Ep 30 | Kindness

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Welcome back to the Monday Morning Men podcast.
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My name is Josh Swart.
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I'm here with Thomas Dillinger on a lovely Monday morning.
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I mean, it's not actually Monday, but nobody needs to know that.
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And if you're wondering right now, did Thomas get any sleep?
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People I'm wearing the same outfit.
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We're recording this the same day.
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I'm still tired.
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Thank you for your concerns and hopefully your prayers.
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God did not heal me in the four minutes that this has transpired, but I'm hoping.
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I'm I'm praying.
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That's awesome.
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Um whenever I talk, I'm sorry.
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I mess you up.
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Like a lot of people.
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Well, no, I was really hoping that you would feel better between episodes.
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I mean too.
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And I you know it is not happening.
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Yeah, you're a little bit more spicy this week than I am a little spicy.
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I've been spicy in general.
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I think just living in my upstairs living situation with all my family is made me a little bit more agitated.
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Yeah, it's just you just have no privacy.
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Uh in fact, just people, you you know, we're just real guys, just so you understand.
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Like I work in a model home.
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Mind you, there is no other offices.
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I have an office in the garage that has a door that can close in this whole house that nobody else is in but me.
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So I'm in this entire house by myself.
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But because I have no privacy in my current home because of our living situation, I shut my office door.
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There's nobody in that home.
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I just have to shut it to feel like I can shut a door.
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This is where I'm at emotionally.
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I'm just letting you people we are real people.
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You should just bring a cot and just sleep up there.
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I I'm you you I'm tempted.
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This is where we're we're at real dudes with real jobs, with real lives, and definitely some real problems.
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Anyways, moving on, we were gonna talk about kindness this morning.
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Yeah.
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Um, what do you got for us?
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This is this is uncomfortable one for me.
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Um whoa.
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Yeah, like it's it's just uncomfortable because it's I am and and I would say that probably I would say I probably my my guy friends I've grown up with would know this, but you know, my brothers definitely would.
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But I am just not a kind person at all.
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I I well hold on, let me clarify.
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We'll get into the we're gonna define like definitions are important to us on this podcast.
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They they should be important to the church, they're not, which is sad.
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Um, but we when I define it, I I'm half kind, but I'm not fully kind.
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And um even just as I've been processing and thinking about this, you know, one of the goals of this is that I can hand this in in a book form and have this for my boys.
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And if I had, I mean, there are lots of hopes and prayers I have for my kids, but one of the big ones for my my boys specifically is that they're kind.
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You know what I mean?
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Like I just when you meet a kind man, it just feels so rare.
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And and it and and sometimes you're just that there's something about it.
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I don't care what they look like, what they do.
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There's something even in our spirits that are just like, I don't know if it's the sun in us, that's like, man, that that's probably a good dad, or going to be a good dad, or whatever.
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Just being kind.
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And obviously it's it's an attribute of God.
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He is he's kind and he wants us to be kind.
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So we just want to define it and talk about it.
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And unfortunately for me, this is a a confession.
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And as I'm talking, please understand that this is something that I actually was walking through this last week and I walked through it again last night.
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Like it's funny, the moment you start thinking about something, God will present many opportunities for you to practice and walk in obedience.
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Oh, just smile on it.
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Last night it was it was on.
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But but the but here's where so so kindness, and as we'll get into this uh as we define it, um, it's an actionable, it makes someone better, right?
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They're around you, it makes someone better.
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And we'll get into this definition.
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Uh, that's I do that well.
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I I like to encourage people, I like to acknowledge people.
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Um, I'm I'm an actionable person.
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I don't like to talk about things.
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I want to do it.
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Let's get it done.
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So that part I do well.
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The um my unkind is my mouth, and I have one, and I'm like real, I can be super sharp, not only sharp, like even if I'm saying something that's probably truthful, like, man, it has a bite to it.
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You're just like, oh my gosh.
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Like, I don't know what you're talking about.
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You're like, I'm gonna need to see a therapist after that.
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And it's like, that's just it's unkind.
