MADELINE MERLO: Getting Real About Staying Mentally Strong in Country Music’s Toughest Spotlight

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Speaker 1: Adam a.

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Speaker 2: Carryl Lone.

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Speaker 3: She's a queen and talking and she's getting really not afraid to feel. It's episode, so just let it flow. No one can do it quiet. Cary Lone is sounding.

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Speaker 1: Caroline, Okay, I'm so excited to have Madeline.

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Speaker 4: It's Merlau like Briline. Do you love the wine?

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Speaker 5: I feel like I've just had so much wine, like so many wine jokes ever since I was a kid. Technically it's so it's Italian, so it's the French is Merlow with the tea on the ends, so there's no tea, so it's technically not the wine, but it's pronounced the same way.

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Speaker 4: But it's such like a cool name, Madeline Merleau.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, definitely the alliteration. My middle name is Ray too, Madeline Ray Merlow. Yeah, it's very it's quite country too, like Madeline Ray. And you've been doing country and love the country since a child, being a child.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, since truly forever.

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Speaker 4: I know, how did you find that love so soon?

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Speaker 2: And from Canada?

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Speaker 5: Mm hmm yeah, I mean I I definitely grew up with a lot of music around, but my first performance was itby is.

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Speaker 1: Moving My beard of Dragon is joining actually it's not mine. My daughter's bearer dragon is joining the conversation. We're saying she can hang out.

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Speaker 5: I like how we didn't like explain that at all to It's I kind of hopped.

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Speaker 2: Right in, acting like it's normal.

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Speaker 5: But you know, we have a bearded dragon with us today.

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Speaker 2: Matt excited about it. Yeah, we really are. You said you love animals.

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Speaker 5: I do all types. Yeah, the only problem is if she poops. But she only poops once a week. That kind of scared me a little. You were going to hold her, You're like, you're on a holder.

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Speaker 2: I was like yeah, and you're like, she if she poops, it's what do.

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Speaker 4: You say, horrible or the gnarliest poop you've ever seen it?

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Speaker 2: That that scared me a little bit for sure.

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Speaker 1: But it's like calcified pa comes out first, that's white, and then on top of it is the decompensated or whatever cockroaches that come out on top.

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Speaker 2: So you composed. So it has that happened on somebody yet my daughter?

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Speaker 4: Oh yeah, it happened on her, like right away.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, but it was like initiation, you know, there you go. Now it can't get worse.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, Now we bathe her and she pooped in the bathtub. So she's so beautiful though, she really is. Thank you for noticing her beauty is she's beautiful.

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Speaker 2: She's a beautiful girl.

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Speaker 5: She is.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, Yeah.

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Speaker 5: So you love country music from the start, from day one.

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Speaker 1: You're in Canada, You won all the awards in Canada. You got going at a young age.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I've always done it, Like I my first performance was at six years old in my kindergarten town show. And I don't even know what like prompted me to want to do that, but I remember my mom being like, okay, she can like hold a tune a little better than the average six year old. And I was obsessed, Like I just wanted to do it all the time, and I was putting up performances for everybody and and it might not be able to make it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and yeah, I just never wanted to do anything else.

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Speaker 5: Like in my little second grade notebook, I'm like, I want to be a singer, Like I never had a choice almost, It just always was what I was going to do. And then I signed my first record deal when I was like not even eighteen and Canada.

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Speaker 2: Yea up in Canada.

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Speaker 4: What is it like starting in Canada? What's it like in that world up there?

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Speaker 5: I mean, there's a ton it's a big country community. There's a lot of like rural.

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Speaker 2: Areas in Canada. So I feel like the Okay, let's go back to me. Oh okay, we like it back there.

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Speaker 1: Let's go back to the reason I'm bringing Kirby into this is because ever since I started posting about Kirby, everybody wants to see it.

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Speaker 5: Oh, I have gone nuts for her. They freaking love it.

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Speaker 2: I think it's because it's like your thing now. It's very unique, it's kind it's like your brand.

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Speaker 1: I would never, ever, one million years, have thought that I would be like a bearded dragon person.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, a lizard person.

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Speaker 4: But people like want to know about a bearded dragon?

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Speaker 2: You don't come That's what I mean. You don't really come across one that often.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, who, Game of Thrones, what's her name?

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Speaker 2: Dragons? I thought that right away. Oh, drop babe, I love it. Are you trying to come in? Yeah? Do you want to take her? Actually? Will you grab Kirby? We're trying to do her in the podcast? But were you wondering where she is? Okay, here she is, Yes, you can have the dragon. Michael had to come grab Kirby. I mean we're just seeing if she can hang you know.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it is like a dinosaur alligator of prehistoric type.

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Speaker 5: Yes, I love that stuff that it's like mine, like a emu or like you know those like giant birds with their huge feet, or a sharks or something.

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Speaker 2: They look there, they've been around forever and they look like dinosaurs and there's so few.

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Speaker 5: Look, my dad was actually a bit in the face by a shark, well kind of shark.

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Speaker 2: A uh was it a It was either a.

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Speaker 5: Reef shark or a nerve shark. Wow, we're spearfishing in the Bahamas. I am all over the place.

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Speaker 2: But don't worry.

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Speaker 1: I will come back everyone. This is my Also my brand is I love to get sidetracked by st Yeah. We were in the Bahamas spearfishing and he loves to spear, and he had a he's speared offish and there's blood in the water and.

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Speaker 5: Oh he loves it. Oh, just like a little scar.

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Speaker 2: He thinks that's very so cool. That is very cool.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's wild, but it's totally fine. The shark was not trying to attack him. I was trying to get the fish.

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Speaker 5: Yeah. So he always likes to say it was not the shark's pul good.

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Speaker 2: No shark slander around here. Absolutely, that's right. Yeah. Okay, So Canada. What's it like of there?

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Speaker 5: Is it hard to get into the music industry in Canada?

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Speaker 2: Is it is? It's just smaller.

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Speaker 5: It's similar to the Texas country scene, where it's it's very it's its own independent thing.

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Speaker 2: We've got our own.

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Speaker 5: Award show, radio works different, It's like a whole other thing. People say that the sound of it is a little bit different as well, which is kind of hard for me to differentiate just coming from there. But I grew up riding horses and at the barn you listen to country music, and so it was just really a part of like what I did, and would perform all kinds of songs, but majority country. And then when it came to being like, Okay, what kind of music do I want to make, it was very clear that country was going to be the direction that I went. And the way that my whole thing kind of happened is really crazy because I had auditioned for this like rock school, and I'm like sixteen at this time, and I didn't.

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Speaker 2: Get in, but somebody school like to go to school.

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Speaker 5: It was like a like a program where they would like there was teachers and they would teach you something and unconventional.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I.

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Speaker 5: But I think I was just trying to take advantage of every opportunity. I'm sure my mom had found it online like I did a million seeing competitions and talent shows and commercials and whatever it was that I could do.

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Speaker 2: My mom was willing to drive me to audition, which is so sweet, the best.

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Speaker 5: She literally is the best an sister. Yes, I saw my mom.

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Speaker 2: You're posters. We are like a little trio totally. Yeah, it was. It was just three of us and your dad always absent.

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Speaker 5: He he definitely was absent even when he was there, and if he was there, it wasn't like he was not a very good energy. So I think as soon as I got a little older, I was kind of like if he was home, like I would just like keep.

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Speaker 2: Driving my friend's house kind of thing.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, very angry, kind of volatile person, just not like a good guy, I.

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Speaker 2: Guess if that makes sense.

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Speaker 5: Unhealed, unhealed, lots to lots to heal for sure, so which you've.

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Speaker 1: Done a lot of healing, even like your songs are so like advanced consciously, like I feel like you're not even you're writing like breakup songs and you're writing like realized stuff, but you're also like very conscious and aware of like your mental well being and like the process of healing. Do you think that's from your childhood and like witnessing your dad being unhealed kind of that's like.

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Speaker 5: I've never actually like thought that before. I think for me, like my I grew up a little it was a little unconventional and it was hard. I felt a lot of envy and like discomfort feeling like my home life like didn't look like other people.

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Speaker 1: In one house down from the girl next door. Yeah, you just felt like you were like almost there but not quite.

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Speaker 5: And I was really angry and I didn't feel like anyone was listening to me. And so I got into a lot of trouble, like I was really just searching for things and ended up in some situations and had some trauma and it was just like kind of a bit of a wreck, and I think that it all kind of caught up to me and I started to experience a lot of like anxiety and panic, and that it got so bad that I had to seek help, like I needed to talk to somebody and therapist totally, and that like intervention really saved my life. But it also like unlocked this like level of consciousness that I think I didn't know was there. And that's why I always think there's so many benefits to go into therapy or going on your mental health journey. But like it just deepened and widened, and like I felt like I was kind of asleep and it woke me up as well as like my spirituality as while I kind of came to Christianity later in life, and it was the same type of thing where I was like, that's awesome because.

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Speaker 2: It's real, totally, absolutely it wasn't.

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Speaker 1: You didn't just grow up with it and inherit someone's beliefs. You actually have your own beliefs.

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Speaker 5: Nobody was ever like you should go to church whatever. It was truly at the ground zero bottom low place where someone had invited me to church so much and I had turned them down so much, and then one day I was like, you know what, like efit? What how much worse can it get? Kind of thing, I'll try anything. And then it was like this like wave of you know, all the magical things that come with.

