From Carpool to Gap Year! ... with Special Guest, Humanitarian-Visionary: Maggie Doyne

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This episode of From Carpool to College is brought to
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visit Lakeborncoffee dot com.
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Welcome to From Carpool to College, the show for parents
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who are trying to keep their sanity while navigating the
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college planning landscape. Hell, everyone, welcome to you from Carpool
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to College. I'm Tracy Amadeo. I'm Tara Artz, Tarah Artz.
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We are caffeinated, excited, and we have a very special
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guest today. Tara is going to introduce Okay, so, welcome
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to the show today on our podcast, We're thrilled to
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welcome the very famous Maggie Dorn, who is a New
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Jersey native and a remarkable just human being overall, whose
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gap year story will completely reframe how you think about
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your child taking time off before college and maybe rewriting
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their story. At eighteen, Instead of heading straight to the university,
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Maggie decided to take a turn and found herself going
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through India and then eventually Nepal. What started as a
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gap year adventure became a life changing mission when she
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encountered children living on the streets working in dangerous conditions.
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Moved by what she witnessed, Maggie made an extraordinary decision,
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and she used some of her hard earned money to
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eventually buy some land in rural Nepal and begin building
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a home and school for at risk children. That bold
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choice led to the creation of Blink Now, a nonprofit
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organization that has transformed an entire community. Today, the Copola
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Valley Children's Home provides a safe, loving environment for dozens
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of children, while the Copola Valley School serves over four
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hundred students maybe more from kindergarten through high school. And
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under the leadership of Link Now and Maggie, she's also
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launched programs in women's empowerment, sustainable agriculture, and community health.
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Maggie's incredible work has earned her international rest cognition. She's
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been honored as a CNN Hero, received to Do Something Award,
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and was named one of the most Influential People under
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thirty by various publications. She's spoken at major conferences worldwide
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and has been featured in documentaries about her inspiring journey.
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She was named recently not too long ago, twenty twenty
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three Inspiring Women of the Year by the Confederation of
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Nepalese Industries at their Women's Leadership Forum. But perhaps most remarkably,
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it all started with an eighteen year old's decision to
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take a gap year. So, Maggie, we welcome you to
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the show. Huh.
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She is one of my favorite topics and I cannot
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wait to dig in. Thank you for having me.
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We are so excited. And you know Tara and I
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talk about we talked about gap years. Tara actually brought
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it up because she teaches in Mendem where you were
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a guest speaker at some point. Your roots, it's your.
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Home, it's my home, it's my hometown.
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Doctor, that's right, right, So yeah, it's Tarry and I
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both actually we will started teaching together in Mendem, but
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we were in the township.
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And you were the borough.
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Right.
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Oh yeah, buy the tracks. That's completely different worlds.
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I know.
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Please like reading your book. I've read it and then
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I listened to an audible first. Maggie has a book
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called Between the Mountain and the Sky, and I've listened
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to it. So I feel like, Maggie, I know you
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because I've listened to the book twice already and it's
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profound and amazing and beautiful. You're a damn good writer.
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You are an incredible writer.
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Thank you High School, Mendem Board of Education.
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Right there, your high school ed teachers.
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Thank you teachers, Thank you teachers.
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Amazing, so so beautifully written. But we also when we
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met you during your during the movie screening at in Montclair,
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I guess over the summer, no, what it was, yeah, yeah, yeah,
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we took pictures with you. We were all giddy and
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starstruck and we made a couple of the PR photos
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which we were like, oh my.
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God, we made a PR Of course you did, Jersey
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were flying for my people.
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So but you said in your own words when we
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were talking about your gap year. You said that, well,
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I don't know if you want to have me on
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because of a gap year. So let's start with that.
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When we talk about a gap year. We come from
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a culture where everyone needs to have the same recipe
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card and parents are we want the best for our
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kids always, and we all have the same idea culturally
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that it's high school then right off to college, and
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it's not just a college. It has to be a
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special college, and it has to be a four year college,
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and it has to be a way to college, and
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it has to be a US News and World Report
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ranked college. So we have all these ideas about what
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we're supposed to be doing. But something that you echo
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in your book and you weave it through beautifully is
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you keep on telling your kids I see you, I
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see So we want to talk to you about that.
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We want to talk to you about seeing kids and
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your gap year and how it just completely pivoted your life.
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Yeah, I'm every parent's worse fear because the kind of
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false notion around gap years, and there's a lot of
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problematic language with gap years in general. It's really a
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launch year. It's a year on, it's not a year off.
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I mean, there's so many problematic negative connotations, but one
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of the biggest fears with gap years is that your
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kid won't come back to college. Well, I'm not going
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to let you do that because you're not going to
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go back to college. I know this space so well
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because I've talked to thousands and thousands and thousands of
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high schoolers. That makes me quick to talk about this
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in every high school or like, my parents would never
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let me do that, and every parent would be like,
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I would never let my kid do that. And one
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thing that my mom has said as a gap your
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parent who did allow us to take risks and encouraged adventure,
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encouraged a year on, encourage that time for right of
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passage and self discovery and all of those things, is like, well,
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now that you know you've done these things and you've
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built these things, and you've gained some notoriety in your field,
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people say, what did you do to raise her? How
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did you make such a daughter? But she always says,
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if anything had happened to you, I would have been
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on CNN as like the worst mother of the year
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for letting you do that. Instead, you're on CNN as
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the hero of the year. But I think I think
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a lot of what we're talking about is really fear
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in parenthood, fear in society, fear in our culture. Right now,
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what if my kid fails, What if something happens. I mean,
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it's a reason why kids don't play outside in the
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front yard anymore, not to mention send your kid on
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a gap year or a city year or anywhere in
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the world. So if we have problems with kids bicycling
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to school around the block, no wonder, we're going to
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struggle with gap years. And you're right, Like especially, I
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was raised in New Jersey, born and bred, and it
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wasn't where are you going to go to college? Or
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are you going to college? Or what are you doing next?
