Self Evolution through Healing with Karrueche Tran

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Welcome to a new episode of Now with Natalie. I
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am your host, Natalie Manually. Today's guest is Emmy Award
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winning actress, entrepreneur, and all around powerhouse Karuci Tran.
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This episode, y'all truly bless me.
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We dive into the evolution of who she is and
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who she is becoming, and we expose the challenges and
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triumphs she's experienced along the way. Get ready for an
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inspiring conversation about resilience and owning your story.
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Ladies and gentlemen.
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Kuruci Tran, I'm so excited, so grateful you're here, we
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are doing this.
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Thank you for trusting me. Truly real talk.
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Girl, I've been wanting to do this for so long,
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and like, I think we just talked about I was like,
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we talked about this, didn't we And You're like no,
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And I think I just always wanted to do this
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with you that I was like thinking about it, manifesting it.
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We're here, let's go.
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I'm so proud of you. Okay, So first things first,
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you're an LA native. You are an Emmy Award winning actress.
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Child.
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Does that ever get old?
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I mean I forget sometimes that Like that's real life.
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It's real life.
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And it's a huge thing, guys, happened and that I've
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been blessed with. And I have to just remind myself
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of like all the great things that have come to
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me in my life, and you know, just to keep
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pushing and to work even harder and not to get
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comfortable like, oh I have Amasa, I'm good. No, that's
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like okay, let's keep going, Let's keep.
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Them Yes, and so award winning actress. We've seen you
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on a plethora of magazine covers, TV shows, movies, divinity
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clause and you're just you're killing it right now, and
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I'm just so so proud of you. Tell me when
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you knew acting was something that you want to pursue
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and a call and.
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A purpose on your life.
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It was at a point in my life where I
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was trying to figure things out and I was working
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with somebody at the time, and they asked me if
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I had ever acted before, and I was like no,
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but like, hey, I'm down to try like new things.
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And so I did a very small role in like
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a horror film Freaky Fridays or Friday something Crazy, and
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I had one little line and I was so nervous,
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but I was so excited and it just it gave
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me like a spark, you know, I felt something there.
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So I was like, you know what, I actually want
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to try to become an actress. And so from there
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I started taking classes, working with the coach. I even
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did media training at the time to help myself. And
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now you are.
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Oh here, we are, award winning Emmy.
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I mean, come on, so I've known you for quite
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some time now, You've been in the public eye for
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at least over a decade now, and I can say
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that I've seen such an self.
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Evolution, such an evolution of who you are.
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A lot of self development obviously has taken place. And
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I believe that in order for us to have the
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successes that you're standing in today, in order for us,
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in order for us to actually be able to answer
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the call on our lives, there's a lot of undoing
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we have to do.
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We have to unpartner with certain things, we have to
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unbecome to become.
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I think a lot of times when we ask God
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to enter us into the new, we have.
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To realize that we have to drop off the old.
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So what did that internal work look like for you?
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What did you have to drop off that you now
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are allowing yourself to enter into this new season.
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I think one thing for me is I overthink and
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I try to create this perfect world that I that
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I think is perfect and over my life and career
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and everything I've gone through. I think something that I've
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been focusing on is getting uncomfortable, getting comfortable with being uncomfortable.
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Come on, and I'm so calculated sometimes like Okay, I'm
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going to do this today and then I'm do that,
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then that, then that, and I'm just cause I'm like structure. Yeah,
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you know, I'm like boom boom boom. I got ten
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minutes to do that, all right, Then I got five
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minutes I can get my coffee, and you know, I
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have like I need my schedule, and sometimes it just
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doesn't work out like that.
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Yeah.
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Even in like the industry, it's like will this happened
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or that happened? Or even on set, you know it's
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supposed to be there for six hours or whatever, you're
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there for twelve hours, you know, and it's just like
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who releasing surrendering? You know what this is? This is
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what it is. It's okay, it could be a whole
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lot worse. I'm fine. I've got my two feet, you
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know what I mean, and just being like, Okay, we're
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gonna take it one step at a time and whatever comes,
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I just approach it with the right energy, with the
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clear head, and just go from there.
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How do you surrender?
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That's hard. You just gotta like it's like you turn
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that off switch, you know. I can like literally feel
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my body go whow, you know, and you just kind
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of it's a mental thing and you have to just
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it's hard, and you gotta just focus and just trust
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in the universe, trust in God, and just know everything
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I've learned this too. Everything is always going to work out.
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Regardless of what happens, It's always going to work out.
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It is going to be fine. I just kind of
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hold on to that.
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Yeah, that's so good.
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I want to stick here for a little bit just
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about you know, I think with self evolution and self development,
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yes we need to undo certain things, we need to
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unpartner with certain things, but it's also about.
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The healing journey, and in order for us to heal,
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we have to reveal.
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And I think for me, a lot of my growth
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has happened in therapy and through my healing journey. And
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it's so interesting because when I had my therapy session,
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she was like, well, in order for are you to heal,
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you have to reveal And so I was like, okay, well,
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what are the things that I have to? Like, look,
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what do I need to actually undo and unbecom? And
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a lot of the things that was revealed about me
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was insecurity, feeling not good enough, feeling having trust issues, feeling.
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As though maybe.
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What God is calling me to I wasn't capable of
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doing it. So in your healing journey, because I definitely
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can say I've seen your evolution of growth and especially
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with healing from either public scrutiny, traumas in your past life,
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whatever it may be.
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What did you have to reveal about yourself to in
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order for you to heal? And what role did God
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play in your healing journey?
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What did I reveal about myself? I want to say,
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I think like what you said, being dealing with insecurities,
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dealing like feeling like I'm not good enough. I've learned
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that in therapy too. That's something that stemmed from childhood.
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And that's one thing I just really love about therapy
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is you unravel so much so much, and I'm like, oh,
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I'm like that because of this thing that happened before
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in my past. So it's a side Michael. And even
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to this day, I'm still doing it. And even still
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to this present day, what I'm doing when I'm in
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that cycle, I'm like, Oh, you gotta break out of this,
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you gotta break you know what I mean. And it's like,
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So it's hard. It's hard. It's hard to face yourself.
