Columbia Workshop - "The Plot to Overthrow Christmas" (Old Time Radio, 1940)

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In Hell, Mephistopheles convenes a council of notorious figures from
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history and literature, including Nero, Caligula, Lucrezia Borgia, Ivan the Terrible, Hymen,
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and Simon Legree. Their scheme is directed at Santa Claus
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and the spirit of Christmas. First heard on CBS, December 22, 1940,
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this is Columbia Workshop, Episode 59. The Plot to Overthrow Christmas,
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a rhyming verse fantasy written, produced, and directed by Norman Corwin.
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Eric Burroughs stars with Martin Gable, Ray Collins, Carl Swenson,
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Louis Van Rooten, and Everett Sloan. And now, the original broadcast.
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You are aware of the plot to overthrow Christmas, which
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has been going on for some time now. In fact,
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Norman Corwin wrote a play called The Plot to Overthrow Christmas,
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which has been broadcast on CBS for three years.
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Tonight, you will hear it again.
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This presentation is by way of a Christmas gift from
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CBS to its listeners on the principle that the best
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presents you can give your friends are the things you
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want for yourself. We wish you good cheer and ask
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you to follow the unraveling of The Plot to Overthrow
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Christmas by Norman Corwin. Did you hear about The Plot
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to Overthrow Christmas?
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Well, gather ye now from Maine to the Isthmus of
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Panama and listen to the story of the uttering glory
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of some gory goings-on. in hell. Now, it happened in Hades,
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ladies and gentlemen. It happened down there that the fiends
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held a meeting. The fiends held a meeting for the
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purpose of defeating Christmas. With the aid of a fade,
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a fade on the radio, we'll take you there with
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a high and a heady ho to hear firsthand the
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brewing of the plot down in the deepest Stygian grot.
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Grot is a poetical term for grotto. Whenever you hear
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my voce sotto, or sotto voce, whichever you prefer, it's
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just I taking pains to make quite sure that nobody
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makes a poetical allusion which might in any way create confusion.
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I return you now to the voice you were hearing
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before I had to do this interfering.
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As I was saying, in this Stygian grot, the notables
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of limbo hatched a plot. And what went on in
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the sulfurous hole will soon pick up by remote control.
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Of course, such a pickup is not made quickly. As
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a matter of fact, it's done rather trickily. You mustn't
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mind if it sounds erratic. That's merely intra-terrestrial static. And
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don't be surprised if you're deafened by thunder just as
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we start on our journey under. You'll hear earthquakes and
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all of the commoner varieties of natural phenomena.
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And so.
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Below, via radio, to the regions where legions of the
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damned go.
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Nero, do you hear.
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Oh Nero? How dare you interrupt me in the middle
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of a movement of my favorite concerto! You should look
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to the improvement of your manners!
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Sir, if you please, my apologies.
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I would not have intruded upon your recital if the
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matter were not so terribly vital.
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The most important matter in the world is piddling when
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it comes to be compared with Nero's fiddling.
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Now, what you say may be very true, but I
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have been sent here to summon you to a great
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mass meeting of the tortured souls down in the graft
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of the flaming coal.
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A meeting? What for? What's the big idea?
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Why can't a fellow have some peace down here?
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Peace?
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Poor soul can't be found on the premises. This is
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a region abounding in nemeses.
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Now you're talking like a travel folder.
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Tell me, violet, before I smolder, why are we meeting?
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Who's on the spot?
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We're meeting in order to fabricate a plot.
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A plot against a festival that mortal men comfort in
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and gladden in again and again.
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You see, every year... Never mind the facts.
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I don't want to hear how mortal men acts. The
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only information about which I care concerns the mass meeting
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and who.
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Will be there.
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His wickedness, Mephisto, will preside.
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Naturally.
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And several of the Borgias will be sitting at his side.
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And down in front, by the sizzling sodium, will be
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many personalities noted for their odium. Haman, Caligula, Medusa, and
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the Greek.
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That's all very nice, but what about me?
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Oh, you'll be sitting in row A, center, between Ivan
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the Terrible, the Tormentor.
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And Cersei.
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Mercy! Why, they're both deranged!
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Do you wish me to see if your seat can
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be changed?
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Yes, if you will, please.
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Taste comes first, even though a soul may be eternally cursed.
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Right-o.
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See you at the meeting, then.
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Yes.
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And now, back to my fiddling again.
