00:00:22Exploring Worry
00:06:02Worrying About Daughter's Well-Being
00:15:23Navigating Parental Concerns and Independence
00:29:35Improving Coping Skills Through Therapy
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What happens when worry becomes an unwelcome lifelong companion? Our guest courageously shares their personal journey of battling worry amidst life's joys and challenges, offering a glimpse into their persistent quest for understanding and effective coping mechanisms. By exploring the intricate dance between stress, control, and worry, this episode promises to unveil strategies that could open new pathways to serenity as we age.
We also shine a spotlight on the dynamic world of parental worry. Join us as we explore a mother's constant concern for her college-aged daughter, which starkly contrasts with her husband’s more relaxed demeanor. Through their story, we unravel the compulsive nature of worry and its profound psychological and physical impacts, offering listeners insights into managing these overwhelming emotions.
Finally, the power of self-awareness and positive affirmations takes center stage in our conversation. Our guest reflects on their therapeutic journey, highlighting the significance of self-talk and the vital role support systems play in alleviating anxiety. With newfound strategies in hand, they leave the session feeling empowered and hopeful for a future less burdened by worry. Tune in to witness the transformative potential of therapy and find inspiration in the shared insights on this path to mental well-being.
For tools and techniques on awareness, forgiveness, and movement visit...
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WEBVTT
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Hello and welcome to Eyewitness to Therapy, the one-of-a-kind podcast that focuses on a real-life therapy situation.
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I'm your host, Court Curtis, psychologist and therapist, passionate about bringing you into an immersive experience of self-awareness through therapy.
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In each episode, we dive deep into the struggles our guests face and guide them on a journey of self-discovery and resolution.
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As your dedicated therapist, my purpose is to create a safe space where you can openly share and address your issues.
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We'll explore the power of the present moment in resolving your concerns, knowing that the past is completely over and the future is never yet.
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The past is completely over and the future is never yet.
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The key to healing lies in awareness, in being witness to your consciousness, and that's precisely what we'll uncover together in every episode of Eyewitness to Therapy.
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So join us as we navigate the transformative power of therapy and self-awareness.
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Welcome to another episode of Eyewitness to Therapy.
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Every individual that I interview in this podcast has volunteered to participate in a one-time therapy session, and so I'm happy to welcome a new guest today.
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This is the first time we have ever met, so I know virtually nothing about this person other than from a very brief questionnaire that they filled out prior to this meeting.
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Every guest's identity is anonymous.
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All therapy is centered around the guest's issues and goals.
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Whatever they bring forth into the session becomes the focus of our conversation, and my goal is to be helpful in the best way I can.
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Gestalt therapy is all about living in the moment, and that is exactly where we start each session.
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I ask my guests to take a moment and allow a word or short phrase to bubble up in consciousness that simply names their here and now experience, and then I have them expound on that word, what that word says of them, about them or about anything.
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And then I ask that they declare an intention for the session.
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An intention can be anything, such as what they hope to gain from the session or want help with.
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Declaring an intention from the outset helps frame our conversation and also serves to create a purpose and goal for our session.
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And then, lastly, we end each session the way we begin, with just a word that names their here and now experience as we come to the close of our conversation, as well as a few words about how they feel about our session.
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Is there a takeaway, an insight or realization that they gained from our meeting together?
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That's the question.
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So come along with us as we step into this journey of exploration.
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Where the conversation goes, nobody knows, but that's also the excitement of therapy, a step into the unknown of possibilities.
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So, without further ado, let's welcome our new guest.
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First of all, good afternoon and welcome to our meeting today.
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First of all, good afternoon and welcome to our meeting today.
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This is the way we start.
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Each meeting is.
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Actually.
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What I would invite you to do right now is to reflect on yourself, your life, your situation, your relationships, your thoughts, your feelings, whatever areas of your life you engage in, and then speak one word or series of one words that name something in each of these areas and limit it to a word or short phrase, and then, after doing that, to address this question what is my intention for our session today?
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And that can be anything, something that you might want to gain from our meeting or focus on or address.
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Whatever your intention is for our meeting becomes our intention and helps to frame our conversation.
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So, with that, I'd like to invite you to yeah, just as you reflect on your life, to go ahead and speak a series of one words that name something in each of these areas.
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I will say happy, family-oriented, busy and stressed.
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Go ahead.
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And stressed yes, and I will say I tend to be really anxious, so that's one of the things that I like to learn more about how to deal with.
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I do different things, like I exercise.
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I have seen therapy before, I have been on medicine before, so anxious is always one of those things I'm looking to work on.
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Okay, perfect, excellent.
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And would you say the words again that you started with?
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You said stressed and.
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I will say happy, family-oriented stress yeah, and stress Okay.
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And then anxiety is what you would like to focus on today.
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Yes.
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All right.
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Very good.
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Would you like to expound just a little bit on this experience of anxiety, what this word says of you, about you or about anything this experience of anxiety, what this word says of you, about you or about anything?
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Yes, I think I'm always either stressed or trying to control things, and that will make my anxiety worse.
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I think I'm always worried about something.
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It's hard for my brain to shut down.
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I always try to do things that I enjoy.
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I try to work out, I try to do things outdoors, but it always is something that comes back right.
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I feel like I can control it, and then I get out of control.
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I can see I'm anxious the older I get.
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I can see my anxiety sometimes get worse.
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You said you worry a lot.
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Is that you worry and you try to control things?
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Yes.
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Would you like to explore that just a little bit more here?
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Yes, when you look at your life, your situation, maybe try this as a little exercise.
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Just fill in the blank here I'm worried about, or I'm worried that size.
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Just fill in the blank here.
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I'm worried about, or I'm worried that yeah, I say that my daughter's in college.
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It's her second year in the University of Arkansas, so every time she leaves I get anxious, worried how she's doing.
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She also has anxiety and it always takes longer for her to adjust to changes.
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So I'm always worried how she's feeling, how she's doing and I think those are things that trigger my anxiety.
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So are you currently worried about?
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anything with her?
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Yes, what's your biggest worry about her that she's not feeling good, that she's missing home, that sometimes she wants to be here instead of there.
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So I'm always worried how is her brain of mind?
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Basically how she's feeling.
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How she's feeling, basically Okay.
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So you're worried about how she's feeling.
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Do you know anything about how she's actually feeling?
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Does she share with you how she actually feels?
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Yes, she does.
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So, yeah, we talk 10 times a day and whenever she's not feeling good, she call me and tell me I'm having a rough day.
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I don't feel good today so she shares with you her own anxiety yeah, and how she's feeling okay.
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Well, does that help you at all to know about what she's going through?
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Because it sounds like after you leave the conversation you're still worried about her.
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She's having her today and she's doing good, then I'm stress-free that day.
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But if Matt's feeling gone, she's having a hard day I get stressed about it and I start thinking what can I do?
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What should I change?
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Things like that.
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Okay, what can I do and what can I change about what?
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What can I help her?
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What do you say?
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How do you help her, or at least try to help her?
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I just try to talk to her.
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I understand.
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I try not to say like why?
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Or you have nothing to worry, Things like that you know.
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If he tells me what's going on, that I try to explain.
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If he's overwhelmed I say, well, don't worry, You're going to be fine.
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Last year was the same thing.
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But even though after we talk and she feels better, I'm always reflecting what can I do differently to help her?
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Okay, so what can I do differently to help her?
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So you feel that what you're already doing to try to help her is not sufficient?
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Oh no, I think it's sufficient, but I'm always trying to think if there is something I can do better to help her.
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What do you imagine you could do better than what you're already doing?
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There's anything else I can do.
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I guess I do feel that I do enough, but I'm still worried.
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It's hard for me to shut down and not to worry about it, yeah.
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I hear you.
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I hear you.
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That's what sounds like, almost like a compulsion compulsively worry about her.
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You can't relax Except when she shares with you that things are going okay, that kind of takes away your worry.
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Yeah.
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Okay, and then.
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So you also use the word control.
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So how does control show up in all this, the word control?
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So how does control show up in all this?
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Control plays that I want to know.
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Let's say she texts me in the morning I'm walking to class, like she texts me letting me know what's going on through her day right, if she doesn't tell me.
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I'm going to give you a perfect example.
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She called me yesterday at 7 pm.
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I'm finishing with my classes, I'm eating.
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I'll call you before I go to sleep.
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She never called me till this morning and I was stressed about it.
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I was anxious about it and I knew she probably crashed and went to sleep, but I'm still worrying Something going on.
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She didn't text me.
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Right yeah.
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So I cannot shut it down, even though I do think she was sleeping.
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And that's exactly what happened.
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She called me this morning.
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I thought, wait, and I couldn't call you.
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But it's just that I need to know everything that's going on to feel better.
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Obviously, my control in my anxiety play with each other.
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So what is worrying?
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First of all, when we say we worry about something, what are we actually doing, like, psychologically, what is worry?