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Speaker 2: Opening your eye.

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Speaker 5: What was the breaking moment for you? I remember just being really numb, like I didn't I was just super apathetic about everything. I didn't care about everything. So similar, I mean, really depression, really, that's that's the main kind of indicator. I just didn't want to be home. I didn't want to be in my body. I kind of wanted to be somewhere else. And so a lot of dissociating, a lot of drinking, a lot of just like however, I can just kind of run for my life and.

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, and your song makeup Holy cow, thank you, thank you. Talk about like putting into words like what is the lines like I don't know if I hate my body because my mom always did, or if I anger because like yeah, oh my god.

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Speaker 2: I was like, girl you are that's like my favorite song. Well, I mean that song.

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Speaker 5: I don't love performing it because it's like triggering a little bit and you just have to take this huge deep breath and then sing this like incredibly personal song to this crowd of people who don't know, and it's like it.

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Speaker 2: I don't know, it's it's a hard one, but writing it, like.

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Speaker 5: I've never felt more like it was coming from somewhere else. And I was just like writing it down like it was really kind of spooky the way that it happened. It came so easily, and just the writing of it and the thinking about it because I knew I wanted to write this kind of song was so healing in a real way for me. And I think it's just so important because whatever your trauma or these like cycles are in your family, whether they're you know, body image issues or anger or alcoholism or whatever it is, you just kind of feel like you're you're really predisposed to it and it's almost like, oh, I have to have this, like I have to hold it, and it's like you don't.

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Speaker 2: You can be whoever you want. You psych can end with you.

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Speaker 5: And we hear that, but that was this real moment where it was like I have complete control. I felt it.

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Speaker 1: I felt it, and just hearing people say that, because a lot of that's just like words until you actually like internalize it and feel it for yourself absolutely.

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Speaker 5: And like with the anger too, I mean, like I was it was my husband with my boyfriend at the time. He was like, it's like you kind of like you're not even home when you get.

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Speaker 2: Really angry, and that I just remember sobbing.

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Speaker 5: I was like that was like my dad like he just wasn't there because he was so mad and it was heartbreaking to me. And I'm like, I can't be I can't be that, and oh my gosh, I'm not going to be an angry mom like one day, Like I cannot do that. And so I was like, how do I like unpack this and figure out tools and know when I'm like getting kind of heated, I'm like, I need to step away. And you would never know that about me, like because I'm a very chill, happy person, but for some reason, like I could get into this space where I would just kind of lose my shit.

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Speaker 2: Can you swear? Yeah? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: And it just it wasn't cute and then and you probably felt terrible afterwards. Oh my god, I feel like I very much relate to you because I am so empathetic to the point where it's like debilitating, and I have had to work so much on it. And I'm forty one years old now and I finally am at a place where I can like exist in the world I think without Like I use, I really can't watch the news. I can't hear about kids suffering. It's like I want to put my head in the sand. But also it's like I know I cannot hear about things that I can't help with at this point in my life because I will internalize it. It will ruin my day, it will sink my vibration because I'm like, oh my god, the world is so full of suffering, Like, and other people are traumatic that upset.

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Speaker 4: And You're like, what are you what do you mean? How are you just like okay with that?

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Speaker 5: And then people are like, well, you know, I can't personally do anything right the second, but I totally feel you.

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Speaker 1: But I had an anger problem too, Like I would lose it and it would come over me. And it's like I knew I wasn't an angry person because I knew I was so loving and empathetic, but like I would just like lose my shit and I would feel terrible afterwards.

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Speaker 2: Yeah it's awful, you know for sure.

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Speaker 5: And and I think too, like when you have the right partner, like I remember my husband or boyfriend at the time his names chased. He would say, can't talk to me like that, like you like, you can't do that, but very calmly so he's calm. So he's very calm, and he would never reach me at the thing which makes feel worse would energy match. He would look at me in disbelief and be like, who the F do you think you're talking to like that?

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Speaker 2: And I was like, oh my gosh, you're so right.

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Speaker 5: And I had this real moment where I was like, I'm gonna lose this person if I don't figure this out. And wow, yeah, but I always just thought like, yeah, I have a short temper. I'm Italian, like I'm a firecracker. This is your makeup, my makeup exactly. And then it was like, no, it doesn't have to be, you know, so you can figure out, Like, Okay, I'm getting really worked.

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Speaker 2: Up right now. I need to like take a step away and yeah.

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Speaker 5: What are your tools?

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Speaker 2: Really? Just that?

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Speaker 5: But like, man, I think it's just like taking the deep breath and being like being just aware of it. Yeah, I'm like, I'm getting really unreasonably agree about this. Maybe I need to like take a beat, take a breath, and also looking at whoever, and it was really like it was coming out at my partner. I wouldn't say I'm like snapping on like random people. It's really the people you love the most. I think that you feel like you can be like that with but being like you don't want to, like you said, you feel so bad after, like you don't want to feel like that.

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Speaker 2: It's not who you are. You don't have to be like that.

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Speaker 5: And even if you're right, you know, my sister in law, my sister sister in law always says, you're right, you're rude, you're wrong, and it's like, man, I'm usually right with my anger, but then my anger takes it to a place where I'm no longer right because now I'm wrong because I just crushed my point with.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that you're right, you're rude. Mmmmmm that's great.

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Speaker 1: But I can tell like even your songs, Oh my gosh, middle of the Bed m M, that.

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Speaker 2: Song is like if that's that song.

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Speaker 1: Is so sonically addicting to thank you so much, like you so much, not just your lyrics, but like the sonics of your sound. It is like, oh my god, I am like so sucked in. I could not stop listening to your music and is all of your music like this or did you kind of like take a pivot with this EP or this body of work?

00:15:22
Speaker 5: How did we get here?

00:15:23
Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 5: I mean I think my producer has a lot of influences. His name is Zach Crawell, and he's just really cool and really is explorative and what he.

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Speaker 2: Wants to do with songs.

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Speaker 5: And I think for this project too, to just be like, okay, let's like step push some of the barriers away and try something new and try something that is a little genre bending and it is with its melody and all the other things and stuff. So I think it's just about finding a little bit of freedom and creativity in it and wanting to sound different. I mean, ultimately, being in this business is so hard because you're trying to like be influenced by the genre and the culture around you and everything, but you also have to have these little blinders on where you're like, I can't be Leany Wilson.

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Speaker 2: She's really good at that.

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Speaker 5: So my music is this way, but wait, that's what's doing really okay, But I can't change because this is what I do, and it's like staying true to yourself, it's always going to work or it's only gonna work. Really when you're it's true, it's true to yourself. You can't just be like mimicking other things and think it's going to be great. So that's also it too, just trying to follow, you know, what feels natural to me, what I would like to hear as a listener.

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Speaker 2: I think I come from that part a lot as well.

00:16:41
Speaker 1: It is so true though, And you posted something about this too where it's like, I don't know if it was a song or if you're in a skit or something, but you're like when you're like trying to get the algorithm to work for you. But at the same time, it's like you have to be like true to yourself and all that. Yeah, how is it playing ball these days in this industry where yes, you can have the talent You're coming from Canada, you had like all these awards. You're like Songwriter of the Year in Canada, nominated for what was it? Let me just read them off so we can get it right. CCMA Female Artist the Year nominee. You are the twenty twenty four CMTXT Women of Country Music two hundred and fifteen two d and twenty and fifteen, Canadian CCMA Rising Star Wars twenty and fifteen.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, ten years ago.

00:17:22
Speaker 1: You've been crushing for ten years twenty twenty one Canadian CCMA Songwriter of the Year and then three time nominated for CCMA Female Artists of the Year, winner of Season two premiere of the You were on the freaking show song.

00:17:37
Speaker 5: Land, Yeah, and you want it?

00:17:38
Speaker 2: I know. I mean that was fun with Shane mcinelly. Yeah, he was my coach.

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Speaker 5: Oh was it awesome week with him? Do you want to know it's so insane is that my friend Molly worked at Smack, which is like his publishing company, and she was this is like a year before. She was going through his like boxes and she found all these like old Shane keychains of him, like because he had like an album back in the day, or they made them into keach, I mean something like that.

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Speaker 2: And I was like, he was like my dream co writer.

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Speaker 5: He was like like, I mean, same trailer, Different Park is one of the Casey records, like one of my favorite records, the writing on that, Like, I've just been such a super fan of his. And she gave me his little keychain and I had all my keys for a year and then I were such a manifesto and I randomly, like this casting director reached out, you know, and we sent him one song. You didn't even apply for it. No, I had actually applied for another show that that casting director was doing years like a year before that never got made.

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Speaker 2: It was he just ke his radar. Yeah, keep me on his radar.

00:18:34
Speaker 5: He's like, I remember you, do you have any I remember you being like a country girl, like do you have any country songs? And I sent one song and they were like, you're hired your flights tomorrow. It was like no time. I was like I need spray TND, like what's like ran away? But yeah, I was so insane. And then when I got got there, I got paired with Shane and yes, and I'm like you're gonna like call the police because I'm like such a psycho, but like I'm you're my dream cowrite and like you're on my keys and he was like, oh my gosh, and.

00:19:04
Speaker 1: Now you were just like thrown into the show without really even knowing and he's now your guitar.

