Aaron: Welcome back to Izzy Right Though podcast where today's special guest is someone some of you may have seen all over socials. I certainly have in the last month or two. He's been flooding my social reels in different almost like a campaign trail. But today we've got a police officer of twenty-seven years, or now retired, who's an author of a book named Donnie. I'll hold that one up there. Mate. That's Todd Maguire. Welcome. Thank you, mate. Thanks for coming in. Thank you, mate. What a great intro. my my media team's obviously doing a good job. It's out of control, mate. It's my algorithm is just the Todd Maguire algorithm. Yeah. Well, I'll I'll have to let them know. Gotcha. Yeah. All right. I might need them. Great. Send them my way. I will. Okay. They're very dear. Yeah, well very dear mate. What isn't these days, mate? I'm I'm driving around looking at fuel at the moment, going, I don't need it. Do I need it? How much more can I run? I get it, mate. Mate, let's get into it straight up. Let's tell us about a young Todd. Yeah, little Todd. Mate, I had a really, really good upbringing, north side of Brisbane in the Hills district. Arana Hills, Fenny Grove sort of area. Just a middle class family. Mum and dad sort of worked pretty hard to put three kids through private school. Older brother, younger sister, I was the middle boy. one of those typical, you know, seventies and eighties kids just on on the bikes, on the on the mongooses and and just burning around the streets looking for trouble. Yeah. That sort of shit, you know, played heaps of sport, love my my cricket, my soccer. rugby league, my rugby union. but I was always gonna end up playing league, so yeah. I sort of almost almost sort of grew up with a with a ball in my hand basically. Yeah, okay. My old man was a was a pretty good rugby league player. He was a a star in Brisbane for for for brothers and they won a couple of grand finals and then he went down to went down to South Sydney for three years and and yeah he did well down there and I remember sort of as we grew up mum was mum used to say, Well, I only go and perv I I I'm only going to watch your father try play so I can perv on John Sattler. Yeah, okay. Well don't blame her. Yeah. See the the the Warwick farms on him, mate. Yeah. Yeah, big unit. Okay, yeah, they got some good jeans, that whole Sattler family. Yeah. I'll have a little drop of that in the looks department of your handy. Mate, that was I guess, yeah, you you grew up playing sport. That was the that like you said, that's the lifestyle. That that's how it was. On the north side of Brizzy, just running amok. Mate, what were your your teams back then? 'Cause you said you played cricket too. Were you a batter or a bowler? Mate, I was probably I was just an all rounder. Yeah, okay. Yeah, probably at about fourth or fifth. And, you know Medium pace type. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Ferny districts. It was good little club. It was good. Yeah. Loved it. And who who'd you play league for then? Back in the apple days? So I used I was just playing for school. Yeah. And I went to Padre College over in over in Northside. Okay. Which was a pretty big rugby league school. but mum wouldn't let us play league for the for the club. So Okay. She made us play soccer. Yeah, right. It was dangerous. Yeah. Yeah. and both me and my brother, yeah, we actually did quite well at it. You know, we'd we're making rep sides and Queensland sides and stuff and but we both just couldn't wait to play fucking rugby league. Yeah. So as soon as we were allowed to, yeah, we ditched that I think at fifteens was my last one. Okay. and had always been playing league at school, but then went to brothers, juniors and basically loved it from there. Mate, how would you be described at school by let's say you're teachers? What sort of playgro what sort of kick were you at school? A little shithead. Yeah. I I I've said numerous times, having a tag as an author beh beside my name is the funniest thing I've ever fucking heard. Yeah, okay. And my English teacher would be fucking Sing himself laughing, I'd tell you Yeah. I haven't looked I haven't gone through the book yet, but if it's my type of book, mate, it's gonna be is is it a picture book or are they weird? Pretty much. yeah, good, good. That's my style. Well and that's why I say to a lot of blacks, I say, mate, I'm an ex rugby league player, yeah, detective. there's no big words in there, mate. My type of book. Love it. So mate, you you obviously went through your schooling, you you're doing your sport and that sort of thing. Did you think, you know what, I'm gonna we're gonna have a proper crack at this footy or even cricket. What was the as you got to your older years in school, what was the thought process there? Yeah, I was I was sort of making you know, like your Metro North rep sides and shit like that. And but my brother who was two years older, he was making your Queensland sides and very handy footy player, five eighth and and like he was it was probably the reason why I went so well was, you know, the backyard footy games and the competition all day, every day, he just sort of drove me to sort of for me I I was trying to catch him all the time, which made it you know, made me even better. Yeah, which he was just naturally talented and I I was sort of the bloke that had to work on it. Yeah, okay. And what position were you rolling around in? Mate, I when I was younger, like my brother was a was a five eight. Yeah. He just a magician with the with the ball. And but we're both really good at kicking through with soccer. So we were both kicking for goals and my brother was left footed and I was right footed, which was weird. but yeah, he would rarely miss. Absolute gun. Yeah. but I was and as I say in the book, you know, he was a magician, putting blokes through gaps, chipping a chase and all that sort of bullshit. Mate, I couldn't pass the ball to save my life. Okay. But but I I could run into a grandstand and tackle a grandstand. Yeah. Like we were totally different in the way that we played footy, so I was just your run and barge. Rick and ball. Yeah. I tried to be. Yeah, yeah. Love it, mate. Got myself in a lot of injuries, that's all right. So you sort of front row, second row. No, I I I started off I actually started off like in the centres winger and I actually did have some pace before I found beer. Yeah. So I went from the centers to lock to second row and yeah it it didn't take long before I was up in the up in the forwards. Yeah. Okay. Loved it. It happens. Yeah, fuck yeah. Mate, you finished school? Yeah, finished school in eighty nine and I didn't get the TE score that I wanted. Yeah, that was my next bit. Yeah. I got projected eight fifty or some bullshit. Okay. And I wanted to do recreation management. I got seven hundred. And it I remember it came in the mail and and I ripped it up straight up. Yeah. That is bullshit. Yeah. all my mates were going to uni, all going to Q U T, which was back then it was called Q I T. And I'm hearing all the stories about parties and uni life and shit and and I missed out. Yeah. Like I'm furious. I'm fucking so I just started looking, what can I get in? With seven hundred. Yeah, okay. And I just looked at it and I went, that one. So I applied for that and got in and it was a Bachelor of U Applied Science. Okay. I didn't realise until I got really close. Majoring in nursing. Right. Ooh, I didn't fucking know that. Yeah. And I went, ooh. Well, I'll go for a while for the parties. Especially a target party. I'll go for that. Because I said, every one of my mates are gone. Yeah. I've got to go too. So I went end up being a bit of a master stroke. 'Cause out of the two hundred and twenty people in the course, you know, forty of them were males. The rest were women. Yeah, I see. And and twenty of them, yeah. You know, bold underarm. So Right numbers games. Numbers games. Yeah. So, I end up becoming like fucking my mates were in in the business course and engineering and I became like a bit of a Hey, hey Toddy, we've got a party this weekend. Could you grab a couple of nurses for us? Okay. Yeah, mate, yeah, no problem. I became quite quite good at it. No doubt. But after six months, I think one of the c ladies and the the facilitators or lecturers pretty much convinced me, this is not for you, is it Todd? No. No. The lifestyle is, but yeah. So I didn't come back after the first thing and and then I just started working anywhere else. I think it was at the hospital at one stage, sort of been a wardsman and then I and then I went into hotels and and that's when I sort of thought, well, okay, ho hotels will be my go. Mm. Went to South Brisbane TAFE and did a you know, diploma of business in hotel management and I'm going, Yep, this is what I'm doing. Yeah. Yep. and that's where I went up. I was working in the nightclubs around Brisbane, and cafes and restaurants. if anyone from my era in the in the early nineties remembers Mary Street Nightclub for the dollar drinks on a Thursday night. It was fucking mayhem. It was great. Okay. and I'd usually work those nights and You were serving up or yeah. And you managing what were you there? no, by the I I started as a glassy. Yeah. walking through, you know, like that. Yeah, okay. and then ended up in the bar and Could you do that now? Yeah. You could? Okay. Yeah, I could never do that. Yeah, yeah. 'cause it I just got real used to it, yeah. Yeah. And and then there was an opportunity to go up north to Dunk Island, which was still operating. It was one of the better ones at the time. Mm. yeah, that cocktail bar cocktail movie with Brian Brown and Tom Cruise had just been out, so mate, everyone was everyone everyone thought there was on Kokomo and we were throwing the bottles up and picking on my hine and mate, I had a great time up there. It was about eighteen months. Yeah. And yeah, just working in the bar making cocktails and Just living the life, mate. Yeah, just young mate, just loving it. Your liver was not Did some stupid things and did some good things and bad things and as you do. and then I left and went up to Port Douglas to the height and I and I was sort of you know just throwing bags around and it was pretty good. what was good about that was, you know, the wage wasn't great, but you'd put the bags on a on a buggy and and then you'd take the guests to their room and you'd talk to on the way. And you'd always get five or ten bucks in tip. Yeah. And by the by the end of the day you'd have sixty, seventy, eighty bucks. Which is a lot of money back then. Back in ninety two, ninety three, ninety four. That was probably if you p put that up every day. Yeah. But you had to walk past a pub on the way home. So that was all. I get it. Well. So to a hour of it was just three piss. Yeah. I was happy with that. Yeah. So what stops that happening, mate? Why aren't you why didn't you live that lifestyle the rest of your life? What makes you go, you know what, I want a bit of change? Yeah, well, yeah, I got a job offer down at ho the height at Sanctuary Cove, yeah, as a concierge, which was like, okay, first time of management type thing. and I went, yeah, okay. It's what I've been trying to do. I'll yeah, I'll get it. And and that's what said, I just lived down the road here. Mm-hmm and and it was pretty cool. So I came down to that and but what I noticed was I just didn't like the hours. Yeah. Fucking twelve, fourteen, sixteen hours a day and pay was shit. Yeah. And I think I got to the stage where I went, I hate this whole the guest is always right. Yeah. Fuck I was getting sick of it. Cause they were just screaming at you and fucking And as I was saying before, you know, I was at the Parkwood Tavern. I mean, mate, who's a copper, convinced me to join. Yeah. And I wasn't real keen. Cause I I I thought I probably just needed a a to vent or find a new job in the hospitality industry. and he convinced me through playing rugby league, that the cops play rugby league and and I went, fuck, that sounds all right. And he kept on banging on about it. And I said, mate, if you just shut the fuck up, like after the fifth beer, I said, Mate, if you shut up about it Yeah I I'll fucking apply, just shut the fuck up. Yeah. He goes, okay. You promise? I went, Yeah, I promise. and I also thought to myself, At least I don't have to fucking copy anyone's shit. Yeah. That was the other thing I was thinking. Yeah. Yeah. So I went, This actually mightn't be too bad. So I applied and got in. Yeah. And went to the academy and that was in October ninety six. Gotcha. And and as I rocked up there there was two blokes that I knew from From a school. In the same class. Yeah, that's it's like fuck how good's this. Yeah. And they're funny buggers and my memories of of that six months or seven months, whatever, was just laughing every day. Yeah, okay. Just fucking having a great time. Yeah. Just pissing in myself laughing. And and I probably needed the structure. I loved it. Yeah. I really did. I and you know, I was I was still playing A grade footy. Yep. and it was really I remember it was only a couple of years after that where they really watered down the the fitness. Yeah. Okay. Do you remember what it was back then? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You had to get out it was out of a hundred points. Five five disciplines. Okay. One was two point four. Yeah. And every ten seconds equated to a to a number. Okay. And I remember I was getting something like nine minutes thirty, which would On the two point four, just under. Which got me about maybe twelve, thirteen points out of twenty. Yeah. and then there was a a push pull with a a big trolley. Okay. And again that was down to seconds, which gave you whatever. And then there was the dummy drag. Yeah. Again it was all under seconds. And and you just had to look at your the graph and whatever it gave you, what the time time gave. That gave you twelve points or whatever like So you knew where you're at per exercise that you did. Yeah, and I think you needed to get over sixty, I think it was. Okay. I got something like seventy or eighty, but there was a lot of people that weren't and I was I was pretty fit. Yeah. I was pretty fit and there was a lot of blokes like if did it now, I was f I'd be fucking no chance. Yeah. But I think another one was a sprint, I think it was like a really short sprint. Up, back, up, back, back, but something like that. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, and it was pretty pretty full on, but I was doing enough training with with footy as well. Yeah. Yeah. So the when everyone was doing their remedial afterwards I'd jump the fence and go over to the Oxford Golf Club and have a couple of beers. Yeah, all right. And and put a couple of bucks through the through the pages, yeah, the old ones. Was there an obby course back then? Did you mention that? Yes, obby course, yeah, yeah. Fence then. Yep. You had to do a like a two hundred metre run first and then have you seen it in the last five or so years, but I don't I don't want to Yeah. Okay. May as well not be one. Yeah. I get it. Okay, yeah, 'cause that you had to work for that fence. You were halfway through being cast at that stage, so yeah. And but like you said, you almost peak fitness with your from memory. Yeah, had to pretty much had to do it all in one day or one session after each other. Yeah. That was like and that was a fucking good hit out. Yep. Yeah, real good hitter. Okay. Yeah. And did you live in at the Academy? I did, yeah. Right. Yeah, that's why I love jumping over the fences. I wasn't sure if that was just after the day before you go home. Okay. under the cover of darkness, you weren't allowed to go over there. Yeah. Because we didn't have the rec club. so I used to jump over the fence and and and hide in there. I'm sure you weren't the only one, mate, as well. But Yeah. No, I everyone was so fucking nerdy. Were they? Yeah. Yeah. Or we'll get in trouble. I said, mate. Trouble's just a state of mind, mate. Yeah. If you think you're in trouble, you're in trouble. If you don't, you fucking don't. Yeah. And I never thought I was in trouble. Okay. Yeah. All all of them, mate. As they say what do they say? you know, it's better to ask for Forgiveness than permission? Yes. Yeah. I've always adopted that. it's a good way to learn. Yeah, good way to be. Mates, any memories of the academy that stick out to you or not so much? Just a great no, just I just remember laughing. Yeah. Just having a great time. And then you applied for what area? Yeah, I went to I think, you know, I wanted I wanted Metro North. Yeah, sticking your old Yeah. I think I Gold Coast second and maybe Metro so south s third and I got Gold Coast. Wild times ahead, mate, that you wouldn't have been aware of at that time. Yeah. Being a north side Brizzy boy. I mean, I I guess you did you come down and you work down at Century Cave or that sort of area. So you had that understanding of the Gold Coast lifestyle, by the I think that they had seen that I'd come from the Gold Coast and maybe who know I'd who knows why they make decisions, but or it was just a luck, luck of the door. But yeah, got the Gold Coast. Back then you did every Almost every station, you know that first year. Yep. Which meant you got to know a lot of people. Yeah. policing was so different back then, like like I remember my permanent station was Broad Beach. Yeah, good. And and there was that was where you Radio V K R was as well. Okay. Just upstairs. Yeah. So you'd you'd start your job, yeah, y you shift and walk upstairs and go, Hey, how how are we looking today? you got eighty five jobs fucking waiting. Yeah right. Okay, fucking off of the whole Gold Coast. Yeah. And you go shit. At the end of the job you'd at the end of the day you'd say, How'd we go? there's ninety two now. okay. So were there districts back then? Like, did you have a you go, No, that's their station, we don't go past this point? Sorta. Yeah. Sorta. Okay. Yeah, it's not like Like now where it's priority policing or whatever it is. you pretty much stuck to your o own area. Your own territory. Yeah. Gotcha. I remember my my very first shift. Yeah. Fucking hell. midnight, Friday night, Surface Paradise. welcome. Yeah. And I shit myself, I really was, because I just wasn't used to it. yeah, especially having the old revolvers. Yeah. And you know, the clip was real dodgy. I kept on thinking, kept on looking down, going, fuck it's gone, it's gone, it's out, it's out. No and I I was just holding it the whole night. Okay. Like in a really packed service paradise. But I was pretty lucky that I was in a group of blokes who were probably a little bit more experienced, had my FTO, but then what was the Trump card was Chris Hurley was was one of the blokes. So he's nearly seven foot. So not much trouble came our way. Yeah. But we still got ourselves into a couple of good stinks that night. And I remember going home, going, Get paid for this shit. Yeah. How fucking good. To fight people. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. Which you would have been doing if you weren't in the job anyway for free. A hundred percent of us. I get it. Okay. That never got pinched, thank fuck. Yeah, right. And that was like you said, you sort of circulate around. Did you have any anywhere specific station wise that was your favourite? Yeah, it was Brody. It was Brody. And that's why I said, Yeah, Brody, please. Yeah. And I got it. Yeah. back then, Brody had a bar out the back. Yeah. which was r every Friday afternoon. Almost anyone that was free was always there. Mm-hmm. Then we go over the casino. Really good bunch of people. Some great sergeants. Fuck. Some some absolute characters. Yeah. Really good characters. Big A Riley, Bobby Smithson, Ray Swift. And I learnt so much of It was bloody awesome. Yeah. But when you're the jobs that you had back then, like was was a lot of broken hitters, fucking shitloads of broken hitters. And you had to go and do the broken inners at the house and you'd ring you'd ring through to crisp on their phone. Yeah. And yeah, it was fucking weird. But you'd do probably ten or twelve of in the day. In a shift. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yep. and then in the meantime there'd be fucking D Vs. They didn't D Vs didn't take that long back then. Yeah, yeah. yeah, a lot of pursuits. Yeah, when you when you could pursue. What sort of cars were you rolling around in? Do remember? Before I remember. Just old Commodores, I reckon. I can't remember. Okay. I've been through that many different cars. I Yeah. What have they got him out? They EVs now or something? I don't It depends which which mates call me. I've got one mate that's almost seven foot tall. And my God. I you've got to avoid his phone calls at times 'cause you know it's to vent about the size car he had today. Try putting a giraffe in some of these cars they've got now, mate. Th these E V ones, it's ridiculous. Do they have E Vs? Yeah. Get out. Yeah, there's some I remember I I was We had to borrow a detective's car one day. we'd run out of cars at at Redcliffe, went over there. I didn't work out how to start it. I had no fucking idea how to start it. What the fuck is going on? No, it was on. I just I just couldn't hear it. I'm waiting for the you know, really not I'm like, no, it's on. You just it's not fucking on. Put your foot on it and go. It Well, all right. There is one good thing about it you can catch up to people pretty quickly. They do take off, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's Yeah, times of what we have, Falcons, that was the Omega Commodores and stuff like that, and then they started getting phased out for all the whatever they've got now, mate. I can't keep up. A lot of Hyundai eye loads and different things now, these vans and stuff, but Okay. I s yeah, stay clear of that. I think in my first maybe second year or third year maybe, well before Tat Crime was was invented. Yeah. we had this thing called a district response team. Okay. Which was they called us the Dirt Team. Mm-hmm. Which was, you know, hand picked from each station, worked out of Surface Paradise as a quasi CIB, quasi we're allowed to grow our hair, yeah. Walk around in in boardies and thongs and singlets and just One shift. Yeah, yeah. Just walk through car parks and just blend in. Yeah. And catch people breaking in the cars and all that sort of shit. Yeah. And That was really fucking awesome. That was that was really cool. Yeah. and I remember we had this old surveillance van, which surely they wouldn't still have now. It was hardly running then. It had a hole in the floor where you where you piss. and we were hiding in the back of this van in the middle of summer. Yeah. Waiting for an arm robbery at a at a a a tavern up up north which where things have happened since. And It was that fucking hot. Yeah. That I stripped down to me underwear. And I'm just in a ball of sweat. Yeah, right. Fuck. Can we fucking windows down or something? Yeah. No, no. Gotta make it look like it's just a stationary car. Yeah. man, thank fuck they didn't come. Okay. I don't know where I put my gun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just do the job in the undies, mate. All good. That's gonna be a carton for the boys if you end up getting your head on camera there, but watch up. Mate, they were I didn't join 'til a lot later than you, mate, but every time I hear someone from, you know, your time in that way going, Fuck, that's just epic stories, story after story, job after job is just I hear the same, you know, from the The ones before the ones before there, it was even better. Yeah. So I saw the I saw the end of it. Yep. Yeah, we're we're at night shift, you know, the old sergeants would would talk about what their sergeants did. Yes. Where they'd have a you know, an eskey in the back of the the boot of the car and find a park and sit there and drink beast all night. That was it, yeah mate. They're good stories. Yeah. I do remember going into there was a nightclub underneath McDonald's at on Broady Broad Beach Mall. Can't remember what it was. Yeah, okay. And you go down there. How do you get down there? there was like these steps that you just went down. Yeah right. And you just go down, you stand there and and the waitress I remember she came over and said, would you like anything? And like my senior constable go, yeah, two cokes please. Special cokes. Yeah. Come back. It's like, holy shit, there's rum in that. Yeah, right. Fucking hell. All right. They were the days. Yeah. Okay. And that's the thing, mate. Like if you're you're working with someone more senior than you, you you're learning from what's acceptable and what's not. Yeah Okay. So you were you were Broadbeach, you'd done your G D's, you sort of moved into this sort of dirt sort of area to a degree. Yeah, I think that was three or six months and that was fun. And then you went back to what you're doing. Back to G D's, just answering the calls here and then sort of you learnt more about, you know, targeting people and yeah surveillance and and looking for certain things and yeah so it was a really good learning thing for me. Yeah I think that's when I realised that you know being in the CIB was where it I eventually wanted to be. Gotcha. Plain clothes was that was a bit of attraction. Yeah that I think that was that the little taste that I got. Yep. Mm. Because there were some days where you still had to wear a a sh a shirt and tie. Yeah. And you know you know when you're young and you don't have that sort of gear and you go to Best and less or something, go and buy a one that looked like you spewed on yourself. Yeah, yeah. And and I remember Wayne Bennett's brother, Bob Bennett, was the was the detective senior sergeant. And he had a he was a grumpy old fucking bastard that just yelled at everyone. Yeah, right. But I had luckily made the Australian police regular league side in ninety eight and he was the coach. Yeah. So a little bit of Yeah. looked after a little bit. And I remember w walking past his office and he had a the superintendent in there. And like I'm I'm second year, police. Yeah. I was shitting myself, even walking around in those offices. And he goes, Daddy, Daddy, come in here, come in here. Uh-oh. And I went, fuck, what have we done? He goes, I just thought I'd introduce you to the superintendent. I was like, I don't want to know a superintendent. That's way too much for me. And and he goes, Yeah, yeah, we've been talking about you, and I've just gone. fuck. Yeah, we just had a look at your tie. What did you spew on yourself or something, mate? That's the worst motherfucking tie I've ever seen. And just ripped into me and I and I just backpedaled. Thank you. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Thank Thank you. Sorry. I love it, mate. I still can't tie a tie. I never went, obviously, to CIB. I can't. If I I'll go and buy a tie specifically if we're going to wear one somewhere and go, do you mind tying it on my neck at my length? And I'll just loosen it a little bit and put it on. I've got no idea, mate. It doesn't matter how many bloody YouTube clips anything, I what I can't tell. I just throw it stuff it. No good. So I was never gonna make it so. I can't remember the last time I wore a tie now, which is good. Yeah, okay. So you did you obviously moved into CIB there and that's Well eventually later. Yeah, much later. Yeah. So w what how how was that experience? Compared was it what you thought it was in your head? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't want what I hated about G Ds was not controlling my day. Where when you can have lunch, where you can go to the toilet, where you can Well I I did again, I didn't want to ask for permission. Yeah. is it right if I have a lunch now? No, no. Just do two more jobs please. No, no, no, no. I'm having lunch now. Fuck all. Yeah. Slave to the radio and G D's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I and I I did like getting my tooth into stuff, you know. I I did like the investigations. I like Yeah, following it through. Did ya? Okay. Yeah, I did. Yeah. How did you find that? I really did. So that was my next bit and I think that's probably part of the reason. I you know, you put all your heart and effort in, you do everything there, you charge him, you do your bit. Could ride that out for a long period of time to hear them get a potential slap on the wrist. How'd you deal with that? Were you like whatever or you did did it work up a bit? Well, when I first started, yeah. you know, armed robbery was like te people get just getting ten years. Yeah, okay. Now they're getting three month good behavior bonds. Like and you just see it eroded over the years. Gotcha. and I suppose even if it's not armed robbery I sort of I really try to disassociate myself with it and say, I've got to stop worrying about what the outcome is because it's just fucking driving me crazy. Yeah. our job is not to worry about that. And I was convincing myself it wasn't working, but I was trying to. so it did get to me. Yeah. Fucking oath it did. Were there any jobs in particular that stuck with you from your CIB days? heaps and heaps. Yeah. You know, I I eventually ended up I left the f Fortitude Valley C I B. I went up to Bowen C I B. Okay. I wanted a bit of a young family, police house. Right. Yeah. bit of country sort of policing. Yeah. And I caught this young Aboriginal, well, he wasn't young, he was in his well into his twenties. Yeah. And he'd just ripped the guts out of the place. Right. And and I'm thinking, you know, I've I've done a drive round with him in, you know, twenty five breaks or something. He goes, I think that one, I think that one, I think that one. All of those sort ones. goes to court and I said, Mate, bring your toothbrush. You fucking need it. Yeah. Nah. Good behaviour, Bond. Really? And he walked out and he fucking winked at me and I wanted to knock his teeth. Yeah, okay. And then you're at the pub that night, yeah, you know, in a country town. This is well before people really understood that magistrates were Doing this? Yes. They just thought we'd fucked up. Yeah, okay. Yeah. And they go, you blacks are fucking hopeless. You can't fucking keep in and and then you'd see he'd go and do it again the night next night. And like when you see that in a small country town, yeah, they s they the town then sort of works against ya. Yeah. You're not keeping us fucking safe. Yeah. And I'm going, No, it's not them it's not me, mate, it's the magistrate. bullshit, mate. He he's just