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Welcome to Heal Talk Tuesdays with Liza, where transformation begins as we vote in race and evolve.
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Welcome to high technology.
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Greetings greetings and welcome to Hill Talk Tuesdays. Actually today is a real talk. In today's today I have a guest.
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My guest is Jeffrey Wolf and allow me to give you a small bio about Jeffrey.
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Actually Jeffrey and I met over a year ago through the Napoleon here thinking,"Grow rich," we met at some events and since then we have been in touch and yesterday I was thinking of putting this event, this talk together and I called and I said, "Laughter message, Jeffrey, would you be willing to be my guest?" And of course he said yes and thank you so much. Jeffrey Wolf has worked with technologies as mature as a milling, raw lumber to as advanced as virtual reality.
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He has incorporated new technologies into companies with teams of 14 up to$65,000. Increasing profit while making jobs safer and hopefully more enjoyable.
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With radical changes forced on businesses by the great lockdown and now the explosion of the new AI that is happening Jeffrey has been bringing entrepreneurs and best practices for thriving with their competition stumbles.
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What I know of Jeffrey as background, his credentials are industrial engineering, product development and his work on Hughes company and you know what as a founder of Advanced C. Adventure CEO, author of Perform or Parish and producer of Wolf's Watch Life's Dream series and broadcasting that you do welcome Jeffrey.
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Thank you so much, Liza. It's an honor to be on your show. I really appreciate it.
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I appreciate the work that you do. You know it's always it's always fascinating and in a true joy to talk with other leaders who are affecting and enabling leaders to accelerate their journey and.
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You're doing a lot of great work with that.
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So I do appreciate the opportunity to talk and especially to be on your show.
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Thank you. Thank you.
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You know we met it was over a year ago at Rami's house and we got to learn about a leadership and actually even Rami's story of his downfalls and being in the street and now coming back and actually he's done this twice. I mean going down becoming more less living in the streets and coming back to hit a billion of dollars and overcoming so many obstacles and challenges.
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So as a leader, what does it take for someone to go all the way down and then up?
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In my work we call it mindset reset from the core. Let's talk about that.
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I love that mindset reset from the core because that touches on one of the huge issues with leadership. What's in our core?
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Because that will affect our ability to lead. Nothing's ever perfect. The military says every plan fails at the first point of contact with the enemy.
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What you put a plan in motion, you have to start to adapt because reality says we're not exactly going to let things work that way. And the mindset, you know, am I adaptable. What's my perception of myself deep inside the things that I only tell myself when I'm looking in the mirror, when I'm shaving, you know, that's why I don't shave.
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I don't have to look myself in the mirror.
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You know, I call my hair, right? So I was doing a training for a group and we were doing an exercise. It was really kind of just a deep dive of reflection. And I asked him, I said, you know, what is it that you tell, tell yourself when you're looking at yourself in the mirror in the morning as you prepare for your day? Go even deeper. Do you even look yourself in the eye when you're preparing in the morning? And the room is just like, you know, you just see it with the participants. And while they were, you know, they're doing an exercise, broke out in small groups and doing exercise around that. And I sat down in the front. I'm like, oh, so I get my notebook that I take with me to, you know, to make notes about the events so they can make better each time, pull it out and you know, okay, after, you know, my part of my after action is going to be, I need to start working on that because I'm throwing that question out to them. I'm going, how am I doing on that? Didn't like the answer. So guess what, back to.
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Back to doing some more deep dive work on self, which is Paramount as leaders. And I've heard some, some people that are in leadership programs or, you know, business folks, professionals are going, why do we have to talk about this stuff?
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You know, this deep dive in the emotion stuff and it's like, how free do you want to be and how good of a leader do you want to be? Because that's the core of an under leadership. If people aren't doing the kind of work that, you know, that you take people through the, you take your, your, your clients through groups when you're doing group training through.
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If they're, if we're not doing that kind of work as leaders, we are going to be at best less effective at worst really causing some damage. Because now I'm spreading mayhem as opposed to mastery.
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Interesting. You know, one of the things that it's happening around the world, there is so much stress. I mean, we've got stress globally. What's happening, at least in Armenia, we've got stress hometown. We've got mass shooting every single day, even, you know, the world nowadays, everybody's talking about Matthew Perry. And we're talking about, how is it possible? How sad is that? And.
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Today, what I wanted to talk about is actually I even put it in my newsletter is how the masks we wear. So many masks we wear and come Halloween, we dress up what we want to and pretend this is one day we give ourselves permission to be whatever we want. And the other days, we constantly have to put masks on in order for us to fit in to look good. I mean, Matthew Perry and so many, I mean, we were talking about Robin Williams, depression, comedy.
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And he masked everything for years with comedy, tweeze a company.
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What was his name? The gentleman, John Ritter, John Ritter. And after he died, they said, well, he's been suffering with depression and loneliness. So I it's how do we stuff? And it doesn't matter if we are leaders or non leaders, home, working at home or just an employee doesn't have to be a celebrity. Well, and I think, you know, these these major tragedies that we see, you know, people that are that are loved globally because of the entertainment that they've brought us, those moments of relief that they've brought us to find out that you know what they were doing that in some of the darkest moments of their personal lives. And to see that writ large is a great reminder that you know what? Who in our family is in that situation?
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Who on my street, when I walk out and look up and down the street, who on my street is in that situation where and they're not talking about it. Like, oh, how are you doing? I find how you do it fine.
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Okay, great. Let's move on. It's like, but if we go ahead. It's shame. You don't talk about it. You don't share. Right. I mean, there was a point in my life where it was like, I'm not going to tell you about my stuff that's bugging me.
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I'm not going to tell you about the horrible conversation I have myself with myself 2 A.M. Because you know what, if I can't handle my stuff, you certainly can't. And I'm not about to risk you doing something with it.
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You're just going to use it to get one over on me anyway. So I'm going to carry this. And it keeps getting bigger.
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We carry it and it gets bigger and bigger and bigger. And I mean, geez, you can see it from a satellite without a camera in orbit for some folks. They're carrying such a, you know, a big train of garbage is built up and I certainly did. And it's it's scary. It's hard, you know, it's emotionally scary to address that. It's a lot easier to go. And that's fine. I'm just going to set that over there. And you know, I come back to it sometime. But I'm going to focus on this over. Oh, new shiny object. Actually, now that you brought it up, let's be frank, this is real talk with Liza.
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You have suffered through some addictions of yourself on your, of your own. And now you have been just over for quite a long time. But no, who me? No, no, man, it's been fine. I'm fine.
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I'm good. Let's move on.
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No, jokes aside, you are not. I just have some fun with you because, you know, and I have been, I've been doing a lot of work for a long time and continue to, you know, strive to be a little bit better each day as a person.
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So that I can have, so that I can be more helpful to others. So let's go back. I point in your life. Did you come to admit? Yeah, I do have an issue. When I met someone, Medigal, or I met my current, you know, I've been married for a long time as I was way before my wife and I met, I met a gal and was one of those moments where I was like, oh my gosh, I thought this just happened in the movies. You know, we talked for a couple hours. We met at a party. We talked for a couple hours. And.
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It was just like we had known each other forever.
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And I had, and I was going home. I had to go to work in a room in the morning to do some stuff on work on the weekend. And I was leaving and it just like, wow, this, this is amazing. And my drinking and other things that I did got in the way of being able to follow up on the dinner that she agreed to have with me because I was like, one of those things is going, there's no way this woman will ever have something to do with a guy like me. And she's like, yeah, I love to go for.
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Dinner. I'm like, okay, now what? And it was one, it was, that was one of, it's one of the only, but that was a critical moment where looking at going, I can never have that in my life because I've got this other problem that I'm refusing to deal with and to own.
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And it is a prison that I built for myself that was just misery.
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You know, I was trapped inside of my own misery with no, with no way out and no hope and totally alone in the universe with it. And seeing the look in her eye go from, go from yes to, you know, she liked me. We were going to go to dinner and I watched that in the course of the evening at the party that we were at turn into disappointment to, oh, hell no, I don't want anything to do with you. And it was like, okay.
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So, you in this situation, I mean, how many years, what are we talking about after college, what started actually share with us. I'm also curious, you know, I work with a lot of clients through hypnosis changing the mindset reset from the core, which is truly the pattern. Where does the line get drawn? I have my own theory from social drinking or doing drugs or whatever to becoming addicted that aspect of it and how long did it go until you said no.
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I mean, for me, there was never a line. It was from the get go. I remember the first drink that ever had because it was just I was an overweight bookworm, Sci-Fi, fan, kid that didn't have a lot of social skills. It gets to be called a nerd today.
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And my wife asked me, because why are you always in the middle of stuff? Why do you look to do a lot of public speaking? She's like, what do you do that?
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Because I'm painfully shy and people scare me.
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So I'm going to stay in the middle of everything. If I don't, I regress to be in a wall flower and edge and towards the exit. Even today, I'll catch myself going, you know, stop standing off the side, stick at your hand, go over and say hi, start talking. You know, it's like, he's, how do I start a conversation?
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It's like smile, go, hi, how you doing?
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My name is, so I stand here one, you know, and sometimes it's just some of the lamest introductions that I've done have led to some incredible conversations. But as, you know, as a kid, I was very young. I remember the first drink that I had that had that effect that I loved.
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And it was like every cell on my body said, oh, oh, yeah, we have come home. And I just was not, I felt comfortable.
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I wasn't worried about what everybody else was thinking. And I was like, go on, okay, this is, this is, this is good. And I wanted more of that. And it was just from that point forward, you know, overdoing it constantly.
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The line I did experience was after college when I had moved cross country was in, you know, in a reasonably high powered management position at the time. I was one of four managers that ran $140 million production program. And that I got to a point that I couldn't get through, I couldn't get past lunch without having a drink.
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And I hated it. And I hated myself for it. And it's just like, I could see where it was going and it's like, you know, there's just no hope. And again, along it's that state of no hope totally alone in the universe and having such a deep self-loathing that it's truly incomprehensible.
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When, you know, it's a, it's what we see what we hear, what we learn. There was a study of, a twin that there was a study of many twins. And this one twin, the study was following them for over 15 years to boys. And this is a case study.
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It's reality. It's one of the things that I talk to with my clients that as they were following them for years and years, every year they would go and find them, talk to them. They knew where they were.