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So, anyway, I want to get into to just kind of what we'll talk about more into that that definition in just a second, but I want to give you some of these these beautiful quotes that like what we always like to know what always historically what are Christians processing with kindness, and this will help align your thought process on what the scriptures say.
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Like, if you're just reading your Bibles, guys, and reading stuff historically, you'll find a lot of your your theology and doctrine will not only be a lot easier to understand, it'll it'll clear up your wrong thinking about a lot of things instead of just listening to someone on TikTok or YouTube shorts.
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But C.S.
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Lewis says this the real trouble is that kindness is a quality, is a quality fatally easily attributed to ourselves on quite inadequate grounds.
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And I love that he's saying that because it is.
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It's like we we think kindness is uh giving the homeless guy something at the intersection.
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That is kind, but it's like he well, let's just finish it.
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Everyone feels benevolent if nothing happens to be annoying him at the moment.
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We think we are kind when we are happy.
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The reason I want to put this quote in, like I said, I'm a I'm a kind guy.
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Like, I bet if you probably went to church and asked people, like is Thomas Kind, they'd be like, oh yeah.
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But if you ask my kids if your dad's kind, they're probably like, nah.
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Like, you know what I mean?
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Like, and and it would be honest.
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My kids would definitely be honest.
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But the reason is I I love this.
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There, there's a uh it's John Mark Comer quotes it.
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It's not him that actually said it, but um, and I think I've referred to it before.
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He's like, nothing will show you the status of your heart than when you're interrupted, how you respond to it.
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And I hate it.
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I hate being interrupted.
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I hate, I hate having to repeat myself.
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Oh, like it's so my even my kids are like, like my kids, like if I'm like, hey, do this, and they're like, huh?
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I'm like, I said do this, and they're like, huh?
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Like, if I have to repeat it a third time, I'm like, it's like a volcano.
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It's like, are you listening?
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What is happening?
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Right.
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And so, because of that, that's that that's my right.
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I love he's like, he's like, everybody looks kind when it's not inconvenient, when they're not impatient, when they're not running on three hours of sleep.
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I'm gonna really struggle to be kind today.
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But kindness is something that should be flowing through us at all times.
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And it should be something that, I mean, think about God is not this moody God that wakes up.
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We're the ones that are individuals.
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He's the same today, yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
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He is kind all the time.
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And for me, as someone who wants to act like Christ the Father, this is something that I'm realizing I'm struggling with greatly in my life.
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I was just reading, there's a great book.
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If you guys haven't read it by Joel Beakey, and it talks about uh just leading your family.
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Um, we can drop that in the link below.
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But it's it, there's just this uh part in there.
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He's talking about Ephesians that was so convicting.
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I actually asked my wife's forgiveness last week because I was like, I'm unkind to you.
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I'm a little bit kinder to the kids because I give them grace and patience because they're children.
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But in that Ephesians passage, Joel really makes that uh correlation between us nurturing our wives and nurturing our kids, the way that we treat our children as they need something emotionally from us, mostly kindness and love, even if we really care less about their drawing.
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Or I think that Lego Tower is the dumbest thing I've ever seen built in my entire life.
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And but but there's something in us that we're actually excited for them and we love them and we nurture them, is the same response that we need to have for our wives when she's having a rough day or she wants to tell us about something we literally could care less about.
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Are we nurturing her in that moment?
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Are we kind?
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And last night, I mean, that this is look, hey, we're just honest here.
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My wife's doing this project at our house, and I hate it so much.
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I told her from the beginning, I don't want her to do it.
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We already are just in one big project.
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We definitely don't need this in this small apartment to do this.
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She's like, I really want to do it, so I let her do it.
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And last night she did part of it, and and I could, I don't want it done, and I could care less.
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And she's like, Are you proud of me?
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And I mean, she's like, like, look what I did.
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I used the nail gun and I tacked this up, and I looked at her dead in the eyes.
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I I'm I'm I'm really in a lot of pain, people said, give me some crazy.
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And I looked at her and I was like, No, I was like, I didn't want you to do this in the first place.
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I'm like, why would I be proud?
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And as soon as it came out of my mouth, though I could care less about the problem, I realized I was not nurturing nor kind in that moment.
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I could have been like, look, babe, you know I don't care about this B board at all.
