00:00:06.959 --> 00:00:15.039
I remember having a few conversations with my dad about leadership where it's like, you know, I'm just being tough on you to make sure you do the right thing.
00:00:15.279 --> 00:00:18.800
It's like, no, I would I'll still do the right thing if you gave me a hug.
00:00:23.920 --> 00:00:28.160
In theory and practice, brought to you by talktherapy.nyc.
00:00:31.280 --> 00:00:40.399
New York City therapists talk about a concept or theory from clinical psychology and then describe what it might look like to work within that theory in therapy.
00:00:49.359 --> 00:00:52.560
Hi, I'm licensed mental health counselor Birch Cooper.
00:00:52.719 --> 00:00:56.719
Welcome to our episode on how I work with clients in leadership roles.
00:00:57.039 --> 00:01:00.159
We'll start the podcast off by defining leadership.
00:01:00.320 --> 00:01:04.400
Then I'll talk about decision making as a key component of leadership.
00:01:04.560 --> 00:01:16.879
And I will cover three leadership styles, followed by how different styles of leadership can be contrasted to provide additional options when leaders are feeling stuck and as an opportunity for personal growth.
00:01:17.200 --> 00:01:21.359
Two comedians will join us to share some personal stories about leadership.
00:01:21.680 --> 00:01:33.200
Stacy will share an inspiring story and we will end with what we call an elevator rant, a brief, relatable frustration and an actual intervention that helps cope with frustration.
00:01:33.680 --> 00:01:39.760
During these podcasts, I talk about some of the underlying theories of talk therapy for educational purposes.
00:01:40.000 --> 00:01:49.200
Although some therapists do explain concepts or theories in talk therapy, on this podcast I go deeper into theory than I would in a typical therapy session.
00:01:49.359 --> 00:01:51.359
How would you like to lead?
00:01:52.239 --> 00:01:57.519
How one leads depends on the individual, their style, and the challenge that they are facing.
00:01:57.920 --> 00:02:03.920
Leaders are people too, so I work with those who lead mostly the same way I do everyone else.
00:02:04.319 --> 00:02:14.319
No one has come into therapy and asked to talk about leadership for an hour, but it might be one of the challenges they bring into any given session or a theme during treatment.
00:02:14.800 --> 00:02:24.319
Their goals for therapy might be something like help me prepare for a leadership role, or I would like to feel more confident about the leadership decisions I make.
00:02:24.879 --> 00:02:30.639
I think it's most helpful to think about leadership as an aspect of identity and experience.
00:02:30.879 --> 00:02:35.680
So leadership comes up in a session like anything else, occasionally or mixed in.
00:02:35.840 --> 00:02:42.000
The first aspect of leadership we'll cover is decision-making that is best conceptualized as a spectrum.
00:02:42.479 --> 00:02:49.599
On one side, you have unilateral decision-making by one person at the top, is known as directive.
00:02:50.479 --> 00:02:52.719
He gave us this directive.
00:02:53.439 --> 00:03:02.719
Or on the other side, participative, a more egalitarian decision-making process where the team is actively involved in decision making.
00:03:03.439 --> 00:03:11.280
This side can vary from providing input to the complete other side of the decision-making spectrum, where everyone gets a vote.
00:03:12.159 --> 00:03:19.039
Beyond decision-making, there are five leadership styles that I focus on, and today we will talk about three of them.
00:03:20.000 --> 00:03:24.800
Each starts with a question a leader using that style might ask themselves.
00:03:25.919 --> 00:03:26.960
Situational.
00:03:28.000 --> 00:03:32.719
What is this individual good at, and what is the ideal way to engage with them?
00:03:33.520 --> 00:03:46.479
When practicing situational leadership, you as a leader optimize the flexibility of adapting to the needs and readiness of those you are leading, utilizing a combination of directive and supportive behaviors.
00:03:47.120 --> 00:03:58.240
With an understanding of the maturity and competence of each team member, you will shift between four styles: directing, coaching, supporting, and delegating.
00:03:58.879 --> 00:04:00.719
Servant leadership.
00:04:01.199 --> 00:04:04.080
What does my team need to perform at their best?
