
statue of Minna in the garden, I'd be tearing it
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down due to a fascist.
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00:15:16.960 --> 00:15:19.799
But you tell me stories about Minna, like where she
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always went to bed at the right times, a very
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00:15:21.779 --> 00:15:24.019
structured schedule, and she was a good sleeper and stuff
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00:15:24.039 --> 00:15:26.230
like that. And then you tell me stories about like
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00:15:26.490 --> 00:15:28.529
on trains, she'd just strip off naked and there's nothing
352
00:15:28.549 --> 00:15:31.730
you could do. So what kind of child is she? Like,
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how is it?
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I always say to people, even a serial killer is
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peaceful when they're asleep, right? You can walk into Ted
356
00:15:37.720 --> 00:15:39.720
Bundy's bedroom at 3am and go, what's the fuss about?
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00:15:39.740 --> 00:15:41.240
But you wouldn't want to be there at 8am when
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you woke up. So I have, And it's particularly men
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00:15:47.679 --> 00:15:52.350
that love to hear about this. I've nailed sleep. And
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I say I, even though Lindsay and I did it together,
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I was sort of the one that came up with
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00:15:57.379 --> 00:15:59.399
the plan, who said what we're going to do, what
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we do to get our daughter to sleep through the night.
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00:16:01.240 --> 00:16:03.820
So I will admit we've got sleep, and I know
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00:16:03.840 --> 00:16:05.539
a lot of people don't like to hear that, but
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00:16:05.580 --> 00:16:07.600
blokes do. They like to perv in on my full
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night's sleep and hear how I did it. This is
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00:16:11.539 --> 00:16:13.860
not normally going silent. It's like, oh, just tell me again, Russ.
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00:16:13.899 --> 00:16:15.299
Just tell me again about your umbrella.
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00:16:15.340 --> 00:16:17.179
What was that, eight hours for three weeks straight?
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00:16:17.200 --> 00:16:20.639
Stop it, stop it. So I'll tell you how I
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00:16:20.679 --> 00:16:23.659
achieved that in a minute, because men love to hear
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I did it using nerdy charts. But it's when the
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00:16:26.700 --> 00:16:31.379
eyes flick open. That is when the hell begins. But
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00:16:31.899 --> 00:16:35.629
that also proves that regardless of the temperament of your child,
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00:16:35.649 --> 00:16:37.590
whether you've got one of the laid back ones dribbling
377
00:16:37.629 --> 00:16:40.250
on its bricks as it amuses itself, or whether you've
378
00:16:40.269 --> 00:16:43.379
got a holy water sizzling on the forehead bastard like
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00:16:43.399 --> 00:16:48.740
I have. Yeah. I do truly believe if you want to,
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00:16:48.820 --> 00:16:50.940
and there's no reason why you have to, there's no
381
00:16:51.039 --> 00:16:52.500
pressure to get your child through the night, but if
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00:16:52.539 --> 00:16:54.940
it's something you both desperately want as a couple, it
383
00:16:54.980 --> 00:16:55.720
can be achieved.
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00:16:55.919 --> 00:16:57.500
What was your method, Russell?
385
00:16:57.620 --> 00:17:00.509
The benefit I've got is I'm the last one out
386
00:17:00.529 --> 00:17:04.309
of all my friends to have kids, right? So the
387
00:17:04.349 --> 00:17:06.950
downside is I'm going to be on a ventilator when
388
00:17:06.990 --> 00:17:13.200
she's on sports day. 100 metres, go on, you can
389
00:17:13.220 --> 00:17:17.240
run it for daddy. Do you remember the war? No,
390
00:17:17.579 --> 00:17:20.700
but the plus side is I was able to watch
391
00:17:20.779 --> 00:17:24.089
all my groups of friends and what went wrong most often,
392
00:17:24.109 --> 00:17:28.029
apart from all the usual childhood illnesses, was arguments about sleep,
393
00:17:28.130 --> 00:17:30.869
kids in the bed, sex life going down the drain,
394
00:17:30.930 --> 00:17:33.150
relationship going down the drain, where the child's on the
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00:17:33.210 --> 00:17:36.329
throne ruling the house as soon as it was born.
396
00:17:37.019 --> 00:17:38.960
So I was thinking to myself, do you know what?
397
00:17:39.000 --> 00:17:40.359
I don't want that to happen to me. Plus my
398
00:17:40.400 --> 00:17:42.440
mum was a childminder and a nanny, so she's a
399
00:17:42.460 --> 00:17:45.339
bit like badass with routine and sleep. So I just,
400
00:17:45.880 --> 00:17:48.059
me and Lindsay were bobbing around in the pool on
401
00:17:48.119 --> 00:17:50.609
one of those all-inclusive holidays. And we're like, should we
402
00:17:50.619 --> 00:17:52.890
go for it? Should we start trying for a baby?
403
00:17:53.630 --> 00:17:56.509
And I was like, before we do, before that Marvellon
404
00:17:56.529 --> 00:17:58.349
pill packet goes in the bin, we are going to
405
00:17:58.390 --> 00:18:02.019
be in agreement on sleep. And that's the mistake most
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00:18:02.039 --> 00:18:05.740
problems make. Once they've got a screaming satanic object in
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00:18:05.759 --> 00:18:07.339
front of them, that's when, should we have the chat now?
408
00:18:07.839 --> 00:18:12.339
The time to have the chat is before fertilisation. You
409
00:18:12.400 --> 00:18:16.569
need to agree about sleep in advance. It's really, really important.
410
00:18:16.609 --> 00:18:19.609
It doesn't matter if you both want to be bed-sharing hippies,
411
00:18:19.670 --> 00:18:21.970
baby hanging off the boob and all that, and you're
412
00:18:21.990 --> 00:18:24.329
both in the bed together, and you're going to do
413
00:18:24.369 --> 00:18:27.930
attachment and be up all night and be baby-led. That's fine.
414
00:18:28.329 --> 00:18:30.630
No judgment from me, and you shouldn't be judged by anyone.
415
00:18:30.730 --> 00:18:33.359
The problem is when you've got one person on one
416
00:18:33.410 --> 00:18:36.319
method and one on the other. If you've got a
417
00:18:36.339 --> 00:18:38.059
mum saying, I do want the baby hanging off my
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00:18:38.099 --> 00:18:39.680
boob while our marriage dies and you wank in the
419
00:18:39.700 --> 00:18:40.079
spare room.
420
00:18:40.369 --> 00:18:42.829
That's an idiot.
421
00:18:42.849 --> 00:18:45.769
You've been listening in to my house.
422
00:18:46.630 --> 00:18:50.789
No, but like, because I always think everyone's like putting
423
00:18:50.849 --> 00:18:52.769
pressure on women. Her breast is best. You need to
424
00:18:52.789 --> 00:18:56.410
do attachment. No, what's best is a really buzzingly happy,
425
00:18:57.289 --> 00:19:00.079
mentally stable household where the children are being raised in
426
00:19:00.130 --> 00:19:03.180
a positive environment. If that means slamming formula into his
427
00:19:03.220 --> 00:19:04.660
mouth on day one, so be it.
428
00:19:05.099 --> 00:19:08.250
Do you, I mean, obviously the, you need to decide
429
00:19:08.289 --> 00:19:10.509
this before you get pregnant is of use to about
430
00:19:10.509 --> 00:19:11.990
2% of our listeners.
431
00:19:12.170 --> 00:19:13.539
It should be a filter on Tinder.
432
00:19:14.640 --> 00:19:17.230
Early doors, isn't it?
433
00:19:17.460 --> 00:19:19.940
But to be fair, Russ, for the people listening, what
434
00:19:20.160 --> 00:19:22.400
age was Amina sleeping through the night?
435
00:19:22.579 --> 00:19:25.099
So we did eight hours by eight weeks and 12
436
00:19:25.099 --> 00:19:26.759
hours at 12 weeks. Those were my targets.
437
00:19:26.779 --> 00:19:30.490
Oh. their targets oh god it's like the wolf of
438
00:19:30.509 --> 00:19:34.390
wall street i love it eight hours eight weeks and
439
00:19:34.390 --> 00:19:36.579
12 hours at 12 weeks tell us how.
