Obedience, Imposter Syndrome, and Finding Your Purpose with Quentin R Jiles

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I just want to thank you guys for watching this video.
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I am Adam Wilson, the host of the Inner King Initiative podcast.
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I had a great conversation with Quentin Giles, and we talked about his upbringing, his time on traders, and him being a therapist.
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Right.
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So I do have a community that I just launched called the Inner King Initiative Community.
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It's a community where we as brothers can come together, pour into each other, talk about mental health, talk about wellness.
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If you want more from me, the link will be in the description below.
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Welcome to the Inner King Initiative Podcast.
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I'm your host, Adam Wilson, and this is a space where we as black men, we come in, you know, we let down our weight, we become human, because instead of human uh doings, we're human beings, right?
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We're community, we're growing, right?
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And so today is no different.
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I have a uh guest today.
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He's a therapist who works with men and couples because man, if you're married, you know you need it, right?
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No matter, no matter what you say.
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Um, but Quentin Giles, how are you doing today, brother?
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I'm doing quite well.
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Thank you for having me down here at the at the Inner King Initiative.
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Yeah.
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I feel kingly.
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I've never heard it put like that.
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I'm gonna give that one.
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I'm gonna put that right up here.
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Well, take it, take it.
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Everything I throw today is free.
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Yeah, y'all see that, right?
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That love right there.
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But man, tell us a little bit about yourself.
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How did you get into therapy?
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Yeah, well, my name is Quentin R.
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Giles.
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I'm a therapist, professor, podcaster, and content creator.
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And honestly, the way I got into therapy is I always wanted to be a therapist.
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Really?
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Yeah, I did.
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I always wanted to be a well, I always wanted to be a therapist and I always want to be a lawyer.
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Okay.
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So we can talk about the lawyer's uh uh situation a little later, but oh, definitely want to definitely want to be a therapist.
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Uh, my my background, my undergrad is in social work, my master's degree is in social work.
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And um, my journey actually stopped in 2014.
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I went to a predominantly white graduate school, and our grad program was focused on learning how to be a therapist.
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And I assumed so much imposter syndrome because I was like one of three blacks that were there, and I just felt like I wasn't getting it like the other students were getting it.
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And that matters.
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It it does matter.
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It does matter who you see and who's around you.
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And then even in like some of the video uh videos that we were learning from, I would see like all white men or white women, right?
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And so I walked away from that schooling thinking that this was not for me.
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So I did not even pursue it at that point.
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Okay.
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Jump eight to ten years later, I ended up getting a job at a at a health insurance uh company and we had to ask this assessment.
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Uh, it was with children.
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We had to ask this assessment or this question at the end of the assessment of like, you know, tell me something that's good about yourself.
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And because they're children, I was there with their parents as well.
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So we would ask the parents, you know, tell me something good about the child.
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I would bet you the money in my wallet.
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If we walked out here and I and we spoke to white children, Hispanic children, other children, black children, everybody else was gonna have an easier time telling me something good about them, and their parent was too.
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And it was like clockwork.
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Every black home I walked into, either there was a struggle with them identifying something good about themselves, or they defaulted something good that they do, meaning, oh, he plays this sport well, or oh, she cheers well.
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But I that that wasn't the question.
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The question is not what you do well, tell me something good about them.
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And I remember this one kid, I don't even know why, it wasn't even a really traumatic situation.
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But I went into this one home and asked the same question like I normally do.
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I'm on the job about a year and a half at this point, and he couldn't answer it, and mom couldn't answer it, and I don't know why it hit me the way it hit me, but I walked out of the door, and as soon as I closed their front door, like I almost kind of like buckled, and it was just like, man, this boy needs a therapist.
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And then the thought was like, you should be his therapist.
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And then the next thought was like, Why aren't you a therapist?
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Like, yeah, I listen to that voice sometimes.
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You know what I'm saying?
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Thank you, Holy Spirit.
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Why aren't you the therapist?
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Like, what it and it kind of just all came back to me, like, you went to school to do this thing.
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Why are you not that?
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And so I had to go down this thought process journey of trying to figure out why am I not doing the thing that I said I always wanted to do, that I went and got the student loans for.
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Why am I not doing that?
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And I realized that I had taken on this false idea of what it meant to be a therapist because of what I saw in front of me, instead of just learning the skills and applying them in the way in which I understand and in the context of which I live.
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So that's my long story of how I got here.
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Okay.
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Yeah.
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So I I can tell in your story there's times where you kind of doubt it yourself.
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You say impossible, right?
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100%.
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And so what is something about your healing journey that you just haven't shared about that part of your life?
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Well, I don't know if it's if if if I haven't shared it, but I will say that it is ever ongoing.
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It is not for me personally.
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Now, now some of y'all may arrive, but I I have not arrived.
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No, I have not arrived.
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I'm still going.
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I'm still going.
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Okay.
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I'm I'm a therapist who has a therapist.
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Hello, somebody.
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Get you one.
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You gotta have one.
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So it's for me, it is it is ongoing.
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I am I'm ever evolving, and I don't mean that in a very mystic, like everyday type of way, but you know, the way in which my life looks today is not the way it looked 10 years ago when I had that imposter syndrome.
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Okay.
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I'm married now, I have a child now.
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Okay, so those are two new uh identities that I I'm still learning and growing like every day.
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And I we we I consider myself uh the wife and I consider ourselves parents as long as we've been married because we got pregnant on our honeymoon.
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Okay.
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So, and that that that wasn't uh uh planned, by the way.
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From no, that was never planned.
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You know, but okay.
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Thanks.
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Yahtzee.
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I don't want to be vulgar.
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I will tell you what my mama said, but it was vulgar.
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Uh but we we were pregnant, you know, within our first month of being married.
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Okay.
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We've been married for four years now.
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My kid is three.
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So I've never been married, the wife's never been married.
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So we are still trying to figure each other out.
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Mind you, we had just met, literally, we met, dated, married in one year, then got pregnant on our honeymoon.
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Dang.
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Hello?
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That's fast.
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So who I am today, who I am today, well, I I said it really wasn't that fast to us, but I see outside looking in.
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Outside.
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Sure, right?
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But who I am today is not who I was, you know, just five years ago.
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So I'm still, you know, learning and growing how to be a husband.
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I'm still learning and growing how to be a father to a three-year-old who has many, many opinions.
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Many.
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I got a four-year-old who got a lot of them too.
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Many opinions, okay?
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So my healing journey is ever ongoing.
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I'm still overcoming, you know, trying to be a present father when I was a person who was not fathered, right?
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So I'm an unfathered father.
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Right.
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That's a whole thing I have to, you know, consistently unpacked.
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Right.
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Making sure I am, you know, not overcompensating and or retreating because that's my experience.
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So I think it, I think my healing journey is just, it is always ongoing.
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And I think that I am blessed enough to have people in my life uh that I trust that I have created space for them to speak into the deficiency, for them to speak into, you know, what we would consider good, and for them to speak into the potential that they see that I'm not even tapping into.
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Right.
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So that that creates this ongoing movement of trajectory.
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Okay.
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But let's go back a little bit.
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Yeah, let's talk about being father, not being fathered, right?
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Unfathered.
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How was your childhood?
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Uh what you want me to do?
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Rated from one to ten?
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Um, tell us about it.
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Well, you know, my childhood was interesting.
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I think it was, I think, generally speaking, I had a relatively okay childhood.
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Okay.
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So my mom was a single parent.
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I'm the oldest for my mother.
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And um, you know, went to school.
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I I was in some activities, not all the activities, but went to school, you know, had friends, all the things, right?
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Went through my fair share of bullying.
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Uh, but it was it was normal in that sense.
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I will say that I think I had a pivotal moment that a lot of people encounter, which is some of the work that I do in therapy, particularly with men that sit across from me, is that I was one that had an early childhood sexual experience.
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Um, and it was with another child.
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And so that can be confusing for a child, right?
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Like if I'm nine and you're 12, I wouldn't really say, for the longest time, I wouldn't say that, you know, I was sexually abused.
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Because in my mind, we were both children.
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Right.
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As I have become an adult and then a therapist, and then you know, hindsight is always 20-20.
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And looking back on it, it's like, oh no, actually, that was that was molestation.
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You were nine, you didn't know what was going on.
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Right.
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Right?
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It wasn't violent, it wasn't harsh in the way in which we think of like some sexual assaults, but this 12-year-old had a higher level of understanding and capacity than you did at nine.
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And take advantage of it.
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And so I'm sorry, and take advantage of it.
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Sure, and or acting out something that they themselves have been exposed to.
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We I don't, I don't know the other side of the other story, right?
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Uh, but child-on-child molestation as I begin to really unpack and learn about it actually happens more frequently than we talk about.
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And that could be very well because people, you know, like me, rationalize it because it it would, it would maybe the conversation in my own head would have been different if I was nine and they were 24.
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Right.
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Right.
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Or I was nine and they were 50.
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Well, I was nine, they was 12.
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Right.
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I just figured it was, you know, this early childhood experience, but I do see how that moment, you know, has played a role in the way in which I developed um in engaging with people sexually, like becoming, you know, very hypersexual uh as a teenager and then even into a young adult and having to kind of like work through all of what that meant.
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Was I actually really ready to engage in these things?
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Or was I too just acting out something that happened and just continue to replicate it at a time where I'm developing and hormones are booming and you know, all the things, right?
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So I say the childhood was normal per se, but then I have this, you know, this very not unique, just not spoken about experience, particularly with the child on child molestation, that really did shape a lot of what I did and um and and how I behaved.
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You know, you don't really think about that being a um common thing, right?
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Right, but it is.
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And it but it's crazy, it's like, okay, what else is that common that's happening?
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Yeah, but it's also like you have to really watch your kids.
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Yes, indeed.
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Protect them.
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Yes, indeed.
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Um in my neighborhood, we see kids going everywhere, and I'm just like, where are your parents?
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And it's not us.
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No, I know it ain't my baby in the house.
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Exactly.
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Yeah, um, so how was your relationship with your mother and with your father?
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So my relationship with my mom uh wasn't the best growing up.
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Like we're we're we're a lot alike.
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So when I talk about my mom, I also have to talk about my grandmother, her mother.
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Because really, my grandmother, who has since passed, was my second parent.
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Okay, she was the dad, quote unquote.
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So I'm I'm really a whole lot like my grandmother and my mother.
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And so my mother and I, we would clash a lot.
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We would clash a lot, we didn't have the best relationship.
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Um uh learning more about her story has put a lot of things into context for me and my understanding.
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It doesn't change the impact or the hurt that I suffered through, you know, what I would consider her emotional neglect as I was growing up.
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But it does make sense now that I know what her story is as she was growing up.
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She used to tell me all the time when I was a kid, the grandmother that I have is not the mother that she had.
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Ooh, I say that all the time.
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Okay, listen, because my grandma was great.
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Right.
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What I was good.
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Like, and me and my grandmother, we used to argue, but it was like it wasn't, it wasn't for real, for real argue.
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We just, I was acting like an old person.
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We would just go back and forth, but like really playfully.
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But my mom, we used to, we used to go at it.
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Um so you know, learning her story was was pretty pretty helpful.
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But I mean, as a child, you don't understand that.
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No, absolutely.
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I don't I don't understand attachment theory and and trauma, and all I know is I'm a kid who feels like his mom isn't really there, and his daddy surely is not there.
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So it it was it was trying.
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I think we had our fair share of arguments.
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We, you know, I did I run away or did she kick me out?
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I think I ran away.
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I think I ran away one time.
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I can't remember.
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I either ran away, I think I came back, and then she kicked me.
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No, no, no.
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Nope.
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She kicked me out.
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That's what it was.
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She kicked me out.
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I think I was 16 and I left, and my grandmother made her take me back.
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I think I left for like a day.
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My grandmother made her take me back.
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My grandmother picked me up from wherever I was, brought me back to the house.
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I think I stayed there for 10 minutes and I left again.
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I left.
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So I like got kicked out and ran away within 48 hours.
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Yeah.
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What made you leave?
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I just didn't want to be there.
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There was there was some freedom in like, which is crazy because I didn't know where I was going.
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Right.
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But there was some freedom in like getting kicked out, feeling like, okay, well, I ain't got to deal with her no more.
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I don't have to deal with her rules.
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You know, you know old black mamas, my house, my rules.
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Oh, yeah.
00:13:18.569 --> 00:13:19.449
I don't have to deal with that.
00:13:19.529 --> 00:13:23.129
So I was just out in the world like for 24 hours, right?
00:13:23.209 --> 00:13:27.049
I did end up going to a friend's house, so it wasn't like I was sleeping outside, but living your best day.
00:13:27.209 --> 00:13:28.250
I was living my best day.
00:13:28.329 --> 00:13:29.449
My at least 48 hours.
00:13:29.689 --> 00:13:31.609
My best 48 hours, right?
00:13:31.929 --> 00:13:40.729
But eventually, I did have to go home because I was like, okay, this climbing up in my friend's room window on the second floor, because they mama don't know I'm here.
00:13:40.889 --> 00:13:43.529
It was it was becoming too much.
