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00:00:02.448Welcome to the Manders Mindset Podcast.
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00:00:18.553Here you'll find both monologue and interviews of entrepreneurs, coaches, healers and a variety of other people when your host, amanda Russo, will discuss her own mindset and perspective and her guest's mindset and perspective on the world around us.
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00:00:28.556Manders and her guests will help explain to you how shifting your mindset will shift your life will help explain to you how shifting your mindset will shift your life.
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00:00:34.564Welcome to Mander's Mindset, where we explore the power of shifting your mindset to shift your life.
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00:00:36.029I am so excited to be here with today's guest, lindsay Ford.
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00:00:49.929Lindsay helps women shed their limiting beliefs, societal expectations, fears and thought patterns that have been holding them back, so they can fully trust their intuition and courageously follow their dreams.
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00:00:56.109She also hosts the podcast a break free with lindsey, thank you for joining me.
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00:01:05.414I am so excited for this conversation, amanda so that's an awesome bio, but who would, would you say Lindsay is at the core?
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00:01:10.746Oh, my goodness, lindsay is, I would say.
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00:01:20.206You know what I feel like I've shifted who I am at the core which, or maybe I've just peeled back the layers of all of what you just said, those fears, those limiting beliefs.
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00:01:27.305I feel more and more in tune with myself, because how I would describe myself now is how I would not have described myself a few years ago.
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00:01:30.715I feel very happy, fulfilled.
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00:01:41.859I love spontaneity and adventures and travel, and I love being a mother and raising kids to think differently.
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00:01:50.049I love living off script and not following sort of the norms, and that's very different from how I was living a few years ago.
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00:01:54.605Can you take us down memory lane a little bit?
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00:02:03.084Tell us about your childhood, upbringing, family dynamic, however deep you want to go with that my childhood was really.
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00:02:08.544I grew up with my parents were together, stable, sort of nuclear family.
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00:02:22.586Probably one of the biggest defining things in my childhood was actually just doing competitive gymnastics for a number of years because that was very time consuming, very structured, very disciplined, intense.
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00:02:24.651I didn't have a lot of spare time.
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00:02:26.693Very disciplined, intense.
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00:02:28.497I didn't have a lot of spare time.
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00:02:43.681It was work, constantly work, not a lot of downtime, and I feel like that really shaped who I was to the core and I know a lot of people think sports is great for kids and because it builds discipline, teamwork, all of that fun stuff.
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00:03:00.582But for me and I loved it at the time, so I wasn't doing it against my will or anything, but I can see how that really shaped me in terms of not being able to relax people pleasing in a sense, aiming for success, going for success and I'll say doing it at all costs.
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00:03:02.467I could say my physical body.
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00:03:08.789I remember in my 20s if I sprained my ankle I would give it a rest for about a week and if it wasn't healed I would just jump on it.
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00:03:10.522I'd be like, okay, I'm done, waiting for you.
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00:03:24.269So I learned to sort of push my body and push myself past where was maybe healthy and just striving for success, striving for perfection.
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00:03:30.121In a lot of ways, when I think back to flipping through the air, it was always like, okay, you're never perfect, you have to.
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00:03:36.069Maybe you flexed your foot like mid-flip or something like that, or if you fell down, you still had to get up and smile for the judges.
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00:04:03.729I feel like there's just so much of that experience that then led to who I was in adulthood in terms of chasing success, performing for others, not being able to sit, still not being able to play with my kids, really being stressed out almost when my kids wanted to sit with me, because I almost felt like a waste of time, because it was slow and it wasn't, you know, quote unquote productive and so.
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00:04:21.362So that experience, I would say, really shaped me until probably well into my thirties when I really started unraveling the stories and the beliefs and the fears and the patterns, and probably that started, I would say, around the time I turned 30.
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00:04:24.451So that unraveling has happened over the last decade or so.
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00:04:29.490And how old were you when you did competitive gymnastics?
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00:04:32.769I actually started quite late.
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00:04:38.064I started like the competitive stream around age nine and I only did it till I was about 12.
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00:04:45.428So about three, three-ish years, and you know, every day after school it was four hours of training.
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00:04:51.896So I was at like 20 to 24 hours a week by the time I quit at age 12, which you know.
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00:04:55.725I have a 10 year old daughter now and that just seems insane to me.
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00:04:58.870Yeah, that does.
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00:05:06.153That's a huge commitment, and you're not even talking schoolwork or homework anything else.
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00:05:08.125Yeah, there was nothing else.
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00:05:16.384I remember wanting to go out with friends to a birthday party on Friday night or a hockey game and my parents were like no, you can't go.
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00:05:17.706And I was like why?
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00:05:19.108They're like you know what?
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00:05:19.911You do gymnastics.
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00:05:21.334I'm like that's not fair.
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00:05:23.367None of your other friends do gymnastics.
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00:05:29.786You have this commitment and of course they were paying like probably an insane amount of money for me to train that much.
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00:05:34.033But that was my life and I had a circle of friends at gymnastics.
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00:05:37.175But I never went out with my school friends because there was just no time.
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00:05:44.684Okay, and now, after gymnastics, did you get into some other type of activity?
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00:05:50.408So I just did some sports throughout high school Nothing intense, nothing super competitive.
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00:05:52.110I tried a bunch of different sports.
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00:05:59.394Probably the most serious thing I got into was badminton, but I wasn't super, super competitive.
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00:06:07.685I wasn't doing anything really outside of school, I was just trying to find what I liked and I tried a lot of different things.
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00:06:12.083And at that point through my teenage years I started to have some, I'll say, health challenges.
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00:06:23.709It was never identified what was going on in me until probably my mid twenties, but I used to get something called exertion headaches, so any sort of like cardio would leave me with a headache.
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00:06:35.793So sports and exercise kind of took on a different role for me through high school and my 20s and then healing from that.
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00:06:59.452And then I've just had such an interesting relationship with and now you said, exhaustion headaches.
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00:07:00.093Can you explain that?
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00:07:12.952All the way towards like the back of my head to the front of my head, and it was anything from, you know, playing a soccer game to mowing the lawn sometimes or just walking.
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00:07:16.185You know, going for like a two hour walk in the heat would give it to me.
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00:07:18.752So you know what.
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00:07:26.874There was a period through there's probably a 15 year period where I I was just sort of like mad at my body.
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00:07:34.463I wanted to exercise, I was consistently exercising, but I was in pain and nothing was really identified.
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00:07:38.392I wasn't told that was a thing all through my teenage years.
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00:07:40.023It started around like age 14.
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00:07:50.649And it wasn't until my mid-20s when the doctor finally was just like, oh, you have exertion headaches here, take some prescription pills.
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00:07:54.783And then it changed to just Advil before you exercise and that would stop it.
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00:07:58.752So at one point, you know, I was exercising four or five times a week.
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00:08:06.341I was taking Advil four or five times a week, which I didn't really want to do, but it was the only way I could exercise without pain.
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00:08:14.050And then that came with some other consequences where, you know, I would twist my ankle partway through a soccer game and then not realize it.
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00:08:15.714I was on painkillers.
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00:08:19.942So I wouldn't realize until after and I'm like, why is my ankle hurting?
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00:08:34.264And then I started to shift my mindset actually around those headaches and was able to completely get rid of them when I was told by the doctors they didn't know what caused it and you know what?
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00:08:36.649That's something that you would just have to live with for the rest of your life.
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00:08:41.350So now, how do you start to shift your mindset around that?
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00:08:48.981shift your mindset around that.
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00:08:52.428So one of the things that being on like the Advil helps with is I could start to identify the early symptoms of it.
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00:09:11.509So the first time I took that painkiller before a soccer game, I left that soccer game and I remember driving home with my husband and my friend and I was like you guys, don't get pounding in your head when you run.
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00:09:12.852And they were just like what?
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00:09:13.173No?
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00:09:17.470And I never associated the pounding in my head with the headache.
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00:09:18.631I just thought that was normal.
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00:09:23.501I didn't associate it like it would be like a throbbing, almost like my heart was pounding in my head.
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00:09:42.995So I started to identify some of the early symptoms and I had listened to I don't know if it was a podcast or some sort of audio of someone describing them themselves, healing themselves from cancer by just shifting, making small shifts.
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00:09:47.631So that gave me the idea to try this with my headaches.
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00:10:02.202So what I would do was instead of so I knew, every time I exercised, every time I played soccer as an example, and soccer was really my experiment because I was doing it weekly for like the duration of the summer, so a few months.
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00:10:05.148So every time I play soccer I would get a headache.
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00:10:09.394So that was my belief attached to it of like, if I play soccer, I will get a headache.
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00:10:17.225I knew I couldn't shift my belief from okay, I'm going to play soccer and not get a headache Like that was too much of an extreme.
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00:10:26.125But I knew sometimes I could play soccer on a Friday night and sometimes I would still have the headache on Saturday and sometimes I wouldn't.
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00:10:30.591So my first goal became my basically, my headache is only going to last.