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In fact, I hate everything about it, but I am proud of you that you learned a new skill and be happy for her the same way that I would be kind to my children.
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So, kindness is something I just want you to know.
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If you're listening to this and you're like, man, uh I'm harsh, or I struggle to be kind with people.
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Nobody can relate to you more than myself.
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I want kind boys, and I'm realizing, especially as my oldest is getting into his teenage years, and sometimes the way he talks to his siblings, I go, I know exactly where he's learned that from.
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And he's unkind.
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And I looked at him the other day and I said, I need kindness coming from your lips.
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And it was like God immediately said, Well, how about some from yours?
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And we'd be in a really good place.
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So the biblical foundation, obviously, for this, we, you know, I mean you can find kindness everywhere, but Galatians 5, 22 through 23, which we've probably quoted in half these episodes, it's the fruit of the Spirit, right?
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Love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
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Against such things, there is no law.
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Colossians 3 12 is the command from us, a command to us from God.
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Therefore, as God's chosen people, here's your requirement holy and dearly loved, clothe yourself, right?
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We we talk about the the uh you know the armor of God all the time, and we'll preach on that, and that's great, and we should.
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It's I'm not I'm not minimizing that, but it says, clothe yourself, maybe your undergarments of all of that with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.
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As men, this is really, really hard.
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So let's talk about just kind of what that means, what that means in the Greek, it carries two meanings.
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Um, it's both, and I like this because I actually uh double check this in in Webster's dictionary.
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So the two meanings are found in Webster's original 1828 and in the biblical Greek.
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Meaning one is action-oriented, which I think I do well, and I would say a lot of us is just probably good Christians do.
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It's not just a passive feeling of warmth, but a benevolence and action, kindness that is useful and practical and helpful to others.
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You feeding the homeless guy or you taking care of the poor and the needy, you serving at church, you listening to someone, those are kind acts and they are good, and you should do them all the time.
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Um, we should be known for it.
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I I I have a, and this is I'm not, I'm not trying to get on a tangent, I have a huge problem with with the with this Christian um kind of conservatism, capitalistic movement that doesn't care for social issues.
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And I'm not talking about this woke liberal ideology.
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I don't want you like to, but I'm talking about like you really should care, though, about that.
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Like, is someone struggling to have health care or is, you know, is someone being mistreated?
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We should be clothed with kindness and compassion over everything.
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That should over that should supersede your political affiliation.
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Just FYI on that.
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And if you find yourself struggling with that, you're an unkind person, just so you know.
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Like, and I'm not saying that kind and kindness is not passive in the sense also where we're not allowing truth to stand.
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Truth should still stand, but you should still be kind.
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You as a dad, you're an authority in your home.
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You should run that home in the right way.
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You should not, I don't tolerate disrespect from my son, yeah, but I still should be kind because God is kind.
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Proverbs 19, 17 says, Whoever is kind to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will reward them for what they have done.
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How many times I hear tight-watted businessmen, well, uh, you know, they're not gonna be a good steward of it, or I'm not gonna give to this thing.
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It's like, brother, it's not your money, first of all.
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Second of all, it's like God wants us to be kind.
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Like that's the goal, right?
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So that needs to be action-oriented, care for people, like genuinely care for them.
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And then the other meaning is mellowness.
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It's interesting.
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Um, I saw an interview with a guy, I actually don't know him, nor have I read the book, but I just heard this little tag, and he was talking about he believes that mellowness is a sign of true Christian maturity.
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Now, I he did not tie it, which was ironic to kindness.
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I look, I think you should stand for truth.
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And we live in a world where it is getting grayer and grayer and and people are aligned with some things.
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I am not talking about not standing for for for truth.
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Please understand that.
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But what I am telling you is that that truth cannot be a clanging gong, like Paul says.
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And I'm telling you, as the church, we are a clanging gong all the time.
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And you can talk in a way that just cuts you, but it is spoken with such love that it is like, man, I I receive that.
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It really hurts that you said that, but but I can process it in a way that's like, man, that is that that that changes my perspective on the what I'm viewing it.
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And here's what's unique about that.
