How Much Money Is Enough? Your Confusing Money Questions Answered. | Leisa Peterson

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So what if everything you believed about money, retirement savings
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and how much is really quote enough? Was really wrong?
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What if it was based on a story that was
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installed before you were seven years old, and despite being challenged,
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it's never been rewritten. And what if changing that story
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was the secret to unlocking so much more abundance, Not
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in a sort of a woo woo way, but in
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a real, practical, grounded way. In this conversation with retired
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thirty year financial advisor Lisa Peterson, you'll discover why two
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people raised in the exact same house can end up
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with radically different relationships to money, the exact question that
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exposes whether a financial advisor is working for you or
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working the room. You learn what financial regret research reveals
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about what actually keeps people up at night, and how
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to define your own enough number instead of borrowing somebody
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else's number. And finally, what a life threatening event taught
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Lisa about the difference between well and a life worth living.
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So excited to share this conversation with you, I'm John
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in the field and this is Good Life Project and
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we'll jump right in after the short break.
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You've always had a very unique lens on the world
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of money and finance and wealth management. You instead of saying, well,
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let's look at all the things on the outside and
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then we'll figure out what needs to happen on the inside,
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We'll just take action based on the external things. You've
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always had this different frame like inner awareness first and
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then outer action, the spreadsheets the decisions later. Take me
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into this.
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It has a lot to do with my journey, my story,
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my experiences. But I wasn't sure if I was going
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to share this. But I want to say this because
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I think it is very applicable to the times we
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live in, which is thirteen years ago, I was at
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a shooting right my doctor. These are horrible events that
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happened to hopefully as few people as possible.
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But I was at my doctor's office.
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A man walked in with a gun and events after
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he shot some people, he killed my doctor and I survived.
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And up until that moment, I had already had a
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lot of trials and difficulties and trauma in my life,
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but nothing like what happened in these moments where I
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thought I might die, and it was It was like
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in that moment, I clearly saw my life for the
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first time, which is embarrassing to say because I don't
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think that we should have to almost die to see life.
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But that is what happened for me and that moment,
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and the reason I say it is I had spent
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a quarter century of my life building a career with
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money and financial services. I was the primary breadwinner. I
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had the experience, the status, the security, like all of it,
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and I was missing my own life. I had children,
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I was married to my college sweetheart. Like I remember
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before that happened, maybe a few years before. My husband
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told me. We were at Lake Tahoe, and that's where
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I am right now. But he wanted to grab my
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at that time.
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It was like a BlackBerry.
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He wanted to grab my BlackBerry and skip it across
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the lake. Because I was never present. I was always
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inside of the deal. I was always inside of my work.
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And he was right, and that gunman made visible what
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had already been happening invisibly for years. And it would
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take me time of starting. I walked away from my
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financial advising practice. After that started this business of coaching
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and educating people about their relationship with money.
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But it would take me many years to even.
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Be able to tell you what I just told you,
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because I was so wrapped up in the game and
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the chase of like more and more and more, I
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couldn't see that I was missing my life as a
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result of it.
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I mean, profound, horrifying way to wake up to something
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that would eventually be transformative for you. How did that?
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How did that inform the way that you look at money?
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Differently because it's it's weird to have conversations about money, right.
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People feel so strained about it. It's almost like people
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feel dirty about talking about anything that involves money or
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wealth or planning or thinking about these things. And you were,
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as you described, you spent twenty five years in financial services,
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like this was your life. It consumed you, and in
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a moment, you woke up to the fact that, Okay,
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so there is this thing. It matters, It's going to
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be a part of my life, in everybody's life. It
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will have a certain amount of influence over what we
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can and can't do, what we can and can't say,
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like how.
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Free we are. And yet.
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You sort of like took that moment and said, I
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need to change my relationship to this, and I need
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to also stop serving people in their relationships to money
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in the way that I've been doing for two and
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a half decades.
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I started to see that my fear about money and
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my fear about life itself were like the same fear,
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and they came from the same place, and I couldn't
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work on one without the other.
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Like I had to.
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Understand how money was affecting my relationship with all of
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life and that wasn't going to be an easy feat
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for someone like myself, who had made who had come
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from a scarcity background, had finally made it and then
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realized that actually all the things that I thought I
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was striving for weren't giving me the satisfaction, the happiness,
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the freedom from fear that I.
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Had hoped that they would give me.
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And so that moment changed the rest of my life
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because I was like, I need to figure this out.
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I don't have the answers.
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Even though I know money so well, I don't understand
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why we do this or how to even change it.
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Yeah, you know, you just referenced you come from a
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scarcity background.
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I know.
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One of the things that is something that you explore
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a lot is the story that we have around money,
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you know, which often is birth really early in our lives.
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I know you are a believer that abundance is attainable
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for pretty much anybody, But there's a buf there which
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is only once he inherited story underneath the numbers, the
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assumptions is examined and understood. So break that down for me.
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We just like anything in life, when something is so
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close to us, it's really hard to break it down.
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And I think this is why people go to therapists
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or people go to coaches, is they want to get
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some help with something. And so this relationship that we
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have with money, we've already got a very clear idea
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of what money is and how it works by the
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age of seven, and you got to think, like, well,
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what's a seven year old doing with money at that point?
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And all they're doing is just being a sponge to
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the world. But what I've seen over all my research
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and all the things that I've learned in working with
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people and their money stories, is that those things that
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were happening around the kitchen table when we were growing
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up have a much bigger impact then we actually realize
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later in life. And then some people, I say this
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in my book, like some people are really good with it.
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They don't they don't have challenges, and that's fine, Like
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I think my message is stronger for people who are like,
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I don't know why I'm doing these things. They keep happening,
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but I can't stop them. There's a pattern here, and
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so the patterns that we don't like with money oftentimes
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have a lot to do with what was happening when
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we were growing up, which informs our money story, and
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it informs whether we're really scared about, you know, opening
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up the statements that come or dealing with a problem
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that you know your claim has been denied and now
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you're gonna have to go into this whole rabbit hole
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of like phone calls and you just get full body,
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you know, sweat coming on because you're like, I don't
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want to have these conversations about money. There's a good
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chance that that has something to do with what was
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going on when we were younger, and so by better
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understanding some of that and giving ourselves more grace and compassion,
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we actually can start to feel more empowered in these
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situations that are otherwise disempowering.
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So how do we be in that process then of
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going back and understanding what is the inherited story around
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money that I have, because if that is controlling a
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lot of decisions that I am making or not making
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around money now maybe twenty thirty, forty fifty years later,
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how do we actually go how do we start to
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do that ferreting that examination of that early story.
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There's lots of different ways that we can go about this.
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One that just immediately comes to mind is writing down
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those sayings that you heard about money growing up, like
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money doesn't grow on tree, or it's not polite to
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talk about money or to ask money questions. It's not
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appropriate to ask people how much money they make. But
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you hear them in the background when certain situations happen.
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So it's like unpacking those statements you heard, those beliefs
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you were given. I also really like to ask the
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question of what does your mother or the person who
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raised you and perhaps that role, what do your father
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believe about money? What did they believe growing up? What
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do they believe now? And taking yourself out of the
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equation and kind of placing the attention on other people
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sometimes is easier to be like, well, that's interesting.
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Now that I see how they think.
