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Listen to the way you talk to yourself on a bad day. The words you would never say to someone you love are often aimed straight at your own heart, and many of us believe that harshness is what keeps us sharp and motivated. But what if the opposite is true? In this episode of Healthy Mind, Healthy Life, host Sayan talks with Dr. Ellen Albertson, a self-compassion teacher and coach known as The Midlife Whisperer, about why being hard on yourself can leave you tired instead of better.
Dr. Ellen shares simple, doable ways to start: notice when you are struggling, pause, and ask what you are feeling and what you need. You will hear the three elements of self-compassion, what to do when kindness feels uncomfortable, and the three habits she sees holding people back: the self-critic, perfectionism and people pleasing. This is for anyone who wants a kinder inner voice that still helps them move forward.
About the Guest:
Dr. Ellen Albertson, The Midlife Whisperer, is a psychologist, registered dietitian nutritionist, health and wellness coach, self-compassion teacher and author who supports women through midlife. She has practiced self-compassion for close to fifteen years, studied with Kristin Neff and Chris Germer, and hosts the podcast Rock Your Midlife. She shares her personal views and experience, which are not medical advice.
Key Takeaways:
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Start by noticing. On a hard day, Dr. Ellen says the first and most powerful step is to pause and name it: I am struggling, I am overwhelmed.
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Two questions anchor the practice: What am I feeling right now? and What do I need? Dr. Ellen puts the focus on these instead of on why you feel it, which she says can pull us deeper into overthinking.
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She describes three elements of self-compassion: kindness instead of judgment, common humanity instead of isolation (everyone struggles and makes mistakes), and mindfulness, which is simply noticing you are struggling.
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Try the friend test. Ask what you would say to a good friend going through this, then say it to yourself.
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Dr. Ellen suggests soothing touch, such as a hand on your heart or a gentle hug, and a written list of your go-to ways to care for yourself, like a walk, journaling, music or a shower.
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If self-compassion feels uncomfortable, start by being kind about how hard it is to practice. Dr. Ellen calls it a life vest when things go wrong and a parachute when you go after something big.
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She names an anti-authenticity trifecta that people resist letting go of: the self-critic, perfectionism (and workaholism) and people pleasing.
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Sayan’s closing thought: the harshness was never what made you good, it just made you tired. Try one kind sentence to yourself tonight.
Connect With Dr. Ellen Albertson:
Website: https://themidlifewhisperer.com
Podcast: Rock Your Midlife, https://rockyourmidlife.podbean.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_midlife_whisperer/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrEllenAlbertson/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@themidlifewhisperer
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drellenalbertson/
Episode Chapters:
00:00 How You Talk to Yourself on a Bad Day
00:29 Welcome, Dr. Ellen Albertson
02:01 The First Step: Notice and Pause
04:06 Does Being Hard on Yourself Really Motivate You?
10:06 What Am I Feeling? A Life Vest and a Parachute
13:35 A Doable Self-Compassion Practice
18:17 The Three Habits People Resist Letting Go Of
21:06 Where to Find Dr. Ellen
22:11 You Are Allowed to Be on Your Own Side
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Disclaimer: This episode is produced for educational and informational purposes only. All views expressed by the guest are their personal opinions alone and do not represent the views of the host or Healthy Mind by Avik™. The Network does not verify, endorse, or assume responsibility for any guest statements. Nothing in this episode constitutes medical, legal, financial, or professional advice, please consult a qualified professional before making any decisions. Listeners are encouraged to engage critically and independently with all content do not consume blindly. Use this content as a starting point for your own reflection and research, not as a substitute for professional guidance. Third-party content is referenced under fair use for informational purposes only. Guest speakers are solely responsible for their own statements.
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