00:19:09
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:19:09
Speaker 5: It was so incredible. And when you don't know like who you're live pitching to. So you walk out there and it's lady A and it was three men and me as like contestants of that episode. And I was like, okay, you know there's a girl here, here's a girl, and so I'm a girl, Like maybe that's gonna help me. But you have no idea like how the other song sounded like like how like I had no idea like how it was going, you know.

00:19:31
Speaker 4: But watching it back and you're writing a song like live on TV, right.

00:19:35
Speaker 5: Well, you bring in your song and then you sing it for them and they're just sitting in their chairs and then you spend like thirty to thirty five minutes probably them like dissecting the song and like giving you critiques on it and like how they would make it better if it was for them, And Shane dissected it, Shane, Ryan Esther, all of Lady A. Like they're just going back and forth like what if you did this? Like what if you did that? And you just kind of stand there and you're like, yeah, yeah, you're kind like three co writing kind of and then they decided.

00:20:03
Speaker 1: Do you have to go then take their suggestions and rewrite it? Yeah, And so so they're not going to co write, rewrite it with you. They give you all their suggestions and you go by yourself and rewrite it.

00:20:12
Speaker 2: You go with Shane.

00:20:12
Speaker 5: So they pick so every contestant, I think it's in one home and then each contestant gets the coach. Me and Shane really we went to Ryan Tedder's studio in La Me insane. It's insane.

00:20:24
Speaker 2: And then me and.

00:20:24
Speaker 5: Shane spent like and another kind of engineer named Andrew de Roberts. We spent like, I don't know, seven or eight hours kind of writing song. Yeah, And it was so cool because you have the transcripts. You're like, oh, Hillary really like this part, Let's put this in. And he had written songs for them before and knows them so well, so he's like, I know they're gonna love this.

00:20:44
Speaker 2: I know they're gonna love for them.

00:20:46
Speaker 5: Is that Champagne Knights?

00:20:47
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm not Champaign Knight. Wait?

00:20:48
Speaker 1: Okay, So they actually wrote the song on song Land, and then then Lady A actually cut.

00:20:54
Speaker 5: It, yes, and it became a hit, yes, which has never happened from that show, and then insane crazy they have to cut it. No, I mean they loved it, they loved it. They I mean they co writers on it, so all y'all are co writers. All of us are, Yeah, all of us are co writers. What a cool show it was.

00:21:10
Speaker 2: It's really I know. I hope they bring it back because it was awesome.

00:21:12
Speaker 5: I had such a great experience and even like I remember in that session, Shane would say a line and I would be like so good and he'd be like, no enough. But I was like, oh, like it just immediately I was like, oh, this is the like level that people are working at, like and I came back being like, okay, just a whole kind of new perspective on the quality that you know songs are really getting cut at. And so you got your first cut in like the country music America, like with off coming off that show.

00:21:44
Speaker 2: Yes, and then Lady A was on it, loved it, cut it?

00:21:47
Speaker 5: What did it go to?

00:21:48
Speaker 2: One? No Girl for three weeks? Yes, it was insane. It was crazy.

00:21:55
Speaker 5: They had a song on radio at that time and they put them out at it and they literally took it off and then put my song on, which is also something you don't do like usually, especially because that song I forget exactly what song it was, but it was doing well, like It wasn't like it wasn't doing anything, but they they just felt like because it was twenty twenty, and they were like, this is a really like upbeat.

00:22:14
Speaker 2: Happy song. Was it before Covi this or in the middle of it? Was like right? I mean I filmed in January twenty.

00:22:19
Speaker 5: Twenty, slid in the last minute and I wrote world shutdown truly.

00:22:24
Speaker 2: I remember when.

00:22:25
Speaker 5: So they zoomed me and they were like, we're gonna, you know, put champaignight to radio.

00:22:30
Speaker 2: There's a zoom of it and I'm like what, like got that shocked?

00:22:34
Speaker 5: And then I got a call. I remember being like do you want to be the music video? And I'm like, yes, we're filming here, blah blah blah. And then like a day later they were like, hey, this thing COVID is happening, Like we can't film in person, but like, can you send like a video of you dancing to it or whatever? So I'm technically in the video like in my friend's house, dancing around.

00:22:50
Speaker 2: But it was like just as it all was happening.

00:22:52
Speaker 4: So and it went to number one for three. Were you already living here in Nashville?

00:22:57
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah?

00:22:57
Speaker 5: How long had you been in Nashville before you went on songline like two.

00:23:02
Speaker 2: I mean I moved in twenty eighteen, so really two years.

00:23:04
Speaker 5: The first year I was traveling back to Canada so much that I feel like, I don't know, I really wasn't in town as much, so it really felt like kind of more of like a year that it took.

00:23:15
Speaker 2: Yeah, which is so did all.

00:23:16
Speaker 1: So how did you know it was time to leave Canada and come here because you're killing it in Canada. I mean you could probably stay there and had a really strong career, right, Yeah, I think.

00:23:25
Speaker 2: That it had always been.

00:23:27
Speaker 5: I mean I went to Nashville for the first time when I was like fifteen or sixteen, and remember being like, oh my gosh, this is amazing. This mythical land or people write songs for a living and this is where all my favorite artists live and just was really appealing to me.

00:23:43
Speaker 2: But like, how do you get there?

00:23:44
Speaker 5: Can You need money, you need a visa, you need there's like all these steps, and so in my head I was like, I'm gonna move to Toronto, which is Canada's biggest city. It's like our New York kind of thing, a bunch of people there. I'm going to live there, and you can drive to Nashville from there. It takes like eight to ten hours.

00:24:00
Speaker 2: So I originally moved there and would just drive back and forth, which.

00:24:03
Speaker 5: Was fun and then fun and then it's the time to think about song ideas truly. And then so I would go down to Nashville and you know, meet with people and stuff, and the head of Sony actually who's my publisher now, which is hilarious. I remember him saying like, I think you're really great, but you don't live here. So and I was like, Okay, I have to move here.

00:24:23
Speaker 2: It has to happen. And so it all saved up money. Twenty three okay, I guess maybe three, maybe twenty two was that scary? Yeah? Did you know anywhere you've been coming? Yeah, I've been coming.

00:24:37
Speaker 5: I definitely knew like some people for sure, uh, but not really, not not anybody. And so you just kind of came down and it was like everything is new. You have no credit too, right, You're.

00:24:48
Speaker 2: Like, uh, but you did.

00:24:50
Speaker 5: You had all this Canadian credit, but doesn't matter, Like Devin, You're yeah, like so I couldn't get a credit.

00:24:55
Speaker 2: It's tough to get a credit credit, real credit.

00:24:57
Speaker 4: Yeah, I meant like people giving you credibility.

00:24:59
Speaker 5: No, I didn't even have any of that either, but like the real actual, like credit to your name.

00:25:04
Speaker 2: I have a song in Canada and we were like we don't care. I was like, Okay, I.

00:25:09
Speaker 5: Think what Canada brought is a ton of experience, you know, which is great. And I feel like I was own my own equipment and was used to touring and like these.

00:25:17
Speaker 2: Really high pressure situations and award shows and stuff like that. So that's huge. It prepared me.

00:25:21
Speaker 1: Yeah, people like that is a learning curve like that. You cannot you cannot learn that online. You have to learn that in the flesh and blood.

00:25:28
Speaker 2: Boo like nerves.

00:25:30
Speaker 5: Like even songline, I remember, it's like you're about to go out there, and I remember being like a pass like and like what if you like mess up or for get a word, say something stupid? Racing Like you're like totally, but you know, in the songwriting room, you no idea is dare to suck? Yeah, and so like you're daring to suck on live TV.

00:25:49
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean that's.

00:25:49
Speaker 5: Hard totally and what people at home are gonna think and comment, yeah, and stuff like that, which is always so fun.

00:25:55
Speaker 1: Because the songwriting process is like sorting it out. It can get a little messy. You throw stuff out there. So it's like put exactly in innermost like intimacy, my thoughts on your mind out there because you're trying to craft this song exactly.

00:26:07
Speaker 5: Yeah, because your bad idea could lead your co writer to a great idea and so that's yeah, super crucial for it.

00:26:13
Speaker 2: So yeah, there's a lot of.

00:26:15
Speaker 4: Fear, but I can handle the high pressure.

00:26:18
Speaker 2: I guess.

00:26:19
Speaker 5: I think that I'm like and I'm a pretty anxious person internally, and I'm fearful, I guess, but I always do it and I always show up and I do it scared.

00:26:27
Speaker 2: That's like my whole thing. Like my phone backgrounds like do it scared.

00:26:30
Speaker 1: It's like John Wayne say, courage is being scared to death but settling up anyway exactly.

00:26:33
Speaker 2: I think, key, that's the key at all.

00:26:36
Speaker 5: And if you're not, if there's no nerves or like no fear, then maybe I don't know, it doesn't really matter that much.

00:26:40
Speaker 2: But I'm like scared of everything, but I'm still I'll be there scared, And that means you're not really pushing yourself as far as you can go you are not in a comfort zone? Yeah, exactly, which is amazing.

00:26:52
Speaker 1: So after song Land and freaking Champagne Nights Nights right, yeah, or Night Nights Champagne Night goes number one for three weeks, COVID hits what.

00:27:02
Speaker 5: Happens with your career? Now? What happens next?

00:27:04
Speaker 2: Yeah? So I signed a record deal?