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00:10:35.196I believe that my headaches only go to last the tonight and I'll wake up headache free tomorrow.
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00:10:41.761So I started to play with that and then it just shifted.
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00:10:44.046I didn't believe it was possible necessarily for me in that moment to play a soccer game and not get a headache.
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00:10:50.095But I was like, okay, I know it's possible for other people and so there's the potential that it's possible for me.
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00:11:19.394So I just started shifting things incrementally and I started setting these little goals and now that I knew that, like the throbbing was an early sign, as soon as I felt that I would sub off, as soon as I felt that I would sub off, and that was actually probably one of my biggest challenges, because I'm a super competitive person, super driven, and even though this was recreational soccer, I didn't want to sub off, especially when we didn't have subs.
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00:11:24.230So then me sitting off would be like basically putting our team a man down.
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00:11:27.922But I was like I'm determined to do this.
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00:11:39.342So it was just through incremental shifts and it took me about four, four and a half months, through the duration of a soccer season, and finally I could play a 90 minute game without getting a headache.
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00:11:47.274But it was just through those small micro shifts and that lasted into the next season.
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00:11:55.893And then I started noticing the identity I had wrapped around being in pain.
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00:11:58.097So what I noticed then?
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00:12:00.784I wasn't getting headaches, but I was hurting myself more.
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00:12:05.344I was spraining my ankle, I was twisting my knee, I was colliding with people, I was getting more bruises.
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00:12:23.908This is interesting because the story in my head there was still this attachment, this part of my identity identified so much related to exercise of being in pain that you know, my being, I guess, just created other ways for me to be in pain.
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00:12:28.613So then I got to start to unravel some of that attachment to my identity and pain.
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00:12:56.545Wow, you're an attachment to pain Interesting.
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00:13:03.879I did not see the conversation going that way, okay, but I love how you mentioned the incremental shifts.
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00:13:05.629You know, I think that's huge.
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00:13:09.600I think that's the biggest way to change anything.
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00:13:12.720I even have a weight loss journey and I talk about it a lot.
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00:13:24.903I had a personal trainer tell me I wasn't going to see success if I didn't change my diet or nutrition and I didn't do anything nutrition-wise for about three months because I knew I can't do it all.
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00:13:29.996So even you mentioned you weren't going to believe that you couldn't have a headache at all.
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00:13:35.596So it's like I didn't have the belief in myself initially that I could change all of this.
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00:13:46.750Well, could I have, maybe, but it's like if you know deep down, like you don't think you're going to be able to do it, start in with something that you think is so powerful.
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00:13:51.557But now you mentioned identifying with the pain.
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00:13:57.132Yeah, how did you realize you were identifying with the?
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00:13:57.232pain.
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00:13:58.696Well, because I noticed.
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00:14:02.002So you know things like I'm trying to remember.
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00:14:12.312This was a while ago, but as I was playing soccer, the script, the dialogue going in my head was other people don't know what you're going through, just keep going.
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00:14:14.276People don't understand you.
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00:14:18.569Or almost like if I screwed up, it was the pain's fault.
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00:14:21.574I had sort of like this thing to blame.
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00:14:24.740Or if I couldn't push myself harder, I had this thing to blame.
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00:14:34.961So you know, the pain was serving a purpose, a convoluted, effed up purpose, but it was serving a purpose.
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00:14:52.946And when the pain in my head disappeared, that script was still there and I was like that's really interesting, because I hadn't really noticed these thoughts because I mean, they were just so prevalent and so a part of my being and my daily activity that like it was, just it was constant in my mind.
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00:14:58.143But when the pain wasn't there and I was still having these thoughts, I'm like why am I having these thoughts?
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00:14:59.555There's actually no pain here.
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00:15:04.461And then I started to notice when, like I would spray my ankle or twist my knee or have a collision and all those things.
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00:15:13.209And like I would spray my ankle or twist my knee or have a collision and all those things, I was like, oh, there's some additional work that I have to do, because otherwise the pain is clearly wanting to come back, because it's part of my identity.
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00:15:24.334I'm finding strength in identifying with this pain because it is pushing me in a way, it is giving me an excuse.
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00:15:29.875In a way it is almost differentiating me from other people, like I'm special.
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00:15:34.894People don't know what I'm going through, even though I wouldn't necessarily always say that out loud.
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00:15:38.622How did you start to notice this internal dialogue?
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00:15:43.941yeah, I think it was just because it surprised me that it was there.
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00:15:49.019So I was like great, I'm not in pain, but the dialogue was still there and it was confusing to me.
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00:15:53.140So when the pain was there, I didn't notice the dialogue because it made sense to me.
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00:15:57.601But as soon as the pain was gone, I'm like this is out of place.
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00:16:02.899There's no reason for me to be having these thoughts, so I could start to see them more clearly.
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00:16:06.718So then you started to notice the dialogue.
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00:16:09.518What was your first step once you noticed this dialogue?
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00:16:12.187You know what I don't remember.
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00:16:13.289I honestly don't remember.
00:16:13.289 -->
00:16:16.697I would guess that I just started to peel back the layers.
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00:16:17.379Is it true?
00:16:17.379 -->
00:16:19.102Can I let it go?
00:16:19.102 -->
00:16:20.414Is this serving me?
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00:16:25.405But I truthfully don't remember the step-by-steps after getting rid of the pain.
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00:17:00.519I just I remember it being part of my identity and I can see now, I can see in other people like I'm really close to my dad, who's in a lot of pain, and I'm like I can see how this is very much a part of his identity, because I think, with chronic pain, what I understand about it now is that it is very much it's like your brain is signaling to your body to be in pain and if it's lasting, it is serving you in some way.
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00:17:22.203I feel like these lasting patterns, no matter what they are and even if they don't make sense like nobody wants to be in pain but it becomes part of their identity and it is serving them in some way and I could see that this had been serving me in some way and I didn't want it to serve me.
00:17:23.025 -->
00:17:42.990I didn't want that to be part of my identity it's serving them in some way, because I've noticed that and a few different people that I know that have chronic pain as well, and it's like they are almost embodying this identity of a sick person.
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00:18:03.533Like I know people and it could go either way, like I understand the benefits of it, but I know people in different types of chronic pain, whether it's cancer, whether it's fibromyalgia and there was these Facebook support groups and it's I get you wanting to connect with people going through it.
00:18:03.533 -->
00:18:11.853But it's almost at the same time you're identifying with it more because you're in the community with people who have it.
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00:18:13.014You're talking about it more.
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00:18:14.396So you're Because you're in the community with people who have it.
00:18:14.396 -->
00:18:15.136You're talking about it more so.
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00:18:18.400You're embodying it, yeah, and you're developing community and friendship around it.
00:18:18.400 -->
00:18:21.682And you know, who are you without your pain?
00:18:21.682 -->
00:18:30.554I feel like that's a really profound question to ask, like, who are you if you're not limited?
00:18:30.554 -->
00:18:34.500Who are you if you're not having this excuse to hold you back?
00:18:34.500 -->
00:18:46.834There's so many different layers to this, but yeah who are you without your pain?
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00:18:47.195No, it's so true.
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00:18:49.142That's even one of the reasons I asked my first question who you are at the core.
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00:19:01.100Because so many people will be like, oh, I do this for a job, this is my business, this is my whatever, or even people with chronic pain, and it's like not negating the pain or whatever you're going through.
00:19:01.100 -->
00:19:24.995I've never had cancer, I've never had a lot of these different chronic illnesses, so I can't speak from experience, but it's like you're identifying as this, but like, who are you as a person, like outside of what you go to do and crock in as, or outside of this thing that hurts you or causes you pain, because like, okay, maybe you can't heal some things, I get it.
00:19:24.995 -->
00:19:27.159Yeah, I love that.
00:19:27.159 -->
00:19:37.111Do you have any tips for people to like step away from identifying with a chronic illness or with pain they're struggling with?
00:19:37.692 -->
00:19:44.744Well, I think there's a couple of things that worked for me which I've shared.
00:19:44.744 -->
00:19:51.417It's the shifting your mindset, subtly, and it's asking who am I without this pain?
00:19:51.417 -->
00:20:20.037There's been another book or a book I read, not related to exercise headaches that wasn't what I was trying to deal with at the time but there's a book called the Way Out and I forget the author and it talks about chronic pain and how what happens in your body is, when you have the initial injury, your body sends a signal to your brain that tells it's in pain.
00:20:20.037 -->
00:20:37.425What happens at some point down the road is that your brain tells your body that it's in pain, so the signals get reversed and so when you can start to shift your mindset around the pain, the physical part of your body has healed.
00:20:37.425 -->
00:20:41.103After a certain amount of time, the physical body has healed.
00:20:41.103 -->
00:20:43.853And in that book they say it doesn't matter what it is.
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00:20:56.652Obviously, an ongoing disease is different than an injury, from like a car accident or something like you know one time event, but it's basically like when you can shift your mindset and usually it's related to fear.