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This is I, the sotto voce person. It should have
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been explained at Nero's rehearsal for nothing in particular.
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It's just that way.
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While hell's fire's burning, he likes to play. Makes him
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feel a little more at home. It's just an avocation
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he picked up in Rome.
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The End.
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The meeting will now come to order.
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Please.
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I've called you here from over 60 seas of boiling
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pitch and blazing phosphorus to stop what constitutes a loss
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for us. We've lost prestige and I greatly deplore that
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we stand in danger of losing more in the way
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of confidence and spirit.
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We're far from our goal. We're nowhere near it.
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And this is the reason. Though we've done well in
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carrying forward the work of hell, we've left a very
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big job unfinished. After all these years, there is undiminished
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goodwill on earth every late December because of Christmas. Now,
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please remember that as long as this continues to be,
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The race of man will not belong to me. I
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will listen now to any questions you may want to ask,
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and then suggestions.
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Mr.
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Chairman!
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Mr.
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Chairman!
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Brother Heyman has the floor.
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You say we have done well in our effort to
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sell evil. I say we have done better. We have
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carried out the letter of your law. We've done what
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I think is a pretty good job. And I say
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as a veteran daemon... Sit down there, Heyman.
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Enough of this folly. Sit down yourself. You're off your trolley.
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Sit down. For I am Ivan the Terrible.
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You're telling us why you are unbearable.
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Fellow daemons, this is no way to act. Please proceed
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with a little more tact. I want more decorum in
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this forum. All personal remarks must cease. Now, Brother Ivan,
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will you speak your piece?
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I merely want to say in a casual way that
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Heyman is a radical.
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He always gets fanatical.
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Why, anybody think to hear him snort that the work
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of the Nazis should just stop short? Anybody think to
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hear him talking that Hitler and Hitler should stop stalking
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the ways of the world?
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Mr.
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Chairman, Brother Ivan is a demagogue with a brain like
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a fly.
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And the manners of a hog. Why, he says we...
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Now that's enough. We will hear from others.
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Surely there must be among you brothers enough venom and
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malevolence to crush a mortal man's benevolence.
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It's come to this.
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Are we going to let a little holiday like Christmas
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get the better of us.
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All down here below?
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No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
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Very well then, sirs.
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Very well.
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Let's go.
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Let's lay down our plans now to overthrow... this Christmas business.
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and all that guff of holly and mistletoe and stuff.
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Brother Caligula may take the floor.
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Mr.
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Chairman, I abhor, as a former emperor, anything which curves
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our rules. I suggest we start right in manufacturing more sin.
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Let us give some presents, too. Candy sticks and things
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to chew.
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Fruits and nuts and little cakes. Poisonous as rattlesnakes. Bravo!
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Let our subtlest worker be bichloride of mercury.
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Let us wrap in tinsel bright. Little gifts of dynamite.
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Work things so that men will fear when 1225 draws near.
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Soon at this rate, if you please.
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Men will hang from Christmas trees.
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Hooray!
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My dear Caligula.
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Permit the chair to say that we think you've got
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something there. And now, with this fine start, let's hear
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some more. Yes, Brother Nero, do you want the floor?
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With all due respect to Caligula's views, I think there's
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a better method we can use.
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I've just heard lately men.
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Are giving the razz to classical music by making it jazz.
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They're swinging it Bach and what is Keener? They're doing
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the shag to Palestrina. Here, here.
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There's a connoisseur of music, of course I love, the
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works of Rimsky-Korsakov. But today I note with a bitter
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shrug they've made Sheherazade a jitterbug.
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Much as we admire your clever rhyme, will you get
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to the point we're wasting time?
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I was just about to say when interrupted. that Christmas
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can easily be corrupted.
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If you take and swing all the Christmas carols, why,
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think of the evil.
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Just barrels and barrels of sacrilege every time you play
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a pious song in a profane way. Why, once you
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entice them to swing Noel, then.
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Victory belongs to us fiends.
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Well... Mr.
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Cameron!
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Mr.
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Legree. I'd like to say that it seems to me...
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that you all's barking up a coonless tree.
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I think Mr.
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Nero's made a wrong guess. The way to go about
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it is to get in Congress... and bribe a bunch
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of senators who know their oats... and just make a
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purchase of a block of votes. And then they can
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legislate a situation... where they rules old.
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Christmas right out of the nation. We can all get
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together and pass a.
