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The following podcast is part of the Mind, Body, Spirit
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FM podcast network. Aging doesn't have to be scary. How
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you experience it is up to you. I'm Jackie Clark,
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a certified senior advisor and aging expert. I've listened to
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people's life stories for over ten years and helped them
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navigate the last chapter of their lives. Let me guide
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you through issues big and small, from memory care, to
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medicare and beyond. With real stories and expert guest interviews,
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I'll explore the challenges and paths to age and live well.
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Get ready for better agent, Good morning, Please join me
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and welcoming today's guest, Cameron Crawford. When Cameron encountered Alzheimer's
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and her mom, it sparked a commitment to caregiver support.
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As the founder of Next STEP's Senior Placement and the
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Aging Parent Tribe Facebok book group, Cameron, an NBA and
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certified senior advisor, aids families in navigating care decisions. She
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was recently featured on PBS's Empowered Seniors. A fervent advocate,
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Cameron believes a challenging caregiver crisis can foster a beautiful community.
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Today we'll be discussing the Facebook community Aging parent Tribe
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that Cameron started five years ago. Welcome to the show, Cameron,
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Thank you so much, so glad to have you on today.
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I've been really looking forward to talking about this amazing
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group called Aging Parenting Tribe. Can you explain what it is?
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Sure?
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Well, Jackie, thank you so much for having me on,
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And I am so excited to share about this group
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because I know I work in the senior industry, but
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my heart is as a daughter of a mom with
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Alzheimer's and I in my thirties when my mom was diagnosed,
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and at the time, none of my friends were experiencing this.
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In fact, I remember talking to friends and their moms
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were flying into babysit their kids, and I was flying
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to Texas to essentially babysit my mom. And it was
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so hard and I felt so alone, and I honestly
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cried for about four years. And I never had anybody
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that I felt like I could ask questions to. So
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more than anything, I really desired to know other people
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in the same situation as me. So in twenty nineteen,
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I created a Facebook group that is focused on family
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caregivers and it's kind of like cheers, So you know
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how you want to be at a place where everyone
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knows your name and everyone understands your life and who
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you are, and they you know, you've got the quirky people,
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you have the people with a lot of issues going on.
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You have everybody represented, but you are a part of
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a tribe and a group.
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That accepts you and knows you.
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And that's what I wanted to create online for people
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so that they had access to other caregivers that are
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in the same experience.
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That's just amazing what you've done, and I can absolutely relate.
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As you know, we've talked about this. My mother had
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dementia for twelve years. And I too was quite young
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when my mom first was diagnosed, and my kids were
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little as well, and I had my kids a little later,
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so like you here, I was, I missed out on
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my mom taking care of my kids other than when
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they were very small, and in fact, they only have
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memories of her when she did have dementia, which wasn't
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always the greatest relationship because it was a challenging time.
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And you're right, everyone around me, nobody's parent was going
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through this part of aging quite yet, and it actually
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will be six years in February that my mom has passed.
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And it's interesting, specifically, when I lost her six years ago,
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it was a woman I barely knew but who had
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lost her mother to dementia, who reached out to me
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and absolutely understood what I was going through. So this
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parenting tribe, this aging parenting tribe, that's the value I
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see is that the likeness, unfortunate likeness of what someone
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is going through is kind of the superpower here.
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Well, and just you saying that is like, it makes
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me cheer up because I vividly remember stopping for my
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mom for clothes because she couldn't shop for herself, and
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you need to get elastic pants that can pull up easily,
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and she'd forget that. She ate so she my guveny
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teeny tiny little mom gained sixty pounds because she ate
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everything around. And so I was in j Jill. I
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was buying XXL's elastic pants and the lady that worked
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there looked at me and she's like, why are you
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buying these? And I'm like, well, it's not for me,
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it's for my mom. She has dementia. And she looked
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at me and she's said, my mom just passed with
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Alzheimer's and I burst out in tears in the middle
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of j Jill, and she like she took me back to,
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you know, the employee room where I could cry. But
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I thought, oh my gosh, someone knows me, someone knows
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what I'm going through. And they were they not only
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know me, but they know more than I do. And
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so what has been really neat with this tribe since
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it's been around since twenty eighteen is that I have
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seen people go through the journey, people that start out
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when they join and they don't know anything and they're
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overwhelmed and frustrated, and then you know, years later they're
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the experts because they have experienced this and they're able
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to pass on that wisdom to people that are just
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entering the stage of life.
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Yeah, that's such a great point. You know, I've been
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hanging out in your in the Facebook group for about
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a month and I just kind of wanted to see
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what it was like. And you're right, I wish I
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had this group and knew about this group when my
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mom was going through her journey. And I think what
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I noticed about the group is the support is amazing
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they have for each other. What I'm really impressed with
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is this group's honesty and rawness of what they're going through.
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It is such a safe place to share anything, and
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I don't see any judgment, I don't see any criticism,
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And I just kind of want to know, what do
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you think SUTs sets you apart from the other from
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the other groups out there, because there's a lot of
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groups out there, But what's the imagine that you feel
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that this group has created And it really has been
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a creation of their own right.
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Well, and I think that we set the tone from
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the beginning that it's a you know, all groups say
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they're no drama zones and but number one, we don't
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put up with anything. Every once in a while, somebody
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knew will almost be mean or attacking and say, why
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would you do that with your mom? Why don't you
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give up your job and stay home and take care
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of her? And I'm like, you cannot stay in the
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group if you're going to treat people like that, because
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everyone has enough drama in crisis in their own life.
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We don't need more of that from online.
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And so.
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If your path and your family is unique, and it
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might look different than my path than my family, but
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I'm gonna support you in that situation. And as an administrator,
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I take that very seriously. When somebody joins, they have
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to read the rules. If someone is a little off
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or I feel like is being critical. A lot of
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times now people will tag me and let me know
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and say, hey, this didn't seem nice. And I'm not
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trying to sugarcoat that. This is a difficult time of life.
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But the people that you're going to for support need
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to be exactly that. They need to be kind, they
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need to be as supportive. They need to listen to
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you and your situation and then help you in your decisions.
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I think being local really helps. That was something that
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was very strategic.
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The group that I run is based in Colorado, and.
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Because it's local, a lot of times you know people
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in the group, or you know their sister, or your
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kids went to school together, and so that just humanizes
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who is in the group. It's not some random person
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off the internet, but it's somebody that you're going to
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run into at the grocery store, or you might meet
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at a restaurant, or you could actually have coffee with.
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And so what we're trying to do is humanize this
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experience and be supportive and kind, and we set the
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tone as administrators, and then we police the group and
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if there's anybody that's not aligning with that goals, we
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just really don't have time for that. Nobody has time
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for that in their life.
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I think that's probably the thing I like most about
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the group, because I did check out a lot of
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other caregiver groups recently, and that's what I think appeal
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to me most. I mean, and you have some amazing topics.
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I mean, the topics are really interesting, from tax questions
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to incontinence, frustration, despair, homicidal feelings, store to parentliness, depression, enjoy,
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I mean, the unbelievable compassion, but most of all, friendship.
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I see friendship going on in this group, and I
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think that's what struck me first, is the friendships that
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have developed. And that's just for me hanging out on
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for about a month. Something else I've also noticed is
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you have local experts. Can we talk about how you
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decided to like of the local professionals, because I think
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that's valuable to have local professionals in the senior industry
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be a part of this group. Tell me how you've
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structured that and the value of to the caregivers in
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the group.
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Well, first of all, no one pays to be in
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the group. I don't take advertising. There's not a payment structure.
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At first, I picked twelve senior professionals that I thought
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kind of fit into different niches, you know, And I thought,
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I'll have one attorney, I'll have one financial planner, I'll
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have one realture. And but what I've found out is
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you need more options for people, and so I let
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professionals join. But I'm pretty clear that this is caregiver focus.
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This is not business focus. And you may get a
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client from there, but what we're looking for is your
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expertise and your advice. And a lot of people that
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might be a really good attorney, they don't necessarily have
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the the personality to be open and vulnerable about their
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life and their experiences. On Facebook with a group of
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ours is over four thousand people. So it's the right
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professionals that fit the group with their own personalities. And
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if there's a professional that I hear complaints about, or
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that somebody you know, especially a member, email me and says,
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you know, I had a bad experience here, well, I
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listen to our members and make sure that it's align
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the people that are in the.
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Group aligned with the values of the group.
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But it's so important to have people that can help
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you that are local. So case in point, this weekend,
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we just had someone join on Friday that is a notary. Well,
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someone was at the hospital Saturday morning and needed a
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power of attorney sign called the notary from the group,
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and they were there because they lived fifteen minutes away.
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They were there within an hour and was able to
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notarize the power of attorney and so, like you said,
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it created a friendship between these people were trying to
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increase community with people that are feeling isolated. But it
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also provides those practical resources that everybody needs. You need
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to have a huge team of people to help support
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your caregivers, and so we have a pretty broad group
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of professionals in the group.
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It totally makes sense. I mean that trust aspect of
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a professional. I think that's why. You know, you get
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a client and you may be helping them move to
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assistant living, but they also need an elder attorney, and
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they also need maybe a care manager for a while.
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Maybe they want to do something in home care's right,
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maybe they need a notary. Notaries come up so often.
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That's one of the things that always surprised me in
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this business, how often notaries are needed. But it really
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is helpful when there's a heart and there's a compassion
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behind the professionalism and the expertise. So that's kind of
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a tough combo. And I and again, I see I've
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seen this very clearly in the group. This has been
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one of again one of the superpowers that I've just
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been so impressed. Now, I know this is a private
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Facebook group, so you have to be you have to apply,
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so to speak's pretty easy. Do you turn away a
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lot of people?
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We do because right now on Facebook, just like everything else,
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everyone is trying to scam an elder and so that constantly.
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In fact, it takes a lot of time to that
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are new members, you're supposed to answer questions if there's
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kind of red flags, or we feel like it's a
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fake account, if we feel like it might be a
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stolen account, then we do a lot of snooping and checking,
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will message people to see what is their reason to join,
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because it's a vulnerable group of people, and we feel
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like keeping them safe and their information safe is key,
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and so we would much rather turn somebody away than
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have somebody come into the group that might have a
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great you know, might not have the best intentions. Now,
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for some reason, there are people all o our Facebook
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that like to do vent and dryer companies and post
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them all over groups, and every once in a while,
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somebody will sneak in the group and all of a
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sudden start spamming it with their vent dryer company. Do
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you'll have that in California? Oh my gosh, it's a
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big in Colorado. So anybody like that we just kick out.
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We don't.
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We don't put up with anybody anyone that's in the group,
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whether they're a professional or a business owner, if they're
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in there for the wrong reasons, we don't let them
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stay in the group. We have a very focused mission
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and a vision of what it should be right.
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So, uh, caregivers, their time will come to an end, unfortunately,
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their parents will pass from whatever there whatever disease they have,
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or just it's their time. Do they leave like once
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they're once they're the person they're caregiving for, does do
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they leave the group?
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Great question and the answer is both.
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Sometimes they stay because all of a sudden, you know,
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it's like, they've just gotten a PhD in caregiving, and
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they have been in the war and they have survived,
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and they just like that lady that reached out to
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you and what and that meant so much they want
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to give back to somebody else.