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I'm noticing how I'm the opposite of that, or I'm
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exactly the same as that.
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So it's almost like you're either you're to a certain
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extent controlled by it, but your reaction could be I'm
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going to follow the same rule or slogan, or I'm
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going to like completely reject it and rebel against it.
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But in some way, shape or form, those early lessons,
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those early stories or slogans are affecting your choices without
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you probably even really understanding it.
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Yes, because once you start to write the story, then
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you can start to connect it to like I said before,
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the patterns. What are those patterns that show up for you?
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Like when I talk to women, primarily the people that
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I've been coaching for twelve years about these sorts of things,
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all hear stories like I consistently under earn, I consistently
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don't speak on behalf of myself, and like ask for
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what I want. I am not a savor I am
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a great investor. I mean, it could be positive, it
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could be negative, but it's really helpful to kind of
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notice what in this story of the things that you
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learned growing up are impacting and affecting the patterns that
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you're noticing in your life right now.
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I mean, I could see that really cutting both ways too, right,
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I'm curious where you see this. Let's say you have
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twins growing up in that household, right, one person goes
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out twenty five years later. They are phenomenally wealthy, they
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have saved like a miracle, they've been able to retire
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years ago, and the other person is living almost the
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exact same money life that their parents were living. They
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grew up in the exact same household, but two profoundly
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different outcomes. Same money story, but two profoundly different outcomes.
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That's jarring.
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It's super common too, which is really strange. My interpretation,
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having worked with people and why that happens is it's
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the interpretation of what's going on many times, so one
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person sees it as a completely different outcome than another,
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so they take it to heart very differently. But also
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there can be traumatic events that occur for one child
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that don't occur for the other child. Even something as
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simple as like when I was eleven years old, my mom,
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we were we didn't have a lot of money, but
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my parents decided skiing was a great idea. My parents
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were self employed and they and my mom pretty much
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supported us with her hair cutting business, and we didn't
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never have medical insurance, so they loved skiing. They decided
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we'd go skiing, and we was like our second or
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third time, and my mom got hit by a runaway
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skier and no insurance.
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She couldn't work for like almost a year.
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Her leg was destroyed and she had to have surgery.
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After surgery, we lost our house, we lost our car.
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I told myself, I will never be self employed. Like
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that situation happening at eleven, you know, might have been
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different for somebody who's like five years old, but at eleven,
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it was a very pivotal time for me because I
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wanted stuff I didn't. I was worried about how everybody
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thought of us, what we were being evicted from our house. Like,
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I had a lot of different things going on. So
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some of these events that can happen can affect us
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depending on what age we're at or what it means
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to us, what meaning did we give it?
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Yeah, I mean it is so interesting how we interpret it. Definitely,
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like if we go to like your example, right, you know,
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you describing howhold that probably had money was height, but
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maybe there's a lot of love in there and a
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lot of desire for the family to be together and
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participate in activities. And maybe if we go to that
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twin scenario, you know, like one kid experiences this as
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we never have any money, but the house is filled
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with love and joy and just like a deep sense
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of connection. And so maybe they they translate that as
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not having money forces you to be deeper more deeply connected,
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like deepens the sense of family and then it's almost
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like you're bringing that to your modern life and saying like,
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I don't actually want to get too rich because it
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can tear us apart. And I want to close intimate,
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like really close knit, like loving, joyful family. And that
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happened when I was a kid, but we didn't have anything,
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whereas the other kid is like all they can focus
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on is the sense of just constant instability that they
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see in their family. They can't even enjoy that rich
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joyfulness and and and it's the exact same thing, but
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the story that they pulled from that exact same circumstance is,
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you know, like, I will never be let myself be
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in this same situation. And maybe they go out and
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build incredible wealth, but because that becomes the driving force
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for them, they end up with either no family or
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no friends or completely fractured relationships, and then you're seeing
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on a pile of money, but who cares. So it's
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so interesting the way that we translate identical circumstances and
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we tell very different stories just based on who we
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are and the lens we bring to it.
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Does that land one hundred percent? I'm so glad you
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said that, because it is It is wild how common
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people approach life in different ways. We're all so different
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and that is exactly why we can interpret the exact
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same situation in completely different ways.
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Yeah, so really early days in it's critically important to
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understand what is your inherited money story? And I guess
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maybe and that's the question that you offer, like look
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back at when you were a kid, like what were
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some of the lore the slogans you heard from the family,
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And would also be be an intelligent thing to then
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ask yourself something like how how is this controlling my
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decisions and actions around money today? Or some version of that.
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Exactly.
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Yes, you're trying to get a sense of like what's
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working with money and what's not. And one of the problems,
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like if we come out of even this, we live
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in a society that places a ton of importance on money,
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and there's a lot of shame and there's a lot
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of judgment if you don't have it all figured out,
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and you don't have you know, you're not all multi millionaire,
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like you must be doing something wrong.
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I mean, there's so many.
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Crazy stories that are perpetuated. So what ends up happening
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is if there's a problem with money. We we don't.
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Want to own that problem.
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We want to look away, we don't want to deal
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with it because we're like, well, society tells me I'm
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not doing the right thing as it pertains to it.
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So what we're trying to do is we're trying.
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To have greater compassion and self love for ourselves regardless
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of wherever we're at, because I promise you, if you
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hate an aspect of your life as it pertains to money,
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it has this really wicked way of showing up again
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and again and again. But when you just say to yourself, Okay,
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I'm really struggling with this, but I see the patterns
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of how this kind of came to be, like what
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I learned, what I experienced, maybe the trauma I've been through.
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I'm going to give myself more grace. I'm going to
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slow down. I'm going to look at this situation more
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honestly and compassionately and to figure out what's my next step,
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like my next tiniest step to start changing this for
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the better going forward.
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And we'll be right back after a word from our sponsors.
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in a red tkmax bag. It's dripping in designer at departures,
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oversized shades and a linen sus of breakfast posing pool
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side in high heels, because why not. Every day can
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be iconic with a tk max deal shopping store today.
347
00:21:09.480 --> 00:21:12.119
So if we start from that place really trying to
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understand our money, and then we're looking for it, like,
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what is the most sensible next step? I know a
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lot of people don't feel like they're equipped to actually know.
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What do I do?
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Like, okay, so now I get it. I'd taken the
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like I've taken this long look at and talk to
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my siblings. I've talked to my like cat parents or guardians.
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If they're at I get it, like I get where
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I came from and how this all shaped me, and
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and I even see how I'm making some maybe good
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decisions and maybe some not good decisions based on this,
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and I want to change, and but I really don't
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know where to start. So many people will then say, well,
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who do I ask? Who do I turn to? And
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they'll look for some version of a financial advisor, someone
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to kind of hand the reins over, someone who we
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believe kind of quote gets money just better than we do.
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And sometimes that can be amazing, but it can also
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be a fraught relationship, right, and you're speaking from somebody
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who's been inside that world for a long time.
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Yeah, I mean, financial advisors can be a really great partner.
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I think the challenges is that most of us have
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never been trained how to work with a financial advisor.
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Like we don't have parents who are.
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Like, let's talk about all the ways that we're going
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to get the most use out of our financial advisor,
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Like you're lucky if you have one. So the challenge
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that I see with financial advisors is because there isn't
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a book that goes along with working with them.
