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Dear listeners, what if everything you have been told about building habits is wrong?
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Not slightly off, but fundamentally wrong.
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What if the reason that your habits never stick?
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Is not a willpower problem, but it's it's a discipline problem.
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Or a you problem.
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Yes.
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The quote unquote you problem.
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But a design problem.
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I know the it's it's sounding very confusing, right?
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So what if the change was not supposed to be this hard?
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That's the conversation we are having today.
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And honestly, it might change everything.
00:00:49.679 --> 00:00:53.520
So hey day listeners, welcome back to another powerful episode of Healthy Mind, Healthy Life.
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I'm your host, Avik, and this is where we get real about what it actually takes to live and feel well.
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Today I'm joined by a lovely guest.
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Please welcome Roger Wave.
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So welcome to the show.
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Hello.
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Hello there.
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Thank you.
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Happy to be here.
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Amazing, Roger.
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Thank you so much for joining us today.
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It's really great to have you here.
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And before we get deep into the discussion today, I'll quickly love to introduce you with all the listeners.
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So, dear listeners, Roger is a 30-year student of human behavior and the subconscious mind.
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A former motivational speaker, a single dad who raised five kids, and the creator of Random Habit, a neuroscience-inspired app built around how humans actually change, not like how we wish they did.
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So there will be a lot of discussion, dear listeners.
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Let's get started.
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Welcome to the show again, Rajah.
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Thank you.
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Let's jump in.
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So, Rajal, before we get into the myths and the mechanics, I'd love to start with uh something personal.
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Like you spend a decade, yeah.
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So you spent a decade on stage as a motivational speaker, and then something shifted.
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You stepped away from that model.
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So I I'm curious, like what you were seeing.
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I mean, after the workshops ended and people went back to their real lives, that made you realize something in the world, or maybe the whole approach wasn't working.
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So, what exactly was happening?
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Well, I think for me it was it's really a matter of a lot of the models that currently exist forget that we're human.
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They forget that we that we have, you know, even the greatest people will fall down sometimes.
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Even the people that you look at as the greatest heroes and the greatest leaders may mess up.
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They may forget what they're doing, they may slip up, they may forget.
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We're all human, and so many of the the systems that are out there to help us improve are built around the perfect optimum.
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This is how it should be, and this is how it'd be perfect, and this is how you're supposed to do it.
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And when we mess up because we're humans, it just defeats the whole purpose.
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I agree.
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And uh so so that the stage could move problem, I mean the people, uh, but it couldn't hold them, and that gap became your real classroom.
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So that's such an honest thing to admit.
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And uh, I'd say that's such the courageous pivot as well.
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Right.
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So and also uh if you talk about the myths directly, because I think a lot of our listeners have um been uh braced by them, um, the 21-day habit rule, the strict, uh the just be more disciplined narrative, the idea that if a habit doesn't stick, something is wrong with the person.
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So, which of these myths do you think has caused uh the most damage?
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Like uh I mean, why is it so persistently believed?
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Well, I I think I think they all have equally, to be honest with you.
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And and it's believed because it's the only message that we've been told for so many years.
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I was a life coach myself, I've said some of those things, but but we forget that no one's going to have it perfect.
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Yeah, and that's the piece we forget.
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And because of that, the whole thing crumbles because it just causes us as humans who are trying to be better to just suffer because now we feel like we're failures on top of everything else.
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So why try anymore?
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Yeah.
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There's something almost cruel about that that is not there.
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Like when someone tries to build a habit and uh fails on day nine and concludes that I'm just not the kind of person who can do this.
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So they're not failing the habit, the habit model is failing them.
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So how often do you see that story play out?
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Oh, every time.
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Um, I like said in in 30 years of working with clients, uh, with everyone.
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I mean, I it only if the statistics are that 92% of us fail our New Year's resolution within one month.
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92%.
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I don't know very many people who hit 100% of their goals all the time, every time.
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I we just don't.
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And those systems were made to think, made made to make us think that because I didn't hit it, then I'm not good enough, or I'm not capable enough, or I'm not whatever, and that's all garbage.
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Yeah.
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Okay.
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Okay.
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You have spent 30 years studying the subconscious mind and behavior change.
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And one thing I find really compelling about your work is that you go below the surface of behavior into identity and subconscious buttoning.
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Um, so when a habit fails to stick, what's actually happening at that deeper level?
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A couple of things.
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Um, typically, when when we try to establish a habit, um, we do it in a couple of different ways.
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We either use kind of some kind of a tracking system, you know, a habit tracker app or a notebook or check boxes, or we'll we'll do the we'll do the willpower and discipline, and I'm just gonna push my way through it.
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So, regardless of which one of those two we're following, when we work towards our habit, what happens is it's routine, it's structure, it's it's good, and that is good to a point.
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But what happens is when when when when your brain knows that the reminder's coming, it makes it not as important to your brain, if that makes sense.