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Law where there ain't gonna be no Christmas.
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I think Legree's suggestion is a beaut.
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That's very cute. And quite astute.
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To me, it seems a bit impractical because you have
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to be so tactical.
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Why?
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For instance, now a senator who'd sell his vote to
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our lobbyists might very well sell right out again and
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become a tool of agencies representing the Yule.
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By the eternal night, that's right.
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Mr.
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Chairman, Mr.
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Chairman... Yes, Miss Borgia.
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I say that we should all give pause to think
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about this Santa Claus. He is the man behind the scenes,
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the symbol of what Christmas means. If we could rub
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him out, my friend, our troubles would be at an end.
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Just think how it would tickle us to liquidate St.
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Nicholas.
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A girl like me could fascinate the guy and then assassinate?
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Do you think that you could do it, pretty one?
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Are you sure you wouldn't be by.
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Pity, one?
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Sometimes you are an awful tease, my master Mephistopheles. Ain't
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I murdered several dozens? Poisoned uncles, aunts and cousins. Don't
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my work right here in Hades make me first among
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the ladies? Men of virtue all have cussed me. I
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am sure that you can trust me.
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Of that we have no particle of a doubt, Miss Borgia.
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And I'm sure we all have nothing but kind feelings
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towards you. But many times a woman's spy, alas, adores
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a victim. Games make poor ambassadors.
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Do you imply that such defects are found.
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Inherent in my sex?
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I do.
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Well, listen here, old Ironsides. You're heading for some cyanides.
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You've crossed a bourgeoisie.
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And you know the consequences that follow.
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Come, come, disciples.
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This is very bad.
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There's nothing to be gained by getting mad. Suppose we
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put the matter to a vote.
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First.
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The plan of Brother Nero's. Viz, to swing the hymns
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and pious music. All those for will please respond by
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raising up a paw.
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For.
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And those against?
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Against.
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Very well.
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00:15:37.879 --> 00:15:41.850
Now, the project of Legris. Who is there here who
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totally agrees?
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I do.
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Legris votes for himself.
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And those opposed? Opposed. And now, all those.
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Who favor Borgia's cause.
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It being to eliminate Santa Claus.
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Aye, aye, aye!
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And those opposed?
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00:16:03.360 --> 00:16:05.899
It seems the women have a way with them.
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At least they've carried the day with them. Promotions carried.
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00:16:15.830 --> 00:16:19.049
And now we'll decide which one of us will.
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Take Nick for a ride.
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We'll all draw lots and thus settle the moot point
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of who will be sent to execute.
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This is your old friend.
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Salto Voce, visiting down where it's eternal noche. Noche is
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Spanish for night, you know. Really a reference, just to
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show that English isn't all I have to go by.
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Oh, well.
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00:16:43.720 --> 00:16:45.399
I guess I've missed my calling. I should have been
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a lobbyist. You see, I'm stalling to give them time
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to finish the voting... Let's see.
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00:16:51.350 --> 00:16:54.129
The weather. Now I'm quoting the Daily Hellion.
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00:16:54.809 --> 00:16:58.710
Continued heat both overhead and under feet. Fresh and moderate
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gases blowing up to gale force and then going north
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00:17:02.639 --> 00:17:07.440
by westerly. Light showers of brimstone toward the evening hours.
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00:17:07.460 --> 00:17:11.579
That's all it says here. I'm not fibbing. How am
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00:17:11.599 --> 00:17:14.000
I doing with my ad-libbing? This is a thing a
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00:17:14.240 --> 00:17:15.619
cabber'd have fun with.
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Say.
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00:17:17.779 --> 00:17:20.500
The drawing should soon be done with. We expect the
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results at any moment now.
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00:17:28.619 --> 00:17:32.049
The lots have been drawn, and I'm glad to say
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00:17:32.069 --> 00:17:42.369
the honor has fallen Nero's way. Now, Nero, you are
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00:17:42.490 --> 00:17:46.069
charged with a great task. It's the evilest deed that
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00:17:46.109 --> 00:17:48.109
we could ask a fiend to do.
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We'll be proud of you.
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00:17:50.450 --> 00:17:51.349
Ah, just one moment.
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00:17:51.990 --> 00:17:52.990
How do I get there?
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00:17:53.970 --> 00:17:57.059
What do I wear? Is it dry or wet there?
