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More money doesn't fix the problems if the financial infrastructure isn't there.
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Welcome to Get Ready Before Life Happens.
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I'm your host, Tony Stewart.
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Today I'm joined by Khalila Dow.
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Khalila, welcome to Get Ready Before Life Happens.
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Thank you.
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Thank you for having me, Tony.
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Yeah, well, I just was really so impressed with that series you did a while back on LinkedIn that, you know, I couldn't wait to have you on the podcast to talk about and share with everybody else.
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So, you know, tell us a little bit about yourself.
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What is your origin story and how did it lead you to focus on helping people build their financial infrastructure?
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Yeah, so I um I live in the Philly area right now.
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I'm originally from New York, uh, Brooklyn, an area called uh Coney Island.
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And I grew up out there, uh, didn't have a whole lot of resources.
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Um, it wasn't just me though.
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When I think about the people around me, there just weren't a lot of resources in our community.
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Um, but I had aspirations.
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Like from a very young age, I just had, I remember watching the 80s sitcom The Cosby show and just being keenly aware on how different their lives were from, you know, the life that I lived, how it just seemed they they never talked about money, you know.
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It wasn't so much that they had a lot of money, it just was just money wasn't an issue, you know.
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And so um I always had this thought like there's something, um there's something that I'm missing.
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And and I had at a very young age again, um, the thought that if I could just go to college, that I would be able to get there, like that that was the missing link.
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And um the way I describe it is that I I grew up on the outside of money.
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I grew up seeing what money was, but not from the inside.
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And um in Coney Island, there's this area, uh, probably about a mile or two before uh from where I lived, where there were these elaborate houses, this area called Seagate.
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And my friends and I would run down there, and there was literally a gate that we couldn't get through, but we would look through that gate and we would just be like, oh, that's my house, that's my car.
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And it just stirred something in me at a very young age to like go get that thing that neither I nor like anyone in my area had.
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Um, I was a I was a young parent.
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I had my first uh child when I was in high school, and so I was 16 years old.
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I was 15 when I was pregnant with her, I was 16 when I had her.
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Um, but I had a mother who I think even though she didn't have what I wanted, she knew I had a vision.
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And she pressed me and said, Listen, you know, you're having a baby at a young age, that doesn't mean you have to be a statistic.
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You know, you're going to finish school.
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And and that was her mandate to me, like you're you're going to finish school and you're going to work, you know.
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And and I always say, like, I understood the assignment.
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Like, even though I was a young parent, even though I knew the odds were sacked against me, I knew that I had to graduate, that I had to go to college, that I had to finish, that I had to do well, that I had to have a career.
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And my thought was if I could just do that, then financial success would be would be imminent.
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And of course, that wasn't the case, but that that was kind of my starting point.
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Yeah, well, that's that's an amazing story because you know, some of us, you know, do start off, you know, we don't all start off from the same place.
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And, you know, um, I like to think that the country gives everybody opportunity, but that opportunity is much more challenging for people.
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And so I I think it's also good for people to know that if you start off like you did from a place that's not as advantageous, is that you can still finish in a good place and live a full life.
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So I I think that's inspiring um to do that.
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So if there is are any young moms out there listening to this who feel like, you know, like, hey, I'm a little helpless, you know what what advice do you give?
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What what really pulling you through um you know to your success?
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You said what advice would I give to them?
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Was that the question?
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Yeah, you know, or or what was you know, what what story did you tell yourself or what what did what was your inner wow?
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So you know I I knew that it and I really think this was the starting point, Tony.
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I knew that it wasn't like who I was.
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The fact that I was that I was pregnant at a young age, I always envisioned that I would go away to college and stay on campus.
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And so I knew that that wasn't an option for me, but I had a vision about what life could be for me, and I and I never let that go.
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I keep going back to this show, the Cosby's.
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Like that was what I had, you know, and I know don't get me wrong, like I know these were fictitious people, this was a fictitious family, but there was something about the kids in that family knowing and just speaking about going to college as like it's not even an option.
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There was something about that that appealed to me.
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And so when I speak to young people who have the odds against them, no matter what that is, it could be that they have young children, it could be that they have parents that are not that involved, they're not that knowledgeable, that are not present.
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I always say, honestly, I think education, it goes such a long way.
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And I know like we're living in a time where it's like, oh, you could start a business or you could be an influence, like you don't have to go to school.
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Maybe I'm old school, but I just believe that, especially if you're coming from a background where you may already have the deck stacked against you because you're one thing or another, education, I still believe, is the great equalizer in so many ways.
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And so by any means necessary, to borrow a phrase from the late great Malcolm X, by any means necessary education.
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Um because that's gonna open doors.
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No matter what doors are closed for you right now, education still opens doors.
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That's my number one advice.
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I I I love that.
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And well, you said two things in there that are extremely powerful.
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One is having a vision of what life could be, because it sounds like those pictures from both C Seagate, if I remember right, and the Cosby show are what you held in your head.
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And I think the having goals and visions of what life could be are what drive us forward and help us find success.
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And what you're talking about education and knowledge, knowledge is power, that saying has been around forever.
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And it's also true is you know, to be successful at anything.
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So let's all let's all take put money aside.
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If you and I were gonna play chess, the more you know about chess, the better your game would be.
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And, you know, so it's pretty simple when we look outside of our lives and money, and we think about something as simple as chess, and we can see that if you don't know how to play chess and you're playing chess against somebody who's really good, really knowledgeable, you're never gonna win.
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And so I think that kind of is a great way to reflect on it.
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Yeah, no, I I agree 100%.
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And I think there's something to be said about like gaining knowledge that you can then use out in the world and that you can use to command a certain level of pay or a certain position.
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One of the things, though, that I found in going to college, right, and it took me a while to finish, but what I got from it above knowledge was a level of confidence in myself.
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These and I and this this is gonna sound like really like I don't know, like really simple, but I remember when I first walked through the doors thinking, wait a minute, I'm gonna go into this classroom and have a seat.
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And this instructor, this professor is gonna teach me everything they know.
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And I have to, and I just have to absorb it.
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Like there was, I felt so insanely privileged, but also it builds a confidence when someone is depositing into you and takes that seriously.
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I'm talking about the professors, you know, that experience of them depositing something into you with the expectation that you're gonna go out and change the world, that changes the game in terms of how you see yourself, especially if you came from a community like mine where there just wasn't a whole lot of expectation, you know.
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So yeah, that's that's um, that's my biggest takeaway.
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Well, I I think that's really powerful, is because oftentimes we take it for granted when we're presented with information and knowledge.
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And the smartest people are always learning, you know.
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I mean, Charlie Munger, you know, the founder of Berkshire Hathaway always talked about how much more he had to learn about all the books that he read.
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And he was a guy who was pretty successful, you know, as a co-founder of Berkshire Hathaway.
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But he always talked about how much he didn't know and the knowledge that he had yet to gain.
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And so, yeah, I think that that's a huge privilege, especially when we have people in our lives that we don't really listen to sometimes, and maybe that grandparent who has some great advice, and you're like, oh man, you don't know my life, you know, uh you're living in a different world.
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And that's the things you have to you have to learn from people.
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And I think that's so important.
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So one of the things you talk about is that more money leads to the same problems, and you know, or as the song goes, you know, more money, more problems.
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Uh so why does money, more money, often lead to the same problems?
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Why doesn't more money just change things and make everything better?
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Yeah.
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So I I go back to like what my perception was when I was younger.
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Again, having this perception that if I just did all the right things, went to school and built a career and all those things, that I could have all the things that I saw as representing money, you know.
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And I and I don't say that from a shallow perspective, right?
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Like I wasn't out just trying to get a bunch of stuff out of, you know, like a place of materialism.
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This is what I genuinely thought and observed to be, okay, yes, they're doing well.
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They have they live in a great neighborhood, it's peaceful, there's no violence around here.
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There are great schools, the kids look like they're happy, that you know, the car looks reliable.
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Like these were the things that were downloaded into me as what success looks like.
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And so what I realized just through my own like travels on this journey is that like just because you have those things doesn't mean that you have what it takes to support all of those things.
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So if I'm straight out of college and I've and I've seen this so many times, especially with really high earners, even physicians, when they come out of college making, you know, a good deal of money by any, you know, by any means.
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And the first thing is, you know, I'm gonna buy a house, you know, I'm gonna buy a car, like my kids can go to this school and that school, and I get it.
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Like it makes complete sense.
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What did you go to school for?
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But to be able to have this life, you know.
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But what I've realized through my own experience and experience with clients is that if you go straight to that without first building the infrastructure really by which those things emerge, yes, the result is oftentimes the same problem.
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So, what are what are the same problems?
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And this is what I see so very often, Tony.
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I still worry about money.
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I make great money.
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I still worry about money.
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I still don't have financial peace.
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I still check my bank account the first thing when I wake up in the morning.
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You know, I still check it.
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I'm still thinking about, oh, do I need to move money from here to here?
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I'm thinking about did this hit, did this check come?
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There's the the peace that we assume is associated with the the life doesn't actually show up.
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And so it feels like the same problems, even though it's significantly more money.
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Yeah, just more zero sometimes.
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And you know, I really think of professional athletes.
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I've had uh Jed Collins on this podcast for people who've listened to his podcast.
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He's been on a couple of times.
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He's an ex-NFL player who works, who became a CFP while he was playing in the NFL.
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And he goes and helps other professional athletes because it's it's the same thing that you talk about, is they come from these backgrounds oftentimes where they've never had money and all of a sudden they have an insane amount of money, but they're broke in four or five years.
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And so it's because they they don't have that structure, you know, or they're doing things, you know, their their mom's never had a nice house.
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So they buy their mom a house, they buy themselves a nice car, and all of a sudden they they don't have any money because they haven't changed their life and how they look at things.
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So yeah.
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Well, a lot of times we don't necessarily know that there is a structure behind all of this.
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That's why I have a name for it.
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I call myself like the outsiders, like those of us who grew up seeing this from the outside.
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We don't necessarily know that there is a structure holding all of this up.
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And it's not just that they have great income.
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You know, like that.
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And not only do we not know, no one necessarily is telling you this is how you build the structure to support this life.
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And I always say that's kind of what separates those who can get there versus those who can afford to be there, right?
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So if I think about a new home that I want to purchase in this really great neighborhood, I always think about the Toll brothers houses, right?
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Like they're so beautiful, beautiful neighborhoods.
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And if I think about whether or not I can afford one, I might look at my income and say, I will I can afford the monthly payment, right?
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And and for me, that means I can afford to get there.
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But I'm looking at can you afford the purchase, which is the impact of this payment on your life for the next 15 years or for the next five years.
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And if if you can, yes, afford the monthly payment, but you can't afford to do any of the other things like saving for your kids' education.
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You know, you have a parent who may, you know, need your help at some point.
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You're not in a position to help them.
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Like, yes, it gets you what you want, but whether or not you can afford to actually be there depends on whether or not you can do all the other things that are really important to you as well.
