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I think of everything like a business and in the
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sense of I use like relationships as an example for
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relationship in business. Right, when you sign a contract, right,
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there are certain things that you have to uphold within
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said contract. I have year end reviews at my company.
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We have media reviews with their check ins. Right, relationships
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are no different. And I think the more we can
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recognize relationship and it doesn't mean love is not a
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part of that. I argue that empathy and love actually
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should be a part of business, That should be a
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part of your business strategy. And at the fact that
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we don't think there's a place for that is the
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primary reason I think so much of us are suffering
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in workplaces and in workplace environments because I think this
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notion of like bringing yourself to work. People have taken
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that notion to think like, oh, that means I'm showing
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up and like I don't know, like a koofie, and
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which you can depending on where you are. But like
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the idea of no, like, how am I creating space
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for intimacy in a way that allows for us to
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do better work. The reason I'm successful at my job
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is because people trust me, because I've created a level
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of intimacy with my colleagues, and so I think to
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your point, the more we as men can recognize that
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that intimacy is important and also too greasing the wheels
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for me also means like I can't the entry point
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doesn't have to be like, Yo, how's your heart? Sometimes
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that's my enter point for a lot of people, but
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sometimes like asking folks like yo, what's exciting you right now?
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And then I have to add the caveat like and
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I don't mean it doesn't have to be big, Like
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excitement could be something as simple as like I woke
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up this morning and you know, my dog is healthy
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and was like laying on me. That was like that
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was just there's a level of joy that I get
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from that, or like what's bringing you joy lately? You
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know what I'm saying, And like creating these opportunities where
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it's not me, it's me kind of sneakily probing into
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your heart space without you feeling like it's over the top,
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like you might tell me like yo, your mom's just
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got to the hospital, or like you called it today
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and it's like, oh, I didn't know you even had
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that relationship with your mom, Like what is that, like,
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you know, the more the same kind of curiosity that
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we might have for a partner or a woman that
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we're trying to get to you know what I'm saying,
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We're trying to get to the end zone here. It's
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the same kind of curiosity we get to bring into
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our friendship.
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Yeah. No, absolutely, bro, And just every relationship.
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Bro.
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Yeah, as you're saying this, I'm thinking about a relationship
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I built at at a fundraiser where the guy was
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just really intrigued with some information that I shared him around,
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like epigenetics. H wow, right, Like he was just really
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into epigenetics Okay, right, like really into it because he
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came from a background where it's like he dealt with
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oppression and so he really believes in like generational trauma
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being passed down. And so we had that shared understanding
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of like, yes, I'm a black man, there were slavery
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in the US, and then trauma's probably also passed down
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and so for him it's like, yo, bro, I probably
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had that. Yeah, and he's share the story that he
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had around like how he felt like he experienced that
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in his life, and so I shared some information with him.
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Send him an email with some information on like some
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things that I've learned. Son was like, he's he's over
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the Like, if you can tea another thing, if you
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can tease something to somebody, they will never forget you
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because anytime they reference that thing, you are now in
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their head.
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Absolutely absolutely that.
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I learned this as a result of a conversation that
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I had with Kizzle or Joelle, Like, I will always
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remember you. Why because performative masculine. We put that clip up.
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Everybody reacts to that clip of like the performative masculinity.
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I will always remember we had a clip performative masculinity.
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Joelle made that. You know what I'm saying, I will
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remember whenever I think about you, the energy that you
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bring in, you feel me, those things are those things
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are important more than Okay, you know you work and
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you do this thing. I remember the person. Yeah, and
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if I like the person, then I do more. You understand, Yeah,
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you feel mean. So it's like, bro, I just think literally,
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I just think we got to understand, like there's more
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to life than just go to work, make a bag.
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Yeah, but like because I feel like I know we're
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talking about male loneliness, but the thing that is coming
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up for me right now is like the business of intimacy,
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because I think what you're speaking to directly correlates to
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like the way we sometimes don't show up in the world,
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and like you said something, I think that's so interesting
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and important, Like we don't investigate enough the interpersonal relationships
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we have with our other male counterparts, and so much
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of that is because we talked about this male loneliness epidemic.
