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Welcome to Finding Alignment, where we will be
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having conversations on business, wellness, and
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relationships for living a more aligned life.
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I'm your host, Megan Romine, real estate professional,
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lifelong learner, and speaker. Each time I'm
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in the studio, I sit down with entrepreneurs,
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bestselling authors, and everyday high achievers
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to unpack the habits, boundaries, and mindset
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shifts that fuel sustainable success. Whether
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you're growing a business, nurturing relationships,
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or simply protecting your peace, this show is
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here to help you take one aligned step forward.
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Let's dive in. Okay, you guys, today I am so
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excited. We have John Kim, the angry therapist,
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best -selling author. I would consider him a
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relationship expert. John, thank you so much
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for joining us today. Yeah, yeah, I gotta say,
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I have a problem with the word relationship expert
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because You know, even though I help people with
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relationships, I don't think anyone's an expert,
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you know, because any relationship that we're
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in is different than the relationship we were
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in. And so it's almost a new living, breathing
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thing. So to say that you're an expert, I think
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can be misleading. I don't want to hold that.
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So I'm a relationship coach, but I'm not a relationship
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expert. relationship coach. Okay. I like that.
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And just for listeners to know, I mean, I actually
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found John Kim years ago and years ago I had
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reached out via email. And what had happened
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is I had read one of your books and the book
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was so good. I couldn't put it down. I read it
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within like a day and a half. And I was like,
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I got to reach out to this guy. I need to contact
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him. And I remember - Wait, which book was that?
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That was, it was single on purpose. Oh, OK. Yeah,
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yeah, yeah. Yeah. Single on purpose. And it was
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so good. And I reached out and from my memory,
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it was something along the lines of, hey, you
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know, I'd like to hire you. And your response,
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you were very nice, but you're like, hey, don't
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really do, you know, like one on one sessions
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anymore. And I think I said something along the
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lines of like. hey, I need your help. I would
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really like your coaching. And you took me on
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as a client. And you just made such a difference
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in my life. And you were a catalyst for part
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of my healing journey. And that's why I really
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wanted to have you on and share some of your
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story. You know, Megan, when I think about you
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slash us and our collision and the sessions we've
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done, I feel like I haven't helped you much.
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I have this weird thing with you where I feel
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like, fuck, did she get anything out of our conversations?
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Like, what else could I do? And, you know, a
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lot of our sessions, they've only been in Zoom.
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And a lot of my clients, you know, I do more
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intensive stuff like in -person retreats, like
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that kind of stuff. And because with us, we've
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only been doing Zooms, I always feel kind of
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a little bit like guilty. Like, did I make any
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dent? It's something that I carry that I always
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think about when I think about you and our story.
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Really? Well, I think that, you know, you, whenever
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we had, you know, collided in life, I was right
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in the middle of a pretty intense health. I mean,
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for me, it was like a health crisis, right? And
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then there were things going on, the career and
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the merger of the team and like so much stuff
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going on. So I was really just, you know. going
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by every day and obviously you're not going to
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see that on social media or anything like that
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but what you did is you helped me to open up
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my healing journey, which isn't linear. And I
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went through different phases and I went and
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tried different types of modalities. And, you
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know, sometimes it's taking talk therapy and
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then utilizing other aspects as well. So, I mean,
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for me, you were a catalyst and like such a big
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help. So like, I'm always so thankful. So don't
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ever feel that way. Thank you. Yeah, well, I
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was just gonna say, if you want to call this
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episode, the therapist who didn't help me, I
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would be okay with that. But I gotta say, I tried
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to make it and I tell other therapists this to
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not make it your business, what your clients
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going to take from from your exchange, because
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if you do, one, it's kind of arrogant, but two,
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you just never know what people are going to
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take. And also, you may be a stepping stone,
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you may be the one person that kind of, you know,
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gets them to get to the next level and then someone
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else carries that baton and and and takes them
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you know further and so um we are all catalysts
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in each person's lives right and so i know i'm
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i was only one point in your life um and i don't
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want to make that my business so yeah it doesn't
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matter it doesn't matter what matters is what
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you got you definitely help so much and then
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also it's just like i feel like utilizing your
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voice and also being a bestselling author, like
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you're able to help so many people. So I don't
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know if you really like feel like the ripple
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of that, but like you really are, because I feel
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like in today's day and age, like people struggle
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like relationally and you're just so authentic
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to like who you are. And like, that's what I
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loved about what you do. You're authentic. You
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roll with the punches and it's real life stuff.
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Yeah. Thank you. That means a lot to me. You
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know, I think for me, it means more to me if
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someone says like, hey, John, you're a real dude
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or you're authentic. To me, that means more than
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any kind of accolade, any kind of like, you know,
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bestselling author or whatever. That stuff doesn't
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mean much. But if someone says, hey, I follow
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your story and you seem like, you know, you hold
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up. That really means a lot. That's important
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to me as a person and also as a therapist to
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like show up in that way. I don't want to be
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fake or phony or. present myself as a walking
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billboard you know yeah i love that and also
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too can you share with the audience i think you
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have such a unique story like not only around
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your business but like also too like how things
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went when you met vanessa who's now your wife
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and you guys have a baby together can you kind
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of like take us through the progression of starting
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to be a therapist and i believe you went through
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a divorce and kind of like how that happened
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yeah um I actually went to film school and I
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went to film school because I wanted to make
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movies. I was a screenwriter and it was also
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the easiest degree to get to graduate college.
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I was a C student, horrible at school, ADHD,
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dyslexic. And then I got married. She was an
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actress. She did very well. I did not. Our marriage
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ended. And then that's when I decided to go be
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a therapist because of my own therapist. sitting
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in a room and learning about therapy and how
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the inner journey is where growth is. So I went
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and became a therapist at, I think, 35. And my
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story takes a turn where I graduated. And, you
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know, I wanted to be Dr. Drew. I wanted to wear,
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you know, wrinkle -free pants and have an office.
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And, you know, I wanted to have letters after
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my name and, you know, pull up in my little BMW
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with the latte. That's what I thought was like,
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you know, the perfect life, you know. And I just
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wanted to like make six figures. I didn't want
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to be, you know, I wasn't trying to be like build
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an empire or anything. And then once I started
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to work as a therapist, I had this weird inner
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conflict where I tried to tuck my shirt in. I
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tried to do things like therapists do. And a
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lot of therapists are supposed to be very kind
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of neutral, cardboard cutout. And I felt like
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I was dying inside. And I felt like Clark Kent
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pushing a mail cart. And so I said, fuck it.
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You know what? I'm freshly out of a divorce.
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I'm going through this whole thing. I have no
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money. I have no friends. I have nothing to lose.
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I have no child, no children. And so I said,
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I'm just going to be me. And that's where my
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story really kind of took off. What that looked
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like was meeting people at the park and meeting
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people in the coffee shop. I was into motorcycles,
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so I would just roll up jeans, t -shirts. You
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know who reminds me of me? Keanu Reeves, like
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him eating a sandwich in the park. Yeah. That's
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kind of how it was, kind of a loner. And help
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people around Los Angeles out of the office.
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I remember there's a lake here in LA called Silver
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Lake. It's a 50 -minute walk. So I started doing
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walkie -talks with clients. And they were like,
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oh my god, you actually walk with me? I was like,
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yeah. That's amazing. Yeah, and then I started
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using the webcam, which you weren't supposed
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to do. And this is back when people were on AOL.
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Webcams were plugged in before broadband. And
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we were robotic like this. And I just like, you
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know what? I said, I'm going to show up in a
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way that's honest to me. I don't care if it's
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not how you're supposed to show up. T -shirt
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jeans. And so that I didn't know that that would
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kind of become my brand. I was just that was
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what felt. Oh, speaking of alignment, that felt
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aligned. Amazing. And I followed that. And then
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that then, you know, book deals and the progression
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retreats. And yeah. And then so you're so you're
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dating and you're out there dating and. From
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my understanding, you weren't really looking
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to make any commitments per se, but then you
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go on a blind date with Vanessa, who's your now
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wife. Tell us about that. Megan, I was trying
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to be single on purpose. I was trying to practice
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what I preach, and I went through a long stretch
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of singlehood. I got to say, I think it was like
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five years. So riding motorcycles, crossfitting,
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just kind of doing my thing, trying to be a better
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version of myself. And because I missed out on
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my 20s, I didn't get to participate in all the
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debauchery that a lot of 20 -year -olds do because
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I was always in a relationship. So I had this
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weird, like, I'm going to go have a threesome.
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I'm going to wake up with someone I don't like.
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I want to go have casual sex, like all these
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things that I never did. And so I was trying
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to do that. I didn't have a lot of luck. I had
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like one and a half experiences. And then I went
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on this blind date, met Vanessa. And that was
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the beginning of my next kind of back break.
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And Vanessa happened to be a therapist as well,
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which is kind of scary because now we could check
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each other, you know, and now she speaks the
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language. So now I couldn't hide. And then through
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Vanessa. God, I really think we grow the most
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in our relationships because we're so different.
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In the beginning, it was rocky. I was one foot
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in, one foot out. I need more time. I don't know.
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Ambivalent? What's that? Ambivalent? Yeah, ambivalent.
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Well, because I knew if I invest in this, this
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is going to be the long one. Whoever I date next,
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I want to have a family. I want to build something.
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And so I knew Vanessa wasn't going to be like
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a one night stand. I knew, I knew Vanessa would.
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So it's like, oh, I got to sign on the dotted
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line. Like this is a, this is. So it was like
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scary. It's scary. Yeah. It was like, it wasn't
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just like, oh, you know, where, where we can,
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we could just, you know, paint the town. Oh,
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that makes me sound very old. That's like some
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boomer shit, huh? Paint the town. People are
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like, what? We could have fun. We could go ride
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motorcycle. You know, it wasn't, I mean, yes,
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we could do that, but this was going to be like.
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Oh, she has emotional intelligence. She has self
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-esteem. She knows what she wants. This is going
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to be a long relationship. And so I was scared
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of that. And so I was one foot in, one foot out.
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And then she eventually said, listen, man, shit
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or get off the pot. I don't got time for this
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shit. And so I said, OK. What do you think whenever
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if someone. chooses a relationship that feels
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comfortable maybe over choosing a relationship
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that would provide growth? Because it sounds
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like with Vanessa, right, you knew that you would
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probably grow from that instead of maybe something
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that's like more comfortable. What do you think
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about people that you work with or just in general
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when it comes to that? Megan, that is such a
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great question. And I think it's something that
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we have to all ask ourselves, right? Like I used
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to be attracted to the crazy, the chaos, the
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kind of relationship where you don't want to
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leave the house. You just want to be in bed all
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day, that kind of stuff. Right. And I thought
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that was romantic. And that was most of my twenties
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and thirties. And I would lose my life and then
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lose myself in someone else because it gave me
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such a high, you know, it felt so good. And it
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wasn't until I met Vanessa where it's like, Oh,
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that's actually not healthy, not sustainable.
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This is healthy. It's going to be hard because
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it's going to be confronting, you know, and the
00:12:44.340 --> 00:12:47.740
relationship is going to show us a lot of wounds
00:12:47.740 --> 00:12:50.799
within ourselves, like mirrors, you know. And
00:12:50.799 --> 00:12:54.299
then working through that, you're going to have
00:12:54.299 --> 00:12:55.980
a corrective love experience on the other side
00:12:55.980 --> 00:12:58.019
of that. And then by doing so, you'll rewire
00:12:58.019 --> 00:13:02.080
yourself. And so now I could spot crazy a lot
00:13:02.080 --> 00:13:05.980
faster, my radar sharper. And now the crazy repels
00:13:05.980 --> 00:13:08.169
me. It doesn't, I'm not drawn to it. Does that
00:13:08.169 --> 00:13:09.970
make sense? Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I think
00:13:09.970 --> 00:13:14.129
a lot of people well into their 30s and 40s and
00:13:14.129 --> 00:13:17.009
even older, you know, they think that if they
00:13:17.009 --> 00:13:19.490
feel this strong connection, a strong physical
00:13:19.490 --> 00:13:22.370
connection, like, oh, like this must be like
00:13:22.370 --> 00:13:24.909
the person. But really, that's no basis of a
00:13:24.909 --> 00:13:28.750
healthy relationship whatsoever. Right. Yeah.
00:13:29.049 --> 00:13:33.330
Yeah. It doesn't have legs. I've learned more
00:13:33.330 --> 00:13:38.509
with my relationship. by loving Vanessa than
00:13:38.509 --> 00:13:42.190
I have with anyone in my life. And one of the
00:13:42.190 --> 00:13:45.070
big things I've learned is it's all about repairing
00:13:45.070 --> 00:13:48.210
the ruptures. And if you don't have the ability
00:13:48.210 --> 00:13:50.309
to do that, the plane's going to eventually go
00:13:50.309 --> 00:13:52.730
down. You're going to fight. It's not about how
00:13:52.730 --> 00:13:53.950
many times you fight. So there's going to be
00:13:53.950 --> 00:13:56.429
ruptures no matter what, whether it's an argument
00:13:56.429 --> 00:13:59.210
in the morning or something big. If two people
00:13:59.210 --> 00:14:02.370
don't have the ability to repair that, your nervous
00:14:02.370 --> 00:14:05.620
system, you're out. It's just going to go. It's
00:14:05.620 --> 00:14:08.000
Telemundo. It's throwing chairs. It's reactions.
00:14:08.360 --> 00:14:11.360
It's not like a corrective love experience or
00:14:11.360 --> 00:14:14.039
anything healing. It's repeating the past, you
00:14:14.039 --> 00:14:16.919
know. Absolutely. And I think that it takes,
00:14:16.960 --> 00:14:18.980
you know, and even for me, you know, it took
00:14:18.980 --> 00:14:21.840
me years to like realize that that connection
00:14:21.840 --> 00:14:24.480
or that feeling of strong connection that has
00:14:24.480 --> 00:14:27.320
nothing to do with a healthy relationship. But
00:14:27.320 --> 00:14:32.259
what is your take on? I feel like women are typically
00:14:32.259 --> 00:14:35.000
more relationship -minded, right? I mean, I think
00:14:35.000 --> 00:14:38.059
it's just in our biology. What is your take on
00:14:38.059 --> 00:14:41.980
if a woman's like, hey, I want a serious relationship
00:14:41.980 --> 00:14:44.399
and that's what I'm looking for. Whereas a man
00:14:44.399 --> 00:14:46.500
might be like, listen, I just want to go with
00:14:46.500 --> 00:14:49.960
the flow and see what happens. And it's like,
00:14:49.960 --> 00:14:52.200
I think that females can get concerned about,
00:14:52.279 --> 00:14:54.899
well, is this man just going to waste my time?
00:14:55.120 --> 00:14:58.500
Do you think, how do you feel about the go with
00:14:58.500 --> 00:15:01.500
the flow situation? I like something in the middle,
00:15:01.600 --> 00:15:04.820
right? I like something where – because I see
00:15:04.820 --> 00:15:08.440
two sides. I see one where, oh, let's just loosey
00:15:08.440 --> 00:15:11.220
-goosey, go with the flow, and it makes people
00:15:11.220 --> 00:15:14.059
feel unsafe if they're looking for a long -term
00:15:14.059 --> 00:15:16.539
investment relationship. But at the same time,
00:15:16.580 --> 00:15:22.409
if someone is two weeks in – Do you want kids?
00:15:22.610 --> 00:15:25.830
What about names? Like if you're trying to quote
00:15:25.830 --> 00:15:28.809
unquote lock it down, I think that could suffocate
00:15:28.809 --> 00:15:31.450
the relationship. I think that could make people
00:15:31.450 --> 00:15:34.289
like kind of – so I do think that there should
00:15:34.289 --> 00:15:37.730
be an element of dating where there's room for
00:15:37.730 --> 00:15:40.629
flow. There's room for like let's not talk about
00:15:40.629 --> 00:15:43.269
baby names yet. Let's just get to know each other.
00:15:43.409 --> 00:15:46.470
Let's see how we fight and how we repair. Let's
00:15:46.470 --> 00:15:49.669
explore the bedroom. I think all that needs to
00:15:49.669 --> 00:15:52.600
happen. So if you're getting pressure of like,
00:15:52.759 --> 00:15:55.600
where are you going to be in five years? Is this
00:15:55.600 --> 00:15:59.480
a thing? I think those conversations could come
00:15:59.480 --> 00:16:03.919
more naturally. So I think for the women who
00:16:03.919 --> 00:16:09.080
are wanting to have answers early on, maybe for
00:16:09.080 --> 00:16:10.879
them to sit with that and try to be more present.
00:16:11.240 --> 00:16:13.940
And then for the men, and these are generalizations,
00:16:14.000 --> 00:16:16.899
men and women, for the men who's all loosey -goosey,
00:16:16.899 --> 00:16:21.289
he needs to pick a lane. Like like I needed to
00:16:21.289 --> 00:16:23.490
do. Yeah, I know. I think that's like a perfect
00:16:23.490 --> 00:16:26.330
example. Like you, you know, we're kind of like
00:16:26.330 --> 00:16:28.250
waiting it out. Let's see what happens. But at
00:16:28.250 --> 00:16:30.269
some point in time, you decide to make a decision.
00:16:30.409 --> 00:16:34.190
And that goes into my next question of and I
00:16:34.190 --> 00:16:36.610
know that you see this often. So people jump
00:16:36.610 --> 00:16:39.309
from like one relationship to the next relationship.
00:16:39.429 --> 00:16:42.250
And, you know, single on purpose is about being
00:16:42.250 --> 00:16:44.149
single on purpose and working on healing yourself.
00:16:44.389 --> 00:16:48.330
But would you agree that at some point in time?
00:16:49.039 --> 00:16:51.220
It's time for you to get back into a relationship
00:16:51.220 --> 00:16:54.919
because that's how you heal as well. Would you
00:16:54.919 --> 00:16:58.580
agree with that? Yeah, I think what you're talking
00:16:58.580 --> 00:17:01.240
about is some people who find their cape in singlehood
00:17:01.240 --> 00:17:04.819
and they're so comfortable with being single.
