WEBVTT
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00:00:00.800Huh?
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00:00:01.840Maybe.
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00:00:02.799Hey.
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00:00:05.280Opa.
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00:00:07.440Rock it.
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00:00:11.279All right.
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00:00:15.919We were about to do a screen recording on an Instagram uh video.
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00:00:17.120Yes.
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00:00:18.640That's wild.
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00:00:24.320Uh so yeah, dating after a long-term relationship, specifically when coming out of the cult.
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00:00:27.120Um, yeah, what was your experience like?
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00:00:31.440It was just weird because I didn't know.
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00:00:39.520And so I remember going on a date with someone, and this is obviously you'll see the trauma come out.
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00:00:41.600We were walking down the street.
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00:00:44.000Wait, how did you uh when is this?
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00:00:46.399This was like when I was 31.
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00:00:47.280I was in Texas.
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00:00:51.439This is right out of how many years out of the cult?
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00:00:54.640I had been out for a while, but I had never dated.
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00:00:58.399So I left at 23, but I was married until 30.
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00:01:02.240Then I just I when I got divorced, I didn't want to date.
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00:01:08.400Um, but then after uh like a year, I was like, okay, he had moved on, and I felt good about that.
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00:01:13.280So I was like, okay, I I can now also put a toe in the water.
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00:01:17.200Um, so went on this for the first time ever, ever, ever.
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00:01:18.159Ever.
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00:01:20.159No, it was it was so strange.
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00:01:24.480People talk about first date nerves, like your nerves had to be crazy.
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00:01:27.840Like you're like, I don't even have never done this at all.
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00:01:29.760I've never done it.
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00:01:50.159And the thing is, it's not like I could go to I at the time, now I realize I could have, but I didn't feel like I could go to anybody for help because all the people who had left the cult, they had been dating for a while because they had left when they were, you know, also 23 or younger, and so they had been in the dating game for a while.
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00:01:55.200And then everyone else, yeah, everyone starts dating in college.
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00:01:57.680So they were like, What do you mean this is your first date?
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00:02:00.560So I was like, I'm just not gonna tell anyone, I'm just gonna wing it.
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00:02:11.199But I was walking down the street with him, and I was near the road, and he, as we were walking, just sort of gently grabbed my arm and just switched me to the other side.
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00:02:15.199Yeah, and I was so upset because I was like, he's trying to control me.
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00:02:16.560Like, what are you doing?
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00:02:19.360Oh, I was like, Why did you do that?
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00:02:20.879And he was like, What do you mean?
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00:02:28.879Because for him, it was so like it's just how he exists in the world, so it didn't even clock for him what he was doing, but he had moved me.
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00:02:30.319So I was like, What are you doing?
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00:02:31.439Why are you doing this?
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00:02:38.080And he was like, Oh, it's so you don't get hit by cars, and I was like, Well, that's nice.
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00:02:42.719So decide if I want to get hit by cars or not, right?
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00:02:43.199Exactly.
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00:02:46.400How dare you! What if I wanted to get hit by a car?
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00:02:48.400But yeah, many mishaps.
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00:02:59.439Uh, did you was it something you disclosed at the date where you're like, just so you know, I've never done this and I also grew up in a cult, so like I may not really get the lingo here.
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00:03:07.919No, no, I mean he knew I'd grown up in a cult, but I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna at 31 tell this person like you're my first date ever.
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00:03:12.319It's like I'm gonna keep that, I'm gonna keep that to myself and I'm gonna power through.
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00:03:12.719Yeah.
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00:03:14.000So how did it go?
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00:03:16.960It was great, it was sweet.
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00:03:19.199Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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00:03:30.319I think since the call, because my radar is what it is, um I've had really lovely encounters mostly.
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00:03:42.159Because I just won't go on a date if there's not, if you're not kind and if you're not gentle, and if you're not like all these things, because I was used to a bunch of other, I was used to the opposite.
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00:03:50.400So I thought, okay, if I'm gonna get into dating, let me make sure that it's somebody who is yeah, like love.
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00:04:00.479Yeah, it seems to be like um, you know, you kind of I don't know if it's the right way to say it, but you kind of blame yourself for the type of people you go on dates with.
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00:04:06.000Yeah, well, I mean, to be fair, you you kind of are in some ways, right?
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00:04:09.120It's like a collaboration, but like you also have a role.
00:04:09.439 -->
00:04:11.919Yeah, you you you did the vetting process here.
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00:04:16.000You gave this person the inline.
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00:04:23.360The other thing that I very much enjoy, because when I lived in LA, people would be like, Isn't dating in LA terrible?
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00:04:31.199For me, a very bad date is really funny because I know I'm gonna talk to it, I'm gonna talk about it with my sisters later.
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00:04:42.160So if I'm on the date and it's really bad, I actually am like still having a good time because I'm like, oh my god, I can't wait to get in the get on the phone when I get in the car and just yeah, yeah.
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00:04:43.920Um, are you dating now?
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00:04:50.879No, because I am in Jakarta, and that's a whole other a whole other thing.
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00:04:54.720But basically, it's uh a whole identity crisis.
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00:04:56.560This this might be a fun, interesting topic.
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00:04:57.680Let's talk about it.
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00:04:59.680Why are you in Indonesia?
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00:05:09.199Um the the larger story is I have some sort of karmic debt to pay off.
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00:05:12.079Um that's like a life in a nutshell.
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00:05:21.199Like why long story short, I fucked up somewhere and now I'm here taking this curriculum for God knows why.
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00:05:22.240Exactly.
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00:05:29.040No, I I had been in LA for seven years and I loved LA.
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00:05:34.720Um it is a difficult place, but it's not difficult, I think.
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00:05:39.759For me, while I was in it, it was not difficult because I didn't notice how difficult it was.
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00:05:40.959I was having a great time.
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00:05:41.920Why is it difficult?
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00:05:44.319What's that?
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00:05:55.839Oh, I think I think people struggle to find good community, and because I have been a yoga instructor wherever I am, it's always been easy for me to find a community.
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00:06:04.800So I've never struggled to find good people or find good friends and grow a community that is just lovely.
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00:06:09.120Um again, my vetting process is pretty good.
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00:06:15.439Um, because the yoga community can be pretty culty, but I have that radar just locked in.
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00:06:24.160Yeah, it's actually, but again, then it's also really fun to be in the yoga community and just to immediately recognize.
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00:06:26.720Oh my god, it's so fun.
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00:06:29.279You're in the you're in the class, like, books it.
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00:06:39.439This one instructor, it was amazing because I talked to her before I got into the class, and I was like, hi, I'm Angel, nice to meet you.
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00:06:42.720She was like, Okay, great, grab two blocks, nice to meet you, welcome to class.
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00:06:43.680I was like, Great.
00:06:43.839 -->
00:06:51.680I go in, I'm waiting, and she walks in and she just does this like hi.
00:06:52.240 -->
00:06:54.959And I was like, Oh, I was like, oh no.
00:06:55.199 -->
00:06:59.759And then she just switched and she was like, Welcome everyone.
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00:07:03.360And I was like, That's not how you that's not how you sounded.
00:07:07.680 -->
00:07:16.959And she taught the whole class in that yoga teacher persona, and then after class, she switched back, and she was like, Thanks for coming.
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00:07:36.160I was like, um, but very entertaining again, so which is such a great way to take uh situations that are not like uh as um spiritually uh offering as you hoped for, just to take it as a comedy.
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00:07:47.040This is funny of watching it as a movie, so I'm like, this is a scene in the movie, yeah, and this is the scene where the yoga teachers project, yeah, yeah.
00:07:47.600 -->
00:07:55.439I love that I heard someone say one time that politics doesn't make any sense until you realize it's supposed to be watched as a comedy, and then I'm like, oh, this is great.
00:07:55.759 -->
00:08:01.120And then it's entertainment, you know, and then it's not entertainment because you know people are dying.
00:08:01.600 -->
00:08:12.319But if you cannot remove yourself, yeah, if you cannot remove yourself though from the like flare-up that happens when you're attached to it, it just harms you.
00:08:12.399 -->
00:08:13.199So it's a whole thing.
00:08:13.439 -->
00:08:17.680And then you can see it as then you see it as a gift, uh because it is a gift.
00:08:17.839 -->
00:08:24.560You know, the like the the teaching, I think Alan Watts does the teaching where he says that stress and laughter are the same energy, just expressed differently.
00:08:25.759 -->
00:08:29.600So your friend hid your keys, and you're like, fuck, fuck, fuck, I'm angry.
00:08:29.839 -->
00:08:30.240Where is it at?
00:08:30.319 -->
00:08:30.800Where is it at?
00:08:30.879 -->
00:08:36.000And then you hear them jangling it, and immediately it transforms to like ah, you know, like yeah, yeah.
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00:08:37.279That's wild.
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00:08:43.360Um, but anyways, I had never struggled to create community in LA.
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00:08:55.120Um, and I had um an identity of like I'm angel, I'm a yoga teacher, I make friends very easy, um, I'm attractive, I move through the world very well, very easy.
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00:08:56.879I really I have no troubles.
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00:09:02.960And then um there was a client that I had in LA that I had known for about three years.
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00:09:04.080And yoga?
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00:09:08.639And with like it's like body work because I also train.
00:09:08.960 -->
00:09:13.120Um we had been like I also do personal training.
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00:09:21.440So we had been doing a combination of like yoga, breath work, and then some cardio, some weightlifting, some like postural.
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00:09:34.879Um, so known him for about three years, he made um a joke, which I thought it was a joke, where he said, Um, Angel, you should you should come on the boat.
00:09:35.039 -->
00:09:37.360And I was like, obviously, I'll come on the boat.
00:09:37.679 -->
00:09:42.879And we were in LA, so I thought the boat was just like on the boat one day, kind of thing.
00:09:43.200 -->
00:09:47.919Well, I had seen a picture of his dad with a fish, and I said, Well, that's a great fish.
00:09:48.159 -->
00:09:49.440And he said, Yeah, it is nice.
00:09:49.600 -->
00:09:52.000Yeah, you should come on the boat, and I said, Yeah, of course.
00:09:52.159 -->
00:09:57.679Yeah, and then I went in the next day, and he was like, So we should really talk about the details then.
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00:09:59.440And I was like, What?
00:09:59.679 -->
00:10:09.120Okay, and he was like, Well, the boats, the boat's in Indonesia, and I was like, Right, yeah, and like 100%, right?
00:10:09.279 -->
00:10:16.240And I have done enough yes and in my life to know not to be like, no, no, no, no, that's not what I meant.
00:10:16.480 -->
00:10:22.480I was like, Well, like in comedy, you you don't you don't say no, like if you do say no.
00:10:22.960 -->
00:10:29.840Yeah, like the first rule of improv, you can't say no, right, and I'm gonna have to do that later.
00:10:31.120 -->
00:10:33.120I was like, well, how are we gonna do that?
00:10:33.679 -->
00:10:37.759And then so we started talking, and then go to improv.
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00:10:39.519Yeah.
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00:10:43.600So then I ended up coming over.
00:10:43.679 -->
00:10:49.120I was supposed to be here for a month, and they were like, push, push your visa, push your visa.
00:10:49.200 -->
00:10:52.720So I pushed it out for six weeks, and then they were like, Can you come back?
00:10:52.879 -->
00:10:59.759So then I started going back and forth between LA and Jakarta, which is uh uh quite the trek.
00:11:00.000 -->
00:11:02.720And you came here for work unrelated to the boat situation.
00:11:04.320 -->
00:11:08.559No, I came I so I I have never made it to the boat.
00:11:08.879 -->
00:11:12.960I came here for work, and then they were like, Yeah.