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The subconscious likes random things, it likes things that keep it awake, it likes things that keep it, that keep its attention.
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So this this routine of check a box, check a box, check a box.
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Oh no, I failed because I missed one, or push, push, push, discipline, discipline, willpower, willpower.
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Oh shoot, I missed a day because my kid got sick and I couldn't get it done.
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So now I have to start all over at zero.
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And that defeats us on the subconscious level.
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When you're saying what happens is we start to disbelieve in our ability to do it, we start to doubt ourselves, and and we start to blame ourselves because we didn't do it good enough.
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And this is the truth is there are very few human beings on this planet who are going to do it perfect every single time.
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And so what happens is when it starts to break down, then our subconscious, which part of our subconscious responsibility is to keep us safe and to keep us happy and to protect us from things that are gonna cause us harm.
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So if we don't like it, then let's just forget it.
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And now I'm just gonna delete the app because I didn't like it anyway.
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So we it it just breaks down at this at the the the the levels that it needs to create connections, it's instead breaking us down.
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So it's doing just exactly the opposite what it should be doing.
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Okay, and um I mean obviously that's fascinating.
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So the subconscious is not being uh I mean resistance or lazy lazy.
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Um, it's just doing its job and and it's protecting an identity, I think.
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So um which means the first work might not be building the habit at all, and it might be um something more internal, like so it is that where you uh start with people, like so is that where you start with the people or what?
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I mean, if you can share something.
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No, here here's the thing is it's just a matter of learning that there's a a different way of doing it.
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You know, we've been taught that there's only this way of doing it.
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Well, there is a new way, there's a different way, and and and hopefully I believe that's what I've created with random habit is is I it it eliminates the use of trackers, it eliminates the the need for willpower and discipline, and it uses the brain's neurology and the brain's neuroscience to do one or two to do two things.
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Actually, when you're creating a new habit, it's important that we have neuro new neuropaths.
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We also need to have a piece of it that locks us in on a subconscious level by using neuroscience.
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And so what we do with random habit is you get random reminders that we call sparks that randomly remind you at different times throughout the day to do whatever it is you need to do to establish your habit.
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So because it's random, your brain is always hooking for more.
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It doesn't get bored, it doesn't go to sleep.
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And then when you're when you when you complete it, you push a little thing in the app that says you've completed your spark, your activity, and then the app gives you a dopamine hit.
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So dopamine is locked in, and dopamine is the chemical that your brain uses to say, hey, this is cool, let's do it again.
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And dopamine's been given a bad rap.
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So I'm here to help people understand there's a good way to use dopamine to benefit yourself and to start building positive habits instead of negative ones.
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So behavior follows identity and not the other way around.
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So that one idea alone could save a lot of people years of frustration.
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And definitely I want to explore how this shows up in actual texture of someone's day.
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Because I think there's uh that's where listeners will really recognize themselves.
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So yeah.
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It's really it's really about learning how how to use a system that is made to work with who you are.
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A system that recognizes that who you are as an individual is very individual and it's unique to you.
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So you get to be a part of creating this.
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And then because you got to be a part of it, your subconscious recognizes it's part of your identity and it's much more willing to work with it to create these new neural connections.
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Amazing.
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So and like your app random habit is built around something called randomized, uh randomized document.
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So which immediately sounds counterintuitive because everything we are told about habits is all about consistency and routine.
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So uh if you can work us through the logic behind it.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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Um, consistency and routine only gets you so far.
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Um think think about it this way.
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When you when you do something repetitious over and over and over and over and over and over, before too long, you're going to get bored.
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Your brain gets bored long before that.
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So so when we're when we're looking at building habits just by consistency and willpower, that just means that we are just going to push through.
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See, this is the thing, is is is for some reason we've been taught that the only way to accomplish new things is to work hard and push through the hard stuff.
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No, it's not.
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So we just need to stop looking at those things.
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Discipline and willpower are wonderful.
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I'm not bashing them at all.
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They are absolutely wonderful and they're they're needed for certain things.
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But when creating a new habit, willpower and discipline are only going to get you out of the starting gate.
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Yeah.
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And it's going to come time that after a little while, unless you're seeing success every single day, you're going to get bored.
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And most of us are not going to see success every single day to keep us coming back.
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Most of us are going to see success very randomly at first.
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Um, so, so will willpower and discipline is only going to get you out the gate.
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You need something once you get out of the gate to keep your brain engaged.
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And that's when the randomized respond, the randomized, the random reminders and random habit to pick up the slack.
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Because the randomization causes your brain to be excited because it doesn't know what's coming next.
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It doesn't know, it knows that it likes what you get with this thing, but it doesn't know when the next one's coming and it likes that.
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It's going to keep it engaged, it's going to keep you actively engaged from a neuroscience standpoint with what you're doing to create your new habit.
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Way different than just getting bored because you're doing the same thing every day.