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It was which college are you going to get into?
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I mean, it was to the point where they were
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like the penance of like the college triangle things, and
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when somebody got in, the guidance department would post them.
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It was in two thousand and five, which is the
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year that I was the senior in high school. They
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published it in the local newspaper, the Observer Tribune. Who
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got in? Where who was going? Where? You couldn't go
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to King's, You couldn't go to the grocery store. As
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a seventeen year old, you couldn't walk off the soccer field,
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You couldn't go to your parents' friend's house without being
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grilled about which colleges you were applying to, which colleges
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you had looked at, which colleges you had toured, and
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which colleges were you getting into it? And we can
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say it all we want, like, oh, we're so much
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better than that. And with the mental health crisis that
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we're in and the price of privilege, it's changed, But
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it really hasn't. It really hasn't. It is a luxury
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item that is for this upper echelon of society, and
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then everybody else is chasing it because it is a
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status symbol. It's like the bag you carry, and we
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got to call it what it is first. We have
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to recognize it for what it is. What is the
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What are the questions that we're asking of young people?
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Where are you going to college? As if that's the
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most important thing. We're asking them to value humanity, values, kindness,
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finding oneself, your own inner journey, What do you want
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to be? What's your purpose? You know, really getting into
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what do you stand for? What do you believe in?
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And we're not asking those questions, we're asking what's which
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brand of college are you going to? Is it Bucknal,
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is it BC? Is it Duke? Is it Lanta? Is
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it an ivy? Because if you're an ivy, that means
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you're a good one. You're you're you're you're you're a you're.
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Top crem the la crem in your parents and your
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parents are even better? Yeah right that you.
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How did how did that? You get parented? So it's problematic.
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It's incredibly problematic because we have attached value to wherever
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you get in, which, by the way, is a total
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crap sho has nothing to do with anything except we
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know it's all crap. Shoot. It's the hardest time in
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the history of time it's ever been to get into
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any college. And it's an industry.
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It is business.
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It's an industry. Yeah, it's a business, and we're all
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drinking the kool aid. My daughter took a gap year
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and when I got that call, I had that moment
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of gas and I am a guy, you know, I
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was like, Okay, are you sure you had a full scholarship?
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And you know so, So I think it starts by fear.
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We're all driven by fear. What if my kid doesn't succeed,
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what will happen to my kid? And what does success
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look like? It's that definition of success and success in
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our circles is like where'd your kid go? Because that's
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going to get you on the right track with the
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right people, with the right network, to the right career,
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to the right what is right? What is right? And
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then we're wondering why we're in a mental health crisis,
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why we're in an epidemic, why we're all chasing happiness,
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Why you know we're at this deficit andre we're at
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this time of great despair and hopelessness. And look at
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the questions that we're asking our children. It's not right
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and it has to change. And I do think that
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I am, in a way people's worst nightmare. I do.
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I do despite everything. I have an honorary PhD, leading
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a global organization that's being modeled around the world, best
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selling author, sub sub day of a film, and I
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still think people are not willing to talk about alternative paths.
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I just think maybe we're getting there, but we're not.
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So I love this topic. I could talk to you
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about this for eighteen hours and it could not Like
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I feel my blood pressure rising as a parent of
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gen Z right now, as you know we're in this
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in this time and in this space. It's like, this
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is such a critical conversation. What questions are we asking?
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Right? And I think any we were talking about this
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trace you the other day when we said it should
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almost be required after high school to just in some
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ways take that time to kind of figure out because
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when students are seventeen eighteen, sometimes that's a lot to
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have them commit to something that's four years at this
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amount of money, and you know, it's it's a lot, a.
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Lot, a lot, ninety thousand dollars a year ninety for
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these top colleges. Now they're in like ninety five thousand
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dollars a year, a lot of money.
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We're talking about half a million bucks. Yeah, a seventeen
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year old. Their brains aren't even developed. I was a
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good student, Like I was a straight A. I did
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the IB, I did the AP, I did it I
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took the SATs, I did the SAT prep course. I
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was class treasurer, editor in chief of my yearbook. I
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did it all. I did it all, and it's it's
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it I didn't know what the hell I wanted to be.
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I didn't, and I would have just been doing going
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to class and showing up. And then we're wondering why
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college campuses are ridden with drugs and alcohol and promiscuity
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and party culture and depression. And it's like, where where
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have we gone? Where? How have we gotten so off track?
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That just a moment of quiet, a moment of pause,
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a rite of passage, a questioning of the four walls
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of a classroom, the questioning of like who am I
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and what is my place in this world? How can
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I contribute? What can I give? What could I start?
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It's yeah, we need to talk about it.
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And even that, if you look at fine print the
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data for college reporting, when they report the national graduation rates,
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the fine line says it's over six years, baggie, it's
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not over four years. So the national graduation rate, I
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think the last I check was about sixty two percent.
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So only sixty two percent of kids who enter college
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are going to graduate in six years, not four years.
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So what is that saying? Like we're floundering, We're floundering,
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we're navigating through our stuff, we're trying to figure it out.