00:17:04.839 --> 00:17:08.000
They have the routine. They're like, I don't
00:17:08.000 --> 00:17:10.559
want like maybe you get to a point where you're
00:17:10.559 --> 00:17:14.880
so used to single that getting into a relationship
00:17:14.880 --> 00:17:17.490
actually terrifies you. Because you're scared
00:17:17.490 --> 00:17:21.250
that love can actually break your routines, stop
00:17:21.250 --> 00:17:24.450
from what you're building, or all of that. And
00:17:24.450 --> 00:17:29.390
so then, yeah, I think sometimes leaning into
00:17:29.390 --> 00:17:32.150
a relationship, especially if you're scared to,
00:17:32.329 --> 00:17:36.099
can be what's prescribed. Yeah, because I feel
00:17:36.099 --> 00:17:39.200
like at some point in time, you don't just heal
00:17:39.200 --> 00:17:41.359
alone because at the end of the day, relationships
00:17:41.359 --> 00:17:44.200
are just mirrors, right? I don't think we're
00:17:44.200 --> 00:17:46.079
meant to heal alone as humans. I don't think
00:17:46.079 --> 00:17:50.440
we're built that way. Yeah, I think that. I think
00:17:50.440 --> 00:17:53.779
we're meant to be alone in parts of our life
00:17:53.779 --> 00:17:56.599
to gather ourselves, to build a better relationship
00:17:56.599 --> 00:18:03.180
with ourselves, for sure. But ultimately. And
00:18:03.180 --> 00:18:04.539
it doesn't have to be a romantic one, by the
00:18:04.539 --> 00:18:07.619
way. I think the world society puts a lot of
00:18:07.619 --> 00:18:11.519
weight on who's your person. Find the one. Like
00:18:11.519 --> 00:18:15.880
your friends. Imagine the friends who we get
00:18:15.880 --> 00:18:20.259
so much safe space from and that we grow from.
00:18:20.720 --> 00:18:23.160
We're not really meant to do life alone. We are
00:18:23.160 --> 00:18:26.940
social. You know, we're village creatures, you
00:18:26.940 --> 00:18:29.539
know. Yeah. Yeah. We need connection. And what
00:18:29.539 --> 00:18:31.819
are your thoughts on because I think some people
00:18:31.819 --> 00:18:33.839
in the audience may be able to relate to this.
00:18:33.980 --> 00:18:36.779
Let's say that they dated someone and they have
00:18:36.779 --> 00:18:39.299
a very strong physical connection with them.
00:18:39.359 --> 00:18:41.920
And then it becomes an on and off again situation.
00:18:42.079 --> 00:18:46.789
In your experience as a licensed therapist. Are
00:18:46.789 --> 00:18:48.869
those situations that you work through, or do
00:18:48.869 --> 00:18:50.609
you think that once you start doing that on and
00:18:50.609 --> 00:18:52.569
off, that it becomes maybe a little bit of a
00:18:52.569 --> 00:18:58.369
trauma bond or something of that nature? Yeah,
00:18:58.509 --> 00:19:01.130
so I think, look, first of all, I would say that
00:19:01.130 --> 00:19:06.569
there's this thing in therapy school, and I think
00:19:06.569 --> 00:19:09.190
every therapist keeps this in her back pocket,
00:19:09.390 --> 00:19:13.730
it's no child enters adulthood unscarred. So
00:19:13.730 --> 00:19:22.049
we all have trauma. I mean, it's how the trauma
00:19:22.049 --> 00:19:26.150
manifests in us. And then it's how the trauma
00:19:26.150 --> 00:19:29.869
turns us into magnets that attract other people
00:19:29.869 --> 00:19:34.230
with trauma and wounds. And then that in itself
00:19:34.230 --> 00:19:36.710
can become a bond. And so this is happening underneath.
00:19:36.869 --> 00:19:39.849
It may not be a logical thing, but this is why
00:19:39.849 --> 00:19:42.750
people say. I'm always attracted to the same
00:19:42.750 --> 00:19:44.589
type of person, but the faces keep changing,
00:19:44.710 --> 00:19:47.849
but it's the same dynamic. A lot of times that
00:19:47.849 --> 00:19:51.549
is bonding through trauma. There is something
00:19:51.549 --> 00:19:55.190
about chaos that smells familiar. Most people
00:19:55.190 --> 00:19:57.329
did not grow up in a calm, safe environment,
00:19:57.549 --> 00:20:00.029
right? There's also something about intermittent
00:20:00.029 --> 00:20:03.789
love. Yeah, love you, get away. There's something
00:20:03.789 --> 00:20:07.170
that excites us about that as opposed to love
00:20:07.170 --> 00:20:09.049
that is safe and consistent. If you're not used
00:20:09.049 --> 00:20:12.869
to it, can feel boring. Yeah. I mean, I feel
00:20:12.869 --> 00:20:16.589
like many people, they'll just continue, like
00:20:16.589 --> 00:20:19.450
you said, change the faces because it's not as
00:20:19.450 --> 00:20:21.690
exciting anymore, right? Oh, it's not as exciting.
00:20:21.869 --> 00:20:24.349
This is getting a little dull. And I mean, my
00:20:24.349 --> 00:20:26.170
perspective is, especially somewhere like, you
00:20:26.170 --> 00:20:28.529
know, I'm in South Florida, there's so many options.
00:20:28.549 --> 00:20:30.509
So like pretty much you have unlimited options.
00:20:30.549 --> 00:20:32.450
So it's like, well, why is someone going to really
00:20:32.450 --> 00:20:34.769
sit and like work through things because they
00:20:34.769 --> 00:20:36.970
can just go out and like find another person?
00:20:37.759 --> 00:20:40.660
Let me ask you this. As someone who is successful,
00:20:41.000 --> 00:20:45.000
as someone who has built something and is perfectly
00:20:45.000 --> 00:20:48.799
fine, independent, individual, I'm assuming your
00:20:48.799 --> 00:20:50.799
bar goes up, right? As far as who you want to
00:20:50.799 --> 00:20:53.400
invest in. And so then does your pool get very
00:20:53.400 --> 00:20:57.529
small and is then dating difficult for you? Um,
00:20:57.650 --> 00:21:00.650
that's a great question. I would say that I always
00:21:00.650 --> 00:21:03.970
like to try to keep a positive mindset and I
00:21:03.970 --> 00:21:06.809
feel like there's definitely great options, but
00:21:06.809 --> 00:21:09.890
does it get more difficult? Yes, it gets it gets
00:21:09.890 --> 00:21:13.150
more difficult. I like to keep an open mind because
00:21:13.150 --> 00:21:15.349
like for me, you know, success is different for
00:21:15.349 --> 00:21:18.190
everyone. Right. For me, the most important thing,
00:21:18.309 --> 00:21:20.269
some of the most important things is having the
00:21:20.269 --> 00:21:22.670
same like shared goals, like wanting to build
00:21:22.670 --> 00:21:24.789
something larger with someone larger than just
00:21:24.789 --> 00:21:28.269
ourselves and then have a safe space, safe and
00:21:28.269 --> 00:21:31.970
healthy. So, I mean, yeah, I'm not going to like
00:21:31.970 --> 00:21:34.369
sugarcoated it can it can be a challenge, but
00:21:34.369 --> 00:21:36.309
I try to be like open minded. But I can tell
00:21:36.309 --> 00:21:39.690
you what's helpful. me a lot is actually you
00:21:39.690 --> 00:21:41.349
know some of the work I started with you years
00:21:41.349 --> 00:21:44.789
ago and you know I went through painful relationships
00:21:44.789 --> 00:21:48.130
and I had to learn that like love is not pain
00:21:48.130 --> 00:21:51.569
like that is not that might be dysfunction that
00:21:51.569 --> 00:21:54.150
might be something that I had to learn to grow
00:21:54.150 --> 00:21:57.029
from and then I started really taking a step
00:21:57.029 --> 00:22:00.630
back And thinking, what is it about myself that
00:22:00.630 --> 00:22:03.670
I'm attracting some of this into my life, right?
00:22:03.910 --> 00:22:06.549
So I think once I really started to like work
00:22:06.549 --> 00:22:09.430
from the inside out and I try to be mindful of
00:22:09.430 --> 00:22:12.750
what am I attracting in my life? Because I truly
00:22:12.750 --> 00:22:15.210
believe in that. I believe in energy and attraction.
00:22:15.430 --> 00:22:19.029
And sometimes there's tests too, you know? Let
00:22:19.029 --> 00:22:22.029
me ask you this. As you have been evolving and
00:22:22.029 --> 00:22:26.549
growing and as your inner journey changes, do
00:22:26.549 --> 00:22:29.059
you find yourself? attracting different types
00:22:29.059 --> 00:22:31.160
of people like are you attracting different people
00:22:31.160 --> 00:22:34.079
now than when you were say in your you know early
00:22:34.079 --> 00:22:36.920
30s I would even say over over the last couple
00:22:36.920 --> 00:22:39.220
years I've started to attract different people
00:22:39.220 --> 00:22:43.859
I feel like for me personally once I really started
00:22:43.859 --> 00:22:46.839
like focusing like working on like myself really
00:22:46.839 --> 00:22:50.140
working on my stuff and I did almost a year of
00:22:50.140 --> 00:22:52.200
like it wasn't dating I was working on myself
00:22:52.200 --> 00:22:55.259
I was working on like the internal things some
00:22:55.259 --> 00:22:59.470
subconscious items That's when I started attracting,
00:22:59.829 --> 00:23:03.430
I don't want to say, I'll say it like a little
00:23:03.430 --> 00:23:05.809
better quality for like what I'm looking for.
00:23:05.890 --> 00:23:08.450
I started to notice that different types of people
00:23:08.450 --> 00:23:11.450
were coming into my life. Yes. Yeah. And I wonder
00:23:11.450 --> 00:23:13.650
how much of that is because I like you believe
00:23:13.650 --> 00:23:17.509
in energy frequency, you know, attracting versus
00:23:17.509 --> 00:23:20.529
chasing alignment. I believe in all of that.
00:23:20.670 --> 00:23:23.609
But I also wonder how much of it is because our
00:23:23.609 --> 00:23:26.519
radar is sharper. You know that we're able to
00:23:26.519 --> 00:23:29.319
see things that we didn't in our 20s. And so
00:23:29.319 --> 00:23:31.079
we're like, oh, I'm seeing something in this
00:23:31.079 --> 00:23:33.759
person, whether it's good or bad. And so you
00:23:33.759 --> 00:23:36.759
can. It could appear like, yeah, I'm attracting
00:23:36.759 --> 00:23:39.180
this person or I'm not. And back in the day,
00:23:39.240 --> 00:23:42.579
in our younger years, we were just we just went
00:23:42.579 --> 00:23:44.400
by what felt good, you know? Yes. I mean, well,
00:23:44.440 --> 00:23:46.460
even when I started my work with you, you know,
00:23:46.460 --> 00:23:48.819
and I had went through a couple of different
00:23:48.819 --> 00:23:51.720
things that you know of. And I still like I wasn't
00:23:51.720 --> 00:23:54.039
getting it like I knew it. Right. But like I
00:23:54.039 --> 00:23:56.839
wasn't getting it. But it wasn't until I really,
00:23:56.980 --> 00:24:00.960
you know, worked on myself. And I think that.
00:24:01.559 --> 00:24:02.900
you would probably agree with this too, like
00:24:02.900 --> 00:24:04.819
relationships are only like one portion of our
00:24:04.819 --> 00:24:07.640
life. So I think most people that work with me,
00:24:07.660 --> 00:24:10.059
we all know like, yeah, I would love to have
00:24:10.059 --> 00:24:12.619
like a healthy, loving relationship, but like,
00:24:12.619 --> 00:24:15.180
I don't feel like I get to choose when that happens.
00:24:15.279 --> 00:24:17.740
I think that's more of like the universe and,
00:24:17.740 --> 00:24:21.119
and God, and there's other things in life than
00:24:21.119 --> 00:24:24.539
just a significant other. So it's just like continuing
00:24:24.539 --> 00:24:27.519
to build your life. And you know what I got to
00:24:27.519 --> 00:24:31.240
say? A lot of clients I have, who are, and it
00:24:31.240 --> 00:24:32.779
doesn't matter what gender you are, if you're
00:24:32.779 --> 00:24:35.920
successful and you're single and every part of
00:24:35.920 --> 00:24:38.619
your life checks the box and you're happy, except
00:24:38.619 --> 00:24:40.660
the fact that you haven't quote unquote found
00:24:40.660 --> 00:24:43.460
your person, it almost makes it harder because
00:24:43.460 --> 00:24:45.839
you're like, that's the missing puzzle piece
00:24:45.839 --> 00:24:48.420
I need. And if I have that, it's a total illusion,
00:24:48.539 --> 00:24:52.299
but it's like, if I just have this, then I have
00:24:52.299 --> 00:24:55.000
this perfect life. And so a lot of people who
00:24:55.000 --> 00:24:58.589
are, who have done well. And who can do a lot
00:24:58.589 --> 00:25:00.609
of things and travel. And they're like, I have
00:25:00.609 --> 00:25:03.269
the perfect, like, except I just need to find
00:25:03.269 --> 00:25:07.069
my fucking partner. So hard. That's me like that.
00:25:07.210 --> 00:25:09.450
I mean, that's me in like a nutshell. I don't
00:25:09.450 --> 00:25:12.750
want to say it's you indirectly. Yeah. But like,
00:25:12.829 --> 00:25:14.170
you know, because you you do and you're like,
00:25:14.190 --> 00:25:16.710
it's all these little checkboxes, but it's after
00:25:16.710 --> 00:25:19.849
acceptance. Like for me, it's like acceptance.
00:25:20.190 --> 00:25:23.450
I don't get to choose that. I believe in the
00:25:23.450 --> 00:25:25.750
higher power and what I'm building in my life.
00:25:25.829 --> 00:25:28.049
And there's no way that it's going to miss me.
00:25:28.109 --> 00:25:30.049
And whatever is meant to be is supposed to meant
00:25:30.049 --> 00:25:32.130
to be. But I do think it's harder for women.
00:25:32.210 --> 00:25:34.329
You know, women get older. It's different for.
00:25:34.380 --> 00:25:36.059
men i always say in the next life i want to come
00:25:36.059 --> 00:25:38.819
back as a man um that's just me because you can
00:25:38.819 --> 00:25:41.660
focus on different things and wait why why why
00:25:41.660 --> 00:25:44.359
what you're what's what i i feel like you struggle
00:25:44.359 --> 00:25:47.579
being a woman I feel like just like women in
00:25:47.579 --> 00:25:49.819
general, you know, like women have their youth
00:25:49.819 --> 00:25:52.180
and I think that it can be a struggle for women,
00:25:52.259 --> 00:25:54.920
you know, as they tend to get a little older.
00:25:55.019 --> 00:25:58.160
And then let's say that you have a man and he's
00:25:58.160 --> 00:25:59.519
like, hey, I'm just going to put my head down
00:25:59.519 --> 00:26:01.420
and like focus on my business like for the next
00:26:01.420 --> 00:26:03.640
10 years. And if I find someone great, but if
00:26:03.640 --> 00:26:07.119
not, like it's OK. I do think that that can be
00:26:07.119 --> 00:26:10.779
a little bit of a push pull. I think it's fair
00:26:10.779 --> 00:26:13.640
because, yes, in our society, especially when
00:26:13.640 --> 00:26:16.779
it comes to physical beauty, it is totally lopsided
00:26:16.779 --> 00:26:19.200
in that women, as they get older, they get judged,
00:26:19.259 --> 00:26:22.000
right? Men, as they get older, they are, what's
00:26:22.000 --> 00:26:24.980
the word, distinguished, right? Yes. And so,
00:26:25.019 --> 00:26:29.700
look, I'm 52, and I think society, world, friends,
00:26:29.859 --> 00:26:32.839
they think I'm more attractive at 52 than I was
00:26:32.839 --> 00:26:35.400
at 32. Now, if I was a woman, it would be the
00:26:35.400 --> 00:26:37.400
complete opposite, right? Yes, yes. Which is
00:26:37.400 --> 00:26:41.359
totally unfair. The other thing is women, when
00:26:41.359 --> 00:26:44.900
you have a child, I mean, the amount of body
00:26:44.900 --> 00:26:48.740
change, like hormonal change, I mean, it's crazy,
00:26:49.259 --> 00:26:51.460
right? I mean, I've witnessed this, right, with
00:26:51.460 --> 00:26:55.720
Vanessa. And then women have perimenopause, menopause,
00:26:55.740 --> 00:26:58.119
like all these things where it's like, oh, my
00:26:58.119 --> 00:27:02.960
God, it's so unfair. It's so unfair. It is. I
00:27:02.960 --> 00:27:05.700
think women are more in a pressure cooker. And
00:27:05.700 --> 00:27:08.160
then also women have to fucking fight. Just for
00:27:08.160 --> 00:27:13.500
equality, you know? And so, yeah, it is a lot
00:27:13.500 --> 00:27:15.400
harder being a woman. I mean, of course, in this
00:27:15.400 --> 00:27:18.339
world. Yeah, I think that someone that's focused
00:27:18.339 --> 00:27:21.000
so much on my career that, you know, you kind
00:27:21.000 --> 00:27:22.319
of wake up one day and you're like, oh, wait.
00:27:23.039 --> 00:27:26.460
Did I focus on my career too much? But then it's
00:27:26.460 --> 00:27:29.099
just remembering that everyone's path is different
00:27:29.099 --> 00:27:32.019
and everyone's timeline is different. And I think
00:27:32.019 --> 00:27:34.000
that the best thing that we can do is be like
00:27:34.000 --> 00:27:36.460
authentic to ourselves. And like I said, who
00:27:36.460 --> 00:27:40.259
you're attracting in life, because I'm a believer
00:27:40.259 --> 00:27:43.400
that the universe is going to show you there's
00:27:43.400 --> 00:27:44.720
going to be people that are going to come into
00:27:44.720 --> 00:27:46.980
your life. And if you've healed, if you've actually
00:27:46.980 --> 00:27:50.460
worked on healing, that whatever you used to
00:27:50.460 --> 00:27:52.720
be attracted to. You're not, that's not even
00:27:52.720 --> 00:27:54.920
going to taste right anymore. That's not going
00:27:54.920 --> 00:27:56.480
to be attracted to you. You're not going to be
00:27:56.480 --> 00:27:58.339
attracted to that. You're like, that's, I don't
00:27:58.339 --> 00:28:01.240
want that. That's what I don't want. I think
00:28:01.240 --> 00:28:03.619
when you're single for a long time, and I know
00:28:03.619 --> 00:28:05.180
this from personal experience, because I've been
00:28:05.180 --> 00:28:10.099
single for long stretches, we in our head play
00:28:10.099 --> 00:28:12.359
like, okay, so if I was with someone and you
00:28:12.359 --> 00:28:14.460
start playing this beautiful, fancy highlight
00:28:14.460 --> 00:28:18.460
reel. Just sweats and Netflix, fucking traveling.
00:28:19.000 --> 00:28:21.500
We're going to have sex all day, pancakes. There's
00:28:21.500 --> 00:28:22.759
so much I want to do. I could do it with this
00:28:22.759 --> 00:28:24.400
person. I don't care about my friends. I just
00:28:24.400 --> 00:28:26.480
want to be with a person, a partner. You're just
00:28:26.480 --> 00:28:29.400
all these amazing. But if you were to actually
00:28:29.400 --> 00:28:31.160
get into a relationship, what you're forgetting
00:28:31.160 --> 00:28:36.880
is arguments, conflict, not aligned. Something
00:28:36.880 --> 00:28:38.900
happens and the whole day you're just thinking
00:28:38.900 --> 00:28:41.400
about it because we have resentment. We have
00:28:41.400 --> 00:28:45.200
uneasiness and that's also part of it too. But
00:28:45.200 --> 00:28:47.099
when we're single and we're like looking for
00:28:47.099 --> 00:28:50.440
a partner, we usually play all the good stuff.