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It's hard to face the truth. It's hard to look
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at the ugly things about yourself.
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But that's what we have to.
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Do for us to hear. But you know, and and
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I think I also had to reveal, like do I
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want to be in this world outside of social media,
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outside of who you see on TV as a human
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being walking this earth? Who do I want to be?
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What do I want to show up as just a
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social media girl? No, because there's so much more to that.
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When I think about life, I think about the foundations,
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the foundation, and what's what are those bricks within my
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foundation that down so family, friends, work, self, and how
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can I become better at all those things? So as
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of lates over the past the year, so I've had
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to like Okay, how can I be a better friend? Yeah,
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I gotta check in more because I'm the type of
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friend like I'll disappear because I'm doing my thing. It's
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me personal. I'm just in my own head. I just
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might be at the house chilling by myself, but I'm
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just so like in my zone, you know what i mean.
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But I got to check in on this person. Oh
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it's been a while, you know. You know when you
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have those like oh, I haven't talked to that person
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and you're just like, okay, I'll hit them whenever. I
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do that all the time, And I'm like, no, once
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you have that feeling or that thought, do it, because
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you never I've like had that those moments where I
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should have hit somebody up and I did it and
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they passed away.
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Ooh, And I'm like, oh.
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It's happened more than like two or three times.
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And I'm like, yeah, that's tough.
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That is tough. It's so hard, and I'm like, so,
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I you know, it's unfortunate, but I've used that to
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help me become better. How can I be a better mother?
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You know? And mother? A damn mother. I was thinking
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about my mother. How can I be like I had
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to see my baby. Oh my god, I'm not investing
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a guy. Yeah, I'm definitely coming to pass if you
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were like, we can't take that off, but that was
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you guys can leave it. Oh my god. I was
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like very into it, and you stay there, stay there,
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don't come out of that. Oh my god, that was funny.
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How can I be a better daughter? It was what
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I meant to say. I was thinking about my mom
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and just communicating more with my mom and and having,
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you know, a closer relationship. We're trying to build a
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closer relationship, even being a better sister, trying to be
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a better aunt to my nieces and nephews. How can
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I be better at work when I'm working with the crew,
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you know, making sure I'm a pretty like nice person,
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but making sure that I like look people in their
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eyes and like at least give them a little bit
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of conversation, have a moment with them, because sometimes I'm like, oh, hey,
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how are you doing? Good to see you when I'm
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in my phone, I'm doing whatever, and it's like, yeah,
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be present, give this person how's your day going, and
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how's your you know, just anything just to have some
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type of connection or just type of substance that kind
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of makes life feel like life. Yeah, you know, I
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was in an uber the other day and I talked
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to the drive the whole entire time. And I usually
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don't do that sometimes because I'm like in my phone
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or on the phone or whatever I'm doing. And in
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my mind, I was like, that was so nice and
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he was cool. We just talked about whatever we talked about,
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and I just really enjoyed that. So I'm just trying
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to like work on being a better me and trying
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to reveal to myself, like, all right, where can you
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just up level up in a positive and influential way
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that also makes people those around you.
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Feel good and you're doing it. I want you to
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know that you're doing it.
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I want to stick here for a second because, again,
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like I said, I know that you have been on
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a healing journey, healing trajectory for sure. What role has
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God played in your healing journey?
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God has played such a huge part in my healing journey,
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and just I've gotten closer to Him and in talking
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to him and just just building a relationship with him.
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It's so interesting because I didn't have that before, so
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to experience that now and to see It's like sometimes
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I'm at home and I'm like I'm just in a
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in a moment of like pure bliss and gratitude because
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I just got a call because I just booked something,
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and I'll just be like, oh God, oh thank you.
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I'm feeling so good today. Like I booked that. I
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was stressed out like two weeks ago because I don't
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know if I was going to have a job and
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I don't know if I was going to make money.
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And this other thing happened and I was like ooh
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and that and this and da da da, and I
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just I feel so thankful. I'm so grateful, and I
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know you always hear me, and I know you always
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see me, and I know you have the right plan
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for me.
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Come on.
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So it's just so like I don't know, it's just
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such a great feeling to have. And it's like he's
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just always there, Yeah, always there. Every night I pray
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and talk to him and tell I'm not thankful I am.
250
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And I've also been leaning into tapping into my emotions
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or identifying my emotions, identifying when I'm feeling anxiety.
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Ooh, same, go into that.
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So like around the strike. I was like, am I
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ever gonna work? How am I gonna find my pills? Like?
255
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What is going on?
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And I was just so anxious because around that time,
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brand deals weren't coming in roles and stuff weren't like
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it was. I just felt like, oh my god, I
259
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just felt so stressed and just not knowing what's happening.
260
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It's this curious thing, you know. So I talked to
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him in those moments too, like, you know, I'm feeling
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anxious because of this, that and the other. I don't
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mean to question you at all, but I'm feeling nervous
264
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because of this. And I know everything's gonna be okay,
265
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and I'm trying to breathe through it. And this is
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a scary time for me. And I know you hear me,
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I know you see me, but I'm afraid, but I don't know.
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It's gonna be okay and I'm gonna leave it in
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your hands and be good. Yeah. So those moments are
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great too, Yeah, like I can me, I bottle things up. Yeah,
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And that's another thing that I had to reveal. It
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was I'm not good at my talking about my emotions. Yeah,
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I am not an emotional person. I'll go sit in
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my room and think about it to myself. Yeah, but
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I don't let it out. And so you know how
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that is, it builds and it builds and it builds,
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and that's just that bottle that one day bursts, you know.
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So to be able to let it out just feel
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so good. Yeah.
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I think for me too, that's like the biggest because
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sometimes I'm like, man, I don't know how people do
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it without him, especially in those high alert anxiety moments. Now,
283
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what would you tell somebody if it's a guy or
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a woman that or a girl that is watching this
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and that is maybe afraid to open up that can
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and actually communicate with God, how would you tell them
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to approach it?