00:27:06
Speaker 5: Did that help song and help?

00:27:08
Speaker 2: Yes?

00:27:08
Speaker 5: It did absolutely, because sometimes TV shows don't help, Yeah, but this one did.

00:27:12
Speaker 2: It did. Yeah.

00:27:13
Speaker 1: Do you think it's because Lady A cut it that that helped? It was just like a perfect storm or do you think it would have happened anyway.

00:27:18
Speaker 2: I don't know. I think it definitely could have helped.

00:27:20
Speaker 5: And I think Lady A not only did they cut the song, but like the way that they announced they're putting it to radio is they posted that zoom of them telling me and then I did like they included me and yeah, and like I did this thing with Hillary and we like this panel thing and then they had a show in Franklin or at the Quarry thing and they at the me and greet, they brought me up to sing it with them and like stuff like that. So they kind of like take your hand and they did. And I think that that helped a lot too. That it was like, oh, they were like, we believe in her and we think she's great. And Dave Haywood recommended me to be a Grammy member, Like they went out of their way too. They're really really great people and I'm so grateful for them. So I think that also helped too. But yeah, I signed a record deal with BBRBMG.

00:28:08
Speaker 2: Twenty twenty.

00:28:09
Speaker 5: But it was kind of like, Okay, we can't do anything right now, so just chill for a second because it was you know, nothing really was moving and stuff. And so that happened, and then I was signed to a smaller kind of publishing company at the time, and then when my deal was up with them, I signed to Sony Nashville, which it really helps as well in such an amazing company. So that just bared so much for I won like an ASCAP Award and that was my CCMA for songwrit of the Year. Like it was insane how much fruit that song, this like silly song about having a good time gave me, Like.

00:28:43
Speaker 2: What a song can do? You know? Wow?

00:28:47
Speaker 1: Okay, so let's talk about how you manifest because I also loved that you had a bottle of champagne and you're like Opry debut, Yeah, and you're like you put it in somewhere in your house and you wrote that on there, and like I'm going to open this. When I did out on the Opry, it's like, you know it's gonna happen. You're preparing for it. Same thing with like the key chain with Shane mcinally, it's like, how do you manifest because I have this theory too, okay, and tell me if you agree with this, because I believe in a manifestation too, But I sometimes derail myself and I wonder why I do that, because I'm like, I know I believe in this, Like why can I not see it.

00:29:23
Speaker 2: Through all the way?

00:29:25
Speaker 1: And I have come to the conclusion that the bigger the vision, the longer the delay for it to happen. Because it's like you're almost a architect, you know, like if you're gonna build a castle, you've got to draw up the blueprints. That's going to take a long time because there's a lot to a castle, and then actually getting it from your mind to the blueprint, from the blueprint to actual physical is going to take longer than to put in a pool in a back deck, right, yeah, you know. And so like if you are visualizing like winning Artists of the Year or a Grand Old Opry debut, there's so much energy that has to come together.

00:30:01
Speaker 5: It's such a big.

00:30:02
Speaker 1: Energy field that has to come together that there's a longer delay from when you dreamed it up. So it's like there's so many things that can sidetrack you in the process or derail you, like something happens, or maybe like you get bad news or someone comes out here and like is bringing in some doubt or something you know, takes your path and it could take you off the track because you're.

00:30:20
Speaker 4: Like it's not happening. Oh my gosh, like something's wrong.

00:30:24
Speaker 1: And then once you get into the mindset something's wrong, then you lose your momentum and your energy and you kind of.

00:30:28
Speaker 5: Like fall back a little bit.

00:30:30
Speaker 1: Yeah, but really it's going to happen, but you just have to hold the energy because it's a big vision.

00:30:35
Speaker 2: Does that feel? I love that? I love that.

00:30:38
Speaker 5: I love holding the energy because it feels it's just like swing on yourself.

00:30:43
Speaker 2: Really.

00:30:43
Speaker 5: The first bottle that I got was in twenty nineteen, actually I had done a showcase in Nashville where I brought like my band from Canada down. We invited everybody we knew, and a bunch of record labels came out and one record label was like that night was like, we want to sign you.

00:31:02
Speaker 2: And I was like, oh my gosh, it's happening, Like this is it, this is the thing. It's happening.

00:31:07
Speaker 5: And then a couple of days later, they're like, we just signed another girl, so we're not gonna sign you, and I what.

00:31:13
Speaker 2: Feat crush just feeded crushed.

00:31:16
Speaker 4: Well, it's almost worse than never wanting to sign you.

00:31:19
Speaker 2: Yeah. Absolutely.

00:31:20
Speaker 5: I was like I felt like I had it in my hand and then it just kind of slipped out and I'm like and the show went so well.

00:31:26
Speaker 2: That was the thing is.

00:31:27
Speaker 5: I was like, I we rehearsed, we were ready, every you know, the place was packed. I did it like I was like, I walked away from it being like I don't know, like how much better I could have not done that, and so like that was all I could do.

00:31:38
Speaker 2: And they said that to me, I was so crushed. This is like probably November or something where this is twenty eighteens.

00:31:48
Speaker 4: This all happened fast when you got out to Nashville.

00:31:50
Speaker 2: Yes, okay, so it's moving quick.

00:31:52
Speaker 5: It's moving quick. So twenty nine, No, it would be twenty twenty. Okay, sorry, that happened twenty nineteen, so twenty twenty January. Okay, I'm twenty twenty before the shutdown.

00:32:01
Speaker 2: I know those first three months.

00:32:04
Speaker 5: Yeah, so twenty twenty happens. I'm in a liquor store. Who knows what I'm doing in there?

00:32:08
Speaker 2: I don't know. I want business.

00:32:09
Speaker 5: Your buying bottles have put more manifestations tags on. Well, so I think my friend had got a new job summing. So I was buying a bottle of champagne for her, and I looked at this bottle of dom on the shelf. It was like two hundred and thirty dollars or whatever, and I was like, I'm buying that, and I bought it. And I put get a US record deal on my first sticky note in January, and I'm like, I'm tired of this, Like this is ridiculous. Like I just did the showcase. They told me they were gonna sign me. Now they don't want to sign me. Like I'm so frustrated, you know, I'm just I need to I need to bet on myself. I need to put this. I needed to look at this. I needed to like claim myself accountable. Yeah, I needed to claim that this was going to happen. It was signed the deal, not like hopefully or one day. It was like, no, it's gonna happen. And that was a beginning in twenty twenty, and then January same month I'm filming song Land, and then later that year I ended up signing.

00:32:58
Speaker 2: The deal and so then shortly after we signed with Broken Bow. In twenty twenty, imprizingly a great year for he is a great year for me my husband twenty really we went at Tin Roof.

00:33:09
Speaker 4: I met my husband at Tin Roof. A lot of magic goes down at ten room.

00:33:13
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. I was drunk and I was like, you better make out. I knew there were other people that met at Tin Roof, people like when when we had our wedding, we did our after party two room, and they had said, you know, people like meet their partners at Troof special I've never met anyone else. I love that so much. Oh my god, Tin Roof.

00:33:33
Speaker 1: Well, back in the day when I was singing back my previous lifetime. I would sing at Tin Roof every Tuesday or Wednesday or something, and so he was coming. I mean this was like twenty years ago, I mean or fifteen years ago. It was a whole another world. But like Tin Roof was this spot. Yeah, everybody went to Tin Roof?

00:33:49
Speaker 2: Do they still?

00:33:50
Speaker 5: I don't go out anymore.

00:33:51
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know either.

00:33:53
Speaker 5: We got the magic, I know, I'm like, I thank you for your service, But how did y'all meet?

00:33:58
Speaker 2: We literally had what was the moment? And Roof? Who knows? Who knows what I was doing? I don't know. What are you like? I'm very I'm super fun, super happy.

00:34:09
Speaker 5: You know, I'm not a big drinker just because I get sick, which sucks people that can. Like, I don't know, like I'll get sick before I ever get like too crazy. Yeah, my stomach, I don't know if I'm like been allergic this whole time, but I just like it doesn't like agree with me, which I've just powered through for my life. But sometimes I'm like, actually can't do this tonight. But yeah, definitely pretty positive. Fun, you know, like to have a good time for sure, because you're out there at tinue.

00:34:35
Speaker 2: We're out there at tim roof my friend, and you had to break up before this, because yes, I feel like one house down from the girl.

00:34:41
Speaker 1: Next door is about the previous breakup. Yeah, when had you broken up?

00:34:45
Speaker 2: We had broken up. It had been a year.

00:34:46
Speaker 5: So I had this year of singleness so great, which was the first time that I had really I was, I think a serial kind of relationshipy person, desperately searching for someone to not abandon me and love me and definitely goes back to all of the childhood issues of.

00:35:04
Speaker 2: Not feeling good enough, you know, and all that.

00:35:06
Speaker 5: And so I felt like after we had had a messy breakup and then you know, jump right into another thing that was like whatever. And my mom, I remember, she was like, could you just chill out, Like I'm putting you on a hiatus, like You're not allowed to date anybody for a year.

00:35:22
Speaker 2: And I didn't And it was the greatest year. It was amazing.

00:35:25
Speaker 4: Okay, So you just dug into yourself, did some healing.

00:35:27
Speaker 5: My friends, like I was just like, got to have so much fun with them, and we were all kind of in the same place as well, which was single in Nashville.