00:11:13.200 -->
00:11:21.759So then I started working with them and what was the what you get what kind of work are you doing over in like health and wellness?
00:11:22.720 -->
00:11:31.120Um I teach it's so difficult sometimes for me to articulate this, so let me try to articulate what it is that I actually do.
00:11:32.240 -->
00:11:39.440So I teach people how to be the thing that you are in between your internal and external worlds.
00:11:40.399 -->
00:11:54.159So you are like a multidimensional being, you have a physical body, you have an external life and an internal life, and a spiritual life, and an emotional life, and all of that matters and impacts who you are.
00:11:54.559 -->
00:12:00.720A lot of us only look at the physical life, like our work and our body.
00:12:00.960 -->
00:12:11.759And then we wonder why we have the wife, we have the car, we have you know a billion dollars, but we're unhappy and we're posting about how unhappy we are on Twitter.
00:12:12.080 -->
00:12:16.080So it's like, yes, because you've ignored your internal life.
00:12:16.320 -->
00:12:26.240So let me sort of introduce you to this concept that your body is the vehicle that experiences and traverses both worlds.
00:12:26.559 -->
00:12:48.000And if you can get in touch with your body and you can understand how to communicate with it and how it communicates with you, and understand the difference between your thoughts and your feelings and uh mind knowledge versus sacred knowledge, you will be very easily able to traverse your life with very little suffering.
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00:13:02.399So that's what I okay, and then the tools that are the body and breath work and yoga and training and whatever it is, but the body is like the vessel that traverses everything.
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00:13:05.360I want to get back to the body in a second.
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00:13:08.080Um, finish the story on the boat.
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00:13:29.200I started coming over and going back and forth, and it was so interesting for me to arrive here in Asia, and I grew up in Japan, so I had already known that when I'm in Asia, I am viewed very differently than when I am in America.
00:13:30.080 -->
00:13:31.919And so I would land here.
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00:13:33.919This is really fun.
00:13:34.320 -->
00:13:39.039I would land here and immediately lose all the value that I had.
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00:13:44.960So I no longer had an identity as a yoga teacher because I don't um I don't teach any public classes here.
00:13:45.279 -->
00:13:58.080So that my identity is I think that I'm beautiful, which yes, in that world, in this one, I you know, they were like, Do you want to go to Korea to like fix?
00:13:58.879 -->
00:14:05.200And I was like, And they were like, Listen, we can at least get you some Ozempic.
00:14:05.279 -->
00:14:06.960And I was like, Thank you so much.
00:14:07.200 -->
00:14:07.919No, thank you.
00:14:08.159 -->
00:14:10.000Thank you, but it's all very well intentioned.
00:14:10.080 -->
00:14:12.639And they were like, Are you gonna do anything about your freckles though?
00:14:12.799 -->
00:14:14.720And I'm like, Really?
00:14:14.960 -->
00:14:15.840Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:14:15.919 -->
00:14:19.279So it's just a totally different beauty standard, and then different beauty standard all together.
00:14:19.360 -->
00:14:20.240Okay, makes sense.
00:14:20.480 -->
00:14:25.360Yeah, and so then I don't have the identity of being like a beautiful woman in it.
00:14:25.919 -->
00:14:26.399Does that hit you?
00:14:26.720 -->
00:14:27.759Does that hit you for real for real?
00:14:27.919 -->
00:14:29.600Or are you like, nah, I'm still good looking though?
00:14:29.679 -->
00:14:31.440Are you like tripping for real about it?
00:14:31.679 -->
00:14:33.039I am not tripping.
00:14:34.480 -->
00:14:39.759Initially, though, were you like, God damn, like facecard doesn't sniper on here, damn it.
00:14:40.080 -->
00:14:43.440Initially, it was funny for me because I was like, this is hilarious.
00:14:43.600 -->
00:14:45.440Like, this is crazy, you don't even know.
00:14:46.000 -->
00:14:49.120But after a while, I was like, shut the fuck up.
00:14:49.759 -->
00:14:51.039Like, that's mean.
00:14:51.120 -->
00:14:56.159Yeah, um, and then now it's back to being funny because I'm like, listen, it is what it is.
00:14:56.879 -->
00:15:04.399Um, it was it was really funny for like eight months, and then after a while, I was like, You guys, like this is just me.
00:15:04.960 -->
00:15:08.080You shouldn't tell people this shit, like comments to yourself, bro.
00:15:08.799 -->
00:15:16.399Totally, but then it it was a very brief jaunt into that, and then it's back to being like it is what it is, yeah.
00:15:16.639 -->
00:15:27.840Um and then so that part of my identity goes, and then I also think of myself as like a friendly person able to make friends, yeah.
00:15:28.480 -->
00:15:46.799But here people were not interested in being friends with me because here people are still like they're climbing the ladder, they live in a caste system here, and so you don't really make friends and in the in the caste above or below you, you stay in your cast.
00:15:46.960 -->
00:16:08.559I don't really have a caste because I'm not slotted anywhere, and then every single woman my age is married with children, and so they are friends with their mom groups, and I am not there's nothing appealing about me when you are trying to fit into a caste system and trying to climb a ladder.
00:16:08.720 -->
00:16:22.480I cannot offer you like um, I can't offer you social status, I can't offer you a job because none of the the women in in um the cast, I guess, that I'm in, none of them work.
00:16:23.440 -->
00:16:26.960So I can't I'm in probably an upper.
00:16:27.360 -->
00:16:31.679I think most foreigners usually will slot in in an in an upper level.
00:16:32.320 -->
00:16:36.879Um upper level socioeconomic status you're talking about.
00:16:37.360 -->
00:16:40.399Yes, yeah, upper level socioeconomic.
00:16:41.120 -->
00:16:52.639Um, but everyone in that level does not work, and then the people who do work, I also have nothing to offer because they're at work, and so in their time off, they're trying to make connections or they're trying to work out or whatever.
00:16:52.879 -->
00:16:58.080And then so it was also realizing that, like, oh my god, no one wants to be friends with me.
00:16:58.559 -->
00:17:07.279Um my identity has to go as well, and so it's like, okay, who am I without all the things that I thought that I was?
00:17:07.359 -->
00:17:19.839Like, who am I if I'm actually not easy to talk to, and I'm actually not a yoga teacher, and I'm actually not desirable, and like all the things that I identify with were just as a byproduct of an environment I was in previously.
00:17:19.920 -->
00:17:21.200Now I'm in a different environment.
00:17:21.920 -->
00:17:24.799And none of those things are true, and so what's true?
00:17:24.960 -->
00:17:26.319The previous ones are not true, right?
00:17:26.400 -->
00:17:28.160Like, those are just contextual.
00:17:30.160 -->
00:17:30.799Yeah, man.
00:17:32.000 -->
00:17:45.839The super interesting thing is that I would land in LA and my identity would pick right back up, and I knew how to do that part, and then I would fly back here and I would have like a I don't understand what's happening, I don't know how to do this world, you know.
00:17:46.079 -->
00:17:55.200So seeing the contrast for me was useful, and then now I'm like, why am I holding on to this identity, anyways?
00:17:55.440 -->
00:17:58.079It's literally just well, that's the thing.
00:17:58.160 -->
00:18:00.240It's like, why am I holding on to these stories?
00:18:00.400 -->
00:18:03.039Why do I need to be this person or that person?
00:18:03.279 -->
00:18:04.799Or like, why do I care?
00:18:04.960 -->
00:18:06.319Why do I need people?
00:18:06.640 -->
00:18:09.039Why do I need to think of myself this way?
00:18:09.119 -->
00:18:10.559And why do I need other people?
00:18:10.640 -->
00:18:12.960Like, do I need other people to think of me this way?
00:18:13.279 -->
00:18:15.519What do you say when you ask yourself those questions?
00:18:15.839 -->
00:18:27.680Well, I don't need people to think of me a certain way because one of my biggest things after leaving a cult is that no matter how much effort you put into trying to control someone else's thoughts, it never works.
00:18:27.839 -->
00:18:31.119Everyone has their own internal life, everyone has their own thoughts.
00:18:31.359 -->
00:18:32.799So it's never that one.
00:18:32.960 -->
00:18:35.680So it's always it's always a me problem.
00:18:36.240 -->
00:18:49.920So then it's like if I don't, if I let go of these things, can I then revert to a blank slate and start there and just be in the blank slate rather than writing new things on it?
00:18:50.480 -->
00:18:52.799What does the identity become at that point?
00:18:55.039 -->
00:19:04.640Um, where I am right now is I'm just trying to stay in the blankness of it and just follow the opportunities that come.
00:19:04.799 -->
00:19:14.319So instead of, you know, I have an opportunity that showed up, and I wouldn't usually take it because I don't identify as that.
00:19:14.960 -->
00:19:15.599Yeah.
00:19:16.000 -->
00:19:22.400But because I'm real big on like it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter what I've identified as as in the past.
00:19:22.960 -->
00:19:24.160Does it excite me?
00:19:24.240 -->
00:19:25.759And do I want to investigate it?
00:19:26.160 -->
00:19:27.119And I like that too.
00:19:27.359 -->
00:19:31.279So now I'm starting to head down corridors that I have never headed down before.
00:19:31.440 -->
00:19:37.359And the only reason I'm able to do that is because the previous identity has been dissolved.
00:19:37.920 -->
00:19:39.119So I'm like, oh.
00:19:40.240 -->
00:19:49.680Um, is it something that you see like it's important that your identity is like you learn a lot about things through identifying with them?
00:19:49.759 -->
00:19:56.960So like you identifying with something is the way that you like lean into it, but you need to refresh it, it needs to be something that's not not clinging.
00:19:57.359 -->
00:20:02.480Well, I think of it as it's telling you a story about yourself and it's telling you a story about what's important to you.
00:20:02.880 -->
00:20:16.319And so it's like yeah, and so even when I meet people, you know, if the first thing they tell me is like, well, I'm actually a really rich guy, it's like, okay, immediately I know that has nothing to do with anything.
00:20:17.039 -->
00:20:19.200Yeah, well, here you go.
00:20:19.279 -->
00:20:22.880Here's the um this is my dating pro bobby.
00:20:28.319 -->
00:20:36.480Um but I know immediately that the first few things that you tell me are things that it's very important that I view you as that.
00:20:36.720 -->
00:20:46.240Yeah, so whether you're true or not is almost irrelevant, but it you are telling me your desire, like I would like for you to view me this way, yeah.
00:20:46.480 -->
00:20:54.640Um so then the world becomes very interesting because and then reality TV becomes very interesting.
00:20:55.279 -->
00:21:01.279Um and the interesting thing, if you watch Love is Blind, there was this I don't watch it.
00:21:01.519 -->
00:21:05.440Okay, you know the concept though, totally yeah.
00:21:05.599 -->
00:21:21.039So the concept is that like you date behind a wall, and there was this one couple that I thought was perfect because she was sort of the archetype of the gold digger, and he had come on saying, I only like I always end up dating a gold digger, and I don't want that.
00:21:21.119 -->
00:21:23.039I want a girl who like loves me for me.
00:21:23.279 -->
00:21:24.160Was he an art dealer?
00:21:25.359 -->
00:21:25.920What's that?
00:21:26.160 -->
00:21:27.519Was he an art dealer?
00:21:27.839 -->
00:21:41.119He was something, and the first thing that he says is that, like, well, I come from really a lot of privilege, and like I don't struggle, and like I can provide for you, and I was like, bro, you're literally leading into this, yeah.
00:21:41.200 -->
00:21:51.920And I'm like, you literally want the thing that you say that you don't want because you're leading with money, and then you're surprised when people want you for money.
00:21:52.000 -->
00:21:59.839And he, of course, ended up with the girl who was looking for a rich guy because he came in and immediately was like, Hey, I'm a rich guy.
