Improving Tech Hygiene

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Purposely, your life, God's purpose. Listen at purposely.com. Hey everyone,
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welcome to the Gospel Tech Podcast. My name is Nathan
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Sutherland and this podcast is dedicated to helping families love
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God and use tech. Today we are going to be
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talking about why technology is such a battle at bedtime
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and what we can do about it. The premise for
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this is simply that this is very common. We see
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across age ranges. Families wrestle to use the best tech
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well and this is a time of day where that's
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especially difficult. So we have talked previously about very simple rules.
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We can follow things like let's get screens out of
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the bedroom. Let's get screens away from mealtime. Let's talk
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through the time and the place and the content we consume.
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But I want to make that hyper practical to the
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bedtime routine tonight. And I want to kind of frame
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it in the idea of tech hygiene. We teach our
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children how to take showers and brush their teeth. Sometimes
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we even encourage them to wear deodorant. We talk about
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germs and how we can get sick and why washing
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our hands is important. This is also true with our technology.
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We can have proper tech hygiene. We can make sure
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that our technology is in fact supporting the best possible outcomes.
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So in order to do this, we are going to
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talk about big picture, time, place, and content. When are
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we using it and Where are we using it and
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what technology are we using? But I want to even
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get a little more granular than that because you are
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a parent or a loving aunt or uncle or a
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grandma or grandpa or a neighbor or a mentor, teacher, pastor,
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leader of some variety of young people. And in doing
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these steps, we can actually help ensure that the tech
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is healthy and that it stays healthy. The first thing
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we're going to do is build a family framework. So again,
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on the leader side, you might not be the one
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doing this. This is what you can encourage families to do.
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And we can start really, really simple. You can go
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to the previous episode if you want more detail on it.
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But you can simply start with the tech framework that
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says time, place, content. When do we use this technology?
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So in the case of our sleep, we have to
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cut it at least an hour before bedtime. We're not
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going to be watching it to fall asleep. And I
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know this is the habit we have. And there are
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certain times where just fine, we have to do this, right?
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You got to turn on the whale songs. You got
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to turn on Bluey. Like you got to make sure
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something happens so your child can sleep. That's a coping mechanism.
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And we recognize that that's for specific, like the kid
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has been sick for a long time or is in
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a series of nights where like nighttime is now just
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so stressful that we need something to remind that child
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that he or she can actually fall asleep and then
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slowly withdraw that coping mechanism and get back to just
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regular sleep before bed. Standard research says an hour before bed.
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That's enough time to let your cortisol levels lower from, say,
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a stressful show or game. It's enough time to let
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our adrenaline settle in case something was super exciting and
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we were really competitive with it. Our bodies can get overstimulated.
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We can get overstimulated by the content, by the speed
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of the content that we consume. So if you're scrolling
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a feed, for example, By the questions or the engagement,
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just the idea is you could just be reading the news,
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but you can still get really fired up about the news,
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especially depending on how you take it in. If you're
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taking it over TikTok versus taking it over in like
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an actual digital reading format, both can be a lot.
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And one is more stimulating just on the rate of input.
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And then there's just the fact that a lot of
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these screens have blue light that tell your brain to
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be awake. So an hour before bed is our time.
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This is a conversation you can have today. Hey, an
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hour before bed, we're going to put our tech down.
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We're going to quit watching that movie, stop scrolling the internet,
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quit playing that game. We are going to model this too.
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It's part of a family tech framework. The time is
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going to be established. And if you're not sure how
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to do this well, certainly the conversation is part of it,
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but this is where hedges come in. We'll get to
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this at step five, but just remember that there is
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digital hedges we can build that can help us follow
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through on some of these conversational pieces. So We have
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a timeline. We're going to stop an hour before bed. Remember,
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we also have talked previously, and maybe you don't remember
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because it's your first time hearing it. So let's talk
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about it. How much time in a day? I like
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the rule of no more than a half of your
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discretionary time and no more than two hours a day.