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00:17:57.700 --> 00:18:00.359
Is it fact or fancy or just word of mouth
301
00:18:00.420 --> 00:18:00.720
that he.
302
00:18:00.700 --> 00:18:03.359
Lives at the Pole? Is it north or south?
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00:18:04.259 --> 00:18:06.759
If he dwells in the regions to which I've referred,
304
00:18:07.279 --> 00:18:10.640
must I pass through a camp of Admiral Byrd? What
305
00:18:10.660 --> 00:18:12.720
shall I use when it comes to the showdown?
306
00:18:13.160 --> 00:18:16.319
A gun or a dagger? Well, give me the lowdown.
307
00:18:16.599 --> 00:18:20.480
Now, Nero, you needn't sound so tragic. You'll get to
308
00:18:20.559 --> 00:18:24.619
Earth by the blackest magic. To create an express elevator
309
00:18:25.220 --> 00:18:29.210
is simple for an expert spell creator. With a lot
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00:18:29.250 --> 00:18:32.589
of pyrotechnic dazzle, we'll let you off on a hill
311
00:18:32.650 --> 00:18:36.289
in Basel, Switzerland. From there, you will make your way
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00:18:36.369 --> 00:18:39.309
to the Arctic Circle, then break your way through ice.
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00:18:39.210 --> 00:18:39.930
With a blowtorch.
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00:18:40.680 --> 00:18:42.710
After a while, you are bound.
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00:18:42.450 --> 00:18:44.230
To reach Santa's domicile.
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00:18:45.410 --> 00:18:49.809
And once you get there, oh, my dear Nero, all
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00:18:49.849 --> 00:18:53.109
of our work will have gone for zero if you
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00:18:53.150 --> 00:18:57.619
don't succeed in your assignment, a disadvantage of our confinement.
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00:18:58.240 --> 00:19:01.160
In limbo is the fact that we only get one
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00:19:01.299 --> 00:19:05.000
chance in all the eternal roulette of circumstance.
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00:19:05.160 --> 00:19:05.740
I know.
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00:19:06.019 --> 00:19:09.410
If at first we don't succeed, we can try, try again.
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00:19:09.470 --> 00:19:12.289
But there is no need because nothing will come of it.
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00:19:13.059 --> 00:19:13.960
Meaning no offense.
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00:19:14.309 --> 00:19:16.190
Do you mind if I take my departure hence?
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00:19:19.829 --> 00:19:22.210
That, my friends, was a big brass gong.
327
00:19:22.630 --> 00:19:25.359
It's used in this story right along to indicate that
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00:19:25.400 --> 00:19:28.039
we're about to travel to points where the plot will
329
00:19:28.099 --> 00:19:33.519
further unravel. And now, if Ambassador Nero elects, we'll have
330
00:19:33.559 --> 00:19:35.200
another spot of sound effects.
331
00:19:46.170 --> 00:19:46.869
Tell me, stranger.
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00:20:10.130 --> 00:20:14.750
Is this Basel, Switzerland, or is it already Donner and Blitzeland?
333
00:20:15.089 --> 00:20:19.069
Donner and Blitzeland, 5,000 miles away.
334
00:20:19.369 --> 00:20:26.900
Thank you, mister. Good day. Tell me, stranger, I've been
335
00:20:26.940 --> 00:20:28.640
walking inland for weeks.
336
00:20:29.039 --> 00:20:29.740
Where am I now?
337
00:20:29.759 --> 00:20:31.039
In Finland.
338
00:20:31.519 --> 00:20:39.289
Tell me, stranger, because I've lost stock.
339
00:20:40.079 --> 00:20:49.380
Where am I now? In Vladivostok. This is stranger after.
340
00:20:49.259 --> 00:20:52.980
All these centuries of blistering heat. Now I have to
341
00:20:53.039 --> 00:20:57.369
suffer from freezing feet. I'm wincing with pain from this
342
00:20:57.509 --> 00:20:58.630
pesky toe.
343
00:20:59.150 --> 00:21:00.190
No speak English.
344
00:21:00.769 --> 00:21:01.329
Eskimo.
345
00:21:05.740 --> 00:21:09.349
I declare by my frenetic soul, I must be over
346
00:21:09.369 --> 00:21:10.549
the magnetic pole.
347
00:21:11.069 --> 00:21:16.549
My watch has stopped. Can that be right? I wonder... Ah,
348
00:21:17.170 --> 00:21:17.549
a light.
