Fire Fighting : Captain Ralph on Trauma, Faith and Becoming a New Man

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They say the search was clear, you know, we communicate up on the radio, and so we're putting out the fire, whatever we're doing.
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I think a lot of fire.
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Uh, I'm in the room and I'm walking and I kick some and I bend down, and it was a body.
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And I'm like, I thought they already cleared, you know, the primary.
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And so I'm like, struck 11 firefighters, you know, uh C, I got a victim.
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That's the first time I ever had to say that.
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It's a bigger person.
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Had to drag them out of there with somebody, and I remember their uh skin was melting off.
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One of my good friends had put me on, man, when I got out of college, man, I went to school for outdoor rec and leisure studies.
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So initially, I was supposed to come home and run rec center.
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Actually interviewed, I grew up in Southeast Community Center, the little one, the one that was like on the on the east, on the west side of Swoke.
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Like the half courts touched, you know, the three-point lines touch the half courts.
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Little bitty facility.
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Yeah.
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But grew up there, man, you know, uh, Southeast Library, all that.
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And uh when they built the new one, I think that was right when I was getting out of college.
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So I'm like, I'll call, I qualify.
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I got a good resume from things I've done down in Springfield.
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Boom, boom, boom.
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I go through the any interview process, everything cool.
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They do the background check.
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I had a pending felony from down in Springfield.
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I used to be hustling.
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You know what I'm saying?
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Like, I've done a lot, bro.
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I've done a lot.
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And so that kind of made it to where they was like, well, why this felony, pending felony, is on your record, because I was going through a program called Drug Court, where you can get things expunged off your record.
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So getting that, going through that whole process, working fireworks and and working all other kind of odd end jobs.
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This is probably 2009, 2010.
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You know, my homeboy was like, man, I'm about to try to get on the fire department.
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He already owned at Ford out of high school.
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So he we think it, he's rich.
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Yeah, you know what I'm saying?
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We like, bruh, you know what I'm saying?
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I'm like, bro, you got you got paper, bro.
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I'm like, I'm just trying to get$1,000 a week and some benefits.
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If I can get that, I'm cool.
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You know what I'm saying?
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Man, struggling to pay$350.
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I was splitting it with one of my homeboys and my sister.
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We stayed together one time.
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Struggling to pay$350 a month, bro.
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Split?
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The rent was$700.
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The rent was$700, but we're struggling to come up with$350 every month.
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Plus bills, you know, internet.
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We got kids, you know, we going through it, bro.
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Yeah.
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So, um, bro, tell me about the fire department.
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And so, you know, me, whenever I do something, I'm like trying to find out what's the best way for me to be successful with this.
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I hear about people who are hosting, you know, um, trainings to teach you how to take the test and how to get higher rank on the list because they put you on a list.
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You go in, you take a written test, and then you take a test in front of some cameras where they evaluate how you answer certain questions, how you critically think.
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And so they kind of train you on that.
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And I'll be very transparent.
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The black firefighters got them, the Italian firefighters got them, the white firefighters got them, the Mexican firefighters got them.
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Everybody got some mentoring group where they helping their people get on them.
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And I love it, bro.
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I love it.
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I've I've met some of the best people from different cultures on this fire department, bro, from everywhere.
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So I ain't got no hate or no shade to throw at nobody.
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Everybody trying to help uplift their people.
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Cool.
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It's guys that are Hispanic, uh, Italian, uh, whatever, white, that have helped me.
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And I'm black.
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But vice versa.
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I don't care where you come from, bro.
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But there are those people who, if you ain't the right skin color, they ain't fooling with you.
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They might not say it, but they gonna treat you different.
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It is what it is.
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But I always try to make sure, you know, I try to help guys from any background.
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If you a good dude, hard worker, and you want to be a firefighter, I'm gonna try to help you get on the job, man.
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But just know this ain't no walking apart.
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You know what I'm saying?
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It's got its gravy times where stuff is cool, but it's got some times, bro, where you gotta get 10 toes down and do what you gotta do.
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You might have to put your life on the line.
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Yeah, I'm saying it is what it is, and that's the expectation.
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It's not, oh well, nah, man, that that fire was a little too hot or oh man, I didn't want to go out there and do that.
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Nah, bro.
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If it's your day to work, come to work.
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You know what I'm saying?
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It don't matter if it's a storm, it don't matter if this, man, if something's not wrong with your kids or your wife, you need to be at work, bro.
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Yeah.
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Because it's people counting on you.
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You know what I'm saying?
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It's people counting on you to be at work so they can get at home to go be with their family.
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Because it's it's three shifts, A, B, and C, 24 hours.
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Shifts start at 7.
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The expectation is to be there at 6.30.
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Because somebody might have to take their kids to school.
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Somebody might have to go to their second job, somebody might have to go catch a plane and go somewhere, bro.
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Be there on time, do what you're supposed to do.
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But if you, you know, you're selfish and you worried about yourself, you rolling in there at 659 because you don't get paid till 7.
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That's not gonna work, bro.
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It's not gonna work.
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Like it's a family, it's a community.
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It's not like a normal job.
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So there's gonna, but I tell you what, you're gonna get, if you become a fireman, you're gonna get more out of KCFD than you put into KCFD.
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There are some guys that commit a lot of time, a lot of energy to the fire department, man, and we I thank God for them.
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Guys who work for the union, guys who work in different shops or for different um peer groups or stuff, and thankful for them.
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But for the masses that are just working, we get a great benefit from being a firefighter as opposed to what we put into it.
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And if people looked at it from that perspective, we will keep on an upper trajectory.
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But I think, you know, you get different generations and you kind of got to coach them into that or get them to understand and appreciate that.
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You know, like when people be like, oh man, you all afford.
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That's a good job, boy.
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You better go to work, do this and that.
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You know what I'm saying?
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The fire department's more than a job, man.
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Like you can just have a job and go to work and eventually you will make good money.
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When I first started out, I was making$13 an hour.
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On the fire department?
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20 2012.
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I was making$13 an hour running the burning buildings, bro.
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You know what I'm saying?
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And was happy to do it, bro, because I had health insurance.
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I said, cool, my son's straight.
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My daughter was on the way.
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I'm like, I'm cool.
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I'm like, I got that.
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But then what people don't think about is the opportunity outside of the fire department.
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Okay.
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Firemen paint houses, wash windows, work on cars, run accounting businesses, uh, lawyers, dentists, all kinds of stuff on their days off.
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I'm on grass.
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There's a vast majority of them more grass.
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Because it's just a hustle.
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You know what I'm saying?
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It's not as uh there's not as much of a commitment to more grass as other things.
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It's a lot of flexibility.
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But um, but then the mentorship, man, you know, sitting in there with cats, when you some cats get on at 18.
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I got on when I was 27.
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You get guys that are have been married, you've got guys that have been divorced, you got guys that own businesses, you got guys that have raised kids, you've got guys that have been through whatever in life, had cancer, whatever, that can help you.
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When you in that kitchen, we all cooking, cutting up tomatoes and onions and getting stuff together.
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They giving you game.
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They teaching you about life.
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And they're telling you what you should and you shouldn't do.
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But they, you soaking it up.
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Hopefully, you soaking it up.
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You know, there's a big epidemic where people kind of stay back in their rooms now.
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And we try to keep people, you know, during the day, everybody needs to stay up together.
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You know, we need to keep that brotherhood, that fraternal type camaraderie.
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You know, wash the rigs together, clean the bay together, clean the floors together, wash the windows together.
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Because during those times you're having those conversations, bro, that help build your character.
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It's not about just keeping the station clean or we're cooking together as a family.
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You're developing character and getting wisdom from these older cats that they got the wisdom.
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You only the only way to get wisdom is to live life.
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So you could be smart and be young, but you ain't got no wisdom.
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You wisdom is built through time.
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So you soaking up all these games from these older dudes, and it's, you know, I just think you know, that fatherhood aspect, like I got a guy called my white dad.
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Um, he's just he's just retired.
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I got much love for him, man.
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He he's taught me so much, man.
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Every captain I've ever had, bro, has been amazing.
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You know what I'm saying?
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Like when I first came on, man, I thought my captain was racist, bro.
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He'll tell you, I'm a redneck, but I ain't racist.
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Ex-military, good fucking dude.
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Solid human being, bro.
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Everybody don't like him.
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If everybody likes you, there's something wrong with you.
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If everybody don't like you, there's something wrong with you.
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Everybody didn't like him, but you respected him.
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Bro, solid dude.
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My white dad, my old driver, solid dude.
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You know what I'm saying?
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My next captain after they retired and went on, solid dude.
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Learned a lot from him.
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My last captain, who was pretty much my peer but got promoted, you know, learned a game from him about stock market, parenting, you know.
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I still can call him up right now and be like, hey, bro, I got this and this going on, man.
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Like, what's what's your advice?
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You know, having those networks, man, it's important.
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And again, that's a white guy, a white guy, and an Italian.
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I got other captains that are black or Hispanic or whatever or Italian, like one of my closest homeboys, Italian, Italian, stallion, Italian, bro.
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You know what I'm saying?
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Big name Italian.
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But uh, good dudes, man, that I can reach out to, you know, and get advisement and give direction to help me kind of do this thing, the fire department life, personal life, all that.
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What was one of your biggest surprises going in through?
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Uh also another thing to go with that family aspect.
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I always thought it was dope to see y'all all going grocery shopping together and all of that.
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So I always wondered about that.
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Yeah, well, I mean, we gotta stay together because if something happened, we we all gotta go.
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So um, the biggest surprise, the first big biggest surprise, I was in Fire Academy, and I had an uh instructor who was telling us, when you guys go on your end day, don't be going out to Vegas and going on drug and liquor binges and not be ready to come back to work when your end day is over.
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And he kept saying, end day, end day, end day.
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So I raised my hand, I'm like, what's the end day?
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And the whole class turned around looking at me like, what?
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I'm like, yeah, bro, what's the end day?
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They're like, that's why everybody does this.
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If I'm in work eight days a month, it's nine on the schedule.
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But one of them days, every ninth shift, you don't have to come to work.
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Now, the way it is now, you can elect to work that day, but that's a paid day off.
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Well, it was a paid day off at one point in time.
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Now it's a scheduled day off.
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Some things have changed with contracts and whatnot.
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But you off.
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So every month you could plan a vacation if you wanted to.
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Had no clue, bro.
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I thought I was signing up for 25 years every three days, and I was with it.
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I'm like, cool, I still got two days off.
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So I could do whatever, you know what I'm saying?
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But uh had no idea, man.
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So that was a big shock to know that we had an end day.
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Um, because that kind of gives you a little bit more flexibility with vacations and family and things like that.
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Um, another big surprise, man.
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And you said y'all only work eight days a month?
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Yeah, man.
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I can show you a calendar, bro.
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No, I believe you.
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Yeah, it's 24 on 48 office.
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It's 30 days, and three divided by 10 is nine, 10.
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You know what I'm saying?
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Depending on the month.
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You know what I'm saying?
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So, yeah, or a cycle, I guess I should say.
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There may be some months where it's 10, but like, yeah, we only work eight, nine days a month.
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Okay.
00:12:26.799 --> 00:12:28.080
But it's 24 hours.
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So ultimately, we're working more hours than a normal American.
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Gotcha.
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And you're gonna have to work a weekend here and there.
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You're gonna have to work a Friday, going on a Friday night.
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You're gonna have to work a Saturday, Sunday.
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But you still get more time off than time that you're working.
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Okay.
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Yeah.
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And you was going into another one of your biggest suppressions.
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Man, I I don't know, man.
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Um, I mean, like, I got plenty of crazy stories.
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We uh yeah, we can do I was just talking about coming into the fire department.
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The end of that we could go to the um, I like that it was paramilitary.
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I still like that we try to keep that.
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Um, because I like the discipline of it, I like the structure.
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I think that keeps us in a certain light.
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I think it's a that keeps us in a certain respect.
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Because people always feel like you know, the fire department show up, they gonna treat us with respect and love and understanding.
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Police show up, no disrespect to the police.
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You know, we don't really fool with the police, you know what I'm saying?
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So we always try to keep that personal uh interaction with people, and I think that comes from the paramilitary background, knowing how to treat people in lieu of.
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Yeah.
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Um, so yeah.
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And and like I told you earlier, before we started watching this, I'm watching this show called Fire Country right now.
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And of course, they in Cali, so they deal with the wildfires and stuff like that.
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But they also have this program that's connected with the prison, yeah, where some of the prisoners help out as far as, and it's called Three Rock with them on that show.
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Okay, and they help out, they kind of get experience with firefighting and stuff.
00:14:03.919 --> 00:14:09.200
I guess that's one of the programs out there you can do in prison to cut some of your time or whatever.
00:14:09.360 --> 00:14:09.519
Right.
00:14:09.679 --> 00:14:12.000
So, do y'all have programs like that too?
00:14:12.320 --> 00:14:13.840
As far as I'm aware of, no.
00:14:14.000 --> 00:14:18.240
Like, we don't even do like ride-alongs or anything like that no more because of the liability.
00:14:18.639 --> 00:14:19.039
You know what I'm saying?
00:14:19.120 --> 00:14:22.720
So I bet their fire department's probably state-ran, state-funded.
00:14:22.960 --> 00:14:26.159
Prison's probably state ran, state funded, so they can integrate.
00:14:26.240 --> 00:14:29.039
You know, we're run by the city, we're not run by the state.
00:14:29.279 --> 00:14:32.879
Um, you know, the police here are ran by the state, not by the city.
00:14:32.960 --> 00:14:35.279
So, you know, different circumstances from different states.
00:14:35.519 --> 00:14:42.639
But um, nah, man, our process is, you know, anybody can become a fireman from 18 to 30 years old.
00:14:42.879 --> 00:14:53.600
Uh, you can increase your chances by already having your EMT license, already have your fire one, fire two, your hazmat awareness, those certifications that can get you moved up to the front of the line.
00:14:53.759 --> 00:14:55.840
Uh, you gotta live in Kansas City, Missouri.
00:14:56.000 --> 00:14:58.000
Um, but yeah, but you could just like me, man.
00:14:58.080 --> 00:14:59.120
I was just off the streets, bro.
00:14:59.200 --> 00:15:00.159
I didn't have nothing.
00:15:00.399 --> 00:15:03.279
I was just like, I'm gonna go in here, I'm gonna interview the best that I can.
00:15:03.360 --> 00:15:05.919
And I rank pretty high inside my class.
00:15:06.080 --> 00:15:09.200
Um, but I tested horribly throughout.
00:15:09.600 --> 00:15:10.960
Throughout, I struggled, man.
00:15:11.039 --> 00:15:13.120
I'm not a I I won't speak this on me.
00:15:13.279 --> 00:15:15.840
I have not been a great test taker.
00:15:16.000 --> 00:15:26.559
Even when I took my promotional exam for captain, bro, like my conversing skills, like my personnel stuff and my tacticals on video, solid, bro.
00:15:26.639 --> 00:15:27.679
I was up there.
00:15:28.399 --> 00:15:36.159
But that written test, them 100 multiple choice questions, it was not what's up.
00:15:36.240 --> 00:15:40.639
So, which in essence, when you're really talking about it, that lets you lose some credibility.
00:15:40.799 --> 00:15:43.039
They like, yeah, man, you know what to do.
00:15:43.200 --> 00:15:47.120
You know how to handle people and handle scenarios, but you ain't got the books.
00:15:47.279 --> 00:15:59.600
And so where I'm at right now, like, I'm kind of conditioning myself to make sure if I promote to Chief, which, you know, I kind of go back and forth if I want to aspire to do that, I think I will, regardless of what pans out in life.
00:15:59.679 --> 00:16:02.320
Because I'm like, well, if I'm making money over here, I don't really need to do it.
00:16:02.480 --> 00:16:05.200
But I think I'm trying to do it for legacy, man.
00:16:05.360 --> 00:16:06.720
Like, it's not for the money, bro.
00:16:07.120 --> 00:16:16.639
I just want to do it so my kids can say, my daddy got a college degree, my daddy owned the business, my daddy was the chief, my daddy was always there.
00:16:17.039 --> 00:16:19.440
So that's about it, man.
00:16:19.600 --> 00:16:24.000
But uh, in order to do that, as you go up higher, the competition gets heavier.
00:16:24.159 --> 00:16:29.440
And now, you know, it used to be um almost anybody could test, you know.
00:16:29.519 --> 00:16:36.399
Now they have a little bit more requirements of the you have to at least get a certain score on the written before you can even go to the practicals.
00:16:36.639 --> 00:16:49.759
They take out seniority points on the Chiefs, because it used to be you could be a 10-year firefighter going in with a 25-year-year firefighter, they got 15 points on you off the rip because you get a point for every year after that 10 years.
00:16:50.000 --> 00:16:57.759
So unless you get 100% on the written, they might have got a 65, but they had a 90 or I don't know, uh, uh, an 80, I guess.
00:16:57.840 --> 00:16:58.799
I don't know the math.
00:16:58.879 --> 00:17:02.240
But so them seniority points will whoop people's butt.
00:17:02.399 --> 00:17:07.039
Now you gotta at least have a minimum score of a 70 to even go on to the practical portion.
00:17:07.200 --> 00:17:16.799
With the Chiefs exam, you have to, they don't have seniority points, but they looking at do you have a degree in fire service?
00:17:16.960 --> 00:17:18.799
Do you have a degree in public service?
00:17:18.960 --> 00:17:23.759
Do you have any certifications outside of what the basic requirements are to be a firefighter?
00:17:23.920 --> 00:17:33.119
Those kind of come into the decision making on where they rank you, not just your written test and your practicals on your tests, other things whole weight.
00:17:33.279 --> 00:17:36.400
So, you know, as we go on, more people are getting those certifications, man.
00:17:36.480 --> 00:17:38.960
So I so I really gotta, I really gotta be on it.
00:17:39.039 --> 00:17:40.640
But uh I'm I'm excited for it.
00:17:40.880 --> 00:17:44.880
Do you have to be able to, what's the amount you have to be able to lift to be a fire?
00:17:45.440 --> 00:17:47.680
So it's not a lifting requirement, man.
00:17:48.079 --> 00:17:49.759
Fire department's like a football team, man.
00:17:49.839 --> 00:17:56.480
You got little people, little people, big people, fat people, slow people, you know, you just gotta uh pass a CPAT test.
00:17:56.559 --> 00:17:59.440
And once you pass that your first time, you're good for the rest of your career.
00:17:59.599 --> 00:18:00.559
What is CPAT?
00:18:01.119 --> 00:18:04.720
It's a candidate physically abit physical ability test.
00:18:05.279 --> 00:18:12.880
And uh they put you on a treadmill for I think two and a half minutes with a 50-pound vest with another 20 pounds on your shoulder.
00:18:12.960 --> 00:18:15.519
And you gotta, you can't touch the side, you gotta walk on that.
00:18:15.759 --> 00:18:19.359
I think two or two and a half minutes, and you get off, they take the 20 pounds off.
00:18:19.440 --> 00:18:20.720
You still got the vest on.
00:18:20.880 --> 00:18:33.359
You gotta do a dummy drag, fireman's holes pull, you gotta force a door with a sledgehammer, um, fireman's carry with like two big chainsaws, a certain distance.