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Half your discretionary time is because I don't think a
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lot of us would say that it's more important that
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our children become good at their digital technology than the
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other things they could do. So great. We shouldn't be
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spending more than half of our free time on that. Uh,
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that's so if, uh, like I mentioned previously, uh, my
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child plays sports, so he only has about 90 minutes
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of discretionary time. So we're not going to be watching
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more than 45 minutes of a show. Sometimes he likes
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to come home, watch a show with his siblings and then,
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you know, start the bedtime routine. Great. But it's not
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going to be longer than 45 minutes on those nights.
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If an Average child, that's three and a half hours.
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You're talking about an hour and 45 minutes maximum. But
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that brings us to the, how's it working? Like what's
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it producing in our child questions? And I'll let you
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parent that. But time is going to be the first
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part of this conversation. Then place. Yes, screens should be
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out of the bedroom. So no one needs a thousand
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dollar alarm clock. And I say it in that way
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because that helps us frame usually how that conversation goes. Well,
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I need this because I need to know when to
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wake up. We can learn how to use a standard
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alarm clock. Please do. The regular phone is simply an
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unfair fight for a tired, anxious brain. Your child needs
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sleep and needs quiet in order to be as healthy
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as possible. And the best hygiene for that technology is
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to get it out of the bedroom. Putting it downstairs
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is the easiest way. That's what my wife and I do.
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Anna and I like to put our phones just down
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in the kitchen. We plug them in. Sometimes, you know,
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it's a story for bedtime. And so guided access goes
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on the phone and that helps us like it'll just
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stay in audible. You can actually block the whole screen.
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So only the play button is visible. So they're not
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scrolling through all the content on audible, for example, and
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then just put it on a low volume on a
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shelf and set a 45 minute timer. So the child
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can help fall asleep and then we're good to go. So. Downstairs,
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in terms of our use, an hour before bed, so
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we're not scrolling before bed and then walking it down
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and then trying to fall asleep after we were just
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inundated with information and entertainment and distraction. of screens needs
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to be not in the bedroom. We don't need smart TVs.
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We do not need gaming consoles or smartphones. This can
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be tricky, and this is where the family framework comes in,
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where we talk about our family's priorities, and we can
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simply say we prioritize sleep. If our child goes, yeah,
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but I don't know how to sleep. I had this
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this week. A young person said, I don't know how
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to fall asleep, so I watch YouTube. My follow-up question was,
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what do you do to ensure that YouTube is safe?
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And he said, I don't. I was like, okay, well,
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I hope it's working well now, but like it won't forever.
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Like at some point you will either make a poor
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choice or the internet will. And we need buffers and barriers.
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And one of the great barriers is distance. This needs
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to be something we do lovingly for our children. Safety
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is the one A on this conversation of it is unsafe.
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to have this technology in your room. It is unwise.
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There is zero research saying that a screen in the
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bedroom is a good idea. There's a lot of research
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saying it impedes sleep, that it opens our children up
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to unsafe strangers, that it opens our children up to
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decisions they make late at night, which is often, not often,
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excuse me. If they're going to make a poor choice
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later when they're sleepier, when they might get hungry again,
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when they're feeling lonely, when they're feeling anxious, when they're
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stressed out about not being able to fall asleep, This
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is when they might go online and look for or
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bump into what might be very exciting content, but also
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very unhelpful. All right, so time, our place for the technology,
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and then the content that is acceptable. Yes, we talk
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it out. We say this is what our family values are.
