Part 3: Bucolic

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This file was generated by Descript
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JACK: [Music]
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Death is our greatest teacher.
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It’s the shadow at our back, the
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whisper in the quiet, the ticking
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of a clock we pretend not to hear.
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No lesson in life is more profound than
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the realization that all this will end.
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Death teaches us nothing is permanent.
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It forces us to ask, was
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any of this worth it?
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The grudges, the fear, the boredom,
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the unhealthy addictions, the dumb
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stuff you wasted too much time and
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attention on doesn't matter to death.
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It doesn't wait for you to have
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a fulfilled, examined life.
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If you choose to fill it with
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anger and fear and boredom,
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it’ll come for you just the same.
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Death doesn't wait for you to be ready.
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Every second you spend in regret, in
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hesitation, in anything less than what
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sets your soul on fire is a second
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stolen, a second closer to the end.
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The wisest way to live is with urgency.
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Live like it’s your last chance.
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Speak like your words will echo forever.
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Furiously chase after that life that
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you want the most, because while
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death is certain, life is a choice.
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ZACHARIAH: I rode that bike so far.
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First I rode it all the way until
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the street ended, then I kept going.
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I rode it until the town
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ended, and I still kept going.
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I was riding it through the
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countryside, and I just kept
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riding right on through that.
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I wanted to keep riding
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until the noise stopped.
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Things were starting to get
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quieter the further I went.
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Eventually I found a sign that
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said, ‘Worker needed on farm.
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Will provide room and board.’
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I was like, fuck, that sounds
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like a really great deal.
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I got off my bike and walked up the
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dusty road leading up to the house.
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There was a small house there
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and an old truck and a big barn.
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I went up to the door of the
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house and an old man came out.
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I told him I saw the sign.
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I was thirteen by this time.
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The old man who owned this farm,
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he was like, really old; I don't
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know, seventy or something.
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The first thing he asked me
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was whether or not I was afraid
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of touching blood or shit.
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I said no, and asked him if
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there’s a lot of that here.
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He said, yes.
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He needed help feeding the animals
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and taking care of the vegetables.
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I looked around where I was, and
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there wasn't any better option
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than this, so I took the job.
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He showed me where I can sleep
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for the night and told me we’ll
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get started in the morning.
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He said I had to sleep in the barn,
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and gave me a couple blankets.
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There was an old, shitty mattress
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on the ground there, which I
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thought was fine, because I don't
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trust old men anyway, you know?
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So, sleeping with the
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animals wasn't that bad.
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I remember the first night; I took
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the last bit of coke I had and just
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fucked around in the barn all night.
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JACK: What’d you do all night?
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ZACHARIAH: For the longest time I just
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sat and stared at the door, sitting
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quietly, listening to everything.
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I remember looking around at the animals
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wondering what they thought of me.
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I tried to look into their eyes to
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see what they've seen in the past.
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I saw there was a rope tied around one
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of the gates, and I thought, oh shit, I
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should probably learn how to tie knots.
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I found some rope and started tying
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knots just over and over and over.
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I had no idea what I was doing,
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and I was just tying random knots.
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It was almost like I was
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obsessively doing it.
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Hours must have passed of me tying
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knots, because eventually I looked
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up and I saw the old man in the
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yard, and it was daylight already.
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When I saw him out there,
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I went over to help him.
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He just started showing me
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what the morning routine is.
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Sure enough, he handed me a shovel
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and told me to clean the shit out of
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the animal pens, [music] and then feed
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the animals, and we milked the cows.
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There was a lot to learn,
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but I liked it, though.
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It felt nice.
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It felt good.
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It felt pure.
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JACK: Life is ambiguous.
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We exist in a constant tension between
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what we want and what is, between freedom
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and limitation, meaning and absurdity.
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We're born into a world we didn't
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choose, shaped by forces we don't
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control, and yet we're told to make
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something of it, make sense of it.
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But life doesn't always make sense.
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It’s full of paradoxes.
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We crave freedom, but once
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we get it, we squander it.
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We ache for accomplishment, but
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we don't want the responsibility
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required to get there.
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We want to be younger but
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also want the wisdom of age.
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We crave intimacy, yet we are fearful
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to open ourselves up to someone.
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We want meaning but feel
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disappointed when we find it.
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We're always reaching, always
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resisting, always caught between wanting
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and fearing the very same things.
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This is the heart of existence, not
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clarity, not certainty, but ambiguity,
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to go on even when it doesn't make sense.
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To exist in the in-between,
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it’s not something to fix;
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it’s something to embrace.
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Life isn't about finding a perfect
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answer or resolving every contradiction.
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It’s about learning how to hold them all
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at once, to want freedom and belonging,
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to feel hope and despair in the same
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breath, to create and destroy, to build
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and let go, to love and still fear loss.
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None of these cancel each other out.
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They coexist, because
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life is a contradiction.
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The goal isn't to escape ambiguity
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but to make peace with it, to
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stand in the center of the messy
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world and say this, too, is living.
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But don't be deceived; just because
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life is ambiguous doesn't give you
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an excuse to drift aimlessly as if
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there’s no point, no reason to try.
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If anything, it demands more of us.
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We must act, not because we have
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certainty, but because we don't.
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You should fall in love even
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though you know it won't last.
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The ground is shifting below us.
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We don't know what the next step is,
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but happiness is always within reach.
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It’s always an option, because it’s
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something that lives only inside
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you, and that’s the fun of it all.
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Nothing is fixed.
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Nothing is certain, but we go on
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anyway, taking step after step into
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the darkness of the grand adventure.
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Life is ambiguous, yes, but that’s
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what gives it its depth and beauty.
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That’s what makes it limitless.
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This is Low, Part 3, Bucolic.
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[To Zachariah]
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What did he have you do on this farm?
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ZACHARIAH: Water the crops,
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plant some seeds, milk the cows,
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fuck around with the chickens.
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JACK: Did he pay you?
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ZACHARIAH: Yeah, a little bit, but really,
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I was just happy to have a place to stay.
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He’d feed me, too, so I would just
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come in and sit at the dinner table.
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Oh, he had a daughter.
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She was seventeen.
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I’m not gonna lie; she was
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really hot and real smart.
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In fact, I would get so fucking annoyed
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at her for talking about how she gets
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good grades all the time, since I’m a
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dropout that smells like animals and shit.
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She’s like this perfect
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student and so pretty.
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JACK: Did she do farmwork, too?
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ZACHARIAH: No, no.
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She was studying to go to college.
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She wanted to work in a law firm and
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was focused on that all the time.
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She knew how to do all
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the farmwork, though.
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Like, at first I had a
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hard time moving cows.
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I tried to pull them or push them,
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leaning my whole body into them,
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but they just weren't moving.
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Then she came out and easily guided
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them to where she wanted them to go.
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At first I thought they just liked
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her better, but she taught me the
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techniques for how to move cows.
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JACK: What was the farmer like?
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ZACHARIAH: The old man?
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He didn't talk much.
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I saw a picture of him and another
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lady, and I asked, is that your wife?
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But he sort of just
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grunted and walked away.
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But actually, sometimes he
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would try to say something.
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Once I asked him, how long has
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he been working on this farm?
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He opened up.
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JACK: What did he say?
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ZACHARIAH: Well, first he seemed
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to get mad at the question.
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Like, what do you mean
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working on this farm?