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Are we seeing our kids are colleges seeing our kids,
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I think there's there's definitely here. And I go visit
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college campuses across the country. We pretend like we both
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have kids. I have two boys, twenty and twenty one.
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Now we're showing our wrinkles everybody, Yes, for everyone listening,
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I'm showing Maggie my what have called this neck?
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My wattle? So very proud.
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So Dare and I visit colleges across the country, and
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we you know, we're like secret shoppers, so we ask,
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you know, what are you doing for this? What about
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the anxious kid? And I think colleges are trying to
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get it, but I just don't know if you can
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trust an institution to raise your kid. I don't know
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how many I really do think colleges are trying. With
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counseling programs and mentoring systems set up in the schools.
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The smaller schools are doing it better. The larger schools
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are trying to figure it out. But our kids are
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not graduating in four years. They're all applying to the
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same thirty schools. It's going to cost grand a year
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as a Jersey girl to go to Penn State and
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you're telling me the reason why you want to go
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is because you want to go to the white out
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football game. We need your help help us.
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Yeah. So I think the first thing is redefining education.
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So I think the notion that if my kid doesn't
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go to college, they're not being educated. That's the like
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education is so many things beyond the fancy landscaping the
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class per child. Like education, it is that journey. It
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is that knowing oneself. It is that understanding of place
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in the world, finding one's passion, finding where you're going
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to contribute, where you want to go with your career.
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And the best place that that can happen is actually
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working in the world, having experiencing, having exposure. It might
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it's just different for everybody. I'm not anti education. I'm
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the most pro education. Till the day I die, I
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will be talking about the importance of education, accessibility, and
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the rights of every child to have access. My vision
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is for a world where children are safe, educated and loved,
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where they love to read books, where there's knowledge, where
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there's empowerment from knowledge. So when I went on my
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gap year, it wasn't that my education stopped. It was
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really where the world was opened up to me and
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I saw how big the world was, and I was
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reading more than I'd ever read. You know, reading is
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just it's everything, like that curiosity, that digging into a book,
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that wanting to know that curiosity. You know, education is
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about staying curious and staying open and building a briefcase
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of tools. It's just so much. It's grown up, and
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I do think the education sector gets that, but we
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just haven't evolved beyond the brand because of the business
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associated with it. So I think I think we just
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have to keep making it okay for kids to take
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a year, or take a pause, or go to an internship,
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or go take on a vocation, or go, hey, you're
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interested in this field, go work on it, try it out.
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I mean, the best thing about my gap year was
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the exposure that I had to. I worked on a farm.
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We did outdoor survival skills. We were scuba diving in
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the Great Barrier reef, learning about ecosystems. We lived a
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Buddhist monastery. We were dropped in with people from all
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different places and cultures and colors and all the time,
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I mean, indigenous knowledge. It was just about it was
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everything educational. So I think that's what we want. We
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want curiosity, we want passion, we want meaning, we want
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purpose for our kids. And yes, that is available in
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college campuses, and it's also available in a thousand other
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places on a thousand other days. And so staying open
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to whatever journeys and making sure that it's okay, but
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you want to work for a few years, it's okay.
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You want to go to community college for a couple
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of years, it's okay. You want to go on a
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vocational track, it's okay. You want to take a year
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of pause, and you've got the ability to do that.
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We need to make sure every kid has access to
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a gap year because there's a major access accessibility issue
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now as well that we're dealing with it where we
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don't want it to become that you can only to
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a gap year if you have the privilege of taking
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a year. So yeah, so I think we just have
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to keep redefining and staying open minded about what education
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is and what our goals are and what our questions are.
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Yeah, and even changing the name right gap year, we
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said that doesn't it just doesn't sit right. It's just
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something that you're assuming that you will go right back
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into that scripted you know, four year degree or whatever,
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you know, whatever the society has kind of like, you know,
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written for you. But I think that, yeah, that's part
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of it, just being able to keep talking about it,
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to make sure that it is fine, it's okay, it's acceptable,
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it's in fact, maybe the best thing for you versus
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going into that school right out of right out of
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high school.
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And it sets us, it sets you ahead because when
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you do go and by the way, like ninety five
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percent of gap year students return and go to college
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to for your colleges, like I am an anomaly. That's
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why I don't want to be a spokesperson because I
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feel like it's doing But what are my kids not going?
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Your kid's going to go back to college like ninety Yeah,
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I'm pretty sure of the students and my cohorn't. Everybody
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went on to college and university. And for the most part,
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we're not talking about like tech kids who drop out
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of college to start a tech company. Like we're talking
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about a moment of pause, of finding oneself, of having
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a right of passage, of asking questions, of going inward
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and just taking a moment. That's what it's about. What
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was my second of all. My second of all is that, yeah,
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just make it accessible, make it something that's normalized, and
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that it's an advantage. Like see it as an advantage
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when you're sitting in a classroom, when you're sitting in
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spaces that you've for me. It gives me confidence that
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like I can talk more about the cul de Sac
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I grew up on New Jersey, I can talk about
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other things. I can talk about other learnings and fallings
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and failures and stories. It's just that that breeds the
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exposure to experiences. You've met so many people, it just
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it widens your perspective. And that's what we want. We
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want a full life. Yeah, we don't want an easy life.
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We don't want to happy, just happy, all good and shiny.
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We know that bubble has been burst. Life is going
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to be hard, no matter who you are, no matter
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it's hard earth. School is hard. It's about building a full,
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beautiful life, full of beautiful experiences. And like going to
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Wake Forest, I shouldn't pick on any school. I didn't
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get into Wake Forest, so I can pick on that
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one already was rejected and I took it personally.
