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Welcome back, listeners, to another powerful episode of Healthy Mind, Healthy Life.
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I'm your host, Sana.
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And listeners, today for this episode, we are going to dive into a conversation that doesn't happen often enough, but desperately needs to.
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Men's mental health.
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The kind of pressure men face often goes unspoken, masked with smiles, success, and silence.
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But silence can be deadly.
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And listeners joining me today is Dr.
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Whitney Wright, the founding orthodontist and former chief clinical officer of Reza's Dental and Braces, a company known not just for its smiles but for its heart.
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And Dr.
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Wright, listeners, he's also a passionate mental health advocate and author of the number one Amazon bestseller, Men Under Pressure, a raw and actionable guide that draws from his lived experiences with anxiety, depression, and PTSD.
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And he's here not just to share what he has overcome, but how he is helping other men reclaim their minds, their health, and their lives.
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So this episode is for the fathers, the brothers, the sons, the men, all the men out there, and also the women who love them.
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So let's get into it.
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And Dr.
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Whitney, welcome to the show.
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And I'm absolutely honored to have you here with us.
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Sana, thank you.
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I can't express how excited I am to have this opportunity.
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Thank you.
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Absolutely.
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Absolutely.
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You know, this is this is something which uh we um absolutely believe that the conversations have to happen around especially men's mental health.
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There are statistics, there are numbers, there are um events to support this.
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And um I couldn't find a good time, a better time to have this conversation with you.
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So, Dr.
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Whitney, um, let's let's begin first with your journey.
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You have built a successful healthcare brand and you have been a visible leader.
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Yet behind the scenes, um, you were dealing with anxiety, depression, and PTSD.
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What uh finally made you say enough and speak up?
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Well, what happened was I started having panic attacks.
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I was having panic attacks while I was seeing patients as an orthodontist.
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And what would happen is when I have a panic attack, is I would break into a full-body sweat to where my clothes were completely drenched within less than a minute.
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I'd start hyperventilating, and then I knew I had about 30 to 45 seconds to get to the bathroom where I would begin vomiting uncontrollably and crying on the floor.
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It was devastating.
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And I never knew when these attacks were gonna happen.
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And it got to the point, Sana, that I was having panic attacks every time I was seeing patients, including working on my own children.
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I had pushed myself so far past my limits that my body was completely shutting down.
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So in 2016, I stopped, after only being able to practice for five years, I stopped practicing to just focus on the business side of our company.
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And then it was in 2019 that the panic attacks found me again.
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And my psychiatrist told me, she said, Whitney, Dr.
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Saba Mansour, and she says, Whitney, right now it's panic attacks, and pretty soon it's gonna be heart attacks.
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If you don't stop, you're going to die.
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And that was the final nail in the coffin per se, in regards to what it was that I was doing to overextend and over-push myself as I had been doing for years and years.
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I mean, that's that's um very unfortunate, Dr.
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Whitney.
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Um and thank you.
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I agree with you.
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It was it was the worst, Sana.
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It was the worst.
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It was, it was definitely.
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And um did you did you try uh to uh understand or analyze what were the reasons behind them?
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Of course.
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And so what happened was I started before I before I had to ultimately step away for my health from from my company, was I was going to a naturopathic doctor to make sure that my um my hormones were okay, that my body was working how it should.
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I was going to a therapist to help me understand what was going on in my past, the the trauma that I had uh undergone in my past.
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I was going to, of course, my psychiatrist who had me on certain medications to help push me through.
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I was I I was learning what was going on, but I still didn't stop.
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I just kept pushing right past the red flags.
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Okay.
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Hmm.
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And and um how uh how did you know your um people in your acquaintances, your family, uh, did you try to communicate with them, share with them, um, especially your partner or maybe your friends or your peers or anyone?
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Great question.
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And yes, that's one of the biggest parts of being able to recover from um mental health issues, is being able to open up about it with people you love.
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I was able to talk to my wife, Margaret.
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She's she and I have been married for 22 years.
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I was able to speak with my business partner about it.
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Uh eventually I was able to open up to some of my siblings, and that was extremely helpful to be able to reduce the shame around it and to start to get the support that I needed.
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Yeah, that's that's a very positive sign because um, especially for men, um, Dr.
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Whitney, um, in in so many cultures, um it's it's assumed that you have to be always uh stoic, aggressive, um maybe you know, restrict your emotions, not vulnerable, you know, because those are weakness, those are not what the NASCAR gender that's right.
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Um, and um and you know, if I can uh add something to this, um, you know, it's it's really powerful when someone, especially in leadership role, they own their mental health story because it gives um permission for others to do the same.
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Um, but it definitely came with a risk, Dr.
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Whitney, and especially for men who were taught to be stoic protectors, not seekers of help.
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So I absolutely admire, appreciate that you are sharing this with all of us.
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Um now, talking about your book, Men Under Pressure, so you talk about actionable steps men can take.
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But before that, um, I would like to understand um why do you think men's mental health has to be, you know, now in in today's day and age, one of the most important topics.
