Ashley: Hello everyone, I'm Ashley, your host of Life After and Ego Death, and this is my co-host, Torrin. Hey everybody. And this is our special guest, Angela.
angela: Hi
Ashley: Yay, thank you so much for coming on. I'm gonna read her story so you guys get a little bit of background. So in 2016, her five year old son was diagnosed with a rare eye disease that led to blindness. That same disease took her grandfather's site. And she was struggling through fear and grief, and she turned back to clay. As a child, she made worry stones with her father. And this time she pressed a hole at the center, transforming them into sight stones, symbols of vision, loss, and hope. Each one is a handcrafted reminder that we are stronger together. From that moment, sight stones became a way to transform pain into purpose. Each handcrafted stone carries a message, never lose sight. A reminder that even in our darkest moments, we can choose to see what matters most: connection, love, and hope. When you hold or share a side stone, you're a part of something larger. You support critical research for rare eye diseases. You help remind someone that they are not alone, and you spread a ripple effect of presence, kindness, and resilience. And you also wrote a book about your story too, called Never Lose Sight, which I thought it was interesting. That it's a redemption journey of courage, resilience, and hope. And it's like a story about vision, not a story about loss. That's what was on that John O'Leary talked about. So that was really cool. What would you like what else would
angela: Yeah. Thank you.
Ashley: you like to add to that if I missed anything from that little snippet of the story?
angela: Mila, you you kind of hit it on all of it. I I just really appreciate you having me on today to to share more and to spread our message. Cause that's how I truly feel that this cure is going to be found, is that the more people can listen and hear the message and apply it to their life. I think that's been the really amazing thing that I've heard is the feedback from people that have read the book so far, they are definitely connecting overall to the message for their own life.
Ashley: It's so amazing that you're able to like make a whole business out of this and foundation really based on you know your grief and going through all that. And you created something that is a part of you. And I saw like pictures of the stones that were necklaces and they're just so they're so pretty. What was it like
angela: Thank you.
Ashley: when When you found out your son got diagnosed, I'm at such a young age.
angela: So he's fifteen now, so ten years ago he was diagnosed at five and he's right in between his sister. So at the time my oldest was nine, my youngest was two and so I think, you know I I some I mean I write about it, it was it The word's devastating. You know, I I now understand, I have a better understanding of grief because I've I lost two very important people in the past couple of years, my grandmother, my father, who I talk about in my book. But the word would be grief is what I felt. I experienced grief not knowing that that was what it was. But I think getting a diagnosis like that, especially You know, I think it's one thing when we get our own things in life, right? That we can't change for ourselves. But the diagnosis for a child, it's just it's it's really different. It's a it's a whole heartache of its own.
Ashley: Yeah, and then you also wrote like you figure out what matters most in your life when you're experiencing grief and it really does well, it can go either way, but I've I've seen it in a positive way where grief really puts you into your purpose in your life.
angela: Yes. I I love that you say it that way too, because I think I think, you know, sometimes we we think of grief as, you know, definitely like this this physical loss, but it it's a loss of I mean, it can be, you know, when people are trying just to navigate like new career paths, whatever, and they're not getting where what they want. There is like that feeling of loss or feeling of n you know, not feeling in control. But I think, you know, working through that, working through the emotions definitely eventually like you kind of find your way, your path and your purpose.
Ashley: And it also changes family dynamics too, because everyone handles grief differently, you know, it's not linear. And so what was it like for your family handling this diagnosis? Like what was it like for all the relationships of yeah, just your partner, the siblings, all of that?
angela: You know, early on it was very different how everybody kinda leaned into this. So my grandfather went blind from this eye disease. So when my f my son was first diagnosed, you know, it was one of those things that some of the feedback, again, it's other people's way of coping, is well maybe it's not the same thing, you know, and but there's this thing called like genetics, right? So it's like I'm not gonna try to avoid the unavoidable. And so there was some denial, you know. some people that were potential carriers of our family, you know, they weren't sure if they were or not or how it was passed. So it was like all these questions because then, you know, you're looking at like you know, all of the family members, then everyone's like, my gosh, maybe I have it or or my kid has it, you know, which definitely that was not the case. It ended like here with my family. but you know, it's it's stressful, you know, it's especially I think when you are with someone, especially like in my marriage, I have my husband, when you're both going through and experiencing a loss, that suffering, it can bring you together, but it also can leave you feeling extremely isolated and alone at the same time, you know, like I had and I write in the book too. I had amazing friends and family during this time, right? But when you're going through something like this, and especially like a blinding eye disease, where it's not just like happening and it's like a one and done. I mean, this is a slow, progressive eye disease. And it can be extremely isolating if you let it, right? And so we really had to work through that within my marriage, within our family, and just open those lines of communication up to say this hurts, it's not what we want, and we have to talk about it. We have to be in it, whether it's making us angry. Frustrated or sad, we have to go there with each other. And that was the one thing, and it's taken a while for my husband and I to navigate together because oftentimes I you know I was just felt so broken. And then him, you know, being like, you know, like the father figure, the husband of the Of the two of us, it's like they want to hold it all together, right? Cause they don't want to make us feel worse. Well, guess what? That can make you feel extremely alone, because you're like, then what's wrong with me, right? Because this person clearly can do it so well, but he wasn't, you know? And so that eventually that mask had to come down to for him to lean into his own emotions for himself.
Ashley: Yeah, I can imagine. Like it would be really hard knowing that you went into this relationship where it's a possibility that your child could get the same genetic disease and then for it to happen and you're like, Well, what do I do now? I mean, it's
angela: Yeah.