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Yes, that's the other piece, your whole these kids whole
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self work earth attached to who says yes to them,
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and then this instagram or boltin board at school that
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sets where they're going to be attending on me on
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make course, on decision day. Yeah, and then you I
385
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forgot about Instagram.
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Yeah, you get your swag and then you wear it
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your hat or your hoodie, and then you wear it.
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So I was rejected, Like a big part of my
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story is that I was convinced I had to go
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to Wake Forest, which is just I think it's a
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great school. I totally get why I liked it. I
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had to go. I had to go. It was my
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top choice. I need to go to Wake You can
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put yourself in my head as a seventeen year old,
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and long story short, I was rejected, which just was
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really rejection is really good. We should all practice rejection.
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We need to be rejected and be okay with it
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and stand in our But it was a good things
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that helped me kind of question like why was my
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self worth and everything I was going to be in
401
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the world contingent upon the school. And it's been twenty
402
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years since I got that rejection letter, and last year,
403
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the incoming class of Wake Forest read my book and
404
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asked me to come and speak whoa and as a
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speaker on campus, and they had no idea that they
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had rejected me twenty years ago. God and I opened
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with that story of rejection, and it kind of just
408
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goes to show that, like we're you're gonna be okay,
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You're going to be okay. Say listen to your voice,
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listen to that inner knowing, don't focus too much and
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what he said or she said or the rankings, like
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really get we need to get quiet right now, and
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we need to listen, and we need pause, and we're
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being hit with so much. Should do this? Should be this?
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It should be like just pause, ask ourselves what really matters,
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ask ourselves what's important, and move from that place. And
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it has nothing to do with the brand, just none
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of it. None, Like it's we really have to we
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really have to change what we value. It's about a
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value system. And we all can agree we value education.
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What mother or father doesn't value education. We can all
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agree on that value. But then it's become more than
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a value system, it's become our identity. Yeah, and we
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got to do better.
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So I'm a school counselor during the day where my
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school counselor hat I was a college and career counselor.
427
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I did, I do a little bit everything. I'm like
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Jane of all Trade. How would you advise a high
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school in North Jersey to address that issue? Because I'm
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in the thick of it. I am in my you know,
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I'm up to my gills reading essays and trying to
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work with kids one on one to help them untether
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their self worth to that top rank school. And it's
434
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also intertwined with their parents' expectations. Have a lot of
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first gen students, so the parents are trying to tap
436
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into that American dream as well. So I could use
437
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some help.
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I think it's all about deep programming, like or offering
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other perspectives, and I think the way we do that
440
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is that they have to see people who look like them,
441
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who can relate to them, who have gone on different paths.
442
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And how it worked out, like, thank god wake Forest
443
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rejected me. That's the best rejection ever. And twenty years later,
444
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I can still say thank god that school didn't want me.
445
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Thank God I got that B minus in biology because
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thank you B minus. Like hands up for the B
447
00:26:52.359 --> 00:26:56.559
and minus kids. You're fine. You're it's okay to be
448
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a B minus kid B minus people are fine like you're.
449
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I think like deprogramming and like offering another ecosystem of
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perspectives and just constantly being like you're gonna be okay,
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all of this is gonna make sense, it's gonna work out,
452
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and giving them exposure to other things that take them
453
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out of that little we got to like burst the
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bubble a little bit. I also think we have to
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offer alternatives. Yes, they should get a college counselor coming
456
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in and setting up a table with the college. And
457
00:27:29.759 --> 00:27:33.960
they should also get someone from flight school. There's this
458
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incredible program out there called flight School right now and
459
00:27:36.680 --> 00:27:39.519
it's about a launch year program and you go inward
460
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for the year. There are so many endless programs, So
461
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I think we need equal representation. We need they need
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to see someone who did community college that's championed just
463
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as much as the person that went to Stanford, that
464
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that that your your human value is not valued in
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in this way and that it's gonna be okay. And
466
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especially right now with the rising of technology, you want
467
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to learn something, you can learn it. You're gonna you
468
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can you can go on to AI and every single
469
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MIT professor you can Yale give the top colleges in
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the world, you can do their course online, like yeah, and.
471
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The micro like the credentialing, right, so the stacking of credentials.
472
00:28:28.640 --> 00:28:31.359
It's huge because that's technology has moved so fast.
473
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I think, just like talking about success, like what is success?
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What is it? Because if you think success is the
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car you drive and what your kitchen looks like, we're
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at a real deficit right now, Like yeah, right, It's
477
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it's really about like what conversations are we having, what matters?
478
00:28:56.039 --> 00:28:59.400
What's important? What does our humanity need? What does our
479
00:28:59.440 --> 00:29:03.039
family need? I mean our human family? How do we
480
00:29:03.079 --> 00:29:05.839
find peace in the world? How do we create a
481
00:29:05.839 --> 00:29:10.440
better world? What is success? Like? What is success? I
482
00:29:11.000 --> 00:29:14.319
want to see all kinds of success. We're the only
483
00:29:14.319 --> 00:29:16.440
country in the world that the first question we ask
484
00:29:16.759 --> 00:29:20.240
is what do you do? What do you do? And
485
00:29:20.319 --> 00:29:24.799
we answer with our job, like oh it's or what
486
00:29:25.039 --> 00:29:26.519
do you do for a living? What are you up to?
