Stuck in Old Patterns? Reprogram Your Mind

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Why do you keep reacting the same way even when
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you know better? What if the behavior is frustrating right
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now were programmed long before you were even aware of them.
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Welcome back to the Advisor.
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Today, we're going deeper into something that impacts every single
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one of us, the hidden origins of our behavior. Because
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the truth is, most of what you do today didn't
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start today. It started years ago through your environment, your
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emotional experiences, and the patterns your brain and body learned
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to survive. And today we're breaking that down with Brian Osborne,
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the founder of Interior Design Your Mind. He helps people
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understand and reprogram the patterns running their lives, so change
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finally starts to feel natural instead of super forced. Brian,
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it's really great.
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To be here with you.
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I'd love to just jump right into it, and I'd
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love to ask you when you say that behavior is
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learned and not chosen, what does that mean?
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Can you explain that a little bit?
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Absolutely so, if you think about it, there's a lot
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of generational items around where people have generations of generations
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of whether it is entrepreneurs, generations of plumbers, electricians, you know,
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it's all generational. It's what is taught to you at
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a young age, and then what gets reinforced throughout. That's
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why you have generations of carpenters and family businesses passed
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down from generation. You got generational wealth. You know. All
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that early development is the young individual that is recording
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everything that's happening around them, and that gets programmed within
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that and that's all they know and then next thing,
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you know who you are.
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Yeah, it was.
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I was in a pretty deep healing session this weekend,
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this past weekend, and I was going into some pain,
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like just like facing it headhirst and they had no
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therapist was asking me to go deeper into it.
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Where did I feel that?
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And I said, I felt it in my heart, and
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then I was asked to relate another word to it.
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I kept going deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper
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until I got to my father's side of the family,
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like generation to generation to generations. So I got to
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my father's pain, and then his father's pain, and then
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his father's pain, and then it came full circle to
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like essentially the light inside, like it's all pure love.
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But it came from I didn't even know of those people.
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It was so long ago, hundreds of hundreds of years.
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Because that's all within our DNA in which those memories
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all get passed down, those habits, so somewhere so say,
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for example, you don't like radishes, well, somebody in the
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family tree made that decision long ago. Then you don't
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like ravishes, So then it just gets trickled down, trickled down,
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trickled down where now ravishes aren't even in the house,
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you know, as an example. But everything is passed down
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from generation to generation, which is why people always say
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history repeats itself, but that's actually not the actual case.
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But more so the generational memories that get passed down,
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that are reinforced throughout time, that trigger that emotion, that
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looping pattern within your body that actually displays it afterwards.
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So when you're at a young age from zero to seven,
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like I said in the previous episode, you're in delta
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and theta brain leaves, so you're just absorbing all the
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tones everything around you, every little not necessarily the words,
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but the tone and the environment, the culture, who you
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interacted with, which you ate, what was cooked, when you
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did it, when you went to bed. All of those
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habits were picked up at such a young age, and
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then once you started getting your conscious mind. Well, that's
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when they started to take hold of you, and that's
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who you became. That's why certain people go in certain
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directions and others don't. It's just who you are that
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you didn't even realize that you are being programmed.
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Yeah, no, kidding sponges right, Like it's wild, Like my
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nephew is so young.
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I picks up things so quickly.
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Like you've got to be so careful what you say
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and do and how you act around children, because it's
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it's immediate. They're like Paris, right, they just they want
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to learn it and they're just so open. That's our foundation.
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That's where we learned everything. So what about the emotional experiences? Yeah,
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what about the emotional exsudes? So the emotional experiences.
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So the way that I have been explaining it recently
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and just put a whole video out on it which
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you can find, is the inner tube theory is that
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these loops get place into your body at a young
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age and they become habits over time. So then within
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that inner tube, let's you know, it's an emotional cocktail,
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but now picture it as an innertube. Is if you're
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at a high end resort stationed up on a tube
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at the bar, and the mix which is your brain,
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keep serving your drinks. And then you look across the
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pool and you see a vacant bluetube, which is now
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you know your new idea, your new concept, the new
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habit that you want. Well, it puts a little hole
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in your current tube, which then the mixologist your brain
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will sit there and go, here's a patch. Don't swim
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to that. This is easier here, just stay where you are.
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Just put a patch on that tube, and everything's fine.
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But when you want to break it, you look down
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you realize the tube is covered in nothing but patches,
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which is your oldest uses. So then when you want
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to go to the bluetube and you decide to take
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the swim, well, you're not just treading in water at
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this time. All that chemical emotion that was in that
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loop is now curlsing a current within your body. So
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now you're trying to go to that new habit that
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you want to learn, but you're going through all that
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chemical mixture, which is why your chest gets all tight
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and your stomach gets all upset because your vegas system
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is trying to flush it out like kind of shocking
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a pool when something gets hitting there and that's not
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supposed to but as you're swimming, that current's going to
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try to hit you in two similar old habits, which
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were also red tubes that are all patched up with
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your excuses, that actually tries to put you there. So
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when you're trying to swim to it, you just got
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to allow your body to flush out there all that
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emotional cocktail within your body to actually clear it out
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of the system so you can get there. But once
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you get there, nobody knows who you are because your
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brain only recognizes that patched up red tube personality habit
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that was sitting there. So as you get to the
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new habit, you start going towards the bar again, and
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the brain the mixologist is just like, hey, who are
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you and what'll you be habit? And then eventually they
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start learning your drink and next thing you know, just
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a brain new habit that doesn't cause any thoughts. But
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the problem is is that when somebody has so many
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patched up tubes in them and they teach their kids
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that it's okay just to patch the tube and not
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go get a new one, Well, now you don't know
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how to fix a habit, and you just live in
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those habits for the rest of your life and not
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even realizing you're even doing it.
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Yeah, I like that analogy. Change is hard.
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It's so hard, and the body and the mind, I
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mean the mind. The brain loves predictability. And so I
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remember driving to an old gym before, like I switched
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gyms and decided to do something different. But I was
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on autopilot and I was like, why am I here?