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I don't think it's not like men like it's because
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this differs between like being lonely, right and like loneliness
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and the notion we might have there might be men
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already in our community who are around us who maybe
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want to suppor don't know how to support us, don't
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know that we need support in that way in that regard,
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and so sometimes you have to be the first. Right again, again,
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if we're thinking about this through the lens of business,
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sometimes you have to be the first. There's a gap,
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Like if I'm in the group chat and you know,
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we're not seeing homies are like connected, or like maybe
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there's a thing that I'm in need of and I'm
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aware of it, they might have it too. Someone is
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going to have to be the first person, Like, yo,
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heart check, Like that is if that becomes the daily
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thing that we're now doing, and I'm taking that on
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as a responsibility. Yeah, it then becomes a ritual, It
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then becomes habit, It then becomes the thing that we're formulating.
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But you said it earlier, that's the muscle we're having
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to a lot of us don't have. The muscle hasn't
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been built because no one has showed us how to
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build it, and no one has told us that muscle
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was important to build in.
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The first I'm telling you, Bro, I'm thinking about all
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of my most important business relationships right now.
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Bro.
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All of them started with a deeper sense of intimacy
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than I see lot of friend groups with black men.
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Yeah yeah, Like what you think you're doing with your
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friend is not even enough to sustain a business relationship.
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Woo.
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Yeah, like a good business relationship, Bru. You understand what
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I'm saying. Yeah, I do like some of the conversations
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that I've had with like business partners and like people
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that are really helping us business wise. Yeah yeah, Like
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I don't see black men having those conversations even with
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their friends. B And So if you're not doing that,
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and if you're not practicing that, it's going to be
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hard to sustain healthy business relationships.
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Brouh. Yeah, the epigenetics conversation you brought up is so
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I think crucial. That's such a really great extension of
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that because you're not even in that conversation, you're not
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even thinking about business. And I think the most success
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I found is when I'm not thinking about the deal. Well,
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I'm not thinking about the opportunity. I'm thinking about the
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person in front of me. And then to your point,
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that is then created opportunities because we're realized, like that
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person realizes or I realize, or whatever the case is,
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we're realizing that there's something that we're seeking that is
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maybe connected to this thing we're working on, but probably not.
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You know, it's more about the interpersonal, one on one
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connection that then has led to better business because there's
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an understanding, there's a mutual understanding and like care that
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we've established for each other that exists outside of to
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your point, some of these other friendships that we have
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that maybe we built in grade school where and it
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was built on a shared interest. So many of male
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male relationships are shared interest relationships, Like Yeah, we played
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football together, we went to college together, you know. And
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so what I've been more interested in is quick example,
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my man Fred Fred Joseph New York Times bestselling offer,
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brilliant human brother friend of mine, like love, demand to death.
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We're writing a poetry collection together, okay. And what we're
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doing is we're just writing poems to each other, like
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we're in conversation with each other through poem and all
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that is an extension of the voice notes to him
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and I send with each other of like yo, hear
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him telling me about who he's talking to, who he's dating,
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who he's seeing, what he's going through, and like we're
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sending in like four minutes, five minutes, three minute voice
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notes like at least every other day or whatever the
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case might be. That is also allowing us to do
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something in business together. Yeah, right, Like there's a thing
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that happens that feels directly correlated and connected, like intimacy,
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that vulnerability that just allows we wouldn't been able to
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write this poetry collection together if we weren't as close
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as we are.
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Sometimes I know you feel like you ain't got no
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way of things, or shout it a lead alo somebody
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you can appreciate my brother oh ways so much alive
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f
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I think of everything like a business and in the
2
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sense of I use like relationships as an example for
3
00:00:07.519 --> 00:00:11.679
relationship in business. Right, when you sign a contract, right,
4
00:00:12.039 --> 00:00:14.119
there are certain things that you have to uphold within
5
00:00:14.240 --> 00:00:17.039
said contract. I have year end reviews at my company.