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This is what we believe in. Philippians 4.8 is a
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great standard. So as we walk through and say, does
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it encompass this? Not always... The point is not to
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never see something negative. The point is, what is our
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heart bringing in and celebrating? And then how do we
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repent from that? And how do we put ourselves in
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a position for success? In the case of this content,
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we do want some parental controls over the device itself,
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wherever that is in our house. So the TV has
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some kind of passcode so that our internet has some
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kind of accountability, again, through hedges. When we are talking
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about smartphones, video games, streaming services, be it YouTube or
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even social media, We want to make sure that we've
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talked about time, place, and content. That's our first barrier
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to get healthy tech and to get good tech hygiene
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for our family. The second thing we're going to do
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is we're going to ensure that the tech that we
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allow is safe, ready, and good. I'm not going to
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go deep into that now. Go to our last episode
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if you want a really deep dive. But safe means
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it's a good choice for your kids. It is not
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inherently dangerous. It's not going to have an app store.
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It's not going to have a browser. It's going to
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have some kind of accountability baked into it. So smartphones
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are inherently unsafe. They're not intended for children. And they
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can be modified to be more safe, and that's okay.
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Whereas the safest possible tech is going to be some
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kind of tool tech, be that AutoCAD on something that
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isn't connected to the internet, or Microsoft Word, for example.
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That it just, all it does is word process. And again,
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the device it's on has to also be safe. You've
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decided it's safe. Your child is ready for this level
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of responsibility and the outcome is good. You like how
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it's going. Again, your child might be ready for it.
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The technology could be safe enough. It has parental controls,
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but there is some technology that is just a bad
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choice for a sleeping environment of a bedroom. So when
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we're talking bedtime routines and tech hygiene, it is unhygienic
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to have drool tech in that bedroom. We are bringing
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in distraction and distraction fights sleep, as does excitement and adventure.
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and every friend we know, and also all of the internet.
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Like these are not things that help us sleep. So
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we can find ways to make them safer, but it's
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the most hygienic to have them out of the room.
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And we want to make sure that they're safe, they're ready,
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and that the outcome is good. If we have a
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child who is tired, if we have a anxiousness or
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in anger or in distraction. I, as a teacher, am
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convinced that some of my children who were being called
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quote-unquote bad students because they couldn't focus or even being
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called ADHD may have been having symptoms of ADHD or
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the symptoms were being made worse because they were sleeping
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very little and a brain that simply couldn't cannot focus
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or cannot sleep has a really hard time focusing, which
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is often what we look at when we say, is
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this thing ADD? Sorry, is this brain ADD? This person
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is not a thing. Okay. Setting basic parental controls is
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the next thing we can do. We can set basic
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parental controls, go to that device. And if it's a
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console set up parental controls using an app, like on
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an Xbox, if it's a computer setting up parental controls
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on the family settings, or if it's a Mac, We
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can use things like screen time to make sure that
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our child is using all the best tech well. So yes,
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you've earned the opportunity to do this. And yes, we're
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going to make sure we whitelist certain things. This is
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what you can access and everything else is blocked because
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it may not be a net gain for you. And finally,
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we're going to build a hedge. So this is what
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I mentioned is the last thing we would get to.
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Building a hedge. We've already done it around our family
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because we've talked about the timeline. the location and the
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content we're gonna consume. So we've already had a conversation
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that we can reference back to and that can adapt
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as our children grow and as new technology is added,
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as we've decided, yes, this is safe enough and you
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are ready for it and I love what it's doing.
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So like, we're gonna bring this in and we're gonna
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adapt our rules a little bit. That might be like,
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instead of using this app on my phone, you can
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now use it on your phone. Like, okay, the rules
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can change, but there's always gonna be a hedge there.
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The conversational hedge is first and foremost, There's no amount
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of rules that will make your child good just because
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they're good rules. So instead, what we do is we say, okay,
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we're going to build a hedge around our device and
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our network, understanding that we have a relational conversational hedge.
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These are simply a way for us to lovingly parent.
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So if and when something goes wrong on the internet,
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we are there. to lovingly step in, have the conversation,
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help you debrief, know that you're never alone, that there's
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nothing you can do or look at online that makes
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us love you less, and our love for you drives
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us to take action. We're not just going to let
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you get hurt by others or hurt others depending on
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what way that relationship works. So yeah, we're going to
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see it. We love you a lot. We are not
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simply going to police you. We are going to parent you.