00:35:35
Speaker 2: It's just such a great time.

00:35:37
Speaker 5: Yeah, And we just had such a blast and just got to know myself and what I really wanted to and found like some security and peace and identity and like just myself. I think I might have had some like codependency issues, like looking back, and then I feel like just you know, they always say when you're in a good spot, then you end up meeting the right person. So yeah, so a whole breakup was kind of like before that period, but it was just a bit of a crazy time and it was interesting when I was writing for this project, like I think, once you're in a good place, I feel as a songwriter, I have so much more perspective and can look back at situations and see them in different ways and see what was really going on. Yeah, because when you're in it, you're kind of just like I'm like, where was my head at? Like I don't really know, but now stepping backing to be like, oh, this is kind of what I was going through and this is why I did what I did, And it allows me to be almost like a third person writer about myself. And so that period just because it was so sticky and messy and hard and my anxiety, depression was insane. I was so debilitating, and I was just able to kind of look around that time and find some moments where I'm like, oh, I learned this here, I.

00:36:51
Speaker 2: Learned this here.

00:36:52
Speaker 5: And it's an interesting and hard time to write about, but I've written about it a lot.

00:36:58
Speaker 1: So you left the breakup though, right, It feels like from your music, yeah, you just knew I did.

00:37:02
Speaker 2: But I think it was that it had just hit its time.

00:37:05
Speaker 4: Really, you're either gonna get married to break up.

00:37:07
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.

00:37:08
Speaker 5: And I think, honestly, I was my I think my mental health had a great deal to do with it. Like I feel like it was just it was so bad and I was just not even myself, and I think that like I did some things that like I don't even know, like I said, what I was thinking and like what I was doing. And I really needed, I think, to be alone figure out what was going on and be okay by myself and take care of myself. And I mean every relationship, like you know, your partners, their life affects your life. And I really was having a hard time just dealing with myself that I needed to.

00:37:41
Speaker 2: Be alone, I think to kind of like Okay, where are we at? What can we do?

00:37:45
Speaker 5: How do I needed to like really help myself? So I think it came from that place.

00:38:07
Speaker 1: Okay, so you're at tin roof having a great time with the girls, and here comes Chase, like, how what was it did y'all kiss that night?

00:38:13
Speaker 5: Did you see him? Like?

00:38:14
Speaker 4: I love this guy? Did it take a little while?

00:38:18
Speaker 5: He was he was really cute. My husband is a very like he's just a good looking guy. He was wearing a hoodie and a plaid over top. He's with his friends. He looked like he was having a really good time.

00:38:27
Speaker 2: And he's not a musician. Not a musician, so great. Yes, he's an attorney. Oh wonderful. And so I know we started talking. I'm like what, like, I don't know. He's so smart and so sweet and so kind.

00:38:39
Speaker 5: And we had one mutual friend, so his friend's wife knew my friend.

00:38:45
Speaker 2: So we had one point of you know, he.

00:38:47
Speaker 5: Wasn't a serial killer, yeah exactly, which is nice to know it is. It's nice when there's a little recommendation for sure. And the mutual friend was like, he is like the best guy, and he really is. And so we we just talked all night. I remember we went to like another bar after and I'm like, do you want to come with us?

00:39:03
Speaker 2: He's like, yeah, I'll go anywhere.

00:39:05
Speaker 4: So he was alone and I'm like, where are your friends?

00:39:07
Speaker 2: Like I don't care.

00:39:08
Speaker 5: Like it was like he was like, I see y'all later, Like we just totally clicked.

00:39:13
Speaker 2: And after we like we went out.

00:39:16
Speaker 5: For dinner and won a couple of dates and stuff like that, and he was like, I just feel like I've never like clicked with anybody like that. And I mean he's from here, and we grew up so different and so like completely different cultures really and like let lives, but yet we're so similar in the way that we thought about the world and viewed everything. And yeah, it was a pretty much like right away thing.

00:39:37
Speaker 4: That I don't like together immediately hm, And I was like, this is the guy.

00:39:40
Speaker 5: You marry, Like it really like he's gonna be there for you when things inevitably hit the fan, which they do. That's the thing I think as you get older and you're thinking about like picking a life partner, like it's not all about like how much fun are you guys gonna have on the weekend. It's like if things go crazy and you who's gonna be like in the hospital bed holding your hand like yeah about that.

00:40:00
Speaker 2: Yes, I was like, this is a good, good, good person. My favorite thing about him.

00:40:05
Speaker 5: How has marriage been?

00:40:06
Speaker 2: It's been great. It's been awesome.

00:40:07
Speaker 5: I've been married a year mm hmm yep, so we're still kind of new in it, but I mean it's it's been so fun.

00:40:13
Speaker 2: It's like an incredibly healing thing for me.

00:40:15
Speaker 5: I think too, Like even like with the engagement, it was like whoa, Like you're promising to like stay like that's crazy like for me and just everything that I have gone through that was like just trusting men I think in general has been difficult for you.

00:40:31
Speaker 4: Always kind of wanted the option to be able to bolt yeah, oh oh my.

00:40:35
Speaker 2: Gosh, of course.

00:40:36
Speaker 5: Yeah, and just feeling like I just don't like like you're saying that you're not going to do that, You're but like are you, Like, I'm just very skeptical.

00:40:43
Speaker 2: I think they're going to hold their word.

00:40:45
Speaker 5: Yeah, and I think that more times than not, they've proven my skepticism right. And that's hard, you know, to feel like you've just been let I guess let down a ton by people who are supposed to not do that, and so it's a weird like paradigm shift to really fully trust somebody and open yourself up to that.

00:41:03
Speaker 2: But that's been so healing. And then in marriage is.

00:41:05
Speaker 5: Like that added level of like, oh, true partnership and like, you know, whatever I'm going through, he's going through, and we have each other's back, and like that level of just like in it together is so good for the soul.

00:41:16
Speaker 1: I think, how does he handle your career? Because you're a freaking smoke show. I mean, you're so hot, you're so talented, and you're so like you have such stage presence, so like when people see you on stage, they're.

00:41:29
Speaker 5: Going to fall in love with you.

00:41:31
Speaker 1: Like I was falling in love with you when I was watching your whole like video montage you did of one House down from the Girl next Door. It's like you're in this house and you go through all these different rooms. Each song is a different room, which I want to talk about that vision because it's so cool.

00:41:43
Speaker 2: I was feeling the experience. I love that.

00:41:45
Speaker 1: It was such a cool journey. But I was like, Damn, I think I am in love with you.

00:41:51
Speaker 2: I think I love you. I think I love you.

00:41:54
Speaker 1: So I was like, how does he handle that knowing that all these people are feeling.

00:41:58
Speaker 2: How I feel.

00:41:59
Speaker 5: Yeah, honestly, he like he's just a very secure person. He really doesn't He's not like a super jealous like. I think he just has confidence in us and like what we do and he's just my biggest like he's never been a thing. I also will say that he works a lot. He's very motivated. He's really good at his job. And I think that also he has a lot of confidence in himself. And when I'm on the road a bunch, like, it's not like he's just at home being like where are you, Like he's got his own world that's really hectic and busy and crazy going on. And so sometimes it feels like we're like passing ships a bit when we both have so much going on. But also there's just such a mutual understanding of like this is grind time right now, Like we're both here to like work really hard and focus on our careers, and he just knows that. It's like this is my job, you know, and that's amazing. Yeah, I think that mutual kind of understanding.

00:42:52
Speaker 2: He's like having a.

00:42:53
Speaker 5: Jealous partner would just be detrimental in every aspect and unnecessary.

00:42:59
Speaker 2: Yeah, like it's hard enough, you know.

00:43:02
Speaker 4: Yeah, at least have your partner as your biggest teammate.

00:43:05
Speaker 5: Yeah, And that stuff is earned, you know too, Trust is earned. And so I've never done anything or made him feel like he has anything to worry about, and vice versa. And so now we can we don't have that like lingering feeling. And so that's why, you know, making sure you make the right decisions and building trust in a relationship is important because it removes that like unknown element, you know.

00:43:25
Speaker 2: So true.

00:43:26
Speaker 5: Okay, so talk to me about the vision of one House down from the Girl next Door. He title chrack Keith Urban's playing guitar kind of that crazy right, Oh my gosh, gosh, so manifesto.

00:43:37
Speaker 2: As we've talked about earlier.

00:43:38
Speaker 5: I was in the studio and I was talking to my producer about how it sounded like an early Keith Urban song. There's something about it that just feels a little like long, hot summer kind of vibe. And I was like, could be so sick if Keith played a solo on this, And he was like, I.

00:43:52
Speaker 2: Can ask him.

00:43:54
Speaker 5: Your producer knows him.

00:43:55
Speaker 2: M and He's like, there's like a nineteen percent chance. He says yes, but it's pretty good.

00:44:01
Speaker 5: So I said, I'm like seventeen percent. And so he checkted him the song and Keith was like.

00:44:07
Speaker 2: I love it, mate, I'll come in and do it.

00:44:09
Speaker 5: And then he said he was coming on like a Monday, and it was like a Thursday. And so every day I'm like, he's going to cancel. Nicole's gonna need him somewhere. This is there's no way, like he's actually gonna do this. And then my producer just sent me this video of him doing it, and I nearly crashed my car when I watched it.

