WEBVTT
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00:04.033Episode 10 of the inside the wave podcast
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00:08.699with the real deal Coach Verne, thanks for
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00:11.302having me back man director of martial arts
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00:14.326at utopia fresh out of the cage
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00:17.648Yeah, I did a cage grappling match. How did
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00:20.910that go? It was, it was fun. So, uh, last
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00:23.891minute, Bob Duffy, um, a friend of ours,
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00:27.472previous podcast. Yeah, he was on here and,
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00:31.234uh, he, he just sent a SOS on social. He
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00:32.995says, Hey, I just need a couple more bodies.
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00:35.936So. I signed up for a body. I'm in, I'm,
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00:38.717I'm, I'm someone. Yeah. So, and then, um,
00:38.937 -->
00:42.738yeah, so had a, um, competition in the cage
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00:44.699first time and it's for charity, right?
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00:47.360For charity, police officers and firefighters
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00:49.841and ideal situation was they fight each other.
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00:54.823Yeah. Right. However, there's not a ton of
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00:56.914them. that fight, especially at the same
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00:59.519skill and weight class and experience. So
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01:01.922they've ventured outside to find great people
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01:04.847to participate in matches to raise money
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01:07.431for charity, which is Yeah, it was an awesome
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01:07.832event.
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01:12.024Great turnout. Great. competition asked by
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01:14.546a lot of community. So, you know, it was
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01:17.427definitely a real match. Yeah. It was against
01:17.487 -->
01:19.569a real skilled opponent and, but we had a
01:19.609 -->
01:20.949lot of fun with it too.
01:21.149 -->
01:22.951So it was a great experience. Some of our,
01:23.011 -->
01:25.312some of our members, even, uh, well, I know
01:25.352 -->
01:26.953one of our kids students went there to watch
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01:29.855you, uh, which is to Mark. Yeah. Which is
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01:34.392cool to. To put on display, let the kids
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01:36.615see like how you step up outside of your
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01:37.095comfort zone.
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01:40.519Yeah. Yeah. Lennon was great. Um, she high
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01:43.103five me before and after. And one of the
01:43.143 -->
01:46.607things that a lot of. athletes are afraid
01:46.687 -->
01:50.551of is, is that fear of failure. And when
01:50.591 -->
01:53.334you get through that obstacle in your own
01:53.374 -->
01:56.377mind, you know, no one is upset. No one's
01:56.417 -->
01:58.419disappointed in you. Everyone's just proud
01:58.459 -->
02:00.000that you went out there in the first place.
02:00.020 -->
02:04.084And it's so funny. That's not funny, but
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02:08.126How much, how often do you lose in a night
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02:12.328of training? It's all the time. Like literally
02:12.348 -->
02:15.790in an hour of training, you lose whether
02:15.810 -->
02:17.831it's a tap out or it's like you lost position
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02:19.412or you went for a move and it didn't work.
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02:22.308But then when you do it on display and it's
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02:24.189in a cage in front of other people that are
02:24.249 -->
02:26.871kind of even half-ass watching, right? It's
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02:28.412like a totally different experience.
02:28.432 -->
02:30.014Yeah, it's different. Walking into that cage,
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02:32.415I walked in and I looked around and I said,
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02:35.838this is real. This is different. And it was
02:35.878 -->
02:36.198exciting.
02:36.398 -->
02:38.039It was for sure. It definitely went better
02:38.079 -->
02:40.041than one of my first cage grappling matches
02:40.681 -->
02:44.284where I went up against a 300 plus pound
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02:46.485guy without a shirt on. Oh man. I have a
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02:48.727video of it, man. I was in deep half under
02:48.767 -->
02:51.487the guy, no shirt on. And he was just laying
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02:53.631on top of me like doing the splits and deep
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02:56.698half. And I literally remember having to
02:56.898 -->
03:00.663move skin away from my face. So I hope I'm
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03:03.025not dissuading anyone from training. I will
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03:04.827find the photo. I have the photo of it somewhere.
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03:06.629You just got to do some research and like
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03:10.132Scott Houston in one corner. Um, and Friedland
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03:11.674in the other Scott was just watching, but
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03:15.758he was like coaching me. And I just remember
03:15.778 -->
03:17.580like none, neither of them knew how to coach
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03:19.361me out of the situation. Cause it was just
03:19.381 -->
03:21.844so big. They're like, try to move. Yeah.
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03:23.545But like you go against someone like that,
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03:25.327and you're like, you know, slap hands, bump
03:25.387 -->
03:27.068fists. You're like, Oh, I can't get gi grips.
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03:30.711Do I go for a takedown? Because I'm going
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03:31.932to turn out like a pancake.
03:32.173 -->
03:34.214Yeah, there's just like so much mental jiu
03:34.234 -->
03:37.517jitsu happening, like physical, physical
03:37.537 -->
03:38.778jiu jitsu before. Yeah.
03:39.399 -->
03:43.063Yeah. Cool, man. Well, I I think that's really,
03:43.784 -->
03:45.826really fitting subject that you stepped outside
03:45.846 -->
03:47.528your comfort zone because today we want to
03:47.568 -->
03:50.531talk about personal growth, mindset, fixed
03:50.571 -->
03:53.334mindset, growth mindset. But let's start
03:53.414 -->
03:56.858out. What is mind? What is, what is a mindset?
03:57.857 -->
04:01.260Yeah, it's, it's how you approach for, for
04:01.300 -->
04:04.402mindset. For me, it's how you approach your
04:04.602 -->
04:07.144everyday life and different aspects of your
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04:09.466life. A lot of people think personal development
04:09.506 -->
04:11.627is a lot of like rah, rah, everything is
04:11.727 -->
04:14.650positive. Yeah. But, but personal development
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04:17.171and mindset is really about how you check
04:17.212 -->
04:20.674in with yourself and how you approach obstacles
04:20.714 -->
04:23.857in your life. And as we talk about mindset,
04:23.877 -->
04:26.099we'll talk about the different mindsets that
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04:28.681someone can have. Yeah. Um, the big two are
04:28.721 -->
04:31.224like growth mindset and then fixed mindset.
04:31.264 -->
04:34.246So it's really good to like define those
04:34.447 -->
04:36.348and then, you know, build some strategies
04:36.408 -->
04:38.290around that. So we'll probably discuss all
04:38.330 -->
04:39.611of that in great length.
04:39.772 -->
04:42.014One of the best definitions of mindset, and
04:42.034 -->
04:44.636I think we mentioned it even on the podcast
04:44.676 -->
04:46.638I did with one of my coaches, Mark England,
04:47.499 -->
04:51.231it's. The story about yourself that you tell
04:51.251 -->
04:55.395yourself. Right. Right. And it comes down
04:55.415 -->
04:57.337to communication. And that story, just like
04:57.417 -->
05:01.220any other story, the words you say are important.
05:02.221 -->
05:04.263How you say those words are important, like
05:04.283 -->
05:07.105the tonality of words are important. The
05:07.226 -->
05:10.884cadence of those words are important. So
05:10.904 -->
05:13.086I always like circling back to, we talk about
05:13.126 -->
05:15.729a fixed mindset or a growth mindset. What
05:15.749 -->
05:18.512does that story in their head look like in
05:18.592 -->
05:21.215each of those situations?
05:21.335 -->
05:22.917What does it look like? What does it feel
05:22.957 -->
05:25.060like? What does it sound like? And those
05:25.080 -->
05:27.022are like the big things. And speaking on
05:27.042 -->
05:29.404that, and I think Mark talked about is thoughts
05:29.664 -->
05:32.466become words, words become actions, actions
05:32.506 -->
05:34.828become habits, habits become like your destiny,
05:35.268 -->
05:37.270right? So like, where can you start making
05:37.290 -->
05:40.032some of those small shifts, and you can start
05:40.052 -->
05:41.393making those small shifts in your thought
05:41.433 -->
05:43.515patterns, and eventually turns into that,
05:43.795 -->
05:46.137you know, you say destiny, but it's, it's
05:46.157 -->
05:48.039also that identity change, right?
05:48.379 -->
05:50.741Correct, right, where at some point in time,
05:51.989 -->
05:55.312You started off as someone that started jiu-jitsu
05:55.712 -->
05:57.934and then you built the habit of doing jiu-jitsu
05:58.174 -->
06:00.636and then you got into coaching. But at some
06:00.676 -->
06:03.759point in time, like you became a coach. At
06:03.799 -->
06:06.901some point in time, you became a person that
06:06.941 -->
06:08.663does jiu-jitsu. Like there's no question
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06:10.839about it. You don't think about it. It's
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06:13.162part of me. It's something I do. Correct.
06:15.404 -->
06:20.370The reps. A lot of reps. That is it. So let's
06:20.450 -->
06:22.112talk about the hoo-rah-rah.
06:23.430 -->
06:26.873About personal development. Yeah. So, and
06:26.913 -->
06:29.235this we've had, me and you have had really
06:29.255 -->
06:31.477some great experiences and some of the coaching
06:31.517 -->
06:33.819groups that we're in. Um, I've had a lot
06:33.859 -->
06:35.961better of experiences. Maybe you haven't.
06:36.621 -->
06:38.283And that kind of led you to getting some
06:38.343 -->
06:41.145good people, but there is a, there's a notion
06:41.205 -->
06:43.267of this personal development that we're all
06:43.327 -->
06:44.908sitting in a room. We're all drinking the
06:44.948 -->
06:47.831Kool-Aid it's like a cult and all of it is
06:47.991 -->
06:51.273thinking about like positivity. Yeah. And
06:51.414 -->
06:53.535in what real personal development looks like.
06:53.975 -->
06:57.617And I, I like to use a story is imagine you
06:57.657 -->
07:00.739have a garden, right? And this is goes into
07:00.779 -->
07:02.720mindset as well. You have a garden and you
07:02.740 -->
07:07.282start to see weeds pop up. A lot of people
07:07.342 -->
07:08.943that think about personal development is
07:08.983 -->
07:10.504those weeds pop up and you're like, that's
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07:13.045OK. That's supposed to happen. It's all right.
07:13.445 -->
07:16.047It's going to fix itself. Personal development
07:16.127 -->
07:19.169and an effective manner is I have weeds in
07:19.189 -->
07:22.711my garden. that's a problem and I need to
07:23.151 -->
07:24.732create some action. I need to get rid of
07:24.772 -->
07:26.954those weeds. And so- You need to decide and
07:26.974 -->
07:30.376do. Decide and do, right? So, and this fitting,
07:30.417 -->
07:31.818this is one of my favorite sweatshirts, by
07:31.838 -->
07:33.419the way, Perry got this for me at one of
07:33.439 -->
07:33.679our events.
07:33.699 -->
07:35.460You know, I wore my Average Sucks one last
07:35.520 -->
07:35.680night.
07:35.941 -->
07:36.201I love it.