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So in that mellowness, and the reason I bring this up is historically that word was talking about a wine that has aged well.
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I don't know if you guys are wine drinkers.
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I personally am a big red wine fan.
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And when wine goes bad or if it's cheap, and by the way, I do get cheap wine, that's just where I am as a person.
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Um, but I have had nice and expensive wines.
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There is something, it it has a bite to it, a little bit of a sour taste.
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And so this is what scripture's talking about.
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When it says you have a mellaness, it means that it's it's smoother.
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You ever had just like a real uh maybe you maybe you're a coffee guy, you've had a real acidic cup of coffee as opposed to a really good one, it's smooth.
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That's what it's talking about when it's kind.
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It is gentle and it's mellow and it's devoid of harshness or severity.
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When I talk to my kids, is it kind?
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Am I walking in a way that's like, I still punish?
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I'm not tolerating bad behavior, I'm not tolerating disobedience or disrespect.
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But am I, am I losing it?
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Am I yelling?
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Am I upset?
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Am I angry?
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Am I sharp?
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Am I volatile?
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Where, or, or, or just even unkind, like in the way of like, you know, why don't you grow up?
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Like these are not great sayings to say, you know, as opposed to being like, why are you doing this?
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Like, why are we acting this way?
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Or, or uh, who do you think you are?
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Like this stuff like those are unkind, harsh words that we speak.
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And I struggle with if you can relate to that, just know I'm your guy.
00:15:07.279 --> 00:15:19.200
Um, Ephesians uh 4, 31 through 32, we we know that even Christ tells us as men, right, that we're to get rid of rage and anger and brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
00:15:19.279 --> 00:15:20.000
This is a command.
00:15:20.080 --> 00:15:23.759
This especially, I mean, I'm not saying that women don't struggle with this, but men specifically.
00:15:23.840 --> 00:15:30.080
But we are to be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as Christ forgave us.
00:15:30.320 --> 00:15:31.120
Kindness.
00:15:31.360 --> 00:15:32.879
Remember who you are.
00:15:33.440 --> 00:15:36.000
Remember, Christ is so patient and loving with you.
00:15:36.159 --> 00:15:38.320
We should have that same mentality.
00:15:38.480 --> 00:15:44.399
And just so you know, even as just a dad, it says that we're not to provoke our children to wrath, right?
00:15:44.639 --> 00:15:45.519
Or to be kind.
00:15:45.679 --> 00:15:48.080
How do we get that harsh severity?
00:15:48.559 --> 00:15:53.039
So the pride is really the reason we speak and that harshness.
00:15:53.120 --> 00:15:59.840
We're we are inconvenienced or we are not being obeyed or listened to, and and you do not get the freedom to cross me.
00:16:00.000 --> 00:16:12.879
Um, so I love how Matthew Henry kind of in in it just in a summary of the way that he breaks down a lot of these passages we just uh read, he says, whenever we're unkind, it's just showing us that we are full of pride.
00:16:12.960 --> 00:16:14.559
And he goes, and the only way we can be pride.
00:16:14.720 --> 00:16:19.440
Now, obviously, this is a characteristic, if you have any sort of pride, it's hard to walk in any sort of godly characteristic.
00:16:19.600 --> 00:16:22.080
But really, with kindness, it has to be devoid of all pride.
00:16:22.159 --> 00:16:27.279
Otherwise, it's just one, it's disingenuous, and two, it'll eventually um explode when you're inconvenienced.
00:16:27.360 --> 00:16:27.919
Because, like C.S.
00:16:28.080 --> 00:16:31.519
Louis said, everybody can be benevolent until they're inconvenience.
00:16:32.639 --> 00:16:42.879
The trap that we end up kind of all falling in, though, too, and just so you know, and this is why I want you guys to, as some, hopefully, you're gonna apply this this week, and this is something you're gonna think about.
00:16:43.200 --> 00:16:48.960
When you go, Well, I'm a kind person, I'm taking care of you know, the widows and the orphans, praise God, as you should.
00:16:49.120 --> 00:16:59.440
There is a part of you though that people will see that there is a part of you that's like, Well, look at look look, I'm doing a really good job, man.