00:20:56.652 -->
00:21:03.269So I'll give you an example I was having knee pain for a while and you know it would hurt.
00:21:03.269 -->
00:21:25.672When I walked downstairs, and because of this book I started noticing the moments of fear that just like passed into me right as I was approaching stairs to go down and all I had to do was just say to my body like you are safe, you are safe, your knee works, you are safe.
00:21:25.672 -->
00:21:30.123And I started just sort of programming my brain that way, you are safe.
00:21:30.123 -->
00:21:31.734I heard you healed wrist pain this way.
00:21:31.734 -->
00:21:35.423Just, you are safe, you are strong, you are safe.
00:21:35.423 -->
00:21:37.919And it's just shifting our thought patterns.
00:21:37.919 -->
00:21:40.555So that book was also a game changer for me.
00:21:42.018 -->
00:21:44.082Wow, okay, the Way Out.
00:21:44.082 -->
00:21:48.800Love that and I like how you mentioned the you are safe.
00:21:48.800 -->
00:22:06.040You know, like that's something, not in terms of chronic pain, but in terms of, like different situations, like stressful situations that I would get myself in and reminding myself like, physically, you're safe, you will figure out how to do X Y, z.
00:22:06.040 -->
00:22:11.280You know, physically, right now you're safe and you can do this, whatever this is.
00:22:12.963 -->
00:22:36.457Yeah, I feel like the safety piece is something I'm becoming more and more aware of, just how it underpins so much of our beliefs and fears, like even something like me speaking my mind or sharing something that might be a little bit uncomfortable for someone or upsetting for some, potentially upsetting, and you know it's.
00:22:36.457 -->
00:22:40.232How safe do I feel to share my opinion with this person?
00:22:40.232 -->
00:22:41.977So I feel like safety.
00:22:41.977 -->
00:23:01.425There's something there that I had never used that word before up until pretty recently, like in the last few months, and even when I think about, you know, getting into a relationship, like I'm single right now, I'm like I want someone who feels safe, which was never in my vocabulary, you know, a few years ago.
00:23:01.425 -->
00:23:05.073It's possible I was searching for that without knowing.
00:23:05.073 -->
00:23:14.386But now I'm just like safety just feels like such a big thing in so many areas because there's fear in all areas.
00:23:21.285 -->
00:23:22.410What would you say safety means to you?
00:23:22.410 -->
00:23:28.415You know, obviously I think there's the physical safety that so much of us think about, but the emotional safety?
00:23:28.415 -->
00:23:30.457Does someone have space for my feelings?
00:23:30.457 -->
00:23:32.519Will they listen to me?
00:23:32.519 -->
00:23:35.023Will they accept what I'm saying?
00:23:35.023 -->
00:23:39.655Do I believe I am safe to express myself even?
00:23:39.655 -->
00:23:43.041Or am I safe, no matter what the consequences are.
00:23:43.041 -->
00:23:51.144I've made a lot of big life changes and some of them are very scary but and I've had a lot of fear to move through.
00:23:51.144 -->
00:23:56.338But underneath that I believe I will be safe, regardless of the outcome.
00:23:56.338 -->
00:23:58.542So I feel like there's so many different.
00:23:58.542 -->
00:24:03.236I think it hits on all of the eventual spiritual, physical aspects of ourselves.
00:24:04.798 -->
00:24:07.303Yeah, no, it's so true, it really does.
00:24:07.303 -->
00:24:17.211I like how you mentioned, though, even about like safety in terms of do I feel safe to express myself to you Like, am I safe to share my opinion?
00:24:17.211 -->
00:24:20.559You know like there's so many layers to it, you know.
00:24:22.001 -->
00:24:37.690Yeah, and you might be totally comfortable expressing your opinion with one person, but another person it could be totally different, or one-on-one you might be fine, versus a group setting, versus public speaking, one-on-one you might be fine versus a group setting, versus public speaking.
00:24:41.310 -->
00:24:52.862No, it's true, and you know, I think that shows or to me anyway, I think that shows you a lot about like certain people in your life you know, like, if you only feel so safe to talk to a certain person about certain things, like why is that?
00:24:52.862 -->
00:24:59.186You know, like, if you have certain friends that you can't talk to about everything, like why is that?
00:24:59.186 -->
00:25:11.022You know, and like getting curious to like understand that, and it's helped me understand myself in life so much more, like paying attention to that instead of just being like oh, I'm just not comfortable with them.
00:25:11.090 -->
00:25:17.537But it's like yeah, because oftentimes, like it may be that person's reaction, but what is so bad if they react?
00:25:17.537 -->
00:25:22.673What is so bad if they are no longer your friend or no longer want to speak to you?
00:25:22.673 -->
00:25:26.733Like there's so many layers to this, like will you be okay if all of that happens?
00:25:26.733 -->
00:25:29.019The answer is always yes.
00:25:29.019 -->
00:25:29.922Yes, you will be okay.
00:25:32.751 -->
00:25:34.835So I want to transition a tad.
00:25:34.835 -->
00:25:45.142So we were chatting about your headaches and soccer and gymnastics and so I'm curious you did sports in high school and post high school.
00:25:45.142 -->
00:25:46.651Did you go to college?
00:25:46.651 -->
00:25:48.075What was post high school like?
00:25:48.937 -->
00:25:51.743I went to university, I did a degree in urban planning.
00:25:51.743 -->
00:25:54.192I did no sports on any teams.
00:25:54.192 -->
00:25:56.917I would work out and, you know, stay active.
00:25:56.917 -->
00:25:58.999But yeah, no further sports.
00:25:58.999 -->
00:26:04.266But yeah, I did a degree in urban planning and then I went to work in that field right away out of school.
00:26:04.950 -->
00:26:06.255And now, what's urban planning?
00:26:06.255 -->
00:26:07.057Like what is?
00:26:07.390 -->
00:26:17.136Oh, I mean there's so many different like areas you could go into, but in general it's like city planning cities planning neighborhoods, that sort of thing.
00:26:18.460 -->
00:26:22.140Okay, and now did you know that this is what you wanted to do.
00:26:22.870 -->
00:26:31.538No, how I went into that was I really wanted to do architecture and I didn't have some of the maths and sciences that I needed to go into architecture.
00:26:31.538 -->
00:26:37.899But I knew if I did an undergraduate degree in planning that I could do a master's in architecture or I could switch partway through.
00:26:37.899 -->
00:26:45.927So I went into planning, thinking I using it as the stepping stone to get into architecture.
00:26:45.927 -->
00:26:49.658And then I actually really enjoyed planning when I got into it and I continued with that.
00:26:49.658 -->
00:27:06.843By my fourth year, though, I was like no, I know, this is not the career I want to do, like I knew it wasn't for me, but I had no idea what else I wanted to do and I had just spent you know a tiny bit of money on a university degree.
00:27:06.843 -->
00:27:10.059So I was like, ok, I'll go get a job in this field.
00:27:10.059 -->
00:27:11.062And I got a job.
00:27:11.851 -->
00:27:17.036It wasn't doing traditional urban planning, so I actually worked for a school board in the planning department.
00:27:17.036 -->
00:27:26.730So there was a lot of I still did, you know, some of the typical stuff in terms of working with developers and municipalities to locate new schools and all of that stuff.
00:27:26.730 -->
00:27:30.399But then there was a lot of other interesting things.
00:27:30.399 -->
00:27:37.274So it kept me occupied for 13 years, but I knew it wasn't what I wanted to do forever.
00:27:37.274 -->
00:27:38.617But I just didn't know what to do.
00:27:38.617 -->
00:27:50.153And it was interesting enough that, you know, I got promoted and got promoted, worked my way up and, like I said, from a young age I was just like goal, success achieved.
00:27:50.153 -->
00:27:56.324So it just I just didn't think anything of it until I sort of hit the top around age 30.
00:27:56.324 -->
00:28:02.723And I was like this cannot be the rest of my life and things started to unravel from there.
00:28:04.951 -->
00:28:11.124Okay Now you spent 13 years there when you didn't want to be there.
00:28:11.230 -->
00:28:14.473Like I said it was, it had enough variety to keep me interested.
00:28:14.473 -->
00:28:15.935I was good at it.
00:28:15.935 -->
00:28:27.427I started to become well-respected in that field and I started to work my way up and so I knew it wasn't what I wanted to do long-term.
00:28:27.427 -->
00:28:32.092I didn't know what else.
00:28:32.092 -->
00:28:33.034But also my conditioning was so strong.
00:28:33.034 -->
00:28:42.182Like you know, I was conditioned from a young age by my parents go to university, get a good job, get a good government job with a good pension, and you'll be set for life.
00:28:42.182 -->
00:28:46.593So I was very much just on that trail and sort of.
00:28:46.593 -->
00:28:57.258When I hit that 30 mark, when I hit that you know management position and I was as high as I could go in that organization and I was like, okay, I'm 30.
00:28:57.258 -->
00:28:59.786People normally retire at like 65.