349
00:21:18.470 --> 00:21:21.650
A light. In a moment now, you'll hear me knock
350
00:21:22.039 --> 00:21:23.220
on Santa's door.
351
00:21:22.960 --> 00:21:31.849
And he'll unlock it. Never more to lock again. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Coming.
352
00:21:32.230 --> 00:21:35.269
So is doom.
353
00:21:37.650 --> 00:21:38.769
How do you do, sir?
354
00:21:38.990 --> 00:21:41.130
Very well indeed. And you, sir?
355
00:21:41.349 --> 00:21:46.049
Splendidly. Won't you come right in? Take your coat off.
356
00:21:46.849 --> 00:21:51.190
I see your chin is frozen. Also your hands and knees.
357
00:21:51.940 --> 00:21:54.109
Sit down while I get you some antifreeze.
358
00:21:54.170 --> 00:21:56.269
Don't bother, sir. I will not be long.
359
00:21:56.289 --> 00:21:59.430
I'm about to perpetrate a fearful wrong.
360
00:21:59.450 --> 00:22:02.789
In short, I am going to do away with... Take
361
00:22:02.890 --> 00:22:06.990
it easy. Do not play with that gun. I know
362
00:22:07.130 --> 00:22:10.700
all about you. Really? Haven't I had my agents scout
363
00:22:10.740 --> 00:22:16.539
you for weeks? You've come all this way to abolish Christmas. Now,
364
00:22:16.619 --> 00:22:17.559
let me say.
365
00:22:17.599 --> 00:22:18.059
Listen, Santa.
366
00:22:18.789 --> 00:22:20.289
I'm no callow stripling.
367
00:22:20.829 --> 00:22:24.609
I've read Ernest Hemingway and Kipling and also the shooting
368
00:22:24.650 --> 00:22:29.380
of Dan McGrew. And plenty of detective stories, too. And
369
00:22:29.460 --> 00:22:31.880
just to show you what a broad guy.
370
00:22:31.880 --> 00:22:34.119
I am, I've also read.
371
00:22:34.180 --> 00:22:38.609
The Rubaiyat of Omakayam. Do you think that a fellow
372
00:22:38.650 --> 00:22:41.970
with his reading so graded could have learned so little
373
00:22:42.049 --> 00:22:44.380
as to be dissuaded from a main objective?
374
00:22:44.950 --> 00:22:47.380
Why, don't make me giggle.
375
00:22:47.720 --> 00:22:50.259
I'd feel a lot better if you wouldn't wiggle that
376
00:22:50.359 --> 00:22:54.829
gun so. Much as I'm impressed with your education, I
377
00:22:54.890 --> 00:22:58.509
honestly believe that a figure of your station should have
378
00:22:58.529 --> 00:23:01.769
given more thought to the ways of man and less
379
00:23:01.849 --> 00:23:03.799
devotion to the cult of Pan.
380
00:23:04.099 --> 00:23:07.900
By others, no doubt your wisdom may be prized, but
381
00:23:08.099 --> 00:23:08.660
I didn't.
382
00:23:08.460 --> 00:23:09.619
Come here to be criticized.
383
00:23:10.559 --> 00:23:12.960
In fact, I came to dispatch a duty.
384
00:23:13.369 --> 00:23:16.349
So don't hand me any of this tutti-frutti. If you
385
00:23:16.369 --> 00:23:19.069
have any last words you want to say, then spill them.
386
00:23:19.410 --> 00:23:21.809
I haven't got all day. Now, what's the rush?
387
00:23:22.329 --> 00:23:25.630
Unless I've counted wrong, the polar day has always been
388
00:23:25.759 --> 00:23:26.940
six months long.
389
00:23:27.059 --> 00:23:30.339
Well, after I've disposed of you, I've got to hurry.
390
00:23:30.720 --> 00:23:32.720
Ride back to hell or they'll begin to worry.
391
00:23:32.880 --> 00:23:37.660
Not about you, but about your career in homicide. Do
392
00:23:37.700 --> 00:23:39.869
you think that the mere loss of you would make
393
00:23:39.910 --> 00:23:40.829
them hysterical?
394
00:23:41.329 --> 00:23:43.250
Their only interest is numerical.
395
00:23:44.130 --> 00:23:44.789
Think so?
396
00:23:45.130 --> 00:23:48.950
Mephisto wants to rule just as much of humanity as
397
00:23:49.069 --> 00:23:51.569
possible for reasons of personal vanity.