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Can you identify what worry is?
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If I'm enjoying my time watching tv or something, I cannot enjoy it 100 anymore because I'm thinking what do you think I'm?
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thinking if is there something wrong, why had she called me?
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And so you start imagining.
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So consider what worry is.
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You're imagining something terrible, exactly yeah and let's tell you, six months ago, when she was driving back, she had a really bad car accident Right and she called me.
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And that makes it worse now because now when she drives from here to there, from there to here, I'm anxious the whole seven hours Right, worrying that something is going to happen.
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Yeah.
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And I wish I can be like my husband.
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He goes to sleep, shuts down and he's done for the day.
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He's not worried like this.
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He made it, oh no, he's going to make it fine, don't worry.
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But my personality is completely different.
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It's hard for me to shut down or just think, oh, everything is fine, I don't have to worry about.
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What is worry?
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What's the impact of your worry on you?
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What does your worrying do to you in terms of your?
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It stresses me, it stresses you right.
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Yeah, it definitely stresses me and I'm sure my body feel it right.
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I can feel it basically because I'm stressed, I'm tense.
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I can tell when I'm stressed, when I'm anxious I definitely over-worry about things.
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That my brain is telling me Anything bad can happen.
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Exactly so.
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Do you feel any of that worry or anxiety right now, as we speak?
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No, no, okay.
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When you feel that worry and anxiety, where do you feel it in your body?
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Where do you feel it in your body?
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Okay not really to be something out of the normal for me, to feeling like in my stomach when you're anxious or stressed, but I don't feel it that way.
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Even I'm worried about why she hasn't called me and things like that.
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I really don't feel it physically, but I'm sure it's still affecting my body one way or the other because I'm worrying about things that I shouldn't worry.
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Exactly I got you.
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Well, how do you feel about being worried or feeling worried?
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I definitely don't like it.
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Okay, all right.
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Do you feel or believe that you need to worry?
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I don't think I should be worried all the time, like I just feel like once in a while it's normal but I shouldn't be worried.
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If she hasn't called me or if I haven't heard from her, I shouldn't be thinking that something bad is happening or something is wrong.
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Right, yeah.
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So what do you get out of worrying?
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What's the payoff that you get?
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Nothing good, nothing good at all.
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Okay, and so again, do you feel or believe that you need to worry?
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No, I don't think I should.
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I need to worry.
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Okay, so what is worrying doing for you?
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I hear you say it doesn't do anything for me, but what do you believe worrying does for you?
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Trust me, it consumes my time because I shouldn't be worried about that.
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Maybe I should be doing something else, enjoying my time and things like that.
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Um, yes, okay, all right, okay, say say these words and see how they resonate with you.
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I'm worrying myself I'm worrying myself.
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Yeah, or try worrying myself.
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yeah, or try this one.
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I'm scaring myself.
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I'm scaring myself, yeah.
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Okay and then.
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So I'm scaring myself.
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By stressing about things that are not happening, okay.
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My imagination yeah your imagination.
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Exactly that's what worry is.
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It reminds me of what Mark Twain said towards the end of his life.
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He said my whole life has been about worrying about things that never happened.
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Right Pinched back.
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So.
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But you would just say you don't want to worry, but yet you keep worrying.
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So it's almost.
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Do you not have a say-so about worrying at all?
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have a say so about worrying at all and yeah, and like I say it's not, it's like I can be good for a period of time and then it comes back to me, right.
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Okay, it's not constant, I can identify it and I can be like, okay, I'm going back to worrying about things, I shouldn't worry.
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And then I talk to myself I shouldn't be worrying about that, like that, shouldn't be stressing or thinking about it, everything is fine.
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So I cannot say that it's all the time, but I can see it coming back.
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So it's a constant fight back and forth.
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I hear you there.
00:15:24.548 --> 00:15:30.009
Okay, do you ever just allow yourself to worry when you worry?
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Yes, definitely.
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Yeah, I mean what I'm hearing you say is you worry when you worry and you don't worry when you don't worry?
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No, it's not that easy, okay.
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So yes, some days I'm worried about, like I told you, like yesterday, there's no reason for me to be worried.
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But you were worried yesterday yes, I was okay so, even though there's no reason to be worried, you still worry yes, yeah gotcha okay I was worried and I knew, like I told you, I told myself she probably went to sleep, she was tired and she's one of those that she can go to sleep and wake up the next day.
00:16:13.166 --> 00:16:14.889
Right, I shouldn't be worried.
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So then I start watching tv.
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I say I'm not gonna worry, I'm just gonna relax, everything's gonna be fine.
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And then I shut it down.
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I went to sleep without any issue okay but I have to tell myself right like I shouldn't be worried, everything's gonna be fine, I can go to sleep, I don't have to worry.
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Okay.
00:16:33.743 --> 00:16:35.345
But it is constant.
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What I'm saying is that I have to calm myself, I have to talk to myself and let me realize nothing is wrong.
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Okay.
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Because I don't want to be anxious, I don't want to be not sleeping good because I'm worried.
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So I was able to shut it down.
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Okay.
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What I'm trying to say is that it happens often and I have to identify it and let myself know this is.
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I don't have to worry.
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So when you tell yourself those things, do you listen to yourself?
00:17:03.590 --> 00:17:04.050
Yes.
00:17:04.050 --> 00:17:09.845
I try At least 80% of the time I don't listen to myself 80% of the time.
00:17:09.845 --> 00:17:16.270
Yes, the other 20% have to be something out of the ordinary that I have no clue what's going on.
00:17:16.270 --> 00:17:18.193
Yes, I should be worried.
00:17:18.193 --> 00:17:19.425
Maybe something is going on.
00:17:19.425 --> 00:17:30.709
But yeah, I try to do my best to stay busy, to stay positive and not to make myself overly anxious about something that I have nothing to worry about.
00:17:30.910 --> 00:17:32.622
Yeah, okay Sounds like you work with yourself.
00:17:32.622 --> 00:17:39.923
You have a work with yourself, you have a conversation with yourself in terms of just that, you don't need to worry.
00:17:39.923 --> 00:17:47.450
Or you find yourself worrying and then you tell yourself you don't need to worry and whatever else you say to you, and then that seems to take away the worry, at least for the time being.
00:17:47.450 --> 00:17:50.746
Okay, and that works for you like 80% of the time.
00:17:51.367 --> 00:17:52.329
Yeah, it does work.
00:17:52.631 --> 00:17:54.726
Okay, and and that works for you like 80% of the time.
00:17:54.726 --> 00:17:57.759
Yeah, it does work, okay, and then, but you're not worried right now.
00:17:57.759 --> 00:18:04.913
No, okay, but the situation you just described is that something that happened last night and this morning?
00:18:04.913 --> 00:18:10.147
Okay, All right, okay, you moved through your worry.
00:18:10.147 --> 00:18:13.740
You got worried, you were worried, you were worried.
00:18:13.740 --> 00:18:18.548
You went through the worry and you came to a place where you're not worried anymore.
00:18:19.190 --> 00:18:19.510
Correct.
00:18:21.040 --> 00:18:23.526
How do you feel about that Perfect?
00:18:23.865 --> 00:18:27.713
Perfect, okay, okay.
00:18:27.773 --> 00:18:34.603
Okay, it comes back to.
00:18:34.603 --> 00:18:42.369
Do you, or can you allow yourself to worry when you worry?
00:18:42.369 --> 00:18:49.455
Can you say in the moment that you worry, I'm worried, and then let yourself worry?
00:18:51.477 --> 00:18:51.717
Yes.
00:18:51.960 --> 00:18:54.489
Or do you resist worrying or feel like you shouldn't worry?
00:18:55.319 --> 00:18:57.208
No, I definitely let myself worry.
00:18:57.942 --> 00:18:59.733
You let yourself worry Okay.
00:18:59.795 --> 00:18:59.976
Yes.
00:19:00.358 --> 00:19:10.092
Okay, all right, at least up to the point where you begin to talk to yourself and say you don't need to worry.
00:19:10.092 --> 00:19:14.618
Okay, all right, okay, okay, that sounds Okay, okay.
00:19:14.618 --> 00:19:18.609
That sounds good to me, okay.
00:19:20.560 --> 00:19:21.505
That's good to know.
00:19:21.806 --> 00:19:45.217
Yeah, really, that's what there is to do is to work with yourself and challenge your thinking a little bit there, with yourself and challenge your thinking a little bit there, because when we worry, we're simply not knowing something, but we make up in our own mind disaster or the worst of the worst.
00:19:45.217 --> 00:19:47.422
That's what worry is.
00:19:47.422 --> 00:19:57.124
Part of the process of therapy really is learning to challenge your worry into what do I call it?
00:19:57.124 --> 00:19:59.650
Learning to accept that I don't know what.
00:19:59.650 --> 00:20:04.868
I don't know Because I just don't know what's going on with her.