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We don't know.
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How to approach that relationship in the most advantageous way,
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And so what often happens by default is we end
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up abdicating a certain level of responsibility to them without
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understanding what it is that we're giving to them versus
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what we should be managing on our own.
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So what does that look like like in everyday life?
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We don't necessarily put them through the kind of rigorous
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job interview.
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Process that we probably should.
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So I would say if we lined up ten people
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and we asked them about their relationship with financial advisors,
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they're all going to have somewhat similar in that I
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pay them a certain amount of money and they manage
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my investments, but they are all going to have different
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experiences about the personal side of it, Like there very
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few are going to tell us that they're receiving education
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on a regular basis from their financial advisor, or being
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told the behind the scenes look of what's going on,
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like we're investing in this money or in this fund
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because of this or Yeah, there's a lot of different
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aspects to it, And so what does that look like
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In a different way, I'll say that we need to
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become better advocates for our money, for our managing of it,
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and it means that we're probably not using the financial
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advisor in all the ways that we could give me sort.
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Of like your like your top hits of questions that
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00:24:21.160 --> 00:24:23.319
you should be asking these people to really get a
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better beat on who's who's right for you and who's
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who's who's absolutely not.
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First and foremost would be tell me your philosophy of
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how you see financial advising playing into my financial goals.
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Just a very broad based question, like tell me about that,
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and I think that you'll get a good sense of
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are they oriented to products mostly or are they oriented
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to like you as a human.
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Being with goals and you know.
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Dreams and wishes and they're wanting to help you touch
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into your goals to make sure that the money is
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going to.
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Support those goals.
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Because let's be clear, our life is not about the money.
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Our life is about what's most important to us. And
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if our financial advisor is all about the money and
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not about what's most important and helping even pull and
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draw some of that out, that might be a first
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red flag. Another one would be, can you walk me
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through exactly how you get paid on your recommendations? Because
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we're talking about money, it's funny because not everybody feels
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comfortable asking these questions, but it is really important to
427
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know how do you get paid. And it's so interesting, Jonathan,
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because just the other day I interview advisors all the
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time from my podcast, I talk to them. I was one,
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and I still continue to be blown away about all
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the different ways that they can charge you for their services.
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So this advisor, or a woman advisor I met this
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past week, she said, I do not charge based on
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how much a person is investing. I look at their
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whole picture of their net worth, and I figure out
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how much they're earning, and what makes the most sense
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for me to charge to be their advisor, regardless of
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what we decide to do with their investing. I've actually
439
00:26:24.960 --> 00:26:28.839
never heard somebody just say it in that way. It
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00:26:29.720 --> 00:26:33.279
works really well because now she's not incentivized by the
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products that you do or don't buy, and she's looking
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at the big picture and focused on financial planning first
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and foremost, not so much the products. But that's why
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these sorts of questions are really helpful. As you're going
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to find out is it all about how much you invest?
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So the problem with that.
447
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Is too keep in mind is if it's all about
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how much you invest. And let's say the market's not
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something that you're really wanting to be in, and you
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00:27:00.200 --> 00:27:03.240
decide to take your money out of the market, not
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recommending it. But let's say you decide that, now the
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advisor's not going to make any money from you working
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with them, so they're going to even be more incentivized
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to keep you from doing what you feel comfortable most
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comfortable doing. Right.
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So that's an example, but I think that it's.
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Important to understand all these different ways that someone can
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be charging you. It used to be that people would
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charge commissions every time they would do a transaction, so
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they would like buy and sell stocks and then make
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more money off of those transactions.
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That's very, very rarely done anymore.
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So most people say I'm a fee only planner, and
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the idea of fee only for the most part.
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But again it could be different for different people.
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Is I'm going to charge you one percent or two
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percent of your portfolio that I invest for you, and
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that's how much you're going to be paying me on
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an annual basis. Now they're going to try and get
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that number typically as high as they can, and the
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lower amount of money you have, the more they want
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that number to be maybe two percent if you're talking
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about one hundred thousand dollars, and maybe it's one percent
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if you have a million dollars.
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But what I'll just say is everything's negotiable.
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Do not take the first number as like the one
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that you have to pay. It's not standardized, I promise,
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And you can ask deeper, like, you can go deeper
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than that, like, well what do you get?
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Like what do I get for that? You know? And
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what other fees are involved?
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Because many times they'll be investing in mutual funds or
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other financial products that have additional fees. So you may say, okay,
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I hear what you're getting, but on average, how much
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am I going to be paying in totality if I
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go with you? Because again, that's going to cause them
487
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to work for it, because they're going to have to
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be like, well, I don't know exactly what I'm going
489
00:29:06.240 --> 00:29:09.559
to put you in yet, but this is the average.
490
00:29:09.640 --> 00:29:13.319
And now we're getting into some really important numbers about
491
00:29:13.400 --> 00:29:16.559
how much this relationship is going to cost you, not
492
00:29:16.720 --> 00:29:19.880
just in one year, but over ten or twenty years,
493
00:29:20.119 --> 00:29:23.799
so that you can hopefully negotiate.
494
00:29:24.599 --> 00:29:27.279
Yeah, and I mean when you say, well, it's going
495
00:29:27.319 --> 00:29:29.279
to be one percent or two percent, maybe like in
496
00:29:29.319 --> 00:29:31.319
the beginning, you're kind of like, well it sounds reason well,
497
00:29:31.319 --> 00:29:33.880
it's really not a lot, but you compound that out
498
00:29:34.000 --> 00:29:36.680
over five years or ten years or fifteen or twenty,
499
00:29:36.759 --> 00:29:40.000
especially if your portfolio is growing, it starts to become
500
00:29:40.039 --> 00:29:42.640
potentially a lot of money. And then as you're describing,
501
00:29:42.680 --> 00:29:44.599
I think this is one of the big missing questions, right,
502
00:29:44.680 --> 00:29:49.319
Like certain investment vehicles have their own fees attached to it,
503
00:29:49.440 --> 00:29:51.319
like they have a load on the front end, maybe
504
00:29:51.880 --> 00:29:55.039
to be in a fund. You know they're going to
505
00:29:55.119 --> 00:29:57.839
charge you an additional one percent, so you know, in
506
00:29:57.920 --> 00:30:00.599
theory your advisor isn't charging you that that they're passing
507
00:30:00.680 --> 00:30:03.000
it through to you, so you end up paying it.
508
00:30:03.240 --> 00:30:04.599
Am I understanding that right?
509
00:30:05.319 --> 00:30:09.160
One hundred percent? And this what we're talking about.
510
00:30:09.960 --> 00:30:13.000
It's not just even the answer they give you, it's
511
00:30:13.119 --> 00:30:16.319
the way that they answer it, Like tell me, MARYA,
512
00:30:17.240 --> 00:30:21.240
are they saying to you, are giving you the impression
513
00:30:21.319 --> 00:30:24.880
like don't worry about that, this is just really standard,
514
00:30:25.039 --> 00:30:26.559
you know, and they just want to get off the
515
00:30:26.599 --> 00:30:30.960
subject as fast as possible, or are they saying yes,
516
00:30:31.319 --> 00:30:35.400
there's this question of fees. Let's talk really honestly about that.