fucking hopeless. Yeah. And I I saw firsthand how that eroded the confidence of the QPS. Right. Because they didn't understand what it meant. Yeah. They didn't understand. Okay. So I I think it's quite obvious now to a lot of people that it is. But it's taken a while to get to that stage. definitely, mate. I think eyes have opened to mainstream media and what even gets reported now, you know, versus reality. And I talk about my parents, mum who always listens into these, so she we go and here we go again. But it's the same thing where what was on TV or what was in the newspaper was gospel. Yep. It couldn't be wrong. It was just there'd be no reason to question it. We knew it was bullshit. Yeah, yeah, a hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah, I remember one of my my first couple of jobs when I went over to PSRT and I was on the news and dad calls me and gave me a gob full for staring at the camera. Like it's three three, you know, it's that far back. I wouldn't have a clue that it's even there. you're looking straight. Mate, just shut up. What part of you got? You were a plumber your whole life, mate. Well, what are you you know, but people see these things, you know, we don't pay attention to it. I talking about that recently where you Yeah, for years. Channel nine, channel seven, whatever. at six o'clock. That was that's gospel. A hundred percent. And now now we know that it's a it's a driven narrative. It's they report this for a particular reason and and then you get on social media and then you find out the truth. Yeah, yeah. Or you whether it's the truth or whether you whether it gives you another aspect and then you open your mind up to Yeah, where you see like like a like an argument between Yeah, yeah, it's a going to a D V job. That's why I always say there's there's three sides to every story. Yeah. That person's, that person's and the truth. Yeah. Yeah. I get it. It's I saw that big change shift when I was still in during COVID. You know, when people started getting reported this way and having stuff jammed down their throat and it was this way, this way, this way, and people pushing back, going, No, no, no. And then things over a period I think opened eyes to a lot of people a lot more that a lot more questions come out. And like you mentioned, introduction of social media. There was no social media back then when you started, there were no phones, mate. You know, like the way things are, like you think back to those days and what what you did or could do and how it could be done and yeah, there's been quite a shift or a a change of Which was great. Yes. Mate, so you're up in Bowen, like you said, your country town, you're starting to see the effects of you know the community pushing back a little bit and going, This is bull our houses are getting broken into. Yeah. You're hopeless at your job and here you are happy as Larry drinking piss at the pub. Here you're hopeless, whatever. That no doubt takes its toll over a bit of Yeah, the magistrate, I remember, you know, this particular bloke, I would then get him for another ten breaks. Yeah. So we ought to put him on a three month good behaviour bond. The next week he'd plead guilty. I'll give you a six-month good behaviour bond. Go out and do it again. Nine-month good behaviour bond, and then you get to a 12-month good behaviour bond, and then I'll get him again. Yeah. And then the magist magistrate would go, Well, this good behaviour bond stuff doesn't seem to work that way, does it? We're gonna have to look it another way. And I'll I am fucking pulling my hair out. And I was get yeah, I was going home just fucking raging. I can't do this shit anymore. Can't do this shit anymore. But and then yeah, you just had to somehow convince yourself, can't let this happen, but mm I can't let it worry you. But I fucking did. So Yeah, I get it. And were you you finish your shift? What's what's it like for you finishing a shift where you you knock off, go for drinks at the pub, go home, have a drink. Like what was your lifestyle? Were you still playing footy? W what would you do post shift? I'd always have a beer as I'm writing the log at the end of the year. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Yeah. I loved it. I loved that was my D debrief. Yeah, okay. Maybe two two goals. Just as I'm writing the log and that was a good way just to knock the knock the edge off. Fresh the day. Okay. Then go home. Yeah. All right. And go home, what was the routine? You sit around, feed or by that time I was probably coaching junior footy, so I'd go and yeah, do some coaching. Okay. Yeah. And what's the what's the next step for you there? You're up in yeah, North Queensland, you're doing your bit. have you got a bit of a taste for either further promotion or are you looking at other potential roles that you want to go down? Yeah, well I did get a promotion to from there I was sergeant at Sunny Coast Tack Crime. Yeah, right. So I stayed there for about ten years. Okay. So, had a great time there. Whereabouts today? Whereabout at Kawana. Kawana. Love it. Yeah. Really good bunch of people. Yeah. just really motive I'd never work with people that were so motivated. Yeah. and some of them are still there doing the exact same thing. And I man, I think they're gonna they're really, really senior senior, senior connies. Yeah. And they're just bloody happy doing their job. And for your mindset when you're swapping, you know, you've gone from the Gold Coast, you said you've sort of gone up to Bowen and that every time you went to different areas, was that like a refreshment? Like it's as in for your mindset. Sorta. I think I was probably running away from things. Yeah, right. Yeah. Needed I I I do like a fresh start. I do like something new. Yeah. I I do get bored quite easily. Okay. And yeah, so I think it was I loved I love a new challenge. Yeah. Yeah. So it was like almost not starting at the bottom again, so to speak, but you had to, you know, reprove yourself and and go through Yeah. Different areas, different challenges. Learn who's who in the zoo in your area and Yeah, exactly. Yeah, okay. Yeah, so I suppose suppose we jumped a little bit over being on the Gold Coast. Yes. Yes. Yes. so I was living at the barracks, at Cura. Yeah, talk to me about them because y you mentioned it before, I got no I can't even picture Tell me about them. Mate, they're like a an old sixties holiday unit with about maybe six units in there, with two blokes in each. Yeah. Good location in Kira. Yeah, Hague Street, a hundred metres from the beach. Yeah, Kira Surf Kira Hotel was our home away from home. Okay. Yeah, schooners and refreshments. Schooners and snitchels for dinner. Who who could be fuck cooking? Yeah. all good bunch of blokes. We'd be playing cricket on the driveway. Yeah, good. When we got home and there was a rule that if your door was open, each open slower, come in, have a beer. Yeah. but if the door's closed private. Yeah. So, that was fucking awesome. There was such such good memories. Yeah. but it got to the stage where they said, Okay, you can only do twelve months. and in the meantime I'd I'd met a young a young lass named Karen. And so I was probably twenty five, I reckon. Yeah. and she was thirty, thirty one. she had been come over from New Zealand, Christchurch and she was gorgeous. Yeah. Just one of those Women that when you went into a nightclub or a restaurant or a pub, everybody just looked at everyone looked at her. Okay. And you felt proud. You went, Yeah, that's my girl. That's mine, yeah. Yeah. And Yeah, and that blossomed pretty quickly. so much so that I got the nod saying, you gotta get out of barracks, you've done your twelve months. So I'm sort of feverishly looking for somewhere to live. Mm and in the meantime I said, can I bunk here. 'cause we'd only been seeing each other for maybe six months. Yeah, okay. Wasn't really ready to move in and yeah, she was still technically married with a ch with a s with a son, so I'm I'm treating pretty pretty lightly. Yeah. And I said, I I don't want to move in. I just want to leave my stuff here. I'm still look I'm putting applications in, I'm doing this. Yep, yep, yep, that's all right. You just leave here and whenever you need find something, you can go and do that. That's fine. Everything good. I never went. I never found anything anywhere so I stayed for another yeah, it was another year. Okay. and it got it got serious, you know, we went overseas holidays and yeah, we were inseparable and we're getting getting on really well. Yeah. again I'd I'd made the Australian side in ninety nine. Okay. And we were going over to Philadelphia to play the USA Tomahawks. Wow. Yeah. In November. And I was pretty the year before when I made the Australian side we we toured the UK for a whole month and had the best time of my life. Yeah. I couldn't wait for whatever the next year was. Yep. And this is exactly what I thought you know, what my old mate said, playing footy. Yeah. Coppers are great. Characters everywhere. We're getting in fights every night. Fuck this is I've got and I haven't been playing rent for twelve months. I'm going, This is Heaven. Yeah. What a f I've I've jagged it. I've dead set. Fucking nailed it. I cannot believe just on on five beers at the Parkwood Tavern. Yeah. Who the f how the fuck would I end up here? Yeah. So anyway, so I was just about to head over to over the States and and Karen's told me that she she fell pregnant. Okay. And I've gone, Fuck, Jesus, you're still married. This is not good. Mm. What are we gonna do? Anyway, I said, No, I'm not going, not going, I'll stay with you. We she convinced me, no, you've already paid, you've been waiting for this, you've got to go, you've got to go. Yeah. And I went, Okay. It's only going for three weeks. Others were gonna stay and do other stuff. Yep. I'll do the three weeks and I'll come straight back home. And I I enjoyed the trip, but my mind was elsewhere. I was like, Fuck, I really shouldn't be here. Yeah. I felt bad. But was a great experience. Anyway, got home, we we talked about it for a bit, and we decided to not keep it. Okay. And yeah, I'm 25, I'm I'm not sure. Still to this day whether it was the right decision or not. Yeah. I don't know. But we made the decision and can't change it now. Yeah. and I noticed she did go a little bit quiet, but nothing major, yeah. As expected, I would have thought. Yeah. it's a it would be a a big dis much bigger decision for her than me. Absolutely. and I I was really aware of that. so it sort of leads into Christmas. Everything was fine up at my my parents' place and yeah, we're having a really, really awesome Christmas. And then it got to New Year's Eve, ninety nine. Which was the millennial bug. Yeah. Y two K. Yes. The world was supposed to end the next day. Correct. We're still here apparently. as I say to a few other people, that was our first hoax that I lived through. Yeah, true. I get it. 'Cuckin' nothing happened. I sat there on the computer at midnight waiting for yeah, that Y two two K to hit us. Yeah. So I was I was doing a ten P to six A at Broadbeach Cavill Mall. Broad Beach Mall, whatever it is down there. I can't remember now. And before we did that, we went out to a a restaurant in Service Paradise. It was called Tony's. and it was something we used to love going to. And so all there was four blokes, all coppers, and girlfriends or wives. they were all going to Melbourne. Okay. And all all we were going to work. Yeah. And and I found out just before she was heading off that she'd popped a half her ecstasy pill. And I wasn't aware of that. d and I I didn't know anything about that and I wasn't happy either. Yeah. And but I'm pretty sure it was I'd never heard of her doing it, I never heard of her talking about it. Yeah. But I thought, it's it's a special occasion. Yeah. I don't know. But in the meantime, just keep contact with me, make sure that you're right. And she did. She'd message me, she'd ring me, yep, I'm having the best night of my life, this is great. I'm going, that's good, that's awesome. Yep. so I picked her up at five thirty, six o'clock in the morning as Melbourne was sort of getting cleaned up and and and I took one of her friends home and then we went home and had a a cup of tea and a and a and some toast. And she was just telling me about the night and had a great night. It was like everything was I was going, I'm jealous, it sounds great. Yeah. And I s and you know, with the quick shift so I had to start at four in the afternoon. Mm. It was like, okay, well let's get to bed, And she goes, Yeah, yeah, I'm buggered too. I said, Okay. and by that time it was seven, eight o'clock or whatever. Yeah. I was like, I really need some sleep. Yeah. And I remember waking up a couple of hours later, hearing the front door open. And I was and there's some talking. And it was her ex husband dropping over her four year old son. Right. And I went, I don't remember That we were having the young fella today. things might have changed, who knows, whatever. So I sort of he left and I got up and I said, I didn't know we we had him today. She goes, Yeah, I know. I totally forgot. I was supposed to pick him up at six this morning. I feel so bad. And she was crying, she was really upset and she was fatigued, she was obviously on the come down. Yeah. And she she was really bashing herself up. Yeah. And and she's going, I've been a bad mum, and I'm sort of going, Because of that or because of that or I don't know. I like and I'm but I'm just thinking to myself, fuck, I just need to get back to sleep. Yeah. And when you're feeling like that that shit. Everything's hurting. Yeah. And I sort of gave her a kiss and a cuddle and and I said, You're an awesome mum, man. Like don't you let's get some sleep. You'll be thinking so much better. Yeah. Once you know, once you have a better frame of mind. She goes, Yeah, you're right, you're right. So we put on a movie for him and locked all the doors and You know, once once the young fella watched a movie he didn't move. So we knew that he was safe. Yeah. and I remember falling asleep like as soon as I at the pillow, I was out. and we both jumped into bed together. And then I I woke up at about one thirty and shh and I could hear the young fella going, Mummy, where are you? Where are you, mummy? And I'm sort of going, shut up. I always just I go, fuck, I've got to get up soon, I'm so tired. Yeah. Anyway, he comes over and sort of nudges me and he goes, Where's mummy? And I sort of went, she's not here. And it was I I remember thinking it was cold. She hasn't been in there for a while. Said okay. I said, let's go and find her. And I picked him up and played a game and I said, Is he in is she in this room? No. He's giggling. What about this room? No. And we went to all the rooms and no, she's not up here. I remember looking outside, the car was still there, her keys were and her wallet was on the kitchen table. But the door was ajar a little bit. Yeah, I sort of went, No, maybe they just didn't close it properly. Yeah, okay. All good. Not upstairs. And downstairs we had a garage with our laundry. Yeah. And I said, You know what? That's what she's doing. She put some laundry on. Let's go down and have a look. Let's say see if she's okay. So we're walking we had to go