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Yeah, exactly.
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Hmm.
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Amazing.
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And uh so even with a well-designed system, life happens.
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A hard season, uh health challenge, disruption that throws everything off.
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And you have lived a genuinely nonlinear life, like uh location independent, uh blending major personal transitions with ongoing work.
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So, what does a kind of sustainable change actually look like uh for you?
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Like when uh real life keeps moving the goalpost.
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So, what do you have to say?
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Oh, well, that's I think that's kind of what I'm trying to help you.
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The world, the world kind of breathe with a little bit is the world is gonna keep moving and and most of the time it's not really in our control anyway.
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So if it's moving into a direction that we can that we can be moving forward ourselves and and recognize the biggest, the biggest thing is how hard for me to recognize that so many of us, when we stumble and fall in our work towards a new habit or our work towards improving ourselves in any way, when we stumble and fall, it's really easy to get up and keep going again after the first time.
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And then it's a little bit harder to get up the second time.
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And after the third or fourth time, it's really easy to say, you know, I just don't want to do this anymore.
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Yeah.
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I really, really, really want to help people see that there's a new way so that you can truly move forward with momentum and with happiness, so that you're engaged and wanting to be a better person every day and having these reminders, keeping your your neurology and your your your neuroscience, all of that engaged in your brain, um, it's an absolute recipe for success.
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Very true.
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Yeah.
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And um also, like uh for the listeners who has tried and failed at uh building habits more times than um they can count, um, who has quietly started to believe that lasting change just is not available to them, that they are somehow weird, uh differently or not disciplined enough.
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So, what do you most want them to hear from you?
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I want to hear them.
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I wish they could look in my soul and hear me say this like one more time, guys.
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I'm asking you for one more time, because this time, neuroscience is on board.
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This time, something way bigger than us is on board to help you.
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It's not the same.
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And I know they always say they're the same, but it's not the same.
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So this for all of you who are tired of failing and you're ready to say, I'm not just not gonna do it anymore.
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Give me one more time.
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Give me one more time.
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And I I I could I feel pretty good about I can say that this one last time would would wake you up and say, Wow, there's some cool stuff possible with this.
00:16:43.279 --> 00:16:44.240
That's interesting.
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Thanks for really interesting.
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Really?
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So, Misters, I'd love to uh share something like what we have learned today.
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What Roger has reminded us today is that the reason your habits haven't stuck is not because you lack discipline, but it's all because the systems you were given were not designed for real human beings.
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And when you work with your brain instead of against it, change doesn't have to be a kind of battle, it can actually be something else entirely, and it's natural.
00:17:22.240 --> 00:17:22.720
Yeah.
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So, Roger, like for anyone who wants to explore a random habit, learn more about your work, or just follow the thinking that uh you are putting out into the world, then where should they go?
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Um, I will tell you, um, in about late spring 2026, it will be available in your Play Store or in your your your Apple um app store as well.
00:17:48.160 --> 00:17:52.240
But you can find us on any social media at randomhabitapp.com.
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Or randomhabit app is my social media handle everywhere, and randomhabitapp.com will take you to the website, which will also take you everywhere.
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Um, Instagram is where I'm probably most active.
00:18:02.319 --> 00:18:04.960
Um, and you can reach us through there as well.
00:18:05.599 --> 00:18:06.480
Amazing.
00:18:06.799 --> 00:18:11.599
So um all of that will be uh in the show notes, dear listeners.
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Go find Roger, try the app, and give your nervous system the system it actually deserves.
00:18:19.119 --> 00:18:31.119
And Roger, this was a genuinely refreshing conversation, I have to say, and uh 30 years of wisdom, uh, and a lot of relief for the people listening.
00:18:31.359 --> 00:18:42.079
So thank you so much for your contributions and um also like dear listeners, everyone who is tuned in, and uh maybe you will be tuning later also.
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If you have been beaten yourself up for a broken strick, a missed day, or a habit that just wouldn't hold, then let this be your permission slip.
00:18:56.559 --> 00:18:59.519
You were never the problem that the design was.
00:18:59.920 --> 00:19:02.400
And you know better.
00:19:03.680 --> 00:19:05.920
And I would say you now know better.
00:19:06.720 --> 00:19:19.759
If this episode shifted something for you, share it with someone who's been too hard on themselves lately, and definitely come back to Healthy Man Healthy Life because that's what we do here.
00:19:20.559 --> 00:19:26.880
Create the myths for something true and the pressure for something that actually works.
00:19:28.240 --> 00:19:29.759
With this hope, this is your host of again.
00:19:29.839 --> 00:19:31.200
This is Healthy Man Healthy Life.
00:19:31.279 --> 00:19:33.599
Take good care and we'll talk to you soon.
00:19:33.680 --> 00:19:34.400
Thank you so much.
00:19:35.680 --> 00:19:36.240
Thank you.