6
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We have media reviews with their check ins. Right, relationships
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are no different. And I think the more we can
8
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recognize relationship and it doesn't mean love is not a
9
00:00:25.519 --> 00:00:28.679
part of that. I argue that empathy and love actually
10
00:00:28.679 --> 00:00:30.600
should be a part of business, That should be a
11
00:00:30.600 --> 00:00:33.439
part of your business strategy. And at the fact that
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we don't think there's a place for that is the
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primary reason I think so much of us are suffering
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in workplaces and in workplace environments because I think this
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notion of like bringing yourself to work. People have taken
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that notion to think like, oh, that means I'm showing
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up and like I don't know, like a koofie, and
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which you can depending on where you are. But like
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the idea of no, like, how am I creating space
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for intimacy in a way that allows for us to
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do better work. The reason I'm successful at my job
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is because people trust me, because I've created a level
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of intimacy with my colleagues, and so I think to
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your point, the more we as men can recognize that
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that intimacy is important and also too greasing the wheels
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for me also means like I can't the entry point
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doesn't have to be like, Yo, how's your heart? Sometimes
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that's my enter point for a lot of people, but
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sometimes like asking folks like yo, what's exciting you right now?
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And then I have to add the caveat like and
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I don't mean it doesn't have to be big, Like
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excitement could be something as simple as like I woke
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up this morning and you know, my dog is healthy
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and was like laying on me. That was like that
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was just there's a level of joy that I get
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from that, or like what's bringing you joy lately? You
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know what I'm saying, And like creating these opportunities where
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it's not me, it's me kind of sneakily probing into
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your heart space without you feeling like it's over the top,
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like you might tell me like yo, your mom's just
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got to the hospital, or like you called it today
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and it's like, oh, I didn't know you even had
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that relationship with your mom, Like what is that, like,
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you know, the more the same kind of curiosity that
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we might have for a partner or a woman that
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we're trying to get to you know what I'm saying,
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We're trying to get to the end zone here. It's
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the same kind of curiosity we get to bring into
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our friendship.
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Yeah. No, absolutely, bro, And just every relationship.
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Bro.
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Yeah, as you're saying this, I'm thinking about a relationship
53
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I built at at a fundraiser where the guy was
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just really intrigued with some information that I shared him around,
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like epigenetics. H wow, right, Like he was just really
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into epigenetics Okay, right, like really into it because he
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came from a background where it's like he dealt with
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oppression and so he really believes in like generational trauma
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being passed down. And so we had that shared understanding
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of like, yes, I'm a black man, there were slavery
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in the US, and then trauma's probably also passed down
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and so for him it's like, yo, bro, I probably
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had that. Yeah, and he's share the story that he
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had around like how he felt like he experienced that
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in his life, and so I shared some information with him.
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Send him an email with some information on like some
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things that I've learned. Son was like, he's he's over
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the Like, if you can tea another thing, if you
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can tease something to somebody, they will never forget you
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because anytime they reference that thing, you are now in
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their head.
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Absolutely absolutely that.
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I learned this as a result of a conversation that
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I had with Kizzle or Joelle, Like, I will always
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remember you. Why because performative masculine. We put that clip up.
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Everybody reacts to that clip of like the performative masculinity.
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I will always remember we had a clip performative masculinity.
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Joelle made that. You know what I'm saying, I will
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remember whenever I think about you, the energy that you
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bring in, you feel me, those things are those things
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are important more than Okay, you know you work and
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you do this thing. I remember the person. Yeah, and
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if I like the person, then I do more. You understand, Yeah,
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you feel mean. So it's like, bro, I just think literally,
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I just think we got to understand, like there's more
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to life than just go to work, make a bag.