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So there are lots of people that stay in the group.
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At the same time, and I totally understand, there are
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people that say it's too painful to stay and it
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just is too much, and that they're ready to move on.
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And that's okay too. Our job is to be here
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for the right season.
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Makes sense. I mean, I think, I I think, especially
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right after my mom passed away, I not only was
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it tough and it was wonderful for people to reach
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out to me, but then as like just yet, just yesterday,
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my neighbor he was we have an old truck that
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we're finally giving up, his teenagers dying to have it.
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I said, well, come on over, you know, take a
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look at it. And then he said, I'll be there
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at four. And at the last minute he was like,
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you know something, I can't come over. I'm taking care
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of my father this month. He has Alzheimer's and I
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can't leave him alone. And I said I totally understand.
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But what I loved what he said is he said,
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I'm going to spend every single moment excuse me, he said,
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I'm going to spend as much time as possible right
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now until he doesn't know me. I want to make
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sure I spend every second with him.
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And I agree one hundred percent.
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And that is one of the things because there's definitely
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the hard topics that we have, and we have a
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lot of those, and we go really deep into difficult
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decisions and topics, but there's a lot of joy too.
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There is a lady that she her gift her dad
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last year was to go do have a planned event
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once a month and it was always a surprise, and
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she posted all about it on the Tribe And so
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that helps another caregiver that's feeling almost paralyzed and stuck
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at home to have a vision of, Okay, what can
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I do with my mom If my mom has Alzheimer's
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and we're not able to go do the normal things
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that we normally do, what can we do instead? And
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we always do a lot of posting, especially in the spring,
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is you know, what are the spring events that we're
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coming to, What are hikes that you can do in
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the summer.
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What are Christmas events?
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And so we're pointing and that's another reason why local
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is so helpful. We're pointing towards local events in our
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community that would be accessible and easy for you to
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take your loved one. Two.
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There's nothing like local. I say it all the time.
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When you are going through the aging process and you
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need help, consult local experts. They live in your community.
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They understand what kind of life you're living. You know,
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if you're living a beachlife and a mountain life, you
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know you you love, you know, the city, whatever it
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is that that connection of lifestyle is so important as
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we age. One of the hardest things is to give
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up your life as you know it in terms of
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I love my home, I love my neighborhood, I love
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my neighbors. You know. Doctors are able. Doctors do a
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great job of diagnosing, and they may even do a
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great job of treating as much as possible. But they
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don't have the bandwidth or even the skills or the
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expertise of understanding how do you live with the disease
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the aging. They don't. They don't just don't. They don't
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know how to do that. And so we have got
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to reach out to groups and local groups as you know,
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on how we can do that. We need to come
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together as a community because it does take a village,
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and that is this is what you're doing. So I
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just love it well.
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And that's one of the moments I knew we were
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doing it right was someone messaged me and they sent
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me a picture of their prescription from their neurologists and
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it said with a star joined the aging parent Tribe.
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And this isn't a neurologist that I've ever talked to
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that I know, but he was having so many local
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patients come in in families and saying that this was
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their support group and this is where they found the answers,
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and so he started prescribing it to his own patients.
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Something else I wanted to talk about was when we
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keep talking about local So I told you I kind
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of went through and looked for some caregiving support groups recently,
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just because I wanted to know what's out there from
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my own clients. And one of the groups I looked at,
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while there was a lot of great information, it was
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such a large group. I mean, it was massive. And
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one of the things that as you and I know Cameron,
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so like, if I need help in Colorado, I'm calling Cameron.
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Cameron needs helping southern California. She's given me a text
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or a call because she doesn't understand what's going on here.
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I don't understand what's going on in Colorado. The rules
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and regulations, as we've said before, are completely different, and
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so in that in those large groups, somebody's giving advice
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that's true in their state, but it's not true in
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my state. That's one of the things I kept seeing
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it was that you know, it's great, but I need
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something smaller. It's also overwhelming to have that many people
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coming at you all the time. Can you share with us,
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like a story of like one of the caregivers on
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the tribe that has had the most impact on you
361
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that you can share, like just something that's just made
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you said, yeah, this is why I'm doing it. Well.
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One of we call him, he's almost like the mascot
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of a tribe. Now, over ninety five percent of the
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tribe is women. That's just the way it is. But
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a man joined who was a caregiver for his wife
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named Donna, who had Alzheimer's, and he was isolated at
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home with her a lot, and so he just posted
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all the time, and he was so vulnerable and he
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was so open, and he just captured everybody's heart. And
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then one day and his wife had this beautiful long
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white hair. One day, I was riding my bike and
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all of a sudden, this couple and this woman with
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beautiful long white hair passes me, and I stopped and
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I yelled. Donna turned around and I'm like, oh, you
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must be Sam. I'm from the tribe, and so, you know,
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here we are in the middle of a you know,
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the bike path, having this time where we connected. Well,
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Sam just really leaned. I mean, this was his main support,
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and he leaned into the group.
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He shared a lot.
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He posts all the time. People would ask me if
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he works for me, which he doesn't. And when Donna
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eventually passed, all of a sudden, my phone is blowing
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up with texts of people. I wasn't on Facebook, but
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he had posted on there, and people are texting me
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letting me know that Donna passed, and they're like, oh,
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my gosh, is Sam okay? Can I take Sam dinner?
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I'm thinking about Sam. What can we do for Sam?
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And so just really seem not only that he touched
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so many people's lives, but that they were just reaching
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out to him too. But then, kind of like the
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the frosting on the cake. I had worked with a
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nonprofit called Wish of a Lifetime, and I granted Sam
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a wish to go do a five day bike trip
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because he had always wanted to do this with his wife.
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It had been their dream, and so I was able
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to get that donated to him.
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So he just really touched a lot of people.
400
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And then I love that the relationship is not he's
401
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still in the group and he's still posts, but that
402
00:24:32.759 --> 00:24:36.160
we were able to give him this beautiful gift and
403
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just honor what he had done as a caregiver.
404
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And we do that a lot.
405
00:24:39.799 --> 00:24:43.680
We asked people a few times a year to name
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their favorite nonprofits and we make donations to him, and
407
00:24:47.519 --> 00:24:50.160
we do a drawing, and it's so fun to hear
408
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why different nonprofits are important to different people in the group.
409
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We have people that donate medical equipment. I can't telling
410
00:25:00.400 --> 00:25:04.519
you the the number of people that have received wheelchairs, walkers,
411
00:25:04.640 --> 00:25:09.680
free hospital beds because one person's done with it and
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they want to bless somebody else with it. So that's
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that kind of goes back to the tone that you
414
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talked about at the beginning, is that we're supporting other
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people in the group, and Sam and his life and
416
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his story with his wife is a perfect example of that.
417
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What a great story. You know. What's funny. I did
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00:25:30.559 --> 00:25:34.759
notice the reused of the durable medical equipment that's what
419
00:25:34.759 --> 00:25:38.839
they call it, DME some really cool stuff on there.
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I noticed, and I love that it's not going to
421
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waste so often are I would say, mostly this equipment
422
00:25:44.079 --> 00:25:47.400
isn't used very long, and it's expensive, and a lot
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of families can't afford it or their insurance doesn't cover it.
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So it's another great resource of finding gently use durable
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medical equipment that needs to be passed. So just another
426
00:26:01.880 --> 00:26:05.160
another way. Did you have any idea when you started
427
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this that this group was gonna be so much bigger
428
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than just some conversations about caregiving.
429
00:26:14.079 --> 00:26:18.240
You know, the reason why I started it is I
430
00:26:18.359 --> 00:26:22.559
had seen I had worked for a nonprofit for kids
431
00:26:22.640 --> 00:26:26.240
with special needs, and one of the moms had started
432
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a Facebook group for that and that was right when
433
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Facebook groups were brand new, and I would watch it
434
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and it was just our town. I would watch, and
435
00:26:35.680 --> 00:26:39.400
I was amazed and not only see the organic growth
436
00:26:39.960 --> 00:26:43.599
from special needs mom talking to other special needs mom
437
00:26:43.680 --> 00:26:46.240
that this is something you need to join, but also
438
00:26:46.359 --> 00:26:49.599
seeing the support somebody talking about how they were having
439
00:26:49.640 --> 00:26:52.039
a meeting at school and they were nervous, and seeing
440
00:26:52.079 --> 00:26:55.039
everybody else jump in and give their advice about how
441
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to manage that meeting. And I thought, we need this
442
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in the caregiver circle too.
443
00:27:01.079 --> 00:27:05.000
No doubt, no doubt. Do you think that the need
444
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for these groups will continue to grow as the largest population,
445
00:27:08.559 --> 00:27:11.720
the boomers, continue to age. I mean, we know that
446
00:27:12.440 --> 00:27:17.519
caregiving is not only an expensive costs money wise financially,
447
00:27:17.599 --> 00:27:22.359
but also time wise. Caregivers are giving up sometimes their careers,
448
00:27:22.799 --> 00:27:25.440
time with their their families, a lot of sandwich generation.
449
00:27:26.440 --> 00:27:27.839
How do you think, how are you going to like
450
00:27:28.200 --> 00:27:30.279
if somebody else around the country is like God, I
451
00:27:30.279 --> 00:27:34.160
wish I had a aging parent tribe in my neighborhood.
452
00:27:34.240 --> 00:27:36.039
I mean, have you thought about expanding?
453
00:27:37.480 --> 00:27:37.839
Well?
454
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I get asked that question a lot, and I'm always
455
00:27:40.960 --> 00:27:43.720
a little sad when I can't say that we have
456
00:27:43.759 --> 00:27:45.799
a group in Florida, or we have and I tell
457
00:27:45.839 --> 00:27:50.240
them to join mine, but we have in fact Jackie,
458
00:27:50.319 --> 00:27:56.319
we should talk. I feel like it's such a need
459
00:27:56.680 --> 00:28:00.799
in different areas, and so we are expanding in southern
460
00:28:00.839 --> 00:28:04.400
California and in Phoenix, and y'all are kind of going
461
00:28:04.440 --> 00:28:05.680
to be our test models.
462
00:28:06.160 --> 00:28:08.440
But I just feel like it is such.
463
00:28:08.240 --> 00:28:11.920
An important need and I'm excited to partner with somebody
464
00:28:12.400 --> 00:28:15.440
that you know, you need to understand and have the empathy,
465
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and you need to have the family heart side like
466
00:28:19.039 --> 00:28:23.119
you do, and you need to have the professional side
467
00:28:23.519 --> 00:28:25.359
to be able to look through posts. Sometimes you're like,
468
00:28:25.799 --> 00:28:30.960
I mean, that's a nice answer, but it's wrong. People
469
00:28:31.039 --> 00:28:34.680
sometimes give wrong advice, and so I want to jump
470
00:28:34.720 --> 00:28:36.599
in there and make sure people have the right information.
471
00:28:36.640 --> 00:28:38.440
So you need to have the professional side of it.