288
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Hm? I would say too in an interesting way, I
289
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would say, to be free and just release and be
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free and whatever it is that you want to say
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or however you might want to build this relationship, do it. Yeah,
292
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use your resources. If you have a friend at work
293
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that you know consistently goes to church, yeah, can I
294
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go to church with you one day? Or you know,
295
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whatever it is, like, just feel free to surrender and
296
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that's good. Accept so good, you know, and.
297
00:17:13.039 --> 00:17:16.039
Yeah, that's so good it's like the release and receive release,
298
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you know, and you know, as we know, it's like
299
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just come as you are, Come.
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As you are, as you release, you will receive.
301
00:17:22.480 --> 00:17:25.240
Yeah, So thank you for even sharing the moments of anxiety,
302
00:17:25.279 --> 00:17:28.359
because that's obviously that's something I struggle with constantly.
303
00:17:28.440 --> 00:17:30.079
Right, I have to debunk.
304
00:17:30.160 --> 00:17:32.920
Like, yes, I have a relationship with God, I have faith,
305
00:17:32.960 --> 00:17:35.480
I have all these things, but we still have these
306
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human emotions and we're still human beings and this stuff
307
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still comes alive. But thank you God that we have
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somebody and someone bigger than ourselves that can anchor us
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and get us right back.
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Yeah.
311
00:17:48.319 --> 00:17:51.880
Absolutely, switching gears a bit. We talked about it earlier
312
00:17:52.160 --> 00:17:52.880
when you're.
313
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Your father passed about a year.
314
00:17:56.640 --> 00:18:01.559
Ago, and as you were grieving, you were also standing
315
00:18:01.640 --> 00:18:03.079
in an answered prayer.
316
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And I want to unpack.
317
00:18:05.799 --> 00:18:10.559
This a bit because there's so much nuance with transmitting
318
00:18:10.599 --> 00:18:13.039
pain into purpose, and so I want to read what
319
00:18:13.079 --> 00:18:16.920
you wrote on Instagram about his passing, and I'm you know,
320
00:18:17.000 --> 00:18:18.599
I'm so sorry to hear that.
321
00:18:20.119 --> 00:18:20.759
You pen this.
322
00:18:21.400 --> 00:18:24.640
The past seven days have been tough. Receiving the call.
323
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I always feared making decisions. I wasn't prepared for being
324
00:18:31.000 --> 00:18:34.960
at sun Dance, which is something I prayed for, trying
325
00:18:35.000 --> 00:18:40.480
to celebrate my accomplishments while and pain, feeling so many
326
00:18:40.480 --> 00:18:45.000
emotions all at once and at the same time feeling numb.
327
00:18:48.079 --> 00:18:49.960
How are you okay?
328
00:18:54.599 --> 00:18:58.759
How did you make sense of that pain while you
329
00:18:58.799 --> 00:19:02.960
were standing in an answered prayer and living out your purpose?
330
00:19:11.160 --> 00:19:16.440
Girl? I don't know. I don't know how to make
331
00:19:16.480 --> 00:19:20.880
sense of a situation like that. You know, it's like
332
00:19:23.119 --> 00:19:25.440
something that I did for your you know, at getting
333
00:19:25.480 --> 00:19:27.119
that call, and then I got it and I was
334
00:19:27.160 --> 00:19:35.319
just like, hm, whoa. I wasn't expecting that, but okay, okay,
335
00:19:35.359 --> 00:19:36.960
here we are. This is what we're gonna do. And
336
00:19:37.000 --> 00:19:39.599
it was such a rush because I got the call
337
00:19:39.720 --> 00:19:42.079
and the next morning I was on a flight to
338
00:19:42.079 --> 00:19:48.720
San Francisco to gather his things and to sort out
339
00:19:49.279 --> 00:19:52.400
funeral arrangements and his body, Like all these things I
340
00:19:52.440 --> 00:19:56.839
never knew were what you're supposed to do when somebody passes,
341
00:19:56.839 --> 00:19:59.559
like I never had to. Yeah, you know, like you
342
00:19:59.559 --> 00:20:03.880
figure out these things out. And so I was just
343
00:20:03.920 --> 00:20:10.759
in a whirlwind of just having to move forward. And
344
00:20:10.799 --> 00:20:12.960
then you know, I was out there for a couple
345
00:20:13.000 --> 00:20:16.519
of days with my aunt and my uncle and you know,
346
00:20:16.559 --> 00:20:19.200
we were just doing what we needed to do. And
347
00:20:21.960 --> 00:20:26.559
then I was like, okay, well I have Sundance this weekend,
348
00:20:26.759 --> 00:20:38.839
So what do I do? Yeah? How can I be normal?
349
00:20:38.880 --> 00:20:41.359
How can I be regular? How can I go enjoy
350
00:20:41.440 --> 00:20:47.279
and have fun when this is lingering? This just happened.
351
00:20:47.960 --> 00:20:50.440
It was the same week like I think it happened Tuesday,
352
00:20:51.400 --> 00:20:53.400
and then I think that weekend is when I went
353
00:20:53.480 --> 00:20:57.759
to to Salt Lake City and I thought about it,
354
00:20:57.759 --> 00:21:02.720
and I was like, you know, what would my dad want?
355
00:21:03.000 --> 00:21:04.720
And he was a girl, get your ass a Salt
356
00:21:04.799 --> 00:21:10.039
Lake City. That part just like that. So you know,
357
00:21:10.119 --> 00:21:15.160
I was like, you know what, whatever is happening, this
358
00:21:15.240 --> 00:21:19.240
is all for a reason and everything's gonna be okay.
359
00:21:20.160 --> 00:21:26.640
And so I put myself together and I went and
360
00:21:27.759 --> 00:21:30.319
even thinking about it now, it's like it was kind
361
00:21:30.319 --> 00:21:34.359
of a blur because I was just moving, you know.
362
00:21:34.759 --> 00:21:41.160
I was just trying to like soak in sundance. Sundance
363
00:21:41.240 --> 00:21:42.079
is like so cool.
364
00:21:42.519 --> 00:21:46.440
I love Sundance, what like I didn't one other time.
365
00:21:46.640 --> 00:21:47.839
It's fantastic.