00:16:59.600 --> 00:17:04.639
And oh, and I'm not saying that it's like this weird, I'm just just hear me out, people, okay?
00:17:05.279 --> 00:17:06.000
But guess what?
00:17:06.159 --> 00:17:22.559
When you're inconvenienced in your privacy of your own home, or when your wife looks at you and she's decided to start a construction project in your 765 square foot apartment for reasons God will only know for beadboard that she told me last night is for our family.
00:17:22.720 --> 00:17:26.079
Nobody in that family cares for beadboard, it's not helping a single person in there.
00:17:26.240 --> 00:17:27.840
And she goes, Are you proud of me?
00:17:28.079 --> 00:17:30.960
It's like I'm gonna be unkind.
00:17:31.279 --> 00:17:38.240
And because my kindness is not gonna cost me or create anything for me, I don't feel it.
00:17:38.640 --> 00:17:42.640
And instead, she was met with severity and harshness.
00:17:42.960 --> 00:17:58.640
And so that trap that we can get in and we can justify kindness as the person that's serving you should serve, and you should be, I'm not minimizing that, just understand there can be pride, whereas the true as true test of your heart will be the way that you treat and talk to other people, especially those in your home.
00:17:58.720 --> 00:17:59.920
So here's your application.
00:18:00.079 --> 00:18:05.759
Real simple, guys, but impossible for me to apply for this week.
00:18:05.920 --> 00:18:09.119
I would start with your wife, just like Joel said, nurture her.
00:18:09.599 --> 00:18:15.440
Because I'm telling you, there is nobody in this world I love more than my wife, and there is nobody in this world that pisses me off more than that woman.
00:18:15.680 --> 00:18:17.359
I'm telling you that, and she knows it.
00:18:17.440 --> 00:18:22.160
I I would die for her, and she also will drive me off a cliff.
00:18:22.400 --> 00:18:26.319
And that's just the reality of the beauty of marriage and love.
00:18:26.480 --> 00:18:33.680
But start right now this week, just okay, maybe you're a m like a maybe you don't speak harshly to her.
00:18:33.759 --> 00:18:45.680
Maybe you're just not that guy, but maybe you're not nurturing and just you're going out of your way to just treat her with kindness and just saying something like write her a simple note and just like I love you, I see you, I see what you're doing.
00:18:46.160 --> 00:18:49.039
Or maybe, maybe, maybe for your wife too.
00:18:49.359 --> 00:18:59.039
It's hard to do stuff for a wife, and I'm not talking about getting her flowers, I'm talking about maybe do the dishes for her or whatever kind of chore around the house that she does that would take something off of her plate.
00:18:59.359 --> 00:19:05.440
Treat her with kindness this week, just to let her know like God treats me with kindness and he's gracious.
00:19:05.519 --> 00:19:12.880
I want to do the same for my wife, and for your kids, it's probably not something how something for you to do for them, you know.
00:19:12.960 --> 00:19:15.440
You you have to feed them, clothe them.
00:19:15.519 --> 00:19:22.720
So that's not really anything uh difficult you have to do, but but just the way that you treat them and think about your response.
00:19:22.960 --> 00:19:26.319
Whatever's going on, and and trust me, the kids can drive you crazy.
00:19:26.400 --> 00:19:27.599
They drive me crazy.
00:19:27.759 --> 00:19:31.119
I love them to death, but how do I respond to them?
00:19:31.279 --> 00:19:32.880
So think of your response.
00:19:33.119 --> 00:19:34.720
Listen to Charles Spurgeon.
00:19:34.799 --> 00:19:37.759
I mean, I I swear this man sometimes just like follows me.
00:19:37.839 --> 00:19:40.240
You have followed me around the house and wrote all of his stuff.
00:19:40.400 --> 00:19:47.119
But he says, before you can teach your children, you must get the silver key of kindness to unlock their hearts.
00:19:47.279 --> 00:19:53.200
You want to be influential in your own home with your wife and your kids, which by the way should be your top priority.
00:19:53.680 --> 00:19:54.960
You gotta be kind.
00:19:55.440 --> 00:19:57.519
Remember we're not to turn them to wrath again.