487
00:29:26.559 --> 00:29:28.559
Like we we're the only place in the world that
488
00:29:28.640 --> 00:29:31.680
answers that question with our career path because.
489
00:29:32.839 --> 00:29:37.279
I don't know, feel you this is this and we
490
00:29:37.279 --> 00:29:43.319
we want to challenge our kids, our students, our clients,
491
00:29:43.400 --> 00:29:47.799
the parents we work with, and we're starting with having conversations.
492
00:29:48.000 --> 00:29:50.279
We're starting with you know, we're from carpool to college.
493
00:29:50.319 --> 00:29:52.599
So we're in a you know, we're yapping away in
494
00:29:52.839 --> 00:29:55.519
the speakers of the parents. We're trying to get into
495
00:29:55.519 --> 00:29:59.359
the ear that you know, Okay, college is a pathway.
496
00:29:59.400 --> 00:30:02.559
We focus on education and why it's important, and what
497
00:30:02.640 --> 00:30:04.400
your kid knows and what they don't know, what they're
498
00:30:04.440 --> 00:30:07.799
comfortable with, what they're not comfortable with, different options, different choices.
499
00:30:07.880 --> 00:30:10.960
You don't have to take all ap classes, it's all whatever.
500
00:30:11.720 --> 00:30:14.799
And then we morph to the college scene. You don't
501
00:30:14.880 --> 00:30:17.000
necessarily have to go this way. My son went to
502
00:30:17.039 --> 00:30:20.000
community college first. I'm a college planner. I'm not like
503
00:30:20.799 --> 00:30:24.799
you know, and my kid went to CCM first, and
504
00:30:24.880 --> 00:30:26.799
he was the only one out of all his friends
505
00:30:26.960 --> 00:30:29.880
and he was you know, may first. He was like, yeah,
506
00:30:29.880 --> 00:30:32.720
I didn't have a Titan sweatshirt. But whatever. But again,
507
00:30:32.759 --> 00:30:36.400
like just trying to have the conversations first, to normalize
508
00:30:37.640 --> 00:30:42.799
jumping off of that path. It is such a challenge.
509
00:30:43.359 --> 00:30:47.799
But what we start with conversations, why yeah, I think I.
510
00:30:47.680 --> 00:30:51.559
Think again, all we can do is have the conversation
511
00:30:51.720 --> 00:30:54.039
and if your reason for going to college is like,
512
00:30:54.079 --> 00:30:56.680
well it's the only thing, it's not the only thing,
513
00:30:56.880 --> 00:30:59.720
Like that's just the next natural step. Like no, you
514
00:30:59.759 --> 00:31:02.079
have so many options, There's so much you can do.
515
00:31:02.759 --> 00:31:05.400
What timeline and racetrack are we all on and where
516
00:31:05.400 --> 00:31:10.039
are we going? And when we look at our world
517
00:31:10.160 --> 00:31:16.079
right now, we need something different, Like the world is
518
00:31:16.119 --> 00:31:19.480
not a like we were a reflection of the world
519
00:31:19.480 --> 00:31:22.440
that we create and what our intentions and what our
520
00:31:22.440 --> 00:31:27.920
focus is and what we say successes. So yeah, I
521
00:31:27.960 --> 00:31:31.880
hate that I'm coming off as anti establishment or anti education. Like,
522
00:31:32.160 --> 00:31:34.920
by the way, I'm a My husband and I we
523
00:31:35.079 --> 00:31:38.880
both didn't go to college. My husband's are a successful filmmaker,
524
00:31:39.359 --> 00:31:42.359
and I kind of have to be careful of what
525
00:31:42.400 --> 00:31:44.960
I say. And I'm also a parent and of kids
526
00:31:44.960 --> 00:31:48.119
who mostly go to college. And I also built one
527
00:31:48.119 --> 00:31:50.480
of the world's greatest schools because I believe so much
528
00:31:50.519 --> 00:31:52.920
in education. So I think all of this can exist.
529
00:31:54.960 --> 00:31:57.279
I just think we have to be really careful about
530
00:31:57.319 --> 00:32:01.119
not placing too much self worth value in the journey
531
00:32:01.200 --> 00:32:03.480
on the colleges that we go to and gap years
532
00:32:03.480 --> 00:32:05.880
serve a really great purpose for that and there's so
533
00:32:05.960 --> 00:32:09.319
many options and so much to do, and it's all
534
00:32:09.359 --> 00:32:10.960
going to be okay no matter what path we all
535
00:32:11.000 --> 00:32:11.599
choose to take.
536
00:32:12.200 --> 00:32:15.920
Right College is not a terminal destination that you know,
537
00:32:16.160 --> 00:32:17.799
don't peak at high school. I just tell my high
538
00:32:17.799 --> 00:32:19.640
school students, don't. It's good that you're not peaking in
539
00:32:19.720 --> 00:32:21.640
high school. We don't want to peak in high school,
540
00:32:22.039 --> 00:32:23.680
and we don't want to peak in college. We don't
541
00:32:23.680 --> 00:32:26.559
want to peak in our accept it's constant journey and
542
00:32:26.759 --> 00:32:30.920
college is not your terminal destination. That is not your
543
00:32:31.079 --> 00:32:33.559
life goal. Where you go the book like where you
544
00:32:33.599 --> 00:32:34.519
go is not who you are?