440
00:19:36.339 --> 00:19:38.759
A little bit a little bit of baby trivia which
441
00:19:38.940 --> 00:19:41.940
anyone now who's had a kid will know but maybe
442
00:19:41.960 --> 00:19:46.329
never realized it before most babies are born chronologically speaking
443
00:19:46.369 --> 00:19:49.670
like daytime nighttime speaking back to front so you anyone
444
00:19:49.690 --> 00:19:51.859
who's been uh lived with a pregnant woman will know
445
00:19:51.980 --> 00:19:54.440
baby doesn't do much all day sit down 8 p.m
446
00:19:54.859 --> 00:19:56.839
watch a bit of britain's got talent or whatever baby
447
00:19:56.859 --> 00:20:00.140
starts kicking yeah every time and then kicks are all
448
00:20:00.160 --> 00:20:01.819
through the night i've had a rubbish night sleep and
449
00:20:01.849 --> 00:20:04.269
then it sleeps all day the reason for this is
450
00:20:04.349 --> 00:20:08.140
as far as the stuff i've read is, of course,
451
00:20:08.160 --> 00:20:10.930
when you're walking around all day, if a woman's pregnant,
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00:20:10.950 --> 00:20:13.549
she's rocking the baby effectively. And when she's laying down,
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00:20:13.589 --> 00:20:15.750
the baby's not being rocked. Some babies fall asleep and
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00:20:15.769 --> 00:20:18.069
they're rocked, right? So I think that's why so many
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00:20:18.109 --> 00:20:21.250
babies are born awake at night, asleep during that. And
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00:20:21.369 --> 00:20:25.329
where you're so knackered, you just follow that pattern and
457
00:20:25.369 --> 00:20:29.130
you end up two, three, four, five years of screaming
458
00:20:29.190 --> 00:20:32.960
baby all night, asleep all day. So contrary to what
459
00:20:33.000 --> 00:20:36.039
some people think about being some sort of sleep fascist
460
00:20:36.099 --> 00:20:37.880
and forcing a baby to sleep through the night, it's
461
00:20:37.960 --> 00:20:40.319
quite the opposite. You know, my daughter was never allowed
462
00:20:40.339 --> 00:20:42.599
to cry or self-soothe or any of that nonsense that
463
00:20:42.640 --> 00:20:45.930
people hear. We just worked initially when she was tight,
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00:20:46.009 --> 00:20:48.930
once she'd regained her birth weight towards keeping her awake
465
00:20:48.990 --> 00:20:52.609
during the day. which is much, much easier. So you're
466
00:20:52.630 --> 00:20:56.140
just stretching. We're talking about when they're really tiny, just
467
00:20:56.180 --> 00:20:58.799
like a game on the kick mat, a mobile and
468
00:20:58.859 --> 00:21:02.140
inviting the nannies over when they're due for their scheduled naps.
469
00:21:02.160 --> 00:21:05.609
So babies need 16 hours sleep. Babies need 16 hours sleep.
470
00:21:05.630 --> 00:21:08.450
So why wouldn't you squeeze 10, 12 hours of that
471
00:21:08.490 --> 00:21:11.440
sleep into a night time? and had the four hours
472
00:21:11.519 --> 00:21:13.460
naps throughout the day. So whenever she was due for
473
00:21:13.500 --> 00:21:15.220
a nap, that's when I'd let my mum in to
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00:21:15.279 --> 00:21:18.420
start rocking her. So if she falls asleep, fine. Otherwise,
475
00:21:18.440 --> 00:21:19.920
I'd be getting like a vein in the side of
476
00:21:19.960 --> 00:21:22.869
my schedule head going in. You should be awake by now.
477
00:21:22.910 --> 00:21:24.910
So it's not about getting them to sleep. It's about
478
00:21:24.950 --> 00:21:25.630
keeping them up.
479
00:21:26.049 --> 00:21:28.910
Indeed, initially. And then what you'll see is you can
480
00:21:28.950 --> 00:21:32.410
gradually stretch the periods at night. And people are like,
481
00:21:32.430 --> 00:21:34.650
you should never wake a sleeping baby. You should never
482
00:21:34.779 --> 00:21:37.500
fuck off out my house. Yeah. What I would do
483
00:21:37.539 --> 00:21:39.400
is if Mina was due for, I don't remember what
484
00:21:39.440 --> 00:21:42.049
the timings are now, because it seems like a lifetime ago,
485
00:21:42.089 --> 00:21:44.849
but say she's supposed to have 90 minutes morning nap
486
00:21:44.890 --> 00:21:51.430
from 10 to 11.30. 11.31, I'm unswaddling that child. Getting
487
00:21:51.470 --> 00:21:53.950
her ready, fed on time, awake on the kick mat.
488
00:21:54.289 --> 00:21:56.250
We were using like a cold flannel on her feet,
489
00:21:56.329 --> 00:21:58.849
anything to keep her stimulated and awake. And our friends
490
00:21:58.869 --> 00:21:59.950
were like, that'll never work.
491
00:22:00.170 --> 00:22:02.710
That Japanese prisoner of war torture.
492
00:22:02.829 --> 00:22:05.730
Have you thought about working in Guantanamo Bay, Russell?
493
00:22:05.789 --> 00:22:09.369
LAUGHTER Sometimes I just scream in her face.
494
00:22:09.710 --> 00:22:12.990
Just play loud heavy metal for six hours.
495
00:22:13.029 --> 00:22:15.069
It was all done with, like, games.
496
00:22:15.170 --> 00:22:16.150
I know, I got invested.
497
00:22:16.369 --> 00:22:19.509
But it was our friends, every single one, of course,
498
00:22:19.529 --> 00:22:21.519
we go, whoa, weren't they supposed to get up at four?
499
00:22:21.559 --> 00:22:24.019
You should be on pool now, but four a.m., play
500
00:22:24.039 --> 00:22:26.400
the game. And that's the other bollocks that winds me up,
501
00:22:26.480 --> 00:22:29.359
is that babies wake at four a.m., five a.m., there's
502
00:22:29.400 --> 00:22:31.579
nothing you can do. It's absolute dog shit. If you
503
00:22:31.599 --> 00:22:33.859
get on a plane to Australia, your baby doesn't magically
504
00:22:33.920 --> 00:22:37.740
know that sunrise has changed. It's because people's definition of
505
00:22:37.779 --> 00:22:42.960
what they call a blackout curtain is pathetic. It winds
506
00:22:43.029 --> 00:22:44.650
me up. People are like, I've got the blackout, just
507
00:22:44.690 --> 00:22:46.410
like it said. And you go in and you're like,
508
00:22:46.430 --> 00:22:48.950
you could kill a vampire within seconds in that room
509
00:22:49.390 --> 00:22:51.769
at 6pm. You shouldn't be able to walk across a
510
00:22:51.809 --> 00:22:54.329
blackout room at midday. It should look like, in Spanish
511
00:22:54.349 --> 00:22:58.160
and Italian, people do proper blackout shutters and stuff. So
512
00:22:58.180 --> 00:23:00.690
that's what we did. So instead of doing a 7am
513
00:23:00.710 --> 00:23:03.069
to 7pm date, what use is that to a stand-up?
514
00:23:03.089 --> 00:23:04.869
Because I want to be involved as a dad. I
515
00:23:04.910 --> 00:23:07.150
said to Lindsay, let's do 9 till 9 till she
516
00:23:07.190 --> 00:23:09.069
goes to school. Then we get a bit of an
517
00:23:09.130 --> 00:23:11.109
evening and we get a lay-in as well. So that's
518
00:23:11.130 --> 00:23:14.009
when my daughter sleeps. She sleeps from 9pm to 9am.
519
00:23:14.269 --> 00:23:17.210
Blimey. It's amazing that in this we've discovered that you
520
00:23:17.279 --> 00:23:20.680
can't sleep but your daughter can, Russell, during the coronavirus.
521
00:23:21.259 --> 00:23:22.839
Have you thought about training yourself?
522
00:23:23.640 --> 00:23:27.420
No, I can't. I am more of the One of
523
00:23:27.440 --> 00:23:29.349
the surprising things about me, I'm more like the sort
524
00:23:29.380 --> 00:23:31.490
of puppy that runs around the park and then you
525
00:23:31.509 --> 00:23:36.250
just look across and I'm asleep in my basket. I've
526
00:23:36.289 --> 00:23:39.609
always been a brilliant sleeper because I sort of leave
527
00:23:39.630 --> 00:23:41.210
it all on the stage or in the office or
528
00:23:41.250 --> 00:23:43.490
on the phone call or whatever. I am quite good
529
00:23:43.509 --> 00:23:45.049
at relaxing at night, weirdly.
530
00:23:45.329 --> 00:23:47.250
You're so well read with stuff like that. I know you,
531
00:23:47.349 --> 00:23:48.839
I know you always do your research or whatever it
532
00:23:48.859 --> 00:23:52.000
is you're doing. So it's the same with kids and stuff. Um,
533
00:23:52.200 --> 00:23:54.079
is there any like books you recommend? And also, is
534
00:23:54.099 --> 00:23:56.819
there any bit of parenting where you've gone, Oh no,
535
00:23:56.980 --> 00:23:59.160
I had a howler with that, that that's not worked out.
