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Today I sit down with Dr. Nicole Butts, best-selling and award-winning author, speaker, and organizational culture strategist and expert, whose new book is SHIFT: A Transformational Journey from Playing Small to Unapologetically Thriving.
This conversation is a masterclass in what happens when high-achieving leaders (especially women) finally stop outsourcing their worth to other people’s approval—and start leading from alignment.
Nicole opens up about something almost every great leader experiences, but few say out loud: that moment right before a big opportunity where the old story shows up—I’m not worthy. I don’t belong here. She literally started drafting me an email to back out… and then caught herself in the act. That “shrinkage story” (her words) became the doorway into the deeper work—and the reason she wrote SHIFT.
We go into:
- why powerful women still play small in male-dominated systems (and how it shows up in everyday language),
- how “worker bee syndrome” keeps people doing everything… except being seen as a leader,
- and Nicole’s core equation for transformation: consciousness + courage = transformation.
If you’ve ever felt like your work should “speak for itself,” this episode will challenge you—in the best way.
What You’ll Hear in This Episode
1) The real reason accomplished women still shrink
Nicole breaks it down into three forces:
- Cultural conditioning: being taught to be “likable,” defer, and not take up space—showing up as hedging language like “I’m not really sure, but…”
- Structural dynamics: being outnumbered (especially for women of color), which changes how safe it feels to be visible.
- Internalized stories: “If I just do a really good job and keep my head down, they’ll notice.” Nicole is clear: that’s not reliably true.
2) “Worker bee syndrome” and the promotion you never get
I share a pattern I see constantly: the whole department rides on someone’s back… and then they’re shocked when they’re passed up.
Why? Because leadership isn’t only output—leadership is visibility, positioning, and presence.
I call it “leadership me time”—stepping back from nonstop doing so people can actually see you leading. Nicole agrees and names it “reactive doing”—being busy, carrying everything, but not intentionally showing up as the leader.
And then she drops a line I want you to remember: “By design, the work isn’t the leader. You are the leader.”
3) The SHIFT framework: a roadmap out of “playing small”
Nicole shares the backbone of her book as an acronym:
S — Set your North Star
H — Here
I — Illustrate your path forward
F — Forge ahead
T — Thrive
And she didn’t just write a roadmap—she made it real. After each step, she includes a section called “Follow My Journey” where she shows how she personally moved through that step.
4) The inner equation for leadership: consciousness + courage
Nicole explains why transformation requires two things:
- Consciousness (awareness): noticing the old pattern in real time so you can interrupt it.
- Courage: taking aligned action even with fear present—like deleting the email draft and saying yes to the opportunity instead.
Her distinction is sharp: Awareness sets the course. Courage fuels the journey.
Try This After You Listen (Practical Actions)
- Audit your language for “softeners.” If you regularly start with “I’m not sure, but…” practice leading with the point first.
- Schedule “leadership me time." Block time weekly to think, plan, mentor, and communicate—not just execute—so you’re seen leading, not only producing.
- Name your shrinkage story. When it shows up, don’t argue with it—notice it. That awareness creates choice.
- Choose one aligned action you’ll take while still nervous. That’s courage—aligned action in the presence of fear.
Resources + Links
Dr. Nicole Butts (website + books): NicoleButts.com
Connect with Nicole on LinkedIn
Book: SHIFT: A Transformational Journey from Playing Small to Unapologetically Thriving
About Dr. Nicole Butts
Dr. Nicole Butts is a best-selling and award-winning author, speaker, and organizational culture strategist who helps individuals and institutions unlock transformation.
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If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a 5-star rating, write a few kind words about the show and our guest, and share it with someone who’s ready to stop shrinking and start leading.
Ready to make your communication a match for how good you really are?
John K. Bates provides private executive communication coaching and leadership development for accomplished leaders and teams. His programs have earned 92+ Net Promoter Scores with organizations including NASA, Johnson & Johnson, Google, Intuit, and Boston Scientific.
Explore private coaching and leadership programs:
https://executivespeakingsuccess.com/
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https://johnbates.com/mini-trainings/
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