00:28:50.819 --> 00:28:54.160
We don't play what it is actually like day to
00:28:54.160 --> 00:28:56.079
day to be in a relationship. You know, it's the
00:28:56.079 --> 00:28:57.799
same thing with parenting. When people want kids,
00:28:57.900 --> 00:29:00.500
they're like, oh, your kid's so cute. And, you
00:29:00.500 --> 00:29:02.160
know, you think of all these, oh, I want to like,
00:29:02.200 --> 00:29:03.819
you know, play Legos with my kids. I'm going
00:29:03.819 --> 00:29:05.900
to teach her this and do this and do this. Then
00:29:05.900 --> 00:29:08.039
you have a child and you're like, OK, I don't
00:29:08.039 --> 00:29:12.119
sleep anymore. This is crazy. The kid had like
00:29:12.119 --> 00:29:15.759
it's it's it's. I think we need to play the documentary
00:29:15.759 --> 00:29:17.619
more than the highlight reel is what I'm saying.
00:29:17.660 --> 00:29:18.740
And I agree with that. When it comes to love
00:29:18.740 --> 00:29:21.799
relationships. And also too, what is your take
00:29:21.799 --> 00:29:26.140
on timing? Do you, because this has changed for
00:29:26.140 --> 00:29:29.420
me personally over time. I am an advocate that
00:29:29.420 --> 00:29:32.980
I believe timing is imperative. That's what I
00:29:32.980 --> 00:29:35.339
think whenever it comes to relationships. Where
00:29:35.339 --> 00:29:38.359
before I was like, no, it's the person. Like
00:29:38.359 --> 00:29:40.539
if I meet like my person, it doesn't matter the
00:29:40.539 --> 00:29:42.539
timing because that's how it's meant to be. But
00:29:42.539 --> 00:29:44.940
I think timing. is really important. I mean,
00:29:44.960 --> 00:29:47.700
what would your takes be on that? Yeah, I think
00:29:47.700 --> 00:29:51.059
timing's important, but I also agree with you
00:29:51.059 --> 00:29:53.740
in that, you know, we meet random people when
00:29:53.740 --> 00:29:56.599
we least expect it, you know? I've gotten into
00:29:56.599 --> 00:29:58.539
a three -year relationship with someone who was
00:29:58.539 --> 00:30:00.059
just a friend. Like, she was right under my nose,
00:30:00.160 --> 00:30:05.380
and this is years ago. I mean, I always thought
00:30:05.380 --> 00:30:08.380
she was attractive, and we were at my birthday
00:30:08.380 --> 00:30:10.880
party just hanging out, just having some drinks,
00:30:11.000 --> 00:30:13.670
and then I ended up kissing her that night. And
00:30:13.670 --> 00:30:19.049
then boom, three years. So I think we meet people
00:30:19.049 --> 00:30:23.230
when we least expect to meet people. And we don't
00:30:23.230 --> 00:30:25.390
know when we're going to meet people and who's
00:30:25.390 --> 00:30:28.069
going to come into our lives. And so, yes, I
00:30:28.069 --> 00:30:30.569
think timing is a huge factor, but we also don't
00:30:30.569 --> 00:30:33.869
have control of when we are going to fall in
00:30:33.869 --> 00:30:36.690
love with someone. So true. Maybe that's also
00:30:36.690 --> 00:30:40.859
too like. going with the flow, right? Going with
00:30:40.859 --> 00:30:44.240
the flow, seeing what happens. But what do you
00:30:44.240 --> 00:30:49.700
find, if you could give advice to single man
00:30:49.700 --> 00:30:52.640
or woman out there that they're really, they
00:30:52.640 --> 00:30:55.380
would like to find their partner, what advice
00:30:55.380 --> 00:30:59.619
would you give someone? Well, the whole reason
00:30:59.619 --> 00:31:01.900
why I wrote single on purpose, and by the way,
00:31:01.900 --> 00:31:04.160
it's single on purpose, not single forever. I'm
00:31:04.160 --> 00:31:06.619
not saying to – it's not an anti -relationship
00:31:06.619 --> 00:31:11.660
book. I'm very pro -relationship. I think the
00:31:11.660 --> 00:31:14.319
more that you try to find yourself first, and
00:31:14.319 --> 00:31:16.259
of course that's not a weekend. That's kind of
00:31:16.259 --> 00:31:18.140
a lifelong journey. There's an ebb and flow.
00:31:18.400 --> 00:31:21.690
The more you focus on – Finding yourself, building
00:31:21.690 --> 00:31:23.809
a relationship with yourself, working through
00:31:23.809 --> 00:31:26.910
wounds, trauma. You're a good example of this.
00:31:27.210 --> 00:31:29.809
In the last five years, that's all you've been
00:31:29.809 --> 00:31:31.849
doing, working on yourself, whether it's physical
00:31:31.849 --> 00:31:34.650
stuff, past stuff, trauma stuff, all of that.
00:31:35.190 --> 00:31:37.190
The more that you can turn that into a lifestyle,
00:31:37.650 --> 00:31:41.589
I think what happens is your frequency changes.
00:31:42.490 --> 00:31:45.190
And I think that the whole water meets water
00:31:45.190 --> 00:31:47.809
at its level, I think then you start to attract
00:31:47.809 --> 00:31:51.920
and you're able to see. Someone who's also on
00:31:51.920 --> 00:31:55.980
that path. And then I think it sets you up for
00:31:55.980 --> 00:31:58.700
the best corrective love in that you're going
00:31:58.700 --> 00:32:01.720
to find someone who is also working on himself,
00:32:02.119 --> 00:32:05.039
working on his trauma. And it sets two people
00:32:05.039 --> 00:32:07.200
up to build a relationship that can be corrective.
00:32:07.240 --> 00:32:10.299
Because if not, if you're not working on yourself,
00:32:10.559 --> 00:32:13.700
you're probably going to pick people you used
00:32:13.700 --> 00:32:15.740
to pick. You're going to be drawn to people you're
00:32:15.740 --> 00:32:19.099
used to drawing. probably repeat something old.
00:32:19.200 --> 00:32:21.519
Like the easy, like the easy, like you're picking
00:32:21.519 --> 00:32:25.680
something that feels familiar. Yeah. The easy,
00:32:25.799 --> 00:32:28.640
or you're just putting weight on, you know, like
00:32:28.640 --> 00:32:31.279
hotness, chemistry, you know, sexual attraction
00:32:31.279 --> 00:32:33.740
or whatever, whatever you're used to picking.
00:32:34.099 --> 00:32:38.799
And then there isn't room for an elevated love.
00:32:38.920 --> 00:32:41.640
There isn't room for co -creation. There isn't
00:32:41.640 --> 00:32:43.799
room for two people to be like, you know what?
00:32:44.389 --> 00:32:46.589
I've never said this in a relationship, but I
00:32:46.589 --> 00:32:49.650
feel very anxious. And when you leave, it's my
00:32:49.650 --> 00:32:51.809
shit. I need to work on it. But I feel like my
00:32:51.809 --> 00:32:54.130
abandonment stuff is coming out. These hard conversations,
00:32:54.329 --> 00:32:58.890
right? To actually do that in action as a practice
00:32:58.890 --> 00:33:03.150
and put in reps, that's how you start to build
00:33:03.150 --> 00:33:06.069
something with legs. So true. Communication.
00:33:07.720 --> 00:33:10.720
like good communication. I also too, like I know
00:33:10.720 --> 00:33:13.359
when I first started with you and I think that
00:33:13.359 --> 00:33:15.180
was like five years ago when I first started
00:33:15.180 --> 00:33:16.339
with you, that was one of the first things you
00:33:16.339 --> 00:33:18.640
said to me. You're like, maybe it's kind of like
00:33:18.640 --> 00:33:20.740
the energy or something that you're like putting
00:33:20.740 --> 00:33:22.680
off. And like, that's what I couldn't figure
00:33:22.680 --> 00:33:25.420
it out at the time, but it took me years of working
00:33:25.420 --> 00:33:28.640
on myself. And then I started seeing it and I'm
00:33:28.640 --> 00:33:30.740
like, oh my gosh, or I'm aware. And like, hmm,
00:33:30.799 --> 00:33:32.779
why did this person come in my life? What can
00:33:32.779 --> 00:33:35.220
I learn from this? How can I get better? And
00:33:35.220 --> 00:33:37.640
I feel like a lot of people that aren't, that
00:33:37.640 --> 00:33:40.519
maybe don't work on themselves as much, sometimes
00:33:40.519 --> 00:33:44.720
kind of bypass. So they will go solely off of
00:33:44.720 --> 00:33:46.900
attraction, which, listen, I think attraction
00:33:46.900 --> 00:33:48.779
is really important. I'm not saying that. Yeah,
00:33:48.779 --> 00:33:50.720
of course, of course. You shouldn't be with someone
00:33:50.720 --> 00:33:53.980
you're not attracted to. Yes, but chemistry alone
00:33:53.980 --> 00:33:57.680
is not enough to keep a sustainable relationship.
00:33:57.880 --> 00:33:59.720
And people will be like, oh, my relationships
00:33:59.720 --> 00:34:01.619
aren't working out, but they just kind of bypass
00:34:01.619 --> 00:34:05.039
really working on themselves. But do you think
00:34:05.039 --> 00:34:10.500
that People can heal instead of maybe bypassing.
00:34:10.500 --> 00:34:12.559
What if they meet someone and that person is
00:34:12.559 --> 00:34:14.699
a catalyst for their growth and they grow within
00:34:14.699 --> 00:34:18.039
the relationship? Is that something that's that's
00:34:18.039 --> 00:34:20.139
something that's possible? Sure, absolutely.
00:34:20.480 --> 00:34:23.480
And I got to say, not all relationships are meant
00:34:23.480 --> 00:34:27.079
to be forever. Yeah, forever. We're all like
00:34:27.079 --> 00:34:30.360
trying to find the happily ever after. And a
00:34:30.360 --> 00:34:32.300
lot of times you'll grow from a relationship
00:34:32.300 --> 00:34:35.820
that was a stepping stone. to something else.
00:34:36.219 --> 00:34:38.440
And what that relationship taught you was what
00:34:38.440 --> 00:34:41.699
you were meant to learn. And that relationship
00:34:41.699 --> 00:34:46.039
only took you to that point and expired, but
00:34:46.039 --> 00:34:48.440
it wasn't a waste. It was needed. It was a missing
00:34:48.440 --> 00:34:50.980
puzzle piece to now take what you learned from
00:34:50.980 --> 00:34:53.699
that and then apply it to something that this
00:34:53.699 --> 00:34:55.320
relationship can't give you, but this one can.
00:34:55.949 --> 00:34:58.829
So true, especially for people if they go through
00:34:58.829 --> 00:35:02.409
breakups and something that's painful, like just
00:35:02.409 --> 00:35:04.369
remember on the other side of it, like there's
00:35:04.369 --> 00:35:06.630
so much growth that you can't just see right
00:35:06.630 --> 00:35:09.449
now because you have blinders on maybe, but there's
00:35:09.449 --> 00:35:12.369
so much growth and there's a bigger reason why
00:35:12.369 --> 00:35:16.690
that happened. Yeah. When I was on Dax Shepard's
00:35:16.690 --> 00:35:20.289
Armchair Expert, I wanted to talk about. the
00:35:20.289 --> 00:35:22.849
value of expired relationships. I always say
00:35:22.849 --> 00:35:24.909
that a relationship has expired and it's controversial.
00:35:26.289 --> 00:35:28.469
And he wanted to talk about that because he didn't
00:35:28.469 --> 00:35:30.889
agree or he had a problem with it. We ended up
00:35:30.889 --> 00:35:32.889
talking about me having sex with a plum at age
00:35:32.889 --> 00:35:35.190
12 for like two hours, but we got sidetracked.
00:35:35.329 --> 00:35:38.269
But the reason why I think that's so important
00:35:38.269 --> 00:35:42.289
is if you believe that relationships do expire,
00:35:42.769 --> 00:35:45.610
there's so much acceptance in that. There's always
00:35:45.610 --> 00:35:48.309
like, oh, that wasn't meant to go a day further.
00:35:49.159 --> 00:35:51.179
Or it doesn't mean to not work on something.
00:35:51.300 --> 00:35:53.739
I'm just saying that I think every collision
00:35:53.739 --> 00:35:56.699
serves a purpose. So it could literally be one
00:35:56.699 --> 00:35:58.500
session with your therapist or it could be a
00:35:58.500 --> 00:36:02.739
20 year friendship or it can be a six, a three
00:36:02.739 --> 00:36:04.659
month magical summer with someone. You know,
00:36:04.659 --> 00:36:09.300
I think every collision that we have has a human
00:36:09.300 --> 00:36:11.239
exchange and two people take away something from
00:36:11.239 --> 00:36:14.059
it. And if you take away nothing, then maybe.
00:36:14.519 --> 00:36:15.980
That's what you're supposed to take away, you
00:36:15.980 --> 00:36:17.880
know, like the learning from that. And what would
00:36:17.880 --> 00:36:21.360
you say if there's someone that like kind of
00:36:21.360 --> 00:36:24.980
has a pattern of staying in expired relationships?
00:36:25.000 --> 00:36:29.659
Like at what point do you think that you make
00:36:29.659 --> 00:36:32.800
a decision that this has been expired? And like,
00:36:32.840 --> 00:36:34.679
because correct me if I'm wrong, but I think
00:36:34.679 --> 00:36:37.840
you could probably end up spending years in expired
00:36:37.840 --> 00:36:39.980
relationships. Do you find that's what happens?
00:36:40.760 --> 00:36:42.699
I don't think those relationships are expired.
00:36:42.860 --> 00:36:45.280
I think a lot of people break up or leave their
00:36:45.280 --> 00:36:48.619
relationship before it's run its course. To me,
00:36:48.619 --> 00:36:50.920
an expired relationship means you've done everything
00:36:50.920 --> 00:36:53.019
you can. It's no longer honest to you. You find
00:36:53.019 --> 00:36:55.099
yourself breaking up with yourself. So it's like,
00:36:55.159 --> 00:36:57.920
okay, this is now done. If you're in something
00:36:57.920 --> 00:37:03.960
that you're not even in, like you're just kind
00:37:03.960 --> 00:37:07.539
of going through the motions, it was already
00:37:07.539 --> 00:37:10.539
over. You're just now in it because you're scared
00:37:10.539 --> 00:37:13.480
to leave or you're scared to start over or you're
00:37:13.480 --> 00:37:15.460
scared of abandonment or maybe you're comfortable
00:37:15.460 --> 00:37:17.380
with the finances or you have children. There
00:37:17.380 --> 00:37:21.179
are other factors that keep you in it. And so
00:37:21.179 --> 00:37:25.860
to me, you're also taking someone else hostage.
00:37:26.559 --> 00:37:30.420
And in your experience, do you think that people
00:37:30.420 --> 00:37:34.199
give up too quickly in today's day and age that
00:37:34.199 --> 00:37:38.190
they don't let things play out? I think it's
00:37:38.190 --> 00:37:39.710
not about letting things play out. It's about
00:37:39.710 --> 00:37:42.269
doing everything you can and then coming to the
00:37:42.269 --> 00:37:44.309
conclusion that, you know, going back to the
00:37:44.309 --> 00:37:46.829
title of the podcast is just not lying with where
00:37:46.829 --> 00:37:49.349
you're at, you know? But really, really trying.
00:37:49.389 --> 00:37:51.289
I think that's like the thing. Instead of being
00:37:51.289 --> 00:37:52.789
like, oh, you know what? This is uncomfortable.
00:37:53.530 --> 00:37:55.949
So we're going to break up and I'm going to be
00:37:55.949 --> 00:37:57.449
back on the dating sites, you know, and I'm going
00:37:57.449 --> 00:37:59.969
to go meet like 10 people. I mean, I think that's
00:37:59.969 --> 00:38:04.070
what's happening. Yeah. I think our parents stayed
00:38:04.070 --> 00:38:06.550
in things way too long. My parents should have
00:38:06.550 --> 00:38:08.449
been divorced years ago, but they didn't speak
00:38:08.449 --> 00:38:11.230
the language. Koreans don't divorce. They were
00:38:11.230 --> 00:38:14.050
sleeping in separate rooms. They were just roommates.
00:38:14.250 --> 00:38:16.429
For most of my life, my parents were just roommates.
00:38:17.030 --> 00:38:19.369
So there's that generation. But then I think
00:38:19.369 --> 00:38:23.329
like Gen Z, it's like, oh, we don't like the
00:38:23.329 --> 00:38:27.110
same music. Okay. Then you're swiping on the
00:38:27.110 --> 00:38:28.570
way home to find someone else. And it's like,
00:38:28.730 --> 00:38:31.530
there's no stretch. There's no rolling up the
00:38:31.530 --> 00:38:35.980
sleeves. You have to lean into discomfort because,
00:38:36.059 --> 00:38:38.719
I mean, think about what it takes to change a
00:38:38.719 --> 00:38:41.860
body. I mean, the amount of fucking work and
00:38:41.860 --> 00:38:44.880
sweats and diet and exercise to actually change
00:38:44.880 --> 00:38:47.300
your body. And I think we have to look at relationships
00:38:47.300 --> 00:38:49.460
like that. Like, let's put in that much work.
00:38:49.860 --> 00:38:53.360
And then if it's causing you to break up with
00:38:53.360 --> 00:38:56.099
yourself and it's not aligned, then at least
00:38:56.099 --> 00:38:58.840
you know, like, look, I did the best I could.
00:38:59.079 --> 00:39:01.679
And I learned from it. And that's no longer honest
00:39:01.679 --> 00:39:04.489
to me. And I'm okay with it. A lot of people
00:39:04.489 --> 00:39:07.610
check out too soon. Yeah, I love that. I think
00:39:07.610 --> 00:39:09.630
if that's anything, I think that's one of the
00:39:09.630 --> 00:39:12.730
largest takeaways from this because that's what
00:39:12.730 --> 00:39:14.869
I see in today's day and age, especially, you
00:39:14.869 --> 00:39:17.969
know, South Florida and places where in L .A.,
00:39:17.969 --> 00:39:21.329
right? You're in L .A. And I also think if you
00:39:21.329 --> 00:39:24.489
have a lot in your life, it's easier to check
00:39:24.489 --> 00:39:27.210
out because you're not you're not used to people
00:39:27.210 --> 00:39:28.889
saying no to you. You know what I'm saying? Like,
00:39:28.909 --> 00:39:31.829
I feel like if you're successful, you have, you
00:39:31.829 --> 00:39:33.489
know, like no one says no to you. You get what
00:39:33.489 --> 00:39:36.389
you want. Yeah. I mean, I find it and listen,
00:39:36.489 --> 00:39:38.610
it's going to sound like a little sexist maybe,
00:39:38.710 --> 00:39:42.469
but I find like successful females that like
00:39:42.469 --> 00:39:44.409
they have it together and they're attractive.