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Because once again, I mean, if uh in generic sense, I I speak about we still have that kind of stigma associated with with the you know masculinity gender.
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Absolutely.
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Um I I mean for me, it you you said it perfectly a few minutes ago when you said that men have to be stoic, they have to be uh aggressive, they have to show that they are not weak.
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And oftentimes men are afraid to explain what's going on on the inside for those exact reasons.
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They don't want to be seen as weak, they don't want to be seen as vulnerable, they don't want to be seen as less.
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And so what they'll do is they'll keep quiet about it and they will lean into coping mechanisms to try to keep going.
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They'll lean into alcohol, they'll lean into gambling, they'll lean into sex, they'll lean into any sort of thing that's addictive just to continue to move forward.
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But then unfortunately, that addiction oftentimes will make them have even more shame.
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It will give them even more mental health difficulties.
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And there's a reason why men ages 40 to 55 lead the nation, not just the nation, the world, uh, by a substantial amount in suicide.
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It's they just they run out of the ability to keep going.
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And it's because they don't feel like they can talk about it.
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I agree.
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I absolutely agree.
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Um, so um now talking about in your book, um, you mentioned the actionable steps men can take.
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So, what's one step you believe is non-negotiable for uh mental recovery, the healing process?
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I would say that non-negotiable is your health.
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And what I mean by that is you you don't have to be so in shape that you're ready to be the cover of a fitness magazine.
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You just have to keep moving.
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So I I recommend if you're not going to the gym, if you're not doing some sort of exercise, start with just walking.
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Try to get at least 30 minutes a day.
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Let some sunshine hit your face.
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Just do something that you're starting to move and show yourself that you care about you, that you that you understand that self-care isn't selfish.
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And that's, I'd say, is probably the number one thing is just start taking care of your body, and then you'll start to take care of your mind.
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Yes.
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I I absolutely, you know, love that you mentioned self-care is not selfish.
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Um, because uh, you know, it it um I I know it could sound a bit um strange, but then it is so positive to hear that you have had your family, your business partner, your uh siblings to understand that.
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But you know, uh in in many um many of the homes and and families, men do not even have that privilege or that opportunity to express what they are going through inside.
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So I think um not only from the person who is going through, but um at a at a community level, uh it has to be uh, you know, it has to, you know, we have to engage, we have to have the conversations and discussions that you know um that accountability or that acceptance that yes, uh even men, they also need self-care.
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They also need their space and their own time, they need to focus on their holistic health.
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Sadly, we're not robots, you know, like our whole our whole lives, ever since we were children, Sana, men have been told to suck it up, don't cry, tough it out.
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And then people wonder why men have such a hard time expressing emotions when they're older.
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We're we're taught from such a young age, don't show your emotion.
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Your job is to protect and provide, and emotion has no areas in that arena.
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And sadly, we start to struggle.
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And if you're a man who doesn't have family members or or someone close that can support you, I I recommend looking to your church group if you're if you're involved in a church group or a men's organization, or maybe if you start doing a hobby, uh, you know, playing golf, cricket, tennis, start talking to other men and just open up to them a little bit.
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Just say, you know, I'm not doing so great.
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Would you have a minute to talk?
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Absolutely, absolutely.
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That's that's a very important uh uh you know point you mentioned.
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Um, and and um once again, going back to your uh journey, uh Dr.
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Whitney, you are a husband and a father.
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So, how did your healing shift the emotional climate in your home?
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Oh, it was it's like all of a sudden someone took this giant blanket off of us and it just we were able to feel fresh air and laughter and happiness again because I was, I was, I was dying.
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I mean, on the inside, uh on the outside, and I was irritable and not laughing with my family and having a hard time justifying spending time with them because I was so busy just trying to stay alive.
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And when I finally started to get healthy again, the laughter came back to our house, the happiness, the joy, and they had their dad back.
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They're their dad was back, and that I think was the most important part of all of this.
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That was my reasoning to get better was I'll do anything for my family, including heal.
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Wow, that is so inspiring, Dr.
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Whitney.
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So, so inspiring.
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Um, and then um I think that's that's there's this ripple effect that healing has on relationships.
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And I think what we um model or or what we do, it often gives our families more permission than what we preach.
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Actions, of course, they speak louder than words.
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Yes.
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That's a very, very empowering um uh your uh thing to know.
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Um now, if we move to the wellness culture, you know, because you are coming from a healthcare um industry, there's a lot of pressure in wellness culture today, um, like hyperproductivity or um ice baths or man-up biohacking.
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Um, do you do you think some of this actually makes men feel more ashamed or performative?
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Absolutely.
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There is an overwhelming pressure to level up in your career, to or go sleep so that you can work more hours to demonstrate that you are much more capable of working longer and harder than others just so you can prove how powerful you are.
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And sadly, that's what's destroying men.
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And and so so then how do we build a culture of mental health for men that isn't just another trend, Dr.
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Vitnino?