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Wait a minute, I'm going somewhere new. And everything feels
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so hard when you're going through these changes like friction
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and resistance, even though you know it's better for you,
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you know, it's hard to make those decisions.
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That the beta brain waves throughout the course of your day,
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from the minute you wake up to the minute you
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go to bed. It's that defense and that survival brain
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that makes you want to stay exactly where you are,
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no change allowed. We're keeping you safe, that this is
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what we know. Don't think about it. I have it
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under control. Just do your thing with it. But everybody
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tries to change a habit within those brain states, which
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doesn't work because if you're not thinking about it, you're
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just going right kind of like how you just went
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to the old place not even thinking about it. You
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just went on autopilot, right, because when your brain is
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thinking of something else, it's keeping you in survival and
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it's going to try to distract you to just go
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on autopilot. So this way you're safe, you know, thinking,
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just living your life. But within those brain waves, that's
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the hardest time to break the habit because you don't
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even know it's occurring, which is why I'm in the
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process of creating these when I'm gonna start calling the
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IBL system, which just interrupting those behavioral loops just in
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real time within beta, so that it's not just listening anymore,
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it's actual environmental focus standpoints that will actually break habits.
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For you to essentially close a tab within your browser
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of your brain so it stops taking up that space
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and running in the background, you can just close it
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out and just start creating a whole new life.
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Which is really interesting because up until this point, like
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I only truly believe that I was able to affect
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chain if it was difficult or during that very liminal
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state right before you fall asleep and in the morning,
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right when you wake up. That is like literally, for me,
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the most impactful part of my night and my morning
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because in those moments, whatever I choose to think and
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do and create is going to impact the rest of
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my day. Like, it's so impactful. I don't think people realize.
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You know, when you get up to go to the washroom,
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you're kind of in that daze and you're out of it.
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Like that's such a crucial heart of it. But you're
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creating this new.
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Way. So tell us more about it. What do you mean,
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how does it work?
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So, like you said, and go into bed and waking
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up early or when you wake up. When you're in
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the right brain states, you can one hundred percent change
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any habit, But in the beta in the middle of
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the day, it's next to impossible. So for example, I
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just went goff in yesterday. So the whole night before,
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I sat there and I played every hole out in
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my head, every hole what I was going to shoot
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everything off. I'm like, we're going to see if this works.
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It didn't work perfect, but it was the best round
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I've had all year, which is fantastic. Right, So I
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start a program. I mean, not in me, but the
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system that I'm creating is basically like command blocks that.
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Let's say for the drop zone that everybody hates because
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you come in from a long day of work. You
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just drop your keys, you drop your while, you drop
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this on the table the drop zone, and you just
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walk away. Well, let's say there was an organization or
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a command blocked this as for example, you know, do
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it now, you won't see it later, right, right, So
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that little catchy command is going to interrupt that pattern
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to go, you're right, I shouldn't drop it there, or
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like a remote control holder where it's this is where
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you usually give up right before you grab the remote,
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you know, So this way it's interrupting it in real
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time and make your brain start going, ooh yeah, we
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should probably start changing that habit right now, so it
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interrupts it mid time but also keeps it semi organized
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for you.
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Right, Because I'm imagining my closet right now.
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It's just been like throwing stuff in there lately, and
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I'll deal with that later. But if I had a
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trigger note in there to interrupt that pattern, like saying
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something like do you really want to put this here? Lisa,
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You're gonna have to deal with this later, that I
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think that would have changed things for me, depending depending
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maybe because it was Sunday night and I was really tired.
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What happens to the body when it gets triggered like that?
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What does a trigger do?
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So it interrupts that loop, so kind of like the
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inner tube. As soon as you see that, it's gonna
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puncture that where it's going, oh, because it's a habit.
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It's not a big head, but it's a little one,
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but it's gonna picture a little hole where it's gonna
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be like, okay, so all this is leaking out now
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because you know you're not supposed to do it. Then
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it bring goes Okay, so we're not going to do this,
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We're actually gonna put it away this time. And then
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if you do it again and again and again, next
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thing you know, you're in a whole new tube because
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your body's now going through that shock treatment where it's no,
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we're not going to do that anymore. Yeah, let's let's
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put it where it actually has to go. So when
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you do that, which your don't is actually freeing up
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your mind and your brain to do other things. Because
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when you just put it down in the drop zone
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or closing the closet, that's an open tab up here
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that you don't even realize is running in the back.
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It's still there going probably should have put them there,
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and now I got to go clean them up later,
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but I really don't feel like doing it. Now. Let
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me go ahead and watch TV. They're still there, but
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it's still running. But if you interrupt that midday and
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you close that tab out, well now it's not on
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your mind anymore. Now it's just clean, ready to go.
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The problem is is that it's not an organizational problem
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that people have. It's not a mindset problem that people have.
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It's a pattern problem, the habits that were built over
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time that no amount of organizational systems or mindset work
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can actually change. It's interrupting that habit, that loop, that
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nervous system loop to actually fix it.
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Yeah, so we talked a lot about learned responses. So
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things like people pleasing and procross nation and anxiety or
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shutting down. All of these can feel like extreme emotions
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and people feel pretty shamed about them, and nobody likes
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those feelings and they're very difficult and negative. So are
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you saying that these are all learned behaviors as well?
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Everything is a learned behavior if you think about it,
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kid gets born in this world has no concept of
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judgment or procrastination or anything like that. Nothing, It's got nothing.
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Everything is a learned behavior. It's just what was reinforced
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at a young age that created who you are today,
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or what you have learned what to do or not
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to do that has created just about everything. Then that
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could go from you know, for me twenty years in leadership,
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I learned what I wanted to be as a manager
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and what I didn't want to be. Mm hmmm, seeing
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where my parents went on how to earn me versus
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how to actually learn money when you actually did a
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little research. You know, the only thing that I'm trying
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to train myself to do now that was a habit
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that was never learned is to finish a project. And
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I'm sure many people out there, especially guys, that don't
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finish projects. And it's not your fault, it's just you
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were programmed not to finish a project. You don't know
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how to finish a project because if you're anything like me,
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my dad would take over towards the end and say
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you're not doing it right, I'll finish it. So that
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habit of finishing a project was actually never learned. The
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habit was how not to finish a project right, right,
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So everything has a polar opposite. So the habit you're
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trying to create or the habit you're trying to get
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rid of, well, first you need to identify what's the
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opposite and where did this originate from. So like when
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you went through your healing session and you got to
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the real root cause of it, that's what you have
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to do sometime for the bigger hab habits, and how
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they change them is like you said, before you go
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to bed and when you first wake up in the morning,
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so how you do it, But it doesn't work when
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the environment changes or the environment enforces the behavior versus
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your thoughts. So it's that midday behavioral triggers that are
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needed in order to actually reinforce you breaking the actual habit.