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So right after high school, one twin, the this guy dropped out of high school and started drinking and doing drugs and chose one way of living. And the other one chose success and came to become one of the leading bankers and everything. And when they did the study after 15 years, when they went to do the last interview, one of the reporters just out of curiosity was new and turned around and said, so why is it that you, you did this with your life and you talked to your brother. He says, I have nothing to do with my brother even though we are twins because of my parents, my father was an alcoholic. And because of what I saw in our house, I decided never, ever will I have a life like that. That's why I chose the higher one and I've stayed clean. I am married three children and this is my success.
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So when they interviewed the other brother and he said, well, would a parent and a father, an alcoholic, would you expect?
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So is our choices because of what we see what we hear as a child, is that becomes our pattern?
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Was that your pattern for you to decide or was it only yours?
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I was only mine and I say that from the perspective that I have today and here's why.
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Great family. I grew up in a great family.
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I am so grateful for the family that I grew up in. My parents were encouraging. They taught me skills, habits, perspectives, values.
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You know, worked through instill a value system.
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That serves me well today. They were children of the great depression.
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So they knew, first it's the great, two decades, right? Great depression, then World War II. So great. They went through a lot. So they understood struggle, but they also understood enjoy the journey. They had that example. And alcohol was part of it, but it, I didn't see a lot of the things that people that I've talked to and worked with that have, you know, grew up in really just unthinkable family conditions because of drugs and alcohol.
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And, you know, in my teens, I started getting the wrong messages from what other adults were saying.
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And what necessarily the meaning, like one of the things that always stuck with me as a 14 year old was.
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Enjoy it. These are the best years of your life.
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And I'm like, I'm 14. I'm in school, which I hate.
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I have absolutely no control over my life. I'm going through puberty.
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So I'm just completely whacked physiologically.
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It was growing fast.
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So it was like my body hurt. I'm just going, it's all downhill from this.
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What exactly is the point?
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Now, as an adult, I look back on that and go, you know, had I asked clarifying question or two on what they meant by that? It could have been, look, the whole thing in life is whatever you're at today, you just, you get to decide whether this is the best day of your life or whether it's going to be a miserable experience.
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At the time, that wasn't the message that I took away from. So I started to compound those types of.
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Decisions to say, I'm going to take the negative out of what this person's telling me and hold on to that real heart and stack it up with the other negative that I've taken from what other people have said. You know, I didn't apply myself real hard in high school. Well, not hard. I wouldn't say that not consistently. You could tell what classes I had for lunch by my grades.
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The school didn't particularly care for that behavior. And, you know, they were pretty clear.
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It's like, you're not, you're never going to go anywhere. You're going to have limited options.
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When you get out of school. And I used that as a bonfire to create some options.
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As I get out of school.
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But it was still, you know, I looked at and go, okay, so then that's, you know, I took a message away from that, which was not you. You know, it's like all these opportunities are out here. It's great. That's wonderful. I can help other people, but it's never going to be for me. Okay.
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Those types of things. So that that compounded and, and, and helped me, you know, that was part of my, my journey farther and farther off through north, if you will.
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Until I really took ownership of that and go, well, it's up to me to, you know, is this what I want?
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If not, guess what?
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I can start making different choices.
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I can start accepting and rejecting different messages.
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Because I missed that for a couple of decades, even though I had the, you know, good examples around me at all times to reinforce the exact opposite.
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Now, some most seek help find ways. There is the north star, which is a date or something, something, you know, in my field, we say, change happens when the pain is so excruciating and hard.
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That we no longer want to feel this pain. This is it. I'm down. I'm at the bottom. I no longer want to feel this or the reward or like yours going on that date or having that relationship, wanting that life is so powerful that it surpasses everything else. And we turn around and say, okay, I'm done. I'm changing my life starting today. And I know just like in domestic violence, domestic abuse and every all kinds of challenges in life, there's relapses and coming back.
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And yet the shining start of what we want is far greater than the pain we are in. And you have been mentoring through 12 step, correct? Yes. Okay. And I've seen, I know you've seen all gamuts from relapses to success stories.
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Someone wrote something on my Facebook that a lot of people think that just because they are now sober, it does not mean that they are recovered.
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Or if they have recovered, they're not fully sober.
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And that's one of the issues that I talked to about 12 step that when they get together, they say, I am, hello, my name is and I am an addict.
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Instead of saying, here, this is who I am, I am now sober, celebrating the good.
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And you know, I was reading on 12 step. There's a lot of talk about the higher power, believing in the higher power and all that. So would you share a little bit about what the program is and what are what are all other helps for our viewers and anyone else that may either being, they're suffering it right now or they have someone they know who is going through this.
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Yeah, and it's, let me back up a step.
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Yeah.
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The two years before I started taking action on getting my life back in order, I was increasingly aware of people around me who had already done that and were living.
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Happy, you know, looking at going, that looks like, you know, I want some of that to get a happy joy, so free lifestyle as it's called right there. They're having fun. They're enjoying life.
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They're not, you know, stealing from somebody to get money to go buy something because they need some kind of alcohol or some other type of fix. They're not doing a lot of the negative behavior that goes along with being, especially in late stage additions.
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And I watched that and going, huh, you know, so it started to plant at seed to go, well, if they can, maybe I could, you know, maybe there really is an option for me that could work because I was very clearly headed to either, you know, either being institutionalized somehow or living on a skid row. Neither were looked really on that, particularly, um, just, it was like going, well, you know, that kind of accepted this is where it's going to end up, except that, you know, this is, or death, I'm going, I'll take that. Now, I was so unhappy that I preferred dying to living to, to continue to live the way that I felt. Wow. And accepted that as going, this is, I've got these three options, be institutionalized live on skid row for the however much longer I survived, which could be 20, 30, 40 years.
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That really scared me as I go. And I'm going to be dead in the year or two, who cares? And it started done on me going, you know, if I pick the death option, it may not play out the way that I think it would. And it's certainly not going to be some cool, you know, some cool movie ending to my life.
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And those, those people, their examples caught my attention. And it finally got to point it going, you know, maybe it's worth taking a small action, which I did, you know, I just, I just went and sat with a group of people that were on that path at the invitation of someone that I knew and respected. It's all I had to do. Just go, just go sit, see what it's about?
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Is that gone? This isn't what I expected. So I went back again, you know, went and sat with another group the next day. So a small action is going, huh, walked into the dorm.
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People smiled and said, hi, how you doing?
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It's like out there hands told me their name. I went across into Donut, kind of like that. No, it's in my 20s. So it's like, yeah, Donut sounds good. And at that time, people weren't reading me when I went and places, you know, they were like, yeah, what do you want?
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Or we told you, you're not welcome here anymore. Or my family's not returning my phone.
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You know, so this is isolation that goes along with it. Jeffrey did a lot of what are their family members that this you or did not want you in their gatherings or something like that?
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In the extent of going, look, it's always with love. You're always welcome here. Doors always open. We're willing to have you around not if you're going to show up like that.
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All right. I, I.
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So let's talk. You want the real stuff? It's like, I showed up at my mother's funeral late.
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Loaded, running on my motorcycle long hair at David Lee Roth hair in those days.
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Like the singer for Van Halen from the 1980s and, and started a fist bite with somebody at my mother's funeral. That was me.
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Because what, you know, the guy deserved it. I was mad because two of my friends tackled me and held me to the ground while someone else drug him out and drug the other guy on through him out in the front door or hustling. I didn't really throw him. But you know, escorted him out to front door. And I was upset because I felt that the gentleman had earned more, more of a response from me. And I didn't get to deliver it. Because he had, because he was so out of line. I mean, he showed up at my mother's funeral and it didn't really think he belonged there.
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And then he had the, then he had the audacity to reach to, to make a negative comment about my hair.
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And reach out and grab my hair.
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And it's like, you don't do that.
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You know, just, he dis-right. So this is an ironic moment. Such a lack of self-awareness.
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He disrespected me. So I started, well, you know, I started throwing fists at him at my mother's funeral because he's showing disrespect. Because, you know, of course, it was all about me at that time.
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And that was the kind of behavior that I engaged in. But put a suit on, you know, put a nice suit on, go to a corporate event, sit in the boardroom, could do that too.
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Get out in the parking lot, pull the bottle out of the car, start drinking.
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And if you come out in the parking lot from the boardroom and say something to me, I just might smack you with a bottle.
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It's a little unpredictable in my behavior. And, you know, some of my, one of my excuses was, look, some of my friends were really brawlers. They loved the fight. And some of them weren't, you know, they weren't alcoholics or they just loved the fight. And they grew up in an environment where.
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They was okay. And, you know, they'd get in a fight.
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And sometimes, never talked to each other again, you know, or sometimes they'd get in a fight and slap each other on the back and Hey, I'll buy a beer kind of a thing. And I never got that.
00:31:12.132 --> 00:31:14.799
You know, I was somewhat like, look, I'm not like that.
00:31:16.000 --> 00:31:36.000
You know, I only do what's appropriate and necessary in the moment. So it's just a, you know, I had justification for all of that. And it's like, it's just unbelievable. The lengths that we can go to as human beings to justify things that are truly unjustifiable.
00:31:36.950 --> 00:31:48.720
Which is recognizing that there is an issue that we need help is the first step towards.
00:31:49.819 --> 00:32:06.400
That change. Because what I know is dependency is deeply connected with the subconscious cause and motivation. And it could be shyness. It could be masking self awareness, self consciousness.
00:32:06.401 --> 00:32:15.519
It's, it can be just gamut of everything and what feels good at the moment when you said it.
00:32:15.670 --> 00:32:58.146
So how do we go in helping understand now that we understand it, it can come from anything from Robin Williams taking comedy from it. It doesn't matter. If it is a drug addiction, alcohol addiction, gambling addiction, overeating, it's in feeding, especially most of those are oral. And I say, express it versus suppress. So it's all suppressing so much until we get to a point that it's overwhelming.
00:32:53.569 --> 00:33:08.880
It has to come out and it comes out as you said, either in a fistfight or anger or retaliation or something like that. Or fold it up in the corner, weep and wet on myself.
00:33:08.930 --> 00:33:43.039
I never knew where my evening was going to end. And when I was a teenager or even younger than that, but you know, at that age is like, oh, that's kind of interesting. That's fun. Right? I got no control over my life. So let's just let the dogs out see where it goes. And if it's somewhere embarrassing, it's like, whoops, you know, but then when I'm 25, not so much, not so much. And it really is in working and helping people that are in that state, they're sick. Right?
00:33:39.165 --> 00:34:00.960
And there's different, there's a lot, there's just fake day alphabet and there's something for every letter and probably go back through it again, where somebody has it has some type of some form of illness. It's like to treat them as sick, you know, have that kind of empathy for them yet maintain boundaries.