517
00:30:35.680 --> 00:30:38.160
I will lay out all the numbers. I want this
518
00:30:38.200 --> 00:30:40.200
to be an open book for you, and I want
519
00:30:40.240 --> 00:30:42.880
you to know what this is going to cost you now,
520
00:30:43.160 --> 00:30:45.319
five years from now, ten years from now.
521
00:30:45.480 --> 00:30:46.960
Like I have nothing to hide.
522
00:30:47.599 --> 00:30:51.759
Like that's a very different advisor than someone who's like, Okay,
523
00:30:51.799 --> 00:30:52.880
do you have enough information?
524
00:30:53.039 --> 00:30:53.680
Can we move on?
525
00:30:53.920 --> 00:30:56.559
You know, that's what you're paying attention to.
526
00:30:57.319 --> 00:31:00.160
Do you see people sort of like in this situation,
527
00:31:00.319 --> 00:31:06.079
certainly like searching for an advisor who are hesitant to
528
00:31:06.160 --> 00:31:09.799
ask these questions, either because a they don't want to
529
00:31:09.839 --> 00:31:13.519
feel like they're the ignorant ones, or be they don't
530
00:31:13.519 --> 00:31:17.079
want to offend the person for some reason and they
531
00:31:17.079 --> 00:31:19.039
think that this line of angry might be offensive.
532
00:31:19.599 --> 00:31:21.160
I think it's all of those.
533
00:31:21.480 --> 00:31:24.680
Back to the first part of our conversation, because this
534
00:31:24.720 --> 00:31:27.240
is where our money story is, like showing.
535
00:31:26.960 --> 00:31:33.039
Up right like that is this appropriate for me to ask?
536
00:31:33.359 --> 00:31:35.400
And I work with a lot of women, and.
537
00:31:38.200 --> 00:31:45.480
There is so much around not receiving enough education about
538
00:31:45.480 --> 00:31:51.480
this stuff to feel confident or comfortable asking a lot
539
00:31:51.519 --> 00:31:54.200
of these questions. And so what ends up happening is
540
00:31:54.240 --> 00:31:58.519
people end up friends, you know, clients, what have you.
541
00:31:58.559 --> 00:32:03.000
They come to me with questions, and every single time, Jonathan,
542
00:32:03.119 --> 00:32:07.079
they apologize before they ask the question because they're like,
543
00:32:07.680 --> 00:32:10.799
is this a stupid question? I'm so sorry. I don't
544
00:32:10.799 --> 00:32:14.240
know any more than to just try and get this
545
00:32:14.359 --> 00:32:17.160
out of myself, you know, Like they're saying all these
546
00:32:17.200 --> 00:32:21.079
things that I'm like, please, please, please know that every
547
00:32:21.160 --> 00:32:25.839
single person, multi millionaires, like people that I've worked with
548
00:32:25.880 --> 00:32:29.519
that have hundreds of millions of dollars because of inheritance,
549
00:32:30.039 --> 00:32:34.440
are saying these same exact things. So I just want
550
00:32:34.480 --> 00:32:40.039
to normalize how it is difficult. But I think this
551
00:32:40.200 --> 00:32:45.359
is why we have to find advisors that are like, please.
552
00:32:45.119 --> 00:32:46.799
Ask me these tough questions.
553
00:32:46.839 --> 00:32:49.759
We need to find people who want to help us,
554
00:32:50.200 --> 00:32:53.319
who never cause us to feel any kind of shame
555
00:32:53.680 --> 00:32:59.480
or discomfort. That's back to your question. That's the red flag.
556
00:33:00.079 --> 00:33:04.960
It's not easy to find folks that don't have a
557
00:33:05.000 --> 00:33:10.200
certain level of judgment. When somebody doesn't understand finance in
558
00:33:10.319 --> 00:33:13.039
the way that they think they should, or your lack
559
00:33:13.279 --> 00:33:18.759
of understanding is not a personal feeling. This is just information,
560
00:33:19.440 --> 00:33:27.200
and your advisor works for you, period.
561
00:33:25.720 --> 00:33:28.440
And we'll be right back after a word from our sponsors.
562
00:33:32.640 --> 00:33:37.319
Iconic, hard to define, easy to spot. It usually comes
563
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564
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at departures, overside shades and a linen suit of breakfast
565
00:33:44.319 --> 00:33:47.960
posing pool side in high heels, because why not. Every
566
00:33:48.039 --> 00:33:50.960
day can be iconic with a tk Max deal shopping
567
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store today.
568
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569
00:33:54.400 --> 00:33:58.079
you need for back to school, for less, like professionally
570
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refurbished smartphones, to take the those first day picks.
571
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Mom your fingers blocking the camera.
572
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Or so they can ask you to buy a poster
573
00:34:05.640 --> 00:34:09.719
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574
00:34:09.840 --> 00:34:12.880
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577
00:34:20.360 --> 00:34:23.920
at backmarket dot com.
578
00:34:25.760 --> 00:34:30.320
So let's say somebody understands their money story, they're excited
579
00:34:30.360 --> 00:34:32.840
to make changes. They go out, they get a whole
580
00:34:32.840 --> 00:34:36.079
bunch of recommendations from people, maybe they're looking online, whatever,
581
00:34:36.239 --> 00:34:40.760
and they have the conversations, they find a person that
582
00:34:40.800 --> 00:34:43.320
they're excited to work with, or maybe they just decide
583
00:34:43.360 --> 00:34:45.719
like Okay, I'm just going to pour myself into education
584
00:34:45.800 --> 00:34:47.719
and pursue this myself. I feel like I want to
585
00:34:48.079 --> 00:34:50.039
just kind of take control and really go deep into
586
00:34:50.119 --> 00:34:53.440
it and know how to do these things. At some point,
587
00:34:53.920 --> 00:34:56.719
especially as we sorly move into the middle season of life.
588
00:34:57.400 --> 00:35:01.159
Pretty much everyone bumps up against so version of this
589
00:35:01.599 --> 00:35:05.400
story that says when it comes to money, to what
590
00:35:05.519 --> 00:35:09.519
I've saved to what I've invested, I un quote behind
591
00:35:09.639 --> 00:35:14.119
or I'll never have that big word capital e enough.
592
00:35:16.000 --> 00:35:17.079
Talk to me about this.
593
00:35:18.320 --> 00:35:20.400
Yeah, it's a big question.
594
00:35:21.199 --> 00:35:25.519
We don't live in a world that even talks enough
595
00:35:25.599 --> 00:35:31.400
about enoughness, like what is enough? And if you look
596
00:35:31.440 --> 00:35:35.039
at if you're someone who does read financial books or
597
00:35:35.079 --> 00:35:39.039
you read the financial headlines, you know, if anything, they
598
00:35:39.119 --> 00:35:43.440
just terrify you because the numbers just keep increasing of
599
00:35:43.480 --> 00:35:45.559
how much you need to have to be able to
600
00:35:45.639 --> 00:35:51.840
someday retire. So there isn't a conversation about.
601
00:35:51.519 --> 00:35:53.039
This idea of what is enough.