472
00:28:39.279 --> 00:28:42.680
But you need to have the right personality too. So
473
00:28:42.880 --> 00:28:45.640
I've tried to you know, you need to be able
474
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to be vulnerable. You need to be able to be
475
00:28:48.079 --> 00:28:53.200
open with your life, your experiences, and also be able
476
00:28:53.279 --> 00:28:57.119
to have compassion on people and to have that come
477
00:28:57.160 --> 00:29:02.119
across virtually and by that you talk in the way
478
00:29:02.160 --> 00:29:06.839
that you write and take somebody with skill sets like
479
00:29:06.960 --> 00:29:10.359
I think you'll do an amazing job because you're a
480
00:29:10.400 --> 00:29:14.799
good author, You're a good podcaster. You understand social media
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00:29:14.880 --> 00:29:17.759
so that you understand that niche, but then you have
482
00:29:17.839 --> 00:29:21.799
the background and the experience to understand all points of view.
483
00:29:23.160 --> 00:29:25.599
Thank you, Cameron, those are such kind words. Again, I
484
00:29:25.640 --> 00:29:28.279
told you about a few months ago. I was just
485
00:29:28.359 --> 00:29:31.000
kind of saying, gosh, I need something else to help,
486
00:29:31.039 --> 00:29:34.319
but I just can't. You can't be everything to everyone.
487
00:29:34.480 --> 00:29:37.279
There's only so many hours in the day, and so
488
00:29:37.319 --> 00:29:39.480
I start looking for groups to join just to be
489
00:29:39.519 --> 00:29:43.319
able to give my families more resources. And when it
490
00:29:43.359 --> 00:29:45.279
came across yours, I was like, Yeah, I want to
491
00:29:45.279 --> 00:29:50.559
do this. I'm super excited to offer local resources, just
492
00:29:50.640 --> 00:29:56.160
to give a platform that people can come together. You know,
493
00:29:56.440 --> 00:30:00.039
I've been doing this, including caregiving for my mom, and
494
00:30:00.079 --> 00:30:03.880
then this is my eleventh year in senior industry. So
495
00:30:04.240 --> 00:30:08.720
between caregiving and my eleventh year senior industry, I'm looking
496
00:30:08.759 --> 00:30:12.279
at around about eighteen years doing this. It feels like
497
00:30:12.319 --> 00:30:16.039
it went by in a flash. Some people would say, oh,
498
00:30:16.039 --> 00:30:19.440
it's depressing. It's not depressing something. My mom has been
499
00:30:19.480 --> 00:30:22.160
gone for almost six years. It was really hard when
500
00:30:22.160 --> 00:30:25.400
I lost her, and it took probably years for me
501
00:30:25.519 --> 00:30:28.920
not to tear up here and there every time I
502
00:30:28.960 --> 00:30:31.599
thought of her, you know, like she loved a garden.
503
00:30:31.680 --> 00:30:33.519
I love to garden. I'd be out in the garden.
504
00:30:33.559 --> 00:30:35.480
I'd be like, Oh, I want to call my mom
505
00:30:35.920 --> 00:30:38.960
and tell her about this amazing plan I just did,
506
00:30:39.000 --> 00:30:42.000
and she's not around to share that. What I did
507
00:30:42.039 --> 00:30:45.680
find is my sister loves to garden. So that's kind
508
00:30:45.680 --> 00:30:49.160
of been our connection how we keep our mother's memory
509
00:30:49.200 --> 00:30:53.880
alive of And it's those kind of connections that if
510
00:30:54.039 --> 00:30:56.720
to be able to share in a larger group setting.
511
00:30:56.759 --> 00:31:00.759
People want that, people need that. The best to age
512
00:31:01.079 --> 00:31:07.000
it is within a community of support. It's not necessarily
513
00:31:07.519 --> 00:31:11.160
the best assistant living. It's not the best doctor, it's
514
00:31:11.200 --> 00:31:15.559
not the best health insurance. Those are important things, but
515
00:31:15.799 --> 00:31:20.920
it doesn't mean anything without community or relationships and family
516
00:31:21.519 --> 00:31:25.240
that understand and we can all be on the same page.
517
00:31:26.039 --> 00:31:29.000
I wish my sister, one of my sisters, I have three,
518
00:31:29.039 --> 00:31:34.400
one of my sisters was there's always one sibling that
519
00:31:35.039 --> 00:31:37.799
carries the brunt of the day to day work. For
520
00:31:37.839 --> 00:31:40.160
many reasons, it happened to be that her kids were grown,
521
00:31:41.480 --> 00:31:45.839
she was retired from her teaching position, and she lived
522
00:31:45.839 --> 00:31:48.160
twenty minutes from my parents, so she was able to
523
00:31:48.160 --> 00:31:51.799
help my dad with my mom. So she got to
524
00:31:51.799 --> 00:31:55.240
stay home almost to the very end, which is such
525
00:31:55.359 --> 00:31:57.759
a gift, as you know, because that's one of the
526
00:31:57.799 --> 00:32:01.440
hardest things, is to stay home till the end. But
527
00:32:01.680 --> 00:32:06.119
we feel we had eleven years and about nine months.
528
00:32:06.960 --> 00:32:11.599
Sometimes she'd call me up just so frustrated with our mother.
529
00:32:12.119 --> 00:32:15.599
Because when you're the caregiver to the person with any
530
00:32:15.640 --> 00:32:20.279
kind of disease, be it cancer, dementia, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's MS,
531
00:32:20.319 --> 00:32:24.799
whatever it is, inevitably you sometimes get the brunt of
532
00:32:24.839 --> 00:32:29.519
their frustrations in anger and it's hard, especially when they're
533
00:32:29.519 --> 00:32:31.720
doing the heavy lifting. And I remember she would call
534
00:32:31.759 --> 00:32:37.119
me just either pissed off, eyeing, upset, ving to like
535
00:32:37.279 --> 00:32:42.400
do bodily harm. And I wish I could have said, hey,
536
00:32:43.319 --> 00:32:47.440
there's a group because it's around twenty four to seven,
537
00:32:47.599 --> 00:32:50.119
because I can't be there twelve or seven when you
538
00:32:50.160 --> 00:32:54.359
can check in with four thousand people locally, four thousand
539
00:32:54.400 --> 00:32:56.440
people aren't always on there, but at least ten are
540
00:32:56.599 --> 00:33:00.440
or twelve. So maybe you're gonna get Joan and you know,
541
00:33:00.480 --> 00:33:02.640
at two am in the morning because Joan's up with
542
00:33:02.680 --> 00:33:05.079
her mom and you guys can connect, or maybe it's
543
00:33:05.160 --> 00:33:07.759
four pm in the afternoon, because some people still have
544
00:33:07.839 --> 00:33:11.200
to work and do this caregiving business. So it's something
545
00:33:11.240 --> 00:33:14.559
that I don't think anybody thought to do, and to
546
00:33:14.599 --> 00:33:16.079
do right is the hard thing.
547
00:33:17.400 --> 00:33:20.039
Well, and Joan is up at two in the morning,
548
00:33:20.440 --> 00:33:23.400
and because I get messages from Joan at two in
549
00:33:23.440 --> 00:33:27.119
the morning, and there are and I remember when starting out,
550
00:33:27.440 --> 00:33:29.640
you know, we didn't have a power of attorney at
551
00:33:29.680 --> 00:33:32.880
my mom and I would wake up like Joan at
552
00:33:32.880 --> 00:33:36.160
two in the morning stressing, knowing that I was going
553
00:33:36.240 --> 00:33:38.839
to have to get guardianship. If this isn't dead worried
554
00:33:38.880 --> 00:33:43.000
about for finances, it was overwhelming. And the fact that
555
00:33:43.079 --> 00:33:46.519
if you are up at night stressing about it and
556
00:33:46.599 --> 00:33:49.160
you can reach out to someone or you can post
557
00:33:49.559 --> 00:33:52.400
or just vent, it's almost like journaling. Remember how like
558
00:33:52.799 --> 00:33:55.799
healthy it was to keep a diary and journal. Some
559
00:33:55.839 --> 00:33:58.759
people almost use it like that, where they are getting
560
00:33:58.880 --> 00:34:03.359
all of these emotions out and venting, sometimes anonymously because
561
00:34:03.400 --> 00:34:06.279
their sister might be in the group and they don't
562
00:34:06.279 --> 00:34:08.920
want them to know that they're venting about their sister.
563
00:34:10.119 --> 00:34:15.480
That is solely fine, we all do it. But similar
564
00:34:15.559 --> 00:34:17.719
to what you were talking about with the flower, my
565
00:34:17.880 --> 00:34:21.679
mom planted xenias every year because her mom planted zenas.
566
00:34:22.159 --> 00:34:25.360
I plant zenas and in the spring you will see
567
00:34:25.400 --> 00:34:28.880
pictures of my xenas on there, and I'll talk about
568
00:34:28.920 --> 00:34:32.280
how this is something meaningful. It's almost like one of
569
00:34:32.320 --> 00:34:36.239
those markers every year that reminds me of my mom
570
00:34:36.559 --> 00:34:38.559
and I post it and the other people that are
571
00:34:39.000 --> 00:34:42.079
have that same experience that you're talking about, that they
572
00:34:42.159 --> 00:34:45.920
relate to their mom through gardening or flowers or their pets,
573
00:34:46.440 --> 00:34:50.760
these things that bring them comfort. And everybody starts posting
574
00:34:50.800 --> 00:34:53.079
pictures of their xenias and.
575
00:34:53.000 --> 00:34:55.519
I love that. I love that. That's what makes us human.
576
00:34:56.000 --> 00:34:58.440
You know, there are so many points of views within
577
00:34:58.519 --> 00:35:02.000
the comments. One is always bound to connect with the
578
00:35:02.039 --> 00:35:07.199
person asking the question. People offer compassion and support, and
579
00:35:07.320 --> 00:35:09.920
sometimes they don't know what to do, and they just
580
00:35:09.960 --> 00:35:12.480
say I don't know what to tell you, but I'm
581
00:35:12.519 --> 00:35:14.440
here for you if you want to talk. I mean,
582
00:35:15.039 --> 00:35:18.519
sometimes the person isn't looking for a resolution, They're just
583
00:35:18.599 --> 00:35:22.519
looking for a virtual hug. You know, do is Does
584
00:35:22.559 --> 00:35:26.519
anyone in the tribe ever get together for coffee or
585
00:35:26.559 --> 00:35:27.199
things like that?
586
00:35:28.559 --> 00:35:31.960
Yes, you know, we had a really fun happy hour
587
00:35:32.199 --> 00:35:36.400
last year that a local business ended up throwing for us,
588
00:35:36.440 --> 00:35:40.159
which was super fun. And to meet people face the
589
00:35:40.239 --> 00:35:44.800
space and to hug them, Oh my gosh, it just
590
00:35:44.920 --> 00:35:47.199
meant so much. And so we've talked about doing.
591
00:35:47.079 --> 00:35:47.679
More of that.
592
00:35:48.039 --> 00:35:52.159
But then people meet regularly for coffee, but then also
593
00:35:52.199 --> 00:35:56.159
to do practical things. You know, there's a medication dispenser
594
00:35:56.199 --> 00:35:59.159
that's kind of confusing to set up. People have met
595
00:35:59.199 --> 00:36:01.719
with other people in tribe to help them set it up.