00:19:57.599 --> 00:19:58.960
That's Ephesians 6, 4.
00:19:59.119 --> 00:20:00.799
And then outside your home for this week.
00:20:00.880 --> 00:20:05.599
Look, maybe, maybe you're maybe you're doing a great job, or maybe you you gotta work on that and you gotta work outside your home.
00:20:05.759 --> 00:20:11.279
Look, you do not get the freedom to just be like, well, I'm not gonna, I don't want anybody to see my good works outside my home.
00:20:11.359 --> 00:20:16.400
And I don't want, like, okay, please don't use that as an excuse to be be kind at every opportunity.
00:20:16.640 --> 00:20:18.640
You can do something simple to get your kids involved.
00:20:18.720 --> 00:20:25.039
My kids create these little uh Ziploc bags with water bottles and Bibles and granola bars that we can hand to homeless people.
00:20:25.200 --> 00:20:36.880
Um, then they, you know, and then it can be just, hey, if someone needs help moving or putting yourself in a position to have someone over for dinner that you know needs to just be loved on, whatever it is, be kind to someone outside of your home.
00:20:37.039 --> 00:20:48.720
So two applications, be kind to your wife, find something you can do, whether that's writing or a note, taking something off her plate, check your responses to your kids, and then think of one way this week that you can just do it outside your home, whatever capacity that is.
00:20:49.200 --> 00:20:52.160
I see, I think you're a kind guy, just for the record.
00:20:52.400 --> 00:20:52.640
Really?
00:20:52.799 --> 00:20:54.160
Yeah, but I also don't live with you.
00:20:54.240 --> 00:20:55.119
So that's probably not true.
00:20:55.279 --> 00:20:55.920
That's very true.
00:20:56.079 --> 00:20:56.559
Yeah.
00:20:56.880 --> 00:21:01.519
Isn't it funny how it's so easy to be kind to those that we like barely interact with?
00:21:02.160 --> 00:21:03.039
Because it doesn't cost us anything.
00:21:03.759 --> 00:21:04.240
That's why C.S.
00:21:04.319 --> 00:21:05.759
Lewis was like, it's really not.
00:21:06.240 --> 00:21:07.759
I mean, it's kindness, but is it really?
00:21:08.000 --> 00:21:08.319
Is it really?
00:21:08.640 --> 00:21:09.200
Is it really?
00:21:09.920 --> 00:21:12.400
Um Yeah, dude.
00:21:12.880 --> 00:21:20.079
There's so many things that come to mind for me about just life in my own home with kids and especially around bedtime.
00:21:20.240 --> 00:21:21.920
For me, that's like Yep.
00:21:22.400 --> 00:21:23.359
It hit me this week.
00:21:23.440 --> 00:21:25.200
It was just like, go to bed.
00:21:25.359 --> 00:21:26.880
And they do whatever they can to stall.
00:21:27.119 --> 00:21:27.680
Oh, 100%.
00:21:28.000 --> 00:21:32.240
And and this was maybe I got theologians that are like asking me the deepest questions ever.
00:21:32.480 --> 00:21:35.279
Oh, I'm like, you couldn't have asked me this like at the dinner table.
00:21:35.440 --> 00:21:38.400
Oh, sometimes I'm looking at me like you we both know you don't care, right?
00:21:39.200 --> 00:21:39.920
This is where I'm at.
00:21:40.000 --> 00:21:40.640
I'm unkind.
00:21:41.039 --> 00:21:41.920
Harsh severe.
00:21:42.400 --> 00:21:51.200
I was I wasn't I wasn't harsh, but I but I I I d in my in my words and my tone, I wasn't being harsh or unkind.
00:21:51.759 --> 00:21:55.440
But the way that it comes across when we receive was not kind.
00:21:55.599 --> 00:21:57.839
And so Christy had to correct me on that.
00:21:58.079 --> 00:22:03.119
Just because it was like I was calling the kids out on them stalling and going to bed.
00:22:03.200 --> 00:22:15.119
And the the perception of them is may not be that like I care about what is important to them and it's just like rushing them to get to sleep just because I'm trying to like I just want to go to bed, you know?