00:20:04.868 --> 00:20:15.489
Let's say, if it's you and my daughter, I don't know what's going on with her, but I'm imagining all of these things and maybe some of the things that I'm imagining she's going through.
00:20:15.489 --> 00:20:16.873
Maybe she's having a difficult time.
00:20:16.873 --> 00:20:24.986
It sounds like she expresses these things to you, right, her difficult times, and she looks to you for some kind of support.
00:20:24.986 --> 00:20:34.231
Would you say, yeah, yeah, that's great, that's great that she can look to you for support.
00:20:34.231 --> 00:20:40.173
It sounds like you would say you were a good listener to her.
00:20:41.359 --> 00:20:43.505
Yes, I am, I try my best.
00:20:44.086 --> 00:20:47.113
Okay, yeah, okay.
00:20:47.113 --> 00:20:51.892
Can you recall a conversation with her this morning?
00:20:51.892 --> 00:20:52.836
Yes, and before I talked to you.
00:20:52.856 --> 00:20:56.969
I was with her this morning, yes, and before I talked to you I was with her on the phone.
00:20:56.969 --> 00:20:57.671
She was calling.
00:20:58.140 --> 00:20:59.565
She called you just before we talked.
00:21:00.006 --> 00:21:00.207
Yes.
00:21:01.190 --> 00:21:08.453
Okay, could you just replay that conversation, what she actually said and what you said?
00:21:09.298 --> 00:21:17.982
Yes, she said because she texted me in the morning and she said, hey, we have a chat, my husband Sarah and I.
00:21:17.982 --> 00:21:21.352
She was like yesterday, I fell asleep and didn't wake up on time.
00:21:21.352 --> 00:21:22.625
I said, okay, no worries.
00:21:22.625 --> 00:21:26.883
Then normally she always calls me in the morning when she's walking to class, so I text her.
00:21:26.883 --> 00:21:28.067
Hey, I'm having help from you.
00:21:28.067 --> 00:21:30.848
She said, oh, I fell asleep again, let me get ready.
00:21:30.848 --> 00:21:32.683
So then she calls me again.
00:21:32.683 --> 00:21:34.588
I'm with my friend and we're going to go to Target.
00:21:34.588 --> 00:21:35.191
Okay, bye.
00:21:38.380 --> 00:21:43.730
And then when I was walking to the car, she calls me hey, I dropped my friend, I'm going back to my apartment and do some homework.
00:21:43.730 --> 00:21:45.073
And I said, okay, that's good.
00:21:45.073 --> 00:21:48.040
And then she said, oh, I miss you, mama.
00:21:48.040 --> 00:21:50.105
And I said, yeah, we're going to go next weekend to go see you.
00:21:50.105 --> 00:21:53.172
And she said, okay, perfect, is grandma coming?
00:21:53.172 --> 00:21:59.230
I said no, she's not going have to be a nurse for her husband this weekend.
00:21:59.230 --> 00:22:01.508
She said, okay, do you prefer for me to go?
00:22:01.508 --> 00:22:05.170
And I said, no, there's no point for you to drive seven hours.
00:22:05.170 --> 00:22:08.989
It's family weekends and daddy and I are going, so it's fine.
00:22:08.989 --> 00:22:10.031
She said, perfect.
00:22:10.031 --> 00:22:24.096
And then she was telling me what are her plans for today and for tomorrow and I said I have a call at three, I'll call you after I get off from work.
00:22:24.096 --> 00:22:25.659
She said okay, perfect, I'm going to be doing homework.
00:22:25.659 --> 00:22:32.743
You can call me, and normally we have five or seven of those conversations a day.
00:22:32.864 --> 00:22:34.684
Oh, really that many a day, huh.
00:22:34.684 --> 00:22:36.125
Yes, yes, Definitely yes.
00:22:36.465 --> 00:22:38.326
Okay, we go to sleep.
00:22:38.326 --> 00:22:53.636
She normally calls my husband and I and tells us about her day and things like that, and then during the day she calls me multiple times, tells me about her classes or she calls me with her friends and tells me what they're doing, and some days she doesn't call me at all, but then she'll text me.
00:22:53.636 --> 00:22:56.577
Some days there's zero calls.
00:22:56.577 --> 00:22:59.469
She's doing a lot of things with friends and things like that.
00:22:59.880 --> 00:23:05.147
But, we're always in contact back and forth in the morning or about classes.
00:23:05.147 --> 00:23:10.707
She will text during the day, but I don't think there is a day with zero calls or zero texts.
00:23:10.707 --> 00:23:11.891
So it's like constant.
00:23:11.891 --> 00:23:12.864
We always talk to me.
00:23:13.286 --> 00:23:15.163
Okay, and how do you feel about that?
00:23:15.163 --> 00:23:16.890
Did you do that Like that?
00:23:18.842 --> 00:23:29.748
I like it and sometimes I feel that also she needs to be a little bit independent and be so close to me.
00:23:29.748 --> 00:23:48.191
She needs, I feel like, sometimes not that it's better than her friend, but I feel like she needs to go and explore the world and not having to call me and let me know everything that is going on in her life.
00:23:48.511 --> 00:23:50.443
Basically, Okay, all right.
00:23:50.865 --> 00:23:51.146
Yes.
00:23:51.387 --> 00:23:51.588
Yeah.
00:23:52.320 --> 00:23:58.229
But at the same time I do appreciate knowing what's going on and what she's doing.
00:23:58.409 --> 00:24:02.115
Hmm, gotcha, okay, yeah, so both are true.
00:24:02.115 --> 00:24:14.086
You would like her, you would like to see her be independent and explore her world and herself and find her way, kind of thing, and at the same time you appreciate the connection that she does look to you.
00:24:14.507 --> 00:24:15.087
Correct.
00:24:15.528 --> 00:24:20.184
Yeah, yeah, let's see what my thoughts about that.
00:24:20.184 --> 00:24:23.842
Old is she, by the way, 19, and her first year in college.
00:24:23.842 --> 00:24:28.491
A second one, oh so well, how did how did last year go for her?
00:24:28.531 --> 00:24:31.705
last year it was worse than last year.
00:24:31.705 --> 00:24:33.510
I think she was more anxious.
00:24:33.510 --> 00:24:37.902
It took her a while to adjust to finding people that she liked.
00:24:37.902 --> 00:24:41.191
I think this year is going a lot more easy.
00:24:41.711 --> 00:24:41.811
Oh.
00:24:42.480 --> 00:24:44.627
Because she has a group of friends that she likes.
00:24:44.627 --> 00:25:01.470
Last year she was just trying to find the people that she enjoyed and getting adjusted to be living with somebody else, not having her own space, seven hours from home, but she couldn't come when time that she wanted.
00:25:01.470 --> 00:25:03.826
So I think this year is going hard.
00:25:03.826 --> 00:25:05.465
She's already adjusted.
00:25:05.465 --> 00:25:08.971
She has a good group of friends that she can spend time with.
00:25:08.971 --> 00:25:11.867
So this year has been a lot easier than last year.
00:25:12.348 --> 00:25:13.642
Gotcha, would you say.
00:25:13.642 --> 00:25:16.109
She's in the process of finding herself.
00:25:17.140 --> 00:25:18.567
Yes, I will say definitely.
00:25:19.421 --> 00:25:21.026
She's growing in that regard.
00:25:21.386 --> 00:25:22.691
Yeah, she is growing.
00:25:23.382 --> 00:25:24.346
Yeah, that's great.
00:25:24.346 --> 00:25:27.666
It sounds like I mean what's wanting for her.
00:25:27.666 --> 00:25:30.272
Is it's happening?
00:25:30.272 --> 00:25:37.944
That's a process anyway, where someone leaves home and finds their own way.
00:25:37.944 --> 00:25:55.738
Yeah, the other thing I view in this period is it's a transition in a child's life where the dependency on parents is still there but at the same time seeking to find their own independence, kind of thing.
00:25:55.738 --> 00:26:04.964
So you know that's a process and that will unfold, you know the way it does and you're all worried about it.
00:26:06.788 --> 00:26:09.413
Exactly, you're right.
00:26:12.844 --> 00:26:16.472
You know, again, is it a terrible thing to worry when you worry?
00:26:16.472 --> 00:26:20.029
Yeah, worry can consume us, you know, with worry kind of thing.
00:26:20.029 --> 00:26:24.869
But again it sounds first of all as a parent.
00:26:24.869 --> 00:26:29.078
You know what parent doesn't worry about their child, kind of thing.
00:26:29.220 --> 00:26:29.339
Right.
00:26:29.661 --> 00:27:08.844
You know, want the best for them and want them to grow, and all that Sounds like you're in a process, too, of finding your own, let's say, new relationship with her, where you know you grow with her in a way where you're perhaps learning to trust her unfolding and trust her kind of thing.