596
00:36:02.079 --> 00:36:04.679
People that are in the same assisted living as somebody
597
00:36:04.760 --> 00:36:07.760
else will meet up. And one day I was meeting
598
00:36:07.840 --> 00:36:13.199
with a client at a restaurant and the person next
599
00:36:13.199 --> 00:36:16.119
to us turned around and said, wait a minute, are
600
00:36:16.119 --> 00:36:19.199
you with the Aging Parent Tribe? And I'm like yes,
601
00:36:19.400 --> 00:36:22.280
And so it was. So there's lots of little meetups
602
00:36:22.280 --> 00:36:24.400
and then occasionally we have big ones. Oh and we
603
00:36:24.440 --> 00:36:27.920
went to go see the movie Thelma, which is a
604
00:36:28.000 --> 00:36:32.440
really fun movie about an elderly lady that gets scammed.
605
00:36:32.480 --> 00:36:33.559
Put it on your watch list.
606
00:36:33.760 --> 00:36:36.440
So oh, definitely, I'm always looking for something new and
607
00:36:36.480 --> 00:36:40.199
exciting to watch. You brought up a point, or I
608
00:36:40.199 --> 00:36:42.480
should say, you made me think of something. You know,
609
00:36:42.719 --> 00:36:45.880
I don't want our listeners to assume that you can
610
00:36:45.920 --> 00:36:48.039
only be part of this group if you're actually doing
611
00:36:48.039 --> 00:36:51.760
the caregiving, because caregiving isn't always hands on caregiving. Your
612
00:36:51.760 --> 00:36:54.719
parent may be an assistant living or memory care or
613
00:36:54.800 --> 00:36:58.239
far away. If you have a parent going through aging,
614
00:36:58.360 --> 00:37:01.079
you are a caregiver in your own special way. There's
615
00:37:01.119 --> 00:37:03.960
many types and forms of caregiving. You don't have to
616
00:37:04.000 --> 00:37:07.920
be doing the day to day to think you're not
617
00:37:08.079 --> 00:37:12.519
part of the caregiving generation and community. The Boomers may
618
00:37:12.559 --> 00:37:17.119
be the largest generation, but that the children of the
619
00:37:17.119 --> 00:37:20.440
boomers whatever, be it Gen X or Millennials or Gen
620
00:37:20.519 --> 00:37:24.159
Z or wherever you fit. We're the largest group of
621
00:37:24.679 --> 00:37:28.079
adult kids that I've ever had to take care of parents.
622
00:37:28.199 --> 00:37:33.239
And we're also dealing with the most neuro diseases and
623
00:37:33.360 --> 00:37:37.159
cognitive decline that we've ever seen in the history of
624
00:37:37.559 --> 00:37:40.519
our lives. So it's a lot of work. And these
625
00:37:40.559 --> 00:37:45.719
diseases are becoming more acute, and maybe it's because we're
626
00:37:45.719 --> 00:37:49.320
living longer, we're diagnosing them early. I couldn't put my
627
00:37:49.360 --> 00:37:53.599
finger on it exactly today. Maybe that's for another show,
628
00:37:53.840 --> 00:37:58.000
but I think that it's worth noting that everyone is welcome.
629
00:37:58.000 --> 00:38:01.159
If you have an aging parent in you need some support.
630
00:38:01.280 --> 00:38:05.960
I think it's a great resource and tool to belong to.
631
00:38:07.000 --> 00:38:10.199
Yeah, and there's also a lot of spouses in there.
632
00:38:10.559 --> 00:38:12.119
And one of them told me that he's like, I
633
00:38:12.119 --> 00:38:15.000
don't like the name parent. She's not my parent, she's
634
00:38:15.039 --> 00:38:18.199
my wife. And I said, I get it. I'm sorry,
635
00:38:18.239 --> 00:38:21.960
I didn't think about you. I started it. But I'm
636
00:38:22.000 --> 00:38:25.239
a long distance caregiver. So my mom's in Texas, but
637
00:38:25.400 --> 00:38:29.039
I fly there pretty regularly and I'll post pictures of
638
00:38:29.079 --> 00:38:32.519
me in the airport with my bag because there are
639
00:38:32.599 --> 00:38:35.960
tips and tricks for being a long distance caregiver. So
640
00:38:36.400 --> 00:38:39.920
caregivers look so different and it's so diverse, and everybody
641
00:38:39.920 --> 00:38:43.840
in the family has their role, and so whether you're
642
00:38:43.840 --> 00:38:46.440
the person doing the hands on care or the person
643
00:38:46.559 --> 00:38:50.119
supporting from another state, there's always information there.
644
00:38:50.719 --> 00:38:53.880
Oh yes, so well said, is there anything else you
645
00:38:53.960 --> 00:38:56.760
want to talk about that I missed about the aging
646
00:38:56.800 --> 00:38:59.159
parent tribe that we want to make sure our listeners
647
00:38:59.199 --> 00:38:59.639
know about.
648
00:39:00.679 --> 00:39:02.840
You know, I think you just did a beautiful job
649
00:39:02.880 --> 00:39:04.639
giving an overview of what it is.
650
00:39:05.880 --> 00:39:06.360
It's.
651
00:39:06.840 --> 00:39:08.920
You know, it's the sorority none of us ever wanted
652
00:39:08.960 --> 00:39:12.760
to join, but here we are, and so we might
653
00:39:12.800 --> 00:39:15.039
as well make the best of it. And I always
654
00:39:15.039 --> 00:39:17.719
say that none of us are perfect. I'm definitely not
655
00:39:17.840 --> 00:39:20.079
a perfect caregiver, even though I've been doing this for
656
00:39:20.119 --> 00:39:23.199
eighteen years. So no one's perfect, but I think we're
657
00:39:23.199 --> 00:39:25.440
all a little better because we're in this group.
658
00:39:26.119 --> 00:39:29.920
Wow, eighteen years, that's unbelievable, a Cameron, I think that's
659
00:39:30.079 --> 00:39:34.280
one of the longest I've ever heard someone have Alzheimer's
660
00:39:34.360 --> 00:39:35.920
as a long long time.
661
00:39:36.039 --> 00:39:39.360
It's a long time, long time, but you know what
662
00:39:39.440 --> 00:39:39.920
that's like.
663
00:39:40.840 --> 00:39:45.039
Twelve is interesting. Well. You can find Cameron at next
664
00:39:45.039 --> 00:39:49.400
Steps Senior Placement dot com. Please see the show notes
665
00:39:49.519 --> 00:39:53.079
for links to Cameron's website, how to contact her, and
666
00:39:53.119 --> 00:39:56.280
how you can become a member of her private Facebook
667
00:39:56.360 --> 00:40:01.320
group Aging parent Tribe. I'll also have information about the
668
00:40:01.400 --> 00:40:04.840
new groups that are forming near you. Don't be surprised
669
00:40:04.880 --> 00:40:09.159
if they start popping up very quickly. Thank you so much, Cameron,
670
00:40:09.679 --> 00:40:10.440
appreciate it.
671
00:40:10.800 --> 00:40:11.880
Bye.
672
00:40:12.960 --> 00:40:15.199
If you'd like to learn more about ways to age
673
00:40:15.199 --> 00:40:20.039
better and book a consultation with Jackie, please visit www
674
00:40:20.239 --> 00:40:37.639
dot This is livingwell dot com.
1
00:00:01.439 --> 00:00:04.120
The following podcast is part of the Mind, Body, Spirit
2
00:00:04.440 --> 00:00:12.480
FM podcast network. Aging doesn't have to be scary. How
3
00:00:12.519 --> 00:00:16.199
you experience it is up to you. I'm Jackie Clark,
4
00:00:16.440 --> 00:00:20.519
a certified senior advisor and aging expert. I've listened to
5
00:00:20.519 --> 00:00:23.440
people's life stories for over ten years and helped them
6
00:00:23.519 --> 00:00:26.760
navigate the last chapter of their lives. Let me guide
7
00:00:26.800 --> 00:00:29.559
you through issues big and small, from memory care, to
8
00:00:29.679 --> 00:00:34.000
medicare and beyond. With real stories and expert guest interviews,
9
00:00:34.159 --> 00:00:37.600
I'll explore the challenges and paths to age and live well.
10
00:00:38.039 --> 00:00:45.240
Get ready for better agent, Good morning, Please join me
11
00:00:45.359 --> 00:00:50.600
and welcoming today's guest, Cameron Crawford. When Cameron encountered Alzheimer's
12
00:00:50.640 --> 00:00:54.240
and her mom, it sparked a commitment to caregiver support.
13
00:00:54.920 --> 00:00:58.520
As the founder of Next STEP's Senior Placement and the
14
00:00:58.560 --> 00:01:02.600
Aging Parent Tribe Facebok book group, Cameron, an NBA and
15
00:01:02.719 --> 00:01:08.000
certified senior advisor, aids families in navigating care decisions. She
16
00:01:08.200 --> 00:01:13.519
was recently featured on PBS's Empowered Seniors. A fervent advocate,
17
00:01:13.840 --> 00:01:18.680
Cameron believes a challenging caregiver crisis can foster a beautiful community.
18
00:01:19.280 --> 00:01:24.040
Today we'll be discussing the Facebook community Aging parent Tribe
19
00:01:24.280 --> 00:01:28.239
that Cameron started five years ago. Welcome to the show, Cameron,
20
00:01:28.840 --> 00:01:32.239
Thank you so much, so glad to have you on today.
21
00:01:32.359 --> 00:01:36.159
I've been really looking forward to talking about this amazing
22
00:01:36.200 --> 00:01:40.280
group called Aging Parenting Tribe. Can you explain what it is?
23
00:01:41.719 --> 00:01:42.040
Sure?
24
00:01:42.719 --> 00:01:44.879
Well, Jackie, thank you so much for having me on,
25
00:01:45.480 --> 00:01:48.599
And I am so excited to share about this group
26
00:01:48.719 --> 00:01:54.920
because I know I work in the senior industry, but
27
00:01:55.079 --> 00:01:57.719
my heart is as a daughter of a mom with
28
00:01:57.840 --> 00:02:02.760
Alzheimer's and I in my thirties when my mom was diagnosed,
29
00:02:03.400 --> 00:02:07.599
and at the time, none of my friends were experiencing this.
30
00:02:08.159 --> 00:02:11.680
In fact, I remember talking to friends and their moms
31
00:02:11.719 --> 00:02:15.840
were flying into babysit their kids, and I was flying
32
00:02:16.000 --> 00:02:20.599
to Texas to essentially babysit my mom. And it was
33
00:02:20.719 --> 00:02:25.159
so hard and I felt so alone, and I honestly
34
00:02:25.240 --> 00:02:28.039
cried for about four years. And I never had anybody
35
00:02:28.159 --> 00:02:30.840
that I felt like I could ask questions to. So
36
00:02:31.120 --> 00:02:34.560
more than anything, I really desired to know other people
37
00:02:34.599 --> 00:02:39.280
in the same situation as me. So in twenty nineteen,
38
00:02:40.039 --> 00:02:43.840
I created a Facebook group that is focused on family
39
00:02:43.919 --> 00:02:48.719
caregivers and it's kind of like cheers, So you know
40
00:02:48.879 --> 00:02:50.960
how you want to be at a place where everyone
41
00:02:51.039 --> 00:02:55.360
knows your name and everyone understands your life and who
42
00:02:55.439 --> 00:02:59.120
you are, and they you know, you've got the quirky people,
43
00:02:59.400 --> 00:03:02.039
you have the people with a lot of issues going on.