00:18:33.519 --> 00:18:40.480
Um, go through an entrapment drill tunnel, dark tunnel with all these cords and wires and stuff.
00:18:40.799 --> 00:18:45.759
Um do a simulation of force ceiling, and maybe one or two other things.
00:18:45.839 --> 00:18:47.279
I ain't did it in 13 years.
00:18:47.680 --> 00:18:54.400
But um it's not, it's it's it's it's difficult, but if you're in shape, you you can get it done.
00:18:54.640 --> 00:18:59.680
Um, there's a lot of people who want to make it a requirement to where you got to do it every year, like the military.
00:18:59.839 --> 00:19:06.480
Like they have what's called uh, I don't know if it's they have a test like for push-ups, sit-ups, and your mouth time.
00:19:06.799 --> 00:19:12.480
And the mile time gets longer, the amount of push-ups is less, and the amount of sit-ups or whatever is less as you get older.
00:19:12.960 --> 00:19:24.319
But the fire department's saying, you know, we should have that as well, because you know, just like the police department, sometimes we got some people that you look at them and you like, damn, bro, you are you gonna be able to save yourself if something goes wrong?
00:19:24.559 --> 00:19:30.480
But you know, and no disrespect to them, you know, but I think you know your physical fitness is a depiction of who you are as a person.
00:19:30.559 --> 00:19:33.920
So because some people get in there, yeah, I'm here, I'm comfortable now.
00:19:34.000 --> 00:19:34.960
I didn't, I didn't be here.
00:19:35.039 --> 00:19:35.599
I get what you say.
00:19:35.839 --> 00:19:37.279
People get comfortable quick, bro.
00:19:37.519 --> 00:19:44.079
Another thing I uh I seen on that show is, you know, like you mentioned, learning how to use a saw and all that.
00:19:44.160 --> 00:19:52.240
A lot of this stuff we don't, as kids growing up, you don't know firemen do, like helping people out of cars and all of that stuff, learning how to do all that.
00:19:52.400 --> 00:20:04.640
And I think they call them first saw using a saw or something on that show, but yeah, but a lot of those things, I I think it's very important that you giving us this information because we didn't know y'all did all of that.
00:20:04.799 --> 00:20:06.480
All the oh yeah, yeah.
00:20:06.640 --> 00:20:12.160
Well, so there wasn't no surprises as far as all that y'all do when you got on the nah, man.
00:20:12.319 --> 00:20:14.160
I mean, and then in the there's more than that.
00:20:14.240 --> 00:20:18.559
Like, we got a rescue division, bro, that they do water rescues, they train, bro.
00:20:18.720 --> 00:20:25.759
Some people feel like, and I agree, they might be the most well-trained people on the fire department, bro, because they train all summer, dog.
00:20:26.000 --> 00:20:29.279
Once the weather breaks, they out in the Missouri River training.
00:20:29.359 --> 00:20:38.160
They are Worlds of Fun training, they on uh high-rise, scaling off the side of the buildings, doing stuff, doing high-angle rescues, all that, bro.
00:20:38.240 --> 00:20:40.000
Like, they locked in, bro.
00:20:40.240 --> 00:20:43.119
Like, that's when you want to show up, you know what I'm saying?
00:20:43.279 --> 00:20:47.039
Like, everybody's good, but they locked in, you know what I'm saying?
00:20:47.200 --> 00:20:55.359
Then we got uh Hazmat, where you know they've been real big in the last few years, with like we've had um the NFL draft and the parades.
00:20:55.680 --> 00:20:59.920
They do a lot of monitoring with chemicals and guns and drugs.
00:21:00.000 --> 00:21:06.880
They have monitors that can see inside of backpacks and smell like bombs or drugs or different things to keep folks safe.
00:21:07.119 --> 00:21:21.039
We got a drone program, you know what I'm saying, where they can do overwatch or help with the police, where if somebody's held hostage in a building or house, they can send a little bitty drone in there to kind of see what's what, to help the TAC team get in there to where they know is it booby traps in the house?
00:21:21.200 --> 00:21:22.160
Is it holes in the floor?
00:21:22.240 --> 00:21:22.640
Is it this?
00:21:22.720 --> 00:21:23.200
Is it that?
00:21:23.359 --> 00:21:25.680
To help so, like, yeah, man, it's a lot, bro.
00:21:25.759 --> 00:21:26.960
Yeah, it's a lot.
00:21:27.119 --> 00:21:33.200
We got a lot of different departments that are doing different things and uh guys that are interested in those departments.
00:21:33.279 --> 00:21:37.200
You know, rescue guys like doing the rescue stuff, the drone guys like doing the drone stuff.
00:21:37.359 --> 00:21:39.279
The guys who like being busy like being busy.
00:21:39.359 --> 00:21:42.319
There's everybody wants to be busy for the most part.
00:21:42.480 --> 00:21:49.359
But you know, the core is where you're gonna get the most action, and then as you go south, as you go north, east, west, you're gonna get less.
00:21:49.519 --> 00:21:50.799
But uh, yeah, man.
00:21:50.880 --> 00:21:54.000
I was blessed to work at 63rd and Purcell, man, for 11 years.
00:21:54.079 --> 00:21:56.480
You know, I grew up on 68th in Jackson, so that's my hood.
00:21:56.640 --> 00:21:58.160
Hogan's right there on Meyer.
00:21:58.400 --> 00:21:59.759
So I'm always seeing people that.
00:22:00.480 --> 00:22:03.039
You know, I knew growing up from the neighborhood.
00:22:03.119 --> 00:22:04.640
I was very familiar with the area.
00:22:04.799 --> 00:22:12.480
You know, I got involved with mentoring then when I was fresh out of college, doing stuff with a foundation that we made for my homeboy that passed away.
00:22:12.640 --> 00:22:15.200
Um, so it was it was a wonderful experience, man.
00:22:15.279 --> 00:22:17.200
I love 29s, man.
00:22:17.440 --> 00:22:17.839
Love it.
00:22:18.079 --> 00:22:19.519
So, what was your first call?
00:22:19.599 --> 00:22:21.759
Like, like mentally, where were you at?
00:22:21.839 --> 00:22:25.039
Like how your adrenaline and all that, like what was your first call?
00:22:25.200 --> 00:22:26.880
My first call was just a diabetic call.
00:22:27.039 --> 00:22:29.599
So when you're in Academy, they send you on a ride-along.
00:22:29.759 --> 00:22:36.400
And uh, you know, I show up to a station, it was station seven on Southwest Boulevard, uh, right underneath 35.
00:22:36.480 --> 00:22:37.680
They call it the cave.
00:22:38.160 --> 00:22:42.480
And so I'm with two people who were from Mass, but on KCFD now, two women.
00:22:42.559 --> 00:22:44.400
Uh, one of them actually works for me now.
00:22:44.480 --> 00:22:45.279
I'm her captain.
00:22:45.519 --> 00:22:47.200
Crazy how things come full circle.
00:22:47.599 --> 00:22:55.519
But um, yeah, we just ran a call at Penn Valley and the guy's blood sugar was low, and we got it back up and was what it was.
00:22:55.599 --> 00:22:58.799
But that day, yeah, we probably ran 22 calls that day.
00:22:58.960 --> 00:23:02.960
You know, our EMS system was uh very strained for a long time.
00:23:03.119 --> 00:23:04.240
It's a lot better now.
00:23:04.640 --> 00:23:13.440
But back when I came on up into shoot, man, probably 2022, man, it was it was a rough EMS system, especially going through COVID and all that.
00:23:13.920 --> 00:23:15.440
You know, like it was rough, bro.
00:23:15.519 --> 00:23:17.599
Like COVID was rough on the fire department, man.
00:23:17.680 --> 00:23:20.079
I mean, they they putting off whole stations for COVID, bro.
00:23:20.240 --> 00:23:20.720
You know what I'm saying?
00:23:20.799 --> 00:23:28.240
Because if you in a station where you can't go in your room or there's no body isolation proceed, you know, protections, everybody getting sick.
00:23:28.400 --> 00:23:29.200
You know what I'm saying?
00:23:29.359 --> 00:23:32.480
And not just that whole shift, but the whole next shift and the whole next shift.
00:23:32.559 --> 00:23:36.400
So overtime was rolling, mandatory, you know what I'm saying?
00:23:36.480 --> 00:23:38.160
It was it was wild, man.
00:23:38.559 --> 00:23:49.599
Um, but yeah, I remember the the one crazy thing I did see that first shift, uh, we ran a guy in Gillam Park who was overdosed on heroin or something like that.
00:23:49.759 --> 00:23:52.000
And I had never been exposed to Narcan.
00:23:52.319 --> 00:23:55.359
And, you know, his veins was all shot up for being a user.
00:23:55.519 --> 00:23:57.759
So she threw the Narcan in his jugular.
00:23:58.240 --> 00:24:00.480
Bro, dude woke right up.
00:24:00.720 --> 00:24:08.640
I was like, because I got him on a monitor, blood pressure, you know, finger probe, you know, he breathing like five times a minute.
00:24:08.880 --> 00:24:12.240
So that you know, you ain't breathing, you you starting to get brain damage.
00:24:13.039 --> 00:24:17.440
Dude woke up, he said, Oh did you give me Narcan?
00:24:17.920 --> 00:24:18.880
She said, Yep.
00:24:19.039 --> 00:24:20.480
He said, All right, well, where are we going?
00:24:20.559 --> 00:24:24.880
Bro, kick this feet up, kick this feet up, and said, What hospital are we going to?
00:24:25.119 --> 00:24:26.880
She said, You want to go to Truman or St.
00:24:27.039 --> 00:24:27.200
Luke?
00:24:27.279 --> 00:24:28.480
He said, take me to Truman.
00:24:28.880 --> 00:24:31.440
Because he he done did it so many times, bro.
00:24:31.680 --> 00:24:34.079
So, like ambulance abuse is a big thing.
00:24:34.319 --> 00:24:40.319
People use the ambulance to kind of move to different parts of the city like an Uber, because they know we can't deny you.
00:24:40.480 --> 00:24:41.279
You know what I'm saying?
00:24:41.359 --> 00:24:43.440
So they just like, yeah, I'm trying to get down to the city.
00:24:43.519 --> 00:24:50.720
Now they won't tell you that, but you know, I mean, you pull somebody's name up and you see in the last month, they done called us 30, 40 times, bro.
00:24:50.880 --> 00:24:51.759
You know what time it is.
00:24:52.079 --> 00:24:53.359
You really can't say nothing to them.
00:24:53.519 --> 00:24:56.319
But it's one of them boy boy cry wolf things, you know.
00:24:56.880 --> 00:25:07.440
They might be on BS 30 times, but that 31st time, they might really be coding, or they might really have got shot, or they might really be dealing with a domestic violence situation or whatever.
00:25:07.519 --> 00:25:08.720
So gotta go.
00:25:08.880 --> 00:25:11.680
You know, you shoot, you gotta take everything serious.
00:25:12.160 --> 00:25:16.480
Did that I mean when Dude did that though, that super threw you off.
00:25:17.119 --> 00:25:18.240
I was shocked, bro.
00:25:18.799 --> 00:25:22.720
I felt like God touched him and was like, awaken my son.
00:25:22.880 --> 00:25:25.920
Like, bro, because I was like, ain't no way that worked that fast.
00:25:26.240 --> 00:25:28.640
But since then, I've seen Narcane used several times.
00:25:28.720 --> 00:25:36.079
Like, I think you can get an Arcane at CVS now because it's such a common thing because of uh how heavy fentanyl is in the streets right now.
00:25:36.240 --> 00:25:41.039
They want people to use, you know, to have it available because it will bring you right back, you know.
00:25:41.279 --> 00:25:42.319
Well, not even that part.
00:25:42.480 --> 00:25:44.720
I'm talking about the part of him throwing his head behind his.
00:25:45.119 --> 00:25:46.319
That was the second thing that she did.
00:25:46.799 --> 00:25:50.079
I said, bro, you really chill, like you was about to die, bro.
00:25:50.559 --> 00:25:52.799
And he he was like, No, I'm cool, bro.
00:25:52.880 --> 00:25:53.519
Like, I'm good.
00:25:53.599 --> 00:25:56.480
Because he he already knew because he'd been down that road so many times.
00:25:56.559 --> 00:25:56.720
Yeah.
00:25:56.880 --> 00:26:01.119
Now you still got to take him to the hospital because that Narcan's only gonna work for a certain amount of time.
00:26:01.440 --> 00:26:06.640
But for the most part, man, once they get hit with that Narcan, you know, they they they they're gonna be good.
00:26:07.440 --> 00:26:17.920
Now, every call is serious or meant to be serious, but do you remember your first like serious danger call like that could put y'all's lives in danger too?
00:26:18.559 --> 00:26:20.480
I mean, any fire is dangerous, yeah.
00:26:20.640 --> 00:26:21.279
You know what I'm saying?
00:26:21.440 --> 00:26:24.799
Whether it's a little fire, a big fire, because the smoke can get you.
00:26:24.880 --> 00:26:31.200
I remember my first fire, it was all on the second floor, and we walk in, the first floor is clear as it's a light haze.
00:26:31.279 --> 00:26:35.279
So I didn't have my mask on, I had my pack on, I had all my gear on, but I didn't mask up.
00:26:35.440 --> 00:26:37.119
But I'm choking, bruh.
00:26:37.359 --> 00:26:43.759
You know, you might see some older cats, they might be in there breathing fine because they've been doing this for a while.
00:26:43.839 --> 00:26:47.200
Yeah, you know what I'm saying, which is another thing we need to touch on is cancer awareness.
00:26:47.440 --> 00:26:51.039
But um my little baby lungs wasn't ready for that.
00:26:51.119 --> 00:26:53.599
You know, I've never been a big smoker or anything like that.
00:26:53.839 --> 00:27:00.000
So had to mask up real quick, but then when we opened that door, I saw that fire coming down the stairs.
00:27:00.079 --> 00:27:01.680
It was like, oh, this is for real.
00:27:01.839 --> 00:27:02.720
You know what I'm saying?
00:27:03.039 --> 00:27:05.839
But we could have walked in, it could have been a hole in the floor.
00:27:06.079 --> 00:27:08.079
We could have walked in, the ceiling could collapse.
00:27:08.160 --> 00:27:08.799
You know what I'm saying?
00:27:08.880 --> 00:27:13.839
Like there's things that you were trained to look for when you walk in, but there's always them unknowns.
00:27:13.920 --> 00:27:23.279
I mean, we walked into houses where they've had ammunition going off or oxygen tanks in the house, and you know, when them get too hot, they explode, and that's a big explosion.
00:27:23.440 --> 00:27:24.319
You know what I'm saying?
00:27:24.400 --> 00:27:26.000
Um, booby traps in house.
00:27:26.079 --> 00:27:28.000
I mean, we deal with a lot of stuff, man.
00:27:28.160 --> 00:27:34.559
Or people have uh drugs, drug houses, you know, with different drugs that are in the air while it's burning, you know.
00:27:34.640 --> 00:27:51.200
So yeah, so like I was saying about the cancer where it's like, you know, back in the day when a house used to burn, you could probably get away with going in there without your air pack at first or whatever, because all it's burning is wood.
00:27:52.880 --> 00:27:54.799
Most of the stuff in the house is made out of wood.
00:27:54.880 --> 00:27:56.160
The house is made out of wood.
00:27:56.400 --> 00:28:16.319
But now you go to Nebraska Furniture Mart, IKEA, everything's made out of polyester, plastics, all these different things that when they heat up and they melt, they put off all these different toxins that go in your lungs or your eyes or your mucose membranes and bind to you, and they cause problems later on down the road.
00:28:16.799 --> 00:28:21.519
So fighting fire, like, yeah, we're still doing the same job, but we're fighting a different type of fire.
00:28:21.680 --> 00:28:27.839
And it used to probably take, you know, 20, 30 minutes for fire to reach its max heat potential.
00:28:28.079 --> 00:28:31.839
Now, bro, house can go up about five, 10 minutes, depending on what's in it, bro.
00:28:32.000 --> 00:28:38.799
If it got the right fire load, the right things that can burn, yeah, it can get real hot and real hot quick.
00:28:39.039 --> 00:28:39.440
Quick.
00:28:39.599 --> 00:28:44.720
So we gotta be on it, getting there, getting water on it, getting our search, making sure it ain't nobody in there.
00:28:44.799 --> 00:28:45.599
You know what I'm saying?
00:28:45.680 --> 00:28:51.519
Because you know, it might be home, homeless people, or somebody got them and their kids out, but they dog in there, you know what I'm saying?
00:28:51.680 --> 00:28:53.440
So we gotta go in there and get the dog out, you know.
00:28:53.519 --> 00:28:55.440
So it's gotta be on it, man.
00:28:55.599 --> 00:28:56.079
Yeah.
00:28:57.039 --> 00:29:00.559
Can you give us a few stories of a few of your scariest situations?
00:29:01.119 --> 00:29:07.920
I mean, you may not have been scared, but I'm just No, I mean, I I think if you don't have a healthy sense of fear, then you're a fool.
00:29:08.000 --> 00:29:08.160
Okay.
00:29:08.400 --> 00:29:08.880
You know what I'm saying?
00:29:08.960 --> 00:29:10.559
Like, you gotta respect it, bro.
00:29:10.720 --> 00:29:11.440
You know what I'm saying?
00:29:11.519 --> 00:29:18.400
The most firefighters who die in line of duty from fires are from eight years to 15 years on the job.
00:29:18.640 --> 00:29:21.279
Because that's right when you feel like, I know what I'm doing.
00:29:21.359 --> 00:29:21.519
Yeah.
00:29:21.680 --> 00:29:25.359
I'm Gucci, I've been working in a busy spot, I know what I'm doing.
00:29:25.519 --> 00:29:27.200
And you get a little bit too cocky.
00:29:27.359 --> 00:29:27.599
Yeah.
00:29:27.759 --> 00:29:32.079
And you forget to sound the floor, or you forget to check to see if that wall is leaning.
00:29:32.240 --> 00:29:33.599
You said you forget to do what on the floor.
00:29:33.839 --> 00:29:34.319
Check the floor.
00:29:34.400 --> 00:29:40.480
You know, you come in, you you hit your axe or something on the floor to make sure it's not soft, make sure the fire is not underneath you, or getting on the roof.
00:29:40.559 --> 00:29:41.119
You know what I'm saying?
00:29:41.200 --> 00:29:43.680
All these different things that you pick up over time.
00:29:43.759 --> 00:29:46.400
Like you're gonna learn how to fight fire in the fire academy.
00:29:46.559 --> 00:29:50.319
But once you're out of fire academy, that's when you learn how to be a firefighter.
00:29:50.559 --> 00:29:55.519
Fire Academy teaches you how to pass the state tennis and get your certifications.
00:29:55.599 --> 00:30:00.799
But once you get out on the streets, that's when you really learn how to make sure you make it home to your family.
00:30:00.960 --> 00:30:05.359
Because if all you knew was what you learned in Fire Academy, you'll probably die, bruh.
00:30:05.519 --> 00:30:10.400
Like, even from the way that we park the trucks on the highway, bro, like all of that is strategic.