00:13:43.689 --> 00:13:45.529
So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:13:45.609 --> 00:13:47.849
It's it was it was a time for sure.
00:13:48.490 --> 00:13:50.329
You're going through all these things as you're a kid, right?
00:13:50.809 --> 00:13:53.689
Um, where did you see it affecting you in like your adult life?
00:13:53.849 --> 00:13:58.329
Because sometimes, well, a lot of times we especially we as men, we talked about it earlier, we don't like to talk, right?
00:13:58.490 --> 00:14:00.490
We don't want to say anything, we don't want to look weak.
00:14:00.809 --> 00:14:09.689
But a lot of them are dealing with right, a lot of men are dealing with like childhood trauma and not realizing that that trauma is still affecting them.
00:14:09.929 --> 00:14:12.809
So all you went through, how did you see it affect you in your adult life?
00:14:13.049 --> 00:14:14.169
Hyperindependence.
00:14:14.569 --> 00:14:15.929
So my father was not there.
00:14:16.089 --> 00:14:28.889
Um, my dad was uh, and I will answer your question, but I think it's important to lay context because I don't want to make it seem like my mom was the end-all be-all of you know how I ultimately showed up in the world.
00:14:29.049 --> 00:14:31.609
Um but my dad, he lived down the street.
00:14:32.009 --> 00:14:46.889
Um, but from what I was told, my mother restricted access from him from him, excuse me, for a time because when I was young, like one, maybe two, one of my mother's friends saw my father have me on the corner with him.
00:14:47.289 --> 00:14:49.609
And he well, you know what they was doing on the corner.
00:14:49.689 --> 00:14:51.289
They was making uh transactions.
00:14:51.609 --> 00:14:52.490
Okay, understand.
00:14:52.729 --> 00:14:53.929
So my mother's friend saw it.
00:14:54.089 --> 00:14:56.329
My mom came and got me and restricted access.
00:14:56.649 --> 00:14:58.729
And subsequently, he went to jail after that.
00:14:59.769 --> 00:15:03.049
Now, um, I will say this that wasn't always his life.
00:15:03.129 --> 00:15:12.569
He was a high high school football star on his way to uh the league, he went to Texas Christian University, got a scholarship, all the things, but had an injury that took him out of the game.
00:15:12.889 --> 00:15:13.129
Okay.
00:15:13.370 --> 00:15:15.129
And learning his story too.
00:15:15.529 --> 00:15:24.329
So I just gotta put this out there because it's I think it's important for us that have endured imperfect parents to know that they have a story as well.
00:15:24.490 --> 00:15:24.809
They do.
00:15:25.049 --> 00:15:31.049
Thinking about the time in which he grew up in being a football star, they never made him do anything but play.
00:15:31.689 --> 00:15:34.009
It's not like today, well, you need to pass to play.
00:15:34.089 --> 00:15:36.649
Now it was like, hey, pass him so he can play.
00:15:36.809 --> 00:15:37.129
Yep.
00:15:37.449 --> 00:15:44.569
So he didn't have a particular set of functioning or deductive reasoning outside of playing football.
00:15:44.729 --> 00:15:49.609
So when he gets to college and has the injury that takes him out, they subsequently have me.
00:15:49.689 --> 00:15:49.769
Right.
00:15:50.089 --> 00:16:01.129
This is a person who thought they was on their way to the league, dreams are crushed, has no skill set to fall back on because you've been passed through just because you need to play the game, but now you can't even play the game.
00:16:01.289 --> 00:16:01.529
Yeah.
00:16:01.769 --> 00:16:04.889
Okay, so now we turn to street transactions and such.
00:16:04.969 --> 00:16:05.929
So yeah, nowhere.
00:16:06.329 --> 00:16:07.609
I think context is important.
00:16:07.689 --> 00:16:13.129
Yeah, you know, it is important because it shows that like one, you shouldn't just beat sports into your kids.
00:16:13.289 --> 00:16:14.809
A thousand people, especially as black boys.
00:16:14.889 --> 00:16:17.529
It was like, I'll play football, go play baseball, go play basketball.
00:16:17.689 --> 00:16:22.569
But it's like education still has to be first because you have to learn something because your body can break at that point.
00:16:22.729 --> 00:16:23.929
So that context was needed.
00:16:24.169 --> 00:16:24.969
Thank you for giving that.
00:16:25.129 --> 00:16:25.370
Yeah.
00:16:25.609 --> 00:16:26.649
So he's down the street.
00:16:26.809 --> 00:16:33.209
You know, my mom restricts access, so he's not there, goes to jail, comes back out, but it's still not very much in my life.
00:16:33.289 --> 00:16:36.809
Like he'll pick me up, but I'm like at his mother's house with my cousins.
00:16:37.049 --> 00:16:40.009
So I would go to my dad's house, but he wasn't there.
00:16:40.089 --> 00:16:40.329
Right.
00:16:40.490 --> 00:16:41.209
You know what I'm saying?
00:16:41.689 --> 00:16:51.609
Um, so you know, I grew up learning from having an absent father and an emotionally absent mother, that I have to do it.
00:16:52.329 --> 00:16:54.169
I'm I I am all I got.
00:16:54.409 --> 00:16:56.169
I am the one that has to figure it out.
00:16:56.250 --> 00:16:58.649
And I did that, and I think that it worked.
00:16:58.729 --> 00:17:05.690
What one of the things that I tell my clients a lot is some of our survival skills, they work for a time, but then you get to a space where it no longer works.
00:17:05.849 --> 00:17:16.730
So when I look at, you know, when I go to college and then when I go to grad school, even though I took a little detour from the therapy and then all the subsequent years, I have operated on I am the one that has to get it done.
00:17:16.889 --> 00:17:20.569
I am going to do it because nobody else is going to do it, and that has been my driving factor.
00:17:20.809 --> 00:17:23.529
And it has proven to be very successful.
00:17:23.690 --> 00:17:24.009
Right.
00:17:24.250 --> 00:17:25.690
Up until I got married.
00:17:25.930 --> 00:17:27.690
That's what everything changes.
00:17:28.250 --> 00:17:30.009
Up until I got married.
00:17:30.649 --> 00:17:40.409
Up until I had a kid, those survival mechanisms that yielded a good fruit now are doing great damage to a relationship that I actually want and care about.
00:17:40.490 --> 00:17:43.289
So it shows up, but you got to learn some new stuff.
00:17:43.450 --> 00:17:44.649
Yeah, I've seen that even in my life.
00:17:44.809 --> 00:17:47.690
I had to let go of a lot because I was bleeding onto the family.
00:17:47.769 --> 00:17:48.730
I'm sure you can relate to that.
00:17:49.450 --> 00:17:50.569
Oh, that's crazy.
00:17:50.649 --> 00:17:51.210
That's good.
00:17:51.930 --> 00:17:52.409
Mm-hmm.
00:17:52.809 --> 00:17:54.169
Father not around.
00:17:54.409 --> 00:17:54.649
No.
00:17:54.970 --> 00:17:56.009
Uh well, down the street.
00:17:56.250 --> 00:17:56.649
Down the street.
00:17:56.809 --> 00:17:58.009
Mom emotionally unavailable.
00:17:58.089 --> 00:17:58.970
We kind of we sound similar.
00:17:59.529 --> 00:17:59.690
Okay.
00:18:00.089 --> 00:18:00.889
What's up, twin?
00:18:01.210 --> 00:18:01.289
Right.
00:18:02.089 --> 00:18:05.609
My dad was there, but uh he was that dad who was always at work, present but not present.
00:18:05.930 --> 00:18:06.730
That's what I call it.
00:18:06.809 --> 00:18:07.049
Yeah.
00:18:07.129 --> 00:18:08.970
Um, and then just as harmful.
00:18:09.210 --> 00:18:10.569
Just as harmful, just as harmful.
00:18:10.649 --> 00:18:12.649
And sometimes even two parent households are harmful, though.
00:18:12.809 --> 00:18:13.369
Thousand percent.
00:18:13.769 --> 00:18:16.970
But people think though, I used to think it too, because you know, everything I saw.
00:18:17.049 --> 00:18:22.649
Yeah, they think people who came from two parent househomes were like, God's crumb de la crumb the best of the best.
00:18:22.809 --> 00:18:31.849
Not that they hate each other, or not if they're still not taking care of you, not if they're not, you know, cultivating a space where you can be as a child, affirmed, seen, lifted up, taught.
00:18:32.089 --> 00:18:44.970
Right, you know, a lot of parents, I'm I'm actually doing a workshop in a couple months for people who had emotionally unavailable parents, because what they didn't realize and what we don't realize sometimes is that like we teach children everything.
00:18:45.049 --> 00:18:45.450
Yeah.
00:18:45.690 --> 00:18:47.450
Intentionally and unintentionally.
00:18:47.609 --> 00:18:48.409
Because they watch everything.
00:18:48.490 --> 00:18:49.129
They're watching everything.
00:18:49.369 --> 00:18:50.490
I'm always got eyes on me.
00:18:50.730 --> 00:18:54.809
If I tell my kid, hey, don't steal, that's an intentional lesson, right?
00:18:55.129 --> 00:18:56.490
We don't steal, we pay for what we want.
00:18:56.569 --> 00:18:57.849
If we can't get it, we just can't get it.
00:18:57.930 --> 00:18:58.089
Right.
00:18:58.250 --> 00:19:06.009
But if she comes home every day and wants me to, I mean, incessantly, you know, you got a young one, always talk, which I love, but then it's like, please give me a moment.
00:19:06.169 --> 00:19:06.409
Please.
00:19:06.649 --> 00:19:09.529
But always, daddy, we did this, daddy, we did.
00:19:10.329 --> 00:19:20.409
And if she comes home every day and I'm either in this phone or I'm on my computer, or I'm not really listening, I am in unintentionally teaching her that one, maybe she doesn't matter.
00:19:20.490 --> 00:19:20.569
Right.
00:19:20.809 --> 00:19:24.169
Two, her voice doesn't matter, her experience of the day doesn't matter.
00:19:24.329 --> 00:19:28.409
Now I would never say, like, I am going to teach you that you don't matter.
00:19:28.569 --> 00:19:28.730
Right.
00:19:28.889 --> 00:19:31.450
But I could unintentionally do it by the way in which I show up.
00:19:31.609 --> 00:19:32.169
That is true.
00:19:32.329 --> 00:19:36.889
So and it's a hard balance because it's like, I gotta take care of this, but you're very much important.
00:19:37.210 --> 00:19:37.849
Yes, yes.
00:19:37.930 --> 00:19:39.450
It's it's all ever growing.
00:19:39.849 --> 00:19:40.809
Ever growing.
00:19:41.690 --> 00:19:42.490
It is ever growing.
00:19:42.970 --> 00:19:47.049
I do want to go back because it is important for us to learn our parents' story.
00:19:47.210 --> 00:19:47.690
I think so.
00:19:47.849 --> 00:19:50.009
I learned a lot about my parents just by asking questions.
00:19:50.089 --> 00:19:53.049
And I was like, okay, now this makes sense in this part of my life.
00:19:53.369 --> 00:19:56.809
Um, but it's just that that self-reflection and just that empathy.
00:19:56.970 --> 00:20:00.730
Because right, you have that empathy for yourself, but you also have to figure out, okay, what happened to me.
00:20:00.889 --> 00:20:01.049
Yeah.
00:20:01.210 --> 00:20:05.849
Um, we all expect expected like these perfect parents, but as kids, like you said, we didn't understand that.
00:20:06.569 --> 00:20:11.129
Um, and so it's good for you to actually have gotten that, gotten that from them.
00:20:11.369 --> 00:20:13.450
And it helps you develop, it helped you heal home.
00:20:14.169 --> 00:20:17.450
It it's I I I don't think it it doesn't change the impact.
00:20:17.690 --> 00:20:18.889
So that's what I want to be clear on.
00:20:19.049 --> 00:20:20.889
Like, it does help me understand.
00:20:21.049 --> 00:20:21.369
Okay.
00:20:21.609 --> 00:20:29.450
Um it does help me understand and realize that some of the things that I experienced from them weren't intentional.
00:20:29.690 --> 00:20:29.930
Okay.
00:20:30.089 --> 00:20:32.889
It wasn't intent, and I'm very big on intent versus impact.
00:20:32.970 --> 00:20:34.569
I still think you're responsible for both, right?
00:20:34.730 --> 00:20:34.970
Yeah.
00:20:35.450 --> 00:20:39.769
So it I intended, you know, to show up here today.
00:20:39.849 --> 00:20:40.009
Right.
00:20:40.169 --> 00:20:42.169
And the impact, hopefully, y'all get something out of it.
00:20:42.250 --> 00:20:42.569
I don't know.
00:20:43.369 --> 00:20:44.649
Let us know in the comments.
00:20:44.809 --> 00:20:50.329
Uh, you know, uh, but but I I am responsible for both of those things within my capacity, right?
00:20:50.649 --> 00:20:58.730
So even as a parent, like I intended, you know, to toughen you up as a boy, but maybe you were too heavy-handed with me.
