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In this episode, I’m joined by psychotherapist, relationship expert, and Psychology Today blogger Tonya Lester to talk about her empowering new book, Pushback: Live, Love, and Work with Others Without Losing Yourself.
If you tend to avoid conflict, over-accommodate others, or struggle to speak up for what you need, this conversation offers a refreshing and deeply practical perspective on assertiveness. Tonya shares why being “difficult” — not cruel or combative, but clear, honest, and self-respecting — is often essential for building healthier relationships and a more authentic life.
Together, we explore the hidden costs of people pleasing, the ways women are often conditioned to prioritize harmony over honesty, and how learning to “rock the boat” can actually create deeper connection and self-trust.
In this episode, Tonya dicusses:
00:47 Harmony Trap Explained
02:15 Why Women Disappear
03:52 How This Pattern Formed
05:41 Home Labor Inequality
09:23 Pandemic Pressure Test
10:51 Whose Time Matters
12:41 Why Speaking Up Feels Hard
18:13 Guilt and Anger Permission
19:53 Shock Absorber Behavior
21:26 Weather Vane Emotions
24:21 Honesty Builds Intimacy
30:31 Scripts for Hard Talks
32:53 Couples Therapy Ice Bath
34:32 Where to Find Tonya
Visit Tonya's website
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