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I’m not a worker here.
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But then he asked me, you've
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been on this farm a few months.
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Can you explain what you do here?
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I told him, I plant seeds and
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tend crops and feed the animals.
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He said, well, I do all that, too, but I
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don't think that’s what I’m doing here.
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So, I asked him, well, what do
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you think you're doing here?
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He said he’s here in order
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to support the community.
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Dinners are on tables all over
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towns because of food he grows,
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and that makes him feel useful.
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He said he doesn't wake up to be
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free and do whatever he wants.
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He wakes up and then gets busy being
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useful, because being useful makes you
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feel important, and it feels like you
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matter and you can make a difference.
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He told me his father farmed
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here before him his whole life
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and that his father would have
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answered that question differently.
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His father would have said that he
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was keeping things from coming apart.
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He believed hard work made people
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resilient, and good food made people
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strong, and a town that could feed
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itself didn't panic when things got hard.
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When people knew that the food was
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handled, they stopped living scared
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and started building real lives.
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They could think bigger, risk more, and
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become more than just surviving, because
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freedom only comes after foundations
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have been built and maintained.
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So, his father felt an enormous purpose
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for what he was doing, and that he was
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keeping the world from going into chaos.
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JACK: Dang, I like that.
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Freedom comes after foundations.
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ZACHARIAH: Yeah, but the old
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man told me that even though he
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understood his father’s purpose,
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he never felt it in the same way.
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He saw how much the farm mattered to his
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father, and he became a farmer because
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of that, and only later did he realize
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how many people depended on his work.
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He knew he was useful, but feeling
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useful isn't the same as feeling certain,
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because sometimes he wondered if any of
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his work was wasted or if he was meant to
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be doing something else somewhere else.
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[Music] But his father
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never had that doubt.
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His father always felt like he
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was exactly where he belonged.
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He wasn't searching and he wasn't
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hoping or wishing for something else.
00:11:47.830 --> 00:11:49.799
He felt complete in himself
00:11:50.309 --> 00:11:51.279
by doing the farmwork.
00:11:52.539 --> 00:11:54.959
I remember the old man telling me, I’m
00:11:54.960 --> 00:11:57.630
still searching for that feeling and
00:11:57.630 --> 00:11:59.400
I hope I find it before I’m finished.
00:12:00.679 --> 00:12:02.079
JACK: This guy’s wise.
00:12:02.080 --> 00:12:03.270
What was some of the other
00:12:03.270 --> 00:12:04.339
stuff that he would tell you?
00:12:05.219 --> 00:12:06.799
ZACHARIAH: He would talk about the past
00:12:06.799 --> 00:12:09.449
a lot and how old the hills were and the
00:12:09.449 --> 00:12:12.289
rivers, and they were here long before us
00:12:12.289 --> 00:12:13.910
and they're gonna be here long after us.
00:12:13.910 --> 00:12:17.300
He’d say things like, people think
00:12:17.769 --> 00:12:20.519
they're the first chapter, but the truth
00:12:20.529 --> 00:12:21.829
is they're somewhere in the middle.
00:12:23.400 --> 00:12:25.410
He would say things like, it took
00:12:25.410 --> 00:12:27.310
thousands of hands for us to get here.
00:12:27.919 --> 00:12:28.840
We're only here because of
00:12:28.840 --> 00:12:29.989
all the things people built or
00:12:29.989 --> 00:12:31.489
did before we were even born.
00:12:32.020 --> 00:12:33.060
Even though we’ll never meet
00:12:33.060 --> 00:12:34.839
them, he said we should live in
00:12:34.840 --> 00:12:36.289
a way that won't disappoint them.
00:12:36.789 --> 00:12:38.079
He said he tries to live his
00:12:38.079 --> 00:12:39.970
life so that old men would
00:12:39.970 --> 00:12:42.199
nod and be proud of his work.
00:12:43.939 --> 00:12:45.129
JACK: What did you think of all
00:12:45.129 --> 00:12:46.359
this stuff that he would say to you?
00:12:46.860 --> 00:12:48.219
ZACHARIAH: Well, it made me realize
00:12:48.219 --> 00:12:49.729
how important of a job this is
00:12:50.379 --> 00:12:51.810
and how lucky I am to have it.
00:12:52.500 --> 00:12:53.439
So, after a while I got
00:12:53.709 --> 00:12:55.149
really into farmwork.
00:12:55.999 --> 00:12:57.640
Like, I wanted to be really good at it
00:12:57.640 --> 00:12:59.109
and know all the stuff there is to know.
00:12:59.510 --> 00:13:00.739
Like, I was becoming interested in
00:13:01.119 --> 00:13:03.710
tractor repair and pest control and
00:13:03.710 --> 00:13:05.599
the best times to plant and harvest.
00:13:06.239 --> 00:13:07.900
I saw the farm as something bigger than
00:13:07.900 --> 00:13:10.489
just myself, and it felt good contributing
00:13:10.500 --> 00:13:12.500
to something bigger than just me.
00:13:12.769 --> 00:13:14.710
It made me feel useful, and
00:13:15.069 --> 00:13:16.219
I wanted to feel even more
00:13:16.220 --> 00:13:18.259
useful by being great at it.
00:13:18.819 --> 00:13:20.059
So, I was learning a lot and
00:13:20.069 --> 00:13:21.560
wanting to get really good at it.
00:13:22.720 --> 00:13:24.019
It’s funny to say that I really wanted
00:13:24.019 --> 00:13:26.169
to win prizes for some of the food
00:13:26.169 --> 00:13:28.309
I was growing and be the best at it.
00:13:28.809 --> 00:13:30.450
Anyway, after a while they trusted
00:13:30.450 --> 00:13:32.579
me and let me stay in a spare room
00:13:32.589 --> 00:13:34.379
in the house, and it felt like I
00:13:34.379 --> 00:13:36.409
was becoming a part of their family.
00:13:37.079 --> 00:13:37.860
It was really nice.
00:13:37.930 --> 00:13:39.409
I was working twelve hours a day,
00:13:39.409 --> 00:13:41.420
I had food, a place to live, and
00:13:41.790 --> 00:13:42.880
was getting paid a little, too.
00:13:44.139 --> 00:13:45.459
JACK: Did you like farm life?
00:13:46.329 --> 00:13:47.070
ZACHARIAH: I don't know.
00:13:47.299 --> 00:13:49.549
A lot of times it was boring as fuck.
00:13:50.259 --> 00:13:52.369
I remember watching cows eat
00:13:52.549 --> 00:13:54.529
and thinking, fuck, these cows
00:13:54.719 --> 00:13:56.289
take forever to finish chewing.
00:13:57.079 --> 00:13:58.929
It’s like they chew all fucking day.
00:13:59.540 --> 00:14:01.970
So, once I decided to time how long
00:14:01.970 --> 00:14:03.310
it takes for them to finish chewing.
00:14:03.779 --> 00:14:05.339
I used my watch to see
00:14:05.339 --> 00:14:07.080
how long it took them.
00:14:07.149 --> 00:14:09.649
I gave up watching them after like two
00:14:09.750 --> 00:14:11.349
hours of waiting for them to finish.
00:14:11.349 --> 00:14:13.059
Those fuckers never stopped chewing.
00:14:14.270 --> 00:14:15.429
Yeah, you had to do things
00:14:15.429 --> 00:14:16.459
out there to stay entertained.