602
00:35:54.440 --> 00:35:57.679
I feel like this is helpful to just explain too
603
00:35:57.719 --> 00:36:01.639
that I get it because I've been there as you
604
00:36:01.880 --> 00:36:04.760
As you know, a few years ago, my husband got
605
00:36:05.320 --> 00:36:10.519
diagnosed with prostate cancer. When it happened, I was running
606
00:36:10.559 --> 00:36:13.519
my business. I had a lot going on with what
607
00:36:13.639 --> 00:36:17.360
was going on in my work in my career, and
608
00:36:17.400 --> 00:36:22.920
I decided to step away from most like my business
609
00:36:23.000 --> 00:36:25.679
and everything that was happening other than focusing on him
610
00:36:25.840 --> 00:36:29.199
and his health and his his well being. And in
611
00:36:29.239 --> 00:36:35.760
the course of that, I realized that even me, who
612
00:36:35.800 --> 00:36:38.519
focuses on all this stuff, had not spent enough time
613
00:36:38.599 --> 00:36:42.000
thinking about this conversation of enough, Because when you make big.
614
00:36:41.920 --> 00:36:44.360
Changes in your career or in your.
615
00:36:44.480 --> 00:36:48.840
Business or what have you, it's probably good to be thinking, well,
616
00:36:49.119 --> 00:36:51.599
do we have enough if I walk away from these things.
617
00:36:52.280 --> 00:36:57.159
So what's so funny about the beautiful lessons that came
618
00:36:57.239 --> 00:37:01.360
from a very difficult circumstance was I did start spending
619
00:37:01.440 --> 00:37:05.280
a lot more time looking at the tools that I
620
00:37:05.360 --> 00:37:07.920
had been sharing with people for years as a financial
621
00:37:07.960 --> 00:37:10.880
advisor and then like real life and what does that
622
00:37:10.920 --> 00:37:12.920
look like? And it turns out they're kind of very
623
00:37:12.960 --> 00:37:16.519
different things. And let me give you an example. So,
624
00:37:18.320 --> 00:37:21.079
my husband and I have always been pretty frugal, and
625
00:37:22.039 --> 00:37:24.199
I had an idea of how much money.
626
00:37:23.880 --> 00:37:26.440
We spend on an annual basis.
627
00:37:26.119 --> 00:37:30.519
But what started to become really apparent is that the
628
00:37:30.679 --> 00:37:33.599
assets that we have Normally we just look at the
629
00:37:33.679 --> 00:37:35.960
money in the bank or the savings that we have.
630
00:37:36.159 --> 00:37:39.360
But I started realizing that there are so many more
631
00:37:39.400 --> 00:37:42.880
assets in life than I was giving credit for, and
632
00:37:43.320 --> 00:37:44.760
for us it might look one way.
633
00:37:44.800 --> 00:37:45.639
We had an airbenb.
634
00:37:45.960 --> 00:37:49.599
We got really into home exchange, started to realize that
635
00:37:49.800 --> 00:37:50.480
we could.
636
00:37:50.559 --> 00:37:51.639
We've done forty.
637
00:37:51.320 --> 00:37:55.760
Eight home exchanges, and it's really funny because we realize
638
00:37:55.800 --> 00:37:58.199
now that we could travel all over the world and
639
00:37:58.239 --> 00:38:00.599
barely spend you know, as long as we of miles
640
00:38:00.639 --> 00:38:04.199
from our credit cards for our plights. We could travel
641
00:38:04.320 --> 00:38:08.639
and live more, you know, luxuriously through home exchange with
642
00:38:08.840 --> 00:38:10.199
you know, people around the world.
643
00:38:10.760 --> 00:38:12.960
But it wasn't just about home exchange.
644
00:38:13.000 --> 00:38:16.360
It was about the fact that we have these ideas
645
00:38:16.400 --> 00:38:18.880
of how much money we're gonna need, and yet we've
646
00:38:18.920 --> 00:38:22.960
never sat down to think, well, what does that actually
647
00:38:23.559 --> 00:38:24.559
look like for me?
648
00:38:25.199 --> 00:38:29.239
What does my life going to cost this year, next year?
649
00:38:29.400 --> 00:38:33.320
And beyond what are my fixed expenses? So that would
650
00:38:33.360 --> 00:38:36.639
be like FIABA, mortgage or you have, you know, certain
651
00:38:36.679 --> 00:38:39.360
things that are fixed in place. Those things aren't changing
652
00:38:39.400 --> 00:38:44.400
so much. What are the variable expenses? Like? Most American
653
00:38:44.559 --> 00:38:50.760
families have not spent time understanding what the enough number
654
00:38:51.039 --> 00:38:55.159
is for them, and there really is a number, But
655
00:38:55.239 --> 00:38:59.519
if we don't dive into that question of like what's
656
00:38:59.559 --> 00:39:01.800
most important to me in my life?
657
00:39:01.920 --> 00:39:04.119
What's it going to cost for me to live that
658
00:39:04.239 --> 00:39:07.320
part of my life? Can I put this on paper?
659
00:39:07.840 --> 00:39:10.159
I've got tools that I love, But one tool would
660
00:39:10.199 --> 00:39:13.760
be an app called Bolden, which if you have a
661
00:39:13.760 --> 00:39:16.679
financial advisor, sometimes they do financial plans for you, but
662
00:39:16.760 --> 00:39:19.480
Bolden helps you have that tool for yourself.
663
00:39:20.320 --> 00:39:22.039
But my point is is that.
664
00:39:23.800 --> 00:39:28.719
Our enough number is totally unique for each of us
665
00:39:28.920 --> 00:39:35.320
and our own preferences, our lifestyle, our choices are the
666
00:39:35.440 --> 00:39:38.639
values all of those things. So nobody can figure out
667
00:39:38.679 --> 00:39:41.599
what our enough number is but us. And that means
668
00:39:41.599 --> 00:39:44.000
that we need to take some time to work on
669
00:39:44.039 --> 00:39:47.239
it individually. And that may be with our advisor, but
670
00:39:47.280 --> 00:39:49.719
that also may be just on our own, with our
671
00:39:49.760 --> 00:39:51.480
partner or ourselves.
672
00:39:51.800 --> 00:39:54.719
Yeah, I mean, I feel like, you know, the typical
673
00:39:54.719 --> 00:39:57.760
person can if you go to an advisor, they have
674
00:39:57.800 --> 00:39:59.920
all these spreadsheets and programs and stuff with the last
675
00:40:00.079 --> 00:40:02.800
you a ton of different things, and they'll plug all
676
00:40:02.840 --> 00:40:06.039
your variables into projections and say like, well, this is
677
00:40:06.480 --> 00:40:08.480
what it looks like at sixty and then seventy, and
678
00:40:08.519 --> 00:40:11.840
then eighty and then ninety god Willing one hundred and
679
00:40:12.440 --> 00:40:15.400
based on the path that you're on and you know,
680
00:40:15.440 --> 00:40:18.400
like where you live and do all of these different things.
681
00:40:19.239 --> 00:40:21.159
I would imagine now I haven't looked at this. I
682
00:40:21.159 --> 00:40:24.400
would imagine you have. There probably a lot of online
683
00:40:24.440 --> 00:40:27.440
resources and sort of like spreadsheets and tools available for
684
00:40:27.480 --> 00:40:29.559
anyone to do a lot of this work on their own.