Ashley: hard for the caretakers and I can't imagine what it was like for your son too to experience that and have to navigate a whole new life. And I don't know how he's doing now, probably mastered it. in a way, but it seems like there's a lot of challenges that come with it. If you could talk about those of from then to now of what these what this decade has done to you guys.
angela: So in the last ten years this, you know, it's a very it's a very sneaky disease, almost like a sleeper disease where you you know, you don't necessarily see this like huge Where the vision's like completely gone. It it it sneaks in there. So we just had our son at a doctor's appointment this summer. He goes out to Penn Medicine in Philadelphia, works with an amazing group of doctors that are actually working on finding the cure. And they're getting close. but even the doctor said, you know, I don't even know if you've noticed the changes, but in the last two years since our last visit, you know, there's there's been changes to the eye. So this eye disease It rides on a gene that is like not working correctly, correct? So this gene basically feeds, it's like the nourishment for the cells in the eye. And because the gene is like not turned on and not working correctly, the the cells of the eye do not get the nourishment they need, so they die off, right? So through gene therapy, what they're hoping to do is replace the gene. Turn it back on. And so it's not to restore the vision, but it's to stop the vision. And they're so close. And it's that's why I wrote the book. It's why we've created this nonprofit because I truly feel that it will be in my son's lifetime just to stop the loss. This is also carried through the women, and with my daughters, there's a high probability of going through this again. So the goal for gene therapy is that, you know, I don't know like how long this is going to be till they have like this. Cure in hand with an FDA approval. But as a woman carrier, if you knew your child potentially could have this, when the baby's born, the child would get tested, the gene therapy would give in, and the and the literally the message that's stamped on all of my necklaces never lose sight, the child would never lose. lose sight, literally. And they are that close. And so I definitely think that this was part of my journey and it's part of why I'm here. And I'm gonna devote the next half of my life just truly finding the cure and to keep these doctors going in labs.
Ashley: That's so incredible. I was about to cry of like how passionate and you are and like what you've created with your organization. It seems like you've done so much support to really be really proactive and figure things out to save so many people from what you've experienced. And that is like a lot of love and compassion for for all beings. So that's that really touched me a lot. So I'm really I'm really proud of you for for doing all that. It's it's really hard. So I I bet it's done really great things.
angela: Thank you. Thank you. It has been a very yeah. Yeah, no, it's been I I appreciate your you letting me know that. it's definitely been a very hard journey and The the book Never Lose Sight, it it is my whole journey through the vision loss, through the grief. so I lost my grandmother, and my grandmother was the one that had watched my grandfather go blind. So she I grew up down the street from her, and she was she's a force of nature and very, very strong woman. She lived to be almost 97. she died a month before, and so she died knowing and telling me that I was going to do something with this. I'm an entrepreneur. Here in St. Louis. I've had my company for 18 years, and I, you know, had this idea of doing this with the stones. my dad was a potter, so I grew up going to art shows, and my very first business was making a worry stone, and I sold them for a quarter as a kid. And so 10 years ago, when we got this diagnosis, I told my dad, hey We could take the concept of a worry stone and put a hole in it, and the hole represents the actual loss. So macular degeneration starts center and works out. This is working out and works in all the way down to the the pinhole of a of a straw or a keyhole. And eventually that eventually goes out as well. And so I lost my grandmother in twenty twenty two and followed by my dad the next year. And felt completely utterly stuck because these two people were just they were like the rocks of my life, my family and for my kids too. And so a year after my dad's passing, that nudge, that feeling to do it, like to do it, like go, do it, do it, you know, I decided to sit down with Clay, you know, and and there's a whole nother intertwinement of a a whole story twisted into that too, that I can share more of. But The the clay truly brought me back to life and and now today I have, you know, amazing volunteers that help me every week. We hand mold these, stamp them, place holes, do all of the glazing. So the glazing on each of the stones for the last years, if you can imagine being in these eye appointments and looking at my son's eyes. Eyes that are diseased light up very differently than a normal retina. And they are gorgeous. They're beautiful. There's just the imaging, even though there's you're seeing the actual like loss sometimes on a cellular level. I kept saying if I can just take that image and cast it on something, whether that was like a necklace or a bracelet, and we've done that with the sight stones because each of the clay bases, we utilize all different clay bases. So when it's fired and then when we place the different glaze, They all come out differently, just like the human eye.
Ashley: So pretty. It I just like thought of a galaxy of all the colors that it could come out. So that's really cool. And I really love
angela: Yeah. Yeah. And it's
Ashley: Go ahead.
angela: no, no, go ahead, no, you to first.
Ashley: I just wanted to say it's beautiful to see your devotion. Like, I think that that is a main component of life, is what are we devoted to? Because what I also experienced like a parallel that you did. I lost my mother and my two uncles and my grandmother all in the same year. And I had just lost.
angela: my gosh, I'm so sorry.
Ashley: That's okay. So yeah, going through like that grief, like you said, really propelled me into my purpose too. And now I'm here. And I actually it hasn't even been a month. I think it's been maybe a week or two that I lost my other grandma. All from cancer. And so that was that was my that was my whole like career and everything before where I was learning how to take care of them since none of them All of them were in business, none of them were in the healthcare field. Went to school for it, got a degree, worked in the field. And for seven years I was doing that. And then once I experienced all of that grief, I was living that nightmare over and over again. I'm like, okay, I think I need a pivot. And it's so funny, like that seven year itch. And I was like, I'm going to do something. That I'm more passionate about, that I'm leaning into, and also my Saturn return. So so many things all happened at that
angela: Yeah.
Ashley: time. but I'm doing this now, and I'm talking to you. And
angela: Yeah, I love it.
Ashley: my I know. And then my my grandma also came on the podcast, too. So now I've immortalized her and her faith and her devotion and her story of how she conquered cancer five times. So It's really beautiful to be able to like just have all these threads like mingling and how we're able to meet and share our same story. And it's just it's just really, really cool. I'm having a full circle moment right now.
angela: Well, you know what's really cool? So have you ever heard of and this is actually why I wrote the book, because all of this like the like what you're talking about, like the threads and and the people and on all of the things and we're and it's so intertwined. And I think when we kind of just like immerse ourselves in that, it's like it's everything makes sense, right? In the weirdest way. And like some of it, like my son's eye disease, not necessarily I would choose that, but it's like you're like, okay, like it's just that that was part of what was on the path. Have you ever heard of seeds of happiness?