366
00:21:47.880 --> 00:21:50.839
Even to just attend is a cool thing. But to
367
00:21:50.960 --> 00:21:53.119
have your film premiere, That's.
368
00:21:52.960 --> 00:21:56.400
What I'm saying like you you were living in two
369
00:21:56.680 --> 00:21:59.599
like there's two truths at the same time, you're living
370
00:21:59.599 --> 00:22:02.359
in an ant prayer at Sundance at a film that
371
00:22:02.400 --> 00:22:03.160
you're premiering.
372
00:22:03.440 --> 00:22:08.680
Yeah, and then and then yeah yeah, so yeah. It
373
00:22:09.279 --> 00:22:12.559
was like I was really just numb, to be honest,
374
00:22:12.559 --> 00:22:14.680
and I was just just moving, just to move and
375
00:22:14.720 --> 00:22:18.480
just getting through and trying to experience this while also
376
00:22:18.559 --> 00:22:25.079
experiencing pain. And I don't have any regrets about going.
377
00:22:25.200 --> 00:22:27.599
I'm glad that I went and still was there and
378
00:22:27.720 --> 00:22:30.720
was still able to experience that. And like I said,
379
00:22:30.759 --> 00:22:33.480
I know my dad would have said, would have said, girl,
380
00:22:33.519 --> 00:22:37.880
go and enjoy and you know, and it's crazy because
381
00:22:37.880 --> 00:22:41.599
like the movie that I did, it's really crazy sci
382
00:22:41.640 --> 00:22:45.319
fi alien philm It's like such a weird film, but
383
00:22:45.359 --> 00:22:47.400
it's like so beautiful and I know that's something that
384
00:22:47.440 --> 00:22:51.480
he would have really loved and thought was like so cool. Bro.
385
00:22:52.799 --> 00:22:55.039
Yeah bo, He's proud of you, and you know that.
386
00:22:55.200 --> 00:22:56.599
Thank you, Yeah, thank you.
387
00:22:57.359 --> 00:23:00.920
Acting career, yeah, girl.
388
00:23:00.599 --> 00:23:05.319
Acting, the industry that we're in, we get a lot
389
00:23:05.359 --> 00:23:11.119
of nose not yet, constant rejection, constant you're not good enough,
390
00:23:11.200 --> 00:23:15.240
we need this, we need that. How do you respond
391
00:23:15.319 --> 00:23:18.039
or what is your approach when you do receive those
392
00:23:18.119 --> 00:23:20.519
no's at an audition, when you essentially feel like you
393
00:23:20.519 --> 00:23:22.119
know what, I know, I'm going to book this and
394
00:23:22.160 --> 00:23:24.200
you don't, what is your bounce back?
395
00:23:25.319 --> 00:23:29.839
Well, first off, it's like a stab to the her.
396
00:23:29.920 --> 00:23:33.000
It's like, oh, and it's crazy because when you audition
397
00:23:33.119 --> 00:23:36.160
and you like, I killed it, I'm gonna get that.
398
00:23:36.160 --> 00:23:38.240
That was so good. Those are the ones you don't get.
399
00:23:39.160 --> 00:23:40.960
And then the ones where you're just like, oh my god,
400
00:23:40.960 --> 00:23:43.960
I don't know what just happened. That sucks, Like, those
401
00:23:43.960 --> 00:23:46.759
are the ones you book. It's so crazy how it works.
402
00:23:46.839 --> 00:23:52.960
But I think after a while, it's just like you
403
00:23:53.079 --> 00:23:55.960
gotta kind of have to just pick yourself up, pick
404
00:23:56.000 --> 00:24:00.480
yourself up off the floor. Yeah, and you know what
405
00:24:00.559 --> 00:24:03.240
that that wasn't for me. And this is like something
406
00:24:03.279 --> 00:24:05.880
I've learned over the past couple of years, like more recently,
407
00:24:06.000 --> 00:24:10.440
like when I see somebody else book a job that
408
00:24:10.519 --> 00:24:12.880
I auditioned for or just book something else, and I'm like.
409
00:24:14.240 --> 00:24:16.279
I wanted that she's working.
410
00:24:16.359 --> 00:24:23.000
I'm not. I'm like, relax, ain't for you guys. Whatever
411
00:24:23.720 --> 00:24:26.839
whatever he has come coming is something bigger and better
412
00:24:27.480 --> 00:24:32.920
and for you. And I had to really lean into that,
413
00:24:33.079 --> 00:24:35.400
because for a while I would just be like, what
414
00:24:35.480 --> 00:24:38.599
am I doing wrong? Did she do a better audition? Oh,
415
00:24:38.599 --> 00:24:42.480
it's because her hair is just mere or just judging
416
00:24:42.519 --> 00:24:46.039
myself or comparing myself, and that's that's not fair for
417
00:24:46.119 --> 00:24:48.920
me to do that, to take that away from from me.
418
00:24:49.400 --> 00:24:51.960
And also like it's the smallest things that you don't
419
00:24:51.960 --> 00:24:56.400
get it literally could be you were a little too short,
420
00:24:56.799 --> 00:25:01.680
or they wanted girl with you know, a curly for
421
00:25:01.839 --> 00:25:04.200
whatever it is. It doesn't necessarily have to do. It's
422
00:25:04.240 --> 00:25:07.240
not necessarily a personal thing, and I have to take
423
00:25:09.119 --> 00:25:11.519
not take it personal, and to take my ego out
424
00:25:11.559 --> 00:25:11.839
of it.
425
00:25:11.960 --> 00:25:13.599
Ooh, taking that ego.
426
00:25:13.960 --> 00:25:17.599
My baby's a big thing that I'm working on right now.
427
00:25:18.200 --> 00:25:20.119
How are you doing that? What's that work look like?
428
00:25:20.279 --> 00:25:22.079
Because that's something I'm working on too.
429
00:25:22.519 --> 00:25:26.400
A lot of talking to myself, Yeah, a lot of
430
00:25:26.519 --> 00:25:31.319
like like you know what it's like, literally talking to myself.