00:28:59.786 -->
00:29:02.453And I was like, is this really the rest of my life?
00:29:02.453 -->
00:29:11.713And then that was when I started to realize that, oh, this was my dad's dream, this was not my dream, and I just I still didn't know what to do.
00:29:11.913 -->
00:29:16.115So that was about maybe six or seven years into my career.
00:29:16.115 -->
00:29:24.082I stayed another six or seven years then, yeah, because I didn't know what to do.
00:29:24.082 -->
00:29:31.428And then the salary was so good and I started having a family and my husband at the time he went back to school.
00:29:31.428 -->
00:29:36.416So I was the the I won't say sole provider because he was still working part-time, but it was just.
00:29:36.416 -->
00:29:43.178I didn't know what I wanted to do anyways, and it was supporting our family and it was good enough.
00:29:43.178 -->
00:29:50.494It was comfortable for you, just sort of you get comfortable a bit, even though it's not perfect.
00:29:50.494 -->
00:30:03.239There wasn't enough of a pain to force me out or enough of an incentive to force me out until there was what happened to get you to leave.
00:30:03.259 -->
00:30:05.844Yeah, it was really having kids.
00:30:05.844 -->
00:30:08.434That changed a lot for me.
00:30:08.434 -->
00:30:12.881You know, here in Canada at that time we got one year mat leave.
00:30:12.881 -->
00:30:14.423I know you can take 18 months now.
00:30:14.423 -->
00:30:21.701So I was at home with my first baby for a year and I thought that would drive me nuts.
00:30:21.701 -->
00:30:27.420Turns out, I loved it and I went back to work after she turned a year.
00:30:27.420 -->
00:30:30.911But I had started a blog and I was like I don't know where this is leading.
00:30:30.911 -->
00:30:44.682But I feel it was the first time I'd really had like some creative inspiration and I was just like I'll just do this because it feels fun to me, had no idea where it would lead, if it would lead to anything, it just felt fun to me.
00:30:46.250 -->
00:30:54.939Then I had my son and went on another one year maternity leave and at that time I was still doing my blog and I was talking about parenting.
00:30:54.939 -->
00:30:59.057Because at that time I was still doing my blog and I was talking about parenting because that was the world I was living.
00:30:59.057 -->
00:31:13.155I stumbled upon something called positive discipline at the time and I really liked their techniques or their tools and their approach and I was applying with my kids.
00:31:13.155 -->
00:31:14.798I was talking about what I was doing.
00:31:14.798 -->
00:31:21.283And I was just like, oh, maybe I'll just, you know, get certified in this because it'll just add some credibility.
00:31:21.283 -->
00:31:22.915I really wasn't thinking anything of it.
00:31:22.915 -->
00:31:26.492I was just like, oh, this is what I like to talk about, I'll just go get a certification.
00:31:26.492 -->
00:31:30.256So as part of that, I had to teach a course.
00:31:30.256 -->
00:31:33.240So I had like a wine and cheese night with my mom friends.
00:31:33.340 -->
00:31:37.665I taught my first parenting course and they're like this was so good, lindsay, you should do this.
00:31:37.665 -->
00:31:42.196And I was like, huh, I wonder if I could do this.
00:31:42.196 -->
00:31:43.740It was a lot of fun for me.
00:31:43.740 -->
00:31:45.604I don't even know how to do this.
00:31:45.604 -->
00:31:47.492I don't know how to teach parenting classes.
00:31:47.492 -->
00:31:58.584So I contacted someone who owned a yoga studio and I was like, can I just take you out for coffee and pick your brain, because I'm not an entrepreneur, I don't know like all this.
00:31:58.584 -->
00:32:03.858And she ran a very specialized yoga studio that had like mom and baby classes.
00:32:03.858 -->
00:32:06.372She's like why don't you just teach one at my place?
00:32:06.372 -->
00:32:08.436We'll just do like a workshop on a Saturday.
00:32:08.436 -->
00:32:24.564And I was like, okay, and there was 27 people that signed up for my very first parenting class and I taught it and I was scared, scared out of my mind and it's sort of that that parenting business I always do.
00:32:24.705 -->
00:32:28.444I just started doing very part-time, started doing some one-on-one coaching.
00:32:28.444 -->
00:32:32.554I taught a couple workshops a year because I was still working full-time, I still had small kids.
00:32:32.554 -->
00:32:45.583I was like I don't have much time a year to go full on, full in on this and I just started doing it because it felt fun to me and then I, as that, was feeling more fun.
00:32:45.583 -->
00:32:51.300The other thing that was happening was my kids were in daycare.
00:32:51.300 -->
00:32:52.903They were and then went.
00:32:52.903 -->
00:33:08.696My daughter went to school, so my son was still young and done and I just I felt like I never saw my kids and I knew because of my parenting, you know certification and learning and all that.
00:33:08.796 -->
00:33:26.798I'm like you know the one key strategy was quality time with your kids and I'm like I can see all these behavior issues happening in my kids and I know it's because of this like sprint and this hustle that we're living in and yet this is sort of the norm.
00:33:26.798 -->
00:33:29.791So I just started to feel like really miserable.
00:33:29.791 -->
00:33:30.593I'm like I have all the boxes checked.
00:33:30.593 -->
00:33:32.740I have the house, I have the two kids, I'm married, I have the successful career, I'm making the six figures.
00:33:32.740 -->
00:33:33.283Like I have all the things.
00:33:33.283 -->
00:33:36.974I'm like I have all the boxes checked, I have the house, I have the two kids, I'm married, I have the successful career.
00:33:36.974 -->
00:33:38.096I'm making the six figures.
00:33:38.096 -->
00:33:39.140Like I have all the things.
00:33:39.140 -->
00:33:44.144I'm like my quality of life is so low, like this cannot be, this cannot be.
00:33:44.144 -->
00:33:47.753You know what quote unquote success is.
00:33:49.036 -->
00:33:53.764And so I made a plan to quit my job and do my parenting business full time.
00:33:53.784 -->
00:33:57.430So I made a plan to quit my job and do my parenting business full time.
00:33:57.430 -->
00:34:06.601We socked away some money, and that took some time to convince my husband because he was like you make way more than I do, and so the idea of losing my salary was quite overwhelming for him.
00:34:08.030 -->
00:34:15.097But fortunately, we had just had two maternity leaves where I wasn't working full time, I was earning unemployment.
00:34:15.097 -->
00:34:21.534And I'm like we really just have two maternity leaves where I wasn't working full time, I was earning unemployment, and like we really just have to save, like our expenses, we don't have to replace my income, we just have to cover our expenses.
00:34:21.534 -->
00:34:24.320So we decided to try it for a year.
00:34:24.320 -->
00:34:30.115We saved enough for basically to cover us for a year and then we'd reassess.
00:34:30.115 -->
00:34:35.742So it wasn't a permanent decision and I never went back.
00:34:35.742 -->
00:34:46.375My parenting business did not go as planned because life just you know, covid happened and a lot of things happened that I was suddenly homeschooling my kids.
00:34:46.375 -->
00:34:56.083So I went from never seeing my kids and just wanting more quality time with them to having them full time and yeah, I can stop there.
00:34:56.083 -->
00:35:06.641Eventually I just put my business on hold and focused on raising my kids, homeschooling my kids, and then my marriage fell apart and then I had to figure things out again.
00:35:07.530 -->
00:35:08.552You mentioned.
00:35:08.552 -->
00:35:20.900When you were working the job, you realized you got the corporate job, you got the government job with the pension that you will live in your dad's dream and not yours.
00:35:20.900 -->
00:35:23.825How did you uncover that?
00:35:23.825 -->
00:35:24.651Oh my goodness.
00:35:26.572 -->
00:35:35.903I think because I got to that goal that my dad had set for me and I was miserable.
00:35:35.903 -->
00:35:38.672Now I didn't realize my dad had set that for me.
00:35:38.672 -->
00:35:44.724I very much thought that was my own and I think there's something to be said.
00:35:44.724 -->
00:35:53.617When you reach your goal, I do think there's like a yay and then a lull after, like I do feel like we need to be working towards something, have some sort of purpose.
00:35:53.617 -->
00:35:58.057So there was that piece of it that felt really like heavy and oh my God, is this the rest of my life?
00:35:58.057 -->
00:36:16.512And then I started to just peel back what made me unhappy and I think it was only in hindsight that I was able to look back and go, oh, that was my dad's goal, that was my conditioning, because it took a lot of unconditioning to be able to walk away from something like that.
00:36:17.635 -->
00:36:44.032So I think it was just through that process of you know redefining success, because success for me was always an income, like an income value, and for me to walk into the parenting business where I was not making that income I mean I had hoped to, but I would be backtracking, I would be walking away from a stable job with the benefits and the pension and all of that stuff going to.
00:36:44.032 -->
00:36:47.439Basically, I'll say you're betting on yourself.
00:36:47.439 -->
00:36:49.704You are responsible for your success.