00:44:26
Speaker 2: I was like, this is the coolest thing.

00:44:27
Speaker 4: And that's the thing. It's like you just why not ask like they why not?

00:44:30
Speaker 5: The worst say can says no, Like okay, right, it's totally fine, and if he had what if they say yes, that's fine.

00:44:36
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:44:36
Speaker 5: But then sometimes randomly magical things happen and people just are like, yeah, and he liked the song enough to play on it. You know, So have you met him in person? Not yet.

00:44:45
Speaker 2: I've met Like I.

00:44:46
Speaker 5: Played a festival with him once and he was like backstage, but I never really liked talk to him, but we've got like a few degrees of separation, and yeah, he really seems like such a great guy.

00:44:56
Speaker 2: And for him to do that for this artist, that's like who is she? You know what I mean? I mean like that says a lot to think about him and his love of music.

00:45:03
Speaker 5: And his belief and artist. Yeah, to like prop somebody else up and lend his incredible talent to someone who's kind of still new, you know.

00:45:11
Speaker 1: A lot of support, like starting with Lady A, with Shane, with Keith Urban, like from the beginning.

00:45:15
Speaker 2: He's super super blessed.

00:45:17
Speaker 5: Usually like Jelly Rel too. Yeah, I've done some stuff. I'm moonlight as a background singer.

00:45:22
Speaker 2: So are you like friends with him a little bit? Yeah, I would say so. And he's so good.

00:45:26
Speaker 5: I mean, talk about inspirational dude. He's changing the world.

00:45:30
Speaker 2: He really is.

00:45:31
Speaker 5: And I get asked all the time, is he who he like looks like he is you know what I mean? Like, and I'm like, yes, it's not like a bit that he's doing. He just genuinely he radiates just humility, like he's so grateful to be wherever he's at. And and I think he just has a heart for people, Like he's trying to he wants to people to change because it's possible. Like you know, he's like, look where I am, anything can happen now, and hope is so powerful.

00:45:58
Speaker 1: Well, he's such an It's such a example because literally he was like a fella in a convict whatever we're doing stuff, and like he rewired his entire brain and existence and now he is like preaching the good word that.

00:46:12
Speaker 5: You can be anything you want.

00:46:13
Speaker 4: It radiates positivity.

00:46:15
Speaker 1: He came from like such a mental probably a scarcity mindset to now full abundance. To switch that mindset is so hard, and people have such a hard time doing that, but like it is so possible, absolutely, and it's so cool to see that. And I feel honestly like your music does that too. I feel like we're kind of entering into a season where we are getting some healing messages. Like people are realizing the power of mental health. They're realizing the power of like being healthy, just like having a It's not like what it looks like on the outside is actually how are you on the inside. And I think we've now studied artists and people long enough to know like.

00:46:51
Speaker 5: People are suffering.

00:46:52
Speaker 1: People are straggling and nobody has it figured it out. So like for people who have voices and platforms like yourself and Jelly Roll to be speaking like I feel the struggles and I'm doing the work and you can do it too, it's really encouraging.

00:47:05
Speaker 2: It really is.

00:47:06
Speaker 5: I mean, I think I love that type of music. And like you said, we there's you know, people that look like their lives are perfect. They have you know, fame and money, and then they take their own lives. Like it's like if you are not right on the inside, nothing matters. Nothing so important to be aware of that and like invest in that in every way.

00:47:24
Speaker 2: And I think even like subliminally in a way.

00:47:26
Speaker 5: I have a song called it Didn't and the it's just like there's a horn section.

00:47:30
Speaker 2: It's really fun.

00:47:31
Speaker 5: And it's like, you know, the hook is I thought it would kill me, but it didn't. And I sing it every night and it's like you kind of listen and you're like, this is what a breakup or something. She's going through something obviously, but it's like nothing's going to stop or she's gonna get there is the vibe of the song. And I wrote that about like my struggle and journey in with you know, anxiety depression. And when I say I thought it would kill me, but it didn't, I'm not. Like that's not in a metaphorical way, like I mean every word of that, and to sing that in front of a crowd and watch people kind of get hit with that, it's like you can get through anything, like there's always a little light at the end of the tunnel. It's just about continuing to keep walking and you're gonna get there kind of thing. And it's so corny and whatever, but like life happens and hard things happen, and I think music for me is like I'm not one of those people that if I'm really sad, I'm gonna turn on a sad song and lie there and like suffer it all. And some people do, like go off, but for me, I'm like very mindful, Like, Okay, I'm feeling really dark right now. This is a dangerous place for me to be. What do I need to do? And that's like I'm gonna turn on maybe a jelly song or a worship song or whatever I need to listen to to like pull me out of it and give me that little hope that, like I can get through it.

00:48:44
Speaker 2: I think it's important those songs exist. How did God change your life in every way?

00:48:51
Speaker 5: How did you feel it because you went to church and you had the moment and what what went through you?

00:48:56
Speaker 2: What changed? It was a feeling of just.

00:49:01
Speaker 5: Like warmth and peace and acceptance, and I had just never really felt it was very otherworldly. It was very unexplainable. And even as a Christian, I can't like quote you all the scripture. I'm not like I didn't grow up in it. I don't know like all these things and the outs of everything, and I have questions and doubts and thoughts, and I'm like, I don't really you know, everybody does, but I cannot make up the way that that experience was truly like otherworldly where I felt the presence of God wrap its arms around me and be like I'm I'm like hello, I'm here. And I just saw like it was crazy like experience and so it led me on this whole journey and be like, I don't know what that was, but like I need more of it. And today it's just about knowing that, you know, it's like his yoke is light. It's about just being like, Okay, I'm feeling really wayed down by this. I need to like give this up and listen to the music and feel encouraged and feel hope and all of those things. And that's what he provides. And I think that's why when you're like a new Crid, you're like so excited to tell everybody about it, because it's like it really did just bring so much peace into my life. And there are moments where I was so anxious and having like five panic attacks, which just literally so debilitated by my depression, and I'm like, I can't like live like this anymore, Like this is not okay, Like this isn't a life. But then he has a promise that like it's like I know he's going to pull me through this, and I know that there's like a promise at the end of it, and I know that like he's with Like I felt him with me the entire time. It was the only thing that.

00:50:40
Speaker 2: I had to hold on too.

00:50:41
Speaker 5: Nothing else was but that that he's with me and that he wants better for me, and he pulled me out of it and therapy and medication and all of the things that I did, But it really was like the root, the root of it. In the darkest parts of the storm, there was one thing that I was like, I feel God is in my heart and you know, he wants me to stay here. So when you talk about God, it's real. Yeah, I love that.

00:51:07
Speaker 2: I love that so much.

00:51:08
Speaker 1: I feel like, also, that's something we're shifting into, like real faith, you know, because like the whole fire and brimstone, and you're going to hell if you do this that or the other. And that's another reason why I love Jill All so much because I want to show and everybody's freaking spoken weed in the audience, but it's like he's up there preaching the good world. You don't have to be perfect, you have to be this perfect human being, but you just have to know that you are loved, that you are worthy, that you are supposed to be here, that you matter, that your dream is real, that whatever's on your heart is put there from a higher place, no matter what happened to you, all of your mess truly can be your message if you just go into God and like work on the healing and find it. But I mean, it is hard work, but once you do it, you get a love and a peace and an understanding and a knowing of your worth. Yeah, I search for my worth forever. And I always believed in God, but like and I felt God, but I still would just like freak out and get caught up in the world standards and caught up in comparison and caught up in not feeling like I was good enough and all the things, of course, But finally, when I've gotten to the place room, I'm like, God, I'm just gonna fully trust you while you guide my steps.

00:52:12
Speaker 2: Like with everything.

00:52:14
Speaker 1: It's like a full surrender. And I honestly feel like I've gotten to a place where I'm like seventy five percent full surrender.

00:52:19
Speaker 2: Yeah. Like I'm like, it's amazing.

00:52:20
Speaker 1: Even when I wake up, I'm like, it's your day, God, Like I plan it, but I'm like, I let my minutes work out the way they're supposed to do.

00:52:27
Speaker 2: Everything flow, and I'm like, I'm.

00:52:28
Speaker 1: Just trusting that it's all a bigger plan and it's really not up to me.

00:52:33
Speaker 5: I'm just gonna show up and do my part.

00:52:34
Speaker 4: Yeah, but there's something bigger that's supposed to be flowing through me exactly.

00:52:37
Speaker 5: And I think in the theory of it's like especially in this business, but in life in general, if something amazing happens, it's like thank you God, or it's thank.

00:52:47
Speaker 2: You me, good job me, I'm so good, I've crushed it. I'm so like think about those two passages of thoughts.

00:52:54
Speaker 5: One is like in true humility and being like like song, like like what an incredible chain of events for me to get this call and go to the show and they picked me to be with them and this happened.

00:53:05
Speaker 2: Happened and they took it to radio. Why do they do that? All those things?

00:53:09
Speaker 5: You could have two paths the way you can think and process that situation. Wow, I'm awesome, like I've done this, or like God, thank you you heard my prayer, Like you you blessed me.

00:53:20
Speaker 2: This is a blessing.

00:53:21
Speaker 5: This is an opportunity that people work so hard for those garbage men that can sing circles around me. But you've given this to me, and I'm gonna like be a good person and love others and make you.

00:53:29
Speaker 2: Proud and thank you, thank you my gosh.