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And one of the exercises that I go through with clients is like, we need to figure out like, what are all the things that are really important to you?
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What are all the goals that you have?
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Let's get all of that out because there's no other way to know what you can afford unless you have like those tangible goals that you're working toward where we can compare and say, like, what are the trade-offs?
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You know, and without, without that, you know, and I've been guilty of this, you know, you end up with a lot of emotional assets, like masquerading is financial assets, but they're not, they're emotional assets, they're actually financial liabilities.
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So, you know, let's explore that uh a little bit more.
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So, what do you mean by an emotional asset?
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I think almost anything could be an emotional asset, right?
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It's it's it's when I think of it, it's something that brings something to you emotionally, sometimes at the expense of financially.
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It may be something that adds to your identity.
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It's something that, you know, helps you to feel good or helps you feel like the person that you want to be.
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You know, it's emotional assets.
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I've seen emotional assets be sending children to private school, you know, because they've always wanted to go.
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You know, I've seen it being um having a second home, you know, or or having just a really large home in a neighborhood that they've always wanted to live in, you know, and it's more of an emotional asset than anything else because financially it doesn't work at all.
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You know, it's actually draining you.
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But I may not even be aware of how much it's draining me or how much of a liability it is because I'm super locked in on the emotional aspect of it.
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It's an emotional asset.
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Yeah, well, I think that's so important to look beyond the emotional aspect, but it's so easy to get dragged into that emotional aspect because it has, you know, it's it's who we are, and most of our decisions are emotionally driven, even in the financial world.
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Um, you know, so let's switch gears because your um series was about the financial do-over.
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And um, you know, what is a financial do-over?
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Yeah, so that that came to me actually during a client call.
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And, you know, it's the my mission when I started doing this work has always been around reducing pain that people experience.
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Yes, financial pain, but in my experience, when a person is struggling financially and really, really having a hard time, it bleeds into so many aspects of life.
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And so I've I've I I was drawn to helping to reduce pain in people's lives.
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And so I remember being on a phone call speaking to someone who, you know, had a great deal of income, phenomenal career, just really great achievements, but was from one reason or another, was in a financial predicament where they could not see their way out.
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They just could not.
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And I remember having that thought of what they're describing feels like a financial do-over.
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Like they want to be able to just start fresh.
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If I could start from the beginning, if I could get another shot at deciding which house to purchase, which school to go to, um, who to marry, like if I could just do all of that over, that could put me on the right track.
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And so that started me thinking about this idea of how can people do it over, obviously, without like starting completely over.
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And I began to realize that one, a financial do-over doesn't necessarily have to be a tear everything down and build it up again.
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For many people, it's that one thing, that one hard decision that's gonna change the trajectory of their financial lives.
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You know, it could be, you know, downsizing, where and and this, and I don't want to speak about this in a cavillar way because this is this is hard.
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You know, you take someone like me who, like from the very beginning, after having a young child, was on a mission to get to this place where I wanted to have this life that I wanted, where some people told me I was gonna be a statistic and I was determined to prove them wrong.
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And building this was part of me proving them wrong, you know, and then you get to a point where I just didn't do it the way it was supposed to be done, or the way I now learn, you know, things should have been, and I'm suffering because of it.
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It takes a lot to pause and walk that back publicly, you know, where you are selling the house and downsizing, or moving in with parents, or you know, kids, you guys are not going to summer camp this summer.
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You have to, you know, stay with your grandmother.
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Like those are very public decisions.
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They're decisions that rub up against our identity, they're decisions.
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That possibly deconstruct like everything that we, you know, prided ourselves on building.
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And so, regardless of whether or not it's needed, it's very hard to actually do.
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And so initially I was thinking, I want people to, I want this whole idea of a do-over to be more palatable.
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Like, how do we stop the hemorrhaging?
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How do we stop the bleeding in a way that is that kind of addresses what's happening at the root?
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And I'm gonna be honest, Tony, is I I I I haven't gotten, I never got a lot of takers on that.
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You know, you you could describe it, may it may be like what's needed, I could describe it in great detail.
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It there just aren't many takers on that.
00:22:51.119 --> 00:22:53.119
It can be terribly disruptive.
00:22:53.200 --> 00:23:00.799
And so one of the reasons why I wrote this article is because I I want people to see that as an option.
00:23:01.279 --> 00:23:13.599
Like depending on where you are, you know, you may they may just have to know, like, I had to sell this house, I couldn't afford it.
00:23:14.799 --> 00:23:17.680
You know, and and we don't want people to know that.
00:23:17.839 --> 00:23:21.759
But I think part of it is because we think they're looking at us and we're looking at them.
00:23:22.000 --> 00:23:32.000
But everybody, I I I heard this quote from this this book that I absolutely love, um, How to Start Worrying and Start Living, where he's I can't think of his name, he's very popular.
00:23:32.160 --> 00:23:43.440
Um where he says, like, most people are would be more concerned about a persistent headache that they have than they would be to hear about your death or mine.
00:23:43.599 --> 00:23:51.599
And I don't know that most people are that selfish, but I will say that for the most part, people are looking at their own finances, you know.
00:23:51.759 --> 00:24:00.640
And so I want to encourage people to be courageous and take bold steps to change the trajectory of their lives if it's not working.
00:24:01.200 --> 00:24:10.960
Um, and then I I started to realize also that it's not, it doesn't have to be something huge, you know, where you sell your home.
00:24:11.200 --> 00:24:36.880
It could be something small that for sure is holding you back, you know, but it's gonna take a lot of courage to make the adjustment, you know, but it's that small thing that's gonna address 40% of the financial issues that you're having, you know, and so I want to encourage folks to look at it from that perspective.
00:24:38.079 --> 00:24:45.920
Yeah, I I love that is well, one, it it does take a lot of courage to make that change.
00:24:46.319 --> 00:24:54.160
Um, but as you point out, is we tend to think that people are looking at us and thinking of us a lot more than they actually are.
00:24:54.720 --> 00:25:04.079
And generally, you know, if you are downsizing, your your real friends aren't going to judge you anyway because you're just moving.
00:25:04.319 --> 00:25:09.839
You know, they're not looking and going, oh boy, you went from 2,500 square feet to 1900 square feet.
00:25:10.000 --> 00:25:12.640
That's something is really off here.
00:25:12.960 --> 00:25:17.119
You know, most people are just looking at it like, hey, my friend moved.
00:25:17.359 --> 00:25:19.920
And it's not necessarily a big deal.
00:25:20.160 --> 00:25:23.759
And as you point out, it's like it's it's about the goals.
00:25:24.079 --> 00:25:34.240
Are you on the trajectory to meet your goals and not to be the important part is rather than worrying, you know, about everybody else's.
00:25:34.480 --> 00:25:41.200
I remember when I was playing basketball, you know, the the coach I had at the time was always like, just focus on your own game.
00:25:41.359 --> 00:25:43.920
Don't focus on the other player's game.
00:25:44.079 --> 00:25:48.880
You know, you can only control the game that you're playing, you can't control the other player's game.
00:25:48.960 --> 00:25:57.839
And that's kind of the same thing I think it applies here, is that you can only control your own life, not somebody else or what they perceive.
00:25:58.880 --> 00:26:07.519
Yeah, I I will say though, in in my experience, most people are I don't think they're driven.
00:26:07.680 --> 00:26:12.799
Most of the people that I work with, I'll say they're not necessarily driven by what other people are going to think.
00:26:12.960 --> 00:26:18.880
They're holding themselves to a much higher standard than anyone else could possibly, you know.
00:26:19.039 --> 00:26:26.000
I remember when I left, um, for a long time, I was like the the high earner in my family.
00:26:26.160 --> 00:26:38.720
You know, I was the the one who graduated, you know, college and and and was responsible, not to say that other people weren't, but that was kind of how I fancied myself, I'll say.
00:26:39.119 --> 00:26:51.680
And so when I when I left my corporate job and decided to create uh true wealth solutions, you're going from making great money to making almost no money to build a business.
00:26:52.000 --> 00:27:05.680
And if I I would be lying if I didn't say that there was a part of me, um, call it my ego or whatever, that was like, wait a minute, you but you're the you're the high earner person, you know, you're you're responsible.
00:27:06.000 --> 00:27:09.759
You go on great vacations and have a timeshare.
00:27:09.920 --> 00:27:30.400
And, you know, and not that I was saying that in a braggadocious way, but I had built this up so, you know, for so many years as part of my identity, that I think, you know, when I start to even have a conversation with someone about making these types of adjustments, by the way, I don't really even say the word do-over, I don't use that term.
00:27:30.960 --> 00:27:48.559
Okay, but but not not in like client conversations, but when we start talking about making those sorts of potentially disruptive changes, um we deal a lot with like permission, like that's the first step.
00:27:48.799 --> 00:28:07.200
Giving yourself permission to make this change, um, forgiving yourself for not having created the life that you were trying to create or not having done it the way you thought it should have been done.
00:28:07.759 --> 00:28:34.559
Like a lot of it is heavy emotional um you know, work and and sitting, and I I mention in the article a lot, sitting in a quiet room because I do think that there's a lot of self-exploration that gets you through having to make these types of changes.
00:28:36.319 --> 00:28:37.519
Yeah, I completely agree.
00:28:37.680 --> 00:28:42.240
And I think what you're saying is that our identity gets tied up in so much of this.
00:28:42.799 --> 00:28:50.480
And that's what we need to, you know, think about is what what do we want to accomplish for ourselves?
00:28:50.640 --> 00:29:02.640
What you know, you know, we we our identity sometimes and I think you were alluding to this earlier, is what others are projecting on us or what we think others are viewing us as.
00:29:02.960 --> 00:29:19.200
And but our identity is the one thing we do have control over, and that we can make changes, and that those changes when you make those decisions, and that's what it sounds like, is you're talking a lot about life decisions, not necessarily financial decisions.
00:29:19.519 --> 00:29:20.319
Oh, for sure.
00:29:20.960 --> 00:29:23.920
Because life decision is what neighborhood do you live in?
00:29:24.240 --> 00:29:28.720
The financial decision is like, well, can you afford to live in that neighborhood?
00:29:29.440 --> 00:29:31.759
And that's that's the question.
00:29:31.920 --> 00:29:36.640
And you know, are you okay with the identity of saying, you know, like I drive an old car?
00:29:36.880 --> 00:29:43.200
You know, we could afford a newer car, but our old car gets us around, and I'm okay with that.
00:29:43.359 --> 00:29:48.079
But sometimes I feel bad when uh, you know, I have an older car and everybody else has a newer car.
00:29:48.240 --> 00:29:54.160
And you know, but that's something I just deal with because I don't want to spend the money on the new car.
00:29:54.319 --> 00:29:57.279
So maybe that makes me cheat, but I don't know.
00:29:57.519 --> 00:29:58.160
You know.
00:29:59.519 --> 00:30:00.160
Yeah.
00:30:00.960 --> 00:30:03.119
Um, no, I I follow that.