00:36:49.704 -->
00:36:53.380When you are an entrepreneur, nobody else Like when you work for the government.
00:36:53.380 -->
00:36:53.961You know.
00:36:53.961 -->
00:36:56.414When you are an entrepreneur, nobody else Like when you work for the government, you know.
00:36:56.414 -->
00:37:00.983I got a raise every year for cost of living, even if I wasn't working my way up and I didn't have to.
00:37:00.983 -->
00:37:04.718There was no merit-based pay in where I was working.
00:37:04.718 -->
00:37:14.276I think it was through that process, that redefining process, that I was able to look back and go oh, this was never mine to begin with, I can just let it go.
00:37:22.970 -->
00:37:24.213You can just let it go, and you know I really like that.
00:37:24.213 -->
00:37:25.096You mentioned your plan to quit the job.
00:37:25.096 -->
00:37:25.697It wasn't a permanent thing.
00:37:25.697 -->
00:37:26.077Give it one year.
00:37:26.077 -->
00:37:39.079Like so many people, I think, get caught up or stuck with taking any sort of risk, whether it's pursuing their dream, like starting their own business, because they think if I do this then that's the thing.
00:37:39.079 -->
00:37:41.413But it doesn't mean you can't get another job.
00:37:41.413 -->
00:37:43.037Nine to fives are not going anywhere.
00:37:43.037 -->
00:37:54.846Like, even if you start your business and then you're like that didn't work, even if you just don't like it, like you don't like being, you know you're not stuck just because you make one decision.
00:37:55.026 -->
00:37:57.733Yeah, no decision is ever permanent.
00:37:57.733 -->
00:37:59.096You can shift and pivot.
00:37:59.096 -->
00:38:01.762You will shift and pivot regardless.
00:38:01.762 -->
00:38:10.896But yeah, oftentimes these big decisions we get overwhelmed because I feel permanent and you know, in this case quitting my job it was.
00:38:11.758 -->
00:38:14.284There's a Ted talk by Tim Ferriss called Fear Setting.
00:38:14.284 -->
00:38:15.988That really helps.
00:38:15.988 -->
00:38:29.422It's basically like you take your big problem and you write out all of your what-if scenarios, your worst case scenarios, like pre and post, and then everything you can do to mitigate it pre and post.
00:38:29.422 -->
00:38:32.153And it's an intellectual exercise.
00:38:32.153 -->
00:38:40.340But basically when you go through that process you realize that there might be only like some small details that you really need to work out.
00:38:40.340 -->
00:38:47.485Fear likes to stay vague and when you can break it down and be specific, a lot of that fear dissipates.
00:38:47.485 -->
00:38:58.753Because then you're like, ok, there's only maybe these two problems or these two fears that I need to work through and everything else is manageable, you can mitigate before and after.
00:38:58.753 -->
00:39:11.293It really kills off the fear, takes the steam out of the fear and makes that overwhelming task seem very manageable and doable and if it goes sideways, you can easily recover from it.
00:39:11.293 -->
00:39:13.617You can see that when you write all of that down.
00:39:14.981 -->
00:39:15.923Wow, that's cool.
00:39:15.923 -->
00:39:17.032I've never seen that.
00:39:17.032 -->
00:39:18.977Okay, and the big problem.
00:39:18.977 -->
00:39:21.242And then what could go wrong pre and post?
00:39:21.242 -->
00:39:22.727I like that.
00:39:23.590 -->
00:39:30.579Yeah, and then basically, what is the cost of deferring the decision or staying stuck?
00:39:30.579 -->
00:39:38.510Not necessarily the monetary cost, but like, what are you giving up by not pursuing this?
00:39:38.510 -->
00:39:56.331Which is also another really helpful thing, because you know, I think for me the idea of not seeing my kids staying stuck in that job and not seeing my kids and just sprinting through life I didn't want that to be my life a year from there or five years from now.
00:39:56.331 -->
00:40:05.260When I thought about that there's fear in that, there's a lot of fear in leaving, but there's fear in not staying stuck in the thing that you don't want.
00:40:07.510 -->
00:40:08.632Wow, that's true.
00:40:08.632 -->
00:40:13.157I like how you mentioned what is it going to cost you?
00:40:13.157 -->
00:40:20.811Not even necessarily financially, but like, by choosing or making the decision for whatever it is, you're choosing to say no to something else.
00:40:20.811 -->
00:40:29.217Like you're yes to whatever, like any anything in general, like you're yes to something as a no to something else.
00:40:29.217 -->
00:40:41.124You know, whether that's a job, whether it's a trip, whether it's something you're pursuing, like you're turning down something else, whether that's a job, whether it's a trip, whether it's something you're pursuing, like you're toning down something else, whether you realize that you're toning it down or not.
00:40:41.124 -->
00:40:42.306Like there's something you're toning down.
00:40:42.306 -->
00:40:45.313You know, yeah, absolutely so.
00:40:45.313 -->
00:40:50.691In terms of the parenting classes, you started doing parenting classes, and how soon was that?
00:40:50.691 -->
00:40:51.132Before COVID?
00:40:51.132 -->
00:40:51.852How soon was that before COVID?
00:40:52.932 -->
00:41:07.104So the parenting classes I started when my son was young, at one, and COVID happened he was three, so I had already been teaching two years and or just like maybe two and a half years.
00:41:08.005 -->
00:41:09.586And I quit my job.
00:41:09.586 -->
00:41:11.487My last day was March 2nd 2020.
00:41:11.487 -->
00:41:16.594So it was literally like two weeks before the pandemic hit.
00:41:16.594 -->
00:41:22.512And that first year, that 2020 year, I went full steam ahead on parenting, like I was doing online stuff.
00:41:22.512 -->
00:41:28.110I wrote a book, published a book, so I was doing that with my kids home and that was fine.
00:41:28.110 -->
00:41:34.726It wasn't until 2021 when things started crumbling in my business, and it was.
00:41:35.026 -->
00:41:45.235I can look back now and understand what happened and I really believe it was just like the universe saying it now is not the time for your business, now's the time to focus on your family.
00:41:45.235 -->
00:41:50.235And it was like all these things just weren't working out.
00:41:50.235 -->
00:41:58.061And then my dad was in the hospital and then, when he came out, my mom broke her arm so she couldn't care for him and then were in lockdown so I had the kids home.
00:41:58.061 -->
00:42:01.000Like it was just like one thing after another on the personal level.
00:42:01.000 -->
00:42:11.316And then things on the business side just started like being clunky and I'd have like really weird technical issues and just like things were not happening.
00:42:11.316 -->
00:42:20.579My daughter's stress became so much at school that it was like we had to get her out of there and so all of a sudden I was like, okay, I'm homeschooling, and now for real this time.
00:42:20.630 -->
00:42:25.035Because before, when COVID hit, I was just like, yeah, everyone's gonna be behind, we don't have to worry about school too much.
00:42:25.035 -->
00:42:42.767Now I'm like, okay, now their education is my responsibility, I'm living and how I'm rebuilding work back into my life.
00:42:42.767 -->
00:42:45.534So that was.
00:42:45.534 -->
00:43:03.680It was important for that work to die, even though I felt like a failure and there were so many pieces, there were so many layers to that as well, because, you know, I had quit the job and essentially, I'll say, failed for the first time in my life Not that's true or anything, but that's something major.
00:43:03.680 -->
00:43:10.197I was just like, I felt like I should have been able to make it successful and I could have made it successful, but it just wasn't meant to be.
00:43:10.197 -->
00:43:14.905And I do believe that there was some spiritual aspects to that.
00:43:17.090 -->
00:43:23.722Okay, now you mentioned shortly after this your marriage started unraveling.
00:43:23.722 -->
00:43:33.021How, approximately, in terms of timing of you quitting the job, the parenting classes like when did that start?
00:43:33.182 -->
00:43:47.372so I think it started happening around the same time I was deciding to quit my job, but we were still together for another few years and it wasn't until two or three years later that we actually separated.
00:43:47.372 -->
00:44:29.936So it was just, yeah, it dissolved, I'll say slowly and painfully, but because of all of the counseling that we did and because we had a desire to try with our relationship, we worked through a lot of our stuff and I like to say that, you know, therapy didn't save our marriage, but it saved our relationship and we have a really good relationship with each other now and we were able to walk away very amicably and which was necessary for this life that I'm now leading, which is like traveling and, you know, splitting my time between Canada and Bali with my kids.
00:44:29.936 -->
00:44:35.311When you can look back a few years later, you're like, oh, that's why that happened, because it was.
00:44:35.791 -->
00:44:41.543You know, I was not able to live to my fullest expression in that marriage.
00:44:41.543 -->
00:44:43.113I was censoring myself.
00:44:43.113 -->
00:44:45.621I was even with my business.
00:44:45.621 -->
00:44:58.936I felt like if I was successful in that parenting business, it would have destroyed my marriage, because I would have wanted to just expand and rise and do all these things and I would have wanted him to change along with me.