536
00:23:59.200 --> 00:24:01.190
You know, there's things that you've messed up.
537
00:24:01.230 --> 00:24:04.009
Well, the two points there, the first thing is, as,
538
00:24:04.670 --> 00:24:08.410
as you'll know, anyone that's got children, it changes from,
539
00:24:08.950 --> 00:24:11.289
from generation to generation. So when my mum was in, um,
540
00:24:12.059 --> 00:24:14.559
gave birth to me, for example, back in the cholera
541
00:24:14.640 --> 00:24:18.220
epidemic of 1918. When my mum gave birth to me,
542
00:24:18.400 --> 00:24:21.880
she was told, you know, routine, read as much as
543
00:24:21.900 --> 00:24:23.640
you can. This is the most important thing that will
544
00:24:23.680 --> 00:24:25.640
ever happen to you. But if you have a baby now,
545
00:24:25.940 --> 00:24:30.589
you are literally radicalised by the maternity nurses. Don't read anything.
546
00:24:31.230 --> 00:24:33.769
Let the baby, baby will tell you.
547
00:24:34.470 --> 00:24:35.829
What are the bollocks?
548
00:24:35.950 --> 00:24:38.730
It's like a milk slug with no brain. What's it
549
00:24:38.750 --> 00:24:40.930
going to tell me? It can drink milk and shit itself.
550
00:24:40.970 --> 00:24:43.579
It ain't going to teach me anything. Everything else I've done,
551
00:24:44.170 --> 00:24:46.940
everything I've done in my entire life, and the same
552
00:24:46.960 --> 00:24:50.599
for anyone else, has been enhanced by study and preparation.
553
00:24:50.660 --> 00:24:54.720
There is virtually nothing that is not enhanced. But even
554
00:24:54.740 --> 00:24:57.200
when you get married, and it's the most romantic thing,
555
00:24:57.279 --> 00:25:00.730
but every single thing is studied and planned about the schedule.
556
00:25:01.390 --> 00:25:05.329
And so why would I... is the most important thing,
557
00:25:05.369 --> 00:25:10.750
or second after stand-up, that you'll do. You know, why
558
00:25:10.789 --> 00:25:15.500
would you not educate yourself? Don't educate yourself. Educate yourself less.
559
00:25:15.619 --> 00:25:18.359
Take knowledge out of your head. Just roll the baby.
560
00:25:18.460 --> 00:25:20.799
Roll the baby through a Corona tub and see what happens. No,
561
00:25:20.799 --> 00:25:22.880
I'm going to fucking learn my shit. So that's the
562
00:25:22.920 --> 00:25:27.589
first thing, is don't be bullied into not reading. Because...
563
00:25:27.970 --> 00:25:31.789
unbelievably that is the culture of your both your friends
564
00:25:31.829 --> 00:25:34.029
and your peer group oh my god studying it's a
565
00:25:34.170 --> 00:25:37.430
baby let baby lead you that's the dogma and also
566
00:25:37.470 --> 00:25:41.259
the nurses and then and then whatever you feel as
567
00:25:41.299 --> 00:25:43.480
a couple go with that there's loads of attack if
568
00:25:43.500 --> 00:25:46.400
you're into attachment parenting and the evidence is split no
569
00:25:46.779 --> 00:25:48.339
none of them not one thing is best for the
570
00:25:48.380 --> 00:25:50.759
child than the other what's best is a happy household
571
00:25:51.220 --> 00:25:53.440
So if you're into attachment parenting, go and read everything
572
00:25:53.480 --> 00:25:56.789
to do with bed sharing, attachment parenting. You go for it.
573
00:25:57.200 --> 00:25:58.920
If you want to be more on a schedule like me,
574
00:25:58.940 --> 00:26:01.890
there's loads of books to read. Baby Whisperer, I would recommend.
575
00:26:01.910 --> 00:26:03.849
I can't remember what the author's name is on the
576
00:26:03.869 --> 00:26:07.450
Baby Whisperer, but Gina Ford's good, contented baby handbook. She
577
00:26:07.509 --> 00:26:10.670
provides a military do this. Wake up, have your glass
578
00:26:10.710 --> 00:26:13.410
of water at 7 a.m. Proceed to the nursery and
579
00:26:13.430 --> 00:26:16.220
wake the baby. Now, some people find that patronizing. To me,
580
00:26:16.519 --> 00:26:19.440
that was like intellectual porn. I was like, no. i
581
00:26:19.480 --> 00:26:21.529
was like in uniform doing like a circuit of the
582
00:26:21.549 --> 00:26:22.599
building before.
583
00:26:22.289 --> 00:26:28.250
But have you had any howlers any any fails with
584
00:26:28.269 --> 00:26:30.730
it uh russ where things have just haven't clicked.
585
00:26:30.789 --> 00:26:33.029
Well i have no idea if i don't want to
586
00:26:33.069 --> 00:26:35.190
come off sexist or anything i have no idea if
587
00:26:35.230 --> 00:26:37.170
this is because it's a i've got a little girl
588
00:26:37.269 --> 00:26:39.009
i guess it would have been the same if it'd
589
00:26:39.029 --> 00:26:41.170
been a boy but i just i am struggling with
590
00:26:41.190 --> 00:26:43.920
the uh And Minna will be like, get me a
591
00:26:43.960 --> 00:26:47.019
biscuit now, Daddy. And Lindsay will be like, do let
592
00:26:47.039 --> 00:26:49.799
her speak to you like that. And I'll pretend to
593
00:26:50.319 --> 00:26:52.349
discipline her. I'll be like, okay, darling, what type of
594
00:26:52.369 --> 00:26:55.930
biscuit would you like? I'm just a bit grovelly and pathetic.
595
00:26:56.069 --> 00:26:57.829
And that is a real failure on my part. I
596
00:26:57.849 --> 00:26:59.769
should be like, you don't speak like that. I should
597
00:26:59.789 --> 00:27:03.369
be guiding her better. And I'm just struggling with being
598
00:27:03.390 --> 00:27:04.049
the bad guy.
599
00:27:04.230 --> 00:27:06.029
Do you think it's a comedian thing, Russell, that you
600
00:27:06.069 --> 00:27:06.890
want to be liked?
601
00:27:07.319 --> 00:27:07.450
Maybe.
602
00:27:07.470 --> 00:27:10.259
She's your audience and you don't want to disappoint her.
603
00:27:11.380 --> 00:27:15.539
Maybe possibly possibly um but i've been doing it this
604
00:27:15.900 --> 00:27:18.740
genuinely i mean i don't know how bizarre and freudian
605
00:27:18.769 --> 00:27:22.089
this is it started by me saying to minna because
606
00:27:22.109 --> 00:27:24.269
she's allowed to have um the light on in the
607
00:27:24.289 --> 00:27:26.690
hallway and a door open as she drifts to sleep
608
00:27:27.470 --> 00:27:29.829
and uh she started to push the boundaries for the
609
00:27:29.910 --> 00:27:32.029
first time ever recently so we had four years where
610
00:27:32.049 --> 00:27:34.309
she never even put her head out the bedroom and
611
00:27:34.349 --> 00:27:36.069
recently she was like can i just play in the
612
00:27:36.109 --> 00:27:38.200
boundary here can i just play in the hallway And
613
00:27:38.220 --> 00:27:40.240
I just told her my dad, what my dad was like,
614
00:27:40.259 --> 00:27:43.180
was like, it's bedtime, door closed, lights off, don't fuck me.
615
00:27:43.240 --> 00:27:46.579
I didn't swear. And she, I now sort of do,
616
00:27:46.799 --> 00:27:48.519
she's like, what would your daddy do if I was
617
00:27:48.559 --> 00:27:50.549
doing this? And then I do an impression of Dave
618
00:27:50.589 --> 00:27:54.069
Kane and it sort of sorts it out. I turn
619
00:27:54.130 --> 00:27:55.990
into my dad when I need to get anything done.
620
00:27:56.410 --> 00:27:59.329
So your dad's now doing the difficult part of the parenting. That's,
621
00:28:00.410 --> 00:28:03.349
of all the techniques you've got, you're using your dad
622
00:28:03.390 --> 00:28:04.390
from beyond the grave.
623
00:28:04.730 --> 00:28:06.210
I do like a poltergeist. Yeah.