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Because when we look at social media, I mean, yes, uh, once again, it's a very nuanced um um perspective.
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We have uh conversations around uh more nuanced conversations around men's uh men's mental health or what kind of specific um actions or or uh um appearance with or or maybe um uh health practices they can adopt to you know um get into the better version of themselves.
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But then on the other side, um unfortunately, um the other side actually gets more uh highlighted that um what kind of uh hairstyle, what kind of getup, not lots of money in lots of things.
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What are you what are you driving?
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Exactly.
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Exactly.
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Unfortunately, they get more limelight.
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That's more they're more sexy.
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Those things are more sexy than sleep.
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You know, those things are are are more sexy than meditation.
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And so people are gonna want to lean lean into what is more attractive, more exciting, uh, that is more escapism than for example, 30 minutes of walking outside.
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And so you're right, there is such a massive uh culture of kind of look at what I have, look at what I've achieved, look at what I can do.
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And what what you don't see is the damage, the difficulty, the struggle, the depression, the inability to get off of your phone, the uh the anger that you have simmering underneath at people that you resent at home or at work.
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And those things don't get shown.
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And it's because of that that other people then you start to feel guilty.
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You start to feel shame that how come I feel so negatively inside when everyone else around me, especially on social media, has the perfect life, has the perfect environment, that they are so in control of themselves.
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And it's all just a lie.
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Social media is all just handpicked and curated and and uh airbrushed and edited to where it looks absolutely perfect, but nothing in life is perfect, and that's what makes life so wonderful.
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Beautifully put, Dr.
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Whitney.
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Beautifully now um uh now because uh of course we we cannot avoid this uh part of the conversation around masculinity.
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Now, some people might say, Dr.
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Whitney, that men have had privilege for so long.
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They are running nations, they are running in businesses, they are uh they have I mean done wars, they have created conflicts and everything.
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Um why are we making them victims now?
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They always have had the privilege.
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How do you respond to that viewpoint without invalidating real pain?
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Traditionally, in society, men are seen as the protectors and the providers.
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Providers, yeah.
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And because of that, they they they step into those roles as protector and provider.
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That's why you see them on the front lines, that's why you see them in the boardrooms, because traditionally, that's where society has put them.
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Now, I'm not saying that they can't also be nurturers and caregivers, but that's just the traditional role of men.
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And the because of that, that's that's where they normally and have been.
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And it's not that men are victims, it's just that they've always dealt with these issues, but have never had the opportunity to speak up about them without facing the stigma of, oh, you're weak or you're no longer useful to us.
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Oftentimes you'll find people online, especially men, who will say, Don't ever open up to a woman or uh a female cohort about your struggles, because that will be used against you, that will be weaponized against you.
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And I don't believe that.
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I believe that if you're able to open up with people that love and care about you, that they will continue to love and care about you.
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But there is this stigma that as soon as a man shows any weakness, that he is then ejected from whatever scenario he's in.
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So, in regards to privilege, I don't know that I see this as a privilege issue.
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I see this more as look, these are the roles that traditionally men have been in for thousands of years, and it's taking its toll, but we're not able to talk about it.
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And so what happens is is the men in our lives slowly start to fade away and sometimes even end their own lives because they can no longer take the pressure.
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I agree, I agree.
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And I I I mean before we wrap up, I I absolutely I would like to say that true healing or um health, wellness, it isn't gendered.
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And on the other hand, toxicity is also not gendered.
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So it's human, and I believe that honoring both masculine and feminine expressions of emotion, it is a key to mentally health world.
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So that's so well said.
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That is so well said.
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Thank you.
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Great, great.
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So, Dr.
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Whitney, if um our listeners they would like to connect with you and get a hold of your book, uh, Men Under Pressure, what would be the best way?
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You can find the book.
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Uh that's also ebook and on audio.
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I recorded my own audiobook.
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That's all on Amazon.
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And if you'd like to learn more about me or to find the book, you can go to my website, menunderpressure.com.
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And there we can connect.
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If you want to sign up for my newsletter, uh, I send out a pretty frequent newsletter.
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To let you know how things are going and progressing.
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And it's it's a way to start leaning into mental health.
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Super.
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I'll make sure to have all the links in the show notes.
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And uh Dr.
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Whitney, thank you.
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Thank you so much for showing us that pressure doesn't have to crush us, it can become the very force that reshapes who we are.
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Thank you.
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You're so welcome.
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Thank you for this opportunity.
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And to every man listening, this is your invitation.
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You don't have to suffer in silence.
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Your strength isn't in how much you can carry, it is in the courage to unpack what's breaking you down.
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And to everyone supporting a man you love, thank you for holding space for this healing.
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Until next time, keep choose, keep choosing healing, keep choosing honesty, and remember you are not alone on this journey.
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And also don't forget to check out Dr.
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Whitney Wright's book, Men Under Pressure.
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And if this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who needs to hear it.
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Until then, this is Sana signing off from Healthy Mind, Healthy Life.