00:27:08.844 --> 00:27:14.227
Yes, and to be aware that, again, that's what worry is, we make up all kinds of doom and gloom things in our mind that just aren't true, and part of the process is looking at the reality of things.
00:27:14.227 --> 00:27:48.325
The reality of it sounds like from what you're saying, the Mm-hmm is yeah, yeah, it's affirming, since you don't know what you don't know and and in worry you make up doom and gloom you.
00:27:48.664 --> 00:27:56.384
we start imagining the worst of the worst, but it's all made up in our own minds something we still don't know.
00:27:56.384 --> 00:28:09.711
We could easily affirm that she's fine, she's growing, and perhaps affirm well, it's great that she didn't call me right away.
00:28:10.973 --> 00:28:11.273
That's great.
00:28:11.839 --> 00:28:16.868
That's indicative that maybe she's dealing with something okay there.
00:28:16.888 --> 00:28:19.795
Yes, okay, yeah.
00:28:20.299 --> 00:28:34.491
So perhaps that could be a little affirmation for you, to simply acknowledge what would be a positive affirmation for you If you could make up a positive affirmation regarding worry.
00:28:37.046 --> 00:28:39.372
I will say to myself she's doing great.
00:28:39.372 --> 00:28:42.765
She's more independent, she's doing her own thing.
00:28:42.765 --> 00:28:45.929
So that makes me happy, right?
00:28:45.929 --> 00:28:51.192
So that makes me happy because she's growing, she's doing the things that someone her age should be doing.
00:28:52.883 --> 00:28:55.250
Would you say that again and tell me that again?
00:28:56.599 --> 00:29:01.071
That she's growing, that she's becoming independent, and then she's doing things for age.
00:29:01.071 --> 00:29:08.424
She's independent, she's growing and she's doing things for age People are supposed to do.
00:29:09.146 --> 00:29:11.587
Okay, how do you feel speaking those words?
00:29:12.180 --> 00:29:23.969
Yeah, I need to learn to tell me those things, that way I can feel, yes, she's doing what I want her to do, independent, being happy, so I can be happy about she's doing what I want her to do, being dependent, being happy, so I can be happy about it and not worry about it.
00:29:24.851 --> 00:29:27.208
Yeah, that could be a new possibility for you.
00:29:27.208 --> 00:29:30.586
You've got the words because you just said them.
00:29:31.470 --> 00:29:34.767
Yes, I will remember yeah.
00:29:35.861 --> 00:30:16.946
Maybe that's part of the work, because dealing with anxiety and worry is an ongoing thing for us and it sounds like you're working with yourself, you're aware of your worry, you're aware that you worry and psychologically it sounds like you go through a moment there of telling yourself that you need not worry and then perhaps you know, you can affirm with the affirmation you just said yeah, because I take it when you say those words, your worry kind of dissipates yeah right, good, that's great.
00:30:18.909 --> 00:30:21.230
Yeah, all right, good.
00:30:21.230 --> 00:30:25.997
I just feel like a pretty good place to complete.
00:30:26.839 --> 00:30:28.306
Yes, it's good, you were good.
00:30:28.306 --> 00:30:29.148
Thank you so much.
00:30:29.519 --> 00:30:38.146
Okay, so the way we end each meeting is the way we start, with just a word that just names your here and now experience.
00:30:38.146 --> 00:30:41.201
Coming to a close of our conversation, and a few words.
00:30:41.201 --> 00:30:43.410
Just how do I feel about this meeting today?
00:30:43.410 --> 00:30:45.384
Do I take anything from this conversation?
00:30:45.384 --> 00:30:46.587
Or nothing?
00:30:46.627 --> 00:30:48.451
Yes, yes, I feel better.
00:30:48.451 --> 00:31:01.286
I felt that it's normal to worry, and it's also good for me to keep telling my thoughts so I don't overstress, and then I learn a few things I can tell to myself to make me feel better.
00:31:01.967 --> 00:31:02.307
Awesome.
00:31:03.388 --> 00:31:06.053
That's great, yes, beautiful, thank you.
00:31:06.053 --> 00:31:07.115
Thank you so much.
00:31:07.115 --> 00:31:07.895
I appreciate it.
00:31:08.160 --> 00:31:10.624
Go forth in freedom from anxiety.
00:31:11.184 --> 00:31:15.030
Yes, I will Thank you so much.
00:31:15.030 --> 00:31:15.832
I appreciate it.
00:31:16.031 --> 00:31:17.114
Very good, take care.
00:31:17.555 --> 00:31:17.815
Bye.
00:31:20.740 --> 00:31:23.931
Thank you for listening to this edition of Eyewitness to Therapy.
00:31:23.931 --> 00:31:34.271
If you, the listener, desire to be interviewed in a similar fashion as this one, feel free to contact me at courtcurtis at yahoocom.
00:31:34.271 --> 00:31:37.709
Peace, love and presence.
00:00:22.615 --> 00:00:30.172
Hello and welcome to Eyewitness to Therapy, the one-of-a-kind podcast that focuses on a real-life therapy situation.
00:00:31.221 --> 00:00:39.932
I'm your host, Court Curtis, psychologist and therapist, passionate about bringing you into an immersive experience of self-awareness through therapy.
00:00:39.932 --> 00:00:47.731
In each episode, we dive deep into the struggles our guests face and guide them on a journey of self-discovery and resolution.
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As your dedicated therapist, my purpose is to create a safe space where you can openly share and address your issues.
00:00:54.533 --> 00:01:03.991
We'll explore the power of the present moment in resolving your concerns, knowing that the past is completely over and the future is never yet.
00:01:03.991 --> 00:01:06.694
The past is completely over and the future is never yet.
00:01:06.694 --> 00:01:15.412
The key to healing lies in awareness, in being witness to your consciousness, and that's precisely what we'll uncover together in every episode of Eyewitness to Therapy.
00:01:15.412 --> 00:01:20.185
So join us as we navigate the transformative power of therapy and self-awareness.
00:01:20.185 --> 00:01:25.415
Welcome to another episode of Eyewitness to Therapy.
00:01:26.236 --> 00:01:35.284
Every individual that I interview in this podcast has volunteered to participate in a one-time therapy session, and so I'm happy to welcome a new guest today.
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This is the first time we have ever met, so I know virtually nothing about this person other than from a very brief questionnaire that they filled out prior to this meeting.
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Every guest's identity is anonymous.
00:01:48.701 --> 00:01:52.128
All therapy is centered around the guest's issues and goals.
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Whatever they bring forth into the session becomes the focus of our conversation, and my goal is to be helpful in the best way I can.
00:02:01.143 --> 00:02:06.033
Gestalt therapy is all about living in the moment, and that is exactly where we start each session.
00:02:06.033 --> 00:02:22.127
I ask my guests to take a moment and allow a word or short phrase to bubble up in consciousness that simply names their here and now experience, and then I have them expound on that word, what that word says of them, about them or about anything.
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And then I ask that they declare an intention for the session.
00:02:26.033 --> 00:02:31.611
An intention can be anything, such as what they hope to gain from the session or want help with.
00:02:31.611 --> 00:02:40.403
Declaring an intention from the outset helps frame our conversation and also serves to create a purpose and goal for our session.
00:02:40.403 --> 00:02:53.503
And then, lastly, we end each session the way we begin, with just a word that names their here and now experience as we come to the close of our conversation, as well as a few words about how they feel about our session.
00:02:53.503 --> 00:02:59.504
Is there a takeaway, an insight or realization that they gained from our meeting together?
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That's the question.
00:03:01.210 --> 00:03:05.325
So come along with us as we step into this journey of exploration.
00:03:05.325 --> 00:03:14.185
Where the conversation goes, nobody knows, but that's also the excitement of therapy, a step into the unknown of possibilities.
00:03:14.947 --> 00:03:18.413
So, without further ado, let's welcome our new guest.
00:03:18.413 --> 00:03:23.740
First of all, good afternoon and welcome to our meeting today.
00:03:23.740 --> 00:03:26.082
First of all, good afternoon and welcome to our meeting today.
00:03:26.082 --> 00:03:27.324
This is the way we start.
00:03:27.324 --> 00:03:28.465
Each meeting is.
00:03:28.465 --> 00:03:28.764
Actually.
00:03:28.764 --> 00:04:01.628
What I would invite you to do right now is to reflect on yourself, your life, your situation, your relationships, your thoughts, your feelings, whatever areas of your life you engage in, and then speak one word or series of one words that name something in each of these areas and limit it to a word or short phrase, and then, after doing that, to address this question what is my intention for our session today?
00:04:01.628 --> 00:04:07.831
And that can be anything, something that you might want to gain from our meeting or focus on or address.
00:04:07.831 --> 00:04:14.729
Whatever your intention is for our meeting becomes our intention and helps to frame our conversation.
