WEBVTT
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:08.640
I'm Sherry Jonas, and this is Launch, the podcast for parents with older children in their 20s and 30s who are struggling.
00:00:08.880 --> 00:00:16.399
Each week, hopefully you'll learn something about parenting your adult child that you may have never heard about or tried before.
00:00:16.559 --> 00:00:25.359
And that's because the guests I invite here are all asked to share insightful stories and offer suggestions to help you through this difficult stage.
00:00:25.679 --> 00:00:32.880
If you're here for the first time, or if you've been listening for a while, today's episode comes with a trigger warning.
00:00:33.119 --> 00:00:38.000
In fact, it just might be the most uncomfortable episode you'll ever hear.
00:00:38.240 --> 00:00:45.439
But if you know me, that won't surprise you, because I will never sugarcoat how challenging it is to raise an adult.
00:00:45.679 --> 00:00:49.520
But I will say this, it hasn't always been this way.
00:00:49.840 --> 00:01:00.079
Today, more than ever, with all that is going on around us, these are the hardest times to parent a young adult, especially when they aren't moving forward.
00:01:00.320 --> 00:01:02.079
And I'm not making this stuff up.
00:01:02.320 --> 00:01:22.640
I've spoken to and heard from an enormous amount of parents, and with this podcast nearing 100 episodes, I've had so many conversations with parenting experts, therapists, remarkable authors, that I can honestly say not every adult child who is failing to launch will launch.
00:01:22.879 --> 00:01:26.879
Now that's not meant to scare you, but rather to awaken you.
00:01:27.120 --> 00:01:28.400
But this might.
00:01:32.079 --> 00:01:34.560
They've had a lot of help getting here.
00:01:34.799 --> 00:01:44.560
Now I know there are many young adults who are genuinely difficult, who are giving their parents the hardest time, who seem to have absolutely no interest in becoming independent.
00:01:44.799 --> 00:01:51.920
And many of you are thinking, if they really don't want to change, if they don't want my help, what can I do?
00:01:52.159 --> 00:02:03.519
I bet if we were sitting in an auditorium filled with parents going through this right now, a lot of you would be nodding your heads because you have tried and they just don't care.
00:02:03.760 --> 00:02:14.639
And by that I mean they won't seek professional counseling, medical treatment for their mental health issues, rehab or any other program to help them quit their addictions.
00:02:14.800 --> 00:02:21.840
And by addictions I mean smoking weed, using drugs, drinking alcohol, and online gaming.
00:02:22.080 --> 00:02:30.159
If your adult child won't do what they must do to improve their own mental and physical well-being, what can you do?
00:02:30.479 --> 00:02:32.960
It's sort of mind-boggling when you think about it.
00:02:33.120 --> 00:02:35.280
Have you ever asked yourself why?
00:02:35.520 --> 00:02:40.159
Why doesn't my son or daughter want a better life for themselves?
00:02:40.479 --> 00:02:59.680
Why do they prefer to live in isolation, with bouts of depression, overwhelming anxiety, no real life friends, no physical activity, getting high, drinking, gaming all night, sleeping most of the day, no interest in making any money, or even stepping out into the world?
00:02:59.919 --> 00:03:06.159
Because I think if they did start really living, they'd see that it's not as bad as they imagine.
00:03:06.319 --> 00:03:07.680
I mean, let's be honest.
00:03:07.919 --> 00:03:10.800
Many of these young adults haven't even tried.
00:03:11.039 --> 00:03:13.759
Their experiences have been so limited.
00:03:13.919 --> 00:03:15.520
What have they actually done?
00:03:15.759 --> 00:03:20.319
Gone through high school, maybe a few years of college, a couple of jobs?
00:03:20.560 --> 00:03:22.319
They've barely lived.
00:03:22.560 --> 00:03:25.520
Think about what we did by the time we were their age.
00:03:25.840 --> 00:03:27.199
We were living.