00:14:16.470 --> 00:14:18.569
Like, I would follow chickens
00:14:18.569 --> 00:14:21.409
around sometimes and just see if
00:14:21.410 --> 00:14:22.749
they would ever get mad at me for
00:14:22.759 --> 00:14:24.149
walking towards them all the time.
00:14:24.619 --> 00:14:26.520
Another time I found a beetle in the yard
00:14:27.019 --> 00:14:30.449
and I just followed it for like an hour,
00:14:30.459 --> 00:14:33.499
watching where this beetle was walking to.
00:14:34.179 --> 00:14:35.489
Like, where is it going?
00:14:35.769 --> 00:14:37.019
Is it going to get water?
00:14:37.479 --> 00:14:38.630
Is it going to get food?
00:14:39.390 --> 00:14:40.950
Is it trying to find a place to sleep,
00:14:42.169 --> 00:14:43.939
or is it moving to a new home today?
00:14:44.349 --> 00:14:45.619
I remember watching that beetle and
00:14:45.629 --> 00:14:48.490
wondering, does it know where it’s
00:14:48.500 --> 00:14:51.769
going or is it just putting one foot
00:14:51.870 --> 00:14:54.069
in front of the other out of habit?
00:14:54.070 --> 00:14:57.250
It made me wonder about my own
00:14:57.260 --> 00:15:00.160
habits, if I was aware of them.
00:15:01.770 --> 00:15:03.630
JACK: Did the boredom ever
00:15:03.630 --> 00:15:05.260
feel like a waste of time?
00:15:05.299 --> 00:15:07.620
Like, did you ever feel like you
00:15:07.629 --> 00:15:09.069
could be doing something more?
00:15:10.209 --> 00:15:12.569
ZACHARIAH: Well, no, because I
00:15:12.570 --> 00:15:13.989
would remember why I came here.
00:15:14.359 --> 00:15:15.910
If I stayed in the city,
00:15:16.240 --> 00:15:17.569
I knew I’d end up dead.
00:15:18.150 --> 00:15:19.539
So, every day out here, no
00:15:19.539 --> 00:15:21.350
matter how boring, felt like
00:15:21.469 --> 00:15:22.940
I got to live another day.
00:15:24.689 --> 00:15:25.789
I could be good if I want.
00:15:25.820 --> 00:15:27.400
I can act like a good kid, you
00:15:27.400 --> 00:15:29.849
know, and be polite and helpful, and
00:15:29.849 --> 00:15:31.259
that’s how I was acting out there.
00:15:32.059 --> 00:15:34.000
JACK: It’s sort of strange that you
00:15:34.000 --> 00:15:37.530
say that you can act like a good kid.
00:15:37.879 --> 00:15:39.600
Like, it sort of indicates
00:15:39.600 --> 00:15:41.870
that you aren't a good kid.
00:15:42.459 --> 00:15:43.189
ZACHARIAH: Well, I had done
00:15:43.189 --> 00:15:44.459
some bad shit, you know?
00:15:44.689 --> 00:15:46.249
Like getting kicked out of school and
00:15:46.250 --> 00:15:47.819
fucking with drunk guys and stuff,
00:15:48.239 --> 00:15:49.880
though I wasn't exactly a good kid.
00:15:50.809 --> 00:15:51.729
JACK: But maybe you were?
00:15:52.709 --> 00:15:55.769
Maybe you were a good kid but sometimes
00:15:55.779 --> 00:15:58.499
act bad instead of a bad kid acting good.
00:16:00.849 --> 00:16:01.709
ZACHARIAH: Yeah, I don't know.
00:16:02.919 --> 00:16:04.639
JACK: But was the change
00:16:04.639 --> 00:16:06.279
of pace hard to adapt to?
00:16:06.279 --> 00:16:08.670
I’m just trying to picture you as
00:16:08.699 --> 00:16:11.119
this gangster kid from the city
00:16:11.309 --> 00:16:12.819
out on the farm, and it’s just
00:16:12.819 --> 00:16:14.259
hard for me to place you there.
00:16:15.119 --> 00:16:16.190
ZACHARIAH: Yeah, there was a sense
00:16:16.190 --> 00:16:18.210
of something missing; you're right.
00:16:18.729 --> 00:16:20.470
I felt like there was a lot
00:16:20.470 --> 00:16:21.569
going for me in the city.
00:16:21.569 --> 00:16:22.909
I had a computer, I was making
00:16:22.919 --> 00:16:24.737
money, I had some Bitcoin that I
00:16:24.737 --> 00:16:26.380
was saving up to make a drug order.
00:16:26.839 --> 00:16:28.859
I knew all the routes through the city,
00:16:29.019 --> 00:16:30.989
I knew all the kids who sold drugs, and a
00:16:30.989 --> 00:16:32.519
lot of people who I could sell drugs to.
00:16:32.970 --> 00:16:34.999
I felt connected and involved there.
00:16:35.699 --> 00:16:38.579
Yeah, all that was gone, but
00:16:38.579 --> 00:16:40.339
I’d sometimes have this feeling
00:16:40.339 --> 00:16:41.480
that it was all still there.
00:16:42.139 --> 00:16:44.509
Like, I would get this feeling that
00:16:44.509 --> 00:16:46.119
somebody would be right behind me
00:16:46.119 --> 00:16:47.600
or something, and I’d turn around
00:16:47.600 --> 00:16:49.029
and there’s just nobody there.
00:16:49.329 --> 00:16:50.289
There would just be nothing.
00:16:50.889 --> 00:16:52.369
I had to figure out what to do.
00:16:52.659 --> 00:16:53.709
I didn't want to turn around every
00:16:53.709 --> 00:16:56.399
time and there always be nothing there.
00:16:57.360 --> 00:16:59.329
I wanted there to be something,
00:16:59.330 --> 00:17:00.419
but I didn't know what.
00:17:01.000 --> 00:17:02.679
But on top of that, in the city
00:17:02.679 --> 00:17:04.369
I was always waiting for the next
00:17:04.389 --> 00:17:06.699
hit, too, something to bump me back
00:17:06.699 --> 00:17:09.190
up, and out there I didn't have any
00:17:09.190 --> 00:17:11.309
more of that, so I had to find a
00:17:11.309 --> 00:17:14.189
way to be happy without another hit.
00:17:15.389 --> 00:17:16.649
JACK: What were ways that
00:17:16.649 --> 00:17:18.209
you made yourself happy?
00:17:18.559 --> 00:17:19.199
ZACHARIAH: Well, at first I
00:17:19.199 --> 00:17:20.659
didn't know how to be happy.
00:17:20.660 --> 00:17:21.460
I just kept thinking how
00:17:21.460 --> 00:17:23.210
badly I wanted another hit.
00:17:24.000 --> 00:17:25.839
But after a while I really wanted
00:17:25.839 --> 00:17:28.119
to be great at growing food, so I
00:17:28.119 --> 00:17:29.779
took pride in how well the farm was
00:17:29.789 --> 00:17:32.489
managed, and that made me happy to think
00:17:32.489 --> 00:17:34.159
that this is something I’m good at.
00:17:34.379 --> 00:17:35.800
JACK: Did you still have the Bitcoin then?
00:17:36.559 --> 00:17:37.759
ZACHARIAH: Yeah, I guess.