Ashley: Now
angela: No. Okay. So not yet. Now I'm gonna tell you. So two years before my son got diagnosed, my dad being a potter, an artist, he was like the friendliest man in the world, loved, loved, loved people and loved to see what they were doing. And especially if the if he saw another artist. So we were in the car driving. I'm like super pregnant, getting ready to have my third child. This is 12 years ago because she's 12. And My dad sees this man, he's painting on this beautiful canvas on the side of the road. Okay. And so my dad's like, pull over, I want to talk to that guy. So we pull over, and the man is his name's Mark Barella. Well, he they're starting to share their artist stories of what they each do. And my dad's like, I'm a potter. And Mark's like, well then you'll probably like these. And he reached in his pocket and he pulls out and he gives us a seat of happiness. And a seat of happiness is a clay ball that's rolled up. with a smiley face in it. And he proceeded to tell us the story. And so the seed of happiness they were born out of grief, Mar Mark's very good friends, they were losing one of their child, children to cancer, terminal cancer. And Mark as a fine artist, he was already, you know, working with, you know, different a variety of different artwork. But he was trying to capture something about their child. So he kept coming back To the child's smile. So with Leftover Clay, he started making these, you know, balls with a smile in it. So the night he gets the call that the child's passed, he goes to his studio and he picks up his creation of what he's made. And he goes to the home and he says, you know, I can't change it, but put these in your pocket until you can find your smile again. And the mom was like, Well, what do you call them? And he's he always tells us like it just like fell out of his mouth. He's like the seeds of happiness. And months later, after the mom, you know, went through like the funeral, all of it, she came back to him and said, This thing has been like the thing I wake up to in the morning. I go to sleep to. I have not let go of this seed of happiness. And she goes, You need to go and spread this message and share these with the world. And that was twenty years ago. And he seeds of happiness have traveled all throughout the entire like entire world and the stories are absolutely fascinating. the the stories of just people that have received these seeds of happiness. So Mark, two years before this diagnosis, here I had this seed of happiness. So when my son did get diagnosed and we found out that it was rare, funding was needed, I said to my dad, Dad We could do like that guy on that on that field that day did with those clay balls, something similar, but make it in ours into a nonprofit and give the money away to research. And that's when I went back to the idea of taking my very first business of worry stone and placing a hole in it. And my dad and I referenced Mark Barella for years talking about him, but then my dad got sick, he had a stroke. So we never could truly get down into my dad's pottery shop to reopen the studio to start these. And so after a year after my dad passed, I decided to go to our local pottery store to get my first block of clay. Granted, I don't have an art background at all. Even though I grew up in the business, I don't know how to run a kiln. Now I know how to run a kiln. But at the time, I'm like, I didn't know anything in the art world. So I go in, I ask a million questions, I finally am given my clay base. And inlocks a man and he goes, I'm here to pick up an order from the seeds of happiness. And I was like, my gosh. Yes, yes. And I was like, I haven't heard that name forever. And he goes, Do you know Mark Borella? And I go, I met him a long time ago with my dad. So I went home with my block of clay. And I basically I went home and I like said out loud, I'm like, all right, dad. I'm gonna go home and make these. And and I did. For a whole year I sat in my garage rolling and kind of really perfecting this hole and the stamp and making them smoother. And they were lumpy, bumpy, and an absolute mess. And a year ago, I finally went in to thank Mark. And when I walked in, he said, I I feel like I've met you, but I don't know where and I said, Well, that's why I'm here because I wanted to thank you. I've I've been working on something I want to show you. And I just, you know, I feel really close to my dad. I I met you a long time ago with my dad. And that's when he said, were you like really pregnant? And I was like, Yes. And then he took me around
Ashley: Welcome.
angela: the corner and he and he showed me this beautiful canvas of the rolling hills with bales of hay that he had painted that day. And so that is the studio I work out of, and he has been Very kind to allow all my volunteers. And that's where sight stones are created, out of the Seeds of Happiness studio.
Ashley: Wow, that is so incredible. I cried again. It's
angela: Yeah.
Ashley: just so beautiful to see like the ripple effect, right? Happen. It kind of reminds me of this something I had talked about a lot we a while ago, but the saying, you know, it's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye. Yeah, I know I need to make this by my mouth. but look, like I'm a bit of a like old school, like ancient one, right? Like, but that saying like really means something to me, you know, because a lot of people when you start talking about like the third eye or whatnot, they immediately think it's going like woo, but it's like, no. What it's getting at is when you lose sight of the things that are important, like life no longer is fun in games. And then like you don't open yourself up to these like pathways that are open to you because you get lost, right? Like you can't see what's in your heart. You can't see what's transpiring around you. You can't see what needs to happen. Because you get stuck in grief, you get stuck in depression, whatever it may be, right? Whatever is is
angela: Yeah.
Ashley: closing your eye, right? So I really li love this story because despite everything that happened, despite what you went through, like you never lost your sight. And When you don't lose that like spiritual sight, it keeps you going forward. Like there's always a path. You don't maybe not understand like why something transpired for you, but it still led you somewhere, right? And then magical stuff like this gets to happen. You know, like things
angela: Yeah.
Ashley: do come full circle. You met this man, you know, however many years ago. and by the way, you just so happen to be like working together pretty much to make this happen. And like she said, it's devotional, right? Like through all of it, like I've seen we know, we we talk to a lot of people. It's so many people that have taken what so many others would be like, like that would destroy me. But it's actually it's like what's built you from the ground up, right? So it's absolutely
angela: Mm.
Ashley: lovely that you never lost that that sight. Like it's it's not always fun in games. Like that's just part of life. It's hard. But it's Easier for it to be fun in games as you learn from it and as you continue to move forward. So that's just absolutely awesome that that came full circle for you. Like that's so magical. Yeah.
angela: Yeah, well that's why I ended up writing a book. Truly, like that I I was like, Mark kept saying, How am I in the book? And the true the the theme was I could see the beginning, the middle and the end all in one. And I was like, I'm gonna put this in a book and so yeah, so the seeds of happiness, like talk about like the thread of like life, like people that's so all the characters that are in my book, my my grandmother, my father, Mark It's all interwoven in a way that which is so cool. So Mark, his whole thing is it's not about the necessarily the seed. He goes, it's it's the person that gave the seed. Because people will come in and say, Mark, you know, and go on and on. And he's like, but it's not about me, it's about the person that gave the seed. So one day I said to him, Okay, then, this is where I read the I wrote the book. You are the person that gave me the seed. And then this whole thing bloomed and now today he's helping me this water this plant and you know he understands this whole entire thing that I'm trying to do and he's, you know, just you know, the number one like supporter of sight stones, you know. So it's a something so beautiful.