00:04:05.360 --> 00:04:12.560
As part of servant leadership, you prioritize being of service to others, placing the needs of your team above your own.
00:04:12.879 --> 00:04:19.519
You ensure your team has everything they need in order to help them grow, develop, and perform at their best.
00:04:20.319 --> 00:04:26.240
If a task is necessary to move forward, no task is beneath you in servant leadership.
00:04:26.720 --> 00:04:28.879
Transformational leadership.
00:04:29.439 --> 00:04:33.600
How do I inspire them to grow as a team to meet this challenge?
00:04:34.079 --> 00:04:42.399
As the leader practicing transformational leadership, you will establish an inspiring and motivating vision that resonates with all involved.
00:04:42.800 --> 00:04:46.480
Your desire is for everyone to reach their full potential.
00:04:46.800 --> 00:04:55.199
As leadership, you will identify and foster each individual's unique skills while working towards the organization's shared goals.
00:04:55.680 --> 00:05:06.399
By developing strong relationships and providing individualized attention, as a transformational leader, you cultivate an environment where employees feel empowered to contribute creatively.
00:05:06.560 --> 00:05:09.680
Most of the people I work with have a primary leadership style.
00:05:09.839 --> 00:05:15.199
Sometimes they learned about it in business school or read about it or have come to it organically.
00:05:15.759 --> 00:05:25.360
The best way to understand how I use the styles in a session is by listening for what style might have information for the client to consider and asking it as a question.
00:05:26.240 --> 00:05:29.680
In what ways can you adapt to address this issue?
00:05:30.480 --> 00:05:40.800
At times I use their primary leadership style to come up with the questions, but when a client is stuck, it is equally helpful to ask about an element utilized in a different style.
00:05:42.000 --> 00:05:48.319
So you might ask someone who is prone to the servant style, making sure their staff have everything they need to succeed.
00:05:48.560 --> 00:05:51.600
Who on your team could grow and meet this challenge?
00:05:51.839 --> 00:05:54.959
Or what goal might they find inspiring?
00:05:55.600 --> 00:05:59.839
The concept is based on something called Jungian untyping.
00:06:00.160 --> 00:06:06.160
Carl Jung was a Swiss psychologist and a student of Freud who worked in the early 20th century.
00:06:06.319 --> 00:06:10.480
He is widely regarded as one of the most influential psychologists ever.
00:06:10.959 --> 00:06:16.000
He created a personality framework, Carl Jung's theory of psychological types.
00:06:16.240 --> 00:06:20.560
It's what the Myers-Briggs personality framework was originally based on.
00:06:21.439 --> 00:06:31.600
Jung acknowledged that it is important to know yourself what type of personality you have, but he believed it was equally important to pursue what he called untyping.
00:06:32.000 --> 00:06:39.279
Jung believed that through the process of untyping, working against the grain a bit is how we actually change and grow.
00:06:39.759 --> 00:06:52.000
Jung suggested applying this to personality traits, not leadership styles, but I wanted a way to work with leaders that was grounded in theory and utilize their unused or undeveloped leadership traits.
00:06:52.959 --> 00:06:57.199
Clients don't always know the answer in the moment, although sometimes they do.
00:06:57.439 --> 00:07:01.680
It can also simply be an exploration or something they reflect on.
00:07:02.000 --> 00:07:07.040
You can catch Ayanna Dukey and Anthony Moore performing at comedy clubs around town.
00:07:08.319 --> 00:07:13.920
Ayana shares her observations at the comedy and personal growth on Instagram and YouTube.
00:07:15.439 --> 00:07:20.800
Ayana's description of hosting comedy shows closely matches the servant leadership style.
00:07:21.199 --> 00:07:26.879
To be a good host, you are the sacrificial lamb.
00:07:27.360 --> 00:07:29.839
I tell any comic, I'm like, you want to be a better comedian?
00:07:30.160 --> 00:07:30.639
Host.
00:07:30.959 --> 00:07:34.079
I feel like at this point I host more than I actually do spots.
00:07:34.639 --> 00:07:41.040
And I know that if I do a poor job hosting, that first comic that's coming on after me, they're gonna have to re-host.