00:04:14.729 --> 00:04:23.487
So, with that, I'd like to invite you to yeah, just as you reflect on your life, to go ahead and speak a series of one words that name something in each of these areas.
00:04:25.240 --> 00:04:32.214
I will say happy, family-oriented, busy and stressed.
00:04:34.264 --> 00:04:34.545
Go ahead.
00:04:34.779 --> 00:04:47.048
And stressed yes, and I will say I tend to be really anxious, so that's one of the things that I like to learn more about how to deal with.
00:04:47.048 --> 00:04:50.189
I do different things, like I exercise.
00:04:50.189 --> 00:04:58.189
I have seen therapy before, I have been on medicine before, so anxious is always one of those things I'm looking to work on.
00:04:58.781 --> 00:05:00.588
Okay, perfect, excellent.
00:05:00.588 --> 00:05:03.930
And would you say the words again that you started with?
00:05:03.930 --> 00:05:05.605
You said stressed and.
00:05:06.199 --> 00:05:11.223
I will say happy, family-oriented stress yeah, and stress Okay.
00:05:11.625 --> 00:05:15.353
And then anxiety is what you would like to focus on today.
00:05:15.552 --> 00:05:15.733
Yes.
00:05:16.100 --> 00:05:16.401
All right.
00:05:16.641 --> 00:05:17.142
Very good.
00:05:17.223 --> 00:05:28.319
Would you like to expound just a little bit on this experience of anxiety, what this word says of you, about you or about anything this experience of anxiety, what this word says of you, about you or about anything?
00:05:34.639 --> 00:05:36.946
Yes, I think I'm always either stressed or trying to control things, and that will make my anxiety worse.
00:05:36.946 --> 00:05:38.649
I think I'm always worried about something.
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It's hard for my brain to shut down.
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I always try to do things that I enjoy.
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I try to work out, I try to do things outdoors, but it always is something that comes back right.
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I feel like I can control it, and then I get out of control.
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I can see I'm anxious the older I get.
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I can see my anxiety sometimes get worse.
00:06:02.829 --> 00:06:04.571
You said you worry a lot.
00:06:04.571 --> 00:06:09.877
Is that you worry and you try to control things?
00:06:11.002 --> 00:06:11.303
Yes.
00:06:11.324 --> 00:06:13.331
Would you like to explore that just a little bit more here?
00:06:13.331 --> 00:06:20.333
Yes, when you look at your life, your situation, maybe try this as a little exercise.
00:06:20.333 --> 00:06:26.264
Just fill in the blank here I'm worried about, or I'm worried that size.
00:06:26.324 --> 00:06:27.867
Just fill in the blank here.
00:06:27.867 --> 00:06:31.353
I'm worried about, or I'm worried that yeah, I say that my daughter's in college.
00:06:31.353 --> 00:06:39.324
It's her second year in the University of Arkansas, so every time she leaves I get anxious, worried how she's doing.
00:06:39.324 --> 00:06:42.670
She also has anxiety and it always takes longer for her to adjust to changes.
00:06:42.670 --> 00:06:51.238
So I'm always worried how she's feeling, how she's doing and I think those are things that trigger my anxiety.
00:06:51.238 --> 00:06:54.110
So are you currently worried about?
00:06:54.130 --> 00:06:54.653
anything with her?
00:06:54.673 --> 00:07:01.752
Yes, what's your biggest worry about her that she's not feeling good, that she's missing home, that sometimes she wants to be here instead of there.
00:07:01.752 --> 00:07:04.927
So I'm always worried how is her brain of mind?
00:07:04.927 --> 00:07:06.291
Basically how she's feeling.
00:07:06.860 --> 00:07:09.000
How she's feeling, basically Okay.
00:07:09.000 --> 00:07:10.608
So you're worried about how she's feeling.
00:07:10.608 --> 00:07:13.610
Do you know anything about how she's actually feeling?
00:07:13.610 --> 00:07:15.819
Does she share with you how she actually feels?
00:07:15.879 --> 00:07:16.904
Yes, she does.
00:07:16.904 --> 00:07:26.420
So, yeah, we talk 10 times a day and whenever she's not feeling good, she call me and tell me I'm having a rough day.
00:07:26.500 --> 00:07:34.362
I don't feel good today so she shares with you her own anxiety yeah, and how she's feeling okay.
00:07:34.362 --> 00:07:40.492
Well, does that help you at all to know about what she's going through?
00:07:40.492 --> 00:07:45.521
Because it sounds like after you leave the conversation you're still worried about her.
00:07:45.540 --> 00:07:49.110
She's having her today and she's doing good, then I'm stress-free that day.
00:07:49.110 --> 00:07:56.161
But if Matt's feeling gone, she's having a hard day I get stressed about it and I start thinking what can I do?
00:07:56.161 --> 00:07:57.447
What should I change?
00:07:57.447 --> 00:07:58.269
Things like that.
00:07:58.629 --> 00:08:02.000
Okay, what can I do and what can I change about what?
00:08:02.000 --> 00:08:03.841
What can I help her?
00:08:03.841 --> 00:08:05.002
What do you say?
00:08:05.002 --> 00:08:07.264
How do you help her, or at least try to help her?
00:08:07.944 --> 00:08:09.466
I just try to talk to her.
00:08:09.466 --> 00:08:10.406
I understand.
00:08:10.406 --> 00:08:12.209
I try not to say like why?
00:08:12.209 --> 00:08:16.112
Or you have nothing to worry, Things like that you know.
00:08:16.112 --> 00:08:19.194
If he tells me what's going on, that I try to explain.
00:08:19.194 --> 00:08:24.327
If he's overwhelmed I say, well, don't worry, You're going to be fine.
00:08:24.327 --> 00:08:25.098
Last year was the same thing.
00:08:25.098 --> 00:08:32.711
But even though after we talk and she feels better, I'm always reflecting what can I do differently to help her?
00:08:33.080 --> 00:08:35.448
Okay, so what can I do differently to help her?
00:08:35.448 --> 00:08:40.211
So you feel that what you're already doing to try to help her is not sufficient?
00:08:41.059 --> 00:08:46.493
Oh no, I think it's sufficient, but I'm always trying to think if there is something I can do better to help her.
00:08:49.244 --> 00:08:51.610
What do you imagine you could do better than what you're already doing?
00:08:53.660 --> 00:08:55.126
There's anything else I can do.
00:08:55.126 --> 00:08:58.529
I guess I do feel that I do enough, but I'm still worried.
00:08:58.529 --> 00:09:02.360
It's hard for me to shut down and not to worry about it, yeah.
00:09:02.802 --> 00:09:03.205
I hear you.
00:09:03.205 --> 00:09:03.726
I hear you.
00:09:03.726 --> 00:09:09.971
That's what sounds like, almost like a compulsion compulsively worry about her.
00:09:09.971 --> 00:09:17.051
You can't relax Except when she shares with you that things are going okay, that kind of takes away your worry.
00:09:17.793 --> 00:09:17.993
Yeah.
00:09:18.533 --> 00:09:19.082
Okay, and then.
00:09:19.082 --> 00:09:20.759
So you also use the word control.
00:09:20.759 --> 00:09:22.803
So how does control show up in all this, the word control?
00:09:22.803 --> 00:09:24.866
So how does control show up in all this?
00:09:25.327 --> 00:09:27.753
Control plays that I want to know.
00:09:27.753 --> 00:09:40.720
Let's say she texts me in the morning I'm walking to class, like she texts me letting me know what's going on through her day right, if she doesn't tell me.
00:09:41.100 --> 00:09:42.562
I'm going to give you a perfect example.
00:09:42.562 --> 00:09:44.508
She called me yesterday at 7 pm.
00:09:44.508 --> 00:09:47.173
I'm finishing with my classes, I'm eating.
00:09:47.173 --> 00:09:48.666
I'll call you before I go to sleep.
00:09:48.666 --> 00:09:53.505
She never called me till this morning and I was stressed about it.
00:09:53.505 --> 00:10:03.245
I was anxious about it and I knew she probably crashed and went to sleep, but I'm still worrying Something going on.
00:10:03.245 --> 00:10:05.366
She didn't text me.
00:10:05.687 --> 00:10:06.652
Right yeah.
00:10:06.720 --> 00:10:11.873
So I cannot shut it down, even though I do think she was sleeping.
00:10:11.873 --> 00:10:13.104
And that's exactly what happened.
00:10:13.104 --> 00:10:14.148
She called me this morning.
00:10:14.148 --> 00:10:17.370
I thought, wait, and I couldn't call you.
00:10:17.370 --> 00:10:21.610
But it's just that I need to know everything that's going on to feel better.
00:10:21.610 --> 00:10:26.751
Obviously, my control in my anxiety play with each other.
00:10:27.299 --> 00:10:28.422
So what is worrying?
00:10:28.422 --> 00:10:40.649
First of all, when we say we worry about something, what are we actually doing, like, psychologically, what is worry?