00:34:01.710 --> 00:34:18.079
Like, you know, like, fortunately, my family did for me, they never, they never broke the connection that we had, but they're like, oh, no, not if you can't show up coherent, then please just stay wherever you're at kind of a thing.
00:34:15.360 --> 00:34:18.079
So there's boundaries on that.
00:34:19.030 --> 00:34:24.559
That's not enabling the person or giving the money into a guy.
00:34:24.561 --> 00:34:26.800
Yeah.
00:34:29.150 --> 00:34:52.159
The exam and there's so many different ways to enable, you know, from the, from the being, feeling their feelings with them and getting into the emotion of it with them and it's like, that doesn't, it doesn't help. You know, until I got to a point that I was desperate enough to take accountability for myself, for my life, nobody could help me.
00:34:53.034 --> 00:34:55.942
So that was about boundaries.
00:34:53.034 --> 00:35:04.126
That was about, hey, you know, it's cool over there on that side of the room. Nice to see you. You know, if you want to be over here, sitting with us, we're laughing, having a good time.
00:35:02.266 --> 00:35:04.126
Here's what you need to do.
00:35:04.139 --> 00:35:06.159
You know, if you're not doing that, that's okay.
00:35:06.309 --> 00:35:10.239
You know, we'll see it. We'll say hi, but we'll ask you to stay on that side of the room.
00:35:13.215 --> 00:35:24.800
But isn't that creating more isolation? It's like, okay, apparently, you know, I'm not good enough for you. So let me go and drink myself because I'm more miserable now.
00:35:26.690 --> 00:35:30.030
Yes, some will do that.
00:35:26.690 --> 00:35:45.280
Some will go, well, well, I need to do to sit over there and say, well, if you come over and sit and just, just sit, don't say anything. You know, hang out. We love having you around. We're having a conversation. You're welcome. And there's a lot of power in that.
00:35:46.929 --> 00:36:07.119
There's a lot of, I remember someone who's known for a long time now, one of the first conversations I had with him, we're probably the first conversation I ever had with him. I remember at a potluck at his house in the summertime and they still do it for decades now they've been doing this. And I had a plate full, I had a plate full of food.
00:36:09.070 --> 00:36:14.480
I'm standing with my back towards the wall in the yard. Got an eye on my motorcycle.
00:36:14.481 --> 00:36:16.655
Can see everybody in.
00:36:14.481 --> 00:36:22.255
I'm like, you know, backing up a little bit further, making sure I got the right angle to view. And I'm looking around and I'm shoveling food in my mouth as fast as I can.
00:36:22.278 --> 00:36:28.961
I'm just so uncomfortable because I didn't know anybody in a new, somebody was just going to, you know, was going to say something to me.
00:36:28.974 --> 00:36:43.760
And he walked over and just looked at me and smiled and said, Hey, just want to let you know you're welcome here. You want to relax, stay as long as you want. It's fine. You know, if you want to hurry up and finish eating and then go ahead and go ahead and go get that's fine too. But because it's my house.
00:36:41.818 --> 00:36:46.360
So if anybody says anything to you, come see me.
00:36:43.760 --> 00:36:50.541
You know, or tell them to come see me because for his own concern, you're always welcome here.
00:36:49.041 --> 00:37:00.079
Just want to let you know and he walked away and I'm going to stand in earth with my mouth hanging open and I'm like, how did he know? Well, we can, if we're really present and paying attention to the people around us, we can tell who's struggling.
00:37:01.280 --> 00:37:09.728
Where who's got something, you know, where you watch the body language, you can tell, imagine with your clients, you can tell when you know, they're like, Oh, no, everything. And it's like, no, we need to talk about that a little bit more.
00:37:09.740 --> 00:37:11.800
There's something, you know, something's bubble in.
00:37:12.760 --> 00:37:19.885
There. And he did that and he, you know, he moved on and I kind of took a breath and I was like, Oh, okay. And I was there for several hours.
00:37:19.898 --> 00:37:29.840
That's the only thing I remember about being there that day was that he made it clear that you know what, you can just hang out and that's fine.
00:37:29.840 --> 00:37:53.891
And I've talked to anybody years later, I heard a friend of mine say, you know what, she was going through a rough time, you know, we divorced and some other stuff, you know, just things that happen in life. And she said, you know what, I really appreciate because a group of us that got together to hang out for a potluck once a week. And she was sitting there and she just said, I just want to tell you all, thank you.
00:37:53.902 --> 00:38:23.235
Because you let me come here and just sit and you don't ask questions, you don't offer advice, you let me just come here and sit. And that allows me to heal from the inside out and everybody was practically weeping at that, you know, and we're just like going, yeah, because we we'd had to all expect, so one of those things just going, like, yeah, I get it. I get okay.
00:38:19.681 --> 00:38:32.079
Cool. And then we let it be. She said that and she just kind of gave us a look or like, you know, we're all, hey, you know, glad you're here. You know, can we get you a.
00:38:33.059 --> 00:39:13.679
Some drink or you know, you're just like, no, okay. And as she, you know, and she did work that she needed to get through which was going through and she came back to being more talkative and you watch, watch the lights come back on again, right? You know, there's so many things. We focus a lot on the route on some of the obvious, you know, the drug and alcohol addiction, severe mental illness, those types of things, but there's so much more that's way way before we get to that point, like you're asking, you know, where do we start? Where does this stuff start? Where we cross those lines? We're going, you know, if we hadn't taken that step, then I had a million of them.
00:39:11.619 --> 00:39:13.679
I never all small steps.
00:39:15.030 --> 00:39:19.760
And the cool thing is I can always take a different step and change that path, that direction.
00:39:21.710 --> 00:39:43.119
But being able to watch people around us and truly be present so that we can ask a well-placed question, give them a little tough love back and that doesn't mean being mean or sarcastic. I love sarcasm and dry wit, but it would does mean saying, you know what, it seems like there's a little bit more there.
00:39:43.869 --> 00:39:50.960
So I'm not totally buying what you're telling me, but okay, I just want you to know, I see and I'm willing to sit and listen.
00:39:53.960 --> 00:40:07.661
You know, like that guy did with me while I'm shoveling food and my, in my mouth and his, I'd moved out to his front yard because I wanted to get closer to some place I could get out of there after I got some food. And, you know, and saw what was going on and you said, hey, you're welcome to stay if you want.
00:40:09.019 --> 00:40:40.880
You know what, school, if you do, school, just hang out or that gal who had done phenomenal work and the woman that she had become and then hit a rough patch in life because things were, you know, life implodes every once in a while. This is part of, you know, business as fail, marriage is fail, children die, illness is happen, cancer, other things happen. And it's like, how do people walk through that and how can we be there to help them on that journey?
00:40:42.530 --> 00:40:49.840
Which is why I appreciate what you do because you're a major force in, in spreading that, hey, spreading that positive impact.
00:40:57.664 --> 00:41:02.800
I have a friend of mine who got addicted to painkillers.
00:41:03.949 --> 00:41:22.000
And to him, it was the biggest surprise because he started drinking, but he never got addicted to the alcohol. And he drank only to numb the pain while he was popping the pills.
00:41:23.900 --> 00:41:32.000
And this is at a very young age because he got, he was in a auto accident. I think he was.
00:41:32.500 --> 00:41:57.760
19 years old or something like that. And I remember through college and everything, he struggled. He was constantly struggled. You know, I have to say he's one of the most successful people I know, only his own company and everything today. Great family.
00:41:53.242 --> 00:42:25.452
But, you know, when we were talking about the old days, you and I are almost in the same age we're talking about, the hippie times, I usually say there was a lot of drugs. There was a lot of alcohol. There was a lot of everything, the hardcore music. But everything was about peace and love and flowers and making love. Nowadays, it's the music is there.
00:42:25.463 --> 00:42:40.559
It's hardcore. The rap, the verbiage and everything, even the stress on traffic and media, every breaking news is nothing about murder and mayhem.
00:42:40.610 --> 00:42:43.811
So we are surrounded with such darkness.
00:42:43.824 --> 00:42:47.440
It's no longer flowers.
00:42:43.824 --> 00:42:47.440
It's not about peace.
00:42:48.289 --> 00:43:26.326
Even though there was so much destruction in the country and outside, but the people were about peace and love and everything. I mean, we talk about Woodstock and everybody talks about Woodstock remembers music and yes, making love and drugs. But nowadays, it's the teenagers that are dying because of this suppressive and drugs and lacing it with such potent medicine that our children are nourishing and how can we notice signs to help them?
00:43:26.338 --> 00:43:47.760
Well, I think the music that we listen to is a big indicator for one thing, what media are we watching, what messages are we getting, what conversations are we having with the younger adults with youth? Yes.
00:43:44.235 --> 00:43:47.760
Or not having because.
00:43:48.630 --> 00:43:56.960
It, you know, I have become much more aware of the songs that I listen to.
00:43:52.795 --> 00:44:04.126
There's a couple songs and I couldn't give you an example. One of them has a line and a song, I'm a loser. I love the song because of the sound of it.
00:44:02.519 --> 00:44:15.280
And I really sat and listened to the lyrics one day and I was going, I don't want to put that in my head, right? Because that's that's feeding the neck, that's feeding the negative conversation that I'm going to have with myself at 3 A.M.
00:44:13.010 --> 00:44:57.440
that I don't want. I go, why would I listen to that and I paid more and more attention to songs? It's one of the reasons I've never liked gangster rap because I listen to the lyrics and I'm going, look, if all of our kids are growing up listening to, listening to lyrics in songs, idolizing artists that create songs that have lyrics about, about running crime gangs in the street and all the behavior that goes on around that, how are we making sure that doesn't run off the rails for them? And I'm not, I'm not, now, who I mean, the full disclosure, I'm not saying rap music is killing our country and our children. I'm not saying that. And that's what I'm saying is listen to the, what's the counterbalance?
00:44:57.514 --> 00:45:03.280
What gives it context? To make sure they're going, yeah, you know what?
00:45:00.581 --> 00:45:12.179
This is, this is music, this is fantasy. I see, you know, I see kids from upper middle-class neighborhoods.
00:45:13.320 --> 00:45:51.199
Paying hundreds of dollars to get ripped jeans that don't fit right. So they hang low around their waist so they can look like they're, you know, look like they've got street cred and I'm like, hey, you wouldn't last five minutes with people that actually have street charade. B, is that really what you want to emulate? Is that where you, you know, is that what you want life and, you know, violent life in the street? That a lot of, you know, some of the people that have violent life in the street don't want that. But it's back to do, we, and I'm not saying that the clothing is going to lead there. I think it affects, we don't, when we lose the thread on where does this come from?