00:30:03.200 --> 00:30:07.759
I have a similar, so we I and I mentioned this in the article as well.
00:30:07.920 --> 00:30:18.480
My family and I, there are four of us in our immediate family, but we also have my uh mother-in-law who lives with us, my brother-in-law, and we have two grandkids that are always at the house.
00:30:18.559 --> 00:30:19.519
We're like eight deep.
00:30:19.599 --> 00:30:23.119
Our house is literally 1400 square feet.
00:30:23.440 --> 00:30:36.880
And so there have been times when I'm like, okay, we really need to move, you know, especially when I was, you know, with corporate, you know, we really need to move, you know, all the coworkers like have elaborate houses.
00:30:37.039 --> 00:30:41.680
And I remember my husband saying, Yeah, we can do that, but let's let's buy rental properties first.
00:30:42.079 --> 00:30:44.400
And I was like, okay.
00:30:44.640 --> 00:30:46.640
And so we we end up we end up doing this.
00:30:46.799 --> 00:30:47.599
This is his dream.
00:30:47.680 --> 00:30:49.759
Like he's always wanted rental properties.
00:30:49.839 --> 00:30:57.759
And so we brought these rental properties and um with the thought that eventually we'll we'll upgrade our home.
00:30:57.920 --> 00:31:01.759
And then, you know, I ended up leaving and and and starting this business.
00:31:01.839 --> 00:31:05.519
And I didn't even think I didn't even think of it as infrastructure at the time.
00:31:05.920 --> 00:31:20.559
But what we ultimately did was make financial decisions to build an infrastructure that essentially allowed us to live off of 50% of our you know income before I left.
00:31:20.880 --> 00:31:28.960
And so that's when I think about doing a do-over, when I think about people who need a do-over, that's usually the piece that's lacking.
00:31:29.119 --> 00:31:30.720
It's the infrastructure.
00:31:30.880 --> 00:31:36.160
Like I have the things that I want, but again, I still worry about money.
00:31:36.319 --> 00:31:42.000
I still feel like I'm struggling, I still have to wait for my paycheck to hit before I can do the things that I want to do.
00:31:42.240 --> 00:31:48.079
And so, again, that infrastructure, the way it looks, is the couple of things.
00:31:48.319 --> 00:31:52.720
So I think about like having a deposit cushion, right?
00:31:52.960 --> 00:32:00.079
Like you, you might be surprised by how many people live off of their paychecks as they come in and hit their accounts.
00:32:00.400 --> 00:32:10.799
And I'm always trying to get clients to a place where you're at least on a one-month lag, where you're never living off of the money that's coming into your account for the current month.
00:32:11.039 --> 00:32:12.799
And that does a few things.
00:32:12.960 --> 00:32:16.000
So, one, it gives you some flexibility, right?
00:32:16.079 --> 00:32:21.200
If something doesn't hit when you think it's gonna hit or an expense comes in, you're not scrambling.
00:32:21.440 --> 00:32:24.880
But also, and this is the part that I absolutely live by.
00:32:25.119 --> 00:32:30.240
When I come to the first of the month, I know exactly how much money I have for the following month.
00:32:30.319 --> 00:32:32.559
There's no question about it, you know.
00:32:32.799 --> 00:32:45.119
So that's an important part of kind of staying on top of your expenses overall, but also not like having that urgency, you know, that's that's a part of it.
00:32:45.440 --> 00:32:53.359
The other part is having systems where you are crystal clear on where your money is going.
00:32:53.519 --> 00:33:11.680
If I if I could have told myself one thing when I first got out of college, when I first started working in corporate, I would have said you need a clear system, a spending plan so that you know exactly what's coming into your account, you know exactly what's going out, and you're planning for things.
00:33:11.839 --> 00:33:21.680
You know, when you when you have like income that's steady, you get into a habit of that paycheck hitting every two weeks, you know it's gonna be there, and you just kind of go.
00:33:21.839 --> 00:33:29.440
But it's such a missed opportunity to say, I want to be proactive in telling my money where it's going to go.
00:33:29.920 --> 00:33:32.960
Um, so that's that's a big part of it.
00:33:33.279 --> 00:33:36.079
The other part is like just having goals.
00:33:36.160 --> 00:33:46.240
And I know this sounds so simple, but whenever I speak with someone about making a major purchase, I always ask the question, how did you decide on that price?
00:33:46.480 --> 00:33:51.839
How did you decide on that price for that vehicle or for anything for that refrigerator?
00:33:52.000 --> 00:33:57.039
And it's like, oh, I did my research, I found one that I liked, and I like tried to get it at a good price.
00:33:57.359 --> 00:34:00.000
But how do you know that you can afford that?
00:34:00.400 --> 00:34:11.039
And so one of the things that I that I live by and I try to help my clients to see it this way, it's almost impossible to know what you can afford if you don't have goals that you're working towards.
00:34:11.119 --> 00:34:17.119
So that's an important part of um of having that financial infrastructure.
00:34:17.280 --> 00:34:21.039
Um, of course, stable income, that's a part of it.
00:34:21.280 --> 00:34:33.920
Um the other thing that I that I the other thing that we talk about is like, where are you in terms of the trajectory with saving for the other goals that you have, right?
00:34:34.079 --> 00:34:36.639
So have you already started saving for education?
00:34:36.800 --> 00:34:47.760
Like you want to start another business, do you already have the nest egg, or are you waiting for that income to come in order for that to like be your starting point?
00:34:47.920 --> 00:35:04.159
And what I see so often, and this is what made me really start focusing on infrastructure, is that for those of us who come from the outside and we start making tons of money, we come to rely on that money, that income, those bonuses for everything.
00:35:04.320 --> 00:35:05.920
And that becomes our savior.
00:35:06.400 --> 00:35:14.400
We use the bonus to pay off debt, of course, it piles up again, but then we get another bonus and we pay down that debt, or we use it for vacation.
00:35:14.719 --> 00:35:21.280
But the income is literally the nucleus for everything that's holding up the household.
00:35:22.000 --> 00:35:30.800
That is opposed to, and well, that coupled with, I'll say, expenses that are right up against that income, right?
00:35:31.119 --> 00:35:36.239
So 90% of that income is being used by expenses, right?
00:35:36.400 --> 00:35:45.840
No matter how high your income is, if you have to spend 90% of it just to get to make your life work, that's not stable.
00:35:46.079 --> 00:35:47.360
That's instability.
00:35:47.519 --> 00:35:51.840
And someone who makes a half a million a year doesn't want to hear that they're not stable.
00:35:52.079 --> 00:36:02.239
But I think it's important for us to tell the story that financial stability, financial infrastructure is so much more than making great money and living the life that we want to live.
00:36:02.480 --> 00:36:11.840
I'm looking at whether or not those dollars are being used to build something, you know, because as you go, as you go on, right?
00:36:12.000 --> 00:36:21.599
Years and years of making hundreds of thousands a year, ideally you should be less and less dependent on that money every year.
00:36:21.840 --> 00:36:26.960
Not because something might happen, but because that's stewardship, right?
00:36:27.119 --> 00:36:42.000
It's taking the money that you're receiving and using that to build something that can sustain you, as opposed to, you know, no matter how good you are and what you do, looking to that as the main way to sustain you.
00:36:43.039 --> 00:36:44.559
Yeah, I I love that.
00:36:44.800 --> 00:37:01.280
And I I have reframed retirement as financial independence because that's exactly what you're talking about, is where you're not dependent upon your income or any one thing, is you've established, you know, your nest egg or whatever you want to call it.
00:37:01.440 --> 00:37:08.400
I mean, that's the whole point for me of retirement planning, is that you have that ability where you don't depend on your income.
00:37:08.559 --> 00:37:19.519
Now you have the extreme fire movement, financial independence retire early, which is a little bit much for most people, but that's that's really the principle, is that you don't have to depend on your income.
00:37:19.760 --> 00:37:26.960
And it's smart on a number of levels, is because, you know, one, people heard me talking about the importance of disability insurance.
00:37:27.440 --> 00:37:35.840
People get disabled, you know, sometimes for a short period, or they drop out of the workforce to become caregivers or so many other things.
00:37:35.920 --> 00:37:41.760
And what you're talking about, it's building up those cogents and thinking about your overall plan.
00:37:41.840 --> 00:37:46.800
And I think that's sometimes what happens with money is we start thinking about things in isolation.
00:37:46.960 --> 00:37:53.280
We start thinking about like, well, should I buy, let's say, NVIDIA stock right now, because that's the hot stock right now.
00:37:53.519 --> 00:37:59.199
But the question is should be for me, is like, well, is NVIDIA stock going to help you reach your goals?
00:37:59.440 --> 00:38:04.480
You know, that should be the real question, is not like, should I buy NVIDIA stock?
00:38:04.639 --> 00:38:06.400
That really doesn't have anything to do with it.
00:38:06.719 --> 00:38:10.719
So uh Khalila, to wrap up, I have what's called the get ready hot take trio.
00:38:10.960 --> 00:38:13.599
These are three quick questions I ask all of my guests.
00:38:14.079 --> 00:38:23.360
The first one is what is one myth you're trying to break about financial infrastructure or building infrastructure?
00:38:24.239 --> 00:38:30.320
A myth that I'm trying to break about building financial infrastructure or about financial infrastructure.
00:38:30.719 --> 00:38:33.760
Yeah, yeah, you know, or just pick something in that neighborhood.
00:38:34.239 --> 00:38:35.280
Uh yeah.
00:38:36.239 --> 00:38:43.039
Um that it's just about accumulating money.
00:38:43.519 --> 00:38:49.599
That, you know, you're just saving money to save money, to have a lot of money.
00:38:49.760 --> 00:38:52.960
And I do think that's a part of financial infrastructure.
00:38:53.280 --> 00:39:14.480
But I always think in terms of economic impact because you can have wealth and you can have saved money, but have very little economic empowerment in your life, meaning your money isn't used in a way that changes any of the things or adds to any of the things that are really important to you.
00:39:14.639 --> 00:39:19.840
You know, I I think of it in my in my faith, it's it's building bigger barns, right?
00:39:19.920 --> 00:39:22.719
Where you're just adding more to what you have.
00:39:23.599 --> 00:39:38.800
But the whole point is to be able to use that money to to, I want to say to build something to show that you were here.
00:39:40.559 --> 00:39:44.880
You know, and that could be helping someone else, it could be teaching your children.
00:39:44.960 --> 00:39:49.360
It could there's so many ways to do it, but yeah, that's it.
00:39:50.239 --> 00:39:51.280
I I I love that.
00:39:51.360 --> 00:40:23.360
And I think you know, we didn't get a chance to talk about generational wealth, but that really is what you're doing with your money, is that if you don't spend it all, you can start to build generational wealth and change a pattern, you know, and ripple into future generations and you can use your money to support organizations in your life, is that you can have a lot of positive impact, you know, beyond just your immediate life by you know, planning and goals and things like that.