00:03:27.439 --> 00:03:32.080
So how do they even know that life is so scary and not worth trying?
00:03:32.400 --> 00:03:37.599
All of us in this imaginary auditorium are in our 50s and 60s.
00:03:37.840 --> 00:03:40.400
We've lived through some rough years.
00:03:40.639 --> 00:03:47.360
And we were never given the option to stay home, do nothing, and have everything provided for.
00:03:47.599 --> 00:03:52.159
I bet even if we did, we'd still choose to get out of our parents' house.
00:03:52.319 --> 00:03:53.759
That's how I remember it.
00:03:54.000 --> 00:03:59.280
I think I packed my little suitcase and threatened to leave five times by the time I was seven.
00:03:59.520 --> 00:04:05.280
So why are so many of these young adults just sitting at home doing nothing with their lives?
00:04:05.520 --> 00:04:07.759
What are they so afraid of?
00:04:08.000 --> 00:04:12.080
The better question is, why are they even allowed?
00:04:12.400 --> 00:04:17.439
What conditions are they living in that makes them so comfortable at home?
00:04:17.759 --> 00:04:20.560
Who in their life is letting them?
00:04:20.959 --> 00:04:22.720
It's you, isn't it?
00:04:23.040 --> 00:04:24.879
You or the other parent.
00:04:25.839 --> 00:04:33.439
Because you love them so much that you're willing to keep doing things that make it possible for them to remain comfortable and afraid.
00:04:34.000 --> 00:04:40.399
But you're also living in fear of conflict, of upsetting them, of all the what-ifs.
00:04:41.199 --> 00:04:45.199
So they get to keep doing what they've been doing and nothing changes.
00:04:45.839 --> 00:04:47.839
It sounds like I'm holding you responsible.
00:04:48.639 --> 00:04:54.480
But I also said earlier that many of these adult children are really making it difficult for you.
00:04:55.199 --> 00:04:59.120
And ultimately, they are responsible for their own life.
00:04:59.920 --> 00:05:02.720
However, here's where you have power.
00:05:03.839 --> 00:05:10.879
What you continue to provide, participate in, and tolerate in your own home.
00:05:12.160 --> 00:05:15.519
There are a lot of parents out there in this exact situation.
00:05:15.839 --> 00:05:29.360
Many of you are listening, others are watching videos, some are hanging out in support groups, but a lot of you are beginning to get fed up and really do want to see your adult child start living and becoming independent.
00:05:30.160 --> 00:05:58.560
If this is you, if you're on the other side of change, of doing what it takes to push your adult forward by no longer supporting, enabling, rescuing, tolerating, making excuses, being disrespected, of living in fear, of doing things for them that they can do for themselves, and allowing them to experience the consequences of all their choices.
00:05:59.519 --> 00:06:02.160
You have to be willing to do the work.
00:06:03.360 --> 00:06:10.800
When I started this episode, I said that not every adult child who is failing to launch will launch.
00:06:11.680 --> 00:06:17.120
The question you have to ask yourself is will that adult child be mine?
00:06:18.000 --> 00:06:20.720
Will you accept that this is their life?
00:06:21.040 --> 00:06:28.959
Or will you refuse to watch your adult live a life of dependency, lethargy, and resignation?
00:06:30.079 --> 00:06:43.040
Sometimes the hardest part of helping your adult child to launch isn't figuring out what they need to change, it's deciding what you're willing to change.
00:06:43.279 --> 00:06:47.360
I'm Sherry Jonas, and this is Launch.
00:06:48.240 --> 00:06:54.720
Just a quick reminder that if you know someone who would benefit from this topic, please share it with them.
00:06:54.959 --> 00:06:58.639
Remember to hit the follow button so you never miss an episode.
00:06:58.800 --> 00:07:09.519
And there's one more thing if you enjoy listening to Launch, rating the podcast and leaving a positive review would be greatly appreciated.
00:07:10.000 --> 00:07:12.879
As always, thank you for being here.