398
00:23:52.009 --> 00:23:55.740
By the sticks, you're right. Do you think that he'd dare?
399
00:23:56.420 --> 00:23:58.259
Are there any ladies here?
400
00:23:58.299 --> 00:23:59.720
Will you permit me to swear?
401
00:23:59.940 --> 00:24:03.299
My answer to that is an emphatic no. There are
402
00:24:03.380 --> 00:24:06.279
several lady dolls in the toy room below.
403
00:24:06.880 --> 00:24:07.839
Oh, Claudius.
404
00:24:08.500 --> 00:24:09.539
Oh, Cassius.
405
00:24:10.509 --> 00:24:15.250
Oh, Naphthalene, what a fool I've been. What a fool
406
00:24:15.369 --> 00:24:16.049
I've been.
407
00:24:16.069 --> 00:24:21.779
Yeah, but wait. I think I see what you're after.
408
00:24:22.339 --> 00:24:25.559
You're as clever as a big-time Roman grafter.
409
00:24:26.279 --> 00:24:29.579
You remind me now of my royalty, just to get
410
00:24:29.619 --> 00:24:32.630
me in a mood for disloyalty. Do you think I
411
00:24:32.710 --> 00:24:36.930
could be that meanly deceptive to Satan? Why, Santa, I'm
412
00:24:37.089 --> 00:24:42.019
keenly perceptive. I can see right through all your clever ruses.
413
00:24:42.769 --> 00:24:45.970
Nero can be plenty foxy when he chooses.
414
00:24:46.309 --> 00:24:47.250
I'll have you know.
415
00:24:47.089 --> 00:24:49.920
That I'm partly a dreamer, partly a wit, and partly
416
00:24:49.960 --> 00:24:53.839
a schemer. I'm part philosophical and also part mystic.
417
00:24:54.140 --> 00:24:56.759
I suppose you fancy that you're highly artistic.
418
00:24:56.859 --> 00:25:00.259
Fancy? Why, I have such a sense of beauty.
419
00:25:00.319 --> 00:25:04.410
Don't hand me a helping of tutti frutti. Any creature
420
00:25:04.490 --> 00:25:09.109
who really had beauty in his soul would appreciate Christmas.
421
00:25:09.670 --> 00:25:12.210
He would know that the whole idea of the holiday
422
00:25:12.289 --> 00:25:15.529
was one of such power that all the fiends below
423
00:25:15.630 --> 00:25:18.910
might gnash their fangs and glower, yet never in a
424
00:25:19.009 --> 00:25:22.740
million years could do it harm. Because it has a glory,
425
00:25:23.119 --> 00:25:26.339
a greatness, a charm you'd know nothing about.
426
00:25:27.200 --> 00:25:27.819
That so?
427
00:25:28.259 --> 00:25:32.160
The spirit that it venerates, the good cheer that it generates,
428
00:25:32.640 --> 00:25:36.549
are things far, far beyond you. For all your wealth,
429
00:25:36.940 --> 00:25:39.200
no man on earth could sell ye these.
430
00:25:39.220 --> 00:25:41.390
Am I so cursed as that?
431
00:25:41.809 --> 00:25:44.849
Will you tell me, please, what beauties there may be
432
00:25:44.890 --> 00:25:46.230
that I've never seen?
433
00:25:46.250 --> 00:25:50.349
Have you ever seen a Christmas tree, tall and green,
434
00:25:50.910 --> 00:25:55.640
smelling of woodlands covered with a sheen of silveriness? Its
435
00:25:55.740 --> 00:26:00.279
branches bending low with the fruits of human kindness instead
436
00:26:00.319 --> 00:26:00.880
of snow?
437
00:26:01.259 --> 00:26:01.720
No.
438
00:26:02.259 --> 00:26:06.109
Have you ever closely witnessed what takes place any Christmas
439
00:26:06.200 --> 00:26:10.650
morning on a young child's face? Or perceived any beauties
440
00:26:10.769 --> 00:26:14.069
purer than the joys distilled in the hearts of little
441
00:26:14.150 --> 00:26:15.349
girls and boys?
442
00:26:16.450 --> 00:26:17.130
Have you ever.
443
00:26:17.029 --> 00:26:20.130
Watched a fire in a fireplace on a Christmas Eve?