00:40:23.440 --> 00:40:24.800
So I love that.
00:40:25.119 --> 00:40:26.320
So add something to that.
00:40:27.679 --> 00:40:38.559
Yeah, I just want to add this because a lot of times we think about that, but we think about that toward the end of our lives, once we did everything that we wanted to do, we have all the things, but we don't have to wait until that point to do that.
00:40:38.719 --> 00:40:44.079
It's one of the reasons why, as part of infrastructure, I focused on expense flexibility, right?
00:40:44.239 --> 00:40:50.480
The ability to lower your expenses, to live in a way that allows you to lower your expenses dramatically at will.
00:40:51.199 --> 00:40:55.840
Because in doing that, that's it, that's to me, that's a form of economic empowerment.
00:40:56.079 --> 00:41:07.440
Because you can make moves, you can impact things while you're working, while you're in your 30s, if you have that in your line of sight, and if you have that degree of control over your finances.
00:41:08.480 --> 00:41:09.679
I absolutely love that.
00:41:09.840 --> 00:41:12.079
Is yeah, you your money can do so many things.
00:41:12.159 --> 00:41:17.039
You have values-aligned investing, you have supporting nonprofits.
00:41:17.199 --> 00:41:24.719
There's so many ways you can use your money to have impact, or you know, you can help your family members, you know, if if they need help.
00:41:24.800 --> 00:41:26.800
You know, so I I love that.
00:41:26.880 --> 00:41:29.360
Um, so let's get out the time machine for a minute.
00:41:29.599 --> 00:41:35.119
If we could go back in time, knowing what you know about money, what advice would you give your younger self?
00:41:36.000 --> 00:41:37.920
Like my young, young self?
00:41:38.159 --> 00:41:42.079
Um yeah, let's let's say 16-year-old Khalila.
00:41:42.559 --> 00:41:43.280
16.
00:41:45.920 --> 00:41:49.119
Oh, 16-year-old Khalila would not have listened.
00:41:49.360 --> 00:41:52.000
Um 16-year-olds don't listen to that.
00:41:55.119 --> 00:41:56.480
What would I have said?
00:41:57.119 --> 00:42:03.280
Man, I would have told my 16-year-old self to stay home.
00:42:03.920 --> 00:42:12.480
I was in such a hurry to a hurry to move out of my mom's house and start life and you know, start being an adult, you know.
00:42:12.639 --> 00:42:16.400
And I moved out of my mom's house when I was 18 years old, you know.
00:42:16.559 --> 00:42:19.519
Um, I would have told myself, stay home.
00:42:19.840 --> 00:42:22.639
Let her continue to pour into you.
00:42:23.360 --> 00:42:34.000
And don't move out of her house until you're at least 10% at the vision that you have for yourself.
00:42:34.239 --> 00:42:37.679
Make some progress on that first and then move.
00:42:39.119 --> 00:42:40.800
Well, that don't be in a hurry.
00:42:40.880 --> 00:42:46.079
That is great financial advice for any part of the financial services world.
00:42:46.320 --> 00:42:47.599
Don't be in a hurry.
00:42:47.920 --> 00:42:58.239
Wait, you know, I mean, as you said, is get the information, get 10% there is, you know, because one of the things that often comes up, you know, is is talking about widows, for example.
00:42:58.480 --> 00:43:04.239
And that's a piece of advice I always have for widows is don't be in a hurry to make any decisions.
00:43:04.320 --> 00:43:09.760
And that goes through any life transition, I think is absolutely powerful advice.
00:43:10.079 --> 00:43:11.679
Just take a minute.
00:43:11.920 --> 00:43:16.800
So to wrap up, what's your number one tip to change the way we think about money?
00:43:21.039 --> 00:43:23.679
To change the way we think about money.
00:43:25.119 --> 00:43:30.480
Um that's a good question.
00:43:33.199 --> 00:43:41.440
The last article that I did on LinkedIn, which I grappled with so much on how to um put that out there, was about learning enough.
00:43:42.960 --> 00:43:59.679
Um my number one tip is to think figure out what enough means for you before before like something goes wrong or or or you know you need to retire.
00:43:59.840 --> 00:44:18.159
I think the earlier you can figure out what is the thing that brings contentment, what is the thing that makes you feel at peace and whole and lock in on those things and be insanely frugal on everything else.
00:44:19.360 --> 00:44:21.199
That's that's what I would say.
00:44:22.159 --> 00:44:22.880
I love that.
00:44:23.039 --> 00:44:24.639
Figure out what enough means to you.
00:44:24.800 --> 00:44:39.679
And I think it's so important as people get wrapped up, and you know, and you and you've talked about this through the show, is what everybody else is doing, but figure out what enough means to you because it's gonna be very different for each of us.
00:44:39.920 --> 00:44:44.960
So, Khalila, where can people learn more about you and connect with you?
00:44:45.360 --> 00:44:45.840
Yes.
00:44:46.000 --> 00:44:48.320
So uh I put out a lot of work on LinkedIn.
00:44:48.719 --> 00:44:50.159
So I would say start there.
00:44:50.239 --> 00:44:55.199
I think you have the link in the show notes, but you can find me under Khalila Dow on LinkedIn.
00:44:55.360 --> 00:45:00.559
Um, I also put out a lot of uh YouTube content and uh motivational videos.
00:45:00.719 --> 00:45:08.480
You can find that under uh Khalila Dow at TrueWealth Solutions T W S.
00:45:09.119 --> 00:45:13.519
Um, I also have a blog which I think is in the uh show notes as well.
00:45:13.679 --> 00:45:24.880
Uh website is uh true wealth solutions with an S, and that's true spelled T-R-U-E, TrueWealth Solutions T W S dot com.
00:45:25.920 --> 00:45:26.559
Fantastic.
00:45:26.639 --> 00:45:31.679
And for everybody watching and listening, as always, there will be those links, as Khalila mentioned in the show notes.
00:45:31.760 --> 00:45:32.800
So you can check her out.
00:45:32.880 --> 00:45:36.880
And as I've mentioned throughout the show, I love your writing on LinkedIn.
00:45:37.039 --> 00:45:41.039
So I'd highly recommend following Khalila on LinkedIn.
00:45:41.280 --> 00:45:44.719
Um, so Khalila, thanks for joining us on Get Ready Before Life Happens.
00:45:44.880 --> 00:45:46.880
It's been a fantastic conversation.
00:45:47.280 --> 00:45:49.039
Yes, thank you so much for having me.
00:45:49.199 --> 00:45:50.000
I appreciate it.
00:45:50.159 --> 00:45:50.559
Thank you.
00:45:50.800 --> 00:45:51.920
Yeah, this is awesome.
00:45:52.000 --> 00:45:56.800
And thank you, everyone, as always, for tuning in to this episode of Get Ready Before Life Happens.
00:45:56.960 --> 00:46:04.320
If you learned something to change the way you think about money and your financial infrastructure, please be sure to subscribe and to tell a friend.
00:46:04.480 --> 00:46:13.280
You can also go to my website at TonyStewart.com to join the get ready movement to receive my newsletter and my financial readiness quick start checklist.
00:46:13.599 --> 00:46:17.920
Because when life happens, the way you think about money matters.
00:00:16.480 --> 00:00:22.000
More money doesn't fix the problems if the financial infrastructure isn't there.
00:00:22.239 --> 00:00:24.160
Welcome to Get Ready Before Life Happens.
00:00:24.320 --> 00:00:25.679
I'm your host, Tony Stewart.
00:00:25.920 --> 00:00:28.239
Today I'm joined by Khalila Dow.
00:00:28.399 --> 00:00:31.120
Khalila, welcome to Get Ready Before Life Happens.
00:00:31.920 --> 00:00:32.479
Thank you.
00:00:32.719 --> 00:00:34.399
Thank you for having me, Tony.
00:00:34.719 --> 00:00:45.359
Yeah, well, I just was really so impressed with that series you did a while back on LinkedIn that, you know, I couldn't wait to have you on the podcast to talk about and share with everybody else.
00:00:45.600 --> 00:00:47.759
So, you know, tell us a little bit about yourself.
00:00:47.920 --> 00:00:54.880
What is your origin story and how did it lead you to focus on helping people build their financial infrastructure?
00:00:55.840 --> 00:00:59.119
Yeah, so I um I live in the Philly area right now.
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I'm originally from New York, uh, Brooklyn, an area called uh Coney Island.
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And I grew up out there, uh, didn't have a whole lot of resources.
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Um, it wasn't just me though.
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When I think about the people around me, there just weren't a lot of resources in our community.
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Um, but I had aspirations.
00:01:18.480 --> 00:01:34.640
Like from a very young age, I just had, I remember watching the 80s sitcom The Cosby show and just being keenly aware on how different their lives were from, you know, the life that I lived, how it just seemed they they never talked about money, you know.
00:01:34.719 --> 00:01:40.000
It wasn't so much that they had a lot of money, it just was just money wasn't an issue, you know.
00:01:40.239 --> 00:01:47.680
And so um I always had this thought like there's something, um there's something that I'm missing.
00:01:48.159 --> 00:01:59.519
And and I had at a very young age again, um, the thought that if I could just go to college, that I would be able to get there, like that that was the missing link.
00:01:59.840 --> 00:02:04.079
And um the way I describe it is that I I grew up on the outside of money.
00:02:04.239 --> 00:02:07.840
I grew up seeing what money was, but not from the inside.
00:02:08.240 --> 00:02:18.560
And um in Coney Island, there's this area, uh, probably about a mile or two before uh from where I lived, where there were these elaborate houses, this area called Seagate.
00:02:18.800 --> 00:02:28.159
And my friends and I would run down there, and there was literally a gate that we couldn't get through, but we would look through that gate and we would just be like, oh, that's my house, that's my car.
00:02:28.800 --> 00:02:38.639
And it just stirred something in me at a very young age to like go get that thing that neither I nor like anyone in my area had.
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Um, I was a I was a young parent.
00:02:41.840 --> 00:02:47.439
I had my first uh child when I was in high school, and so I was 16 years old.
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I was 15 when I was pregnant with her, I was 16 when I had her.
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Um, but I had a mother who I think even though she didn't have what I wanted, she knew I had a vision.
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And she pressed me and said, Listen, you know, you're having a baby at a young age, that doesn't mean you have to be a statistic.
00:03:07.759 --> 00:03:09.919
You know, you're going to finish school.
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And and that was her mandate to me, like you're you're going to finish school and you're going to work, you know.
00:03:17.280 --> 00:03:20.960
And and I always say, like, I understood the assignment.
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Like, even though I was a young parent, even though I knew the odds were sacked against me, I knew that I had to graduate, that I had to go to college, that I had to finish, that I had to do well, that I had to have a career.
00:03:35.520 --> 00:03:43.520
And my thought was if I could just do that, then financial success would be would be imminent.
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And of course, that wasn't the case, but that that was kind of my starting point.
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Yeah, well, that's that's an amazing story because you know, some of us, you know, do start off, you know, we don't all start off from the same place.