00:07:41.199 --> 00:07:59.839
I try to warm the crowd up as quick as possible, doing the rah-rah, rah, rah, rah, where you from, oh, those, you know, the typical things that we see people doing crowd work, but I try to get into material as quick as possible, as quickly as possible, because I need that crowd to be accustomed to hearing setup punch, set up punch, set up punch.
00:08:00.000 --> 00:08:03.360
Because I know the comics that are coming after me, that's what they're gonna be doing.
00:08:03.519 --> 00:08:07.839
They're not gonna be for the most part doing, hey guy, where are you from, or doing so?
00:08:08.000 --> 00:08:17.680
I want the crowd to know that to just get that in their in their body that I'm going to hear actual structured jokes.
00:08:18.240 --> 00:08:20.800
I think I could be a bit of an asshole.
00:08:20.959 --> 00:08:26.560
Um, but when the show is going well, when comics are like, oh my gosh, that crowd was so they were amazing.
00:08:26.720 --> 00:08:28.079
I always go, you're welcome.
00:08:28.720 --> 00:08:36.879
Because I know that as the host, your job is to make this random group of strangers a unified audience.
00:08:37.200 --> 00:08:46.080
And I don't think that comics who have never hosted understand or even pay deference to the host that did that.
00:08:46.240 --> 00:08:56.000
Because these people are coming in from off the street, whatever they were doing before the show, they're talking amongst each other, they're getting drinks, somebody's late, the train was delayed, whatever.
00:08:56.080 --> 00:09:02.000
They're coming into this room with their entire life going on before entering the showroom.
00:09:02.320 --> 00:09:19.519
And to get them to settle down, to get people's attention while they're, I want a Moscow mule, or trying to, you know, their friends walk in, hey girls, good to see, like all of that, or I gotta go to the bat, but it's just so, it's just chaos.
00:09:20.000 --> 00:09:30.320
And to get that room to and do, you know, and now we are all moving as a unit because when you get those loud, that those loud laughs, that's energy.
00:09:30.559 --> 00:09:33.759
That's the entire room moving as one unit.
00:09:34.480 --> 00:09:41.120
And to be a good host, you are the sacrificial lamb.
00:09:41.279 --> 00:09:58.720
You are the one that's going, I know that these people might not leave this show seeing how amazing I am as a comedian or as a joke writer, because they're probably not gonna, I'm not gonna ever have that 15, 20 minutes to get that rhythm going, right?
00:09:59.039 --> 00:10:03.039
Because my job is to set the stage for everybody coming behind me.
00:10:03.360 --> 00:10:06.879
And that's why a lot of hosts, after a few years, they're like, I don't want to do this no more.
00:10:07.360 --> 00:10:14.080
I do not want to do this anymore because it is a selflish job, and comics who have never hosted before don't think about that.
00:10:14.159 --> 00:10:16.559
They get on stage and they're just like, Oh, well, I'm so great.
00:10:16.639 --> 00:10:18.080
It's like, no, no, no, no, no.
00:10:18.159 --> 00:10:21.200
We set the stage so that you can be great.
00:10:21.440 --> 00:10:26.320
And I wish more comet comics would understand and respect that.
00:10:27.519 --> 00:10:36.080
Originally from Philly, Anthony Moore hosts his We Want More podcast on YouTube with clips from the show and his stand-up on Instagram.
00:10:36.320 --> 00:10:43.279
Here, Anthony talks about working one-to-one with students, hands-on leadership in the classroom, and how he would help students.
00:10:47.360 --> 00:10:54.559
I was a one-to-one worker, worked with kids with intellectual um disabilities or behavior challenges.
00:10:54.720 --> 00:11:10.240
So, with my role, I led students, but also because I was kind of staff support, also had to follow follow the lead of teachers and like just the the staff above me, the principals, the assistant principals, those people.
00:11:10.480 --> 00:11:20.159
So I was kinda in a weird space where I had to lead people, but at the same time, because I wasn't an uh employee of the school, nobody respected me.
00:11:20.399 --> 00:11:21.360
Students or staff.