685
00:40:29.599 --> 00:40:32.360
But but I guess my curiosity is and maybe this
686
00:40:32.480 --> 00:40:34.639
is part of what you're getting into. They're all based
687
00:40:34.639 --> 00:40:37.840
on standard formulas, right, And one thing that I've learned
688
00:40:37.880 --> 00:40:42.360
in business about standard formulas is that classic line garbage
689
00:40:42.400 --> 00:40:43.239
and garbage out.
690
00:40:44.280 --> 00:40:44.480
You know.
691
00:40:44.719 --> 00:40:46.440
So we look at the formula and we're like, oh,
692
00:40:46.519 --> 00:40:49.519
this has thirty nine different things that I should be
693
00:40:49.599 --> 00:40:52.039
thinking about that are relevant to the typical person at
694
00:40:52.039 --> 00:40:53.840
this point in their lives, and like, I've got to
695
00:40:53.840 --> 00:40:56.599
come up with all this stuff. And the spreadsheet looks
696
00:40:56.719 --> 00:40:59.119
really good and really comprehensive, and the platform and the
697
00:40:59.119 --> 00:41:01.719
app look really good and comprehensive. And you know, the
698
00:41:01.760 --> 00:41:04.519
program that our advisor is giving us, it's been tested
699
00:41:04.559 --> 00:41:10.920
across millions of people, and that's all true. And if
700
00:41:10.920 --> 00:41:14.400
you don't really think deeply about your unique variables that
701
00:41:14.440 --> 00:41:18.440
you put into all those models and what really matters
702
00:41:18.480 --> 00:41:20.639
to you and what like the emotion and the reasoning
703
00:41:20.719 --> 00:41:24.000
is behind them. You'll get all the numbers out of
704
00:41:24.039 --> 00:41:26.880
the backside, but they're probably not going to serve you
705
00:41:26.920 --> 00:41:30.039
all that well. Does that? Does that land? That's true?
706
00:41:30.440 --> 00:41:31.960
Yes, very much so.
707
00:41:32.559 --> 00:41:37.320
Like the problem too I think I'm also alluding to is,
708
00:41:37.360 --> 00:41:43.880
like you said, an advisor is gonna take some certain numbers,
709
00:41:43.920 --> 00:41:48.760
maybe your budget this year and how much money you have,
710
00:41:48.880 --> 00:41:51.599
and try to figure out how they all go together.
711
00:41:52.400 --> 00:41:56.480
But they're not necessarily going to ask you questions like
712
00:41:57.039 --> 00:41:59.360
what do you value most you?
713
00:41:59.559 --> 00:42:00.719
How do you see yourself?
714
00:42:00.880 --> 00:42:04.880
You know, what makes you happiest, what really gets you
715
00:42:04.960 --> 00:42:08.440
excited about the future, Like when you aren't working in
716
00:42:08.480 --> 00:42:11.000
the job that you're working in, do you see yourself
717
00:42:11.000 --> 00:42:11.840
doing something else?
718
00:42:12.039 --> 00:42:14.960
Some of us probably will never retire.
719
00:42:14.639 --> 00:42:17.199
Like as long as somebody is willing to work with
720
00:42:17.280 --> 00:42:20.840
us in some capacity, we love work then and I'm
721
00:42:20.840 --> 00:42:23.559
sure we're not alone on that, But it might look
722
00:42:23.639 --> 00:42:26.400
very very different in the future. And so these are
723
00:42:26.440 --> 00:42:31.519
things that I feel like it really means a lot
724
00:42:31.719 --> 00:42:35.039
to spend more time thinking about what brings you the
725
00:42:35.039 --> 00:42:38.079
most joy, What do you see yourself doing forever?
726
00:42:38.360 --> 00:42:40.360
What might change? Where might you live?
727
00:42:40.480 --> 00:42:42.079
Like, who are you? Where do you want to live?
728
00:42:42.159 --> 00:42:45.000
What's most important to you? What's going to happen if
729
00:42:45.119 --> 00:42:47.880
your children have children? You know, like these things that
730
00:42:47.960 --> 00:42:53.079
could change the whole situation, and we just that's going
731
00:42:53.159 --> 00:42:58.119
to decide what enough is far better than a financial
732
00:42:58.159 --> 00:43:00.920
advisor putting some numbers into a spreadshet for you. I'll
733
00:43:00.960 --> 00:43:03.400
just say, what's so scary about the world that we
734
00:43:03.519 --> 00:43:08.320
live in is these numbers are thrown out, these really
735
00:43:08.400 --> 00:43:12.159
really big numbers about how much money people need to
736
00:43:12.320 --> 00:43:16.960
save to be able to stop working. And I just
737
00:43:17.039 --> 00:43:22.320
want to say that those numbers are if you haven't
738
00:43:22.360 --> 00:43:25.679
figured it out for yourself yet, exactly what that looks like,
739
00:43:25.800 --> 00:43:32.760
considering social security, considering potential inheritances, considering downsizing on a house,
740
00:43:32.880 --> 00:43:37.280
like so many different choices. Please don't let those numbers
741
00:43:37.320 --> 00:43:40.880
you read about or people talk about, affect you in
742
00:43:41.039 --> 00:43:46.000
any way, because the real story may be far more
743
00:43:46.280 --> 00:43:50.159
favorable than you give yourself credit for. And they see
744
00:43:50.159 --> 00:43:53.119
this over and over again, people get panicked. They don't
745
00:43:53.119 --> 00:43:55.519
want to deal with it because they're so afraid of it.
746
00:43:55.920 --> 00:43:58.079
But then when we sit down and we start looking
747
00:43:58.119 --> 00:44:00.360
at like okay, and this isn't something I do like
748
00:44:00.400 --> 00:44:01.119
all the time, but I.
749
00:44:01.079 --> 00:44:03.440
Do it for friends and I've always I'm like, okay,
750
00:44:03.480 --> 00:44:06.400
I'll help you. But people are amazed.
751
00:44:06.400 --> 00:44:09.159
They're like, wait a minute, I can't believe I didn't
752
00:44:09.199 --> 00:44:11.159
look at this because I was so scared, Like it's
753
00:44:11.159 --> 00:44:13.920
gonna be okay. And that's just what I want to
754
00:44:13.960 --> 00:44:17.840
say to everyone who's inside of this conversation of like
755
00:44:17.920 --> 00:44:18.800
what is enough?
756
00:44:19.000 --> 00:44:19.599
I don't know.
757
00:44:20.199 --> 00:44:23.960
Yeah, So a lot of what we've been talking about here,
758
00:44:24.000 --> 00:44:25.679
and we've kind of alluded to it, but let's drop
759
00:44:25.719 --> 00:44:29.679
into this as sort of like our final point. It's
760
00:44:29.719 --> 00:44:32.599
this idea that there are conversations around money that so
761
00:44:32.719 --> 00:44:39.360
many of us feel uncomfortable having, and that leads to
762
00:44:39.400 --> 00:44:43.679
a phenomenon where we don't have them. We've talked about
763
00:44:43.760 --> 00:44:47.159
some of them, but I would imagine that there's also
764
00:44:47.360 --> 00:44:51.320
a certain sort of like type of conversation around money
765
00:44:51.440 --> 00:44:55.400
that people proactively refuse to have. There's a silence, there's
766
00:44:55.400 --> 00:45:01.480
a secrecy around it, and not just with financial planners
767
00:45:01.480 --> 00:45:03.519
and not just with people who can help you figure
768
00:45:03.559 --> 00:45:06.280
things out. But with people closer to you, with your
769
00:45:06.280 --> 00:45:11.920
maybe your partner, your spouse, your close family members. Why
770
00:45:11.960 --> 00:45:14.800
are we so secretive about money even with those who
771
00:45:14.880 --> 00:45:16.480
are close to us, even with those who could potentially
772
00:45:16.519 --> 00:45:17.199
really help us.