00:03:57.599 --> 00:04:06.560
And, you know, um, I like to think that the country gives everybody opportunity, but that opportunity is much more challenging for people.
00:04:06.800 --> 00:04:22.079
And so I I think it's also good for people to know that if you start off like you did from a place that's not as advantageous, is that you can still finish in a good place and live a full life.
00:04:22.240 --> 00:04:25.839
So I I think that's inspiring um to do that.
00:04:26.000 --> 00:04:36.000
So if there is are any young moms out there listening to this who feel like, you know, like, hey, I'm a little helpless, you know what what advice do you give?
00:04:36.079 --> 00:04:42.319
What what really pulling you through um you know to your success?
00:04:43.519 --> 00:04:45.519
You said what advice would I give to them?
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Was that the question?
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Yeah, you know, or or what was you know, what what story did you tell yourself or what what did what was your inner wow?
00:04:54.800 --> 00:05:04.800
So you know I I knew that it and I really think this was the starting point, Tony.
00:05:04.959 --> 00:05:07.759
I knew that it wasn't like who I was.
00:05:08.319 --> 00:05:14.720
The fact that I was that I was pregnant at a young age, I always envisioned that I would go away to college and stay on campus.
00:05:14.959 --> 00:05:27.360
And so I knew that that wasn't an option for me, but I had a vision about what life could be for me, and I and I never let that go.
00:05:27.600 --> 00:05:31.040
I keep going back to this show, the Cosby's.
00:05:31.519 --> 00:05:53.279
Like that was what I had, you know, and I know don't get me wrong, like I know these were fictitious people, this was a fictitious family, but there was something about the kids in that family knowing and just speaking about going to college as like it's not even an option.
00:05:53.439 --> 00:05:55.759
There was something about that that appealed to me.
00:05:55.920 --> 00:06:09.120
And so when I speak to young people who have the odds against them, no matter what that is, it could be that they have young children, it could be that they have parents that are not that involved, they're not that knowledgeable, that are not present.
00:06:09.600 --> 00:06:16.000
I always say, honestly, I think education, it goes such a long way.
00:06:16.480 --> 00:06:23.439
And I know like we're living in a time where it's like, oh, you could start a business or you could be an influence, like you don't have to go to school.
00:06:23.680 --> 00:06:40.399
Maybe I'm old school, but I just believe that, especially if you're coming from a background where you may already have the deck stacked against you because you're one thing or another, education, I still believe, is the great equalizer in so many ways.
00:06:40.720 --> 00:06:50.480
And so by any means necessary, to borrow a phrase from the late great Malcolm X, by any means necessary education.
00:06:51.600 --> 00:06:54.480
Um because that's gonna open doors.
00:06:54.720 --> 00:07:00.160
No matter what doors are closed for you right now, education still opens doors.
00:07:00.399 --> 00:07:01.759
That's my number one advice.
00:07:02.720 --> 00:07:04.000
I I I love that.
00:07:04.160 --> 00:07:08.000
And well, you said two things in there that are extremely powerful.
00:07:08.319 --> 00:07:21.439
One is having a vision of what life could be, because it sounds like those pictures from both C Seagate, if I remember right, and the Cosby show are what you held in your head.
00:07:21.600 --> 00:07:30.160
And I think the having goals and visions of what life could be are what drive us forward and help us find success.
00:07:30.959 --> 00:07:37.920
And what you're talking about education and knowledge, knowledge is power, that saying has been around forever.
00:07:38.079 --> 00:07:42.720
And it's also true is you know, to be successful at anything.
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So let's all let's all take put money aside.
00:07:45.920 --> 00:07:52.160
If you and I were gonna play chess, the more you know about chess, the better your game would be.
00:07:52.720 --> 00:08:08.160
And, you know, so it's pretty simple when we look outside of our lives and money, and we think about something as simple as chess, and we can see that if you don't know how to play chess and you're playing chess against somebody who's really good, really knowledgeable, you're never gonna win.
00:08:08.399 --> 00:08:11.920
And so I think that kind of is a great way to reflect on it.
00:08:12.399 --> 00:08:14.240
Yeah, no, I I agree 100%.
00:08:14.560 --> 00:08:25.920
And I think there's something to be said about like gaining knowledge that you can then use out in the world and that you can use to command a certain level of pay or a certain position.
00:08:26.240 --> 00:08:46.000
One of the things, though, that I found in going to college, right, and it took me a while to finish, but what I got from it above knowledge was a level of confidence in myself.
00:08:46.720 --> 00:09:02.879
These and I and this this is gonna sound like really like I don't know, like really simple, but I remember when I first walked through the doors thinking, wait a minute, I'm gonna go into this classroom and have a seat.
00:09:03.200 --> 00:09:09.120
And this instructor, this professor is gonna teach me everything they know.
00:09:09.840 --> 00:09:12.240
And I have to, and I just have to absorb it.
00:09:12.320 --> 00:09:22.559
Like there was, I felt so insanely privileged, but also it builds a confidence when someone is depositing into you and takes that seriously.
00:09:22.639 --> 00:09:43.200
I'm talking about the professors, you know, that experience of them depositing something into you with the expectation that you're gonna go out and change the world, that changes the game in terms of how you see yourself, especially if you came from a community like mine where there just wasn't a whole lot of expectation, you know.
00:09:43.440 --> 00:09:47.519
So yeah, that's that's um, that's my biggest takeaway.
00:09:48.559 --> 00:09:59.279
Well, I I think that's really powerful, is because oftentimes we take it for granted when we're presented with information and knowledge.
00:09:59.600 --> 00:10:02.480
And the smartest people are always learning, you know.
00:10:02.559 --> 00:10:11.440
I mean, Charlie Munger, you know, the founder of Berkshire Hathaway always talked about how much more he had to learn about all the books that he read.
00:10:11.600 --> 00:10:16.399
And he was a guy who was pretty successful, you know, as a co-founder of Berkshire Hathaway.
00:10:16.799 --> 00:10:22.960
But he always talked about how much he didn't know and the knowledge that he had yet to gain.
00:10:23.200 --> 00:10:40.159
And so, yeah, I think that that's a huge privilege, especially when we have people in our lives that we don't really listen to sometimes, and maybe that grandparent who has some great advice, and you're like, oh man, you don't know my life, you know, uh you're living in a different world.
00:10:40.240 --> 00:10:44.240
And that's the things you have to you have to learn from people.
00:10:44.559 --> 00:10:46.240
And I think that's so important.
00:10:46.559 --> 00:10:58.000
So one of the things you talk about is that more money leads to the same problems, and you know, or as the song goes, you know, more money, more problems.
00:10:58.320 --> 00:11:04.480
Uh so why does money, more money, often lead to the same problems?
00:11:04.639 --> 00:11:08.000
Why doesn't more money just change things and make everything better?
00:11:08.320 --> 00:11:08.720
Yeah.
00:11:08.879 --> 00:11:13.200
So I I go back to like what my perception was when I was younger.
00:11:13.360 --> 00:11:26.720
Again, having this perception that if I just did all the right things, went to school and built a career and all those things, that I could have all the things that I saw as representing money, you know.
00:11:26.960 --> 00:11:29.759
And I and I don't say that from a shallow perspective, right?
00:11:29.919 --> 00:11:35.759
Like I wasn't out just trying to get a bunch of stuff out of, you know, like a place of materialism.
00:11:36.159 --> 00:11:41.120
This is what I genuinely thought and observed to be, okay, yes, they're doing well.
00:11:41.279 --> 00:11:46.960
They have they live in a great neighborhood, it's peaceful, there's no violence around here.
00:11:47.200 --> 00:11:52.720
There are great schools, the kids look like they're happy, that you know, the car looks reliable.
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Like these were the things that were downloaded into me as what success looks like.
00:11:58.960 --> 00:12:15.120
And so what I realized just through my own like travels on this journey is that like just because you have those things doesn't mean that you have what it takes to support all of those things.
00:12:15.360 --> 00:12:28.720
So if I'm straight out of college and I've and I've seen this so many times, especially with really high earners, even physicians, when they come out of college making, you know, a good deal of money by any, you know, by any means.
00:12:28.960 --> 00:12:37.200
And the first thing is, you know, I'm gonna buy a house, you know, I'm gonna buy a car, like my kids can go to this school and that school, and I get it.
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Like it makes complete sense.
00:12:38.960 --> 00:12:40.399
What did you go to school for?
00:12:40.639 --> 00:12:44.159
But to be able to have this life, you know.
00:12:44.559 --> 00:13:01.200
But what I've realized through my own experience and experience with clients is that if you go straight to that without first building the infrastructure really by which those things emerge, yes, the result is oftentimes the same problem.
00:13:01.360 --> 00:13:03.120
So, what are what are the same problems?
00:13:03.279 --> 00:13:06.159
And this is what I see so very often, Tony.
00:13:06.480 --> 00:13:08.559
I still worry about money.
00:13:08.879 --> 00:13:11.360
I make great money.
00:13:11.759 --> 00:13:13.440
I still worry about money.
00:13:13.519 --> 00:13:15.600
I still don't have financial peace.
00:13:15.759 --> 00:13:20.240
I still check my bank account the first thing when I wake up in the morning.
00:13:20.399 --> 00:13:21.679
You know, I still check it.
00:13:21.759 --> 00:13:25.200
I'm still thinking about, oh, do I need to move money from here to here?
00:13:25.360 --> 00:13:28.720
I'm thinking about did this hit, did this check come?
00:13:29.039 --> 00:13:38.720
There's the the peace that we assume is associated with the the life doesn't actually show up.
00:13:38.879 --> 00:13:44.559
And so it feels like the same problems, even though it's significantly more money.
00:13:45.200 --> 00:13:47.120
Yeah, just more zero sometimes.
00:13:47.200 --> 00:13:49.759
And you know, I really think of professional athletes.
00:13:49.919 --> 00:13:54.879
I've had uh Jed Collins on this podcast for people who've listened to his podcast.
00:13:54.960 --> 00:13:56.240
He's been on a couple of times.
00:13:56.399 --> 00:14:03.519
He's an ex-NFL player who works, who became a CFP while he was playing in the NFL.
00:14:04.080 --> 00:14:20.480
And he goes and helps other professional athletes because it's it's the same thing that you talk about, is they come from these backgrounds oftentimes where they've never had money and all of a sudden they have an insane amount of money, but they're broke in four or five years.
00:14:20.720 --> 00:14:29.600
And so it's because they they don't have that structure, you know, or they're doing things, you know, their their mom's never had a nice house.
00:14:29.759 --> 00:14:39.600
So they buy their mom a house, they buy themselves a nice car, and all of a sudden they they don't have any money because they haven't changed their life and how they look at things.
00:14:39.759 --> 00:14:40.480
So yeah.
00:14:40.960 --> 00:14:47.039
Well, a lot of times we don't necessarily know that there is a structure behind all of this.
00:14:47.200 --> 00:14:48.559
That's why I have a name for it.