00:17:38.330 --> 00:17:39.700
I didn't know enough about it back then
00:17:39.700 --> 00:17:41.880
to really understand how it all worked.
00:17:42.559 --> 00:17:43.919
But I didn't have a way to trade
00:17:43.919 --> 00:17:46.089
it for money, so it just — it
00:17:46.089 --> 00:17:47.369
felt like it was out of my hands.
00:17:49.069 --> 00:17:49.990
JACK: What kind of animals
00:17:49.990 --> 00:17:50.969
did he have on this farm?
00:17:51.780 --> 00:17:53.580
ZACHARIAH: Oh, he had a horse,
00:17:53.640 --> 00:17:57.789
chickens, three cows, and he was
00:17:57.790 --> 00:18:00.020
growing tomatoes and cucumbers
00:18:00.040 --> 00:18:03.070
and strawberries and eggplants.
00:18:03.080 --> 00:18:06.050
I used to give names to the
00:18:06.050 --> 00:18:07.289
animals and talk to them.
00:18:09.850 --> 00:18:10.269
JACK: What were some of
00:18:10.269 --> 00:18:11.350
the names you gave them?
00:18:12.170 --> 00:18:13.099
ZACHARIAH: Oh, god.
00:18:13.129 --> 00:18:15.390
I remember the names of the three
00:18:15.390 --> 00:18:19.129
cows; Etya, Sascha, and Benal.
00:18:19.129 --> 00:18:20.210
Those are the names I gave the three
00:18:20.210 --> 00:18:21.919
cows, and I gave them those names
00:18:21.919 --> 00:18:23.629
because they were the names of the three
00:18:23.630 --> 00:18:25.199
plugs I had when I was selling drugs.
00:18:25.680 --> 00:18:27.049
I used to fuck around with those cows.
00:18:27.049 --> 00:18:28.469
I’d milk them and drink
00:18:28.469 --> 00:18:29.449
their milk all day.
00:18:30.230 --> 00:18:31.709
JACK: Like straight from the cow?
00:18:32.149 --> 00:18:33.149
ZACHARIAH: Yeah, I loved it.
00:18:33.219 --> 00:18:34.559
I’d put my head under there and
00:18:34.559 --> 00:18:36.119
just squeeze it right into my mouth.
00:18:36.119 --> 00:18:37.510
It was the fucking weirdest
00:18:37.510 --> 00:18:38.399
shit I’ve ever done.
00:18:39.090 --> 00:18:39.869
JACK: Is it hard to
00:18:39.869 --> 00:18:40.980
learn how to milk a cow?
00:18:41.469 --> 00:18:43.289
ZACHARIAH: No, my mom actually taught
00:18:43.289 --> 00:18:46.039
me how to milk a cow because her mom had
00:18:46.039 --> 00:18:48.549
cows, and we’d sometimes go visit them.
00:18:49.259 --> 00:18:50.349
She showed me how to do that.
00:18:50.489 --> 00:18:51.829
I was like, six then.
00:18:52.260 --> 00:18:53.710
JACK: Oh, I didn't know you had a grandma.
00:18:53.979 --> 00:18:54.979
ZACHARIAH: Yeah, my grandma had a
00:18:54.979 --> 00:18:57.309
little farm, and I loved it out there
00:18:57.309 --> 00:18:58.799
when we would visit in the summers.
00:18:59.229 --> 00:19:00.930
I’d fuck around with the animals and
00:19:01.260 --> 00:19:02.910
got this weird sense of connection with
00:19:02.910 --> 00:19:05.509
them as if they understood my thoughts
00:19:05.839 --> 00:19:07.890
and knew I was their friend and stuff.
00:19:08.949 --> 00:19:10.029
JACK: What happened to your grandma?
00:19:10.569 --> 00:19:11.419
ZACHARIAH: I have no idea.
00:19:11.540 --> 00:19:13.000
I don't know where that
00:19:13.000 --> 00:19:14.210
farm was or anything.
00:19:15.269 --> 00:19:16.719
Once I ran away I didn't ever hear
00:19:16.720 --> 00:19:18.169
anything about my family anymore.
00:19:20.040 --> 00:19:21.119
JACK: How long did you stay
00:19:21.119 --> 00:19:22.249
at this old man’s farm?
00:19:23.500 --> 00:19:24.889
ZACHARIAH: About two years.
00:19:26.169 --> 00:19:27.939
JACK: Did you like sleeping in the
00:19:27.939 --> 00:19:29.470
barn better or the house better?
00:19:30.290 --> 00:19:30.959
ZACHARIAH: The house.
00:19:31.339 --> 00:19:32.979
It was chill and I liked it.
00:19:33.709 --> 00:19:34.569
[Music] I remember the first
00:19:34.570 --> 00:19:35.829
night staying in that house.
00:19:35.839 --> 00:19:37.479
I heard a noise in the
00:19:37.479 --> 00:19:39.199
night and it freaked me out.
00:19:39.199 --> 00:19:39.879
I thought someone was
00:19:39.879 --> 00:19:41.159
trying to fucking rob us.
00:19:41.799 --> 00:19:43.169
I could hear weird shit happening
00:19:43.169 --> 00:19:45.169
in the barn, which — it’s usually
00:19:45.169 --> 00:19:46.599
really quiet in the barn at night.
00:19:47.079 --> 00:19:48.870
So, I went out there, grabbed a
00:19:48.870 --> 00:19:51.759
fucking rake and looked in, and there
00:19:51.759 --> 00:19:53.389
was just a chicken that got in with
00:19:53.389 --> 00:19:55.499
the horses, and the horse was all
00:19:55.500 --> 00:19:57.039
pissed off about it, and the chicken
00:19:57.039 --> 00:19:58.319
didn't know where to fucking go.
00:19:58.319 --> 00:20:00.150
So, the two of them were making a fuss.
00:20:00.699 --> 00:20:02.229
But going out there with the rake
00:20:02.399 --> 00:20:04.219
gave me this adrenaline rush.
00:20:04.699 --> 00:20:06.149
I remember having that when I was
00:20:06.149 --> 00:20:07.489
in the city, where I would get
00:20:07.489 --> 00:20:09.110
adrenaline all the time when I’d
00:20:09.110 --> 00:20:11.740
hear bad noises or get in fights.
00:20:13.169 --> 00:20:13.859
JACK: Did you have any
00:20:13.860 --> 00:20:15.129
weapons at this farm?
00:20:15.550 --> 00:20:16.379
ZACHARIAH: I had my knife
00:20:16.379 --> 00:20:18.539
still, my dad’s knife.
00:20:19.519 --> 00:20:21.349
The old man had a big fucking shotgun,
00:20:21.349 --> 00:20:22.740
and he would get it out sometimes
00:20:22.750 --> 00:20:23.989
and show his daughter how to use it.
00:20:24.539 --> 00:20:26.079
I guess he was ex-military.
00:20:26.300 --> 00:20:27.849
He was in the army for four years.
00:20:28.389 --> 00:20:29.979
So, it felt safe knowing that none of
00:20:30.029 --> 00:20:31.410
the neighbors are gonna fuck with us.
00:20:32.119 --> 00:20:33.309
Yeah, it just felt safe.
00:20:34.360 --> 00:20:35.849
JACK: Did you ever shoot his shotgun?
00:20:36.949 --> 00:20:37.479
ZACHARIAH: Yeah, he
00:20:37.479 --> 00:20:38.459
taught me how to use it.