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And this goes all the way up as long as
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they're a child in your home. If you have adults
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in your home and you're trying to work through that, okay,
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like that is a different conversation. So we can talk
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about that another time. An adult in your home depends
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on what your working adult relationship looks like But it
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should hopefully be based on a wonderful conversation about healthy
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tech use. Even adults need to use tech well. A
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family framework that does apply to our adults. We also
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need to be off our screens, for example, right before bed.
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And having no screens in our room is always a
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net gain. So keep that in mind. Building hedges, though.
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Device networks. Let's actually do it in reverse. Let's go
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networks than devices. Network level means we can now set
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time limits by device. So that last week we talked
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about school devices that come home. I can say, hey,
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that new school laptop or that tablet can not receive
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Wi-Fi after 7 p.m. Or it can only get in
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this one window from 4 to 7 p.m. Great. That's
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the only time it has Wi-Fi. It'll automatically shut off
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even if I'm out of the room, even if I forget,
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even if I went out to grab groceries, Wi-Fi's off
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for that device. Network level also allows us to set
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expectations by users on devices. If we care, we say, okay,
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this device belongs to that individual. It has these levels
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of permissions if you want to get that granular. So
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a high school's laptop, high schooler's laptop could go till
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8 or 9 p.m. Whereas the laptop given to your
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sixth grader might only go to 6 p.m. But whatever
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the rules might be, you can get granular by user,
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by device. That's network level rules. And those are super
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helpful because they include your smart TVs. I get on
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those because they are tricky. We kind of forget they
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connect to the internet sometimes. And we might block YouTube,
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but the browser might be live. So the rules around
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it from the network levels make that just a lot
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more simple. So make sure you have some network level rules.
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They allow you to control when and how long devices
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can be used, which devices are being used, and then
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categories for those devices. So your exercise bike might go
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in one category and your personal computer that the adults
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use on another, and then the kids' devices can go
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into a third. Meanwhile, your Roombas and Nest and Ring
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doorbell can all still work. So get a network level
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device hedge. Sorry, I mixed device and network. Get a
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network level hedge here. The ones I really like is
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the Bark Home. It's, I want to say, $ 90 all in.
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And that gives you filtering and accountability right on that.
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So there's no monthly fee with that. You can also
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just get it and pay, I think, $ 8 a month.
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But if you're planning on using it more than a
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year and a half, go for that. The Griffin router,
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if you need a new Wi-Fi router, you've just been
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using the one on lease from whatever company you use.
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It's a very solid product. You don't have to get
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that top. They just are releasing like a commercial grade
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one that is incredible, but you don't probably need that
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at home for most homes. You can simply get that mid-level.
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I want to say it's 350 bucks. It's a router.
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It comes with an app. You can set up all
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the things at the network level that I just mentioned,
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including accountability and individual devices and individual categories. With that
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being said, this does take some legwork. So like the
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Bark Home... has some legwork. There's an app to download.
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You have to make sure everyone is set up and
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showing up on the Wi-Fi with their devices. And then
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you also need to know the Griffin router requires an
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app as well and some setup. If you really want
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your own, you're like, yeah, but what would work with
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my server? I already have set up. Firewall is a
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great option for that. The I want to say it's
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right around 400 bucks. Check out those three options for
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network hedges. Then we go to device hedges. If you
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want a device hedge, this is for your child who
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has a personal device on that network. That's fine. You
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can add extra accountability on that device. So we have
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common eyes, for example, on the computer. This is being
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recorded on, and that's what the kids watch their movies on.
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So I have device level accountability for images specifically. They're
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not doing a lot of social media. There's not a
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lot of need to track you know, who's being mean
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or who's getting bullied or who's coming in contact with
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unsafe strangers. A lot of this is just image-based. From
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the network level, I've defaulted all of our searches to
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the safe search. So Google safe search, as well as YouTube.