00:20:58.889 --> 00:20:59.049
Right.
00:20:59.289 --> 00:21:10.169
And so the impact is either I am now heavy-handed with everyone else because that's how I see the world, or you were so heavy-handed that you kind of beat me into putty, and now I'm this sh this shell of myself.
00:21:10.329 --> 00:21:19.450
So um, I think learning the story from my parents is is helpful to assess the intent, but for me, it doesn't negate the impact.
00:21:20.009 --> 00:21:25.529
But in that, I also try not to hold them, which is difficult, it's forgiveness.
00:21:25.930 --> 00:21:39.049
Try not to hold them hostage to their mistakes, their mistakes, what they may not have known, what they may not have been aware of, even though it impacted me greatly.
00:21:40.490 --> 00:21:44.490
So, how was it when you finally broke free, like 18, you were able to leave?
00:21:44.889 --> 00:21:45.769
Oh, I wowed out.
00:21:45.849 --> 00:21:48.569
What you oh, you went back over there.
00:21:48.649 --> 00:21:49.450
Oh, goodness.
00:21:49.609 --> 00:21:51.930
Oh, so I have a running joke with the wife.
00:21:52.009 --> 00:21:53.129
We call that my lost year.
00:21:53.210 --> 00:21:55.769
You know how everybody you would now people take gap years?
00:21:56.089 --> 00:21:58.169
Okay, I took a gap year before it was a gap year.
00:21:58.490 --> 00:21:59.450
Before we had language.
00:21:59.609 --> 00:22:01.529
Yeah, but no, we call that the lost year.
00:22:01.609 --> 00:22:03.849
We don't do maybe, oh, maybe that's something I was talking about.
00:22:04.009 --> 00:22:06.250
Go ahead and I'm not gonna do it today.
00:22:07.210 --> 00:22:08.889
Yeah, we call that the lost year.
00:22:09.049 --> 00:22:10.329
18, 19.
00:22:11.450 --> 00:22:13.049
I think I was done by 19.
00:22:13.210 --> 00:22:15.210
I I can say this.
00:22:16.889 --> 00:22:18.169
A time was had.
00:22:18.490 --> 00:22:19.369
A time was had.
00:22:19.690 --> 00:22:21.849
I was I was in these Houston streets heavy.
00:22:21.930 --> 00:22:23.769
I don't even know how I survived, to be quite honest.
00:22:24.730 --> 00:22:31.210
Meaning I don't I don't know where the money came from for us to go out every single night.
00:22:31.529 --> 00:22:32.649
I had that same question.
00:22:32.889 --> 00:22:33.769
I have no idea.
00:22:33.849 --> 00:22:37.210
Like, because I don't remember, I'm like, we couldn't have been working that good of a job.
00:22:37.289 --> 00:22:38.970
Like we was, I was always outside.
00:22:39.129 --> 00:22:39.930
Priorities though.
00:22:40.089 --> 00:22:41.289
Oh, maybe.
00:22:41.450 --> 00:22:42.169
And you know what?
00:22:42.250 --> 00:22:43.369
Maybe we were all living together.
00:22:43.529 --> 00:22:50.649
So maybe maybe maybe there was a way it worked, but like in my mind, like, how are we able to afford, you know, you want to you gotta buy something to go out.
00:22:50.889 --> 00:22:53.129
Then you, you know, you're going at the drinks.
00:22:53.289 --> 00:22:56.490
Well, I know you're 18, but you know, the the the whatever that's available.
00:22:56.730 --> 00:22:57.210
Don't drink.
00:22:57.609 --> 00:23:03.210
Don't, don't, do not, PSA, do not drink if you're under the age of 21, okay?
00:23:03.289 --> 00:23:04.490
It's against the law.
00:23:05.450 --> 00:23:09.769
All I'm saying is, for me, my experience, things were available.
00:23:09.930 --> 00:23:10.490
How about that?
00:23:10.569 --> 00:23:11.289
They were available.
00:23:11.690 --> 00:23:14.490
And it's crazy how it is at that age, but it's not supposed to be.
00:23:14.649 --> 00:23:15.609
No, it's not supposed to be.
00:23:15.690 --> 00:23:16.089
Don't do it.
00:23:16.169 --> 00:23:17.450
Okay, we didn't say do that.
00:23:17.609 --> 00:23:19.210
But yeah, so it's it's my lost year.
00:23:19.289 --> 00:23:21.609
Cause I mean, I did a lot of I did a lot of partying.
00:23:21.690 --> 00:23:23.769
I did a I made a lot of mistakes that year.
00:23:23.849 --> 00:23:26.970
I mean, I still make mistakes, but I mean I made a lot of mistakes that year.
00:23:27.129 --> 00:23:30.089
Uh, was in relationships that I definitely shouldn't have been in.
00:23:30.809 --> 00:23:41.609
Um just I would hate to even say young, while and free because I feel like that statement carries a connotation of like the good life.
00:23:41.690 --> 00:23:45.769
And maybe in the time at that time while I was in it, it felt like the good life.
00:23:45.930 --> 00:23:46.089
Right.
00:23:46.250 --> 00:23:48.009
But really, I'm I'm 37 now.
00:23:48.250 --> 00:23:53.769
In hindsight, it was another the Lord is kind because so so much happened.
00:23:53.930 --> 00:23:54.169
Right.
00:23:54.329 --> 00:23:58.329
You know, that could be really detrimental to my life today, but it just it just wasn't.
00:23:59.049 --> 00:23:59.210
Yeah.
00:23:59.529 --> 00:24:02.250
So how at what age did you find God?
00:24:02.329 --> 00:24:03.369
When did he when did he call you?
00:24:03.609 --> 00:24:05.369
Hey, Hyundai Bibi Ashata.
00:24:05.930 --> 00:24:07.609
That's my fake tongues, by the way.
00:24:08.089 --> 00:24:09.849
Uh you said what age?
00:24:10.009 --> 00:24:11.529
Yeah, what age did you get called?
00:24:11.849 --> 00:24:13.129
I think we all get called at some point.
00:24:13.289 --> 00:24:14.169
How old am I right now?
00:24:14.569 --> 00:24:15.210
37?
00:24:18.490 --> 00:24:19.609
When I'm even else.
00:24:20.009 --> 00:24:21.450
I think I was turning 32.
00:24:22.490 --> 00:24:25.849
I wanna I might have been 30, 31.
00:24:26.169 --> 00:24:26.490
Okay.
00:24:26.809 --> 00:24:27.609
That's about me.
00:24:28.009 --> 00:24:31.769
Yeah, I'm gonna say 30, 31, because I I met my wife at 32.
00:24:32.169 --> 00:24:32.490
Okay.
00:24:32.809 --> 00:24:37.769
And it was it was probably like a year and a half before her, if I if my timeline is right right now.
00:24:37.930 --> 00:24:38.649
Nobody's ever asked me.
00:24:38.730 --> 00:24:39.930
I don't think anybody's ever asked me that.
00:24:40.009 --> 00:24:41.930
So, okay, yeah, by third, by 30, 31.
00:24:42.089 --> 00:24:44.409
So I think come on now.
00:24:44.569 --> 00:24:46.089
So I I mean, I grew up in church.
00:24:46.169 --> 00:24:47.049
Let me let me put that there.
00:24:47.129 --> 00:24:49.529
I grew up in church, but that's why I always tell people that don't mean nothing.
00:24:49.609 --> 00:24:50.250
Like they don't.
00:24:50.409 --> 00:24:54.250
It it it's great we should raise our children in the way in which they should go, right?
00:24:54.329 --> 00:24:55.210
That's what scripture tells us.
00:24:55.289 --> 00:25:10.009
So like I have my kid in church, but when I say it doesn't mean anything, it's like there is still a personal uh responsibility, application, acceptance of who thus saith the Lord is, right?
00:25:10.169 --> 00:25:10.409
Right.
00:25:10.649 --> 00:25:12.409
So that's what I mean by that.
00:25:12.490 --> 00:25:13.769
It is important to, you know, be in church.
00:25:13.849 --> 00:25:16.169
But yeah, I grew up in church, but I was always in my mind.
00:25:16.250 --> 00:25:19.529
I was like my body was there, but I never really was there.
00:25:20.009 --> 00:25:27.450
Um I still participated, like I was in drill team and choir, and you know, the Lord spoke to me while I was a kid too, and but I still was just doing my own thing.
00:25:27.529 --> 00:25:32.970
But at 30, 31, whatever age, um it was different.
00:25:33.369 --> 00:25:34.009
It was different.
00:25:34.250 --> 00:25:35.769
And I know that I know, yeah, I know that.
00:25:37.529 --> 00:25:39.849
Yeah, so I was in Vegas at the time.
00:25:39.930 --> 00:25:41.609
I lived in, I had been living in Vegas.
00:25:41.769 --> 00:25:41.930
Okay.
00:25:42.089 --> 00:25:44.569
Um, I was a travel social worker, so I have bounced around.
00:25:44.649 --> 00:25:46.089
Let me tell you how the Lord the Lord is funny.
00:25:46.169 --> 00:25:48.409
Now, the king in it is we're finna have a Bible study.
00:25:48.649 --> 00:25:49.529
Okay, let me go on T.
00:25:51.049 --> 00:25:52.089
Okay, okay, okay.
00:25:52.409 --> 00:25:55.690
So um I was a travel social worker prior up to this point.
00:25:56.089 --> 00:26:05.609
I was a travel social worker, so I had you know been in Atlanta, I had been in LA, I had been in um uh uh northern Northern California, just kind of bouncing around, filling these employment holes really good.
00:26:05.690 --> 00:26:10.250
If you know anything about a travel nurse, same job or same type of job, different title.
00:26:10.329 --> 00:26:13.369
Okay, background social work, but we the function is the same about it.
00:26:13.529 --> 00:26:14.490
Traveling into these interests.
00:26:14.730 --> 00:26:17.210
Traveling, the coin, hello, uh, all of that.
00:26:17.369 --> 00:26:17.769
Right.
00:26:18.009 --> 00:26:21.769
So I go to Vegas and I'm thinking, okay, I'll probably stay here.
00:26:21.849 --> 00:26:22.809
The contract was three months.
00:26:22.889 --> 00:26:24.730
I was like, at most, I'll do an extension.
00:26:24.809 --> 00:26:25.769
I stay here for six months.
00:26:26.009 --> 00:26:26.169
Okay.
00:26:26.329 --> 00:26:27.849
I end up being there a year and a half.
00:26:27.930 --> 00:26:34.169
Oh, because at the end of every contract, they came back and gave me more on the following contract.
00:26:34.490 --> 00:26:35.769
And so I start adding the numbers.
00:26:35.849 --> 00:26:41.930
I say, well, shoot, it don't make no sense to leave if y'all, if y'all are gonna keep upping it the way you're upping it, right?
00:26:42.089 --> 00:26:47.450
I'm not gonna be able to make this somewhere else and then just adjust for cost of living and all that.
00:26:47.529 --> 00:26:49.690
So I was like, well, shoot, as long as y'all want to ride, I'm gonna ride.
00:26:49.769 --> 00:26:50.250
Right.
00:26:50.569 --> 00:26:55.849
So I think the Lord did that intentionally because money was definitely my God at the time.
00:26:56.009 --> 00:26:56.889
And so it kept me.
00:26:56.970 --> 00:26:57.690
Oh, it kept me there.
00:26:57.849 --> 00:26:58.409
He's showing you.
00:26:58.649 --> 00:26:58.730
What?
00:26:59.289 --> 00:27:01.049
Money would hold you hostage if you're going after a lot.
00:27:01.210 --> 00:27:03.769
Listen, but we he ain't even revealed himself at this point.
00:27:03.849 --> 00:27:05.210
This is just me in hindsight.
00:27:05.289 --> 00:27:06.490
So there's this lady there.
00:27:06.649 --> 00:27:08.250
Um, her name is Adrian.
00:27:08.329 --> 00:27:09.129
I'll never forget her.
00:27:09.210 --> 00:27:11.450
I I can't forget her, she's too integral to the story.
00:27:11.529 --> 00:27:12.409
She's an older woman.
00:27:12.569 --> 00:27:13.690
Okay, it's always an old one.
00:27:13.849 --> 00:27:16.490
It's you know, she's an older woman, she has a son my age.
00:27:16.649 --> 00:27:19.930
Okay, and um, one of the other social workers introduced her to me.
00:27:20.009 --> 00:27:24.569
She was a chaplain at the at the hospital, and it was a hospital that had three hospitals, so we would kind of rotate.
00:27:24.730 --> 00:27:30.329
And so she was like, Yeah, I want you to meet, you know, Adrian, because sometimes people ask for a chaplain and a social worker at the same time, so you should meet her.
00:27:30.409 --> 00:27:37.289
So I met her, lovely woman, and uh, she says something, she said something about prayer, something.
00:27:37.450 --> 00:27:40.009
And I was like, Yeah, go, yeah, go on, throw one up for me too.
00:27:40.089 --> 00:27:42.250
Like, real, real life I feel like right.