624
00:28:07.509 --> 00:28:09.890
And how did you get her to stop? Because one
625
00:28:09.910 --> 00:28:12.069
of my daughters just takes her clothes off at any opportunity.
626
00:28:12.089 --> 00:28:13.630
If you don't watch it for long enough, just sort
627
00:28:13.650 --> 00:28:16.049
of strips off. And your daughter, you said, did that
628
00:28:16.069 --> 00:28:18.490
on the train. Is that still happening or did you
629
00:28:18.529 --> 00:28:19.250
manage to stop that?
630
00:28:19.490 --> 00:28:20.869
I mean, like everyone.
631
00:28:20.910 --> 00:28:22.789
She gets hot, doesn't she? Really hot, you said.
632
00:28:22.809 --> 00:28:25.230
Mate, last night, woke up at 2am, dripping in sweat.
633
00:28:25.269 --> 00:28:28.619
My daughter has aircon fitted into her bedroom. I know
634
00:28:28.630 --> 00:28:32.329
it's a bit extravagant. on 16 degrees Celsius every night,
635
00:28:32.390 --> 00:28:35.970
blasting onto her face, 2 a.m. last night, dripping in sweat. Dripping.
636
00:28:36.279 --> 00:28:36.799
Was she?
637
00:28:37.119 --> 00:28:39.640
You know, like, the aircon's got, like, the spinny vent
638
00:28:39.660 --> 00:28:41.119
thing on it to make it less severe. We had
639
00:28:41.140 --> 00:28:43.210
to take that off last night. She's exactly the same
640
00:28:43.250 --> 00:28:48.500
as me, just born hot. And I'm the same. I've
641
00:28:48.519 --> 00:28:50.380
got an air con unit in my room. Poor Lindsay.
642
00:28:50.440 --> 00:28:52.640
Lindsay has to... She's got a heated blanket on her
643
00:28:52.700 --> 00:28:53.319
side of the bed.
644
00:28:53.400 --> 00:28:53.720
My missus.
645
00:28:53.789 --> 00:28:56.410
You know that when you're trying to keep a kitten
646
00:28:56.450 --> 00:28:58.369
alive at the vet's? She sleeps on that.
647
00:28:58.849 --> 00:28:59.309
Wow.
648
00:28:59.769 --> 00:29:02.089
The temperature situation. So it's actually just hot when she's
649
00:29:02.109 --> 00:29:03.730
out and about, so she'll take stuff off and that
650
00:29:04.069 --> 00:29:04.670
on the train.
651
00:29:04.690 --> 00:29:07.960
So the nakedness, she's still naked. So, like, we've got...
652
00:29:08.480 --> 00:29:10.900
And she's tall, my daughter, as well. So though she's four,
653
00:29:11.099 --> 00:29:12.700
she could pass for five and a half, six.
654
00:29:12.799 --> 00:29:13.099
It's not.
655
00:29:13.599 --> 00:29:16.650
Like, it's not... it's starting to get a bit inappropriate
656
00:29:16.670 --> 00:29:18.789
to be totally stark as in the front garden you
657
00:29:18.809 --> 00:29:20.210
know i mean i think on holiday on a hot
658
00:29:20.269 --> 00:29:23.059
beach people wouldn't mind but as soon as the like
659
00:29:23.359 --> 00:29:25.960
the yodel guy turns up she's out there doing clap
660
00:29:25.980 --> 00:29:28.420
the nhs there'll be like tuesday at 3 p.m naked
661
00:29:28.500 --> 00:29:32.759
clapping for the nhs and uh it is worrying that
662
00:29:32.799 --> 00:29:34.769
my daughter's an attention junkie and likes to dance and
663
00:29:34.789 --> 00:29:36.690
be naked i mean i keep having like a flash
664
00:29:36.730 --> 00:29:38.970
forward of her on a pole going paint me a dance.
665
00:29:39.450 --> 00:29:43.559
And it's terrifying. But she just won't wear clothes. And
666
00:29:43.579 --> 00:29:46.640
I'm like, please, just underwear would be a start.
667
00:29:46.660 --> 00:29:47.160
You know what I mean?
668
00:29:47.259 --> 00:29:50.359
Just some underwear. And you have sort of explicit yoga
669
00:29:50.380 --> 00:29:54.880
stretching in the background of a Zoom call. I don't
670
00:29:54.900 --> 00:29:57.559
know what it is. She just will not be impeded
671
00:29:57.619 --> 00:30:00.359
by clothing. If we go out for walks and stuff,
672
00:30:00.380 --> 00:30:02.640
she will, but on a train, if I get the,
673
00:30:02.859 --> 00:30:04.940
I'm hurt, I feel hurt, I know we're in trouble.
674
00:30:05.259 --> 00:30:08.640
I know we're not normal, me and Minna, because we'll
675
00:30:08.700 --> 00:30:10.970
go out, I don't know, and it'll be February, and
676
00:30:11.009 --> 00:30:14.089
we're both walking down the high street, T-shirt, jeans, and
677
00:30:14.109 --> 00:30:16.130
the other children, you know, they've got the parkas with
678
00:30:16.150 --> 00:30:18.829
the fairy hoods, and I'm getting looks from parents. I
679
00:30:18.849 --> 00:30:20.599
cannot get a coat on her. I've got a coat
680
00:30:20.630 --> 00:30:23.559
with me, but it'll be under the buggy. And my
681
00:30:23.599 --> 00:30:25.769
coat will start on and then I'll start dripping in sweat.
682
00:30:25.789 --> 00:30:30.509
So we're just like these two freaks with T-shirts. We'd
683
00:30:30.710 --> 00:30:35.170
look like we had COVID-19 now. We'd be abducted by
684
00:30:35.210 --> 00:30:36.700
the Chinese government if we went out.
685
00:30:41.680 --> 00:30:43.730
You're one of the kind of, I'd say the most
686
00:30:43.809 --> 00:30:46.849
well-read people I know. You read a lot and you
687
00:30:46.890 --> 00:30:48.490
do a lot of audio books and stuff. Is your
688
00:30:48.529 --> 00:30:50.990
daughter following in your footsteps with that kind of stuff?
689
00:30:51.109 --> 00:30:54.430
She has inherited the audio book bug from me. So
690
00:30:55.039 --> 00:30:57.599
until this mess started, we had a no screens in
691
00:30:57.619 --> 00:31:01.680
the week rule. So you were allowed films at the weekend.
692
00:31:01.759 --> 00:31:05.140
And the reason I do films, again, I don't push
693
00:31:05.180 --> 00:31:08.049
this on anyone else. It's my own personal choice. It's
694
00:31:08.109 --> 00:31:10.009
just a theory I've got. And there's a little bit
695
00:31:10.029 --> 00:31:12.380
of evidence out there that if If we all watch
696
00:31:12.460 --> 00:31:15.119
a film, it's longer scenes. You've got to follow a
697
00:31:15.180 --> 00:31:18.640
story from beginning to end. You've got to use your concentration.
698
00:31:18.660 --> 00:31:21.799
Whereas if it's an iPad game or really quick cartoons,
699
00:31:21.880 --> 00:31:24.279
it's a bit more, oh, you've done one thing. Let's
700
00:31:24.319 --> 00:31:26.359
move on to something else. It's not really training the
701
00:31:26.400 --> 00:31:30.200
concentration as well. Of course, that's all gone to shit now.
702
00:31:30.220 --> 00:31:34.259
I'm feeding them. Monster Munch in the mouth, Mr. Tumble
703
00:31:34.279 --> 00:31:34.759
in the eyes.
704
00:31:34.779 --> 00:31:35.940
It's gone.
705
00:31:36.819 --> 00:31:38.539
When we're doing the daily walks, which is just me
706
00:31:38.559 --> 00:31:40.779
and Minna, while Lindsay cries in relief that we're both
707
00:31:40.839 --> 00:31:43.460
out of the house for an hour. We never do
708
00:31:43.519 --> 00:31:45.880
our family walk together. It's just Lindsay kicking us out
709
00:31:45.900 --> 00:31:50.819
the door. Fuck off. Minna has an iPad, but she's
710
00:31:50.859 --> 00:31:53.900
got earphones plugged in and closed and she'll have an
711
00:31:53.940 --> 00:31:55.980
audio book on. If you can get kids hooked on
712
00:31:56.019 --> 00:31:59.220
audio books, you feel less guilty as a parent because
713
00:31:59.309 --> 00:32:01.400
they still see it as high value because they're holding
714
00:32:01.420 --> 00:32:03.970
the forbidden iPad. And they can even look at the
715
00:32:04.029 --> 00:32:08.450
steel square of... whatever book it is they're reading. But
716
00:32:08.910 --> 00:32:10.759
they've got the earphones and you feel like they're having
717
00:32:10.799 --> 00:32:13.420
a literary positive experience, but they feel like they're having
718
00:32:13.440 --> 00:32:16.609
an iPad experience and everyone wins. And Audible have got some,
719
00:32:16.930 --> 00:32:18.829
like all the Julia Donaldson ones. And I don't know
720
00:32:18.849 --> 00:32:21.509
if any of you are a lot of read those, Stickman, Buffalo.