07:36.221 -->
07:37.902I probably wear it to bed every night. Fun
07:37.942 -->
07:40.784fact, do your pockets connect in it? They
07:40.864 -->
07:41.205don't.
07:41.525 -->
07:43.827I know. That's so cool. Then I don't have
07:43.867 -->
07:46.689to have the big kangaroo pouch. I know, tangent.
07:46.769 -->
07:48.570I don't lose my stuff. Cool sweatshirt. But
07:48.610 -->
07:51.753yeah, so, so, and then there's, then there's
07:51.794 -->
07:54.696this, uh, like a counterfeit growth mindset
07:55.117 -->
07:56.899where, you know, that there's a problem,
07:57.279 -->
07:58.560but you don't have the courage enough to
07:58.600 -->
08:00.522like do anything about it. So you're the,
08:00.562 -->
08:03.425so that's like a lot, like the victim mentality
08:03.465 -->
08:06.027where like, Oh, Why does it have to be me
08:06.047 -->
08:07.107that has weeds in the garden?
08:07.868 -->
08:09.828When everyone that has a garden has weeds.
08:09.908 -->
08:12.169And that victim mentality, it's a bitch.
08:12.529 -->
08:14.790It is. Right? It's not something that just,
08:15.971 -->
08:16.771you can just get rid of.
08:17.031 -->
08:20.293Yeah. And it's easy. It's easy to have it.
08:20.773 -->
08:22.834It's fun to have it. It's fun. You get to
08:22.894 -->
08:25.375create stories and get attention. You always
08:25.415 -->
08:26.475have a story to tell someone.
08:26.715 -->
08:30.597Always. Always. So what does a person with
08:30.817 -->
08:34.756a, you know, that has gone through personal
08:34.776 -->
08:37.419development that has built up skills and
08:37.479 -->
08:40.081tools. What what do they do with the garden?
08:40.262 -->
08:41.963Yeah, just blowtorch that bitch or what?
08:42.524 -->
08:44.806Well, so so that's where like choices come
08:44.846 -->
08:47.989in to play and and personal development is,
08:49.050 -->
08:52.890is a toolbox. And through that toolbox is
08:52.930 -->
08:54.591a bunch of different tools. And some of them
08:54.651 -->
08:56.553are effective. It's kind of like you're building
08:56.613 -->
08:59.194a house. It's like, could you build a house
08:59.234 -->
09:01.596with just a hammer? You could, but it's going
09:01.616 -->
09:03.858to take forever and it's probably not going
09:03.878 -->
09:06.817to look very pretty. Yeah. So it's. Taking
09:07.057 -->
09:09.278all of these tools. And when we're talking
09:09.298 -->
09:11.878about mindset, mindset is a tool that is
09:12.098 -->
09:14.519utilized, but you also have other tools like
09:14.619 -->
09:17.640goal setting and introspection and meditation
09:17.980 -->
09:20.981and, you know, gratitude, gratitude, journaling,
09:21.281 -->
09:23.521all those things. So it's a collection of
09:23.701 -->
09:26.102use, utilizing all of those different tools
09:26.322 -->
09:28.843within personal development to, to get to
09:28.883 -->
09:29.723where you want to go.
09:29.743 -->
09:30.423Yeah.
09:31.032 -->
09:33.333Nice. Is torching the garden a good idea?
09:33.353 -->
09:35.313I don't know your situation. Yeah. You know,
09:35.353 -->
09:38.074I have some ideas, but I've gotten out of
09:38.134 -->
09:39.954giving people advice because I don't know
09:39.994 -->
09:41.174your life story. Yeah.
09:41.434 -->
09:44.775So what are some of the, the tools you use
09:44.835 -->
09:45.655on a regular basis?
09:46.716 -->
09:50.937So for, for me, I would like to think growth
09:50.977 -->
09:53.517mindset is very nuanced today. We're going
09:53.537 -->
09:56.158to talk about it in general, but with growth
09:56.218 -->
09:58.841mindset, You can have a growth mindset in
09:58.941 -->
10:01.564one particular area of your life, but have
10:01.604 -->
10:03.526a fixed mindset in a totally different area.
10:03.746 -->
10:05.748And one of the examples I use is a lot of
10:05.768 -->
10:07.891people that get into jiu-jitsu and they love
10:07.971 -->
10:09.993it. They, they start developing a growth
10:10.033 -->
10:11.875mindset. They start seeing the results and
10:11.895 -->
10:13.397they're like, okay, I can get really good
10:13.437 -->
10:16.239at this. But then they're a fixed mindset
10:16.259 -->
10:18.901in relationships. So they'll say, I can't
10:18.941 -->
10:20.942ever find the right person or I'm always
10:20.982 -->
10:23.304getting dumped or there's no good people
10:23.384 -->
10:26.166out there anymore. And those are fixed mindset
10:26.226 -->
10:28.627beliefs. And it comes down to limited beliefs.
10:28.647 -->
10:31.329So you can have a growth mindset in different
10:31.449 -->
10:33.571aspects of your life while still maintaining
10:34.031 -->
10:35.952fixed mindsets and others. So it's being
10:36.032 -->
10:39.214conscious of those and using what I what
10:39.274 -->
10:44.369I use is is this the truth. Am I using an
10:44.530 -->
10:46.711absolute here? Yeah. And that's like one
10:46.731 -->
10:48.792of the biggest, and I use that with other
10:48.832 -->
10:52.635people always, never. Yep. So, so that's
10:52.675 -->
10:54.776the biggest tool. And then I look at where
10:54.836 -->
10:57.418I've been, look at the obstacles that I've
10:57.498 -->
11:00.000already overcome. And when it comes to like
11:00.040 -->
11:01.681a new challenge, I say, well, I've made it
11:01.701 -->
11:03.742through a bunch of other things. Yeah. I
11:03.782 -->
11:05.622can make it through this as Yeah. So that's
11:05.642 -->
11:08.004probably, those are like my big top growth
11:08.044 -->
11:08.784mindset tools.
11:08.884 -->
11:11.206It's a, it's a huge tool that I use, you
11:11.226 -->
11:13.007know, in our kids' classes, for example,
11:13.047 -->
11:14.908right. A kid comes in and it's like, school
11:14.928 -->
11:18.650is tough today. Like the whole day, like
11:18.810 -->
11:20.431every day of school, like at what moment
11:20.471 -->
11:22.672did it become tough? Like it was tough from
11:22.692 -->
11:25.374the minute you walked in the door, you know,
11:25.414 -->
11:28.115was lunch tough? Was recess tough? Was just,
11:28.155 -->
11:30.817was reading tough? Um, you know, a lot of
11:30.837 -->
11:33.909times we. Set absolutes and we don't even
11:34.049 -->
11:36.652use those absolute setting words. Like I
11:36.812 -->
11:39.575always get dumped. School is always hard.
11:41.137 -->
11:42.839I think one of the, man, one of the best
11:42.879 -->
11:46.583tools that I do, I use is really trying to
11:46.603 -->
11:49.366be precise, right? Like what, what exact,
11:50.027 -->
11:52.609what exact thing is tough? Man, my Jiu Jitsu
11:52.669 -->
11:56.043sucks today. Maybe my side control escapes
11:56.083 -->
11:57.844suck, right? It's probably not all of my
11:57.864 -->
12:00.006jiu-jitsu. It's probably one specific thing.
12:00.046 -->
12:01.928Or maybe it's like, man, I just fucking sucked
12:01.948 -->
12:02.828at getting on under hook.
12:03.329 -->
12:05.590Yeah. Yeah. That's a crazy concept because
12:05.631 -->
12:07.272a lot of people at the Academy were talking
12:07.292 -->
12:08.993about cage grappling and a lot of people
12:09.013 -->
12:10.474are like, how, how was your match? I said,
12:10.534 -->
12:13.457I think it went really great. Yeah. I, I
12:13.537 -->
12:15.658had really great control. You're like on
12:15.698 -->
12:18.140top the whole time. And then, and then I
12:18.180 -->
12:20.462mentioned, I was like the very specific thing
12:20.482 -->
12:22.664that happened is I got gassed in the third
12:22.724 -->
12:25.143round. And I couldn't posture up anymore
12:25.203 -->
12:28.284and he got a triangle. And so like, and it's
12:28.404 -->
12:31.046really powerful when you can take an event
12:31.766 -->
12:34.908that is universal and then start attaching
12:34.928 -->
12:37.709different like meanings to it. And when you
12:37.909 -->
12:39.950attach a different meaning of Mark England,
12:40.150 -->
12:42.211you get, you get a different emotion. You
12:42.251 -->
12:44.032know, and I know Burnoff talks a lot about
12:44.052 -->
12:46.778that as well as. You can take an event and
12:46.798 -->
12:48.238make it whatever you want.
12:48.299 -->
12:51.040And you apply a label to it, right? You can't
12:51.080 -->
12:52.501change the event, but you can change the
12:52.541 -->
12:55.262label that you put on it. Yep. Pretty cool.
12:55.562 -->
12:58.824P.S. One of my, I think it was my first jiu-jitsu
12:58.844 -->
13:01.545match ever. One of my first jiu-jitsu matches,
13:01.886 -->
13:04.787I lost from a triangle. Similar match, like
13:04.927 -->
13:07.228on top the whole time. The guy starts to
13:07.268 -->
13:09.229go for a triangle. I was like, man, I know
13:09.269 -->
13:11.578a triangle defense. I'm just going to pass
13:11.618 -->
13:13.739the guard with this thing. Yeah. And he just
13:13.779 -->
13:16.760like slaps it on tap, tap, tap. I'm like
13:16.800 -->
13:19.121happens. Never doing that again. Lesson learned.
13:20.241 -->
13:23.962It happens. Lesson learned. Was that was
13:23.982 -->
13:25.142the biggest thing you learned in your match?
13:29.064 -->
13:34.012I learned. I learned that my top game matters.
13:34.492 -->
13:37.754Yeah. Um, previously to, to that event, I
13:37.814 -->
13:41.136used to play a lot of bottom open guard and
13:41.176 -->
13:43.718just kind of like work through without any
13:43.758 -->
13:46.640game plan that I went into the match. I said,
13:46.660 -->
13:48.241Hey, I'm going to try to get a takedown and
13:48.261 -->
13:50.451I'm going to establish top position. Yep.
13:50.872 -->
13:52.153So I, so I learned that works.
13:53.414 -->
13:55.716Hey, get on top, stay on top, right? Like
13:56.136 -->
13:58.138fundamental beliefs, the goal in jiu-jitsu.
13:58.178 -->
14:00.500Do you need a sick ass bottom game in jiu-jitsu
14:00.881 -->
14:02.322for sure? Because you're not going to start
14:02.362 -->
14:03.883on top of everyone.
14:04.244 -->
14:06.906Yeah. So, so my game, I had a game plan.