00:27:42.409 --> 00:27:46.329
And I that woman looked at me in my eye and she said, Don't play with me.
00:27:46.970 --> 00:27:49.289
And I was like, No, go on say a prayer.
00:27:49.609 --> 00:27:55.849
This woman touched me and she touched me like this, but I felt yanked.
00:27:56.490 --> 00:28:00.569
She never yanked me, but I I I literally felt yanked.
00:28:01.049 --> 00:28:04.490
And she prayed, and I said, Oh, she got some power on her.
00:28:04.569 --> 00:28:07.529
Now, now I didn't understand what all that meant, right?
00:28:07.690 --> 00:28:09.529
But I was just like, nah, that was different.
00:28:09.769 --> 00:28:10.250
Right.
00:28:11.289 --> 00:28:12.169
Something was off.
00:28:12.649 --> 00:28:13.210
Or on.
00:28:13.690 --> 00:28:14.169
Or on.
00:28:14.970 --> 00:28:16.009
Fast forward.
00:28:16.409 --> 00:28:20.569
So, you know, I'm still working and working at me and her, you know, develop a relationship.
00:28:20.649 --> 00:28:26.649
I would start, you know, telling her stuff and just talking to her, um, talking to her about the relationship I was in at the time.
00:28:26.970 --> 00:28:30.009
And um she would just listen.
00:28:30.169 --> 00:28:33.049
And at the end of everything, or you know, my day, whatever, she would pray.
00:28:33.210 --> 00:28:34.089
It like clockwork.
00:28:34.169 --> 00:28:36.009
She would just listen and pray, listen and pray.
00:28:36.169 --> 00:28:48.329
And mind you, I was still very much whirly, and I was very much like not holding back, not holding back my goings and comings.
00:28:48.490 --> 00:28:48.730
Hello.
00:28:49.049 --> 00:28:49.690
Okay, no pun.
00:28:50.169 --> 00:28:51.210
Jesus will meet you where you are.
00:28:51.529 --> 00:28:55.609
Listen, and but I what I realized here's the hindsight, I was like, you know what?
00:28:55.690 --> 00:28:56.730
This woman always prayed.
00:28:56.889 --> 00:29:00.009
She would never pray, you would, or at least I would think.
00:29:00.089 --> 00:29:01.930
I don't know if you would think or people would think.
00:29:02.089 --> 00:29:08.730
She would never pray about the things that I would do in, like the sin that I was in, but she would always pray for me to like, you know, the Lord has a plan for you.
00:29:08.889 --> 00:29:11.769
I you know, pray that the Lord reveals himself to you, you know, go on.
00:29:12.409 --> 00:29:13.529
That's actually a better prayer.
00:29:14.169 --> 00:29:16.730
Never about touch the relationship.
00:29:16.889 --> 00:29:18.409
I wasn't supposed to be in a relationship, no way.
00:29:18.649 --> 00:29:20.649
You know, be here and be that never that.
00:29:21.529 --> 00:29:25.529
And so one day I had a college friend.
00:29:25.609 --> 00:29:28.250
Um, we were in a business fraternity together.
00:29:28.569 --> 00:29:32.250
We were getting closer, not one day, but prior to this one particular day.
00:29:32.329 --> 00:29:36.250
We were getting closer and um he ended up passing suddenly.
00:29:36.569 --> 00:29:49.769
Like he was asking me to help him plan this trip for him and his wife, um, because they never took a honeymoon, and so they wanted to take a honeymoon, and I think they had they had just had their baby and was like, they want to take a honeymoon, so I'm like helping them, like, look at this, look at that.
00:29:50.009 --> 00:29:54.009
And it was it was a Saturday he crossed my mind because I hadn't talked to him in a week.
00:29:54.250 --> 00:29:56.730
And I was like, oh, you know, I'll figure it out later.
00:29:56.809 --> 00:30:01.849
And then that Monday is when you know I start seeing the Facebook stuff, and I was like, Whoa, but what?
00:30:02.329 --> 00:30:06.009
So, you know, you I'm in disarray, like, wait, hold on.
00:30:06.169 --> 00:30:06.649
Is this real?
00:30:06.730 --> 00:30:09.369
I'm calling his phone, he's not picking up more and more people posting.
00:30:10.329 --> 00:30:11.690
He dies suddenly.
00:30:12.730 --> 00:30:17.849
And um I tell my boss, I was like, Yeah, I gotta go.
00:30:18.089 --> 00:30:20.730
Um I I I just can't be here today.
00:30:22.009 --> 00:30:25.450
Pick up my little stuff, walk out the door, here's Adrian.
00:30:25.930 --> 00:30:30.250
Like walking down the hallway as if the Lord sent her down this hallway, which I'm sure he did.
00:30:30.490 --> 00:30:31.129
He probably did.
00:30:31.369 --> 00:30:31.849
Probably did.
00:30:32.250 --> 00:30:35.289
I tell her what happened, and I just broke.
00:30:35.450 --> 00:30:37.049
I have never cried.
00:30:37.690 --> 00:30:39.930
I didn't even cry like that with my grandfather past.
00:30:40.490 --> 00:30:47.609
Never cried the way I did, and then never broke in someone because again, my mother was emotionally unavailable, my father wasn't there.
00:30:47.690 --> 00:30:48.169
I got it.
00:30:48.250 --> 00:30:48.970
I'm gonna hang on.
00:30:49.049 --> 00:30:50.009
I I'll fit.
00:30:50.169 --> 00:30:52.329
I mean, just I just broke in this woman's arm.
00:30:52.490 --> 00:30:54.970
And I'm six foot, 200 something pounds.
00:30:55.129 --> 00:31:02.730
This woman, she like 5'7, 5'8, maybe 130, but she was able to hold me.
00:31:02.809 --> 00:31:11.930
I I mean, I broke when I say I broke, I broke, and I'm crying and I'm sobbing, and we in the hallway, and I can I can still hear the elevator, like people were still getting on and off the elevator.
00:31:12.009 --> 00:31:19.609
We were standing, and I'm just crying, and you know, so I get it all out, tell her what happens, and you know, she prays, and I go home.
00:31:19.849 --> 00:31:29.129
And it was something I feel like the Lord softened my heart in that moment to show me what a Christian was.
00:31:30.730 --> 00:31:36.970
And I I kind of would you say that's the first time you didn't feel judged for being human?
00:31:38.490 --> 00:31:41.289
I know men would be scared to show up in that moment like that.
00:31:41.529 --> 00:31:41.769
Sure.
00:31:41.930 --> 00:31:43.210
I don't know that I ever felt that way.
00:31:43.289 --> 00:31:49.129
So I didn't have a normal, I didn't really have a like like a lot of normal quote unquote experiences that other men did.
00:31:49.210 --> 00:31:50.250
Like I ain't never been scared.
00:31:50.409 --> 00:31:51.049
It is what it is.
00:31:51.450 --> 00:31:55.049
Like I've always been vocal, I've always, you know, kind of shared how I felt.
00:31:55.210 --> 00:31:59.450
I just defaulted into the hyper independence, which I think I do share with a lot of men.
00:31:59.529 --> 00:32:03.609
But like expressing myself, that's never been an issue for me, per se.
00:32:04.649 --> 00:32:14.089
Um so I didn't I I can't say that I never felt judged, but it just she felt there.
00:32:14.250 --> 00:32:16.889
That that like that's all I could, that's the that's the only word I got.
00:32:17.049 --> 00:32:17.609
She was there.
00:32:17.769 --> 00:32:17.930
Okay.
00:32:18.329 --> 00:32:21.690
That I think that was the first time I felt like someone was there.
00:32:22.009 --> 00:32:22.250
Okay.
00:32:23.210 --> 00:32:27.129
And as a Christian, we should be there for people.
00:32:28.409 --> 00:32:33.769
And so I saw her in a different light, and then it made me be a little more interested in God.
00:32:33.849 --> 00:32:37.849
Like, that's why I say the moment, even though it was a very tragic moment, my friend died.
00:32:38.089 --> 00:32:42.649
Um her being there kind of like started to pique my interest.
00:32:42.730 --> 00:32:45.690
Like, okay, well, who is the Lord?
00:32:45.849 --> 00:32:55.849
Like, who and so I started finding myself, you know, kind of like asking her questions, and it would move from asking questions to me being like, I wonder what God thinks about this.
00:32:55.930 --> 00:33:00.169
So I would Google it and then I would go to the Bible to see like what the script, you know, because I don't know if Google's gonna be right or wrong.
00:33:00.250 --> 00:33:00.649
Yeah, I got to see.
00:33:00.809 --> 00:33:06.809
You know, you and so I started, I started to what I didn't know then was I'm starting to inquire of the Lord.
00:33:06.889 --> 00:33:08.490
I'm starting to seek him out.
00:33:08.649 --> 00:33:09.289
Yeah, right.
00:33:09.450 --> 00:33:13.529
Um, and from there, I mean, my world was radically changed.
00:33:13.609 --> 00:33:17.129
I would say probably like three months later, I'm getting ready for work.
00:33:17.289 --> 00:33:22.089
At this point, I'm listening to uh uh some gospel artist, I can't remember who it was.
00:33:22.250 --> 00:33:25.529
I remember the song, but I can't remember who it was, which was also not the norm.
00:33:25.690 --> 00:33:26.009
No, no.
00:33:26.329 --> 00:33:28.649
Getting ready for school, uh, getting ready for work.
00:33:29.129 --> 00:33:33.289
And um I just fell to the floor crying.
00:33:33.690 --> 00:33:40.089
I just felt the song was on, I'm preparing, and I was just I just fell to the floor and I was like, I'm sorry, Lord.
00:33:40.169 --> 00:33:42.089
Like I just started apologizing.
00:33:42.569 --> 00:33:44.329
And I had this like out-of-body experience.
00:33:44.409 --> 00:33:45.049
I've only had two.
00:33:45.210 --> 00:33:54.329
This one, and then a couple years later, when I knew my wife was my wife, um, where remember I told you how Adrian touched me and I felt yanked.
00:33:54.409 --> 00:33:54.569
Yeah.
00:33:54.970 --> 00:34:06.649
So I'm on the floor crying, sobbing, but then I have this out-of-body experience where it's like a white light hand touches my shoulder, and I can't see the being.
00:34:06.809 --> 00:34:11.130
I see the hand, and I can see me on the floor crying.
00:34:11.769 --> 00:34:18.410
And in that moment, I felt, and I knew that I knew I was forgiven.
00:34:18.730 --> 00:34:21.769
So I knew like I knew that moment, like those, I'm sorry.
00:34:21.930 --> 00:34:25.289
I didn't even know that I was saying I'm sorry to like actually repent and all the things.
00:34:25.450 --> 00:34:33.130
I was just, I just think the weight of all the things that I had been through and had done because of what I've been through, I was just apologizing to the Lord.
00:34:33.210 --> 00:34:34.570
Because at this point, I'm reading my Bible.
00:34:34.650 --> 00:34:37.530
At this point, I'm inquiring of like, okay, how you say I'm supposed to live?
00:34:37.690 --> 00:34:38.570
What's supposed to be this?
00:34:38.730 --> 00:34:39.690
What's supposed to be that?
00:34:39.850 --> 00:34:40.570
Well, what about this?
00:34:40.730 --> 00:34:41.289
What about that?
00:34:41.370 --> 00:34:46.730
And to be to be clear, you know, does the Bible give us, hey, do this, do this, do this?
00:34:46.890 --> 00:34:47.450
Not in everything.
00:34:47.530 --> 00:34:48.170
Some stuff, yes.
00:34:48.410 --> 00:34:49.210
Something, yeah.
00:34:49.530 --> 00:34:55.769
But as you begin to uh read and spend time with the Lord, you will begin to understand his ways, right?
00:34:55.850 --> 00:35:00.010
You will begin to understand like movements and then listen to the Holy Spirit on what you should and shouldn't do.
00:35:00.170 --> 00:35:00.490
Absolutely.
00:35:00.810 --> 00:35:04.730
So, you know, that was the moment that I felt forgiven, and I knew I was forgiven.
00:35:04.810 --> 00:35:12.090
And I mean, my life looks radically different ever since that moment, like radically different at that point.
00:35:12.170 --> 00:35:13.769
So that's a good point, fellas.
00:35:14.010 --> 00:35:15.210
Like, start somewhere.
00:35:15.370 --> 00:35:18.010
Um, even if you just read Genesis, that's where I started.
00:35:18.090 --> 00:35:18.890
I just started reading Genesis.
00:35:18.970 --> 00:35:20.490
I was like, I'm gonna read the Bible all the way through.
00:35:21.050 --> 00:35:23.289
Um, and your life just changed.
00:35:23.370 --> 00:35:25.530
When you start going into it, you'd be like, huh.
00:35:26.090 --> 00:35:26.490
Huh.
00:35:26.890 --> 00:35:29.289
It's like, okay, this word really does have life to it.
00:35:29.530 --> 00:35:30.970
Like, I'm feeling it, fill me up.
00:35:31.050 --> 00:35:33.610
So every morning it has to be like a I'm reading this.