00:30:10.559 --> 00:30:18.640
From how we protecting people, protecting us, protecting the victims, protecting the traffic, like all that is strategic of how we do it.
00:30:18.720 --> 00:30:24.160
And if you do it wrong, you're making you and your crew susceptible to a catastrophe, bruh.
00:30:24.240 --> 00:30:24.559
Yeah.
00:30:24.720 --> 00:30:32.960
Like being on the news or being the headline because you didn't do some one little simple thing to stop you or somebody else from getting killed.
00:30:33.440 --> 00:30:34.480
Like it's serious.
00:30:35.039 --> 00:30:35.839
So yeah.
00:30:36.079 --> 00:30:41.119
But nah man, um I don't ran every kind of car, man.
00:30:41.200 --> 00:30:57.440
I don't ran suicides, I don't ran uh decapitations, bad shootings, um, gang shootings, uh delivered babies, dealt with domestic situations, all kinds of fires.
00:30:57.839 --> 00:30:59.599
So yeah, man, everything, you know.
00:30:59.839 --> 00:31:02.880
But it's just, I just think it's just a part of the job, you know.
00:31:03.039 --> 00:31:05.920
I'm just thankful that I'm somebody who enjoys doing it.
00:31:06.000 --> 00:31:06.720
You know what I'm saying?
00:31:06.799 --> 00:31:08.480
Like, yeah, I really enjoy doing it.
00:31:08.720 --> 00:31:10.880
But you don't remember any of the stories from it?
00:31:11.119 --> 00:31:17.200
Most scared I've ever been, and it wasn't, I mean, looking back, I shouldn't have been scared, but I think it's from a video game.
00:31:17.279 --> 00:31:23.200
Remember Resident Evil growing up where you like going in these buildings and the things just jump out?
00:31:23.440 --> 00:31:27.279
There was somebody setting fires to autumn schools out south in Grandview.
00:31:27.440 --> 00:31:30.319
So one off Grandview Road, one off Longview Road.
00:31:30.400 --> 00:31:35.759
We kept Roberson, Paul Roberson, we keep running these fires in these abandoned schools, bro.
00:31:35.920 --> 00:31:40.720
But abandoned schools, man, if it's actually on fire, like you still gotta search.
00:31:40.960 --> 00:31:44.559
So we, you know, and this is a big, this is a large area search.
00:31:44.640 --> 00:31:45.839
So you gotta split up.
00:31:45.920 --> 00:31:47.839
You ain't really got your whole crew with you.
00:31:48.079 --> 00:31:50.640
And you looking in here with this camera, you know, it's dark, bro.
00:31:50.720 --> 00:31:52.319
Like, you can't see nothing in a fire, man.
00:31:52.400 --> 00:31:54.799
Like the way it looks on TV, that's not how it is, bro.
00:31:54.880 --> 00:31:55.839
You cannot see.
00:31:56.000 --> 00:31:59.599
If you bend down and crawl, you might even see, but walking, you can't see, man.
00:31:59.839 --> 00:32:01.920
And it was, you know, it was just scary, man.
00:32:02.000 --> 00:32:17.759
You know, going into a classroom with desks stacked all up because it's abandoned, and seeing graffiti on the walls and all this stuff where you can tell where it was a homeless person sleeping there or a tent, and you got to go in there, you gotta check, you gotta see, and still worry about, you know, you might not.
00:32:17.839 --> 00:32:20.799
I'm at this point, I'm searching, so I'm not with the hose line.
00:32:20.960 --> 00:32:21.599
I'm away.
00:32:21.680 --> 00:32:25.440
So if it is fire or something in this room or somebody, I'm solo.
00:32:25.920 --> 00:32:27.920
So yeah, uh, that was scary for me.
00:32:28.000 --> 00:32:29.839
You know, other people they might not have cared.
00:32:30.000 --> 00:32:31.680
You know, some guys don't like going on roofs.
00:32:31.759 --> 00:32:37.200
I love going on a roof and chopping a hole, you know, on house fires or uh commercial buildings.
00:32:37.279 --> 00:32:44.880
Sometimes we have to go up and cut a hole over the epicenter of the fire to get the heat and the smoke out, which makes it easier for the guy said, man, it's the hose lines.
00:32:45.039 --> 00:32:46.000
Love doing that, man.
00:32:46.160 --> 00:32:55.039
I was blessed to be on a truck company um straight out of when I got out of fire academy, I got assigned to an ambulance on 24-hour shifts at 29s.
00:32:55.119 --> 00:32:59.359
So I'm just working 24 hours every shift on a medic unit grinding.
00:32:59.440 --> 00:33:04.240
But when it came time for me to get a suppression spot on a fire truck, I got on truck 11.
00:33:04.400 --> 00:33:09.119
So I was like, cool, you know, truck 11 is a well-respected truck, you know what I'm saying?
00:33:09.200 --> 00:33:10.000
They they do work.
00:33:10.160 --> 00:33:19.759
So um I was blessed to be on that truck for 11 years, man, and followed a lot of fire, had a lot of memories with a lot of guys, learned a lot, did a lot.
00:33:19.920 --> 00:33:24.319
So yeah, yeah, but uh I can't think of one particular store.
00:33:24.480 --> 00:33:26.079
One uh there there was two.
00:33:26.319 --> 00:33:31.440
There's a fire on like um 55th and Harrison.
00:33:32.000 --> 00:33:34.960
Uh, you know, we zoomed down there, that's our first thing.
00:33:35.279 --> 00:33:43.359
And uh, you know, we get there and they say the search was clear, you know, we communicate up on the radio, and so we're putting out the fire, whatever we're doing.
00:33:43.440 --> 00:33:46.559
I think a lot of fire look like a hoarder house.
00:33:46.720 --> 00:33:56.160
And uh I'm in the room and I'm walking and I kick something and I bend down, and it was a body, and I'm like, I thought they already cleared, you know, the primary.
00:33:56.319 --> 00:34:02.079
And so I'm like, struck 11 firefighter, you know, uh C, I got a victim.
00:34:02.240 --> 00:34:03.839
That's the first time I ever had to say that.
00:34:04.000 --> 00:34:05.359
It's a bigger person.
00:34:05.759 --> 00:34:11.440
Had to drag them out of there with somebody, and I remember their uh skin was melting off, you know what I'm saying?
00:34:11.519 --> 00:34:12.719
Because they had been under so much heat.
00:34:12.800 --> 00:34:28.559
So, you know, trying to grab somebody and pull them and they're overweight or whatever, that was uh that was hard, and you know, I was just mad, you know, because I felt like would I have found her sooner if uh if they didn't clear, because you know, once you hear all clear primary, you kind of gear it down.
00:34:28.719 --> 00:34:29.599
You know what I'm saying?
00:34:29.760 --> 00:34:40.719
Just like when you on the way, if Dishbats say reports of people trapped, reports of people uh can't get out of the building, reports of somebody still in the building, you gearing up.
00:34:40.800 --> 00:34:47.199
You like, all right, I gotta get here, I gotta be locked in, I gotta make sure the people on my left and right, because we gotta go get somebody.
00:34:47.360 --> 00:34:53.039
It's not just we going in to put out the fire, which we always search every structure, no matter what.
00:34:53.119 --> 00:34:56.800
That's why folks say, man, why y'all keep going into parade park to put out these fires?
00:34:56.960 --> 00:34:58.320
Because this might be people in there.
00:34:58.480 --> 00:34:59.119
You know what I'm saying?
00:34:59.199 --> 00:35:03.920
Yeah, we know it's the 30th time they done caught on fire this year, but it might be folks in there.
00:35:04.000 --> 00:35:06.000
So we gotta take every, we gotta treat each one the same.
00:35:06.079 --> 00:35:10.079
But when you hear confirmation, your brain go to a different level.
00:35:10.159 --> 00:35:10.800
You know what I'm saying?
00:35:10.880 --> 00:35:12.079
It's like fourth quarter in football.
00:35:12.159 --> 00:35:13.440
Like, all right, it's fourth quarter, bro.
00:35:13.519 --> 00:35:14.320
We gotta go.
00:35:14.559 --> 00:35:17.840
So um that kind of set with me, you know.
00:35:18.000 --> 00:35:22.880
But uh talking to my white dad, you know, he was just like, listen, man, tell me what you could have done different.
00:35:23.119 --> 00:35:25.599
We ran the safest, fastest route there.
00:35:25.760 --> 00:35:30.880
We got in, hose line went in, search guys went in, guys went to the roof.
00:35:30.960 --> 00:35:32.159
We did everything we supposed to do.
00:35:32.239 --> 00:35:35.199
He's like, sometimes, man, it just ain't in the cars, bro.
00:35:35.360 --> 00:35:36.800
He's like, You did what you were supposed to do.
00:35:36.880 --> 00:35:38.079
He said, Don't take that home with you.
00:35:38.159 --> 00:35:42.559
And that's one thing I never try to take stuff from the fire department home.
00:35:42.800 --> 00:35:50.400
But the other call, I remember we were out in Raytown, and uh I'm with some guys, I'm on truck 11.
00:35:50.480 --> 00:35:56.320
I think I'm on overtime, but I'm with some guys who they I'm young, but they they locked in.
00:35:56.559 --> 00:35:59.760
And uh for whatever reason things weren't getting done.
00:36:00.000 --> 00:36:01.360
So we grab a hose line.
00:36:01.440 --> 00:36:03.519
We own a truck company, but we grab a hose line.
00:36:03.599 --> 00:36:07.599
So the pumpers, those are the ones who go in with the hose line, they put out the fire.
00:36:07.760 --> 00:36:11.280
The truck is responsible for search and ventilation.
00:36:11.760 --> 00:36:14.800
But because of circumstances, we got a hose line.
00:36:14.880 --> 00:36:16.079
We putting out apartments.
00:36:16.320 --> 00:36:16.800
You know what I'm saying?
00:36:16.880 --> 00:36:20.480
We're going in, two of us is searching, two of us is putting out the fire.
00:36:20.559 --> 00:36:21.920
So we're rocking and rolling, bro.
00:36:22.000 --> 00:36:26.159
We're going from this unit to this unit, up the stairs, this unit to this unit.
00:36:26.719 --> 00:36:28.000
Third floor, boom.
00:36:28.480 --> 00:36:31.039
My guy putting out the hallway, we searching the bedroom.
00:36:31.119 --> 00:36:33.679
My dude, hey, I I got a kid.
00:36:34.320 --> 00:36:37.920
Like, and the third floor was fully involved with fire.
00:36:38.000 --> 00:36:38.880
You know what I'm saying?
00:36:39.599 --> 00:36:41.440
But then we hear the emergency tones.
00:36:41.599 --> 00:36:44.719
They pull the horn, they do that three times.
00:36:44.880 --> 00:36:46.000
That means you gotta get out.
00:36:46.400 --> 00:36:52.400
That means whoever the command is on the outside, it sees something, it's like we need to evacuate the structure.
00:36:53.039 --> 00:36:56.639
So my my my guy, like, nah, man, let's just keep putting it out, man.
00:36:56.719 --> 00:36:57.519
I almost got it.
00:36:58.079 --> 00:37:00.559
I'm like, all right, I'm gonna stick in here with you.
00:37:01.119 --> 00:37:05.199
The other two guys, they take the little kid, they take him downstairs, they get him out.
00:37:05.599 --> 00:37:07.360
We still in there fighting the fire.
00:37:11.440 --> 00:37:12.159
Almost got it.
00:37:12.239 --> 00:37:13.440
I'm like, bro, let's go.
00:37:13.519 --> 00:37:14.159
Cause I'm young.
00:37:14.480 --> 00:37:15.840
I'm like, let's get out of here.
00:37:16.000 --> 00:37:17.360
That means we need to leave.
00:37:18.400 --> 00:37:19.760
Captain came up the stairs.
00:37:20.000 --> 00:37:21.920
Hey, get the F out of here, let's go.
00:37:22.079 --> 00:37:26.639
So we drop everything hooks, axes, holes line, run down the stairs.
00:37:26.800 --> 00:37:28.800
We get back out to the street, bro.
00:37:28.880 --> 00:37:33.840
The building was like imploding from the middle, right where we was at, because the hallway was in the middle.
00:37:33.920 --> 00:37:38.320
You know, it was like the two apartments here, here, two apartments here, here, joint in the middle.
00:37:38.400 --> 00:37:40.480
We in the middle, it's imploding, bro.
00:37:40.880 --> 00:37:42.960
So it's like we didn't have it.
00:37:43.199 --> 00:37:44.480
We didn't have it.
00:37:44.719 --> 00:37:46.480
Um, so I'm glad we got out.
00:37:46.559 --> 00:37:48.320
Um, I'm glad we got out of that one.
00:37:48.480 --> 00:37:51.199
Um, you know, we laugh about it or whatever, whatever, you know.
00:37:51.440 --> 00:37:53.920
Firemen laugh to keep from dealing with their real emotions.
00:37:54.000 --> 00:37:57.440
You know, we kind of laugh it off, but we was very thankful that we got out of there.
00:37:57.599 --> 00:38:05.760
But uh about three or four days later, I'm watching the news, and the kid that we had got out of there, he wound up dying.
00:38:06.079 --> 00:38:10.320
All he had was like a burn on his arm, but he had died from smoke.
00:38:10.400 --> 00:38:11.440
The smoke had gotten him.
00:38:11.679 --> 00:38:15.199
He was just right there in the hallway, you know, coming out of his bedroom.
00:38:15.360 --> 00:38:18.159
And uh he looked just like my nephew, man.
00:38:18.800 --> 00:38:20.239
And I was like, damn.
00:38:20.800 --> 00:38:22.000
That kind of ate at me.
00:38:22.079 --> 00:38:25.760
I'm like, man, why didn't we start at the top and work our way down?
00:38:26.079 --> 00:38:30.480
Because then maybe we could have got him and he would have not in held, you know, as much smoke.
00:38:30.639 --> 00:38:31.599
Or why don't we do this?
00:38:31.679 --> 00:38:32.239
Why don't we do that?
00:38:32.320 --> 00:38:34.400
But it's like, nah, we did what we was trained to do.
00:38:34.559 --> 00:38:37.440
You know, bust these doors open, go in here, search, boom, boom, boom.
00:38:37.519 --> 00:38:38.320
We was moving.
00:38:38.400 --> 00:38:41.199
Like we did, I we did a good ass job.
00:38:41.440 --> 00:38:45.519
But, especially coming from where we came from, because like I said, we in Raytown, bro.
00:38:45.840 --> 00:38:52.079
So it's it takes us a little minute to get there, and when we got there, we had to assess the situation, see what was going on.
00:38:52.239 --> 00:39:01.519
Had we not done that, that kid would have been probably found in the rubble days later and not been able to have a proper service because we got his body out.
00:39:01.679 --> 00:39:02.639
You know what I'm saying?
00:39:02.880 --> 00:39:06.000
Because people was not going in there fooling with that fire, bro.
00:39:06.079 --> 00:39:07.519
They was not fooling with it.
00:39:07.760 --> 00:39:10.079
So, but we was in there doing our thing, you know what I'm saying?
00:39:10.159 --> 00:39:13.360
Not to be on no hero type stuff, but we was we was getting it done, bro.
00:39:13.519 --> 00:39:23.119
So yeah, I was I was very sad that, you know, the kid didn't make it, but I was very proud that we at least got to, you know, get into his family so they could have a service for him, you know.
00:39:23.199 --> 00:39:24.239
Yeah, that was cool.
00:39:24.400 --> 00:39:34.159
Do y'all have do you have you ran into a uh a peer that's like real superhero type, one gotta run in there and try to save everything.
00:39:34.480 --> 00:39:39.519
Well, I mean, not not not even on the saving thing, but there's guys who live and breathe the fire department, man.
00:39:39.760 --> 00:39:50.239
And to some extent that's good because you need guys like that, but you know, there's some guys that you almost look at them and it's sad because it's like when they retire, they don't know what to do with their life.
00:39:50.400 --> 00:39:53.280
Yeah, I'm saying, like everything that they do is the fire department.
00:39:53.440 --> 00:40:03.519
So I've always worked to make sure I keep a good work-life balance, you know, between my friends outside of work, my friends on work, you know what I'm saying, the commitment I make to work.
00:40:03.679 --> 00:40:04.159
You know what I'm saying?
00:40:04.239 --> 00:40:05.199
I take the job very seriously.
00:40:05.280 --> 00:40:09.519
Like that 24 hours you got me, bro, you're gonna get the best fire captain you got, bro.
00:40:09.679 --> 00:40:11.039
One of the best that you got.
00:40:11.360 --> 00:40:13.920
But when I'm gone, I'm gone, bro.
00:40:14.159 --> 00:40:15.840
I'm I'm being Ralph now.
00:40:15.920 --> 00:40:18.320
I'm not being Ralph the fire captain, I'm just being Ralph now.
00:40:18.400 --> 00:40:25.440
I'm being Ralph the dad, Ralph the mentor, Ralph the the fraternity guy that's doing frat stuff for community service or whatever.
00:40:25.679 --> 00:40:28.159
But yeah, I don't try to let the job consume me.
00:40:28.239 --> 00:40:28.960
You know what I'm saying?
00:40:29.039 --> 00:40:35.119
Maybe I should take it more serious in certain aspects, but right now I'm very happy with with the balance that that I got.
00:40:35.360 --> 00:40:41.519
Has there been a lot of um, I don't want to I don't want to say fail.
00:40:41.599 --> 00:40:49.039
I want to say that weren't so successful as far as like saving the lives, uh going into the fire.
00:40:49.360 --> 00:40:51.840
Yeah, I mean, or just even an EMS call.
00:40:51.920 --> 00:40:53.840
I mean, there's things that we can mess up on, man.
00:40:53.920 --> 00:40:55.360
I mean, you know, like we ain't perfect.
00:40:55.519 --> 00:40:56.400
You know what I'm saying?
00:40:56.559 --> 00:41:05.360
But I think we we are the best shot that anybody's gonna have for a heart attack, car wreck, uh, water rescue.
00:41:06.000 --> 00:41:08.159
We are one of the best in the nation, bro.
00:41:08.400 --> 00:41:11.199
We're gonna give you the best shot that you got at surviving, man.
00:41:11.280 --> 00:41:15.920
From the training we do, the CEUs, our medics are great.
00:41:16.000 --> 00:41:18.480
We got a medic on dang near every fire truck now.
00:41:18.639 --> 00:41:19.679
You know what I'm saying?
00:41:19.920 --> 00:41:21.440
The ambulance system.
00:41:22.239 --> 00:41:26.400
It's come a long way from 2012, from when I came on.
00:41:26.880 --> 00:41:32.320
And uh that's saying a lot, because it's only been 13, you know, 13, 14 years.
00:41:32.800 --> 00:41:37.920
And I can imagine how far some would say that it's come from the 90s or the 2000s.
00:41:38.239 --> 00:41:40.800
So, you know, most of what we do is EMS.
00:41:40.960 --> 00:41:41.760
You know what I'm saying?
00:41:42.000 --> 00:41:46.880
Fighting fires is a small fraction of what we do, smallest per percentage, I should say.
00:41:47.039 --> 00:41:50.159
Um, but it's also one of the most dangerous things that you can do.