Ashley: It is. And it's really funny because I just finished reading this book and not to go like too far into it, but like there's so many things that you can do with stones, objects, like like we've all had a favorite, like toy or something when we were a kid, right? That like it gets imbued with like a certain energy. You know. Like we create that association with like it's much more than just, you know, like your favorite blankie, right? Like it's like an essence
angela: Right.
Ashley: of you, like you imbue it with an essence. So being able to do that for other people, like like the the the seeds or the sight stone, like whatever it may be, like there is love that is poured into these things, right? And that's
angela: Yes.
Ashley: something that someone's carrying around with them, like especially when they might need it, right? Like it's a you could look at it as almost like a different version of like a stress ball. Of like just something that you can hold in
angela: Yes.
Ashley: your hand if you need a little extra like love. Like you will literally feel that from that stone. And like that's such an awesome
angela: Yes.
Ashley: thing. Like it's just like a little look, there's so many different ways that we could do of like what you call like therapy. And that is such a beautiful way because it's actually just coming from people. Right? Like there's and it's not saying like there's anything that needs to be fixed. It's just like, hey, this is here for you when you're like not feeling well and you need to have like a smile or something, like just put
angela: Yes.
Ashley: this in your palm and squeeze it. And like it you will feel better. Like I watched
angela: Yes.
Ashley: it happen. You know, like I do Reiki, right? Like I've infused many things and whatnot. And like
angela: Yeah.
Ashley: it God's honest truth, like it works. There's so much behind
angela: Yeah.
Ashley: just pure intention. and like what you can do with any kind of object. But like to be able to offer someone that kind of gift and like that piece of like hope when they may find themselves in despair. It's lovely. Yeah. And it
angela: No, and you worded that so great. Yeah. Good.
Ashley: Yeah, it's a labor of love for sure. I mean, you spent a year trying to figure it out of how to make these. And this goes to like all the people that we had talked to leading up to you, surprisingly. Is we met a guy that invented something. And it was the it was the it was a crutch that you don't it's a handless crush. He pretty much taught himself in a hospital how to weld and make like a steel leg. So like people didn't have to use crutches. Like that's what he did. He learned on YouTube. Yeah. And then
angela: my god, it's amazing.
Ashley: then we had a lady that was talking about Feng Shui, how you know, decorating the home is a lot easier when you get things that are made from someone. So you could feel
angela: Mm-hmm.
Ashley: the energy of the object, you know, so that the
angela: I love that.
Ashley: so that the place doesn't feel barren because we know when things are just manufactured and just like printed and, you know, just thrown out
angela: yeah.
Ashley: there. But when people actually make something, it carries an energy. Like how you were saying, she made that and it has love in it and then you pass it around and people are like, I feel love from this, you know?
angela: Mm. Yeah, so each of the stones, and I love that you I love that y you both have just like summed it up 'cause I that is the message and that's That's the thing when when someone is does have like, you know, a seed or a stone or something else that's very like precious to them, it does carry an energy. And the card that each of the sight stones comes with, so the saying, the message came very early on for me, but it's become truly a universal message for all. And this is the message that the sight stone carries. It says, carry the stone as a reminder of how important your vision is in this world, even in times when we struggle to see that every day we get to choose what to focus on. So that's just become, and then you know, and it ends with never lose sight. So it became this, you know, something that started off for my son, but it's become this universal message. And people that, you know, receive these, carry these, now that they've read the book, they're they're getting, they're realizing, my gosh, It's applied to them, right? Because everybody, regardless if people have sight or not s no sight, we we lose our way, right? We lose we forget, you know, sometimes why we're why we're here, that we matter. And so the side stones are just a tangible way to also say like, I see you, you know, as gift giving. So
Ashley: That's beautiful. Like right before we started and recorded, he was saying that he just wanted someone to like hear his story and see him and understand him. And that was me. and so that's really interesting that she said that just now. Yeah, and here we are six months later.
angela: Yeah. I love it.
Ashley: Well, do you have any last questions? We already flew through all the whole time. I don't know if there's any
angela: No
Ashley: last things that you want to talk about before we close out. Yes, any insights that you would like to offer.
angela: Any insights or if you guys have any more questions? you know, I think this is definitely it's you know, I will say this, people that meet me, my my personality always it does, it it rides on like the more optimistic, like sunnier side of life, right? but I don't think I guess And it's why I wrote the book, but it has been a very tough journey. And I think that is the one thing I want people to understand that this none of this came overnight, right? This wasn't just, you know, she got this thing and it was great and wrote a book and did this whole nonprofit. It's come with so much work and so much time. And I think the main thing that I learned, and this would probably be my theme of insight, is that I think when people are navigating You know, grief or they're trying to re find some purpose of why they're here and what they're doing matters. I think it's just taking time out for yourself and taking a pause and just giving yourself a lot of grace. I had to learn to become the best version of a best friend for myself. And that was really difficult because when you're doing and doing for other people and the way you're showing up for other people, I had to do that for myself. And once I did that long enough, that is how I was able to kind of re-find myself. And she was in there, but she was pretty, you know, just kind of she needed to truly find herself. And that voice was still there and the heartbeat was still there. And, you know, but I had to be the one to show up for. me and that was the biggest thing I learned through the whole thing. So I could show up for other people and be here with you guys today.
Ashley: Well, same. That's so beautiful. I I really love that you you said that you went back for her. And that is our success is when we do go back for our true self, whether that's our child self, our teenage self, what whatever it may be that is our heart's desire, is our joy, and to go back to, you know, care for her, nourish her. Do whatever she needs so that she can thrive. Because you're right, you are doing it like no one really does understand. You know, no one can really say,
angela: Mm mm
Ashley: I went through the same thing. And so you do find yourself alone and you're like, Well, I need to pour so much self-love into me. And even if no one has really given me that love that I do need, I'm gonna provide that for myself.
angela: Mm-hmm.
Ashley: And then once you get to a really good point, which is a lot of like radical acceptance, you get to that point of you're full of that love. And then you could overflow it to other people. And so that is like the the foundation for sure. And that's what kind of our whole podcast is. Like we're just talking about love and truth and sharing that message.
angela: I love that. And I love that you're sharing that. Yes. And that's the world that's the message the world needs. So thank you so much for for sharing that and allowing us to share our story for sight stones and seeds of happiness.