00:22:00.319 -->
00:22:06.079Guy, and I'm looking for like a stay-at-home person that'll just make me happy about myself.
00:22:06.319 -->
00:22:08.480And she was like, agreed.
00:22:08.720 -->
00:22:10.160And I was like, that's so funny.
00:22:10.400 -->
00:22:15.039But you always will give yourself away, even if you don't mean to.
00:22:15.119 -->
00:22:18.960So that's another thing that I just really enjoy watching.
00:22:19.599 -->
00:22:22.000Just like yeah.
00:22:22.400 -->
00:22:26.319And at this point, um, what are you starting to identify with?
00:22:27.680 -->
00:22:41.440Um, at this point, I am learning about power and how power comes through when you don't need it to filter through an identity.
00:22:41.599 -->
00:22:46.720Like power can be very pure when it's not coming through an identity filter.
00:22:46.880 -->
00:22:54.160Like, if I need you to view me as a powerful woman, yeah, then I need you to respect my power as a woman.
00:22:54.319 -->
00:23:02.880I need you to meet me as a woman, and that'll be the main like I'm not like, don't tell me I'm powerful, tell me I'm a powerful woman.
00:23:03.039 -->
00:23:04.799And then I'll get stuck in that.
00:23:04.960 -->
00:23:15.920And then that is gonna be my way into the world, and that's going to be just my presentation, but that'll also be all the problems that I run up against because of the identifier.
00:23:16.240 -->
00:23:19.200It's like a fragile, fragile thing because you're putting a transfer on it.
00:23:19.759 -->
00:23:26.240Yeah, because if you if you make the jar this big, you're immediately like that's your limit, you can't get past that.
00:23:26.480 -->
00:23:27.119Yeah.
00:23:27.519 -->
00:23:39.279Um, so learning to take the I I guess the broadness of your identity, and if you can just dissolve the walls, then you get a bigger experience.
00:23:39.599 -->
00:23:43.200So I'm trying to just let everything go and have the experience.
00:23:43.279 -->
00:23:47.279Like, what does power actually feel like in the body?
00:23:48.319 -->
00:23:50.640Like, how does that come out?
00:23:50.799 -->
00:23:54.240And then also, where does it get stuck with it?
00:23:54.400 -->
00:24:02.400Where do I run out of without being generated and maintained through uh like a psychological identity that you receive power from?
00:24:02.799 -->
00:24:07.519Well, and also if it's pure power, it's endless.
00:24:07.680 -->
00:24:34.400So I f if I find myself tired, like let's say with this podcast, if I leave this this podcast and I'm like that took a lot of energy out of me, then it's likely that I was performing and it took tons of effort, and so it wasn't true power, it was like I was trying to generate a force to be like, this is how I present, and you know, perhaps and I hope good enough, and like how was I?
00:24:34.559 -->
00:24:37.039And was the performance good for that?
00:24:37.279 -->
00:24:40.880Yeah, do you think it will sell tickets again?
00:24:42.400 -->
00:24:56.799And if I can just like no, then I just I have endless resource because like this is one of the things that I realized about worry is worry is exclusively an ego problem.
00:24:57.200 -->
00:25:01.839The soul is never worried, the soul is just like this little journey.
00:25:02.240 -->
00:25:15.599Before we go to the worried soul uh tangent, just want to add one more thing about the power because something when you are able to notice that you're getting ready to perform, right?
00:25:16.000 -->
00:25:32.400Getting ready to perform, yeah, and you release yourself of the responsibility of making sure this person perceives you a certain way, and you feel that like for me, it's it's like a nice resettling in the body.
00:25:33.200 -->
00:25:44.480And I I feel this energy that instead of being borrowed from the successful performance I'm making, like you know, borrowing energy from applause, right?
00:25:44.720 -->
00:25:49.440I mean, I just have the energy that would have been spent on the performance back with it.
00:25:49.519 -->
00:25:51.759Yeah, and that feels like fantastic.
00:25:54.000 -->
00:25:57.440All that we are are is an energetic system.
00:25:58.319 -->
00:26:02.079So that's why it's important to like learn how to harness your energy.
00:26:02.160 -->
00:26:04.160Like, what actually belongs to you?
00:26:04.400 -->
00:26:08.480What is your endless source that you can tap into and how does it feel?
00:26:08.640 -->
00:26:10.000And then notice the difference.
00:26:10.160 -->
00:26:15.599Like, when I go into work, I don't turn into a different person, I am still this person.
00:26:15.759 -->
00:26:19.279So, work for me is very easy, it's not taxing.
00:26:19.440 -->
00:26:25.440I can work all day and be like, okay, I'll see you guys tomorrow.
00:26:25.759 -->
00:26:35.359And one of the things that I do is I work with these two twin boys who are hilarious, they're children.
00:26:35.759 -->
00:26:39.279And for other people, they're very, very difficult.
00:26:39.519 -->
00:26:42.640They're just so energetic and they they play off of each other.
00:26:42.720 -->
00:26:48.640You know, one of them throws something and laughs, and the other one thinks it's the funniest thing they've ever seen, and then they add on, you know.
00:26:48.880 -->
00:26:58.960And so it could be very chaotic, but I'm not here to dominate and to make them respect me, you know.
00:26:59.200 -->
00:27:01.119I'm here to teach them.
00:27:01.440 -->
00:27:14.160So if I'm a good teacher, I will facilitate their learning somehow, but I don't also have a specific way through which they must learn.
00:27:14.400 -->
00:27:14.720Yeah.
00:27:14.880 -->
00:27:19.200So if we want to learn this skill through balancing, great, we'll balance.
00:27:19.279 -->
00:27:23.440If we want to learn this skill through, like, can we do a plank challenge?
00:27:23.599 -->
00:27:25.200Great, then that's what we'll do.
00:27:25.519 -->
00:27:30.400But I'm not locked into something that I need them to agree to.
00:27:30.559 -->
00:27:32.960So for me, being with them is very pleasant.
00:27:33.200 -->
00:27:33.519Yeah.
00:27:33.759 -->
00:27:42.400And I'm like, because I'm not fighting them for dominance of the moment, we're just all in the same thing together.
00:27:42.720 -->
00:27:43.039Yeah.
00:27:43.200 -->
00:28:03.440The idea of like containing those kids and forcing the energy to move in a certain direction or yeah, relaxing into the flow of saying, like, what direction is this going, and how can I just like uh gently steer it in a way that can be useful for them instead of being just completely chaos, but not becoming rigid and becoming stressed.
00:28:04.000 -->
00:28:04.720Right, yeah.
00:28:04.880 -->
00:28:07.519And I do it in a way that makes sense to me.
00:28:07.599 -->
00:28:10.559So I am not taxed when I leave the situation with them.
00:28:10.799 -->
00:28:11.519The same thing.
00:28:11.599 -->
00:28:14.720I don't like I'm like, that was fun.
00:28:16.640 -->
00:28:17.440How do you do that?
00:28:17.599 -->
00:28:28.000Like, how do you how do you switch it in your brain to go like these kids are being fucking wild, and I gotta kind of route corral them into something useful with our time.
00:28:28.160 -->
00:28:29.839How do you move into that play role?
00:28:30.559 -->
00:28:35.759It's curiosity because again, I don't I'm not the main character.
00:28:36.880 -->
00:28:42.960You know, so if I'm not the main character, there's space for a lot of different things to happen.
00:28:43.200 -->
00:28:52.000And if I would like if I desire an outcome and the desired outcome is for them to learn more about themselves, there's a million ways I can do that.
00:28:52.240 -->
00:29:02.000If I am the main character and I want them to learn something that I want to teach them, there immediately comes much fewer outcomes.
00:29:02.319 -->
00:29:03.200Much fewer.
00:29:03.279 -->
00:29:10.720And there's much different, I have much fewer options for my behavior, I have much fewer options for their behavior.
00:29:11.039 -->
00:29:17.440If I'm not the main character and the desired outcome is the most important thing, then everything is available.
00:29:17.599 -->
00:29:25.200Maybe I use different words, maybe I use different stuff, maybe we change our location, like everything is on the table.
00:29:25.359 -->
00:29:45.039If I'm like, you need to stay on your yoga mat, and we're not gonna leave until you do like three push-ups or until you do this shape right, then the only thing I can do is dominance to get them to create the physical thing that I want, and then I quote win, but nothing, nothing useful has been accomplished.
00:29:45.200 -->
00:29:47.119Like what has been accomplished in there?
00:29:47.839 -->
00:29:48.640It's really interesting.
00:29:48.880 -->
00:30:07.039It's really interesting when you start to look at the um desire to control other people's thoughts and desire to control other people's behaviors as a job that's not yours, and being able to feel yourself be relieved of that.
00:30:07.200 -->
00:30:33.680I think that seems like that for me has been the thing that's allowed me to really actually want to do that because initially it was like if I if I actually try to make sure people think that I'm X, Y, and Z as a person, then they'll I'll feel good around their presence because the whole idea of you know, like, I'm not who I think I am, I'm not who you think I am, I am who I think you think I am, that whole thing, like then I'll feel like energized by the persona that I'm forecasting or projecting.
00:30:33.839 -->
00:30:44.640But but like, man, when you really don't when you when you tell yourself it's I I don't, it's not my job to change people's behavior at all.
00:30:45.039 -->
00:30:48.720That it can be like the greatest promotion of your entire life if you let it.
00:30:48.880 -->
00:30:53.680Well, I think my life is so much fun for me to live.
00:30:53.839 -->
00:30:58.400Like, I'll work with people, I'll deal with people, and people be like, How can you stand that person?
00:30:58.559 -->
00:31:02.720And I'm like, Because it's fun, because I don't need anything from them.
00:31:02.880 -->
00:31:07.039I can just watch and be like, wow, this is a very chaotic scene, lol.
00:31:08.720 -->
00:31:22.880I I have this uh practice at work where like I just practice practice at work where like uh because I a lot of my job is just like one-to-one sales, selling them a training program, like a six-month fitness weight loss program.
00:31:25.680 -->
00:31:30.319I'll get some people that are just like not buyers, you know, like tire kickers from the jump.
00:31:30.400 -->
00:31:38.640And I've right I've done probably 2,000 or more sit-down in-person one-hour consults in my career.
00:31:38.720 -->
00:31:42.799So I have a pattern recognition that I'm like, and so it's like so.
00:31:43.440 -->
00:32:03.440I'll get an I'll get an absurd, absurd customer, and I'll just I will just think in my head, because like I can either do one or two things, I'm gonna spend this next 45 minutes with them, one way or the other, and I can either be irritated, yeah, they're not gonna buy, and this isn't it's gonna be waste of my fucking time, and I hate this person, and I hope they die.
00:32:03.599 -->
00:32:06.079Yeah, which that's sometimes on bad days.
00:32:06.160 -->
00:32:06.880That's my thought process.
00:32:07.119 -->
00:32:17.920The other thought process is like, this is like it's kind of hard to articulate, but like this is um my opponent of sorts.
00:32:18.000 -->
00:32:30.079Like, this is my uh this is the resistance of my yeah, this is my teacher here, manifested in the the most ludicrous form to try to knock me off, to try to make me decide to suffer.
00:32:30.319 -->
00:32:33.039And this is their this is their best form yet.
00:32:33.200 -->
00:32:40.400And it makes me like the way I feel now, it makes me I start to really crack up during my meeting with the person because I'm like, this is crazy.
00:32:42.400 -->
00:32:44.079Yeah, this is so fucking funny, bro.
00:32:44.319 -->
00:32:46.480Like, I have no idea how we got here.