00:41:50.239 --> 00:41:50.960
You know what I'm saying?
00:41:51.039 --> 00:41:57.760
But I I think we provide a high quality of care and a high service to the city of Kansas City, man.
00:41:57.840 --> 00:41:58.719
I'm I'm proud.
00:41:58.880 --> 00:42:00.079
I'm proud of what we do.
00:42:00.320 --> 00:42:00.960
You know what I'm saying?
00:42:01.199 --> 00:42:05.760
Is there a big like jurisdiction thing when it comes to stations?
00:42:05.920 --> 00:42:07.119
Like, oh yeah, bro.
00:42:07.199 --> 00:42:09.039
It's like the NFL draft, bro.
00:42:10.239 --> 00:42:15.440
When you come out of Fire Academy, man, it's one of the most stressful times of your life.
00:42:15.920 --> 00:42:18.960
Because where you land, bro, it's gonna dictate a lot.
00:42:19.199 --> 00:42:25.840
Who you work with, who you work for, the amount of calls you run, the type of calls you run, you know what I'm saying?
00:42:26.159 --> 00:42:28.000
Like you could be a good dude.
00:42:28.239 --> 00:42:34.400
Like, let's say you uh what's the dude to play for the Cleveland Browns, the DN?
00:42:35.360 --> 00:42:36.239
Miles Garrett.
00:42:36.400 --> 00:42:37.199
Miles Garrett.
00:42:37.440 --> 00:42:42.559
You could be like a Miles Garrett, the biggest, strongest, most intelligent dude out there.
00:42:42.719 --> 00:42:46.719
But the way the chips fall, you might wind up working at the airport.
00:42:47.039 --> 00:42:54.559
Or you might wind up working way out south somewhere where they ain't really doing much, or way out east off 350, just chilling.
00:42:54.639 --> 00:42:55.440
You know what I'm saying?
00:42:55.599 --> 00:42:57.280
Just chilling all day.
00:42:57.599 --> 00:42:58.639
Some guys want that.
00:42:58.719 --> 00:43:01.840
Some guys get older and want that, some guys are younger and want that, whatever.
00:43:02.079 --> 00:43:09.360
But if you want to do the job and learn, fight fire, run EMS calls, help people, you want to be in the core of the city.
00:43:09.599 --> 00:43:12.880
And so unfortunately, there's a limited amount of spots.
00:43:13.039 --> 00:43:14.159
You know what I'm saying?
00:43:14.639 --> 00:43:17.679
And some people just don't get that opportunity sometimes.
00:43:17.760 --> 00:43:19.360
That's why I said I'm thankful that I did.
00:43:19.440 --> 00:43:20.079
You know what I'm saying?
00:43:20.159 --> 00:43:23.360
And some people don't even consider 63rd and percent of the core.
00:43:23.519 --> 00:43:24.480
I mean, that's fine.
00:43:24.559 --> 00:43:32.159
You know, I've I've I've worked at 31st in Indiana, you know, I've worked down on Avenue, you know, I've I've worked everywhere, man.
00:43:32.320 --> 00:43:33.119
You know what I'm saying?
00:43:33.280 --> 00:43:38.000
But I've was assigned to, you know, um 63rd.
00:43:38.239 --> 00:43:43.920
So, um, but yeah, it people who want to do the job want to work in the city.
00:43:44.159 --> 00:43:52.079
And uh some sometimes that happens for them right out of the academy, sometimes it doesn't, you know, but guys also want guys who want to work, you know what I'm saying?
00:43:52.159 --> 00:43:59.760
And not just run cars and fight fire and do car wrecks, but keep the station clean.
00:44:00.880 --> 00:44:07.199
And do demos in the community where we go talk to kids at schools and give us a good impression.
00:44:07.360 --> 00:44:13.280
So when it comes time for taxpayers to vote, people vote to keep, you know, the stuff going for the fire department.
00:44:13.360 --> 00:44:14.239
You know what I'm saying?
00:44:14.719 --> 00:44:18.960
Guys that are gonna cook, you know, guys that are gonna be good to be around.
00:44:19.119 --> 00:44:27.599
Because you can have one bad guy up at a station, bro, and not just on the shift, but one guy at the station, and it could ruin the whole station, bro.
00:44:28.079 --> 00:44:35.119
Because they just got a bad attitude or bad personality or don't have good people skills, you know what I'm saying?
00:44:35.360 --> 00:44:37.599
It's like a cancer and it just spread.
00:44:37.679 --> 00:44:38.480
You know what I'm saying?
00:44:38.719 --> 00:44:44.639
And some guys would rather be at a slower station with good dudes, and they know for that 24 hours they in harmony.
00:44:44.719 --> 00:44:44.880
Yeah.
00:44:45.119 --> 00:44:52.559
As opposed to when you get into the core because you got so many guys that want to do it from so many backgrounds, you're gonna get different personalities.
00:44:52.719 --> 00:45:01.440
And it's it, you know, that's kind of the job of the captain to kind of make everybody mesh, keep that camaraderie, that harmony between people.
00:45:01.599 --> 00:45:06.239
And, you know, it's almost, you know, I tell people sometimes it's like being a dad, man.
00:45:06.400 --> 00:45:07.280
You know what I'm saying?
00:45:07.440 --> 00:45:21.679
You but it's it's weird because you have guys that are older than you or have more time than you, guys that are younger, but you got to keep that balance and that harmony because outside of just what we're dealing with at work, well, that dude's going through a divorce.
00:45:22.079 --> 00:45:25.679
That dude uh, you know, just found out that he has cancer.
00:45:26.159 --> 00:45:33.760
You know, that guy, his business just went under, or you know, or this guy just found out that his kids are doing X, Y, and Z.
00:45:33.840 --> 00:45:35.920
So everybody's bringing home to work.
00:45:36.159 --> 00:45:39.199
So you kind of got to manage that too and make sure that everybody's straight.
00:45:39.280 --> 00:45:44.639
You know, everybody's respectful of everybody's personal space and business, but just over time, we live together, bro.
00:45:44.719 --> 00:45:44.800
Yeah.
00:45:44.960 --> 00:45:47.440
So people gonna talk about certain things, you know what I'm saying?
00:45:47.519 --> 00:45:50.320
And you know, they say men gossip more than women, you know what I'm saying?
00:45:50.480 --> 00:45:58.079
I don't want to say it's gossip, but you know, we're here to try to help and support one another, you know what I'm saying, through whatever you get to, you know what I'm saying?
00:45:58.320 --> 00:46:02.400
And and you hope that that is positive in that space.
00:46:02.559 --> 00:46:06.159
And you hope that if it's confidential, it stays confidential.
00:46:06.320 --> 00:46:07.119
You know what I'm saying?
00:46:07.280 --> 00:46:12.159
If somebody comes to you and they talk to you about something personal, you don't let that leak out.
00:46:12.320 --> 00:46:13.599
Or you lead them in the right direction.
00:46:13.679 --> 00:46:20.159
Hey man, have you gone to 42 cares or have you gone to, you know, a therapist, or have you gone to talk to a doctor about this, you know?
00:46:20.320 --> 00:46:23.599
Because guys deal with all kinds of stuff, guys and women, you know what I'm saying?
00:46:23.760 --> 00:46:25.920
Yeah, so you want everybody to be comfortable, man.
00:46:26.079 --> 00:46:30.639
You know, but do the state part is do the stations get along with each other though?
00:46:31.519 --> 00:46:33.679
Yeah, I think everybody for the most part gets along.
00:46:33.760 --> 00:46:35.760
It's just a healthy competition.
00:46:35.840 --> 00:46:38.639
Like everybody wants to be first, everybody wants to do good.
00:46:38.800 --> 00:46:41.360
You take pride inside your station, you know what I'm saying?
00:46:41.440 --> 00:46:46.480
You wanna show up, get the job done, get the job done right, and go home.
00:46:46.719 --> 00:46:50.719
So you can't be just coming in their area fighting a fire?
00:46:51.039 --> 00:46:54.719
You you can, because we all work together, you know, based on districts.
00:46:54.800 --> 00:47:02.880
Because a normal house fire, you probably gonna get three pumpers, two trucks, a rescue, an ambulance, a chief, maybe another EMS shooter if it's a working fire, dah da da da da.
00:47:03.199 --> 00:47:09.760
So you're you're going to get, depending on where it's at, different stations from different districts that all work together, unified.
00:47:09.920 --> 00:47:19.039
But the expectation is no matter who shows up, if your crew shows up first, there's an expectation of what your crew's supposed to do.
00:47:19.519 --> 00:47:24.480
If your crew shows up second, there's an expectation of what you're supposed to do, third, fourth, and so on.
00:47:25.360 --> 00:47:31.679
If you show up and you don't do what you're supposed to be doing, somebody gonna come have a conversation with you.
00:47:32.400 --> 00:47:40.159
Because not only are you not doing your job well, but you're jeopardizing the lives of not only your co-workers, but the citizens.
00:47:40.639 --> 00:47:44.800
So, yeah, guys take a lot of pride in it, man, and and I think they should.
00:47:45.119 --> 00:47:45.760
You know what I'm saying?
00:47:45.840 --> 00:47:46.880
You need to know what you're doing.
00:47:46.960 --> 00:47:53.440
And, you know, guys say, oh, well, we you know, the guys that work out south or the guys that work up north, we don't get as much repetition.
00:47:53.760 --> 00:47:57.840
You know, like they don't get to fight as much fire, they don't get as much car wrecks or shootings, and da da da.
00:47:58.639 --> 00:48:00.079
I think that's valid.
00:48:00.480 --> 00:48:03.920
But when you get one, you need to make sure you handle it.
00:48:04.159 --> 00:48:04.960
You know what I'm saying?
00:48:05.039 --> 00:48:07.840
Like that's your opportunity to show, can you handle it?
00:48:08.079 --> 00:48:11.920
Because if you sitting on your butt and then when it comes out, you like, oh well, I was, you know, la da.
00:48:12.400 --> 00:48:13.199
Nah, bruh.
00:48:13.360 --> 00:48:16.880
When it's when it's your time to step up to the plate, bruh, step up to the plate.
00:48:17.199 --> 00:48:20.480
So I'm lost here.
00:48:20.639 --> 00:48:24.320
Why do firefighters have to uh work shootings and stuff?
00:48:24.480 --> 00:48:28.880
Because I heard you say you had to do the gangs, you've dealt with gang shootings and all of that.
00:48:29.199 --> 00:48:31.679
Well, I thought growing up that's just a police thing.
00:48:31.760 --> 00:48:34.559
Like, you know, well, police don't provide uh EMS.
00:48:34.719 --> 00:48:34.880
Okay.
00:48:35.199 --> 00:48:38.079
You know, they just there to keep seeing safety.
00:48:38.239 --> 00:48:39.760
They can provide EMS.
00:48:39.840 --> 00:48:42.159
Like they're trained, they're CPR trained.
00:48:42.320 --> 00:48:45.440
Um, they know how to put tourniquets on to stop bleeding.
00:48:45.599 --> 00:48:49.360
They learn how to put compression on wounds and stuff like that.
00:48:49.679 --> 00:48:54.000
But they don't have the advanced life-saving or basic life-saving training that we have.
00:48:54.239 --> 00:48:59.760
To get you to the hospital, drop lines, drop meds, do all these things, check heart rates, all that.
00:48:59.840 --> 00:49:00.719
They don't do all that.
00:49:00.800 --> 00:49:01.440
You know what I'm saying?
00:49:01.519 --> 00:49:04.079
Their thing is to protect people from crime.
00:49:04.480 --> 00:49:06.960
Okay, that's what I'm that's what I was saying.
00:49:07.039 --> 00:49:13.679
And you may mention that that many times EMS is actually with the fire department, not.
00:49:14.000 --> 00:49:14.960
EMS and fire, yeah.
00:49:15.039 --> 00:49:21.119
So you're gonna get the fire truck, it's gonna have a bunch of basic life or man's life-saving stuff on it.
00:49:21.360 --> 00:49:23.519
And then that transport unit will come.
00:49:23.679 --> 00:49:26.639
I remember we ran a double shooting uh in the 50s.
00:49:26.880 --> 00:49:29.760
Uh these two kids got killed, man, drive-by shooting.
00:49:29.840 --> 00:49:34.559
Uh, kid was in the front yard, bullet in his chest, another kid was shot in the head.
00:49:34.639 --> 00:49:38.400
So, you know, we get there, we looking at them, we assess them, we like, yeah, man, they DOA.
00:49:38.880 --> 00:49:40.159
Uh, dead on arrival.
00:49:40.320 --> 00:49:40.800
Yeah, yeah.
00:49:41.039 --> 00:49:45.199
But the uh medic was like, they got a post on the one that got shot in the head.
00:49:45.360 --> 00:49:51.679
Well, based on several different circumstances, it was gonna be a minute before the EMS unit was there.
00:49:52.079 --> 00:49:56.239
The cop grabs the kid, throws him in the back of his cruiser, drives him to research.
00:49:56.480 --> 00:49:57.360
You know what I'm saying?
00:49:57.519 --> 00:50:00.239
He wound up getting the Medal of Honor or whatever for what he did.
00:50:00.400 --> 00:50:01.679
The kid died.
00:50:02.400 --> 00:50:05.280
Should have taken the children's mercy because they specialize in children.
00:50:05.440 --> 00:50:07.840
Not saying what he did was wrong, but it wasn't the best option.
00:50:08.000 --> 00:50:09.840
It's not what we would have done.
00:50:10.079 --> 00:50:16.400
But the city wound up getting sued because the family was like, you were not the one who was supposed to provide that level of care.
00:50:16.559 --> 00:50:18.639
Now, some people would be like, I don't care.
00:50:18.880 --> 00:50:20.559
The ambulance wasn't gonna be there anyway.
00:50:20.639 --> 00:50:21.679
Somebody needed to take him.
00:50:21.760 --> 00:50:21.920
Yeah.
00:50:22.079 --> 00:50:34.480
But they could argue that we could have provided him care right there on the scene, as opposed to him riding up to the other hospital without any oxygen, any medication, any compressions to keep his heart going.
00:50:35.039 --> 00:50:38.880
So, you know, that's one of those things, you know, it's a slippery slope.
00:50:38.960 --> 00:50:40.079
You know, did he do the right thing?
00:50:40.159 --> 00:50:41.280
Did he not do the right thing?
00:50:41.360 --> 00:50:45.599
Yeah, and then the court of law decides, all right, you know, folks gonna sue for whatever they can sue for.
00:50:45.840 --> 00:50:49.519
Not saying that they don't deserve to sue for that, because that was their kid.
00:50:49.599 --> 00:50:54.320
And maybe he would or wouldn't have died anyway, but that's just a tough one, man.
00:50:55.039 --> 00:50:57.199
His mindset was just trying to rescue this kid.
00:50:57.440 --> 00:51:02.400
Yeah, his mindset was let me just grab him and go, you know, which some people might be like, well, that was the right thing to do.
00:51:02.480 --> 00:51:08.719
And there's other folks that'd be like, nah, you know, you should have let them do what they needed to do there at the scene and waited on a transport unit.
00:51:09.519 --> 00:51:15.519
Or let them do what they need to do, and they could have transported with you if they knew it was really finna be a minute before they got there.
00:51:16.159 --> 00:51:19.599
It was a Saturday night, probably two or three in the morning, man.
00:51:19.760 --> 00:51:25.840
You know, city pop and clubs is letting out, you know, we short staffed, you know, and it was just it was just like that up at that time.
00:51:26.320 --> 00:51:30.320
So do you remember the worst car scene you had to deal with?
00:51:30.639 --> 00:51:31.119
Accident?
00:51:31.360 --> 00:51:33.760
Man, I remember the most miraculous, bro.
00:51:33.920 --> 00:51:34.159
Yeah.
00:51:34.960 --> 00:51:38.079
This car got cut in half, bruh.
00:51:38.400 --> 00:51:41.760
Like an Ultima Basic or Kia Toyota, something.
00:51:41.920 --> 00:51:48.239
63rd, Indiana, bro, right by southeast on the uh the the the football field side, bro.
00:51:48.559 --> 00:51:52.960
Dude was coming up so fast up 63rd going eastbound.
00:51:53.039 --> 00:51:56.159
The lady said she looked and it wasn't no car.
00:51:56.239 --> 00:52:01.440
But by the time she turned out into the street, he hit her and she hit a pole in the car, split in half, bro.
00:52:01.599 --> 00:52:06.400
She was sitting on that brick wall, bro, in a lawn chair, chilling, unscathed.
00:52:06.960 --> 00:52:08.639
Not a scratch on her, bro.
00:52:09.119 --> 00:52:14.559
The dude's car didn't stop till up by the Southeast Community Center, the old one.
00:52:15.119 --> 00:52:22.639
So that's gotta be a hundred yards where his car stopped after colliding with her using one of them Durangos, the SRT ones.
00:52:24.400 --> 00:52:25.760
She was unscathed.
00:52:26.159 --> 00:52:33.039
But yeah, I've seen some, you know, some bad stuff where we had to cut some folks out, and they might have some cut open this and the third.
00:52:33.199 --> 00:52:35.440
I remember uh I ran this wreck, man.
00:52:35.519 --> 00:52:42.320
This dude was going down 71, uh, going south by banister, and he came off the road and went up into a tree.
00:52:42.400 --> 00:52:44.159
The car was upside down, hanging.
00:52:44.320 --> 00:52:47.360
The car was still running, music still blasting.
00:52:47.519 --> 00:52:50.480
You could smell the green in the car, you can smell the liquor.
00:52:50.639 --> 00:52:56.719
And but I remember he was hanging by a seatbelt and his Rolex, he had on a nice watch.
00:52:56.960 --> 00:52:59.039
He was just hanging there dead, bro.
00:52:59.280 --> 00:53:03.840
And we had to figure out, you know, at that point, it's it's not a rescue, it's a recovery.
00:53:04.000 --> 00:53:06.960
You know, he's dead, so we kind of idle down.
00:53:07.119 --> 00:53:14.400
But we like, we gotta figure out how to get this car down out this tree, get the guy out the car, you know, do all this.
00:53:14.480 --> 00:53:15.599
So that was wild.
00:53:15.840 --> 00:53:18.000
How does a car get in like I'm missing it?
00:53:18.079 --> 00:53:21.840
Like I dude was racing, because you could see it was two sets of time marks.
00:53:21.920 --> 00:53:36.239
Yeah, he's racing, and uh, I don't know what they called her the marks when the car York ski marks, it's another name for him, but there was like a drift when he came off the road and it shot him up, and the car was up in the trees.
00:53:36.320 --> 00:53:41.119
Because you know, off the highway, there's only a certain amount of green space before it's woods.
00:53:41.199 --> 00:53:43.119
You know, he was he was up in there, bruh.
00:53:43.360 --> 00:53:45.440
Music's still blasting, you know what I'm saying?
00:53:45.519 --> 00:53:46.480
We trying to work, you know.
00:53:47.519 --> 00:53:50.400
He's like, Ralph, turn that radio off in there, you know what I'm saying?
00:53:50.559 --> 00:53:52.320
Because, you know, I'm I'm big on that, man.