outside, downstairs, and we lived at Mudra Bar. Yeah. And it was on a a fairly probably quarter acre with a fair bit of bushland up on the hill looking back over Gold Coast. And it was at the end of a cul-de-sac. We're walking down and I'm sort of just we're just jiggling and laughing and shit like that and I said, Look at her, look at her, she's probably down here. Yeah, I can you know, I think I can hear the washing machine. I don't know, I was just making it up and and I said, she's always looking after us, isn't she? You know and I was just trying to just keep him happy and anyway, I opened the sliding door and and there she was, I saw her. She'd she'd used a a white electrical cord and Wrapped it around her neck and put it through the rafters and and she'd hung herself. And she was looking straight at me. But he wasn't really looking at me, but facing me. Yeah. Fuck. I threw him as far as I could. No doubt. without even thinking about it. But I remember thinking about it later, going, fuck, he could have hurt himself. But I st I still think that's probably better than seeing his mum like that. Yeah, absolutely. And then I slammed the door. And and that's when I remember my body just stopped working. Yeah. My legs gave way. I started yelling and there was no voice coming out. Yeah. Yeah. And I remember just being hit with something that took my fucking breath away. Yeah. Like winded. And like I'm and and that's why I couldn't yell. I'm like, I'm And like I'm trying to scream, like help, help. Fucking and then my body just start came good. Yeah. And it was like, and that and I just started wailing like a bench. He was like screaming and fucking Why? Help fucking someone. Fuck, fuck. Yeah. Why? What's what's And I was just I remember picking her up and I'm trying to get it from around her neck. And I'm it just it was all so tight and so it wasn't budging. Yep. And I'm going, I need another hand. And there's no one anywhere apart from the young fella. do I do? I eventually put her down, I ran back upstairs, got a knife from the kitchen, came down, cut her down, took it around her neck, and then started CPR. And I don't know if I did it for two minutes or two hours. I really f Yeah everything was just a blur. Everything I'm still screaming, I'm crying. I'm trying to get rid of all the snot from around her nose and I'm breathing into her into her mouth. And I f at one stage I thought I'd got her back alive 'cause air was coming back out. Yeah. And then I realised fuck it's mine. Shit. I'm going, fuck. Once you felt her neck, I knew I I knew deep down she was not. She's not with us. Yeah. But I didn't want to let that go either. I said, no, I'm not gonna finish this. I think my phone was still next to the bed or something like that as well. And everything was just fucking spinning. Everything was mad. Everything I didn't know what was going on. But I knew I I've I had this thought where I had to go out make sure. What's what's he doing out there? Fuck is he still out there? Is he walked off? What's going on? And I walked out and he was exactly where he was, went around past. He was just against the wall. I went off picked him up, went up, got my phone, rang Broad Beach Station. Yeah. And basically had to tell my work colleagues what had happened and They're the ones that came out and did the job. And before you knew it, I'm sitting on the the gutter out the front and you could hear the the ambulance siren and it just I think it took four minutes, but it sounded like it was four hours. It just took forever. Okay. 'Cause I was just s I was so isolated and so I didn't know what the fuck to do. And I just I just need someone here with me. Yes. Someone to tell me what to do because I was like a zombie. Yep. And finally Finally they arrived and then so did every other fucker. Yeah. It was like a fucking movie set. There was every emergency service and then family, friends and fuck. And that was overwhelming. It was just fuck, what what are they all doing here? A hundred percent. Yeah. And that still sticks with you to this day. Fuck yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then I'm sitting at the back deck of the next door neighbours 'cause we We all went into the next door neighbours and I'd never met these people. Yeah. And the Detective Inspector turned up and sort of almost like, you know, the sea parted and he walked through and I'm Detective Inspector. I've got to talk to you about this. So this is three o'clock on News Day 2000, public holiday. and he absolutely fucking grilled me over the knife. And I remember at the time just thinking. Well I don't understand. Yeah. I use the knife to cut it down. Yeah. I've said it fifteen times to this person, this person. Why do I have to say it again? Yeah. Aren't we on the same team? Like aren't we some big blue family that everyone keeps talking about? You go through some pretty hectic trauma. I I started feeling fucking a suspect. Yeah, a hundred percent. And he was treating me like a suspect. Yep. And I'm just gone What the fuck? Yep. I now know over the years as a detective later. Yeah. Certain questioning you need to do to rule people out. Yeah. And I I can I can sort of imagine that's what he was doing. Yeah. Which is good. But I know at the time I didn't recognise that was happening. I didn't understand. Yeah. And that just added to the fucking trauma. I'm going how the fuck did I become a suspect? Yeah. That's how I felt. Yeah, I know I get it. I'm going, fuck. And then I remember seeing the knife getting put in a plastic bag and I'm going. Well well what the fuck what the fuck is going on here? Yeah and I was losing it. I was fucking losing it, going I've told the same story over and over. Shit ton of extra trauma that was attached to something that was already traumatic. Yeah, yeah. And I I rung my mum and I remember she was devastated. She grabbed Dad and they drove back down from Brisbane and they said, You coming home with me? Okay. And yeah, I jumped in the back of the car and went back up to Brisbane. I remember waking up the next morning going, I think I'm fifteen again. Did all of this shit happen? Yeah, right. And I actually thought, that was just a dream. Yeah, okay. I'm not really a copper. Yeah. That really never happened. But then as soon as you wake up, you rub your eyes and Reality. fuck it did happen. Shit. And I still had Karen's phone. Yeah. And it kept ringing. Okay. Kept answering it. Either people had heard the story And and didn't believe it, wanted to Yeah. Talk to her to say themselves. Yeah. Wow. Other people were just ringing to say, Happy New Year. Yes. I've got some bad news for you. Fuck. And I did it probably ten or fifteen times that day. Wow. And I was just like, Fuck. Yeah, I remember my dad or my uncle someone took the phone off me and said, Man, leave it alone. Yeah. Don't touch it. So to the QPS credit, I got three months sick leave. Okay. And got transferred back up to Brisbane. Right. So I moved moved back in home and then I moved in with my sister at the gap. Yeah. And and then they assigned me Interpilly. So Okay. So that was that was the last I saw of fucking Gold Coast. Yeah, right. I I came back to clean out the house about a week later and was it. Did you talk to anyone like as in specialists or anything? I know it's very frowned upon, you know, especially in those days to talk to anyone and things like that. Wait, how was your way of of dealing with what had just happened? I I do remember speaking to someone. Yeah. And once I started writing this book, I was trying to find any old literature, any diaries, anything that I could jog my memory on on certain things. And I found a lifeline Book, booklet type thing. Okay. Where the psychol or the counselor that I was seeing said that Todd after six months, Todd is really upset with himself that he doesn't understand why he's still thinking so much about it. He he thinks he should be over it by now. Okay. And I'm and and I thought that was so interesting. Yeah. That Back then I thought that I should have been over it in six months. Yeah, okay. Twenty five years later I'm still not ARI. Yes. Yeah. But I that's was my belief back then. And ex where do you sit with that now? I was just naive. Yeah. I had never experienced a traumatic event before that. Okay. personally. Yep. No one in my family. I'd been to suicides. I'd yeah, I think my first one was a hanging across the road from the Southport hospital back then. Yeah. when he was he was not allowed to go into the mental health unit. So when he came back out and swung himself. Yeah, right. but you know that's it's just a job in it. Like you and it really I think I've I've said numerous times I could go to a hundred thousand yeah dead bodies but when it's yours, your your loved one and your holdner. I can it's fucking different. And where does that sit with you now, personally? Well, know over the years it gave me a lot more empathy and a lot more understanding for people in that position. Yep. and it made me invest way too much in Yeah. I felt that I was their counsellor. I felt I was that person that they could rely on. And I took too much on. Okay. Like mentally. Yep. Yeah. But I felt so much for Yeah. That I felt like I had to do it. Okay. Mm. You were the expert's the wrong word, but you had been through that before and understood certain feelings a lot more than others did. Yeah, fucking. Yeah. Okay. Yep. And do you remember I'm at do you remember your first sort of initial job that you potentially had once you did go back to work? That you know, because you were C I B at this stage, you got a uniform at first. Were you? Okay. And I remember the first couple of weeks they they assigned me I think the officer in charge knew w what had happened. Yeah. The majority of people didn't. Yep. I just transferred from the Gold Coast. Okay. But they gave me like a a senior constable female and she knew. Yeah. And she was awesome. She was fucking awesome. And but I remember just not saying a word. Yeah. And I was just looking out the window in the passenger seat the whole time. Just with crying eyes, blurry eyes, not even looking at anything, not listening to the radio. Yeah. Just staring into blank. Okay. And it could have been an arm robbery in front of me. It was like I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. Yeah. And I think that's when they did said, when they say C L B it was like a broken inner squad, so I was th they knew that that meant that I was probably not going to go to a dead body. Yeah, right. Yep. And it it actually gave me bitter bit of you know keenness to fucking do some some good work and Yep. 'Cause there was a lot of breaks over there which was pretty cool. Yeah, definitely. And we were really fucking smashing and I was working with this old detective who wasn't a ex undercover cop and and he was he's he was still living at two. And and I think that was the first taste I got at I going, I didn't even know this existed. Mm. So but by this time, you know, that three months that I had at home. Yeah. I fucking drank myself to death almost. because I was sitting at home by myself and each day it got earlier and earlier. I was having really bad nightmares. I couldn't I didn't want to close my eyes. If I did, I would see the scene, I would see her lying next to me crying, saying, Why did you let this happen? and all these fucking things. So I got to the stage where I just had to I had to black myself out each night to get to sleep. I'd wake up in the morning just fucking feeling rotten. But I'd get back on it. Yeah. It'd be yeah, beers, rums, wine, tomaza pen, cannabis, fucking everything. Anything that would just stop me from fucking having those experiences. Yeah. And Yeah, and then a couple of months later I was in Dooley's and ran into the same fella that talked me into joining the cops. Yep. And he's an undercover cop now. Yeah, right. And he looked very different. Yeah. Yeah. Had dreadlocks and fucking eye rings and earrings and and he was with some other cops who were undercover and they look like some some fucking roadie crew, you know. Fucking they look feral, man. Yeah. And And he goes, Come over and have a chat with them. And we did that. Yeah. And they're telling their stories and they're having a bit of a debrief themselves. And I fucking went home that night and I went, That's what I'm doing. Lit the bug, mate. It's fucking over, yeah. Because I said, you know what? I got nothing to live for. Okay. I got no future. Yeah. I had my future. It's gone. I had a ready made family, house, white big fence, all that fucking bullshit. It's gone. Yeah. That was my chance. Okay. It's over. Yeah. My life's fucking dat Well while most people approaching thirty, looking at mortgages and shit like that, it was like Doesn't interest ya. It's not funny. No. Yeah. My the love of my life's gone. Yeah. I'm not everything's gone. Mm. I got no future. I had nothing to look forward to. Yes. That was the only thing that I got to look forward to because I went, fuck, I'm gonna rip it in. I'm gonna go crazy. Okay. And if I make it b at the end of the two years, that's just a bonus. Yeah. I don't give a fuck. Yep. And I went, It's time. It's time. And I fucking I gave it a good shot. Okay. Then we go we go into Yeah, so like Bug is lit. Yes, yeah. So I did the course, which, yeah, great what a great course. Four weeks being an undercovered cop at the Oxley Academy while first year recruits coming through. How smart's that? Dangerous. Yeah, right. That is dangerous. Okay. However, we did a lot of off campus fucking scenarios and stuff, but you still had to go back there. Yeah. And you still had to be around that sort of environment. Yeah. and then you spent a lot of time at night drinking. Mm-hmm, and they and the solid days would just watch to see how you handle your piss. Yeah. And I'd been done I'd done twelve months of fucking good training and I drank pretty much everyone under the table and Everyone's fucked at the end of the night and I'm going, We're still going. Yeah. Still going. Come on, buddy. And so I got the tick for that one. He hasn't acted like a dickhead, he hasn't hasn't loose lips and you were seasoned. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. probably in a bad way, but it was one thing that helped me get through that. Okay. and and then pretty much twelve months to the day of Karen's death, I've I've arrived at the covert unit in the safe house. Yeah. And And they print out a paper and so your your name is now Donnie Wilson. That's your new identity. that's your car over there. It was a yellow vacationer. I think it was an eighty two. Okay. with fucking Mukao car seats, black and white car seats. Yeah, right. Fuck it was good. Yeah. and they said you're going to cabulture. Okay. Yeah. Up in my neck of the woods. Fuck yeah. Wasn't that a baptism of fire? Yeah, I bet what year? Two thousand and one. Okay. Mm. Yep. there was There was like speed was fucking just rife. Yeah. unemployment was through the roof. Yeah. And it was just a violent place. Probably still is, I don't know. Yeah, that's a chance. And I had an informant who was intro introducing them to people. And my f I think it was my first week or so, we're walking through the cemetery and and this fella's telling me this is a shortcut. But there was three blokes waiting there to fucking roll us. Okay. But Donnie Donnie had a lot of fucking anger. Did he? And he hated the world. Yeah. And he fucking hated everyone. Okay. And he blamed the world for what had happened. And had just he was just a highly strung yeah. Fucking lunatic, really. Yep. and I I talk about it in third person because that's a very different person to who I am now. Absolutely. Yeah. and these blokes jumped out to try and roll us and I just fucking Fucking beautiful, I've been waiting for this. Yeah. And I fucking toiled him up. Absolutely toiled him up. I've yeah, picked up a shovel, fucking hit one bloke in the head, and the others ran I got one and I just fucking got one and I just ripped into him. I was just fucking you know, fucking yabby pumping him, fucking bang, bang. And my other blokes pulling me off him going, Fucking, I think you're gonna kill the cut. Go fuck, I don't give a fuck. Yeah. Tell fucking everyone here. Donnie's in town, can't. Okay. Stamp. Yeah. So it ended up fucking good. The word did get around that this lunatic's fucking turned up. Yeah. it surely can't be a cop because of what just did. and then yeah, I just just fucking yeah, if someone said Like at headquarters will say, we need you to go and talk to this fella. Yeah. And then I'd ask my mate, What about this fella? fuck, you don't go to his house, mate. Yeah, right. You'll have a shotgun in your face. Okay. I'd fucking run there. Yeah, right. Fucking that's that's a challenge. So back then y you mentioned the cover, so were you were you going there each day for a briefing or something, were you? Or how did that like you got given the name Donnie? Yeah. You got the yellow car with the cow seats. Yeah. And you got a briefing on whatever your role was for the next period of time. Is that how it went? And then you went up to Kabulcha from there. So what was your role to what were you there to do in Kabulcha? Just a I was I was actually living I started living in Bribey first and then I lived up at King's Beach. Yeah. And then I moved back down to like the north side of Brisbane type thing. Okay. never lived in Kabulcha, thank fuck. Yeah. but I would drive there and get there at seven or eight the morning and stay there till ten at night. Okay. And just be seen. Just I'd be everywhere. I'd be in the pubs, I'd be in the shopping centres. Yep. I'd be fucking talking to everyone. Yeah, j and had to really start low, start with the fucking with the shit. Yeah. And and I just kept moving up, moving up as I kept doing and and eventually got got the the big crooks, which was good. Okay. Yeah. so it's just a matter of I guess your equivalent networking with people, being seen, working out who's who, rubbing shoulders. Yeah, yeah, like one of the first jobs that I sort of talk about was I'd befriended this this couple because I thought that they had a access to where I wanted to go. Okay. And and I'd I'd rock up to their place and just off King Street. down near the probably down where the new station is around that area. Okay. And as I drive into their street, you could hear their music. Like that's how fucking loud it was in the area. Yeah, right. Yeah. And when I got into their house, he had a like a a mixing table and that's pretty much all they had in their whole fucking house. Yeah right. And he had it that fucking loud that you could hear it Yeah, five hundred meters down the road as you were driving into the street. So the recording device never worked when I got in there. Yep. Because it was that fucking loud. But he only ever played and Okay. All day every day. and Yeah. Yeah, right. Fucking hell. So whatever that album is, man, I can still sing every word of it. I heard it fifty eight times. Yeah. And so anyway, I remember going, Hey, you get us on? Yeah. Got your car? Yeah, let's go. And I'm thinking he's taken me to someone of one of the targets. And I end up being someone totally fucking different. But you had to run it through. Yeah. Because we've already asked for it. Yeah. And and we're going south. And he goes, I've just got to stop in at the bank. And back then is where you had your your dockets that you fucking gave to the teller. And he obviously had like one of those passport type things and no ATMs or whatever. And You know, you'd see him getting a bit fucking nargy because he was a fucking loose cannon, like good fucking speed head, on the needle every day. And and he was an angry bastard. And anyway he comes storming back over. I was standing with his missus and he's gone, Did you fucking take money out of our account? And she starts going, you know, yeah, the you know, the junkie fucking women. Yeah. and it's because I was trying to fucking get groceries, yeah. You do that well, mate. He's fucking knocked her out. Yeah, right. In the bank. And I've gone, what the fuck? And your natural instinct has been a cop all those years is Well, yeah, I've thought about it over the years. It's like my first natural instinct is being a man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I wanted to help her no matter whether she's a junkie or not. Yeah. Secondly, yeah, I'm a cop. Thirdly, if I do help her, I'm fucking gonna give myself up. Yeah. So I've I've just put went straight back into Donnie mode and I leaned over her and I said, Don't do her that again, you fucking rotten mole or something like that. And he goes, Come on, Donnie, let's fucking go. So we jumped back in the car and she comes running back out, jumps in the back seat and goes, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. Yeah, she ch yeah, she was used to that. She really was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, had a bit of a little bit of blood coming from her nose or something. She and she's apologizing. Yeah, she's apologizing. I'm just going, All right. Fuck man, this is a different world I'm using. New world for you. Yeah, okay. I'm fucking private school boy, you know? Fucking. Yes. This is Yeah, that happened on a footy field. That was about it. That they were men, not women. So far out. Yeah, okay. And and and it got worse. this whole day was just the fucking biggest nightmare ever. we picked up some some speed. Yep. And And they just couldn't wait to fucking put in their arm. And so I they kept on saying, pull over here, pull over here. I'm going, no, no, it's not fucking quite enough. Finally I had I I said, I'll pull over here then. Fuck. What I worked out, it was I think it must have been Redcliffe State School. Because I remember looking at the water that way and there was like a tennis court there. And I'm pretty sure it was around that area. Yeah. And they've just banged straight in. And he's going, the feel for steel. Fuck, I love it. Fucking it gets me right there. She starts trying to reaching as well. Okay. And I'm going, Don't you fucking spew on my car mook our car seats, mate. Fucking they're my pride and joy. Yeah. And she's like going, I said, get the fuck out. Get out. So I've raced, got back out, and I've opened it and I've ripped her out as she's starting to spew on. Yeah. And I'm going, Thank fuck you didn't sp spew on me fucking nigga. Yeah. old man, which I call Marshall because of his fucking music, Marshall Mathers. Yeah, yeah. Marshall's jumped in the front, driver's seat. Okay. And I'm with this stupid bitch on the fucking road. She's spewing her guts out, and I'm sort of still doing the A U R I type fucking thing. And then I look up and there's all these grade four kids just and watch the whole thing. Yeah, and I'm just went, no, we've got to get the fuck out of here. This is bullshit. Yeah. Yeah. They can't see this. So I've raced back around and he's locked the door and he's gone Get in, Donnie. Let's fucking go on driving. And I'm going, fuck. Yeah, just warm speed out of the wheel. Yeah, and he was off his fucking head. And I'm going, get the fuck out. And he'd go, Nut, get out. You're gonna miss the boat, man. Get in, get in. In the meantime, she's fucking jumped in the passenger seat. She's locked the door. Yeah. And he's going, mate, I'm fucking ready. I'm going, get in, get in. Open the back door and I just jumped in, fucking like Superman, as he took off. Yeah, right. And he's driving like he fucking stole it. Man, it was fucking out of control. I can imagine. And they're yelling at each other. Yeah. Like they love each other, they hate each other. They love each other. And like she's going, go faster, go faster. No, go slower. That's scaring me. And like because they're both off their heads. We're and he's going, Shut the fuck up, shut up, shut up, can't fuck And I go and I'm I'm in the back seat getting fucking thrown from side to side. And I'm going, where the fuck is this needle? Holy fuck, yeah, and I'm I'm worried about that more than anything. and they're screaming at each other. We're going down the wrong side of the road, hitting cars, hitting fucking all this shit. And I'm just going, This is fucking out of control. I c I I don't know how to stop this. Yeah. What do you end up doing? And she's screaming at him and he's going, Shut the fuck up. Shut up. And she's going, No, shut up, not shut up. He pulls out a fucking hunting knife and fucking jams it into a knee. I've gone, what the fuck? Yeah. She screams. Yeah. Fucking blood's everywhere. And he fucking screams the car to a halt. He starts crying. I'm so sorry, darling. So fuck. You know these you know these types of couples, you know? Yeah. that's I got out of the car and I fucking ripped him out and I fucking I was really rough with him. I was and he was like, I'm so sorry, so sorry. And I got around her, I pulled ripped her out. Yeah. And she's still got the fucking knife and a in a leg. Yeah. I've jumped in the car and I'll fuck on out of there. You left both of them. Fuck yeah I did. And I rang my controller and I said, mate, get the cops and ambos to this address on the corner of this right now. Yeah. And and they were very quick. Wow. So they got there quick. Yeah. he got charged with unlawful wounding. and he went to the bin, which was good. Yeah, right. Okay. Fuck me. It was like, how the f this is the fucking That was and that's your entry into almost. Fuck. This is is this what I signed up for? That's not the twenty one Jump Street movie I'll watch, mate. It's a bit different to that. Yeah, okay. Far out. Fuck man. Holy fuck. Yep. Man, that was out of control. Welcome to the jungle. Yeah, yeah. And then, you know, I had I had a hit not a hit man, it was like a debt collector fucking wanted to come and get me. going out to Cabulture River Road, out fucking there and like out of properties and buying drugs out there and mate. Each time I thought I had surveillance, I'd f find out later that they just didn't make it. Sorry. And I because I remember thinking to myself, it's pretty rural out here. Mate, they're doing a good job. I can't see anywhere. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Didn't just didn't come? Yeah. No, sorry, Todd. Donnie, they they had something else on that day. All right. That sort of shit. Yeah. You go fucking pricks. Wow. Fucking bastards. Yeah. Yeah. And you're starting to learn obviously the swing of things a bit more and what's happening from there. And you were given, I guess, other jobs then as well, other tasks, or you stick with you're just doing Awesome. So no I was buying heaps of speed and lots of stolen gear, stolen Stolen quad bikes, stolen cars, stolen fucking anything machinery. Yeah. I did a I stole like a big fucking hundred litre thing of Roundup. Fair or Okay. Yeah, that was weird. How did you go let's say the end of the day, you just stuck with you were Donnie. Twenty four seven in your head. Yep. For how long a period are we talking? Yeah, right. Donnie full time, twenty-four seven. Yeah, yeah. and we'll get to it later. Yeah. my next anyway, the closure of that job, they needed cert because this yeah, this bloke was a fucking lunatic. and one of my mates was in cert and they they slept over in the bush the night before. Yeah, of course they did. And remember him saying, he goes, All night I could just feel this fucking snake. tapping on his fucking thing I'm mate, that's ballsy, Yeah. What you did was ballsy. I bullshit. What you doing? fuck that. Yeah. I said at least I know where from you know where the snakes are coming from. Yeah. And anyway, yeah, four o'clock in the morning, fucking smoke bomb, fucking entry. Yeah. an old mate is asleep in front of the T V With a blanket over him and he had handgun there. And they got to him before it. Wow. Man, that's good shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fast. Yeah, man, yeah. I was I was like, wow, that's good shit. So you were in the room when that all I did. I was fucking Yeah. I was I think I was up Sunny Case. Yeah, okay. I found out later. Gotcha. But I spent, man, that's fucking And then we found hundreds of thousands of dollars buried in drums underneath the ground. Okay. stolen f five Motorbikes, ten jet skis, four cars. It was fucking big. It was huge. Yeah. Good job. Yeah, it was a good one. Yeah. Ended up doing twelve years, which was good. and that sort of cut the nose off off that one for a bit, but but he'd he'd really flooded South East Queensland with Yeah, right cheap, good speed. Yep. three thousand three hundred for a for an ounce. Okay. And it was about sixty five percent, which back then was good pure stuff. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. And I got to the stage where, even if it was double bagged in a clippy, That's good shit. Yeah, okay. I just had the nose for it then because I smelled it that many times. I went, that's that's weak that shit. Nut. Yeah. Yeah. Just how strong it was. Okay. Yeah. They tend to have a different colour. Yeah, it was always brown or or pink champagne. Yeah. sometimes it was apricot stuff, but mainly brown. Okay. In the fridge or freezer. Yeah. Yeah, you would have been quite the expert at that. Yeah, I I I felt I I could almost get it to the percentage very sim yeah, very close. Nice. Yeah, so yeah, and there was a lot of that was nine months. I mean, that was pretty Yeah. Like I've I've really brushed over a lot. Yeah which I expand a lot more in the book. then the next job is was in West End buying heroin off the Vietnamese. And that was shit, you're lucky still that you got all your limbs, don't you? Far out. Well it ended well. Well a again that was a long story. where my informant After our first throwaway by, he's fucking jabbed it up his fucking arm as well. And he's on the nod in the in my car. And he's fucking he's he's overdosing as well, because he just got out jail. Yeah. So I fucking kicked him out of the martyr. Yeah. And and just fucking raced off and rang my controller. Tell him that this fuck what's here. Yeah. I think he's gonna die. I don't know, but yeah. Because he cause he said, mate, yeah, don't stop, don't stay, don't fucking tell him who you are. So I just kicked him out and fucking took off. So then I just went back and introduced myself to, you know, the the Vietnamese and and what had happened is that after about the seventh buy or something, we'd always get it tested at John Tong and it'd come back a certain percentage. Gotcha. And I'd go back and go, mate, yeah, I r I thought that was fucking better than the last one and 'cause it was. Yeah. And this particular one it was over Christmas and it was it was closure. They wanted me to do another buy and I said, I don't want to do one without knowing what that last one, what percentage it was. Yeah, okay. And I didn't think it was going to be anything else. I just wanted to know how strong it was so I could generate some conversation. And anyhow I've I've gone in there and I said, mate, yeah, that was really happy with that last stuff. That was good, that was good. More of that, happy days. They've given it to me and I've gone they've looked at me really funny, I was like 'cause he used to have to buy hamburger chips. So I had a fucking hair on. Right, I guess you do, yeah. But in the meantime, we'd obviously there there was there was some eyes in the wall and stuff like that. Yeah. And so I felt fairly safe going into the shop doing that. It was pretty easy. Yep. But after that happened and the closure had finished, got back from John Tong that fucking it was Plasta of Paris. And I've told already told them it was good it was fucking good. So I fucking fell into the trap. Yeah, okay. Done. And I went, I'm not going back. They said, Yeah, you gotta go back. I did go back. Did you? And she fucking lost. I don't know if it was because of that or the fact that I was looking at the camera waving, going Yeah, yeah. Being a fuckwit, you know, being a dick. because as I said, I didn't give a fuck, you know. I didn't give give a fuck what I did or what I didn't, like I didn't care. Yeah. And what realized is that she was actually cleaning something underneath the f the front counter. I thought she was way at the back. Yeah. That's why I'm mucking around. She's got up and seen me doing this. She switched on a little bit. And I don't know if it was 'cause of that or the fact that I then said that shit was good. Fake shit was good. Yeah, okay. And she just started inventing me. Yeah. The only thing that I thought that I could do, which could save my face was to pick up a chair and start smashing everything. Okay. So I fucking did. Yeah, good. And I went, Don't you fucking yell at me, can't fucking So angry To Donnie was fucking going off again. Yeah. and I racked their fucking shop. I smashed it all up. Okay. And and then basically that's when I found out a couple of detectives said Yeah there's a few whispers that there's a bit of a contract on your head now from the V. Hunt hundred grand. And I've gone I'm offended. A hundred grand. Yeah, I'm worth more than more than that, mate. Who can I talk to? Who's the head of hunch? And they said, You are not going anywhere near Fuck. Wow. However, they convinced me to do a buy bus to finish the job. Yeah, the circle was right, mate. You got some balls far in there. Yeah, I fucking do it. Yeah, why not? Like I said, what are they gonna do to me? Seriously. Yeah. I can easily get the fuck out. I can run. And we had this big big operation, like there's fifty cops, they were fucking everywhere. So I felt like I was pretty cool. And even before I'd sometimes I'd I'd ring ahead to say that I was coming. Bef and that was what I was supposed to do that morning. And I remember walking down to the you know, the the teleco like the public I'd always do it on a payphone. Yeah, yeah. And even before I got there I saw Tony Fabris from Channel Seven driving up and down the road, stopping and looking at every person. And to me it was like he knows something's going on. Yeah. Who tipped him off? Yeah. So I ring my fucking controller. I'm out. I'm not doing this shit. Someone's fucking leaked at the media. We haven't even done it yet. Yeah. That's putting me out under yep. Yeah, fuck. Anyway, he comes and picks me up and I said, Drop me home, not doing this shit. convinced me somehow to come on just do it just get it out of the way you're gonna have to do it at some stage. Yeah okay. And I went, fuck. Okay, let's get out of the way. So went and did it. the lady wasn't even there, it was some other bloke. Thank fuck. Yeah. And I did the deal. And and then they pinched him. So end up being alright. Midway through that deal? No, no, I I left. Yeah. And then they would have come and did it whatever late And remember. Supreme Court trial and I thought as I was walking up to the front steps I thought that was I'd be taken out there. Yeah. but I was in a state then where, you know, a bottle or two of rum a night, again Tamazpan, I wasn't feeling real good in the morning. It was like a fifty something page statement that I had to try and remember, you know, jeep in evidence. Yeah. And I didn't e I hadn't even looked at it. Yeah, okay. I didn't care. Yeah. I really didn't care. Okay. And th the the barrister was just ripping me apart. Because I'd always buy and they were in they're in what do they call it? Balloon colours. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Yeah. And one was yellow, one was red, one was blue, one was green, what was that? And I think I did like nine buys or something. Yeah. Every one was a different colour. And he just I was in the box all day with a fucking stinking hangover. Yeah. And he's going No, but you said yellow before. Yeah, and he just he bamboozled me with the colours. Yep. And I'm going, well, what did I say before? Whatever that one was. He's going, you don't even know what you're talking about, mate. Yeah, all that sort of shit. At the end of the trial, it was not guilty. Yeah, okay. And and the bar the barrister's offsider, who was an ex copper, who I knew quite well, I saw him in the in the hallway and and I was pretty down. I was like going, but this is fucked. And he's going, Fucking Toddy. It's just a game, mate. Who cares? Who cares, man? Yeah. He goes, mate, those fucking cunts just fucking put a hundred grand in my bank account. Yeah, right. In fact, let's go to lunch. Yeah, okay. My shout. Right and that hundred grand, I think, possibly might have been for me. Yeah, yeah. But after the not guilty fucking thing, Yeah, they had it. It was like, we don't need it anymore. Wow. Fuck. Mate, when you were in court, I've I've always wondered that. Are you seeing some of those people that you've how's that? Tell me that experience. What's that feeling like, Sid? Yeah. Are you you not shitting you say, are you looking at you trying not to give eye contact? Like what's happening there? Are they staring at you like fuck? Yeah, the first one, the one at Cabo, we had caught at Sandgate and Yeah, he's just looking at that and he's just staring at me the whole time. And he's look and I was Yeah, okay. And and his barrister sort of he tried to trick me and say, I know that you're not allowed to divulge your informant, all these sort of shit. but I have to ask you, who introduced you to my client? And I looked straight at old mate, and I went, Marshall. Far out The thoughts that must be going through their head, you you see, and I looked at him to their head and I went. I thought I'll get Marshall knocked. Fuck him. Yeah. He was that rotten prip that fucking Stad has. Yep. because he didn't introduce me to. He wasn't an informant. He was another target. Okay. So I didn't breach or fucking up. Okay. But he sort of he stopped and he goes, oop. No more questions. Okay. Yeah. So it really fucking helped him. Yeah. So the feelings prior to Going to court. Do you do you remember them? Like is in any any of the time? Are you have you got anxiety? What's the stress? You just like you just didn't care. Yeah. My yeah, my mindset back then was Who gives a shit? Yeah. I still had no Yeah. No future. Fucking don't care what happens to me. Okay. I was pretty reckless. I was doing a lot of stupid things even when I wasn't working. Yeah. Just crazy. And is there a period of time you could work in coverts for before they go your time's up in here. Yeah, it was only two years. Two years. I I've heard through whispers and I don't know if it's true. yeah, two plus one at the moment maybe. Yeah. Optional. Yeah. Okay. I know that I I agree with the th with that theory. Yeah. you don't want to get too I I got pretty involved in it. Like I was I was living it. I was breathing it. I felt I was almost part of it. Yeah right. Yeah. I I I then got sent up to Bundaburg. there was a a murder up there, Caroline Studel. She was a nineteen year old UK backpacker that got thrown off the bridge. Okay. And the detectives up there had heard there was a couple of drug dealers that were in the vicinity at the time. They don't know whether they were involved, yeah, but they their name j keeps coming up. So that was my job to go up there. Within the first couple of days we'd worked out that old mate from Kabulcha was very much involved and had been involved with these crooks as well. Yeah, right. So they've actually said, Okay, you're not gonna use Donny for this job. Yeah. You're now Jason Reynolds. And I that just fucked with my head. I have no doubt. That fucked with my head. I'm going I've just spent almost eighteen months living Donnie. Yeah. So much so that if you're allowed pub or whatever and someone yells out Donnie Yes I look around. Yes. And I don't look around when someone calls out Todd. Mm. All that sort of shit. Training myself just and now I've got to train myself to be fucking Jason or I I called myself Renault. And I was like, fuck. And I think that's when I was at my lowest. Yeah, okay. I was isolated up there and yeah, things were pretty fucking shit. I I was hallucinating. I think it's yeah, I was I was taking a lot of things to sleep. Yeah. again. you know, Karen was in my room with me every night. She was fuck, it felt like she was haunting me. Yeah, right. these blokes that I'd bought a bit of the drugs off. found out they'd broken into a gun shop and stolen a a big bag of guns. Okay. About twenty guns. So I went around to their place and said fucking And there's a whole story throughout about a no. And it's all in the book. Yeah. And I don't wanna waste too much time, but even when I opened that fucking door, you know, there was a gun straight at my face. What do you want, cunt? Yeah. Like Fuck. And I just fucking went, Fuck off, prick. Yeah, okay. And then old mate who was in the back, he goes, Hey, hey, hey, that's Renault, fucking he's made of mine. And I okay, okay, okay. So, and I knew that he wouldn't have. Yeah. So anyway, I had this Japanese throwing knife that I always kept with myself and I'd and I'd I just got it out and I said, Look at this. Look at this. And it I said, it keeps slobbing the fucking top off my thumb. And I went, have a look at this. And I wherever the bike that put the gun on me, I fucking threw it at his head. So it hit the wall right next to his head. Yeah, right. And I walked over and I got it out of the wall and I said, Next time I had me's cut. Reno, Reno, he's born. Yeah, I'm going fucking mad. Yeah. Anyway, we started playing almost like a target darts on the fucking wall. Yeah. As you do, you know, with a knife. That's what you do. Yeah. When you're a fuckwit. And I said, I'm looking for something fucking better, something more permanent. They go, like what? I said, bang bang. At each other and went, got your car? Yep, let's go. Okay. Okay. Where are we going? We'll tell you as we're tell we going. Okay. I had no time to fucking ring my yeah or text my controller or anything. Yeah. driving through the city of Bundy, and they just said, Chick, keep driving this. I'll tell you where to go, tell you where to go. But as I was driving down the main road, I saw Karen. And I've gone, fuck. She is here. I always knew she was alive. Yeah, right. Fuck. Mine's still playing fucking tricks on me. Yeah. I've put the fucking car in in in the park. It's almost still moving. I just opened the door and start running. And they're going, What the fuck are you going, mate? Yeah. And I'm just I ran into the pub where she went into. And I said, Where was that girl with that dark hair? They said, I ran here, ran here. And I ran around there. I said, Gary, what are you doing? What are you doing? And it was some Asian girl that looked nothing like her. Shit. Okay. But that's what was going on. Yeah, it's happening in your head. Because I I was convincing myself that she'd just been relocated. Okay. And she wanted to be away from me. Yep. That's what I'd convinced myself. Even though I'd seen her, yeah. I still convinced myself that that was the case. And I jumped back in the car and he like they're both going, What the fuck are you doing? Yeah. And I just went, some backpacker, she owes me money. I went okay. Yeah, they said, keep driving. out towards the pine trees. which well they didn't say that, but that's what we did. Yeah. And and then they said, yeah, slow down, slow down, turn left into the here. Dirt dirt road in between the palm tr the pine trees. And we just drove in till it got darker and darker. They said, Stop the car. Okay. I went, this doesn't this doesn't feel right. Yeah. And he had a s a police scanner as well. And he was just looking at me the whole time I was driving. Yeah. And I'm going, fucking hell, this is fucked. This is not good. Especially and on now and I knew it was fucked when a bloke jumps out from behind a tree. Yeah, it's never good, mate. I said, this is a fucking setup. Fuck me. I fucking knew it. I knew it. And I went, well. Anyway, it's what I've been waiting for. Let's do it. Yeah. And and then I started thinking, maybe the I'll never be found again. I'll just be a missing person. Yeah. I w I won't get a boat named after me. No. Fuck. Yeah. So I started talking myself out, I go, I don't want these guns now. No, no, no, you you're getting Yeah, you're getting And old mate, the original blade, he's walking around under all of these trees going, I'm sure it's underneath under this one we put all these leaves over top. He's going, nah, it's not this one. It's like it's going on for twenty, thirty minutes and I'm going, Fuck. What's he doing? Digging a hole or something like that? And then finally he goes, Found it. Good bad. Yeah. They said, come on, let's go. And like I I was felt like I was their prisoner type thing. Come on, move. And they're walking behind me. Keep going, keep going. And I'm gone. And I said, I you when I get behind this tree, there's a there's a ditch, there's a there's a grave. I sort of closed my eyes a bit, waiting for something. Opened it, there was no bang, there was nothing. I saw a bag of guns. Yeah, right. thank fuck. Relief. Fuck me. Shit. he goes, Hey Renee, which ones do want? I went, All of No, no, you can't have all of Most of them are already sold. I'll have those two big Rugas, please. Which are basically the ones that I d got a photo with later. Yeah. So, I said, How much are they? They said, fifteen hundred each. I said, Okay. Remind me to I've got to get go to the bank on the way home, ATM. Yeah. Okay. Yep. Their demeanour's fucking changed so much. Music's up, they're happy, their backs happen. Yeah. Fucking hap yeah, they're just real happy. so much so that we got back to their house. And I and I went, fuck. I forgot to go to the ATM. And he goes, fuck, don't worry about it, man. how much you got on you? And I said, 300? He goes, that'll look. Far out. So I got back to my controller with these two guns and I said, I just looked after