00:20:39.739 --> 00:20:40.539
JACK: What was that like?
00:20:41.519 --> 00:20:43.269
A thirteen-year-old boy trying to shoot a
00:20:43.269 --> 00:20:45.859
shotgun — I imagine it had quite a kick.
00:20:46.650 --> 00:20:46.930
ZACHARIAH: Yeah.
00:20:47.220 --> 00:20:49.250
The first time I shot it I bruised
00:20:49.250 --> 00:20:51.010
my shoulder and couldn't hear
00:20:51.010 --> 00:20:53.090
for a few days from my right ear.
00:20:53.100 --> 00:20:55.390
I had a headache for nine hours.
00:20:56.139 --> 00:20:57.549
After a few weeks I learned how to
00:20:57.559 --> 00:20:59.230
aim it better and how to handle it
00:20:59.230 --> 00:21:00.509
better without it being a problem.
00:21:01.719 --> 00:21:03.150
JACK: Did you have your computer still?
00:21:03.580 --> 00:21:05.529
ZACHARIAH: Yeah, I did have it, and he
00:21:05.529 --> 00:21:07.129
let me charge it on his solar panels.
00:21:07.689 --> 00:21:08.970
JACK: Were you able to get online?
00:21:09.500 --> 00:21:10.309
ZACHARIAH: No, no.
00:21:10.309 --> 00:21:12.429
There was no Wi-Fi or internet out
00:21:12.430 --> 00:21:15.549
there, so I just did stupid shit
00:21:15.549 --> 00:21:18.329
like used PowerPoint and Excel and
00:21:18.329 --> 00:21:19.610
tried to learn things on there.
00:21:20.200 --> 00:21:22.350
I did have that bike still, though,
00:21:22.380 --> 00:21:25.580
and I would ride it around looking
00:21:25.580 --> 00:21:28.179
for a place that might have Wi-Fi.
00:21:29.660 --> 00:21:31.539
I eventually did find a coffee shop that
00:21:31.539 --> 00:21:34.419
had Wi-Fi, but it was an hour ride on
00:21:34.419 --> 00:21:36.729
my bike to get there, so I would only
00:21:36.730 --> 00:21:39.449
go there on weekends to get online.
00:21:40.239 --> 00:21:42.249
JACK: Yeah, that bike — I was — I
00:21:42.250 --> 00:21:43.649
wanted to ask you about that.
00:21:43.669 --> 00:21:46.310
So, you're adamant about not
00:21:46.320 --> 00:21:47.659
stealing things from others,
00:21:48.169 --> 00:21:49.810
but you stole that bike.
00:21:51.349 --> 00:21:51.929
ZACHARIAH: Yeah, I’ve thought
00:21:51.930 --> 00:21:52.909
about that a lot, too.
00:21:53.199 --> 00:21:55.810
You're right, I don't like stealing, but
00:21:55.810 --> 00:21:58.160
I think something changed in me then.
00:21:58.489 --> 00:22:00.549
Living there, I had this sense
00:22:00.739 --> 00:22:03.089
that I had no choice about things.
00:22:03.129 --> 00:22:04.520
I kept saying to myself, there’s
00:22:04.520 --> 00:22:06.550
nothing else I can do, and it felt
00:22:06.550 --> 00:22:09.280
like I was just letting fate win.
00:22:09.290 --> 00:22:11.320
It was kinda like giving fate
00:22:11.379 --> 00:22:12.559
the middle finger, you know?
00:22:12.900 --> 00:22:15.699
I felt like I have to show fate
00:22:15.839 --> 00:22:17.600
I do have a fucking choice.
00:22:17.809 --> 00:22:20.079
If fate has a plan for me, I wanted it to
00:22:20.079 --> 00:22:22.230
work its ass off to make me do its shit.
00:22:22.720 --> 00:22:24.279
So, when I looked at that bike, I
00:22:24.339 --> 00:22:26.740
thought, yeah, I’m a person who doesn't
00:22:26.740 --> 00:22:29.179
steal, so I can't take this bike.
00:22:29.829 --> 00:22:32.000
But then I thought, that’s what
00:22:32.000 --> 00:22:33.009
fucking fate is telling me,
00:22:33.459 --> 00:22:34.720
that I can't steal this bike.
00:22:34.939 --> 00:22:36.319
So, I was like, no, I can
00:22:36.320 --> 00:22:37.279
fucking steal this bike.
00:22:37.299 --> 00:22:39.059
Let me show you, and I did.
00:22:39.209 --> 00:22:40.690
I stole it and I rode away.
00:22:41.169 --> 00:22:42.799
So, it was more to prove a point
00:22:43.059 --> 00:22:44.459
and less about stealing it.
00:22:45.089 --> 00:22:46.979
Yeah, it did feel like I was breaking
00:22:46.979 --> 00:22:50.039
some personal code, but at the same time
00:22:50.329 --> 00:22:52.829
it felt like I was breaking out of some
00:22:52.839 --> 00:22:54.929
shell that was holding me back, too.
00:22:56.300 --> 00:22:57.539
JACK: Shit, man.
00:22:58.489 --> 00:23:01.810
Okay, so you ride your bike to this coffee
00:23:01.810 --> 00:23:05.199
shop; when you get online there, what
00:23:05.199 --> 00:23:07.059
are some of the things you do online?
00:23:08.069 --> 00:23:09.639
ZACHARIAH: Oh, I just played video games.
00:23:09.949 --> 00:23:12.599
I played Counter-Strike and World of
00:23:12.599 --> 00:23:15.699
Tanks, and I’d get some music, too.
00:23:16.619 --> 00:23:18.149
I learned how to download songs off
00:23:18.889 --> 00:23:20.529
YouTube so I could play them back at home.
00:23:20.529 --> 00:23:22.220
[Music] So, I’d sit in the
00:23:22.220 --> 00:23:23.960
coffee shop killing people in
00:23:23.960 --> 00:23:25.709
Counter-Strike, listening to rap music.
00:23:26.129 --> 00:23:28.549
It was fun, just stupid teenage shit.
00:23:30.639 --> 00:23:31.910
But after going to the coffee shop
00:23:32.039 --> 00:23:34.969
enough times, I saw a guy come in.
00:23:35.359 --> 00:23:37.400
He was talking loudly on his cell phone
00:23:37.709 --> 00:23:39.889
in a language I didn't understand.
00:23:40.479 --> 00:23:42.109
I was like, what the fuck?
00:23:42.629 --> 00:23:44.179
Why isn't this guy speaking Russian?
00:23:44.179 --> 00:23:47.010
I watched him and I was trying
00:23:47.010 --> 00:23:48.919
to listen for what language it
00:23:48.920 --> 00:23:51.470
was, and I heard him say ‘fuck’.
00:23:52.900 --> 00:23:54.250
I think that was the only English
00:23:54.250 --> 00:23:55.949
word I knew at the time, and I
00:23:55.950 --> 00:23:58.029
realized he was speaking English.
00:23:58.509 --> 00:23:59.600
I had never heard anyone speak
00:23:59.600 --> 00:24:01.009
English in my entire life,
00:24:01.009 --> 00:24:02.930
so I was surprised by this.
00:24:04.189 --> 00:24:05.989
He looked great; he had nice clothes
00:24:06.260 --> 00:24:07.780
and a good-looking style to him.