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Yeah, but like because I feel like I know we're
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talking about male loneliness, but the thing that is coming
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up for me right now is like the business of intimacy,
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because I think what you're speaking to directly correlates to
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like the way we sometimes don't show up in the world,
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and like you said something, I think that's so interesting
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and important, Like we don't investigate enough the interpersonal relationships
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we have with our other male counterparts, and so much
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of that is because we talked about this male loneliness epidemic.
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I don't think it's not like men like it's because
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this differs between like being lonely, right and like loneliness
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and the notion we might have there might be men
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already in our community who are around us who maybe
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want to suppor don't know how to support us, don't
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know that we need support in that way in that regard,
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and so sometimes you have to be the first. Right again, again,
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if we're thinking about this through the lens of business,
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sometimes you have to be the first. There's a gap,
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Like if I'm in the group chat and you know,
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we're not seeing homies are like connected, or like maybe
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there's a thing that I'm in need of and I'm
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aware of it, they might have it too. Someone is
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going to have to be the first person, Like, yo,
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heart check, Like that is if that becomes the daily
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thing that we're now doing, and I'm taking that on
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as a responsibility. Yeah, it then becomes a ritual, It
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then becomes habit, It then becomes the thing that we're formulating.
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But you said it earlier, that's the muscle we're having
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to a lot of us don't have. The muscle hasn't
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been built because no one has showed us how to
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build it, and no one has told us that muscle
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was important to build in.
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The first I'm telling you, Bro, I'm thinking about all
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of my most important business relationships right now.
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Bro.
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All of them started with a deeper sense of intimacy
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than I see lot of friend groups with black men.
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Yeah yeah, Like what you think you're doing with your
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friend is not even enough to sustain a business relationship.
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Woo.
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Yeah, like a good business relationship, Bru. You understand what
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I'm saying. Yeah, I do like some of the conversations
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that I've had with like business partners and like people
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that are really helping us business wise. Yeah yeah, Like
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I don't see black men having those conversations even with
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their friends. B And So if you're not doing that,
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and if you're not practicing that, it's going to be
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hard to sustain healthy business relationships.
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Brouh. Yeah, the epigenetics conversation you brought up is so
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I think crucial. That's such a really great extension of
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that because you're not even in that conversation, you're not
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even thinking about business. And I think the most success
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I found is when I'm not thinking about the deal. Well,
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I'm not thinking about the opportunity. I'm thinking about the
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person in front of me. And then to your point,
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that is then created opportunities because we're realized, like that
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person realizes or I realize, or whatever the case is,
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we're realizing that there's something that we're seeking that is
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maybe connected to this thing we're working on, but probably not.
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You know, it's more about the interpersonal, one on one
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connection that then has led to better business because there's
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an understanding, there's a mutual understanding and like care that
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we've established for each other that exists outside of to
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your point, some of these other friendships that we have
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that maybe we built in grade school where and it
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was built on a shared interest. So many of male
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male relationships are shared interest relationships, Like Yeah, we played
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football together, we went to college together, you know. And
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so what I've been more interested in is quick example,
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my man Fred Fred Joseph New York Times bestselling offer,
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brilliant human brother friend of mine, like love, demand to death.
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We're writing a poetry collection together, okay. And what we're
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doing is we're just writing poems to each other, like
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we're in conversation with each other through poem and all
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that is an extension of the voice notes to him
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and I send with each other of like yo, hear
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him telling me about who he's talking to, who he's dating,
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who he's seeing, what he's going through, and like we're
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sending in like four minutes, five minutes, three minute voice
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notes like at least every other day or whatever the
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case might be. That is also allowing us to do
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something in business together. Yeah, right, Like there's a thing
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that happens that feels directly correlated and connected, like intimacy,
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that vulnerability that just allows we wouldn't been able to
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write this poetry collection together if we weren't as close
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as we are.
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Sometimes I know you feel like you ain't got no
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way of things, or shout it a lead alo somebody
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you can appreciate my brother oh ways so much alive
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f