00:10:40.649 --> 00:10:42.894
Can you identify what worry is?
00:10:43.221 --> 00:10:52.633
If I'm enjoying my time watching tv or something, I cannot enjoy it 100 anymore because I'm thinking what do you think I'm?
00:10:52.673 --> 00:10:56.052
thinking if is there something wrong, why had she called me?
00:10:56.052 --> 00:10:57.299
And so you start imagining.
00:10:57.299 --> 00:10:59.563
So consider what worry is.
00:10:59.604 --> 00:11:10.565
You're imagining something terrible, exactly yeah and let's tell you, six months ago, when she was driving back, she had a really bad car accident Right and she called me.
00:11:10.565 --> 00:11:20.746
And that makes it worse now because now when she drives from here to there, from there to here, I'm anxious the whole seven hours Right, worrying that something is going to happen.
00:11:21.128 --> 00:11:21.288
Yeah.
00:11:22.159 --> 00:11:24.001
And I wish I can be like my husband.
00:11:24.001 --> 00:11:27.924
He goes to sleep, shuts down and he's done for the day.
00:11:27.924 --> 00:11:29.885
He's not worried like this.
00:11:29.885 --> 00:11:33.168
He made it, oh no, he's going to make it fine, don't worry.
00:11:33.168 --> 00:11:36.572
But my personality is completely different.
00:11:36.572 --> 00:11:42.636
It's hard for me to shut down or just think, oh, everything is fine, I don't have to worry about.
00:11:47.899 --> 00:11:48.240
What is worry?
00:11:48.240 --> 00:11:50.067
What's the impact of your worry on you?
00:11:50.067 --> 00:11:51.773
What does your worrying do to you in terms of your?
00:11:51.773 --> 00:11:53.720
It stresses me, it stresses you right.
00:11:54.000 --> 00:11:58.312
Yeah, it definitely stresses me and I'm sure my body feel it right.
00:11:58.312 --> 00:12:03.567
I can feel it basically because I'm stressed, I'm tense.
00:12:03.567 --> 00:12:08.725
I can tell when I'm stressed, when I'm anxious I definitely over-worry about things.
00:12:08.725 --> 00:12:12.764
That my brain is telling me Anything bad can happen.
00:12:13.386 --> 00:12:14.841
Exactly so.
00:12:14.841 --> 00:12:18.148
Do you feel any of that worry or anxiety right now, as we speak?
00:12:18.148 --> 00:12:20.413
No, no, okay.
00:12:20.413 --> 00:12:25.052
When you feel that worry and anxiety, where do you feel it in your body?
00:12:25.052 --> 00:12:27.010
Where do you feel it in your body?
00:12:27.032 --> 00:12:37.826
Okay not really to be something out of the normal for me, to feeling like in my stomach when you're anxious or stressed, but I don't feel it that way.
00:12:37.826 --> 00:12:42.322
Even I'm worried about why she hasn't called me and things like that.
00:12:42.322 --> 00:12:51.486
I really don't feel it physically, but I'm sure it's still affecting my body one way or the other because I'm worrying about things that I shouldn't worry.
00:12:51.927 --> 00:12:53.029
Exactly I got you.
00:12:53.029 --> 00:12:56.654
Well, how do you feel about being worried or feeling worried?
00:12:57.639 --> 00:12:58.784
I definitely don't like it.
00:12:59.005 --> 00:12:59.707
Okay, all right.
00:12:59.707 --> 00:13:02.548
Do you feel or believe that you need to worry?
00:13:05.100 --> 00:13:13.624
I don't think I should be worried all the time, like I just feel like once in a while it's normal but I shouldn't be worried.
00:13:13.624 --> 00:13:21.490
If she hasn't called me or if I haven't heard from her, I shouldn't be thinking that something bad is happening or something is wrong.
00:13:21.892 --> 00:13:23.121
Right, yeah.
00:13:23.121 --> 00:13:24.849
So what do you get out of worrying?
00:13:24.849 --> 00:13:26.783
What's the payoff that you get?
00:13:26.783 --> 00:13:30.407
Nothing good, nothing good at all.
00:13:30.407 --> 00:13:35.291
Okay, and so again, do you feel or believe that you need to worry?
00:13:36.321 --> 00:13:37.364
No, I don't think I should.
00:13:37.364 --> 00:13:38.307
I need to worry.
00:13:38.629 --> 00:13:41.849
Okay, so what is worrying doing for you?
00:13:41.849 --> 00:13:47.528
I hear you say it doesn't do anything for me, but what do you believe worrying does for you?
00:13:52.620 --> 00:13:57.342
Trust me, it consumes my time because I shouldn't be worried about that.
00:13:57.342 --> 00:14:01.131
Maybe I should be doing something else, enjoying my time and things like that.
00:14:02.101 --> 00:14:08.114
Um, yes, okay, all right, okay, say say these words and see how they resonate with you.
00:14:08.114 --> 00:14:12.288
I'm worrying myself I'm worrying myself.
00:14:12.308 --> 00:14:13.611
Yeah, or try worrying myself.
00:14:13.631 --> 00:14:14.373
yeah, or try this one.
00:14:14.373 --> 00:14:15.865
I'm scaring myself.
00:14:16.720 --> 00:14:18.105
I'm scaring myself, yeah.
00:14:18.267 --> 00:14:18.961
Okay and then.
00:14:18.961 --> 00:14:20.586
So I'm scaring myself.
00:14:20.586 --> 00:14:24.225
By stressing about things that are not happening, okay.
00:14:24.787 --> 00:14:27.332
My imagination yeah your imagination.
00:14:27.393 --> 00:14:28.745
Exactly that's what worry is.
00:14:28.745 --> 00:14:34.091
It reminds me of what Mark Twain said towards the end of his life.
00:14:34.091 --> 00:14:38.187
He said my whole life has been about worrying about things that never happened.
00:14:38.908 --> 00:14:40.552
Right Pinched back.
00:14:41.861 --> 00:14:42.082
So.
00:14:42.082 --> 00:14:45.037
But you would just say you don't want to worry, but yet you keep worrying.
00:14:45.037 --> 00:14:45.600
So it's almost.
00:14:45.600 --> 00:14:50.251
Do you not have a say-so about worrying at all?
00:14:57.860 --> 00:15:02.268
have a say so about worrying at all and yeah, and like I say it's not, it's like I can be good for a period of time and then it comes back to me, right.
00:15:02.288 --> 00:15:09.272
Okay, it's not constant, I can identify it and I can be like, okay, I'm going back to worrying about things, I shouldn't worry.
00:15:09.272 --> 00:15:16.312
And then I talk to myself I shouldn't be worrying about that, like that, shouldn't be stressing or thinking about it, everything is fine.
00:15:16.312 --> 00:15:21.091
So I cannot say that it's all the time, but I can see it coming back.
00:15:21.091 --> 00:15:23.466
So it's a constant fight back and forth.
00:15:23.907 --> 00:15:24.548
I hear you there.
00:15:24.548 --> 00:15:30.009
Okay, do you ever just allow yourself to worry when you worry?
00:15:32.565 --> 00:15:33.288
Yes, definitely.
00:15:33.620 --> 00:15:39.947
Yeah, I mean what I'm hearing you say is you worry when you worry and you don't worry when you don't worry?
00:15:42.663 --> 00:15:44.307
No, it's not that easy, okay.
00:15:44.307 --> 00:15:52.652
So yes, some days I'm worried about, like I told you, like yesterday, there's no reason for me to be worried.
00:15:52.913 --> 00:16:13.166
But you were worried yesterday yes, I was okay so, even though there's no reason to be worried, you still worry yes, yeah gotcha okay I was worried and I knew, like I told you, I told myself she probably went to sleep, she was tired and she's one of those that she can go to sleep and wake up the next day.
00:16:13.166 --> 00:16:14.889
Right, I shouldn't be worried.
00:16:14.889 --> 00:16:16.650
So then I start watching tv.
00:16:16.650 --> 00:16:21.125
I say I'm not gonna worry, I'm just gonna relax, everything's gonna be fine.
00:16:21.125 --> 00:16:22.289
And then I shut it down.
00:16:22.530 --> 00:16:32.581
I went to sleep without any issue okay but I have to tell myself right like I shouldn't be worried, everything's gonna be fine, I can go to sleep, I don't have to worry.
00:16:32.881 --> 00:16:33.202
Okay.
00:16:33.743 --> 00:16:35.345
But it is constant.
00:16:35.345 --> 00:16:43.475
What I'm saying is that I have to calm myself, I have to talk to myself and let me realize nothing is wrong.
00:16:43.956 --> 00:16:44.196
Okay.
00:16:45.159 --> 00:16:47.548
Because I don't want to be anxious, I don't want to be not sleeping good because I'm worried.
00:16:47.548 --> 00:16:49.365
So I was able to shut it down.