00:53:52.400 --> 00:53:55.840
I go in the folks' house, the first thing I do is turn the TV off so we can hear it, you know.
00:53:56.000 --> 00:53:56.320
Yeah.
00:53:56.719 --> 00:53:58.320
Turn the light on so we can see, you know.
00:53:58.400 --> 00:54:04.079
But I'm also checking, make sure who's in the back room, who's this, who's that, you know, make sure we're safe while we're in there, you know.
00:54:04.239 --> 00:54:11.039
That's a big part of my job now as a captain, to make sure we can do what we need to do safely, you know, not just assessing the patient.
00:54:11.280 --> 00:54:16.960
So another one, uh, Carl Wreck, man, there were these girls leaving a club, man.
00:54:17.599 --> 00:54:20.719
Uh 71, right past 75th.
00:54:20.880 --> 00:54:24.239
Uh, they got ejected down into the woods.
00:54:24.400 --> 00:54:28.880
And uh we had to, you know, get them on a stoke basket and pull them up out of there, da-da-da-da.
00:54:29.039 --> 00:54:31.360
They so out of their mind, they like, it's two more girls down there.
00:54:31.519 --> 00:54:35.360
So at that time, we didn't really have a drone program, but the police department did.
00:54:35.519 --> 00:54:38.239
And we right there off 75th, you know, they got the new station.
00:54:38.400 --> 00:54:43.199
So they were sending a drone to use their thermal imaging camera to see if it was somebody down there.
00:54:43.280 --> 00:54:44.480
And it was kind of cold that night.
00:54:44.559 --> 00:54:47.039
So we would have seen if it was some bodies down there.
00:54:47.440 --> 00:54:50.800
Um, we get the girls out or whatever, whatever.
00:54:51.039 --> 00:54:55.199
We got our ladder up with our thermal imaging camera looking for bodies.
00:54:55.280 --> 00:54:56.079
We not finding up.
00:54:56.239 --> 00:54:57.679
We got guys down there searching.
00:54:57.920 --> 00:55:03.199
Come to find out, the two girls that was with them said they refused to ride home with them.
00:55:03.280 --> 00:55:04.480
They was like, y'all too drunk.
00:55:04.559 --> 00:55:05.840
We we not riding with y'all.
00:55:05.920 --> 00:55:10.400
They was at home sleep when them girls wound up going to the hospital.
00:55:10.639 --> 00:55:20.960
And I don't know if uh if they passed or what happened past that, but I know them other two girls and their families was pretty glad that they didn't arrive with them that night, man.
00:55:21.119 --> 00:55:28.400
Yeah, but yeah, that was a hectic scene, you know, getting them stabilized and getting them out and uh doing all that.
00:55:28.480 --> 00:55:30.320
But yeah, man, there's there's been plenty, man.
00:55:30.880 --> 00:55:31.440
There's been plenty.
00:55:31.679 --> 00:55:34.719
What's the longest y'all like spent on a scene?
00:55:35.039 --> 00:55:36.239
If you can remember.
00:55:36.559 --> 00:55:45.920
Man, they got this thing called, I think it's called the 20-minute clock or something like that, where you want to try to get on scene, get somebody extricated into the hospital within 20 minutes.
00:55:46.159 --> 00:55:51.920
I'm saying if if you can get somebody in that 20-minute window, they had the chance of them living is very good.
00:55:52.079 --> 00:55:54.079
There's an exact name or term for it or whatever.
00:55:54.159 --> 00:55:56.159
Like I said, I'm not a not a tech guy.
00:55:56.559 --> 00:55:59.519
Actually, get them there in 20 minutes, or get them on the way.
00:56:00.079 --> 00:56:01.199
Get them to the hospital.
00:56:01.360 --> 00:56:02.239
You know what I'm saying?
00:56:02.480 --> 00:56:06.960
So, I mean, it's a short window, but uh, I mean, it just depends, man.
00:56:07.119 --> 00:56:09.840
I mean, we've we've had fires that we've worked for days.
00:56:10.000 --> 00:56:10.239
Yeah.
00:56:10.400 --> 00:56:16.400
You know, because it's a lumber yard or it's a building that, you know, we really can't get to the epicenter of the fire.
00:56:16.480 --> 00:56:18.559
So we just surround it and drown it for a while.
00:56:18.639 --> 00:56:28.880
Like we might have five or six companies or seven companies there at the start, but once we kind of assess and see what's going on, we might just keep one or two there and rotate them through for the next two or three days.
00:56:28.960 --> 00:56:30.079
You know what I'm saying?
00:56:30.400 --> 00:56:35.920
Um mulch fires, you know, those start down at the bottom of the mulch pile.
00:56:36.000 --> 00:56:40.480
So once they get to the top, well, that's probably been burning for a day or two before you even can notice it.
00:56:40.639 --> 00:56:42.320
And it's gonna burn everything around it.
00:56:42.400 --> 00:56:43.760
That might take a couple days to put out.
00:56:44.239 --> 00:56:45.679
How can something like that even start?
00:56:45.840 --> 00:56:50.000
Could you say that it's something that's called internal combustion?
00:56:50.159 --> 00:56:57.280
It's like when you have oil and heat all compacted up under pressure, it creates heat and then it internally combusts.
00:56:57.440 --> 00:57:03.760
Um, so we got like the Missouri Organic out on um 40 Highway and the one out on 470.
00:57:03.840 --> 00:57:04.880
There's another one up north.
00:57:04.960 --> 00:57:13.119
But yeah, we've had big fires at those, you know, the one on 470 jumped the highway one time, jumped over 470, bro, and start burning apartments over there.
00:57:13.280 --> 00:57:18.480
So yeah, uh, it can that that's a lot of fire load because it's all wood.
00:57:18.960 --> 00:57:20.400
It's an endless amount of wood.
00:57:20.559 --> 00:57:24.559
We had a pallet fire a couple years ago down off of uh Front Street, man.
00:57:24.639 --> 00:57:25.360
That was crazy.
00:57:25.440 --> 00:57:31.519
You know, a lot of guys, you know, I wasn't there, but a lot of guys said that's the hottest they've ever been.
00:57:32.000 --> 00:57:35.199
You know, because pallets have void spaces between them.
00:57:35.360 --> 00:57:39.360
You know, it's just wood, it's just a pallet that you stack boxes on inside a warehouse.
00:57:39.519 --> 00:57:43.599
But they had hundreds of them stacked up, lit up, caught on fire.
00:57:43.760 --> 00:57:46.239
You know, heard stories of like signs melting.
00:57:46.320 --> 00:57:57.039
You know, we lost a couple fire trucks that day because the fire trucks parked to put the fire out, but the fire kept growing and the radiant heat was so great, it like burned the paint off the sides of the fire trucks and stuff, man.
00:57:57.199 --> 00:58:00.880
So, like, you know, thankfully everybody made it safe through that.
00:58:01.039 --> 00:58:03.119
But uh that's that's a lot of heat, man.
00:58:03.199 --> 00:58:08.159
For it to not even be direct flame impingement, this that's radiant heat hitting it, bruh.
00:58:08.239 --> 00:58:08.800
That's hot.
00:58:08.880 --> 00:58:10.880
Yeah, that's over a thousand degrees, man.
00:58:11.039 --> 00:58:11.760
You know what I'm saying?
00:58:12.000 --> 00:58:12.239
Thanks.
00:58:12.400 --> 00:58:13.039
Yeah.
00:58:13.360 --> 00:58:18.639
Uh I was uh uh just riding with my wife yesterday, and I would because I got a truck.
00:58:19.119 --> 00:58:25.360
And I'm like, you know, those little the the side of the little brick wall on the side of the highway or whatever.
00:58:25.440 --> 00:58:27.039
Yeah, the on the bridge part.
00:58:27.280 --> 00:58:29.840
I'm like, dang, that kind of low, bro.
00:58:29.920 --> 00:58:33.679
I can kind of like, if somebody hit me, I can flip over that.
00:58:33.840 --> 00:58:39.280
Like, how often does that happen to where, or have you seen that where that happened where a spark goes over the room?
00:58:39.679 --> 00:58:44.960
Normally not cars, because they rated for cars and trucks, but like, you know, bigger trucks, you know, fire trucks.
00:58:45.039 --> 00:58:48.079
Like when I'm on a fire truck, you can see stuff that you normally can't see in a car.
00:58:48.159 --> 00:58:48.400
Yeah.
00:58:48.559 --> 00:58:51.280
You know, and I'm just like, oh, you know, I get that same feeling.
00:58:51.440 --> 00:58:53.360
Um, but yeah, it it happens.
00:58:53.519 --> 00:58:55.679
It's not common, but it it happens.
00:58:56.000 --> 00:58:59.280
Uh uh, why wouldn't they raise them a little bit for y'all?
00:58:59.360 --> 00:59:09.599
Or is it um I don't think it's uh I think they just said that they do what the state of Missouri or National Highway Patrol is rated for the majority of cars.
00:59:09.760 --> 00:59:12.400
The majority of cars will hit that and not go over.
00:59:12.639 --> 00:59:16.000
Those that are exceeding that, you know, it's it costs money, bro.
00:59:16.079 --> 00:59:19.679
They have to re retrofit every bridge in the United States or in the state of Missouri.
00:59:19.760 --> 00:59:24.079
You know, like right now, bro, they doing all this construction, man, all these new bridges and roads cut down.
00:59:24.239 --> 00:59:25.280
That's money, bro.
00:59:25.679 --> 00:59:26.639
So uh yeah.
00:59:26.880 --> 00:59:36.159
And I always wonder why this is offset, but I always wondered why they didn't have the like put fences where deers can't get on the highway and something like that.
00:59:36.239 --> 00:59:36.400
Yeah.
00:59:36.559 --> 00:59:42.559
And people have lost less risk, but they they got them in certain areas, and in certain areas, man, you just can't help it.
00:59:42.960 --> 00:59:43.920
Yeah, yeah.
00:59:44.239 --> 00:59:52.639
As far as uh suicides, have you ever had to deal with yourself trying to talk somebody from committing suicide?
00:59:53.199 --> 00:59:55.119
So that's more of a PD thing.
00:59:55.280 --> 00:59:55.440
Okay.
00:59:55.679 --> 01:00:01.280
Um, but if we talk to somebody, you know, sometimes we ask people, do you think you're gonna hurt yourself or someone else?
01:00:01.519 --> 01:00:10.079
And then once we get them to that point, we'll be like, okay, well, you know, we want to take you to the hospital, get you to the psych wars so they can kind of address it because they're professionally skilled.
01:00:10.400 --> 01:00:13.039
Cops have more training in that realm than we do.
01:00:13.119 --> 01:00:13.920
You know what I'm saying?
01:00:14.000 --> 01:00:18.239
We're gonna keep people cool, calm, collective, but we're not gonna give them too much more than that.
01:00:18.320 --> 01:00:23.199
We just gonna sometimes have to restrain them or just transport them to the hospital.
01:00:23.360 --> 01:00:23.599
Yeah.
01:00:23.760 --> 01:00:24.960
So, um, shoot, man.
01:00:25.039 --> 01:00:26.880
I've dealt with suicidal thoughts myself, man.
01:00:26.960 --> 01:00:27.679
You know what I'm saying?
01:00:27.840 --> 01:00:31.840
And it's a shame to say it, but bro, you know, life starts to pile up on you.
01:00:31.920 --> 01:00:33.599
You like, man, maybe I need to check out of here.
01:00:33.679 --> 01:00:34.320
You know what I'm saying?
01:00:34.400 --> 01:00:35.760
Thank God I didn't, bro.
01:00:35.840 --> 01:00:36.960
Because I love my life.
01:00:37.119 --> 01:00:37.280
Yeah.
01:00:37.440 --> 01:00:38.079
You know what I'm saying?
01:00:38.239 --> 01:00:39.519
Very, very thankful and blessed.
01:00:39.599 --> 01:00:42.239
But yeah, man, due through some of my dark times, bro.
01:00:42.400 --> 01:00:45.039
Thought about, man, maybe I'll just be better off not being here.
01:00:45.119 --> 01:00:56.159
So that's why I'm such a strong advocate for, you know, counseling, therapy, mental health, emotional health, giving up drinking or slowing down on drinking, you know what I'm saying?
01:00:56.320 --> 01:01:02.079
Because all those things have an effect on your cognitive development, you know what I'm saying, or decision making.
01:01:02.159 --> 01:01:07.599
So when you got a clear mind, you know, you you start to value yourself and other things around you more.
01:01:07.920 --> 01:01:17.280
So as far as like, have you had to deal with losing a lot of people, not a lot of people, but some people close to you on the job?
01:01:17.599 --> 01:01:17.760
Yeah.
01:01:18.000 --> 01:01:24.960
And how do y'all deal with that as far as the family and speaking, like telling the family or letting them know?
01:01:25.199 --> 01:01:46.320
I mean, there's guys that I know that are still hurting from guys that have died years ago just because they worked with them for so long, or they built relationships with them and their kids and their family, or go on vacations together, or been in each other's weddings, or you know, that was their son's football coach, or you know, best man at their wedding type of stuff, you know what I'm saying?
01:01:46.400 --> 01:01:54.400
And then you go to work one day and you hear he committed suicide, or you hear he died in a fire, or because somebody else died.
01:01:54.480 --> 01:01:59.199
Now this guy committed suicide because he did that, and it's a domino effect, like, yeah, man.
01:01:59.360 --> 01:02:04.960
But that because of that, because of those things, the department pushes a lot of mental health things.
01:02:05.039 --> 01:02:05.679
You know what I'm saying?
01:02:05.840 --> 01:02:08.000
So guys have an outlet, you know what I'm saying?
01:02:08.079 --> 01:02:22.320
Outside of, I think for the most part, we have uh as a whole talk to guys and want to make sure everybody's straight because this has been such an epidemic through the 90s and the 2000s and the teens.
01:02:23.039 --> 01:02:34.719
But um, I'm glad that we have a lot of more mental health options for guys who don't want to share at the station or don't want to look weak or soft or whatever, you know what I'm saying?
01:02:34.880 --> 01:02:36.079
You got an outlet, man.
01:02:36.239 --> 01:02:37.840
You know, you got somebody you can go talk to.
01:02:38.000 --> 01:02:39.360
We got peer support groups, man.
01:02:39.440 --> 01:02:40.079
We got a lot.
01:02:40.239 --> 01:02:42.079
So I'm very thankful for that.
01:02:42.559 --> 01:02:59.920
How is it dealing with the like, you know, half the because talking to I think Tashawn might have said something about it, but my boy Levandon, who's a sheriff, you know, losing a peer and having to go tell the family.
01:03:00.159 --> 01:03:08.639
And he said hearing the scream of a mother or you know what I'm saying, or a family member, they lost one of their family members to one of that.
01:03:09.039 --> 01:03:11.679
I mean, to that is like I've never had to do it.
01:03:11.840 --> 01:03:13.119
Um, I feel like I can't.
01:03:13.199 --> 01:03:14.320
I mean, I've done it for my family.
01:03:14.400 --> 01:03:15.920
You know, I've done it for my close friends.
01:03:16.079 --> 01:03:22.320
You know, I've had to be the one and tell them, hey, you know, your mom is gone, or you know, your dad is gone, or this and that.
01:03:22.400 --> 01:03:25.280
So, like I said, I feel like it's the reason why I have this.
01:03:25.760 --> 01:03:30.239
This is me being a firefighter is not just my job, it's kind of part of who I am.
01:03:30.320 --> 01:03:31.119
You know what I'm saying?
01:03:31.280 --> 01:03:36.880
So, um, but I've never had to do it for anybody that I've worked with.
01:03:37.039 --> 01:03:47.039
Um, but I am on two or three people's lists to where if they die, then the department contacts me to be the person to go to their family to let them know.
01:03:47.199 --> 01:03:47.519
Got you.
01:03:47.760 --> 01:03:49.599
So that way it's a familiar face.
01:03:49.840 --> 01:03:58.000
Somebody they know, you know, they don't just got some chief or some guy that they've never seen before coming to tell them that their daughter or their son died, you know what I'm saying?
01:03:58.559 --> 01:04:00.960
So uh, and they've done really good with that, you know.
01:04:01.039 --> 01:04:12.079
Like each year they make sure that they update that list and they make sure that, you know, some guys get tired of it, but it's like, man, if that winds up being your family member, you know what I'm saying, you will want the right person to be there.
01:04:12.400 --> 01:04:13.199
You know what I'm saying?
01:04:13.280 --> 01:04:29.360
So So when you when you dealing uh with people you know personally in your personal life, and you like you said, you worked in that area where you probably have to go uh remove people or like help people that you know.
01:04:29.920 --> 01:04:36.320
It's not hard for you to make decisions in that time you don't ever become irrational and thought and stuff like that.
01:04:36.559 --> 01:04:36.880
Nah.
01:04:37.039 --> 01:04:38.159
Not even if it's family.
01:04:38.320 --> 01:04:40.000
Our friend calls on my family, friends.
01:04:40.559 --> 01:04:42.559
He's just like, y'all know what I'm here to do.
01:04:42.639 --> 01:04:45.920
Like, you know, let's handle this business and we'll talk about it later.
01:04:46.079 --> 01:04:49.599
You know, drug overdoses or domestic violence stuff.
01:04:49.679 --> 01:04:51.039
Like, I don't judge nobody, bro.
01:04:51.119 --> 01:04:53.360
Like, we just here to mitigate the issue right now.
01:04:53.519 --> 01:04:55.039
If you want to talk about it later, cool.
01:04:55.119 --> 01:04:56.079
If not, that's cool too.
01:04:56.239 --> 01:04:57.679
And I'm here to judge nobody, bro.
01:04:57.760 --> 01:04:59.519
I I can't judge nobody, bro.
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:01.440
Like I said, I done done it all.
01:05:01.679 --> 01:05:02.559
You know what I'm saying?
01:05:02.639 --> 01:05:04.880
So I'm just here to do my job.
01:05:05.519 --> 01:05:09.039
Some viewers may find the following information in this video disturbing.
01:05:09.280 --> 01:05:11.599
Viewer discretion is advised.
01:05:12.800 --> 01:05:18.960
I've uh tried some like psychedelics to try to figure out why I am the way I am.
01:05:19.119 --> 01:05:27.360
I say that because my my testimony to today, while we beating around the bush, is uh the thorn that's always been in my side is women, man.
01:05:27.679 --> 01:05:28.639
Women, bro.
01:05:28.800 --> 01:05:29.599
To just be flat.
01:05:30.079 --> 01:05:31.840
I've always been a whore, man.
01:05:32.079 --> 01:05:34.400
Like, I ain't never been faithful to nobody.
01:05:34.639 --> 01:05:36.239
Always moved around.
01:05:36.400 --> 01:05:47.280
You know, I could blame it on my frack, I can blame it on how I was raised, I could blame it on looking for validation or affirmation through women because I didn't get it from my mom.
01:05:47.440 --> 01:05:50.480
But at the end of the day, I was moving like that because I wanted to.
01:05:50.719 --> 01:05:59.599
Because I wanted to, because I didn't value myself enough to not withhold myself from just who.
01:06:00.239 --> 01:06:00.800
Whatever.