14:07.106 -->
14:11.350So I learned that having some sort of conceptual
14:11.410 -->
14:13.892game plan works a lot better than just going
14:13.952 -->
14:17.846to a match. Hoping for the best. Yeah. So,
14:17.967 -->
14:19.669so I learned that and then I just learned
14:19.689 -->
14:21.671that, Hey, I do need to work on a little
14:21.691 -->
14:25.075bit more of my strength and cardio. Cause
14:25.095 -->
14:28.059I'm, I'm a runner. I have the rucksack, but
14:28.079 -->
14:30.922I need to do strength as well as like cardio
14:31.302 -->
14:33.125and find some balance between those two.
14:33.643 -->
14:36.024Yeah, I know a good strength training gym.
14:36.384 -->
14:39.946Yeah, I know. I know you got one. For those
14:40.026 -->
14:43.907of you that don't know our podcast crew owns
14:43.987 -->
14:46.308one of the runs one of the sickest gyms in
14:46.328 -->
14:49.130Milwaukee social candy. So yeah, it's a secret.
14:49.390 -->
14:51.751It is secret. It's a secret that if you're
14:51.771 -->
14:53.932interested, I know someone. I know someone
14:53.952 -->
14:57.745that knows someone. Uh, so man, fixed mindset,
14:57.845 -->
15:00.906growth mindset. A lot of people aren't gonna,
15:00.986 -->
15:02.347gonna know this is becoming more and more
15:02.407 -->
15:04.808popular, right? Uh, let's talk about that.
15:05.128 -->
15:07.049Yeah. So what's the difference? How do you
15:07.069 -->
15:08.250get there? How do you get out of there? How
15:08.390 -->
15:08.990do you shift?
15:09.350 -->
15:11.451So, so growth mindset is like one of those
15:11.531 -->
15:13.272key terms that you kind of hear a lot of,
15:13.432 -->
15:17.587but I think there is. There's like a common
15:17.627 -->
15:20.649knowledge aspect of it, but let's like define
15:20.769 -->
15:23.812fixed mindset. Fixed mindset is the belief
15:23.852 -->
15:26.354that everything is set in stone, that your
15:26.434 -->
15:29.256beliefs, your values, your actions, who you
15:29.296 -->
15:32.158are as a person, your environment, all these
15:32.218 -->
15:34.040different aspects of your life are set in
15:34.060 -->
15:35.781stone. They're never going to change. You
15:35.801 -->
15:38.323just who you are, you are who you are and
15:38.343 -->
15:39.804there's nothing that can change about it.
15:39.844 -->
15:46.285Man. So. It's like the opposite of extreme
15:46.345 -->
15:48.466ownership, right? It's like the lack of ownership.
15:48.486 -->
15:50.147Correct. You know, you're just going to let
15:50.307 -->
15:54.430life happen to you. That doesn't sound fun.
15:54.832 -->
15:57.634No, it doesn't sound fun, but when we talk
15:57.654 -->
16:02.037about stories, they tell a very attention
16:02.317 -->
16:04.719oriented story. Yeah. And it's true. And
16:04.739 -->
16:07.341they're exciting. Tell me more. Tell me more
16:07.401 -->
16:09.762about all the suffering and all the pain
16:09.862 -->
16:12.024and everything that hasn't gone your way
16:12.284 -->
16:15.106because people are empathetic and they're
16:15.146 -->
16:17.447caring and they're kind and we want to listen
16:17.487 -->
16:18.728and we want to help. Dude.
16:18.788 -->
16:21.210And then the worst is when you have two people
16:21.270 -->
16:23.631that like battle at whose story is the worst.
16:24.552 -->
16:27.553First one to the bottom. What a terrible
16:27.613 -->
16:31.735race. Yeah. So, so the, the thing with the
16:31.795 -->
16:34.216fixed mindset, like, and if you have a fixed
16:34.256 -->
16:36.037mindset or if you're trying to help someone
16:36.257 -->
16:38.478with a, with a fixed mindset, the first thing
16:38.498 -->
16:41.819you have to do is just like validate. I think,
16:41.939 -->
16:44.560I think it's important to say, Hey, I S I
16:44.600 -->
16:48.002see you. Yeah. I hear you. Everything that's
16:48.022 -->
16:50.043happening. Probably the worst thing that's
16:50.103 -->
16:52.588ever happened to you. And then getting them
16:52.768 -->
16:55.149to think logically and ask those questions.
16:55.249 -->
16:58.652Is it always this way? Yeah. Or is, you know,
16:58.972 -->
17:02.974are you never satisfied? And then go emotional
17:03.014 -->
17:05.976with it. And then one of the strategies that
17:06.016 -->
17:07.857I use with that logical and emotional, I
17:07.897 -->
17:10.299say, well, well, tell me like a contrasting
17:10.339 -->
17:12.620statement. Like if you're feeling down, well,
17:12.640 -->
17:14.642tell me like a time where you felt happy.
17:14.662 -->
17:17.629Hmm. And then you'll get a story from that.
17:17.770 -->
17:20.552And you'll ask like, well, are you doing
17:20.592 -->
17:23.895those things anymore? Do you still have access
17:23.915 -->
17:26.517to that part of your life? And then slowly
17:26.577 -->
17:28.459giving them the affirmation that they are
17:28.559 -->
17:30.600great, that they do have potential, that
17:30.640 -->
17:33.383they do have these wins and celebrate and
17:33.443 -->
17:34.964collect those wins over time.
17:35.044 -->
17:37.867Yeah. I mean, I found similar that you, you
17:37.907 -->
17:40.889often just need to open up people to the
17:41.009 -->
17:43.391idea that it could be different. It's like
17:43.431 -->
17:47.082a new idea. Right? Where they get so good
17:47.142 -->
17:50.526at telling their victim's story that you
17:50.546 -->
17:53.288need to find an out, help them with an out
17:53.329 -->
17:54.269to tell a new story.
17:54.570 -->
17:56.952Yeah. And then I think vulnerability is a
17:57.032 -->
17:59.375big part of it too. It's, we've all been
17:59.455 -->
18:01.817there. We've all said things that, you know,
18:01.997 -->
18:05.280was a limited belief. And I think opening
18:05.441 -->
18:07.503up yourself to someone else and say, Hey,
18:07.523 -->
18:10.334like, I don't know what you're exactly going
18:10.374 -->
18:13.516through, but, but I've been somewhere similar
18:14.657 -->
18:18.299and here's what I did. And one of the biggest
18:18.359 -->
18:20.901things that I ask is I ask if they are open
18:20.941 -->
18:24.243for an alternative. Are you open to a different
18:24.283 -->
18:26.664perspective on this? Do you, and then the
18:26.724 -->
18:28.585three H's, do you want, do you want help?
18:29.126 -->
18:30.346Do you want to be heard or do you need a
18:30.386 -->
18:34.549hug? You know, and I think that we always
18:34.589 -->
18:36.690go into this problem solving mindset when
18:36.710 -->
18:38.825we're trying to help someone else. But I
18:38.865 -->
18:41.167think a lot of the times we have to be open
18:41.227 -->
18:44.909to just them venting about it and then asking,
18:44.969 -->
18:46.250Hey, do you want to change?
18:46.290 -->
18:52.455Yeah, man. And I feel like we often end up,
18:52.935 -->
18:54.576I shouldn't even say we, some people often
18:54.676 -->
18:57.078end up on either spectrum, right? So someone
18:57.098 -->
18:59.720tells you their, their story, their victim
18:59.740 -->
19:02.942mindset story. One of two things happens
19:04.103 -->
19:06.825that don't result in good things in either
19:06.865 -->
19:10.207direction. Number one is you try to fix it
19:10.247 -->
19:12.408right away and you get hard resistance because
19:12.428 -->
19:14.190they're not open to fixing it. You have to
19:14.210 -->
19:15.971remember that people love the story that
19:15.991 -->
19:17.632they're telling and they're damn good at
19:17.812 -->
19:22.336it. The other side, and question for you
19:22.376 -->
19:25.401on this, trauma bonding. Are you familiar
19:25.441 -->
19:28.704with that? I am like, someone tells you that
19:28.764 -->
19:30.625story, you actually bond over that trauma,
19:30.665 -->
19:32.366and you kind of feed into that story. Yeah,
19:32.707 -->
19:34.288that's oftentimes where you get the two fixed
19:34.308 -->
19:36.269mindsets in the room, they start like, whose
19:36.309 -->
19:38.691story is worse? And our best friends because
19:38.711 -->
19:40.873we have a terrible story. Like, how do you
19:41.353 -->
19:43.274like neither of those end up being a good
19:43.314 -->
19:46.784result? Right? How do you stay towards that
19:46.825 -->
19:48.907middle? How do you detach from the trauma
19:48.947 -->
19:51.730bond but also show empathy? How do you help
19:51.770 -->
19:53.892them without being pushed away?
19:55.554 -->
19:59.719That's a great question. My answer for that
19:59.739 -->
20:03.946is their problem is their problem. A lot
20:03.986 -->
20:07.289of times we get so emotionally invested that
20:07.369 -->
20:09.410trauma bond, like, Oh yeah, I've gone through
20:09.490 -->
20:12.993something horrible too. And right now in
20:13.033 -->
20:16.435this moment, it's not about you anymore.
20:16.555 -->
20:20.658It's about helping that other person in whatever
20:20.718 -->
20:24.781regards that means. So the biggest tip for
20:24.881 -->
20:28.724helping someone is communicating for them.
20:29.385 -->
20:32.167Yeah, because, man, I feel like sometimes
20:32.347 -->
20:35.528when you try to show empathy with someone
20:35.688 -->
20:37.750or sympathy, two different things, but you
20:37.770 -->
20:39.050know, someone tells you that story, you want
20:39.070 -->
20:40.851to share a moment in your life that was like,
20:42.172 -->
20:43.873just to just to show that, like, I get you,
20:44.293 -->
20:46.674right. So I share a story around the same
20:46.734 -->
20:48.655lines that happened to me that shows I get
20:48.695 -->
20:53.214you. That doesn't necessarily serve the conversation,
20:53.234 -->
20:54.514right? You don't need to do something. You
20:54.534 -->
20:56.395don't need to have that trauma bond to show
20:56.455 -->
20:59.017empathy or sympathy. That is correct. I agree.
20:59.837 -->
21:03.580Um, it's hard to be mindful of that. Yeah,
21:03.600 -->
21:05.481I agree. I feel like it's one of those things
21:05.501 -->
21:07.282you just need reps and reps.
21:07.622 -->
21:10.884And it definitely can be a trap. Um, being
21:11.084 -->
21:17.146conscious of it and putting yourself in,
21:17.486 -->
21:20.827in their position doesn't always necessarily
21:21.047 -->
21:23.308mean you need to tell your story for that
21:23.588 -->
21:25.689for them to like, understand. I think most
21:25.809 -->
21:31.912people will, we're all humans and we all
21:32.012 -->
21:34.933have these events in our lives. And when
21:35.013 -->
21:37.114you can kind of disassociate from like what
21:37.194 -->
21:39.875they're going through, you have, it's like
21:39.935 -->
21:40.796watching a movie.