00:32:46.880 -->
00:32:55.519I don't yeah, and you're like the thing that helps me so much is I go, like, I see them as an actor, you know, and I go, You are you are nailing this role.
00:32:56.880 -->
00:33:13.359Well, that's the thing, is like we are all playing a character, you know, like we all have our like beingness that we try to get to, some of us, but most of us are playing the character, and we really, really want you to play along, you know.
00:33:13.519 -->
00:33:22.880So it's interesting what you aren't playing along to see them try and reinforce their character, or yeah, maybe like get louder, you know.
00:33:23.279 -->
00:33:28.640They do, it's amazing, and then for me, I'm I'm entertained.
00:33:28.799 -->
00:33:37.200Like I had this one person at a party come in, no one was paying attention to them, so they out of nowhere was like, anyway, the earth is flat.
00:33:41.680 -->
00:33:45.519You're incredible, you are absolutely remarkable.
00:33:45.839 -->
00:33:58.720They needed attention so bad, and they were trying little things, they were trying little gets, and the little gets weren't working because people in the room were like not attention seekers, so everyone was sort of like not paying attention to them.
00:33:58.799 -->
00:34:01.119It was it was like a dinner party, so it's very low-key.
00:34:01.200 -->
00:34:10.960It wasn't a like big attention getting moment, they just got sick and tired of no one paying attention to them, so they were just like, anyway, the earth is flat.
00:34:11.280 -->
00:34:23.519I was like, that's incredible, and somebody bit, somebody was like, Oh my god, I can't believe and then they got engaged in their battle in the corner, and I was like, more power to you, but I was like, that's amazing.
00:34:23.840 -->
00:34:30.800One little thing that I think can be useful to practice this too is like talking about energy conservation.
00:34:30.880 -->
00:34:33.760Like, that seems to be kind of a thread we've talked about a bit today.
00:34:34.239 -->
00:34:44.639Um, when you do like when someone comes at when you interact with someone that has this persona that you can tell is they're they're trying to generate a certain response out of you.
00:34:45.039 -->
00:34:51.360So, like you can either like um I guess you can either not be aware of it and that have that response generated.
00:34:51.440 -->
00:35:10.239You leave and you're like, wow, that person's rich and crazy and cool and the most important person, whatever, or you can be aware of them trying to generate the response from you, and then you can either spend a bunch of energy resisting it, like you're not gonna get this out of me, or you can or you can just humor it by leaning into it and be like, wow, you have so much going on.
00:35:10.559 -->
00:35:15.440Like, and watch them lean into their character, you help them establish their character they're playing.
00:35:16.000 -->
00:35:16.719Play with them.
00:35:17.679 -->
00:35:40.960I think that people have this idea that, like, you know, if if somebody comes in and they're like, Oh, I'm I'm a pretty girl, or like I'm a handsome guy, if you don't agree that somehow it is now your job to disagree with them and to make them see your point of view, which like why yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:35:41.920 -->
00:35:43.920You know, why don't why don't you just leave it?
00:35:44.079 -->
00:35:44.800You know, too.
00:35:44.960 -->
00:35:52.400And then who no, oh I mean, yes, because I recognize the name, but no, because I don't know what to type.
00:35:53.039 -->
00:35:53.679Oh, okay.
00:35:54.159 -->
00:35:55.119He's a famous comedian.
00:35:55.280 -->
00:36:02.000Uh one of he says his he says his his argument strategy since he turned like 40 is just like uh he just swaps positions.
00:36:02.079 -->
00:36:04.239Like if someone disagrees, he now agrees with them.
00:36:04.400 -->
00:36:06.000Like he's like, I agree with you, no.
00:36:07.760 -->
00:36:08.480Yeah, I agree.
00:36:08.559 -->
00:36:09.599I'm I'm right there with you.
00:36:09.679 -->
00:36:11.519And he said it ends every argument.
00:36:12.320 -->
00:36:13.440That's amazing.
00:36:13.679 -->
00:36:25.440But I think also a big thing that the reason for that is also religion teaches you this is the structure, and anyone who is not in the structure is incorrect.
00:36:25.679 -->
00:36:32.159And as a good Christian or as a good pastor, as a good friend, or whatever, you need to corral your friend who is misguided.
00:36:32.400 -->
00:36:36.239Yeah, and then being that that mindset, right?
00:36:36.480 -->
00:36:40.719Being that that mindset has gotten us the world we live in, I'm like, yeah, I'm not gonna do that.
00:36:40.800 -->
00:36:43.519I'm just gonna let people run their own lives.
00:36:43.679 -->
00:36:48.000Like, why would I be like, Braxton, you're doing it again?
00:36:48.239 -->
00:36:53.440You need to not like you know, but that's that's what you do.
00:36:53.599 -->
00:36:55.360Your energetic system just goes, shh.
00:36:55.840 -->
00:36:59.760Why do you what like uh so how is that helpful for anybody?
00:37:00.239 -->
00:37:09.840Do you think it's just like a programming that we just that we do, like uh whenever we just learned it as like you're supposed to do this for other people, so now we do it?
00:37:10.800 -->
00:37:19.039I think there are truths that are true, and we intrinsically know that, like, but we don't let people learn it in their own way.
00:37:19.280 -->
00:37:28.000Like, I I think it's true that like um obviously when you are healthy, that's best, right?
00:37:28.400 -->
00:37:34.400Like, not being overweight, not being underweight, being healthy for you is best.
00:37:34.960 -->
00:37:38.639Yeah, that's what I think, and that is just true.
00:37:39.599 -->
00:37:44.239What I'm not gonna do is be like, Braxton, you're unhealthy.
00:37:44.559 -->
00:37:48.639Like you're unhealthy, you gotta do better, you gotta do like because why?
00:37:49.280 -->
00:37:58.239If I truly care about you, wouldn't I want to learn your story, understand why, and then just engage with you?
00:37:58.400 -->
00:37:59.679Like, do you want to come for a walk with me?
00:37:59.760 -->
00:38:01.920Should we like talk about whatever it is that you like?
00:38:02.000 -->
00:38:05.519If you like Lord of the Rings, great, let's talk on Lord of the Rings, but I want to go for a walk.
00:38:05.840 -->
00:38:14.639Like, why would why would I why wouldn't I do that as opposed to being like you have to do better, you have you gotta eat less, you gotta, you know, or whatever it is.
00:38:14.800 -->
00:38:19.440We just default to like what a disappointing human being this person is.
00:38:19.599 -->
00:38:21.280And I'm like, well, why?
00:38:21.599 -->
00:38:30.320Like, even if there are like universal truths, like you know, also being really promiscuous for me, I think that live your life.
00:38:30.400 -->
00:38:33.920I'm so happy that you get to live your life as you should.
00:38:34.239 -->
00:38:42.400I think not being super promiscuous feels better, and I think energetically it feels better, mindfully it feels better, it just is better.
00:38:42.639 -->
00:38:47.039Yeah, but what I'm not gonna do again is be like how disappointing you are.
00:38:47.599 -->
00:38:49.360What a failure, you know.
00:38:49.599 -->
00:38:53.199But that is the default that we live in for some reason.
00:38:53.519 -->
00:39:04.800I think it's too like uh when we when we lean into it from just like an intellectual standpoint, like I'd want to convince you that you should be one way, it just is like a way that I can like stress test my belief that I'm right.
00:39:05.599 -->
00:39:07.199Yeah, yeah, right, exactly.
00:39:07.280 -->
00:39:29.920So it has very much to do with your identity and not the other person, you know, even if the thing is true, and that's like I see this with addicts, you know, when people are trying to help an addict, they usually instead of sitting with them and learning their story, it's just like stop it, just stop it.
00:39:30.480 -->
00:39:42.559Like I want to help you, stop it, and it's like okay, if you've done any work with addicts or or psychological in the psychological realm, like that obviously that doesn't work.
00:39:42.719 -->
00:39:45.199If it worked, it would have worked, yeah.
00:39:45.440 -->
00:39:53.119So something else will work, but are you willing to let go of your identity and go into the trenches with them?
00:39:53.199 -->
00:39:57.039And it's okay if not, but this isn't working.
00:39:57.599 -->
00:40:07.119So I like I I feel like um one transition in my life over the last I don't know, five years, four years or so.
00:40:07.280 -->
00:40:12.000Like, I don't really feel like I ever try to help anyone ever anymore, yeah.
00:40:12.239 -->
00:40:14.880Specific intentionally.
00:40:15.199 -->
00:40:18.960Uh, and it's been one of the greatest things I've ever done for myself.
00:40:22.480 -->
00:40:23.679But isn't that true?
00:40:23.760 -->
00:40:29.760Like, I think the best thing that you can do for anybody ever is just be fully alive as yourself.
00:40:30.000 -->
00:40:31.039That's what I'm saying, fam.
00:40:31.280 -->
00:40:34.320Like, the best gift you ever give somebody is the quality of your energy.
00:40:34.400 -->
00:40:38.960And if that means I gotta just be in myself for myself, that's it.
00:40:39.599 -->
00:40:40.320That's it.
00:40:41.760 -->
00:40:48.480I think we think, I mean, and yes, it's true, everything is true in a certain context.
00:40:48.719 -->
00:40:55.519It is wonderful to help people, but it is not wonderful to try and go to hell and drag them out of hell.
00:40:55.599 -->
00:40:57.679They can they can make their own way out.
00:40:58.000 -->
00:41:04.159People are strong enough to face whatever battle they're facing, yeah, and face your own battles.
00:41:04.400 -->
00:41:12.719And usually the people who are really trying very, very hard to help, that's literally they're in the middle of a battle as the helper.
00:41:13.440 -->
00:41:14.320Yeah, yeah.
00:41:14.480 -->
00:41:15.760And it's so exhausting.
00:41:15.920 -->
00:41:23.519Like uh two uh two, like one really good tool I've used is um only answer questions.
00:41:24.159 -->
00:41:29.039Only is wait until they wait until someone fucking asks you a question and says, What do you think about this?
00:41:29.199 -->
00:41:30.480Or how do you think you ought to do that?
00:41:30.639 -->
00:41:33.840That's when you're that's when it makes sense to to give your two cents.
00:41:34.480 -->
00:41:38.880That's my thing, is if I am asked, or sometimes people will be like, What do you think?
00:41:38.960 -->
00:41:42.320And I'll be like, Okay, what are you open to?
00:41:43.360 -->
00:41:45.039Well, I'm telling you what I think.
00:41:45.440 -->
00:41:48.400So last week, whenever you said that shit, I thought that was stupid.
00:41:48.639 -->
00:41:54.239Because I, you know, I I view the world in a certain way, and I can tell you what I see.
00:41:55.199 -->
00:41:58.880A lot of people, most people are just not interested in what I see.
00:41:59.840 -->
00:42:01.760Like the way they don't give a shit.
00:42:01.840 -->
00:42:05.920And also, this world, the way that I see it, is is for me.
00:42:06.559 -->
00:42:09.920And I love and I love what I see, and I'm enjoying my experience.
00:42:10.159 -->
00:42:11.519That's what it's for.
00:42:11.840 -->
00:42:20.159But if if I'm just telling you, like, this is my experience, and this is what you need to do in order to have my experience, it's like, well, that doesn't translate anyway.
00:42:20.239 -->
00:42:22.159You are never gonna have my experience.
00:42:22.400 -->
00:42:24.639Why am I trying to find you?
00:42:24.960 -->
00:42:31.039Yeah, like this is something that I notice about myself sometimes whenever I'm having a good time.
00:42:31.199 -->
00:42:37.280I'll wanna I'll sometimes I'll have the the uh proclivity to want to advertise it.
00:42:37.440 -->
00:42:41.280Like I'll I want people to know how much I love this song at a concert.