545
00:32:34.960 --> 00:32:38.759
Got yea if anything? Okay, So I'm thirty eight, I'm
546
00:32:38.759 --> 00:32:41.920
gonna be thirty nine, and I've started to notice something
547
00:32:43.200 --> 00:32:44.880
I meet with lots of people gets I have a
548
00:32:44.920 --> 00:32:46.960
great life. I see lots of people. I meet lots
549
00:32:47.000 --> 00:32:49.319
of people. If somebody tells me where they went to
550
00:32:49.359 --> 00:32:52.200
college in the first sentence, as like a forty year
551
00:32:52.240 --> 00:32:53.839
old or a fifth year old, I kind of think
552
00:32:53.839 --> 00:32:55.079
it's a red flag.
553
00:32:57.759 --> 00:33:00.119
Speaks in college.
554
00:33:00.319 --> 00:33:05.279
I'm gonna be just as impressed by my co founder Tope,
555
00:33:05.960 --> 00:33:09.319
who was a child porter and an orphan who had
556
00:33:09.359 --> 00:33:11.559
to go and work at the age of nine. I
557
00:33:11.640 --> 00:33:14.799
find him just as impressive as a fourth grade graduate.
558
00:33:15.240 --> 00:33:17.160
Then I do as a man that tells me I
559
00:33:17.200 --> 00:33:20.079
went to y'all, It's like, I love y'all. I think
560
00:33:20.119 --> 00:33:22.319
it's an amazing institution. People that I love went there.
561
00:33:23.519 --> 00:33:27.880
It's just again, we have this problem where, like what
562
00:33:27.920 --> 00:33:30.279
I would say to these in twenty years, nobody's gonna
563
00:33:30.279 --> 00:33:33.279
ask you where you went. Nobody talks about it. You're
564
00:33:33.359 --> 00:33:36.720
just ask everybody. And I do think parents are getting
565
00:33:36.720 --> 00:33:39.160
better about this. When you ask every mom and dad
566
00:33:39.160 --> 00:33:40.920
what do they want for their child, It's like, I
567
00:33:40.920 --> 00:33:44.519
want them to be happy, and even that's not a guarantee.
568
00:33:44.519 --> 00:33:46.920
I want them to be whole. I want them to
569
00:33:47.000 --> 00:33:49.279
be full. So I do think there is this awakening
570
00:33:49.319 --> 00:33:51.640
amongst us of like, we do know what we want
571
00:33:51.680 --> 00:33:54.640
for our children. We do know what is best when
572
00:33:54.680 --> 00:33:58.400
we are quiet and we are centered as mothers, as parents,
573
00:33:59.359 --> 00:34:01.720
we know that this is a rat race and not
574
00:34:01.839 --> 00:34:06.119
to bite the hook. It's just that sometimes we all
575
00:34:06.119 --> 00:34:08.519
get caught up in it, just like I get caught up.
576
00:34:08.599 --> 00:34:12.679
I get caught up in Instagram nail art, like my
577
00:34:12.760 --> 00:34:13.719
nails should look like.
578
00:34:13.760 --> 00:34:16.800
We all get caught up in it, and it's like,
579
00:34:16.960 --> 00:34:19.960
you know, like it's okay to like get into the
580
00:34:20.000 --> 00:34:25.519
noise of the algorithm and you know, of what's not important,
581
00:34:25.559 --> 00:34:27.760
but it's really important to like come back.
582
00:34:27.840 --> 00:34:31.400
And I think in our inner knowing, in our inner hearts,
583
00:34:31.480 --> 00:34:35.480
we know that what we really want for our children
584
00:34:35.800 --> 00:34:38.320
is to go on a journey of life and to
585
00:34:38.400 --> 00:34:42.039
live a full, joyous life up and down and that
586
00:34:42.159 --> 00:34:44.719
love that they feel loved and they feel whole, and
587
00:34:44.760 --> 00:34:47.320
they feel seen and they feel a part of something.
588
00:34:48.199 --> 00:34:52.599
That's what we want. That they're always curious, that they
589
00:34:52.599 --> 00:34:56.280
have community, that they have healthy relationships. So I think
590
00:34:56.280 --> 00:34:58.960
it's just really important the language that we again back
591
00:34:59.000 --> 00:35:01.400
to words like what do we want for our children?
592
00:35:01.559 --> 00:35:05.960
We want healthy relationships, we want connection, we want centeredness,
593
00:35:05.960 --> 00:35:10.880
we want groundedness, we want love. I think that's what
594
00:35:10.920 --> 00:35:13.000
we should be asking what do you want for your life?
595
00:35:13.079 --> 00:35:15.360
And let me help you. Let's let's plot out the chart.
596
00:35:15.519 --> 00:35:17.159
And that might be a gap year, and it might
597
00:35:17.199 --> 00:35:19.280
be a year of working in the relevant field, and
598
00:35:19.280 --> 00:35:22.239
it might be an internship for a volunteer ship, or
599
00:35:23.159 --> 00:35:24.679
you want to go to medical school. We're going to
600
00:35:24.719 --> 00:35:27.320
help you get there. As the grown ups in the room, however,
601
00:35:27.519 --> 00:35:30.599
like just stay centered on what we really want and
602
00:35:30.599 --> 00:35:32.760
what we need and what our children need.
603
00:35:35.840 --> 00:35:43.880
Okaymen, that's so true, so true. Yes, yes, yes, yes, Maggie.
604
00:35:43.920 --> 00:35:46.719
So that's that's that's what we need to remind and
605
00:35:46.760 --> 00:35:48.480
we all get caught up in it, like when I
606
00:35:48.519 --> 00:35:51.679
get caught up and I don't know what's on Instagram
607
00:35:51.760 --> 00:35:53.159
that's so stupid right now.