Ashley: Pleasure.
angela: Hi
Ashley: Yay, thank you so much for coming on. I'm gonna read her story so you guys get a little bit of background. So in 2016, her five year old son was diagnosed with a rare eye disease that led to blindness. That same disease took her grandfather's site. And she was struggling through fear and grief, and she turned back to clay. As a child, she made worry stones with her father. And this time she pressed a hole at the center, transforming them into sight stones, symbols of vision, loss, and hope. Each one is a handcrafted reminder that we are stronger together. From that moment, sight stones became a way to transform pain into purpose. Each handcrafted stone carries a message, never lose sight. A reminder that even in our darkest moments, we can choose to see what matters most: connection, love, and hope. When you hold or share a side stone, you're a part of something larger. You support critical research for rare eye diseases. You help remind someone that they are not alone, and you spread a ripple effect of presence, kindness, and resilience. And you also wrote a book about your story too, called Never Lose Sight, which I thought it was interesting. That it's a redemption journey of courage, resilience, and hope. And it's like a story about vision, not a story about loss. That's what was on that John O'Leary talked about. So that was really cool. What would you like what else would
angela: Yeah. Thank you.
Ashley: you like to add to that if I missed anything from that little snippet of the story?
angela: Mila, you you kind of hit it on all of it. I I just really appreciate you having me on today to to share more and to spread our message. Cause that's how I truly feel that this cure is going to be found, is that the more people can listen and hear the message and apply it to their life. I think that's been the really amazing thing that I've heard is the feedback from people that have read the book so far, they are definitely connecting overall to the message for their own life.
Ashley: It's so amazing that you're able to like make a whole business out of this and foundation really based on you know your grief and going through all that. And you created something that is a part of you. And I saw like pictures of the stones that were necklaces and they're just so they're so pretty. What was it like
angela: Thank you.
Ashley: when When you found out your son got diagnosed, I'm at such a young age.
angela: So he's fifteen now, so ten years ago he was diagnosed at five and he's right in between his sister. So at the time my oldest was nine, my youngest was two and so I think, you know I I some I mean I write about it, it was it The word's devastating. You know, I I now understand, I have a better understanding of grief because I've I lost two very important people in the past couple of years, my grandmother, my father, who I talk about in my book. But the word would be grief is what I felt. I experienced grief not knowing that that was what it was. But I think getting a diagnosis like that, especially You know, I think it's one thing when we get our own things in life, right? That we can't change for ourselves. But the diagnosis for a child, it's just it's it's really different. It's a it's a whole heartache of its own.
Ashley: Yeah, and then you also wrote like you figure out what matters most in your life when you're experiencing grief and it really does well, it can go either way, but I've I've seen it in a positive way where grief really puts you into your purpose in your life.
angela: Yes. I I love that you say it that way too, because I think I think, you know, sometimes we we think of grief as, you know, definitely like this this physical loss, but it it's a loss of I mean, it can be, you know, when people are trying just to navigate like new career paths, whatever, and they're not getting where what they want. There is like that feeling of loss or feeling of n you know, not feeling in control. But I think, you know, working through that, working through the emotions definitely eventually like you kind of find your way, your path and your purpose.
Ashley: And it also changes family dynamics too, because everyone handles grief differently, you know, it's not linear. And so what was it like for your family handling this diagnosis? Like what was it like for all the relationships of yeah, just your partner, the siblings, all of that?
angela: You know, early on it was very different how everybody kinda leaned into this. So my grandfather went blind from this eye disease. So when my f my son was first diagnosed, you know, it was one of those things that some of the feedback, again, it's other people's way of coping, is well maybe it's not the same thing, you know, and but there's this thing called like genetics, right? So it's like I'm not gonna try to avoid the unavoidable. And so there was some denial, you know. some people that were potential carriers of our family, you know, they weren't sure if they were or not or how it was passed. So it was like all these questions because then, you know, you're looking at like you know, all of the family members, then everyone's like, my gosh, maybe I have it or or my kid has it, you know, which definitely that was not the case. It ended like here with my family. but you know, it's it's stressful, you know, it's especially I think when you are with someone, especially like in my marriage, I have my husband, when you're both going through and experiencing a loss, that suffering, it can bring you together, but it also can leave you feeling extremely isolated and alone at the same time, you know, like I had and I write in the book too. I had amazing friends and family during this time, right? But when you're going through something like this, and especially like a blinding eye disease, where it's not just like happening and it's like a one and done. I mean, this is a slow, progressive eye disease. And it can be extremely isolating if you let it, right? And so we really had to work through that within my marriage, within our family, and just open those lines of communication up to say this hurts, it's not what we want, and we have to talk about it. We have to be in it, whether it's making us angry. Frustrated or sad, we have to go there with each other. And that was the one thing, and it's taken a while for my husband and I to navigate together because oftentimes I you know I was just felt so broken. And then him, you know, being like, you know, like the father figure, the husband of the Of the two of us, it's like they want to hold it all together, right? Cause they don't want to make us feel worse. Well, guess what? That can make you feel extremely alone, because you're like, then what's wrong with me, right? Because this person clearly can do it so well, but he wasn't, you know? And so that eventually that mask had to come down to for him to lean into his own emotions for himself.
Ashley: Yeah, I can imagine. Like it would be really hard knowing that you went into this relationship where it's a possibility that your child could get the same genetic disease and then for it to happen and you're like, Well, what do I do now? I mean, it's
angela: Yeah.