00:42:41.519 -->
00:42:47.760Yeah, and sometimes I'll and that's human and that do it, you know.
00:42:48.000 -->
00:42:48.880Yeah, but yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:42:49.039 -->
00:42:54.800But I'm saying, like, but I also will be like, uh, this energy is for me.
00:42:55.039 -->
00:42:59.920So this this gift of how much I love this song is for me, and I'm not gonna give it away.
00:43:00.000 -->
00:43:02.320And so I'm gonna close my eyes and I'm gonna really feel this.
00:43:02.639 -->
00:43:25.920Right, you're just gonna like be in it, and it's so nice just to be in a life that you have made and that you can experience joyfully because other people they've made not every other person, but other people they make lives that look good aesthetically, and I'm like, yeah, but your experience of it is terrible, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:43:27.440 -->
00:43:28.000Yeah, yeah.
00:43:28.079 -->
00:43:31.840I always think about like a beautiful sweater that's itchy on the inside, yeah.
00:43:33.360 -->
00:43:42.480Exactly that, and it's so I know this one person that, in my opinion, has a dream life.
00:43:42.639 -->
00:43:47.519They do what they love and they go around the world doing this thing.
00:43:47.599 -->
00:43:58.960They're very good at what they do, so they get very high end clients flying them places because what they do has to do with art, they go around the world to view art.
00:44:00.159 -->
00:44:03.199I'm like dream, dream.
00:44:04.400 -->
00:44:08.480They do not experience that life as such.
00:44:08.639 -->
00:44:12.480They experience that it's a very stressful thing.
00:44:12.719 -->
00:44:16.079Um, they do not like it, they want to get out of it.
00:44:16.159 -->
00:44:21.440They and I'm like, wow, but I think that about my life, and I think that about most people's lives.
00:44:21.519 -->
00:44:24.800It's like somebody dreams of your life.
00:44:25.360 -->
00:44:28.480Somebody looks at your life and they're like, if only.
00:44:29.599 -->
00:44:31.760So why don't you look at your life that way?
00:44:31.920 -->
00:44:34.079So that's what I try to do with my life.
00:44:34.159 -->
00:44:37.440If I ever find myself doing the like, oh, I'm suffering.
00:44:37.920 -->
00:44:40.880I'm like, Angel, people dream of your life.
00:44:41.039 -->
00:44:41.199Yeah.
00:44:41.440 -->
00:44:41.920Why don't you?
00:44:42.400 -->
00:44:43.599And then I'm like, that's right.
00:44:44.320 -->
00:44:46.079I used to dream of my life.
00:44:46.400 -->
00:44:50.639My mind's still hung up on the energy conservation stuff because that feels like such a powerful topic.
00:44:50.960 -->
00:44:59.199We um another thought process is like um, yeah, just have fun on your own.
00:44:59.360 -->
00:45:12.400Like just by yourself without because there's something really really, really beautiful, at least that I've experienced with I'm naturally a very social butterfly.
00:45:12.559 -->
00:45:17.519I'm naturally a very social person and extroverted, and I get a lot of energy from other people.
00:45:17.760 -->
00:45:23.599And so there can be this like I'm borrowing my sense of good energy from the responses I'm getting from others.
00:45:24.320 -->
00:45:35.440But learning to play alone is a great thing from an energetic perspective that I'm gonna have fun in my heart, in my qual my quiet life experience.
00:45:35.599 -->
00:45:38.400And if you want to peer into it, you'll see something beautiful.
00:45:38.719 -->
00:45:51.280So mine is the opposite, or I I love time by myself, and I love keeping my little secrets and keeping my little so for me, it's the opposite.
00:45:51.360 -->
00:45:54.400It's like, how can I learn to share it with somebody?
00:45:55.760 -->
00:46:02.000Let someone view like just peek into my world, or can I share this with someone without it being like, no, it's mine.
00:46:02.159 -->
00:46:04.400So I'm how how's that been?
00:46:04.480 -->
00:46:06.800How has that helped you like learning to share?
00:46:08.320 -->
00:46:16.239Um I think the the pendulum swing, right?
00:46:16.320 -->
00:46:19.920Is that I grew up in communes with a million people and nothing was sacred.
00:46:20.079 -->
00:46:21.519Um makes sense.
00:46:25.599 -->
00:46:26.880I forgot about the goal.
00:46:28.159 -->
00:46:30.800But this is like the coding stuff, right?
00:46:30.880 -->
00:46:33.599This is like how the structure was built.
00:46:33.840 -->
00:46:38.400Um, and whenever you leave something extreme, you will swing to the other end.
00:46:38.559 -->
00:46:52.559So my swing to the other end was like, oh my god, the first time I started living by myself, I thought I would have a difficult time because I had only ever lived with you know hundreds and then dozens and then and then people and then my husband.
00:46:52.719 -->
00:47:02.800Um, and so going from that to living just by myself, I thought I was gonna have a hard time, and everyone warned me about like you're gonna be so lonely and at least get a pet.
00:47:02.960 -->
00:47:08.239And I started living by myself, and I was everyone lied to me.
00:47:08.400 -->
00:47:13.039Like, this is the most peace I have ever felt in my life.
00:47:13.280 -->
00:47:30.159Yes, and it just felt so and you know, going out and teaching yoga and seeing hundreds of people throughout the week, but I had a place to come home to that was mine, and like nobody knew that I was there, and all my stuff was in a certain place, and I just I loved it, it was so cozy.
00:47:30.400 -->
00:47:32.880So then now I'm gonna do that with the whole world.
00:47:32.960 -->
00:47:42.320Now I'm gonna have like my little restaurants, I'm gonna have my little alleyways, I'm gonna have my so I create myself this world to live in, yeah, that I so enjoy.
00:47:44.639 -->
00:47:52.719My little my tunnels um and just things that I love and cherish.
00:47:52.880 -->
00:48:07.679And if you are special enough, then I will show you what I have discovered, yeah, and then realizing like, yeah, that's nice that I've built this for myself, but it is also very selfish.
00:48:08.079 -->
00:48:16.960Um, not in a way that, like, what a bummer, I shouldn't have done it, but in the way that wouldn't it be nice now to share it with people?
00:48:17.119 -->
00:48:18.960Like, could you share it with people?
00:48:19.199 -->
00:48:22.719And can it still be a good experience when it's not just you?
00:48:23.119 -->
00:48:31.199Yeah, and so then I start sharing my like my favorite restaurants, or I'll bring someone to my favorite place, or I'll bring them along.
00:48:31.280 -->
00:48:32.960Okay, this is the combination that I do.
00:48:33.039 -->
00:48:38.880I start here, I stop here on the way, and then this is the full loop, and then after that, this is my ritual.
00:48:39.119 -->
00:48:40.559So, can I start sharing?
00:48:40.960 -->
00:48:49.119It feels really good, but because I share it with people that I know will enjoy it, like other people who are on that same vibe.
00:48:49.280 -->
00:48:58.559Like, I don't so an analogy that I like to use is uh I have I have two friends, one of them very introverted, doesn't get out much.
00:48:59.280 -->
00:49:01.679Little things are very meaningful to her.
00:49:02.239 -->
00:49:10.320The other person, incredibly extroverted, out all the time, has tons of stuff.
00:49:10.800 -->
00:49:14.320And one day there was like a flower shop.
00:49:14.400 -->
00:49:22.000This is like sounds like one of those radio things, but there was a flower shop opening, and so they had like a 30% off or something like that.
00:49:22.159 -->
00:49:27.519So I was like, okay, let me send somebody flowers, like whoever it is, whatever it's 30% off, I'm gonna get somebody flowers.
00:49:27.760 -->
00:49:32.400So I walked in and I had checked my phone, and both of them had texted me.
00:49:32.639 -->
00:49:43.920And I was like, oh, I could send it to either of them because I love them both, but the person who is extroverted and is outside all the time, it wouldn't really mean that much to her.
00:49:44.719 -->
00:49:46.400Because she gets flowers all the time.
00:49:46.559 -->
00:49:55.519Like she would she would be happy, she would be thankful, it would be amazing, we'd be like, let's go get dinner, it would be cute.
00:49:55.760 -->
00:50:05.679And then the other person, it would be like deeply meaningful, and she would she would notice that I thought of her, and it would be meaningful that I thought of her.
00:50:05.920 -->
00:50:08.800So immediately it was like obviously it's going to them.
00:50:09.360 -->
00:50:22.800Because I know that like it would brighten, it would brighten both people's days, but it would hit someone in the heart if I picked that person, yeah, and the other person would post it on Instagram.
00:50:24.880 -->
00:50:25.519Yeah.
00:50:27.519 -->
00:50:31.039But not, but the the meaning of it, it would mean something different.
00:50:31.199 -->
00:50:45.760So when I show people and bring people, if they're people that have like a deep uh the capability to depending on your capability of feeling or your capability of appreciation, I'll show you the little things that I appreciate.
00:50:45.840 -->
00:50:48.480And then that is really fun because again, I'll I'll calibrate.
00:50:48.559 -->
00:50:54.239So then when I draw you in, then it is really exciting because we we can appreciate it on the same level.
00:50:54.960 -->
00:51:16.159It's really cool though, like the full circle moment of like uh starting off in an environment that nothing is secret, nothing is private, and then feeding into your own sense of privacy and loving that and establishing that, and then like the Buddhist phrase, the healing is in the return, like back to sharing, but now it's intentional, it's uh consensual too.
00:51:16.719 -->
00:51:20.480Right now there's a choice, somehow helps a lot.
00:51:20.800 -->
00:51:21.440Yeah.
00:51:21.679 -->
00:51:24.800Uh so how are things going in Indonesia?
00:51:25.760 -->
00:51:26.400Great.
00:51:27.519 -->
00:51:30.079Um, I am learning a lot.
00:51:30.159 -->
00:51:31.519It is a very good school.
00:51:31.679 -->
00:51:35.360I am confronted with a lot of things that I never would be confronted with.
00:51:35.519 -->
00:51:36.480What are you in school for?
00:51:38.239 -->
00:51:39.519Life school.
00:51:39.920 -->
00:51:44.960Ah school of hard knocks.
00:51:45.280 -->
00:51:46.800Gotta see my report card.
00:51:49.039 -->
00:51:50.559I want to see my teacher's notes.
00:51:50.719 -->
00:51:51.519Jesus.
00:51:51.840 -->
00:52:05.679Um, my life's work is now coming online because I've had enough time to myself to get really bored of myself where I'm like, ugh, not you again.
00:52:07.519 -->
00:52:10.960And then it becomes like I read this book.
00:52:11.039 -->
00:52:13.679It's called Leading the Dreaming, and it was a really lovely book.
00:52:13.760 -->
00:52:13.920Totally.
00:52:15.760 -->
00:52:17.519Leading from the Dreaming.
00:52:17.840 -->
00:52:26.480And it's this person in Australia who was in like a corporate job, and for some reason that wasn't satisfying.
00:52:26.719 -->
00:52:28.000I've never heard that before.
00:52:28.239 -->
00:52:31.039For some reason, what I know, weird.
00:52:31.199 -->
00:52:32.480What the corporate ladder?
00:52:32.800 -->
00:52:33.199Come on, man.
00:52:33.519 -->
00:52:48.000Yeah, anyways, he goes and he studies with indigenous people with the aboriginals, and they talk about being beneficial to your children's children's children's children.
00:52:48.400 -->
00:52:50.320So it's like four generations out.
00:52:50.480 -->
00:52:53.360Are you doing anything that will benefit four generations out?
00:52:54.480 -->
00:52:57.440And of course, when I think about that, I'm like, I'm not even doing anything.
00:52:57.519 -->
00:53:00.480Like, I don't even have children, like nothing is benefiting anybody.