00:45:51.349 --> 00:45:57.039
Then a friend of mine that had, has turned his life around phenomenally.
00:45:54.251 --> 00:46:03.905
He did a fair amount of time in the prison system in California when he was younger and he said, you know where that comes, a set that we're watching.
00:46:01.440 --> 00:46:52.349
I forget what it was, I made a comment about, you know, a couple of young adults that looked like their pants were going to fall off in any second in, in a, cracked a joke about it. And he goes, you know where that comes from? And I go, no, because that comes from the California prison system. They were really, he goes, yeah, there's the way the prisons, you know, the, the, the different gangs that run the prison system inside, use one, does the laundry. And they're at odds with this other gang. So what they would always do is when they returned the laundry to the other gang, they would always make it two, you know, many sizes too big. So it always drooped around the waist. Wow. So they flip the script on that and turned that into a badge of honor to show when you're out walking into street, when you're past droop like that, that's a badge of honor showing you've done hard time in the state prison system in your, it's rude gangster. So beware. Wow.
00:46:52.362 --> 00:47:02.759
Now it's a cultural icon with our kids. I'm going, is that really the direction we want to go with it? And it's like, okay, you know, we're going to wear your pants that way.
00:47:02.771 --> 00:47:08.641
That's fine. Then by the me, but do you really, you know, are you really thinking about what you're doing? And what does that mean to you?
00:47:11.224 --> 00:47:32.719
So it's like I could go on with that. So it just didn't. So in my personal life, and this is coaching that I've gotten from, you know, business and in personal development advisors that I've had coaches, and they're going, what, and it's something from Napoleon Hill, you know, what do you focus on.
00:47:34.170 --> 00:47:44.148
From thinking to grow rich mindset? Where do you focus? The point hills work was based on on the most successful businessmen of his time.
00:47:44.161 --> 00:47:47.920
In the common thread was what's their mindset?
00:47:48.070 --> 00:47:52.719
You know, the common, the common thread industry gang is the mindset.
00:47:50.496 --> 00:48:10.480
The common thread in a, you know, motorcycle club is the mindset. The common thread in a high performing business organization is the mindset, the, the common thread in the team that's going to win the Super Bowl, whoever they found, who it be, but in 2024, there's going to be an NFL Super Bowl game.
00:48:10.481 --> 00:48:23.972
And the winner, the winning team will be the one that has the strongest mindset because they are competing. Those two teams are performing at such a high level. The only difference is what's going on between their ears.
00:48:21.681 --> 00:48:50.755
Everything else is pretty much the same, right? There's no better players in the world than the ones that are there to compete against each other. So it's all going to come down the mindset. And what conversations going on between their ears? When they went. So where do, you know, where do you want to be? If you want to be in the street, understand what that's about and get the mindset? Don't play at it. Don't be a poser. Go do it. I got a bit of problem with posers. And so if you're going to go do that, fine, go do it.
00:48:50.768 --> 00:49:19.960
Don't have half. Excuse me, I got to be careful. So I don't say something. I don't use a word that wouldn't be appropriate for a PG audience. But, you know, don't have to do it. Go, good luck. You know, their life expect to seize about two and a half, three years, you know, most of them don't live past, past 17 or so. If you want to, if you want to be an NFL, look at that mindset. I had a chance to get to know Bo Easton who became one of the top safeties in the NFL.
00:49:16.960 --> 00:49:23.199
He started practicing every day at 5 AM when he was nine years old.
00:49:24.500 --> 00:49:31.280
I'm listening to this guy and I'm looking at him going, I'm so embarrassed.
00:49:27.889 --> 00:49:31.280
I didn't do anything.
00:49:32.079 --> 00:49:36.639
Since I consistently since I was nine years old, except maybe run bad, you know, bad self talk.
00:49:36.840 --> 00:49:43.119
You know, okay, but that was what that was why he became an NFL player.
00:49:40.012 --> 00:49:53.103
And he was a very unlikely candidate for being a top competitor in the NFL because he's not, doesn't have that massive build like the NFL players do.
00:49:50.641 --> 00:49:55.280
So he found he's going, okay, here's what I'm going to have to do.
00:49:56.329 --> 00:49:58.130
If I want to get into the NFL.
00:49:56.329 --> 00:49:58.130
And he did it.
00:49:59.320 --> 00:50:10.000
But imagine imagine having one of your kids get up at 5 AM to practice guitar, to study math, to study a language, to, to, you know, hone, hone some type of a skill.
00:50:10.099 --> 00:50:11.099
Exactly.
00:50:13.090 --> 00:50:16.639
Because the, the ones that are, you know, something about the, the.
00:50:18.190 --> 00:50:22.719
Outlaw culture in, in the US, they're getting up at 5 AM or practicing what they do every day too.
00:50:25.019 --> 00:50:56.639
And the ones that live for any length of time, they're smart too. And we, we often underestimate them. So to watch some people that come from that environment, you know, coming back to what we were talking about earlier, that for whatever reason they got to that point in their life where that switched tripped. And like, going, I'm done with this. And then to see what they, the, the people, the men and women that they become. And the things that they achieve with their lives, some of them great public things, some of them, A list entertainers that we, that we know today that had horrible.
00:50:58.019 --> 00:51:00.686
Backgrounds before they, before they did what they did.
00:51:00.699 --> 00:51:06.559
And the reason that they were successful is they got, they got, what was going on in here straightened out.
00:51:08.309 --> 00:51:21.199
And the reward was far greater of what they wanted. The same thing goes with, Wayne Dyer, how he stopped drugs and alcohol and his anger and everything.
00:51:17.681 --> 00:53:10.480
And he became one of the biggest like mentors and speakers. And he always said, I've had so many failures in my life, three wives and so many children. But, and I stopped drinking his anger for his father was so much that when he went to the grave, all he could do is weep and say, all these years of my anger instead of making peace with him. And at that moment, I had to let it go when I let go of my anger and resentment is the day that I stopped drinking and suppressing. So, you know, today, as you brought up in Napoleon Hill and his principles, which is desire and faith and the auto suggestion that we give ourselves in our mind, imagination, organization, persistence, decision and mastering our mind, and specializing in something. But the one that, because of the work that I do, the subconscious mind, which is the power, the brain and our intuition comes to play in everything from richness to being a better human being. That's all. That's what I tell my clients, just become better. It does not have to be perfect because there is no perfect. Actually, you know, there's a saying that we are perfect with our imperfections and to accept every single person. I used to be in Toastmasters.
00:53:10.481 --> 00:53:16.480
I'll share this with you and we're coming to an hour already. This has been amazing, Jeff.
00:53:16.579 --> 00:53:36.480
Thank you so much. When I was in Toastmasters, I wanted so bad to speak properly and deliver everything so good to win the competition of the week or the day and everything.
00:53:32.436 --> 00:53:39.905
And one of the ladies, she was probably about 30 years, 40 years older.
00:53:39.916 --> 00:54:16.159
She came and sat down next to me and said,"Liza, you have a great vocabulary for words and every week you challenge yourself and you look to be the best evaluator." May I suggest something and I said,"Of course," and she said,"Stop policing." That means everybody can find fault and everybody makes mistakes.
00:54:17.829 --> 00:54:35.679
You don't have to be the police and that stuck with me to become more compassionate and become kinder and accepting people for who they are because I know I have my own faults.
00:54:36.880 --> 00:54:40.880
Yeah, I do too. It's what we do with them.
00:54:43.360 --> 00:54:49.039
How do we become in spite of our faults and shortcomings?
00:54:50.239 --> 00:54:55.519
And then over time, those tend to improve or go away.
00:54:57.969 --> 00:55:01.760
You know, something my dad told me that literally saved my life when I was older.
00:55:02.909 --> 00:55:22.960
He was like, "You're always in the middle." No matter what, he goes,"Pick anything you want to focus on." Whether it's money, he goes, "If you want to talk about money, he goes, "Oh, wait, no matter how much money you have, there's always going to be someone that's got more, there's always going to be someone that's got less." So it's going to be someone that's getting promoted more than you are. There's always going to be someone that's not getting.
00:55:23.909 --> 00:55:25.965
The promotions that work.
00:55:23.909 --> 00:55:31.231
So there's going to be someone smarter, someone not as smart. He goes,"You're always in the middle, no matter what." He goes, "Never forget that.".
00:55:31.909 --> 00:55:37.360
And there's a lot of power in that. It's one of the reasons that I like to be in the middle.
00:55:39.039 --> 00:55:45.199
It's the good place to be because that means I can reach a hand across to my colleagues, my peers.
00:55:47.449 --> 00:55:58.960
They get to have the opportunity to call incredible people like yourself, friend, all right, can reach out and across.
00:55:52.639 --> 00:55:58.960
I can reach down for lack of a better word.
00:55:59.610 --> 00:56:20.800
You know, I can reach a hand out to somebody that's struggling more and say, "Hey, here, you know, no matter what's going on in my day, I can always reach a hand out to somebody else who's having a worst day and go, "Hey, I see you. Here, grab my hand." And I can always reach a hand out to the person that's in front of me and doing better and going, "Hey, help me get where you're at.".
00:56:21.849 --> 00:56:34.559
Exactly. And people would, most, not all, some, you know, and I've been one of those people that's going to smack the hand away. But most of the time, people will take the hand.
00:56:36.099 --> 00:56:42.159
You know, most of the time, people will go, "Yeah." And all that's fine at the time, we can sit down happy to share what I've learned on my journey.
00:56:42.559 --> 00:58:08.800
Well, on the journey of becoming better, healthier, happier, and joyful, I want to say thank you for being part of the Real Talk Tuesday today. And if this has been interesting for you by all means, I hope you reach out either to Jeffrey, who can help you mentor you. And you can always reach out to me by all means. I welcome thoughts, ideas. And again, thank you so much for being here, Jeffrey, and shedding a light on not only your past, but how we can reach out across from both sides and say, "I need help or how can I help you?" And with that, I bid you all goodbye, and I'll see you soon. Hugs to you, Jeffrey, across this platform until we see each other again. I will come down and meet you and your lovely wife that I have made that promise, if not at another mastermind sooner than that. And until next week, God bless you all and made a universal light surrounding always. Bye-bye.
00:58:08.949 --> 00:58:32.001
Thank you for being here. If you want to check out some of the testimonials that I've got, click right here. If you want to go back and watch other videos from maybe go two weeks ago, give it a cure, come sleep right here.
00:58:24.001 --> 00:58:32.001
See you next time.