00:14:48.720 --> 00:14:54.240
I call myself like the outsiders, like those of us who grew up seeing this from the outside.
00:14:54.480 --> 00:15:00.720
We don't necessarily know that there is a structure holding all of this up.
00:15:00.799 --> 00:15:04.399
And it's not just that they have great income.
00:15:05.679 --> 00:15:06.559
You know, like that.
00:15:06.639 --> 00:15:14.639
And not only do we not know, no one necessarily is telling you this is how you build the structure to support this life.
00:15:14.799 --> 00:15:21.840
And I always say that's kind of what separates those who can get there versus those who can afford to be there, right?
00:15:21.919 --> 00:15:28.799
So if I think about a new home that I want to purchase in this really great neighborhood, I always think about the Toll brothers houses, right?
00:15:28.879 --> 00:15:32.639
Like they're so beautiful, beautiful neighborhoods.
00:15:33.120 --> 00:15:40.879
And if I think about whether or not I can afford one, I might look at my income and say, I will I can afford the monthly payment, right?
00:15:41.120 --> 00:15:44.240
And and for me, that means I can afford to get there.
00:15:44.720 --> 00:15:56.480
But I'm looking at can you afford the purchase, which is the impact of this payment on your life for the next 15 years or for the next five years.
00:15:56.799 --> 00:16:08.960
And if if you can, yes, afford the monthly payment, but you can't afford to do any of the other things like saving for your kids' education.
00:16:09.200 --> 00:16:14.080
You know, you have a parent who may, you know, need your help at some point.
00:16:14.240 --> 00:16:15.919
You're not in a position to help them.
00:16:16.080 --> 00:16:27.440
Like, yes, it gets you what you want, but whether or not you can afford to actually be there depends on whether or not you can do all the other things that are really important to you as well.
00:16:27.759 --> 00:16:34.480
And one of the exercises that I go through with clients is like, we need to figure out like, what are all the things that are really important to you?
00:16:34.639 --> 00:16:36.399
What are all the goals that you have?
00:16:36.559 --> 00:16:49.519
Let's get all of that out because there's no other way to know what you can afford unless you have like those tangible goals that you're working toward where we can compare and say, like, what are the trade-offs?
00:16:49.679 --> 00:17:05.359
You know, and without, without that, you know, and I've been guilty of this, you know, you end up with a lot of emotional assets, like masquerading is financial assets, but they're not, they're emotional assets, they're actually financial liabilities.
00:17:07.440 --> 00:17:10.160
So, you know, let's explore that uh a little bit more.
00:17:10.640 --> 00:17:13.119
So, what do you mean by an emotional asset?
00:17:14.160 --> 00:17:18.319
I think almost anything could be an emotional asset, right?
00:17:18.480 --> 00:17:28.799
It's it's it's when I think of it, it's something that brings something to you emotionally, sometimes at the expense of financially.
00:17:28.880 --> 00:17:31.599
It may be something that adds to your identity.
00:17:31.759 --> 00:17:36.960
It's something that, you know, helps you to feel good or helps you feel like the person that you want to be.
00:17:37.119 --> 00:17:38.880
You know, it's emotional assets.
00:17:38.960 --> 00:17:45.359
I've seen emotional assets be sending children to private school, you know, because they've always wanted to go.
00:17:45.599 --> 00:18:04.640
You know, I've seen it being um having a second home, you know, or or having just a really large home in a neighborhood that they've always wanted to live in, you know, and it's more of an emotional asset than anything else because financially it doesn't work at all.
00:18:04.880 --> 00:18:07.440
You know, it's actually draining you.
00:18:07.839 --> 00:18:17.519
But I may not even be aware of how much it's draining me or how much of a liability it is because I'm super locked in on the emotional aspect of it.
00:18:17.680 --> 00:18:19.519
It's an emotional asset.
00:18:20.559 --> 00:18:36.799
Yeah, well, I think that's so important to look beyond the emotional aspect, but it's so easy to get dragged into that emotional aspect because it has, you know, it's it's who we are, and most of our decisions are emotionally driven, even in the financial world.
00:18:37.039 --> 00:18:43.039
Um, you know, so let's switch gears because your um series was about the financial do-over.
00:18:43.759 --> 00:18:47.839
And um, you know, what is a financial do-over?
00:18:48.880 --> 00:18:53.920
Yeah, so that that came to me actually during a client call.
00:18:54.559 --> 00:19:05.599
And, you know, it's the my mission when I started doing this work has always been around reducing pain that people experience.
00:19:05.920 --> 00:19:17.680
Yes, financial pain, but in my experience, when a person is struggling financially and really, really having a hard time, it bleeds into so many aspects of life.
00:19:17.839 --> 00:19:26.720
And so I've I've I I was drawn to helping to reduce pain in people's lives.
00:19:27.039 --> 00:19:47.279
And so I remember being on a phone call speaking to someone who, you know, had a great deal of income, phenomenal career, just really great achievements, but was from one reason or another, was in a financial predicament where they could not see their way out.
00:19:47.440 --> 00:19:48.799
They just could not.
00:19:49.200 --> 00:19:55.279
And I remember having that thought of what they're describing feels like a financial do-over.
00:19:55.759 --> 00:19:58.640
Like they want to be able to just start fresh.
00:19:58.720 --> 00:20:14.240
If I could start from the beginning, if I could get another shot at deciding which house to purchase, which school to go to, um, who to marry, like if I could just do all of that over, that could put me on the right track.
00:20:14.559 --> 00:20:24.240
And so that started me thinking about this idea of how can people do it over, obviously, without like starting completely over.
00:20:24.799 --> 00:20:36.319
And I began to realize that one, a financial do-over doesn't necessarily have to be a tear everything down and build it up again.
00:20:37.440 --> 00:20:46.400
For many people, it's that one thing, that one hard decision that's gonna change the trajectory of their financial lives.
00:20:46.559 --> 00:20:56.559
You know, it could be, you know, downsizing, where and and this, and I don't want to speak about this in a cavillar way because this is this is hard.
00:20:56.720 --> 00:21:13.680
You know, you take someone like me who, like from the very beginning, after having a young child, was on a mission to get to this place where I wanted to have this life that I wanted, where some people told me I was gonna be a statistic and I was determined to prove them wrong.
00:21:13.920 --> 00:21:30.880
And building this was part of me proving them wrong, you know, and then you get to a point where I just didn't do it the way it was supposed to be done, or the way I now learn, you know, things should have been, and I'm suffering because of it.
00:21:31.200 --> 00:21:48.799
It takes a lot to pause and walk that back publicly, you know, where you are selling the house and downsizing, or moving in with parents, or you know, kids, you guys are not going to summer camp this summer.
00:21:48.880 --> 00:21:51.200
You have to, you know, stay with your grandmother.
00:21:51.359 --> 00:21:54.400
Like those are very public decisions.
00:21:54.480 --> 00:21:59.680
They're decisions that rub up against our identity, they're decisions.
00:22:00.480 --> 00:22:07.359
That possibly deconstruct like everything that we, you know, prided ourselves on building.
00:22:07.599 --> 00:22:14.319
And so, regardless of whether or not it's needed, it's very hard to actually do.
00:22:14.880 --> 00:22:23.599
And so initially I was thinking, I want people to, I want this whole idea of a do-over to be more palatable.
00:22:24.000 --> 00:22:26.079
Like, how do we stop the hemorrhaging?
00:22:26.160 --> 00:22:34.319
How do we stop the bleeding in a way that is that kind of addresses what's happening at the root?
00:22:34.960 --> 00:22:41.920
And I'm gonna be honest, Tony, is I I I I haven't gotten, I never got a lot of takers on that.
00:22:42.079 --> 00:22:48.240
You know, you you could describe it, may it may be like what's needed, I could describe it in great detail.
00:22:48.559 --> 00:22:50.960
It there just aren't many takers on that.
00:22:51.119 --> 00:22:53.119
It can be terribly disruptive.
00:22:53.200 --> 00:23:00.799
And so one of the reasons why I wrote this article is because I I want people to see that as an option.
00:23:01.279 --> 00:23:13.599
Like depending on where you are, you know, you may they may just have to know, like, I had to sell this house, I couldn't afford it.
00:23:14.799 --> 00:23:17.680
You know, and and we don't want people to know that.
00:23:17.839 --> 00:23:21.759
But I think part of it is because we think they're looking at us and we're looking at them.
00:23:22.000 --> 00:23:32.000
But everybody, I I I heard this quote from this this book that I absolutely love, um, How to Start Worrying and Start Living, where he's I can't think of his name, he's very popular.
00:23:32.160 --> 00:23:43.440
Um where he says, like, most people are would be more concerned about a persistent headache that they have than they would be to hear about your death or mine.
00:23:43.599 --> 00:23:51.599
And I don't know that most people are that selfish, but I will say that for the most part, people are looking at their own finances, you know.
00:23:51.759 --> 00:24:00.640
And so I want to encourage people to be courageous and take bold steps to change the trajectory of their lives if it's not working.
00:24:01.200 --> 00:24:10.960
Um, and then I I started to realize also that it's not, it doesn't have to be something huge, you know, where you sell your home.
00:24:11.200 --> 00:24:36.880
It could be something small that for sure is holding you back, you know, but it's gonna take a lot of courage to make the adjustment, you know, but it's that small thing that's gonna address 40% of the financial issues that you're having, you know, and so I want to encourage folks to look at it from that perspective.
00:24:38.079 --> 00:24:45.920
Yeah, I I love that is well, one, it it does take a lot of courage to make that change.
00:24:46.319 --> 00:24:54.160
Um, but as you point out, is we tend to think that people are looking at us and thinking of us a lot more than they actually are.
00:24:54.720 --> 00:25:04.079
And generally, you know, if you are downsizing, your your real friends aren't going to judge you anyway because you're just moving.
00:25:04.319 --> 00:25:09.839
You know, they're not looking and going, oh boy, you went from 2,500 square feet to 1900 square feet.
00:25:10.000 --> 00:25:12.640
That's something is really off here.
00:25:12.960 --> 00:25:17.119
You know, most people are just looking at it like, hey, my friend moved.
00:25:17.359 --> 00:25:19.920
And it's not necessarily a big deal.
00:25:20.160 --> 00:25:23.759
And as you point out, it's like it's it's about the goals.
00:25:24.079 --> 00:25:34.240
Are you on the trajectory to meet your goals and not to be the important part is rather than worrying, you know, about everybody else's.
00:25:34.480 --> 00:25:41.200
I remember when I was playing basketball, you know, the the coach I had at the time was always like, just focus on your own game.
00:25:41.359 --> 00:25:43.920
Don't focus on the other player's game.
00:25:44.079 --> 00:25:48.880
You know, you can only control the game that you're playing, you can't control the other player's game.
00:25:48.960 --> 00:25:57.839
And that's kind of the same thing I think it applies here, is that you can only control your own life, not somebody else or what they perceive.