44
00:03:02.120 --> 00:03:04.719
You have everybody represented, but you are a part of
45
00:03:04.759 --> 00:03:06.360
a tribe and a group.
46
00:03:06.280 --> 00:03:07.960
That accepts you and knows you.
47
00:03:08.520 --> 00:03:11.680
And that's what I wanted to create online for people
48
00:03:12.520 --> 00:03:17.000
so that they had access to other caregivers that are
49
00:03:17.039 --> 00:03:18.120
in the same experience.
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That's just amazing what you've done, and I can absolutely relate.
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As you know, we've talked about this. My mother had
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dementia for twelve years. And I too was quite young
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when my mom first was diagnosed, and my kids were
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little as well, and I had my kids a little later,
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so like you here, I was, I missed out on
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my mom taking care of my kids other than when
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they were very small, and in fact, they only have
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memories of her when she did have dementia, which wasn't
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always the greatest relationship because it was a challenging time.
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And you're right, everyone around me, nobody's parent was going
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through this part of aging quite yet, and it actually
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will be six years in February that my mom has passed.
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And it's interesting, specifically, when I lost her six years ago,
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it was a woman I barely knew but who had
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lost her mother to dementia, who reached out to me
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and absolutely understood what I was going through. So this
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parenting tribe, this aging parenting tribe, that's the value I
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see is that the likeness, unfortunate likeness of what someone
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is going through is kind of the superpower here.
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Well, and just you saying that is like, it makes
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me cheer up because I vividly remember stopping for my
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mom for clothes because she couldn't shop for herself, and
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you need to get elastic pants that can pull up easily,
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and she'd forget that. She ate so she my guveny
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teeny tiny little mom gained sixty pounds because she ate
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everything around. And so I was in j Jill. I
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was buying XXL's elastic pants and the lady that worked
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there looked at me and she's like, why are you
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buying these? And I'm like, well, it's not for me,
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it's for my mom. She has dementia. And she looked
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at me and she's said, my mom just passed with
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Alzheimer's and I burst out in tears in the middle
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of j Jill, and she like she took me back to,
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you know, the employee room where I could cry. But
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I thought, oh my gosh, someone knows me, someone knows
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what I'm going through. And they were they not only
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know me, but they know more than I do. And
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so what has been really neat with this tribe since
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it's been around since twenty eighteen is that I have
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seen people go through the journey, people that start out
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when they join and they don't know anything and they're
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overwhelmed and frustrated, and then you know, years later they're
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the experts because they have experienced this and they're able
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to pass on that wisdom to people that are just
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entering the stage of life.
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Yeah, that's such a great point. You know, I've been
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hanging out in your in the Facebook group for about
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a month and I just kind of wanted to see
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what it was like. And you're right, I wish I
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had this group and knew about this group when my
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mom was going through her journey. And I think what
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I noticed about the group is the support is amazing
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they have for each other. What I'm really impressed with
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is this group's honesty and rawness of what they're going through.
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It is such a safe place to share anything, and
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I don't see any judgment, I don't see any criticism,
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And I just kind of want to know, what do
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you think SUTs sets you apart from the other from
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the other groups out there, because there's a lot of
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groups out there, But what's the imagine that you feel
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that this group has created And it really has been
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a creation of their own right.
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Well, and I think that we set the tone from
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the beginning that it's a you know, all groups say
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they're no drama zones and but number one, we don't
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put up with anything. Every once in a while, somebody
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knew will almost be mean or attacking and say, why
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would you do that with your mom? Why don't you
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give up your job and stay home and take care
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of her? And I'm like, you cannot stay in the
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group if you're going to treat people like that, because
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everyone has enough drama in crisis in their own life.
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We don't need more of that from online.
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And so.
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If your path and your family is unique, and it
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might look different than my path than my family, but
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I'm gonna support you in that situation. And as an administrator,
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I take that very seriously. When somebody joins, they have
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to read the rules. If someone is a little off
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or I feel like is being critical. A lot of
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times now people will tag me and let me know
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and say, hey, this didn't seem nice. And I'm not
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trying to sugarcoat that. This is a difficult time of life.
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But the people that you're going to for support need
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to be exactly that. They need to be kind, they
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need to be as supportive. They need to listen to
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you and your situation and then help you in your decisions.
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I think being local really helps. That was something that
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was very strategic.
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The group that I run is based in Colorado, and.
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Because it's local, a lot of times you know people
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in the group, or you know their sister, or your
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kids went to school together, and so that just humanizes
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who is in the group. It's not some random person
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off the internet, but it's somebody that you're going to
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run into at the grocery store, or you might meet
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at a restaurant, or you could actually have coffee with.
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And so what we're trying to do is humanize this
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experience and be supportive and kind, and we set the
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tone as administrators, and then we police the group and
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if there's anybody that's not aligning with that goals, we
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just really don't have time for that. Nobody has time
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for that in their life.
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I think that's probably the thing I like most about
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the group, because I did check out a lot of
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other caregiver groups recently, and that's what I think appeal
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to me most. I mean, and you have some amazing topics.
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I mean, the topics are really interesting, from tax questions
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to incontinence, frustration, despair, homicidal feelings, store to parentliness, depression, enjoy,
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I mean, the unbelievable compassion, but most of all, friendship.
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I see friendship going on in this group, and I
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think that's what struck me first, is the friendships that
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have developed. And that's just for me hanging out on
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for about a month. Something else I've also noticed is
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you have local experts. Can we talk about how you
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decided to like of the local professionals, because I think
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that's valuable to have local professionals in the senior industry
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be a part of this group. Tell me how you've
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structured that and the value of to the caregivers in
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the group.
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Well, first of all, no one pays to be in
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the group. I don't take advertising. There's not a payment structure.
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At first, I picked twelve senior professionals that I thought
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kind of fit into different niches, you know, And I thought,
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I'll have one attorney, I'll have one financial planner, I'll
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have one realture. And but what I've found out is
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you need more options for people, and so I let
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professionals join. But I'm pretty clear that this is caregiver focus.
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This is not business focus. And you may get a
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client from there, but what we're looking for is your
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expertise and your advice. And a lot of people that
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might be a really good attorney, they don't necessarily have
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the the personality to be open and vulnerable about their
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life and their experiences. On Facebook with a group of
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ours is over four thousand people. So it's the right
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professionals that fit the group with their own personalities. And
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if there's a professional that I hear complaints about, or
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that somebody you know, especially a member, email me and says,
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you know, I had a bad experience here, well, I
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listen to our members and make sure that it's align
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the people that are in the.
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Group aligned with the values of the group.
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But it's so important to have people that can help
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you that are local. So case in point, this weekend,
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we just had someone join on Friday that is a notary. Well,
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someone was at the hospital Saturday morning and needed a
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power of attorney sign called the notary from the group,
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and they were there because they lived fifteen minutes away.
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They were there within an hour and was able to
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notarize the power of attorney and so, like you said,
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it created a friendship between these people were trying to
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increase community with people that are feeling isolated. But it
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also provides those practical resources that everybody needs. You need
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to have a huge team of people to help support
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your caregivers, and so we have a pretty broad group
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of professionals in the group.
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It totally makes sense. I mean that trust aspect of
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a professional. I think that's why. You know, you get
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a client and you may be helping them move to
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assistant living, but they also need an elder attorney, and
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they also need maybe a care manager for a while.
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Maybe they want to do something in home care's right,
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maybe they need a notary. Notaries come up so often.
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That's one of the things that always surprised me in
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this business, how often notaries are needed. But it really
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is helpful when there's a heart and there's a compassion
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behind the professionalism and the expertise. So that's kind of
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a tough combo. And I and again, I see I've
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seen this very clearly in the group. This has been
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one of again one of the superpowers that I've just
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been so impressed. Now, I know this is a private
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Facebook group, so you have to be you have to apply,
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so to speak's pretty easy. Do you turn away a
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lot of people?
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We do because right now on Facebook, just like everything else,
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everyone is trying to scam an elder and so that constantly.
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In fact, it takes a lot of time to that
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are new members, you're supposed to answer questions if there's
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kind of red flags, or we feel like it's a
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fake account, if we feel like it might be a
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stolen account, then we do a lot of snooping and checking,
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will message people to see what is their reason to join,
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because it's a vulnerable group of people, and we feel
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like keeping them safe and their information safe is key,
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and so we would much rather turn somebody away than
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have somebody come into the group that might have a
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great you know, might not have the best intentions. Now,
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for some reason, there are people all o our Facebook
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that like to do vent and dryer companies and post
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them all over groups, and every once in a while,
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somebody will sneak in the group and all of a
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sudden start spamming it with their vent dryer company. Do
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you'll have that in California? Oh my gosh, it's a
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big in Colorado. So anybody like that we just kick out.
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We don't.
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We don't put up with anybody anyone that's in the group,
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whether they're a professional or a business owner, if they're
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in there for the wrong reasons, we don't let them
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stay in the group. We have a very focused mission
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and a vision of what it should be right.
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So, uh, caregivers, their time will come to an end, unfortunately,
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their parents will pass from whatever there whatever disease they have,
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or just it's their time. Do they leave like once
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they're once they're the person they're caregiving for, does do
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they leave the group?
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Great question and the answer is both.
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Sometimes they stay because all of a sudden, you know,
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it's like, they've just gotten a PhD in caregiving, and
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they have been in the war and they have survived,
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and they just like that lady that reached out to
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you and what and that meant so much they want
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to give back to somebody else.
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So there are lots of people that stay in the group.
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At the same time, and I totally understand, there are
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people that say it's too painful to stay and it
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just is too much, and that they're ready to move on.
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And that's okay too. Our job is to be here
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for the right season.
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Makes sense. I mean, I think, I I think, especially
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right after my mom passed away, I not only was
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it tough and it was wonderful for people to reach
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out to me, but then as like just yet, just yesterday,
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my neighbor he was we have an old truck that
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we're finally giving up, his teenagers dying to have it.
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I said, well, come on over, you know, take a
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look at it. And then he said, I'll be there
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at four. And at the last minute he was like,
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you know something, I can't come over. I'm taking care
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of my father this month. He has Alzheimer's and I
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can't leave him alone. And I said I totally understand.
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But what I loved what he said is he said,
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I'm going to spend every single moment excuse me, he said,
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I'm going to spend as much time as possible right
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now until he doesn't know me. I want to make
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sure I spend every second with him.
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And I agree one hundred percent.
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And that is one of the things because there's definitely
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the hard topics that we have, and we have a
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lot of those, and we go really deep into difficult
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decisions and topics, but there's a lot of joy too.
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There is a lady that she her gift her dad
292
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last year was to go do have a planned event
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once a month and it was always a surprise, and
294
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she posted all about it on the Tribe And so
295
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that helps another caregiver that's feeling almost paralyzed and stuck
296
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at home to have a vision of, Okay, what can
297
00:18:14.839 --> 00:18:18.000
I do with my mom If my mom has Alzheimer's
298
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and we're not able to go do the normal things
299
00:18:20.400 --> 00:18:24.200
that we normally do, what can we do instead? And
300
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we always do a lot of posting, especially in the spring,
301
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is you know, what are the spring events that we're
302
00:18:31.000 --> 00:18:33.119
coming to, What are hikes that you can do in
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the summer.