00:53:32
Speaker 5: Or I'm great and so even I think like if you really zoom out and like whether it's all nothing or it is you know, when you think about the way that you're leading and directing your life, or when hard things happen too, you know what this is all because of me?

00:53:48
Speaker 2: Wow? And then also that's shame, that's deep deep.

00:53:51
Speaker 1: What about like honestly saying thank you God when hard things happen, because like, holy shit, Like if I know my life and like my family's life, we have gone through some horribly hard things. Yeah, but when you do get through them, you are a deeper, wiser, more evolved person. Your faith is stronger, you have more understanding, more compassion, more empathy, more, all of the good fruits of the spirit are more. But you have to walk through that valley of the shadow of death and it's the freaking worst. But it's honestly like being able to say like, oh, okay, you are putting me through this because you're growing me.

00:54:27
Speaker 2: You know, we're meant to walk uphill. I mean, no one's the promise is not that everything's going to be great all the time.

00:54:33
Speaker 5: That's the thing. It's like, no one walks through this thing unscathed. It's like we are met with resistance, and some people have a lot of resistance and some people you know, don't or whatever it is, and it's unfair and it doesn't make any sense and nobody knows, but you're right. It's like at the end of it, you're like you learn a lot and you feel like there's purpose in the pain that you've gone through. And that's I mean, that takes a lot of humility and trust and faith really to God. And we have a white bard at our house and it's like a mountain in a valley and we're like same God in the mountain and.

00:55:05
Speaker 2: In the valley, Like it's the same thing. So I think in both.

00:55:09
Speaker 1: Man, Okay, tell me about the visual for uh one House down for the Girl next.

00:55:13
Speaker 4: Door, because it is such a visual experience.

00:55:16
Speaker 5: How'd you come up with this? Well, I think when one when I wrote one House Down from the Girl like Store, I was obsessed with this like idea and then I wrote the song and I'm like, I want to name the project of the song. I want it to be this like house and brought it to my team and there's a really creative guy that I work with, Brad Hirsh and he had this so many great you know ideas and the visuals of this house and how each thing would be in the different room and we just I think we're I'm so lucky to work with such talented people. It was super collaborative and really made sense that, like each song will be in a different room.

00:55:49
Speaker 1: We kind of walk me through the songs in the rooms. So can you start with Dustin Lynch, who you have a big single with. It's a single, right, uh huh?

00:55:54
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, and he's the thing broken heart thing y'all start together.

00:55:58
Speaker 1: So is it kind of the beginning of the story, Like he's the breakup? Yeah, Like you guys are kind of telling your perspective in this song. You're breaking up in this house. It's the beginning of the saga.

00:56:07
Speaker 2: Yes.

00:56:07
Speaker 5: And the real overarching theme too in all of the breakup ones is you'll notice that all of them are for the best, Like in no other way you you listen to it, and in the bridge of that, it's like not trying to change your mind. I'm just trying to like I'm trying to get used to this like really hard thing that I'm now dealing with, And that's kind.

00:56:26
Speaker 2: Of the energy that it goes through.

00:56:28
Speaker 5: It's like, ah, this hurts, but like I think it's for the best. It hurts, but I think it's for the best.

00:56:33
Speaker 2: So yeah, so broken heart thing, yeah, absolutely yeah. And then I think the second one.

00:56:41
Speaker 5: We there's four songs on that kind of visual, but there's seven or six on the project. But I think the second video is good Grief. No, it would be middle of the Bed as the second one. No, no, no, there's one before it, middle of Like I don't know, no, maybe I'm wrong, No, middle of the bed. Do you remember freaking.

00:57:05
Speaker 2: I know, right? Bar fight?

00:57:08
Speaker 5: No, but bar thank you. I think bar Fight's definitely second on the project. It's not featured in the visual of it.

00:57:14
Speaker 2: The bed is very sexy.

00:57:16
Speaker 4: I was like, yeah, you are so fun in that video.

00:57:18
Speaker 2: It's such a you're so cute and fun.

00:57:20
Speaker 1: I was like, how you have the I was like, if people don't fall in love with you in this, like you're just like you radiate all charisma and adorableness and like it's so playful and fun and you're cool, Like you have such cool moves.

00:57:32
Speaker 2: Oh, thank you, you have moves, you know.

00:57:36
Speaker 1: I was like wanted to get my mirror and try to like copy you, like back in the day with the hairbrush, like.

00:57:39
Speaker 5: How does she move her hands?

00:57:40
Speaker 2: Like, oh my gosh, and the whole thing about doing anything like visual like that is like you just feel so cringe the whole time. I hope it doesn't like come across that bad.

00:57:49
Speaker 5: And even I watched it, I'm like, I think it's okay, it's you or whatever. But yeah, middle of the that is definitely the I think it's the second one, and it's like, you know, you're kind of going through this thing and you think you're okay, and then in the middle of the night you kind of reach for that which is a real thing that happened to me where it was just like really zoomed in like snapshot moment and I remember that not being like this is so bizarre, like I really want to write a song about this, feeling like how did I just forget we broke up? It's so insane And the song just turned out so cool. I feel like really captures that moment.

00:58:28
Speaker 2: And then I think Good.

00:58:29
Speaker 5: Grief is after that, and that one's just about the purpose and the pain and very conscious healing, very.

00:58:37
Speaker 2: Conscious healing, and I love that song so much. It feels so good. And then one House Dound is on the roof, so Good Grief is in the kitchen middle of the beds in the bedroom, broken heart things in the living room, and then one house downs on the roof, which was steeper than it looked.

00:59:00
Speaker 5: Tell me why you wanted to end on the roof, because you said that was very symbolic for you. Yeah, like it ends on high and so one house sound is really meeting my husband.

00:59:08
Speaker 1: Okay, So you're saying like he, yeah, didn't think he would get the girl one house down from the girl next door.

00:59:13
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that.

00:59:14
Speaker 5: I mean he's from here, and he grew up really in this cute little street with his like he's such a golden boy, you know what I mean, Like he's so.

00:59:22
Speaker 2: Smart and beautiful and like all of the things, and like even when we met, I mean have some tattoos and like a nose ring, and like I.

00:59:29
Speaker 5: Think that was new, not really to him, but I think certainly his family and stuff like that. I wasn't really sure. I felt like I was a lot more I don't know, crazy in all the ways than him, and even like like knowing where he came from and his family and stuff. And then I like looked at mine and I was like, whoa like very different and explaining kind of things I'd gone through and instead of him being like oh, he was like, wow, I can't believe you went through that, Like you're so strong, Like you're so amazing for doing that, and he just he saw so much strength. He's like, that's so like you're so brave, you're so cool, Like that's so awesome and was. I was just met with so much like love and acceptance for it, and I was like, oh my gosh.

01:00:09
Speaker 2: This is so healing.

01:00:10
Speaker 5: And so that song is really about that, Like I'm sure that you know, that might have not been who him or maybe his family thought he'd end up with, but he did. And we're like perfect for each other in that way. And he loves all of the things about me that maybe I didn't love about myself. You know, that's amazing.

01:00:28
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then tell me about the opera debut, because I was a big You finally popped that champagne.

01:00:32
Speaker 5: Yes, finally popped it. It was It's so special. I mean, as soon as you become aware of country music, you're pretty much aware of the opry and that there's a stage and it's very important and only to be in step into that circle you have to be invited and you know, it's just been on my you know, bucket list and goal list really since I was a kid.

01:00:52
Speaker 2: And to get that college just so special.

01:00:55
Speaker 5: Calling and Dustin came out and sang with you. Dustin came out saying Dustin is the best. He's truly the best person ever. I loved him so much and he's so talented. And he gave you a present.

01:01:07
Speaker 2: At the Opry. Yeah, let me think. It was like really cute.

01:01:10
Speaker 5: There was like candles and candlesticks and week very thoughtful things.

01:01:14
Speaker 2: Yeah. I'm like, you Kai, No, he's such an angel, he really is. He's so he's just one of those people that you walk in the room whoever you are, and he's going to invite you into the circle and get you drink and make sure you're cool and lift you up. And that's awesome. I was so nervous at the Opry too. I was like literally shaking. I was so scared because I just wanted to do such a good job and I'm like, what if I go up there and I forgot everything and it's a disaster. And he was like, oh, like he was just so mellow, and she was like I've done this like one hundred times like you're gonna be completely.

01:01:46
Speaker 5: Fine, and his just chill energy was really comforting to me. And yeah, it was great, It really was. It was so special.

01:01:53
Speaker 1: So what's left on the bucket list now? I mean, you've manifested some huge things you songland to having a number one with Lady A, to getting your own record deal, publishing deal, getting the husband of your dreams, you know, opry debut going on, made this awesome body of work.

01:02:10
Speaker 2: Thank you?

01:02:11
Speaker 4: What is up next for your manifestation?

01:02:14
Speaker 2: Bottles? I love that?

01:02:17
Speaker 5: Yeah, it was interesting. I made my he's my husband's an attorney. I made him do one too, and his make partner and we just popped his like a month ago.

01:02:24
Speaker 2: Stop it. Yeah, am I crazy? A year early too? It's for me part a year early.

01:02:29
Speaker 5: Maybe having the bottle and I know he was helpful, I know. I mean it's it's it's it's got a pretty good track record. Ever maybe try so the next bottle says go to country radio. So that's next bottle, which is big and it's like a you know, it's really challenging thing and a big goal, which is just it's always scary writing it there not go to country radio.