00:39:44.530 --> 00:39:47.130
Like there's still the ones that I know they're
00:39:47.130 --> 00:39:49.530
all relationship minded. They're not out there
00:39:49.530 --> 00:39:51.929
trying to like, you know, date around or keep
00:39:51.929 --> 00:39:54.130
finding what's better. But I feel like the men
00:39:54.130 --> 00:39:56.050
it's different because there's so many options.
00:39:56.110 --> 00:39:58.789
Right. So they're like. Oh, like they get nervous
00:39:58.789 --> 00:40:00.690
about like, oh, I don't know. I have a little
00:40:00.690 --> 00:40:02.210
bit of fear of commitment. I'm not sure if I'm
00:40:02.210 --> 00:40:04.090
going to settle down. And, you know, they wake
00:40:04.090 --> 00:40:07.030
up and, you know, much older and maybe in the
00:40:07.030 --> 00:40:10.710
same space. But just like your example, you made
00:40:10.710 --> 00:40:14.150
a decision with Vanessa. Yeah. And I got to say,
00:40:14.170 --> 00:40:16.750
well, first of all, your statement, I do think
00:40:16.750 --> 00:40:19.030
that's a generalization, but also that's your
00:40:19.030 --> 00:40:21.250
experience. So that must be true in your world.
00:40:21.389 --> 00:40:26.440
Yeah. Vanessa and I wouldn't be together. If
00:40:26.440 --> 00:40:29.079
we checked out when it got uncomfortable, we
00:40:29.079 --> 00:40:32.800
wouldn't. So it was our decision that when it
00:40:32.800 --> 00:40:36.219
got uncomfortable, hey, let's look at this. Where's
00:40:36.219 --> 00:40:40.079
it coming from? What's the transference, the
00:40:40.079 --> 00:40:42.300
projection? Let's go to couples therapy. Let's
00:40:42.300 --> 00:40:46.179
actually work on it for a little bit. And through
00:40:46.179 --> 00:40:49.079
that, it produces more relationship glue. And
00:40:49.079 --> 00:40:52.300
then through that, you actually learn that, oh,
00:40:52.500 --> 00:40:55.150
there's stuff happening. that I used to react
00:40:55.150 --> 00:40:58.449
to, but now I'm looking at it as soil for growth,
00:40:58.610 --> 00:41:01.329
you know? And then that gets you over the humps
00:41:01.329 --> 00:41:04.570
and then it builds legs and then your relationship
00:41:04.570 --> 00:41:07.150
feels more safe. And once you do it once, when
00:41:07.150 --> 00:41:09.369
it happens again, you know that you could have
00:41:09.369 --> 00:41:11.289
a conversation without people leaving. You can
00:41:11.289 --> 00:41:13.670
have a conversation without the roof coming down,
00:41:13.769 --> 00:41:16.650
you know? And so you feel less like abandonment.
00:41:16.670 --> 00:41:19.010
You feel more safe. No one's going to cheat on
00:41:19.010 --> 00:41:20.110
you. No one's going to, you know, whatever it
00:41:20.110 --> 00:41:23.150
is that you have that you're carrying. Because
00:41:23.150 --> 00:41:24.869
you're having the hard conversations, you're
00:41:24.869 --> 00:41:28.730
being vulnerable. And listen, also, people change
00:41:28.730 --> 00:41:31.329
and their definitions of relationships change.
00:41:31.630 --> 00:41:34.909
You could start off monogamous. Six years later,
00:41:35.090 --> 00:41:36.949
you could decide, hey, I might want to be open.
00:41:37.409 --> 00:41:39.690
We're all changing, evolving creatures, right?
00:41:39.750 --> 00:41:42.409
So everything's a conversation. And I think that's
00:41:42.409 --> 00:41:44.730
another thing, too, saying about forever. But
00:41:44.730 --> 00:41:47.829
saying forever, you don't really know how you're
00:41:47.829 --> 00:41:51.199
going to evolve as a person. Right. I mean, let
00:41:51.199 --> 00:41:53.860
me give you an example. Right. Two days ago,
00:41:53.940 --> 00:41:57.920
I am shirtless running on the side of the road
00:41:57.920 --> 00:42:01.360
with a fucking stack of bananas, like a football.
00:42:01.880 --> 00:42:06.480
Right. Listening to music, passing cows and horses
00:42:06.480 --> 00:42:09.820
in Costa Rica. And I had this thought. I was
00:42:09.820 --> 00:42:13.440
like, dude, if someone came to me a year ago
00:42:13.440 --> 00:42:15.099
and said, John, a year from now, you're going
00:42:15.099 --> 00:42:17.099
to house can burn down. You're going to be running
00:42:17.099 --> 00:42:21.400
on the side of the road with a bunch of bananas
00:42:21.400 --> 00:42:23.280
and it's going to be pouring and you're going
00:42:23.280 --> 00:42:25.900
to be chasing, passing cows and horses. I'd be
00:42:25.900 --> 00:42:27.599
like, what the, I would say you got the wrong
00:42:27.599 --> 00:42:29.599
John Kim. There's a lot of John Kims in this
00:42:29.599 --> 00:42:31.880
world. You got the wrong one. And that's what
00:42:31.880 --> 00:42:33.760
I was doing. And I, my point in saying that is
00:42:33.760 --> 00:42:35.619
like, you don't know where you're going to be
00:42:35.619 --> 00:42:38.179
a year from now. You don't know what your definitions
00:42:38.179 --> 00:42:39.960
are going to be. You don't know where your relationship's
00:42:39.960 --> 00:42:40.980
going to be. You don't know what you're going
00:42:40.980 --> 00:42:43.860
to want, you know? And so it's one of my biggest
00:42:43.860 --> 00:42:47.719
life lessons. uh, this year because I have a
00:42:47.719 --> 00:42:51.300
complete different life than a year ago. Like
00:42:51.300 --> 00:42:53.239
it's, it's, I mean, look at my hair. I have a
00:42:53.239 --> 00:42:56.099
complete different life that I would never imagine
00:42:56.099 --> 00:42:59.820
in my life. So. And you, and you found that it's
00:42:59.820 --> 00:43:02.960
very through tragedy, tragedy, right? It was
00:43:02.960 --> 00:43:05.179
through tragedy. Through the burning down of
00:43:05.179 --> 00:43:09.179
my house. Yes. That you found a different way
00:43:09.179 --> 00:43:13.150
of living and a different way of life. I wouldn't
00:43:13.150 --> 00:43:15.130
say it's tragedy. I wouldn't define it that way.
00:43:16.769 --> 00:43:19.570
To me, I'm seeing it as a cleansing. To me, I'm
00:43:19.570 --> 00:43:24.369
seeing it as a burning down of the old. Yes,
00:43:24.730 --> 00:43:28.570
it was traumatic. Yes, it was unexpected. Yes,
00:43:28.610 --> 00:43:32.989
it was very sad and all of that. Listen, if our
00:43:32.989 --> 00:43:34.929
house didn't burn down, we would have never had
00:43:34.929 --> 00:43:37.949
the courage to move to another country. I would
00:43:37.949 --> 00:43:39.969
have never had the courage to do a lot of things.
00:43:41.650 --> 00:43:44.090
Because you start thinking about logically, oh,
00:43:44.170 --> 00:43:47.909
well, our kid has friends here. And then it never
00:43:47.909 --> 00:43:51.309
happens, right? So the fact that our house burned
00:43:51.309 --> 00:43:54.530
down gave us the courage and permission, gave
00:43:54.530 --> 00:43:57.309
us no choice but to go explore something different.
00:43:57.329 --> 00:43:59.030
And now we're living in a different country.
00:43:59.150 --> 00:44:03.070
Yeah, it's all about perspective. Is there anything
00:44:03.070 --> 00:44:06.050
that you wanted to ask me or anything like that?
00:44:07.360 --> 00:44:10.019
You know, while we're doing this podcast and
00:44:10.019 --> 00:44:12.559
we're talking about discomfort and growth and
00:44:12.559 --> 00:44:15.260
stuff, I thought when you asked me to be on here,
00:44:15.320 --> 00:44:17.559
I should have said, Megan, I would do this under
00:44:17.559 --> 00:44:19.920
one condition. You're going to be in sweats,
00:44:20.159 --> 00:44:23.099
socks in your living room, just eating fucking
00:44:23.099 --> 00:44:26.980
chips. And we're just going to hang like slumber
00:44:26.980 --> 00:44:28.599
because I know that would be uncomfortable for
00:44:28.599 --> 00:44:33.079
you. I don't even have chips at my house. Well,
00:44:33.219 --> 00:44:34.539
you'd have to go buy chips. You'd have to buy
00:44:34.539 --> 00:44:38.380
chips and soda for that day. That's funny. Yeah.
00:44:39.139 --> 00:44:41.760
I think, you know, what I want to say to you
00:44:41.760 --> 00:44:45.139
is knowing your story, following your story for
00:44:45.139 --> 00:44:48.400
the last few years and seeing the trajectory
00:44:48.400 --> 00:44:53.500
of your dreams, passions. I'm just proud of you.
00:44:53.539 --> 00:44:56.179
I'm proud of you putting action behind words.
00:44:56.360 --> 00:44:59.420
I'm proud of you. Even like this podcast, right?
00:44:59.559 --> 00:45:04.259
It's work and it's you manifesting an idea. Also,
00:45:04.259 --> 00:45:06.360
it's passion -driven. It's mission -driven. You're
00:45:06.360 --> 00:45:08.460
trying to help other people. So these are all
00:45:08.460 --> 00:45:10.380
things that we've talked about in the quote -unquote
00:45:10.380 --> 00:45:13.539
therapy room that you're now actually doing.
00:45:13.599 --> 00:45:16.059
And a lot of people talk a lot of shit, but they
00:45:16.059 --> 00:45:19.239
don't do anything. Thank you. Yeah, I'm really
00:45:19.239 --> 00:45:21.599
proud of you for doing this kind of work, for
00:45:21.599 --> 00:45:23.599
actually working on yourself. Thank you so much.
00:45:23.639 --> 00:45:25.880
And one thing I want to share with our listeners
00:45:25.880 --> 00:45:30.829
is that Jon Kim also hosts retreats. If you want
00:45:30.829 --> 00:45:32.809
to just give a brief mention, like I know you
00:45:32.809 --> 00:45:35.110
have one coming up in Costa Rica, and then also
00:45:35.110 --> 00:45:37.949
where our listeners can find you and find out
00:45:37.949 --> 00:45:41.309
more information. You can just find me at The
00:45:41.309 --> 00:45:44.269
Angry Therapist across social. And then I have
00:45:44.269 --> 00:45:47.269
my own. I call it a Korean bodega because when
00:45:47.269 --> 00:45:49.849
you hit my link tree, so much shit pots out.
00:45:49.929 --> 00:45:51.889
It's kind of embarrassing. Like I sell hubcaps
00:45:51.889 --> 00:45:55.150
and pagers and all sorts of stuff. But you can
00:45:55.150 --> 00:45:56.909
find the retreat information there. Costa Rica,
00:45:56.949 --> 00:46:01.690
December 1. December 1 through 5, the week of
00:46:01.690 --> 00:46:04.710
December 1. Amazing. And do you know, are you
00:46:04.710 --> 00:46:07.190
going to continue to have these retreats or are
00:46:07.190 --> 00:46:10.110
you just taking it one retreat at a time? I do
00:46:10.110 --> 00:46:11.889
the retreats because I get a lot of value. It's
00:46:11.889 --> 00:46:15.210
not like this, you know, I used to do retreats
00:46:15.210 --> 00:46:16.650
and there were like 30 people and it was kind
00:46:16.650 --> 00:46:19.559
of a big business. This one's intimate. This
00:46:19.559 --> 00:46:21.739
is like, I want six people. I want to go ATV
00:46:21.739 --> 00:46:23.500
riding with six people and then go walk on the
00:46:23.500 --> 00:46:25.420
ocean and talk about shit. You know, I want to
00:46:25.420 --> 00:46:28.059
eat plantains and do some medicine. Like I want
00:46:28.059 --> 00:46:32.380
it to be really like intimate, casual. So yeah,
00:46:32.420 --> 00:46:35.059
so very limited as far as seats. Amazing. Okay,
00:46:35.159 --> 00:46:36.980
we'll check it out. And Jon Kim, thank you so
00:46:36.980 --> 00:46:40.199
much. Thanks for joining us. Thank you. Be well.
00:46:40.780 --> 00:46:42.940
Thanks for tuning in to Finding Alignment. If
00:46:42.940 --> 00:46:45.940
you found this episode helpful, please like and
00:46:45.940 --> 00:46:48.139
subscribe. I would love if you could leave me
00:46:48.139 --> 00:46:50.280
a review and if there's anyone that you would
00:46:50.280 --> 00:46:52.820
like to hear from on the show, please let us
00:46:52.820 --> 00:46:54.380
know. Thanks for tuning in.
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.660
Welcome to Finding Alignment, where we will be
00:00:02.660 --> 00:00:05.759
having conversations on business, wellness, and
00:00:05.759 --> 00:00:08.580
relationships for living a more aligned life.
00:00:08.839 --> 00:00:12.140
I'm your host, Megan Romine, real estate professional,
00:00:12.580 --> 00:00:15.580
lifelong learner, and speaker. Each time I'm
00:00:15.580 --> 00:00:17.379
in the studio, I sit down with entrepreneurs,
00:00:18.000 --> 00:00:20.579
bestselling authors, and everyday high achievers
00:00:20.579 --> 00:00:23.079
to unpack the habits, boundaries, and mindset
00:00:23.079 --> 00:00:25.940
shifts that fuel sustainable success. Whether
00:00:25.940 --> 00:00:28.140
you're growing a business, nurturing relationships,
00:00:28.440 --> 00:00:31.039
or simply protecting your peace, this show is
00:00:31.039 --> 00:00:33.399
here to help you take one aligned step forward.
00:00:33.679 --> 00:00:36.979
Let's dive in. Okay, you guys, today I am so
00:00:36.979 --> 00:00:41.340
excited. We have John Kim, the angry therapist,
00:00:41.740 --> 00:00:44.579
best -selling author. I would consider him a
00:00:44.579 --> 00:00:47.179
relationship expert. John, thank you so much
00:00:47.179 --> 00:00:50.420
for joining us today. Yeah, yeah, I gotta say,
00:00:50.539 --> 00:00:53.479
I have a problem with the word relationship expert
00:00:53.479 --> 00:00:57.000
because You know, even though I help people with
00:00:57.000 --> 00:00:59.299
relationships, I don't think anyone's an expert,
00:00:59.439 --> 00:01:02.500
you know, because any relationship that we're
00:01:02.500 --> 00:01:04.659
in is different than the relationship we were
00:01:04.659 --> 00:01:07.500
in. And so it's almost a new living, breathing
00:01:07.500 --> 00:01:10.620
thing. So to say that you're an expert, I think
00:01:10.620 --> 00:01:12.939
can be misleading. I don't want to hold that.
00:01:13.019 --> 00:01:15.560
So I'm a relationship coach, but I'm not a relationship
00:01:15.560 --> 00:01:18.920
expert. relationship coach. Okay. I like that.
00:01:19.079 --> 00:01:22.060
And just for listeners to know, I mean, I actually
00:01:22.060 --> 00:01:26.019
found John Kim years ago and years ago I had
00:01:26.019 --> 00:01:28.780
reached out via email. And what had happened
00:01:28.780 --> 00:01:31.280
is I had read one of your books and the book
00:01:31.280 --> 00:01:34.340
was so good. I couldn't put it down. I read it
00:01:34.340 --> 00:01:35.879
within like a day and a half. And I was like,
00:01:35.920 --> 00:01:38.140
I got to reach out to this guy. I need to contact
00:01:38.140 --> 00:01:40.019
him. And I remember - Wait, which book was that?
00:01:40.219 --> 00:01:43.989
That was, it was single on purpose. Oh, OK. Yeah,
00:01:44.049 --> 00:01:46.629
yeah, yeah. Yeah. Single on purpose. And it was
00:01:46.629 --> 00:01:49.829
so good. And I reached out and from my memory,
00:01:49.890 --> 00:01:53.069
it was something along the lines of, hey, you
00:01:53.069 --> 00:01:55.870
know, I'd like to hire you. And your response,
00:01:55.930 --> 00:01:57.269
you were very nice, but you're like, hey, don't
00:01:57.269 --> 00:01:59.090
really do, you know, like one on one sessions
00:01:59.090 --> 00:02:01.670
anymore. And I think I said something along the
00:02:01.670 --> 00:02:06.659
lines of like. hey, I need your help. I would
00:02:06.659 --> 00:02:09.180
really like your coaching. And you took me on
00:02:09.180 --> 00:02:12.439
as a client. And you just made such a difference
00:02:12.439 --> 00:02:15.680
in my life. And you were a catalyst for part
00:02:15.680 --> 00:02:19.539
of my healing journey. And that's why I really
00:02:19.539 --> 00:02:22.020
wanted to have you on and share some of your
00:02:22.020 --> 00:02:25.960
story. You know, Megan, when I think about you
00:02:25.960 --> 00:02:29.439
slash us and our collision and the sessions we've
00:02:29.439 --> 00:02:32.180
done, I feel like I haven't helped you much.
00:02:32.240 --> 00:02:34.099
I have this weird thing with you where I feel
00:02:34.099 --> 00:02:37.259
like, fuck, did she get anything out of our conversations?
00:02:37.379 --> 00:02:40.319
Like, what else could I do? And, you know, a
00:02:40.319 --> 00:02:42.300
lot of our sessions, they've only been in Zoom.
00:02:42.439 --> 00:02:44.419
And a lot of my clients, you know, I do more
00:02:44.419 --> 00:02:47.599
intensive stuff like in -person retreats, like
00:02:47.599 --> 00:02:49.419
that kind of stuff. And because with us, we've
00:02:49.419 --> 00:02:51.840
only been doing Zooms, I always feel kind of
00:02:51.840 --> 00:02:55.080
a little bit like guilty. Like, did I make any
00:02:55.080 --> 00:02:57.379
dent? It's something that I carry that I always
00:02:57.379 --> 00:02:59.340
think about when I think about you and our story.