773
00:45:19.679 --> 00:45:23.480
It hasn't been modeled as something that's a topic that
774
00:45:23.599 --> 00:45:28.920
people feel comfortable revealing those it feels like the most
775
00:45:29.199 --> 00:45:31.599
innermost secrecy.
776
00:45:31.440 --> 00:45:34.480
Is kept around these conversations.
777
00:45:34.599 --> 00:45:39.039
And so it just to say it's there's no normalization
778
00:45:39.559 --> 00:45:42.000
around the conversations.
779
00:45:43.400 --> 00:45:44.280
For most of us.
780
00:45:44.320 --> 00:45:47.039
So for most of the people that do feel more
781
00:45:47.079 --> 00:45:50.159
comfortable talking about money, it's because we've spent a career
782
00:45:50.480 --> 00:45:53.639
talking about it. Oftentimes we will need to be the
783
00:45:53.639 --> 00:45:57.239
first person to open the conversation. But I think we'd
784
00:45:57.239 --> 00:46:01.320
be shocked at how eager people are to have these
785
00:46:01.360 --> 00:46:05.639
conversations and to be willing to go there. And maybe
786
00:46:05.639 --> 00:46:09.280
we don't just say to our dinner party, hey, let's
787
00:46:09.320 --> 00:46:11.440
talk about how much we make or how much.
788
00:46:11.400 --> 00:46:14.199
We've saved, Like, we don't have to start with the
789
00:46:14.239 --> 00:46:15.239
hard stuff.
790
00:46:14.920 --> 00:46:19.039
First, but we can start talking even about this relationship
791
00:46:19.039 --> 00:46:21.440
that we have with money, or what our beliefs are
792
00:46:21.519 --> 00:46:24.800
about money, and then go from there because we may
793
00:46:24.920 --> 00:46:27.760
find that there are people that are like, I'm eager
794
00:46:27.800 --> 00:46:30.199
to have these conversations, or I would love to be
795
00:46:30.280 --> 00:46:32.800
a part of an investment group where we get together
796
00:46:32.840 --> 00:46:36.000
and we talk about what we're doing with our money
797
00:46:36.079 --> 00:46:39.280
and what conversations we're having with our advisor. Like, we
798
00:46:39.360 --> 00:46:45.119
don't have to be independent investment advisors to form an
799
00:46:45.119 --> 00:46:48.639
investment group or a money conversation group, just like a
800
00:46:48.760 --> 00:46:52.159
book club. Actually that'd be cool idea too, buy a
801
00:46:52.199 --> 00:46:56.840
book as a group and have that book about money
802
00:46:57.519 --> 00:46:59.679
be the thing that you study for two or three
803
00:46:59.760 --> 00:47:04.519
months together that opens up conversations. But what I thought
804
00:47:04.559 --> 00:47:07.480
was so interesting I came across this there's research from
805
00:47:07.559 --> 00:47:11.400
Daniel Pink on regret that was so interesting to me
806
00:47:11.559 --> 00:47:17.280
because what he found was financial regrets almost never sound
807
00:47:17.519 --> 00:47:22.119
like I picked the wrong mutual fund. They sound like
808
00:47:22.360 --> 00:47:25.480
I wish I had talked about this with someone. I
809
00:47:25.519 --> 00:47:28.199
wish I had asked about it. I wish I had
810
00:47:29.000 --> 00:47:32.880
not carried this burden all by myself, whether that be
811
00:47:33.480 --> 00:47:37.360
talking to friends or family about a difficult money situation
812
00:47:37.440 --> 00:47:40.280
that you're trying to process through. But what he found
813
00:47:40.400 --> 00:47:45.599
was the privacy itself is the liability, and it's just
814
00:47:45.639 --> 00:47:48.400
like anything the truth will set us free. So the
815
00:47:48.400 --> 00:47:52.960
more we live in this secrecy about that mistake, the
816
00:47:53.000 --> 00:47:57.440
more it's gonna pressure us to like focus on it even.
817
00:47:57.239 --> 00:47:59.880
More versus talking out loud it.
818
00:48:01.159 --> 00:48:05.599
So I'm always amazed because and this brings me comfort,
819
00:48:05.599 --> 00:48:08.599
because I even though I'm good with money, I make mistakes.
820
00:48:08.599 --> 00:48:12.480
Like the more you do with money, the more likely
821
00:48:12.519 --> 00:48:15.159
you are to make mistakes with it. And I don't
822
00:48:15.159 --> 00:48:18.239
always give myself credit for that, but like I notice
823
00:48:18.320 --> 00:48:21.000
that if I've made a mistake and I hold on
824
00:48:21.159 --> 00:48:24.519
to it and I don't find at least one person
825
00:48:24.840 --> 00:48:28.199
to talk about the mistake with, it will be the
826
00:48:28.239 --> 00:48:31.119
thing that keeps me up at night. But the minute
827
00:48:31.159 --> 00:48:33.519
I can talk about it and be like, okay, can
828
00:48:33.559 --> 00:48:36.760
I just run through what's going on? This is what happened,
829
00:48:36.800 --> 00:48:40.559
this is what I thought, this is what ended up happening,
830
00:48:40.639 --> 00:48:43.159
and I can see the mistake I made, Like you know,
831
00:48:43.320 --> 00:48:48.519
just say whatever comes to mind. It starts to change
832
00:48:48.639 --> 00:48:53.039
the experience that you're having with that's now it's become
833
00:48:53.079 --> 00:48:55.840
a story. Right, You're holding onto this story. You're not
834
00:48:55.960 --> 00:48:59.800
letting it go. And here's the other part to just
835
00:49:00.280 --> 00:49:04.920
confirm we are so worried about other people judging us,
836
00:49:04.960 --> 00:49:08.519
but honestly, no, most of the time people do not care.
837
00:49:08.840 --> 00:49:12.920
If anything, they're like, oh, I'm they feel great compassion
838
00:49:13.000 --> 00:49:16.039
for us, and they wish that they could help even
839
00:49:16.079 --> 00:49:18.960
if they can't, and they and it makes them feel
840
00:49:18.960 --> 00:49:21.440
better because they've got like five stories that are super
841
00:49:21.480 --> 00:49:25.559
similar that they've never told anybody before. So it's a
842
00:49:25.639 --> 00:49:30.159
connection thing, Like you actually feel more connected to people.
843
00:49:30.440 --> 00:49:33.840
It tightens your relationship with them by you being vulnerable
844
00:49:33.960 --> 00:49:38.440
like that, And they probably have some stories that they
845
00:49:38.480 --> 00:49:41.079
may or may not want to share with you. So
846
00:49:42.639 --> 00:49:47.280
I just I've never been disappointed in myself when I've
847
00:49:47.320 --> 00:49:50.679
shared a story. I have been disappointed when I've held
848
00:49:50.719 --> 00:49:53.440
onto a story for far too long because I was
849
00:49:53.559 --> 00:49:55.119
so upset about it.