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:08.640
I'm Sherry Jonas, and this is Launch, the podcast for parents with older children in their 20s and 30s who are struggling.
00:00:08.880 --> 00:00:16.399
Each week, hopefully you'll learn something about parenting your adult child that you may have never heard about or tried before.
00:00:16.559 --> 00:00:25.359
And that's because the guests I invite here are all asked to share insightful stories and offer suggestions to help you through this difficult stage.
00:00:25.679 --> 00:00:32.880
If you're here for the first time, or if you've been listening for a while, today's episode comes with a trigger warning.
00:00:33.119 --> 00:00:38.000
In fact, it just might be the most uncomfortable episode you'll ever hear.
00:00:38.240 --> 00:00:45.439
But if you know me, that won't surprise you, because I will never sugarcoat how challenging it is to raise an adult.
00:00:45.679 --> 00:00:49.520
But I will say this, it hasn't always been this way.
00:00:49.840 --> 00:01:00.079
Today, more than ever, with all that is going on around us, these are the hardest times to parent a young adult, especially when they aren't moving forward.
00:01:00.320 --> 00:01:02.079
And I'm not making this stuff up.
00:01:02.320 --> 00:01:22.640
I've spoken to and heard from an enormous amount of parents, and with this podcast nearing 100 episodes, I've had so many conversations with parenting experts, therapists, remarkable authors, that I can honestly say not every adult child who is failing to launch will launch.
00:01:22.879 --> 00:01:26.879
Now that's not meant to scare you, but rather to awaken you.
00:01:27.120 --> 00:01:28.400
But this might.
00:01:32.079 --> 00:01:34.560
They've had a lot of help getting here.
00:01:34.799 --> 00:01:44.560
Now I know there are many young adults who are genuinely difficult, who are giving their parents the hardest time, who seem to have absolutely no interest in becoming independent.
00:01:44.799 --> 00:01:51.920
And many of you are thinking, if they really don't want to change, if they don't want my help, what can I do?
00:01:52.159 --> 00:02:03.519
I bet if we were sitting in an auditorium filled with parents going through this right now, a lot of you would be nodding your heads because you have tried and they just don't care.
00:02:03.760 --> 00:02:14.639
And by that I mean they won't seek professional counseling, medical treatment for their mental health issues, rehab or any other program to help them quit their addictions.
00:02:14.800 --> 00:02:21.840
And by addictions I mean smoking weed, using drugs, drinking alcohol, and online gaming.
00:02:22.080 --> 00:02:30.159
If your adult child won't do what they must do to improve their own mental and physical well-being, what can you do?
00:02:30.479 --> 00:02:32.960
It's sort of mind-boggling when you think about it.
00:02:33.120 --> 00:02:35.280
Have you ever asked yourself why?
00:02:35.520 --> 00:02:40.159
Why doesn't my son or daughter want a better life for themselves?
00:02:40.479 --> 00:02:59.680
Why do they prefer to live in isolation, with bouts of depression, overwhelming anxiety, no real life friends, no physical activity, getting high, drinking, gaming all night, sleeping most of the day, no interest in making any money, or even stepping out into the world?
00:02:59.919 --> 00:03:06.159
Because I think if they did start really living, they'd see that it's not as bad as they imagine.
00:03:06.319 --> 00:03:07.680
I mean, let's be honest.
00:03:07.919 --> 00:03:10.800
Many of these young adults haven't even tried.
00:03:11.039 --> 00:03:13.759
Their experiences have been so limited.
00:03:13.919 --> 00:03:15.520
What have they actually done?
00:03:15.759 --> 00:03:20.319
Gone through high school, maybe a few years of college, a couple of jobs?
00:03:20.560 --> 00:03:22.319
They've barely lived.
00:03:22.560 --> 00:03:25.520
Think about what we did by the time we were their age.
00:03:25.840 --> 00:03:27.199
We were living.