444
00:26:21.069 --> 00:26:24.269
Or listened to a grace... At a table heavy with
445
00:26:24.369 --> 00:26:28.170
fruits and cakes... And all the wonders that the kitchen makes...
446
00:26:28.269 --> 00:26:32.809
Fowls and pastries, wines and meats... And nuts and raisins
447
00:26:32.890 --> 00:26:34.029
and candied sweets.
448
00:26:35.339 --> 00:26:39.559
Have you ever seen mistletoe hanging from a ceiling? In
449
00:26:39.660 --> 00:26:43.859
frosty air heard a far bell pealing? Have you ever
450
00:26:43.940 --> 00:26:47.640
come back from a sleigh ride tingling... And your feet
451
00:26:47.700 --> 00:26:51.380
keeping time with the sleigh bells jingling... Have you ever
452
00:26:51.539 --> 00:26:55.720
seen the beauty of the sprig of holly? Or felt
453
00:26:55.779 --> 00:26:59.359
for a moment how it feels to be jolly? Golly,
454
00:27:00.200 --> 00:27:03.730
have you ever known how exceedingly pleasant it is to
455
00:27:03.829 --> 00:27:07.549
unwrap a Christmas present? Did you ever know how much
456
00:27:07.730 --> 00:27:10.630
cheer it lends to be wished a Merry Christmas by
457
00:27:10.710 --> 00:27:11.589
all your friends?
458
00:27:12.809 --> 00:27:15.130
Did you ever experience the fun of giving?
459
00:27:16.299 --> 00:27:19.740
Do you know at all the joys of living?
460
00:27:20.700 --> 00:27:24.210
I guess I don't. For all of me, I never
461
00:27:24.269 --> 00:27:28.569
knew such things could be. Just think how long in
462
00:27:28.710 --> 00:27:29.910
ignorance I've slept.
463
00:27:30.470 --> 00:27:32.450
It must have been the company you kept.
464
00:27:32.869 --> 00:27:34.970
I was a wicked tyrant once, you know.
465
00:27:35.369 --> 00:27:38.690
Ah, yes, but that was centuries ago. You really had
466
00:27:38.750 --> 00:27:39.650
no way of knowing.
467
00:27:40.029 --> 00:27:40.509
Perhaps.
468
00:27:41.670 --> 00:27:44.150
I guess that I'll be going. I really should be
469
00:27:44.519 --> 00:27:47.640
getting on my way. But do you have to? Don't
470
00:27:47.680 --> 00:27:53.299
you want to stay? You see, I'm just a bit, uh... Embarrassed? Why, yes, sir.
471
00:27:53.839 --> 00:27:57.119
Now, don't look so harassed. I know just why you
472
00:27:57.200 --> 00:28:00.180
came and who it was that sent you. But that's
473
00:28:00.319 --> 00:28:03.390
all done with. I take it you repent you of
474
00:28:03.470 --> 00:28:04.769
all your past mistakes?
475
00:28:05.069 --> 00:28:07.769
With many pains and aches of conscience.
476
00:28:09.829 --> 00:28:14.039
We interrupt this broadcast for a special bulletin. The Algiers radio,
477
00:28:14.119 --> 00:28:18.160
recorded by the CBS shortwave listening station, has just reported
478
00:28:18.200 --> 00:28:22.819
that Admiral Jean Darlan has been assassinated. Said the Algiers announcer,
479
00:28:23.039 --> 00:28:28.079
complete order reigns in Algiers. Further details at 8.55 tonight.
480
00:28:29.099 --> 00:28:31.599
We return you now to the program, The Plot to
481
00:28:31.680 --> 00:28:32.549
Overthrow Christmas.
482
00:28:33.940 --> 00:28:36.400
And tell me, will you have some wine or beer?
483
00:28:36.420 --> 00:28:40.019
I never touch the stuff myself, but I managed to
484
00:28:40.059 --> 00:28:43.980
keep on hand a little rye for purposes medicinal. I mean,
485
00:28:44.180 --> 00:28:46.579
your chin should be unfrozen.
486
00:28:47.039 --> 00:28:48.400
What a state it's in.
487
00:28:48.420 --> 00:28:51.920
A while ago, you asked me if I understood good cheer.
488
00:28:52.849 --> 00:28:54.130
I do so now, St.
489
00:28:54.210 --> 00:28:57.890
Nicholas. I see it standing here. I want to ask
490
00:28:57.930 --> 00:29:00.509
you something, sir. Now, please don't give a yelp.