721
00:32:21.750 --> 00:32:24.339
And they really go to town and read it slowly.
722
00:32:24.359 --> 00:32:28.740
So it takes about like 28 minutes to get through Gruffalo.
723
00:32:28.759 --> 00:32:30.619
Slowing it on 0.5 speed.
724
00:32:30.680 --> 00:32:31.180
Exactly.
725
00:32:31.200 --> 00:32:34.940
Russ, has there been any like ideas about parenting or like,
726
00:32:34.960 --> 00:32:36.980
you know, tactics and strategies you wanted to use that
727
00:32:37.019 --> 00:32:39.700
Lindsay has said, no, I think that's too much or
728
00:32:39.720 --> 00:32:42.250
I don't agree with that. Where obviously I think you're
729
00:32:42.269 --> 00:32:45.349
the ones bringing these ideas in. Is that fair or
730
00:32:45.390 --> 00:32:46.269
is it Lindsay's fault?
731
00:32:46.289 --> 00:32:49.170
It takes more the other way around. Lindsay will be
732
00:32:49.230 --> 00:32:54.180
the more strict, hardcore one. And then I'll be the...
733
00:32:53.859 --> 00:32:55.759
In fact, she's like, why are you being such a pussyhole?
734
00:32:56.200 --> 00:32:59.549
She just spoke to you like, shite in there. Do
735
00:32:59.569 --> 00:33:00.710
you want to go back in and correct her?
736
00:33:00.750 --> 00:33:01.190
And I'm like.
737
00:33:04.839 --> 00:33:09.640
So it's more like that. The strategy that I brought
738
00:33:09.700 --> 00:33:14.150
in that Lindsay was sceptical about at first, but that
739
00:33:14.230 --> 00:33:17.930
I've proved, because she's quite rightly a bit more, you know,
740
00:33:17.950 --> 00:33:20.309
she just won't be spoken to like shy by a four-year-old.
741
00:33:20.390 --> 00:33:22.650
And he's right, of course he is. And I realise
742
00:33:22.690 --> 00:33:25.000
I'm a bit wrapped around the finger. But I've read
743
00:33:25.039 --> 00:33:27.240
a really brilliant book. Forgive me, I've not listened to
744
00:33:27.299 --> 00:33:29.900
all of your episodes. Someone may have recommended it already
745
00:33:29.920 --> 00:33:32.980
called Philippa Perry, the book you wish your parents read.
746
00:33:33.119 --> 00:33:34.500
Yeah, my wife's read that.
747
00:33:35.049 --> 00:33:38.769
Game changer and what it is right in the heat
748
00:33:38.809 --> 00:33:42.240
of the moment when the child is being absolutely vile
749
00:33:42.279 --> 00:33:44.660
and has just thrown a drink across your laptop or
750
00:33:44.680 --> 00:33:48.519
whatever or does something really bad if instead of like
751
00:33:48.539 --> 00:33:52.019
letting your anger unleash which i'm weirdly good at funnily
752
00:33:52.059 --> 00:33:53.619
enough for a highly strong person i'm quite good at
753
00:33:53.640 --> 00:33:57.500
staying calm is the first thing to do is identify
754
00:33:57.539 --> 00:34:01.140
with why they might be frustrated to acknowledge their feeling. Now,
755
00:34:01.160 --> 00:34:02.480
when I told this to Lindsay, she's like, fuck off,
756
00:34:02.500 --> 00:34:05.180
my laptop's fucked, fuck it. And I'm like, no.
757
00:34:05.180 --> 00:34:07.349
Did you identify with Lindsay's feelings at that point?
758
00:34:07.589 --> 00:34:08.289
Yes, I did.
759
00:34:08.349 --> 00:34:10.630
Well, you can if you're an adult. It works really
760
00:34:10.670 --> 00:34:13.670
well in debates when you go, I understand why you're
761
00:34:13.710 --> 00:34:16.809
angry about the Winston Churchill statue, for example. I totally
762
00:34:16.849 --> 00:34:18.329
get where you're coming from. If I'd seen it from
763
00:34:18.349 --> 00:34:19.989
your point of view, I would feel X, Y, Z.
764
00:34:20.230 --> 00:34:24.989
So you're in a non-patronising way, validating the emotions that
765
00:34:25.030 --> 00:34:28.559
that person has. The problem is, you use that phrase,
766
00:34:28.940 --> 00:34:31.280
it's having this effect on me a minute. You know,
767
00:34:31.360 --> 00:34:33.400
when you speak to me like that, it hurts my feelings.
768
00:34:33.699 --> 00:34:36.619
I feel bad afterwards. So initially we both felt a
769
00:34:36.639 --> 00:34:39.380
bit silly and American doing this method. It feels a
770
00:34:39.400 --> 00:34:43.219
bit like an American. So it totally takes the sting
771
00:34:43.900 --> 00:34:46.840
out of the child's anger. But I do need to
772
00:34:46.860 --> 00:34:49.010
what Lindsay is in is right. I do need to
773
00:34:49.070 --> 00:34:52.590
work on being a little bit tougher sometimes. When she's
774
00:34:52.610 --> 00:34:55.489
being rude to me and when she's being naughty, I'm
775
00:34:55.530 --> 00:34:56.110
a bit soft.
776
00:34:56.190 --> 00:34:59.250
How much does your parenting differ from the parenting that
777
00:34:59.289 --> 00:35:00.949
you received as a child, Russell?
778
00:35:01.269 --> 00:35:04.809
Massively. Not so much from what my mum did, but
779
00:35:05.309 --> 00:35:08.610
from my dad. As my dad used to constantly tell me,
780
00:35:08.769 --> 00:35:11.929
I didn't have a dad. So I didn't even have
781
00:35:11.949 --> 00:35:13.880
a dad. And I used to whisper, you lucky fucker.
782
00:35:14.550 --> 00:35:22.239
LAUGHTER All my friends, because I come from a council area,
783
00:35:22.280 --> 00:35:25.920
so mostly single parents, my friends, or divorced parents or
784
00:35:25.960 --> 00:35:28.539
dysfunctional marriages. I was one of the few that had
785
00:35:28.619 --> 00:35:30.989
a mum and a dad and a house. Very rare
786
00:35:31.010 --> 00:35:34.170
where I come from. And everyone used to tell me
787
00:35:34.190 --> 00:35:36.510
how lucky I was, but they always seemed to be
788
00:35:36.550 --> 00:35:42.250
happier than me, always. My dad was not physically abusive
789
00:35:42.489 --> 00:35:45.280
at all. In fact, he wasn't abusive at all on
790
00:35:45.340 --> 00:35:48.880
any level. He was accidentally just very negative and invalidated.
791
00:35:49.500 --> 00:35:52.099
So I've put it all down and I've recently released,
792
00:35:52.139 --> 00:35:54.269
like it's not so much a memoir, but sort of a,
793
00:35:54.369 --> 00:35:56.090
it's called son of a silverback. It's a book all
794
00:35:56.130 --> 00:35:57.670
about my dad growing up as a son of my dad.
795
00:35:57.690 --> 00:35:59.889
And I stop it before I start stand up. So
796
00:35:59.909 --> 00:36:01.570
there's no, there's no, I went on stage and I
797
00:36:01.590 --> 00:36:04.929
felt like this. There's none of that. So I just,
798
00:36:05.329 --> 00:36:07.980
I try not to like my, my classic example of
799
00:36:08.019 --> 00:36:10.219
my old man was I would, go for a cycle
800
00:36:10.260 --> 00:36:12.119
on my bike and I would have cycled 10 miles
801
00:36:12.179 --> 00:36:15.039
in the day. And I'd be, I'd be about like
802
00:36:15.039 --> 00:36:16.719
14 years old. So proud of myself. And my old
803
00:36:16.760 --> 00:36:18.519
man would go, I used to cycle 30 a day
804
00:36:18.579 --> 00:36:25.090
to work. If we were going on holiday, the traffic
805
00:36:25.110 --> 00:36:27.389
would be shit. He would know in advance, the hotel
806
00:36:27.429 --> 00:36:28.849
was going to be shit. I reckon the food will
807
00:36:28.869 --> 00:36:30.269
be shit. The whole thing will be a rip off.