608
00:35:53.079 --> 00:35:53.239
Or.
609
00:35:55.400 --> 00:35:58.239
I don't know the bag well on TikTok feed is
610
00:35:58.360 --> 00:36:03.119
now the hanging back of fish food and little Arrows chocolate.
611
00:36:03.199 --> 00:36:06.840
Your algorithm, that was it?
612
00:36:07.199 --> 00:36:09.039
That was just maybe I should have said it out loud.
613
00:36:10.519 --> 00:36:13.239
I used to be a signed feature, so weird stuff
614
00:36:13.280 --> 00:36:13.679
comes up.
615
00:36:13.760 --> 00:36:17.119
I love when my algorithm finds me in like how
616
00:36:17.159 --> 00:36:22.039
to take care of your house plans. Yeah, I think
617
00:36:22.039 --> 00:36:25.760
it's I think it's okay to like to I think
618
00:36:25.800 --> 00:36:27.760
it's okay to like get caught up in it all
619
00:36:27.800 --> 00:36:29.519
and get caught up. And I think it's okay to
620
00:36:29.559 --> 00:36:31.960
be proud when your kid gets into yell or gets
621
00:36:32.000 --> 00:36:34.719
an honorary degree or does something amazing. I think it's
622
00:36:34.760 --> 00:36:37.480
all okay. But I think, as lion as, it's not
623
00:36:37.599 --> 00:36:42.360
what we tether. What really matters to like what really,
624
00:36:42.440 --> 00:36:45.760
what are we really looking for? And and that's not
625
00:36:45.800 --> 00:36:49.559
the name of the brand exactly exactly, that's all.
626
00:36:50.159 --> 00:36:56.239
Yeah, this was so transformational for us to have this conversation.
627
00:36:56.559 --> 00:37:00.000
And we hope that it's it's not falling on deaf ears,
628
00:37:00.039 --> 00:37:01.880
and we hope that our listeners listen to it again
629
00:37:01.920 --> 00:37:03.840
and again, like we listen to your book again and
630
00:37:03.880 --> 00:37:08.800
again and just sitting, as you said, like with rejection,
631
00:37:09.000 --> 00:37:12.000
sitting in the uncomfortable for a bit, because that's when
632
00:37:12.079 --> 00:37:14.920
you know, Brene Brown, like, that's when the change takes right.
633
00:37:15.079 --> 00:37:21.000
So that's there's there's layers of life lessons and opportunities
634
00:37:21.039 --> 00:37:23.920
that we should we could be taking, and if we
635
00:37:24.000 --> 00:37:25.800
just put our blinders on, we're going to miss so
636
00:37:25.800 --> 00:37:27.199
many opportunities for growth.
637
00:37:27.840 --> 00:37:31.119
So I also think in this sphere paralysis spiral that
638
00:37:31.159 --> 00:37:32.960
we're all spiraling in. I mean, we're in a time
639
00:37:33.039 --> 00:37:41.840
of unprecedented gun violence, in school shootings and political violence,
640
00:37:42.119 --> 00:37:45.239
and we're all afraid our kids are going to get kidnapped.
641
00:37:45.480 --> 00:37:49.400
I mean, we're we're all afraid. I have nightmares every night.
642
00:37:49.440 --> 00:37:52.519
I'm the biggest warrior in the world. I think it's
643
00:37:52.719 --> 00:37:57.519
it's important to like really explore the fear and like
644
00:37:59.079 --> 00:38:01.840
just go through. Okay, so my kid doesn't get into
645
00:38:01.880 --> 00:38:06.559
wake forest, Like you know, there's really legitimate fears and
646
00:38:06.599 --> 00:38:09.280
concerns and worries and things to hone in and put
647
00:38:09.280 --> 00:38:12.639
put our focus, energy and attention on. And then it's
648
00:38:12.679 --> 00:38:16.079
like let yourself spiral. Oh my gosh, my kid's not
649
00:38:16.079 --> 00:38:18.239
going to get into a single college. Like and then
650
00:38:18.320 --> 00:38:23.639
what are they alive? Are they breathing? Are they safe?
651
00:38:23.920 --> 00:38:27.440
Are they protected? Do they know they're loved? Like we
652
00:38:27.519 --> 00:38:30.199
really do in this time of great distraction and fear?
653
00:38:30.360 --> 00:38:34.519
What's important? What's important if you have your family in
654
00:38:34.599 --> 00:38:37.440
a home with food to eat and a safe place
655
00:38:37.480 --> 00:38:39.599
to be tucked in at night. That's my favorite quote,
656
00:38:39.599 --> 00:38:41.400
by the way, going around on Instagram. We are the
657
00:38:41.480 --> 00:38:44.400
luckiest on earth and let's let a lot of the
658
00:38:44.440 --> 00:38:46.960
other stuff go. If your kid comes home from school
659
00:38:47.000 --> 00:38:50.480
every day safe, right now, we're the luckiest people on earth.
660
00:38:52.400 --> 00:38:54.960
And maybe you guys need to change from carpool to
661
00:38:56.639 --> 00:39:00.880
what's your thing going to be? Are you gonna work
662
00:39:00.880 --> 00:39:01.519
in progress?
663
00:39:01.559 --> 00:39:09.440
Maggie, I'll help you with the new brand.
664
00:39:10.679 --> 00:39:16.599
From carpool to college and beyond what I went out
665
00:39:17.519 --> 00:39:24.960
really carpool to launch from carpool to yeah, dot from
666
00:39:25.000 --> 00:39:29.159
from from it, Yes, it's college and so much else.