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And I want to talk about how it's going to feel,
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because I know I was very much probably still am
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in a lot of cases, people pleaser and an easy
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going girl, and I didn't speak up a lot. And
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when you hold stuff down for a long time and
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you don't speak your mind, that can cause an explosion
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of some sorts. And I remember gaining so much courage
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to have this conversation with a former partner of mine.
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And I had the conversation, and after I did, I
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left and my body like wanted to shock, Like it
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was so intense, like my system couldn't handle it, and
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so my body was shaking and I was crying, but
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I was so proud of myself all at the same time.
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And I remember my mentor being like, yeah, because you're
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interrupting the pattern. Your body's not used to this, and
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so it has to process that. And so as we're
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going through these changes and trying to create new patterns,
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what is the experience going to be?
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Like tightness and chest, upset, stomach. But know that you're
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doing nothing wrong. You're doing nothing wrong at all. The
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only thing that you're doing, and now that you'd have
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the awareness of it, is just to allow your system
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to get out that old chemical cocktail that is no
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longer you. It's one of the hardest things, because we're
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taught when your chest gets tighter, you get upset. You
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call it anxiety, fear, nervous, whatever other word you want
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to throw in there, but it's not it's just your
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body reacting the way it's supposed to and flushing out
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what no longer serves you. And that's why I always
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tell people be comfortable feeling uncomfortable. If you don't feel
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that tightness, if you don't feel your vegas system flushing
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out those chemicals that you no longer need, you're not
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breaking a habit because the reality is your mind is
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playing tricks on you to stay there, and it's actually
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better than what you're ever going to experience once you
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actually break that habit and just run through the door.
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And most people label themselves because.
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These chemical releases, Yeah, will label it because the brain
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is trying to summarize what the body's going on, what's
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going on in the body. But the brain can only
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summarize what it knows, what it was taught, what would
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actually occur in your past to actually create that memory,
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that summary, that word to describe what's going on, versus
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just knowing just my body flushing out my system. Okay, perfect,
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suck it up for two three days and just push
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through it. It's not easy because your brain is very
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powerful to keep you to where you are, extremely powerful,
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especially at a habit that was passed down from generation
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to generation. But just know that you're not broken. It's
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not anxiety, it's not nerves, it's just your body at
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least system just flushing out would no longer serves you.
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Yeah, so making me think of people going to see
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their doctor. You know, if only these conversations were had
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in those clinics. And I don't want to bring up
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I'm not a doctor and any of that, but I
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agree with you. I think we have to say with
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those hard emotional experiences in order to have change occur,
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And the hardest things to face are those emotions because
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we were all conditioned to think that they were negative
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and that we shouldn't be feeling that way, right Like
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we were all conditioned that was stuck it up, like
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just push through, push through, push through.
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And run away from them. So that's another pattern right there.
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It all comes down to the theory that you mentioned
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earlier that these are just learned behavior.
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So all they are, Everything in this world is just learned.
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The problem is is what most people have unlearned now, unfortunately,
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is the word that you brought up earlier. Patience. People
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lack patience now, and to break a habit or create
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a habit require patience. But with everything that you can
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go online now order a car and get it in
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your driveway in the same day. Nobody has patience.
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If you got a three days, I'm like, really, three,
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you can't do better than three.
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You see three different products of the same thing. One
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you can get that afternoon, one tomorrow morning, or one
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in three days. You're going to pick the one that
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you get that night, even if it's not the best quality.
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You're still going to order that one because we don't
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have patience.
378
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Yeah, one hundred percent, And that's.
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Now a learned behavior, especially with the next generation coming up.
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It's just we're not going to have that. So to
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have that patience to continue to learn it and work
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on that is going to justify everything. But that's the habit,
383
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that and the behavior that everybody is recently lost. Mm hmmm,
384
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because everybody wants it now, But unfortunately, with the body
385
00:20:04.920 --> 00:20:07.279
doesn't happen now. It takes time to grow. You reached
386
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a certain age and a certain height with time. Before
387
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you were born. It took time. Everything has a time frame,
388
00:20:14.039 --> 00:20:17.920
But unfortunately we just don't have the patience the start
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understanding how your body works and understanding what habits truly
390
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are and how your body operates and where it originated from.
391
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That is where the start is. But having that patient
392
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portion of it, well, that's a beast within itself.
393
00:20:32.559 --> 00:20:34.279
Yeah, oh my gosh, that's a fact.
394
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There's so many quick fixes or quote unquote quick fixes
395
00:20:37.839 --> 00:20:40.799
out there these days that aren't quick fixes, and it's
396
00:20:40.839 --> 00:20:44.640
so important to understand that change takes time, like major time.
397
00:20:44.839 --> 00:20:48.079
What about how do we start identifying where a behavior
398
00:20:48.119 --> 00:20:53.319
is actually learned from? Like we someone listening, maybe they
399
00:20:53.359 --> 00:20:56.759
recognize a pattern in themselves and they want to know
400
00:20:56.839 --> 00:20:59.599
how they can start identifying where this originated from.
401
00:20:59.839 --> 00:21:01.039
Advice would you get them?