00:53:00.559 -->
00:53:04.000I'm just having a fun time in my life, which is great.
00:53:04.079 -->
00:53:05.360I enjoy it.
00:53:05.679 -->
00:53:09.599Um, but I have been given so much in my life.
00:53:09.760 -->
00:53:16.559I have been given so much, and I've traversed such a vast landscape of human experience.
00:53:16.880 -->
00:53:27.360And if there is anything that I can leave behind, if I can leave behind a goalpost or a marker or a trail, then wouldn't that be worth it?
00:53:27.519 -->
00:53:29.199Wouldn't that be a worthy thing to do?
00:53:29.360 -->
00:53:36.159So, how can I now traverse my way back into the dark night of the soul and leave a trail?
00:53:36.960 -->
00:53:39.679So that's kind of where I'm at now.
00:53:40.079 -->
00:53:51.760Um, just to like draw a distinction on what we're talking about now, the because there is a bit of an irony on like the you know, don't help anybody, and then it's like, no, I help four generations away.
00:53:51.920 -->
00:53:56.400But if like the difference, but the thing is, is I won't be here for it, right?
00:53:58.559 -->
00:54:01.119How can I possibly help four generations out?
00:54:01.440 -->
00:54:13.840Yeah, it definitely definitely shifts you out of the interpersonal drama of like I need to change you and make me feel like I mean I get I get no credit for it because by the time four generations out, they don't even know who wrote the book.
00:54:14.480 -->
00:54:17.599Or if they do, it's just it's just my name, but like who cares?
00:54:17.679 -->
00:54:20.719By the time it hits them, it will have been gone through many iterations.
00:54:20.960 -->
00:54:23.760Okay, so um, but but is the teaching solid?
00:54:24.079 -->
00:54:51.920You know, yeah, so um if I'm if I'm tracking with you on this, so like the idea here is to help, but it's a different version of helping, and specifically, it's not about like helping someone else with their problem that they're dealing with, it's more so taking what you've learned in your life and expressing it fully as a gift back to reality and then leaving it without an aim on it.
00:54:52.239 -->
00:55:04.880Well, I have been helped by I don't know if you can hear me, but we're frozen.
00:55:16.480 -->
00:55:17.360Are we back?
00:55:17.760 -->
00:55:18.400We're back.
00:55:18.960 -->
00:55:19.920Okay, great.
00:55:20.960 -->
00:55:29.840Is what your first one is I've been helped by Maya Angelo, I've been helped by Epictetus, I've been helped by Victor Frankl.
00:55:30.239 -->
00:55:33.039Um, I've been helped by ayahuasca.
00:55:34.239 -->
00:55:51.760None of these, like, they're not alive, ayahuasca is, but like, you know, Epictetus is dead, Maya Angelo's gone, Victor Frankel is gone, these people are gone, but they left something behind that is healing on a soul level for me.
00:55:51.920 -->
00:56:00.639Yeah, and it has they they they don't know me, they never will, they will in the ayahuasca realm, but they don't know nor nor do they care.
00:56:00.880 -->
00:56:08.559They were doing something that they couldn't not do, like in in simply being themselves, this just ripples through.
00:56:08.880 -->
00:56:12.559So, in simply being myself, what can ripple through?
00:56:13.039 -->
00:56:29.039And god, I would hope it can help somebody, but it would help them help themselves, it wouldn't be a reliance, you know, it would be an under it would help them to unlock an understanding of themselves, and that's really the only way that we help anybody.
00:56:30.639 -->
00:56:31.280What is it?
00:56:31.440 -->
00:56:33.360What is it feeling that's coming through you?
00:56:33.440 -->
00:56:34.960Like, what's the teachings?
00:56:37.519 -->
00:56:47.039Uh again, how to traverse the internal and external worlds and not pretending like one or the other doesn't exist because you have people who are in the physical realm, right?
00:56:47.119 -->
00:56:53.519Like you have uh, we'll just do an archetypal, you have somebody who's like in in tech.
00:56:54.320 -->
00:57:00.239The only thing they care about is scientific data and is the bottom line going up.
00:57:00.719 -->
00:57:04.400And then they wonder why is why is the midlife crisis here?
00:57:04.559 -->
00:57:05.679Why do I want to kill myself?
00:57:05.840 -->
00:57:18.159It's like because you have completely ignored your internal world, you only accept like physical, material things as actual real things, and there's a whole world that you're neglecting and it's killing you.
00:57:18.400 -->
00:57:34.480And then on the other end of the spectrum, it's like somebody who's so quote empathetic and so deep in their feelings that they can't leave the house because they're gonna somebody's gonna look at them weird and they're gonna feel like this person's looking at me, and that makes me sad, or there's a homeless person, and then they'll just crumble.
00:57:34.639 -->
00:57:39.039And it's like, okay, you're paying too much attention now to the internal world.
00:57:39.199 -->
00:57:43.360Like the you gotta learn how to traverse, you have to learn how to hold both.
00:57:43.519 -->
00:57:53.440Um, and the deeper you can go into the internal worlds, the more your external work sort of your external world will sort itself out, but it's not true the other way.
00:57:53.920 -->
00:58:00.559How has um how is your ex how has your experience in life impacted this message you're sharing?
00:58:00.719 -->
00:58:03.840Like, how has it helped craft what your gift is to others?
00:58:06.320 -->
00:58:10.719I think that I've walked very aggressively into both worlds.
00:58:10.960 -->
00:58:27.920I think that coming out of the cults and they relied so heavily on feelings and making you feel bad and using shame or making you feel joy, and the reason you know, they would get you it free for feelings, and feelings was the base of everything.
00:58:28.079 -->
00:58:30.960And Jesus said you should feel better.
00:58:31.199 -->
00:58:34.000Um, and then going full stop.
00:58:34.800 -->
00:58:36.559Jesus said everything.
00:58:36.719 -->
00:58:38.320Um said a lot of shit, man.
00:58:38.639 -->
00:58:39.840What was yapping?
00:58:40.079 -->
00:58:40.880I know.
00:58:41.280 -->
00:58:45.039Um, of course.
00:58:45.119 -->
00:58:46.639I saw him in ayahuasca.
00:58:47.280 -->
00:58:47.760Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:58:48.000 -->
00:58:49.440Okay, and a physical form.
00:58:51.199 -->
00:58:53.039Yeah, he had no head, but yeah.
00:58:53.280 -->
00:59:00.159So I think that Jesus existed like drug Jesus.
00:59:00.559 -->
00:59:04.880I met I met black gay Jesus on a ketamine trip one time.
00:59:06.000 -->
00:59:16.719It was fantastic, but that's the thing, is I think that people get locked into like this is Jesus is this one white white Jesus is this one thing, and I refuse any other experience.
00:59:16.800 -->
00:59:18.719It's like you're missing out on all the other Jesus.
00:59:19.440 -->
00:59:32.239Yeah, I it was uh it was some uh marijuana academy, and at one point I was walking up these golden gates and I saw heaven and the doors open, and Jesus popped out and he was black and he was gay, and he goes, Hey, like that.
00:59:32.320 -->
00:59:37.440And I said, You're gay, and he says, Of course, and then everything exploded.
00:59:41.679 -->
00:59:47.360Yeah, so anyways, but so you met Jesus, Jesus exists, uh, and the cult says Jesus said we can feel better.
00:59:47.440 -->
00:59:48.400We'll bring it back.
00:59:48.719 -->
00:59:53.199Yes, okay, so yeah, black and Jesus, sorry, my buddy.
00:59:54.159 -->
01:00:01.760Going the other direction to be like, there's no God, the only thing that I am going to look at is scientific data, and I'm gonna look at logic.
01:00:01.840 -->
01:00:05.679And if you cannot explain those things to me, I do not care and I will not engage.
01:00:05.840 -->
01:00:10.480Yeah, and then going to into that realm and then being like, why am I so unhappy?
01:00:11.119 -->
01:00:13.280Like, yeah, I thought it would be better by now.
01:00:13.440 -->
01:00:16.320Because like I only believe that's where I went.
01:00:16.480 -->
01:00:18.159Yeah, because that's the pen, right?
01:00:18.239 -->
01:00:19.440It has to swing.
01:00:19.840 -->
01:00:38.400So then only having very rigid friends and very rigid beliefs, and everything is so rigid, and I refuse anything, and then being like, but then why you know, why do I have these physical problems, or why do I still have these emotional problems, or why are my relationships this way?
01:00:38.480 -->
01:00:40.159And it's like, okay, go back.
01:00:40.320 -->
01:00:44.800I'm like, I don't want to go back into that world unless I have a navigational system.
01:00:45.039 -->
01:00:47.760So then it's like, all right, well, let's let's anchor, right?
01:00:47.840 -->
01:00:50.559Let's use an anchor out here and then go in.
01:00:50.880 -->
01:00:53.760And if it works, then great, then go a little deeper.
01:00:53.920 -->
01:01:05.199And then once I'm over here, I can anchor on the other side and then pull away from the external world or like the physical part, and then recreate like a new thing, like discover it for the first time again.
01:01:05.519 -->
01:01:07.679So it's great.
01:01:08.239 -->
01:01:13.039Um, and for me now, it's because I've done it a lot, it's very simple for me to explain.
01:01:13.119 -->
01:01:18.639And I have like a little infinity symbol that I use, and you know, the body is the only one.
01:01:19.039 -->
01:01:29.679Like, you know, the infinity symbol, it's like one side is when you're teaching is internal, and then at the middle point is the body, and the body is the only thing that can do both.
01:01:29.840 -->
01:01:33.280Like you have your internal experience impacts your body.
01:01:33.360 -->
01:01:45.519Like if I yell at you and call you names, you'll feel that in the body, you know, and so even though it's invisible, it's still the body takes impact, and then anything physical that happens, of course, the body takes impact.
01:01:45.679 -->
01:01:51.679So your body is the thing that is the multidimensional being, and we don't know how to understand or use the body.
01:01:51.840 -->
01:01:54.400So I'm like, okay, let's learn it.
01:01:55.280 -->
01:02:01.199Um, I'm really interested in talking more about that the body specifically being the the teacher.
01:02:02.159 -->
01:02:07.679Yes, I mean it's the best teacher, and it's so obvious too.
01:02:07.760 -->
01:02:09.679We just we're just so used to ignoring it.
01:02:10.159 -->
01:02:11.280You feel truth in your body.
01:02:12.159 -->
01:02:15.519You do, yeah, and it impacts you differently.
01:02:17.360 -->
01:02:24.719You can sense truth, and that's why, like, you know, we have intuition or whatever, and it's like, no, it's just that your body has a system, it has a mechanism.
01:02:24.960 -->
01:02:27.440When someone is lying to you, you know it.
01:02:27.599 -->
01:02:40.320And if you don't know it, it's because you've covered, you've put stuff on top of it, you've made you we've practiced not listening to ourselves, we practice ignoring and got really good at it too.
01:02:40.559 -->
01:02:41.760That's so good.
01:02:42.159 -->
01:02:47.760Because the pain of the knowledge is like often it disrupts your life, especially if it's somebody close to you, you know.
01:02:47.840 -->
01:02:52.719There's all you know, if your if your partner is cheating, you don't want to believe it.
01:02:52.880 -->
01:02:54.159That's terrible.
01:02:54.639 -->
01:02:59.519So I'm just gonna not investigate, and I'm just gonna not, but then it's like it's an annoying thing.
01:02:59.599 -->
01:03:06.320It's like you know, you know on some level, or like you're gonna be fine, you you feel the environment.
01:03:08.400 -->
01:03:20.079Yeah and and okay, so so like too, like uh in relationships, like when things are coming to a close in a relationship, like you know, it's easy to project it onto the person, but like, why am I acting weird?