00:44:58.936 -->
00:45:04.242I was going through such a growth and he wasn't changing with me, so I was like, if I had this?
00:45:04.242 -->
00:45:06.829It was not a conscious belief at first.
00:45:06.829 -->
00:45:18.030It was underlying of like, if I'm successful, my marriage will end, not realizing that if that was the case, my marriage was already doomed.
00:45:20.376 -->
00:45:20.697You said.
00:45:20.697 -->
00:45:29.814I like how you mentioned that it didn't save your marriage but it saved your relationship and I think that's really powerful.
00:45:29.814 -->
00:45:56.498As we've talked before, like I've been a divorce paralegal for four years and seeing some parents and how their relationship affects the kids and likely will affect the kids for a long time, I think that's really great that you were able to do that, you know, because it can affect them a lot and I'm sure you understand that, having gone through divorce and having kids.
00:45:58.422 -->
00:46:08.349Yeah, and I mean that weighed heavily on us for a while, and there were months near the end where we're just like we're going to stay together for the kids and we'll just figure out the other pieces.
00:46:08.470 -->
00:46:15.791This is going to be more of like a business relationship or a raising kids relationship, and we tried that for a little bit.
00:46:15.791 -->
00:46:31.697It didn't work for us, but we were able to have these really honest conversations and I remember sitting down with him and it was really the question that made us decide to end it and it was like would we want this relationship for our kids?
00:46:31.697 -->
00:46:35.811And both of us were just like no, we would not want this for our kids.
00:46:35.811 -->
00:46:43.653So then it became about how can we create a relationship that we would be happy for our kids to model?
00:46:43.653 -->
00:46:46.179And for us, we couldn't do that in marriage.
00:46:46.179 -->
00:46:50.173We had to separate in order to do that, because we had to.
00:46:50.173 -->
00:47:06.555When we were married, we were attached to an outcome and changing the other person, and when we were separated, we were no longer attached to that outcome that makes a lot of sense.
00:47:07.026 -->
00:47:16.248I think it's great, though, that you were able to see that and take the time to think what type of relationship you would want for your kids.
00:47:16.248 -->
00:47:20.253You know, I think a lot of people don't do that.
00:47:20.253 -->
00:47:30.474They get so caught up in themselves that they aren't able to recognize that other people are involved in this.
00:47:30.474 -->
00:47:31.317You know.
00:47:33.405 -->
00:47:35.251Yeah, and I think for us we were.
00:47:35.251 -->
00:47:45.336We still liked each other, so we didn't yeah, we didn't wish each other ill or anything like that.
00:47:45.336 -->
00:48:10.789I remember when, after we decided to separate and I was really wanting to leave Canada and I wanted at the time I thought I wanted to live in Costa Rica, but I wanted to figure out a different country to live in and I remember having a conversation with him and I was like this is what I'm feeling and from my perspective, I was feeling horrible about that, because I'm like I don't want to take you away from the kids.
00:48:10.789 -->
00:48:36.137I believe my kids need to have their dad in their life and I'm like this is what I'm dealing with, Like I really want to leave, and I also was feeling terrible that I was you know, quote unquote taking the kids away from him and for his, from his perspective, he was like, yeah, I don't want them to leave, but I also want to support you in what you want to do.
00:48:36.137 -->
00:48:47.436And so even at post-separation, we're having these types of conversations where we really want what's best for each other and really what's best for our family.
00:48:47.516 -->
00:49:00.291Even though we're not living under the same roof, we still are raising these kids together and we're still a family unit in some respects and that for us has been really important to maintain.
00:49:00.291 -->
00:49:02.075Now we have not introduced other partners.
00:49:02.075 -->
00:49:11.407We're not that far into this, we're only a couple years years post separation, but you know, we've had the conversation.
00:49:11.407 -->
00:49:14.615He's like what if your future partner doesn't see it this way?
00:49:14.615 -->
00:49:24.673I'm like well, that's going to be a deal breaker for me, because maintaining this family dynamic for the kids is at the forefront of what needs to happen.
00:49:24.673 -->
00:49:30.827I'm not going to sacrifice their dad for, you know, a future partner of mine.
00:49:30.827 -->
00:49:41.425I'm going to attract a partner that's going to be on board with what's in the best interest of our kids and I would hope that if he has kids, I'm also doing that for him and his kids.
00:49:43.767 -->
00:49:46.989Now you mentioned Bali, spending part of your time in Bali.
00:49:46.989 -->
00:49:50.331Do you live in Bali half the time and Canada half the time?
00:49:50.771 -->
00:50:16.434It started off just my intuition pulling me there post-separation and I went there without my kids to heal, and my intuition told me to go there and meet people to help me figure out my life.
00:50:16.434 -->
00:50:27.757So I did and then I came back still not knowing where I wanted to live and a few months later my intuition was like go back to Bali, take your kids.
00:50:27.757 -->
00:50:41.095So the plan was to take them for six months and also my intuition was like go for two months to figure things out, learn how to drive a motorbike, figure out schools, where you want to live, all the things.
00:50:41.095 -->
00:50:58.980So I went for those additional two months, came home for a month for Christmas and then my kids and I spent six months in Bali earlier this year and we're going to go back again in January, this time for three months, because their dad doesn't want to be away from them for six months, which I agree I understand.
00:50:59.405 -->
00:51:05.789The six months was chosen because it fit with the school year, but it was pretty full on Single parenting in a foreign country with two kids.
00:51:05.789 -->
00:51:06.932That was pretty full-on.
00:51:06.932 -->
00:51:10.179I loved it, but I'm okay to do less this time.
00:51:10.179 -->
00:51:13.606Like I said, I have no desire to keep my kids away from their dad.
00:51:13.606 -->
00:51:15.572The six months was based on schooling.
00:51:15.572 -->
00:51:19.831This year we're going to try it where they're in the public school system here in Canada.
00:51:19.831 -->
00:51:25.913We'll take a three-month break from that and then they'll go back in for the last two and a half months of the school year.
00:51:25.913 -->
00:51:28.918It's very much a free-flowing work in progress.
00:51:28.918 -->
00:51:37.034The amicable relationship has been super key because I wouldn't be able to do this if we had a really rigid parenting agreement.
00:51:37.034 -->
00:51:40.012There would be no way I could live this life.
00:51:41.927 -->
00:51:42.590No, that's true.
00:51:42.590 -->
00:51:48.574That's amazing, though, that you guys are able to have that amicable type of relationship.
00:51:48.574 -->
00:52:11.208You know, I think that's really gonna have a lasting effect on the kids, you know, because they see it, you know like, and you can put on a face only so well you know, yeah, and it's been really interesting because, you know, for those six months in Bali I was actually really afraid to ask my ex-husband why he agreed.
00:52:11.228 -->
00:52:17.247I was just like I'm just going to take his yes and like book the tickets and just not think about it.
00:52:17.247 -->
00:52:29.079And it was interesting because when the kids got into back into the school system here this year, my daughter's teacher asked for us to write a letter about her.
00:52:29.079 -->
00:52:32.115So she's like parents know the kids best, tell me about your daughter.
00:52:32.115 -->
00:52:37.456And he actually wanted to write it, which was really shocking to both of us.
00:52:37.456 -->
00:52:49.378And he actually really said like you know, we have a really different relationship and the kids are benefiting from all this travel and learning and immersing themselves in different cultures.
00:52:49.378 -->
00:53:11.735And he described all the benefits he was seeing to what we were doing and something I had been afraid to ask him because I didn't want him to think about it too he was actually seeing value for the kids in the travel piece, in the being educated in a different way, in being immersed in different cultures, and it was really helpful to know that.
00:53:12.816 -->
00:53:15.639You know I'm not like we are.
00:53:15.639 -->
00:53:22.883You know I'm instigating all this, but he's not like a passive player in this.
00:53:22.883 -->
00:53:29.436He can say no at any time and he's oftentimes I'll be asked like, oh, is he okay with this?
00:53:29.436 -->
00:53:39.291I'm like, yeah, if he wasn't okay with it, I wouldn't be doing this how he sees how this is benefiting the kids, even though it's painful for him to be away from the kids.
00:53:40.735 -->
00:53:49.077Yeah, no, but you know, it's also great that you're making compromises as well, like even, like you said, january you're going back, but now you're doing three months.
00:53:50.420 -->
00:53:53.346Yeah, I mean, I think there's benefits for them being in Bali for six months.
00:53:53.346 -->
00:53:56.795I think there's benefits for them, for us doing a shorter trip.
00:53:56.795 -->
00:54:02.311And yeah, we are both trying to be flexible and make this work.
00:54:02.311 -->
00:54:14.626And you know what, even for like for me in Canada, I haven't had a home here in Canada for two years, which means that you know we have a very different parenting arrangement even when we're in Canada.