00:24:07.809 --> 00:24:08.430
I liked him.
00:24:08.699 --> 00:24:09.789
He seemed smart and
00:24:09.799 --> 00:24:10.700
had things figured out.
00:24:11.279 --> 00:24:12.510
I wanted to talk with him and
00:24:12.529 --> 00:24:14.099
learn about him, but I didn't
00:24:14.099 --> 00:24:14.889
know how to approach him.
00:24:15.779 --> 00:24:17.049
He got his coffee and left.
00:24:17.610 --> 00:24:19.260
But it made me want to learn English.
00:24:19.540 --> 00:24:20.560
So, I went back home and I asked
00:24:20.560 --> 00:24:22.420
the old man how I can learn English.
00:24:23.009 --> 00:24:24.409
He knew a little bit, so he started
00:24:24.410 --> 00:24:25.849
teaching me a couple words, but then he
00:24:25.849 --> 00:24:27.709
found an old book on how to speak English.
00:24:28.119 --> 00:24:29.269
So, I became obsessed
00:24:29.369 --> 00:24:30.350
with learning English.
00:24:30.629 --> 00:24:31.650
There was a chapter in the book
00:24:31.650 --> 00:24:33.029
that had all kinds of farm words
00:24:33.029 --> 00:24:35.799
in it; cow, chicken, shovel.
00:24:36.439 --> 00:24:38.249
I’d say the English word every
00:24:38.250 --> 00:24:39.580
time I’d see it around the farm.
00:24:40.980 --> 00:24:42.780
I would study this book every night.
00:24:43.379 --> 00:24:45.040
I had nothing else to do, so
00:24:45.270 --> 00:24:46.500
I just really focused on this.
00:24:47.079 --> 00:24:48.850
JACK: Did the daughter know any English?
00:24:49.220 --> 00:24:50.499
ZACHARIAH: Yeah, she knew more than the
00:24:50.500 --> 00:24:53.659
old man, but she was gone more and more.
00:24:53.919 --> 00:24:55.839
She was preparing for college and spent
00:24:55.839 --> 00:24:58.399
days at a time away from home, studying.
00:24:58.879 --> 00:24:59.689
So, most days it was
00:24:59.689 --> 00:25:00.569
just me and the old man.
00:25:01.459 --> 00:25:02.070
JACK: So, that’s where
00:25:02.070 --> 00:25:02.969
you learned English.
00:25:03.209 --> 00:25:04.599
ZACHARIAH: Yeah, and every weekend
00:25:04.709 --> 00:25:06.269
I’d ride an hour to the coffee
00:25:06.269 --> 00:25:07.539
shop to see if that guy was there
00:25:07.540 --> 00:25:09.170
again, but he was never there.
00:25:09.729 --> 00:25:11.849
Months go by like this until
00:25:11.849 --> 00:25:14.400
finally I see him come in again.
00:25:14.400 --> 00:25:17.129
[Music] I was so excited to see him again.
00:25:17.349 --> 00:25:18.410
I wanted to impress him with
00:25:18.410 --> 00:25:19.879
my English, so I came up to
00:25:19.879 --> 00:25:21.780
him and I said, how are you?
00:25:22.020 --> 00:25:23.639
He laughed and he asked,
00:25:23.959 --> 00:25:25.130
how do I know English?
00:25:25.860 --> 00:25:27.269
I told him, I’m learning it.
00:25:27.879 --> 00:25:29.750
So, he sat down with me and we
00:25:29.750 --> 00:25:32.259
talked in English for a long time.
00:25:32.970 --> 00:25:34.319
He taught me lots of words,
00:25:34.320 --> 00:25:35.339
and I learned about him.
00:25:36.019 --> 00:25:38.259
His name is Nick, and he’s an American
00:25:38.259 --> 00:25:40.969
businessman, and he travels back and forth
00:25:40.979 --> 00:25:42.959
on his plane to do business with Russia.
00:25:43.469 --> 00:25:45.560
He speaks only medium Russian.
00:25:46.019 --> 00:25:47.659
I think his business was something
00:25:47.659 --> 00:25:49.270
to do with oil, and would come to
00:25:49.270 --> 00:25:50.320
this area because there was some
00:25:50.329 --> 00:25:51.530
drilling locations near here.
00:25:51.570 --> 00:25:52.760
I think that’s what he said.
00:25:52.760 --> 00:25:54.109
I wasn't entirely sure since
00:25:54.459 --> 00:25:55.549
I was just learning English.
00:25:56.349 --> 00:25:57.599
It was really cool to talk with
00:25:57.599 --> 00:25:58.650
someone in English, though,
00:25:59.110 --> 00:26:00.339
and this was the first time.
00:26:01.509 --> 00:26:03.170
I sucked at it but I liked learning it.
00:26:03.669 --> 00:26:04.960
He gave me his
00:26:04.960 --> 00:26:06.689
Russian-to-English dictionary.
00:26:07.160 --> 00:26:08.049
I asked him when he would be
00:26:08.050 --> 00:26:09.619
back, and he told me next month.
00:26:10.429 --> 00:26:11.829
I was so excited about this new book.
00:26:11.830 --> 00:26:13.080
I was reading it all the time.
00:26:14.330 --> 00:26:16.539
In fact, I fucked up pretty
00:26:16.539 --> 00:26:17.939
bad on the farm because of it.
00:26:19.940 --> 00:26:20.729
JACK: What happened?
00:26:22.919 --> 00:26:23.749
ZACHARIAH: Well, now that I had
00:26:23.750 --> 00:26:25.709
a new book, I wanted to hurry up
00:26:25.709 --> 00:26:27.279
with my daily farm duties so I
00:26:27.279 --> 00:26:28.839
could go and read it, you know?
00:26:29.300 --> 00:26:31.039
So, I was rushing through things.
00:26:32.269 --> 00:26:33.870
When I put the cows in the barn
00:26:33.870 --> 00:26:35.760
for the night, I forgot to lock
00:26:35.760 --> 00:26:37.719
the gate so they couldn't get out.
00:26:38.360 --> 00:26:38.869
JACK: Oh, no.
00:26:39.750 --> 00:26:40.200
ZACHARIAH: Yeah.
00:26:40.200 --> 00:26:42.719
One got out and started wandering
00:26:42.770 --> 00:26:45.120
around in the dark, and got lost and
00:26:45.120 --> 00:26:47.699
scared and couldn't find a way back in.
00:26:47.870 --> 00:26:49.160
It was trying to get in, but
00:26:49.700 --> 00:26:51.820
the gate swung back shut, and
00:26:51.820 --> 00:26:53.849
so, it didn't know what to do.
00:26:54.820 --> 00:26:56.470
It tried shoving its head through
00:26:56.470 --> 00:26:58.730
the gate, and it got stuck like that.
00:26:59.039 --> 00:27:00.360
It got its head stuck in the
00:27:00.360 --> 00:27:02.720
gate and couldn't free itself.
00:27:03.330 --> 00:27:04.639
There was some wire on the gate
00:27:04.650 --> 00:27:06.100
that trapped its head there.
00:27:07.539 --> 00:27:09.399
A storm came through that night
00:27:09.399 --> 00:27:11.439
and it was raining hard, so we
00:27:11.439 --> 00:27:13.789
didn't hear anything in the house.