01:03:20.480 -->
01:03:47.840Like I was uh one of my friends recently was in a relationship that ended after quite some time, and um one of the areas of contention was towards the end, like him feeling from her, you know, her being closed and her not being super juiced about this connection anymore, and uh him almost insisting that she does the talking by saying, like, uh, like, you know, what's wrong?
01:03:48.000 -->
01:03:50.559And I was like, dog, you knew what was wrong.
01:03:50.639 -->
01:03:53.039Why aren't you asking her to do the hard work of saying it?
01:03:53.199 -->
01:03:59.679Like you want her to say what you know in your heart is true, and you're not gonna say it.
01:03:59.760 -->
01:04:01.039Why do you expect them to say it?
01:04:01.679 -->
01:04:06.320Well, the person who verbalizes it is the person that you can shift blame towards, right?
01:04:06.480 -->
01:04:18.480Yeah, so that's another very interesting way to uh view things, you know, is the person who won't ever address the issue, but is the creator of the issue.
01:04:18.719 -->
01:04:29.519But then when you put it into form by giving it words, now they have something against you because you were not supposed to put into words, and then it's like, oh, because you feel bad, like that.
01:04:29.599 -->
01:04:33.760I'm supposed to oh, you know, sorry about it, but like, and you're like, okay.
01:04:34.079 -->
01:04:49.280But my whole thing now is if if somebody doesn't understand feelings, whether it's a client or a boss or a friend or whatever, if you don't understand something as simple as feelings, which is what children understand, then there's just no, there's no connection possible at all.
01:04:49.519 -->
01:04:52.239Because I take feelings into consideration, right?
01:04:52.400 -->
01:04:56.480Like if you're like, hey, Angel, I really don't like this, this is making me feel bad.
01:04:56.719 -->
01:05:00.559I'm going to be like, I'm sorry, how can I help?
01:05:00.719 -->
01:05:05.360And if you have this whole complicated list of like you need to blah blah blah, then I'm gonna be like, I can't help you.
01:05:05.599 -->
01:05:08.880Yeah, but I do want you to have a good experience, and your feelings are valid.
01:05:09.039 -->
01:05:13.599If you're like this is making me really sad, I'm gonna be like, Oh, I'm sorry, sorry, my bad.
01:05:13.840 -->
01:05:22.159Um so it's impossible for me to engage with somebody who then is not going to take my feelings into consideration.
01:05:22.559 -->
01:05:31.199So, you know, the invisible world is invisible, but it is felt, and if you cannot feel it, then we just cannot communicate.
01:05:31.440 -->
01:05:32.880Yeah, because I can feel it.
01:05:33.119 -->
01:05:40.480I'm not lying about it, or I'm not it's not lying necessarily, but I I know it exists and I know it's impactful.
01:05:40.719 -->
01:05:47.440And if you do not see that, that's fine, but there's no movement forward possible.
01:05:48.000 -->
01:06:04.960Do you think that this the phrase I don't know is probably one of the most like uh indicative phrases of being emotionally detached, saying, I don't know what I want, I don't know what I Feel I don't know what's true when you do, in fact, know you just don't know, you just don't get you're not connected to it.
01:06:05.679 -->
01:06:10.719I think it has less to do, yeah, yes, and I think it's a courage thing.
01:06:11.360 -->
01:06:12.480I don't want to know.
01:06:13.280 -->
01:06:19.760Well, it's not that, but like when I, you know, when I knew that I was gonna get divorced, I didn't want to.
01:06:20.719 -->
01:06:24.719You know, I don't want to know that I have to get divorced.
01:06:24.960 -->
01:06:26.559That's so much work.
01:06:26.880 -->
01:06:29.360And I love the person I'm married to.
01:06:29.840 -->
01:06:32.159So like I don't want to know that.
01:06:32.400 -->
01:06:37.599I don't want to believe the cells in my body and my soul when it's like you have to get out or you're gonna die.
01:06:37.760 -->
01:06:39.199I don't want to believe it.
01:06:39.599 -->
01:06:47.360So it takes either a lot of pain to force the issue or a lot of courage.
01:06:47.599 -->
01:06:51.360And luckily for me, I was like, I'm gonna go the courage route.
01:06:51.679 -->
01:06:53.039Yeah, move early.
01:06:53.519 -->
01:07:02.719Yeah, but it's also you do have to then bear the response the responsibility of of pain that you've caused.
01:07:02.880 -->
01:07:07.920And for me, I don't like causing pain, but I would rather cause pain than suffering.
01:07:08.400 -->
01:07:10.000Because those are two very different things.
01:07:10.079 -->
01:07:15.679Like, first, something is confusing, and then it's painful, and then it's harmful.
01:07:16.079 -->
01:07:21.679So I was in it was already confusing, and then it's in the painful stage, and I'm like, I'm not gonna go further.
01:07:21.920 -->
01:07:26.480Because it's fine if something is painful, but if it gets harmful, that's very, very bad.
01:07:27.280 -->
01:07:40.320So, like if we're in a relationship and one of us starts to act, quote, weird, then it's like, oh, I'm confused why you didn't just tell me that, or I confused why you didn't tell me that you were gonna be late.
01:07:40.559 -->
01:07:41.920Or I'm like, that's weird.
01:07:42.159 -->
01:08:02.719So that's like the first step, and then the next step is like it's painful, you're not talking to me, or I'm not talking to you, or like it's just it's now we're at the painful stage, and then after that we step into a harmful stage, or maybe I start calling you names, or you start calling me names, or like you know, never wanted to be here in the first place, and it's like that's harmful.
01:08:03.039 -->
01:08:07.840So as long as you're in the if you're in the confused stage, articulate it.
01:08:07.920 -->
01:08:13.519If it can't be articulated, it becomes painful, and that's a really great indicator to like all right.
01:08:15.119 -->
01:08:18.159I like those three stages: weird, painful, harmful.
01:08:18.319 -->
01:08:19.840Don't get to the third.
01:08:20.159 -->
01:08:21.600Don't get to the third.
01:08:22.079 -->
01:08:25.840Also, don't have to know why, like, you don't have to be able to articulate why it doesn't work.
01:08:25.920 -->
01:08:29.039I think that's something that keeps people in painful situations for a while.
01:08:29.760 -->
01:08:30.319100%.
01:08:30.800 -->
01:08:38.159And also because I don't need you to view me a certain way, like I don't need you to think that I'm smart or I had good reasons or bad reasons.
01:08:38.399 -->
01:08:42.399It's just I don't feel like it, and I'm really just not gonna explain it.
01:08:42.479 -->
01:08:44.159If you don't get it, that's fine.
01:08:44.479 -->
01:08:54.640But I'm not gonna sit here and explain and then explain again and then be like, because if you don't understand something, like that's probably one of the reasons that work that this isn't working anymore.
01:08:54.880 -->
01:09:06.079Here's here's my thing is that like uh any anybody anywhere that knows anything about math or chemistry, it would be a waste of time to talk to me.
01:09:06.239 -->
01:09:11.680I do not understand with math or chemistry.
01:09:11.920 -->
01:09:31.680So you can be the best person in the world, the most intelligent at math, which is genius, and at chemistry, which again is genius, and you would waste your breath to tell me because I don't have the capacity, yeah.
01:09:31.920 -->
01:09:35.119If you tell me it's seven times seven, I'll be like, that's cool.
01:09:35.359 -->
01:09:42.000But if you're like anything with an X or a symbol, I don't know.
01:09:43.359 -->
01:09:52.800And it is it would be painful for both of us to try and for you to try and communicate math to me and for me to really try to understand.
01:09:52.960 -->
01:09:53.840It's just not a matter.
01:09:54.479 -->
01:09:54.640Yeah.
01:09:55.600 -->
01:10:02.000That's like a it's telling me my battery will sleep, so let me get a little blood.
01:10:12.159 -->
01:10:14.880This episode is sponsored by Sparkling Water.
01:10:15.199 -->
01:10:18.399If you're drinking regular ass water, get a life now.
01:10:18.960 -->
01:10:28.880This is like the greatest replacement for uh soda, and uh I haven't drink a soda in probably a year and a half because all I drink is sparkling water.
01:10:29.279 -->
01:10:29.840I love it.
01:10:31.039 -->
01:10:33.439I would just fill in the dead space with a with a fake ad.
01:10:36.560 -->
01:10:41.520You're like, it's time for us to talk about how much it's sponsored.
01:10:42.239 -->
01:10:54.399Yeah, um that right there, too, is like um yeah, you will go crazy trying to understand why something's not working sometimes.
01:10:55.199 -->
01:10:59.920When it's like as it's not like because you already understand it's not working.
01:11:00.560 -->
01:11:01.680That's all you need to know.
01:11:02.319 -->
01:11:04.560Yeah, why it's not working is a waste of your time.
01:11:04.640 -->
01:11:06.000You have other things to do in life.
01:11:06.319 -->
01:11:07.600So move on to those.
01:11:08.159 -->
01:11:12.720You don't have to write a book on like why me and this uh person don't work out.
01:11:13.199 -->
01:11:17.359I also think that why is one of the more useless questions.
01:11:17.520 -->
01:11:22.560I used to think it was a really good question, but why is it kind of irrelevant?
01:11:23.119 -->
01:11:27.279I think it's more useful to ask how, like, how am I gonna move forward?
01:11:27.439 -->
01:11:29.199How am I gonna look at something else?
01:11:29.359 -->
01:11:30.960How am I going to help myself?
01:11:31.119 -->
01:11:33.760How, how, how, versus what?
01:11:34.960 -->
01:11:35.600Yeah.
01:11:35.920 -->
01:11:38.079Because, like, yeah, great grounding.
01:11:38.319 -->
01:11:41.760Just yeah, just because it is, that's why.
01:11:42.079 -->
01:11:42.560That's right.
01:11:42.640 -->
01:11:43.520Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:11:43.600 -->
01:11:49.039Because it's a why can be a sense of like it's just a practice of not accepting, but why, but why, but why?
01:11:49.199 -->
01:11:50.000I don't understand.
01:11:50.079 -->
01:11:55.359I need to understand before I can accept it, but you don't, you can just accept it.
01:11:55.840 -->
01:11:56.239Right.
01:11:56.479 -->
01:12:05.199Like if things just if things just are, and there is no explanation for why, now you can ask a different question.
01:12:05.520 -->
01:12:06.000Yeah.
01:12:06.319 -->
01:12:10.960And so this whole topic is really painful.
01:12:11.279 -->
01:12:22.079And the bright side of it though, is the energy that you have in your life from alignment is the greatest thing ever.
01:12:22.319 -->
01:12:30.640And the cost of alignment is painful decision, literally using the word decision in the sense of cutting off from.
01:12:31.279 -->
01:12:34.399But like the that's the point of this.
01:12:34.479 -->
01:12:39.600So it's not like a masochistic, I think masochistic would be the self-inflicted pain is enjoyment, right?
01:12:40.399 -->
01:12:57.840Yeah, it's like a masochistic practice of like I just like to tear myself away from things, and but like I know that when my life is aligned, there's just this flow of energy in my body, and I get the thing that I wanted to get from everything else prior as a by product of just leaning into the truth.
01:12:58.079 -->
01:12:58.640100%.
01:12:59.119 -->
01:13:00.880So it's so much better to live like that.
01:13:01.199 -->
01:13:03.680I agree, and much less effort.
01:13:04.239 -->
01:13:05.359Effortless.
01:13:06.159 -->
01:13:06.800Yeah.
01:13:07.199 -->
01:13:20.319Uh this uh this girl that I've been talking to for a few weeks said something that we have shared with each other quite a few times and are just kind of comparing notes in our dating processes, is being that um alignment is feels effortless.