00:00:10.599 --> 00:00:21.079
Welcome to Heal Talk Tuesdays with Liza, where transformation begins as we vote in race and evolve.
00:00:16.481 --> 00:00:21.079
Welcome to high technology.
00:00:21.679 --> 00:00:36.640
Greetings greetings and welcome to Hill Talk Tuesdays. Actually today is a real talk. In today's today I have a guest.
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My guest is Jeffrey Wolf and allow me to give you a small bio about Jeffrey.
00:00:41.350 --> 00:01:23.560
Actually Jeffrey and I met over a year ago through the Napoleon here thinking,"Grow rich," we met at some events and since then we have been in touch and yesterday I was thinking of putting this event, this talk together and I called and I said, "Laughter message, Jeffrey, would you be willing to be my guest?" And of course he said yes and thank you so much. Jeffrey Wolf has worked with technologies as mature as a milling, raw lumber to as advanced as virtual reality.
00:01:15.680 --> 00:01:38.120
He has incorporated new technologies into companies with teams of 14 up to$65,000. Increasing profit while making jobs safer and hopefully more enjoyable.
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With radical changes forced on businesses by the great lockdown and now the explosion of the new AI that is happening Jeffrey has been bringing entrepreneurs and best practices for thriving with their competition stumbles.
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What I know of Jeffrey as background, his credentials are industrial engineering, product development and his work on Hughes company and you know what as a founder of Advanced C. Adventure CEO, author of Perform or Parish and producer of Wolf's Watch Life's Dream series and broadcasting that you do welcome Jeffrey.
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Thank you so much, Liza. It's an honor to be on your show. I really appreciate it.
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I appreciate the work that you do. You know it's always it's always fascinating and in a true joy to talk with other leaders who are affecting and enabling leaders to accelerate their journey and.
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You're doing a lot of great work with that.
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So I do appreciate the opportunity to talk and especially to be on your show.
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Thank you. Thank you.
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You know we met it was over a year ago at Rami's house and we got to learn about a leadership and actually even Rami's story of his downfalls and being in the street and now coming back and actually he's done this twice. I mean going down becoming more less living in the streets and coming back to hit a billion of dollars and overcoming so many obstacles and challenges.
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So as a leader, what does it take for someone to go all the way down and then up?
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In my work we call it mindset reset from the core. Let's talk about that.
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I love that mindset reset from the core because that touches on one of the huge issues with leadership. What's in our core?
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Because that will affect our ability to lead. Nothing's ever perfect. The military says every plan fails at the first point of contact with the enemy.
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What you put a plan in motion, you have to start to adapt because reality says we're not exactly going to let things work that way. And the mindset, you know, am I adaptable. What's my perception of myself deep inside the things that I only tell myself when I'm looking in the mirror, when I'm shaving, you know, that's why I don't shave.
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I don't have to look myself in the mirror.
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You know, I call my hair, right? So I was doing a training for a group and we were doing an exercise. It was really kind of just a deep dive of reflection. And I asked him, I said, you know, what is it that you tell, tell yourself when you're looking at yourself in the mirror in the morning as you prepare for your day? Go even deeper. Do you even look yourself in the eye when you're preparing in the morning? And the room is just like, you know, you just see it with the participants. And while they were, you know, they're doing an exercise, broke out in small groups and doing exercise around that. And I sat down in the front. I'm like, oh, so I get my notebook that I take with me to, you know, to make notes about the events so they can make better each time, pull it out and you know, okay, after, you know, my part of my after action is going to be, I need to start working on that because I'm throwing that question out to them. I'm going, how am I doing on that? Didn't like the answer. So guess what, back to.
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Back to doing some more deep dive work on self, which is Paramount as leaders. And I've heard some, some people that are in leadership programs or, you know, business folks, professionals are going, why do we have to talk about this stuff?
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You know, this deep dive in the emotion stuff and it's like, how free do you want to be and how good of a leader do you want to be? Because that's the core of an under leadership. If people aren't doing the kind of work that, you know, that you take people through the, you take your, your, your clients through groups when you're doing group training through.
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If they're, if we're not doing that kind of work as leaders, we are going to be at best less effective at worst really causing some damage. Because now I'm spreading mayhem as opposed to mastery.
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Interesting. You know, one of the things that it's happening around the world, there is so much stress. I mean, we've got stress globally. What's happening, at least in Armenia, we've got stress hometown. We've got mass shooting every single day, even, you know, the world nowadays, everybody's talking about Matthew Perry. And we're talking about, how is it possible? How sad is that? And.
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Today, what I wanted to talk about is actually I even put it in my newsletter is how the masks we wear. So many masks we wear and come Halloween, we dress up what we want to and pretend this is one day we give ourselves permission to be whatever we want. And the other days, we constantly have to put masks on in order for us to fit in to look good. I mean, Matthew Perry and so many, I mean, we were talking about Robin Williams, depression, comedy.
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And he masked everything for years with comedy, tweeze a company.
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What was his name? The gentleman, John Ritter, John Ritter. And after he died, they said, well, he's been suffering with depression and loneliness. So I it's how do we stuff? And it doesn't matter if we are leaders or non leaders, home, working at home or just an employee doesn't have to be a celebrity. Well, and I think, you know, these these major tragedies that we see, you know, people that are that are loved globally because of the entertainment that they've brought us, those moments of relief that they've brought us to find out that you know what they were doing that in some of the darkest moments of their personal lives. And to see that writ large is a great reminder that you know what? Who in our family is in that situation?
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Who on my street, when I walk out and look up and down the street, who on my street is in that situation where and they're not talking about it. Like, oh, how are you doing? I find how you do it fine.
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Okay, great. Let's move on. It's like, but if we go ahead. It's shame. You don't talk about it. You don't share. Right. I mean, there was a point in my life where it was like, I'm not going to tell you about my stuff that's bugging me.
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I'm not going to tell you about the horrible conversation I have myself with myself 2 A.M. Because you know what, if I can't handle my stuff, you certainly can't. And I'm not about to risk you doing something with it.
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You're just going to use it to get one over on me anyway. So I'm going to carry this. And it keeps getting bigger.
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We carry it and it gets bigger and bigger and bigger. And I mean, geez, you can see it from a satellite without a camera in orbit for some folks. They're carrying such a, you know, a big train of garbage is built up and I certainly did. And it's it's scary. It's hard, you know, it's emotionally scary to address that. It's a lot easier to go. And that's fine. I'm just going to set that over there. And you know, I come back to it sometime. But I'm going to focus on this over. Oh, new shiny object. Actually, now that you brought it up, let's be frank, this is real talk with Liza.
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You have suffered through some addictions of yourself on your, of your own. And now you have been just over for quite a long time. But no, who me? No, no, man, it's been fine. I'm fine.
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I'm good. Let's move on.
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No, jokes aside, you are not. I just have some fun with you because, you know, and I have been, I've been doing a lot of work for a long time and continue to, you know, strive to be a little bit better each day as a person.
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So that I can have, so that I can be more helpful to others. So let's go back. I point in your life. Did you come to admit? Yeah, I do have an issue. When I met someone, Medigal, or I met my current, you know, I've been married for a long time as I was way before my wife and I met, I met a gal and was one of those moments where I was like, oh my gosh, I thought this just happened in the movies. You know, we talked for a couple hours. We met at a party. We talked for a couple hours. And.
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It was just like we had known each other forever.
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And I had, and I was going home. I had to go to work in a room in the morning to do some stuff on work on the weekend. And I was leaving and it just like, wow, this, this is amazing. And my drinking and other things that I did got in the way of being able to follow up on the dinner that she agreed to have with me because I was like, one of those things is going, there's no way this woman will ever have something to do with a guy like me. And she's like, yeah, I love to go for.
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Dinner. I'm like, okay, now what? And it was one, it was, that was one of, it's one of the only, but that was a critical moment where looking at going, I can never have that in my life because I've got this other problem that I'm refusing to deal with and to own.
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And it is a prison that I built for myself that was just misery.
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You know, I was trapped inside of my own misery with no, with no way out and no hope and totally alone in the universe with it. And seeing the look in her eye go from, go from yes to, you know, she liked me. We were going to go to dinner and I watched that in the course of the evening at the party that we were at turn into disappointment to, oh, hell no, I don't want anything to do with you. And it was like, okay.
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So, you in this situation, I mean, how many years, what are we talking about after college, what started actually share with us. I'm also curious, you know, I work with a lot of clients through hypnosis changing the mindset reset from the core, which is truly the pattern. Where does the line get drawn? I have my own theory from social drinking or doing drugs or whatever to becoming addicted that aspect of it and how long did it go until you said no.
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I mean, for me, there was never a line. It was from the get go. I remember the first drink that ever had because it was just I was an overweight bookworm, Sci-Fi, fan, kid that didn't have a lot of social skills. It gets to be called a nerd today.
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And my wife asked me, because why are you always in the middle of stuff? Why do you look to do a lot of public speaking? She's like, what do you do that?
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Because I'm painfully shy and people scare me.
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So I'm going to stay in the middle of everything. If I don't, I regress to be in a wall flower and edge and towards the exit. Even today, I'll catch myself going, you know, stop standing off the side, stick at your hand, go over and say hi, start talking. You know, it's like, he's, how do I start a conversation?
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It's like smile, go, hi, how you doing?
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My name is, so I stand here one, you know, and sometimes it's just some of the lamest introductions that I've done have led to some incredible conversations. But as, you know, as a kid, I was very young. I remember the first drink that I had that had that effect that I loved.
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And it was like every cell on my body said, oh, oh, yeah, we have come home. And I just was not, I felt comfortable.
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I wasn't worried about what everybody else was thinking. And I was like, go on, okay, this is, this is, this is good. And I wanted more of that. And it was just from that point forward, you know, overdoing it constantly.
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The line I did experience was after college when I had moved cross country was in, you know, in a reasonably high powered management position at the time. I was one of four managers that ran $140 million production program. And that I got to a point that I couldn't get through, I couldn't get past lunch without having a drink.
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And I hated it. And I hated myself for it. And it's just like, I could see where it was going and it's like, you know, there's just no hope. And again, along it's that state of no hope totally alone in the universe and having such a deep self-loathing that it's truly incomprehensible.
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When, you know, it's a, it's what we see what we hear, what we learn. There was a study of, a twin that there was a study of many twins. And this one twin, the study was following them for over 15 years to boys. And this is a case study.
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It's reality. It's one of the things that I talk to with my clients that as they were following them for years and years, every year they would go and find them, talk to them. They knew where they were.