402
00:21:01.160 --> 00:21:05.359
It depends on the pattern. So if it is, let's
403
00:21:05.400 --> 00:21:09.559
say a simple one loading a dishwasher, well, if you
404
00:21:09.640 --> 00:21:13.039
moved into a house, guess what that pattern? You were
405
00:21:13.079 --> 00:21:16.200
taught that pattern. You taught that pattern yourself not to
406
00:21:16.240 --> 00:21:18.559
do it because that was a brand new environment. That
407
00:21:18.720 --> 00:21:21.440
right there, that was all you. You trained yourself to
408
00:21:21.480 --> 00:21:23.359
do that. But you can entrain yourself to do that.
409
00:21:23.680 --> 00:21:28.440
But now bigger ones as far as food or what
410
00:21:28.480 --> 00:21:31.599
type of car you like, what kind of car you drive,
411
00:21:32.079 --> 00:21:37.079
what type of house, honey, paradigms, starting a business where
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you're at those were all originated a young, young, young age.
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I can tell you right now that most individuals that
414
00:21:44.920 --> 00:21:49.039
the type of vehicle that they drive is most likely
415
00:21:49.079 --> 00:21:54.400
associated with a parent or a relative driving a similar vehicle,
416
00:21:54.559 --> 00:21:58.279
whether it's leasing or buying the certain maker model. I
417
00:21:58.359 --> 00:22:01.039
actually had a friend one time. I wanted a Jeep
418
00:22:01.039 --> 00:22:03.960
Wrangler and his family was a big Nissan family. He
419
00:22:04.039 --> 00:22:05.440
told me he was going to go out and buy
420
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a Wrangler. I said, dude, good for you, go get it.
421
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It came back with a Nissan because that habit, that
422
00:22:11.720 --> 00:22:15.079
that ingrainedness just said, I can't do it because my
423
00:22:15.240 --> 00:22:19.119
body is pulling me towards the environment culture that I
424
00:22:19.160 --> 00:22:21.720
know of a Nissan, because that's all I've ever known
425
00:22:21.799 --> 00:22:24.799
with my family, to go buy one of them versus
426
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what I truly want. Now, you might not think that's
427
00:22:27.720 --> 00:22:30.960
a habit, but it is because it's the same features
428
00:22:31.000 --> 00:22:34.279
as far as pulling you into something more comfortable versus
429
00:22:34.279 --> 00:22:38.839
the what you actually want. Right, So, everything is a habit.
430
00:22:39.039 --> 00:22:42.279
It's just trying to figure out where it originalnated from.
431
00:22:42.319 --> 00:22:45.759
More So, once you said did I create it or
432
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was it learned, then you go, okay, it's a learned behavior.
433
00:22:49.240 --> 00:22:52.559
Let's say making money, Well, I learned at a young
434
00:22:52.599 --> 00:22:54.279
age that if you want to make money, you better
435
00:22:54.279 --> 00:22:56.640
work eighty hours a week, two full time jobs.
436
00:22:56.839 --> 00:22:58.960
Yeah, I can really a terrible.
437
00:22:58.680 --> 00:23:02.720
Way to make money, totally right. I didn't know any better.
438
00:23:02.839 --> 00:23:05.440
It's what my dad did. I saw where we started
439
00:23:05.960 --> 00:23:09.240
there was what five, six, seven, eight of us in
440
00:23:09.359 --> 00:23:12.720
a sixty three square foot home where there was five
441
00:23:12.759 --> 00:23:15.839
boys in one bedroom. But my dad worked eighty hours
442
00:23:15.880 --> 00:23:17.480
a week to get us out of there into a
443
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bigger home. So that's what I knew, how to make
444
00:23:20.400 --> 00:23:23.440
money to get where I wanted to go. Obviously I
445
00:23:23.519 --> 00:23:26.680
learned later on that that's not the case, but before
446
00:23:26.720 --> 00:23:29.400
I had this awareness, that's all I knew. It's what
447
00:23:29.480 --> 00:23:31.599
I did, So I always had two or three jobs
448
00:23:31.640 --> 00:23:35.240
at a time. That's what my brothers did. But the
449
00:23:35.319 --> 00:23:37.799
other thing too, with an environment and culture and the
450
00:23:37.920 --> 00:23:41.480
upraising is think of your siblings. Every sibling is similar
451
00:23:41.799 --> 00:23:46.240
but yet different. The differences between the siblings is what
452
00:23:46.279 --> 00:23:50.640
the parents were going through at that particular time that
453
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was ingrained within the individuals. So with my siblings, I
454
00:23:54.640 --> 00:23:57.319
can tell you exactly how my parents were at those
455
00:23:57.359 --> 00:24:02.559
ages and how it all transpired because it was the environment,
456
00:24:02.759 --> 00:24:06.240
the culture, the community, within where you grew up, the
457
00:24:06.400 --> 00:24:10.519
relationships everything. I can actually pinpoint every single one of
458
00:24:10.559 --> 00:24:13.559
them now just because I'm aware of it. Right. But
459
00:24:13.640 --> 00:24:17.039
that's the generational in how much the generations and the
460
00:24:17.160 --> 00:24:20.039
environment and culture plays effect. It's why you can look
461
00:24:20.119 --> 00:24:23.759
like your siblings, but you're all exactly different based upon
462
00:24:24.279 --> 00:24:26.920
what was happening in that environment during the time of
463
00:24:26.960 --> 00:24:27.680
you growing up.
464
00:24:27.839 --> 00:24:31.279
M Yeah, I am related to that car story.
465
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I grew up in the country, and I remember I
466
00:24:33.319 --> 00:24:35.920
wanted a hont A Civic and my family's like, you
467
00:24:35.920 --> 00:24:37.279
should get a higher vehicle.
468
00:24:37.359 --> 00:24:39.000
We live in the country. You're going to be driving
469
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on gravel roads.
470
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And so all of that played a big part in
471
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it because I was their learn their learned behavior.
472
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They wanted me to be safe.
473
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They wanted me to have a top car so that
474
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I could handle those roads and drive on the highways
475
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to the big city. But I thought against them, Like
476
00:24:54.079 --> 00:24:56.759
a part of me feels like I rebelled against those things.
477
00:24:56.839 --> 00:24:59.079
I mean, which is a good thing pattern for breaking
478
00:24:59.079 --> 00:25:03.400
those patterns, but I did feel shame, like for going
479
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against what they were telling me to do. And so
480
00:25:06.319 --> 00:25:09.759
how does removing shame change the entire process?