21:41.236 -->
21:41.436Yeah.
21:42.437 -->
21:44.718Like you're watching the thing unfold as
21:44.738 -->
21:48.098you're watching a movie and you can change
21:48.138 -->
21:51.339the script and you can, you know, focus on
21:51.419 -->
21:53.500something else and look at it from a totally
21:53.540 -->
21:55.440different perspective versus that person
21:55.560 -->
21:57.421actually being in it. You can kind of see
21:57.981 -->
21:58.881some different angles.
22:00.641 -->
22:05.282And it reminds me of, it's like an NLP hypnotist
22:05.983 -->
22:07.283thing. I've read totally about this one,
22:07.303 -->
22:11.864the movie. Um, probably not. Probably, probably
22:11.904 -->
22:14.947not. So, uh, man, like if you have a big,
22:14.987 -->
22:16.668if you have a picture in your head, like
22:17.129 -->
22:18.950if you're a visual person and you see something
22:18.970 -->
22:21.853that's happened to you as a, like a picture,
22:21.873 -->
22:27.358like a hypnotist, hypnotic therapy way to
22:27.438 -->
22:30.941do it is to picture yourself in a movie theater,
22:31.441 -->
22:34.520watching the movie. Right, so you're not
22:34.600 -->
22:35.981in the movie, but you're watching yourself
22:36.061 -->
22:38.101in the movie, which is like one removal of
22:38.242 -->
22:42.043like detachment. Got it and What you can
22:42.123 -->
22:46.064do it's wild. I've done this before You can
22:46.144 -->
22:47.985change the movie like you can slow it down.
22:48.025 -->
22:50.005You can make it black and white Whatever
22:50.025 -->
22:52.266it might be to reduce the intensity of it.
22:52.346 -->
22:53.907Like you can like take your glasses off and
22:53.947 -->
22:56.487make a little bluttery Right, so you reduce
22:56.527 -->
22:59.848the intensity then you can detach more so
23:00.028 -->
23:03.768pretend you're in Um, by the projector, watching
23:03.788 -->
23:06.490yourself, watching the movie. Right. And
23:06.510 -->
23:09.372you could keep detaching like that to reduce
23:09.592 -->
23:12.133the impact that that visualization makes
23:12.234 -->
23:16.116on you. It's like, it's just a super, super
23:16.176 -->
23:16.816weird thing.
23:17.077 -->
23:20.379Yeah. One of the, I have a tool that's similar
23:20.419 -->
23:22.380to that, especially when kids are saying
23:22.420 -->
23:25.502like, I can't do something or, or no one
23:25.542 -->
23:28.044likes me. Um, I make them say it in a Mickey
23:28.084 -->
23:30.426mouse voice. Yeah. And it makes it like sound
23:30.466 -->
23:33.429really silly and it messes up that pattern
23:33.869 -->
23:36.031where they, they had that attachment where
23:36.071 -->
23:37.793they're sad when they say no one likes me.
23:38.013 -->
23:40.736And that's, that's a great one for auditory,
23:40.816 -->
23:42.838right? A lot of times when we, when we have
23:42.918 -->
23:46.107these. These struggles that we're having,
23:46.127 -->
23:48.908these road bumps, these fixed mindsets, they
23:49.229 -->
23:50.889show up differently for different people,
23:51.449 -->
23:53.630right? Some people see it visually. They
23:53.670 -->
23:54.911paint the picture in their head. They see
23:54.951 -->
23:56.531the movie play out in their head, right?
23:57.031 -->
23:58.932It might be a thing that you say to yourself,
23:58.992 -->
24:01.593I'm not good enough. I can't do this. Nobody
24:01.633 -->
24:03.214likes me, right? That's not a movie. You
24:03.234 -->
24:04.714don't necessarily see that as a picture unless
24:04.734 -->
24:06.495you do see that as a picture. But a lot of
24:06.515 -->
24:07.875people, that's words in their head. So how
24:07.895 -->
24:09.256do you change those words in their head?
24:09.636 -->
24:11.237Well, say it twice as slow. Say it with a
24:11.257 -->
24:14.137different tone. Say it backwards, whatever
24:14.177 -->
24:17.758it might be. Then kinesthetic people, try
24:17.778 -->
24:20.919to move where you feel it. If you feel something
24:21.399 -->
24:22.879and you feel it in your chest, try to move
24:22.899 -->
24:27.420it to your shoulder. It's just so weird that
24:28.100 -->
24:31.421don't knock it unless you try it because
24:32.681 -->
24:37.602it may give you a 1% advantage. This is something
24:37.622 -->
24:39.323that we talk about as part of our core values
24:39.543 -->
24:42.503at Utopia. If it works, it made you better.
24:42.623 -->
24:44.884If it didn't work, you're in the exact spot
24:44.944 -->
24:47.686that you were before. Give it a shot. It's
24:47.706 -->
24:50.087like a multivitamin, right? I take a multivitamin
24:50.127 -->
24:51.328every morning. I don't know if it actually
24:51.388 -->
24:52.869helps, but it might.
24:53.369 -->
24:57.532Might. No harm. Right. Awesome. So I think,
24:57.712 -->
24:59.373I think we covered fixed. Yeah.
24:59.393 -->
25:02.054I think we got that. And, and slightly like
25:02.094 -->
25:04.316how to shift people out of it. Yeah. So what
25:04.356 -->
25:05.576is a growth mindset though?
25:07.458 -->
25:11.125Most people. when they are born and I'm rolling
25:11.165 -->
25:13.349out like cognitive or neurological or like
25:13.449 -->
25:16.473physical limitations, but, uh, their baby.
25:16.714 -->
25:19.698And then they, uh, they observe their environment
25:20.319 -->
25:23.563and they are starting to see people move
25:23.604 -->
25:27.382around and they're like, I want to do They
25:27.402 -->
25:29.423start crawling. They don't know what crawling
25:29.503 -->
25:31.863is. There's no seminar. There's no three
25:31.883 -->
25:34.424day, you know, workshop. There's no instructional
25:34.464 -->
25:36.384on that. And then they start saying like
25:36.424 -->
25:40.605people, I want to walk. Yeah. So they stand
25:40.725 -->
25:42.746up, start walking, trying to start walking.
25:43.006 -->
25:45.066They fall down, you know, and then they,
25:45.206 -->
25:46.747they keep going and they keep trying and
25:46.767 -->
25:49.267they keep trying. And never once has a baby
25:49.307 -->
25:50.788like, I don't want to do this anymore. I
25:50.808 -->
25:52.128think I'm just going to stick to crawling.
25:52.708 -->
25:56.649So instinctually we have adopted a growth
25:56.689 -->
26:01.177mindset. as a child and around four to seven
26:01.197 -->
26:04.039years old is when we start getting these
26:04.099 -->
26:07.062outside influences where we can't do something.
26:07.262 -->
26:09.183Stop doing that. You're not allowed to do
26:09.223 -->
26:13.026that. Oh, you can't do that. And then they
26:13.046 -->
26:15.568started like our family. Yeah. All right.
26:15.608 -->
26:18.851Don't do that. Yeah. And then they maybe
26:18.911 -->
26:22.471that was the intention was pure. as usual,
26:23.092 -->
26:25.073but then they start saying to themselves,
26:25.373 -->
26:27.435well, if I can't do that, I might not be
26:27.475 -->
26:29.116able to do this. And I can't do that. And
26:29.176 -->
26:30.877I can't do this and I can't do this. And
26:30.917 -->
26:32.818they start telling themselves that over time.
26:34.099 -->
26:36.501And then they shift to a fixed mindset.
26:37.441 -->
26:42.224Man, I, I remember as a kid, like, you know,
26:42.565 -->
26:46.108um, the fitness tests in school, Right. Where
26:46.128 -->
26:47.408you got to go up there. We got to do a pull
26:47.468 -->
26:49.329up. There's like two pull up bars in class.
26:49.349 -->
26:51.411So everyone's watching you. Right. So you
26:51.431 -->
26:53.492go up there, you go do a pull up and you
26:53.552 -->
26:56.133can't do one. And I instantly was like, man,
26:56.153 -->
26:57.914I can't do a pull up. And then the teacher's
26:57.934 -->
26:59.395like, you could do a flexed arm. You can't
26:59.415 -->
27:00.736do a pull up. You could do a flexed arm hang
27:00.776 -->
27:03.637instead. It's like, I can't do a pull up.
27:05.498 -->
27:07.139Like, thanks for the label. Yeah. Thanks.
27:08.080 -->
27:12.903So, so everyone minus disabilities or, you
27:12.923 -->
27:16.906know, all those, Ever there, they're developed
27:17.407 -->
27:20.730instinctually with a growth mindset. So what
27:20.770 -->
27:24.635do we do when we have a child that has that?
27:24.675 -->
27:28.119We have a student athlete who is just a growth
27:28.199 -->
27:30.986mindset kid. They are one already. They are
27:31.206 -->
27:34.248one already. Okay. So how do, like, how do
27:34.328 -->
27:36.289we still build that? Because if we're just
27:36.349 -->
27:38.230paying attention to all the fixed mindset
27:38.310 -->
27:40.552people in the world, those growth mindset
27:40.592 -->
27:43.113people, they won't continue to grow because
27:43.194 -->
27:47.076they don't have the challenge. Yeah. And
27:47.116 -->
27:49.117that's the biggest thing for growth mindset
27:49.157 -->
27:51.839individuals is they need a challenge and
27:51.859 -->
27:53.840they still need a little bit of affirmation.
27:53.880 -->
27:56.042They still need like to be acknowledged for
27:56.202 -->
27:57.883like the hard work that they're putting in.
27:57.903 -->
28:01.855Yeah. but those kids really need the challenge
28:01.875 -->
28:03.556to push them further out of their comfort
28:03.576 -->
28:06.978zone or they'll get bored. So, and then for
28:07.258 -->
28:10.180adults as well, if you are a growth mindset,
28:10.200 -->
28:13.022like a true growth mindset across the board
28:13.102 -->
28:16.744and finances and your business and your relationships.
28:18.155 -->
28:21.276Like what can you do to step further out
28:21.296 -->
28:23.297of that comfort zone? Maybe you take a cage
28:23.357 -->
28:28.178grappling match. Maybe you hike. Maybe you
28:28.218 -->
28:30.419do something that you've wanted to do, but
28:30.479 -->
28:33.540something for whatever reason has kind of
28:33.580 -->
28:36.041prevented you up to that point and do that
28:36.121 -->
28:38.661thing and just keep adding to that resume
28:38.721 -->
28:40.322of all those things that you've accomplished.