431
00:25:31.440 --> 00:25:32.920
You know, it's it's it's fine, it's it's it's that
432
00:25:33.119 --> 00:25:38.880
whatever happened, like, let it go. Yeah, it's not worth it.
433
00:25:38.880 --> 00:25:42.880
It wasn't for you. Don't take it personal. One of
434
00:25:42.880 --> 00:25:46.519
the four agreements. Don't take it personal. Don't take it personal,
435
00:25:46.720 --> 00:25:53.039
like literally just repeating that in my head to just like, yeah,
436
00:25:53.240 --> 00:25:59.160
it's it's outside of me, and I can't bash myself
437
00:25:59.160 --> 00:25:59.519
for that.
438
00:26:00.240 --> 00:26:02.839
And I think too, what I've learned when I, oh,
439
00:26:02.920 --> 00:26:05.480
because my ego has definitely gotten the best of me,
440
00:26:06.240 --> 00:26:08.960
is realizing when I'm operating from a place of ego,
441
00:26:09.079 --> 00:26:12.440
I'm operating from a place of self. So I'm trying
442
00:26:12.519 --> 00:26:15.240
to do all that I'm supposed to be doing as
443
00:26:15.279 --> 00:26:18.519
opposed to the complete opposite of just surrendering like actually,
444
00:26:18.599 --> 00:26:21.240
this ain't on me, like I did my part, okay, God,
445
00:26:21.279 --> 00:26:23.400
now it's on you. And so I know that when
446
00:26:23.440 --> 00:26:26.480
I step in a space of ego, it's very much
447
00:26:26.640 --> 00:26:28.839
like I can control this, I can do this, And
448
00:26:28.880 --> 00:26:31.599
that's nine times out of ten, like that's when my
449
00:26:31.640 --> 00:26:33.480
ego gets me in trouble, you.
450
00:26:33.440 --> 00:26:34.880
Know, And we can't control anything.
451
00:26:35.000 --> 00:26:38.079
No, we cannot, we cannot.
452
00:26:37.279 --> 00:26:41.160
Like we have no control over what happens. So you
453
00:26:41.200 --> 00:26:44.480
just have to like let it go. Even today I
454
00:26:44.480 --> 00:26:47.759
got like, I found out some information from somebody and
455
00:26:47.799 --> 00:26:49.519
I was like, oh, that's interesting because he told me this,
456
00:26:49.559 --> 00:26:53.359
And I was like, because I wanted to hit up
457
00:26:53.359 --> 00:26:54.759
the person and say, well, why did you tell me this?
458
00:26:54.839 --> 00:26:57.720
And I'm like, you just gotta let it go. You
459
00:26:57.799 --> 00:27:01.119
just gotta let it go for whatever reason, just just
460
00:27:01.759 --> 00:27:05.519
let it go. Putting time and energy into those type
461
00:27:05.559 --> 00:27:08.599
of things like doesn't really, it doesn't make sense.
462
00:27:08.720 --> 00:27:09.640
It doesn't serve us.
463
00:27:09.799 --> 00:27:11.880
It's a waste of time. It doesn't serve us exactly.
464
00:27:11.960 --> 00:27:14.240
So why even right? Yeah?
465
00:27:14.519 --> 00:27:15.000
So good?
466
00:27:15.759 --> 00:27:19.039
Do you have a film coming out Lifetime movie searching
467
00:27:19.039 --> 00:27:21.640
for a serial Killer, the Regina Smith Story. You play
468
00:27:21.720 --> 00:27:29.079
a single mother, so you were a mom earlier, my
469
00:27:29.319 --> 00:27:33.640
single mother police officer. Give us a glimpse into how
470
00:27:33.680 --> 00:27:37.599
you prepared for this role. Was there certain life experiences
471
00:27:37.640 --> 00:27:40.200
that you pulled from? How did you embody this character?
472
00:27:41.519 --> 00:27:45.559
I connected with the actual Regina Smith. We were able
473
00:27:45.599 --> 00:27:50.240
to chat her and her daughter, Nikki, and so I
474
00:27:50.279 --> 00:27:53.839
got to kind of, you know, ask Regina questions. I
475
00:27:53.880 --> 00:27:56.160
got to see their dynamic and how they are still
476
00:27:56.240 --> 00:28:00.759
to this day. I had never played a caught before.
477
00:28:01.400 --> 00:28:06.039
So one of my friends her, excuse me, one of
478
00:28:06.039 --> 00:28:10.119
my friends, her cousin is a police officer. So I
479
00:28:10.160 --> 00:28:12.000
asked her if I could meet with him and just
480
00:28:12.039 --> 00:28:15.680
ask him like questions. So I asked him like just
481
00:28:15.799 --> 00:28:19.480
random questions that I thought would be helpful. And I
482
00:28:19.559 --> 00:28:24.880
also asked Regina for I asked her what type of
483
00:28:24.960 --> 00:28:29.279
music she listened to or listens to. Yeah, and she
484
00:28:29.319 --> 00:28:31.960
sent me a playlist, which was really awesome, because what
485
00:28:32.000 --> 00:28:35.920
I try to do is try to just immerse myself
486
00:28:35.960 --> 00:28:39.640
in whoever this character is whenever, like taking on a role,
487
00:28:39.680 --> 00:28:43.039
sometimes I just create my own playlist for what I
488
00:28:43.119 --> 00:28:45.880
think the character would listen to. But this role was
489
00:28:45.920 --> 00:28:49.759
different because it's very specific. So she sent me a
490
00:28:49.759 --> 00:28:54.079
playlist and it had like Prince and Tina, Marie Justin,
491
00:28:54.160 --> 00:29:01.160
Kendrick gone there and Yeah, listened to it every day,
492
00:29:02.599 --> 00:29:04.359
you know, while I was in the hair and makeup trailer,
493
00:29:05.240 --> 00:29:08.960
and Yeah, I just wanted to really bring her her
494
00:29:09.000 --> 00:29:12.319
story to life as best as possible. And I also
495
00:29:12.440 --> 00:29:15.599
work on like making sure things are the right fit,
496
00:29:16.440 --> 00:29:19.359
you know. So I read the script before I just
497
00:29:19.400 --> 00:29:21.599
automatically said yes, because I want to work, you know
498
00:29:21.640 --> 00:29:23.759
what I mean, Like I want to be busy. But
499
00:29:23.799 --> 00:29:25.119
I was like, let me make sure that this is
500
00:29:25.160 --> 00:29:27.279
the right fit for me. And so I read the
501
00:29:27.319 --> 00:29:31.200
script and I was like, whoa, this is crazy. This
502
00:29:31.319 --> 00:29:35.240
is a beautiful heroic story, Like let's do.