808
00:36:30.710 --> 00:36:34.530
So I try to work on, not putting that negativity
809
00:36:34.630 --> 00:36:37.530
in because i think i'm very lucky it didn't affect
810
00:36:37.929 --> 00:36:39.730
you know it turned me into the opposite it made
811
00:36:39.769 --> 00:36:42.250
me resilient but it could have had another effect on
812
00:36:42.289 --> 00:36:46.309
me so i'm careful not to put that a negativity.
813
00:36:45.769 --> 00:36:48.130
In do you think you'll have more kids russell you'll
814
00:36:48.150 --> 00:36:48.829
stick with one.
815
00:36:49.190 --> 00:36:55.730
No no fuck it absolutely no no chance whatsoever And
816
00:36:55.750 --> 00:36:59.190
because Mina's four, we're getting the older, you're going to
817
00:36:59.210 --> 00:37:01.090
feel different. You'll feel different in a couple of years.
818
00:37:01.170 --> 00:37:02.489
We have to hear that from everybody. You're going to
819
00:37:02.510 --> 00:37:05.949
feel different. My eldest was six and we never thought,
820
00:37:06.389 --> 00:37:09.070
but honestly, if I, even a twinge, I'll smash my
821
00:37:09.090 --> 00:37:13.300
bollocks off with a spoon. I'll never have another child.
822
00:37:13.420 --> 00:37:17.880
One's enough. Mina has twins in one brain. Fair enough.
823
00:37:19.260 --> 00:37:21.199
How many have you, how many has everyone, Josh, how.
824
00:37:21.139 --> 00:37:23.000
Many have you got? I've got one. So she's two
825
00:37:23.019 --> 00:37:23.460
and a half.
826
00:37:23.809 --> 00:37:25.730
That's heaven, isn't it, one? Are you going to have more?
827
00:37:26.869 --> 00:37:30.360
I think possibly, yeah. I mean, I think the thing
828
00:37:30.400 --> 00:37:30.719
with it is.
829
00:37:30.800 --> 00:37:31.260
Rob, help him.
830
00:37:31.300 --> 00:37:34.679
Rob, help him. No, I like having two. I think
831
00:37:34.840 --> 00:37:35.300
three is.
832
00:37:35.619 --> 00:37:36.780
Have you got a gun to your head, Rob?
833
00:37:36.949 --> 00:37:39.650
No, I love it.
834
00:37:40.030 --> 00:37:42.190
Your missus there going, tell him how you like having two.
835
00:37:45.380 --> 00:37:49.619
No genuinely it is it is hell for like 18
836
00:37:49.619 --> 00:37:52.440
months but once they get to 18 months it's so
837
00:37:52.460 --> 00:37:54.440
much easier because they've got a mate in the house
838
00:37:54.940 --> 00:37:57.900
so i would say it is horrendous for that first
839
00:37:57.900 --> 00:37:59.820
18 months but once you get over that and they
840
00:37:59.860 --> 00:38:02.980
can play together it's a godsend because they're not on
841
00:38:03.059 --> 00:38:05.679
you for attention and games they've got each other to
842
00:38:05.699 --> 00:38:06.420
play with do you.
843
00:38:06.360 --> 00:38:08.599
Find one russell because i i kind of think the
844
00:38:09.119 --> 00:38:11.659
is that everything you do you go well once we
845
00:38:11.699 --> 00:38:14.139
get through this that's it i don't have to do
846
00:38:14.159 --> 00:38:17.119
it again with Once I've done the sleep thing, once
847
00:38:17.159 --> 00:38:20.940
I've done the nappy thing, that's it. I've never got
848
00:38:20.980 --> 00:38:23.150
to take that on again. That must be quite a
849
00:38:23.190 --> 00:38:26.469
kind of freeing thing. Because you go, this phase, I've
850
00:38:26.489 --> 00:38:27.809
got to deal with it once in my life.
851
00:38:28.289 --> 00:38:30.679
It's freeing, but then you realise how much people have
852
00:38:30.699 --> 00:38:32.219
been lying to you. Because I remember when the baby
853
00:38:32.239 --> 00:38:33.840
was born, they were like, this is the hardest bit.
854
00:38:33.920 --> 00:38:36.599
Once they can sit up, it's going to be fine.
855
00:38:37.039 --> 00:38:40.599
LAUGHTER And then the fucker sits up and goes, here's Johnny.
856
00:38:40.719 --> 00:38:43.440
And it's like, Oh no. So there's just another hill.
857
00:38:43.780 --> 00:38:46.920
And you realize it's like that horrific program SAS challenge.
858
00:38:47.400 --> 00:38:52.539
There is always another hill. Yeah. You just get to
859
00:38:52.599 --> 00:38:55.139
the top of the peak. It's like some horrific Greek myth.
860
00:38:55.440 --> 00:38:57.800
And there is another peak. As soon as they get
861
00:38:57.840 --> 00:39:00.039
to school, it's going to be fine. Is it? Well,
862
00:39:00.079 --> 00:39:03.159
I'll find out soon. So yeah, nappy training and potty
863
00:39:03.199 --> 00:39:05.929
training and sleep was bad, but there's always another hill
864
00:39:05.969 --> 00:39:08.650
to overcome. So far as the specific question of, Would
865
00:39:08.690 --> 00:39:11.210
I like to retackle them? I think if a newborn
866
00:39:11.250 --> 00:39:13.789
was teleported here and we had no choice, I would
867
00:39:13.809 --> 00:39:17.369
feel more confident because of the way I've tackled it.
868
00:39:17.900 --> 00:39:21.599
I'm really careful not to judge baby-led people. In fact,
869
00:39:21.639 --> 00:39:24.840
I'm jealous that they're so relaxed that they can let
870
00:39:24.909 --> 00:39:28.469
baby lead the way and all together with soy milk.
871
00:39:28.530 --> 00:39:32.239
I'm i'm jealous but because i have approached it in
872
00:39:32.280 --> 00:39:35.380
a structured knowledge led way i would like to think
873
00:39:35.480 --> 00:39:38.280
i would find it much even easier the second time
874
00:39:38.719 --> 00:39:39.579
potty training.
875
00:39:39.340 --> 00:39:41.820
I think there's a real fear the first time that
876
00:39:41.840 --> 00:39:43.539
you're going to you know you're worried you're going to
877
00:39:43.619 --> 00:39:45.820
break it or do whatever but i think the second
878
00:39:45.880 --> 00:39:49.780
time presumably you just must be so much more confident
879
00:39:49.820 --> 00:39:52.300
with the child because you've done it before and you didn't,
880
00:39:52.809 --> 00:39:53.329
kill them.
881
00:39:53.489 --> 00:39:55.309
What's that yeah yeah you are you are more you're
882
00:39:55.329 --> 00:39:57.610
more just more relaxed you're not so like oh my
883
00:39:57.630 --> 00:40:00.469
god and like nothing escalates as quick as it normally
884
00:40:00.489 --> 00:40:02.949
would where like when they're the first one cause oh
885
00:40:02.980 --> 00:40:05.099
my god let's go to hospital now and then the
886
00:40:05.139 --> 00:40:07.159
second one you're like i'll be all right let's give
887
00:40:07.179 --> 00:40:09.340
it then let it sleep for a bit let's see
888
00:40:09.380 --> 00:40:10.739
let's see what happens.
889
00:40:10.599 --> 00:40:12.420
Do you do the thing where every single noise you
890
00:40:12.440 --> 00:40:13.480
think they're dying he's dead.
891
00:40:13.619 --> 00:40:16.920
Yeah and they're watching them breathe well the first one
892
00:40:16.940 --> 00:40:19.539
i remember just kept sneaking in to see their chest
893
00:40:19.559 --> 00:40:22.039
going is it breathing yeah she's breathing like but like check.
894
00:40:21.880 --> 00:40:28.659
It But anyway, when you're not a parent and all
895
00:40:28.679 --> 00:40:30.150
your mates are telling you what it's like, they don't
896
00:40:30.170 --> 00:40:33.510
half lie, don't they? So they're like, you're going to
897
00:40:33.530 --> 00:40:35.369
get it home and you just sit there and you
898
00:40:35.469 --> 00:40:37.090
stare at it together and you go, oh my God,
899
00:40:37.130 --> 00:40:40.030
I've never felt such love and completion. Is it, will
900
00:40:40.050 --> 00:40:42.550
it be the next prime minister? An astronaut, a physicist.