28:41.243 -->
28:43.305David, David Goggins talks about the cookie
28:43.325 -->
28:45.527jar and that's more for like the people that
28:45.567 -->
28:47.469are struggling with fixed mindset. But man,
28:47.509 -->
28:49.171look at that cookie jar. When you're a growth
28:49.211 -->
28:51.012mindset, you're like, I need to add something
28:51.052 -->
28:53.395more. I need to go above and beyond. I need
28:53.415 -->
28:55.116to go to the boats. I got to who's going
28:55.136 -->
28:57.458to carry them, you know? So, um, I think
28:57.498 -->
28:59.640that's a really good strategy for growth
28:59.681 -->
29:03.744mindset. People is what else can you accomplish?
29:04.285 -->
29:04.405Yeah.
29:07.895 -->
29:12.118Do you, so do you think it's more important
29:12.158 -->
29:15.741for adults to have a growth mindset or kids
29:16.682 -->
29:20.264or both? And do you see like a relationship
29:20.304 -->
29:22.706in it? Like, you know, if a kid has a fixed
29:22.746 -->
29:24.727mindset, you can oftentimes look at that
29:24.768 -->
29:27.049parent is like, Oh, that parent has a fixed
29:27.069 -->
29:28.070mindset as well.
29:28.310 -->
29:29.691You could, you could definitely see like
29:29.731 -->
29:33.874correlations with that. I think both need
29:33.914 -->
29:37.390to have. and adopt a growth mindset for different
29:37.430 -->
29:40.271reasons. One, kids are more malleable. Yeah.
29:40.551 -->
29:43.032So if you can get them in and out of fixed
29:43.112 -->
29:46.032mindset and growth mindset, just the situation
29:46.093 -->
29:50.934based. If that kid stays a fixed mindset
29:51.114 -->
29:53.514kid, they're going to grow up into a fixed
29:53.574 -->
29:56.015mindset adult, unless there's some extreme
29:56.055 -->
29:58.335intervention. Maybe they, maybe they have
29:58.375 -->
30:00.016that friend that doesn't give up on them.
30:00.116 -->
30:01.976And this says, Hey, like they have an event
30:02.016 -->
30:03.737and they slap a great label on it. Yeah.
30:03.757 -->
30:06.329So like, Hey, like, You can do something
30:06.389 -->
30:08.832about this. A lot of, a lot of people that
30:08.852 -->
30:10.714with that fixed mindset, they do believe
30:10.935 -->
30:13.017that there's no hope that nothing's going
30:13.037 -->
30:17.402to change. So I would say, I would say it's
30:17.442 -->
30:21.367important for both one for parents and adults
30:21.387 -->
30:24.571to adopt it because that's what the kids
30:24.591 -->
30:27.571are looking up to. Hmm. That's what the kids
30:27.691 -->
30:29.993see and they're trying to model. So when
30:30.013 -->
30:33.936you're using growth mindset language, a lot
30:33.956 -->
30:36.237of that trickles down to the kids, you know,
30:36.337 -->
30:39.500and like teachers and, and parents and coaches
30:39.560 -->
30:41.481like that, that's who they're spending their
30:41.521 -->
30:44.203time with a lot. And then developing friend
30:44.243 -->
30:46.885groups within those communities, having that
30:46.925 -->
30:50.407support that's positive versus having the
30:50.468 -->
30:52.629friends that you can just get that are usually
30:52.669 -->
30:53.790the troublemakers and.
30:54.533 -->
30:58.294Man, and for adults, it's, it's being congruent
30:58.314 -->
31:00.914with it as well, right? You can talk growth
31:00.954 -->
31:03.975mindset all day. But if you're not showing
31:04.255 -->
31:06.276that growth mindset, like yourself jumping
31:06.316 -->
31:08.036into a cage in front of your students, like,
31:08.516 -->
31:11.577that's speaks way more volumes than talking
31:11.637 -->
31:13.297about growth mindset. Like, hey, guys, you
31:13.317 -->
31:15.618should go compete. It's great for you. You
31:15.638 -->
31:17.678stepped up and you went and you did it. Yeah.
31:18.018 -->
31:20.221I will tell you the only reason why I compete
31:20.781 -->
31:23.525is because we talk about competing. Yeah.
31:24.246 -->
31:27.369I, I, I love the art of jiu-jitsu. I love
31:27.529 -->
31:30.573coaching jiu-jitsu. I don't compete for me.
31:30.593 -->
31:33.076I compete just to show up and show the kids
31:33.116 -->
31:36.418that, Hey, like. If I can do this, you guys,
31:36.838 -->
31:38.159you don't need to do it for yourself. Yeah.
31:38.199 -->
31:39.840I don't need to do it for myself. You know,
31:39.960 -->
31:41.801I'm, I'm happy with where I'm at with my
31:41.841 -->
31:44.502jiu-jitsu, with, with my life competition
31:44.762 -->
31:47.143adds another element to it. And I use it
31:47.203 -->
31:49.925as a skills check, you know? So, and then
31:49.985 -->
31:53.706I, I use those competitions and those grappling
31:53.726 -->
31:57.208matches as a segue to like, Hey, I know I
31:57.248 -->
31:59.249talk about this and I talk about the importance
31:59.269 -->
32:01.170of competing. Watch me do it.
32:01.809 -->
32:05.351Do you think a fixed mindset is ever beneficial
32:05.411 -->
32:07.992to be able to like turn one on, whether it's
32:08.012 -->
32:12.114like a high pressure situation, wherever,
32:12.174 -->
32:14.795where you just need to focus on stability
32:14.855 -->
32:16.556and like, I just, all I need to do is stay
32:16.596 -->
32:19.857here. I'm good to go where, where I'm at
32:19.897 -->
32:21.918right now. I shouldn't focus on growth.
32:25.180 -->
32:27.521I think we're like a piece of armor. I think
32:27.541 -->
32:33.299that fixed mindset and And being content,
32:33.419 -->
32:35.720I think are two different things. Okay. Yeah.
32:36.680 -->
32:41.303I, I think being fixed is I can't do anything
32:41.383 -->
32:44.905about it. Being content is I don't need to
32:44.965 -->
32:45.405do anything.
32:45.665 -->
32:47.266Yeah. I don't need to be in growth mode right
32:47.286 -->
32:47.346now.
32:47.366 -->
32:50.928I don't, I don't, I don't need to, to, you
32:50.948 -->
32:54.510know, focus on my business as much. I need
32:54.530 -->
32:57.191to focus on my family more. I don't need
32:57.211 -->
33:00.553to focus on getting more money. I need to
33:00.573 -->
33:03.608focus on my health more. So with, with that,
33:03.668 -->
33:05.669I would say there's aspects of your life
33:05.709 -->
33:08.190that I bet you're probably content on. And
33:08.250 -->
33:09.891I wouldn't necessarily say you're a fixed
33:09.952 -->
33:11.873mindset in that. I think you're just, I think
33:11.893 -->
33:14.654you're okay with where you're at, but I also
33:14.674 -->
33:18.937would, would recommend looking at the areas
33:18.977 -->
33:22.679that you maybe have neglected or need some
33:22.719 -->
33:25.241improvement on and see where your mindset
33:25.301 -->
33:27.942is in there and see if it is a growth mindset
33:28.022 -->
33:28.843or a fixed mindset.
33:30.306 -->
33:33.087Let's talk about participation trophies,
33:33.887 -->
33:38.529participation awards. We're very, so we use
33:38.569 -->
33:40.089them at our academy when we do our in-house
33:40.129 -->
33:44.131tournament. We're very select with it for
33:44.431 -->
33:46.171certain age groups.
33:46.572 -->
33:50.113It is a strategic participation trophy. Not
33:50.213 -->
33:55.274everyone gets them. We view at a young age,
33:55.515 -->
33:58.976if you compete, you show up and you perform.
33:59.257 -->
34:01.279And I think it's only for our five-year-olds,
34:01.599 -->
34:04.022which is five and under, five and under.
34:04.643 -->
34:07.286If you compete, you showed up and you performed
34:07.626 -->
34:09.328and you did your match, regardless of if
34:09.368 -->
34:12.812you won or lost, you showed up and you, you
34:12.893 -->
34:13.173won.
34:13.413 -->
34:17.170They're young enough that awarding them with
34:17.250 -->
34:20.371a participation trophy encourages a growth
34:20.431 -->
34:23.793mindset for that developmental stage for
34:23.833 -->
34:26.314the kids. Yeah. What happens when you start
34:26.334 -->
34:27.615giving them to everyone?
34:31.217 -->
34:34.719I personally think when you hand out participation
34:34.759 -->
34:38.761trophies to everyone, I think the kids that
34:38.881 -->
34:41.762get them feel worse because they know that
34:42.162 -->
34:43.703part of them feels like they don't deserve
34:43.723 -->
34:45.992it. You got that medal for last place. And
34:46.032 -->
34:48.333then I think on the opposite side of that
34:48.473 -->
34:50.174with those high performers, they're like,
34:50.214 -->
34:52.715well, it doesn't matter if I try my best,
34:53.015 -->
34:54.375I'm still going to get a trophy. Yeah. I
34:54.395 -->
34:55.396don't have to work that hard. I don't have
34:55.436 -->
34:58.557to work that hard. And then that does not
34:58.597 -->
35:01.538play out well in the real world when you're
35:01.578 -->
35:03.759in a competitive job market or trying to
35:03.779 -->
35:08.378get into a competitive school or. ain't x,
35:08.478 -->
35:11.999y, and z trying to find your spouse. Yeah,
35:12.019 -->
35:14.180you know, all those things that that translate
35:14.260 -->
35:18.161to parts of those, you know, early childhood
35:18.201 -->
35:21.062development areas in your life.
35:21.602 -->
35:23.823Man, it makes me think of one of my I had
35:23.863 -->
35:26.004a huge breakthrough a couple years ago on
35:27.144 -->
35:29.445limiting beliefs. And we know limiting we
35:29.465 -->
35:31.545talk limiting beliefs create a fixed mindset,
35:31.605 -->
35:33.886right? You know, one of my old ones that
35:33.926 -->
35:35.287used to trickle through my head, and it still
35:35.327 -->
35:38.784pops up, they always do. Uh, you know, I'm
35:38.824 -->
35:41.485not good enough. Obvious one. I feel like
35:41.525 -->
35:44.547a lot of people have that one. We recognize
35:44.587 -->
35:47.809that that is one. Um, the other one that
35:47.949 -->
35:52.792hit me like a 80 pound bag of bricks was.
35:52.812 -->
35:57.335I'm already doing well, or like, I am good
35:57.375 -->
36:01.057at this. Right. Which is interesting because
36:01.077 -->
36:02.618a lot of people have to have the limiting
36:02.638 -->
36:07.339belief of like, I can't do this. But another
36:07.559 -->
36:09.920deadly one, it's a hidden one, is I am good
36:09.960 -->
36:12.261at this. Because the second you say, I'm
36:12.281 -->
36:16.302good at this, it gives you a out from needing
36:16.442 -->
36:22.204to become better. And I feel like participation
36:22.244 -->
36:23.925trophies are, it's kind of like giving myself
36:23.965 -->
36:26.685a participation trophy. Like, hey, I'm giving
36:26.705 -->
36:29.201myself a trophy, I'm good. But I'm good enough
36:29.221 -->
36:31.082that I don't need that first place one. Yeah.