503
00:29:35.240 --> 00:29:36.680
This what resonated with you.
504
00:29:38.160 --> 00:29:48.359
I think her strength and I think, you know, just
505
00:29:50.079 --> 00:29:56.200
Regina as a as a person and what she stood for,
506
00:29:56.799 --> 00:30:00.599
and she what drove her was her and who she
507
00:30:00.640 --> 00:30:04.559
really is. She didn't find that serial killer because she
508
00:30:04.759 --> 00:30:08.920
wanted a title or a reward, you know. She felt
509
00:30:08.960 --> 00:30:12.000
so strongly and so deeply and cared so much for
510
00:30:12.079 --> 00:30:17.119
these working girls, prostitutes, which anybody else would just look
511
00:30:17.160 --> 00:30:19.839
down upon them and like, well, who cares, like they're
512
00:30:19.880 --> 00:30:23.279
just they're on the street. Anyways, she saw these women
513
00:30:23.319 --> 00:30:27.480
for who they were, regardless of their situation or their circumstances.
514
00:30:27.759 --> 00:30:32.519
And that's beautiful to see outside of what things might
515
00:30:32.559 --> 00:30:34.960
look like, because those were all just struggling girls, just
516
00:30:34.960 --> 00:30:37.519
like we all are out here, trying to make ends meet,
517
00:30:38.359 --> 00:30:41.400
trying to take care of things, you know. And because
518
00:30:41.400 --> 00:30:44.960
of that, that is why she, you know, was able
519
00:30:45.039 --> 00:30:48.960
to find this serial killer and stop him, because he
520
00:30:49.000 --> 00:30:54.160
would have kept going. Yeah, and he was taking their
521
00:30:54.160 --> 00:30:57.200
eyeballs off, Like that's why he's called the eyeball killer,
522
00:30:57.640 --> 00:31:01.920
because he was taking their eyeballs out. Yeah, that's I
523
00:31:01.920 --> 00:31:03.200
don't know, that's a real story.
524
00:31:03.240 --> 00:31:04.880
I don't know if I knew that part. No, I
525
00:31:04.920 --> 00:31:06.279
know the story, but I don't know if I knew
526
00:31:06.319 --> 00:31:06.680
that part.
527
00:31:06.799 --> 00:31:10.680
Yeah. Wow, so he was called he was named the
528
00:31:10.720 --> 00:31:14.759
eyeball Killer. This happened in Dallas, Texas yea, in like
529
00:31:14.839 --> 00:31:23.000
the nineties, two thousands, nineties. Yeah, that's a real life story.
530
00:31:23.000 --> 00:31:27.119
Like that is you went through what how you saw
531
00:31:27.160 --> 00:31:30.039
the faces of some of these girls that you knew
532
00:31:31.279 --> 00:31:34.359
and that you've seen on the street and there. Yeah,
533
00:31:34.400 --> 00:31:35.359
that's crazy.
534
00:31:35.079 --> 00:31:35.599
That's wild.
535
00:31:35.599 --> 00:31:39.359
Okay, take me the trajectory of your acting career. Obviously
536
00:31:39.359 --> 00:31:42.440
it hasn't always been smooth sailing. What have you been
537
00:31:42.480 --> 00:31:46.160
anchor anchoring yourself in when there is the uncertainty of
538
00:31:46.200 --> 00:31:48.119
like if I'm going to book another job? Like has
539
00:31:48.160 --> 00:31:50.160
there been momentary like I'm done with this, I'm quitting.
540
00:31:50.160 --> 00:31:51.359
I don't want to act anymore.
541
00:31:53.640 --> 00:31:57.599
Sometimes I think that I'm like, girl, shut up, Like
542
00:31:57.759 --> 00:32:01.279
you're just having a little mood. Get it yet? But yes,
543
00:32:03.200 --> 00:32:07.200
just believing and trusting in God and knowing that it's
544
00:32:07.279 --> 00:32:12.200
gonna be all right. Yeah, you know, and and that
545
00:32:12.359 --> 00:32:15.039
is it's so sad to say, but that's the industry. Yes,
546
00:32:15.319 --> 00:32:19.480
it's so up and down all the time. You could
547
00:32:19.480 --> 00:32:22.680
be at you know, a high one moment, the next
548
00:32:22.759 --> 00:32:27.160
Ye're like not doing anything, so accepting that as well, Like,
549
00:32:27.279 --> 00:32:29.680
you know what, this is the industry that I decided
550
00:32:29.720 --> 00:32:32.440
to be a part of. Nobody forced me to do it,
551
00:32:32.720 --> 00:32:36.200
you know what I mean. So that's just what it is.
552
00:32:36.359 --> 00:32:40.200
Some days I'm gonna be irritated and mad because i
553
00:32:40.240 --> 00:32:42.880
can't look a job, and other days I'm having a
554
00:32:42.920 --> 00:32:47.200
conversation and thanking God for you know, yeah, this role
555
00:32:47.200 --> 00:32:48.640
He's blessed me with. Totally.
556
00:32:49.680 --> 00:32:51.599
What season do you believe you're in?
557
00:32:51.880 --> 00:32:56.720
I believe that we all currently whatever season that we
558
00:32:56.799 --> 00:33:01.720
are in, are climbing a mountain. What mountain and what
559
00:33:01.920 --> 00:33:05.039
season are you in? What mountain are you climbing? And
560
00:33:05.079 --> 00:33:06.160
what season are you in?