01:06:00.960 --> 01:06:02.000
You know what I'm saying?
01:06:02.239 --> 01:06:08.079
So uh, but through that, you know, the good side, I've always been an active good father.
01:06:08.159 --> 01:06:09.360
You know, I've always been present.
01:06:09.440 --> 01:06:14.480
I've never let that stop me from providing and protecting and being a good dude.
01:06:14.559 --> 01:06:17.119
But I was always that good, yeah, rough a good dude.
01:06:17.360 --> 01:06:18.880
But you know what I'm saying?
01:06:18.960 --> 01:06:24.400
Like, just I just had my 40th uh birthday, you know, and I was with my closest friends.
01:06:24.559 --> 01:06:31.679
And uh, you know, we had dinner and they all went around the table, talked about, you know, how I've grown and what they appreciate about me as a friend.
01:06:31.760 --> 01:06:35.519
You know, it's just a thing that we do, you know, show love, you know, you get your flowers.
01:06:36.000 --> 01:06:40.480
And one of my homeboys was just like, yeah, man, you know, dating out here in the city, bro.
01:06:40.639 --> 01:06:45.039
You know, your name comes up, you know, and they be like, You friends with Ralph?
01:06:45.199 --> 01:06:46.719
Like Ralph Frazier?
01:06:46.960 --> 01:06:49.679
You you you know he he this, this, and this.
01:06:49.840 --> 01:06:54.719
And he like, yeah, he is, but he also is all of this.
01:06:54.960 --> 01:06:56.320
So, you know, it felt really good.
01:06:56.400 --> 01:06:58.559
And I mean, I know all my friends have dealt with that.
01:06:58.719 --> 01:06:59.360
All of them.
01:06:59.599 --> 01:07:00.719
My sisters, my friends.
01:07:03.039 --> 01:07:04.480
You was her way like that?
01:07:04.800 --> 01:07:08.079
Bro, I remember when I got married, man.
01:07:08.400 --> 01:07:16.320
Uh, it's this cat I went to high school with every time he would see me and I would be with my wife, he'd be like, Damn, bro, you really married.
01:07:16.719 --> 01:07:18.719
Like he would say that in front of me and my wife.
01:07:18.800 --> 01:07:20.239
Like, damn, bro, you really married.
01:07:20.320 --> 01:07:23.840
He'd be like, I can't believe it, because at high school, I was on that.
01:07:24.159 --> 01:07:25.119
Like, you know what I'm saying?
01:07:25.199 --> 01:07:30.800
And not like I was that dude, but I think it was I needed, I was seeking validation.
01:07:30.880 --> 01:07:33.199
And so I got that through women.
01:07:33.360 --> 01:07:36.719
Like, if they like me, they gonna tell me you did a good job.
01:07:36.880 --> 01:07:39.599
They gonna come to my game and tell me they're proud of me.
01:07:39.840 --> 01:07:42.719
They're gonna say, Oh, you're a good dad, you're doing this.
01:07:42.880 --> 01:07:45.679
They're not gonna tell me you're just doing what you're supposed to be doing.
01:07:45.840 --> 01:07:50.079
And no disrespect to my mom, because now I know what she was building.
01:07:50.320 --> 01:07:52.800
She was setting a foundation and a standard.
01:07:53.119 --> 01:07:58.320
But the sensitive side of me needed somebody to speak to the you're doing great.
01:07:58.480 --> 01:08:00.000
I needed that affirmation.
01:08:00.159 --> 01:08:01.519
That's my love language.
01:08:01.679 --> 01:08:08.719
And I got that from multiple different women over the course of the last 22, 23 years, bro.
01:08:08.960 --> 01:08:23.520
So, like, if I could say anything before I forget, I sincerely apologize to all the women that I have wasted your time, hurt you, wronged you, um, any of that, man.
01:08:23.680 --> 01:08:25.359
Another wake-up call, bro.
01:08:25.600 --> 01:08:32.159
Last year, I'm still, you know, I'm divorced, but I'm still dating or whatever, doing my thing.
01:08:32.319 --> 01:08:34.239
Same old, same old, same.
01:08:34.640 --> 01:08:39.920
And uh somebody hit me up and they say, uh, they got you on this uh list.
01:08:40.159 --> 01:08:41.920
Hey girls, this is your man?
01:08:42.319 --> 01:08:43.279
Facebook thing.
01:08:43.439 --> 01:08:45.039
And I ain't never really been on one of them.
01:08:45.119 --> 01:08:45.680
You know what I'm saying?
01:08:45.760 --> 01:08:47.920
Because I try to keep it 100, you know.
01:08:48.079 --> 01:08:49.920
I probably always kept it 98.
01:08:50.880 --> 01:08:53.199
But um, I'm on this list.
01:08:54.640 --> 01:09:00.640
So they got a picture of me, and it's three pictures, but I see one of the pictures I had only sent to one person.
01:09:00.880 --> 01:09:02.479
I knew exactly who it was.
01:09:02.640 --> 01:09:06.399
And I'm like, why are you even asking if I'm dating anybody?
01:09:06.560 --> 01:09:11.600
I've never been on a date with you, I haven't spent no time with you, I ain't, I ain't done it.
01:09:11.840 --> 01:09:13.920
Like, why why are you concerned?
01:09:14.800 --> 01:09:16.800
Not even somebody I would ever take seriously.
01:09:16.960 --> 01:09:19.680
So I was just like, cutting her off.
01:09:19.920 --> 01:09:22.479
But then I keep getting updates on the comments.
01:09:22.960 --> 01:09:36.880
The comments is like, uh, has issues with alcohol, you know, abuses edibles, you know, um, maybe a possible SA.
01:09:37.439 --> 01:09:45.119
Because I've always, you know, been kind of like aggressive or like um persuasive or like that with women.
01:09:45.520 --> 01:09:48.239
But to be a possible SA, that's sexual assault, bro.
01:09:48.560 --> 01:09:50.319
I don't want to be associated with that.
01:09:50.479 --> 01:10:01.119
So that was kind of like a wake-up call, like, damn, this is what some people who I have been in contact with, and of course, on these groups, it's never the girl that you were involved with.
01:10:01.279 --> 01:10:06.800
It's somebody that knows that girl and they're coming to speak on their behalf, which is fine.
01:10:07.119 --> 01:10:10.000
I I I know all my wrongs that I've committed, bro.
01:10:10.159 --> 01:10:10.880
You know what I'm saying?
01:10:11.039 --> 01:10:15.279
Like, um, there's probably not a sin that I haven't committed, bro.
01:10:15.680 --> 01:10:22.000
There's not a sin that I haven't committed, you know, and I'm just thankful that God uses his worst because I'm I'm probably one of the worst.
01:10:22.239 --> 01:10:29.119
And it's crazy because people will look at my resume or look at who I present myself as in the world and be like, oh, that's a great dude.
01:10:29.199 --> 01:10:31.520
That's a great fire captain and a great father.
01:10:31.600 --> 01:10:32.479
You know, he's a good dude.
01:10:32.560 --> 01:10:34.239
It's like, yeah, but he got this other side.
01:10:34.399 --> 01:10:41.920
He got this demon that he he wrestling with, he's fighting with this thing with validation, you know, and that's always been my thing.
01:10:42.000 --> 01:10:44.880
It's funny, uh, I told you I was gonna get on my phone.
01:10:45.680 --> 01:10:47.920
I downloaded this app called Duomo.
01:10:48.640 --> 01:10:56.159
And Duomo is basically a personality test, and it tells you which man of the Bible that you are akin to.
01:10:56.720 --> 01:10:58.079
And so I take this test.
01:10:58.159 --> 01:11:04.159
I'm like, you know, I'm doing all this soul searching and remind us to go back to the psychedelics, because that's important too.
01:11:04.319 --> 01:11:06.319
That's happened in the last few years.
01:11:07.439 --> 01:11:12.319
So duomo tells me I'm like Paul, the persecutor.
01:11:12.960 --> 01:11:14.319
I'm like, what?
01:11:15.039 --> 01:11:17.760
I got all men in the Bible, Paul.
01:11:18.159 --> 01:11:19.600
So it gives a breakdown.
01:11:19.680 --> 01:11:20.960
I I can read it, it's kind of long.
01:11:21.119 --> 01:11:23.039
So it's giving you Saul and Paul.
01:11:23.920 --> 01:11:25.119
Because it's the transition.
01:11:25.279 --> 01:11:27.439
Yeah, so I'm in my transition phase right now.
01:11:27.600 --> 01:11:27.920
Gotcha.
01:11:28.079 --> 01:11:35.840
I'm going from the dude that used to be out here killing Christians, you know, but he went through that period where everybody thought he was a hypocrite.
01:11:36.000 --> 01:11:40.000
Like, I ain't believing that N word right there, he ain't changing.
01:11:40.239 --> 01:11:40.960
I know him.
01:11:41.039 --> 01:11:43.279
You know, like my my cousin might say that.
01:11:43.359 --> 01:11:44.159
I know Ralph.
01:11:44.239 --> 01:11:44.880
He ain't changing.
01:11:44.960 --> 01:11:45.439
You know what I'm saying?
01:11:45.520 --> 01:11:46.560
He ain't changed for nobody.
01:11:46.720 --> 01:11:53.199
But through the last few weeks and few months, how people have seen me move and act, they're like, okay, you know, he might be, maybe he can a little change.
01:11:53.279 --> 01:11:58.960
The hardest part is, you know, your your flesh is gonna go to what's familiar.
01:11:59.279 --> 01:12:02.079
I've been doing the same thing for 23 years, bro.
01:12:02.319 --> 01:12:04.399
So now I'm finally having a wake-up call.
01:12:04.479 --> 01:12:14.560
Like, after going through three different baby mamas, after going through a divorce, after going through all this stuff, all this hurt, all this whatever, now I'm trying to move different.
01:12:14.720 --> 01:12:17.439
And it's just like, why not me?
01:12:18.079 --> 01:12:18.960
Why not me?
01:12:19.520 --> 01:12:28.239
Because there's nobody who can tell me that you can't have custody of your kids if they know my story when it comes to getting custody or having a relationship with my kids.
01:12:28.319 --> 01:12:28.479
Okay.
01:12:28.720 --> 01:12:32.880
There's nobody that can tell me that you can't provide for your kids no matter of circumstances.
01:12:32.960 --> 01:12:37.199
If people knew my testimony on what it has taken for me to provide for my kids.
01:12:37.439 --> 01:12:39.119
You know, I fought for my kids, dog.
01:12:39.359 --> 01:12:50.079
So if there's any men out there, whatever you're dealing with, bruh, baby, mama, drama, whatever, if you need a life coach or somebody that can help keep you involved in your kids' life, hit me up.
01:12:50.319 --> 01:12:52.560
Because I can tell you how to move, how to navigate.
01:12:52.720 --> 01:12:58.560
I ain't done it all right, but the fact that I've done a lot of it wrong means I can tell you what to do and what not to do.
01:12:58.720 --> 01:12:59.520
You know what I'm saying?
01:12:59.680 --> 01:13:01.840
Because I made a lot of mistakes, but I've always been there.
01:13:01.920 --> 01:13:02.560
You know what I'm saying?
01:13:02.960 --> 01:13:06.159
That's always been important to me, I think, because I didn't have a father.
01:13:06.319 --> 01:13:06.560
Yeah.
01:13:06.720 --> 01:13:12.560
I've been wrestling with God, with this thing with women, bro, since I was 16, 17 years old.
01:13:12.640 --> 01:13:15.439
You know, and I'm finally just like, uh I'ma let go.
01:13:15.680 --> 01:13:16.720
I'm gonna let go.
01:13:16.880 --> 01:13:21.840
I'm gonna let God, I'm gonna be abstinent, I'm gonna just let him do what he needs to do with me.
01:13:21.920 --> 01:13:27.199
Because it's always been me, God, and, or me, God with somebody on the side.
01:13:27.359 --> 01:13:34.159
You know, even women who are Christian, who are trying to help me come to Christ or learn about the Bible, this and that, still mess it up.
01:13:34.319 --> 01:13:35.119
You know what I'm saying?
01:13:35.279 --> 01:13:39.359
So now he's just like, bro, why don't you just stay focused on me for right now?
01:13:39.600 --> 01:13:43.680
Let me do the surgery that I gotta do on your heart and on your mind.
01:13:43.760 --> 01:13:48.239
And then once I'm done with you, then we can go, you can go do whatever it is that you need to do.
01:13:48.399 --> 01:13:51.760
But right now, I'm I'm I'm in the wilderness, like I said earlier.
01:13:51.920 --> 01:13:52.880
You know what I'm saying?
01:13:53.119 --> 01:14:02.000
And I gotta just have faith in him that he's gonna provide me what I need and stop doing what Ralph thinks I should be doing and just move how God wants me to move.
01:14:02.079 --> 01:14:03.600
And it's it's pretty freeing, man.
01:14:03.680 --> 01:14:05.520
Like I really don't be worried about nothing.
01:14:05.680 --> 01:14:07.680
Oh, you've been cool on it so far?
01:14:07.840 --> 01:14:08.640
I've been cool, man.
01:14:08.720 --> 01:14:10.159
It's been tough, you know what I'm saying?
01:14:10.560 --> 01:14:15.920
Uh, but you know, everything I've ever done has been to get women.
01:14:16.720 --> 01:14:18.640
Have a good job so you can get women.
01:14:18.720 --> 01:14:26.000
Yeah, look good so you can get women, stay in shape so you can get women, play sports so you can get women, you know, be a good dad so you can get women.
01:14:26.159 --> 01:14:30.880
Now I'm just like, bro, just be a good person because that's what God wants you to do, bro.
01:14:31.199 --> 01:14:36.560
And it and avoid situations that are gonna put you uh up in temptation.
01:14:36.640 --> 01:14:44.640
Like uh I used to go, I won't name the church, but I used to go to a church and it had a lot of beautiful young women, man.
01:14:44.800 --> 01:14:57.279
And I had to remove myself from that, bro, just because, you know, there was times where I was highlighted, you know, and say, oh, you know, look at this young man of God, he's doing this, he's doing that, and they want you to work in the church and do all this and do that.
01:14:57.439 --> 01:15:00.880
Man, I can't even come in here and look at these women.
01:15:01.039 --> 01:15:02.399
I can't focus.
01:15:02.720 --> 01:15:08.720
So through maturity, I'm like, yeah, I might have been getting fed there, but it was too many distractions.
01:15:08.800 --> 01:15:12.479
So I gotta go to a church where it ain't too many people in there that I'm attracted to.
01:15:12.640 --> 01:15:13.600
You know what I'm saying?
01:15:13.840 --> 01:15:20.720
I I remember, man, my uh my ex-wife, man, her mom, she had asked me, I was real transparent with her.
01:15:20.800 --> 01:15:22.399
I've always been pretty transparent with people.
01:15:22.479 --> 01:15:24.560
I was just like, yeah, man, I'm I'm a cheater.
01:15:24.640 --> 01:15:26.880
Like I've cheated on every chick I've ever been with.
01:15:27.039 --> 01:15:28.960
And she was like, You're that weak?
01:15:29.199 --> 01:15:31.199
Like you're that weak of a man.
01:15:31.439 --> 01:15:33.600
And I was just like, nah, I'm not a weak man.
01:15:33.680 --> 01:15:34.399
You know what I'm saying?
01:15:34.479 --> 01:15:42.079
I just I do it just because I can, basically, or because you know, somebody didn't do what I wanted them to do, so I'm gonna go get it up over here.
01:15:42.319 --> 01:15:45.520
But you know, yeah, that's that's that's that's that's weak, bro.
01:15:46.159 --> 01:15:56.239
That's weak to not have the self-control and to not um care enough about yourself or the other person to even involve them in that situation.
01:15:56.399 --> 01:16:04.880
So, but yeah, it took me years, man, of bumping my head against the wall to figure that out, you know, because you can always try to validate why you're doing something.
01:16:05.039 --> 01:16:09.840
You know, you can always find a reason and justify or make it feel more acceptable or more comfortable.
01:16:10.000 --> 01:16:11.760
And now I was just like, bro, sin is sin, bro.
01:16:11.840 --> 01:16:12.640
Wrong is wrong.
01:16:12.720 --> 01:16:13.359
You know what I'm saying?
01:16:13.520 --> 01:16:14.640
Hurt is hurt.
01:16:15.039 --> 01:16:23.840
So uh trying to live in that space, man, and just trust God, you know, because I don't I don't have the strength to do it on my own.
01:16:24.000 --> 01:16:24.720
You know what I'm saying?
01:16:24.880 --> 01:16:28.079
I don't have the willpower or the stability.
01:16:28.159 --> 01:16:38.880
So I, you know, that's why I stay in the word, you know, that's why I stay prayed up, that's why I stay having conversations with people, you know what I'm saying, uh, that were on that right path to try to keep me right.
01:16:39.119 --> 01:16:43.520
Uh I know you had a guy on the show, Tishan Foltz.
01:16:43.600 --> 01:16:43.760
Yeah.
01:16:43.920 --> 01:16:45.840
Uh he's who recommended me to be here.
01:16:46.079 --> 01:16:57.439
And uh I remember telling my sister, man, when she graduated, she had got her uh her bachelor's degree, you know, she was a late, I guess a late graduate, or I don't know how the term for it, but she got it when we were in our mid-30s.
01:16:57.600 --> 01:17:00.079
But we were in Chicago and Teshawn had came.
01:17:00.399 --> 01:17:07.600
And uh I remember we were stepping out for the ceremony, and we all waiting on a van or whatever for us to transport us there.
01:17:07.680 --> 01:17:11.680
And dude just looked like he was gone, bruh.
01:17:12.000 --> 01:17:16.800
Like in shape, you know, polo, belt tucked in.
01:17:16.880 --> 01:17:20.640
I'm like, damn, you know, it's all no, I'm looking at him like that.
01:17:20.720 --> 01:17:22.720
Yeah, women looking at him like that, yeah, yeah.
01:17:22.880 --> 01:17:26.079
But his wife looking at him like proud, you know what I'm saying?
01:17:26.319 --> 01:17:29.279
But not just look good, a good dude.
01:17:29.439 --> 01:17:36.479
Yeah, doing through a good father, good husband, man of God, doing what he's supposed to do, not being out in the streets, you know what I'm saying?
01:17:36.640 --> 01:17:42.640
Still a real dude, a real dude, but refraining from some of the BS.
01:17:42.720 --> 01:17:46.000
And so I'm looking at me, I'm like, bro, you you you fake.
01:17:46.479 --> 01:17:47.680
You fake, bro.
01:17:48.079 --> 01:17:52.479
Like you might be doing all this good stuff out here in the community.
01:17:52.560 --> 01:18:03.039
You may be mentoring and taking care of your kids and providing for your family and doing all this, moving up in the fire department, but you still got this over here that you ain't dealt with.
01:18:04.479 --> 01:18:06.560
All these years you still ain't dealt with this.
01:18:06.640 --> 01:18:09.119
And I'm thinking that's that's authority on my side.
01:18:09.199 --> 01:18:13.279
The devil, like, I don't care how much good you do, I still got you with this.
01:18:13.840 --> 01:18:15.279
I know I still got you with this.