00:03:27.439 --> 00:03:32.080
So how do they even know that life is so scary and not worth trying?
00:03:32.400 --> 00:03:37.599
All of us in this imaginary auditorium are in our 50s and 60s.
00:03:37.840 --> 00:03:40.400
We've lived through some rough years.
00:03:40.639 --> 00:03:47.360
And we were never given the option to stay home, do nothing, and have everything provided for.
00:03:47.599 --> 00:03:52.159
I bet even if we did, we'd still choose to get out of our parents' house.
00:03:52.319 --> 00:03:53.759
That's how I remember it.
00:03:54.000 --> 00:03:59.280
I think I packed my little suitcase and threatened to leave five times by the time I was seven.
00:03:59.520 --> 00:04:05.280
So why are so many of these young adults just sitting at home doing nothing with their lives?
00:04:05.520 --> 00:04:07.759
What are they so afraid of?
00:04:08.000 --> 00:04:12.080
The better question is, why are they even allowed?
00:04:12.400 --> 00:04:17.439
What conditions are they living in that makes them so comfortable at home?
00:04:17.759 --> 00:04:20.560
Who in their life is letting them?
00:04:20.959 --> 00:04:22.720
It's you, isn't it?
00:04:23.040 --> 00:04:24.879
You or the other parent.
00:04:25.839 --> 00:04:33.439
Because you love them so much that you're willing to keep doing things that make it possible for them to remain comfortable and afraid.
00:04:34.000 --> 00:04:40.399
But you're also living in fear of conflict, of upsetting them, of all the what-ifs.
00:04:41.199 --> 00:04:45.199
So they get to keep doing what they've been doing and nothing changes.
00:04:45.839 --> 00:04:47.839
It sounds like I'm holding you responsible.
00:04:48.639 --> 00:04:54.480
But I also said earlier that many of these adult children are really making it difficult for you.
00:04:55.199 --> 00:04:59.120
And ultimately, they are responsible for their own life.
00:04:59.920 --> 00:05:02.720
However, here's where you have power.
00:05:03.839 --> 00:05:10.879
What you continue to provide, participate in, and tolerate in your own home.
00:05:12.160 --> 00:05:15.519
There are a lot of parents out there in this exact situation.
00:05:15.839 --> 00:05:29.360
Many of you are listening, others are watching videos, some are hanging out in support groups, but a lot of you are beginning to get fed up and really do want to see your adult child start living and becoming independent.
00:05:30.160 --> 00:05:58.560
If this is you, if you're on the other side of change, of doing what it takes to push your adult forward by no longer supporting, enabling, rescuing, tolerating, making excuses, being disrespected, of living in fear, of doing things for them that they can do for themselves, and allowing them to experience the consequences of all their choices.
00:05:59.519 --> 00:06:02.160
You have to be willing to do the work.
00:06:03.360 --> 00:06:10.800
When I started this episode, I said that not every adult child who is failing to launch will launch.
00:06:11.680 --> 00:06:17.120
The question you have to ask yourself is will that adult child be mine?
00:06:18.000 --> 00:06:20.720
Will you accept that this is their life?
00:06:21.040 --> 00:06:28.959
Or will you refuse to watch your adult live a life of dependency, lethargy, and resignation?
00:06:30.079 --> 00:06:43.040
Sometimes the hardest part of helping your adult child to launch isn't figuring out what they need to change, it's deciding what you're willing to change.
00:06:43.279 --> 00:06:47.360
I'm Sherry Jonas, and this is Launch.
00:06:48.240 --> 00:06:54.720
Just a quick reminder that if you know someone who would benefit from this topic, please share it with them.
00:06:54.959 --> 00:06:58.639
Remember to hit the follow button so you never miss an episode.
00:06:58.800 --> 00:07:09.519
And there's one more thing if you enjoy listening to Launch, rating the podcast and leaving a positive review would be greatly appreciated.
00:07:10.000 --> 00:07:12.879
As always, thank you for being here.