304
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What are Christmas events?
305
00:18:35.079 --> 00:18:38.039
And so we're pointing and that's another reason why local
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00:18:38.160 --> 00:18:42.160
is so helpful. We're pointing towards local events in our
307
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community that would be accessible and easy for you to
308
00:18:46.000 --> 00:18:46.960
take your loved one. Two.
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00:18:48.480 --> 00:18:50.839
There's nothing like local. I say it all the time.
310
00:18:51.079 --> 00:18:53.519
When you are going through the aging process and you
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need help, consult local experts. They live in your community.
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They understand what kind of life you're living. You know,
313
00:19:01.359 --> 00:19:03.799
if you're living a beachlife and a mountain life, you
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00:19:03.839 --> 00:19:07.559
know you you love, you know, the city, whatever it
315
00:19:07.720 --> 00:19:11.920
is that that connection of lifestyle is so important as
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we age. One of the hardest things is to give
317
00:19:14.759 --> 00:19:17.680
up your life as you know it in terms of
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I love my home, I love my neighborhood, I love
319
00:19:20.200 --> 00:19:24.440
my neighbors. You know. Doctors are able. Doctors do a
320
00:19:24.440 --> 00:19:27.680
great job of diagnosing, and they may even do a
321
00:19:27.720 --> 00:19:32.559
great job of treating as much as possible. But they
322
00:19:32.799 --> 00:19:36.920
don't have the bandwidth or even the skills or the
323
00:19:36.960 --> 00:19:41.640
expertise of understanding how do you live with the disease
324
00:19:42.000 --> 00:19:44.440
the aging. They don't. They don't just don't. They don't
325
00:19:44.480 --> 00:19:47.359
know how to do that. And so we have got
326
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to reach out to groups and local groups as you know,
327
00:19:52.319 --> 00:19:53.960
on how we can do that. We need to come
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together as a community because it does take a village,
329
00:19:57.839 --> 00:20:00.799
and that is this is what you're doing. So I
330
00:20:00.839 --> 00:20:02.559
just love it well.
331
00:20:02.599 --> 00:20:05.880
And that's one of the moments I knew we were
332
00:20:05.920 --> 00:20:10.400
doing it right was someone messaged me and they sent
333
00:20:10.480 --> 00:20:15.279
me a picture of their prescription from their neurologists and
334
00:20:15.279 --> 00:20:18.400
it said with a star joined the aging parent Tribe.
335
00:20:18.920 --> 00:20:21.920
And this isn't a neurologist that I've ever talked to
336
00:20:22.599 --> 00:20:26.000
that I know, but he was having so many local
337
00:20:27.279 --> 00:20:30.359
patients come in in families and saying that this was
338
00:20:30.400 --> 00:20:34.079
their support group and this is where they found the answers,
339
00:20:34.359 --> 00:20:38.720
and so he started prescribing it to his own patients.
340
00:20:50.039 --> 00:20:55.519
Something else I wanted to talk about was when we
341
00:20:55.599 --> 00:20:58.960
keep talking about local So I told you I kind
342
00:20:58.960 --> 00:21:02.240
of went through and looked for some caregiving support groups recently,
343
00:21:02.319 --> 00:21:04.119
just because I wanted to know what's out there from
344
00:21:04.119 --> 00:21:08.240
my own clients. And one of the groups I looked at,
345
00:21:08.319 --> 00:21:10.799
while there was a lot of great information, it was
346
00:21:10.920 --> 00:21:14.839
such a large group. I mean, it was massive. And
347
00:21:16.440 --> 00:21:19.000
one of the things that as you and I know Cameron,
348
00:21:19.079 --> 00:21:22.200
so like, if I need help in Colorado, I'm calling Cameron.
349
00:21:23.200 --> 00:21:27.160
Cameron needs helping southern California. She's given me a text
350
00:21:27.240 --> 00:21:31.319
or a call because she doesn't understand what's going on here.
351
00:21:31.559 --> 00:21:34.039
I don't understand what's going on in Colorado. The rules
352
00:21:34.079 --> 00:21:37.960
and regulations, as we've said before, are completely different, and
353
00:21:38.079 --> 00:21:41.480
so in that in those large groups, somebody's giving advice
354
00:21:41.599 --> 00:21:44.039
that's true in their state, but it's not true in
355
00:21:44.079 --> 00:21:47.759
my state. That's one of the things I kept seeing
356
00:21:47.799 --> 00:21:50.200
it was that you know, it's great, but I need
357
00:21:50.200 --> 00:21:53.079
something smaller. It's also overwhelming to have that many people
358
00:21:53.119 --> 00:21:57.240
coming at you all the time. Can you share with us,
359
00:21:57.279 --> 00:21:59.599
like a story of like one of the caregivers on
360
00:21:59.640 --> 00:22:01.759
the tribe that has had the most impact on you
361
00:22:01.839 --> 00:22:05.000
that you can share, like just something that's just made
362
00:22:05.039 --> 00:22:07.920
you said, yeah, this is why I'm doing it. Well.
363
00:22:08.319 --> 00:22:11.480
One of we call him, he's almost like the mascot
364
00:22:11.599 --> 00:22:15.720
of a tribe. Now, over ninety five percent of the
365
00:22:15.759 --> 00:22:19.680
tribe is women. That's just the way it is. But
366
00:22:20.279 --> 00:22:24.079
a man joined who was a caregiver for his wife
367
00:22:24.160 --> 00:22:29.119
named Donna, who had Alzheimer's, and he was isolated at
368
00:22:29.160 --> 00:22:33.720
home with her a lot, and so he just posted
369
00:22:33.880 --> 00:22:36.359
all the time, and he was so vulnerable and he
370
00:22:36.480 --> 00:22:41.559
was so open, and he just captured everybody's heart. And
371
00:22:41.599 --> 00:22:45.960
then one day and his wife had this beautiful long
372
00:22:46.000 --> 00:22:49.960
white hair. One day, I was riding my bike and
373
00:22:50.000 --> 00:22:52.480
all of a sudden, this couple and this woman with
374
00:22:52.680 --> 00:22:57.039
beautiful long white hair passes me, and I stopped and
375
00:22:57.079 --> 00:23:02.640
I yelled. Donna turned around and I'm like, oh, you
376
00:23:02.759 --> 00:23:06.000
must be Sam. I'm from the tribe, and so, you know,
377
00:23:06.039 --> 00:23:07.920
here we are in the middle of a you know,
378
00:23:08.119 --> 00:23:11.960
the bike path, having this time where we connected. Well,
379
00:23:12.519 --> 00:23:17.400
Sam just really leaned. I mean, this was his main support,
380
00:23:17.440 --> 00:23:19.039
and he leaned into the group.
381
00:23:19.160 --> 00:23:20.200
He shared a lot.
382
00:23:20.480 --> 00:23:23.119
He posts all the time. People would ask me if
383
00:23:23.119 --> 00:23:28.400
he works for me, which he doesn't. And when Donna
384
00:23:28.599 --> 00:23:33.559
eventually passed, all of a sudden, my phone is blowing
385
00:23:33.680 --> 00:23:36.559
up with texts of people. I wasn't on Facebook, but
386
00:23:36.640 --> 00:23:39.440
he had posted on there, and people are texting me
387
00:23:39.720 --> 00:23:42.200
letting me know that Donna passed, and they're like, oh,
388
00:23:42.240 --> 00:23:45.359
my gosh, is Sam okay? Can I take Sam dinner?
389
00:23:45.480 --> 00:23:48.160
I'm thinking about Sam. What can we do for Sam?
390
00:23:48.559 --> 00:23:52.160
And so just really seem not only that he touched
391
00:23:52.160 --> 00:23:56.079
so many people's lives, but that they were just reaching
392
00:23:56.119 --> 00:24:00.279
out to him too. But then, kind of like the
393
00:24:00.279 --> 00:24:04.079
the frosting on the cake. I had worked with a
394
00:24:04.119 --> 00:24:10.599
nonprofit called Wish of a Lifetime, and I granted Sam
395
00:24:11.119 --> 00:24:14.480
a wish to go do a five day bike trip
396
00:24:15.519 --> 00:24:18.559
because he had always wanted to do this with his wife.
397
00:24:18.599 --> 00:24:21.599
It had been their dream, and so I was able
398
00:24:21.680 --> 00:24:23.279
to get that donated to him.
399
00:24:23.480 --> 00:24:27.279
So he just really touched a lot of people.
400
00:24:27.440 --> 00:24:30.119
And then I love that the relationship is not he's
401
00:24:30.160 --> 00:24:32.680
still in the group and he's still posts, but that
402
00:24:32.759 --> 00:24:36.160
we were able to give him this beautiful gift and
403
00:24:36.319 --> 00:24:38.240
just honor what he had done as a caregiver.
404
00:24:38.400 --> 00:24:39.640
And we do that a lot.
405
00:24:39.799 --> 00:24:43.680
We asked people a few times a year to name
406
00:24:43.759 --> 00:24:47.480
their favorite nonprofits and we make donations to him, and
407
00:24:47.519 --> 00:24:50.160
we do a drawing, and it's so fun to hear
408
00:24:50.319 --> 00:24:54.079
why different nonprofits are important to different people in the group.
409
00:24:55.880 --> 00:25:00.400
We have people that donate medical equipment. I can't telling
410
00:25:00.400 --> 00:25:04.519
you the the number of people that have received wheelchairs, walkers,
411
00:25:04.640 --> 00:25:09.680
free hospital beds because one person's done with it and
412
00:25:09.680 --> 00:25:12.559
they want to bless somebody else with it. So that's
413
00:25:12.599 --> 00:25:14.880
that kind of goes back to the tone that you
414
00:25:15.000 --> 00:25:20.799
talked about at the beginning, is that we're supporting other
415
00:25:20.799 --> 00:25:23.000
people in the group, and Sam and his life and
416
00:25:23.000 --> 00:25:26.440
his story with his wife is a perfect example of that.
417
00:25:27.559 --> 00:25:30.480
What a great story. You know. What's funny. I did
418
00:25:30.559 --> 00:25:34.759
notice the reused of the durable medical equipment that's what
419
00:25:34.759 --> 00:25:38.839
they call it, DME some really cool stuff on there.
420
00:25:38.880 --> 00:25:40.880
I noticed, and I love that it's not going to
421
00:25:40.920 --> 00:25:44.039
waste so often are I would say, mostly this equipment
422
00:25:44.079 --> 00:25:47.400
isn't used very long, and it's expensive, and a lot
423
00:25:47.440 --> 00:25:50.160
of families can't afford it or their insurance doesn't cover it.
424
00:25:50.200 --> 00:25:57.319
So it's another great resource of finding gently use durable
425
00:25:57.319 --> 00:26:01.599
medical equipment that needs to be passed. So just another
426
00:26:01.880 --> 00:26:05.160
another way. Did you have any idea when you started
427
00:26:05.160 --> 00:26:09.480
this that this group was gonna be so much bigger
428
00:26:09.519 --> 00:26:12.599
than just some conversations about caregiving.