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So right after high school, one twin, the this guy dropped out of high school and started drinking and doing drugs and chose one way of living. And the other one chose success and came to become one of the leading bankers and everything. And when they did the study after 15 years, when they went to do the last interview, one of the reporters just out of curiosity was new and turned around and said, so why is it that you, you did this with your life and you talked to your brother. He says, I have nothing to do with my brother even though we are twins because of my parents, my father was an alcoholic. And because of what I saw in our house, I decided never, ever will I have a life like that. That's why I chose the higher one and I've stayed clean. I am married three children and this is my success.
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So when they interviewed the other brother and he said, well, would a parent and a father, an alcoholic, would you expect?
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So is our choices because of what we see what we hear as a child, is that becomes our pattern?
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Was that your pattern for you to decide or was it only yours?
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I was only mine and I say that from the perspective that I have today and here's why.
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Great family. I grew up in a great family.
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I am so grateful for the family that I grew up in. My parents were encouraging. They taught me skills, habits, perspectives, values.
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You know, worked through instill a value system.
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That serves me well today. They were children of the great depression.
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So they knew, first it's the great, two decades, right? Great depression, then World War II. So great. They went through a lot. So they understood struggle, but they also understood enjoy the journey. They had that example. And alcohol was part of it, but it, I didn't see a lot of the things that people that I've talked to and worked with that have, you know, grew up in really just unthinkable family conditions because of drugs and alcohol.
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And, you know, in my teens, I started getting the wrong messages from what other adults were saying.
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And what necessarily the meaning, like one of the things that always stuck with me as a 14 year old was.
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Enjoy it. These are the best years of your life.
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And I'm like, I'm 14. I'm in school, which I hate.
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I have absolutely no control over my life. I'm going through puberty.
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So I'm just completely whacked physiologically.
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It was growing fast.
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So it was like my body hurt. I'm just going, it's all downhill from this.
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What exactly is the point?
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Now, as an adult, I look back on that and go, you know, had I asked clarifying question or two on what they meant by that? It could have been, look, the whole thing in life is whatever you're at today, you just, you get to decide whether this is the best day of your life or whether it's going to be a miserable experience.
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At the time, that wasn't the message that I took away from. So I started to compound those types of.
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Decisions to say, I'm going to take the negative out of what this person's telling me and hold on to that real heart and stack it up with the other negative that I've taken from what other people have said. You know, I didn't apply myself real hard in high school. Well, not hard. I wouldn't say that not consistently. You could tell what classes I had for lunch by my grades.
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The school didn't particularly care for that behavior. And, you know, they were pretty clear.
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It's like, you're not, you're never going to go anywhere. You're going to have limited options.
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When you get out of school. And I used that as a bonfire to create some options.
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As I get out of school.
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But it was still, you know, I looked at and go, okay, so then that's, you know, I took a message away from that, which was not you. You know, it's like all these opportunities are out here. It's great. That's wonderful. I can help other people, but it's never going to be for me. Okay.
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Those types of things. So that that compounded and, and, and helped me, you know, that was part of my, my journey farther and farther off through north, if you will.
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Until I really took ownership of that and go, well, it's up to me to, you know, is this what I want?
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If not, guess what?
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I can start making different choices.
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I can start accepting and rejecting different messages.
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Because I missed that for a couple of decades, even though I had the, you know, good examples around me at all times to reinforce the exact opposite.
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Now, some most seek help find ways. There is the north star, which is a date or something, something, you know, in my field, we say, change happens when the pain is so excruciating and hard.
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That we no longer want to feel this pain. This is it. I'm down. I'm at the bottom. I no longer want to feel this or the reward or like yours going on that date or having that relationship, wanting that life is so powerful that it surpasses everything else. And we turn around and say, okay, I'm done. I'm changing my life starting today. And I know just like in domestic violence, domestic abuse and every all kinds of challenges in life, there's relapses and coming back.
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And yet the shining start of what we want is far greater than the pain we are in. And you have been mentoring through 12 step, correct? Yes. Okay. And I've seen, I know you've seen all gamuts from relapses to success stories.
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Someone wrote something on my Facebook that a lot of people think that just because they are now sober, it does not mean that they are recovered.
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Or if they have recovered, they're not fully sober.
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And that's one of the issues that I talked to about 12 step that when they get together, they say, I am, hello, my name is and I am an addict.
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Instead of saying, here, this is who I am, I am now sober, celebrating the good.
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And you know, I was reading on 12 step. There's a lot of talk about the higher power, believing in the higher power and all that. So would you share a little bit about what the program is and what are what are all other helps for our viewers and anyone else that may either being, they're suffering it right now or they have someone they know who is going through this.
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Yeah, and it's, let me back up a step.
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Yeah.
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The two years before I started taking action on getting my life back in order, I was increasingly aware of people around me who had already done that and were living.
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Happy, you know, looking at going, that looks like, you know, I want some of that to get a happy joy, so free lifestyle as it's called right there. They're having fun. They're enjoying life.
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They're not, you know, stealing from somebody to get money to go buy something because they need some kind of alcohol or some other type of fix. They're not doing a lot of the negative behavior that goes along with being, especially in late stage additions.
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And I watched that and going, huh, you know, so it started to plant at seed to go, well, if they can, maybe I could, you know, maybe there really is an option for me that could work because I was very clearly headed to either, you know, either being institutionalized somehow or living on a skid row. Neither were looked really on that, particularly, um, just, it was like going, well, you know, that kind of accepted this is where it's going to end up, except that, you know, this is, or death, I'm going, I'll take that. Now, I was so unhappy that I preferred dying to living to, to continue to live the way that I felt. Wow. And accepted that as going, this is, I've got these three options, be institutionalized live on skid row for the however much longer I survived, which could be 20, 30, 40 years.
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That really scared me as I go. And I'm going to be dead in the year or two, who cares? And it started done on me going, you know, if I pick the death option, it may not play out the way that I think it would. And it's certainly not going to be some cool, you know, some cool movie ending to my life.
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And those, those people, their examples caught my attention. And it finally got to point it going, you know, maybe it's worth taking a small action, which I did, you know, I just, I just went and sat with a group of people that were on that path at the invitation of someone that I knew and respected. It's all I had to do. Just go, just go sit, see what it's about?
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Is that gone? This isn't what I expected. So I went back again, you know, went and sat with another group the next day. So a small action is going, huh, walked into the dorm.
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People smiled and said, hi, how you doing?
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It's like out there hands told me their name. I went across into Donut, kind of like that. No, it's in my 20s. So it's like, yeah, Donut sounds good. And at that time, people weren't reading me when I went and places, you know, they were like, yeah, what do you want?
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Or we told you, you're not welcome here anymore. Or my family's not returning my phone.
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You know, so this is isolation that goes along with it. Jeffrey did a lot of what are their family members that this you or did not want you in their gatherings or something like that?
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In the extent of going, look, it's always with love. You're always welcome here. Doors always open. We're willing to have you around not if you're going to show up like that.
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All right. I, I.
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So let's talk. You want the real stuff? It's like, I showed up at my mother's funeral late.
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Loaded, running on my motorcycle long hair at David Lee Roth hair in those days.
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Like the singer for Van Halen from the 1980s and, and started a fist bite with somebody at my mother's funeral. That was me.
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Because what, you know, the guy deserved it. I was mad because two of my friends tackled me and held me to the ground while someone else drug him out and drug the other guy on through him out in the front door or hustling. I didn't really throw him. But you know, escorted him out to front door. And I was upset because I felt that the gentleman had earned more, more of a response from me. And I didn't get to deliver it. Because he had, because he was so out of line. I mean, he showed up at my mother's funeral and it didn't really think he belonged there.
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And then he had the, then he had the audacity to reach to, to make a negative comment about my hair.
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And reach out and grab my hair.
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And it's like, you don't do that.
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You know, just, he dis-right. So this is an ironic moment. Such a lack of self-awareness.
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He disrespected me. So I started, well, you know, I started throwing fists at him at my mother's funeral because he's showing disrespect. Because, you know, of course, it was all about me at that time.
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And that was the kind of behavior that I engaged in. But put a suit on, you know, put a nice suit on, go to a corporate event, sit in the boardroom, could do that too.
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Get out in the parking lot, pull the bottle out of the car, start drinking.
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And if you come out in the parking lot from the boardroom and say something to me, I just might smack you with a bottle.
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It's a little unpredictable in my behavior. And, you know, some of my, one of my excuses was, look, some of my friends were really brawlers. They loved the fight. And some of them weren't, you know, they weren't alcoholics or they just loved the fight. And they grew up in an environment where.
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They was okay. And, you know, they'd get in a fight.
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And sometimes, never talked to each other again, you know, or sometimes they'd get in a fight and slap each other on the back and Hey, I'll buy a beer kind of a thing. And I never got that.
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You know, I was somewhat like, look, I'm not like that.
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You know, I only do what's appropriate and necessary in the moment. So it's just a, you know, I had justification for all of that. And it's like, it's just unbelievable. The lengths that we can go to as human beings to justify things that are truly unjustifiable.
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Which is recognizing that there is an issue that we need help is the first step towards.
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That change. Because what I know is dependency is deeply connected with the subconscious cause and motivation. And it could be shyness. It could be masking self awareness, self consciousness.
00:32:06.401 --> 00:32:15.519
It's, it can be just gamut of everything and what feels good at the moment when you said it.
00:32:15.670 --> 00:32:58.146
So how do we go in helping understand now that we understand it, it can come from anything from Robin Williams taking comedy from it. It doesn't matter. If it is a drug addiction, alcohol addiction, gambling addiction, overeating, it's in feeding, especially most of those are oral. And I say, express it versus suppress. So it's all suppressing so much until we get to a point that it's overwhelming.
00:32:53.569 --> 00:33:08.880
It has to come out and it comes out as you said, either in a fistfight or anger or retaliation or something like that. Or fold it up in the corner, weep and wet on myself.
00:33:08.930 --> 00:33:43.039
I never knew where my evening was going to end. And when I was a teenager or even younger than that, but you know, at that age is like, oh, that's kind of interesting. That's fun. Right? I got no control over my life. So let's just let the dogs out see where it goes. And if it's somewhere embarrassing, it's like, whoops, you know, but then when I'm 25, not so much, not so much. And it really is in working and helping people that are in that state, they're sick. Right?
00:33:39.165 --> 00:34:00.960
And there's different, there's a lot, there's just fake day alphabet and there's something for every letter and probably go back through it again, where somebody has it has some type of some form of illness. It's like to treat them as sick, you know, have that kind of empathy for them yet maintain boundaries.