01:18:15.439 --> 01:18:18.880
I know if I put the right chick in front of you, you gonna fold.
01:18:19.840 --> 01:18:21.279
Because you do every time.
01:18:21.920 --> 01:18:29.920
So I ain't gotta worry about uh testing you, you know, like God did Job and testing your finances or testing your you know your health or this and that.
01:18:30.239 --> 01:18:33.600
Because I know all I gotta do is put the right woman in front of you and you're gonna fold, bro.
01:18:34.319 --> 01:18:35.600
But you know the crazy thing?
01:18:35.840 --> 01:18:37.119
I'm glad I remember this.
01:18:38.000 --> 01:18:39.439
All these years, bro.
01:18:43.920 --> 01:18:45.439
God has kept me.
01:18:47.039 --> 01:18:50.640
I don't got no incurable diseases, no diseases.
01:18:50.880 --> 01:18:54.800
I got my health, I got my mental and emotional health.
01:18:54.960 --> 01:18:56.319
I go to therapy.
01:18:56.560 --> 01:18:58.000
My kids are healthy.
01:18:58.239 --> 01:18:59.760
Financially, I'm cool, bro.
01:18:59.840 --> 01:19:02.800
If if I never get another raise, bro, I'll be good.
01:19:03.119 --> 01:19:03.840
You know what I'm saying?
01:19:04.000 --> 01:19:05.520
Because I'm a hustler, so I can go get money.
01:19:06.319 --> 01:19:07.039
That ain't no problem.
01:19:07.199 --> 01:19:09.279
But like, God has kept me.
01:19:09.840 --> 01:19:20.000
And in through all the wrong that I did, all the bridges I done burned, all the people who I done slighted, this that and the third, or whatever, he done kept me.
01:19:20.399 --> 01:19:24.479
And I'm like, the reason gotta be so I can tell people, like, he's real, bro.
01:19:24.720 --> 01:19:25.680
God is real.
01:19:26.319 --> 01:19:27.279
He is real.
01:19:27.680 --> 01:19:28.319
You know what I'm saying?
01:19:28.399 --> 01:19:30.399
Because there's some people who ain't been as lucky.
01:19:30.800 --> 01:19:34.239
It's people that done got shot and killed for some of the stuff that I done did.
01:19:34.479 --> 01:19:36.640
It's people that's in jail for some of the stuff that I done did.
01:19:36.800 --> 01:19:41.840
It's people who, you know, uh are sick because of the stuff that I've been involved in.
01:19:42.319 --> 01:19:44.000
And I'm I'm here, bro.
01:19:44.479 --> 01:19:47.920
I'm here, and so it's like I can't keep rolling them dice.
01:19:48.399 --> 01:19:54.000
I gotta be on that straight, narrow path, man, and just do do what it is that he wants me to do.
01:19:54.239 --> 01:19:54.880
You know what I'm saying?
01:19:55.039 --> 01:19:59.439
And I mean, it's still, you know, you think like, oh man, that Christian life is gonna be so boring, man.
01:19:59.520 --> 01:20:01.039
You know, I'm gonna miss this, I'm missing that.
01:20:01.119 --> 01:20:02.399
Like, nah, bro, it's not.
01:20:03.119 --> 01:20:04.159
It's not, bro.
01:20:04.560 --> 01:20:06.880
Like, it's really a good life.
01:20:06.960 --> 01:20:10.239
Like, I go to sleep every day, tired and happy.
01:20:10.479 --> 01:20:11.520
You know what I'm saying?
01:20:11.680 --> 01:20:14.560
And so I don't really feel like I'm missing out on, yeah.
01:20:14.640 --> 01:20:20.079
Like, sometimes do you want to pop out and still be seen or this, that, and the third, or still see if you still got it?
01:20:20.159 --> 01:20:21.760
You know, yeah, whatever, man.
01:20:21.920 --> 01:20:25.039
But that's just your flesh, you know, that's just your pride, your ego.
01:20:25.199 --> 01:20:26.159
You know what I'm saying?
01:20:26.319 --> 01:20:29.840
The more, the most important thing is, like I said, is provide for your family.
01:20:30.079 --> 01:20:40.720
Knowing you're not out here hurting people, you know, doing right by the people that I'm supposed to be protecting or serving up in the community, the guys that I mentor, you know, because even through mentoring, bro, I've done something wrong.
01:20:40.800 --> 01:20:47.520
You know, I've exposed some of my mentees to, you know, I'm riding around listening to Jeezy and, you know, uh T.I.
01:20:47.680 --> 01:20:48.159
in the truck.
01:20:48.239 --> 01:20:52.239
And you might think that that don't have an impact on them, but it does, you know what I'm saying?
01:20:52.399 --> 01:21:04.880
So I try to be mindful of like every influence that they see me in, how I talk, how I carry myself, the music I listen to, how I interact with people and customers and all that, you know what I'm saying?
01:21:05.119 --> 01:21:11.119
That's gonna help develop that young mind because you know, 18, 19 years old, those are the kind of the ages that I work with.
01:21:11.760 --> 01:21:14.399
They just now coming into their manhood for real, for real.
01:21:14.479 --> 01:21:20.720
And whether they got a father in their life or not, you know, they spending six, eight hours a day with me out on grass.
01:21:20.800 --> 01:21:22.640
So I'm having a heavy impact on them.
01:21:22.720 --> 01:21:26.159
So I gotta really be careful about how I move and what I say and what I do.
01:21:26.319 --> 01:21:26.479
Yeah.
01:21:26.640 --> 01:21:27.520
So yeah.
01:21:27.840 --> 01:21:30.239
There's a few things I want to grab at.
01:21:30.399 --> 01:21:30.640
Go ahead.
01:21:30.880 --> 01:21:32.000
One is super patty.
01:21:32.079 --> 01:21:32.880
I ain't gonna lie to you.
01:21:33.119 --> 01:21:33.600
Go ahead.
01:21:33.840 --> 01:21:36.239
Do it if you don't want to disclose it, though, bro.
01:21:36.800 --> 01:21:39.680
How many do you think, how many bodies do you think you have?
01:21:39.920 --> 01:21:42.640
It's it's it's it's it's an unhealthy amount, bro.
01:21:42.960 --> 01:21:43.279
Yep.
01:21:43.439 --> 01:21:43.760
Wow.
01:21:43.920 --> 01:21:44.640
Straight up.
01:21:44.880 --> 01:21:46.239
Like it's embarrassing.
01:21:46.479 --> 01:21:46.800
Okay.
01:21:47.039 --> 01:21:59.520
Like at some point, you know, you think, ah, you know, the way I was raised, the people who, the, I guess OGs or the older cousins, like encouraging you to move like that, yeah, it's a badge of honor.
01:21:59.920 --> 01:22:05.600
Then when you get grown and you start looking back, you like, bro, this is not cool.
01:22:05.840 --> 01:22:10.720
Like Paul saw, all the people Christians he killed, all the stuff that he did.
01:22:10.880 --> 01:22:12.960
Yeah, bro, like that wasn't cool.
01:22:13.039 --> 01:22:13.279
Yeah.
01:22:13.520 --> 01:22:14.560
You know what I'm saying?
01:22:14.720 --> 01:22:23.279
So it's like, and it, and it's almost like you know it's not cool when you're doing it, but the gratification you getting from it or whatever, that supersedes that.
01:22:23.359 --> 01:22:24.319
That's selfishness, bro.
01:22:24.479 --> 01:22:27.199
Selfish, selfish ass dude, man.
01:22:27.680 --> 01:22:30.640
Um, yeah, man, definitely trying to be more selfless.
01:22:31.039 --> 01:22:46.000
Yeah, and I understand you try to say you can't blame it on nobody else, but you can't because you did what you did, but you do you do have to acknowledge that certain things that you went through in life would steer you in that direction.
01:22:46.159 --> 01:22:51.680
And that's why I say now with my kids, you know, there's certain music I try not to listen to in the truck.
01:22:51.840 --> 01:22:52.000
Yeah.
01:22:52.079 --> 01:22:55.920
You know, like I got a daughter, she's 13, she real impressionable right now.
01:22:56.079 --> 01:23:11.680
You know, so when you got Cardi B and Nicki Minaj and all this, like, yeah, that music is fun to listen to, but the message that they put in there, I don't want that entering her ear, getting in her cortex, getting in her mind, and thinking that that's what's cool, because it's not.
01:23:11.840 --> 01:23:13.279
They're doing that to get a bag.
01:23:13.439 --> 01:23:15.760
Half of them don't even believe the stuff that they rap about.
01:23:15.840 --> 01:23:18.000
Yeah, but they're doing it because it sells.
01:23:18.479 --> 01:23:25.439
I gotta, you know, steer her towards a more a more wholesome, a more wholesome upbringing.
01:23:25.520 --> 01:23:36.239
But the same, you know, with my sons, you know, um, yeah, man, gotta keep them grounded and keep them, gotta protect their mind, their heart, and their ears from from the wrong things and the guys that I mentor.
01:23:36.399 --> 01:23:40.000
So yeah, mindfulness is a big word for 2026 for me.
01:23:40.239 --> 01:23:40.800
Mindfulness.
01:23:40.960 --> 01:23:41.760
Mindfulness.
01:23:42.000 --> 01:23:43.439
How long was you married?
01:23:43.760 --> 01:23:45.279
10 years, 10 years.
01:23:45.439 --> 01:23:49.199
We got separated at like the seven and a half, eight mark.
01:23:49.439 --> 01:23:49.760
Okay.
01:23:50.000 --> 01:23:50.800
So, yeah.
01:23:51.119 --> 01:23:55.680
Did she know before she married you how you were?
01:23:56.000 --> 01:23:57.119
Yeah, man, it was funny.
01:23:57.199 --> 01:24:09.039
Like, you know, like we had had a conversation towards the end, and she was like, Yeah, you know, people had came up to her and was like, uh, dang, like you pulled, you, you pulled Ralph, like you got him to calm down.
01:24:09.199 --> 01:24:11.760
And it was just like, what, like I thought I had the prize.
01:24:11.840 --> 01:24:13.359
You know, I'm like, dang, I pulled her.
01:24:13.520 --> 01:24:15.840
You know, I'm looking at her like like she that.
01:24:15.920 --> 01:24:16.800
You know what I'm saying?
01:24:16.960 --> 01:24:20.560
And she's a great woman, you know, great woman, great person, you know what I'm saying?
01:24:20.720 --> 01:24:28.319
Um, but I never knew that that was her perspective, that she had kind of felt the same way, like, oh, you got him to kind of calm down.
01:24:28.479 --> 01:24:31.920
You know, really in reality, it was just like, nah, dude didn't really calm down.
01:24:32.000 --> 01:24:33.039
He was just moving different.
01:24:33.119 --> 01:24:33.920
You know what I'm saying?
01:24:34.079 --> 01:24:36.159
So, unfortunately.
01:24:36.479 --> 01:24:36.880
Yeah.
01:24:37.199 --> 01:24:43.840
So uh, do you remember her finding out as far as Yeah, yeah.
01:24:43.920 --> 01:24:46.000
Yeah, it's a lot of hurtful times.
01:24:46.079 --> 01:24:51.359
I don't care to go into no details or nothing like that, but um, you know, she always stood by me.
01:24:51.520 --> 01:25:00.560
You know, always, you know, even through the divorce, I was the one that fouled, you know, because I was I thought there was things that I wasn't getting in the marriage, you know what I'm saying?
01:25:00.640 --> 01:25:04.319
Yeah, I think she would have, I think if I didn't filed for divorce, she'd still be with me today.
01:25:04.399 --> 01:25:05.680
You know, maybe I'm wrong.
01:25:05.760 --> 01:25:10.880
Wow, I don't know, but if it's if it's one thing and nobody's perfect, but she was loyal.
01:25:11.119 --> 01:25:13.600
She was loyal, straight up, straight up.
01:25:13.760 --> 01:25:17.680
So I don't I don't have nothing bad to say about her, you know what I'm saying?
01:25:18.079 --> 01:25:22.640
But through our ups and downs, you know, I just felt it was best for us to go our separate, our separate ways.
01:25:22.960 --> 01:25:25.520
You told me to remind you about psychedelics.
01:25:26.000 --> 01:25:34.159
So through my journey to uh deciding if I was gonna get a divorce, I was like, man, you know, I'm like, I can work this marriage back into being right.
01:25:34.319 --> 01:25:39.359
You know, I just keep doing this good stuff, it'll overshadow the bad stuff.
01:25:39.520 --> 01:25:40.720
You know, we can work this out.
01:25:40.880 --> 01:25:44.319
And so really didn't wanna get a divorce.
01:25:44.479 --> 01:25:45.359
Just felt like I had to.
01:25:45.520 --> 01:25:47.520
So I started uh dabbling in.
01:25:47.600 --> 01:25:53.920
I I went on a retreat before probably my 37th birthday and tried DMT.
01:25:54.479 --> 01:25:57.760
And it's like the frog, they call it the toad, the frog or whatever.
01:25:57.920 --> 01:26:03.840
And I'm out there, bro, on this river with these other first responders, military dudes or whatever.
01:26:04.000 --> 01:26:06.239
I'm like, bro, I'm out here smoking crack, bro.
01:26:06.399 --> 01:26:07.039
You know what I'm saying?
01:26:07.119 --> 01:26:11.439
Because it's crystals that they put in a pipe and you light it up, you know what I'm saying?
01:26:11.600 --> 01:26:15.840
You inhale it, bro, and when you go, you know, they call it dropping you in.
01:26:16.079 --> 01:26:18.159
You you're not here no more, bro.
01:26:18.239 --> 01:26:18.399
Okay.
01:26:18.560 --> 01:26:21.279
It's short, it's like 10 minutes, but you gone.
01:26:21.520 --> 01:26:32.880
But like through going through that and being dropped in several times that day, I learned about grounding and being, you know, contact with the earth and healing the body and this and stuff like that.
01:26:33.119 --> 01:26:36.239
The didgeridoos and soundbows and all that.
01:26:36.399 --> 01:26:37.600
I got exposed to all that.
01:26:38.000 --> 01:26:42.560
But I didn't really have like no out-of-body experience with the higher power.
01:26:42.720 --> 01:26:43.199
Got it.
01:26:43.359 --> 01:26:46.560
So I said, all right, let me go fool ayahuasca.
01:26:46.880 --> 01:26:48.319
So I'll find out about ayahuasca.
01:26:48.399 --> 01:26:50.399
This is the same year in July.
01:26:50.560 --> 01:26:53.039
Go on to ayahuasca retreat, bro.
01:26:54.239 --> 01:27:04.319
You know how it's like a medical tent in a war when people's arm blown off, leg blown off, eyes messed up in movies.
01:27:04.399 --> 01:27:05.039
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:27:05.520 --> 01:27:07.439
Bro, I'm in this room, it's about 30 of us.
01:27:07.520 --> 01:27:10.880
We all in mats by each other, you know, for three days.
01:27:11.199 --> 01:27:15.920
People throwing up, defecating on themselves, crying, screaming for hours.
01:27:16.079 --> 01:27:18.399
Because then I watched this, it lasts longer.
01:27:18.960 --> 01:27:23.199
So you in there and you dealing with whatever it is that you dealing with.
01:27:23.520 --> 01:27:25.680
First night, I don't feel nothing.
01:27:26.319 --> 01:27:26.880
Nothing.
01:27:27.039 --> 01:27:29.920
I'm like, why are you dealing with it?
01:27:30.880 --> 01:27:34.960
You still can hear them like while you're trying to heal.
01:27:35.920 --> 01:27:36.720
You very present.
01:27:37.359 --> 01:27:39.199
Um, so I'm looking at this chick, man.
01:27:39.279 --> 01:27:42.239
I seen a chick cry for six hours, bro, unconsolably.
01:27:42.319 --> 01:27:43.199
Never seen nobody cry.
01:27:43.680 --> 01:27:48.720
It reminded me when my mama saw my, uh found out about my cousin getting killed, but she did it for six hours.
01:27:48.960 --> 01:27:49.680
Got it.
01:27:50.000 --> 01:27:58.319
And she talked about the next day, circle time, you know, you talk about what you experienced, she said some stuff dealing with her mother, whatever.
01:27:58.560 --> 01:27:59.359
I remember that.
01:27:59.439 --> 01:28:01.039
Um But it was me and another guy.
01:28:01.199 --> 01:28:02.880
Ironically, he was the first responder.
01:28:03.119 --> 01:28:04.800
We didn't feel nothing the first night.
01:28:04.960 --> 01:28:06.079
Go talk to the shaman.
01:28:06.159 --> 01:28:08.239
He likes, you need to work with the medicine.
01:28:08.319 --> 01:28:11.199
You need to let go and let it do what it needs to do.
01:28:11.680 --> 01:28:13.520
So I'm like, man, I feel like I'm on punk.
01:28:13.680 --> 01:28:14.960
I'm looking for cameras and stuff.
01:28:15.039 --> 01:28:16.640
I'm like, bro, this is fake.
01:28:16.800 --> 01:28:23.760
Like, you know, I done spent all this money, come down here, travel down here, take off work to do this so I could get this experience, figure out what I need to do.
01:28:24.079 --> 01:28:28.159
After that, there were several more times where we consumed the ayahuasca.
01:28:28.319 --> 01:28:36.720
And yeah, man, uh, haven't shared this with a lot of people, but there felt like there was God doing surgery on me.
01:28:36.800 --> 01:28:38.079
Like I was wide open.
01:28:38.880 --> 01:28:45.199
And he was taking pieces of me out and repairing pieces of me and like getting me ready.
01:28:45.279 --> 01:28:48.000
He's like, all right, I'm gonna push you back out here, but I gotta take care of this.
01:28:48.960 --> 01:28:52.640
And it was like ayahuasca, you can kind of control it.
01:28:53.119 --> 01:28:55.680
You can say, All right, I'm ready to go, go.
01:28:56.079 --> 01:28:57.840
And it'll it'll start working.
01:28:58.000 --> 01:29:01.760
And if it starts to get too deep, you can say stop and it'll stop.
01:29:01.920 --> 01:29:03.359
They call it the grandmother.
01:29:03.600 --> 01:29:04.399
You know what I'm saying?
01:29:04.560 --> 01:29:12.479
So DMT's the toad, ayahuasca's the grandmother, and then they got peyote, the cactus, they call that the grandfather.
01:29:12.720 --> 01:29:17.600
The grandfather, I've never done that, but I'm actually scheduled to go do something with them later on this year.
01:29:17.760 --> 01:29:18.000
Okay.
01:29:18.159 --> 01:29:21.199
Because I'm still working through some stuff, you know what I'm saying?
01:29:21.520 --> 01:29:25.600
So uh, but the ayahuasca opened me up to some things.
01:29:25.680 --> 01:29:30.479
Um, thought about doing ketamine, but I've never felt like I was an addict.
01:29:30.560 --> 01:29:34.159
I just felt like, you know, I like, I enjoyed drinking, you know.
01:29:34.319 --> 01:29:39.680
And thankfully I was able to control uh my drinking habit without using ketamine or anything like that.
01:29:39.840 --> 01:29:42.800
Um, my therapist also agreed that she didn't think that I needed it.