667
00:39:29.519 --> 00:39:31.920
It really is, I know, it really is.
668
00:39:32.280 --> 00:39:33.840
It's so true.
669
00:39:34.079 --> 00:39:37.519
I know we're gonna rebrand Tarah, I know we will.
670
00:39:37.360 --> 00:39:39.559
We can keep that, you can keep it, but we'll
671
00:39:39.639 --> 00:39:41.960
just like sound bite this one bit of the podcast
672
00:39:42.199 --> 00:39:48.760
like ps and it's okay, it's not college, right, that's.
673
00:39:48.559 --> 00:39:49.440
True, that's true.
674
00:39:49.480 --> 00:39:51.559
I spoke with a mom the other day, and my
675
00:39:51.679 --> 00:39:54.880
daughter's graduating this year, and she said, instead of saying,
676
00:39:54.920 --> 00:39:58.119
what schools have you looked at, she said, oh, what
677
00:39:58.239 --> 00:40:03.159
are her plans for after graduation? It was so like
678
00:40:03.320 --> 00:40:07.800
just so refreshing because it just opened up, you know,
679
00:40:08.000 --> 00:40:11.159
and it allowed me to take a breath before I responded.
680
00:40:11.280 --> 00:40:14.880
And what really matters the most is that they're continuing
681
00:40:14.880 --> 00:40:18.880
this journey of curiosity and connection and regulation and healthy everything.
682
00:40:19.159 --> 00:40:21.920
So I do think if the one takeaway from today
683
00:40:22.239 --> 00:40:27.000
is let's reevaluate what questions we ask and let's give
684
00:40:27.039 --> 00:40:31.639
alternatives in the language and language does really matter. Language
685
00:40:31.760 --> 00:40:34.199
really matters for young people, like what we say and
686
00:40:34.239 --> 00:40:40.000
how we say it. Yeah, and that it's okay to pause,
687
00:40:40.320 --> 00:40:43.119
It's okay to question. It's okay to take a time out.
688
00:40:43.239 --> 00:40:48.599
It's okay to take a deep breath. Yeah, and that
689
00:40:48.639 --> 00:40:50.679
we're all going to go on journeys. Let's all move
690
00:40:50.760 --> 00:40:56.000
back to the forest. Yes, let's just be one hundred
691
00:40:56.039 --> 00:40:57.360
gather society again.
692
00:40:59.000 --> 00:41:01.039
You might end up that way anyway.
693
00:41:01.119 --> 00:41:03.119
Oh gosh, you guys, I got the new name of
694
00:41:03.159 --> 00:41:07.119
your brand. It's from Carpool to the forest.
695
00:41:07.719 --> 00:41:15.719
Exactly, exactly exactly, people make peopleazing it.
696
00:41:15.800 --> 00:41:19.480
Carl to the potential thirty different careers that you're in
697
00:41:19.480 --> 00:41:27.239
your lifetime, Carle to Chaos. Okay, Oh my goodness, Oh
698
00:41:27.320 --> 00:41:29.840
my gosh, this is this was so much fun.
699
00:41:30.440 --> 00:41:33.480
Thank you so much. It was so great to speak
700
00:41:33.519 --> 00:41:37.239
with you. You want to give some wonderful plugs for
701
00:41:37.400 --> 00:41:41.880
your your nonprofit, your books, your projects will go please talk.
702
00:41:42.599 --> 00:41:44.000
Oh goodness.
703
00:41:44.039 --> 00:41:44.239
Yeah.
704
00:41:45.400 --> 00:41:48.119
If there's a young person in your life that is
705
00:41:48.159 --> 00:41:51.519
looking for a coming of age, like, it's all going
706
00:41:51.559 --> 00:41:54.079
to be okay, It's okay. If you rejected from my
707
00:41:54.199 --> 00:41:56.440
fourt story, you can check out it's my book Between
708
00:41:56.440 --> 00:41:58.599
the Mountain and the Sky. We also have a film
709
00:41:58.639 --> 00:42:01.800
out by the same title, Between the Mountain and the
710
00:42:01.840 --> 00:42:06.639
Sky and our work. The most important thing is our
711
00:42:06.719 --> 00:42:10.159
work in Nepaul and around the world for children, creating
712
00:42:10.199 --> 00:42:13.400
world where children are safe, educated and loved. And that's
713
00:42:13.480 --> 00:42:16.639
blink now dot org. You can learn so much about
714
00:42:16.639 --> 00:42:19.719
our work and how to support children who are not
715
00:42:19.880 --> 00:42:23.280
having these conversations because they're just trying to survive and
716
00:42:23.320 --> 00:42:25.559
live to the age of five and get into kindergarten
717
00:42:25.639 --> 00:42:29.039
and stay in school till eighth grade. And I want
718
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that world where where we can have these conversations with
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our most vulnerable, with our bottom billion, with kids struggling
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with extreme poverty and orphan hood, which is what I'm
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really passionate about too. So you can follow along on
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blink now dot org and learn more about how to
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help kids and need over there.
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Thank you, Thank you so much, Maggie, Thank you for
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listening to From Carpool to College.
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We never want parents to say I wish I knew
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then what I know now.
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If today's conversation gave you clarity or direction, we invite
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you to explore more at from Carpool to College dot com.
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And if your family is looking for personalized college and
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career planning support, visit Academic MENTORINGLLC dot com to learn
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how we guide students in their families through this process
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with intention and strategy.