Ashley: hard for the caretakers and I can't imagine what it was like for your son too to experience that and have to navigate a whole new life. And I don't know how he's doing now, probably mastered it. in a way, but it seems like there's a lot of challenges that come with it. If you could talk about those of from then to now of what these what this decade has done to you guys.
angela: So in the last ten years this, you know, it's a very it's a very sneaky disease, almost like a sleeper disease where you you know, you don't necessarily see this like huge Where the vision's like completely gone. It it it sneaks in there. So we just had our son at a doctor's appointment this summer. He goes out to Penn Medicine in Philadelphia, works with an amazing group of doctors that are actually working on finding the cure. And they're getting close. but even the doctor said, you know, I don't even know if you've noticed the changes, but in the last two years since our last visit, you know, there's there's been changes to the eye. So this eye disease It rides on a gene that is like not working correctly, correct? So this gene basically feeds, it's like the nourishment for the cells in the eye. And because the gene is like not turned on and not working correctly, the the cells of the eye do not get the nourishment they need, so they die off, right? So through gene therapy, what they're hoping to do is replace the gene. Turn it back on. And so it's not to restore the vision, but it's to stop the vision. And they're so close. And it's that's why I wrote the book. It's why we've created this nonprofit because I truly feel that it will be in my son's lifetime just to stop the loss. This is also carried through the women, and with my daughters, there's a high probability of going through this again. So the goal for gene therapy is that, you know, I don't know like how long this is going to be till they have like this. Cure in hand with an FDA approval. But as a woman carrier, if you knew your child potentially could have this, when the baby's born, the child would get tested, the gene therapy would give in, and the and the literally the message that's stamped on all of my necklaces never lose sight, the child would never lose. lose sight, literally. And they are that close. And so I definitely think that this was part of my journey and it's part of why I'm here. And I'm gonna devote the next half of my life just truly finding the cure and to keep these doctors going in labs.
Ashley: That's so incredible. I was about to cry of like how passionate and you are and like what you've created with your organization. It seems like you've done so much support to really be really proactive and figure things out to save so many people from what you've experienced. And that is like a lot of love and compassion for for all beings. So that's that really touched me a lot. So I'm really I'm really proud of you for for doing all that. It's it's really hard. So I I bet it's done really great things.
angela: Thank you. Thank you. It has been a very yeah. Yeah, no, it's been I I appreciate your you letting me know that. it's definitely been a very hard journey and The the book Never Lose Sight, it it is my whole journey through the vision loss, through the grief. so I lost my grandmother, and my grandmother was the one that had watched my grandfather go blind. So she I grew up down the street from her, and she was she's a force of nature and very, very strong woman. She lived to be almost 97. she died a month before, and so she died knowing and telling me that I was going to do something with this. I'm an entrepreneur. Here in St. Louis. I've had my company for 18 years, and I, you know, had this idea of doing this with the stones. my dad was a potter, so I grew up going to art shows, and my very first business was making a worry stone, and I sold them for a quarter as a kid. And so 10 years ago, when we got this diagnosis, I told my dad, hey We could take the concept of a worry stone and put a hole in it, and the hole represents the actual loss. So macular degeneration starts center and works out. This is working out and works in all the way down to the the pinhole of a of a straw or a keyhole. And eventually that eventually goes out as well. And so I lost my grandmother in twenty twenty two and followed by my dad the next year. And felt completely utterly stuck because these two people were just they were like the rocks of my life, my family and for my kids too. And so a year after my dad's passing, that nudge, that feeling to do it, like to do it, like go, do it, do it, you know, I decided to sit down with Clay, you know, and and there's a whole nother intertwinement of a a whole story twisted into that too, that I can share more of. But The the clay truly brought me back to life and and now today I have, you know, amazing volunteers that help me every week. We hand mold these, stamp them, place holes, do all of the glazing. So the glazing on each of the stones for the last years, if you can imagine being in these eye appointments and looking at my son's eyes. Eyes that are diseased light up very differently than a normal retina. And they are gorgeous. They're beautiful. There's just the imaging, even though there's you're seeing the actual like loss sometimes on a cellular level. I kept saying if I can just take that image and cast it on something, whether that was like a necklace or a bracelet, and we've done that with the sight stones because each of the clay bases, we utilize all different clay bases. So when it's fired and then when we place the different glaze, They all come out differently, just like the human eye.
Ashley: So pretty. It I just like thought of a galaxy of all the colors that it could come out. So that's really cool. And I really love
angela: Yeah. Yeah. And it's
Ashley: Go ahead.
angela: no, no, go ahead, no, you to first.
Ashley: I just wanted to say it's beautiful to see your devotion. Like, I think that that is a main component of life, is what are we devoted to? Because what I also experienced like a parallel that you did. I lost my mother and my two uncles and my grandmother all in the same year. And I had just lost.
angela: my gosh, I'm so sorry.
Ashley: That's okay. So yeah, going through like that grief, like you said, really propelled me into my purpose too. And now I'm here. And I actually it hasn't even been a month. I think it's been maybe a week or two that I lost my other grandma. All from cancer. And so that was that was my that was my whole like career and everything before where I was learning how to take care of them since none of them All of them were in business, none of them were in the healthcare field. Went to school for it, got a degree, worked in the field. And for seven years I was doing that. And then once I experienced all of that grief, I was living that nightmare over and over again. I'm like, okay, I think I need a pivot. And it's so funny, like that seven year itch. And I was like, I'm going to do something. That I'm more passionate about, that I'm leaning into, and also my Saturn return. So so many things all happened at that
angela: Yeah.
Ashley: time. but I'm doing this now, and I'm talking to you. And
angela: Yeah, I love it.
Ashley: my I know. And then my my grandma also came on the podcast, too. So now I've immortalized her and her faith and her devotion and her story of how she conquered cancer five times. So It's really beautiful to be able to like just have all these threads like mingling and how we're able to meet and share our same story. And it's just it's just really, really cool. I'm having a full circle moment right now.
angela: Well, you know what's really cool? So have you ever heard of and this is actually why I wrote the book, because all of this like the like what you're talking about, like the threads and and the people and on all of the things and we're and it's so intertwined. And I think when we kind of just like immerse ourselves in that, it's like it's everything makes sense, right? In the weirdest way. And like some of it, like my son's eye disease, not necessarily I would choose that, but it's like you're like, okay, like it's just that that was part of what was on the path. Have you ever heard of seeds of happiness?