the organization. I saved them. Yeah. Two thousand seven hundred. wow. That is epic. Yeah, yeah. So So and that was his reno. Yeah. Would can I ask, was Renault a bit similar to Donnie? Yeah. Yeah. Just a different name, basically. Yeah, and it's all in the book. Yeah. There was a detective senior sergeant from the drug squad that came up to try and sort of push himself into things and take over the job. Mm-hmm. And then he started telling people that I was an undercover cop in town. Okay. So I got this late night call going we're out. Yeah, right. Old mates fucking talking in the party. Yeah. Yeah, right. And he was very well known for not being of reputable behaviour, but he kept on getting promoted somehow. As they do. And so yeah, my controller said, mate, pack up, yeah, pay your last rent, let's get the fuck out of here. Okay. And and as we're driving out of town at midnight, he goes Do you remember where those guns are? Sorta. But in the dark it's a lot fucking different. He goes, Let's give it a go. Yeah. We gotta recover him. Yeah. Okay. So we did and we searched for about an hour or so. Fucking found him. Wow. Yep. Put in the back. Let's go. Let's get the fuck out of here. Okay. And the job just finished right then and there. Yeah, right. Yeah. And that was the end of the episode. Wow. Okay. I had a few more jobs after that. did the valley see valley nightclubs. Yep. And then I was almost right at the very end and they said, your two years is almost up, Donnie. you can finish now and start at Crime Stoppers and start your integration. Or you can or you can go down to Sydney and do a job. Fuck it, I'll go to Sydney thanks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He goes, but just hang on. It's on cops. I went, no, no, not doing that. They said, No, no, these blokes are not real cops. They're they're uniform blokes from Surrey Hills that are they got a a pill press and they're supplying all of Surrey Hills nightclubs. Yeah, right. Through the bouncers and shit like that and I went, Yeah, fuck them. They're crooks. Crooks in blue uniform. So there's a whole big story out of that and I Yeah, I'll do that. I'll do that. Yep. And All in the book. It's got a really fucking funny story out of it. but I think I did three thousand dollars thousand pill buys at twenty twenty two, twenty three bucks each. Okay. So twenty two, twenty three thousand yeah buys each time and wow. yeah, and that was it was good to see how they did business. It was a little bit different to ours. Really? Okay. Much different. and and then I finished and came back to Crime Stoppers. And that was fucking possibly the worst experience of my life. Yeah, when you said it, I went, Okay. One of the first a phone calls or fucking answered. Yeah. Bloke goes, I just wanna fucking dob on my next door neighbor who's making cones and the it's wafting over. And Donnie just comes straight back in. Yeah, right. you fucking dog cunt. I said, Don't you know the fucking snitches get stitches, you fuck with you know? You're gonna get yourself killed. Cause I'm still in fucking Donnie mode. And and the senior sergeant comes running over, grabs the phone, gives it to the vody to cover it up, and he goes, let's go for a walk down the road. And I'm still angry. I think that that bloke done know the fucking rules that cut. Yeah, fuck. Donnie, Donnie, Donnie, get out of here. So it took me a fair while to fucking you know, really get get all of that out of my system. And like you said, like Where you agree with that whole three year at most sort of thing. You can imagine if you were doing that, you know, over ten years as Donnie, I don't know if you're coming back from Donny after ten. No way. No way. And Queensland's too small too. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Way too small. How what are your thoughts on things now with the way social media is? You know, the fact your head could bloody be out there and you could be I I've I have no I haven't had anything to do with COVID operations in years and years and years. Yeah, right. I don't know what they do. Yeah, yeah. I have no idea how they do business. Mm. But I can only imagine it would be almost impossible with social media. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know, yeah. I'd but there's some pretty smart people that work there and definitely. They're always thinking outside the box and They'll always come up with a solution. I think the crooks are just as more paranoid than ever too. You know, they get their own team of people that are sniffing around the same way you've got your own media team, mate. Roll following you around. Yeah, I get it. Far out. I'm mate, I'm pumped to read this book 'cause there's nothing nothing fascinates me more than undercover stories. Legit. I just I don't think I would ha I I look back on my career and go, Could I have done would I have ever gone down that path and I think, yeah, I was already you know, had a family and stuff established, it was never gonna sort of work for me in that way. But yeah, I just it is an avenue that I went, fuck, I wonder how I would have gone or I would have been shit house, who knows? But mate, it's does can I ask? Does Donnie ever make an appearance? Yeah. And he he pops out after a beer or two or when's he after the last yeah, let's say last fifteen years, t ten years or whatever. you know I ended up re I I ended up getting married in two thousand and four. Okay. Had a had a son in two thousand and five. Awesome. we bought a house and still married today. Yeah. young fella's twenty. And yeah, that was a big wake up call for me to g to go, you know, this this little fella doesn't give a fuck what happened to you five years ago. He needs a dad. Yeah. And I really tried my best to To do everything else, but I didn't realise what PTSD was. Yeah. I just knew that I went on benders every now and then. and that was my way of blowing off steam. Yeah. But I'd go missing for a couple of days, just fucking rip it in and I'd come back and I'd be good again. Yeah. Okay. But I'd I'd need that fucking blowout. that was your reset almost. yeah, yeah. but I'd get myself in a lot of trouble in the meantime. So I was trying to stop doing that. Yep. But it was almost like it was just winding the spring coil up if I didn't. and what my wife now says is that Donnie has always been a a representation of my PTSD. Okay. And when she sees some of those behaviours come back, she'll go, Hey, I've seen Donnie. Donnie's coming back a bit. Yeah, right. Just check yourself a bit and go. Yeah, actually, yeah, I'm fucking I'm feeling a bit weird, yeah. and that's the best thing about mate, long term partners, yeah, you know, wife and stuff like that. She can pick that up and Yeah, yeah. That's epic. At first I didn't believe her. Yeah. I do now. Yeah. okay. Because, you know, as as it back then there was no social media, there was no Yeah There was no all I did was go to counsellors and I didn't feel that they knew what I was talking about. Yeah. it it's not until social media podcasts where I started realizing there's so many people in the world that have gone through a traumatic event and are feeling exactly how I've always felt. Yeah. And for the first time ever, I went, I'm not that fucking weird. Yes. I'm normal. Yeah. The way I've behaved is exactly normal. Yeah. But no one back then could tell me that 'cause no one knew what PTSD was. Yeah. All my friends and family had not been around anything like that. So they just thought that I was fucking loose cannon. Yeah. And it's actually it's part of the healing, part of everything. Now I've gone, it is fucking normal. Yeah. Thank fuck. Yeah. Thank fuck. And it feels fucking so good. To yeah, to to and to speak up as well. And, you know, I'll I'll get it get into it in a second with the book, but To openly talk out loud and and talk to, you know, other people about these things. It's like it's a weight off your chest to a degree. Yeah, yeah. I I didn't for many years. Yeah. I I ran from it, I hit it, I thought I was better than it. I thought I was stronger than it. Yeah, I'm a big city detective. I played footy. I'm better than this. Yes. Nah. Fucking nothing compared to it. It's just a freight train that just waits for you to slow down. Yeah. And it gobbles you up. Yeah. It really does. And and when it when I slowed down and It was probably almost 2020. Yeah. my behaviour at work started changing. Okay. I was getting a lot of complaints from the staff, or my senior sergeant was like saying, mate, they they're coming to me again, man. You're just snapping them. You just you just You're doing this, you're doing that. And I I don't blame because that was poor behaviour by me in the workplace. Okay. And that's unacceptable. Yeah. But What I'd now say to people is, you know, I was there for ten years and after about the eighth or ninth year my behaviour totally changed. Yeah. Didn't anyone see that? Yeah, okay. And that's what you gotta do. You gotta look out for your mates and go, Hey, man, he's so different to what he was like. He's he used to be happy, now he's fucking snapping people, he's fucking angry as fuck, you know, and and that's where this whole thing of where they go, I I'll put your hand up if you've got a problem. Yeah. The analogy of that is you're fucking drowning. You're underwater. You can't talk. You can't put your hand up. What you're doing is all you're doing is trying to keep yourself alive from fucking drowning because your brain is fucking working against you. And you need your friends, your family, your colleagues to go identify that change in behavior and and either bring it up with you or someone. this you know, going to see someone doesn't work for everyone. Yeah, absolutely. Didn't work for me. Yeah. writing writing the book and having the social media where it made me feel normal again. Okay. Helped me immensely. Okay. I wrote the book purely purely as a cathartic thing and I could feel the heavy backpacks coming off each page I wrote and it was just getting better and better. And I wrote the main part of the book. as the just the whole draft. Yeah. Which is later got edited and put that, put that, put that in six weeks. And I could not stop. Every day, I couldn't wait for tomorrow. Right. And I just sat I w got up at six. Yeah. And I just fucking did it till seven at night. And I could not wait. That's awesome. And man. So six weeks. Yeah. You pumped out this ball? Well, it took two years all up. Yeah, of course. But the the content was wow everything off my chest. In six weeks and I just didn't stop each day. And then Gave you a purpose. Yeah. Yeah. And at the end of it I've yeah, I felt great. I felt much better. And you'd done that before you retired or after you retired? Yeah, after. it was over a Christmas period. Yeah. So yeah, it was just I was sitting by my pool at the back. Yeah. got to lunchtime and I'd have a couple of stubbies and and then I'd keep going and keep going. I get it, mate. I get it. It was just fucking awesome. It was so relaxing, so cathartic. And I went, you know what? As long as as long as my son, my grandson and my great grandson or daughter gets to read this. Yes. Absolutely. I'm fucking happy. Yeah, I get it. Because who knows their grant great grandfather? Yeah. Not many. Yeah. And it and that's now in print. At least they got some record of it. Yeah. And it's there. It's a big purpose of these podcasts that I do as well, where I give that sort of biography, that story, that tell us about ab about you. Because for some ti for some people it's the first time they hear about these experiences. Obviously you've got your book to read and things like that, but to physically hear it, to see you and see the emotion when you're talking through it. Yeah. I think's very important there. And I I know from my own journey as well, y you wrote the book. I went to photography and I taught myself photography. And I could spend hours, especially while I was learning, I could just be randomly in a bush looking for an insect, you know, to take a photo off. But my mindset was switched off. I was in the zone. I was learning this, learning light, learning other things and that was my way. So I get it. with I I I really couldn't accept the the tag of author. Yeah I really found that weird. Yes. Putting my name with author together just didn't seem right. Yeah. because I'd as I said when I like I'm not a reader, I'm not a writer, I think I failed geography English. the only books or anything that I read back in the day was the rugby leg week. Yes. Back pages of the Gold Coast Bulletin to see if my name was in there from the game on the weekend. And and Robert G. Barrett books. I did read them. What about North H magazine, mate? just for the pictures. Well there are articles in there, were there? Yeah, okay. No, I get it, mate. and for me to a lot of people that are reading the book now, they go, It's almost like you're standing over my shoulder and I can hear you it's like you talking. Yes. And that's what I wanted. A hundred percent. It's that's what I said. I'm not I'm not I'm no fucking road scholar. there's no big words in there. Yeah, I used to put my head in scrums, yeah. Yeah, okay, mate. So but what's happened now is you know, I I was happy that it helped me. Yeah, selfishly, the book was for me and for my descendants, yeah, and that was it. I'm It released in February and it's going gangbusters. It's killing it. And holy fuck, the amount of messages I'm getting from Yeah, good. From people. Yeah. tough people that I consider much tougher blokes or better footy players on the field or or martial art people that could kill you. Fucking just anything. Yeah. And they just go, Hey Todd, I just need to reach out and say, mate That's the ballsiest thing I've ever fucking seen. Love that. And you're so vulnerable, you've fucking laid everything bare. Yeah. And I said, mate, there's no other option. Yeah. I've I've hidden it for so long. I've got to put everything out there now. Yeah. And not leave either anything un unturned, yeah? And and they go, Mate, you have no idea how much that's helped me. And I and I was like, Shake man, what the what do you mean help you? And I couldn't understand that for a while. Yeah. But then it's been a stepping stone for people to go and then they become vulnerable to me and they go Absolutely. Because I've done it, it feels safe for them to go, W well, I've been going through this at the moment and and I'm just like Yeah I I feel like I'm I'll become a counsellor. Absolutely. Yep. And I'm like And I've just seen the power of it. Yeah. It is it's broken down the barriers and I can now sort of get blokes to open up a bit more. And a big part of that is the fact that you're relatable. You mentioned before. You were going to send counsellors and things like that, but you didn't feel like they could understand it. It's silly, it might sound silly, but it's so relatable for a person to understand if they come from a similar walk of life or someone that they potentially looked at in a certain way and went, Yep, cool, I can respect that a little bit more and it's relatable. And the way things are written, especially with your book, which I haven't read yet, but how it's explained to me, it's written by you and it's written Exactly that