00:16:49.667 --> 00:16:49.888
Okay.
00:16:51.448 --> 00:16:57.895
What I'm trying to say is that it happens often and I have to identify it and let myself know this is.
00:16:57.895 --> 00:16:59.456
I don't have to worry.
00:16:59.700 --> 00:17:02.506
So when you tell yourself those things, do you listen to yourself?
00:17:03.590 --> 00:17:04.050
Yes.
00:17:04.050 --> 00:17:09.845
I try At least 80% of the time I don't listen to myself 80% of the time.
00:17:09.845 --> 00:17:16.270
Yes, the other 20% have to be something out of the ordinary that I have no clue what's going on.
00:17:16.270 --> 00:17:18.193
Yes, I should be worried.
00:17:18.193 --> 00:17:19.425
Maybe something is going on.
00:17:19.425 --> 00:17:30.709
But yeah, I try to do my best to stay busy, to stay positive and not to make myself overly anxious about something that I have nothing to worry about.
00:17:30.910 --> 00:17:32.622
Yeah, okay Sounds like you work with yourself.
00:17:32.622 --> 00:17:39.923
You have a work with yourself, you have a conversation with yourself in terms of just that, you don't need to worry.
00:17:39.923 --> 00:17:47.450
Or you find yourself worrying and then you tell yourself you don't need to worry and whatever else you say to you, and then that seems to take away the worry, at least for the time being.
00:17:47.450 --> 00:17:50.746
Okay, and that works for you like 80% of the time.
00:17:51.367 --> 00:17:52.329
Yeah, it does work.
00:17:52.631 --> 00:17:54.726
Okay, and and that works for you like 80% of the time.
00:17:54.726 --> 00:17:57.759
Yeah, it does work, okay, and then, but you're not worried right now.
00:17:57.759 --> 00:18:04.913
No, okay, but the situation you just described is that something that happened last night and this morning?
00:18:04.913 --> 00:18:10.147
Okay, All right, okay, you moved through your worry.
00:18:10.147 --> 00:18:13.740
You got worried, you were worried, you were worried.
00:18:13.740 --> 00:18:18.548
You went through the worry and you came to a place where you're not worried anymore.
00:18:19.190 --> 00:18:19.510
Correct.
00:18:21.040 --> 00:18:23.526
How do you feel about that Perfect?
00:18:23.865 --> 00:18:27.713
Perfect, okay, okay.
00:18:27.773 --> 00:18:34.603
Okay, it comes back to.
00:18:34.603 --> 00:18:42.369
Do you, or can you allow yourself to worry when you worry?
00:18:42.369 --> 00:18:49.455
Can you say in the moment that you worry, I'm worried, and then let yourself worry?
00:18:51.477 --> 00:18:51.717
Yes.
00:18:51.960 --> 00:18:54.489
Or do you resist worrying or feel like you shouldn't worry?
00:18:55.319 --> 00:18:57.208
No, I definitely let myself worry.
00:18:57.942 --> 00:18:59.733
You let yourself worry Okay.
00:18:59.795 --> 00:18:59.976
Yes.
00:19:00.358 --> 00:19:10.092
Okay, all right, at least up to the point where you begin to talk to yourself and say you don't need to worry.
00:19:10.092 --> 00:19:14.618
Okay, all right, okay, okay, that sounds Okay, okay.
00:19:14.618 --> 00:19:18.609
That sounds good to me, okay.
00:19:20.560 --> 00:19:21.505
That's good to know.
00:19:21.806 --> 00:19:45.217
Yeah, really, that's what there is to do is to work with yourself and challenge your thinking a little bit there, with yourself and challenge your thinking a little bit there, because when we worry, we're simply not knowing something, but we make up in our own mind disaster or the worst of the worst.
00:19:45.217 --> 00:19:47.422
That's what worry is.
00:19:47.422 --> 00:19:57.124
Part of the process of therapy really is learning to challenge your worry into what do I call it?
00:19:57.124 --> 00:19:59.650
Learning to accept that I don't know what.
00:19:59.650 --> 00:20:04.868
I don't know Because I just don't know what's going on with her.
00:20:04.868 --> 00:20:15.489
Let's say, if it's you and my daughter, I don't know what's going on with her, but I'm imagining all of these things and maybe some of the things that I'm imagining she's going through.
00:20:15.489 --> 00:20:16.873
Maybe she's having a difficult time.
00:20:16.873 --> 00:20:24.986
It sounds like she expresses these things to you, right, her difficult times, and she looks to you for some kind of support.
00:20:24.986 --> 00:20:34.231
Would you say, yeah, yeah, that's great, that's great that she can look to you for support.
00:20:34.231 --> 00:20:40.173
It sounds like you would say you were a good listener to her.
00:20:41.359 --> 00:20:43.505
Yes, I am, I try my best.
00:20:44.086 --> 00:20:47.113
Okay, yeah, okay.
00:20:47.113 --> 00:20:51.892
Can you recall a conversation with her this morning?
00:20:51.892 --> 00:20:52.836
Yes, and before I talked to you.
00:20:52.856 --> 00:20:56.969
I was with her this morning, yes, and before I talked to you I was with her on the phone.
00:20:56.969 --> 00:20:57.671
She was calling.
00:20:58.140 --> 00:20:59.565
She called you just before we talked.
00:21:00.006 --> 00:21:00.207
Yes.
00:21:01.190 --> 00:21:08.453
Okay, could you just replay that conversation, what she actually said and what you said?
00:21:09.298 --> 00:21:17.982
Yes, she said because she texted me in the morning and she said, hey, we have a chat, my husband Sarah and I.
00:21:17.982 --> 00:21:21.352
She was like yesterday, I fell asleep and didn't wake up on time.
00:21:21.352 --> 00:21:22.625
I said, okay, no worries.
00:21:22.625 --> 00:21:26.883
Then normally she always calls me in the morning when she's walking to class, so I text her.
00:21:26.883 --> 00:21:28.067
Hey, I'm having help from you.
00:21:28.067 --> 00:21:30.848
She said, oh, I fell asleep again, let me get ready.
00:21:30.848 --> 00:21:32.683
So then she calls me again.
00:21:32.683 --> 00:21:34.588
I'm with my friend and we're going to go to Target.
00:21:34.588 --> 00:21:35.191
Okay, bye.
00:21:38.380 --> 00:21:43.730
And then when I was walking to the car, she calls me hey, I dropped my friend, I'm going back to my apartment and do some homework.
00:21:43.730 --> 00:21:45.073
And I said, okay, that's good.
00:21:45.073 --> 00:21:48.040
And then she said, oh, I miss you, mama.
00:21:48.040 --> 00:21:50.105
And I said, yeah, we're going to go next weekend to go see you.
00:21:50.105 --> 00:21:53.172
And she said, okay, perfect, is grandma coming?
00:21:53.172 --> 00:21:59.230
I said no, she's not going have to be a nurse for her husband this weekend.
00:21:59.230 --> 00:22:01.508
She said, okay, do you prefer for me to go?
00:22:01.508 --> 00:22:05.170
And I said, no, there's no point for you to drive seven hours.
00:22:05.170 --> 00:22:08.989
It's family weekends and daddy and I are going, so it's fine.
00:22:08.989 --> 00:22:10.031
She said, perfect.
00:22:10.031 --> 00:22:24.096
And then she was telling me what are her plans for today and for tomorrow and I said I have a call at three, I'll call you after I get off from work.
00:22:24.096 --> 00:22:25.659
She said okay, perfect, I'm going to be doing homework.
00:22:25.659 --> 00:22:32.743
You can call me, and normally we have five or seven of those conversations a day.
00:22:32.864 --> 00:22:34.684
Oh, really that many a day, huh.
00:22:34.684 --> 00:22:36.125
Yes, yes, Definitely yes.
00:22:36.465 --> 00:22:38.326
Okay, we go to sleep.
00:22:38.326 --> 00:22:53.636
She normally calls my husband and I and tells us about her day and things like that, and then during the day she calls me multiple times, tells me about her classes or she calls me with her friends and tells me what they're doing, and some days she doesn't call me at all, but then she'll text me.
00:22:53.636 --> 00:22:56.577
Some days there's zero calls.
00:22:56.577 --> 00:22:59.469
She's doing a lot of things with friends and things like that.
00:22:59.880 --> 00:23:05.147
But, we're always in contact back and forth in the morning or about classes.
00:23:05.147 --> 00:23:10.707
She will text during the day, but I don't think there is a day with zero calls or zero texts.
00:23:10.707 --> 00:23:11.891
So it's like constant.
00:23:11.891 --> 00:23:12.864
We always talk to me.
00:23:13.286 --> 00:23:15.163
Okay, and how do you feel about that?
00:23:15.163 --> 00:23:16.890
Did you do that Like that?
