00:00:00Why This Series Matters
00:00:48Defining The Avoidant Parent
00:01:30What They Are Really Avoiding
00:02:19Strong Feelings Trigger Exposure
00:02:59How Withdrawal Shows Up
درباره این اپیزود
A parent can be in the room and still feel miles away. That gap, between physical presence and emotional reachability, is where a lot of quiet damage happens for kids and for the partners trying to hold the family together. I’m Kim Lee, a child and adolescent psychotherapist, and I’m opening this series by getting very specific about what people mean when they call someone an “avoidant parent.”
We’re not talking about a diagnosis or a trendy label. We’re talking about a pattern where emotional closeness, conflict, or responsibility can trigger an urge to shut down or move away. The surprising part is what sits underneath the behavior: the avoidant adult is often trying to escape an internal emotional state that feels impossible to tolerate. That can look like anxiety, shame, helplessness, dependency, disappointment, fear of criticism, or even the discomfort of not knowing what to say and worrying about getting it wrong.
I also break down how withdrawal can be physical or psychological: silence, changing the subject, rushing into a “solution” that ends the conversation, insisting someone is overreacting, or acting like nothing meaningful happened. Even when it isn’t intended as punishment, it can land as deeply punitive and destabilizing for a child or partner who is reaching for connection.
If you’ve ever felt shut out by someone you love, or you’re wondering whether emotional avoidance is shaping your family dynamic, listen closely. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more parents can find support.
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WEBVTT
00:00:01.199 --> 00:00:30.879
Hello, I'm Kim Lee, child and adolescent psychotherapist, and this is a new series which I have decided to write because there's something about this particular area of parent-child relationships, which I think is undercommunicated, and it's sort of subtle at one level, yet the effects of it can be incredibly powerful.
00:00:31.120 --> 00:00:48.640
Not just because the effects upon children, so apparently or at least in the consulting room, but also the effects upon the partners of the parent who behaves in this way, and also others who might very well be involved.
00:00:48.960 --> 00:00:53.359
So this is about avoidant parents.
00:00:53.920 --> 00:01:07.120
Now I think what's really important is to understand and have a clear understanding of what we mean by avoidant, because terms like this are used in a very loose way quite often.
00:01:07.439 --> 00:01:11.359
And in the same way that people talk about narcissists and so on.
00:01:11.599 --> 00:01:16.159
And we're not talking about a disorder.
00:01:16.799 --> 00:01:30.560
So in the introduction to the series, I've I have actually described the avoidant parent as somebody who may be physically present but emotionally difficult to reach.
00:01:30.799 --> 00:01:39.040
So in this episode, I want to clarify things a bit and talk about what that parent is actually avoiding.
00:01:39.680 --> 00:01:50.079
The obvious answer might be conflict, intimacy, or emotional responsibility, but underneath these things lies something more fundamental.
00:01:50.480 --> 00:01:59.840
The avoidant person is often trying to escape an internal emotional state which feels impossible to tolerate.
00:02:00.079 --> 00:02:08.879
And this may be anxiety, shame, helplessness, dependency, disappointment, or the fear of being criticized.
00:02:09.439 --> 00:02:20.479
It may be the discomfort of not knowing what to say, the possibility of getting something wrong, or the experience of being emotionally needed by somebody else.
00:02:20.719 --> 00:02:27.360
Now, for some avoidant adults, strong feelings create an immediate sense of exposure.
00:02:28.240 --> 00:02:42.960
They may not consciously understand this, and they sometimes simply experience an urge to move away or escape from the situation, even though there is no tangible threat.
00:02:52.479 --> 00:02:58.639
That seems to take precedence over the immediate situation.
00:02:59.360 --> 00:03:02.639
But the withdrawal can also be psychological.
00:03:02.960 --> 00:03:15.199
They can become silent, they may divert the subject, they may look to find a quick solution to something effectively closing things down.
00:03:15.439 --> 00:03:22.960
Or they might even say that the other person is overreacting, or they behave as though nothing significant has actually happened.
00:03:23.439 --> 00:03:31.360
The purpose of the withdrawal isn't necessarily to punish the other person, although that's not necessarily how they experience it.
00:03:31.680 --> 00:03:34.080
It certainly can feel punitive.
00:03:41.599 --> 00:03:46.719
And this pattern isn't confined to the family environment and it's very
00:00:01.199 --> 00:00:30.879
Hello, I'm Kim Lee, child and adolescent psychotherapist, and this is a new series which I have decided to write because there's something about this particular area of parent-child relationships, which I think is undercommunicated, and it's sort of subtle at one level, yet the effects of it can be incredibly powerful.
00:00:31.120 --> 00:00:48.640
Not just because the effects upon children, so apparently or at least in the consulting room, but also the effects upon the partners of the parent who behaves in this way, and also others who might very well be involved.
00:00:48.960 --> 00:00:53.359
So this is about avoidant parents.
00:00:53.920 --> 00:01:07.120
Now I think what's really important is to understand and have a clear understanding of what we mean by avoidant, because terms like this are used in a very loose way quite often.
00:01:07.439 --> 00:01:11.359
And in the same way that people talk about narcissists and so on.
00:01:11.599 --> 00:01:16.159
And we're not talking about a disorder.
00:01:16.799 --> 00:01:30.560
So in the introduction to the series, I've I have actually described the avoidant parent as somebody who may be physically present but emotionally difficult to reach.
00:01:30.799 --> 00:01:39.040
So in this episode, I want to clarify things a bit and talk about what that parent is actually avoiding.
00:01:39.680 --> 00:01:50.079
The obvious answer might be conflict, intimacy, or emotional responsibility, but underneath these things lies something more fundamental.
00:01:50.480 --> 00:01:59.840
The avoidant person is often trying to escape an internal emotional state which feels impossible to tolerate.
00:02:00.079 --> 00:02:08.879
And this may be anxiety, shame, helplessness, dependency, disappointment, or the fear of being criticized.
00:02:09.439 --> 00:02:20.479
It may be the discomfort of not knowing what to say, the possibility of getting something wrong, or the experience of being emotionally needed by somebody else.
00:02:20.719 --> 00:02:27.360
Now, for some avoidant adults, strong feelings create an immediate sense of exposure.
00:02:28.240 --> 00:02:42.960
They may not consciously understand this, and they sometimes simply experience an urge to move away or escape from the situation, even though there is no tangible threat.
00:02:52.479 --> 00:02:58.639
That seems to take precedence over the immediate situation.
00:02:59.360 --> 00:03:02.639
But the withdrawal can also be psychological.
00:03:02.960 --> 00:03:15.199
They can become silent, they may divert the subject, they may look to find a quick solution to something effectively closing things down.
00:03:15.439 --> 00:03:22.960
Or they might even say that the other person is overreacting, or they behave as though nothing significant has actually happened.
00:03:23.439 --> 00:03:31.360
The purpose of the withdrawal isn't necessarily to punish the other person, although that's not necessarily how they experience it.
00:03:31.680 --> 00:03:34.080
It certainly can feel punitive.
00:03:41.599 --> 00:03:46.719
And this pattern isn't confined to the family environment and it's very
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سلب مسئولیت: پادکست و آثار هنری تعبیه شده در این صفحه متعلق به Kim Lee است که متعلق به صاحب آن است و به Listen Notes، Inc وابسته یا تایید نشده است.
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