00:35:33.690 --> 00:35:35.690
Yeah, um, but I do want to switch gears a little bit.
00:35:35.769 --> 00:35:36.010
Go ahead.
00:35:36.170 --> 00:35:37.530
Can I say this before you switch gears?
00:35:37.690 --> 00:35:40.090
You say read Genesis, I'm gonna say read Romans.
00:35:40.330 --> 00:35:42.330
You want something to cut that too?
00:35:43.610 --> 00:35:44.010
Romans.
00:35:44.410 --> 00:35:47.130
I love me good, I love me some good Romans.
00:35:47.289 --> 00:36:01.690
I love it because again, just what I said, like everything is not so the the Bible does have like very clear directives, some stuff is black and white, but then some stuff, like you have to do a lot of work to get cultural context of what it meant, and then like some stuff you could read, and I'm like, Lord, where did you?
00:36:01.930 --> 00:36:03.130
I don't even know what you're saying.
00:36:03.289 --> 00:36:04.010
What is this?
00:36:04.090 --> 00:36:06.010
What is the purpose of all these genealogies?
00:36:06.090 --> 00:36:07.850
Yeah, you know, but there's a purpose because it's there.
00:36:07.930 --> 00:36:10.730
But that Romans, Romans, that Romans black and white.
00:36:10.810 --> 00:36:13.530
We ain't got we ain't got to do too much debate.
00:36:14.570 --> 00:36:16.650
You know the thing a little bit of debate.
00:36:16.890 --> 00:36:19.610
Romans is it is what it is, exactly.
00:36:19.930 --> 00:36:22.570
I love that book because it's just so clear.
00:36:22.730 --> 00:36:24.890
Yeah, but you see, you always know where to go to.
00:36:25.210 --> 00:36:26.890
So let's just pick it up and just try it.
00:36:27.050 --> 00:36:30.250
But um, just switch gears, let's get more into like your professional life.
00:36:30.330 --> 00:36:32.970
But first, I do want to talk about how did you get on traders?
00:36:35.530 --> 00:36:40.250
If you don't know the traitors, hey, the good and the bad.
00:36:40.410 --> 00:36:45.289
Yeah, and if you don't know what traders is, it's a TV show on Peacock, um, actually one of my favorite shows.
00:36:45.370 --> 00:36:47.530
So how did you get on that?
00:36:47.850 --> 00:36:49.050
I was recruited, really.
00:36:49.370 --> 00:36:50.330
Yeah, I was recruited.
00:36:50.570 --> 00:36:58.890
Um, yeah, some the the recruiter found me online, found me on Instagram, and uh reached out and was like, hey, we we're casting this game show, and I think that you'd be great at it.
00:36:58.970 --> 00:37:00.970
And I was like, oh, okay, well look, what is it?
00:37:01.050 --> 00:37:01.210
Right.
00:37:01.610 --> 00:37:02.970
She said you can win$250,000.
00:37:03.130 --> 00:37:04.490
I said, yeah, sign me up.
00:37:04.650 --> 00:37:05.130
Sign me up.
00:37:05.289 --> 00:37:06.810
So I'm hoping my application can pull.
00:37:07.050 --> 00:37:07.130
Hello.
00:37:07.930 --> 00:37:08.330
Hello.
00:37:08.570 --> 00:37:10.330
So, you know, that that's really how it went.
00:37:10.410 --> 00:37:12.890
You know, the casting process, it was it was quite extensive.
00:37:13.050 --> 00:37:32.570
I will say that it took about took about six months, right, from the initial uh conversation with the recruiter and then you know, the recruiter's boss, and then from there, if I remember correctly, I think it was the recruiter's boss and then the company, because like the network and the recruiting agency are two different things, right?
00:37:32.730 --> 00:37:36.890
So the network will hire a recruiting company to go find the people.
00:37:37.289 --> 00:37:47.210
So once you make it through their list, then you come over to the network and then you start, okay, line producer, and then maybe the executive producer, and then everybody who's makes the decision.
00:37:47.289 --> 00:37:50.330
So it was it was quite a few, um, quite a few interviews.
00:37:50.410 --> 00:37:50.650
Okay.
00:37:50.890 --> 00:37:53.130
Um, you know, you have to submit, yeah.
00:37:53.210 --> 00:37:56.490
I can say this, because we under NDA, but I can say this part.
00:37:56.650 --> 00:37:59.530
You can submit, you have to submit like some of your life.
00:37:59.610 --> 00:38:01.530
So, like, okay, do you have videos of doing X?
00:38:01.690 --> 00:38:04.170
Because they're they're trying to paint a picture of who you are, right?
00:38:04.250 --> 00:38:04.730
Right.
00:38:04.890 --> 00:38:13.610
Um, so you do that, they send it off, and then they, you know, you have interviews asking about your life, asking about what would you do if this and that, like really life stuff.
00:38:13.690 --> 00:38:16.570
You don't really know what's going on in the game or what the game will be about.
00:38:16.730 --> 00:38:16.890
Right.
00:38:17.130 --> 00:38:19.130
Mind you, I was season one.
00:38:19.530 --> 00:38:20.010
Season one.
00:38:20.410 --> 00:38:25.130
I only say that because there is so much criticism, but we had nothing to go off of.
00:38:25.210 --> 00:38:30.250
Yeah, you should criticize the rest of the people that's playing now, because y'all got seasons to look back on.
00:38:30.410 --> 00:38:30.730
Yep.
00:38:30.970 --> 00:38:32.650
We were the first season.
00:38:32.730 --> 00:38:34.970
We didn't know what to expect.
00:38:35.210 --> 00:38:36.010
What to expect.
00:38:36.490 --> 00:38:41.850
So everyone should learn from our wins and losses.
00:38:42.170 --> 00:38:44.170
But yeah, so the yeah, that was that was pretty much it.
00:38:44.330 --> 00:38:44.650
It was good.
00:38:44.810 --> 00:38:45.370
But it was pretty good.
00:38:47.530 --> 00:38:48.810
I started what season three?
00:38:49.050 --> 00:38:49.930
So now we're going to go.
00:38:50.090 --> 00:38:51.210
Who was on the who was on that season?
00:38:51.370 --> 00:38:52.490
Wasn't that like Phaedra season?
00:38:52.650 --> 00:38:53.450
Phaedra season.
00:38:53.610 --> 00:38:56.490
I feel like it was Phaedra season two or three.
00:38:56.730 --> 00:38:57.370
I thought she was.
00:38:57.769 --> 00:39:01.610
I do think that the season Phaedra was on is what really made it boom.
00:39:01.850 --> 00:39:05.289
I think it made it boom in black America because white people was watching it.
00:39:05.370 --> 00:39:10.890
Because we had on my season, we had a uh we had quite a few white contestants.
00:39:11.050 --> 00:39:14.250
I think I think I want to say there was only three black people on the show.
00:39:14.490 --> 00:39:15.450
You, Shelby, and us.
00:39:15.769 --> 00:39:16.250
And Suri.
00:39:18.170 --> 00:39:18.970
So they on my season.
00:39:19.370 --> 00:39:20.410
I was a good trader.
00:39:20.650 --> 00:39:21.530
You write about it.
00:39:21.610 --> 00:39:23.130
She was an excellent trader.
00:39:23.530 --> 00:39:24.570
She's an excellent trader.
00:39:24.650 --> 00:39:25.289
That's why she won.
00:39:25.930 --> 00:39:26.810
It ain't no spoiler.
00:39:27.130 --> 00:39:29.130
We're four years uh old now.
00:39:29.289 --> 00:39:35.930
Yeah, and so in my season, they did 10, they did 10 civilians, that's what they called us, and then 10 celebrities.
00:39:36.010 --> 00:39:36.170
Yeah.
00:39:36.330 --> 00:39:39.930
So even of the black people, the two of the three, we were civilians.
00:39:40.170 --> 00:39:43.610
And so if you weren't a survivor fan, you don't know who Saria is.
00:39:43.690 --> 00:39:44.490
Yeah, I didn't know who she was.
00:39:44.650 --> 00:39:45.610
You didn't know who who she was.
00:39:45.690 --> 00:39:49.450
And then everybody else, they were like, they were white, you know, well, the celebrity side.
00:39:49.530 --> 00:39:51.130
Um, what season was Phaedra in?
00:39:51.289 --> 00:39:51.530
Two.
00:39:51.690 --> 00:39:51.769
Two.
00:39:51.930 --> 00:39:52.090
Yeah.
00:39:52.170 --> 00:40:04.330
So I feel like Phaedra being there, that was a smart pick for them because it brought in your Bravo, and then by extension, anybody that knows anything about that, it brought them into like now, what is this?
00:40:04.490 --> 00:40:05.769
Because the housewives be in there heavy.
00:40:05.850 --> 00:40:06.970
Oh, yeah, the housewives are in there.
00:40:07.050 --> 00:40:08.410
Well, if Peacock is owned by NBC.
00:40:08.490 --> 00:40:08.810
That's true.
00:40:08.890 --> 00:40:11.370
And NBC Bravo, NBC, like it's all one family.
00:40:11.530 --> 00:40:12.410
That's true, that's true.
00:40:12.650 --> 00:40:17.130
So going like from your background, how did that experience change you at all?
00:40:17.289 --> 00:40:19.850
Oh gosh, I'd never do a show like that again.
00:40:22.170 --> 00:40:24.890
Well, I asked because you would do at least.
00:40:25.530 --> 00:40:26.170
You know, we how we are.
00:40:26.250 --> 00:40:27.530
It's that's not our stuff.
00:40:27.610 --> 00:40:28.250
I don't want to do that.
00:40:28.330 --> 00:40:29.210
You know, that's they stuff.
00:40:29.530 --> 00:40:29.690
Yeah.
00:40:29.930 --> 00:40:32.410
And I always tell people, like, man, try new things, right?
00:40:33.210 --> 00:40:34.010
$250,000.
00:40:34.250 --> 00:40:34.810
I'm gonna try.
00:40:35.289 --> 00:40:36.890
So how did that experience affect you?
00:40:37.050 --> 00:40:38.970
Or how'd it change you trying something new like that?
00:40:39.210 --> 00:40:41.769
It it was so a lot of things that were happening were new.
00:40:41.850 --> 00:40:44.970
I was still in the first year of my marriage, and I told you we got pregnant on the honeymoon.
00:40:45.050 --> 00:40:46.810
So we were five months pregnant when I left.
00:40:47.370 --> 00:40:47.769
Yeah.
00:40:47.930 --> 00:40:50.410
So, and I'm a very involved dad.
00:40:50.890 --> 00:40:52.010
Um that's hard too.
00:40:52.250 --> 00:40:52.570
Very hard.
00:40:52.730 --> 00:40:59.850
And when you're playing a game like that, whether you're playing traitors, you know, Big Brother, Survivor, whatever, you don't have access to your phone.
00:41:00.010 --> 00:41:00.170
Right.
00:41:00.330 --> 00:41:00.970
They take that.
00:41:01.130 --> 00:41:04.010
They take that, they take your computer, your Apple Watch.
00:41:04.170 --> 00:41:08.890
You don't, you don't get to have access to the outside world because you're supposed to be in the game.
00:41:09.050 --> 00:41:14.170
Okay, so yeah, so it was difficult because you know, my wife is older.
00:41:14.490 --> 00:41:16.410
She was it was considered a geriatric pregnancy.
00:41:16.490 --> 00:41:17.850
So I'm like, okay, is the baby okay?
00:41:17.930 --> 00:41:18.890
Like, what is going on?
00:41:18.970 --> 00:41:19.130
Right.
00:41:19.289 --> 00:41:24.890
I can count on one hand how many doctors' appointment I missed while we were pregnant, particularly from traders.
00:41:24.970 --> 00:41:25.210
Right.
00:41:25.370 --> 00:41:27.289
So, like when I say I'm in it, I'm in it.
00:41:27.450 --> 00:41:35.370
So, game aside, it was hard not even just being there and not having access to the information of like, how was your health?
00:41:35.450 --> 00:41:36.410
How's the baby health?
00:41:36.650 --> 00:41:44.810
We had a dog with the dog doing, you know, and then you know, my brother came and moved in for while I was gone, like, and you know, that was a whole thing.
00:41:45.450 --> 00:41:47.530
My brother's younger, we love him, love you.
00:41:47.690 --> 00:41:50.010
Uh, but it was still just a whole thing, you know.
00:41:50.490 --> 00:41:58.570
So that was difficult within itself, and then you know, being in a game, not knowing anyone, not knowing who to trust.
00:41:58.730 --> 00:41:59.130
Right.
00:41:59.289 --> 00:41:59.769
Nobody.
00:42:00.010 --> 00:42:04.330
And then also correct, well, fish versus minnows, if you really want to talk about it.
00:42:04.410 --> 00:42:06.970
See, I went in there trying to be friends, trying to make friends with folks.
00:42:07.130 --> 00:42:08.650
That's why I got where I end up.
00:42:08.810 --> 00:42:10.490
But I got where I ended up.
00:42:10.650 --> 00:42:11.530
Really the lore.