481
00:25:09.880 --> 00:25:12.440
See because you just brought up an interesting word there,
482
00:25:12.799 --> 00:25:16.240
which was rebel. You felt like you rebelled against that.
483
00:25:16.359 --> 00:25:18.400
Totally, which you were actually right.
484
00:25:18.400 --> 00:25:21.599
But what you were actually doing was going against that habit,
485
00:25:21.680 --> 00:25:25.200
that loop, that protective system. You were going away from that,
486
00:25:25.559 --> 00:25:28.880
and it was trying to pull you back. Become said
487
00:25:28.920 --> 00:25:31.680
of becoming the new loop, the new personality you went.
488
00:25:32.000 --> 00:25:34.039
Your body just went, nope, this is what we know,
489
00:25:34.119 --> 00:25:36.839
this is the habit, this is what's within it. Come
490
00:25:37.000 --> 00:25:39.839
back right, people go that. People that actually went out
491
00:25:39.839 --> 00:25:42.319
and bought a new Honda Cimic, they call it. I
492
00:25:42.440 --> 00:25:45.519
was rebelling against my parents because this is what I wanted. No,
493
00:25:45.640 --> 00:25:48.240
you actually created a new loop, a new identity, a
494
00:25:48.279 --> 00:25:51.759
new habit, right, because that's it's all you did, because
495
00:25:52.200 --> 00:25:54.400
you call it rebelling. But now let's say you went
496
00:25:54.400 --> 00:25:57.279
out and bought the Honda Cimic. You created that new habit. Well,
497
00:25:57.559 --> 00:25:59.920
guess what that habit will now be passed on for
498
00:26:00.119 --> 00:26:01.920
generations and not by old one.
499
00:26:01.960 --> 00:26:04.160
I did, and my cousin ended up buying one, and
500
00:26:04.240 --> 00:26:06.559
she lived right next to me, and she's younger than me,
501
00:26:06.680 --> 00:26:09.279
and so their family then started looking at vehicles in
502
00:26:09.279 --> 00:26:09.960
a different way.
503
00:26:10.119 --> 00:26:11.200
How interesting is that?
504
00:26:11.440 --> 00:26:15.559
Right, But it's all about breaking that original one to
505
00:26:15.680 --> 00:26:17.559
create a new one, and then that becomes a new
506
00:26:17.640 --> 00:26:20.880
legacy that gets passed on from generation to generation because
507
00:26:20.920 --> 00:26:24.640
now that old concept that's gone, right, a new one
508
00:26:24.680 --> 00:26:28.440
is now taken over. It's not rebellious. It's not And
509
00:26:28.480 --> 00:26:30.720
I'm not saying, you know, I'm just saying, for this example,
510
00:26:30.880 --> 00:26:33.400
I don't want people to take rebellition in a different way.
511
00:26:33.599 --> 00:26:37.319
But but that shame is just your brain playing tricks
512
00:26:37.319 --> 00:26:39.400
on you, trying to keep me exactly in the same
513
00:26:39.599 --> 00:26:42.200
in or two. So this way, it doesn't lose it
514
00:26:42.240 --> 00:26:44.640
because it knows it. It knows who it is. It
515
00:26:44.680 --> 00:26:47.920
doesn't know the Honda Civic individual. No, it knows that old,
516
00:26:47.960 --> 00:26:51.319
reliable dirt road transportation vehicle. It's all it knows. Right,
517
00:26:51.759 --> 00:26:52.920
it doesn't want anybody know.
518
00:26:53.759 --> 00:26:57.200
How do people start observing their patterns in a way
519
00:26:57.240 --> 00:27:00.839
that's effective so that they can understand and what's not
520
00:27:00.920 --> 00:27:02.160
working and what's working.
521
00:27:02.440 --> 00:27:04.160
So a lot of us wake out, like you said,
522
00:27:04.160 --> 00:27:05.119
we're on autopilot.
523
00:27:05.279 --> 00:27:08.599
We're on autopilot. But what's working and what's not working
524
00:27:08.839 --> 00:27:11.200
is all based upon the individual. Because you could either
525
00:27:11.279 --> 00:27:14.480
change the habit change the pattern, change the routine, paradigm,
526
00:27:14.519 --> 00:27:17.440
whatever you want to call it, or you can embrace
527
00:27:17.519 --> 00:27:21.000
it and enhance it. So whether you want it or not,
528
00:27:21.400 --> 00:27:25.559
that's up to you. But identifying is this serving you
529
00:27:26.000 --> 00:27:28.079
in the way that you want it to serve you?
530
00:27:28.319 --> 00:27:31.599
And once you identify that, that is when you go, Okay,
531
00:27:31.799 --> 00:27:33.680
I can make this work for me, but how can
532
00:27:33.720 --> 00:27:36.559
I improve it? But the other problem is too, is
533
00:27:36.599 --> 00:27:40.000
that we're always thinking of us and us only, But
534
00:27:40.079 --> 00:27:43.400
those habits get passed down just like the habits did
535
00:27:43.440 --> 00:27:46.440
do you. So when you're sitting there thinking about creating
536
00:27:46.599 --> 00:27:50.039
or changing or getting rid of a habit a pattern,
537
00:27:50.319 --> 00:27:52.400
you got to sit there and go, is this something
538
00:27:52.759 --> 00:27:57.279
that will serve generations that come right? Because that is
539
00:27:57.640 --> 00:27:59.880
what it comes down to once that awareness comes out,
540
00:28:00.319 --> 00:28:04.079
because we all have them, whether it's money paradigms, which
541
00:28:04.079 --> 00:28:06.440
are always a big one that I always hear, fear,
542
00:28:06.680 --> 00:28:10.400
which I don't believe exists at all. It's just learned
543
00:28:10.440 --> 00:28:13.839
behaviors and things just get passed down to you where
544
00:28:13.839 --> 00:28:15.720
it's just do you want to keep it within the
545
00:28:15.759 --> 00:28:18.200
family's cycle or do you want to break it? And
546
00:28:18.200 --> 00:28:20.119
that's all comes down to and then you have that
547
00:28:20.160 --> 00:28:22.440
awareness going Okay, I want to break it. How do
548
00:28:22.519 --> 00:28:25.079
I do it? Go to bed thinking about how you
549
00:28:25.079 --> 00:28:27.839
want it to feel. Wake up, go through the same emotions,
550
00:28:28.160 --> 00:28:32.039
start your day, and just have those midday habit interruptions,
551
00:28:33.279 --> 00:28:35.440
whether it's a new background on your phone that catches
552
00:28:35.480 --> 00:28:39.200
your eye, something different within that environment to change those
553
00:28:39.240 --> 00:28:40.319
actual behaviors.