way. It's not dressed up in a way which makes it relatable, interpersonable. And that's what people are after, mate, in this day and age. And yeah, I think that's epic. And from what I've seen, you're going and doing some, you know, talks and different things this year. Yeah, yeah. I just did the hat day for the QPS. Yeah. That was a great day. Yeah. did a thirty minute talk about my story and yeah and how the th things that I did wrong was was was not address it straight away, I hid from it, I ran from it, and it's a snowball effect. Yeah. The longer you wait, the worse it's gonna be. And it was for me. Yeah. And and I I talked to a lot of young sportsmen. I I I coach Fredby League as well. Yeah. And and I sort of relate it to them so they can understand that if you've broken your leg on on a footy field, what would happen after that? Would you tell your coach? Yeah, yeah, I would. You'd then go to the hospital that night, you'd get a pin, you get some some plaster on it, and you'd let your your foot or your ankle or your leg, whatever it is, heal. Yeah. Once the plaster comes off, you do some physio to to strengthen all your ligaments and your muscles and your tendons around your around your foot. When you have a brain injury, and it's not a brain injury. suppose it's an injury, but it sounds worse. Yeah. It's it's no different to you rolling your ankle and breaking your ankle. Yeah. You just can't see it. But when you see or experience something traumatic, I can tell you right now, there is an injury to your brain in there. And as same as if you did not get your leg treated, the same as if you didn't treat your brain sufficiently would be like you going back out and trying to run around the next week. With a broken leg. It's impossible. Yeah. You can't live your life properly. Your relationships will fail. Your work will fail. And just general living life will not be at its fullest if you don't address it. Yeah. And and sometimes addressing it is the hardest part. But you've just you've got to you've got to hit it ha head on. Yeah. Because I I'm telling you right now, the longer you wait, the harder it'll be. Mate, and it's it I I think it's a very important thing that you're doing now. It's a new yes, you're retired. However, this is only the start of a new journey for you, mate. Like you're awesome. You're an author, get that through your head. Author. All right. That as hard as it is to hear, mate. That's exactly what you are. But you're up on stages, mate, with a bloody microphone you're talking. This is Donnie. I know, and and I the way that I also trained myself was that for fifteen to twenty years I was in camp victim. Yeah. Why did this happen to me? Why did I deserve this? I must have done something wrong. Karma fucking came back to get me. I deserved it. You know, all of these things. Or why did it happen to me? What did I do wrong? why didn't it happen to that person? Why didn't it fucking yeah? And I and I lived my life like that. I was angry, angry at the world, w what did I do to deserve this? Yeah. I've flipped it on its head. I'm blessed. Yeah. As if I would be here. Yeah, I get it. Something like that. I mean, everyone's gonna go through something shit in their life. That's mine. Yep. And now it's got a purpose. Yeah. And I'm blessed for it. I fucking love it. Absolutely. Yeah. And I I believe you've got a bit of I know you've as I said on your campaign tour, you've been you know, you on these little podcasts and stuff, but for my listeners and stuff like that, I believe you've got a little bit of a a first time sort of exclusive on this about. You might go viral here. yeah, here we go. All right, hang on, let me All right, hit me with it. Let's go viral. Let's go hard. Well, there's actually a connection with the Gold Coast police. There's a a fella who who worked at Broadbeach Station with me in ninety nine. His name's Robbie Smith. Nickname's the Cobra. he was around at the time. He knew Karen. He knew me. and a couple of years later, I think two thousand five, he ended up going undercover himself. Yeah, okay. And when he finished that, he then left Australia and went to the US and became a stunt man. Yeah, sick. And now he's got one of the biggest stunt companies in the East Coast. Okay. And he lives over in New Jersey. And he obviously we were friends on Facebook, so he saw my promotion and he's grabbed the book from Amazon and he read it. And he rings me up he goes, Hey, hey Todddy, fucking I just read that book. I that company's just running itself now. I've got people doing it and I'm starting to write movies, some screenplays. And I've got this mentor that's looking after me and he's a gun. And he goes, Would it be okay if I wrote a screenplay for you? I fucking go for it. Rip into it. And that probably happened yeah nearly six months ago now and we'll Yeah, we've been going back and forth with different drafts and they've been really, really particular about it. Yeah. well I saw the first draft and went, Fuck, that's perfect. And like they're the the the bigger bloke who just won an award at the Tribecker Film Festival. Yeah. So he knows his shit. And and he goes, nah, not happy with it. No, no. Which means that they're really Looking at it. yeah, really stripping good. Yeah, yeah. And Yeah, so yeah, it's just gonna be called Donnie. Donnie. And yeah, it's we're up to draft five and we think that we're almost there. And and and Robbie said, Yeah, I think this is time now to start talking about it. Wow. it's not just a dream anymore. This is looking real. Yeah. And you know, once we nail this draft down, mm, it'll then be pitched to the big Netflix and all that sort of stuff. So Yeah. I'll get you to be one of the junkies. One of the junkies. Yes, good, good, good. I'm a method actor, mate. So as long as I get a bit of time, let me lose some weight, strip down a little bit, and I'll meth. Method. Method. Yeah, I could be a meth actor. That's her. That'll get me in the role. It's our method, mate. I'll get in that zone. Let me disappear for three months, lock myself away. I'll yeah, I'll turn into the The addict required to to get that role, mate. But that's epic. So looking at Donnie as a movie, that would be yeah, legit. I love that. Yeah. So there's the scoop and we're going viral as a result of that. Love that. And you know, a lot of me close mates and stuff have been having a bit of a joke about who's gonna play Donnie. Yeah. Who's gonna play me? Yes. They seem to think Steady Eddie's about right. But I I don't think that's funny. But what a mate's four. Yeah, I know. I said, that's that's probably better than what I expected. but after that Apex movie recently, yeah saying Taran Ed and he'd be good, wouldn't he? Yeah, okay. Yeah. And when we looked at it, we said he's gotta put a couple of kilos on, but the his crazy eyes were good. mate, they're big. Yeah. So and and Girl from the East Triangle. That was in neighbours and she's over. Margot Robbie. Margot. Okay. Yeah. That and that that's the that's the the pitch. Yeah, right. They're hoping. Yeah, and an Aaron is hard as a junkie putting knives through people's. All right, I'm I'm all right with that. Yeah, no, that's good, mate. And that's yeah, that'd be yeah man, it'd be what dreams are made of, mate. That full And you know, to me that's just icing on the cake, you know, like what what I've done already. It's filled my cup, mate. I'm happy as fucking. Couldn't be couldn't be happier that I every time I do a podcast, I feel like it's like a therapy session. It is, isn't it? You come out of it. And the more I talk about it, the less it is the and the fact that I just didn't talk about it for years. Yeah. Yeah. I I got blokes that are that I've known for ten, fifteen years. Yeah. Came to them for book launch and they went, I had no idea about this. Okay. I said, Yeah, I know. I didn't talk about it. Yeah. Now I am. Yep. Now I'm gonna actually piss his off. Yeah, that's right. Okay. No, that's because it's really good for me. I I love it. Well it's not just you, it's other people. I've said it before, but as blokes, it we are, some of us anyway, getting better at talking in groups and and it you might not be going through anything, but if you're sitting around with a bunch of blokes and you're raising these sort of concerns, I look at it as a bunning sale. So you talk. I I'm not going through something you're telling me about this. I don't need any tools on my belt, but they're on sale. So I'm gonna grab now. All these tools you're giving me. Yeah. And then when I go through something, I bought it at the sale, I can now use it. So that's how I try and relate it back to men that can all understand. And that's what I say, I mean, if if you don't go through something significant in your life, you're a very lucky man. definitely. Boring too. yeah, you will you will go through something. Yeah. And be be ready for it. Be prepared for it. and as as I've said a few times, read my book and go, What would Donnie do? Yeah. And don't do what Donnie did. Yeah, gotcha. Do the opposite. Yes. Love it. Mate, we're getting to the we're gonna wrap this up in a sec. However, we don't finish like that, mate. I know what you know what I'm doing. Hit me with two pet peeves. But are they from Donnie or are they from Todd? What would Donny's pet peeves be? The law. The Donny's pet peeves was was trying to shortchange me with with some drugs. Yeah, okay. and try and dodgy up their their weights, their the scales. Okay, gotcha. So I fluff up. I came up with a with a way to stop it. Yeah, all right. I'd bring out my own scales or or I'd say, Give me your your your scales. Two twenties and a ten is exactly twenty eight point four grams, which is an ounce. Okay. And I go, I just want to make sure your scales are fine. Yep. Well, you've shortchanged me you know, probably four grams there. Yeah, he's a loose kennel at Donny move. Yeah. What about Todd? Todd, my I I had two for Todd. Yeah. That was just off the cuff, that one. the one that Todd doesn't like at the moment. is when you go to a cafe and you buy a flat white and a muffin and the person behind the counter goes, That'll just be twenty eight dollars. Yeah. That's not fucking just. Yes. Holy fuck, how did it become snark robbery, yeah. Yeah. They always say just. Yeah. No, it's not just. It's a lot. I love these pet peeves. And I bet ya Once I started telling a few people friends, they go They're gonna start hearing it. I can't fucking stop hearing it. It happens everywhere. That's the white calf here. Yeah. Okay. And and I think the other one that I was thinking about earlier was the pet peeves of and it's more a serious one that I thought I'd do a funny one and a serious one. Of what people say to grieving people after a funeral and you know, she's in a better place now. Yeah. Everything happens for a reason. Is is there anything I can do for you? No, none of them. Yeah. She was only young. Many two lots of fish in the sea. No. Yeah. No. None of those work. None of them work. Yeah. They are my pet peeves. Okay. I get it, mate. I'm gonna get the book back out before we finish up too. The book we've spoken about there, Donnie, an undercover cop with a death wish, written by the author Todd Maguire. Mate, honestly Appreciate it having you on telling these tales. There's obviously a lot more in here to really go through, depth wise. It's been unreal. Mate, thank you for coming in, but more importantly, thank you for your service, mate. Twenty-seven years. Yeah, I know. Plenty of hell. Can't believe it, Yeah. I don't feel like I'm even twenty seven myself. That's good. But we're apparently going viral now after yeah after Donnie's drop before. So scoop is there. Scoop. Let us know. i in the Comments, wherever you're the DMs, even whatever's gonna be, it's in the name. Is he right though? Let us know your thoughts on all of this sort of stuff. These sort of chats about trauma, about things that people have gone through are very important. And hopefully someone or all of you have learned something here, and it is you know, it's it's fine to go and speak, talk up, and it should happen more and more often. But let us know in the comments any disagreements, any Any thoughts you want to agree with? It'd be nice to have a bit of positive here and there. That's always helpful. But remember to subscribe, hit the like button, guys, and appreciate you. And thank you for coming in, Todd. Thank you very much, mate. Thanks, mate. Loved it.
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summary
In this episode, Todd Maguire shares his journey from a young sports enthusiast in Brisbane to a seasoned police officer and undercover agent. He discusses the challenges of police work, personal trauma, and the lessons learned along the way. Todd Maguire shares his intense journey through undercover police work, the challenges of PTSD, and his inspiring path to healing and writing his memoir. Discover the raw realities of a life in law enforcement and the importance of mental health awareness.
keywords
police, undercover, trauma, Brisbane, sports, law enforcement, mental health, personal story undercover police, PTSD, law enforcement, mental health, memoir, crime stories, recovery, trauma, Australian police
key topics
Todd Maguire's early life and sports background
Transition from sports to law enforcement
Experiences in police work and undercover operations
Personal trauma and mental health challenges
Lessons learned from a career in policing Undercover police operations and experiences
The impact of PTSD on law enforcement officers
The process of healing and writing a memoir
The importance of mental health awareness in policing
Real-life crime stories and their emotional toll
takeaways
Personal trauma can deeply impact mental health and recovery.
The importance of mental health support for law enforcement.
Resilience and adaptability are crucial in police work.
Personal stories reveal the human side of law enforcement.
Understanding the effects of trauma helps in supporting others.
timesteps
00:00 - Introduction to Todd Maguire's story
02:30 - Todd's early career and undercover work in Brisbane
05:45 - The intense experiences and encounters in the field
10:15 - The emotional and psychological toll of police work
15:00 - Recognizing and addressing PTSD after service
20:30 - The process of writing his memoir and its purpose
25:00 - The role of social media and public speaking in healing
30:00 - Advice for current officers and mental health awareness
35:00 - The connection between trauma and personal relationships
40:00 - The future of mental health support in law enforcement
sound bites
"My old man was a star in Brisbane for Brothers."
"I was always trying to catch him in backyard footy."
"Trauma is something you carry with you."
Chapters
00:00 Introduction and Todd's background in Brisbane
03:54 Growing up in Brisbane and sports influences
09:54 Transition from sports to law enforcement
20:12 Joining the police force and early experiences
29:51 Undercover work and challenges faced
45:01 Trauma, mental health, and personal struggles
01:00:09 Reflections on a police career and lessons learned
01:14:50 Life after policing and ongoing recovery
انگلیسی
ایالات متحده آمریکا
محتوای صریح
رونوشت 🔗
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