36:31.222 -->
36:32.363Right. All I gotta do is go out there and
36:32.383 -->
36:34.003do it. I'll get a trophy no matter what.
36:34.463 -->
36:37.465Why work harder? Good is the enemy of great.
36:39.485 -->
36:39.806Quotes.
36:40.446 -->
36:42.507I love them. Quotes. One-liners. Well, what
36:42.547 -->
36:44.688else do we have for, for mindset?
36:46.568 -->
36:49.930I think, I think we covered, I think we defined
36:49.950 -->
36:52.231them really well. I think we gave some really
36:52.271 -->
36:57.753good strategies. I think in order to understand
36:58.921 -->
37:00.942and try to help other people. I think it's
37:01.162 -->
37:04.224really important to, to do some self-reflection
37:04.324 -->
37:07.926on like the areas where you may be having
37:07.946 -->
37:09.807those limited beliefs, where you think you're
37:09.847 -->
37:12.208doing really great in the growth. And I think
37:12.268 -->
37:14.329a lot of that just comes back to like, where,
37:14.449 -->
37:17.651where am I at? Where, where am I on my journey
37:17.831 -->
37:22.588through life? Where have I had some challenges.
37:22.608 -->
37:26.191And I think having that holistic approach
37:26.831 -->
37:30.374helps you grow and it helps like other people
37:30.434 -->
37:32.095around you. I think, I think the biggest
37:32.155 -->
37:33.956thing for people is if you want to be a,
37:34.237 -->
37:36.298like a person of influence or you want to
37:36.318 -->
37:39.741be a leader, you want to rise above is, is
37:40.081 -->
37:43.824doing the things that you want to do. Because
37:43.884 -->
37:46.246when you start doing those things, everyone
37:46.286 -->
37:48.642around you starts seeing it. And there's
37:48.662 -->
37:51.044a lot of people that like get into jiu-jitsu
37:51.064 -->
37:53.165or, you know, they see how we interact with
37:53.185 -->
37:54.605the kids and they're like, I want to be a
37:54.645 -->
37:56.807part of that. I want to become a coach. I
37:56.847 -->
37:59.208want to start attending classes. And we didn't
37:59.248 -->
38:01.509tell them to do it. Yeah. We just showed
38:01.629 -->
38:05.772up and we showed up as influences. And, you
38:05.812 -->
38:08.073know, the crazy thing about being in leadership
38:08.153 -->
38:11.174is never once do I hear you say, I'm the
38:11.214 -->
38:13.836leader. I'm the person of influence. I'm
38:13.856 -->
38:16.597there. I'm the guy. It's just, you just keep
38:16.637 -->
38:19.154showing up and, and. And improving every
38:19.174 -->
38:21.477day and you're improving yourself. And that
38:21.537 -->
38:23.420trickles down to the people that are watching
38:23.480 -->
38:26.343and they're like, I can do something as well.
38:26.563 -->
38:28.846You know, John says it right. Like when you're
38:28.886 -->
38:30.958that you have a microphone. know, whether
38:30.978 -->
38:32.278it's when you have a black belt, you're in
38:32.318 -->
38:34.879front of a group of people, you're around
38:34.919 -->
38:36.520people that look up to you that were even
38:36.540 -->
38:38.600maybe that they don't even look up to you,
38:38.660 -->
38:41.501right? They look laterally at you. You still
38:41.521 -->
38:42.781have people looking at you and you still
38:42.801 -->
38:45.142have a microphone and know your words, your
38:45.302 -->
38:48.723actions, your thoughts matter. Yeah, for
38:48.763 -->
38:53.264sure. Man, I had something else.
38:54.864 -->
38:57.285I don't know that happens. I don't know.
38:57.305 -->
38:57.325I
39:00.652 -->
39:01.433Uh, what else, man?
39:03.534 -->
39:07.016I think I, I think I, I got, I got notes,
39:07.516 -->
39:09.377got your notes, but I think I covered it
39:09.417 -->
39:11.479all. Yeah. No, it's talking about flowers
39:11.539 -->
39:17.082and babies and yeah. Are they open to different
39:17.122 -->
39:18.463perspectives, man?
39:19.063 -->
39:21.244Do you think Mark martial arts cultivates
39:21.264 -->
39:22.845a growth mindset better than other sports
39:22.945 -->
39:26.227activities? We often talk about why we think
39:26.267 -->
39:29.733martial arts is like, uniquely positioned
39:29.833 -->
39:32.354outside of just athletic development, especially
39:32.394 -->
39:33.234our program.
39:33.374 -->
39:35.335And viewers and listeners, he didn't say
39:35.435 -->
39:37.756better. We said we're unique and different.
39:37.916 -->
39:40.076Yeah. And I think that's important because,
39:40.096 -->
39:43.277and I think we we've touched on it before
39:43.457 -->
39:47.918a lot of other sports and activities. They,
39:48.038 -->
39:51.317they miss some of the marks and say, I like
39:51.357 -->
39:53.738football, for example, because I played football.
39:53.978 -->
39:56.300I played football, wrestled all the sports.
39:57.100 -->
39:59.561And what if you have that kid that really
39:59.621 -->
40:02.423just loves football, but he's just not, he's
40:02.463 -->
40:04.604not athletically, he's not physically there
40:04.644 -->
40:06.885yet, but he's intellectually, he's emotionally,
40:06.905 -->
40:09.006and he's socially there. That was me. I love
40:09.046 -->
40:09.586football.
40:10.667 -->
40:13.768I wasn't fast enough to play any sort of
40:13.828 -->
40:16.691running position. And I wasn't big enough
40:17.031 -->
40:18.812to play on the line. So I played on the line
40:19.252 -->
40:20.493because who's going to give the slow guy
40:20.533 -->
40:22.895the ball. Yeah. I could cause less damage
40:22.935 -->
40:23.775on the line. Right.
40:23.975 -->
40:26.037Yeah. So like looking at that, it's, it's
40:26.077 -->
40:28.518like, what are you doing to that particular
40:28.578 -->
40:32.221individual? Yeah. You know, maybe they're
40:32.301 -->
40:34.022physically there, but they're not socially
40:34.082 -->
40:37.364there. Maybe they're like a rock star, but
40:37.384 -->
40:39.866they just don't have the social skills and
40:40.186 -->
40:42.928what our Academy and what martial arts does
40:43.108 -->
40:46.548is it incorporates all of that. It's an individual
40:46.648 -->
40:49.452journey. We're part of a team as, as in like
40:49.472 -->
40:52.655we train as a team, but everyone is like,
40:53.196 -->
40:56.620we're all on the same road. Some people are
40:56.640 -->
40:59.822just walking a little bit faster. And some
40:59.902 -->
41:03.464people, they think of this ascending staircase
41:03.504 -->
41:05.206where people are like trying to climb over
41:05.266 -->
41:07.848each other. And it's like the bottoms are
41:07.888 -->
41:10.170at the bottom, but it's just a, it's a straight
41:10.230 -->
41:12.732road. And we're all just like, might not
41:12.772 -->
41:16.074feel like it sometimes. No, that's another
41:16.114 -->
41:19.317podcast. And so when we look at kids and
41:19.357 -->
41:21.879we look at adults similar as well, we're
41:21.899 -->
41:28.134just big kids that grew up and I think martial
41:28.295 -->
41:31.640arts just does a great job of setting the
41:31.700 -->
41:34.003realistic expectation that it's not you versus
41:34.163 -->
41:37.127anyone else. It's just you versus you. It's
41:37.168 -->
41:38.850you versus the version of you yesterday.
41:38.890 -->
41:40.633Oh, we try to make it that way, right? Some.
41:43.852 -->
41:46.454times we get stuck in that thought pattern
41:46.834 -->
41:49.757of everyone else is getting better around
41:49.797 -->
41:52.099me, but I'm not getting better. And to your
41:52.159 -->
41:54.541point, that's what we need to not be focusing
41:54.661 -->
41:54.761on.
41:54.781 -->
41:58.424Yeah. And in the case that because we have
41:58.464 -->
42:00.305some members, they're like, Oh man, he like,
42:00.786 -->
42:02.507they're getting so, so much better at the
42:02.547 -->
42:02.867same time.
42:02.887 -->
42:03.988And he got my blue belt before me.
42:04.128 -->
42:09.493Yeah. And we have that. What are you doing
42:09.573 -->
42:09.893about it?
42:10.153 -->
42:10.333Yeah.
42:11.914 -->
42:15.345You know, like, And you talk about this often.
42:15.365 -->
42:17.027There's like this unwritten rule about not
42:17.107 -->
42:18.888asking about stripes and belts and all that.
42:19.469 -->
42:21.250Um, but you've been highly approachable,
42:21.290 -->
42:22.811but still, well, not a lot of people do.
42:22.951 -->
42:25.453So, so we have transparency around ranking
42:25.493 -->
42:26.134belts.
42:26.154 -->
42:29.316It's one of those things like, uh, like how
42:29.396 -->
42:31.238truthful do you want me to be? Yeah. Like,
42:31.278 -->
42:32.799well, if you're going to, if you want to
42:32.879 -->
42:34.661ask about your rank, you like, you better
42:34.681 -->
42:36.102be ready for truth about it. I'm not gonna
42:36.122 -->
42:39.585be mean about it, but I I'll give you the
42:39.665 -->
42:39.925truth.
42:40.566 -->
42:44.068Yeah. And then it's, it's about, well, how,
42:44.148 -->
42:45.569how often are you training? What are you
42:45.629 -->
42:47.990particularly working on? You know, like they're
42:48.030 -->
42:50.372all the new focus span. Yeah. How consistent
42:50.432 -->
42:53.594are you? Yeah. And then I've noticed a lot,
42:54.734 -->
42:57.456a lot of it happens to do with on the mat
42:57.496 -->
42:59.877leadership. Like how do you show up in class?
43:00.378 -->
43:02.759Are you trying to destroy everyone or are
43:02.799 -->
43:04.985you just letting like people work? Yeah.
43:05.486 -->
43:07.888Are you, are you facilitating other people's
43:07.968 -->
43:10.371growth at the same time you're growing? So
43:10.391 -->
43:11.552there's like a lot of nuance.
43:11.572 -->
43:14.234Like, are you trying to learn when you're
43:14.274 -->
43:16.036at class or are you just trying to win? Yeah.
43:16.076 -->
43:18.419Or are you just trying to wreck people? Or
43:18.439 -->
43:19.860are you just totally out of it that day?