554
00:28:41.119 --> 00:28:44.440
You say fear, You don't think fear is a real thing.
555
00:28:45.319 --> 00:28:47.559
So I'm trying to understand that on a deeper level.
556
00:28:47.640 --> 00:28:51.680
And so I would say I have a fear of heights.
557
00:28:51.799 --> 00:28:54.920
I have a fear of being in front of large
558
00:28:55.519 --> 00:28:59.799
audiences and speaking. Are you saying that those are learned behaviors?
559
00:29:00.640 --> 00:29:03.359
Did you come out into this world by the age
560
00:29:03.400 --> 00:29:05.920
of seven and know exactly what heights were? Now you
561
00:29:06.000 --> 00:29:07.880
know what it was like standing in front of a
562
00:29:07.920 --> 00:29:12.160
crowd of people and having a presentation. No, you'd be
563
00:29:12.200 --> 00:29:15.960
out in the park throwing a tantrum and not even care, right,
564
00:29:16.039 --> 00:29:18.920
So that's something that you've always done at a young age,
565
00:29:19.319 --> 00:29:22.480
just never correlated it with something else. So now we're
566
00:29:22.480 --> 00:29:25.039
getting into like, have you ever fallen from somewhere where
567
00:29:25.079 --> 00:29:27.440
you're like, I got to be afraid of being eight
568
00:29:27.480 --> 00:29:30.000
feet up because I fell off the jungle gym one time.
569
00:29:30.240 --> 00:29:34.839
You probably don't remember that, right, but movies, videos, past
570
00:29:35.039 --> 00:29:39.960
history from generations that instills upon you. It's just reinforced.
571
00:29:40.160 --> 00:29:42.319
So at a young age, if you're if your parents
572
00:29:42.319 --> 00:29:44.359
were afraid of heights and you climb up something and
573
00:29:44.359 --> 00:29:46.480
they go, don't get down from there, you're gonna get hurt.
574
00:29:47.960 --> 00:29:51.160
Fight with fear of that you're gonna fall, even though
575
00:29:51.200 --> 00:29:53.799
you've never done it. But now you're going I got
576
00:29:53.880 --> 00:29:55.680
up high. I was told not to go up this high.
577
00:29:55.720 --> 00:29:57.960
I might fall, so I'm not gonna go up this
578
00:29:58.039 --> 00:30:02.480
high anymore. Well, heights was just created with with just
579
00:30:02.519 --> 00:30:05.839
simple words and tone was the most important part because
580
00:30:05.839 --> 00:30:08.000
it's not like, hey, Lisa, can you please get down
581
00:30:08.039 --> 00:30:13.000
from there? You're gonna get hurt. No, probably stop, get down,
582
00:30:13.240 --> 00:30:17.519
you're gonna get hurt. Which then the tone alone it
583
00:30:17.599 --> 00:30:20.839
stills that fear inside of you. Now it's now I'm
584
00:30:20.839 --> 00:30:24.079
afraid of heights. Yeah, even though you're not. It's just there.
585
00:30:24.279 --> 00:30:26.839
It's just an emotional loop that was just toned into
586
00:30:26.880 --> 00:30:29.079
your body that says you're afraid of it, but you're
587
00:30:29.079 --> 00:30:32.480
really not. It's just replanning that memory of mom or
588
00:30:32.559 --> 00:30:34.759
dad screaming at you, saying get down, you're gonna get
589
00:30:34.839 --> 00:30:38.200
hurt off that height. And now it's nope, that's all.
590
00:30:38.240 --> 00:30:39.519
That's all it is in my opinion.
591
00:30:39.640 --> 00:30:40.759
Yeah, I mean that makes sense.
592
00:30:40.799 --> 00:30:45.640
We're limitless beings and we were born completely innocent. And
593
00:30:46.240 --> 00:30:48.200
I'm thinking to the tree we had in our front
594
00:30:48.279 --> 00:30:50.720
yard and my brother and I would climb it, and
595
00:30:50.720 --> 00:30:52.440
we built a chair at the top of it, and
596
00:30:52.480 --> 00:30:55.519
it terrified my mom so much when we climb that tree,
597
00:30:55.680 --> 00:30:58.039
and so because it terrified her so much, she couldn't
598
00:30:58.079 --> 00:31:01.119
handle it. So she projected her fear to us because
599
00:31:01.119 --> 00:31:04.200
when we were in it, she imagined us falling and whatever,
600
00:31:04.319 --> 00:31:06.240
something bad happening, which then.
601
00:31:06.440 --> 00:31:08.519
Made it harder and harder to climb that tree.
602
00:31:08.599 --> 00:31:11.920
I remember being shaky and at first I was unstoppable,
603
00:31:11.960 --> 00:31:15.160
but then with her continuously being afraid of us being
604
00:31:15.200 --> 00:31:17.039
on there, it made it harder to climb.
605
00:31:16.880 --> 00:31:19.400
And then boom, fear of heights. Yea, even though nothing
606
00:31:19.440 --> 00:31:22.119
bad happened, just something that.