01:13:20.399 -->
01:13:22.239Alignment should feel effortless.
01:13:22.560 -->
01:13:25.920And yeah, that's a beautiful thought process.
01:13:26.239 -->
01:13:27.760Yeah, I agree.
01:13:28.399 -->
01:13:33.760And it's easy, it's so I think that we give so much.
01:13:34.720 -->
01:13:35.840What is the word?
01:13:36.239 -->
01:13:39.359What is the word for like weight?
01:13:39.520 -->
01:13:40.479I guess that's that's the word.
01:13:40.560 -->
01:13:41.039We give so much.
01:13:41.359 -->
01:13:42.640Sounds like a good word to me.
01:13:42.880 -->
01:13:43.199Yeah.
01:13:43.760 -->
01:13:57.439To effort, and we think we need to deserve things, and in order to deserve things, we need to exert the correct amount of effort in order to deserve the thing, yeah, and that's just not true.
01:13:57.920 -->
01:14:09.119And you could just like calm down, and the thing will show up if it's meant to show up, yeah, and then it's effortless, you know.
01:14:09.199 -->
01:14:12.640There are people okay.
01:14:13.039 -->
01:14:19.439Well, just like people ask me how I got this job, and like, why did they pick you?
01:14:19.600 -->
01:14:22.319How did you convince I didn't do anything?
01:14:23.039 -->
01:14:31.359I was just existing as myself, and somehow somebody was like, This is really useful.
01:14:31.680 -->
01:14:33.840Yeah, we'll use it, blank, blank, blank.
01:14:34.000 -->
01:14:36.640Sure, because it just requires me being myself.
01:14:36.800 -->
01:14:38.239I can do that very easily.
01:14:41.359 -->
01:14:53.199Settling back into your own seat and saying that my life is on a path already, and that my job is to like allow my life to move me in the direction it's already taken me.
01:14:53.359 -->
01:14:55.439Have you read the book The Surrender Experiment?
01:14:56.000 -->
01:15:01.199Yes, and I will tell you, the first time I read it, I was like, this is the stupidest book I've ever read.
01:15:01.520 -->
01:15:03.359What a useless book.
01:15:03.680 -->
01:15:06.960And then the second time I read it, I was like, this is great.
01:15:07.439 -->
01:15:08.319It's so sad.
01:15:09.039 -->
01:15:11.439Yeah, such such a beautiful book.
01:15:11.680 -->
01:15:12.880Yeah, yeah.
01:15:14.239 -->
01:15:16.319Uh last time we talked to you, I had not done LSD yet.
01:15:16.399 -->
01:15:17.760Have you done LSD yet?
01:15:18.560 -->
01:15:19.279I had it.
01:15:19.680 -->
01:15:20.159Right.
01:15:20.720 -->
01:15:30.800Um, due to my current circumstances, that the penalty for anything in Indonesia is death.
01:15:30.960 -->
01:15:32.239I'm going to say no.
01:15:32.720 -->
01:15:33.039Okay.
01:15:34.079 -->
01:15:34.640Understood.
01:15:35.039 -->
01:15:35.680It sucks.
01:15:36.000 -->
01:15:42.399Didn't you didn't you have a friend that had that had done LSD recently that uh told you about their experience that you said you were going to tell me about?
01:15:42.800 -->
01:15:43.760Probably.
01:15:44.479 -->
01:15:44.800Yeah?
01:15:45.039 -->
01:15:45.680Yeah.
01:15:46.079 -->
01:15:48.960Um, do you want to share about that person's experience now?
01:15:51.039 -->
01:15:55.439Because you were saying when we chatted earlier, you said that she called you, she told you all about it.
01:15:56.640 -->
01:15:56.880Yes.
01:15:57.199 -->
01:15:57.520Where was it?
01:15:58.000 -->
01:15:58.880Where did she where did she do it?
01:15:59.600 -->
01:16:00.079I don't recall.
01:16:00.239 -->
01:16:01.039Oh, you don't recall.
01:16:01.760 -->
01:16:06.079Um, so I talked to you last, but I had done plant medicine, yeah.
01:16:06.880 -->
01:16:07.520Yeah.
01:16:07.840 -->
01:16:08.159Yeah.
01:16:08.479 -->
01:16:08.640Okay.
01:16:10.239 -->
01:16:10.800Yeah.
01:16:11.359 -->
01:16:20.960Well, since moving, because when I was doing the back and forth, I would go back and I would and I would sit.
01:16:21.199 -->
01:16:27.119And my la the last time I went back, which was like um, yeah.
01:16:27.439 -->
01:16:40.880Um I I sat and it came through even before the ceremony, as I was like speaking to and working out the details, it came through that like this is the last one for a while.
01:16:41.039 -->
01:16:41.840And I was like, okay.
01:16:42.479 -->
01:16:44.640So I sat and it was my last one for a while.
01:16:44.720 -->
01:16:48.880Um, and I haven't done it since then because you needed to, you need to integrate.
01:16:49.039 -->
01:17:00.319And so I have had a year and a half of integration of just everything that I've ever learned, I'm now on fire, and I have to utilize what I've learned.
01:17:00.479 -->
01:17:04.800And you know, when you're having those experiences, you experience it as truth in your body.
01:17:04.880 -->
01:17:10.800So as I'm here having a difficult time, but I know that these other things are true.
01:17:11.039 -->
01:17:26.079So then it's the a matter of can I let my ego go enough to pull in this thing that I know is true, even though it's very difficult for me right now to like be like, I'm wrong, this thing needs to layer in, and then I will understand it differently.
01:17:26.319 -->
01:17:29.119And then it was just a lot of the work of doing that.
01:17:29.279 -->
01:17:31.439Um, and that's been really incredible.
01:17:31.600 -->
01:17:32.479Has it been pleasant?
01:17:32.720 -->
01:17:33.039No.
01:17:33.439 -->
01:17:38.000Has it been very useful and beneficial for the rest of my life?
01:17:38.159 -->
01:17:38.640Yes.
01:17:38.880 -->
01:17:44.720So I still have not sat um again, because you know, when when they want you, they'll let you know.
01:17:44.880 -->
01:17:46.159So I'm like that.
01:17:47.520 -->
01:17:49.840I haven't done ayahuasca yet.
01:17:50.159 -->
01:17:50.479Okay.
01:17:50.640 -->
01:17:53.279When it wants you, it's gonna tap you on the shoulder.
01:17:54.880 -->
01:18:01.199I like uh I swore off psychedelics for five years, uh five years ago.
01:18:01.520 -->
01:18:01.840Okay.
01:18:02.079 -->
01:18:07.039So well well, yeah.
01:18:07.199 -->
01:18:09.119Recently it's just been like, you know.
01:18:10.399 -->
01:18:17.199One thing that's interesting that I will say is when I've sat before, it's been a very pleasant experience.
01:18:17.279 -->
01:18:22.399It's been at a nice place, great facility, so comfortable.
01:18:23.600 -->
01:18:28.880And somebody that I know and I respect, they go and they sit in in the jungle.
01:18:29.039 -->
01:18:31.279And they're like, Yeah, it's a terrible time, you should come.
01:18:31.359 -->
01:18:33.439And I was like, No, perfect.
01:18:34.079 -->
01:18:34.880Absolutely not.
01:18:35.039 -->
01:18:40.159And they were like, No, part of the experience is allowing yourself to have a difficult experience.
01:18:40.239 -->
01:18:41.840That's the whole thing.
01:18:42.319 -->
01:18:49.439And life in a nutshell, human life.
01:18:49.840 -->
01:18:56.800Yes, being that now I understand that like pain is such a valuable part of the experience.
01:18:57.039 -->
01:19:13.119And if you don't fight pain, if you feel pain and you don't fight it, but you try to understand it and you work with it, and it it will teach you, it becomes such a valuable thing to be able to be in the pain without resisting it.
01:19:13.920 -->
01:19:16.960So I'm like, okay, I get it, I get it now.
01:19:17.119 -->
01:19:21.760Why allowing yourself to have a terrible time is a great thing.
01:19:22.560 -->
01:19:28.239Yeah, and pain is not optional, but suffering is.
01:19:28.720 -->
01:19:32.720So it's like take the good, experience the pain.
01:19:32.960 -->
01:19:34.960You do not need to suffer over it.
01:19:36.479 -->
01:19:40.159Because there's lessons in pain, there is there are no lessons in suffering.
01:19:41.279 -->
01:19:43.039Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:19:43.199 -->
01:19:46.720It's just giving you an arrow back to the to the message that was in the pain.
01:19:46.800 -->
01:19:48.880It's like you you have overdue tasks.
01:19:50.319 -->
01:19:53.840I'm telling you the same thing and you keep on ignoring it.
01:19:54.000 -->
01:20:00.800I heard this thing, I thought it was so funny, and it was like, hey, does anyone know um about the hero's journey?
01:20:00.960 -->
01:20:04.079So far, I haven't gotten past refusal of the call.
01:20:06.880 -->
01:20:08.079That's funny.
01:20:08.319 -->
01:20:10.159I know, I thought it was so cute.
01:20:10.319 -->
01:20:12.880I was like, we've been there.
01:20:13.600 -->
01:20:16.800Well, Angel, it's always a pleasure hanging out with you.
01:20:17.199 -->
01:20:18.319Such a pleasure.
01:20:18.640 -->
01:20:19.279Yes.
01:20:19.920 -->
01:20:20.720I love that.
01:20:21.600 -->
01:20:26.399Um, any uh anything that we touched on that you want to throw another word at?
01:20:29.039 -->
01:20:36.640Um the thing that I told my friend this morning when they called me, they were having a bad time.
01:20:36.800 -->
01:20:37.840They were suffering.
01:20:38.800 -->
01:20:41.600Thing I told them suffering.
01:20:42.479 -->
01:20:46.880Which is why I was able to say this, because I was like, you're not in pain, you're just suffering at this point.
01:20:47.119 -->
01:20:48.159And suffering is a choice.
01:20:48.399 -->
01:20:53.760Suffering a choice that you have made this choice to suffer because you refuse to get out of the pain.
01:20:53.840 -->
01:20:58.399The pain somehow is serving you, and you're enjoying it because you are now, you get to suffer.
01:20:58.560 -->
01:21:05.039And so the thing that I told them was like, you have to find power in the situation.
01:21:05.279 -->
01:21:12.720You feeling powerless is really serving your ego, where you like just love being powerless, and you're like, this thing happened again.
01:21:12.880 -->
01:21:15.760And I'm like, stop connecting with that person.
01:21:16.000 -->
01:21:21.359It's happening again because you're allowing it to like at some point, where is your power in the situation?
01:21:21.520 -->
01:21:23.359You're never powerless.
01:21:23.760 -->
01:21:34.319Even if this is against you, even if you're in a cult, even if you don't exist in the real world, you have no social security number, you have choice.
01:21:35.119 -->
01:21:43.199So you have to find your power in every situation, and you have to rally yourself to use all of it.
01:21:43.680 -->
01:21:44.399Use all of it.
01:21:44.479 -->
01:21:45.439Why aren't you using all of it?
01:21:45.520 -->
01:21:46.399What are you saving it for?
01:21:46.479 -->
01:21:47.520Use all of it.
01:21:48.479 -->
01:21:50.560So that is the thing.
01:21:50.880 -->
01:21:52.399Well, I told her and decides.
01:21:55.840 -->
01:21:56.319Yeah.
01:21:56.960 -->
01:21:57.680Power.
01:21:57.920 -->
01:21:59.039Wonderful job.
01:22:00.640 -->
01:22:03.439Sash, another great moment.