429
00:26:14.079 --> 00:26:18.240
You know, the reason why I started it is I
430
00:26:18.359 --> 00:26:22.559
had seen I had worked for a nonprofit for kids
431
00:26:22.640 --> 00:26:26.240
with special needs, and one of the moms had started
432
00:26:26.400 --> 00:26:29.000
a Facebook group for that and that was right when
433
00:26:29.039 --> 00:26:32.519
Facebook groups were brand new, and I would watch it
434
00:26:32.920 --> 00:26:35.599
and it was just our town. I would watch, and
435
00:26:35.680 --> 00:26:39.400
I was amazed and not only see the organic growth
436
00:26:39.960 --> 00:26:43.599
from special needs mom talking to other special needs mom
437
00:26:43.680 --> 00:26:46.240
that this is something you need to join, but also
438
00:26:46.359 --> 00:26:49.599
seeing the support somebody talking about how they were having
439
00:26:49.640 --> 00:26:52.039
a meeting at school and they were nervous, and seeing
440
00:26:52.079 --> 00:26:55.039
everybody else jump in and give their advice about how
441
00:26:55.079 --> 00:26:57.920
to manage that meeting. And I thought, we need this
442
00:26:57.960 --> 00:26:59.519
in the caregiver circle too.
443
00:27:01.079 --> 00:27:05.000
No doubt, no doubt. Do you think that the need
444
00:27:05.039 --> 00:27:08.440
for these groups will continue to grow as the largest population,
445
00:27:08.559 --> 00:27:11.720
the boomers, continue to age. I mean, we know that
446
00:27:12.440 --> 00:27:17.519
caregiving is not only an expensive costs money wise financially,
447
00:27:17.599 --> 00:27:22.359
but also time wise. Caregivers are giving up sometimes their careers,
448
00:27:22.799 --> 00:27:25.440
time with their their families, a lot of sandwich generation.
449
00:27:26.440 --> 00:27:27.839
How do you think, how are you going to like
450
00:27:28.200 --> 00:27:30.279
if somebody else around the country is like God, I
451
00:27:30.279 --> 00:27:34.160
wish I had a aging parent tribe in my neighborhood.
452
00:27:34.240 --> 00:27:36.039
I mean, have you thought about expanding?
453
00:27:37.480 --> 00:27:37.839
Well?
454
00:27:38.279 --> 00:27:40.920
I get asked that question a lot, and I'm always
455
00:27:40.960 --> 00:27:43.720
a little sad when I can't say that we have
456
00:27:43.759 --> 00:27:45.799
a group in Florida, or we have and I tell
457
00:27:45.839 --> 00:27:50.240
them to join mine, but we have in fact Jackie,
458
00:27:50.319 --> 00:27:56.319
we should talk. I feel like it's such a need
459
00:27:56.680 --> 00:28:00.799
in different areas, and so we are expanding in southern
460
00:28:00.839 --> 00:28:04.400
California and in Phoenix, and y'all are kind of going
461
00:28:04.440 --> 00:28:05.680
to be our test models.
462
00:28:06.160 --> 00:28:08.440
But I just feel like it is such.
463
00:28:08.240 --> 00:28:11.920
An important need and I'm excited to partner with somebody
464
00:28:12.400 --> 00:28:15.440
that you know, you need to understand and have the empathy,
465
00:28:15.839 --> 00:28:18.960
and you need to have the family heart side like
466
00:28:19.039 --> 00:28:23.119
you do, and you need to have the professional side
467
00:28:23.519 --> 00:28:25.359
to be able to look through posts. Sometimes you're like,
468
00:28:25.799 --> 00:28:30.960
I mean, that's a nice answer, but it's wrong. People
469
00:28:31.039 --> 00:28:34.680
sometimes give wrong advice, and so I want to jump
470
00:28:34.720 --> 00:28:36.599
in there and make sure people have the right information.
471
00:28:36.640 --> 00:28:38.440
So you need to have the professional side of it.
472
00:28:39.279 --> 00:28:42.680
But you need to have the right personality too. So
473
00:28:42.880 --> 00:28:45.640
I've tried to you know, you need to be able
474
00:28:45.640 --> 00:28:47.920
to be vulnerable. You need to be able to be
475
00:28:48.079 --> 00:28:53.200
open with your life, your experiences, and also be able
476
00:28:53.279 --> 00:28:57.119
to have compassion on people and to have that come
477
00:28:57.160 --> 00:29:02.119
across virtually and by that you talk in the way
478
00:29:02.160 --> 00:29:06.839
that you write and take somebody with skill sets like
479
00:29:06.960 --> 00:29:10.359
I think you'll do an amazing job because you're a
480
00:29:10.400 --> 00:29:14.799
good author, You're a good podcaster. You understand social media
481
00:29:14.880 --> 00:29:17.759
so that you understand that niche, but then you have
482
00:29:17.839 --> 00:29:21.799
the background and the experience to understand all points of view.
483
00:29:23.160 --> 00:29:25.599
Thank you, Cameron, those are such kind words. Again, I
484
00:29:25.640 --> 00:29:28.279
told you about a few months ago. I was just
485
00:29:28.359 --> 00:29:31.000
kind of saying, gosh, I need something else to help,
486
00:29:31.039 --> 00:29:34.319
but I just can't. You can't be everything to everyone.
487
00:29:34.480 --> 00:29:37.279
There's only so many hours in the day, and so
488
00:29:37.319 --> 00:29:39.480
I start looking for groups to join just to be
489
00:29:39.519 --> 00:29:43.319
able to give my families more resources. And when it
490
00:29:43.359 --> 00:29:45.279
came across yours, I was like, Yeah, I want to
491
00:29:45.279 --> 00:29:50.559
do this. I'm super excited to offer local resources, just
492
00:29:50.640 --> 00:29:56.160
to give a platform that people can come together. You know,
493
00:29:56.440 --> 00:30:00.039
I've been doing this, including caregiving for my mom, and
494
00:30:00.079 --> 00:30:03.880
then this is my eleventh year in senior industry. So
495
00:30:04.240 --> 00:30:08.720
between caregiving and my eleventh year senior industry, I'm looking
496
00:30:08.759 --> 00:30:12.279
at around about eighteen years doing this. It feels like
497
00:30:12.319 --> 00:30:16.039
it went by in a flash. Some people would say, oh,
498
00:30:16.039 --> 00:30:19.440
it's depressing. It's not depressing something. My mom has been
499
00:30:19.480 --> 00:30:22.160
gone for almost six years. It was really hard when
500
00:30:22.160 --> 00:30:25.400
I lost her, and it took probably years for me
501
00:30:25.519 --> 00:30:28.920
not to tear up here and there every time I
502
00:30:28.960 --> 00:30:31.599
thought of her, you know, like she loved a garden.
503
00:30:31.680 --> 00:30:33.519
I love to garden. I'd be out in the garden.
504
00:30:33.559 --> 00:30:35.480
I'd be like, Oh, I want to call my mom
505
00:30:35.920 --> 00:30:38.960
and tell her about this amazing plan I just did,
506
00:30:39.000 --> 00:30:42.000
and she's not around to share that. What I did
507
00:30:42.039 --> 00:30:45.680
find is my sister loves to garden. So that's kind
508
00:30:45.680 --> 00:30:49.160
of been our connection how we keep our mother's memory
509
00:30:49.200 --> 00:30:53.880
alive of And it's those kind of connections that if
510
00:30:54.039 --> 00:30:56.720
to be able to share in a larger group setting.
511
00:30:56.759 --> 00:31:00.759
People want that, people need that. The best to age
512
00:31:01.079 --> 00:31:07.000
it is within a community of support. It's not necessarily
513
00:31:07.519 --> 00:31:11.160
the best assistant living. It's not the best doctor, it's
514
00:31:11.200 --> 00:31:15.559
not the best health insurance. Those are important things, but
515
00:31:15.799 --> 00:31:20.920
it doesn't mean anything without community or relationships and family
516
00:31:21.519 --> 00:31:25.240
that understand and we can all be on the same page.
517
00:31:26.039 --> 00:31:29.000
I wish my sister, one of my sisters, I have three,
518
00:31:29.039 --> 00:31:34.400
one of my sisters was there's always one sibling that
519
00:31:35.039 --> 00:31:37.799
carries the brunt of the day to day work. For
520
00:31:37.839 --> 00:31:40.160
many reasons, it happened to be that her kids were grown,
521
00:31:41.480 --> 00:31:45.839
she was retired from her teaching position, and she lived
522
00:31:45.839 --> 00:31:48.160
twenty minutes from my parents, so she was able to
523
00:31:48.160 --> 00:31:51.799
help my dad with my mom. So she got to
524
00:31:51.799 --> 00:31:55.240
stay home almost to the very end, which is such
525
00:31:55.359 --> 00:31:57.759
a gift, as you know, because that's one of the
526
00:31:57.799 --> 00:32:01.440
hardest things, is to stay home till the end. But
527
00:32:01.680 --> 00:32:06.119
we feel we had eleven years and about nine months.
528
00:32:06.960 --> 00:32:11.599
Sometimes she'd call me up just so frustrated with our mother.
529
00:32:12.119 --> 00:32:15.599
Because when you're the caregiver to the person with any
530
00:32:15.640 --> 00:32:20.279
kind of disease, be it cancer, dementia, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's MS,
531
00:32:20.319 --> 00:32:24.799
whatever it is, inevitably you sometimes get the brunt of
532
00:32:24.839 --> 00:32:29.519
their frustrations in anger and it's hard, especially when they're
533
00:32:29.519 --> 00:32:31.720
doing the heavy lifting. And I remember she would call
534
00:32:31.759 --> 00:32:37.119
me just either pissed off, eyeing, upset, ving to like
535
00:32:37.279 --> 00:32:42.400
do bodily harm. And I wish I could have said, hey,
536
00:32:43.319 --> 00:32:47.440
there's a group because it's around twenty four to seven,
537
00:32:47.599 --> 00:32:50.119
because I can't be there twelve or seven when you
538
00:32:50.160 --> 00:32:54.359
can check in with four thousand people locally, four thousand
539
00:32:54.400 --> 00:32:56.440
people aren't always on there, but at least ten are
540
00:32:56.599 --> 00:33:00.440
or twelve. So maybe you're gonna get Joan and you know,
541
00:33:00.480 --> 00:33:02.640
at two am in the morning because Joan's up with
542
00:33:02.680 --> 00:33:05.079
her mom and you guys can connect, or maybe it's
543
00:33:05.160 --> 00:33:07.759
four pm in the afternoon, because some people still have
544
00:33:07.839 --> 00:33:11.200
to work and do this caregiving business. So it's something
545
00:33:11.240 --> 00:33:14.559
that I don't think anybody thought to do, and to
546
00:33:14.599 --> 00:33:16.079
do right is the hard thing.