43:20.761 -->
43:22.863Or consistently? Yeah. Going through the
43:22.923 -->
43:25.265motions sort of a thing versus trying to
43:25.566 -->
43:28.709work on something. Having intent behind your
43:28.729 -->
43:32.966training. Right? You know, we started off
43:32.986 -->
43:35.346with the definition of mindset are the stories
43:36.246 -->
43:38.367about yourself that you tell yourself, right?
43:38.427 -->
43:40.447And your words matter, your tone, everything
43:40.507 -->
43:43.508matters, right? So does your approach to
43:43.548 -->
43:45.308training, right? Your intent behind it, your
43:45.328 -->
43:48.389intent behind the words in your head. It's
43:48.429 -->
43:54.750all connected. Communication is one of the
43:54.830 -->
43:57.271best spots to start with any challenge that
43:57.291 -->
44:00.892you have. Firm believer and it's not just
44:01.012 -->
44:02.994external communication. Oftentimes. It's
44:03.394 -->
44:05.696how do you communicate with yourself? Which
44:05.816 -->
44:11.821leads to? Your mindset. Yeah I did a really
44:11.841 -->
44:14.864cool exercise once at a personal development
44:15.884 -->
44:20.268meetup group Mastermind of business owners
44:20.889 -->
44:23.131where we all brought one problem that we
44:23.171 -->
44:27.154have Right. So give me a fictitious problem
44:28.833 -->
44:30.893I'm overweight. Cool. I think you have a
44:30.933 -->
44:34.514communication issue. And then you would start
44:34.534 -->
44:36.974with that. And you have to be like, OK, why
44:37.014 -->
44:41.195is it a communication issue? Well, some sort
44:41.235 -->
44:42.455of story that you're telling yourself in
44:42.475 -->
44:44.556your head of why you're overweight. Like,
44:44.696 -->
44:46.276are you overweight? Are you overweight and
44:46.296 -->
44:51.417you just can't ever get any leaner? I just
44:51.457 -->
44:55.118like starting there. Yes, your overweightness
44:55.698 -->
45:02.214might be a genetic abnormality, 1000% caused
45:02.314 -->
45:06.515by things outside of your physical ownership
45:06.575 -->
45:11.096and control. But you can change the story
45:11.476 -->
45:13.497that you tell yourself to change your mindset
45:13.557 -->
45:17.758on it. Right. So next time you have a problem,
45:18.718 -->
45:20.199tell yourself, I think I have a communication
45:20.239 -->
45:24.500issue. Love it. Cool. Anything else before
45:24.520 -->
45:25.640we do our rapid fire questions?
45:26.183 -->
45:26.764No, I'm ready.
45:27.124 -->
45:30.707So rapid fire questions, uh, unofficially
45:31.768 -->
45:33.970sponsored by element.
45:34.170 -->
45:35.031I'm going to drink mine too.
45:35.211 -->
45:36.613When I say unofficially sponsored, I mean,
45:36.633 -->
45:38.174did they not, not sponsor me at all, but
45:38.214 -->
45:40.576I drink a lot of this. Not a lot like that.
45:40.596 -->
45:44.380I'm consuming too much sodium, but it is
45:44.440 -->
45:46.242one of our favorite things from all of our
45:46.282 -->
45:48.183hard training jiu-jitsu athletes at our Academy.
45:48.584 -->
45:49.785Yeah. Delicious.
45:51.665 -->
45:52.985And I appreciate them for sending me really
45:53.005 -->
45:55.346cool stuff all the time. They do. Thank you.
45:56.066 -->
45:57.327So rapid fire question number one.
45:58.047 -->
45:58.347Okay.
46:01.848 -->
46:03.228What's one habit that changed your life?
46:05.429 -->
46:06.189Doing jiu-jitsu.
46:08.730 -->
46:10.010What got you to do jiu-jitsu?
46:11.392 -->
46:13.374I was like, how'd you start that habit? So,
46:13.494 -->
46:17.257so I, I'm a Jiu Jitsu guy. No, no. I'm, it
46:17.277 -->
46:19.919was a series of small steps for sure. I moved
46:19.999 -->
46:24.143back to the Wisconsin area, lived in Grafton.
46:24.163 -->
46:28.446Neutral ground was there. I did two weeks.
46:28.667 -->
46:30.548Who brought you in? Anyone? You just showed
46:30.568 -->
46:30.608up.
46:30.628 -->
46:33.491I just, I just Googled it. Heard about Jiu
46:33.531 -->
46:35.252Jitsu. Yeah. I heard about it. Let's go try
46:35.272 -->
46:38.879it out. And then, uh, And then I was like,
46:38.979 -->
46:41.440maybe I'll do it. Yeah. And then one day
46:41.460 -->
46:43.321I said, nah, I need to do this.
46:43.701 -->
46:45.602And little did you know that it would turn
46:45.642 -->
46:46.942into a career path.
46:47.022 -->
46:49.864That's crazy. Yeah. So yeah. Jiu jitsu was
46:50.224 -->
46:53.945probably the best habit that, that I sent
46:53.965 -->
46:56.046me on this trajectory and I wouldn't be sitting
46:56.066 -->
46:56.266here.
46:56.306 -->
46:58.687If I put you on what Jocko calls the path,
46:58.747 -->
47:00.268the path. Love it.
47:00.928 -->
47:03.669Cool. You want to do all yours or do you
47:03.689 -->
47:05.470want to go back and play ping pong? All right.
47:06.148 -->
47:08.191If you could swap lives with any cartoon
47:08.211 -->
47:09.953character for a day, who would it be and
47:10.053 -->
47:13.938why? Cartoon character? Yeah. We can do anime
47:14.058 -->
47:15.039superheroes as well.
47:22.294 -->
47:25.878I think Roadrunner. Roadrunner. Dude, he's
47:25.978 -->
47:29.681fast, clever, super clever, like ducking
47:29.741 -->
47:32.965traps all the time. Gets a laugh out of it
47:33.365 -->
47:35.547all day, right? Cause he spins those, he
47:35.567 -->
47:37.469like reverses and counters those traps on
47:37.509 -->
47:40.872Coyote. Just so fast, man. He's got a branded
47:40.932 -->
47:45.016relationship with Acme Corp. Yeah. Right.
47:45.036 -->
47:48.488So he sponsored athlete. Roadrunner. I love
47:48.548 -->
47:48.608it.
47:52.189 -->
47:52.990I love that answer.
47:53.010 -->
47:53.870What's your answer over there?
47:53.890 -->
47:57.911I don't from rocket power to rocket power.
47:58.091 -->
47:59.931We can do, we can do, we can do, we can do
47:59.971 -->
48:02.812that. I missed that show. Mine would be the
48:02.832 -->
48:03.712Hulk. Obviously.
48:04.353 -->
48:05.373Okay. Question number two.
48:08.294 -->
48:10.511Why the Hulk? That's actually on my list.
48:10.811 -->
48:12.271Really? It's actually question number six.
48:12.291 -->
48:14.493Why the Hulk? It's a rapid fire.
48:14.513 -->
48:16.354That's not a cartoon character. That's a
48:16.474 -->
48:18.935superhero. Yeah, but he has a cartoon.
48:19.215 -->
48:22.783Continues. Live action. So, so the whole,
48:22.923 -->
48:25.105I have a really interesting relationship
48:25.125 -->
48:29.689with him as a kid. Not him. Okay.
48:30.269 -->
48:34.393Well, Mark Ruffalo or Eastern Wisconsin.
48:34.533 -->
48:37.575Cut that out. No, the comic book. So Lou
48:37.595 -->
48:41.078Ferrigno, he was the original Hulk, the TV
48:41.098 -->
48:42.859series. And we didn't have a lot of channels,
48:42.879 -->
48:44.380but we had a channel that had the incredible
48:44.420 -->
48:46.282Hulk. And when I was a little kid, I would
48:46.322 -->
48:48.504try to rip my shirts off to the point where
48:48.544 -->
48:50.846I wasn't allowed to wear shirts in the house
48:50.886 -->
48:52.268anymore because I would just rip them up.
48:53.029 -->
48:55.251And I just was really fascinated at a young
48:55.291 -->
48:56.513age. You just ripped up all your shirts in
48:56.533 -->
48:59.116the house? Yeah. I wasn't strong enough yet,
48:59.156 -->
49:00.858so I would just stretch them. Cut it? I would
49:00.898 -->
49:02.920cut it a little bit. Yeah, I stretched the
49:02.940 -->
49:05.463first couple, but I would snip them and then
49:05.483 -->
49:06.925I would just rip them. I'm like, yo. Would
49:06.945 -->
49:08.086you make sure you had an audience or you
49:08.126 -->
49:09.467just do it in the mirror? I would just do
49:09.507 -->
49:12.349it by myself in my room. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.
49:12.469 -->
49:14.910And then like, I just kind of grew like super
49:14.970 -->
49:18.812strong. Yeah. And then like, as I got older,
49:18.893 -->
49:21.614I appreciated the scientific part of Bruce
49:21.674 -->
49:22.615Banner as well.
49:22.695 -->
49:25.036And that he was a scientist. Do you know
49:25.076 -->
49:28.678the science behind the Hulk is not set pseudoscience.
49:29.058 -->
49:31.341No, it's like real like stuff. It's like
49:31.521 -->
49:35.206gamma radiation. OK. Yeah, I don't know,
49:35.286 -->
49:38.310like what kind of you just shot with radiation.
49:38.490 -->
49:40.493It was really cool. But yeah, he's always
49:40.513 -->
49:43.797been been like my go to guy. Cool. So you
49:43.837 -->
49:48.231inspire you. Yeah. And when they did the
49:48.411 -->
49:51.052MCU spoiler alert, there's a smart Hulk and
49:51.092 -->
49:53.493kind of combined like the strength with the
49:53.573 -->
49:56.133smarts. And finally, like it's like an internal
49:56.194 -->
49:58.574battle and red Hawks coming out soon. I know.
49:58.594 -->
50:01.535I'm so excited. And we'll see how that one
50:01.615 -->
50:04.537is. Marvel's been, it has some ups and downs
50:04.577 -->
50:05.037lately here.
50:05.437 -->
50:08.238We're going to have to talk about that. All
50:08.258 -->
50:11.039right, here we go. What's a piece of advice
50:11.199 -->
50:13.780you've ignored, but later realized was true.
50:23.550 -->
50:26.173Uh, my mom would always tell me that I was
50:26.213 -->
50:28.495burning the candle at both ends. Well, she
50:28.515 -->
50:30.137wouldn't tell me that I was but she'd like,
50:30.658 -->
50:32.280make sure you don't burn the candle at both
50:32.500 -->
50:38.046ends. Right? Man, and the older I get, the
50:38.086 -->
50:40.489more I'm just like, I need recovery time.