00:11:21.679 --> 00:11:33.279
It's like principal, teachers, then like the other staff, like the secretaries, janitors, and then peer professional, that's kind of how they looked at, that's how the students look at you.
00:11:33.519 --> 00:11:37.360
I say it's probably the other staff that makes it hurt, actually.
00:11:37.600 --> 00:11:44.480
The staff they make it challenging because they might try to direct you on what you need to do, but they're actually not in the classroom seeing what's going on.
00:11:44.559 --> 00:11:46.960
So that's a that's a big problem with schools.
00:11:47.120 --> 00:11:55.039
The teachers and the peer professionals, the one in the classrooms actually doing like that hands-on, the the hands-on like experience.
00:11:55.279 --> 00:12:07.279
They see what's happening and what changes need to be made and how to adapt to the classroom, but it's somebody that might be put in a higher position, whereas that's not really the best way to apply to this situation.
00:12:07.840 --> 00:12:12.639
That's that's the perfect way to put it, is like a theory is just a theory.
00:12:12.879 --> 00:12:20.000
A theory, like it doesn't that theory doesn't work in every situation because every situation is different.
00:12:20.159 --> 00:12:28.799
So would you apply to like one autistic child that are dig are dealing with some triggers, that doesn't mean that's gonna work for the other child.
00:12:29.039 --> 00:12:34.080
But the kids, I would try to build their confidence just with like small things that they were able to do.
00:12:34.240 --> 00:12:46.159
So if they might be afraid of reading in the classroom, start them out, let them read separately, and then when it comes time, have them read that same thing with the rest of the class.
00:12:46.399 --> 00:12:50.480
So it's like they already saw it beforehand, so they everybody feels somewhat comfortable.
00:12:50.720 --> 00:13:03.679
Starting them off with like really simple math problems, whether it be like just one plus one, two plus two, in that one-to-one setting, they would be okay with messing up instead of letting everybody sit and mess up or something.
00:13:03.919 --> 00:13:07.200
Working with the kids, it seemed like I thought they hated me.
00:13:07.360 --> 00:13:12.879
And then once I stopped working there, like during a pandemic, somehow the kids they found me online.
00:13:13.279 --> 00:13:17.200
They f like they would find me on on YouTube and like leave comments like, hey, Mr.
00:13:17.360 --> 00:13:19.600
Anthony is like remember me.
00:13:19.759 --> 00:13:20.639
So things of that sort.
00:13:20.720 --> 00:13:24.799
So that let me know that I kind of did leave a lasting imprint.
00:13:25.120 --> 00:13:31.120
I definitely did find it um fulfilling knowing that I could be um a positive role model.
00:13:31.200 --> 00:13:37.440
I mean, you hear some of the stories or you're just around the kids every day, you naturally do want to see them succeed and do better.
00:13:37.840 --> 00:13:56.879
When kids are going through tough situations, you try not to take home the problems with you, but then you notice that like you you have indent conversations with your partner about I I can't believe this kid did this, or I can't believe this kid is dealing with this, or you start sharing like this kid learned this today.
00:13:57.120 --> 00:14:00.559
Naturally, you do take home the good and bad from the job.
00:14:00.720 --> 00:14:02.960
The good definitely did make it worth it.
00:14:03.279 --> 00:14:05.759
And now, an inspiring story from Stacy.
00:14:06.080 --> 00:14:13.600
Open your heart, close your eyes, and come along with me, Stacy, as I share a true inspiring story.
00:14:16.480 --> 00:14:28.240
In Milwaukee, Oregon, where the morning air can carry the smell of fresh bread from neighborhood bakeries, Dave Dahl spent years living with the feeling that his story had already been written.
00:14:29.120 --> 00:14:32.240
For a long time, the chapters had been hard ones.
00:14:32.559 --> 00:14:36.960
Dave had struggled with addiction and made choices that led him to prison.
00:14:37.279 --> 00:14:42.000
When he returned to his hometown, more than a backpack sat on his shoulders.
00:14:42.240 --> 00:14:49.120
He was also carrying the weight of his past, and in the eyes of some, the stigma of his mistakes.