00:23:18.842 --> 00:23:29.748
I like it and sometimes I feel that also she needs to be a little bit independent and be so close to me.
00:23:29.748 --> 00:23:48.191
She needs, I feel like, sometimes not that it's better than her friend, but I feel like she needs to go and explore the world and not having to call me and let me know everything that is going on in her life.
00:23:48.511 --> 00:23:50.443
Basically, Okay, all right.
00:23:50.865 --> 00:23:51.146
Yes.
00:23:51.387 --> 00:23:51.588
Yeah.
00:23:52.320 --> 00:23:58.229
But at the same time I do appreciate knowing what's going on and what she's doing.
00:23:58.409 --> 00:24:02.115
Hmm, gotcha, okay, yeah, so both are true.
00:24:02.115 --> 00:24:14.086
You would like her, you would like to see her be independent and explore her world and herself and find her way, kind of thing, and at the same time you appreciate the connection that she does look to you.
00:24:14.507 --> 00:24:15.087
Correct.
00:24:15.528 --> 00:24:20.184
Yeah, yeah, let's see what my thoughts about that.
00:24:20.184 --> 00:24:23.842
Old is she, by the way, 19, and her first year in college.
00:24:23.842 --> 00:24:28.491
A second one, oh so well, how did how did last year go for her?
00:24:28.531 --> 00:24:31.705
last year it was worse than last year.
00:24:31.705 --> 00:24:33.510
I think she was more anxious.
00:24:33.510 --> 00:24:37.902
It took her a while to adjust to finding people that she liked.
00:24:37.902 --> 00:24:41.191
I think this year is going a lot more easy.
00:24:41.711 --> 00:24:41.811
Oh.
00:24:42.480 --> 00:24:44.627
Because she has a group of friends that she likes.
00:24:44.627 --> 00:25:01.470
Last year she was just trying to find the people that she enjoyed and getting adjusted to be living with somebody else, not having her own space, seven hours from home, but she couldn't come when time that she wanted.
00:25:01.470 --> 00:25:03.826
So I think this year is going hard.
00:25:03.826 --> 00:25:05.465
She's already adjusted.
00:25:05.465 --> 00:25:08.971
She has a good group of friends that she can spend time with.
00:25:08.971 --> 00:25:11.867
So this year has been a lot easier than last year.
00:25:12.348 --> 00:25:13.642
Gotcha, would you say.
00:25:13.642 --> 00:25:16.109
She's in the process of finding herself.
00:25:17.140 --> 00:25:18.567
Yes, I will say definitely.
00:25:19.421 --> 00:25:21.026
She's growing in that regard.
00:25:21.386 --> 00:25:22.691
Yeah, she is growing.
00:25:23.382 --> 00:25:24.346
Yeah, that's great.
00:25:24.346 --> 00:25:27.666
It sounds like I mean what's wanting for her.
00:25:27.666 --> 00:25:30.272
Is it's happening?
00:25:30.272 --> 00:25:37.944
That's a process anyway, where someone leaves home and finds their own way.
00:25:37.944 --> 00:25:55.738
Yeah, the other thing I view in this period is it's a transition in a child's life where the dependency on parents is still there but at the same time seeking to find their own independence, kind of thing.
00:25:55.738 --> 00:26:04.964
So you know that's a process and that will unfold, you know the way it does and you're all worried about it.
00:26:06.788 --> 00:26:09.413
Exactly, you're right.
00:26:12.844 --> 00:26:16.472
You know, again, is it a terrible thing to worry when you worry?
00:26:16.472 --> 00:26:20.029
Yeah, worry can consume us, you know, with worry kind of thing.
00:26:20.029 --> 00:26:24.869
But again it sounds first of all as a parent.
00:26:24.869 --> 00:26:29.078
You know what parent doesn't worry about their child, kind of thing.
00:26:29.220 --> 00:26:29.339
Right.
00:26:29.661 --> 00:27:08.844
You know, want the best for them and want them to grow, and all that Sounds like you're in a process, too, of finding your own, let's say, new relationship with her, where you know you grow with her in a way where you're perhaps learning to trust her unfolding and trust her kind of thing.
00:27:08.844 --> 00:27:14.227
Yes, and to be aware that, again, that's what worry is, we make up all kinds of doom and gloom things in our mind that just aren't true, and part of the process is looking at the reality of things.
00:27:14.227 --> 00:27:48.325
The reality of it sounds like from what you're saying, the Mm-hmm is yeah, yeah, it's affirming, since you don't know what you don't know and and in worry you make up doom and gloom you.
00:27:48.664 --> 00:27:56.384
we start imagining the worst of the worst, but it's all made up in our own minds something we still don't know.
00:27:56.384 --> 00:28:09.711
We could easily affirm that she's fine, she's growing, and perhaps affirm well, it's great that she didn't call me right away.
00:28:10.973 --> 00:28:11.273
That's great.
00:28:11.839 --> 00:28:16.868
That's indicative that maybe she's dealing with something okay there.
00:28:16.888 --> 00:28:19.795
Yes, okay, yeah.
00:28:20.299 --> 00:28:34.491
So perhaps that could be a little affirmation for you, to simply acknowledge what would be a positive affirmation for you If you could make up a positive affirmation regarding worry.
00:28:37.046 --> 00:28:39.372
I will say to myself she's doing great.
00:28:39.372 --> 00:28:42.765
She's more independent, she's doing her own thing.
00:28:42.765 --> 00:28:45.929
So that makes me happy, right?
00:28:45.929 --> 00:28:51.192
So that makes me happy because she's growing, she's doing the things that someone her age should be doing.
00:28:52.883 --> 00:28:55.250
Would you say that again and tell me that again?
00:28:56.599 --> 00:29:01.071
That she's growing, that she's becoming independent, and then she's doing things for age.
00:29:01.071 --> 00:29:08.424
She's independent, she's growing and she's doing things for age People are supposed to do.
00:29:09.146 --> 00:29:11.587
Okay, how do you feel speaking those words?
00:29:12.180 --> 00:29:23.969
Yeah, I need to learn to tell me those things, that way I can feel, yes, she's doing what I want her to do, independent, being happy, so I can be happy about she's doing what I want her to do, being dependent, being happy, so I can be happy about it and not worry about it.
00:29:24.851 --> 00:29:27.208
Yeah, that could be a new possibility for you.
00:29:27.208 --> 00:29:30.586
You've got the words because you just said them.
00:29:31.470 --> 00:29:34.767
Yes, I will remember yeah.
00:29:35.861 --> 00:30:16.946
Maybe that's part of the work, because dealing with anxiety and worry is an ongoing thing for us and it sounds like you're working with yourself, you're aware of your worry, you're aware that you worry and psychologically it sounds like you go through a moment there of telling yourself that you need not worry and then perhaps you know, you can affirm with the affirmation you just said yeah, because I take it when you say those words, your worry kind of dissipates yeah right, good, that's great.
00:30:18.909 --> 00:30:21.230
Yeah, all right, good.
00:30:21.230 --> 00:30:25.997
I just feel like a pretty good place to complete.
00:30:26.839 --> 00:30:28.306
Yes, it's good, you were good.
00:30:28.306 --> 00:30:29.148
Thank you so much.
00:30:29.519 --> 00:30:38.146
Okay, so the way we end each meeting is the way we start, with just a word that just names your here and now experience.
00:30:38.146 --> 00:30:41.201
Coming to a close of our conversation, and a few words.
00:30:41.201 --> 00:30:43.410
Just how do I feel about this meeting today?
00:30:43.410 --> 00:30:45.384
Do I take anything from this conversation?
00:30:45.384 --> 00:30:46.587
Or nothing?
00:30:46.627 --> 00:30:48.451
Yes, yes, I feel better.
00:30:48.451 --> 00:31:01.286
I felt that it's normal to worry, and it's also good for me to keep telling my thoughts so I don't overstress, and then I learn a few things I can tell to myself to make me feel better.
00:31:01.967 --> 00:31:02.307
Awesome.
00:31:03.388 --> 00:31:06.053
That's great, yes, beautiful, thank you.
00:31:06.053 --> 00:31:07.115
Thank you so much.
00:31:07.115 --> 00:31:07.895
I appreciate it.
00:31:08.160 --> 00:31:10.624
Go forth in freedom from anxiety.
00:31:11.184 --> 00:31:15.030
Yes, I will Thank you so much.
00:31:15.030 --> 00:31:15.832
I appreciate it.
00:31:16.031 --> 00:31:17.114
Very good, take care.
00:31:17.555 --> 00:31:17.815
Bye.
00:31:20.740 --> 00:31:23.931
Thank you for listening to this edition of Eyewitness to Therapy.
00:31:23.931 --> 00:31:34.271
If you, the listener, desire to be interviewed in a similar fashion as this one, feel free to contact me at courtcurtis at yahoocom.
00:31:34.271 --> 00:31:37.709
Peace, love and presence.
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