00:02:59.659 --> 00:03:02.800
Really? Well, I think that, you know, you, whenever
00:03:02.800 --> 00:03:06.319
we had, you know, collided in life, I was right
00:03:06.319 --> 00:03:10.800
in the middle of a pretty intense health. I mean,
00:03:10.819 --> 00:03:13.099
for me, it was like a health crisis, right? And
00:03:13.099 --> 00:03:16.719
then there were things going on, the career and
00:03:16.719 --> 00:03:18.699
the merger of the team and like so much stuff
00:03:18.699 --> 00:03:23.159
going on. So I was really just, you know. going
00:03:23.159 --> 00:03:26.159
by every day and obviously you're not going to
00:03:26.159 --> 00:03:28.419
see that on social media or anything like that
00:03:28.419 --> 00:03:33.849
but what you did is you helped me to open up
00:03:33.849 --> 00:03:37.330
my healing journey, which isn't linear. And I
00:03:37.330 --> 00:03:40.310
went through different phases and I went and
00:03:40.310 --> 00:03:42.810
tried different types of modalities. And, you
00:03:42.810 --> 00:03:45.509
know, sometimes it's taking talk therapy and
00:03:45.509 --> 00:03:48.990
then utilizing other aspects as well. So, I mean,
00:03:48.990 --> 00:03:52.090
for me, you were a catalyst and like such a big
00:03:52.090 --> 00:03:55.090
help. So like, I'm always so thankful. So don't
00:03:55.090 --> 00:03:57.469
ever feel that way. Thank you. Yeah, well, I
00:03:57.469 --> 00:03:58.650
was just gonna say, if you want to call this
00:03:58.650 --> 00:04:01.169
episode, the therapist who didn't help me, I
00:04:01.169 --> 00:04:04.750
would be okay with that. But I gotta say, I tried
00:04:04.750 --> 00:04:06.729
to make it and I tell other therapists this to
00:04:06.729 --> 00:04:09.270
not make it your business, what your clients
00:04:09.270 --> 00:04:11.469
going to take from from your exchange, because
00:04:11.469 --> 00:04:14.909
if you do, one, it's kind of arrogant, but two,
00:04:15.110 --> 00:04:17.069
you just never know what people are going to
00:04:17.069 --> 00:04:19.689
take. And also, you may be a stepping stone,
00:04:19.810 --> 00:04:22.230
you may be the one person that kind of, you know,
00:04:22.230 --> 00:04:25.519
gets them to get to the next level and then someone
00:04:25.519 --> 00:04:27.839
else carries that baton and and and takes them
00:04:27.839 --> 00:04:30.920
you know further and so um we are all catalysts
00:04:30.920 --> 00:04:33.319
in each person's lives right and so i know i'm
00:04:33.319 --> 00:04:36.379
i was only one point in your life um and i don't
00:04:36.379 --> 00:04:38.959
want to make that my business so yeah it doesn't
00:04:38.959 --> 00:04:41.980
matter it doesn't matter what matters is what
00:04:41.980 --> 00:04:44.560
you got you definitely help so much and then
00:04:44.560 --> 00:04:47.569
also it's just like i feel like utilizing your
00:04:47.569 --> 00:04:50.069
voice and also being a bestselling author, like
00:04:50.069 --> 00:04:52.550
you're able to help so many people. So I don't
00:04:52.550 --> 00:04:54.550
know if you really like feel like the ripple
00:04:54.550 --> 00:04:57.170
of that, but like you really are, because I feel
00:04:57.170 --> 00:04:59.769
like in today's day and age, like people struggle
00:04:59.769 --> 00:05:03.850
like relationally and you're just so authentic
00:05:03.850 --> 00:05:06.149
to like who you are. And like, that's what I
00:05:06.149 --> 00:05:09.709
loved about what you do. You're authentic. You
00:05:09.709 --> 00:05:12.329
roll with the punches and it's real life stuff.
00:05:12.949 --> 00:05:16.449
Yeah. Thank you. That means a lot to me. You
00:05:16.449 --> 00:05:19.790
know, I think for me, it means more to me if
00:05:19.790 --> 00:05:22.009
someone says like, hey, John, you're a real dude
00:05:22.009 --> 00:05:24.269
or you're authentic. To me, that means more than
00:05:24.269 --> 00:05:26.550
any kind of accolade, any kind of like, you know,
00:05:26.589 --> 00:05:29.750
bestselling author or whatever. That stuff doesn't
00:05:29.750 --> 00:05:31.970
mean much. But if someone says, hey, I follow
00:05:31.970 --> 00:05:34.069
your story and you seem like, you know, you hold
00:05:34.069 --> 00:05:36.509
up. That really means a lot. That's important
00:05:36.509 --> 00:05:39.149
to me as a person and also as a therapist to
00:05:39.149 --> 00:05:42.589
like show up in that way. I don't want to be
00:05:42.589 --> 00:05:46.720
fake or phony or. present myself as a walking
00:05:46.720 --> 00:05:49.839
billboard you know yeah i love that and also
00:05:49.839 --> 00:05:51.660
too can you share with the audience i think you
00:05:51.660 --> 00:05:54.319
have such a unique story like not only around
00:05:54.319 --> 00:05:58.180
your business but like also too like how things
00:05:58.180 --> 00:06:01.199
went when you met vanessa who's now your wife
00:06:01.199 --> 00:06:03.300
and you guys have a baby together can you kind
00:06:03.300 --> 00:06:06.500
of like take us through the progression of starting
00:06:06.500 --> 00:06:08.899
to be a therapist and i believe you went through
00:06:08.899 --> 00:06:11.459
a divorce and kind of like how that happened
00:06:11.459 --> 00:06:16.360
yeah um I actually went to film school and I
00:06:16.360 --> 00:06:19.139
went to film school because I wanted to make
00:06:19.139 --> 00:06:22.000
movies. I was a screenwriter and it was also
00:06:22.000 --> 00:06:24.319
the easiest degree to get to graduate college.
00:06:25.000 --> 00:06:28.100
I was a C student, horrible at school, ADHD,
00:06:28.439 --> 00:06:32.779
dyslexic. And then I got married. She was an
00:06:32.779 --> 00:06:36.800
actress. She did very well. I did not. Our marriage
00:06:36.800 --> 00:06:40.079
ended. And then that's when I decided to go be
00:06:40.079 --> 00:06:43.250
a therapist because of my own therapist. sitting
00:06:43.250 --> 00:06:45.750
in a room and learning about therapy and how
00:06:45.750 --> 00:06:50.389
the inner journey is where growth is. So I went
00:06:50.389 --> 00:06:54.769
and became a therapist at, I think, 35. And my
00:06:54.769 --> 00:06:58.430
story takes a turn where I graduated. And, you
00:06:58.430 --> 00:07:00.889
know, I wanted to be Dr. Drew. I wanted to wear,
00:07:01.029 --> 00:07:03.470
you know, wrinkle -free pants and have an office.
00:07:03.649 --> 00:07:06.009
And, you know, I wanted to have letters after
00:07:06.009 --> 00:07:08.829
my name and, you know, pull up in my little BMW
00:07:08.829 --> 00:07:11.069
with the latte. That's what I thought was like,
00:07:11.110 --> 00:07:12.930
you know, the perfect life, you know. And I just
00:07:12.930 --> 00:07:14.509
wanted to like make six figures. I didn't want
00:07:14.509 --> 00:07:16.930
to be, you know, I wasn't trying to be like build
00:07:16.930 --> 00:07:20.470
an empire or anything. And then once I started
00:07:20.470 --> 00:07:23.490
to work as a therapist, I had this weird inner
00:07:23.490 --> 00:07:27.670
conflict where I tried to tuck my shirt in. I
00:07:27.670 --> 00:07:30.370
tried to do things like therapists do. And a
00:07:30.370 --> 00:07:31.889
lot of therapists are supposed to be very kind
00:07:31.889 --> 00:07:34.689
of neutral, cardboard cutout. And I felt like
00:07:34.689 --> 00:07:37.110
I was dying inside. And I felt like Clark Kent
00:07:37.110 --> 00:07:39.610
pushing a mail cart. And so I said, fuck it.
00:07:39.629 --> 00:07:41.850
You know what? I'm freshly out of a divorce.
00:07:42.459 --> 00:07:44.040
I'm going through this whole thing. I have no
00:07:44.040 --> 00:07:45.560
money. I have no friends. I have nothing to lose.
00:07:45.639 --> 00:07:48.240
I have no child, no children. And so I said,
00:07:48.279 --> 00:07:52.139
I'm just going to be me. And that's where my
00:07:52.139 --> 00:07:55.000
story really kind of took off. What that looked
00:07:55.000 --> 00:07:58.480
like was meeting people at the park and meeting
00:07:58.480 --> 00:08:01.279
people in the coffee shop. I was into motorcycles,
00:08:01.620 --> 00:08:05.040
so I would just roll up jeans, t -shirts. You
00:08:05.040 --> 00:08:07.120
know who reminds me of me? Keanu Reeves, like
00:08:07.120 --> 00:08:09.060
him eating a sandwich in the park. Yeah. That's
00:08:09.060 --> 00:08:11.860
kind of how it was, kind of a loner. And help
00:08:11.860 --> 00:08:13.800
people around Los Angeles out of the office.
00:08:14.459 --> 00:08:17.019
I remember there's a lake here in LA called Silver
00:08:17.019 --> 00:08:20.600
Lake. It's a 50 -minute walk. So I started doing
00:08:20.600 --> 00:08:22.459
walkie -talks with clients. And they were like,
00:08:22.519 --> 00:08:24.279
oh my god, you actually walk with me? I was like,
00:08:24.339 --> 00:08:27.300
yeah. That's amazing. Yeah, and then I started
00:08:27.300 --> 00:08:28.800
using the webcam, which you weren't supposed
00:08:28.800 --> 00:08:31.300
to do. And this is back when people were on AOL.
00:08:32.600 --> 00:08:35.379
Webcams were plugged in before broadband. And
00:08:35.379 --> 00:08:39.210
we were robotic like this. And I just like, you
00:08:39.210 --> 00:08:40.870
know what? I said, I'm going to show up in a
00:08:40.870 --> 00:08:43.450
way that's honest to me. I don't care if it's
00:08:43.450 --> 00:08:45.590
not how you're supposed to show up. T -shirt
00:08:45.590 --> 00:08:48.429
jeans. And so that I didn't know that that would
00:08:48.429 --> 00:08:50.409
kind of become my brand. I was just that was
00:08:50.409 --> 00:08:53.789
what felt. Oh, speaking of alignment, that felt
00:08:53.789 --> 00:08:57.669
aligned. Amazing. And I followed that. And then
00:08:57.669 --> 00:09:00.049
that then, you know, book deals and the progression
00:09:00.049 --> 00:09:03.029
retreats. And yeah. And then so you're so you're
00:09:03.029 --> 00:09:05.700
dating and you're out there dating and. From
00:09:05.700 --> 00:09:07.279
my understanding, you weren't really looking
00:09:07.279 --> 00:09:09.759
to make any commitments per se, but then you
00:09:09.759 --> 00:09:12.480
go on a blind date with Vanessa, who's your now
00:09:12.480 --> 00:09:15.379
wife. Tell us about that. Megan, I was trying
00:09:15.379 --> 00:09:16.980
to be single on purpose. I was trying to practice
00:09:16.980 --> 00:09:19.200
what I preach, and I went through a long stretch
00:09:19.200 --> 00:09:21.899
of singlehood. I got to say, I think it was like
00:09:21.899 --> 00:09:25.600
five years. So riding motorcycles, crossfitting,
00:09:25.820 --> 00:09:29.159
just kind of doing my thing, trying to be a better
00:09:29.159 --> 00:09:32.519
version of myself. And because I missed out on
00:09:32.519 --> 00:09:37.519
my 20s, I didn't get to participate in all the
00:09:37.519 --> 00:09:39.919
debauchery that a lot of 20 -year -olds do because
00:09:39.919 --> 00:09:42.980
I was always in a relationship. So I had this
00:09:42.980 --> 00:09:45.720
weird, like, I'm going to go have a threesome.
00:09:46.000 --> 00:09:47.720
I'm going to wake up with someone I don't like.
00:09:47.980 --> 00:09:49.919
I want to go have casual sex, like all these
00:09:49.919 --> 00:09:53.679
things that I never did. And so I was trying
00:09:53.679 --> 00:09:59.009
to do that. I didn't have a lot of luck. I had
00:09:59.009 --> 00:10:01.830
like one and a half experiences. And then I went
00:10:01.830 --> 00:10:06.269
on this blind date, met Vanessa. And that was
00:10:06.269 --> 00:10:08.409
the beginning of my next kind of back break.
00:10:08.610 --> 00:10:10.629
And Vanessa happened to be a therapist as well,
00:10:10.769 --> 00:10:14.830
which is kind of scary because now we could check
00:10:14.830 --> 00:10:17.610
each other, you know, and now she speaks the
00:10:17.610 --> 00:10:21.610
language. So now I couldn't hide. And then through
00:10:21.610 --> 00:10:26.350
Vanessa. God, I really think we grow the most
00:10:26.350 --> 00:10:29.370
in our relationships because we're so different.
00:10:30.490 --> 00:10:32.889
In the beginning, it was rocky. I was one foot
00:10:32.889 --> 00:10:35.070
in, one foot out. I need more time. I don't know.
00:10:35.610 --> 00:10:40.710
Ambivalent? What's that? Ambivalent? Yeah, ambivalent.
00:10:40.710 --> 00:10:44.269
Well, because I knew if I invest in this, this
00:10:44.269 --> 00:10:46.830
is going to be the long one. Whoever I date next,
00:10:47.009 --> 00:10:49.850
I want to have a family. I want to build something.
00:10:50.579 --> 00:10:53.320
And so I knew Vanessa wasn't going to be like
00:10:53.320 --> 00:10:55.259
a one night stand. I knew, I knew Vanessa would.
00:10:55.360 --> 00:10:57.840
So it's like, oh, I got to sign on the dotted
00:10:57.840 --> 00:11:00.419
line. Like this is a, this is. So it was like
00:11:00.419 --> 00:11:03.500
scary. It's scary. Yeah. It was like, it wasn't
00:11:03.500 --> 00:11:06.340
just like, oh, you know, where, where we can,
00:11:06.379 --> 00:11:08.539
we could just, you know, paint the town. Oh,
00:11:08.600 --> 00:11:10.480
that makes me sound very old. That's like some
00:11:10.480 --> 00:11:13.720
boomer shit, huh? Paint the town. People are
00:11:13.720 --> 00:11:16.379
like, what? We could have fun. We could go ride
00:11:16.379 --> 00:11:18.139
motorcycle. You know, it wasn't, I mean, yes,
00:11:18.179 --> 00:11:19.519
we could do that, but this was going to be like.
00:11:20.039 --> 00:11:24.000
Oh, she has emotional intelligence. She has self
00:11:24.000 --> 00:11:26.139
-esteem. She knows what she wants. This is going
00:11:26.139 --> 00:11:30.440
to be a long relationship. And so I was scared
00:11:30.440 --> 00:11:32.580
of that. And so I was one foot in, one foot out.
00:11:32.799 --> 00:11:34.940
And then she eventually said, listen, man, shit
00:11:34.940 --> 00:11:36.519
or get off the pot. I don't got time for this
00:11:36.519 --> 00:11:40.580
shit. And so I said, OK. What do you think whenever
00:11:40.580 --> 00:11:44.519
if someone. chooses a relationship that feels
00:11:44.519 --> 00:11:47.980
comfortable maybe over choosing a relationship
00:11:47.980 --> 00:11:50.940
that would provide growth? Because it sounds
00:11:50.940 --> 00:11:54.200
like with Vanessa, right, you knew that you would
00:11:54.200 --> 00:11:57.080
probably grow from that instead of maybe something
00:11:57.080 --> 00:11:58.759
that's like more comfortable. What do you think
00:11:58.759 --> 00:12:01.379
about people that you work with or just in general
00:12:01.379 --> 00:12:03.419
when it comes to that? Megan, that is such a
00:12:03.419 --> 00:12:06.940
great question. And I think it's something that
00:12:06.940 --> 00:12:10.399
we have to all ask ourselves, right? Like I used
00:12:10.399 --> 00:12:13.980
to be attracted to the crazy, the chaos, the
00:12:13.980 --> 00:12:16.480
kind of relationship where you don't want to
00:12:16.480 --> 00:12:17.840
leave the house. You just want to be in bed all
00:12:17.840 --> 00:12:20.059
day, that kind of stuff. Right. And I thought
00:12:20.059 --> 00:12:22.259
that was romantic. And that was most of my twenties
00:12:22.259 --> 00:12:26.419
and thirties. And I would lose my life and then
00:12:26.419 --> 00:12:29.320
lose myself in someone else because it gave me
00:12:29.320 --> 00:12:32.279
such a high, you know, it felt so good. And it
00:12:32.279 --> 00:12:34.179
wasn't until I met Vanessa where it's like, Oh,
00:12:34.259 --> 00:12:37.679
that's actually not healthy, not sustainable.
00:12:39.059 --> 00:12:41.879
This is healthy. It's going to be hard because
00:12:41.879 --> 00:12:44.340
it's going to be confronting, you know, and the
00:12:44.340 --> 00:12:47.740
relationship is going to show us a lot of wounds
00:12:47.740 --> 00:12:50.799
within ourselves, like mirrors, you know. And
00:12:50.799 --> 00:12:54.299
then working through that, you're going to have
00:12:54.299 --> 00:12:55.980
a corrective love experience on the other side
00:12:55.980 --> 00:12:58.019
of that. And then by doing so, you'll rewire
00:12:58.019 --> 00:13:02.080
yourself. And so now I could spot crazy a lot
00:13:02.080 --> 00:13:05.980
faster, my radar sharper. And now the crazy repels
00:13:05.980 --> 00:13:08.169
me. It doesn't, I'm not drawn to it. Does that
00:13:08.169 --> 00:13:09.970
make sense? Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I think
00:13:09.970 --> 00:13:14.129
a lot of people well into their 30s and 40s and
00:13:14.129 --> 00:13:17.009
even older, you know, they think that if they
00:13:17.009 --> 00:13:19.490
feel this strong connection, a strong physical
00:13:19.490 --> 00:13:22.370
connection, like, oh, like this must be like
00:13:22.370 --> 00:13:24.909
the person. But really, that's no basis of a
00:13:24.909 --> 00:13:28.750
healthy relationship whatsoever. Right. Yeah.
00:13:29.049 --> 00:13:33.330
Yeah. It doesn't have legs. I've learned more
00:13:33.330 --> 00:13:38.509
with my relationship. by loving Vanessa than
00:13:38.509 --> 00:13:42.190
I have with anyone in my life. And one of the
00:13:42.190 --> 00:13:45.070
big things I've learned is it's all about repairing
00:13:45.070 --> 00:13:48.210
the ruptures. And if you don't have the ability
00:13:48.210 --> 00:13:50.309
to do that, the plane's going to eventually go
00:13:50.309 --> 00:13:52.730
down. You're going to fight. It's not about how
00:13:52.730 --> 00:13:53.950
many times you fight. So there's going to be
00:13:53.950 --> 00:13:56.429
ruptures no matter what, whether it's an argument
00:13:56.429 --> 00:13:59.210
in the morning or something big. If two people
00:13:59.210 --> 00:14:02.370
don't have the ability to repair that, your nervous
00:14:02.370 --> 00:14:05.620
system, you're out. It's just going to go. It's
00:14:05.620 --> 00:14:08.000
Telemundo. It's throwing chairs. It's reactions.