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If they go on YouTube, it defaults to safe search.
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And then there's this backup redundancy. We use Common Eyes.
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It's been really robust. It works well. Again, not perfect.
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So if you have someone who just really wants to
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go out and make mistakes, this won't change their heart.
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But it will allow you to see, hey, I noticed
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like these things are pinging. What's going on? I want
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to talk about that. We love you. We want to
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make sure this is as safe as possible. Because again,
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tech hygiene, that is not helping you sleep. That is
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not helping your potential. That is not helping your mind
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and your heart. It's helping you get engaged in content
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that is a lie. This is not reality. We want
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the best for you. So our tech hygiene brings us
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to a hedge on individual devices. that isn't focused around
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playing whack-a-mole and trying to just blacklist all the bad stuff,
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but instead provide all the good stuff. And we said, yes,
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you can have this device. We believe that's good for you.
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And we're going to do some steps. We're going to
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take some steps to make sure that this tech is
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safe as possible for you. With that in mind, when
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we talk about our hedges for individual devices, I mentioned
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Covenant Eyes. Canopy is great for like a grandparent's computer
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because it uses AI to filter out unhelpful images in
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real time. So you might have safe search on, but
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this can be one more step. A wonderful step if
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your kids use a lot of YouTube is to think
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about buying a premium subscription. Ads on YouTube can be tricky.
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And paying that money is a very inexpensive investment if
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you've decided YouTube is a good spot for your child
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to be. I would encourage you to never let your
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children use YouTube unattended. It is safe-ish. It is not
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perfectly safe. And so we want to make sure that, yes,
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ads are one of the ways we can manage that.
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Accountability is another way. but parental presence is the best
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way we can help our kids make good choices online. Parents,
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as we strive to raise kids who love God and
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use tech, it's intimidating to look at this next stage
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of life and think about what academics may look like
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for them. When you're thinking about college, consider George Fox
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University for your children because of three things. First, it's
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going to give you a more intimate, known environment where
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they have a focus on being known personally, academically, and spiritually.
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Your child will grow in their faith. 93% of undergrad
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students at George Fox last year, through the 2025 academic year,
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said that being at George Fox has helped them grow
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in their relationship with Jesus. We also want them to
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grow academically, which means being a part of university with
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rigorous academic standards and opportunities to be engaged. They have
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a nationally recognized engineering, nursing, and education programs. As well
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as chances to study abroad here within the U.S. and
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then internationally. And finally, personally, to be part of a
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vibrant campus atmosphere where you can play intramural sports or
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part of their NCAA Division III athletic programs with 23 students.
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sports available. The goal here is to Go to a
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place that's going to support your goals, not try to
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make you support theirs. To have that goal be to
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raise you up to be all God's called you to
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be and to truly equip your young person with my,
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in my case, my sons or my daughter to love
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God and then from their love of God to go
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wherever God has called them. And that includes being equipped
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with a degree that will help them do that, to
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be missionally equipped to love and serve others, to lead
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where God has planted them and to know the gospel
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for themselves and be able to share it with others.
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So George Fox University is an amazing resource for our kids,
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for our community here in the Northwest, and for anyone
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who's looking to raise up a young person who can
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love God and from that, love others. We have now
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talked about tech hygiene. How do we help our children
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fall asleep best? Well, we make sure we have a
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conversation around when we use our tech, where we use
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our tech, and the content we consume. Make an intentional
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family framework around those three and just have one sentence
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for each. So when do we use it? We use
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it for X amount of time. Where do we use it?
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In public places, whatever public place you decide. And what
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content is appropriate? You can say it as simple as
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we want to make sure it's the content that mommy
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and daddy watch with you. Or you can say, hey,
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we're going to make sure that it's following Philippians 4.8
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or go with the Galatians 5.22 if it produces good fruit.