901
00:40:43.110 --> 00:40:45.010
you know, what is this baby going to be? And
902
00:40:45.030 --> 00:40:47.679
you think you're going to have all these, but whereas
903
00:40:47.699 --> 00:40:50.239
the reality is you just sit there going, he's dead,
904
00:40:50.300 --> 00:40:53.159
he's dead, he's been beaten by a dog. I'll get
905
00:40:53.179 --> 00:40:54.000
the blame, I'll go to prison.
906
00:40:56.409 --> 00:40:59.750
It's so horrible it is it does yeah when they're
907
00:40:59.769 --> 00:41:02.949
little like that it's everything's so charged it's awful.
908
00:41:02.789 --> 00:41:04.969
The other thing about having two josh i would just
909
00:41:05.050 --> 00:41:07.110
i would just say i don't know anything about your
910
00:41:07.530 --> 00:41:10.800
child but the the benefit of having the type of
911
00:41:10.860 --> 00:41:14.739
baby i've had first is it inoculates you against the
912
00:41:14.780 --> 00:41:19.159
desire for a second one if you're unlucky enough to
913
00:41:19.199 --> 00:41:22.940
have a such a well-behaved relaxed baby first you are
914
00:41:23.019 --> 00:41:27.610
tricked by nature into bringing the omen into the house I.
915
00:41:28.130 --> 00:41:30.670
Think I'm lucky in that sense because she is intense
916
00:41:30.929 --> 00:41:34.730
like she's at nursery they'll go she's a big character
917
00:41:34.769 --> 00:41:37.889
isn't she and you know you know what they mean
918
00:41:37.909 --> 00:41:38.250
full of.
919
00:41:38.210 --> 00:41:41.929
Energy subtitles on that would you.
920
00:41:45.900 --> 00:41:48.800
Russell Kane um I'm going to say it. Where do
921
00:41:48.820 --> 00:41:49.800
we start? Wow.
922
00:41:49.820 --> 00:41:53.639
I mean, Russell is one of the most intelligent people
923
00:41:53.659 --> 00:41:56.460
I've ever met. And also one of the kindest and
924
00:41:56.500 --> 00:41:59.659
most generous. So like this, sometimes when he talks about
925
00:41:59.699 --> 00:42:02.539
like his schedule for his kid and stuff, It's all
926
00:42:02.579 --> 00:42:05.119
coming out of a place of love and support. And
927
00:42:05.139 --> 00:42:07.030
he's such a lovely man and a good family man.
928
00:42:07.070 --> 00:42:09.369
But like, it's so like, I could never stick to
929
00:42:09.409 --> 00:42:11.849
that kind of regime. I'd be, I'd break it all
930
00:42:11.889 --> 00:42:12.250
the time.
931
00:42:12.489 --> 00:42:14.409
I know this isn't the bit that, you know, would
932
00:42:14.429 --> 00:42:17.710
jump out. The 12 hours that he's decided to choose
933
00:42:18.690 --> 00:42:22.840
from 9pm till 9am are definitely not the 12 hours
934
00:42:22.909 --> 00:42:24.239
I would choose for my baby's sleep.
935
00:42:24.420 --> 00:42:25.179
Well, what do you choose?
936
00:42:25.539 --> 00:42:28.579
I definitely have her going to sleep earlier. Because what
937
00:42:28.619 --> 00:42:31.699
time do your children go to bed? Like my daughter probably...
938
00:42:31.849 --> 00:42:34.789
We'd probably leave her at about 7.30. And then you
939
00:42:34.809 --> 00:42:37.090
get an evening. But Russell's not really getting an evening.
940
00:42:37.389 --> 00:42:39.880
Well, no, because he works. I think because he was
941
00:42:39.920 --> 00:42:43.059
saying he gets home late. Right, I see. I don't know.
942
00:42:43.099 --> 00:42:46.619
So he can see her before bed. He did say, actually,
943
00:42:46.639 --> 00:42:48.000
we didn't actually get it on the show, but his
944
00:42:48.139 --> 00:42:52.690
blackout curtains technique is three layers of blackout. So you
945
00:42:52.750 --> 00:42:55.769
put like a sheet on the window and then two blinds.
946
00:42:56.130 --> 00:42:58.869
That's intense. My question with that, I should have asked this, is,
947
00:42:59.260 --> 00:43:01.500
Does that not pose problems if you go anywhere else?
948
00:43:01.579 --> 00:43:04.119
Or is he packing three layers of blinds when he's.
949
00:43:04.059 --> 00:43:06.019
Going to a hotel? He's packing three layers of blinds.
950
00:43:06.059 --> 00:43:08.190
He definitely would take blinds. I know him. I went
951
00:43:08.230 --> 00:43:11.380
on tour with him. He would take blinds 100%. And
952
00:43:11.389 --> 00:43:14.239
wear a sleep mask. But I have always slept better
953
00:43:14.320 --> 00:43:16.679
on holiday in places like Spain when they do have
954
00:43:16.699 --> 00:43:19.599
those metal shutters. So I do think that a blackout
955
00:43:19.619 --> 00:43:23.019
blind does make you sleep better. I don't think that
956
00:43:23.079 --> 00:43:24.699
is in doubt. And I don't know why we don't
957
00:43:24.739 --> 00:43:26.280
do it more. So maybe he's on to something.
958
00:43:26.409 --> 00:43:28.269
Are you a good sleeper? We've never actually discussed whether
959
00:43:28.289 --> 00:43:30.909
we're good sleepers ourselves. Are you good at sleeping, Rob?
960
00:43:31.909 --> 00:43:33.559
I mean, what a question. Am I good at it?
961
00:43:33.809 --> 00:43:36.449
I don't think I could go pro, but on a
962
00:43:36.510 --> 00:43:39.940
Sunday afternoon, I can hold me own. Um, I can
963
00:43:40.019 --> 00:43:43.059
sleep anywhere. Like if on a plane or if you just,
964
00:43:43.139 --> 00:43:44.820
if you leave me alone for long enough, I'm not working.
965
00:43:44.920 --> 00:43:47.159
I can nod off, but I've not been sleeping that
966
00:43:47.199 --> 00:43:49.809
well in lockdown, but it is difficult because you're not
967
00:43:50.050 --> 00:43:52.369
being out to get as tired going out of place
968
00:43:52.409 --> 00:43:52.789
and stuff.
969
00:43:52.829 --> 00:43:55.710
But I think the worst feeling in the world is, well,
970
00:43:55.730 --> 00:43:57.550
not the worst feeling in the world. Obviously there's terrible feelings.
971
00:43:57.980 --> 00:44:00.380
But that feeling when your child has gone to sleep
972
00:44:00.699 --> 00:44:02.889
in the early days and then you can't get to
973
00:44:02.949 --> 00:44:05.269
sleep yourself and the pressure you're putting on yourself to
974
00:44:05.309 --> 00:44:06.389
get to sleep.
975
00:44:06.530 --> 00:44:09.329
I used to really struggle when Lou went away for
976
00:44:09.349 --> 00:44:10.929
the night and I was in with, because I am
977
00:44:11.010 --> 00:44:13.190
such a deep sleeper. So I never wake up in
978
00:44:13.210 --> 00:44:14.710
the night because I'm such a deep sleeper. I was
979
00:44:14.750 --> 00:44:17.489
so worried about like not hearing him cry out. I
980
00:44:17.510 --> 00:44:18.530
just stay awake all night.
981
00:44:18.849 --> 00:44:21.239
So you were worried you'd sleep through there quiet. Have
982
00:44:21.280 --> 00:44:23.400
you got, you've got a thingy alarm though, haven't you?
983
00:44:23.579 --> 00:44:25.960
Yeah, but I'm such a deep, once I've gone, Josh,
984
00:44:26.039 --> 00:44:29.519
I've gone. And that's why Lou gets annoyed with me
985
00:44:29.539 --> 00:44:32.219
because she always gets up in the night because I
986
00:44:32.260 --> 00:44:33.920
don't hear it. So by the time she wakes me
987
00:44:33.960 --> 00:44:36.639
up and kicks me, they've gone from a bit disturbed
988
00:44:36.659 --> 00:44:38.860
to like full crying and awake. So she just does
989
00:44:38.900 --> 00:44:40.599
it before I wake up. So I've got better now.
990
00:44:40.639 --> 00:44:42.219
But when I was a bit more nervous in my
991
00:44:42.260 --> 00:44:44.719
first one, when she was like three, four months old,
992
00:44:45.039 --> 00:44:45.719
I just couldn't sleep.