561
00:33:06.319 --> 00:33:14.519
The season that I'm in is transition and give it
562
00:33:14.559 --> 00:33:21.920
to us. I There's been several times over the past
563
00:33:21.960 --> 00:33:25.440
couple of months, I've had great news, I've had bad news,
564
00:33:25.440 --> 00:33:27.519
and I've had all of it. I'm just like, what
565
00:33:27.680 --> 00:33:30.720
is going on? What is happening? Like literally what?
566
00:33:33.640 --> 00:33:34.759
Yeah?
567
00:33:34.799 --> 00:33:42.279
And I just had to like surrender, you know, And
568
00:33:44.359 --> 00:33:48.880
I think what's happening is I'm changing mentally and physically
569
00:33:50.480 --> 00:33:53.119
in so many aspects of my life. So it's a
570
00:33:53.160 --> 00:33:57.279
transition into the new me. And like we've talked about
571
00:33:57.400 --> 00:34:04.200
dropping off old habits, old behavior, old ways of thinking,
572
00:34:05.240 --> 00:34:08.159
and you know, when you want to grow and evolve,
573
00:34:08.239 --> 00:34:10.960
you have to realize that it's not just one part,
574
00:34:11.119 --> 00:34:15.360
it's everything. And so that's what I'm feeling right now.
575
00:34:15.400 --> 00:34:17.760
It's just like something It's like it's like when you're
576
00:34:17.760 --> 00:34:19.440
like something's in the air. I don't know what it is.
577
00:34:19.519 --> 00:34:21.679
That's kind of like what's happening with me. It's like
578
00:34:23.480 --> 00:34:27.719
I can't like pinpoint the exact thing. But it's all
579
00:34:27.760 --> 00:34:33.400
a transition and it's all just like different energy, different
580
00:34:33.480 --> 00:34:37.480
energy flowing and me just kind of having to get
581
00:34:37.559 --> 00:34:41.000
used to it. And it feels very uncomfortable because again,
582
00:34:41.039 --> 00:34:42.920
I like structure. I want to hold on and I
583
00:34:42.920 --> 00:34:43.519
want to know.
584
00:34:43.519 --> 00:34:47.039
What is happening, what's going on, what's going on, what
585
00:34:47.039 --> 00:34:47.320
am I.
586
00:34:47.280 --> 00:34:48.840
Doing next week? What am I doing next month?
587
00:34:48.920 --> 00:34:53.599
And like, yeah, now, remind me what's the one like
588
00:34:53.880 --> 00:34:56.280
give us a glimpse into what one old thing that
589
00:34:56.320 --> 00:34:58.360
you're actually wrestling with that you have to.
590
00:34:58.599 --> 00:34:59.440
Drop off.
591
00:35:03.320 --> 00:35:04.920
One thing. I have to drop off.
592
00:35:05.800 --> 00:35:08.679
An old way that you know will not serve you
593
00:35:08.760 --> 00:35:09.719
in the new season.
594
00:35:11.440 --> 00:35:16.159
I would say there's a couple I would say, negative thinking,
595
00:35:18.639 --> 00:35:24.039
negative energy. Sometimes I like, I internalize so much and
596
00:35:24.079 --> 00:35:26.599
I'm like, I messed this up where I did that,
597
00:35:26.800 --> 00:35:31.079
or I'm having a bad day, or my hair didn't
598
00:35:31.079 --> 00:35:33.800
come out right or whatever, and I'm realizing that I'm
599
00:35:33.880 --> 00:35:38.840
just exuding so much negative energy. And just like dark Cloud,
600
00:35:39.199 --> 00:35:40.840
it's like when you're like having a bad day and
601
00:35:40.920 --> 00:35:42.159
your T shirt gets stuck in the door.
602
00:35:44.440 --> 00:35:51.000
You know, yes, the other day, some drop. Everybody's in trouble. Yes,
603
00:35:51.119 --> 00:35:52.559
everybody is in trouble.
604
00:35:52.719 --> 00:35:55.039
Exactly. You drop one thing like it keeps dropping.
605
00:35:55.280 --> 00:36:00.880
Yes, So so not focusing on those negative things or
606
00:36:00.920 --> 00:36:02.599
those whatever those things may be.
607
00:36:02.960 --> 00:36:07.159
Yeah, Okay, that happened. Didn't like it, But let's leave
608
00:36:07.159 --> 00:36:10.519
it alone. Let's not overthink, let's not over replay what
609
00:36:10.679 --> 00:36:12.199
just happened. Because that's what I do a lot too.
610
00:36:12.800 --> 00:36:17.960
Is like I'll say a line wrong or something on
611
00:36:18.199 --> 00:36:20.320
said or something that I already films, and I'm like,
612
00:36:20.360 --> 00:36:21.679
why did I say it like that? Why did I
613
00:36:21.719 --> 00:36:24.119
do that? That was so stupid? I look so dumb.
614
00:36:24.760 --> 00:36:28.159
Oh my god, everybody thinks I'm so stupid. I'm an idiot.
615
00:36:28.239 --> 00:36:29.679
Why would I do? You know? And I'm just like
616
00:36:30.679 --> 00:36:32.199
this whole domino effect and I'm like.
617
00:36:33.119 --> 00:36:35.960
But you for sure cannot take that into that.
618
00:36:35.960 --> 00:36:38.840
That's literally what I'm working on now. It's like the
619
00:36:38.960 --> 00:36:41.159
enemy wants to rob us of the now. He wants
620
00:36:41.199 --> 00:36:44.440
to rob us of feeling that piece, feeling that success,
621
00:36:44.639 --> 00:36:48.280
knowing that you've probably killed that that line. But of
622
00:36:48.320 --> 00:36:50.400
course it's like, oh, I'm gonna plant a lie in
623
00:36:50.480 --> 00:36:52.840
her head to say that she did it. I'm going
624
00:36:52.920 --> 00:36:56.880
to dismantle what the truth really is. And that's literally
625
00:36:56.920 --> 00:36:58.400
what I'm undoing right now as well.