00:27:14.360 --> 00:27:16.509
The cow struggled all night to get
00:27:16.509 --> 00:27:19.029
free, but it was just caught too much.
00:27:19.529 --> 00:27:21.179
At some point its hoof got caught
00:27:21.219 --> 00:27:22.409
in the fence, too, which made it
00:27:22.410 --> 00:27:23.849
fall over and it couldn't get up.
00:27:24.759 --> 00:27:26.419
With its neck caught like that,
00:27:26.789 --> 00:27:28.860
it strangled itself and died.
00:27:29.500 --> 00:27:30.640
JACK: Oh, no.
00:27:31.119 --> 00:27:31.739
ZACHARIAH: Yeah.
00:27:31.809 --> 00:27:34.469
The old man was fucking furious with me
00:27:34.489 --> 00:27:36.530
for not putting up the animals properly.
00:27:37.049 --> 00:27:38.409
He couldn't understand how it
00:27:38.410 --> 00:27:41.300
got out, and I knew I must have
00:27:41.300 --> 00:27:42.790
not latched the gate properly.
00:27:43.410 --> 00:27:44.749
I felt really bad about it.
00:27:44.759 --> 00:27:45.879
I loved that cow.
00:27:46.209 --> 00:27:47.689
I felt like we became friends.
00:27:47.889 --> 00:27:48.939
I would eat my lunch with
00:27:48.939 --> 00:27:50.589
it and sometimes hug it.
00:27:50.859 --> 00:27:53.289
Have you ever hugged a cow?
00:27:54.479 --> 00:27:56.209
JACK: No, I don't think I have.
00:27:57.419 --> 00:27:59.699
I have hugged a goat
00:27:59.759 --> 00:28:01.750
and a pig and a horse.
00:28:01.919 --> 00:28:04.239
With the goat and the pig I didn't
00:28:04.239 --> 00:28:05.839
get anything at all out of it.
00:28:06.009 --> 00:28:08.419
The experience was nothing, but hugging
00:28:08.419 --> 00:28:11.049
a horse is something I actually enjoy.
00:28:11.059 --> 00:28:12.059
It is very nice.
00:28:13.209 --> 00:28:13.790
ZACHARIAH: Yeah, man.
00:28:13.790 --> 00:28:14.559
You know, then.
00:28:14.669 --> 00:28:16.639
It’s soothing and nice and warm.
00:28:17.269 --> 00:28:18.859
It’s a big-ass beast of a creature.
00:28:20.759 --> 00:28:22.829
But that made me think, even though
00:28:22.829 --> 00:28:24.890
it was ten times bigger than me,
00:28:25.489 --> 00:28:27.770
its life is just as fragile as mine.
00:28:28.659 --> 00:28:30.580
What fucking sucks is I worked my
00:28:30.610 --> 00:28:32.609
ass off to keep that animal alive.
00:28:33.139 --> 00:28:34.749
So, even though I tried to take
00:28:34.759 --> 00:28:37.289
good care of it, it still died.
00:28:38.000 --> 00:28:38.809
I don't get it.
00:28:39.360 --> 00:28:40.769
Like, why fucking struggle to
00:28:40.769 --> 00:28:42.269
keep something alive so much
00:28:42.529 --> 00:28:44.449
when its outcome is inevitable?
00:28:44.939 --> 00:28:46.319
But at the same time, I wish I did
00:28:46.320 --> 00:28:48.789
more to keep that fucking cow alive.
00:28:49.619 --> 00:28:51.369
The look on that dead cow’s face
00:28:51.389 --> 00:28:52.860
was something I’ll never forget.
00:28:53.580 --> 00:28:57.069
Its face was frozen in fear, a primal
00:28:57.069 --> 00:29:00.209
fear, where it knew its life was on the
00:29:00.209 --> 00:29:02.780
line, but it wasn't ready for death.
00:29:03.849 --> 00:29:05.099
It looked as if it finally
00:29:05.099 --> 00:29:07.510
recognized how serious life is,
00:29:08.310 --> 00:29:09.860
and it didn't want to lose it.
00:29:11.750 --> 00:29:13.009
I saw the animals differently
00:29:13.029 --> 00:29:15.230
after that, and I think they
00:29:15.239 --> 00:29:16.779
looked at me differently, too.
00:29:17.319 --> 00:29:19.289
They all seemed on edge after that night.
00:29:19.940 --> 00:29:20.719
JACK: What do you mean you looked
00:29:20.720 --> 00:29:22.069
at them differently after that?
00:29:23.129 --> 00:29:24.830
ZACHARIAH: It made me realize my
00:29:24.830 --> 00:29:26.530
job is part of something bigger.
00:29:26.959 --> 00:29:29.359
I had a lot more responsibility than
00:29:29.360 --> 00:29:31.269
I thought to keep these animals alive.
00:29:31.610 --> 00:29:33.579
They were so reliant on me,
00:29:34.169 --> 00:29:35.289
and were all connected through
00:29:35.289 --> 00:29:37.270
nature and the web of life.
00:29:38.039 --> 00:29:39.709
So, I took my job more
00:29:39.709 --> 00:29:40.560
seriously after that.
00:29:41.390 --> 00:29:42.180
JACK: Did the daughter say
00:29:42.180 --> 00:29:43.320
anything to you about the cow?
00:29:43.910 --> 00:29:45.860
ZACHARIAH: No, I don't think she ever did.
00:29:46.580 --> 00:29:49.400
At this point she was gone.
00:29:49.750 --> 00:29:51.290
I think she moved away at that
00:29:51.290 --> 00:29:53.209
point and was off to college.
00:29:53.549 --> 00:29:54.869
She was studying law.
00:29:56.139 --> 00:29:56.889
JACK: Did you keep studying
00:29:56.889 --> 00:29:57.750
English after that?
00:29:58.580 --> 00:29:59.389
ZACHARIAH: Yeah, I did.
00:29:59.420 --> 00:30:00.760
I studied it every day.
00:30:01.520 --> 00:30:02.640
I knew that guy Nick was coming
00:30:02.640 --> 00:30:03.729
back to the coffee shop at the
00:30:03.730 --> 00:30:05.239
end of the month, so I wanted to
00:30:05.240 --> 00:30:06.549
show him how much better I got.
00:30:06.990 --> 00:30:08.619
Sure enough, he was at the coffee shop
00:30:08.619 --> 00:30:10.299
just like he said he’d be, and every
00:30:10.299 --> 00:30:12.339
time I saw him I tried to be super nice.
00:30:12.500 --> 00:30:13.940
I wanted him to think I was a good kid.
00:30:14.579 --> 00:30:15.199
He was cool.
00:30:15.320 --> 00:30:16.200
We’d talk about video
00:30:16.200 --> 00:30:17.360
games and farm stuff.
00:30:17.360 --> 00:30:18.169
[Music] I would see him
00:30:18.169 --> 00:30:19.029
at the end of every month.
00:30:22.879 --> 00:30:24.989
One day I went out and was working on
00:30:24.989 --> 00:30:26.800
the farm, and I was out there for a
00:30:26.800 --> 00:30:29.249
while before I realized that it’s weird
00:30:29.250 --> 00:30:30.879
that the old man isn't out here, too.
00:30:31.199 --> 00:30:32.649
Usually he comes out every morning,
00:30:33.049 --> 00:30:34.319
but he wasn't outside anywhere.