607
00:31:22.200 --> 00:31:24.839
Was interesting is how we go back and we look
608
00:31:24.839 --> 00:31:27.640
at these patterns. Then I guess, right, it's just where
609
00:31:27.640 --> 00:31:29.759
did that come from? Where does it come from? What
610
00:31:29.920 --> 00:31:32.559
experiences did you have as a child with heights, so
611
00:31:32.720 --> 00:31:36.039
or you know, people or strangers. You know, I know
612
00:31:36.079 --> 00:31:38.960
people are terrified of other human beings, probably because their
613
00:31:39.039 --> 00:31:41.680
family told them they don't talk to strangers.
614
00:31:41.759 --> 00:31:43.480
You know, something bad might happen, you know.
615
00:31:43.519 --> 00:31:45.640
And it's funny how we all grew up going, you know,
616
00:31:46.000 --> 00:31:48.559
don't talk to strangers, don't get in a car with strangers.
617
00:31:48.720 --> 00:31:50.440
Now you order a neuber on your phone and you're
618
00:31:50.440 --> 00:31:52.279
in a car with a stranger anyway, right.
619
00:31:52.200 --> 00:31:54.759
And I hesitate with that because of the past.
620
00:31:54.920 --> 00:31:57.880
Yeah, for sure, right, But other generations are like, oh,
621
00:31:57.880 --> 00:32:00.559
I'm just wondering ANEWB, No big deal. Yeah, but we
622
00:32:00.559 --> 00:32:02.799
were all taught that. So now it's like, okay, is
623
00:32:02.839 --> 00:32:06.920
your name right? You check the license plate, what you're rating? Like, yeah,
624
00:32:06.960 --> 00:32:09.799
we all do that, But the younger generation no, because
625
00:32:09.799 --> 00:32:13.039
that wasn't instilled within them. Right, So everything is traced
626
00:32:13.279 --> 00:32:15.559
through a story, through an explanation. But once you get
627
00:32:15.559 --> 00:32:17.440
that awareness, like the fear of heights, now you just
628
00:32:17.480 --> 00:32:19.960
went we had a tree and that was up there,
629
00:32:20.240 --> 00:32:23.720
and then Mom always said this, So then I started
630
00:32:23.720 --> 00:32:26.279
feeling this, and then I became afraid of heights. Say
631
00:32:26.319 --> 00:32:30.279
it all just triggered just from those little words that
632
00:32:30.319 --> 00:32:33.200
got to the root cause of of what that fear is.
633
00:32:33.759 --> 00:32:36.559
But really it's that little memory playing in the back
634
00:32:36.599 --> 00:32:38.720
of your head that instills that fear.
635
00:32:39.000 --> 00:32:41.960
Yeah. So for the person listening right now who might
636
00:32:42.000 --> 00:32:44.720
feel stuck in a cycle that they can't break, what
637
00:32:44.759 --> 00:32:46.759
do you want them to understand or what do you
638
00:32:46.799 --> 00:32:49.480
want them to hear from this episode today.
639
00:32:49.240 --> 00:32:53.880
That you're not broken, you're just patterned. Everything and everything
640
00:32:54.000 --> 00:32:57.160
was learned, everything has been upgraded in life, everything that
641
00:32:57.279 --> 00:33:00.799
was built started with an idea. That idea is what
642
00:33:00.839 --> 00:33:02.839
you got to move towards. So if you want to
643
00:33:02.920 --> 00:33:08.119
create something, build something, start something, just do it. At
644
00:33:08.119 --> 00:33:11.599
no point in time are you limited except for the
645
00:33:11.640 --> 00:33:14.319
emotional memories that are tying you to where you are,
646
00:33:14.400 --> 00:33:17.880
there are anchoring you down. Just go for it. It's
647
00:33:17.920 --> 00:33:20.559
going to feel uncomfortable. You're going to feel that tightness,
648
00:33:20.599 --> 00:33:22.240
You're going to feel that gut, You're going to feel
649
00:33:22.279 --> 00:33:26.559
that that system pulling you back to what is comfortable.
650
00:33:26.799 --> 00:33:28.880
You just got to push through it, keep throwing what
651
00:33:28.920 --> 00:33:32.720
you're doing, follow your heart, follow your gut, and know
652
00:33:33.240 --> 00:33:36.240
that it will get better. The hardest thing is to
653
00:33:36.519 --> 00:33:40.839
just start because You're not broken, You're just patterned. Everything
654
00:33:40.920 --> 00:33:44.160
has the beginning of a story. What's yours? Because you
655
00:33:44.160 --> 00:33:46.480
could just start a whole new book, write a whole
656
00:33:46.519 --> 00:33:49.200
new book. You get to be chapter one. What is
657
00:33:49.240 --> 00:33:51.000
the new habits you want to create?
658
00:33:51.119 --> 00:33:51.440
Brian?
659
00:33:51.519 --> 00:33:53.759
How long does it take to create a new pattern?
660
00:33:54.119 --> 00:33:56.799
Is there a scientific evidence of a certain amount of
661
00:33:56.799 --> 00:33:58.000
time or is that a rumor?
662
00:33:58.240 --> 00:34:02.559
There is no evidence as far as is the time frame.
663
00:34:02.599 --> 00:34:07.000
Because although we can physical items, you can go ahead
664
00:34:07.039 --> 00:34:09.519
and see, like we all know a baby takes nine months.
665
00:34:09.719 --> 00:34:12.159
There's certain things. How long this takes a week for
666
00:34:12.239 --> 00:34:14.760
you to know that your grass needs to be cut?
667
00:34:15.079 --> 00:34:17.400
You know? You know it's a year to get your
668
00:34:17.440 --> 00:34:20.719
car in service. You know, everything has a time period.
669
00:34:21.000 --> 00:34:23.880
But when you're creating something or breaking something, we don't
670
00:34:23.880 --> 00:34:26.599
know because they're all different. But the bigger the habit,
671
00:34:26.920 --> 00:34:29.320
the longer it's going to take. But the smaller one
672
00:34:29.599 --> 00:34:32.159
shorter amount of time. But it's also how much effort
673
00:34:32.239 --> 00:34:34.920
you put into actually doing it. So, like we all know,
674
00:34:35.000 --> 00:34:38.840
April fifteenth is tax day, but yet some people wait
675
00:34:38.920 --> 00:34:42.840
until April fifteenth, some people do it January first. Some
676
00:34:42.880 --> 00:34:45.480
people file for an extension. Worst case scenario. You don't
677
00:34:45.480 --> 00:34:47.559
do it at all, right, But it depends on your
678
00:34:47.639 --> 00:34:52.000
habit and who you want to become, not who you are,
679
00:34:52.280 --> 00:34:56.719
but who you want to become. But there's no scientific
680
00:34:56.960 --> 00:34:59.320
takes you know, seventy two hours to go ahead and
681
00:34:59.360 --> 00:35:02.840
break one. They're all different, unfortunately.