00:42:11.850 --> 00:42:13.370
Oh, we got something to talk about.
00:42:13.450 --> 00:42:14.570
Okay, really the lore, too.
00:42:14.650 --> 00:42:15.530
But I'm I'm gonna tell you in a minute.
00:42:15.610 --> 00:42:16.730
I'm gonna tell you guys and come back.
00:42:16.810 --> 00:42:17.210
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:42:17.769 --> 00:42:21.610
No, but for traders, for traders for sure, I gotta say this because nobody ever listens when I say this.
00:42:21.690 --> 00:42:24.570
Or I at least I perceive they don't listen, but I will come back to it.
00:42:24.730 --> 00:42:25.530
But it's difficult.
00:42:25.610 --> 00:42:30.490
It's different, it's cameras everywhere, much like we have now, it's lights everywhere, you're mic'd up all the time.
00:42:30.730 --> 00:42:44.730
Um, you don't know who to trust, it's drama happening, which hindsight being 2020, not even realizing like some of the hold on, let me make sure I can say this, some of the celebrities, they've done TV before.
00:42:44.890 --> 00:42:45.130
Right.
00:42:45.289 --> 00:42:50.010
And I remember maybe about halfway through the show, one of them, I won't name names, told me.
00:42:50.250 --> 00:42:52.730
I was like, why are you always da-da-da-da-da?
00:42:53.050 --> 00:42:54.170
Just why?
00:42:54.810 --> 00:42:57.130
And they were like, TV time.
00:42:57.850 --> 00:42:59.769
And I said, What like, what do you mean?
00:43:00.010 --> 00:43:03.289
And it was like, TV time, it's gonna get me more time.
00:43:03.450 --> 00:43:03.850
Yeah.
00:43:04.090 --> 00:43:08.170
And when I watched the final cut, they weren't wrong.
00:43:09.050 --> 00:43:12.890
They were not wrong, but I had never done TV like that.
00:43:12.970 --> 00:43:15.690
Like I've done, I had done a lot of uh newscasts, right?
00:43:15.769 --> 00:43:18.090
Because I was in my political advocacy bag at the time.
00:43:18.170 --> 00:43:27.610
And so, you know, I've been on your black news channel and NBC LX and all the things, but we're not trying to stir up drama, we are analyzing the politics of the day.
00:43:27.690 --> 00:43:27.850
Right.
00:43:28.010 --> 00:43:39.289
So I go in there just being me, not really thinking just being me was enough to get adequate airtime, not understanding no drama sells.
00:43:39.370 --> 00:43:44.250
Yeah, and you could tell who was a vet and who was a newbie based on watching that season.
00:43:44.410 --> 00:43:48.570
And so now they don't even do uh civilians versus celebrities.
00:43:48.730 --> 00:44:01.370
Traitors on Peacock is all celebrities, they're bringing a civilian traitors to NBC, which I think will be better for them anyway, because like for us, I didn't really get a boost in like social engagement from that show.
00:44:01.690 --> 00:44:04.330
I thought this was gonna catapult me in a certain position, it did not.
00:44:05.450 --> 00:44:10.330
It didn't still a great experience, but it did not translate into what I think it would.
00:44:10.490 --> 00:44:13.850
People, when they go to NBC, I think it may do better for them.
00:44:13.930 --> 00:44:15.930
One, because the show has name recognition now.
00:44:16.090 --> 00:44:16.410
Right.
00:44:16.570 --> 00:44:18.410
And then two, NBC is a wider audience.
00:44:18.490 --> 00:44:19.450
You got to pay for Peacock.
00:44:19.530 --> 00:44:20.730
NBC is on regular cable.
00:44:20.970 --> 00:44:21.289
Yep.
00:44:21.530 --> 00:44:23.289
So that was that.
00:44:23.450 --> 00:44:26.250
What I wanted to come back to was do what thus saith the Lord.
00:44:26.330 --> 00:44:28.730
So at the end of the show, so I make it.
00:44:28.810 --> 00:44:30.810
If you don't, you can, I'm just gonna spoil it.
00:44:30.890 --> 00:44:31.930
I got it wrong all season.
00:44:32.010 --> 00:44:32.810
You seen my season yet?
00:44:32.970 --> 00:44:33.769
We're watching it now.
00:44:33.930 --> 00:44:35.210
I'm watching you get it wrong.
00:44:35.450 --> 00:44:35.930
Oh, okay.
00:44:36.730 --> 00:44:37.530
I already know what happened.
00:44:37.610 --> 00:44:38.650
Okay, you already know what happened.
00:44:38.730 --> 00:44:39.769
Yeah, I got it wrong the whole time.
00:44:39.850 --> 00:44:40.490
I look good though.
00:44:40.570 --> 00:44:41.450
So, you know.
00:44:41.930 --> 00:44:43.370
I said he got some nice suits.
00:44:43.450 --> 00:44:45.130
Yeah, I came through.
00:44:45.289 --> 00:44:45.610
They should.
00:44:45.850 --> 00:44:47.210
Do you know they wouldn't even?
00:44:47.450 --> 00:44:48.650
I can't say that.
00:44:49.450 --> 00:44:50.410
NDA.
00:44:50.650 --> 00:44:54.650
So, um I get it wrong a lot.
00:44:55.130 --> 00:44:55.769
A lot.
00:44:56.490 --> 00:44:58.330
But I make it all 10 episodes.
00:44:58.490 --> 00:44:59.690
I make it all 10.
00:44:59.769 --> 00:45:02.010
So I still say, you know, there's something to say about that.
00:45:02.170 --> 00:45:04.010
But really, the Lord, the Lord was keeping me.
00:45:04.170 --> 00:45:06.090
Um, but I learned I learned something about myself.
00:45:06.170 --> 00:45:06.970
It's two things I want to say.
00:45:07.130 --> 00:45:16.970
I really did learn something about myself because I didn't realize how wrong I could be, especially if I don't like you or I feel like I have an issue.
00:45:17.210 --> 00:45:17.370
Okay.
00:45:17.530 --> 00:45:24.810
And that was the thing my wife is grateful for that I went to Traders because she was like, the the issue is you are mostly right.
00:45:25.530 --> 00:45:26.730
You're not always right.
00:45:26.890 --> 00:45:27.050
Right.
00:45:27.289 --> 00:45:29.210
But you operate like you're always right.
00:45:29.450 --> 00:45:31.289
And in that show, if you watch me, oh, I'm right.
00:45:31.370 --> 00:45:32.010
You right though.
00:45:32.330 --> 00:45:33.769
In my mind, oh, I'm right.
00:45:34.330 --> 00:45:34.730
It's him.
00:45:34.890 --> 00:45:35.610
I know it's him.
00:45:35.930 --> 00:45:39.450
Conviction and passion, and maybe I can give a speech now.
00:45:39.610 --> 00:45:40.010
Oh yeah.
00:45:40.170 --> 00:45:40.890
Who said it?
00:45:40.970 --> 00:45:42.410
He was like, uh, Quentin is well spoken.
00:45:42.490 --> 00:45:43.130
I forgot who said it.
00:45:43.370 --> 00:45:43.610
Michael.
00:45:43.769 --> 00:45:44.010
Michael.
00:45:44.330 --> 00:45:45.690
Yeah, and he got dragged because of that.
00:45:45.850 --> 00:45:47.769
He got dragged, and he didn't mean it that way.
00:45:47.850 --> 00:45:50.570
Uh, because this white man saying this black man is well spoken.
00:45:50.650 --> 00:45:51.289
What do you mean by that?
00:45:51.370 --> 00:45:52.730
He got dragged, and honestly, I love Michael.
00:45:52.810 --> 00:45:53.930
I still talk to Michael to this day.
00:45:54.090 --> 00:45:55.210
My wife and Michael are cool.
00:45:55.289 --> 00:45:55.450
Oh.
00:45:55.610 --> 00:45:56.810
So, like, shout out to Michael.
00:45:56.890 --> 00:45:59.210
Like, he didn't, he truly didn't mean like that.
00:45:59.370 --> 00:46:01.050
He didn't mean it like that.
00:46:01.610 --> 00:46:03.050
But I see how it came out.
00:46:03.210 --> 00:46:03.530
Right.
00:46:03.769 --> 00:46:05.930
Because honestly, everybody said the same thing.
00:46:06.010 --> 00:46:07.370
They just aired his part.
00:46:07.930 --> 00:46:09.690
So, you know, take with that what you will.
00:46:09.850 --> 00:46:10.410
At the drama.
00:46:10.570 --> 00:46:11.769
Well, it sells.
00:46:11.930 --> 00:46:12.410
It does.
00:46:12.730 --> 00:46:24.490
So seeing myself get it so wrong humbled me in a way that I don't think I would have ever been humbled.
00:46:24.810 --> 00:46:27.850
Because to me, what you saw on TV is really how I lived my life.
00:46:27.930 --> 00:46:31.769
So it ain't no telling how many times I've been wrong that I didn't bulldoze over people.
00:46:32.170 --> 00:46:42.810
And because we're not in a scenario where everyone can watch and know what's going on, who knows how many people have just come along with the ride with me based on how I present, based on my level of conviction.
00:46:42.890 --> 00:46:45.130
And we're gonna go over a cliff and not even know it.
00:46:45.850 --> 00:46:48.250
So that was very helpful and humbling for me.
00:46:48.330 --> 00:46:51.690
That was a life lesson that I don't think I would have ever learned had I not done that show.
00:46:51.769 --> 00:46:54.490
Uh, but two, you got to do what the Lord says.
00:46:54.970 --> 00:47:01.769
So, what you don't see on the show is episode eight or nine.
00:47:01.930 --> 00:47:03.130
I think it's probably nine.
00:47:03.210 --> 00:47:03.769
How far are you?
00:47:03.850 --> 00:47:05.289
Are we on the speedboat yet?
00:47:05.850 --> 00:47:06.570
Nine yet.
00:47:06.810 --> 00:47:07.050
Okay.
00:47:07.210 --> 00:47:08.170
When we get to the speedboat.
00:47:08.330 --> 00:47:09.050
We just went home yesterday.
00:47:09.210 --> 00:47:09.769
Shelby?
00:47:10.410 --> 00:47:11.530
Oh, Shelby here just went home.
00:47:11.610 --> 00:47:12.490
You know Shelby in Houston.
00:47:12.570 --> 00:47:12.730
Really?
00:47:12.810 --> 00:47:13.610
Shelby living in Houston.
00:47:13.850 --> 00:47:14.250
I didn't know that.
00:47:14.330 --> 00:47:15.850
Oh, I don't know if I'm supposed to tell all her business.
00:47:16.090 --> 00:47:16.890
Well, she's on social media.
00:47:16.970 --> 00:47:17.289
She posted.
00:47:17.530 --> 00:47:18.570
Yeah, Shelby living Houston.
00:47:18.650 --> 00:47:19.850
Oh, but King's initiative.
00:47:20.330 --> 00:47:21.050
Okay, well, anyway.
00:47:21.289 --> 00:47:22.250
Anyway, all right.
00:47:22.890 --> 00:47:24.730
I'm trying to get Shelby a booking.
00:47:24.970 --> 00:47:30.890
Um, so we get down to final five.
00:47:31.289 --> 00:47:33.690
Since you hadn't seen it, I'm not gonna tell you who's final five.
00:47:34.010 --> 00:47:36.730
But we get down to final five, but you do know how it ends.
00:47:36.970 --> 00:47:37.610
I do know how it ends.
00:47:37.690 --> 00:47:38.010
So you see.
00:47:38.250 --> 00:47:39.050
I know who the last three are.
00:47:39.130 --> 00:47:40.010
You know who the last three are.
00:47:40.170 --> 00:47:45.050
So those last three, the three of us, make a pact.
00:47:46.010 --> 00:47:46.330
Okay.
00:47:46.730 --> 00:47:48.250
We all look alike.
00:47:50.330 --> 00:47:55.210
So we make a pact that we gonna ride out and get to the end.
00:47:55.370 --> 00:47:55.769
Right.
00:47:56.010 --> 00:47:56.570
I don't know.
00:47:56.650 --> 00:47:57.850
Are you a big brother fan?
00:47:58.010 --> 00:47:58.250
No.
00:47:58.410 --> 00:48:00.010
Okay, so I used to love Big Brother.
00:48:00.090 --> 00:48:00.570
I couldn't do it.
00:48:01.050 --> 00:48:02.810
I watched it as a kid, but I haven't like watched it.
00:48:03.050 --> 00:48:03.530
I couldn't do it now.
00:48:03.610 --> 00:48:05.210
Not doing Traders, I could never do Big Brother.
00:48:05.289 --> 00:48:05.930
Because they're there.
00:48:06.010 --> 00:48:10.250
If you make it to the end, you're there way longer than we were in Scotland.
00:48:10.330 --> 00:48:11.850
I just I just couldn't do it.
00:48:12.090 --> 00:48:13.130
But I used to love Big Brother.
00:48:13.289 --> 00:48:17.769
A couple years prior to Traders, there is no, there had never been a black winner.
00:48:17.850 --> 00:48:18.090
Okay.