00:22:15.599 --> 00:22:27.279
But s there's um I heard it on a podcast like you don't have to especially even with a correction with your kids, if they're doing something that's like childish or uh Willful disobedience.
00:22:27.359 --> 00:22:28.960
Like you don't have to give an answer right away.
00:22:29.119 --> 00:22:37.279
Like I feel like we we as fixers, like we want us to like step in and and give a response or give an action or give a correction or do something right away.
00:22:40.319 --> 00:22:44.480
Like take a deep breath and then give a response.
00:22:44.880 --> 00:22:46.319
Yeah, pray that too, right?
00:22:46.559 --> 00:22:57.359
Before, like, if you if you feel like you struggle with like that quick answer that is harsh, um you don't have to give an answer right away.
00:22:57.440 --> 00:22:57.680
Yeah.
00:22:58.000 --> 00:23:07.440
So give people the freedom to that because I for me, like I'm an action-oriented guy, like you are, and I want to be able to like I want to be on top of things, I want to execute, I want to get it done, I want to get past it.
00:23:08.000 --> 00:23:10.480
And for me to take that second to just like slow down.
00:23:10.720 --> 00:23:11.680
Yeah, it's true.
00:23:12.240 --> 00:23:19.519
And even just pray, like Lord, just help me with give me wisdom or give me the right correction in this moment.
00:23:20.240 --> 00:23:28.720
Um oftentimes I I'm like, uh, it's I don't need to I don't I I don't need to like step in the way that I think I need to.
00:23:29.119 --> 00:23:42.720
Um and the other thing for me too is I I with with kindness I I my trade out of high school was the fire service.
00:23:43.359 --> 00:23:45.279
It's like working at a fire station.
00:23:45.759 --> 00:23:54.799
It's just a bunch of dudes, it's an overaged frat club, and you jab and you slight and you just like make fun and you poke each other and all that stuff.
00:23:55.680 --> 00:24:05.279
And so much of my adult upbringing was like was that and so living in a house full of males, exactly.
00:24:06.079 --> 00:24:09.920
And so I find myself being that way with friends and those around me.
00:24:10.640 --> 00:24:13.359
And at a certain point, I just feel like it's so like distasteful.
00:24:13.440 --> 00:24:23.599
Like, I don't want to be known as that guy who's just like making jabs at people, and like I I may be like, oh, I'm being this is how I like relate, and this is how I'm like being fun.
00:24:23.680 --> 00:24:29.839
And I think that's very normal for guys to be that way, but that's something that like I don't I don't want to be known for that, right?
00:24:30.000 --> 00:24:38.480
Right, and it's really hard to be kind to somebody, like dude, that's an awesome quarter zip.
00:24:38.799 --> 00:24:40.160
I feel like you're lying.
00:24:43.119 --> 00:24:43.839
No, I get it.
00:24:43.920 --> 00:24:44.799
I get it, right?
00:24:44.960 --> 00:24:46.880
Because we're gonna actually talk about it.
00:24:46.960 --> 00:24:54.079
I don't we we we have it, I don't think we've covered this, but like even just encouraging people is like an impossible thing for us as guys.
00:24:54.240 --> 00:25:04.160
That's such a I don't know if it's a lost art or if it's something that I'm just like really, really bad at because it every time it comes across it's not normal, it doesn't come across as like genuine, right?
00:25:04.480 --> 00:25:16.480
And I don't know if it's because of my delivery or because people are so used to me being slightful or like used to it in their lives in general, yes, and that doesn't help things and they're uncomfortable with it.
00:25:16.559 --> 00:25:18.400
So it's more just like, what is happening?
00:25:18.480 --> 00:25:19.119
I've noticed that.
00:25:19.279 --> 00:25:26.400
Yeah, so like all these verses that we talked about, like the fruit of the spirit, you know, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, all of these things.
00:25:26.559 --> 00:25:35.759
Um that's that's really hard to to walk out, especially in your like friend group where like just making jabs at people is like yeah, is just part of fun.
00:25:36.319 --> 00:25:43.359
And there's nothing wrong with like of course being being doing that with your reason, right?
00:25:44.000 --> 00:25:45.680
But um, no, that's good.