50:41.602 -->
50:46.024Like I, I can work hard. I, I can burn the
50:46.284 -->
50:48.605candle at both ends, but like, man, rest,
50:48.665 -->
50:51.906recovery, sleep, having a day off, having
50:51.986 -->
50:57.348time for free time. Yeah. Is, is incredibly
50:57.368 -->
51:03.070important. I need to prioritize that cover
51:04.411 -->
51:11.082next. What's a mindset struggle that you've
51:11.402 -->
51:16.687personally overcome? Do you ever get stuck
51:16.727 -->
51:18.308in like a loop at some point in time in your
51:18.348 -->
51:20.951life where like, man, you get stuck in one
51:20.991 -->
51:22.952of those victim mentalities, negative thought
51:22.992 -->
51:26.155patterns, squirrel story.
51:26.476 -->
51:34.863Yeah. I, I have a very dynamic blended family.
51:36.273 -->
51:42.837that I made some very at the time decisions
51:43.137 -->
51:46.899that have have impacted the rest of my life.
51:47.880 -->
51:51.822And oftentimes before I started really developing
51:51.882 -->
51:54.603some other strategies, I would I would say
51:54.643 -->
51:59.427that I was a bad dad. Hmm. And what I had
51:59.507 -->
52:04.608to and still do is I take every opportunity
52:04.628 -->
52:07.749to make sure that my kids know that they
52:07.809 -->
52:10.550matter, regardless of like how far away or
52:10.570 -->
52:15.311if I'm like on a trip and I make drastic
52:15.631 -->
52:17.792measures to make sure that they feel supported.
52:18.816 -->
52:21.898Um, and that means long car rides. That means
52:22.019 -->
52:25.101last minute cancellations with stuff at work
52:25.261 -->
52:27.543and other commitments to make sure, like
52:27.803 -->
52:29.704I go to the football game or I go to the
52:29.744 -->
52:33.447musical or I do the thing. And, and so I've
52:33.467 -->
52:36.669given myself grace that I've grown over the
52:36.710 -->
52:40.612last 10 years in that, um, that no matter
52:40.672 -->
52:43.034what, no matter where I'm at, no matter what
52:43.054 -->
52:45.736I'm doing, that my kids know that their,
52:45.956 -->
52:46.697their dad loves them.
52:47.414 -->
52:51.258I love that, man. And I hope, you know, I
52:51.318 -->
52:54.080know when I kid someday that I'll be the
52:54.120 -->
52:56.042same way. I was actually just listening to
52:56.342 -->
52:58.064Jocko did a podcast with his daughter on
52:58.104 -->
53:01.867it. And he said something similar of, if
53:01.907 -->
53:03.909you have the opportunity to take your kids
53:03.969 -->
53:06.251out of school for a day, or to just like
53:06.291 -->
53:08.073blow off an entire day and do something with
53:08.093 -->
53:10.275them. He's like, do it because those will
53:10.335 -->
53:11.636create the memories.
53:12.197 -->
53:13.698Those moments, magical moments.
53:14.712 -->
53:16.353This magic moment.
53:17.494 -->
53:17.874My turn.
53:18.354 -->
53:18.835Yeah, go.
53:20.696 -->
53:23.017What's your go-to mantra when life feels
53:23.218 -->
53:23.838overwhelming?
53:27.060 -->
53:28.401I've done it before and I can do it again.
53:28.421 -->
53:34.385That's like literally that simple. Like I've
53:34.425 -->
53:36.806been overwhelmed before and I've got out
53:36.826 -->
53:40.202of it before. And overwhelming has never
53:40.363 -->
53:42.265crippled me into the corner or anything like
53:42.305 -->
53:44.548that. I've always figured it out. So I just
53:44.568 -->
53:47.512tell myself, you got it. You've always figured
53:47.552 -->
53:51.463it out. Shitty right now, but it's got to
53:51.483 -->
53:52.484be shitty before it gets great.
53:52.624 -->
53:55.766Yeah. Yeah. I asked coach drew these questions
53:55.806 -->
53:58.648yesterday and he gave me goosebumps because
53:58.688 -->
54:01.790he said, uh, this too shall pass. And, uh,
54:02.210 -->
54:04.932it gave me goosebumps cause that's my mantra
54:05.172 -->
54:05.532for sure.
54:06.273 -->
54:10.115Uh, I got two more for you. Got it. Uh, number
54:10.175 -->
54:12.937one advice for, uh, raising or coaching resilient
54:12.977 -->
54:13.217kids.
54:18.141 -->
54:24.638Let them fall. still support them, let them
54:24.698 -->
54:30.563get back up. Cool. Love it. If you could
54:30.723 -->
54:33.706instantly master any skill or hobby, what
54:33.726 -->
54:34.187would it be?
54:40.252 -->
54:41.974Man. The first thing that came to my mind
54:41.994 -->
54:43.596was like jiu-jitsu. And then I was like,
54:43.656 -->
54:47.089no, I don't want to like, I don't know. And
54:47.109 -->
54:48.731this literally just all this thought just
54:48.751 -->
54:51.013came through my head. I don't want to instantly
54:51.073 -->
54:52.754master anything. So I think that takes the
54:52.774 -->
54:55.857fun away from it. I think the journey to
54:55.937 -->
54:58.759mastery is what's actually worthwhile. And
54:58.779 -->
55:04.144that might be a corny ass answer. Yeah. So
55:04.284 -->
55:07.307I'll say breakdancing. Okay. Because I feel
55:07.327 -->
55:08.708like that'd be fucking cool to just be able
55:08.728 -->
55:10.650to like, I could just go right there and
55:10.670 -->
55:12.932bust out a breakdance. Yeah, I felt the same
55:12.972 -->
55:14.553like anything that matters to me. I want
55:15.388 -->
55:17.529especially with the time I spent in jiu jitsu,
55:17.549 -->
55:20.151trying to master jiu jitsu, whatever that
55:20.211 -->
55:22.112may mean, like, I wouldn't want to instantly
55:22.152 -->
55:22.833master anything.
55:24.134 -->
55:25.515Breakdancing is a good one.
55:26.315 -->
55:28.096I was like, just like a backflip, man. I
55:28.136 -->
55:29.938just want to be able to bust a backflip whenever
55:29.998 -->
55:31.278I go and just know I'm not going to break
55:31.319 -->
55:34.941my neck and I'll land on my feet. Yo, yo,
55:36.082 -->
55:39.004yo, yo, yo, and do some yo yo tricks. My
55:39.024 -->
55:40.805last one, if you weren't coaching, what would
55:40.825 -->
55:47.691you be doing? If I wasn't coaching. Not like
55:47.731 -->
55:51.873if you never became a coach, but if you weren't
55:51.913 -->
55:54.055coaching, what would you be doing? It can
55:54.095 -->
55:55.916be, it doesn't even have to be a career path.
55:55.936 -->
55:56.916What would you be doing? I could be flying
55:56.936 -->
55:58.317a kite down at Bradford beach.
55:58.637 -->
56:01.138Yeah. If I wasn't, if I wasn't involved in
56:01.258 -->
56:08.162coaching, I would, I probably would not do
56:08.202 -->
56:15.222jiu-jitsu as much because jiu-jitsu It's
56:15.262 -->
56:20.285hard. I would probably still be like in the
56:20.365 -->
56:23.006tech industry. Yeah. Probably sitting at
56:23.026 -->
56:24.447a desk being miserable.
56:24.467 -->
56:27.029Okay. Oh, so this is like, if you've never
56:27.089 -->
56:28.850started Jiu Jitsu, okay. A little bit different
56:28.870 -->
56:30.050take than I was thinking, but continue.
56:30.130 -->
56:32.612Okay. And then like, if I wasn't coaching
56:32.632 -->
56:33.232like all the time.
56:33.692 -->
56:36.454Yeah. Like what if you've, you've been a
56:36.474 -->
56:38.015coach and then tomorrow you're not coaching,
56:38.055 -->
56:39.976like, what are you doing six months from
56:40.016 -->
56:40.156now?
56:40.476 -->
56:42.057Oh, it's not that. Oh, six months from now.
56:43.901 -->
56:45.361I love coaching, so I would probably still
56:45.381 -->
56:47.202be coaching, but if I couldn't pick coaching,
56:47.602 -->
56:49.222I would probably be playing video games.
56:49.902 -->
56:53.743Cool. What video game? Right now is Black
56:53.843 -->
56:57.784Ops 6. Just zombies, just rounds and rounds
56:57.844 -->
57:00.565of zombies just coming after you. It never
57:00.605 -->
57:01.025stops.
57:01.085 -->
57:04.086Just do solo or just like online multiplayer?
57:04.126 -->
57:07.207You can do all of those. Sometimes you got
57:07.227 -->
57:08.787to do a solo though, because sometimes they,
57:09.429 -->
57:11.450Those random lobbies hold you back. Yeah.
57:11.910 -->
57:13.391You got to revive them a bunch of times.
57:13.471 -->
57:15.932I hear you. You got, you got any more? I
57:16.533 -->
57:18.734have one more. One more. You are stranded
57:18.794 -->
57:23.336on a desert, but, and you can only bring
57:23.436 -->
57:25.697three non-survival items. What's in your
57:25.737 -->
57:26.017bag.
57:29.079 -->
57:31.300I'm in a desert and I can only bring three
57:31.420 -->
57:33.201non-survival items. So nothing that's going
57:33.221 -->
57:34.742to save my life. Correct. What would be in
57:34.802 -->
57:35.582my bag? Yes.
57:38.768 -->
57:45.915Uh, my solo, you are solo. You can bring
57:45.956 -->
57:47.357Jeremy with you if you want.
57:51.541 -->
57:54.044Man, I don't know. Nintendo switch. Okay.
57:56.006 -->
57:59.830Solar power charger. No, I'll get one more.
58:02.275 -->
58:04.936Uh, the switch has preloaded games. I'm okay.
58:05.196 -->
58:07.377I'm like, I'm outsmarting the genie here.
58:07.638 -->
58:17.382I'll get it. Um, man. It's a can of element.
58:18.562 -->
58:19.143Nice plug.
58:20.023 -->
58:21.564Awesome. That's all I got. It's not survival.
58:21.584 -->
58:22.984Cause I'm not going to survive off of one,
58:23.024 -->
58:25.466but it'll keep me hydrated for a little bit
58:25.506 -->
58:25.806longer.
58:25.926 -->
58:28.667It'll taste delicious. Oh,
58:32.393 -->
58:35.955Slow sips. We'll show that in slow mo.
58:36.195 -->
58:38.596Well, man, I appreciate you coming back on
58:38.836 -->
58:40.837the podcast. It's always great having you.
58:40.937 -->
58:41.977We're gonna make this a regular thing. We
58:41.997 -->
58:44.979always have great conversations. Cool.
58:45.059 -->
58:48.160Leave us some reviews, some stars, and send
58:48.200 -->
58:49.881us questions you guys want us to talk about,
58:49.921 -->
58:52.482topics for next time. Yeah. Cool. Appreciate,
58:52.502 -->
58:52.602man.