00:54:14.626 -->
00:54:47.625So the fact that I've been able to, I'll say, not settle down anywhere and we're just, we just have this free flowing, like we don't even have a written parenting plan anymore because it changes every few months, and that works for us because we're able to talk to each other and really keep what's in the best interest of our kids in mind, is there anything you'd say that helped the two of you have such an amicable relationship?
00:54:47.664 -->
00:54:49.949that helped the two of you have such an amicable relationship.
00:54:49.969 -->
00:55:05.184You know what, if I think back to the counseling piece, we did something called Imago Dialogue and it's basically where one person talks and the other person's job is simply to mirror and not add their filters.
00:55:05.184 -->
00:55:29.166But just, I think that helped change the dynamics of how we were having conversations, because before it would be like, you know, something was on my mind, I had to get it off my chest and then he felt attacked and he retreated and we were just in this pattern of I think a lot of couples share that dynamic where it's like one person's like attack and the other person's like oh, like hiding and retreating and trying to deflect everything.
00:55:29.166 -->
00:55:36.720And what the Imago Dialogue did was it forced us to slow down the conversation.
00:55:36.720 -->
00:55:44.067It forced us not to argue because we just had to mirror and then we would take turns and do it the other way.
00:55:44.067 -->
00:55:50.489When we did it with a counselor, she was facilitating the dialogue, but we were talking to each other.
00:55:50.489 -->
00:55:55.188We weren't telling the counselor on us and asking for advice, we were talking to each other.
00:55:55.407 -->
00:56:04.787Through that process, we learned to talk to each other in a different way, we learned to use slightly different language with each other, and because we were able to slow down the conversation.
00:56:04.787 -->
00:56:10.014We were able to hear the different nuances that had been missed before because we were just stuck in our patterns.
00:56:10.014 -->
00:56:17.852So I think that was a really helpful process for us to go through to really understand each other.
00:56:17.852 -->
00:56:26.646And then, when it came down, because we could have really hard conversations in that space because it wasn't a back and forth, it was literally share, mirror.
00:56:26.646 -->
00:56:33.773You know, the one person might spend like half an hour sharing because it was like a couple of sentences so the other person could mirror back.
00:56:33.773 -->
00:56:44.576It was so slow and so tedious and so painful at times but we got to know each other so much better through that process because we weren't back and forth and trying to win and trying to make our point.
00:56:44.576 -->
00:56:46.608So, yeah, imago Dialogue.
00:56:47.932 -->
00:56:48.753I had never heard of that.
00:56:48.753 -->
00:56:56.818I want to transition a little bit into the podcast and what made you decide to start the podcast?
00:56:57.626 -->
00:57:00.731Yeah, so my Breaking Free with Lindsay podcast.
00:57:00.731 -->
00:57:09.818I started about a year ago and I had done a podcast as part of my parenting business and a couple things happened with that podcast.
00:57:09.818 -->
00:57:15.512I realized that podcast.
00:57:15.512 -->
00:57:22.492I was not doing interviews and I was finding it really hard to come up with ideas to talk to myself.
00:57:22.492 -->
00:57:25.445And now, when I understand my human design, I'm a generator.
00:57:25.445 -->
00:57:27.910I need people and ideas to bounce things off of.
00:57:27.910 -->
00:57:29.251I can understand that.
00:57:29.251 -->
00:57:32.115So I enjoyed the podcasting.
00:57:32.115 -->
00:57:42.135So from when I was thinking about running my parenting business, I'm like I want people to be able to get to know me and my personality and I feel like podcasts really help with that.
00:57:43.159 -->
00:57:50.798The other thing when I was doing my parenting business is I was going on other people's podcasts, especially after I wrote a book and I was promoting the book and all of that stuff.
00:57:50.798 -->
00:57:57.539I was going on a lot of podcasts and I loved it, like I loved having conversations with people.
00:57:57.539 -->
00:58:09.253And when it came to my new business now I went into affiliate marketing and so I don't have a coaching practice, I don't have my own business.
00:58:09.253 -->
00:58:25.050I feel like it's evolving into something, but I was like I wanted to do something again to connect with people and part of the way I was trained in the affiliate marketing business was through personal branding and just basically being yourself online.
00:58:25.050 -->
00:58:26.916Show up, talk about what you want to talk about.
00:58:26.916 -->
00:58:30.224Just basically being yourself online, show up, talk about what you want to talk about.
00:58:33.005 -->
00:58:41.012And I found I had a lot to say on this topic of breaking free and fear and intuition and limiting beliefs, and that was what I found myself talking about over and over again and I was like I really miss podcasting.
00:58:41.012 -->
00:58:59.173I loved being on podcasts and I was like if I could interview people, like I just love having conversations with people so I was like I'll just you know, I'll start a podcast because I love this topic and I'm just gonna do it in a way that's fun for me.
00:58:59.173 -->
00:59:46.715So that's all this podcast has been so far is just a really fun way for me to pick apart people's brains and what they think and really help to help the listeners understand that there's different ways of living and it's okay to live off script and here's how you know different guests have done it and here's the thought process is here's the fears they work through, here's's you know the different situations and I've had like people talk about mindset, of health, of on parenting, businesses, like just such a wide range of experiences, but all through the lens of breaking free from their scripts and their belief patterns and really stepping into the life that they want to be living.
00:59:46.715 -->
00:59:51.452So, yeah, the Breaking Free with Lindsay podcast has very much been a passion project.
00:59:51.592 -->
00:59:56.612I feel it evolving into something else because I could see it being a lot of fun doing coaching again.
00:59:56.612 -->
00:59:58.215But I love this.
00:59:58.215 -->
01:00:09.086You know, bali and Canada are like 12 hour difference in time zones and I'm like how can I commit, how can I commit to supporting people when I don't even know where I'm going to be in a few months?
01:00:09.086 -->
01:00:26.189So you know there's some things I'm working on but, yeah, right now I just I love just sharing the message and helping people understand that there's a different way of living and they get to create their life and that's really exciting that we're all empowered to create the life that we want.
01:00:28.133 -->
01:00:29.695I love how you started that, though.
01:00:29.695 -->
01:00:38.385It was a fun project for you, but that's so cool that you had one before with the parenting one, and did you do any interviews?
01:00:39.708 -->
01:00:52.548No, because I believed I had to position myself as the expert and I didn't know how to keep it on point with parenting while not bringing on other parenting experts.
01:00:52.548 -->
01:00:54.793And I was very much in.
01:00:54.793 -->
01:00:59.831You know it's funny because you know it was my own business, but I put boxes all around myself.
01:00:59.831 -->
01:01:06.349I can look back and it's kind of funny now that you know in my own business I couldn't break free of all those beliefs.
01:01:06.349 -->
01:01:17.512But in this affiliate marketing business, which is really promoting other people's products, I get to just be free to do whatever I want, which is pretty incredible.
01:01:17.512 -->
01:01:20.416So that journey has shown me a lot.
01:01:20.416 -->
01:01:24.590And now if I wanted to go back in that parenting business and do it very differently.
01:01:24.590 -->
01:01:26.093But that's not where I was at that time.
01:01:28.557 -->
01:01:31.046Now, when did you start doing affiliate marketing?
01:01:32.128 -->
01:01:37.978So that was about a year ago and I was looking.
01:01:37.978 -->
01:01:38.880My marriage fell apart.
01:01:38.880 -->
01:01:39.807I was a stay-at-home mom.
01:01:39.807 -->
01:01:40.753I had no income.
01:01:40.753 -->
01:01:43.425I knew I didn't want to go back into the nine to five world.
01:01:43.425 -->
01:01:51.891My parenting business was sort of limping along pretty much dead at that point and I was like, do I resurrect that?
01:01:51.891 -->
01:01:54.392And I wasn't feeling super passionate about it.
01:01:54.392 -->
01:01:57.814And so I was looking for a way to earn.
01:01:57.814 -->
01:02:14.233Know the business part had to go to the side, whereas then I had to focus on what life did I want with my kids?
01:02:14.233 -->
01:02:17.269Then I took that I'm like I know the life I want with my kids.
01:02:17.269 -->
01:02:21.146Now I just need to fold money back into it, that fold an income back into it.
01:02:21.146 -->
01:02:22.206And how do I do that?
01:02:22.206 -->
01:02:33.546And as I was traveling, I was literally asking every single person I met, every expat I met how are you earning money?
01:02:33.546 -->
01:02:34.186How are you making this work?
01:02:34.186 -->
01:02:34.648How are you doing this?
01:02:34.648 -->
01:02:35.269And just collecting ideas.
01:02:35.289 -->
01:02:38.396And the affiliate marketing thing was a hard no for me.
01:02:38.396 -->
01:02:47.731At first I had so many limiting beliefs about what that industry was, what sales had to be, and I was just like I have zero desire to do anything.
01:02:47.731 -->
01:02:49.115I want to do something that lights me up.
01:02:49.115 -->
01:02:58.275And it wasn't until six months after that that I was like, oh, this now feels right because I can do it in a way that empowers other people.
01:02:58.275 -->
01:03:01.555I can do it in a way that feels so aligned and so uplifting.