Ashley: Now
angela: No. Okay. So not yet. Now I'm gonna tell you. So two years before my son got diagnosed, my dad being a potter, an artist, he was like the friendliest man in the world, loved, loved, loved people and loved to see what they were doing. And especially if the if he saw another artist. So we were in the car driving. I'm like super pregnant, getting ready to have my third child. This is 12 years ago because she's 12. And My dad sees this man, he's painting on this beautiful canvas on the side of the road. Okay. And so my dad's like, pull over, I want to talk to that guy. So we pull over, and the man is his name's Mark Barella. Well, he they're starting to share their artist stories of what they each do. And my dad's like, I'm a potter. And Mark's like, well then you'll probably like these. And he reached in his pocket and he pulls out and he gives us a seat of happiness. And a seat of happiness is a clay ball that's rolled up. with a smiley face in it. And he proceeded to tell us the story. And so the seed of happiness they were born out of grief, Mar Mark's very good friends, they were losing one of their child, children to cancer, terminal cancer. And Mark as a fine artist, he was already, you know, working with, you know, different a variety of different artwork. But he was trying to capture something about their child. So he kept coming back To the child's smile. So with Leftover Clay, he started making these, you know, balls with a smile in it. So the night he gets the call that the child's passed, he goes to his studio and he picks up his creation of what he's made. And he goes to the home and he says, you know, I can't change it, but put these in your pocket until you can find your smile again. And the mom was like, Well, what do you call them? And he's he always tells us like it just like fell out of his mouth. He's like the seeds of happiness. And months later, after the mom, you know, went through like the funeral, all of it, she came back to him and said, This thing has been like the thing I wake up to in the morning. I go to sleep to. I have not let go of this seed of happiness. And she goes, You need to go and spread this message and share these with the world. And that was twenty years ago. And he seeds of happiness have traveled all throughout the entire like entire world and the stories are absolutely fascinating. the the stories of just people that have received these seeds of happiness. So Mark, two years before this diagnosis, here I had this seed of happiness. So when my son did get diagnosed and we found out that it was rare, funding was needed, I said to my dad, Dad We could do like that guy on that on that field that day did with those clay balls, something similar, but make it in ours into a nonprofit and give the money away to research. And that's when I went back to the idea of taking my very first business of worry stone and placing a hole in it. And my dad and I referenced Mark Barella for years talking about him, but then my dad got sick, he had a stroke. So we never could truly get down into my dad's pottery shop to reopen the studio to start these. And so after a year after my dad passed, I decided to go to our local pottery store to get my first block of clay. Granted, I don't have an art background at all. Even though I grew up in the business, I don't know how to run a kiln. Now I know how to run a kiln. But at the time, I'm like, I didn't know anything in the art world. So I go in, I ask a million questions, I finally am given my clay base. And inlocks a man and he goes, I'm here to pick up an order from the seeds of happiness. And I was like, my gosh. Yes, yes. And I was like, I haven't heard that name forever. And he goes, Do you know Mark Borella? And I go, I met him a long time ago with my dad. So I went home with my block of clay. And I basically I went home and I like said out loud, I'm like, all right, dad. I'm gonna go home and make these. And and I did. For a whole year I sat in my garage rolling and kind of really perfecting this hole and the stamp and making them smoother. And they were lumpy, bumpy, and an absolute mess. And a year ago, I finally went in to thank Mark. And when I walked in, he said, I I feel like I've met you, but I don't know where and I said, Well, that's why I'm here because I wanted to thank you. I've I've been working on something I want to show you. And I just, you know, I feel really close to my dad. I I met you a long time ago with my dad. And that's when he said, were you like really pregnant? And I was like, Yes. And then he took me around
Ashley: Welcome.
angela: the corner and he and he showed me this beautiful canvas of the rolling hills with bales of hay that he had painted that day. And so that is the studio I work out of, and he has been Very kind to allow all my volunteers. And that's where sight stones are created, out of the Seeds of Happiness studio.
Ashley: Wow, that is so incredible. I cried again. It's
angela: Yeah.
Ashley: just so beautiful to see like the ripple effect, right? Happen. It kind of reminds me of this something I had talked about a lot we a while ago, but the saying, you know, it's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye. Yeah, I know I need to make this by my mouth. but look, like I'm a bit of a like old school, like ancient one, right? Like, but that saying like really means something to me, you know, because a lot of people when you start talking about like the third eye or whatnot, they immediately think it's going like woo, but it's like, no. What it's getting at is when you lose sight of the things that are important, like life no longer is fun in games. And then like you don't open yourself up to these like pathways that are open to you because you get lost, right? Like you can't see what's in your heart. You can't see what's transpiring around you. You can't see what needs to happen. Because you get stuck in grief, you get stuck in depression, whatever it may be, right? Whatever is is
angela: Yeah.
Ashley: closing your eye, right? So I really li love this story because despite everything that happened, despite what you went through, like you never lost your sight. And When you don't lose that like spiritual sight, it keeps you going forward. Like there's always a path. You don't maybe not understand like why something transpired for you, but it still led you somewhere, right? And then magical stuff like this gets to happen. You know, like things
angela: Yeah.
Ashley: do come full circle. You met this man, you know, however many years ago. and by the way, you just so happen to be like working together pretty much to make this happen. And like she said, it's devotional, right? Like through all of it, like I've seen we know, we we talk to a lot of people. It's so many people that have taken what so many others would be like, like that would destroy me. But it's actually it's like what's built you from the ground up, right? So it's absolutely
angela: Mm.
Ashley: lovely that you never lost that that sight. Like it's it's not always fun in games. Like that's just part of life. It's hard. But it's Easier for it to be fun in games as you learn from it and as you continue to move forward. So that's just absolutely awesome that that came full circle for you. Like that's so magical. Yeah.
angela: Yeah, well that's why I ended up writing a book. Truly, like that I I was like, Mark kept saying, How am I in the book? And the true the the theme was I could see the beginning, the middle and the end all in one. And I was like, I'm gonna put this in a book and so yeah, so the seeds of happiness, like talk about like the thread of like life, like people that's so all the characters that are in my book, my my grandmother, my father, Mark It's all interwoven in a way that which is so cool. So Mark, his whole thing is it's not about the necessarily the seed. He goes, it's it's the person that gave the seed. Because people will come in and say, Mark, you know, and go on and on. And he's like, but it's not about me, it's about the person that gave the seed. So one day I said to him, Okay, then, this is where I read the I wrote the book. You are the person that gave me the seed. And then this whole thing bloomed and now today he's helping me this water this plant and you know he understands this whole entire thing that I'm trying to do and he's, you know, just you know, the number one like supporter of sight stones, you know. So it's a something so beautiful.