00:48:18.250 --> 00:48:24.010
And on this particular season, there were six black people on the show that decided they were gonna be an alliance called The Cookout.
00:48:24.570 --> 00:48:28.330
And come on now, called The Cookout, and they were all gonna make it to the end.
00:48:28.410 --> 00:48:38.330
And so what they did was with the rest of the guests, they all made alliances with other people to always keep them safe, knowing that the six would never vote for them to get out.
00:48:38.410 --> 00:48:38.650
Right.
00:48:38.810 --> 00:48:44.970
And we get all the way to the end with all six black players, so it's guaranteed that somebody black is going to win.
00:48:45.050 --> 00:48:46.010
So the cookout does this.
00:48:46.090 --> 00:48:47.130
We get our first black winner.
00:48:47.210 --> 00:48:48.330
His name is Xavier.
00:48:48.410 --> 00:48:49.130
I forget his last name.
00:48:49.210 --> 00:48:49.690
We follow each other.
00:48:49.769 --> 00:48:50.890
He's a lawyer in real life.
00:48:50.970 --> 00:48:52.490
He wins$750,000.
00:48:52.810 --> 00:48:52.970
Okay.
00:48:53.130 --> 00:48:54.490
Traders increase the pies.
00:48:54.730 --> 00:48:55.050
Okay.
00:48:55.210 --> 00:48:55.850
All right.
00:48:56.410 --> 00:49:00.730
So cookout happens about three years prior to traders.
00:49:00.810 --> 00:49:01.050
Okay.
00:49:01.130 --> 00:49:01.370
Okay.
00:49:01.530 --> 00:49:03.130
Put us back in traders at that speedboat.
00:49:03.210 --> 00:49:04.730
You'll know, you'll know the episode I'm talking about.
00:49:04.810 --> 00:49:06.810
There's water, there's helicopters, there's speedboats.
00:49:06.890 --> 00:49:07.450
Yeah, I'm gonna name it.
00:49:07.610 --> 00:49:09.370
This is this is the scene.
00:49:09.769 --> 00:49:15.530
We make a pact that, hey, the three of us, we're gonna get to the end.
00:49:15.610 --> 00:49:18.570
We got we we locked in, we all we got, all the things.
00:49:18.730 --> 00:49:21.130
At this point, I finally decide to share that we're pregnant.
00:49:21.210 --> 00:49:22.570
I hadn't told anybody up until that point.
00:49:22.890 --> 00:49:25.530
Hey, we're pregnant, this is gonna be great, the money, yada yada, yada.
00:49:25.769 --> 00:49:26.490
And we do just that.
00:49:26.650 --> 00:49:29.289
We get all three of us to the end to the end.
00:49:34.010 --> 00:49:35.930
Before we get to the three, there's four.
00:49:37.850 --> 00:49:44.410
And uh I can't say this without telling you how it actually do you know who the fourth is, or you just know who the final three are.
00:49:44.730 --> 00:49:45.930
I think I remember who the fourth is.
00:49:46.490 --> 00:49:48.010
Let me let me say you said You go ahead, tell me.
00:49:48.250 --> 00:49:48.490
Okay.
00:49:48.570 --> 00:49:50.170
So Sari is a traitor.
00:49:50.250 --> 00:49:52.170
Yeah, Ari is a traitor.
00:49:54.090 --> 00:49:55.690
Dang, I don't even know how far we are.
00:49:55.769 --> 00:49:57.289
But at this point, Ari had not been a traitor.
00:49:57.450 --> 00:49:59.130
Ari gets converted to being a traitor.
00:49:59.370 --> 00:50:01.050
He's recruited, we just recruited.
00:50:01.130 --> 00:50:04.170
So this whole time we think he we No, he's not, he's not, he's not.
00:50:04.250 --> 00:50:05.210
So then he flips.
00:50:05.370 --> 00:50:13.130
So Sari basically uses the fact that the three of us have made a pact, and Ari is uh, he was a former bachelor.
00:50:13.210 --> 00:50:13.289
Okay.
00:50:13.610 --> 00:50:16.250
And he, I think him and his dad like race cars for NASCAR.
00:50:16.410 --> 00:50:17.210
So like they got money.
00:50:17.690 --> 00:50:24.970
Uses the fact that, you know, you're already well off, you don't need this money, you know, this money could do good for us.
00:50:25.690 --> 00:50:28.010
I'm gonna vote you, we're gonna vote you out.
00:50:28.490 --> 00:50:28.570
Okay.
00:50:28.810 --> 00:50:30.650
Mind you, we were all going to end the game.
00:50:30.730 --> 00:50:37.050
So the rules were if we decided to vote and end the game, if there were energy any traders left, the traders win.
00:50:37.289 --> 00:50:38.330
The traders win.
00:50:38.650 --> 00:50:45.370
So I throw in the end of the game because at this point, like again, Ari had been a faithful this whole time in the game.
00:50:45.769 --> 00:50:46.970
Andy, in the game.
00:50:47.210 --> 00:50:48.170
Ari, in the game.
00:50:48.250 --> 00:50:51.050
Sari votes not to end the game, makes the speech about it.
00:50:51.210 --> 00:50:53.050
I say, well, shoot, she decided not to end.
00:50:53.210 --> 00:50:54.090
We got to vote anyway.
00:50:54.250 --> 00:50:54.490
Right.
00:50:54.650 --> 00:50:56.010
So look, that's it.
00:50:56.090 --> 00:50:56.650
All right, Ari.
00:50:57.690 --> 00:50:59.450
Ari gets voted out.
00:51:00.170 --> 00:51:02.250
Ari tells us he's a traitor.
00:51:02.890 --> 00:51:07.210
I I'm flabbergasted because I was like, oh my gosh.
00:51:07.370 --> 00:51:18.410
So I'm thinking Sari just saved us, not realizing that the man, the man turns to us and basically, in so many words, kind of like out Siri, but not really.
00:51:18.570 --> 00:51:22.650
But we so caught up in the fact that, like, oh my gosh, didn't even see it.
00:51:22.890 --> 00:51:23.370
Right.
00:51:23.930 --> 00:51:25.850
Okay, now hey, it's three of y'all left.
00:51:26.410 --> 00:51:29.930
You want to vote to end the game or you wanna vote again?
00:51:30.970 --> 00:51:31.530
End the game.
00:51:31.610 --> 00:51:42.090
Before I throw mine in, I hear clear as day, used the same argument against her that she used against him.
00:51:43.530 --> 00:51:48.730
And I immediately went to, oh my gosh, I can't do this to this black woman.
00:51:48.810 --> 00:51:50.490
We black people, we said we was gonna be together.
00:51:50.570 --> 00:51:53.769
The cookout just happened, and she and she had lost Survivor several times.
00:51:53.850 --> 00:51:56.650
She had made it to the end, but she kept losing somebody with it.
00:51:56.810 --> 00:52:02.010
And I was like, and she done lost, and I mean I reasoned my way out of it, which is crazy because that's what I was doing the whole time.
00:52:02.250 --> 00:52:04.170
At this, Shelby just went home.
00:52:04.730 --> 00:52:04.970
I don't know.
00:52:06.090 --> 00:52:06.490
I don't know.
00:52:06.570 --> 00:52:08.090
Does has Christian gone home yet?
00:52:08.170 --> 00:52:08.730
He about to.
00:52:08.890 --> 00:52:09.370
He about to.
00:52:09.690 --> 00:52:12.650
So the whole time I had reasoned myself away from Christian too.
00:52:13.130 --> 00:52:14.410
I saw Christian day one.
00:52:14.490 --> 00:52:15.370
I remember it clear.
00:52:15.450 --> 00:52:16.570
I was like, that boy a traitor.
00:52:16.650 --> 00:52:18.890
And then I was like, well, you know, people act different at work.
00:52:19.050 --> 00:52:21.450
Maybe, you know, maybe he knows how to put it on, but then don't.
00:52:21.530 --> 00:52:22.570
I reasoned.
00:52:22.730 --> 00:52:24.570
That's another thing that I learned about myself.
00:52:24.730 --> 00:52:29.530
I will reason my way heavily out of something if I really want to, right?
00:52:29.690 --> 00:52:31.289
So, real good life lessons.
00:52:31.450 --> 00:52:32.970
Chose to not end it.
00:52:33.050 --> 00:52:34.970
I'm telling you, heard it clear as day.
00:52:36.570 --> 00:52:38.410
These people in the game.
00:52:39.450 --> 00:52:41.050
This woman says she a traitor.
00:52:41.210 --> 00:52:42.330
Roll the clip.
00:52:43.530 --> 00:52:45.450
My jaw is on the floor.
00:52:45.610 --> 00:52:46.490
It's a meme.
00:52:46.650 --> 00:52:47.210
It is.
00:52:47.370 --> 00:52:48.810
It is a meme.
00:52:49.130 --> 00:52:51.370
My jaw is on the floor.
00:52:51.530 --> 00:52:55.610
I mean, flabber gasted.
00:52:58.730 --> 00:53:01.210
And you just knew you was rich.
00:53:01.530 --> 00:53:02.570
At least$70,000?
00:53:02.650 --> 00:53:04.090
Because we were gonna have to split$250.
00:53:04.330 --> 00:53:05.289
But shoot, that's a salary.
00:53:05.850 --> 00:53:07.610
I was like, shoot, we're gonna be good for at least a year.
00:53:07.690 --> 00:53:11.450
We could do a little, you know, I could put down payment on a house, or you know, whatever.
00:53:11.769 --> 00:53:14.330
Flabbergat, the woman won the money, stole the money.
00:53:14.570 --> 00:53:15.289
Stole the money.
00:53:15.530 --> 00:53:16.250
From day one.
00:53:16.410 --> 00:53:17.289
From day one.
00:53:17.450 --> 00:53:21.450
And she played, like watching it back, I was like, oh, this girl was in there cooking.
00:53:21.690 --> 00:53:22.090
She was.
00:53:22.410 --> 00:53:23.769
Now she played the game.
00:53:24.330 --> 00:53:25.370
She played the game.
00:53:25.450 --> 00:53:28.650
I but when you get to the reunion, I won't spoil that.
00:53:28.810 --> 00:53:33.690
When you get to the reunion, I do make my voice, I make it known why I was so upset with her.
00:53:33.850 --> 00:53:37.610
I understand the game, but there was there was something that didn't need to happen.
00:53:39.050 --> 00:53:40.410
Because you had already won.
00:53:40.490 --> 00:53:41.930
You had already had us in your pocket.
00:53:42.170 --> 00:53:44.730
At this point, you already had us in your pocket.
00:53:44.810 --> 00:53:45.769
Now that I'm watching.
00:53:45.850 --> 00:53:46.170
Yeah.
00:53:46.330 --> 00:53:47.370
You didn't need to.
00:53:47.690 --> 00:53:49.050
Andy is definitely in her pocket by now.
00:53:49.210 --> 00:53:49.530
100%.
00:53:50.170 --> 00:53:51.850
So again, heard that, right?
00:53:52.250 --> 00:53:54.650
We lose, we go away, we come home.
00:53:55.210 --> 00:53:56.650
Me and Andy talking about it.
00:53:56.730 --> 00:53:57.530
You know, the cash.
00:53:57.610 --> 00:54:02.010
You know, you just you're talking about because it doesn't, it doesn't air for like a uh almost a year.
00:54:02.170 --> 00:54:02.330
Okay.
00:54:02.570 --> 00:54:03.769
You know, from when we film it.
00:54:04.250 --> 00:54:07.210
And um I said, let me just ask Andy.
00:54:07.530 --> 00:54:09.050
Because me and Andy had had a lot of conversations.
00:54:09.130 --> 00:54:11.610
Now, Andy is a uh trans man.
00:54:11.850 --> 00:54:12.010
Okay.
00:54:12.250 --> 00:54:20.170
And uh, but we had a had a lot of conversations about faith and how, you know, just what does say the Lord, how do you feel, what do you think, all the things.
00:54:20.250 --> 00:54:27.690
So Andy knew, you know, where I was, and so I said, Andy, on that last day, when all that happened, I said, I just gotta ask.
00:54:28.090 --> 00:54:32.730
I said, I heard God tell me to use the same example on Serena as she did against R.
00:54:33.530 --> 00:54:37.050
And truthfully, if I would have done that, would you have voted for me?
00:54:37.450 --> 00:54:40.250
Would you have voted with me and kicked her out?
00:54:42.090 --> 00:54:46.250
Andy tells me that it's probably gonna be.
00:54:46.490 --> 00:54:47.450
Well, no, because Andy told me this.
00:54:47.530 --> 00:54:48.170
This is not on the show.
00:54:48.250 --> 00:55:02.090
Andy tells me that Andy would have voted with me because Andy was sick that day and didn't know it.
00:55:02.170 --> 00:55:09.289
Like we didn't really know it, but Andy would Andy said I was really kind of sick that day, and Sari was moving weird.
00:55:09.769 --> 00:55:17.930
And I thought it was just because of how I was feeling that I was misreading what was happening.