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But you need a standard. You can say, we're not
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going to do any violence that shows blood. We're not
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going to do anything that has people not wearing clothes.
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You can handle those conversations as you would like. The
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point is you've talked about it. You can say, we're
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just going to watch things that are TVPG. It's locked
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in on the profile. Like you don't have to get
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super granular on this. It is a wonderful way to
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bring up the unsafe content conversation of, hey, there's some
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stuff online that's bad for your heart and your mind.
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We love you. We're not scared of it. And we
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want to make sure that you have the safest possible
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experience online. So we are taking steps, not because we're
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scared of you, but because the internet is an unsafe
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environment for a child. And we want you to have
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the best experience possible. Think through that as you're going
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through those conversations, because time, place, and content is going
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to matter. Then we are going to remove screens from
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our bedrooms. We're going to have a conversation about why,
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about increasing the sleep hygiene and how to entertainment technology
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doesn't help us with that. If we have a kid
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who's like, yeah, but I needed to fall asleep. Maybe
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there's a way we can work it down. Like I said,
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the timer on an audible book. Okay. Like you got
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it for 45 minutes. Like let's work on falling asleep.
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Maybe that is a way to help you draw down
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from it. But at the end of the day, it
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also might just be, no, you know what we're going
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to do? We're going to go a month without it
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at all. Because maybe at 2 p.m., it still is
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too overstimulating by the time you get to 9 p.m.
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and you're just not able to get to sleep. This
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might be a sign that it's time for a full
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30-day reset. And if that sets off a bunch of
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conflict in your family, maybe that's a sign that this
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is really unhealthy and that tech might be the cause
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of it. It's possible. But maybe tech is just part
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of the problem and they're using it to mask anxiety
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or depression or getting bullied or being a bully or
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being feeling shame about what they've seen online or what
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they've said online. There could be any number of things.
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This is why the conversation has to drive the actions
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we take about technology. It's not just lock down all
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the tech and everything will be fine. We've seen the
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human heart has been able to do and want bad
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things for a long time instead. And by a long time,
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I mean millennia. Instead, we're going, okay, I love you.
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00:23:20.250 --> 00:23:23.920
And is this fight we're now having about technology because
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I'm a big meanie or... Is there something else going on?
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00:23:28.210 --> 00:23:30.569
And we need to uncover that in conversation. The goal
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00:23:30.630 --> 00:23:33.849
is not to traumatize your child by isolating them from friends.
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00:23:33.910 --> 00:23:35.309
The goal is to figure out how can we help
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00:23:35.329 --> 00:23:38.059
you sleep? How can we help you stay asleep? And
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after that, to then come and use tech well and
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then walk away from it and live the rest of
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your life. We are going to ensure that the tech
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00:23:44.900 --> 00:23:46.900
that we do allow is safe, that our children are
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00:23:46.940 --> 00:23:48.859
ready and that the outcome is good and we can
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00:23:48.900 --> 00:23:53.450
use a reset for the good piece. relationships, emotions, sleep, enjoyment, time.
487
00:23:53.490 --> 00:23:56.430
Do they get better or do they get worse? Setting
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00:23:56.569 --> 00:23:59.309
basic parental controls on each device we allow. And if
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00:23:59.349 --> 00:24:02.970
that feels overwhelming, disallow some of the devices. Go, great.
490
00:24:03.390 --> 00:24:04.970
We're just going to focus on these two. We feel
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00:24:04.990 --> 00:24:07.049
like we can handle a laptop and we feel like
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00:24:07.089 --> 00:24:10.509
we can handle the smart TV or the kid's tablet
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00:24:10.529 --> 00:24:12.789
or whatever. Just be like, no, we can't do all
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00:24:12.829 --> 00:24:14.609
of this right now. There's way too much going on.