01:02:47
Speaker 2: It hasn't gone. It is actually a radio in Canada. That's just great, but it isn't in the US yet. So that's a big goal. Whether it's that song or a different song or whatever, we'll.

01:02:55
Speaker 5: Be off of this body of work, hopefully unless something else slides in.

01:02:59
Speaker 2: I've ever mad totally.

01:03:00
Speaker 5: There's a lot of like avenues in order to you know, get to that place.

01:03:05
Speaker 1: Makeup one day should go. I know that was already Like, yeah, you've already put it out a while ago.

01:03:09
Speaker 2: You love that song. I love that song. I love it too. I love that song.

01:03:13
Speaker 1: Tell me the chorus because I want girls to know this because it's not just about like makeup on your face, Like no more than the makeup.

01:03:18
Speaker 2: But yeah, so the choruses, do I hate my body because my mother hated.

01:03:21
Speaker 4: Her killed me? I'm like, do we not inherit that?

01:03:24
Speaker 2: You know, like all women?

01:03:26
Speaker 5: Just inherit it from all women since like your first memory of consciousness.

01:03:30
Speaker 2: You're like, I hate my body. Yeah, it's like how you get on a dive.

01:03:36
Speaker 5: I mean I've been on diet since I was like fourteen years No, it's absurd, it's crazy. And then yeah, do I have my body because my mother hated hers. I bet I can't control my temper because my daddy never would.

01:03:48
Speaker 2: Could I make love last forever? If my parents never could? Will I ever know the difference between good enough and good? Yeah?

01:03:54
Speaker 5: And then like the hook though, can you change the way you're made up if you scrub it hard enough?

01:03:59
Speaker 2: Can you ever wash off what's in your makeup?

01:04:01
Speaker 5: Why does that mean?

01:04:01
Speaker 2: We just want to like ball?

01:04:03
Speaker 1: I feel like so many of us feel that way. Mm mmm, I mean I want that song to have a big lie thank you. It's a very powerful song.

01:04:09
Speaker 5: My hope and dream for that song when it came out and forever is that it just like it's heard by somebody that needs to hear it. Like I said, when my therapist said to me, like, you are gonna be handed a lot of things you don't need to take them, like, and we just talked through this kind of I just thought it was gonna be angry because like that's just like what I always thought I would And it's like no, Like you can do whatever you want. It was liberating for me, and so to be able to like write it in a song like that, I'm so proud of.

01:04:36
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, I just want.

01:04:38
Speaker 5: Somebody who needs to hear that message to hear it, because it is like a game changing thing and it's crazy. I mean when I've played it, We've had grown men come up to me with tears in their eyes and said, like, you know, I promise myself I wouldn't be like my dad. I wouldn't drink like him, or I wouldn't do this or whatever it is. And it's already like had such a sweet life. And I hope that more people hear it truly just to heal, heal, because it helped me certainly.

01:05:02
Speaker 2: Man.

01:05:02
Speaker 4: Okay, so single country Radio, that's our next bottle.

01:05:06
Speaker 5: That's the next bottle. Yeah, Okay. I try to do one bottle at a time, Okay, but I guess I can do a few. What would be if you were going to add a second bottle to it? I mean I have like dream venues, like I want to play red rock, Okay. I would love to make a full length album one day. I would love to go on like a full tour all of the artisty things. I also too am trying to like I want to have a kid one day, Like I'm trying to like, also, this is my life my life isn't just all my career, Like what personal goals do you have?

01:05:36
Speaker 2: Like, Okay, I want to go to.

01:05:37
Speaker 5: These travel to these places and be a better cook and try to make personal goals too to for my sanity, you know.

01:05:44
Speaker 1: I interviewed Maddie and Tay, and I also interviewed Runaway June and Jin and I have been friends forever and Maddie and Tay and we were talking about like how hard it is to prioritize having a kid when you're a female artist, Like it is really hard because this is such a demanding career and for so long, I do feel like it is shifting, but for so long, it really wasn't like cool to have a kid. Like if you were like trying to be an artist, you can't really get pregnant and have a kid and let that part of your life be seen. You need to be focused on the prize.

01:06:14
Speaker 5: And like logistically and devote your whole life to this career. Yeah, there's no room for anything else. Yeah, I mean I still like, like, I like, I'm.

01:06:22
Speaker 2: Like, how would you do both? You just do it?

01:06:25
Speaker 5: But you just do just people do it all the time, But it's like hard to like compute that in your head.

01:06:30
Speaker 1: I'm like, and maybe it's not time, because I do think there's a period of time where it's like the grind is so hard.

01:06:35
Speaker 2: Yeah, but once you like get.

01:06:36
Speaker 1: To a certain point, it's like, Okay, I'm not going to just grind forever. I am going to have more to my life for sure.

01:06:42
Speaker 5: Absolutely. And I think too, like it's just it's my life. You're like, what do you want to?

01:06:48
Speaker 2: Like, Yeah, I wouldn't want to miss out on something.

01:06:51
Speaker 5: And like I said, I do a lot of things scared, so that to start that chapter whenever it may be, I don't think it'll be sometime, like really soon or anything.

01:06:59
Speaker 2: But that scares the hell out of me. I'm terrified for so many different reasons.

01:07:04
Speaker 5: But I'm gonna do it scared, and I hope that you know that Lord blesses me with that and stuff. I was always thinking, like, you know, all of the scary thoughts that you have.

01:07:13
Speaker 2: And you're like, what if I can like what about this? What about that? So many like.

01:07:18
Speaker 5: Unanswered fears and questions about it, But it's also like gonna be really great and exciting.

01:07:23
Speaker 2: So it is.

01:07:24
Speaker 5: The baby process is really something like I've done so many podcasts on it because I had such a hard journey to get pregnant. I've had a lot of losses, and.

01:07:31
Speaker 1: But it's like it also all teaches you something. You know, it sucks, but it's like, damn it, it's always something to learn.

01:07:38
Speaker 2: Absolutely, yeah, to understand your body and stuff. I mean, I feel like.

01:07:40
Speaker 1: We haven't really taught that, and to understand like it is like something coming from somewhere else is literally coming into.

01:07:48
Speaker 5: Your like creating you were creating life.

01:07:53
Speaker 2: Insane. It is insane. It is so insane.

01:07:55
Speaker 3: Yeah.

01:07:56
Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay, Madeline, you were so amazing. I always wrap up. Is there anything else we need to talk about? Anything you want to share? Where can people find you?

01:08:05
Speaker 2: I'm on all of the things.

01:08:06
Speaker 5: Okay, what is everything is just Madeline Merlow made line and then merlau like made line.

01:08:12
Speaker 2: No tea on the end though, Okay, okay.

01:08:15
Speaker 5: So check everything out. Everyone needs to go Yeah.

01:08:18
Speaker 2: Not.

01:08:18
Speaker 1: I encourage everyone to watch the visual of one House sound from The Girl next Door. It is such a cool experience, Like it is so cool.

01:08:24
Speaker 2: I appreciate that. Well, it's really I can tell.

01:08:26
Speaker 1: It's really thoughtful and it's not just like someone shooting some content, you know, like sometimes it's like, oh, let's make content. This is like no, this is this visual is a part of the songs.

01:08:37
Speaker 2: Absolutely like you.

01:08:38
Speaker 1: You express it so well that I actually feel like it's an extension of the songs. And it's not just like you're trying to get content because you need content.

01:08:45
Speaker 2: Thank you.

01:08:45
Speaker 5: Yeah, we certainly tried really hard to have it, you know, be a thing and fit the energy of each song and it shows you how cute you are. And just to be prepared everyone you will fall in love with that one because it's impossib well not to. I always wrap up with leave your Light and it's super open ended and just basically drop some inspiration. What do you want people to know?

01:09:11
Speaker 2: Hmm about anything? Yeah? What an insanely large question. What do I want people to know? Truly? I want people to know that you have to be your best friend because you are your only thing that you really got for this whole world.

01:09:32
Speaker 5: This is your body and your brain and your heart, and you can't be an enemy to it. Please stop being your own enemy and just like find a way to love her or him or whatever it is, because you'll wake up and be like, well, I've spent so long hating me my one shot, one shot at this, and I've spent so much time just hating me when I'm like just doing the best I can. It's my first time here, you know, it's our first rodeo and we're trying our best.

01:09:56
Speaker 1: I totally agree with you, It's like, and especially when you're born into trauma. I everybody body has trauma, but I have noticed when you were born into childhood trauma, you often don't realize that that's not how life has to be, because it's what set the tone. You know, if you're born into some sort of big, awful thing that you've had to deal with, you don't realize that it's not you, that that was just your circumstances that you had to live through, but you had nothing else to compare it to. But you're so right because it doesn't have to be your story, and you can actually get to a place where you love yourself and realize that that's not who you are.

01:10:29
Speaker 2: Yeah, and have just so much grace for yourself.

01:10:31
Speaker 5: Oh my gosh, you know so Yeah, I would say, be stop being your enemy and be your friend.

01:10:36
Speaker 2: I love that. Ada On, Thank you so much for joining me. This was so much fun. I loved that day. Thanks for hanging out with Kirby too. Yes, I missed her all right, I know where she is. Okay, bye then