00:25:58.880 --> 00:26:07.519
Yeah, I I will say though, in in my experience, most people are I don't think they're driven.
00:26:07.680 --> 00:26:12.799
Most of the people that I work with, I'll say they're not necessarily driven by what other people are going to think.
00:26:12.960 --> 00:26:18.880
They're holding themselves to a much higher standard than anyone else could possibly, you know.
00:26:19.039 --> 00:26:26.000
I remember when I left, um, for a long time, I was like the the high earner in my family.
00:26:26.160 --> 00:26:38.720
You know, I was the the one who graduated, you know, college and and and was responsible, not to say that other people weren't, but that was kind of how I fancied myself, I'll say.
00:26:39.119 --> 00:26:51.680
And so when I when I left my corporate job and decided to create uh true wealth solutions, you're going from making great money to making almost no money to build a business.
00:26:52.000 --> 00:27:05.680
And if I I would be lying if I didn't say that there was a part of me, um, call it my ego or whatever, that was like, wait a minute, you but you're the you're the high earner person, you know, you're you're responsible.
00:27:06.000 --> 00:27:09.759
You go on great vacations and have a timeshare.
00:27:09.920 --> 00:27:30.400
And, you know, and not that I was saying that in a braggadocious way, but I had built this up so, you know, for so many years as part of my identity, that I think, you know, when I start to even have a conversation with someone about making these types of adjustments, by the way, I don't really even say the word do-over, I don't use that term.
00:27:30.960 --> 00:27:48.559
Okay, but but not not in like client conversations, but when we start talking about making those sorts of potentially disruptive changes, um we deal a lot with like permission, like that's the first step.
00:27:48.799 --> 00:28:07.200
Giving yourself permission to make this change, um, forgiving yourself for not having created the life that you were trying to create or not having done it the way you thought it should have been done.
00:28:07.759 --> 00:28:34.559
Like a lot of it is heavy emotional um you know, work and and sitting, and I I mention in the article a lot, sitting in a quiet room because I do think that there's a lot of self-exploration that gets you through having to make these types of changes.
00:28:36.319 --> 00:28:37.519
Yeah, I completely agree.
00:28:37.680 --> 00:28:42.240
And I think what you're saying is that our identity gets tied up in so much of this.
00:28:42.799 --> 00:28:50.480
And that's what we need to, you know, think about is what what do we want to accomplish for ourselves?
00:28:50.640 --> 00:29:02.640
What you know, you know, we we our identity sometimes and I think you were alluding to this earlier, is what others are projecting on us or what we think others are viewing us as.
00:29:02.960 --> 00:29:19.200
And but our identity is the one thing we do have control over, and that we can make changes, and that those changes when you make those decisions, and that's what it sounds like, is you're talking a lot about life decisions, not necessarily financial decisions.
00:29:19.519 --> 00:29:20.319
Oh, for sure.
00:29:20.960 --> 00:29:23.920
Because life decision is what neighborhood do you live in?
00:29:24.240 --> 00:29:28.720
The financial decision is like, well, can you afford to live in that neighborhood?
00:29:29.440 --> 00:29:31.759
And that's that's the question.
00:29:31.920 --> 00:29:36.640
And you know, are you okay with the identity of saying, you know, like I drive an old car?
00:29:36.880 --> 00:29:43.200
You know, we could afford a newer car, but our old car gets us around, and I'm okay with that.
00:29:43.359 --> 00:29:48.079
But sometimes I feel bad when uh, you know, I have an older car and everybody else has a newer car.
00:29:48.240 --> 00:29:54.160
And you know, but that's something I just deal with because I don't want to spend the money on the new car.
00:29:54.319 --> 00:29:57.279
So maybe that makes me cheat, but I don't know.
00:29:57.519 --> 00:29:58.160
You know.
00:29:59.519 --> 00:30:00.160
Yeah.
00:30:00.960 --> 00:30:03.119
Um, no, I I follow that.
00:30:03.200 --> 00:30:07.759
I have a similar, so we I and I mentioned this in the article as well.
00:30:07.920 --> 00:30:18.480
My family and I, there are four of us in our immediate family, but we also have my uh mother-in-law who lives with us, my brother-in-law, and we have two grandkids that are always at the house.
00:30:18.559 --> 00:30:19.519
We're like eight deep.
00:30:19.599 --> 00:30:23.119
Our house is literally 1400 square feet.
00:30:23.440 --> 00:30:36.880
And so there have been times when I'm like, okay, we really need to move, you know, especially when I was, you know, with corporate, you know, we really need to move, you know, all the coworkers like have elaborate houses.
00:30:37.039 --> 00:30:41.680
And I remember my husband saying, Yeah, we can do that, but let's let's buy rental properties first.
00:30:42.079 --> 00:30:44.400
And I was like, okay.
00:30:44.640 --> 00:30:46.640
And so we we end up we end up doing this.
00:30:46.799 --> 00:30:47.599
This is his dream.
00:30:47.680 --> 00:30:49.759
Like he's always wanted rental properties.
00:30:49.839 --> 00:30:57.759
And so we brought these rental properties and um with the thought that eventually we'll we'll upgrade our home.
00:30:57.920 --> 00:31:01.759
And then, you know, I ended up leaving and and and starting this business.
00:31:01.839 --> 00:31:05.519
And I didn't even think I didn't even think of it as infrastructure at the time.
00:31:05.920 --> 00:31:20.559
But what we ultimately did was make financial decisions to build an infrastructure that essentially allowed us to live off of 50% of our you know income before I left.
00:31:20.880 --> 00:31:28.960
And so that's when I think about doing a do-over, when I think about people who need a do-over, that's usually the piece that's lacking.
00:31:29.119 --> 00:31:30.720
It's the infrastructure.
00:31:30.880 --> 00:31:36.160
Like I have the things that I want, but again, I still worry about money.
00:31:36.319 --> 00:31:42.000
I still feel like I'm struggling, I still have to wait for my paycheck to hit before I can do the things that I want to do.
00:31:42.240 --> 00:31:48.079
And so, again, that infrastructure, the way it looks, is the couple of things.
00:31:48.319 --> 00:31:52.720
So I think about like having a deposit cushion, right?
00:31:52.960 --> 00:32:00.079
Like you, you might be surprised by how many people live off of their paychecks as they come in and hit their accounts.
00:32:00.400 --> 00:32:10.799
And I'm always trying to get clients to a place where you're at least on a one-month lag, where you're never living off of the money that's coming into your account for the current month.
00:32:11.039 --> 00:32:12.799
And that does a few things.
00:32:12.960 --> 00:32:16.000
So, one, it gives you some flexibility, right?
00:32:16.079 --> 00:32:21.200
If something doesn't hit when you think it's gonna hit or an expense comes in, you're not scrambling.
00:32:21.440 --> 00:32:24.880
But also, and this is the part that I absolutely live by.
00:32:25.119 --> 00:32:30.240
When I come to the first of the month, I know exactly how much money I have for the following month.
00:32:30.319 --> 00:32:32.559
There's no question about it, you know.
00:32:32.799 --> 00:32:45.119
So that's an important part of kind of staying on top of your expenses overall, but also not like having that urgency, you know, that's that's a part of it.
00:32:45.440 --> 00:32:53.359
The other part is having systems where you are crystal clear on where your money is going.
00:32:53.519 --> 00:33:11.680
If I if I could have told myself one thing when I first got out of college, when I first started working in corporate, I would have said you need a clear system, a spending plan so that you know exactly what's coming into your account, you know exactly what's going out, and you're planning for things.
00:33:11.839 --> 00:33:21.680
You know, when you when you have like income that's steady, you get into a habit of that paycheck hitting every two weeks, you know it's gonna be there, and you just kind of go.
00:33:21.839 --> 00:33:29.440
But it's such a missed opportunity to say, I want to be proactive in telling my money where it's going to go.
00:33:29.920 --> 00:33:32.960
Um, so that's that's a big part of it.
00:33:33.279 --> 00:33:36.079
The other part is like just having goals.
00:33:36.160 --> 00:33:46.240
And I know this sounds so simple, but whenever I speak with someone about making a major purchase, I always ask the question, how did you decide on that price?
00:33:46.480 --> 00:33:51.839
How did you decide on that price for that vehicle or for anything for that refrigerator?
00:33:52.000 --> 00:33:57.039
And it's like, oh, I did my research, I found one that I liked, and I like tried to get it at a good price.
00:33:57.359 --> 00:34:00.000
But how do you know that you can afford that?
00:34:00.400 --> 00:34:11.039
And so one of the things that I that I live by and I try to help my clients to see it this way, it's almost impossible to know what you can afford if you don't have goals that you're working towards.
00:34:11.119 --> 00:34:17.119
So that's an important part of um of having that financial infrastructure.
00:34:17.280 --> 00:34:21.039
Um, of course, stable income, that's a part of it.
00:34:21.280 --> 00:34:33.920
Um the other thing that I that I the other thing that we talk about is like, where are you in terms of the trajectory with saving for the other goals that you have, right?
00:34:34.079 --> 00:34:36.639
So have you already started saving for education?
00:34:36.800 --> 00:34:47.760
Like you want to start another business, do you already have the nest egg, or are you waiting for that income to come in order for that to like be your starting point?
00:34:47.920 --> 00:35:04.159
And what I see so often, and this is what made me really start focusing on infrastructure, is that for those of us who come from the outside and we start making tons of money, we come to rely on that money, that income, those bonuses for everything.
00:35:04.320 --> 00:35:05.920
And that becomes our savior.
00:35:06.400 --> 00:35:14.400
We use the bonus to pay off debt, of course, it piles up again, but then we get another bonus and we pay down that debt, or we use it for vacation.
00:35:14.719 --> 00:35:21.280
But the income is literally the nucleus for everything that's holding up the household.
00:35:22.000 --> 00:35:30.800
That is opposed to, and well, that coupled with, I'll say, expenses that are right up against that income, right?
00:35:31.119 --> 00:35:36.239
So 90% of that income is being used by expenses, right?
00:35:36.400 --> 00:35:45.840
No matter how high your income is, if you have to spend 90% of it just to get to make your life work, that's not stable.
00:35:46.079 --> 00:35:47.360
That's instability.
00:35:47.519 --> 00:35:51.840
And someone who makes a half a million a year doesn't want to hear that they're not stable.
00:35:52.079 --> 00:36:02.239
But I think it's important for us to tell the story that financial stability, financial infrastructure is so much more than making great money and living the life that we want to live.
00:36:02.480 --> 00:36:11.840
I'm looking at whether or not those dollars are being used to build something, you know, because as you go, as you go on, right?
00:36:12.000 --> 00:36:21.599
Years and years of making hundreds of thousands a year, ideally you should be less and less dependent on that money every year.
00:36:21.840 --> 00:36:26.960
Not because something might happen, but because that's stewardship, right?
00:36:27.119 --> 00:36:42.000
It's taking the money that you're receiving and using that to build something that can sustain you, as opposed to, you know, no matter how good you are and what you do, looking to that as the main way to sustain you.