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00:24:14.650 --> 00:24:16.490
So we're going to simplify for a month and then
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00:24:16.529 --> 00:24:19.069
we'll start adding them in as we begin to gain
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00:24:19.109 --> 00:24:23.170
some context. Again, this might be a clarifying conversation about
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00:24:23.490 --> 00:24:25.869
what is actually pulling on your child's heart and what
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00:24:26.990 --> 00:24:29.460
levels of the family are actually healthy and what just
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00:24:29.480 --> 00:24:32.089
has been normal for a long time. And then we're
501
00:24:32.109 --> 00:24:35.269
going to build hedges. Yes, the family hedge around conversation
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00:24:35.289 --> 00:24:37.849
and relationship, but also the network and the device hedges
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00:24:37.910 --> 00:24:40.609
to make sure that these devices are doing what we
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00:24:40.670 --> 00:24:44.750
say they're doing, to make sure the devices are following
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00:24:45.029 --> 00:24:48.019
our family rules. Wow. To make sure these devices are
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00:24:48.150 --> 00:24:52.039
following our family's rules. In light of all this, though,
507
00:24:52.059 --> 00:24:53.940
that at the end of the day, the goal is
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00:24:53.960 --> 00:24:57.359
to remember that as followers of Christ, we are new creations.
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00:24:57.859 --> 00:25:00.099
that that then, if I'm a new creation in Christ,
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00:25:00.279 --> 00:25:03.039
as 2 Corinthians 5.17 tells me, then I have a
511
00:25:03.119 --> 00:25:05.289
new heart and I also have a new mission. I'm
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00:25:05.349 --> 00:25:07.230
called to love God with all that I am, to
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00:25:07.269 --> 00:25:09.309
love my neighbor as myself and to help others do
514
00:25:09.349 --> 00:25:11.769
the same. I'm also told that I should cut off
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00:25:11.829 --> 00:25:15.049
or gouge out anything that causes me to not put
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00:25:15.069 --> 00:25:17.619
my trust in the Lord, anything that causes me to
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00:25:17.740 --> 00:25:20.119
run from Him, which we call sin. We begin trusting
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00:25:20.160 --> 00:25:22.640
in ourselves or in something else other than God to
519
00:25:22.920 --> 00:25:25.980
be good enough for us. So, This is really the
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00:25:26.019 --> 00:25:28.049
heart at which we are approaching our tech. When we
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00:25:28.109 --> 00:25:30.390
think through the gospel, the good news that God saves sinners,
522
00:25:30.430 --> 00:25:32.289
I'm a new creation, and I want to see his
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00:25:32.329 --> 00:25:34.569
kingdom come in my life and then in the world
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00:25:34.829 --> 00:25:37.609
that he's placed me in. And that includes my family,
525
00:25:37.710 --> 00:25:40.630
my children, my workplace, my community, and wherever else he
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00:25:40.690 --> 00:25:43.839
sends me. So think through it in that light that
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00:25:43.859 --> 00:25:45.359
this isn't just, how do I fix my kid? Because
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00:25:45.400 --> 00:25:47.819
our kids are not problems to fix. They're people to love.
529
00:25:48.619 --> 00:25:50.819
And instead, we are going to go, okay, how can
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00:25:50.839 --> 00:25:52.859
I love my child well? I'm going to love them
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00:25:52.900 --> 00:25:56.480
well by helping them establish relationships. great tech hygiene. So
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00:25:57.140 --> 00:25:59.160
with that in mind, go use the best tech well.
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00:25:59.539 --> 00:26:02.619
You can write down any questions you've got, comment on
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00:26:02.660 --> 00:26:06.279
this video, or send me an email, nathanatgospeltech.net. And then
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00:26:06.440 --> 00:26:08.819
I look forward to talking with you again next week
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about how we can use the best tech well and
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00:26:11.109 --> 00:26:13.230
raise kids who love God and use tech. Talk with
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you then.