626
00:36:58.480 --> 00:37:02.199
Well, even if I did mess up, yes, it's okay, Yeah,
627
00:37:02.559 --> 00:37:05.239
it's okay. And I think this is something that I've
628
00:37:05.239 --> 00:37:08.239
dealt with growing up. My entire life is like looking stupid,
629
00:37:08.679 --> 00:37:12.800
looking dumb, sounding dumb because I have this idea of
630
00:37:12.920 --> 00:37:16.719
perception or I don't want to look dumb or crazy
631
00:37:17.000 --> 00:37:20.039
who cares? And those are the moments when you actually
632
00:37:20.320 --> 00:37:24.239
grow and become better. So yeah, I'm really trying to
633
00:37:24.280 --> 00:37:26.840
just let go of of of perfection.
634
00:37:28.280 --> 00:37:33.440
So good. It's hard, but it's it's so needed. Okay, Lastly,
635
00:37:34.119 --> 00:37:36.360
what legacy do you hope to leave?
636
00:37:36.920 --> 00:37:51.239
M rare. I think for my legacy, I want to mm,
637
00:37:51.280 --> 00:37:56.480
that's deep. I think for me, it's about what I've
638
00:37:56.519 --> 00:38:01.360
been told about myself is that I have a certain
639
00:38:01.440 --> 00:38:06.400
energy and certain light, and thank you. I want to
640
00:38:08.199 --> 00:38:14.239
maintain that and hold that and never lose that. And
641
00:38:14.400 --> 00:38:17.599
when people think about me or talk about me, I
642
00:38:17.639 --> 00:38:20.039
want them to say, you know, when I met her,
643
00:38:20.119 --> 00:38:23.079
she was so nice. So she was so cool. You know,
644
00:38:23.559 --> 00:38:27.159
accolades and all these different achievements and stuff, they're amazing,
645
00:38:27.639 --> 00:38:32.559
like love them to death. But when you think about
646
00:38:32.559 --> 00:38:35.119
the real world and humanity, who are we? How are
647
00:38:35.199 --> 00:38:37.119
you showing up in the world? How do you make
648
00:38:37.119 --> 00:38:41.639
people feel? You've met people where you they're like a
649
00:38:41.719 --> 00:38:44.039
dark cloud. You feel the energy and you're just like, oh,
650
00:38:44.119 --> 00:38:46.440
I don't know, I don't know about that, Like they're cool,
651
00:38:46.440 --> 00:38:49.239
but yeah, you know, I always want to keep this
652
00:38:49.440 --> 00:38:58.119
essence of who I am and just exude positive energy
653
00:38:58.840 --> 00:39:00.880
and love. And you know, we've talked about this on
654
00:39:00.920 --> 00:39:03.280
the phone. When I was like I had to ask
655
00:39:03.320 --> 00:39:07.639
God why when all this this fame or whatever you
656
00:39:07.639 --> 00:39:10.840
want to call it was coming to me, like, why
657
00:39:12.280 --> 00:39:15.920
why is this happening? I didn't necessary I didn't ask
658
00:39:15.960 --> 00:39:18.880
for this. I didn't grow up a childhood star or
659
00:39:19.599 --> 00:39:23.480
in arts. You know why, Well, because he's giving you
660
00:39:23.480 --> 00:39:30.119
a platform to be great and to be a light
661
00:39:30.920 --> 00:39:37.960
and to come on, you know, show people how what's
662
00:39:38.079 --> 00:39:41.800
how can I phrase this? Show people a way of
663
00:39:41.840 --> 00:39:45.719
living life and being kind? We don't have enough of that. Yeah,
664
00:39:46.159 --> 00:39:49.519
just being kind and nice. And sometimes I have to
665
00:39:49.599 --> 00:39:51.719
check myself too, because sometimes I'm a little irritated or mad.
666
00:39:51.760 --> 00:39:54.039
I was like, I have an attitude right now over
667
00:39:54.079 --> 00:39:58.320
the most part, you know, it's like just carrying good
668
00:39:58.519 --> 00:40:03.800
energy and just just being a good person. F social
669
00:40:03.880 --> 00:40:05.599
media and all that stuff. I mean, I love it.
670
00:40:05.679 --> 00:40:08.679
But like again, I'm talking about if something happened, if
671
00:40:08.679 --> 00:40:10.960
the aliens came and they stripped everything away, who are
672
00:40:10.960 --> 00:40:16.920
we the alien? I'm just kidding it, but yeah, just
673
00:40:17.000 --> 00:40:21.719
keeping like a level of being being grounded, Yeah, and
674
00:40:21.880 --> 00:40:26.639
just just having great aura yeah, and spreading.
675
00:40:26.239 --> 00:40:27.599
That and you do that.
676
00:40:27.639 --> 00:40:29.280
And I love that you brought that up because when
677
00:40:29.320 --> 00:40:31.519
you did say that to me, I felt that so strong.
678
00:40:31.559 --> 00:40:34.320
They're like, dang God, why when you said, like, why
679
00:40:34.320 --> 00:40:37.280
are you giving me this platform? And I believe too
680
00:40:37.320 --> 00:40:40.280
much is given, much is required. So if he's given
681
00:40:40.360 --> 00:40:44.599
you this, you are required. You are responsible to fulfill
682
00:40:44.679 --> 00:40:47.440
the call, to fulfill the purpose, to be the light
683
00:40:48.280 --> 00:40:51.599
of the world, and you're doing it. Thank you, and
684
00:40:51.679 --> 00:40:54.559
I'm so proud of you. I'm so honored and humbled
685
00:40:54.639 --> 00:40:57.079
that you trusted me and sitting here with me today.
686
00:40:57.639 --> 00:41:01.280
Real talk like keep on, been on, You're killing it.
687
00:41:01.559 --> 00:41:04.400
There's so much more for you. Keep going, keep stay
688
00:41:04.440 --> 00:41:07.719
connected to the Father, and everything that you your heart's
689
00:41:07.760 --> 00:41:09.199
desires will come to pass.
690
00:41:09.320 --> 00:41:11.840
Thank you. And I'm so happy and so proud of
691
00:41:11.880 --> 00:41:16.519
you as well, and everything that you've achieved on the past.
692
00:41:16.639 --> 00:41:21.400
Look at us so good. Thank you, thank you. I
693
00:41:21.440 --> 00:41:23.119
appreciate that. I appreciate Yes,