00:25:45.759 --> 00:26:01.359
I I I I I like what you said about uh just even walking away sometimes, and just thinking to yourself, like I failed last night big time with my wife, which by the way, I had won right before.
00:26:01.440 --> 00:26:02.000
So that's the thing.
00:26:02.079 --> 00:26:03.920
Just so you know, kindness, you'll win one second.
00:26:04.000 --> 00:26:06.720
And it literally took me walking up the stairs to lose again.
00:26:06.960 --> 00:26:10.480
And I was downstairs and I came in my garage and I was met with disrespect from my son.
00:26:10.720 --> 00:26:16.640
And I I'm I could feel myself going zero to affinity, and I could see the look in his.
00:26:16.880 --> 00:26:23.039
I actually even said anything, like I could see he could see just the anger in my eyes, and he was like looking at me like, oh no.
00:26:23.279 --> 00:26:26.960
And I just I literally shook my head and I said, I'll be back.
00:26:27.119 --> 00:26:28.400
And I just walked upstairs.
00:26:28.559 --> 00:26:32.559
That probably didn't set me up great for for Mary to look at me and go, Are you proud of my b board?
00:26:32.880 --> 00:26:34.240
No, I hate the b board.
00:26:34.640 --> 00:26:39.759
Um, but but yeah, if you can even distance yourself to calm down, because then I did handle that situation better because I came down.
00:26:39.839 --> 00:26:41.119
I was like, all right, let's talk about this.
00:26:41.440 --> 00:26:44.319
Let's just have a, you know, let's not be angry in it.
00:26:44.480 --> 00:26:48.240
But being kind is um that I saw this, and we'll leave you with this.
00:26:48.319 --> 00:26:53.039
I'm I'm trying, I need to, I forgot to find the stat, uh, but there's a great book that I'm reading.
00:26:53.200 --> 00:26:58.319
Um it's talking about uh generational faith, and it was written by a guy that was unsaved at the time.
00:26:58.400 --> 00:27:01.440
He's now saved, about what transfers faith.
00:27:01.599 --> 00:27:10.960
But one of the things that has been brought up kind of historically, if you're in some sort of in a father group, is that the number one trait for your faith to be passed down is the warmth of the father.
00:27:11.279 --> 00:27:16.640
It's the number one attribute, is how warm, because that's how they see God is a lot of ways through us.
00:27:16.799 --> 00:27:21.119
So when you are kind to your children, I'm not talking about passive.
00:27:21.200 --> 00:27:23.680
I'm not talking about a guy that's not standing for truth.
00:27:23.759 --> 00:27:26.240
They need someone who's still authoritative.
00:27:26.319 --> 00:27:29.519
So please don't hear that and be like, well, I'm just gonna give my kids what they want.
00:27:29.680 --> 00:27:31.279
Like, this isn't a parenting class.
00:27:31.440 --> 00:27:36.319
I'm talking about the guys that just you just need to be kind with your words, still speak the truth in love.
00:27:36.400 --> 00:27:38.079
That's what scripture commands us.
00:27:38.319 --> 00:27:44.160
He is kind, he is slow to anger, he's full of mercy, he's full of compassion, and he requires it from us.
00:27:44.319 --> 00:27:48.880
So this week, you guys have some really hard um applications.
00:27:49.039 --> 00:27:51.680
I know for me, I mean it feels like darn impossible.
00:27:51.839 --> 00:27:53.759
Thank goodness with him, all things are possible.
00:27:53.920 --> 00:27:55.599
It just may take me 40 more years.
00:27:55.759 --> 00:27:56.160
Yeah.
00:27:56.400 --> 00:27:57.200
Go for a walk.
00:27:57.440 --> 00:27:58.000
Go for a walk.
00:27:58.160 --> 00:27:58.799
Say a kind word.
00:27:59.039 --> 00:28:00.480
Say a kind word kind of thing.
00:28:00.720 --> 00:28:01.359
I love it.
00:28:01.599 --> 00:28:02.160
All right, guys.
00:28:02.319 --> 00:28:06.240
Hope you're blessed by this morning's podcast, and we'll see you next week.