00:14:08.360 --> 00:14:11.360
It's not like a corrective love experience or
00:14:11.360 --> 00:14:14.039
anything healing. It's repeating the past, you
00:14:14.039 --> 00:14:16.919
know. Absolutely. And I think that it takes,
00:14:16.960 --> 00:14:18.980
you know, and even for me, you know, it took
00:14:18.980 --> 00:14:21.840
me years to like realize that that connection
00:14:21.840 --> 00:14:24.480
or that feeling of strong connection that has
00:14:24.480 --> 00:14:27.320
nothing to do with a healthy relationship. But
00:14:27.320 --> 00:14:32.259
what is your take on? I feel like women are typically
00:14:32.259 --> 00:14:35.000
more relationship -minded, right? I mean, I think
00:14:35.000 --> 00:14:38.059
it's just in our biology. What is your take on
00:14:38.059 --> 00:14:41.980
if a woman's like, hey, I want a serious relationship
00:14:41.980 --> 00:14:44.399
and that's what I'm looking for. Whereas a man
00:14:44.399 --> 00:14:46.500
might be like, listen, I just want to go with
00:14:46.500 --> 00:14:49.960
the flow and see what happens. And it's like,
00:14:49.960 --> 00:14:52.200
I think that females can get concerned about,
00:14:52.279 --> 00:14:54.899
well, is this man just going to waste my time?
00:14:55.120 --> 00:14:58.500
Do you think, how do you feel about the go with
00:14:58.500 --> 00:15:01.500
the flow situation? I like something in the middle,
00:15:01.600 --> 00:15:04.820
right? I like something where – because I see
00:15:04.820 --> 00:15:08.440
two sides. I see one where, oh, let's just loosey
00:15:08.440 --> 00:15:11.220
-goosey, go with the flow, and it makes people
00:15:11.220 --> 00:15:14.059
feel unsafe if they're looking for a long -term
00:15:14.059 --> 00:15:16.539
investment relationship. But at the same time,
00:15:16.580 --> 00:15:22.409
if someone is two weeks in – Do you want kids?
00:15:22.610 --> 00:15:25.830
What about names? Like if you're trying to quote
00:15:25.830 --> 00:15:28.809
unquote lock it down, I think that could suffocate
00:15:28.809 --> 00:15:31.450
the relationship. I think that could make people
00:15:31.450 --> 00:15:34.289
like kind of – so I do think that there should
00:15:34.289 --> 00:15:37.730
be an element of dating where there's room for
00:15:37.730 --> 00:15:40.629
flow. There's room for like let's not talk about
00:15:40.629 --> 00:15:43.269
baby names yet. Let's just get to know each other.
00:15:43.409 --> 00:15:46.470
Let's see how we fight and how we repair. Let's
00:15:46.470 --> 00:15:49.669
explore the bedroom. I think all that needs to
00:15:49.669 --> 00:15:52.600
happen. So if you're getting pressure of like,
00:15:52.759 --> 00:15:55.600
where are you going to be in five years? Is this
00:15:55.600 --> 00:15:59.480
a thing? I think those conversations could come
00:15:59.480 --> 00:16:03.919
more naturally. So I think for the women who
00:16:03.919 --> 00:16:09.080
are wanting to have answers early on, maybe for
00:16:09.080 --> 00:16:10.879
them to sit with that and try to be more present.
00:16:11.240 --> 00:16:13.940
And then for the men, and these are generalizations,
00:16:14.000 --> 00:16:16.899
men and women, for the men who's all loosey -goosey,
00:16:16.899 --> 00:16:21.289
he needs to pick a lane. Like like I needed to
00:16:21.289 --> 00:16:23.490
do. Yeah, I know. I think that's like a perfect
00:16:23.490 --> 00:16:26.330
example. Like you, you know, we're kind of like
00:16:26.330 --> 00:16:28.250
waiting it out. Let's see what happens. But at
00:16:28.250 --> 00:16:30.269
some point in time, you decide to make a decision.
00:16:30.409 --> 00:16:34.190
And that goes into my next question of and I
00:16:34.190 --> 00:16:36.610
know that you see this often. So people jump
00:16:36.610 --> 00:16:39.309
from like one relationship to the next relationship.
00:16:39.429 --> 00:16:42.250
And, you know, single on purpose is about being
00:16:42.250 --> 00:16:44.149
single on purpose and working on healing yourself.
00:16:44.389 --> 00:16:48.330
But would you agree that at some point in time?
00:16:49.039 --> 00:16:51.220
It's time for you to get back into a relationship
00:16:51.220 --> 00:16:54.919
because that's how you heal as well. Would you
00:16:54.919 --> 00:16:58.580
agree with that? Yeah, I think what you're talking
00:16:58.580 --> 00:17:01.240
about is some people who find their cape in singlehood
00:17:01.240 --> 00:17:04.819
and they're so comfortable with being single.
00:17:04.839 --> 00:17:08.000
They have the routine. They're like, I don't
00:17:08.000 --> 00:17:10.559
want like maybe you get to a point where you're
00:17:10.559 --> 00:17:14.880
so used to single that getting into a relationship
00:17:14.880 --> 00:17:17.490
actually terrifies you. Because you're scared
00:17:17.490 --> 00:17:21.250
that love can actually break your routines, stop
00:17:21.250 --> 00:17:24.450
from what you're building, or all of that. And
00:17:24.450 --> 00:17:29.390
so then, yeah, I think sometimes leaning into
00:17:29.390 --> 00:17:32.150
a relationship, especially if you're scared to,
00:17:32.329 --> 00:17:36.099
can be what's prescribed. Yeah, because I feel
00:17:36.099 --> 00:17:39.200
like at some point in time, you don't just heal
00:17:39.200 --> 00:17:41.359
alone because at the end of the day, relationships
00:17:41.359 --> 00:17:44.200
are just mirrors, right? I don't think we're
00:17:44.200 --> 00:17:46.079
meant to heal alone as humans. I don't think
00:17:46.079 --> 00:17:50.440
we're built that way. Yeah, I think that. I think
00:17:50.440 --> 00:17:53.779
we're meant to be alone in parts of our life
00:17:53.779 --> 00:17:56.599
to gather ourselves, to build a better relationship
00:17:56.599 --> 00:18:03.180
with ourselves, for sure. But ultimately. And
00:18:03.180 --> 00:18:04.539
it doesn't have to be a romantic one, by the
00:18:04.539 --> 00:18:07.619
way. I think the world society puts a lot of
00:18:07.619 --> 00:18:11.519
weight on who's your person. Find the one. Like
00:18:11.519 --> 00:18:15.880
your friends. Imagine the friends who we get
00:18:15.880 --> 00:18:20.259
so much safe space from and that we grow from.
00:18:20.720 --> 00:18:23.160
We're not really meant to do life alone. We are
00:18:23.160 --> 00:18:26.940
social. You know, we're village creatures, you
00:18:26.940 --> 00:18:29.539
know. Yeah. Yeah. We need connection. And what
00:18:29.539 --> 00:18:31.819
are your thoughts on because I think some people
00:18:31.819 --> 00:18:33.839
in the audience may be able to relate to this.
00:18:33.980 --> 00:18:36.779
Let's say that they dated someone and they have
00:18:36.779 --> 00:18:39.299
a very strong physical connection with them.
00:18:39.359 --> 00:18:41.920
And then it becomes an on and off again situation.
00:18:42.079 --> 00:18:46.789
In your experience as a licensed therapist. Are
00:18:46.789 --> 00:18:48.869
those situations that you work through, or do
00:18:48.869 --> 00:18:50.609
you think that once you start doing that on and
00:18:50.609 --> 00:18:52.569
off, that it becomes maybe a little bit of a
00:18:52.569 --> 00:18:58.369
trauma bond or something of that nature? Yeah,
00:18:58.509 --> 00:19:01.130
so I think, look, first of all, I would say that
00:19:01.130 --> 00:19:06.569
there's this thing in therapy school, and I think
00:19:06.569 --> 00:19:09.190
every therapist keeps this in her back pocket,
00:19:09.390 --> 00:19:13.730
it's no child enters adulthood unscarred. So
00:19:13.730 --> 00:19:22.049
we all have trauma. I mean, it's how the trauma
00:19:22.049 --> 00:19:26.150
manifests in us. And then it's how the trauma
00:19:26.150 --> 00:19:29.869
turns us into magnets that attract other people
00:19:29.869 --> 00:19:34.230
with trauma and wounds. And then that in itself
00:19:34.230 --> 00:19:36.710
can become a bond. And so this is happening underneath.
00:19:36.869 --> 00:19:39.849
It may not be a logical thing, but this is why
00:19:39.849 --> 00:19:42.750
people say. I'm always attracted to the same
00:19:42.750 --> 00:19:44.589
type of person, but the faces keep changing,
00:19:44.710 --> 00:19:47.849
but it's the same dynamic. A lot of times that
00:19:47.849 --> 00:19:51.549
is bonding through trauma. There is something
00:19:51.549 --> 00:19:55.190
about chaos that smells familiar. Most people
00:19:55.190 --> 00:19:57.329
did not grow up in a calm, safe environment,
00:19:57.549 --> 00:20:00.029
right? There's also something about intermittent
00:20:00.029 --> 00:20:03.789
love. Yeah, love you, get away. There's something
00:20:03.789 --> 00:20:07.170
that excites us about that as opposed to love
00:20:07.170 --> 00:20:09.049
that is safe and consistent. If you're not used
00:20:09.049 --> 00:20:12.869
to it, can feel boring. Yeah. I mean, I feel
00:20:12.869 --> 00:20:16.589
like many people, they'll just continue, like
00:20:16.589 --> 00:20:19.450
you said, change the faces because it's not as
00:20:19.450 --> 00:20:21.690
exciting anymore, right? Oh, it's not as exciting.
00:20:21.869 --> 00:20:24.349
This is getting a little dull. And I mean, my
00:20:24.349 --> 00:20:26.170
perspective is, especially somewhere like, you
00:20:26.170 --> 00:20:28.529
know, I'm in South Florida, there's so many options.
00:20:28.549 --> 00:20:30.509
So like pretty much you have unlimited options.
00:20:30.549 --> 00:20:32.450
So it's like, well, why is someone going to really
00:20:32.450 --> 00:20:34.769
sit and like work through things because they
00:20:34.769 --> 00:20:36.970
can just go out and like find another person?
00:20:37.759 --> 00:20:40.660
Let me ask you this. As someone who is successful,
00:20:41.000 --> 00:20:45.000
as someone who has built something and is perfectly
00:20:45.000 --> 00:20:48.799
fine, independent, individual, I'm assuming your
00:20:48.799 --> 00:20:50.799
bar goes up, right? As far as who you want to
00:20:50.799 --> 00:20:53.400
invest in. And so then does your pool get very
00:20:53.400 --> 00:20:57.529
small and is then dating difficult for you? Um,
00:20:57.650 --> 00:21:00.650
that's a great question. I would say that I always
00:21:00.650 --> 00:21:03.970
like to try to keep a positive mindset and I
00:21:03.970 --> 00:21:06.809
feel like there's definitely great options, but
00:21:06.809 --> 00:21:09.890
does it get more difficult? Yes, it gets it gets
00:21:09.890 --> 00:21:13.150
more difficult. I like to keep an open mind because
00:21:13.150 --> 00:21:15.349
like for me, you know, success is different for
00:21:15.349 --> 00:21:18.190
everyone. Right. For me, the most important thing,
00:21:18.309 --> 00:21:20.269
some of the most important things is having the
00:21:20.269 --> 00:21:22.670
same like shared goals, like wanting to build
00:21:22.670 --> 00:21:24.789
something larger with someone larger than just
00:21:24.789 --> 00:21:28.269
ourselves and then have a safe space, safe and
00:21:28.269 --> 00:21:31.970
healthy. So, I mean, yeah, I'm not going to like
00:21:31.970 --> 00:21:34.369
sugarcoated it can it can be a challenge, but
00:21:34.369 --> 00:21:36.309
I try to be like open minded. But I can tell
00:21:36.309 --> 00:21:39.690
you what's helpful. me a lot is actually you
00:21:39.690 --> 00:21:41.349
know some of the work I started with you years
00:21:41.349 --> 00:21:44.789
ago and you know I went through painful relationships
00:21:44.789 --> 00:21:48.130
and I had to learn that like love is not pain
00:21:48.130 --> 00:21:51.569
like that is not that might be dysfunction that
00:21:51.569 --> 00:21:54.150
might be something that I had to learn to grow
00:21:54.150 --> 00:21:57.029
from and then I started really taking a step
00:21:57.029 --> 00:22:00.630
back And thinking, what is it about myself that
00:22:00.630 --> 00:22:03.670
I'm attracting some of this into my life, right?
00:22:03.910 --> 00:22:06.549
So I think once I really started to like work
00:22:06.549 --> 00:22:09.430
from the inside out and I try to be mindful of
00:22:09.430 --> 00:22:12.750
what am I attracting in my life? Because I truly
00:22:12.750 --> 00:22:15.210
believe in that. I believe in energy and attraction.
00:22:15.430 --> 00:22:19.029
And sometimes there's tests too, you know? Let
00:22:19.029 --> 00:22:22.029
me ask you this. As you have been evolving and
00:22:22.029 --> 00:22:26.549
growing and as your inner journey changes, do
00:22:26.549 --> 00:22:29.059
you find yourself? attracting different types
00:22:29.059 --> 00:22:31.160
of people like are you attracting different people
00:22:31.160 --> 00:22:34.079
now than when you were say in your you know early
00:22:34.079 --> 00:22:36.920
30s I would even say over over the last couple
00:22:36.920 --> 00:22:39.220
years I've started to attract different people
00:22:39.220 --> 00:22:43.859
I feel like for me personally once I really started
00:22:43.859 --> 00:22:46.839
like focusing like working on like myself really
00:22:46.839 --> 00:22:50.140
working on my stuff and I did almost a year of
00:22:50.140 --> 00:22:52.200
like it wasn't dating I was working on myself
00:22:52.200 --> 00:22:55.259
I was working on like the internal things some
00:22:55.259 --> 00:22:59.470
subconscious items That's when I started attracting,
00:22:59.829 --> 00:23:03.430
I don't want to say, I'll say it like a little
00:23:03.430 --> 00:23:05.809
better quality for like what I'm looking for.
00:23:05.890 --> 00:23:08.450
I started to notice that different types of people
00:23:08.450 --> 00:23:11.450
were coming into my life. Yes. Yeah. And I wonder
00:23:11.450 --> 00:23:13.650
how much of that is because I like you believe
00:23:13.650 --> 00:23:17.509
in energy frequency, you know, attracting versus
00:23:17.509 --> 00:23:20.529
chasing alignment. I believe in all of that.
00:23:20.670 --> 00:23:23.609
But I also wonder how much of it is because our
00:23:23.609 --> 00:23:26.519
radar is sharper. You know that we're able to
00:23:26.519 --> 00:23:29.319
see things that we didn't in our 20s. And so
00:23:29.319 --> 00:23:31.079
we're like, oh, I'm seeing something in this
00:23:31.079 --> 00:23:33.759
person, whether it's good or bad. And so you
00:23:33.759 --> 00:23:36.759
can. It could appear like, yeah, I'm attracting
00:23:36.759 --> 00:23:39.180
this person or I'm not. And back in the day,
00:23:39.240 --> 00:23:42.579
in our younger years, we were just we just went
00:23:42.579 --> 00:23:44.400
by what felt good, you know? Yes. I mean, well,
00:23:44.440 --> 00:23:46.460
even when I started my work with you, you know,
00:23:46.460 --> 00:23:48.819
and I had went through a couple of different
00:23:48.819 --> 00:23:51.720
things that you know of. And I still like I wasn't
00:23:51.720 --> 00:23:54.039
getting it like I knew it. Right. But like I
00:23:54.039 --> 00:23:56.839
wasn't getting it. But it wasn't until I really,
00:23:56.980 --> 00:24:00.960
you know, worked on myself. And I think that.
00:24:01.559 --> 00:24:02.900
you would probably agree with this too, like
00:24:02.900 --> 00:24:04.819
relationships are only like one portion of our
00:24:04.819 --> 00:24:07.640
life. So I think most people that work with me,
00:24:07.660 --> 00:24:10.059
we all know like, yeah, I would love to have
00:24:10.059 --> 00:24:12.619
like a healthy, loving relationship, but like,
00:24:12.619 --> 00:24:15.180
I don't feel like I get to choose when that happens.
00:24:15.279 --> 00:24:17.740
I think that's more of like the universe and,
00:24:17.740 --> 00:24:21.119
and God, and there's other things in life than
00:24:21.119 --> 00:24:24.539
just a significant other. So it's just like continuing
00:24:24.539 --> 00:24:27.519
to build your life. And you know what I got to
00:24:27.519 --> 00:24:31.240
say? A lot of clients I have, who are, and it
00:24:31.240 --> 00:24:32.779
doesn't matter what gender you are, if you're
00:24:32.779 --> 00:24:35.920
successful and you're single and every part of
00:24:35.920 --> 00:24:38.619
your life checks the box and you're happy, except
00:24:38.619 --> 00:24:40.660
the fact that you haven't quote unquote found
00:24:40.660 --> 00:24:43.460
your person, it almost makes it harder because
00:24:43.460 --> 00:24:45.839
you're like, that's the missing puzzle piece
00:24:45.839 --> 00:24:48.420
I need. And if I have that, it's a total illusion,
00:24:48.539 --> 00:24:52.299
but it's like, if I just have this, then I have
00:24:52.299 --> 00:24:55.000
this perfect life. And so a lot of people who
00:24:55.000 --> 00:24:58.589
are, who have done well. And who can do a lot
00:24:58.589 --> 00:25:00.609
of things and travel. And they're like, I have
00:25:00.609 --> 00:25:03.269
the perfect, like, except I just need to find
00:25:03.269 --> 00:25:07.069
my fucking partner. So hard. That's me like that.
00:25:07.210 --> 00:25:09.450
I mean, that's me in like a nutshell. I don't
00:25:09.450 --> 00:25:12.750
want to say it's you indirectly. Yeah. But like,
00:25:12.829 --> 00:25:14.170
you know, because you you do and you're like,
00:25:14.190 --> 00:25:16.710
it's all these little checkboxes, but it's after
00:25:16.710 --> 00:25:19.849
acceptance. Like for me, it's like acceptance.
00:25:20.190 --> 00:25:23.450
I don't get to choose that. I believe in the
00:25:23.450 --> 00:25:25.750
higher power and what I'm building in my life.
00:25:25.829 --> 00:25:28.049
And there's no way that it's going to miss me.