993
00:44:46.079 --> 00:44:48.500
And what do you think about Russell reading a lot
994
00:44:48.519 --> 00:44:50.539
of books? It makes me feel bad that I haven't
995
00:44:50.579 --> 00:44:51.679
really read any of the books.
996
00:44:52.139 --> 00:44:55.159
Yeah, but Lou has. So I feel like that's her vibe.
997
00:44:55.719 --> 00:44:57.539
And I, you know, she reads all the books and
998
00:44:57.579 --> 00:44:59.619
I read none. We're sort of a good middle ground,
999
00:44:59.639 --> 00:45:02.460
aren't we? You know, like, especially I live in South
1000
00:45:02.480 --> 00:45:04.579
East London, about the time you hear someone shout and
1001
00:45:04.599 --> 00:45:07.500
they're like three-year-old, stop being a little shit. I mean,
1002
00:45:07.539 --> 00:45:10.480
what kind of feedback's that? What are you? Stop being
1003
00:45:10.539 --> 00:45:12.659
a shit. Stop being, like, come here. Now stop being
1004
00:45:12.699 --> 00:45:14.260
a little shit in front of mummy. And you're like,
1005
00:45:14.440 --> 00:45:18.389
he's not learning what he's done there. You're just screaming,
1006
00:45:18.409 --> 00:45:20.429
stop being a little shit. So yeah, like that. And
1007
00:45:20.469 --> 00:45:21.989
I try and get them to breathe when they're getting
1008
00:45:22.010 --> 00:45:25.190
all worked up to do like, like sort of mindfulness breathing.
1009
00:45:25.210 --> 00:45:27.289
And that helps and calms them down a bit. I
1010
00:45:27.329 --> 00:45:29.650
sometimes see them doing that on their own when they're
1011
00:45:29.690 --> 00:45:31.690
getting worked up. I just breathe and just sort of
1012
00:45:31.989 --> 00:45:34.309
just slowing down the emotion as it were.
1013
00:45:34.329 --> 00:45:37.260
I think that's like, Russell's talking about that book, the
1014
00:45:37.300 --> 00:45:39.800
Philippa Perry one, which my wife has read, which is.
1015
00:45:40.139 --> 00:45:41.059
Yes, she's read that.
1016
00:45:41.630 --> 00:45:45.730
That's really, really changed things is that tip of when
1017
00:45:45.769 --> 00:45:48.559
they're angry, you've got to understand where they're coming from
1018
00:45:48.659 --> 00:45:50.980
and they don't want to be angry and they're struggling
1019
00:45:51.039 --> 00:45:52.679
through this and it's, you know, and you've got to
1020
00:45:52.719 --> 00:45:55.099
kind of make them understand what the situation is rather
1021
00:45:55.139 --> 00:45:57.440
than just go in at them and try and kind
1022
00:45:57.500 --> 00:46:00.300
of stop them. identifying with that anger in a way.
1023
00:46:00.340 --> 00:46:01.510
Do you know what I mean? They need to work
1024
00:46:01.530 --> 00:46:02.000
it through.
1025
00:46:02.280 --> 00:46:04.519
And I try and put myself in their shoes as well,
1026
00:46:04.559 --> 00:46:06.059
where I remember when I was a kid and you'd
1027
00:46:06.099 --> 00:46:07.719
set something up like that and your mum goes, I'll
1028
00:46:07.739 --> 00:46:09.599
tie that up, put that away, whatever. And you're like,
1029
00:46:09.960 --> 00:46:12.320
in your head though, it's a child's imagination. You've created
1030
00:46:12.340 --> 00:46:14.659
this little world of figures and toy and play. And
1031
00:46:14.679 --> 00:46:16.440
if someone, if someone just like a giant comes and
1032
00:46:16.480 --> 00:46:19.480
just smashes it all apart, but like you just, and
1033
00:46:19.500 --> 00:46:22.449
I try and remember not to just bulldoze them with
1034
00:46:22.469 --> 00:46:24.170
sort of like, I'm in charge, just do that. Sort
1035
00:46:24.190 --> 00:46:26.570
of bring them along with me. You know what I mean?
1036
00:46:26.630 --> 00:46:28.130
Because I remember how angry I'd get.
1037
00:46:28.409 --> 00:46:30.610
Get them on side. I'm not a Sergeant Major. I've
1038
00:46:30.630 --> 00:46:31.769
got to deal with that.
1039
00:46:31.969 --> 00:46:34.079
Yeah, you're an arm around the shoulder manager.
1040
00:46:34.920 --> 00:46:38.039
Exactly. I like to see myself as Jurgen Klopp. That's
1041
00:46:38.079 --> 00:46:39.179
how I like to see myself.
1042
00:46:39.480 --> 00:46:43.000
Children are like Gascoigne. They're unpredictable. They can ruin the day,
1043
00:46:43.079 --> 00:46:45.699
but they can also bring magic out of nowhere.
1044
00:46:45.719 --> 00:46:46.219
Exactly.
1045
00:46:46.239 --> 00:46:47.949
But they need to be managed and keep them off
1046
00:46:47.989 --> 00:46:48.389
the booze.
1047
00:46:50.710 --> 00:46:52.070
Lou read that in a book, didn't she? And she
1048
00:46:52.110 --> 00:46:52.630
told you.
1049
00:46:52.690 --> 00:46:54.769
Yeah, that's what Philippa Perry bangs on about. Keep them
1050
00:46:54.809 --> 00:46:56.309
off the whiskey and they'll be all right.
1051
00:46:56.329 --> 00:46:57.030
Exactly.
1052
00:46:57.500 --> 00:47:00.519
Thank you to Russell. Genuinely, I'm going to say it.
1053
00:47:01.199 --> 00:47:04.300
That is the most different from all the other interviews
1054
00:47:04.320 --> 00:47:04.860
that we've done.
1055
00:47:05.179 --> 00:47:07.760
I mean, that compared to the Daisy May Cooper episode. Well,
1056
00:47:09.539 --> 00:47:10.969
you should say to us, what would you do if
1057
00:47:10.989 --> 00:47:13.530
your daughter put a Union Jack flag in a shit
1058
00:47:13.550 --> 00:47:17.269
she did in your shed? What would Russell Kane do?
1059
00:47:18.369 --> 00:47:22.190
That would be... I don't know if he'd be flicking
1060
00:47:22.210 --> 00:47:24.989
through his books and there'd be no reference to what
1061
00:47:25.050 --> 00:47:26.829
to do with the Union Jack in a shit.
1062
00:47:28.500 --> 00:47:29.699
Let me just consult the books.
1063
00:47:29.760 --> 00:47:31.960
There's 30 books.
1064
00:47:32.019 --> 00:47:33.559
None of them have mentioned this.
1065
00:47:33.960 --> 00:47:35.980
Blackout blind, so she can't find the area to shit.
1066
00:47:36.699 --> 00:47:37.380
Make it too dark.
1067
00:47:38.739 --> 00:47:40.699
Thank you, everyone. If you want to get in touch,
1068
00:47:41.230 --> 00:47:42.190
this is how.
1069
00:47:44.150 --> 00:47:51.230
Email us, hello at lockdownparenting.co.uk or we're on Twitter at lockdownparents.
1070
00:47:53.530 --> 00:47:58.440
We always appreciate your five-star reviews or subscribe on iTunes.
1071
00:47:58.539 --> 00:47:59.260
That's it, really, isn't it?
1072
00:47:59.260 --> 00:48:00.210
Tell your friends about it.
1073
00:48:00.800 --> 00:48:01.630
Tell your friends about it.
1074
00:48:01.639 --> 00:48:03.219
Also, if you've got someone who's a bit of a luddite,
1075
00:48:03.380 --> 00:48:05.239
just grab their phone and subscribe to it for us.
1076
00:48:05.559 --> 00:48:06.059
Exactly.
1077
00:48:06.099 --> 00:48:09.400
They won't even know that it's getting downloaded until they
1078
00:48:09.420 --> 00:48:11.639
run out of storage, and then you can delete them,
1079
00:48:11.679 --> 00:48:13.420
but that all helps us out. Just do that.
1080
00:48:13.460 --> 00:48:15.070
It's like that U2 album on iTunes.
1081
00:48:15.389 --> 00:48:18.090
Yeah, just sneak in. Sneak into the library.
1082
00:48:18.250 --> 00:48:19.030
Thank you for listening.
1083
00:48:19.230 --> 00:48:22.090
Yeah, thank you very much, and we'll see you next time. Bye.
1084
00:48:23.139 --> 00:48:24.769
Thank you.