Ashley: It is. And it's really funny because I just finished reading this book and not to go like too far into it, but like there's so many things that you can do with stones, objects, like like we've all had a favorite, like toy or something when we were a kid, right? That like it gets imbued with like a certain energy. You know. Like we create that association with like it's much more than just, you know, like your favorite blankie, right? Like it's like an essence
angela: Right.
Ashley: of you, like you imbue it with an essence. So being able to do that for other people, like like the the the seeds or the sight stone, like whatever it may be, like there is love that is poured into these things, right? And that's
angela: Yes.
Ashley: something that someone's carrying around with them, like especially when they might need it, right? Like it's a you could look at it as almost like a different version of like a stress ball. Of like just something that you can hold in
angela: Yes.
Ashley: your hand if you need a little extra like love. Like you will literally feel that from that stone. And like that's such an awesome
angela: Yes.
Ashley: thing. Like it's just like a little look, there's so many different ways that we could do of like what you call like therapy. And that is such a beautiful way because it's actually just coming from people. Right? Like there's and it's not saying like there's anything that needs to be fixed. It's just like, hey, this is here for you when you're like not feeling well and you need to have like a smile or something, like just put
angela: Yes.
Ashley: this in your palm and squeeze it. And like it you will feel better. Like I watched
angela: Yes.
Ashley: it happen. You know, like I do Reiki, right? Like I've infused many things and whatnot. And like
angela: Yeah.
Ashley: it God's honest truth, like it works. There's so much behind
angela: Yeah.
Ashley: just pure intention. and like what you can do with any kind of object. But like to be able to offer someone that kind of gift and like that piece of like hope when they may find themselves in despair. It's lovely. Yeah. And it
angela: No, and you worded that so great. Yeah. Good.
Ashley: Yeah, it's a labor of love for sure. I mean, you spent a year trying to figure it out of how to make these. And this goes to like all the people that we had talked to leading up to you, surprisingly. Is we met a guy that invented something. And it was the it was the it was a crutch that you don't it's a handless crush. He pretty much taught himself in a hospital how to weld and make like a steel leg. So like people didn't have to use crutches. Like that's what he did. He learned on YouTube. Yeah. And then
angela: my god, it's amazing.
Ashley: then we had a lady that was talking about Feng Shui, how you know, decorating the home is a lot easier when you get things that are made from someone. So you could feel
angela: Mm-hmm.
Ashley: the energy of the object, you know, so that the
angela: I love that.
Ashley: so that the place doesn't feel barren because we know when things are just manufactured and just like printed and, you know, just thrown out
angela: yeah.
Ashley: there. But when people actually make something, it carries an energy. Like how you were saying, she made that and it has love in it and then you pass it around and people are like, I feel love from this, you know?
angela: Mm. Yeah, so each of the stones, and I love that you I love that y you both have just like summed it up 'cause I that is the message and that's That's the thing when when someone is does have like, you know, a seed or a stone or something else that's very like precious to them, it does carry an energy. And the card that each of the sight stones comes with, so the saying, the message came very early on for me, but it's become truly a universal message for all. And this is the message that the sight stone carries. It says, carry the stone as a reminder of how important your vision is in this world, even in times when we struggle to see that every day we get to choose what to focus on. So that's just become, and then you know, and it ends with never lose sight. So it became this, you know, something that started off for my son, but it's become this universal message. And people that, you know, receive these, carry these, now that they've read the book, they're they're getting, they're realizing, my gosh, It's applied to them, right? Because everybody, regardless if people have sight or not s no sight, we we lose our way, right? We lose we forget, you know, sometimes why we're why we're here, that we matter. And so the side stones are just a tangible way to also say like, I see you, you know, as gift giving. So
Ashley: That's beautiful. Like right before we started and recorded, he was saying that he just wanted someone to like hear his story and see him and understand him. And that was me. and so that's really interesting that she said that just now. Yeah, and here we are six months later.
angela: Yeah. I love it.
Ashley: Well, do you have any last questions? We already flew through all the whole time. I don't know if there's any
angela: No
Ashley: last things that you want to talk about before we close out. Yes, any insights that you would like to offer.
angela: Any insights or if you guys have any more questions? you know, I think this is definitely it's you know, I will say this, people that meet me, my my personality always it does, it it rides on like the more optimistic, like sunnier side of life, right? but I don't think I guess And it's why I wrote the book, but it has been a very tough journey. And I think that is the one thing I want people to understand that this none of this came overnight, right? This wasn't just, you know, she got this thing and it was great and wrote a book and did this whole nonprofit. It's come with so much work and so much time. And I think the main thing that I learned, and this would probably be my theme of insight, is that I think when people are navigating You know, grief or they're trying to re find some purpose of why they're here and what they're doing matters. I think it's just taking time out for yourself and taking a pause and just giving yourself a lot of grace. I had to learn to become the best version of a best friend for myself. And that was really difficult because when you're doing and doing for other people and the way you're showing up for other people, I had to do that for myself. And once I did that long enough, that is how I was able to kind of re-find myself. And she was in there, but she was pretty, you know, just kind of she needed to truly find herself. And that voice was still there and the heartbeat was still there. And, you know, but I had to be the one to show up for. me and that was the biggest thing I learned through the whole thing. So I could show up for other people and be here with you guys today.
Ashley: Well, same. That's so beautiful. I I really love that you you said that you went back for her. And that is our success is when we do go back for our true self, whether that's our child self, our teenage self, what whatever it may be that is our heart's desire, is our joy, and to go back to, you know, care for her, nourish her. Do whatever she needs so that she can thrive. Because you're right, you are doing it like no one really does understand. You know, no one can really say,
angela: Mm mm
Ashley: I went through the same thing. And so you do find yourself alone and you're like, Well, I need to pour so much self-love into me. And even if no one has really given me that love that I do need, I'm gonna provide that for myself.
angela: Mm-hmm.
Ashley: And then once you get to a really good point, which is a lot of like radical acceptance, you get to that point of you're full of that love. And then you could overflow it to other people. And so that is like the the foundation for sure. And that's what kind of our whole podcast is. Like we're just talking about love and truth and sharing that message.
angela: I love that. And I love that you're sharing that. Yes. And that's the world that's the message the world needs. So thank you so much for for sharing that and allowing us to share our story for sight stones and seeds of happiness.
Ashley: Pleasure.