01:03:01.555 -->
01:03:11.748And sales is literally just having conversations with people to see what they want and if I have what they want, and's no more.
01:03:11.748 -->
01:03:12.610It's no more than that.
01:03:12.610 -->
01:03:18.066And now how'd you shift to start seeing the fun side of that?
01:03:18.066 -->
01:03:23.173Oh my god, I was doing so much healing work at the time.
01:03:23.173 -->
01:03:35.088So when I went to Bali, that was like the meet people to help you figure out your life and I started doing massive amounts of healing work, internal work.
01:03:35.108 -->
01:03:41.677I actually had developed a fear of work, which I was able to unravel during that first two months in Bali.
01:03:41.677 -->
01:03:45.447That I didn't really realize was there, but it was really.
01:03:45.447 -->
01:04:10.807You know, I had been successful in my career and earned a decent income, and I hated what it took to earn that income, and so I had a lot of fear about working again, essentially, whether that was for myself or for anyone because I was like I don't want to hustle, I don't want to never see my kids.
01:04:10.807 -->
01:04:11.470I don't want.
01:04:11.470 -->
01:04:13.353I love this life that we have.
01:04:13.353 -->
01:04:22.097I want something that I can do around this life rather than trying to live my life around the work I was doing.
01:04:22.097 -->
01:04:54.537So I really started to peel back the layers of work and what it took to be successful and, you know, did I believe that I was capable of earning, you know, a six-figure salary or income in working, you know, 10 to 20 hours a week and, like there were some things that needed to shift and I'm probably still shifting in me to allow that to come in, because that was, you know, I was raised, you know you work X number of hours and you get paid.
01:04:54.537 -->
01:05:01.862You're paid for your time and that's taken a while to unravel.
01:05:02.083 -->
01:05:05.048And the affiliate marketing space is really.
01:05:05.048 -->
01:05:24.297You know, if you wanted to buy a product for me, I'm not going to sit here and talk to you about the product, for you know, right away I'm going to say here's a webinar for you to watch because that frees up my time, but it also shows you that if you're interested in doing this type of business, that you can free up your time by, you know, using some automation.
01:05:24.297 -->
01:05:29.012And so there's these different pieces that I saw, and then the friend that had originally introduced it to me.
01:05:29.012 -->
01:05:34.311I just like followed her on social media, not with the intent of following her for business, but just because we are friends.
01:05:34.311 -->
01:05:43.606And she did it in such a way that I was never once put off, I never once felt sold to, and I could see the life that she was living.
01:05:43.606 -->
01:05:51.931I could see, I knew the income she was making and I was like, okay, if this is possible for her, this has to be possible for me too.
01:05:54.775 -->
01:05:58.488I love that, but it took some shifting of the internal beliefs.
01:05:58.488 -->
01:06:11.385That makes a lot of sense because it's a different way of owning income than one you were raised to, you were used to for so many years and it's just something different.
01:06:11.385 -->
01:06:23.673You had to internally start telling yourself you were even worthy of being able to do you know yeah, the self-worth piece are massive that makes so much sense.
01:06:24.052 -->
01:06:26.416Thank you so much for speaking with me.
01:06:26.416 -->
01:06:29.860Have you heard of a man named Jay Shetty?
01:06:29.860 -->
01:06:39.677Yes, so he's got a podcast called On Purpose and he ends it with two segments and I incorporated them into my podcast.
01:06:39.677 -->
01:06:43.554Okay, First segment is the Many Sides to Us.
01:06:43.554 -->
01:06:47.410There's five questions and they need to be answered in one word each.
01:06:47.410 -->
01:06:58.224Okay, what is one word someone who was meeting you for the first time would use to describe you as Lovely?
01:06:58.224 -->
01:07:06.798What is one word that someone who knows you extremely well would use to describe you as Authentic?
01:07:11.345 -->
01:07:13.634What is one word you'd use to?
01:07:13.653 -->
01:07:21.684describe yourself Courageous.
01:07:21.684 -->
01:07:22.106What is one word?
01:07:22.126 -->
01:07:27.072if someone didn't like you or agree with your mindset, would you use to describe you as I was going to say bossy was the first thing that came to my mind.
01:07:27.072 -->
01:07:33.061I was going to say bossy was the first thing that came to my mind, but okay, yeah, what is one word you're embodying right now?
01:07:34.626 -->
01:07:35.947Worth?
01:07:35.947 -->
01:07:47.081Second segment is the final five and there's five questions and these can be answered in a sentence what is the best advice you've?
01:07:47.102 -->
01:07:47.485heard or received.
01:07:47.826 -->
01:07:49.028Relax into it.
01:07:49.028 -->
01:07:49.912Why is that the best?
01:07:49.952 -->
01:07:50.333advice.
01:07:50.333 -->
01:07:59.173It was advice I was given when I was about to give birth, and it was basically this idea of the more you fight it, the more it's going to hurt.
01:07:59.173 -->
01:08:07.389Just relax into the pain, and I feel like that's so applicable to every area of life, the things that you're fighting and trying to control.
01:08:07.389 -->
01:08:11.796You're just making it more painful and you just need to relax into it.
01:08:13.465 -->
01:08:13.988I like that.
01:08:13.988 -->
01:08:17.636What is the worst advice you've heard or received?
01:08:17.636 -->
01:08:20.511Get along to go along.
01:08:22.306 -->
01:08:23.070Why is that the worst?
01:08:23.070 -->
01:08:41.837I think it just implies that I think it's just this people pleasing mentality of you know, go along with everybody else and don't put your needs ahead of anyone else, Don't advocate for your needs, and I really feel that.
01:08:41.837 -->
01:08:53.076I feel that's so prevalent in our society as Canadians and I see the damage that it's doing so prevalent in our society as Canadians, and I see the damage that it's doing.
01:08:53.116 -->
01:08:53.497What is?
01:08:54.158 -->
01:09:01.920something that you used to value that you no longer value, something I used to value that I no longer value.
01:09:01.920 -->
01:09:02.623Oh, attention from men.
01:09:07.239 -->
01:09:08.585I did not expect you to say that.
01:09:08.585 -->
01:09:13.458If you could describe what you would want your legacy to be as if someone was reading it, what would you want it to say?
01:09:14.763 -->
01:09:23.204oh, I think something along the lines of living fully and living courageously.
01:09:23.204 -->
01:09:32.699You, know, what I really believe in setting an example for my kids and showing them what's possible.
01:09:35.365 -->
01:09:42.656Okay, if you could create one law in the world that everyone had to follow, what would it be?
01:09:42.656 -->
01:09:44.219And I want to know why.
01:09:46.646 -->
01:09:50.176I don't know how you would enforce this, but it would be honest, like be honest.
01:09:50.176 -->
01:10:06.434Yeah, I feel like that's self-explanatory, but I think there's so much deception going on in the world and no accountability and a fear of having honest conversations, which I think is really needed right now.
01:10:06.434 -->
01:10:08.879Be honest.
01:10:10.826 -->
01:10:13.311Well, thank you so much for speaking with me.
01:10:13.311 -->
01:10:14.996I really appreciate it.
01:10:15.264 -->
01:10:16.951This has been a really fun conversation.
01:10:16.951 -->
01:10:18.375Thanks so much for having me, amanda.
01:10:18.375 -->
01:10:20.148Oh, my gosh, of course.
01:10:20.148 -->
01:10:21.513Can everybody connect with you?
01:10:21.513 -->
01:10:24.992Yeah, breaking Free with Lindsay on all of the platforms.
01:10:24.992 -->
01:10:28.488That's my website, that's my podcast, that's my Instagram, that's my Facebook.
01:10:28.488 -->
01:10:30.291So, breaking free with Lindsay with an A.
01:10:31.554 -->
01:10:34.006Awesome, and I will link that in the show notes.
01:10:34.006 -->
01:10:40.967Any final words of wisdom, anything else you want to share with the listeners before we fully close out?
01:10:42.750 -->
01:10:49.880Yeah, just you will never regret investing in yourself and in your dreams and go for it.
01:10:49.880 -->
01:10:52.471You're worthy of going after your dreams.
01:10:54.155 -->
01:10:56.471Love that Well, thank you so much.
01:10:56.471 -->
01:10:58.068I really appreciate it.
01:10:58.068 -->
01:11:04.288Thank you, of course, and thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of Mando's Mindset.
01:11:04.308 -->
01:11:04.889Episode of Mando's Mindset.
01:11:04.889 -->
01:11:23.865In case no one told you today, I'm proud of you, I'm booting for you and you got this, as always.
01:11:23.865 -->
01:11:29.719If you enjoyed the show, I would really appreciate it if you would leave me a five star rating, leave a review, review and share it with anyone you think would benefit from this.
01:11:29.719 -->
01:11:34.030And don't forget you are only one mindset.
01:11:34.030 -->
01:11:36.414Shift away from shifting your life.
01:11:36.414 -->
01:11:39.179Thanks guys, until next time.