682
00:35:02.920 --> 00:35:05.559
So there's just the twenty one day rule. I hear
683
00:35:05.599 --> 00:35:07.719
that all the time, if you do something for twenty
684
00:35:07.760 --> 00:35:09.639
one days, you're going to start a new habit. But
685
00:35:09.920 --> 00:35:11.960
I don't quite buy into that. I think you're right.
686
00:35:12.039 --> 00:35:15.599
Everything is different and there's so many factors involved. I
687
00:35:15.599 --> 00:35:17.440
would love for you to tell the audience more about
688
00:35:17.480 --> 00:35:18.199
the work that you do.
689
00:35:18.360 --> 00:35:22.280
So I am a behavior architect where I help people
690
00:35:22.760 --> 00:35:26.840
one find their root of their fears, to overcome them,
691
00:35:27.079 --> 00:35:31.880
to break or create habit. It's to interrupt them midday
692
00:35:32.400 --> 00:35:36.119
to have a nightly routine and a morning routine through
693
00:35:36.400 --> 00:35:39.199
meditation of the custom goals in which you are trying
694
00:35:39.239 --> 00:35:42.840
to accomplish and change. And most importantly when I work
695
00:35:42.880 --> 00:35:48.559
with people is I break it down into understanding in
696
00:35:48.679 --> 00:35:52.159
terms that those individuals understand. Whether it's a TV show,
697
00:35:52.280 --> 00:35:56.280
a sports metaphor a movie, whatever it may be, I
698
00:35:56.360 --> 00:36:00.360
try to get it into terms that are relatable. This way,
699
00:36:00.360 --> 00:36:04.199
it truly understand it versus the scientific mumbo jumbo that
700
00:36:04.280 --> 00:36:07.480
just sounds right but usually isn't right that people you use.
701
00:36:07.719 --> 00:36:09.599
So I try to do things like the first thing
702
00:36:09.599 --> 00:36:11.880
that I usually ask people is what is your favorite movie?
703
00:36:12.079 --> 00:36:14.159
I had a client one time told me fifty first
704
00:36:14.239 --> 00:36:17.480
dates the Adam Sandler movie, and I went, yep, okay,
705
00:36:17.519 --> 00:36:20.360
so you'll live your life on repeat. Okay, now I
706
00:36:20.400 --> 00:36:22.639
know why you like that movie so much, you know,
707
00:36:22.840 --> 00:36:24.679
but you're getting older, but you're just repeating it. So
708
00:36:24.760 --> 00:36:27.039
now I know, right, But now that movie, I was
709
00:36:27.079 --> 00:36:30.400
able to articulate different scenes of it to help or
710
00:36:30.480 --> 00:36:32.559
understand where the habits are and how to break them right,
711
00:36:32.840 --> 00:36:35.119
you know. So it's not just a one size fits all. No,
712
00:36:35.199 --> 00:36:38.679
I do custom stuff to help individuals grow because it's
713
00:36:38.719 --> 00:36:41.719
not one size fits all, it's one size fits most.
714
00:36:41.960 --> 00:36:44.199
So I try to, you know, keep everything saible. But
715
00:36:44.239 --> 00:36:46.039
that is what I do, and I work on different
716
00:36:46.119 --> 00:36:49.039
theories and I always learn and educate where it's not Hey,
717
00:36:49.079 --> 00:36:51.280
I'm the master. I know what I'm talking about. Now.
718
00:36:51.320 --> 00:36:54.480
I still learn, read and do that every single day
719
00:36:54.800 --> 00:36:57.280
to make sure that I'm giving the best version of
720
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myself ALP.
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Individuals amazing and where can people find more information about you?
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So you can find me at Interior Design Yourmind dot com.
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You can also go with lead with Brian dot com
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that's more leadership focused, whether you're trying to lead yourself
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or lead a team. Where you can find me there.
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I'm on YouTube and TikTok at Interior Design your Mind
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and you could find out more because i just posted
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a video yesterday about my inner tube theory, so I'm
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hoping to get that one out there.
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Beautiful.
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Well, thanks so much for being here today and for
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getting through the tech issues so we could record this
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amazing episode. I think it's really important that people learn
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how to design their own life more so than ever.
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The world is changing in so many ways, and people
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are not People don't know who they are, and so
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people don't realize how much of a choice they have
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in every day and so you've really highlighted.
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How much of a choice we do have.
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Yep. And it's not about becoming someone new, it's just
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utilizing what you have, yeah, and just redesigning it to
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a way that fits your operation, which is why I
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created Interior Design Your Mind. Is to utilize what you
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have and just redesign the room in there to make
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it feel better and operate efficiently beautiful.
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So thank you again Brian for this amazing conversation.
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And I really think this conversation was powerful because it
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really shifts everything. It reminds us that these behaviors we
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judge ourselves for they didn't come from nowhere, so they
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were learned, they were practiced, and at one point they
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were likely they likely protected us. And so if it's
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something we have learned, the beauty is that we can
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unlearn it. And when you understand the system has been
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running your life, you finally have the power to change it.
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So to learn more about Brian Osborne and his work
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with interior design your Mind, check out the links in
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00:38:42.199 --> 00:38:45.480
the show notes. And if this episode resonated with you
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00:38:45.599 --> 00:38:47.800
and you feel like it could benefit somebody that you know,
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00:38:47.920 --> 00:38:50.719
please send it to them, leave us a comment and
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we'll be sure to answer you and just.
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Take control of your life. Stay tuned for the next episode.
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Until next time,