00:14:49.919 --> 00:14:58.080
His family, more open and forgiving than most, managed the ideal trifecta for anyone returning to a community after prison.
00:14:58.399 --> 00:15:03.440
Stable housing, a job, and the agency to navigate one's basic needs.
00:15:04.000 --> 00:15:21.039
They welcomed him back into the family bakery, which led to early mornings, flour on his hands, dough to mix, ovens to tend, the ordinary rhythm of a bakery, the kind of structure and stability that can begin to mend just about anything.
00:15:21.519 --> 00:15:29.039
Second chances often begin that way, not with applause, but with someone saying, Welcome back, there's work to do.
00:15:29.759 --> 00:15:35.279
Eventually, he helped create a bread company that became known as Dave's Killer Bread.
00:15:35.519 --> 00:15:41.360
But the most meaningful part of the story isn't just the bread itself, it is the idea behind it.
00:15:41.679 --> 00:15:47.519
Dave became an advocate for giving people with criminal records opportunities to rebuild their lives.
00:15:47.840 --> 00:15:53.200
The company is known for hiring people who, like Dave, are trying to start a new chapter.
00:15:53.519 --> 00:15:57.679
Because most of us would never want to be judged only by our hardest one.
00:15:58.320 --> 00:16:12.960
Dave Dahl's story reminds us that redemption takes place over time, slowly, like bread rising before dawn, quietly, patiently, noticeable only to keen observers and those who remember where things started.
00:16:13.440 --> 00:16:17.279
Sometimes a second chance is not simply another opportunity.
00:16:17.519 --> 00:16:20.799
Sometimes it goes beyond starting a different chapter.
00:16:21.039 --> 00:16:27.039
And someone who was once lost in their own story can create a whole new life for themselves.
00:16:27.679 --> 00:16:30.559
Thank you for joining me for this inspiring story.
00:16:30.799 --> 00:16:36.720
When we meet again, hopefully, I can share a story that will inspire you like you have inspired others.
00:16:36.960 --> 00:16:38.720
Sincerely, Stacy.
00:16:44.000 --> 00:16:51.120
An elevator rant is a brief, impassioned burst of expression meant to release strong, repressed, or pent-up emotions.
00:16:52.480 --> 00:16:54.320
These are actors.
00:16:56.159 --> 00:16:59.200
Results in therapist participation may vary.
00:17:13.279 --> 00:17:16.400
I actually enjoy connecting with my male colleagues.
00:17:16.559 --> 00:17:20.799
Um most of my male colleagues.
00:17:21.200 --> 00:17:23.680
I like it when they open up to me.
00:17:24.240 --> 00:17:25.599
Most of the time.
00:17:26.880 --> 00:17:29.279
Please don't complain to me about your wife.
00:17:29.519 --> 00:17:30.160
Yes.
00:17:30.559 --> 00:17:36.160
Wives ask their husbands to take out the trash, and everyone should know how to load a dishwasher.
00:17:37.039 --> 00:17:46.079
When your mind goes to domestic squabbles, it makes me curious about how you see me as a colleague.
00:17:46.880 --> 00:17:47.200
Oh.
00:17:48.319 --> 00:17:51.119
And Jim from Accounting.
00:17:51.680 --> 00:18:04.720
I am so glad that you felt comfortable sharing on the company Slack while you no longer get up for women on the subway because they are coming after your job.
00:18:05.920 --> 00:18:07.599
Have you lost it?
00:18:08.160 --> 00:18:10.640
I could never live on your salary.
00:18:11.279 --> 00:18:15.599
Perhaps you should think about coming after my job.
00:18:18.720 --> 00:18:21.119
It's called guttural breathing.
00:18:21.359 --> 00:18:23.519
I use it to get the tension out.
00:18:24.480 --> 00:18:27.279
Oh, it's from deep in the diaphragm.
00:18:27.519 --> 00:18:29.920
I at a ground for good measure.
00:18:38.000 --> 00:18:39.440
It works for me.
00:18:40.799 --> 00:18:43.200
I can get bossy, I know that.
00:18:44.079 --> 00:18:46.400
I can become very bossy.
00:18:46.480 --> 00:18:47.119
I try not to.