491
00:29:01.180 --> 00:29:03.700
Is there any sort of work to do where I
492
00:29:03.740 --> 00:29:04.539
can be of help?
493
00:29:05.460 --> 00:29:09.819
Indeed there is. Indeed there is. And I'm glad you
494
00:29:09.920 --> 00:29:13.609
asked me. I have so many toys to make. This
495
00:29:13.650 --> 00:29:16.910
year the jobs got past me. But first you sit
496
00:29:16.930 --> 00:29:20.269
and eat this bowl. I've got a little trifle I'd
497
00:29:20.309 --> 00:29:22.609
like for you to see. So will you sit right
498
00:29:22.670 --> 00:29:25.750
here and stifle your curiosity? I'll get it for you
499
00:29:25.789 --> 00:29:27.670
right away. It's down the hall if you.
500
00:29:28.390 --> 00:29:29.319
Who'd ever think it?
501
00:29:29.750 --> 00:29:33.839
Will wonders never cease? At last, after all these centuries,
502
00:29:33.920 --> 00:29:37.490
I'm so happy I could buzz. It shows you what
503
00:29:37.529 --> 00:29:39.789
a lot a little Christmas spirit does.
504
00:29:40.599 --> 00:29:44.799
As emperor, I envied oft the cheerfulness of peasants, and
505
00:29:45.279 --> 00:29:45.920
now I.
506
00:29:45.940 --> 00:29:48.099
Well, here it is, Nero, my boy.
507
00:29:48.980 --> 00:29:52.700
By way of Christmas presents, I offer you this little gift.
508
00:29:53.140 --> 00:29:56.359
But Santa, for what reason? A very good one, sir.
509
00:29:56.440 --> 00:30:00.970
To wit, compliments of the season. Well, go ahead and
510
00:30:01.029 --> 00:30:03.529
open it. Why stand there so reflecting?
511
00:30:03.890 --> 00:30:06.190
I'm just collecting thoughts, St.
512
00:30:06.259 --> 00:30:09.240
Nick, my thoughts. I'm just collecting.
513
00:30:09.980 --> 00:30:13.279
Just think how far a tiny bit of fellowship will
514
00:30:13.339 --> 00:30:13.839
carry us.
515
00:30:15.160 --> 00:30:15.579
Oh, well.
516
00:30:17.099 --> 00:30:20.420
I say, what's this? What's this?
517
00:30:21.180 --> 00:30:26.529
It is the Stradivarius. Oh, thank you, thanks a million times.
518
00:30:27.650 --> 00:30:29.950
I don't know what to say to you. I'll tell
519
00:30:29.990 --> 00:30:32.450
you what I'll do, Saint Nick. I'll start writing and
520
00:30:32.549 --> 00:30:36.190
play for you. I'll play, I'll play, I'll play, I'll play.
521
00:30:36.549 --> 00:30:38.779
I'll play all night and day for you.
522
00:30:38.890 --> 00:30:42.519
Fine, here's some music. I'm sure you'll play it well.
523
00:30:43.160 --> 00:30:46.420
It's a little piece entitled Noel, Noel.
524
00:30:56.730 --> 00:30:57.390
This is I.
525
00:30:58.009 --> 00:31:02.150
Remember me, your Salo Voce friend? I'll just come back
526
00:31:02.190 --> 00:31:05.180
to tell you that the story's at an end.
527
00:31:13.980 --> 00:31:17.680
Once again, the plot to overthrow Christmas has been foiled.
528
00:31:18.779 --> 00:31:21.579
One year ago today, none of us knew whether on
529
00:31:21.640 --> 00:31:25.980
December 24th, 1942... we could do such a broadcast as
530
00:31:26.019 --> 00:31:29.579
the Norman Corwin holiday play you have just heard. However,
531
00:31:29.960 --> 00:31:32.779
we could and we did, and we rather think that
532
00:31:32.819 --> 00:31:39.220
the plot to overthrow Christmas will be thwarted again in 1943.
533
00:31:41.150 --> 00:31:44.609
Columbia Workshop has concluded with Norman Corwin's The Plot to
534
00:31:44.730 --> 00:31:48.269
Overthrow Christmas. Good night, and thank you for joining us
535
00:31:48.309 --> 00:31:48.890
for this 1940 broadcast.