00:30:34.959 --> 00:30:37.339
So, I looked around for him, and
00:30:38.340 --> 00:30:39.889
eventually I looked in his bedroom,
00:30:40.759 --> 00:30:41.979
and he had died in the night.
00:30:42.859 --> 00:30:45.090
I don't know, I guess
00:30:45.090 --> 00:30:45.840
he had a heart attack.
00:30:46.299 --> 00:30:47.600
JACK: Oh, crap, dude.
00:30:47.610 --> 00:30:47.620
ZACHARIAH: I
00:30:50.159 --> 00:30:51.729
went to the neighbor’s house and told
00:30:51.729 --> 00:30:54.079
them, and they called his daughter.
00:30:55.229 --> 00:30:56.359
She called the police.
00:30:58.169 --> 00:30:59.170
Eventually an ambulance
00:30:59.170 --> 00:31:01.309
came and took him away.
00:31:04.650 --> 00:31:05.700
I felt bad about it.
00:31:06.870 --> 00:31:09.049
The farm was so important
00:31:09.049 --> 00:31:09.949
to me by this point.
00:31:09.949 --> 00:31:11.399
It was my whole life.
00:31:12.349 --> 00:31:13.839
So, I felt like it was my
00:31:13.860 --> 00:31:15.039
duty to keep it running.
00:31:16.209 --> 00:31:17.249
That’s all I’ve been doing for
00:31:17.250 --> 00:31:18.619
two years; I can't just stop.
00:31:19.419 --> 00:31:21.120
So, I just kept feeding the animals
00:31:21.120 --> 00:31:22.500
and taking care of the gardens.
00:31:23.299 --> 00:31:24.409
It was the only thing I knew to do.
00:31:24.879 --> 00:31:26.599
JACK: Why couldn't you stop?
00:31:27.669 --> 00:31:28.919
ZACHARIAH: It felt like my purpose.
00:31:29.169 --> 00:31:30.360
It felt like this was what
00:31:30.360 --> 00:31:31.409
I was supposed to be doing.
00:31:31.419 --> 00:31:33.399
I mean, when you think about it, it
00:31:33.399 --> 00:31:35.279
was me who planted those seeds on
00:31:35.279 --> 00:31:37.269
the ground and made those vegetables.
00:31:37.399 --> 00:31:38.479
It was me who fed the
00:31:38.479 --> 00:31:39.699
animals and kept them alive.
00:31:40.110 --> 00:31:41.359
So, from the perspective of the
00:31:41.360 --> 00:31:42.999
vegetables and the animals, I’m
00:31:43.000 --> 00:31:44.439
put there just to keep them alive.
00:31:44.969 --> 00:31:47.700
The point of my existence felt like
00:31:47.979 --> 00:31:50.130
I was there to care for them, and I
00:31:50.449 --> 00:31:52.059
just couldn't see it any other way.
00:31:52.929 --> 00:31:54.889
So, even though I was there alone
00:31:54.899 --> 00:31:57.100
now, I just kept working on the farm.
00:31:58.739 --> 00:32:00.209
JACK: What did the daughter do?
00:32:00.919 --> 00:32:03.310
ZACHARIAH: Yeah, she came by, but
00:32:03.310 --> 00:32:06.280
just to take old photos from his room
00:32:06.280 --> 00:32:07.589
and some other stuff from the house.
00:32:08.459 --> 00:32:10.499
She was just gone almost all the time.
00:32:11.849 --> 00:32:13.149
JACK: Were you getting paid at all?
00:32:14.679 --> 00:32:16.110
ZACHARIAH: Not really, no.
00:32:17.319 --> 00:32:18.470
I would drink the milk and
00:32:18.470 --> 00:32:19.849
eat the eggs and live in the
00:32:19.849 --> 00:32:21.340
house, so that’s something.
00:32:21.849 --> 00:32:23.290
Sometimes a truck would come by to see if
00:32:23.290 --> 00:32:25.360
there’s anything it could buy from me, and
00:32:25.450 --> 00:32:28.059
I’d sell a few things, but it wasn't much.
00:32:28.879 --> 00:32:30.340
The daughter eventually came around
00:32:30.340 --> 00:32:31.680
and said she was gonna sell the
00:32:31.680 --> 00:32:33.729
house and was gonna take all his
00:32:33.729 --> 00:32:35.149
money and just go to college.
00:32:35.879 --> 00:32:37.239
So, I knew I couldn't stay
00:32:37.239 --> 00:32:38.650
there for much longer.
00:32:38.659 --> 00:32:40.730
I needed to figure out where to go.
00:32:41.640 --> 00:32:43.070
I asked her for a final payment
00:32:43.080 --> 00:32:44.580
since I was taking care of the place,
00:32:44.610 --> 00:32:46.000
and she did give me some money.
00:32:47.600 --> 00:32:50.010
Then I thought, Nick is gonna be
00:32:50.010 --> 00:32:51.310
at the coffee shop this weekend.
00:32:52.009 --> 00:32:52.940
I’ll go see him.
00:32:53.900 --> 00:32:56.900
So, that Saturday I fed all the
00:32:56.900 --> 00:32:59.020
animals and I rode to the coffee shop.
00:33:00.350 --> 00:33:02.160
I waited for Nick for a long time.
00:33:02.160 --> 00:33:03.539
[Music] When he finally showed
00:33:03.539 --> 00:33:04.859
up, I told him what happened and
00:33:04.859 --> 00:33:06.219
that I didn't have a place to go.
00:33:06.689 --> 00:33:08.750
He looked at me and asked in English,
00:33:09.469 --> 00:33:10.840
do you want to go on an adventure?
00:33:11.709 --> 00:33:13.439
I said, hell yes.
00:33:15.700 --> 00:33:17.969
He said, okay, you're coming
00:33:17.969 --> 00:33:19.330
to work for me in America.
00:33:20.750 --> 00:33:21.870
I had absolutely nothing else
00:33:21.870 --> 00:33:23.569
going for me, so I was like, okay.
00:33:25.419 --> 00:33:27.050
He told me we're leaving today
00:33:27.079 --> 00:33:28.740
and asked if I had everything.
00:33:29.419 --> 00:33:31.399
I didn't have much time, and just had
00:33:31.399 --> 00:33:34.269
my knife, my money, that English-Russian
00:33:34.270 --> 00:33:36.979
dictionary, and my laptop, and of
00:33:36.980 --> 00:33:38.779
course I was wearing my wristwatch.
00:33:39.009 --> 00:33:40.919
I said, okay, yeah, I’ve got everything.
00:33:42.260 --> 00:33:43.600
We got in his car and
00:33:43.619 --> 00:33:44.559
drove to the airport.
00:33:45.220 --> 00:33:47.269
He had a private jet, and we just walked
00:33:47.269 --> 00:33:49.710
up to it and got in, and we took off.
00:33:52.739 --> 00:33:54.739
I watched out the window as the
00:33:54.739 --> 00:33:57.099
town got smaller and smaller.
00:33:57.779 --> 00:33:59.640
But this time it didn't feel like
00:33:59.680 --> 00:34:00.779
I was running away from something.
00:34:02.299 --> 00:34:04.540
It felt more like I was running towards
00:34:05.119 --> 00:34:08.409
something new, towards whatever fucking
00:34:08.489 --> 00:34:09.920
thing Nick had waiting for me in America.
00:34:09.920 --> 00:34:09.930
[Music]