00:34:01.710 --> 00:34:18.079
Like, you know, like, fortunately, my family did for me, they never, they never broke the connection that we had, but they're like, oh, no, not if you can't show up coherent, then please just stay wherever you're at kind of a thing.
00:34:15.360 --> 00:34:18.079
So there's boundaries on that.
00:34:19.030 --> 00:34:24.559
That's not enabling the person or giving the money into a guy.
00:34:24.561 --> 00:34:26.800
Yeah.
00:34:29.150 --> 00:34:52.159
The exam and there's so many different ways to enable, you know, from the, from the being, feeling their feelings with them and getting into the emotion of it with them and it's like, that doesn't, it doesn't help. You know, until I got to a point that I was desperate enough to take accountability for myself, for my life, nobody could help me.
00:34:53.034 --> 00:34:55.942
So that was about boundaries.
00:34:53.034 --> 00:35:04.126
That was about, hey, you know, it's cool over there on that side of the room. Nice to see you. You know, if you want to be over here, sitting with us, we're laughing, having a good time.
00:35:02.266 --> 00:35:04.126
Here's what you need to do.
00:35:04.139 --> 00:35:06.159
You know, if you're not doing that, that's okay.
00:35:06.309 --> 00:35:10.239
You know, we'll see it. We'll say hi, but we'll ask you to stay on that side of the room.
00:35:13.215 --> 00:35:24.800
But isn't that creating more isolation? It's like, okay, apparently, you know, I'm not good enough for you. So let me go and drink myself because I'm more miserable now.
00:35:26.690 --> 00:35:30.030
Yes, some will do that.
00:35:26.690 --> 00:35:45.280
Some will go, well, well, I need to do to sit over there and say, well, if you come over and sit and just, just sit, don't say anything. You know, hang out. We love having you around. We're having a conversation. You're welcome. And there's a lot of power in that.
00:35:46.929 --> 00:36:07.119
There's a lot of, I remember someone who's known for a long time now, one of the first conversations I had with him, we're probably the first conversation I ever had with him. I remember at a potluck at his house in the summertime and they still do it for decades now they've been doing this. And I had a plate full, I had a plate full of food.
00:36:09.070 --> 00:36:14.480
I'm standing with my back towards the wall in the yard. Got an eye on my motorcycle.
00:36:14.481 --> 00:36:16.655
Can see everybody in.
00:36:14.481 --> 00:36:22.255
I'm like, you know, backing up a little bit further, making sure I got the right angle to view. And I'm looking around and I'm shoveling food in my mouth as fast as I can.
00:36:22.278 --> 00:36:28.961
I'm just so uncomfortable because I didn't know anybody in a new, somebody was just going to, you know, was going to say something to me.
00:36:28.974 --> 00:36:43.760
And he walked over and just looked at me and smiled and said, Hey, just want to let you know you're welcome here. You want to relax, stay as long as you want. It's fine. You know, if you want to hurry up and finish eating and then go ahead and go ahead and go get that's fine too. But because it's my house.
00:36:41.818 --> 00:36:46.360
So if anybody says anything to you, come see me.
00:36:43.760 --> 00:36:50.541
You know, or tell them to come see me because for his own concern, you're always welcome here.
00:36:49.041 --> 00:37:00.079
Just want to let you know and he walked away and I'm going to stand in earth with my mouth hanging open and I'm like, how did he know? Well, we can, if we're really present and paying attention to the people around us, we can tell who's struggling.
00:37:01.280 --> 00:37:09.728
Where who's got something, you know, where you watch the body language, you can tell, imagine with your clients, you can tell when you know, they're like, Oh, no, everything. And it's like, no, we need to talk about that a little bit more.
00:37:09.740 --> 00:37:11.800
There's something, you know, something's bubble in.
00:37:12.760 --> 00:37:19.885
There. And he did that and he, you know, he moved on and I kind of took a breath and I was like, Oh, okay. And I was there for several hours.
00:37:19.898 --> 00:37:29.840
That's the only thing I remember about being there that day was that he made it clear that you know what, you can just hang out and that's fine.
00:37:29.840 --> 00:37:53.891
And I've talked to anybody years later, I heard a friend of mine say, you know what, she was going through a rough time, you know, we divorced and some other stuff, you know, just things that happen in life. And she said, you know what, I really appreciate because a group of us that got together to hang out for a potluck once a week. And she was sitting there and she just said, I just want to tell you all, thank you.
00:37:53.902 --> 00:38:23.235
Because you let me come here and just sit and you don't ask questions, you don't offer advice, you let me just come here and sit. And that allows me to heal from the inside out and everybody was practically weeping at that, you know, and we're just like going, yeah, because we we'd had to all expect, so one of those things just going, like, yeah, I get it. I get okay.
00:38:19.681 --> 00:38:32.079
Cool. And then we let it be. She said that and she just kind of gave us a look or like, you know, we're all, hey, you know, glad you're here. You know, can we get you a.
00:38:33.059 --> 00:39:13.679
Some drink or you know, you're just like, no, okay. And as she, you know, and she did work that she needed to get through which was going through and she came back to being more talkative and you watch, watch the lights come back on again, right? You know, there's so many things. We focus a lot on the route on some of the obvious, you know, the drug and alcohol addiction, severe mental illness, those types of things, but there's so much more that's way way before we get to that point, like you're asking, you know, where do we start? Where does this stuff start? Where we cross those lines? We're going, you know, if we hadn't taken that step, then I had a million of them.
00:39:11.619 --> 00:39:13.679
I never all small steps.
00:39:15.030 --> 00:39:19.760
And the cool thing is I can always take a different step and change that path, that direction.
00:39:21.710 --> 00:39:43.119
But being able to watch people around us and truly be present so that we can ask a well-placed question, give them a little tough love back and that doesn't mean being mean or sarcastic. I love sarcasm and dry wit, but it would does mean saying, you know what, it seems like there's a little bit more there.
00:39:43.869 --> 00:39:50.960
So I'm not totally buying what you're telling me, but okay, I just want you to know, I see and I'm willing to sit and listen.
00:39:53.960 --> 00:40:07.661
You know, like that guy did with me while I'm shoveling food and my, in my mouth and his, I'd moved out to his front yard because I wanted to get closer to some place I could get out of there after I got some food. And, you know, and saw what was going on and you said, hey, you're welcome to stay if you want.
00:40:09.019 --> 00:40:40.880
You know what, school, if you do, school, just hang out or that gal who had done phenomenal work and the woman that she had become and then hit a rough patch in life because things were, you know, life implodes every once in a while. This is part of, you know, business as fail, marriage is fail, children die, illness is happen, cancer, other things happen. And it's like, how do people walk through that and how can we be there to help them on that journey?
00:40:42.530 --> 00:40:49.840
Which is why I appreciate what you do because you're a major force in, in spreading that, hey, spreading that positive impact.
00:40:57.664 --> 00:41:02.800
I have a friend of mine who got addicted to painkillers.
00:41:03.949 --> 00:41:22.000
And to him, it was the biggest surprise because he started drinking, but he never got addicted to the alcohol. And he drank only to numb the pain while he was popping the pills.
00:41:23.900 --> 00:41:32.000
And this is at a very young age because he got, he was in a auto accident. I think he was.
00:41:32.500 --> 00:41:57.760
19 years old or something like that. And I remember through college and everything, he struggled. He was constantly struggled. You know, I have to say he's one of the most successful people I know, only his own company and everything today. Great family.
00:41:53.242 --> 00:42:25.452
But, you know, when we were talking about the old days, you and I are almost in the same age we're talking about, the hippie times, I usually say there was a lot of drugs. There was a lot of alcohol. There was a lot of everything, the hardcore music. But everything was about peace and love and flowers and making love. Nowadays, it's the music is there.
00:42:25.463 --> 00:42:40.559
It's hardcore. The rap, the verbiage and everything, even the stress on traffic and media, every breaking news is nothing about murder and mayhem.
00:42:40.610 --> 00:42:43.811
So we are surrounded with such darkness.
00:42:43.824 --> 00:42:47.440
It's no longer flowers.
00:42:43.824 --> 00:42:47.440
It's not about peace.
00:42:48.289 --> 00:43:26.326
Even though there was so much destruction in the country and outside, but the people were about peace and love and everything. I mean, we talk about Woodstock and everybody talks about Woodstock remembers music and yes, making love and drugs. But nowadays, it's the teenagers that are dying because of this suppressive and drugs and lacing it with such potent medicine that our children are nourishing and how can we notice signs to help them?
00:43:26.338 --> 00:43:47.760
Well, I think the music that we listen to is a big indicator for one thing, what media are we watching, what messages are we getting, what conversations are we having with the younger adults with youth? Yes.
00:43:44.235 --> 00:43:47.760
Or not having because.
00:43:48.630 --> 00:43:56.960
It, you know, I have become much more aware of the songs that I listen to.
00:43:52.795 --> 00:44:04.126
There's a couple songs and I couldn't give you an example. One of them has a line and a song, I'm a loser. I love the song because of the sound of it.
00:44:02.519 --> 00:44:15.280
And I really sat and listened to the lyrics one day and I was going, I don't want to put that in my head, right? Because that's that's feeding the neck, that's feeding the negative conversation that I'm going to have with myself at 3 A.M.
00:44:13.010 --> 00:44:57.440
that I don't want. I go, why would I listen to that and I paid more and more attention to songs? It's one of the reasons I've never liked gangster rap because I listen to the lyrics and I'm going, look, if all of our kids are growing up listening to, listening to lyrics in songs, idolizing artists that create songs that have lyrics about, about running crime gangs in the street and all the behavior that goes on around that, how are we making sure that doesn't run off the rails for them? And I'm not, I'm not, now, who I mean, the full disclosure, I'm not saying rap music is killing our country and our children. I'm not saying that. And that's what I'm saying is listen to the, what's the counterbalance?
00:44:57.514 --> 00:45:03.280
What gives it context? To make sure they're going, yeah, you know what?
00:45:00.581 --> 00:45:12.179
This is, this is music, this is fantasy. I see, you know, I see kids from upper middle-class neighborhoods.
00:45:13.320 --> 00:45:51.199
Paying hundreds of dollars to get ripped jeans that don't fit right. So they hang low around their waist so they can look like they're, you know, look like they've got street cred and I'm like, hey, you wouldn't last five minutes with people that actually have street charade. B, is that really what you want to emulate? Is that where you, you know, is that what you want life and, you know, violent life in the street? That a lot of, you know, some of the people that have violent life in the street don't want that. But it's back to do, we, and I'm not saying that the clothing is going to lead there. I think it affects, we don't, when we lose the thread on where does this come from?