00:25:28.109 --> 00:25:30.049
And whatever is meant to be is supposed to meant
00:25:30.049 --> 00:25:32.130
to be. But I do think it's harder for women.
00:25:32.210 --> 00:25:34.329
You know, women get older. It's different for.
00:25:34.380 --> 00:25:36.059
men i always say in the next life i want to come
00:25:36.059 --> 00:25:38.819
back as a man um that's just me because you can
00:25:38.819 --> 00:25:41.660
focus on different things and wait why why why
00:25:41.660 --> 00:25:44.359
what you're what's what i i feel like you struggle
00:25:44.359 --> 00:25:47.579
being a woman I feel like just like women in
00:25:47.579 --> 00:25:49.819
general, you know, like women have their youth
00:25:49.819 --> 00:25:52.180
and I think that it can be a struggle for women,
00:25:52.259 --> 00:25:54.920
you know, as they tend to get a little older.
00:25:55.019 --> 00:25:58.160
And then let's say that you have a man and he's
00:25:58.160 --> 00:25:59.519
like, hey, I'm just going to put my head down
00:25:59.519 --> 00:26:01.420
and like focus on my business like for the next
00:26:01.420 --> 00:26:03.640
10 years. And if I find someone great, but if
00:26:03.640 --> 00:26:07.119
not, like it's OK. I do think that that can be
00:26:07.119 --> 00:26:10.779
a little bit of a push pull. I think it's fair
00:26:10.779 --> 00:26:13.640
because, yes, in our society, especially when
00:26:13.640 --> 00:26:16.779
it comes to physical beauty, it is totally lopsided
00:26:16.779 --> 00:26:19.200
in that women, as they get older, they get judged,
00:26:19.259 --> 00:26:22.000
right? Men, as they get older, they are, what's
00:26:22.000 --> 00:26:24.980
the word, distinguished, right? Yes. And so,
00:26:25.019 --> 00:26:29.700
look, I'm 52, and I think society, world, friends,
00:26:29.859 --> 00:26:32.839
they think I'm more attractive at 52 than I was
00:26:32.839 --> 00:26:35.400
at 32. Now, if I was a woman, it would be the
00:26:35.400 --> 00:26:37.400
complete opposite, right? Yes, yes. Which is
00:26:37.400 --> 00:26:41.359
totally unfair. The other thing is women, when
00:26:41.359 --> 00:26:44.900
you have a child, I mean, the amount of body
00:26:44.900 --> 00:26:48.740
change, like hormonal change, I mean, it's crazy,
00:26:49.259 --> 00:26:51.460
right? I mean, I've witnessed this, right, with
00:26:51.460 --> 00:26:55.720
Vanessa. And then women have perimenopause, menopause,
00:26:55.740 --> 00:26:58.119
like all these things where it's like, oh, my
00:26:58.119 --> 00:27:02.960
God, it's so unfair. It's so unfair. It is. I
00:27:02.960 --> 00:27:05.700
think women are more in a pressure cooker. And
00:27:05.700 --> 00:27:08.160
then also women have to fucking fight. Just for
00:27:08.160 --> 00:27:13.500
equality, you know? And so, yeah, it is a lot
00:27:13.500 --> 00:27:15.400
harder being a woman. I mean, of course, in this
00:27:15.400 --> 00:27:18.339
world. Yeah, I think that someone that's focused
00:27:18.339 --> 00:27:21.000
so much on my career that, you know, you kind
00:27:21.000 --> 00:27:22.319
of wake up one day and you're like, oh, wait.
00:27:23.039 --> 00:27:26.460
Did I focus on my career too much? But then it's
00:27:26.460 --> 00:27:29.099
just remembering that everyone's path is different
00:27:29.099 --> 00:27:32.019
and everyone's timeline is different. And I think
00:27:32.019 --> 00:27:34.000
that the best thing that we can do is be like
00:27:34.000 --> 00:27:36.460
authentic to ourselves. And like I said, who
00:27:36.460 --> 00:27:40.259
you're attracting in life, because I'm a believer
00:27:40.259 --> 00:27:43.400
that the universe is going to show you there's
00:27:43.400 --> 00:27:44.720
going to be people that are going to come into
00:27:44.720 --> 00:27:46.980
your life. And if you've healed, if you've actually
00:27:46.980 --> 00:27:50.460
worked on healing, that whatever you used to
00:27:50.460 --> 00:27:52.720
be attracted to. You're not, that's not even
00:27:52.720 --> 00:27:54.920
going to taste right anymore. That's not going
00:27:54.920 --> 00:27:56.480
to be attracted to you. You're not going to be
00:27:56.480 --> 00:27:58.339
attracted to that. You're like, that's, I don't
00:27:58.339 --> 00:28:01.240
want that. That's what I don't want. I think
00:28:01.240 --> 00:28:03.619
when you're single for a long time, and I know
00:28:03.619 --> 00:28:05.180
this from personal experience, because I've been
00:28:05.180 --> 00:28:10.099
single for long stretches, we in our head play
00:28:10.099 --> 00:28:12.359
like, okay, so if I was with someone and you
00:28:12.359 --> 00:28:14.460
start playing this beautiful, fancy highlight
00:28:14.460 --> 00:28:18.460
reel. Just sweats and Netflix, fucking traveling.
00:28:19.000 --> 00:28:21.500
We're going to have sex all day, pancakes. There's
00:28:21.500 --> 00:28:22.759
so much I want to do. I could do it with this
00:28:22.759 --> 00:28:24.400
person. I don't care about my friends. I just
00:28:24.400 --> 00:28:26.480
want to be with a person, a partner. You're just
00:28:26.480 --> 00:28:29.400
all these amazing. But if you were to actually
00:28:29.400 --> 00:28:31.160
get into a relationship, what you're forgetting
00:28:31.160 --> 00:28:36.880
is arguments, conflict, not aligned. Something
00:28:36.880 --> 00:28:38.900
happens and the whole day you're just thinking
00:28:38.900 --> 00:28:41.400
about it because we have resentment. We have
00:28:41.400 --> 00:28:45.200
uneasiness and that's also part of it too. But
00:28:45.200 --> 00:28:47.099
when we're single and we're like looking for
00:28:47.099 --> 00:28:50.440
a partner, we usually play all the good stuff.
00:28:50.819 --> 00:28:54.160
We don't play what it is actually like day to
00:28:54.160 --> 00:28:56.079
day to be in a relationship. You know, it's the
00:28:56.079 --> 00:28:57.799
same thing with parenting. When people want kids,
00:28:57.900 --> 00:29:00.500
they're like, oh, your kid's so cute. And, you
00:29:00.500 --> 00:29:02.160
know, you think of all these, oh, I want to like,
00:29:02.200 --> 00:29:03.819
you know, play Legos with my kids. I'm going
00:29:03.819 --> 00:29:05.900
to teach her this and do this and do this. Then
00:29:05.900 --> 00:29:08.039
you have a child and you're like, OK, I don't
00:29:08.039 --> 00:29:12.119
sleep anymore. This is crazy. The kid had like
00:29:12.119 --> 00:29:15.759
it's it's it's. I think we need to play the documentary
00:29:15.759 --> 00:29:17.619
more than the highlight reel is what I'm saying.
00:29:17.660 --> 00:29:18.740
And I agree with that. When it comes to love
00:29:18.740 --> 00:29:21.799
relationships. And also too, what is your take
00:29:21.799 --> 00:29:26.140
on timing? Do you, because this has changed for
00:29:26.140 --> 00:29:29.420
me personally over time. I am an advocate that
00:29:29.420 --> 00:29:32.980
I believe timing is imperative. That's what I
00:29:32.980 --> 00:29:35.339
think whenever it comes to relationships. Where
00:29:35.339 --> 00:29:38.359
before I was like, no, it's the person. Like
00:29:38.359 --> 00:29:40.539
if I meet like my person, it doesn't matter the
00:29:40.539 --> 00:29:42.539
timing because that's how it's meant to be. But
00:29:42.539 --> 00:29:44.940
I think timing. is really important. I mean,
00:29:44.960 --> 00:29:47.700
what would your takes be on that? Yeah, I think
00:29:47.700 --> 00:29:51.059
timing's important, but I also agree with you
00:29:51.059 --> 00:29:53.740
in that, you know, we meet random people when
00:29:53.740 --> 00:29:56.599
we least expect it, you know? I've gotten into
00:29:56.599 --> 00:29:58.539
a three -year relationship with someone who was
00:29:58.539 --> 00:30:00.059
just a friend. Like, she was right under my nose,
00:30:00.160 --> 00:30:05.380
and this is years ago. I mean, I always thought
00:30:05.380 --> 00:30:08.380
she was attractive, and we were at my birthday
00:30:08.380 --> 00:30:10.880
party just hanging out, just having some drinks,
00:30:11.000 --> 00:30:13.670
and then I ended up kissing her that night. And
00:30:13.670 --> 00:30:19.049
then boom, three years. So I think we meet people
00:30:19.049 --> 00:30:23.230
when we least expect to meet people. And we don't
00:30:23.230 --> 00:30:25.390
know when we're going to meet people and who's
00:30:25.390 --> 00:30:28.069
going to come into our lives. And so, yes, I
00:30:28.069 --> 00:30:30.569
think timing is a huge factor, but we also don't
00:30:30.569 --> 00:30:33.869
have control of when we are going to fall in
00:30:33.869 --> 00:30:36.690
love with someone. So true. Maybe that's also
00:30:36.690 --> 00:30:40.859
too like. going with the flow, right? Going with
00:30:40.859 --> 00:30:44.240
the flow, seeing what happens. But what do you
00:30:44.240 --> 00:30:49.700
find, if you could give advice to single man
00:30:49.700 --> 00:30:52.640
or woman out there that they're really, they
00:30:52.640 --> 00:30:55.380
would like to find their partner, what advice
00:30:55.380 --> 00:30:59.619
would you give someone? Well, the whole reason
00:30:59.619 --> 00:31:01.900
why I wrote single on purpose, and by the way,
00:31:01.900 --> 00:31:04.160
it's single on purpose, not single forever. I'm
00:31:04.160 --> 00:31:06.619
not saying to – it's not an anti -relationship
00:31:06.619 --> 00:31:11.660
book. I'm very pro -relationship. I think the
00:31:11.660 --> 00:31:14.319
more that you try to find yourself first, and
00:31:14.319 --> 00:31:16.259
of course that's not a weekend. That's kind of
00:31:16.259 --> 00:31:18.140
a lifelong journey. There's an ebb and flow.
00:31:18.400 --> 00:31:21.690
The more you focus on – Finding yourself, building
00:31:21.690 --> 00:31:23.809
a relationship with yourself, working through
00:31:23.809 --> 00:31:26.910
wounds, trauma. You're a good example of this.
00:31:27.210 --> 00:31:29.809
In the last five years, that's all you've been
00:31:29.809 --> 00:31:31.849
doing, working on yourself, whether it's physical
00:31:31.849 --> 00:31:34.650
stuff, past stuff, trauma stuff, all of that.
00:31:35.190 --> 00:31:37.190
The more that you can turn that into a lifestyle,
00:31:37.650 --> 00:31:41.589
I think what happens is your frequency changes.
00:31:42.490 --> 00:31:45.190
And I think that the whole water meets water
00:31:45.190 --> 00:31:47.809
at its level, I think then you start to attract
00:31:47.809 --> 00:31:51.920
and you're able to see. Someone who's also on
00:31:51.920 --> 00:31:55.980
that path. And then I think it sets you up for
00:31:55.980 --> 00:31:58.700
the best corrective love in that you're going
00:31:58.700 --> 00:32:01.720
to find someone who is also working on himself,
00:32:02.119 --> 00:32:05.039
working on his trauma. And it sets two people
00:32:05.039 --> 00:32:07.200
up to build a relationship that can be corrective.
00:32:07.240 --> 00:32:10.299
Because if not, if you're not working on yourself,
00:32:10.559 --> 00:32:13.700
you're probably going to pick people you used
00:32:13.700 --> 00:32:15.740
to pick. You're going to be drawn to people you're
00:32:15.740 --> 00:32:19.099
used to drawing. probably repeat something old.
00:32:19.200 --> 00:32:21.519
Like the easy, like the easy, like you're picking
00:32:21.519 --> 00:32:25.680
something that feels familiar. Yeah. The easy,
00:32:25.799 --> 00:32:28.640
or you're just putting weight on, you know, like
00:32:28.640 --> 00:32:31.279
hotness, chemistry, you know, sexual attraction
00:32:31.279 --> 00:32:33.740
or whatever, whatever you're used to picking.
00:32:34.099 --> 00:32:38.799
And then there isn't room for an elevated love.
00:32:38.920 --> 00:32:41.640
There isn't room for co -creation. There isn't
00:32:41.640 --> 00:32:43.799
room for two people to be like, you know what?
00:32:44.389 --> 00:32:46.589
I've never said this in a relationship, but I
00:32:46.589 --> 00:32:49.650
feel very anxious. And when you leave, it's my
00:32:49.650 --> 00:32:51.809
shit. I need to work on it. But I feel like my
00:32:51.809 --> 00:32:54.130
abandonment stuff is coming out. These hard conversations,
00:32:54.329 --> 00:32:58.890
right? To actually do that in action as a practice
00:32:58.890 --> 00:33:03.150
and put in reps, that's how you start to build
00:33:03.150 --> 00:33:06.069
something with legs. So true. Communication.
00:33:07.720 --> 00:33:10.720
like good communication. I also too, like I know
00:33:10.720 --> 00:33:13.359
when I first started with you and I think that
00:33:13.359 --> 00:33:15.180
was like five years ago when I first started
00:33:15.180 --> 00:33:16.339
with you, that was one of the first things you
00:33:16.339 --> 00:33:18.640
said to me. You're like, maybe it's kind of like
00:33:18.640 --> 00:33:20.740
the energy or something that you're like putting
00:33:20.740 --> 00:33:22.680
off. And like, that's what I couldn't figure
00:33:22.680 --> 00:33:25.420
it out at the time, but it took me years of working
00:33:25.420 --> 00:33:28.640
on myself. And then I started seeing it and I'm
00:33:28.640 --> 00:33:30.740
like, oh my gosh, or I'm aware. And like, hmm,
00:33:30.799 --> 00:33:32.779
why did this person come in my life? What can
00:33:32.779 --> 00:33:35.220
I learn from this? How can I get better? And
00:33:35.220 --> 00:33:37.640
I feel like a lot of people that aren't, that
00:33:37.640 --> 00:33:40.519
maybe don't work on themselves as much, sometimes
00:33:40.519 --> 00:33:44.720
kind of bypass. So they will go solely off of
00:33:44.720 --> 00:33:46.900
attraction, which, listen, I think attraction
00:33:46.900 --> 00:33:48.779
is really important. I'm not saying that. Yeah,
00:33:48.779 --> 00:33:50.720
of course, of course. You shouldn't be with someone
00:33:50.720 --> 00:33:53.980
you're not attracted to. Yes, but chemistry alone
00:33:53.980 --> 00:33:57.680
is not enough to keep a sustainable relationship.
00:33:57.880 --> 00:33:59.720
And people will be like, oh, my relationships
00:33:59.720 --> 00:34:01.619
aren't working out, but they just kind of bypass
00:34:01.619 --> 00:34:05.039
really working on themselves. But do you think
00:34:05.039 --> 00:34:10.500
that People can heal instead of maybe bypassing.
00:34:10.500 --> 00:34:12.559
What if they meet someone and that person is
00:34:12.559 --> 00:34:14.699
a catalyst for their growth and they grow within
00:34:14.699 --> 00:34:18.039
the relationship? Is that something that's that's
00:34:18.039 --> 00:34:20.139
something that's possible? Sure, absolutely.
00:34:20.480 --> 00:34:23.480
And I got to say, not all relationships are meant
00:34:23.480 --> 00:34:27.079
to be forever. Yeah, forever. We're all like
00:34:27.079 --> 00:34:30.360
trying to find the happily ever after. And a
00:34:30.360 --> 00:34:32.300
lot of times you'll grow from a relationship
00:34:32.300 --> 00:34:35.820
that was a stepping stone. to something else.
00:34:36.219 --> 00:34:38.440
And what that relationship taught you was what
00:34:38.440 --> 00:34:41.699
you were meant to learn. And that relationship
00:34:41.699 --> 00:34:46.039
only took you to that point and expired, but
00:34:46.039 --> 00:34:48.440
it wasn't a waste. It was needed. It was a missing
00:34:48.440 --> 00:34:50.980
puzzle piece to now take what you learned from
00:34:50.980 --> 00:34:53.699
that and then apply it to something that this
00:34:53.699 --> 00:34:55.320
relationship can't give you, but this one can.
00:34:55.949 --> 00:34:58.829
So true, especially for people if they go through
00:34:58.829 --> 00:35:02.409
breakups and something that's painful, like just
00:35:02.409 --> 00:35:04.369
remember on the other side of it, like there's
00:35:04.369 --> 00:35:06.630
so much growth that you can't just see right
00:35:06.630 --> 00:35:09.449
now because you have blinders on maybe, but there's
00:35:09.449 --> 00:35:12.369
so much growth and there's a bigger reason why
00:35:12.369 --> 00:35:16.690
that happened. Yeah. When I was on Dax Shepard's
00:35:16.690 --> 00:35:20.289
Armchair Expert, I wanted to talk about. the
00:35:20.289 --> 00:35:22.849
value of expired relationships. I always say
00:35:22.849 --> 00:35:24.909
that a relationship has expired and it's controversial.
00:35:26.289 --> 00:35:28.469
And he wanted to talk about that because he didn't
00:35:28.469 --> 00:35:30.889
agree or he had a problem with it. We ended up
00:35:30.889 --> 00:35:32.889
talking about me having sex with a plum at age
00:35:32.889 --> 00:35:35.190
12 for like two hours, but we got sidetracked.
00:35:35.329 --> 00:35:38.269
But the reason why I think that's so important
00:35:38.269 --> 00:35:42.289
is if you believe that relationships do expire,
00:35:42.769 --> 00:35:45.610
there's so much acceptance in that. There's always
00:35:45.610 --> 00:35:48.309
like, oh, that wasn't meant to go a day further.
00:35:49.159 --> 00:35:51.179
Or it doesn't mean to not work on something.
00:35:51.300 --> 00:35:53.739
I'm just saying that I think every collision
00:35:53.739 --> 00:35:56.699
serves a purpose. So it could literally be one
00:35:56.699 --> 00:35:58.500
session with your therapist or it could be a
00:35:58.500 --> 00:36:02.739
20 year friendship or it can be a six, a three
00:36:02.739 --> 00:36:04.659
month magical summer with someone. You know,
00:36:04.659 --> 00:36:09.300
I think every collision that we have has a human
00:36:09.300 --> 00:36:11.239
exchange and two people take away something from
00:36:11.239 --> 00:36:14.059
it. And if you take away nothing, then maybe.