547
00:33:17.400 --> 00:33:20.039
Well, and Joan is up at two in the morning,
548
00:33:20.440 --> 00:33:23.400
and because I get messages from Joan at two in
549
00:33:23.440 --> 00:33:27.119
the morning, and there are and I remember when starting out,
550
00:33:27.440 --> 00:33:29.640
you know, we didn't have a power of attorney at
551
00:33:29.680 --> 00:33:32.880
my mom and I would wake up like Joan at
552
00:33:32.880 --> 00:33:36.160
two in the morning stressing, knowing that I was going
553
00:33:36.240 --> 00:33:38.839
to have to get guardianship. If this isn't dead worried
554
00:33:38.880 --> 00:33:43.000
about for finances, it was overwhelming. And the fact that
555
00:33:43.079 --> 00:33:46.519
if you are up at night stressing about it and
556
00:33:46.599 --> 00:33:49.160
you can reach out to someone or you can post
557
00:33:49.559 --> 00:33:52.400
or just vent, it's almost like journaling. Remember how like
558
00:33:52.799 --> 00:33:55.799
healthy it was to keep a diary and journal. Some
559
00:33:55.839 --> 00:33:58.759
people almost use it like that, where they are getting
560
00:33:58.880 --> 00:34:03.359
all of these emotions out and venting, sometimes anonymously because
561
00:34:03.400 --> 00:34:06.279
their sister might be in the group and they don't
562
00:34:06.279 --> 00:34:08.920
want them to know that they're venting about their sister.
563
00:34:10.119 --> 00:34:15.480
That is solely fine, we all do it. But similar
564
00:34:15.559 --> 00:34:17.719
to what you were talking about with the flower, my
565
00:34:17.880 --> 00:34:21.679
mom planted xenias every year because her mom planted zenas.
566
00:34:22.159 --> 00:34:25.360
I plant zenas and in the spring you will see
567
00:34:25.400 --> 00:34:28.880
pictures of my xenas on there, and I'll talk about
568
00:34:28.920 --> 00:34:32.280
how this is something meaningful. It's almost like one of
569
00:34:32.320 --> 00:34:36.239
those markers every year that reminds me of my mom
570
00:34:36.559 --> 00:34:38.559
and I post it and the other people that are
571
00:34:39.000 --> 00:34:42.079
have that same experience that you're talking about, that they
572
00:34:42.159 --> 00:34:45.920
relate to their mom through gardening or flowers or their pets,
573
00:34:46.440 --> 00:34:50.760
these things that bring them comfort. And everybody starts posting
574
00:34:50.800 --> 00:34:53.079
pictures of their xenias and.
575
00:34:53.000 --> 00:34:55.519
I love that. I love that. That's what makes us human.
576
00:34:56.000 --> 00:34:58.440
You know, there are so many points of views within
577
00:34:58.519 --> 00:35:02.000
the comments. One is always bound to connect with the
578
00:35:02.039 --> 00:35:07.199
person asking the question. People offer compassion and support, and
579
00:35:07.320 --> 00:35:09.920
sometimes they don't know what to do, and they just
580
00:35:09.960 --> 00:35:12.480
say I don't know what to tell you, but I'm
581
00:35:12.519 --> 00:35:14.440
here for you if you want to talk. I mean,
582
00:35:15.039 --> 00:35:18.519
sometimes the person isn't looking for a resolution, They're just
583
00:35:18.599 --> 00:35:22.519
looking for a virtual hug. You know, do is Does
584
00:35:22.559 --> 00:35:26.519
anyone in the tribe ever get together for coffee or
585
00:35:26.559 --> 00:35:27.199
things like that?
586
00:35:28.559 --> 00:35:31.960
Yes, you know, we had a really fun happy hour
587
00:35:32.199 --> 00:35:36.400
last year that a local business ended up throwing for us,
588
00:35:36.440 --> 00:35:40.159
which was super fun. And to meet people face the
589
00:35:40.239 --> 00:35:44.800
space and to hug them, Oh my gosh, it just
590
00:35:44.920 --> 00:35:47.199
meant so much. And so we've talked about doing.
591
00:35:47.079 --> 00:35:47.679
More of that.
592
00:35:48.039 --> 00:35:52.159
But then people meet regularly for coffee, but then also
593
00:35:52.199 --> 00:35:56.159
to do practical things. You know, there's a medication dispenser
594
00:35:56.199 --> 00:35:59.159
that's kind of confusing to set up. People have met
595
00:35:59.199 --> 00:36:01.719
with other people in tribe to help them set it up.
596
00:36:02.079 --> 00:36:04.679
People that are in the same assisted living as somebody
597
00:36:04.760 --> 00:36:07.760
else will meet up. And one day I was meeting
598
00:36:07.840 --> 00:36:13.199
with a client at a restaurant and the person next
599
00:36:13.199 --> 00:36:16.119
to us turned around and said, wait a minute, are
600
00:36:16.119 --> 00:36:19.199
you with the Aging Parent Tribe? And I'm like yes,
601
00:36:19.400 --> 00:36:22.280
And so it was. So there's lots of little meetups
602
00:36:22.280 --> 00:36:24.400
and then occasionally we have big ones. Oh and we
603
00:36:24.440 --> 00:36:27.920
went to go see the movie Thelma, which is a
604
00:36:28.000 --> 00:36:32.440
really fun movie about an elderly lady that gets scammed.
605
00:36:32.480 --> 00:36:33.559
Put it on your watch list.
606
00:36:33.760 --> 00:36:36.440
So oh, definitely, I'm always looking for something new and
607
00:36:36.480 --> 00:36:40.199
exciting to watch. You brought up a point, or I
608
00:36:40.199 --> 00:36:42.480
should say, you made me think of something. You know,
609
00:36:42.719 --> 00:36:45.880
I don't want our listeners to assume that you can
610
00:36:45.920 --> 00:36:48.039
only be part of this group if you're actually doing
611
00:36:48.039 --> 00:36:51.760
the caregiving, because caregiving isn't always hands on caregiving. Your
612
00:36:51.760 --> 00:36:54.719
parent may be an assistant living or memory care or
613
00:36:54.800 --> 00:36:58.239
far away. If you have a parent going through aging,
614
00:36:58.360 --> 00:37:01.079
you are a caregiver in your own special way. There's
615
00:37:01.119 --> 00:37:03.960
many types and forms of caregiving. You don't have to
616
00:37:04.000 --> 00:37:07.920
be doing the day to day to think you're not
617
00:37:08.079 --> 00:37:12.519
part of the caregiving generation and community. The Boomers may
618
00:37:12.559 --> 00:37:17.119
be the largest generation, but that the children of the
619
00:37:17.119 --> 00:37:20.440
boomers whatever, be it Gen X or Millennials or Gen
620
00:37:20.519 --> 00:37:24.159
Z or wherever you fit. We're the largest group of
621
00:37:24.679 --> 00:37:28.079
adult kids that I've ever had to take care of parents.
622
00:37:28.199 --> 00:37:33.239
And we're also dealing with the most neuro diseases and
623
00:37:33.360 --> 00:37:37.159
cognitive decline that we've ever seen in the history of
624
00:37:37.559 --> 00:37:40.519
our lives. So it's a lot of work. And these
625
00:37:40.559 --> 00:37:45.719
diseases are becoming more acute, and maybe it's because we're
626
00:37:45.719 --> 00:37:49.320
living longer, we're diagnosing them early. I couldn't put my
627
00:37:49.360 --> 00:37:53.599
finger on it exactly today. Maybe that's for another show,
628
00:37:53.840 --> 00:37:58.000
but I think that it's worth noting that everyone is welcome.
629
00:37:58.000 --> 00:38:01.159
If you have an aging parent in you need some support.
630
00:38:01.280 --> 00:38:05.960
I think it's a great resource and tool to belong to.
631
00:38:07.000 --> 00:38:10.199
Yeah, and there's also a lot of spouses in there.
632
00:38:10.559 --> 00:38:12.119
And one of them told me that he's like, I
633
00:38:12.119 --> 00:38:15.000
don't like the name parent. She's not my parent, she's
634
00:38:15.039 --> 00:38:18.199
my wife. And I said, I get it. I'm sorry,
635
00:38:18.239 --> 00:38:21.960
I didn't think about you. I started it. But I'm
636
00:38:22.000 --> 00:38:25.239
a long distance caregiver. So my mom's in Texas, but
637
00:38:25.400 --> 00:38:29.039
I fly there pretty regularly and I'll post pictures of
638
00:38:29.079 --> 00:38:32.519
me in the airport with my bag because there are
639
00:38:32.599 --> 00:38:35.960
tips and tricks for being a long distance caregiver. So
640
00:38:36.400 --> 00:38:39.920
caregivers look so different and it's so diverse, and everybody
641
00:38:39.920 --> 00:38:43.840
in the family has their role, and so whether you're
642
00:38:43.840 --> 00:38:46.440
the person doing the hands on care or the person
643
00:38:46.559 --> 00:38:50.119
supporting from another state, there's always information there.
644
00:38:50.719 --> 00:38:53.880
Oh yes, so well said, is there anything else you
645
00:38:53.960 --> 00:38:56.760
want to talk about that I missed about the aging
646
00:38:56.800 --> 00:38:59.159
parent tribe that we want to make sure our listeners
647
00:38:59.199 --> 00:38:59.639
know about.
648
00:39:00.679 --> 00:39:02.840
You know, I think you just did a beautiful job
649
00:39:02.880 --> 00:39:04.639
giving an overview of what it is.
650
00:39:05.880 --> 00:39:06.360
It's.
651
00:39:06.840 --> 00:39:08.920
You know, it's the sorority none of us ever wanted
652
00:39:08.960 --> 00:39:12.760
to join, but here we are, and so we might
653
00:39:12.800 --> 00:39:15.039
as well make the best of it. And I always
654
00:39:15.039 --> 00:39:17.719
say that none of us are perfect. I'm definitely not
655
00:39:17.840 --> 00:39:20.079
a perfect caregiver, even though I've been doing this for
656
00:39:20.119 --> 00:39:23.199
eighteen years. So no one's perfect, but I think we're
657
00:39:23.199 --> 00:39:25.440
all a little better because we're in this group.
658
00:39:26.119 --> 00:39:29.920
Wow, eighteen years, that's unbelievable, a Cameron, I think that's
659
00:39:30.079 --> 00:39:34.280
one of the longest I've ever heard someone have Alzheimer's
660
00:39:34.360 --> 00:39:35.920
as a long long time.
661
00:39:36.039 --> 00:39:39.360
It's a long time, long time, but you know what
662
00:39:39.440 --> 00:39:39.920
that's like.
663
00:39:40.840 --> 00:39:45.039
Twelve is interesting. Well. You can find Cameron at next
664
00:39:45.039 --> 00:39:49.400
Steps Senior Placement dot com. Please see the show notes
665
00:39:49.519 --> 00:39:53.079
for links to Cameron's website, how to contact her, and
666
00:39:53.119 --> 00:39:56.280
how you can become a member of her private Facebook
667
00:39:56.360 --> 00:40:01.320
group Aging parent Tribe. I'll also have information about the
668
00:40:01.400 --> 00:40:04.840
new groups that are forming near you. Don't be surprised
669
00:40:04.880 --> 00:40:09.159
if they start popping up very quickly. Thank you so much, Cameron,
670
00:40:09.679 --> 00:40:10.440
appreciate it.
671
00:40:10.800 --> 00:40:11.880
Bye.
672
00:40:12.960 --> 00:40:15.199
If you'd like to learn more about ways to age
673
00:40:15.199 --> 00:40:20.039
better and book a consultation with Jackie, please visit www
674
00:40:20.239 --> 00:40:37.639
dot This is livingwell dot com.