00:45:51.349 --> 00:45:57.039
Then a friend of mine that had, has turned his life around phenomenally.
00:45:54.251 --> 00:46:03.905
He did a fair amount of time in the prison system in California when he was younger and he said, you know where that comes, a set that we're watching.
00:46:01.440 --> 00:46:52.349
I forget what it was, I made a comment about, you know, a couple of young adults that looked like their pants were going to fall off in any second in, in a, cracked a joke about it. And he goes, you know where that comes from? And I go, no, because that comes from the California prison system. They were really, he goes, yeah, there's the way the prisons, you know, the, the, the different gangs that run the prison system inside, use one, does the laundry. And they're at odds with this other gang. So what they would always do is when they returned the laundry to the other gang, they would always make it two, you know, many sizes too big. So it always drooped around the waist. Wow. So they flip the script on that and turned that into a badge of honor to show when you're out walking into street, when you're past droop like that, that's a badge of honor showing you've done hard time in the state prison system in your, it's rude gangster. So beware. Wow.
00:46:52.362 --> 00:47:02.759
Now it's a cultural icon with our kids. I'm going, is that really the direction we want to go with it? And it's like, okay, you know, we're going to wear your pants that way.
00:47:02.771 --> 00:47:08.641
That's fine. Then by the me, but do you really, you know, are you really thinking about what you're doing? And what does that mean to you?
00:47:11.224 --> 00:47:32.719
So it's like I could go on with that. So it just didn't. So in my personal life, and this is coaching that I've gotten from, you know, business and in personal development advisors that I've had coaches, and they're going, what, and it's something from Napoleon Hill, you know, what do you focus on.
00:47:34.170 --> 00:47:44.148
From thinking to grow rich mindset? Where do you focus? The point hills work was based on on the most successful businessmen of his time.
00:47:44.161 --> 00:47:47.920
In the common thread was what's their mindset?
00:47:48.070 --> 00:47:52.719
You know, the common, the common thread industry gang is the mindset.
00:47:50.496 --> 00:48:10.480
The common thread in a, you know, motorcycle club is the mindset. The common thread in a high performing business organization is the mindset, the, the common thread in the team that's going to win the Super Bowl, whoever they found, who it be, but in 2024, there's going to be an NFL Super Bowl game.
00:48:10.481 --> 00:48:23.972
And the winner, the winning team will be the one that has the strongest mindset because they are competing. Those two teams are performing at such a high level. The only difference is what's going on between their ears.
00:48:21.681 --> 00:48:50.755
Everything else is pretty much the same, right? There's no better players in the world than the ones that are there to compete against each other. So it's all going to come down the mindset. And what conversations going on between their ears? When they went. So where do, you know, where do you want to be? If you want to be in the street, understand what that's about and get the mindset? Don't play at it. Don't be a poser. Go do it. I got a bit of problem with posers. And so if you're going to go do that, fine, go do it.
00:48:50.768 --> 00:49:19.960
Don't have half. Excuse me, I got to be careful. So I don't say something. I don't use a word that wouldn't be appropriate for a PG audience. But, you know, don't have to do it. Go, good luck. You know, their life expect to seize about two and a half, three years, you know, most of them don't live past, past 17 or so. If you want to, if you want to be an NFL, look at that mindset. I had a chance to get to know Bo Easton who became one of the top safeties in the NFL.
00:49:16.960 --> 00:49:23.199
He started practicing every day at 5 AM when he was nine years old.
00:49:24.500 --> 00:49:31.280
I'm listening to this guy and I'm looking at him going, I'm so embarrassed.
00:49:27.889 --> 00:49:31.280
I didn't do anything.
00:49:32.079 --> 00:49:36.639
Since I consistently since I was nine years old, except maybe run bad, you know, bad self talk.
00:49:36.840 --> 00:49:43.119
You know, okay, but that was what that was why he became an NFL player.
00:49:40.012 --> 00:49:53.103
And he was a very unlikely candidate for being a top competitor in the NFL because he's not, doesn't have that massive build like the NFL players do.
00:49:50.641 --> 00:49:55.280
So he found he's going, okay, here's what I'm going to have to do.
00:49:56.329 --> 00:49:58.130
If I want to get into the NFL.
00:49:56.329 --> 00:49:58.130
And he did it.
00:49:59.320 --> 00:50:10.000
But imagine imagine having one of your kids get up at 5 AM to practice guitar, to study math, to study a language, to, to, you know, hone, hone some type of a skill.
00:50:10.099 --> 00:50:11.099
Exactly.
00:50:13.090 --> 00:50:16.639
Because the, the ones that are, you know, something about the, the.
00:50:18.190 --> 00:50:22.719
Outlaw culture in, in the US, they're getting up at 5 AM or practicing what they do every day too.
00:50:25.019 --> 00:50:56.639
And the ones that live for any length of time, they're smart too. And we, we often underestimate them. So to watch some people that come from that environment, you know, coming back to what we were talking about earlier, that for whatever reason they got to that point in their life where that switched tripped. And like, going, I'm done with this. And then to see what they, the, the people, the men and women that they become. And the things that they achieve with their lives, some of them great public things, some of them, A list entertainers that we, that we know today that had horrible.
00:50:58.019 --> 00:51:00.686
Backgrounds before they, before they did what they did.
00:51:00.699 --> 00:51:06.559
And the reason that they were successful is they got, they got, what was going on in here straightened out.
00:51:08.309 --> 00:51:21.199
And the reward was far greater of what they wanted. The same thing goes with, Wayne Dyer, how he stopped drugs and alcohol and his anger and everything.
00:51:17.681 --> 00:53:10.480
And he became one of the biggest like mentors and speakers. And he always said, I've had so many failures in my life, three wives and so many children. But, and I stopped drinking his anger for his father was so much that when he went to the grave, all he could do is weep and say, all these years of my anger instead of making peace with him. And at that moment, I had to let it go when I let go of my anger and resentment is the day that I stopped drinking and suppressing. So, you know, today, as you brought up in Napoleon Hill and his principles, which is desire and faith and the auto suggestion that we give ourselves in our mind, imagination, organization, persistence, decision and mastering our mind, and specializing in something. But the one that, because of the work that I do, the subconscious mind, which is the power, the brain and our intuition comes to play in everything from richness to being a better human being. That's all. That's what I tell my clients, just become better. It does not have to be perfect because there is no perfect. Actually, you know, there's a saying that we are perfect with our imperfections and to accept every single person. I used to be in Toastmasters.
00:53:10.481 --> 00:53:16.480
I'll share this with you and we're coming to an hour already. This has been amazing, Jeff.
00:53:16.579 --> 00:53:36.480
Thank you so much. When I was in Toastmasters, I wanted so bad to speak properly and deliver everything so good to win the competition of the week or the day and everything.
00:53:32.436 --> 00:53:39.905
And one of the ladies, she was probably about 30 years, 40 years older.
00:53:39.916 --> 00:54:16.159
She came and sat down next to me and said,"Liza, you have a great vocabulary for words and every week you challenge yourself and you look to be the best evaluator." May I suggest something and I said,"Of course," and she said,"Stop policing." That means everybody can find fault and everybody makes mistakes.
00:54:17.829 --> 00:54:35.679
You don't have to be the police and that stuck with me to become more compassionate and become kinder and accepting people for who they are because I know I have my own faults.
00:54:36.880 --> 00:54:40.880
Yeah, I do too. It's what we do with them.
00:54:43.360 --> 00:54:49.039
How do we become in spite of our faults and shortcomings?
00:54:50.239 --> 00:54:55.519
And then over time, those tend to improve or go away.
00:54:57.969 --> 00:55:01.760
You know, something my dad told me that literally saved my life when I was older.
00:55:02.909 --> 00:55:22.960
He was like, "You're always in the middle." No matter what, he goes,"Pick anything you want to focus on." Whether it's money, he goes, "If you want to talk about money, he goes, "Oh, wait, no matter how much money you have, there's always going to be someone that's got more, there's always going to be someone that's got less." So it's going to be someone that's getting promoted more than you are. There's always going to be someone that's not getting.
00:55:23.909 --> 00:55:25.965
The promotions that work.
00:55:23.909 --> 00:55:31.231
So there's going to be someone smarter, someone not as smart. He goes,"You're always in the middle, no matter what." He goes, "Never forget that.".
00:55:31.909 --> 00:55:37.360
And there's a lot of power in that. It's one of the reasons that I like to be in the middle.
00:55:39.039 --> 00:55:45.199
It's the good place to be because that means I can reach a hand across to my colleagues, my peers.
00:55:47.449 --> 00:55:58.960
They get to have the opportunity to call incredible people like yourself, friend, all right, can reach out and across.
00:55:52.639 --> 00:55:58.960
I can reach down for lack of a better word.
00:55:59.610 --> 00:56:20.800
You know, I can reach a hand out to somebody that's struggling more and say, "Hey, here, you know, no matter what's going on in my day, I can always reach a hand out to somebody else who's having a worst day and go, "Hey, I see you. Here, grab my hand." And I can always reach a hand out to the person that's in front of me and doing better and going, "Hey, help me get where you're at.".
00:56:21.849 --> 00:56:34.559
Exactly. And people would, most, not all, some, you know, and I've been one of those people that's going to smack the hand away. But most of the time, people will take the hand.
00:56:36.099 --> 00:56:42.159
You know, most of the time, people will go, "Yeah." And all that's fine at the time, we can sit down happy to share what I've learned on my journey.
00:56:42.559 --> 00:58:08.800
Well, on the journey of becoming better, healthier, happier, and joyful, I want to say thank you for being part of the Real Talk Tuesday today. And if this has been interesting for you by all means, I hope you reach out either to Jeffrey, who can help you mentor you. And you can always reach out to me by all means. I welcome thoughts, ideas. And again, thank you so much for being here, Jeffrey, and shedding a light on not only your past, but how we can reach out across from both sides and say, "I need help or how can I help you?" And with that, I bid you all goodbye, and I'll see you soon. Hugs to you, Jeffrey, across this platform until we see each other again. I will come down and meet you and your lovely wife that I have made that promise, if not at another mastermind sooner than that. And until next week, God bless you all and made a universal light surrounding always. Bye-bye.
00:58:08.949 --> 00:58:32.001
Thank you for being here. If you want to check out some of the testimonials that I've got, click right here. If you want to go back and watch other videos from maybe go two weeks ago, give it a cure, come sleep right here.
00:58:24.001 --> 00:58:32.001
See you next time.