00:36:14.519 --> 00:36:15.980
That's what you're supposed to take away, you
00:36:15.980 --> 00:36:17.880
know, like the learning from that. And what would
00:36:17.880 --> 00:36:21.360
you say if there's someone that like kind of
00:36:21.360 --> 00:36:24.980
has a pattern of staying in expired relationships?
00:36:25.000 --> 00:36:29.659
Like at what point do you think that you make
00:36:29.659 --> 00:36:32.800
a decision that this has been expired? And like,
00:36:32.840 --> 00:36:34.679
because correct me if I'm wrong, but I think
00:36:34.679 --> 00:36:37.840
you could probably end up spending years in expired
00:36:37.840 --> 00:36:39.980
relationships. Do you find that's what happens?
00:36:40.760 --> 00:36:42.699
I don't think those relationships are expired.
00:36:42.860 --> 00:36:45.280
I think a lot of people break up or leave their
00:36:45.280 --> 00:36:48.619
relationship before it's run its course. To me,
00:36:48.619 --> 00:36:50.920
an expired relationship means you've done everything
00:36:50.920 --> 00:36:53.019
you can. It's no longer honest to you. You find
00:36:53.019 --> 00:36:55.099
yourself breaking up with yourself. So it's like,
00:36:55.159 --> 00:36:57.920
okay, this is now done. If you're in something
00:36:57.920 --> 00:37:03.960
that you're not even in, like you're just kind
00:37:03.960 --> 00:37:07.539
of going through the motions, it was already
00:37:07.539 --> 00:37:10.539
over. You're just now in it because you're scared
00:37:10.539 --> 00:37:13.480
to leave or you're scared to start over or you're
00:37:13.480 --> 00:37:15.460
scared of abandonment or maybe you're comfortable
00:37:15.460 --> 00:37:17.380
with the finances or you have children. There
00:37:17.380 --> 00:37:21.179
are other factors that keep you in it. And so
00:37:21.179 --> 00:37:25.860
to me, you're also taking someone else hostage.
00:37:26.559 --> 00:37:30.420
And in your experience, do you think that people
00:37:30.420 --> 00:37:34.199
give up too quickly in today's day and age that
00:37:34.199 --> 00:37:38.190
they don't let things play out? I think it's
00:37:38.190 --> 00:37:39.710
not about letting things play out. It's about
00:37:39.710 --> 00:37:42.269
doing everything you can and then coming to the
00:37:42.269 --> 00:37:44.309
conclusion that, you know, going back to the
00:37:44.309 --> 00:37:46.829
title of the podcast is just not lying with where
00:37:46.829 --> 00:37:49.349
you're at, you know? But really, really trying.
00:37:49.389 --> 00:37:51.289
I think that's like the thing. Instead of being
00:37:51.289 --> 00:37:52.789
like, oh, you know what? This is uncomfortable.
00:37:53.530 --> 00:37:55.949
So we're going to break up and I'm going to be
00:37:55.949 --> 00:37:57.449
back on the dating sites, you know, and I'm going
00:37:57.449 --> 00:37:59.969
to go meet like 10 people. I mean, I think that's
00:37:59.969 --> 00:38:04.070
what's happening. Yeah. I think our parents stayed
00:38:04.070 --> 00:38:06.550
in things way too long. My parents should have
00:38:06.550 --> 00:38:08.449
been divorced years ago, but they didn't speak
00:38:08.449 --> 00:38:11.230
the language. Koreans don't divorce. They were
00:38:11.230 --> 00:38:14.050
sleeping in separate rooms. They were just roommates.
00:38:14.250 --> 00:38:16.429
For most of my life, my parents were just roommates.
00:38:17.030 --> 00:38:19.369
So there's that generation. But then I think
00:38:19.369 --> 00:38:23.329
like Gen Z, it's like, oh, we don't like the
00:38:23.329 --> 00:38:27.110
same music. Okay. Then you're swiping on the
00:38:27.110 --> 00:38:28.570
way home to find someone else. And it's like,
00:38:28.730 --> 00:38:31.530
there's no stretch. There's no rolling up the
00:38:31.530 --> 00:38:35.980
sleeves. You have to lean into discomfort because,
00:38:36.059 --> 00:38:38.719
I mean, think about what it takes to change a
00:38:38.719 --> 00:38:41.860
body. I mean, the amount of fucking work and
00:38:41.860 --> 00:38:44.880
sweats and diet and exercise to actually change
00:38:44.880 --> 00:38:47.300
your body. And I think we have to look at relationships
00:38:47.300 --> 00:38:49.460
like that. Like, let's put in that much work.
00:38:49.860 --> 00:38:53.360
And then if it's causing you to break up with
00:38:53.360 --> 00:38:56.099
yourself and it's not aligned, then at least
00:38:56.099 --> 00:38:58.840
you know, like, look, I did the best I could.
00:38:59.079 --> 00:39:01.679
And I learned from it. And that's no longer honest
00:39:01.679 --> 00:39:04.489
to me. And I'm okay with it. A lot of people
00:39:04.489 --> 00:39:07.610
check out too soon. Yeah, I love that. I think
00:39:07.610 --> 00:39:09.630
if that's anything, I think that's one of the
00:39:09.630 --> 00:39:12.730
largest takeaways from this because that's what
00:39:12.730 --> 00:39:14.869
I see in today's day and age, especially, you
00:39:14.869 --> 00:39:17.969
know, South Florida and places where in L .A.,
00:39:17.969 --> 00:39:21.329
right? You're in L .A. And I also think if you
00:39:21.329 --> 00:39:24.489
have a lot in your life, it's easier to check
00:39:24.489 --> 00:39:27.210
out because you're not you're not used to people
00:39:27.210 --> 00:39:28.889
saying no to you. You know what I'm saying? Like,
00:39:28.909 --> 00:39:31.829
I feel like if you're successful, you have, you
00:39:31.829 --> 00:39:33.489
know, like no one says no to you. You get what
00:39:33.489 --> 00:39:36.389
you want. Yeah. I mean, I find it and listen,
00:39:36.489 --> 00:39:38.610
it's going to sound like a little sexist maybe,
00:39:38.710 --> 00:39:42.469
but I find like successful females that like
00:39:42.469 --> 00:39:44.409
they have it together and they're attractive.
00:39:44.530 --> 00:39:47.130
Like there's still the ones that I know they're
00:39:47.130 --> 00:39:49.530
all relationship minded. They're not out there
00:39:49.530 --> 00:39:51.929
trying to like, you know, date around or keep
00:39:51.929 --> 00:39:54.130
finding what's better. But I feel like the men
00:39:54.130 --> 00:39:56.050
it's different because there's so many options.
00:39:56.110 --> 00:39:58.789
Right. So they're like. Oh, like they get nervous
00:39:58.789 --> 00:40:00.690
about like, oh, I don't know. I have a little
00:40:00.690 --> 00:40:02.210
bit of fear of commitment. I'm not sure if I'm
00:40:02.210 --> 00:40:04.090
going to settle down. And, you know, they wake
00:40:04.090 --> 00:40:07.030
up and, you know, much older and maybe in the
00:40:07.030 --> 00:40:10.710
same space. But just like your example, you made
00:40:10.710 --> 00:40:14.150
a decision with Vanessa. Yeah. And I got to say,
00:40:14.170 --> 00:40:16.750
well, first of all, your statement, I do think
00:40:16.750 --> 00:40:19.030
that's a generalization, but also that's your
00:40:19.030 --> 00:40:21.250
experience. So that must be true in your world.
00:40:21.389 --> 00:40:26.440
Yeah. Vanessa and I wouldn't be together. If
00:40:26.440 --> 00:40:29.079
we checked out when it got uncomfortable, we
00:40:29.079 --> 00:40:32.800
wouldn't. So it was our decision that when it
00:40:32.800 --> 00:40:36.219
got uncomfortable, hey, let's look at this. Where's
00:40:36.219 --> 00:40:40.079
it coming from? What's the transference, the
00:40:40.079 --> 00:40:42.300
projection? Let's go to couples therapy. Let's
00:40:42.300 --> 00:40:46.179
actually work on it for a little bit. And through
00:40:46.179 --> 00:40:49.079
that, it produces more relationship glue. And
00:40:49.079 --> 00:40:52.300
then through that, you actually learn that, oh,
00:40:52.500 --> 00:40:55.150
there's stuff happening. that I used to react
00:40:55.150 --> 00:40:58.449
to, but now I'm looking at it as soil for growth,
00:40:58.610 --> 00:41:01.329
you know? And then that gets you over the humps
00:41:01.329 --> 00:41:04.570
and then it builds legs and then your relationship
00:41:04.570 --> 00:41:07.150
feels more safe. And once you do it once, when
00:41:07.150 --> 00:41:09.369
it happens again, you know that you could have
00:41:09.369 --> 00:41:11.289
a conversation without people leaving. You can
00:41:11.289 --> 00:41:13.670
have a conversation without the roof coming down,
00:41:13.769 --> 00:41:16.650
you know? And so you feel less like abandonment.
00:41:16.670 --> 00:41:19.010
You feel more safe. No one's going to cheat on
00:41:19.010 --> 00:41:20.110
you. No one's going to, you know, whatever it
00:41:20.110 --> 00:41:23.150
is that you have that you're carrying. Because
00:41:23.150 --> 00:41:24.869
you're having the hard conversations, you're
00:41:24.869 --> 00:41:28.730
being vulnerable. And listen, also, people change
00:41:28.730 --> 00:41:31.329
and their definitions of relationships change.
00:41:31.630 --> 00:41:34.909
You could start off monogamous. Six years later,
00:41:35.090 --> 00:41:36.949
you could decide, hey, I might want to be open.
00:41:37.409 --> 00:41:39.690
We're all changing, evolving creatures, right?
00:41:39.750 --> 00:41:42.409
So everything's a conversation. And I think that's
00:41:42.409 --> 00:41:44.730
another thing, too, saying about forever. But
00:41:44.730 --> 00:41:47.829
saying forever, you don't really know how you're
00:41:47.829 --> 00:41:51.199
going to evolve as a person. Right. I mean, let
00:41:51.199 --> 00:41:53.860
me give you an example. Right. Two days ago,
00:41:53.940 --> 00:41:57.920
I am shirtless running on the side of the road
00:41:57.920 --> 00:42:01.360
with a fucking stack of bananas, like a football.
00:42:01.880 --> 00:42:06.480
Right. Listening to music, passing cows and horses
00:42:06.480 --> 00:42:09.820
in Costa Rica. And I had this thought. I was
00:42:09.820 --> 00:42:13.440
like, dude, if someone came to me a year ago
00:42:13.440 --> 00:42:15.099
and said, John, a year from now, you're going
00:42:15.099 --> 00:42:17.099
to house can burn down. You're going to be running
00:42:17.099 --> 00:42:21.400
on the side of the road with a bunch of bananas
00:42:21.400 --> 00:42:23.280
and it's going to be pouring and you're going
00:42:23.280 --> 00:42:25.900
to be chasing, passing cows and horses. I'd be
00:42:25.900 --> 00:42:27.599
like, what the, I would say you got the wrong
00:42:27.599 --> 00:42:29.599
John Kim. There's a lot of John Kims in this
00:42:29.599 --> 00:42:31.880
world. You got the wrong one. And that's what
00:42:31.880 --> 00:42:33.760
I was doing. And I, my point in saying that is
00:42:33.760 --> 00:42:35.619
like, you don't know where you're going to be
00:42:35.619 --> 00:42:38.179
a year from now. You don't know what your definitions
00:42:38.179 --> 00:42:39.960
are going to be. You don't know where your relationship's
00:42:39.960 --> 00:42:40.980
going to be. You don't know what you're going
00:42:40.980 --> 00:42:43.860
to want, you know? And so it's one of my biggest
00:42:43.860 --> 00:42:47.719
life lessons. uh, this year because I have a
00:42:47.719 --> 00:42:51.300
complete different life than a year ago. Like
00:42:51.300 --> 00:42:53.239
it's, it's, I mean, look at my hair. I have a
00:42:53.239 --> 00:42:56.099
complete different life that I would never imagine
00:42:56.099 --> 00:42:59.820
in my life. So. And you, and you found that it's
00:42:59.820 --> 00:43:02.960
very through tragedy, tragedy, right? It was
00:43:02.960 --> 00:43:05.179
through tragedy. Through the burning down of
00:43:05.179 --> 00:43:09.179
my house. Yes. That you found a different way
00:43:09.179 --> 00:43:13.150
of living and a different way of life. I wouldn't
00:43:13.150 --> 00:43:15.130
say it's tragedy. I wouldn't define it that way.
00:43:16.769 --> 00:43:19.570
To me, I'm seeing it as a cleansing. To me, I'm
00:43:19.570 --> 00:43:24.369
seeing it as a burning down of the old. Yes,
00:43:24.730 --> 00:43:28.570
it was traumatic. Yes, it was unexpected. Yes,
00:43:28.610 --> 00:43:32.989
it was very sad and all of that. Listen, if our
00:43:32.989 --> 00:43:34.929
house didn't burn down, we would have never had
00:43:34.929 --> 00:43:37.949
the courage to move to another country. I would
00:43:37.949 --> 00:43:39.969
have never had the courage to do a lot of things.
00:43:41.650 --> 00:43:44.090
Because you start thinking about logically, oh,
00:43:44.170 --> 00:43:47.909
well, our kid has friends here. And then it never
00:43:47.909 --> 00:43:51.309
happens, right? So the fact that our house burned
00:43:51.309 --> 00:43:54.530
down gave us the courage and permission, gave
00:43:54.530 --> 00:43:57.309
us no choice but to go explore something different.
00:43:57.329 --> 00:43:59.030
And now we're living in a different country.
00:43:59.150 --> 00:44:03.070
Yeah, it's all about perspective. Is there anything
00:44:03.070 --> 00:44:06.050
that you wanted to ask me or anything like that?
00:44:07.360 --> 00:44:10.019
You know, while we're doing this podcast and
00:44:10.019 --> 00:44:12.559
we're talking about discomfort and growth and
00:44:12.559 --> 00:44:15.260
stuff, I thought when you asked me to be on here,
00:44:15.320 --> 00:44:17.559
I should have said, Megan, I would do this under
00:44:17.559 --> 00:44:19.920
one condition. You're going to be in sweats,
00:44:20.159 --> 00:44:23.099
socks in your living room, just eating fucking
00:44:23.099 --> 00:44:26.980
chips. And we're just going to hang like slumber
00:44:26.980 --> 00:44:28.599
because I know that would be uncomfortable for
00:44:28.599 --> 00:44:33.079
you. I don't even have chips at my house. Well,
00:44:33.219 --> 00:44:34.539
you'd have to go buy chips. You'd have to buy
00:44:34.539 --> 00:44:38.380
chips and soda for that day. That's funny. Yeah.
00:44:39.139 --> 00:44:41.760
I think, you know, what I want to say to you
00:44:41.760 --> 00:44:45.139
is knowing your story, following your story for
00:44:45.139 --> 00:44:48.400
the last few years and seeing the trajectory
00:44:48.400 --> 00:44:53.500
of your dreams, passions. I'm just proud of you.
00:44:53.539 --> 00:44:56.179
I'm proud of you putting action behind words.
00:44:56.360 --> 00:44:59.420
I'm proud of you. Even like this podcast, right?
00:44:59.559 --> 00:45:04.259
It's work and it's you manifesting an idea. Also,
00:45:04.259 --> 00:45:06.360
it's passion -driven. It's mission -driven. You're
00:45:06.360 --> 00:45:08.460
trying to help other people. So these are all
00:45:08.460 --> 00:45:10.380
things that we've talked about in the quote -unquote
00:45:10.380 --> 00:45:13.539
therapy room that you're now actually doing.
00:45:13.599 --> 00:45:16.059
And a lot of people talk a lot of shit, but they
00:45:16.059 --> 00:45:19.239
don't do anything. Thank you. Yeah, I'm really
00:45:19.239 --> 00:45:21.599
proud of you for doing this kind of work, for
00:45:21.599 --> 00:45:23.599
actually working on yourself. Thank you so much.
00:45:23.639 --> 00:45:25.880
And one thing I want to share with our listeners
00:45:25.880 --> 00:45:30.829
is that Jon Kim also hosts retreats. If you want
00:45:30.829 --> 00:45:32.809
to just give a brief mention, like I know you
00:45:32.809 --> 00:45:35.110
have one coming up in Costa Rica, and then also
00:45:35.110 --> 00:45:37.949
where our listeners can find you and find out
00:45:37.949 --> 00:45:41.309
more information. You can just find me at The
00:45:41.309 --> 00:45:44.269
Angry Therapist across social. And then I have
00:45:44.269 --> 00:45:47.269
my own. I call it a Korean bodega because when
00:45:47.269 --> 00:45:49.849
you hit my link tree, so much shit pots out.
00:45:49.929 --> 00:45:51.889
It's kind of embarrassing. Like I sell hubcaps
00:45:51.889 --> 00:45:55.150
and pagers and all sorts of stuff. But you can
00:45:55.150 --> 00:45:56.909
find the retreat information there. Costa Rica,
00:45:56.949 --> 00:46:01.690
December 1. December 1 through 5, the week of
00:46:01.690 --> 00:46:04.710
December 1. Amazing. And do you know, are you
00:46:04.710 --> 00:46:07.190
going to continue to have these retreats or are
00:46:07.190 --> 00:46:10.110
you just taking it one retreat at a time? I do
00:46:10.110 --> 00:46:11.889
the retreats because I get a lot of value. It's
00:46:11.889 --> 00:46:15.210
not like this, you know, I used to do retreats
00:46:15.210 --> 00:46:16.650
and there were like 30 people and it was kind
00:46:16.650 --> 00:46:19.559
of a big business. This one's intimate. This
00:46:19.559 --> 00:46:21.739
is like, I want six people. I want to go ATV
00:46:21.739 --> 00:46:23.500
riding with six people and then go walk on the
00:46:23.500 --> 00:46:25.420
ocean and talk about shit. You know, I want to
00:46:25.420 --> 00:46:28.059
eat plantains and do some medicine. Like I want
00:46:28.059 --> 00:46:32.380
it to be really like intimate, casual. So yeah,
00:46:32.420 --> 00:46:35.059
so very limited as far as seats. Amazing. Okay,
00:46:35.159 --> 00:46:36.980
we'll check it out. And Jon Kim, thank you so
00:46:36.980 --> 00:46:40.199
much. Thanks for joining us. Thank you. Be well.
00:46:40.780 --> 00:46:42.940
Thanks for tuning in to Finding Alignment. If
00:46:42.940 --> 00:46:45.940
you found this episode helpful, please like and
00:46:45.940 --> 00:46:48.139
subscribe. I would love if you could leave me
00:46:48.139 --> 00:46:50.280
a review and if there's anyone that you would
00:46:50.280 --> 00:46:52.820
like to hear from on the show, please let us
00:46:52.820 --> 00:46:54.380
know. Thanks for tuning in.