00:55:18.490 --> 00:55:26.410
But that whole day, and I and I can cosign it because even when we I'm gonna tell you, even when we vote Kate out, because we finally get Kate.
00:55:26.570 --> 00:55:26.970
Finally.
00:55:27.210 --> 00:55:29.530
Finally, we finally get Kate.
00:55:29.850 --> 00:55:37.530
Even when we vote Kate out, the the the the um how Sari justifies her vote was weird.
00:55:38.570 --> 00:55:42.010
It was weird to me because she turns to me and basically says she was about to vote me out.
00:55:42.490 --> 00:55:43.850
And I was like, what?
00:55:44.010 --> 00:55:46.970
And I remember taking it back, but I was like, okay, she's probably just playing the game.
00:55:47.050 --> 00:55:47.850
Well, she was playing the game.
00:55:48.090 --> 00:55:50.330
But in my mind, I'm like, oh, she's just playing the game right now.
00:55:50.490 --> 00:55:52.730
But Andy said, no, she was moving weird that day.
00:55:52.810 --> 00:55:54.890
But I was sick and I misread it.
00:55:55.050 --> 00:55:57.210
I thought it, I really thought it was me.
00:55:57.690 --> 00:56:02.410
But even though we was cool, if you would have said vote for her, I would have voted for her in that time.
00:56:02.650 --> 00:56:03.210
Real talk.
00:56:03.370 --> 00:56:04.810
Damn, you was that close.
00:56:05.850 --> 00:56:11.210
Do you know what the story would have been to be wrong all that time?
00:56:11.450 --> 00:56:12.570
And finally get it right at the end.
00:56:12.650 --> 00:56:14.330
And then finally get it right at the end.
00:56:14.650 --> 00:56:19.690
Because really the gag is I was getting it so wrong that Sari kept me around because she knew I would never see her.
00:56:19.769 --> 00:56:19.930
Yep.
00:56:20.090 --> 00:56:22.090
So really, I got played the whole time.
00:56:22.170 --> 00:56:23.210
That's how I got to the.
00:56:23.289 --> 00:56:25.289
I didn't really get to the end, if you think about it.
00:56:26.170 --> 00:56:27.130
I got carried to the end.
00:56:27.289 --> 00:56:29.450
To be a good trader, you have to have somebody to go to the end with.
00:56:29.610 --> 00:56:30.250
Oh, well, she did it.
00:56:30.650 --> 00:56:32.170
No, the chef's kids, what'd they say?
00:56:33.210 --> 00:56:34.090
Yeah, what Carisha said?
00:56:34.250 --> 00:56:35.850
You know it's T when you see them two fingers.
00:56:36.010 --> 00:56:36.650
Yeah, yeah.
00:56:36.730 --> 00:56:38.010
That's what Carisha said.
00:56:40.330 --> 00:56:42.010
So she did her job.
00:56:42.330 --> 00:56:44.250
But what would the story have been?
00:56:44.330 --> 00:56:47.530
And then for me to be on the other side and say, the Lord told me to do that.
00:56:47.690 --> 00:56:49.610
The Lord gave me guidance in this.
00:56:51.690 --> 00:56:56.650
So, you know, all things work together for the good of those that are called according to his purposes, right?
00:56:56.810 --> 00:57:00.810
So, even in that, he still gets the glory because he got he showed me myself.
00:57:00.970 --> 00:57:01.210
Yeah.
00:57:01.370 --> 00:57:03.530
And myself was heavily flawed.
00:57:03.690 --> 00:57:04.890
I would have never learned.
00:57:05.130 --> 00:57:14.650
I mean, I'm still flawed, I'm not perfect, but I would have never been able to, my wife wouldn't have been able to explain to me that you're really thick-headed and you don't see everything that you think you see.
00:57:14.730 --> 00:57:15.130
Yeah.
00:57:15.450 --> 00:57:20.730
If I had not gone through it and been able to see myself on camera get it so wrong.
00:57:21.050 --> 00:57:22.330
Damn, the whole world seen me get it so wrong.
00:57:22.490 --> 00:57:23.690
The whole world, very much.
00:57:23.850 --> 00:57:25.050
But y'all ain't gonna embarrass me.
00:57:25.130 --> 00:57:25.769
It is what it is.
00:57:25.850 --> 00:57:26.570
I was on TV.
00:57:26.810 --> 00:57:28.570
Look, my seat didn't want an Emmy.
00:57:28.890 --> 00:57:30.410
And so you can say what you want to say.
00:57:30.570 --> 00:57:32.090
I was wrong and the Emmy came home.
00:57:32.170 --> 00:57:32.410
Okay.
00:57:32.890 --> 00:57:50.970
So now, you got entertained, but but and seriously, seriously, seriousness, excuse me, um, those were the life lessons I learned for myself and what I would just give to people that I feel like maybe because we don't have a long enough conversation, you know, for me to fully explain it is that like when the Lord tells you to do something, do it.
00:57:51.130 --> 00:57:52.170
Oh, we're gonna hit part two.
00:57:52.410 --> 00:57:53.530
Do okay, well, do it.
00:57:53.690 --> 00:57:56.650
Because we can't have part two, because he done told me to do some stuff and it ended out wrong.
00:57:56.730 --> 00:57:58.090
And I'm like, why would you do this?
00:57:58.330 --> 00:58:00.810
So but for the traitors example, do it.
00:58:01.050 --> 00:58:02.490
Obedience is better than sacrifice.
00:58:02.650 --> 00:58:02.890
Yeah.
00:58:03.130 --> 00:58:05.690
So you never know what that obedience could get you.
00:58:05.850 --> 00:58:07.530
Because that obedience could got you a lot of money.
00:58:07.690 --> 00:58:09.210
It could have gotten me a whole lot of money.
00:58:09.370 --> 00:58:12.410
And think of think, I tell you, I didn't really get a career bump from it.
00:58:12.490 --> 00:58:14.410
Like what you see now is not because of traders.
00:58:14.490 --> 00:58:15.530
It's just not.
00:58:15.610 --> 00:58:17.370
I did not get a career bump from it.
00:58:17.450 --> 00:58:17.610
Okay.
00:58:17.850 --> 00:58:21.450
But being so wrong all that time and getting it, do you know how many more shows I would have got on?
00:58:21.530 --> 00:58:22.970
How many more shows I could have booked?
00:58:23.289 --> 00:58:24.730
Do you know what the story would have been?
00:58:24.810 --> 00:58:27.769
Because again, they have to give you the audience the story.
00:58:27.930 --> 00:58:30.970
There we film, but they're still crafting a story.
00:58:31.130 --> 00:58:31.450
Yeah.
00:58:31.610 --> 00:58:37.610
I would, if I would have got it right at the at the end, do you know how much more TV time I would have got throughout that?
00:58:37.769 --> 00:58:42.170
Because they would have had to, they would have had to, okay, like Kate.
00:58:42.250 --> 00:58:44.010
Kate, this is basically Kate's show.
00:58:44.170 --> 00:58:45.850
Kate has a lot of TV time.
00:58:45.930 --> 00:58:46.570
Yep.
00:58:47.210 --> 00:58:49.690
I guess I kind of gave it away from what I said earlier.
00:58:49.850 --> 00:58:51.130
Kate has a lot of TV time.
00:58:51.210 --> 00:58:52.170
That was Kate's show.
00:58:53.130 --> 00:58:54.410
But I targeted Kate.
00:58:54.490 --> 00:58:56.810
Kate still made it very far, and she caused drama.
00:58:56.970 --> 00:58:57.690
She knew what to do.
00:58:58.010 --> 00:59:01.210
That one uh mission y'all go up that hill, she started thinking about stuff.
00:59:01.769 --> 00:59:03.050
Or I wish they would have played.
00:59:03.130 --> 00:59:04.970
They ain't they didn't even show y'all what happened at the end.
00:59:05.050 --> 00:59:06.650
I can't tell you because they ain't aired.
00:59:07.130 --> 00:59:11.370
I wish they would have showed y'all what happened when we finished that challenge.
00:59:12.090 --> 00:59:13.289
Everybody was pissed.
00:59:13.450 --> 00:59:14.650
Oh, yeah, I could tell.
00:59:14.970 --> 00:59:16.250
Everybody was pissed.
00:59:16.490 --> 00:59:24.570
Um but think about and but think about just for me and talk about the career boost, they would have had to give y'all so much more backstory on me.
00:59:24.650 --> 00:59:35.289
They would have had to make me integral to the show, not up until like you get to see more of me, like really my personality, at least I think episodes seven through ten.
00:59:35.610 --> 00:59:35.930
Okay.
00:59:36.170 --> 00:59:40.810
I feel like for the first half of the show, is like I'm just kind of I heard your voice, but there's something I didn't see you.
00:59:40.970 --> 00:59:48.730
Yeah, you hear me, but you don't really see me because I'm not integral into the larger story that they had to tell based on how things played out.
00:59:49.050 --> 00:59:51.370
So do what the say it's a little bit.
00:59:51.690 --> 00:59:55.370
That that hey fellas, that is uh oh, learn something from that.
00:59:55.450 --> 00:59:57.289
I know I like traders, so of course we had to talk about it.
00:59:57.450 --> 01:00:02.890
But the lesson I just got from that is be obedient because you never know where your obedience is gonna take you.
01:00:03.050 --> 01:00:06.810
Like he said, he could, if he would have listened to God, he would have won 125,000, right?
01:00:06.970 --> 01:00:07.850
Yeah, we'd be split.
01:00:08.090 --> 01:00:11.930
And then he would have got more TV time, more shows that bring in more money.
01:00:12.490 --> 01:00:13.610
So be obedient.
01:00:13.690 --> 01:00:17.690
Um, but before we wrap up, I just want to ask you what is your message to the world?
01:00:18.090 --> 01:00:19.370
Be obedient.
01:00:22.250 --> 01:00:26.170
If you had to give one advice to be obedient, not for real, yeah.
01:00:26.250 --> 01:00:27.050
Nah, let me stop playing.
01:00:27.130 --> 01:00:27.930
No, for real, for real.
01:00:28.010 --> 01:00:30.170
Obedience is definitely better than sacrifice.
01:00:30.410 --> 01:00:33.769
Um yeah.
01:00:34.490 --> 01:00:35.050
Definitely.
01:00:35.289 --> 01:00:36.170
Can I give two messages?
01:00:36.410 --> 01:00:36.650
Go ahead.
01:00:36.730 --> 01:00:37.050
Okay, yeah.
01:00:37.130 --> 01:00:40.570
So obedience is definitely better than sacrifice, be obedient to what thus saith the Lord.
01:00:40.810 --> 01:00:53.610
Um, and then the second thing, just based on the work that I do, I think it's important for uh people to learn about their history.
01:00:53.690 --> 01:00:56.890
And and when I say history, I mean like their upbringing.
01:00:57.050 --> 01:01:04.330
Learn your parents' story, learn where they come from, and then find yourself a good therapist that can help you see it from a different perspective.
01:01:04.490 --> 01:01:06.970
I like to tell my wife all the time, like, you can't see all of you.
01:01:07.050 --> 01:01:11.930
If you stand in front of a mirror, you can only see in front of you in the parts you can turn to the side.
01:01:12.010 --> 01:01:12.810
I'm your husband.
01:01:12.890 --> 01:01:14.330
I can see what you can't see.
01:01:14.410 --> 01:01:14.650
Uh-oh.
01:01:14.890 --> 01:01:15.930
I can see what you can't see.
01:01:16.090 --> 01:01:16.890
Do you hear that, wife?
01:01:16.970 --> 01:01:18.250
Uh, I'm just trying to hello.
01:01:18.410 --> 01:01:21.130
Let me let me help a help a marriage ahead of day.
01:01:21.530 --> 01:01:22.650
But vice versa too.
01:01:22.810 --> 01:01:22.970
Right.
01:01:23.130 --> 01:01:23.370
Right?
01:01:23.450 --> 01:01:27.610
And so the same way in therapy, like a therapist, I don't know your whole life story.
01:01:27.690 --> 01:01:32.890
So I don't come with the context and the bias and all this other stuff, but I can see things that you can't see.
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Like, I love getting like two months into it because at this point, now I'm noticing patterns, I'm noticing thought processes, and I can give you something that you may not be aware of because that's what you're used to operating in.
01:01:44.250 --> 01:01:50.810
So I guess my other part will be like get yourself in the seat of a qualified therapist if you are a man, if you are a couple, particularly.
01:01:50.970 --> 01:02:01.530
I love doing couples therapy, uh, because it's just so illuminating to see like couples be on the verge of fracture to being you know communicative and integral in each other's lives.
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That's a good one, y'all.
01:02:03.130 --> 01:02:04.410
Um, we definitely gotta do a part two.
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Let's do it.
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Because I definitely want to get more into the therapy part of it.
01:02:07.050 --> 01:02:07.769
Come on, let's do it.
01:02:07.850 --> 01:02:12.170
But guys, uh, remember like, share, subscribe, leave a comment, feedback, send this to somebody.
01:02:12.330 --> 01:02:14.170
Um, we'll see you guys next week.