01:29:42.880 --> 01:29:46.000
But uh there was, you know, I'm the type of person, I'll try anything, bro.
01:29:46.239 --> 01:29:51.439
But the therapist uh advised uh awasca.
01:29:51.840 --> 01:29:56.079
Nah, I mean she supported it, but she didn't point me in that direction.
01:29:56.159 --> 01:29:59.920
You know, she kind of let me move how I want to move, and she'll say, all right, well, what do you think about that?
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:00.720
You think that's a good idea?
01:30:00.880 --> 01:30:03.199
Nah, nah, you journal about it, you know, you pray about it.
01:30:03.279 --> 01:30:05.359
So um, love my therapist, man.
01:30:05.520 --> 01:30:07.680
Real cool, blessed to have that relationship with her.
01:30:07.920 --> 01:30:11.279
Um, actually got hooked up with her through the fire department.
01:30:11.439 --> 01:30:26.960
They had a program called 42 Cares, um, where you know, I don't know if you know man, but like over the last decade, it's been a lot of suicides and alcoholism and drug addiction and things on on any first responder front.
01:30:27.520 --> 01:30:34.479
And it used to be deal with whatever you're dealing with, don't talk about it, be a man, and you cool.
01:30:34.640 --> 01:30:40.159
And I was like, no, I don't mind talking about my feelings, but I want to talk about it in a safe space.
01:30:40.960 --> 01:30:49.199
So um started going to therapy through 42 cares, met um, met with somebody 10 sessions, and she was like, Yeah, bro.
01:30:49.359 --> 01:30:56.159
She told me straight up I was probably 33, 34 before I got with my now therapist when I was 35.
01:30:56.880 --> 01:30:59.119
She said, You don't have a problem with PTSD.
01:30:59.279 --> 01:31:06.319
You don't have a problem managing your um your finances or your relationships in your life.
01:31:06.479 --> 01:31:07.520
She says, You're good.
01:31:07.600 --> 01:31:09.760
She's like, you just don't like being married.
01:31:10.079 --> 01:31:11.680
She's like, you don't like being married.
01:31:11.760 --> 01:31:13.279
And then she said, I think you want to be married.
01:31:13.359 --> 01:31:16.479
She said, but you don't like the situation you're in now being married.
01:31:16.720 --> 01:31:19.520
And she's like, I can't make a recommendation on what you should do.
01:31:19.600 --> 01:31:21.359
But she said, that's where your problem is.
01:31:21.520 --> 01:31:23.520
She told me that years ago.
01:31:23.760 --> 01:31:25.359
I was like, man, whatever, bro.
01:31:25.439 --> 01:31:26.560
I'm riding it out.
01:31:26.800 --> 01:31:30.640
You know, I'm one foot in, one foot out riding it out, but I'm riding it out.
01:31:30.800 --> 01:31:31.680
You know what I'm saying?
01:31:31.840 --> 01:31:36.239
Maybe if I would have gotten more committed to God or committed to the relationship, it would have still worked.
01:31:36.399 --> 01:31:41.039
But I was like, I'm riding it out, you know, while still doing all the wrong things.
01:31:41.359 --> 01:31:47.199
Um, got with my therapist at 35, and my big thing was, I remember I was at the juke house, bro.
01:31:47.840 --> 01:31:49.760
And I seen these older cats, bro.
01:31:49.840 --> 01:31:52.479
They was like 50 again, comparing myself to other people, bro.
01:31:52.560 --> 01:31:54.079
I don't know why I do this.
01:31:54.800 --> 01:31:59.920
It's something I'm asking God to deliver me from because I don't need to be comparing myself to nobody.
01:32:00.000 --> 01:32:08.640
I'm looking at these old cats in there, I'm like, bro, these old dudes still in the club, bro, on a Wednesday night doing club stuff.
01:32:08.880 --> 01:32:09.439
You know?
01:32:09.680 --> 01:32:11.199
I'm judging, I'm 35.
01:32:11.359 --> 01:32:12.319
You in here too.
01:32:12.640 --> 01:32:14.000
You got kids at home too.
01:32:14.159 --> 01:32:15.600
You drinking too.
01:32:15.920 --> 01:32:18.800
But I'm looking at them and I'm like, I don't want that.
01:32:18.960 --> 01:32:24.720
You know, I don't want to be 50 years old in the club, still doing the same thing that I was doing when I was 35.
01:32:24.880 --> 01:32:27.119
And I felt like I was plateauing at 35.
01:32:27.199 --> 01:32:32.000
Like I felt like I had this trajectory where I kept moving up, up, up, up, up, but I was flatlining.
01:32:32.239 --> 01:32:33.359
And I didn't want that.
01:32:33.600 --> 01:32:35.840
So that's when I got with my now therapist.
01:32:35.920 --> 01:32:38.800
And uh, yeah, man, it's been good, man.
01:32:39.039 --> 01:32:39.760
It's been good.
01:32:39.840 --> 01:32:42.239
I I am an advocate for mental health.
01:32:42.479 --> 01:32:49.119
No matter what you want to talk about with your therapist, um, if if you don't like the therapist after two or three sessions, find another one.
01:32:49.279 --> 01:32:59.119
I've been to marriage counseling, two or three different therapists, didn't agree with certain things, agree with certain things, couples counseling, didn't agree with certain things, you know, vice versa.
01:32:59.279 --> 01:33:02.399
But my now therapist, I like it's like talking to one of my sisters.
01:33:02.560 --> 01:33:04.239
You know, she'll hold me accountable.
01:33:04.399 --> 01:33:14.000
You know, she'll tell me when I'm wrong, she'll tell me when I'm doing something dumb, you know, she'll ask me, you know, you know, what's my plan, you know, um, or how do I think this will affect uh other people?
01:33:14.079 --> 01:33:20.319
But uh one thing I tell you about therapy, man, if you're not gonna be honest, where are you going?
01:33:20.640 --> 01:33:21.279
You know what I'm saying?
01:33:21.359 --> 01:33:30.079
That's that's like going to the doctor, and uh they ask you what's wrong, and you omit certain things that are wrong with you, you know what I'm saying?
01:33:30.239 --> 01:33:30.880
Certain symptoms.
01:33:31.039 --> 01:33:38.159
You say, oh, well, you know, my arm is itching, you know, so I got this rash, but you're not also telling her that you got a sore throat and you got this and you got that.
01:33:38.239 --> 01:33:40.079
Well, you probably got some kind of infection, bro.
01:33:40.159 --> 01:33:44.479
You need to let them know everything so they can address everything, you know what I'm saying?
01:33:44.720 --> 01:33:52.960
Um off tangent, bro, like in Duomo, bro, Tasha said, bro, 50,000 times in his interview.
01:33:53.039 --> 01:33:54.159
That was so funny.
01:33:54.399 --> 01:34:02.800
But um, it talks about how when we as sinners go through things, man, we feel guilt and we feel shame about what we did, you know.
01:34:02.880 --> 01:34:06.479
And I I feel that, you know, I have regrets about a lot of stuff that I've done.
01:34:06.960 --> 01:34:09.119
Um, but it says that that's not of the spirit.
01:34:09.279 --> 01:34:10.000
You know what I'm saying?
01:34:10.079 --> 01:34:12.000
It says guilt and shame is of the enemy.
01:34:12.159 --> 01:34:17.279
And it's like going into a courtroom and you gotta try to prove your innocence.
01:34:17.520 --> 01:34:21.920
Oh, I did this right, I did this right, I did this right, and you want to hide all the bad things that you did.
01:34:22.960 --> 01:34:27.520
But when you go to God, it's not like being in a courtroom, it's like being in a hospital.
01:34:27.840 --> 01:34:30.159
He a surgeon, like I said, he's cutting you open.
01:34:30.319 --> 01:34:32.960
Like, yeah, I might have to cut you open and deal with this.
01:34:33.279 --> 01:34:37.600
But once I kick that thing out of you that's bad, now you can heal.
01:34:37.760 --> 01:34:37.920
Yeah.
01:34:38.079 --> 01:34:43.119
But while you're going through your healing process, you can't run straight back to what you was doing and made you sick again.
01:34:43.439 --> 01:34:44.960
Because then you're gonna be right back over here.
01:34:45.039 --> 01:34:46.159
I might have to cut you again.
01:34:46.239 --> 01:34:46.640
Yeah.
01:34:46.880 --> 01:34:47.520
You know?
01:34:47.840 --> 01:34:52.560
So, bro, I done bumped my head on the wall, like I said, bro, about 23 years.
01:34:53.119 --> 01:34:57.920
And uh I don't know what exactly happened.
01:34:58.720 --> 01:35:03.199
It's been uh it's been an array of things that have transpired over the last few years.
01:35:03.279 --> 01:35:08.399
I think a collection of things that have got me to where I am now, and just get to a point of surrender, bro.
01:35:08.720 --> 01:35:11.039
And like I ain't finna keep moving like this, man.
01:35:11.199 --> 01:35:11.840
You know what I'm saying?
01:35:11.920 --> 01:35:15.920
I'ma just let God do him and ride it out from there.
01:35:16.159 --> 01:35:19.680
So shout out to my brother Dennis Ortiz.
01:35:19.760 --> 01:35:27.119
He talked about that ayahuasca experience and yeah, how that first time he was kind of like you too, and then he had to do it for the second.
01:35:27.199 --> 01:35:31.439
And like he experienced the whole, the full experience.
01:35:31.840 --> 01:35:34.880
Um so in closing, unless you ask something else.
01:35:35.119 --> 01:35:40.000
I think you know, we had talked about the Israelites, you know, when they got uh saved from Egypt.
01:35:40.079 --> 01:35:41.359
I hope I'm talking about the right people.
01:35:41.439 --> 01:35:42.720
I'm not a Bible scholar, yeah.
01:35:42.800 --> 01:35:43.199
Me neither.
01:35:43.359 --> 01:35:48.560
But um you're talking about when they walked through with Moses and Yeah, when they got sent to the wilderness, you know what I'm saying?
01:35:48.720 --> 01:35:50.239
That's basically where I'm at right now.
01:35:50.399 --> 01:35:50.960
You know what I'm saying?
01:35:51.039 --> 01:35:54.159
God done freed me from that thorn in my side.
01:35:54.319 --> 01:35:55.439
Do I still see women?
01:35:55.520 --> 01:35:56.880
Do I still get tempted by women?
01:35:56.960 --> 01:35:57.600
Do I still fuck?
01:35:57.840 --> 01:35:58.399
Yeah.
01:35:58.720 --> 01:36:05.199
But the pull and the draw that it had on me and all the hurt that I've caused and the problem with it, it's not, bro.
01:36:05.279 --> 01:36:07.600
I used to feel like I needed to connect.
01:36:07.760 --> 01:36:08.640
You know, I needed to.
01:36:08.800 --> 01:36:10.640
And now it's like, nah, bro, just go to sleep.
01:36:10.720 --> 01:36:11.439
You know what I'm saying?
01:36:11.600 --> 01:36:14.479
I do my day, I go through my stuff, I go to sleep, it ain't no big deal.
01:36:14.560 --> 01:36:19.119
So I'm glad to have overcome the big initial hurdle with that.
01:36:19.439 --> 01:36:28.159
But now I'm in this realm where I'm not leaning on myself for strength and guidance or, you know, or doing it my way.
01:36:28.239 --> 01:36:30.399
I'm just like, no, I'm gonna lean, lean on God.
01:36:30.479 --> 01:36:31.039
You know what I'm saying?
01:36:31.119 --> 01:36:33.199
He's gonna show me the way, he's gonna keep me strong.
01:36:33.359 --> 01:36:35.920
Like, you know, there wasn't no food when they went to the wilderness.
01:36:36.000 --> 01:36:39.520
You know, they're like, well, back in Egypt, we was doing this and doing this and doing this.
01:36:39.840 --> 01:36:40.800
It wasn't that bad.
01:36:41.039 --> 01:36:41.760
He was like, really?
01:36:42.159 --> 01:36:43.520
Because they only had manna.
01:36:43.680 --> 01:36:47.920
But that manna was just enough to keep you good, but it kept you dependent on him.
01:36:48.399 --> 01:36:55.920
And so for me, I'm like, I'm good, but I need to just depend on God and I'll be straight.
01:36:56.159 --> 01:37:01.039
Regardless of what I did in my past, regardless of how anybody looks at me, regardless of what I did.
01:37:01.199 --> 01:37:05.279
If I just keep my eyes fixed on God, man, I wish I had this word.
01:37:05.600 --> 01:37:08.399
There's a terminology for sunflowers.
01:37:09.279 --> 01:37:14.720
Sunflowers, when the sun comes up, they all face uh west.
01:37:15.439 --> 01:37:17.119
Sun rising east, it's the east, right?
01:37:17.359 --> 01:37:18.640
The sun rising east, yeah.
01:37:19.199 --> 01:37:20.079
They face east.
01:37:20.239 --> 01:37:30.640
But as the sun goes across the field, the sunflower field, the sunflowers turn the face of themselves up and then over to the west.
01:37:31.680 --> 01:37:35.600
And so I heard this in a sermon, and it was like keep your eyes fixed on God.
01:37:36.399 --> 01:37:42.399
Because if you keep your eyes fixed on Him, you can't get distracted about whatever else was going on around you.
01:37:42.640 --> 01:37:46.720
There's a scientific term for it, but man, I thought that was so cold.
01:37:46.880 --> 01:37:47.199
Uh-huh.
01:37:47.359 --> 01:37:49.520
Because it's something as simple as sunflower.
01:37:49.760 --> 01:37:50.880
But yeah, they do it, man.
01:37:50.960 --> 01:37:52.000
Like Google it, bro.
01:37:52.079 --> 01:37:55.680
Like, had you ever looked at one just to see if you could catch it.
01:37:56.000 --> 01:38:00.479
I mean, you're gonna be looking for a 12 hours, but you know what I'm saying?
01:38:00.640 --> 01:38:03.680
But yeah, I'm sure in the evening, they're looking west.
01:38:03.840 --> 01:38:06.239
I'm sure in the morning, they looking east.
01:38:06.399 --> 01:38:08.720
I'm sure at noon, they're looking straight up.
01:38:08.960 --> 01:38:09.680
That's crazy.
01:38:09.920 --> 01:38:10.479
That's crazy.
01:38:10.640 --> 01:38:15.199
But yeah, keep your eyes fixed on God, man, you know, and and then everything will be all right.
01:38:15.279 --> 01:38:20.640
Like a lot of the stuff that we worry about, or we'd be concerned about, like, bro, I don't need to promote my business.
01:38:20.800 --> 01:38:21.600
You know what I'm saying?
01:38:21.680 --> 01:38:24.800
I don't need to over-exert myself as a father.
01:38:24.880 --> 01:38:28.479
I don't need to over-exert myself to study for the Chiefs test when my time comes.
01:38:28.720 --> 01:38:30.159
He's gonna take care of it, bro.
01:38:30.640 --> 01:38:33.359
And if he keeps me right where I'm at, then that's where I'm supposed to be.
01:38:33.439 --> 01:38:34.800
And I'm content with that, dog.
01:38:35.359 --> 01:38:36.239
Like straight up.
01:38:36.479 --> 01:38:38.960
So I thank you for the opportunity, man.
01:38:39.119 --> 01:38:42.880
Uh, like I said, you know, it was crazy to get that car from Teshine.
01:38:43.439 --> 01:38:47.840
I was like I said, I was thinking about, you know, how am I going to tell people about the new Ralph?
01:38:47.920 --> 01:38:50.399
And it's just like, boy, you still working on the new Ralph.
01:38:50.560 --> 01:38:51.439
You know what I'm saying?
01:38:51.600 --> 01:38:54.000
But God provided me this platform through you, man.
01:38:54.079 --> 01:38:54.960
So thank you so much.
01:38:55.039 --> 01:38:57.199
Uh keep keep doing what you're doing, man.
01:38:57.279 --> 01:38:58.479
Keep giving guys the opportunity.
01:38:58.560 --> 01:39:04.880
It's a lot of good guys out here, man, black, white, Hispanic, good women, you know, going through things in life, man.
01:39:04.960 --> 01:39:13.359
And, you know, I just hope whatever somebody heard today, um, I I don't care what what they think about me, but I hope it helps them through their journey.
01:39:13.520 --> 01:39:13.680
Yeah.
01:39:13.840 --> 01:39:14.399
You know what I'm saying?
01:39:14.479 --> 01:39:16.880
Because it's some people who are battling with the same things.
01:39:17.039 --> 01:39:18.000
So uh, yeah.
01:39:18.159 --> 01:39:18.479
Yeah.
01:39:18.720 --> 01:39:24.079
I don't know if that was you uh marking us out or not, but if you marking us out.
01:39:24.319 --> 01:39:24.479
Thank you.
01:39:26.079 --> 01:39:27.359
If that was, that's cool.
01:39:27.760 --> 01:39:28.640
That's my mark, I guess.
01:39:28.800 --> 01:39:29.840
And then my prayer.
01:39:30.000 --> 01:39:31.439
Uh uh, yeah, man.
01:39:31.680 --> 01:39:34.479
Dear Heavenly Father, uh, just thank you for this day.
01:39:34.640 --> 01:39:39.439
Uh, thank you for this space to be able to be transparent and vulnerable, Lord.
01:39:39.600 --> 01:39:46.880
Um, again, I want to uh thank you for your grace over the last 23 years of my life where I've just been out here running.
01:39:47.119 --> 01:39:55.840
Um, and I'm thankful that you have finally got my attention and got my eyes focused on you, uh, to where I can stop doing a lot of that dumb stuff, man.
01:39:56.000 --> 01:39:56.319
Yes.
01:39:56.560 --> 01:40:03.119
Um I thank you for the examples of strong men that have been put around me, uh, that can keep me on the right track.
01:40:03.279 --> 01:40:05.439
If I left anybody out, my apologies.
01:40:05.520 --> 01:40:10.720
I thank you for the women that you have put in my life, uh, my friends, my family, mentors.
01:40:10.880 --> 01:40:12.800
Um, I thank you for this platform, Lord.
01:40:12.880 --> 01:40:19.119
Just for the people who have helped hold me accountable, helped keep me on the right track, help me when I'm falling, when I've been weak.
01:40:19.199 --> 01:40:21.680
Um, I just thank you for keeping me through all of this, Lord.
01:40:22.000 --> 01:40:31.439
Um, I ask you to please bless this man as he continues to do his work and give people the opportunity to come and speak and uh just lay it all out on the line, Lord.
01:40:31.520 --> 01:40:35.600
So as I always say, thank you for everything you've done, you're doing, and you've yet to do.
01:40:35.760 --> 01:40:39.199
And I ask you to just keep using me and uh ready to work.
01:40:39.439 --> 01:40:40.079
Amen.
01:40:40.319 --> 01:40:40.640
Amen.
01:40:41.119 --> 01:40:45.359
The goal is to leave a lasting imprint on their minds and their hearts from praise and indelibly work.
01:40:46.560 --> 01:40:47.600
Appreciate you, man.
01:40:48.479 --> 01:40:48.800
Okay.
01:40:49.039 --> 01:40:50.239
Appreciate that.
01:40:50.560 --> 01:40:51.199
Oh, please.