00:36:43.039 --> 00:36:44.559
Yeah, I I love that.
00:36:44.800 --> 00:37:01.280
And I I have reframed retirement as financial independence because that's exactly what you're talking about, is where you're not dependent upon your income or any one thing, is you've established, you know, your nest egg or whatever you want to call it.
00:37:01.440 --> 00:37:08.400
I mean, that's the whole point for me of retirement planning, is that you have that ability where you don't depend on your income.
00:37:08.559 --> 00:37:19.519
Now you have the extreme fire movement, financial independence retire early, which is a little bit much for most people, but that's that's really the principle, is that you don't have to depend on your income.
00:37:19.760 --> 00:37:26.960
And it's smart on a number of levels, is because, you know, one, people heard me talking about the importance of disability insurance.
00:37:27.440 --> 00:37:35.840
People get disabled, you know, sometimes for a short period, or they drop out of the workforce to become caregivers or so many other things.
00:37:35.920 --> 00:37:41.760
And what you're talking about, it's building up those cogents and thinking about your overall plan.
00:37:41.840 --> 00:37:46.800
And I think that's sometimes what happens with money is we start thinking about things in isolation.
00:37:46.960 --> 00:37:53.280
We start thinking about like, well, should I buy, let's say, NVIDIA stock right now, because that's the hot stock right now.
00:37:53.519 --> 00:37:59.199
But the question is should be for me, is like, well, is NVIDIA stock going to help you reach your goals?
00:37:59.440 --> 00:38:04.480
You know, that should be the real question, is not like, should I buy NVIDIA stock?
00:38:04.639 --> 00:38:06.400
That really doesn't have anything to do with it.
00:38:06.719 --> 00:38:10.719
So uh Khalila, to wrap up, I have what's called the get ready hot take trio.
00:38:10.960 --> 00:38:13.599
These are three quick questions I ask all of my guests.
00:38:14.079 --> 00:38:23.360
The first one is what is one myth you're trying to break about financial infrastructure or building infrastructure?
00:38:24.239 --> 00:38:30.320
A myth that I'm trying to break about building financial infrastructure or about financial infrastructure.
00:38:30.719 --> 00:38:33.760
Yeah, yeah, you know, or just pick something in that neighborhood.
00:38:34.239 --> 00:38:35.280
Uh yeah.
00:38:36.239 --> 00:38:43.039
Um that it's just about accumulating money.
00:38:43.519 --> 00:38:49.599
That, you know, you're just saving money to save money, to have a lot of money.
00:38:49.760 --> 00:38:52.960
And I do think that's a part of financial infrastructure.
00:38:53.280 --> 00:39:14.480
But I always think in terms of economic impact because you can have wealth and you can have saved money, but have very little economic empowerment in your life, meaning your money isn't used in a way that changes any of the things or adds to any of the things that are really important to you.
00:39:14.639 --> 00:39:19.840
You know, I I think of it in my in my faith, it's it's building bigger barns, right?
00:39:19.920 --> 00:39:22.719
Where you're just adding more to what you have.
00:39:23.599 --> 00:39:38.800
But the whole point is to be able to use that money to to, I want to say to build something to show that you were here.
00:39:40.559 --> 00:39:44.880
You know, and that could be helping someone else, it could be teaching your children.
00:39:44.960 --> 00:39:49.360
It could there's so many ways to do it, but yeah, that's it.
00:39:50.239 --> 00:39:51.280
I I I love that.
00:39:51.360 --> 00:40:23.360
And I think you know, we didn't get a chance to talk about generational wealth, but that really is what you're doing with your money, is that if you don't spend it all, you can start to build generational wealth and change a pattern, you know, and ripple into future generations and you can use your money to support organizations in your life, is that you can have a lot of positive impact, you know, beyond just your immediate life by you know, planning and goals and things like that.
00:40:23.440 --> 00:40:24.800
So I love that.
00:40:25.119 --> 00:40:26.320
So add something to that.
00:40:27.679 --> 00:40:38.559
Yeah, I just want to add this because a lot of times we think about that, but we think about that toward the end of our lives, once we did everything that we wanted to do, we have all the things, but we don't have to wait until that point to do that.
00:40:38.719 --> 00:40:44.079
It's one of the reasons why, as part of infrastructure, I focused on expense flexibility, right?
00:40:44.239 --> 00:40:50.480
The ability to lower your expenses, to live in a way that allows you to lower your expenses dramatically at will.
00:40:51.199 --> 00:40:55.840
Because in doing that, that's it, that's to me, that's a form of economic empowerment.
00:40:56.079 --> 00:41:07.440
Because you can make moves, you can impact things while you're working, while you're in your 30s, if you have that in your line of sight, and if you have that degree of control over your finances.
00:41:08.480 --> 00:41:09.679
I absolutely love that.
00:41:09.840 --> 00:41:12.079
Is yeah, you your money can do so many things.
00:41:12.159 --> 00:41:17.039
You have values-aligned investing, you have supporting nonprofits.
00:41:17.199 --> 00:41:24.719
There's so many ways you can use your money to have impact, or you know, you can help your family members, you know, if if they need help.
00:41:24.800 --> 00:41:26.800
You know, so I I love that.
00:41:26.880 --> 00:41:29.360
Um, so let's get out the time machine for a minute.
00:41:29.599 --> 00:41:35.119
If we could go back in time, knowing what you know about money, what advice would you give your younger self?
00:41:36.000 --> 00:41:37.920
Like my young, young self?
00:41:38.159 --> 00:41:42.079
Um yeah, let's let's say 16-year-old Khalila.
00:41:42.559 --> 00:41:43.280
16.
00:41:45.920 --> 00:41:49.119
Oh, 16-year-old Khalila would not have listened.
00:41:49.360 --> 00:41:52.000
Um 16-year-olds don't listen to that.
00:41:55.119 --> 00:41:56.480
What would I have said?
00:41:57.119 --> 00:42:03.280
Man, I would have told my 16-year-old self to stay home.
00:42:03.920 --> 00:42:12.480
I was in such a hurry to a hurry to move out of my mom's house and start life and you know, start being an adult, you know.
00:42:12.639 --> 00:42:16.400
And I moved out of my mom's house when I was 18 years old, you know.
00:42:16.559 --> 00:42:19.519
Um, I would have told myself, stay home.
00:42:19.840 --> 00:42:22.639
Let her continue to pour into you.
00:42:23.360 --> 00:42:34.000
And don't move out of her house until you're at least 10% at the vision that you have for yourself.
00:42:34.239 --> 00:42:37.679
Make some progress on that first and then move.
00:42:39.119 --> 00:42:40.800
Well, that don't be in a hurry.
00:42:40.880 --> 00:42:46.079
That is great financial advice for any part of the financial services world.
00:42:46.320 --> 00:42:47.599
Don't be in a hurry.
00:42:47.920 --> 00:42:58.239
Wait, you know, I mean, as you said, is get the information, get 10% there is, you know, because one of the things that often comes up, you know, is is talking about widows, for example.
00:42:58.480 --> 00:43:04.239
And that's a piece of advice I always have for widows is don't be in a hurry to make any decisions.
00:43:04.320 --> 00:43:09.760
And that goes through any life transition, I think is absolutely powerful advice.
00:43:10.079 --> 00:43:11.679
Just take a minute.
00:43:11.920 --> 00:43:16.800
So to wrap up, what's your number one tip to change the way we think about money?
00:43:21.039 --> 00:43:23.679
To change the way we think about money.
00:43:25.119 --> 00:43:30.480
Um that's a good question.
00:43:33.199 --> 00:43:41.440
The last article that I did on LinkedIn, which I grappled with so much on how to um put that out there, was about learning enough.
00:43:42.960 --> 00:43:59.679
Um my number one tip is to think figure out what enough means for you before before like something goes wrong or or or you know you need to retire.
00:43:59.840 --> 00:44:18.159
I think the earlier you can figure out what is the thing that brings contentment, what is the thing that makes you feel at peace and whole and lock in on those things and be insanely frugal on everything else.
00:44:19.360 --> 00:44:21.199
That's that's what I would say.
00:44:22.159 --> 00:44:22.880
I love that.
00:44:23.039 --> 00:44:24.639
Figure out what enough means to you.
00:44:24.800 --> 00:44:39.679
And I think it's so important as people get wrapped up, and you know, and you and you've talked about this through the show, is what everybody else is doing, but figure out what enough means to you because it's gonna be very different for each of us.
00:44:39.920 --> 00:44:44.960
So, Khalila, where can people learn more about you and connect with you?
00:44:45.360 --> 00:44:45.840
Yes.
00:44:46.000 --> 00:44:48.320
So uh I put out a lot of work on LinkedIn.
00:44:48.719 --> 00:44:50.159
So I would say start there.
00:44:50.239 --> 00:44:55.199
I think you have the link in the show notes, but you can find me under Khalila Dow on LinkedIn.
00:44:55.360 --> 00:45:00.559
Um, I also put out a lot of uh YouTube content and uh motivational videos.
00:45:00.719 --> 00:45:08.480
You can find that under uh Khalila Dow at TrueWealth Solutions T W S.
00:45:09.119 --> 00:45:13.519
Um, I also have a blog which I think is in the uh show notes as well.
00:45:13.679 --> 00:45:24.880
Uh website is uh true wealth solutions with an S, and that's true spelled T-R-U-E, TrueWealth Solutions T W S dot com.
00:45:25.920 --> 00:45:26.559
Fantastic.
00:45:26.639 --> 00:45:31.679
And for everybody watching and listening, as always, there will be those links, as Khalila mentioned in the show notes.
00:45:31.760 --> 00:45:32.800
So you can check her out.
00:45:32.880 --> 00:45:36.880
And as I've mentioned throughout the show, I love your writing on LinkedIn.
00:45:37.039 --> 00:45:41.039
So I'd highly recommend following Khalila on LinkedIn.
00:45:41.280 --> 00:45:44.719
Um, so Khalila, thanks for joining us on Get Ready Before Life Happens.
00:45:44.880 --> 00:45:46.880
It's been a fantastic conversation.
00:45:47.280 --> 00:45:49.039
Yes, thank you so much for having me.
00:45:49.199 --> 00:45:50.000
I appreciate it.
00:45:50.159 --> 00:45:50.559
Thank you.
00:45:50.800 --> 00:45:51.920
Yeah, this is awesome.
00:45:52.000 --> 00:45:56.800
And thank you, everyone, as always, for tuning in to this episode of Get Ready Before Life Happens.
00:45:56.960 --> 00:46:04.320
If you learned something to change the way you think about money and your financial infrastructure, please be sure to subscribe and to tell a friend.
00:46:04.480 --> 00:46:13.280
You can also go to my website at TonyStewart.com to join the get ready movement to receive my newsletter and my financial readiness quick start checklist.
00:46:13.599 --> 00:46:17.920
Because when life happens, the way you think about money matters.