850
00:49:56.159 --> 00:50:00.719
Yeah, that really lands in your point about pretty safe
851
00:50:00.760 --> 00:50:04.880
bet that everybody else has their money mistake slash money
852
00:50:04.920 --> 00:50:07.519
shame story too, that they have never uttered a word
853
00:50:07.519 --> 00:50:11.400
to anyone else about. And if you're willing to sort
854
00:50:11.400 --> 00:50:14.840
of like open up that, you you have to imagine
855
00:50:14.840 --> 00:50:17.280
so many other people be like, oh, you don't even know,
856
00:50:17.360 --> 00:50:18.840
let me tell you what happened to me or what
857
00:50:18.920 --> 00:50:22.639
like this like silly thing that I did, and and
858
00:50:22.679 --> 00:50:24.840
how much or maybe like not even silly, but like
859
00:50:24.880 --> 00:50:26.920
this caused me so much pain and took me years
860
00:50:26.920 --> 00:50:30.840
to dig out, and I've never told anyone, And you're
861
00:50:30.960 --> 00:50:35.280
opening that conversation, which just eases the pressure.
862
00:50:34.960 --> 00:50:35.440
For both of you.
863
00:50:35.480 --> 00:50:38.280
And maybe now you have people to help you figure
864
00:50:38.280 --> 00:50:40.880
out like where to go, how to navigate this moment.
865
00:50:41.320 --> 00:50:43.960
Literally the entrepreneur bring to me as we're having these conversations,
866
00:50:44.000 --> 00:50:46.960
like somebody needs to have a like money mistakes hotline
867
00:50:47.079 --> 00:50:50.719
so you can just call and unburden yourself.
868
00:50:51.199 --> 00:50:54.760
You know, that's such a good idea. I'll start that
869
00:50:54.800 --> 00:50:56.519
as another project exactly.
870
00:50:58.519 --> 00:50:58.760
Yeah.
871
00:50:58.800 --> 00:51:02.079
You know what strikes me, I think across the different
872
00:51:02.440 --> 00:51:05.159
the different topics that we've talked about, like the story
873
00:51:05.199 --> 00:51:08.239
that you inherited, the the way that you think about
874
00:51:08.480 --> 00:51:10.960
making decisions and whether you choose an advisor and how
875
00:51:10.960 --> 00:51:17.039
to actually do that, you know, the the enough that
876
00:51:17.079 --> 00:51:20.039
you've never really defined that you don't have any real
877
00:51:20.079 --> 00:51:24.199
clarity around. You've just maybe accepted, you know, like proclamation
878
00:51:24.280 --> 00:51:27.679
from other people. The conversations that you're avoiding or keeping
879
00:51:27.760 --> 00:51:31.119
secret is that they're kind of all the same move
880
00:51:31.159 --> 00:51:33.800
at the end of the day, like money gets workable
881
00:51:35.480 --> 00:51:38.599
the moment that you bring the light of day to it,
882
00:51:39.039 --> 00:51:45.239
and that that light of day, the awareness clarity is
883
00:51:45.280 --> 00:51:49.320
the thing that needs to precede action, not follow it.
884
00:51:49.400 --> 00:51:54.559
But sometimes maybe oftentimes we do the exact opposite. It
885
00:51:54.559 --> 00:51:56.679
feels like a good place for us to come full
886
00:51:56.760 --> 00:51:59.880
circle as well. So in this container of good life project,
887
00:52:00.079 --> 00:52:02.199
if I offer up the phrase to live a good life,
888
00:52:02.519 --> 00:52:03.199
what comes.
889
00:52:03.000 --> 00:52:09.360
Up having the most scrumptious relationships with my family and friends?
890
00:52:11.480 --> 00:52:14.360
Thank you? So let's talk about some of the big
891
00:52:14.400 --> 00:52:18.559
AHAs and actionable takeaways from this conversation. One thing I'm
892
00:52:18.559 --> 00:52:22.920
still really sitting with is how early all of this starts.
893
00:52:22.960 --> 00:52:26.360
Lisa said it really plainly, by seven years old. Most
894
00:52:26.400 --> 00:52:29.719
of us have already installed a working theory of what
895
00:52:29.800 --> 00:52:32.679
money means, and we kind of spend the rest of
896
00:52:32.719 --> 00:52:36.679
our lives acting on it without ever checking whether it's true.
897
00:52:36.800 --> 00:52:39.159
Two other ideas that I want to carry with you
898
00:52:39.480 --> 00:52:42.719
certainly carrying with me. First, the Twins story, two people,
899
00:52:42.840 --> 00:52:46.880
same house, same money, lessons, completely different outcomes because the
900
00:52:46.960 --> 00:52:49.840
meaning they gave those circumstances was never the same. And
901
00:52:49.880 --> 00:52:53.559
the second, the line about advisors and the light of
902
00:52:53.679 --> 00:52:57.239
day money gets workable the moment you're willing to bring
903
00:52:57.280 --> 00:53:01.280
awareness to it before you take action, not after. So
904
00:53:01.440 --> 00:53:03.360
here's what I'd ask you to do this week. Pick
905
00:53:03.480 --> 00:53:07.079
one money. Believe that you have never actually questioned, maybe
906
00:53:07.119 --> 00:53:09.679
something you just accepted as true because maybe you heard
907
00:53:09.679 --> 00:53:12.599
it enough times growing up, and write it down. Just
908
00:53:12.639 --> 00:53:15.679
look at it kind of zoom lens out and ask
909
00:53:15.679 --> 00:53:18.199
yourself objectively, where you are now in this light that
910
00:53:18.239 --> 00:53:22.280
you're living, does it still hold up? And hey, before
911
00:53:22.320 --> 00:53:25.119
you leave next week, we're sitting down with LIGHTI clots
912
00:53:25.519 --> 00:53:28.159
to talk about how the rooms you live in every
913
00:53:28.239 --> 00:53:32.159
day shape, how much you control and connect, and how
914
00:53:32.199 --> 00:53:34.719
competent you feel, and how you move through it your days.
915
00:53:35.400 --> 00:53:37.360
Be sure of follow Good Life Project wherever you get
916
00:53:37.360 --> 00:53:40.079
your podcasts so you don't miss that or any upcoming episode.
917
00:53:40.119 --> 00:53:43.239
Then maybe do me a quick favor, a seven second favor,
918
00:53:43.760 --> 00:53:46.880
share this episode with just one person. This episode of
919
00:53:46.920 --> 00:53:50.079
Good Life Project was produced by executive producers Lindsay Fox
920
00:53:50.079 --> 00:53:53.320
and me Jonathan Fields, editing help by Troy Young. Chris
921
00:53:53.400 --> 00:53:56.320
Carter crafted our theme music. And of course, if you
922
00:53:56.400 --> 00:53:59.400
haven't already, please go ahead and follow us wherever you
923
00:53:59.400 --> 00:54:02.199
get your podcast guests. So you never miss a conversation
924
00:54:02.880 --> 00:54:05.920
until next time. I'm Jonathan Field signing off for a
925
00:54:05.960 --> 00:54:06.679
good Light project.